Starry night on the prairie

Had a very long and rough night last night. Trips to the bathroom every five- ten minutes for four hours and then every 10 – 15 minutes for the next four hours.

I was on a liquid diet today and thought I was doing a good job drinking 10 -12 oz every hour. I took my four laxative tablets at 4:00 and then drank the first of the two Mirilax cocktails I was to take. I only got a little over half of the first one down and things took a turn south.

I happened to have some Zofran on hand so took that for the nausea. Every five minutes to the bathroom and then I started running a 101.3 temperature. I quickly became dehydrated.

I called the doctor that was to do the procedure in the morning and he cancelled the procedure and told me to go to ER for fluids. He told me to call the office tomorrow and reschedule. Not a chance in hell I am going through this again. There has to be an alternative way or I will just learn to live with having bathroom issues.

Kathy took me in. Not sure I was impressed with the doctor tonight but I did get a bag of fluids. I went to the bathroom every ten minutes and had one oops. It was hard to manage an IV, a finger monitor, an urgent need and get to the bathroom on time. Thank heavens Kathy was there to help.

She dug around in the bathroom and found an adult diaper for me. It was big enough to stretch to cover my boobs. We decided it was a look! Not sure what kind of look but definitely a fashion statement of some sort!

They did labs and my white blood cell counts were off in several ways. My kidneys are not too happy with me today either. After we had been there for two hours they said they needed a UA. Luckily by then I had gotten most of the bag of fluids and I was able to produce on demand. After another hour the doctor came in and said all the labs looked good and I could go home. He didn’t mention the ones that were off. Maybe that was expected results with dehydration?

We were there over three hours and after the nurse got the IV started I didn’t see her again until she brought in the discharge papers. We had to put the light on to tell them the IV bag was empty. A different nurse came in and said she would tell my nurse. No one did anything. 30 minutes later blood was starting to move up the IV line so we put the light on again. This time an aide came in and flushed out the line and shut it off.

The good news is we don’t have to get up early and go to Topeka tomorrow. I hope Kathy can sleep in as she is up way past her bedtime. We saw three deer on the way home. One of them was on the highway but turned and went to the other lane. We were lucky.

I haven’t eaten anything all day and I am not hungry tonight. Hoping tomorrow things will settle down and I can resume eating and stay out of the bathroom longer than ten minutes at a time.

Life has a way of giving me detours when I least expect them. Although I did tell the NP that prescribed the Colonoscopy that last time I had one done I almost got into trouble with it and she said things are different now I would be OK. Not sure I will go back to this office. Still no answers about the stone in my pancreas duct and my tummy issues. Now what to do????

Grateful I am feeling better tonight and things are slowly slowing down, grateful Kathy was here and could drive me in, and grateful I can sleep in my own bed tonight.

I didn’t find sleep until after 3:00 this morning. I slept in a bit but got up and didn’t feel too rested.

I went to the reunion around 12:45. I got there at the perfect time as they were gathered in a circle and were quiet. That is hard to make happen with this group! I told them Aunt Marylyn wasn’t able to come but she sent her love.

I took two cards for all to sign to send good wishes and prayers to Marylyn. I hung around for about an hour and talked to the cousins that I know the best. Got them all to sign the card and then came home. Addressed the cards and put them in the mail box to go out in the mail tomorrow.

I started the colonoscopy prep this afternoon. Took four laxatives at 4:00 and then drank a bottle of magnesium citrate at 6:00. So far no action but am expecting things to get moving very quickly. I feel a bit nauseous. I hope that goes away when things move.

Tomorrow I am going to visit a friend in Manhattan if things aren’t moving too fast. I have to be home by 4:00 to start another round of prep. Tomorrow is clear liquid day. I didn’t eat much today and I am grateful since I am a bit nauseous.

OK it just hit. Three times in ten minutes. Think I will sign off so I can run faster! Wish me luck.

Grateful to see my mother’s first cousins today, grateful for a quiet afternoon at home, and grateful for a small house so the bathroom isn’t very far away.

I finally got some sleep last night. It felt so good! Sure would love to find the key to making that happen most nights instead of rarely.

I took a long drive through the hills today. I wanted to lay some flowers at the grave of Jack Spain. He had married my grandmother Hope after granddad Fred died. We all loved him and appreciated him.

I went through Matfield Green and took open range road. I was going to take a short detour and go by my great grandparents house but decided not to. The gravel roads are hard on tires and I decided I didn’t want to put more miles than necessary.

The hills are beautiful and there are lots of wild flowers blooming. I was watching for orange butterfly bush but I didn’t see any.

I managed to find the cemetery in Wonsevu. I wasn’t able to find his grave though. I found the grave of a GW Spain and left the flowers there.

I came home the other way and ended on G Road to Highway 50. Less hard gravel that way but the view was better the other way.

There was a truck stopped by the well. I checked with the four men that they weren’t stranded. I think it is an unwritten law out in the gravel roads in the hills that you make sure anyone you pass doesn’t have a flat tire. That truck was the only vehicle I saw on the whole trip while I was on gravel roads. I did pass one man outside his house in the middle of nowhere.

It took me over two hours to do the round trip as I only drove 20 MPH on the hard gravel. I wasn’t in a hurry and the hills were beautiful today. It did my soul good to get out in the hills today.

Had a phone visit with my Aunt Marylyn this afternoon. Unfortunately she isn’t coming to the reunion tomorrow. She has several medical things going on and didn’t feel comfortable being away from home. She wants me to go and let others know she loves them and was sorry she couldn’t make it. Guess I will go up after lunch and let everyone know. I need to eat light tomorrow to start the prep for Wednesday’s colonoscopy.

Tuesday afternoon I am going to visit some friends in Manhattan. I hope I can figure out how to get through the detour. I will have to be home by 4:00 so I can take the last part of the prep. I hope I am not making a mistake by not being close to a toilet all day Tuesday. If things are going strong Tuesday morning I will cancel.

I’ll be glad when Wednesday is over and hopefully find some answers to my tummy issues. I don’t look forward to the next two days of prep but thousands before me have done this and I did it once before. I can do this! Sometimes you have to climb a mountain to get to the prize.

Feeling like a change is headed my way again – something to do with Love in Action but I have no idea what it might be. Something feels wrong about how I am doing things now. Not even sure how or why – I just have a strong feeling that I am missing something important.

I will sit with this and see what comes up. I have run this entire project completely on intuition and I know it will continue to lead me down the right path.

Grateful for the beautiful Flint Hills that restore my heart, grateful for the life and love of Jack Spain, and grateful for no flat tires today.

Kathy and I did the cemetery run this morning. Our first stop was at the Cottonwood Falls Cemetery where we laid flowers for our great grandparents Ray and LuLu Patton and Ray’s parents NM and Clara Patton. We are fifth generation Chase County residents.

We then went to the cemetery in Florence where our parents, grandparents (mother’s side) and Mom’s two sisters and three brother-in-laws are all buried.

Off to Hillsboro where our grandparents on our dad’s side of the family are buried along with one of their sons.

We came home after that. We may try to find Wonsevu Cemetery tomorrow so we can lay flowers for Jack Spain who married our grandmother Hope Patton Koch after our grandfather Fritz died. I haven’t been there for a long time but have a general idea where it is. Don’t know if GPS will help or not.

Kathy was able to use the new mower today and she loved it. It starts very easily and is a bit wider than the old one. She did have to charge the batteries to get the job finished. They don’t take long to charge though. She said she had to put it on low speed as otherwise she would have had to run to keep up with it. Grateful that problem is solved for her and grateful she loves to mow. I’m glad I got the bigger mower and the longer lasting battery one as the smaller one would have had to have been charged twice for her to finish the yard.

I had two five gallon gas cans to get rid of as well as a weed eater. Kathy doesn’t like the heavy gas weed eater and bought herself a battery operated one. We need to clean out the shed and get rid of lots of things. It is way too crowded. I told Kathy as we go through it, if we find things we haven’t used since we moved in two years ago it is getting thrown out or given away.

I wrote a post for Love In Action today welcoming all the new members. Anytime we post a story we get lots of new members as the posts get shared. The post sharing the story about the man that came to the US when he was 16 from Germany has been read over 19,000 times now. The post I wrote is too long but I couldn’t figure out what to leave out. I tend to be way too wordy when I write.

The carbon monoxide detector decided to tell us it has expired and needs replaced at 3:30 this morning. I hadn’t fallen asleep until around 3:00. I didn’t know if it was telling me to get out of the house or what. I finally found the decoder for the number of beeps on the back of it. Then I didn’t know how many beeps it had beeped. I figured if it was telling us to get out of the house it wouldn’t stop beeping. I did turn the furnace off and open a window just in case. Hard to figure that stuff out in the middle of the night. Is it just me or is that when smoke detector batteries tend to talk to you too?

I hadn’t realized the carbon monoxide detectors had a shelf life. I ordered two new ones and they will be here sometime next week. I paid a bit more and got some that are good for ten years this time instead of the cheaper one that was only good for five.

No plans for tomorrow unless we decide to go to Wonsevu. The hills were so pretty today that we might take that drive if it isn’t raining. I have to travel lots of gravel roads to get there and don’t want to do that if it is raining.

Monday is the family reunion. I have to start my colonoscopy prep so won’t be able to eat much. I may wait and go until I think they are done eating and then go visit for a bit. Tuesday is full on prep day and a liquid diet day and then Wednesday I have to be in Topeka by 8:30. Kathy is going with me so she can drive me home afterwards. I truly hopes this test gives me some answers as to why my tummy is so reactive and unhappy a lot of the time.

Still seem to have lots of empty space on my calendar these days. Starting to feel a bit antsy about all the empty space. Need to find a new project to do. I manage life better when I have a couple productive days a week and lately it doesn’t feel like I have had a productive day. But I don’t feel a pull to be around people. Uhm…. I have myself a quagmire of sorts.

Grateful for the memories of the people who’s graves we visited today, grateful the new mower works better for Kathy, and grateful I figured out we weren’t in danger when the carbon monoxide detector yelled at us during the middle of the night.

I was rudely woken up this morning for yet another phone call from the doctor’s office that is doing my colonoscopy next Wednesday. Do they really need to read me the copy of instructions I already have three times? I wasn’t very polite with her, I’m afraid. Seriously! Enough already.

Went to Emporia and had lunch at Applebee’s and then went to Walmart. I think half of Emporia chose to go there while I was there. They moved the parking for on-line pickup orders to their regular parking lot and parking is hard to find now.

I got some flowers to decorate graves with and some groceries and got out of there. The check-out wasn’t too backed up but getting to my car and out of the parking lot felt like I was risking my life.

Kathy had gone to the movies with some friends. When she got home she went over to our neighbor that had volunteered to work on the lawn mower to see if he was able to fix it. He was not. He said the engine was ruined. I bought the mower when I moved in here two years ago!

Kathy and I went to Walmart to get a new one. I always get overwhelmed when I look at the selection and am not sure what to do. I asked the clerk if there was someone that could help me. She said what do you need help with. I told her I had questions about the mowers. She said she would call someone to help me.

Five minutes later I went to find her and she was talking to two other clerks. She saw me and said oh, I forgot.

Kathy and I picked one out and I went to get the clerk to tell her we needed help lifting it and putting it in the car. I asked her if I could pay and then go move my car. She said she had to have the mower at the register to ring it out.

I handed Kathy my card and went to get my car and moved it close to the garden center. When I came back in Kathy had just checked out. They were going to send us out with it without helping to load it.

I asked for help and they sent one little girl to help us load the 88 pound mower box into my car.

Walmart – do better!

Kathy is putting it together and is to call me if she needs help. We got a battery powered one. I trust it will last longer than two years.

I hate buying things like this as I have no understanding of all the extras and details about them. I’m not interested in learning about them either.

I must be cranky again! Two trips to Emporia in one day will do that to me. Kathy was nervous about the yard getting mowed and I knew I needed to take care of the lawn mower situation. Grateful that is taken care of. I just hope we can figure out how to run the damn thing and that it works.

Tomorrow we plan on doing the cemetery run unless it is raining. If it rains, we will try again Sunday. Monday I have a reunion to go to if I can make myself go. Wednesday I have the colonoscopy that I should be well prepared for since I have been read the instructions three times and have them printed out for me to read too.

Life feels a bit hard to me right now. I am working to release some energy I have picked up that isn’t mine to carry. Sometimes that process takes longer than I feel like it should. Grateful I recognized what I had done and am working to release it.

Grateful for our neighbor that attempted to work on the old mower, grateful there were mowers in stock, and grateful the sun came out to shine this afternoon.

I went to the Detention Center to meet with the reporter and some of the staff. All the reporter wanted was a photo of me with three of the staff from the Center. That is worse for me than being interviewed!

We did stand around and visited for a bit. I asked the Sheriff, Captain and the Lieutenant for some ideas of what Love in Action can do next. Father’s Day is coming up as is the 4th of July. I also told them we would do another bigger project if they can think of one.

I asked today to make sure I understood it correctly that the Detainees are never allowed to go outside. That is true. There is a window in the exercise room that can be opened on nice days but it is a high window and all the Detainees can see is the sky. I can’t imagine never being able to look outside or go outside for years at a time.

I then asked if they had ever priced adding a yard for the Detainees to go outside into. They had and the requirements are prohibitively expensive. They are talking Guards’s towers, outside restrooms, special fencing, etc. Nothing is ever as simple as I think it should be. Can’t blame me for asking though.

The reporter and his photographer were nice people. He asked a few questions and I am not sure what angle of story he is writing. The Captain said the reporter is supposed to send us all a copy of the story before it is published.

I went to the Grand for lunch and then came home. I hadn’t been home long when the couple I met on the Camino that live in CA FaceTimed with me. I hadn’t seen their sweet faces for months. It was so good to see them. She is taking chemo for lung cancer. She said the only side effect she has from the chemo is fatigue. She sleeps 12 hours every night and then takes a three hour nap every afternoon.

I took a long chair nap this afternoon. The session at the Center drained me today. My reserve tank seems to be running low these days.

I got a request from a detainee to be a pen pal. I got her matched up and sent her a welcome post.

I got an email from the young man that came over from Germany. His I130 was approved. That is the pathway to citizenship via marriage. Now he has to wait for his green card to be approved and then he can be released and reunite with his family and stay in the USA. He isn’t sure how long it will take for his green card to be approved. The branch that does that is not used to working with someone that is detained. Why he can’t be released now is beyond my understanding but most things related to immigration is these days.

I didn’t make it to Emporia today. I will need to go tomorrow as I need flowers for the cemetery run we are making this weekend. I also need some groceries. Nicole and Geoff have birthdays next week and I need to get something to send them in their cards and get the cards off. They may not get them next week even if I get them sent tomorrow.

It has been a cool, cloudy day. I had to turn the furnace back on and have had my little space heater running all afternoon. I miss the sunshine! We needed the rain but I am ready for blue skies and sunshine again. I will be complaining about the heat soon though. Guess I am hard to please!

Tomorrow I will go to Emporia and take care of some errands. One day this weekend we will do the cemetery thing and then I have a family reunion to go to Monday. Monday begins my colonoscopy prep. I’ll have to read the instructions to see what I can eat that day. Wednesday is my colonoscopy and then if I feel up to it a meeting that evening in Emporia.

Feeling good about the great news from the pen pal from Germany. Rarely do Detainees get released so that feels huge! Wonder if I will get to transport him to his home in Junction City when he gets released? That would be a fun transport. I am betting his wife will come get him as she hasn’t seen him in person since last December.

Hoping I can find some motivation soon to get some things done. This whole month has almost slipped by and I don’t think I did much of anything the whole month. Not sure why I have been so drained lately. It is what it is and I am grateful I have had the time to take a bit of a time-out and allow my body to move at the pace it wants to move – which is like a turtle speed.

Grateful for the good news from the pen pal today, grateful for reporters that tell others the stories behind the headlines, and grateful for a long chair nap.

Another non productive day. Sleep was weird last night as I kept waking up to change my dream channel. I got lots of sleep, just in bits and pieces. Most of the time I could go back to sleep fairly quickly.

I got word from the Detainee that I wrote about yesterday. He had his hearing today and nothing was decided yet again. His next hearing is June 19. The judge did tell him there may be a decision on his I130 case but that branch of Immigration will communicate the results of that to him via letter. He is still detained.

He sent me a nice note thanking me for the support. I had told him over 10,000 people (it is now over 15,000) have read the note I posted on Facebook. He said he didn’t know there were that many people out here that cared about the immigrants.

I wrote a couple of posts for Love in Action. I had to rewrite one of them several times as I didn’t want my anger to show. I got tired of the responses that told me what to do for him when I can’t take those actions. Man it is hard to sit with bearing witness and not “fix” it. I found myself doing that as I read the comments – wanting to “fix” the person telling me what to do rather than sit with what was being said. Good lesson in there for me.

Kathy had to take the lawn mower to our neighbor again as she couldn’t get it started again. If he can’t fix it this time and it stays working I will need to get a different one and sell this one. It is too frustrating for Kathy to deal with a mower that won’t start. She has had nothing but trouble with this one since we first got it two years ago.

Talked to Nicole for a bit today. Just what my heart needed! She helped remind me about dealing with people. I needed that reminder today!

A new friend commented on my blog post last night. It felt like a hug! Again, the universe is providing what I need!

The place where I am having my colonoscopy called me again today to go over the rules. Evidently they have problems with people not following them as this is the second time they have called me. The nurse went over them with me too and I have them printed out. The lady told me to bring the paperwork with me and I told her I hadn’t received it. She put me on hold and came back and said they had forgot to send it out. I told her maybe it would be better for her to call her own office and remind them of what needs to happen instead of me! She gave me several alternative ways to do the paperwork after first telling me I needed to come to their office and pick up a set. I told her that wasn’t going to happen as I am almost 100 miles from there and I was not going to make a trip to Topeka for their mistake. I have half a notion not to do the alternative paperwork and go empty handed. This is on them. I had to fill out the same paperwork for the doctor’s office which is across the hall from the procedure room. If they need it that bad, they can walk across the hall and get it.

Can you tell I am still a bit cranky today? I think I almost have solid ground under me again but the nurse called and triggered me again. It has been hard for me to refill myself today.

Tomorrow I have an interview with a reporter and the Captain of the Center. Trusting I will find the words that I need. I do not want this story to be about me – I want it to be about the work that is being done.

Saturday Kathy and I will probably do the cemetery run if it isn’t raining. We can put if off till Sunday it if is raining Saturday. I need to go to Emporia tomorrow afternoon and get some groceries and flowers for the graves.

Monday I have a family reunion to go to and Wednesday is my colonoscopy. I have to start prepping for it Monday.

It will do me good to have to get out of the house tomorrow. I really need to be around people more but it is getting increasingly difficult for me to make myself get out and about. The energy of the world is crazy right now! Things must be coming to a head and are going to explode soon.

Grateful the universe provided for me today in several ways, grateful for the sleep I got last night, and grateful I have to get out of the house tomorrow.

I don’t think I got more than one hour of sleep last night. One of those nights. I did take a nap this afternoon but am still very tired and cranky. Maybe tonight I will crash and burn and sleep the clock around. I can’t remember the last time that happened and I am way overdue.

The post about the guy from Germany blew up today. There has been a big discussion about why he was not able to claim citizenship through his bio father. I was called a liar, I was told I made up the story because that can’t happen, etc. etc. I finally blocked two of the people commenting and turned off comments.

People know what they know and when they hold on to what they know as truth and not opinion you can’t convince them otherwise. There is small print in the law that obviously this guy’s father didn’t do for what ever reason. I don’t feel it is my place to ask him to explain all the detains. That misses the whole point of the post anyways!

One lady sent me 20 PM’s questioning and pushing and wanting to get legal involved. She is absolutely convinced he is qualified and the guy needs to file a protest. Enough already!!! I would think if that had been possible it would have already been done years ago.

The good news that has come from all of this is that Anne, that is running for the US Senate seat for KS is an immigration attorney and is going to do a prerecorded video of the nuances of immigration law. I asked people to submit questions and when we have a few, she will record a video and answer the questions. I don’t think it will stop the ignorance but at least I could direct people back to the video.

The reporter I spoke to last week called me this morning. He is going to attempt to meet up on-line somehow with the guy from Germany and get some questions answered. I explained how Inmate Sales works and how to get through. He later sent me a message that he had read all of the Love in Action Facebook page and had found someone else that was willing to be interviewed.

I am meeting with the reporter and Jay at the Detention Center on Thursday. The reporter is going to do a stand alone story about Love in Action. We shall see how that goes.

Some days I wonder if I should be doing all this. I felt attacked today and had to keep reminding myself some people are ignorant and don’t deserve my energy. Not sure how I say that on-line though! I finally turned off the comments to stop the incoming. Once one person makes a comment, others tend to follow quickly behind. Must be a lot of sheep out there today!

People do have strong feelings about immigration. I get that. What I struggle dealing with is their anger and how they use those strong feelings and attack the wrong person or thing. I wish they could step out of their anger and get into problem solving and step into love. The world would be a better place if they could.

Made chicken and rice for lunch today. At some point during the night I got up and set out some chicken so I could make lunch for myself today. It was cold out today and a good day to have the oven on.

I still have my pajamas on. I have never woke all the way up today and pajamas seemed to fit my mood. I had no plans to go anywhere so why not make it a pajama day.

No plans for tomorrow. I may need to go to town and get some groceries but we shall see if I can make that happen. Somedays I struggle to leave the house. Thursday I have the interview at the Detention Center late morning. Then I have nothing on my calendar through the weekend. Monday I have a family reunion I can go to if I find the energy to go. One day this weekend Kathy and I will do the funeral run and decorate graves.

Not an easy day today for me. I find navigating comments very hard. I can’t judge what is behind the comment – are they questioning to learn or are they questioning to stir the pot. I assume innocence until they prove otherwise. The only problem with that is then others jump on board and it gets muddy and hard to navigate. Maybe I need to leave comments turned off all the time.

Grateful for Anne and her proposal to do a video, grateful for 99% of the readers that leave positive comments, and grateful today is almost over and tomorrow is a new day.

This has been an unsettled day for me. Probably the weather as a big front is pushing through. It makes me feel like I am going to explode. Maybe I am the tornado that they are forecasting for this area later tonight.

Got permission to share the story of the man from Germany that is being held at the Detention Center. I made the following post on the Love in Action Facebook page.

“One of our Pen Pals has given me permission to share his story. He was brought to the US from Germany by his father who was a US Soldier when he was 16 years old. He is married and has an 11-year-old son. He has been detained at the Chase County Detention Center since December, 2025.

He applied for 130 status (Married to a US citizen) as a pathway to citizenship three or four years ago. He is now in a quagmire as ICE is holding him but they do not have jurisdiction over 130 cases. He has an ICE hearing Wednesday but they may not be able to make a decision and may punt the case to USCIS and he may have to stay detained until they make a ruling. That may take another couple of years.

Please remember we are bearing witness to these stories. We cannot fix the situation. He has a legal team that is working on his behalf but the system is broken and running years behind.

I would invite you to sit with whatever feelings this brings up for you. May those feelings propel you towards being more compassionate and finding ways to take positive action.

You may share this post so others may hear first hand stories of how the US is treating our immigrants.”

I have a feeling it is going to go viral as it has already been shared 33 times and it has only been up for an hour. People need to hear what is happening with first hand stories.

I let the reporter that I talked to Friday know that the Detainee is willing to share his story. The reporter is coming Thursday to meet with Jay and I. Jay is the Captain of the Detention Center. Not sure what angle the reporter is taking. Doing interviews is my least favorite part of doing this project – well that and fundraising.

I went out to lunch today and deposited a donation check I had received in the mail today. Working on doing some laundry but other than that I cannot settle much and get anything done. I was able to write the above post. Sometimes writing things out and getting it out can help me settle but that didn’t happen today.

Someone asked permission to pass along my name and phone number to someone in IL. It has something to do with the Detention Center but not sure what. That request has happened before and rarely does anyone ever call.

One of those days that I could fall into the muck pond rather easily. Doing my best to avoid that. The pain that others have to carry is so heavy and it takes a lot of conscious awareness for me to not pick it up and carry it. It helps no one if I do that and only serves to lower my vibration. Then I am of no service to anyone – myself included. Hard not to get angry at what is happening though. I am giving myself time to allow those feelings of anger and fully feel them and allow them to be heard. Then I will find solid ground inside and rise and continue working with Love in Action and all it brings me.

Grateful for the bravery of the man that is willing to share his story, grateful for reporters willing to tell the story behind the headlines, and grateful for Love in Action as an outlet for my love.

This has been a very quiet day at home. I had to look down at myself to see if I had gotten dressed this morning – I had. that type of day!

I am sitting with my feelings about one of the Pen Pals I am writing to. I am stepping in for someone that is out of the country for this month.

He was brought to the US as a child from Germany. He has applied for 130 status which is to become a US citizen as a spouse of a US citizen. That is handled by a separate branch of the Department of Homeland Security than the immigration cases. Not sure why he was picked up by ICE but has already been detained for several months.

He has an ICE hearing the 20th but he is not sure what they can do. ICE doesn’t get involved in 130 cases. They probably can’t release him though. The department that handles his 130 case is running years behind.

There is a possibility he will have to remain detained until his 130 ruling is made. He has run out of funds to pay for more attorneys as he has already spent thousands. He wants to voluntarily deport as he sees that as a better outcome than sitting in detention for another couple of years. But he is not sure ICE will allow that.

What a quagmire for him. Wonder how many others are in this same position? So many don’t have a clear path to citizenship and others are stuck in the system that is overwhelmed and understaffed. I really wonder why the US thinks it is safer for him to be detained while his case is decided? It does make money for the system though that provides his care.

Sometimes bearing witness is hard! I tend to be an action oriented person and one that wants to find solutions. I can’t solve this one and I am limited as to what I can do to help. I can sit with my feelings and allow them to motivate me to more compassionate action towards others.

I have asked his permission to share his story on Love in Action. I also know a reporter that might be interested in doing a story on him. I will see what the Detainee says and go from there. Maybe we can put some public spotlight on his case and help that way.

Found a volunteer to take care of one of the Pen Pals that has been waiting for a bit to get matched. I had sent his letter to another volunteer and for some reason she has not responded to my questions and I don’t know what is happening. The new volunteer doesn’t have the letter the Pen Pal wrote telling his story and I didn’t keep a copy of it (lesson learned). At least he now has a match. I will be interested to see if he responds to her since it has been so long since he requested a pen pal.

Feeling a bit uneasy today. The weather is ramping up to bring in some storms. We shall see how much rain we get from them. Fingers and toes crossed that tornados and hail are not part of the storm. Sounds like the worst of it will hit tomorrow afternoon and evening.

I took a short nap this afternoon. I didn’t sleep long but it felt good to lay down for a bit. I trust I will be able to sleep tonight but I don’t have any plans all week so will sleep whenever sleep and I can match up at the same time.

I continue to sit in wonder and attempt to guess where the Love in Action project might take me. I did order some business cards today that have our new 501(c)3 number on them. I like to give them to the people I transport and hope that they reach out to me later with a rest of the story update. So far that hasn’t happened except for the father of the Palestine guy that was deported.

Grateful I know how to sit in the in-between space, grateful for the possibilities of good outcomes, and grateful for afternoon naps.

I went to Emporia just before noon today. Met Jason for lunch at Bobby D’s. We had a nice lunch together. Downtown was crowded at it was graduation day for ESU. I had sent a text invite to Michelle, Tagen and Ellexia but I didn’t hear from any of them.

After lunch I took the car through the car wash and then went to Walmart. I filled the car with gas – $58 today. I was all but out of gas today. Yikes!

Went in and got three prescriptions. Two of the three I had trouble refilling using their app. One I tried three times. It would tell me the Doctor needed to send a refill prescription. The Doctor’s site said they had sent it. The Doctor finally sent a new prescription and that fixed the problem. One of them I had ordered and three days later it didn’t show I had. I tried again and the same thing happened. Yesterday when I tried the third time it told me it was on delay. I asked about it today and found out the doctor had written it to be filled every six months instead of every 90 days. They got that fixed and were able to fill it today. However insurance changed me $10 more for a 90 day supply than they do for the six month supply and the product size is the same. WTF? I wanted out of there and didn’t ask about it.

Sometimes the things that are to be easy and simple are not so much that way. Grateful all worked out today and I was able to get them all filled and saved myself a trip to town next week.

While I was waiting in line at the pharmacy I all of a sudden didn’t feel very well. I thought I was going to pass out for a bit. I must have been at the counter for at least ten minutes and finally got what I needed and got out of there.

I had to stop at Flying J and use the restroom. Came home and was still feeling off. Laid down for a bit and then had to get up again. Finally was able to lay down and sleep for about an hour. I feel better but still not back to normal. Have no idea what this is all about.

I will be glad when I have my colonoscopy the end of the month and hopefully get some answers to why my tummy is not normal. I still haven’t heard from this doctor about the results of the MRI I had done earlier this month. Ummm….

Nothing planned for the rest of the weekend or all of next week. Have lots of empty space on my calendar right now.

Got a note from one of the banks telling me my CD was up for renewal. If I hadn’t of changed the terms I would have received over 1.5% less interest. Both banks that I had CD’s renew this week did the same thing. If I hadn’t of checked what the rates were and changed the terms I would have lost over 1% interest on each of them. Do they do this on purpose hoping people won’t check terms?

Had to turn the A/C on today. I don’t do well in a hot house. If Kathy had her way we wouldn’t run it all summer, she loves the heat.

Feeling a bit out of sorts this afternoon. Town was crowded and busy and draining. I wasn’t there any longer than I needed to be. I had thought I would pick up a few groceries but that didn’t happen. The energy in town today felt icky and thick and loud. I needed to get home and sit in silence.

Maybe I am getting old! I feel old and cranky and stiff this afternoon. Maybe it is a good thing my calendar is empty. I must need to put myself in time-out for a bit. The world feels too full of people to me today.

Grateful I was able to get all three prescriptions in one trip thanks to a helpful clerk today, grateful to have lunch with Jason, and grateful I am feeling a bit better now.

I had a fun lunch today. Four of us went to Casa Roma and celebrate a birthday. I need to remember to book lunch dates more often. So fun to gather with like-minded women and visit and laugh.

I forgot to stop at Walmart to pick up my prescriptions while I was in town. I am still waiting on them to fill one more. Hoping they can do that tomorrow and then I will go to town and pick them up.

I wrote a post on fundraising on the Love in Action Facebook page today. Every time I write a bearing witness story, people want to know how to donate. I appreciate their response but they lose the bigger point. Somehow we all have to learn how to sit and bear witness without taking immediate action to fix it. Money won’t solve most of the stories I share. It might make the donor feel better for a hot minute but it really doesn’t solve the bigger problem. I attempted to remind my readers of that point. What I would hope would happen is that the readers of the bearing witness stories will sit with their feelings that the stories bring up for them and allow those feelings to propel the reader to have more compassion for others. Money can’t buy that!

One reader of my post immediately asked me to add to each of my posts the names of some other nonprofits to donate to. I am not going to do that as again that misses the whole point. Not sure how to say that though. I commented that she would be welcome to comment and list some. She responded that I need to make an invitation for that on each post. I didn’t respond and it is not going to happen.

Thank heavens others that commented understood what I was saying and agreed with it. I keep reminding myself not to let one person get me down.

A reporter from the Wichita Newspaper called me today. The mayor of Coldwater, KS had to self report to ICE and was transferred to Cottonwood Falls. The reporter has been reporting on the mayor and somehow found out about Love in Action. We had a nice conversation. He wants to do a story about Love in Action alone plus add some of our story to the story he is writing about the incarcerated mayor. We shall see what comes of it.

The Detention Center had some conversations via email about the piece of exercise equipment. I thought it had already been ordered but it has not been. Hoping they are getting closer to making that happen. Not sure what the delay is as I told them over a month ago we had the funds to pay our half. Trusting this will get resolved soon and the equipment will get ordered.

The dogs are struggling with their haircuts for some reason. Both yesterday and today they demanded Kathy let them come into the house. Not sure if it is the rocks in their pen that feel sharp and hard now that they don’t have their coats on or if it is the heat. At least they aren’t shedding all over when they lay on the rugs.

Other than going to Walmart to get my prescriptions I have no other plans this weekend or all of next week. I need to call a friend or two and schedule lunch. It does my soul good to have deep conversation with friends.

I still wonder where Love in Action is going and what will happen with it. It seems to be on a course that is being driven by a higher power than me. I am grateful for the guidance and nudges I am getting from the Universe to help steer this program. I have no goals for it and attempt to remain open to the twists and turns it makes.

Grateful for lunch with friends today, grateful for all the interest in Love in Action, and grateful for lots of empty space ahead.

Neither Kathy nor I slept much last night. I think I was too wired from my transportation trip to Wichita and worrying if he was able to get a ticket and get on the bus. He has a long journey ahead of him to get home to CA.

I think he told me that ICE took his driver’s license and won’t return it until after his hearing on Monday. Without his license he couldn’t fly home or rent a car to drive. His English was rather broken so I didn’t put that in the write up I did as I wasn’t 100% sure of the facts. We were talking as I was driving so it made communication harder.

Getting a bus ticket is not easy and it didn’t look like the bus station was open when I dropped him off. He told me his bus was due to come in one hour and there were a few people there waiting for a bus. I trust he was able to navigate all that. Sometimes I want to take on more responsibility than I should and I made myself leave before those issues were resolved.

The post I wrote on Love in Action is going viral again. Over 7,300 views and growing hourly. Lots of new people have joined Love in Action again. I will have to do another welcome post. Wish people would browse the site when they join so I don’t have to answer the same questions all the time. People do the human thing though.

Haven’t done anything today. I attempted to take naps a couple of times but not sure I was very successful. Maybe I will crash and burn and sleep hard tonight. I am overdue for a good night’s sleep.

Tomorrow Kathy and I are going to Emporia to meet some friends for lunch. We may have a small group but it will be fun to get out and have lunch with who ever shows up. I need to stop at Walmart afterwards and pick up a couple prescriptions. One I have had trouble getting refilled. The pharmacy said the doctor didn’t authorize it and the doctor said they did. I finally got notice it is ready so they must have sorted it out.

No plans for the weekend and so far nothing on the calendar for next week. I’m trusting some thing will come up and fill in some of the empty space for me. I need to find a new project to start or a new volunteer job. I do better when I have a few things each week on my calendar.

The dogs wanted to come in the house this afternoon. They haven’t been inside for months. Not sure what the deal is today. Maybe they didn’t like the way the wind felt on their skin with their new haircuts. Sophia has a paw that she is favoring and Roxy has a lump that needs checked out. The things you discover when you take their coats off. I had forgotten how bad they stink when they fart. It made me get up and go outside for a bit!

I was in the muck pond for a bit today wishing I could do more to fix the immigrant problem we have in the US. I know that what I am doing helps, but it sure doesn’t feel like enough most days. Have been writing a post in my head that I will put on paper one of these days that addresses the myths vs facts of Detainees. I need to do some fact checking on a couple of things before I post. The last thing I want to do is add to the misinformation that is out there. So many people do not understand how our system works or maybe how it doesn’t work. Assumptions are made and most are not true.

Before I picked up the Detainee that was released yesterday, I had a chance to talk to a couple of the staff at the Center. I wish I could do that more often. I hate to bother them all the time though. We share a mutual respect for each other in what we are trying to do. They have a tough job and one they bring compassion to. I honor that.

Grateful for what sleep I did get last night, grateful that people are interested in the work Love in Action is doing, and grateful for a lunch with friends tomorrow.

I had to get up early this morning as I needed to have both dogs in Marion for their spa day by 8:30. I took Sophia for a walk and Kathy took Roxy and we headed over to Marion a little before 8:00. Both dogs loaded easily and didn’t seem to mind going in to the clinic for their haircuts.

Came home and did nothing for a bit. Took a nap as I was still tired. Got some good sleep early afternoon.

At 4:20 we headed back over to Marion to pick up the dogs. On the way the Detention Center called and asked if I could do a transport this evening. I told them I could be there a little after 5:30.

We got to the Vet Clinic and picked up two sweet smelling dogs. They sure look different without their fur coats on. Both dogs sacked out on the ride home. Evidently a spa day is exhausting!

Dropped Kathy and the dogs off and grabbed some snacks and a couple bottles of water and headed over to the Detention Center. I picked up a 21 year old young man that had come to the US three years ago. He entered using the proper channels and claimed political asylum. For some reason unknown to me, he was in Chicago and got picked up 60 days ago. He said they wouldn’t let him show them his papers. All of a sudden he was in handcuffs and taken in.

He lives in Sacramento, CA and needed to get to the Wichita, KS bus station. He has an immigration hearing Monday in Sacramento. Evidently, his attorney had bailed him out.

He didn’t speak a lot of English but we managed to have some conversation. He was a bit shelled shocked and traumatized I think. He seemed to relax a bit with each phone conversation he had with friends and family.

He was a bit amazed at the landscape and all the cows in the pastures. We joked about cows roaming free in the streets in India.

When we got to the bus station, I asked him if he had any cash with him. He did not. He was on the phone with his brother who spoke better English. His brother asked me if I could give him $100 cash. He then attempted to transfer $100 via Zella to me. I don’t have a Zella account and told him it was a gift from Love in Action.

I asked his brother to let me know when he gets to CA. I hope that he does so. Sometimes I don’t get to know the rest of the story. I trust his bus journey home is safe and the court hearing on Monday goes well.

I saw four deer on the way home. Luckily none of them jumped out in front of me.

Grateful I was available and able to transport this young man this evening. I learned I need to stock my car with some chargers for phones. The one I have didn’t fit his phone. It would have been nice if I could have sent one with him for his journey home. I will have to educate myself on all the different phone chargers and get some in my car.

Going to Wichita tonight was not on my Bingo card for the day. Grateful another ICE Detainee was set free and I could help him get his journey home started.

I never know what curves are ahead for me. I now know why I was prompted by spirit to stop at an ATM and get extra cash last week. I also was prompted to take a nap today. Someone, somewhere is looking after me.

Grateful the dogs are fresh and clean and ready for hot weather, grateful I was able to be in service today, and grateful for lots of miles safely traveled today.

This has been a quiet day at home. I did go to the Grand for lunch, I got lucky and got to see the owner. I have been trying to connect with her for a bit so it was good to have some conversation with her.

I did a bit of paperwork this morning. One of the pen pal volunteers let me know she had been able to send her first letter to her pen pal. Love when that happens. Still waiting on two others to do so. Getting closer to getting everyone connected. I have one that the volunteer wrote but the pen pal never responded. I reached out to the pen pal but I didn’t get a response either. I think they wanted funds in their commissary account and we aren’t able to do that. We will try one more time to connect with them and then let it go.

I woke up around 6:00 this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep so it has felt like another long day. Hope I can get up early tomorrow easily as the dogs have to be in Marion by 8:30. Will have to take them each for a walk before I load them in the car and go. They get their summer haircuts tomorrow. The meeting I had scheduled for tomorrow night got postponed so I won’t have to hurry when I pick them up tomorrow afternoon.

I have been sitting with some myths about the Detention Center that I keep hearing. There is a lot of misinformation out there about who does what and when. Not sure how to correct that or if that is my place to do so. The whole immigration policy is so broken and has so many different places that need fixed. Guess I will continue to state facts as I understand them and keep repeating myself. I may make a myth vs fact post soon.

I have learned so much about our detention policies since I started Love in Action last July. I was so naive and uninformed. I’m grateful that I get to work with one of the better Centers that do there best to treat people in a humane way.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful another pen pal match was made today, and grateful for the knowledge that I am gaining about our detention policies.

This has felt like a long day. Didn’t sleep well again last night and I was up and going by 6:30. Makes a long day when I get started that early in the morning.

I got an email from the Sergeant that handles the card and stamp program at the Detention Center. She had extra gift cards left over from our Christmas project and decided to offer them to the Detainees to send to their mother’s for Mother’s Day. She needed 30 more! She also said she needed stamps. She wanted me to get them ASAP so she could get them in the cards the Detainees had written out and in the mail.

I left for Emporia at 7:30 this morning. I went to Walmart and purchased the 30 gift cards. I also picked up the groceries I needed. Left there and went to the Post Office to get stamps. They were out of rolls of stamps so had to get the sheets of 20. They aren’t as easy to use as the rolls when you stamp 100 cards at a time but that is all the Post Office had today.

Went to a bank where I have a CD that was up to be renewed. I’m grateful I went in and didn’t let it roll over with the same terms automatically. The bank had a much better rate for a 14 month CD than the 12 month one. I completed the paperwork for that and then came home.

Got the groceries put away and then fixed up the sack of gift cards and stamps and took them to the Detention Center. Someone saw me walking in and came out to greet me and get the cards and stamps.

Am working on doing some laundry but haven’t done much else today. I received a check for a donation today but the lady forgot to sign the check. Oops. I’ve done that before! I will send her a note and ask her to sign the check. I also got a VENMO donation today.

Last night I went to take a bath and couldn’t find the book I had been reading in my chair yesterday. I looked all over the house. Kathy happened to wake up and came out of her room and asked me what I was looking for. She didn’t know where it was either but I went in her room and there it was. Kathy had asked me for a book to read earlier in the day and I gave her a different one to read. I think she must have seen my book lying around and picked it up and didn’t realize it wasn’t the one she had started. All’s well that ends well. My book was found and we found the one Kathy was reading too.

The guy that did the A/C check came a bit early this afternoon. He got the unit all cleaned up and ready for the summer. He liked the room addition. He had been here last fall and we had talked about adding heat and air to the back room. We were never able to get that done but it stayed nice and warm with the space heater. I will be anxious to know how it does this summer in the heat. I may need to get a window unit to put in back there.

Nothing on the calendar for tomorrow. It will be good to have a stay-at-home day. Wednesday I have to make two trips to Marion with the dogs so they can get their summer haircuts and then I have to go to Emporia for a meeting at 5:30. Friday I will be back in Emporia for a birthday lunch for a friend.

Felt good to do a Mother’s Day project for the Detainees. I hadn’t thought to do anything. I’m grateful the Sergeant thought of the idea and that I had extra cash on hand so we could make it happen immediately. Now to think of something for Father’s Day. The Center also let me know that the TV we had given them when we first started got put into use and replaced a much smaller TV in one of the pods. I wonder if they need another TV to have on hand in case one goes out.

I was reading an article about how seniors need to have a hobby when they retire. I decided that Love in Action is my current hobby. It uses my skills and keeps me focused on something positive. It doesn’t cost much for me to do my part. I think that counts as a hobby.

I got a message today from a lady that wants me to do a presentation in August for her church group. That will be fun to do and it is in Emporia so that is close enough.

Grateful for the opportunity to provide another perk for the Detainees, grateful I checked on the rate of the CD that was renewing, and grateful groceries are stocked again.

This has been a quiet day at home. I did go out to lunch but that was quick and I wasn’t gone long. Other than that I really haven’t done much today. I watched a couple of movies on Netflix. One was really good. – Remarkably Bright Creatures.

Tomorrow the A/C guy is coming to get the unit ready for summer. It usually doesn’t take him long and things should be good as the unit is only two years old. The fan unit on the furnace is staying much cleaner now that we moved the litter box out of the laundry room which is where the furnace is.

One day this week I need to go to Emporia and get some groceries. I may get them in Marion when I take the dogs to get their summer haircuts on Wednesday. Marion has a nice grocery store and it would save me a trip to Emporia. I can drop the dogs off and then go grocery shopping. Hoping the dogs get done fairly early as I will have to go pick them up and then I have a meeting in Emporia at 5:30.

I do have a couple of prescriptions that I ordered refills for that I will have to pick up later this week. Hoping they will be ready Wednesday when I go to my meeting. Trying to reduce the number of trips to Emporia I make these days since gas is so high.

I actually got dressed when I got up this morning. It does help me feel a bit more productive than when I stay in my pajamas all day. Not that I did much but …..

Heard back from one of the pen pal volunteers. She had been hospitalized for three days and then her husband had to have surgery. I was glad to hear from her. She sent her pen pal a letter today and is back on track. I have two others that I sent their letters to but they haven’t written their first letter to their pen pal yet. I will need to reach out to them this week and see where they are at with them. That first letter is hard to write sometimes.

Hoping we get some more requests to be pen pals this week. I have several more volunteers waiting to be matched. I had sent a note to the Center about the program but haven’t heard anything back which is unusual. I may try to call them this week if I remember to do so. I also need to get an update on the piece of exercise equipment and find out when it might get delivered. I want to take some pictures of it when that happens.

I keep checking the IRS list of non profits and Love in Action, Inc is still not listed. I can’t refile the income tax return until it is listed. Uhm….. not too impressed with the IRS these days. Grateful they granted me official 501(c)3 status but come on and get me listed. Wonder if they are understaffed?

My mind feels empty tonight. One of those few times where I can’t hold on to a thought for long. Maybe it is a good thing that I don’t have a lot going on right now as I am not sure I could keep track of things. Not sure why or how my brain does this but it does occasionally.

Grateful for another quiet day at home, grateful I was able to get dressed this morning, and grateful the pen pal program continues to write on.

I’m still in my pajamas if that tells you how my day has gone. I woke up too early and couldn’t go back to sleep so finally got up. I did take a nap late morning and slept for 45 minutes or so. Not sure I feel rested but at least I am not as cranky as I was yesterday.

Haven’t done anything today. Don’t have much to do other than cleaning and I wasn’t in the mood for that today. Spent most of the afternoon reading a book. I haven’t done that for a long time and it felt good to read today. I usually read every night when I take a bath but today I got some extra reading time in.

One of the Pen Pals got her first note sent to her Pen Pal. That is a good thing. I had mailed her the letter about 20 days ago. She had gotten it and set it aside and had forgotten about it. Grateful I got one more Pen Pal matched and going.

Still have three more that are pending. One I knew was going to be out of town this week and one of the others lives out of state and I am thinking it is taking a bit for USPS to get the letter to her. Not sure what is going on with the other one. I know they received their letter but haven’t seen a response and they haven’t answered my emails. They might have set up a personal account and I can’t see that they are writing.

I didn’t get any new Pen Pal letters this week for some reason. I had been getting one to two or even three a week. I know the lady that passes out the cards and stamps has been out of work as her father died. Maybe she hasn’t returned to work yet.

Mother’s Day is tomorrow. For some reason this weekend is always hard for me. I don’t like Hallmark holidays and that is what this one feels like to me. My kids learned a long time ago to ignore it for me. There is something about the day that feels forced and unauthentic to me. There are so many women that the term “mother” is a trigger for them for lots and lots of different reasons. I loved my mother and remember her every day, not just on a day that I am told I have to. Guess I don’t like being told what to do! Who knew?

No plans for tomorrow except I might consider getting dressed. I have had two pajama days back to back. Getting dressed might give me some motivation to do something – then again maybe not. Monday the A/C guy is coming to do the annual check. Wednesday I have to have the dogs in Marion before 8:15 and then go back and pick them up that afternoon. I have a meeting to go at 5:30 in Emporia. Friday I am going to a lunch with some friends.

I need to figure out a way to end this self imposed isolation I seem to have put myself in. It is so hard for me being around people right now. My tolerance for small talk is below zero right now. I find it very draining to be out and about and very loud. Anyone else feeling this?

Grateful for another pajama day, grateful for one step progress on the pen pal program, and grateful for good books to read.

This has been a low energy day for me. I didn’t sleep well last night and woke up too early and couldn’t go back to sleep. I have never felt like I woke all the way up today. Took a short chair nap but still feeling tired and unmotivated. One of those days…..

I was looking for a picture of Mom to post for Mother’s Day Sunday and found our five generation picture so posted that instead. Grandma died not too long after that picture was taken and mom followed just a couple years later. Ellexia didn’t know either of them. Things do change at the blink of an eye.

I was looking at Facebook memories and came across the picture of Kathy and I with a Facebook friend of mine. We had stopped to meet her on our trip back east when Gene died. I was thinking of posting it and didn’t but thought I might come back to it. When I went to my home page my friend had posted it! Great minds think alike. That visit was one of the highlights for me of that trip back east. We had become friends through the Prayer Shawl Ministry page and somehow had connected and stayed in touch with each other. It was a joy to meet her in person. She is one of those people that you feel you have known for a lifetime. The conversation was easy and comfortable.

Nicole sent me a link to some river cruises that are on sale and asked me if I might be interested in going on one with her later this year. Of course I said yes. We haven’t decided which one yet. The link wasn’t working well and I am having trouble getting details of the cruises. It really doesn’t matter where we go though. I am in!

I’m a little frustrated with the Pen Pal program. Relying on others to do what they agree to do is hard for me. Not sure where this program is going to go and maybe I need to find someone else to manage it for me. It is way too much work for the results I am seeing. Many won’t respond to my emails – not sure if they aren’t getting them, they are going into spam or if they have changed their minds and aren’t interested any more. All they need to do is tell me and I will take them off the list. I am going to have to check my settings and see if I can get it to tell me when someone opens and reads the emails I send. Some wrote one or two letters and then haven’t written for two or three weeks.

I think the Detainees deserve someone that will regularly correspond with them on a weekly basis. Yes, life happens but communicate! Not sure what is so hard about that.

Grateful that a few of the Pen Pals are writing on a weekly basis and establishing a relationship with their Pen Pal.

Yes, I am a bit cranky today. I’m sure by tomorrow I will be back to my normal self. I’m going to let myself soak in the mud pit today and find my grounding and walk out rejuvenated tomorrow.

The girl that needed some food hasn’t come by to pick it up yet. Wonder if she is going to come yet today. Maybe something came up and she can’t come. Communication would be nice.

Good thing I stayed home today as I don’t think I could play nice with others today. I think I will put myself in time-out and stay away for all for their benefit.

I’m grateful days like this are rare for me. I can’t believe there was a time I lived in this state most of the time. It actually feels icky to me now and not “normal”. Guess I will take that as a sign of personal growth. I can only go high when I can go low. Maybe I will get a bounce and fly even higher when this day is over.

Grateful for life lessons, grateful for five generations, and grateful Facebook has allowed me to make great friends I may never or seldom meet.

Another day, another doctor’s appointment. Glad this run of three in one week is done! This one was a compliance required check of my sleep apnea machine. What a farce. But that box is checked off and Medicare will now pay for the equipment.

While I was there I talked to him about the MRI results. He was rather lame about them. I asked him if there was a blood test that told them if my pancreas was working or not. There is and so I asked him if he would order it. He rather reluctantly did.

The results are back and one of the two levels is elevated. He said he would leave it to the GI doctor to go from here. He did promise to send them the results.

I feel like I am a dog chasing my tail. Where does this lead? Maybe it isn’t anything to worry about? Wish I could find a doctor that was curious. My concern is when a pancreas goes bad, things can go downhill very fast. Guess preventative medicine isn’t practiced these days so much.

The GI doctor’s office hasn’t called with the MRI results yet. Not sure they will. My next scheduled visit with them is for the colonoscopy the end of May. Maybe things will stay stable until then?

Had lunch with Jason today. It is always a good day when I get to spend time with one of my kids.

I stopped and filled the car up on my way home. It was almost $50 to fill it up. Yikes! How do people on a low or fixed income afford to drive these days? I know I am attempting to reduce the amount of trips I make to Emporia these days.

I noticed I have a small amount of hail damage on the hood of my car. I’m not surprised as we have had at least three different rounds of hail this spring already. I won’t turn it in to insurance as the damage isn’t that bad. I don’t want my rates to go up over that.

No plans for the rest of the week and into next week. Monday A/C. Wednesday I take the dogs to Marion for their summer haircuts and then go pick them up in the afternoon. Wednesday evening I have a meeting to go to at 5:30. Friday I have a lunch to go to.

A friend dropped by with a sweet surprise for Kathy and I. While we were talking she said she has also noticed being around others is draining these days. Glad I am not the only one that would rather stay home than be around people these days.

I had gotten a bunch of food when I had found someone that was to build a blessing box I was going to put in my yard. The lady never came through with building the blessing box and the food has been sitting there. I saw a note from someone I kinda know today saying they were in a bind due to an accident and needed food. She is coming to get it tomorrow. Yay! Grateful it will get to someone that needs it and I will free up a shelf in my back room pantry.

Looking forward to a couple days at home. I was able to not get drained being out for three days in a row this week which was a good thing. Today at lunch though I noticed how loud it was and I was grateful to get out of there. My system is very sensitive right now for some reason. I am not tolerating chaos and noise very well.

Grateful for lunch with Jason, grateful for a sweet treat from a special friend, and grateful I can provide some food for a friend.

I was up at 5:00 this morning so I could head to Topeka by 5:20. Made it out the door on time and made it to Topeka by 6:30. There was no wait at registration and I didn’t wait long after I registered before the young man came and got me for my MRI.

He was very good at his job and explained everything in a simple, easy to understand way. He got my IV started without a problem and got me strapped to the board that goes in the MRI.

The MRI itself took about 30 minutes. I had to hold my breath at times but it seemed reversed to me as they had me inhale and then exhale and hold. Usually you exhale and then inhale and hold.

The guy that was running the machine would warn me when it was going to be a long exhale hold. I had no issues with the noise of the machine but I got cold and at the end was beginning to shiver a bit. If you move, they have to start the whole thing all over again so was grateful I was able to do some energy work on myself and stop the shivers.

I got the results via MyChart this afternoon. They are abnormal but they weren’t able to visualize the stone in the duct well. The report sounded like they got their hands on the CT scan and used those results more than what they saw today. They are now recommending a different procedure which is a tube down the throat. I will see what the doctor recommends when he calls with the results. The good news is they didn’t find anything else that was abnormal.

They noted that the tail of the pancreas has atrophy which was discovered on the CT scan. I looked it up and most often it is caused by alcohol abuse. Hmmm…. I don’t consume alcohol. It also can be caused by chronic pancreatitis which I have never been diagnosed with. Hmmm….. I must be a medical anomaly. I have had chronic digestive issues so maybe I have had this for a long time and it was never diagnosed.

Had a smooth trip home. For some reason the trip home felt very fast. Came home and took a short chair nap. My neighbor kid came over to brush the dogs and he woke me up. That was probably a good thing as I didn’t sleep too long so maybe I will be able to sleep tonight.

Haven’t done much this afternoon. I don’t really have anything pending right now that is urgent. There is always housecleaning that could be done if the mood strikes. Unfortunately, it doesn’t strike often!

Tomorrow I have yet another doctor’s appointment. This one is with my family doctor and is a compliance check up for my sleep apnea equipment. That visit shouldn’t take long. I will have my family doctor review the results from today and see what he recommends.

No plans for the weekend. I will need a couple quiet days at home to recover from three days being out and about this week. Luckily today I didn’t run into very many people at the hospital. I must have been early enough that most weren’t out and about yet. I was tired when I got home but I did get up at 5:00 and that is impossibly early for me.

Still feels like I am sitting in the in-between energy space. More and more I am thinking this is world energy and not necessarily something individual. I can feel the push and pull that is going on. I have been intentionally grounding into love energy and rising above the chaos. The chaos feels like it is growing which may be a good thing as maybe the eruption is close.

Grateful the MRI process went smoothly, grateful for a safe trip to and from Topeka, and grateful for a short chair nap.

It was a stormy night around here. I was still awake when the first round of rain went through. I looked at radar and thought we were done for the night when the rain stopped.

I finally fell asleep around 3:30 and was woke up by the hail. My goodness it was loud and went on and on. When I got up and looked outside it looked like it had snowed an inch or more. We didn’t have any damage but there are lots of leaves littering the sidewalk and yard. I didn’t see any branches down in my yard but there are limbs down around town and in Emporia. It has rained off and on all day and the high is barely 50 today. After being over 80 yesterday it is hard for my body to adjust. I have been cold to my bones all day.

I was in Emporia for my haircut at 10:30. Got that finished and then went to my Cardiologist appointment. Not sure the point of going to that but he did try to convince me to trust my heart, even with the rapid heartbeat upon activity. He said he has ruled out all the bad things that could happen and I need to move my body and help it get back into condition. Easier said than done but after I get the all clear with the stone in my pancreas duct I will have to get back to taking care of my body, fast heart beat and all!

Stopped for lunch and then came home. I have been sitting in front of my little space heater trying to get warm. Last night I had trouble sleeping and was sweating so I had turned on the A/C. Today I have the heater and space heater on. Gotta love living in KS in the spring time.

Wrote a couple letters to the pen pals. A couple of them have been waiting for their pen pals to write but their pen pal hasn’t gotten their letters to do so thanks to our slow USPS. I didn’t want them to feel forgotten. I also wrote to another pen pal as her pen pal hadn’t written to her for over two weeks. Not sure what is going on there but again I didn’t want the pen pal to feel forgotten. I am also writing to one of the pen pals as his pen pal is out of the country for the month of May. His court date is coming up and I didn’t want to lose connection with him while his pen pal is gone.

One of the pen pals had gotten my welcome message and then a note from his pen pal and he was confused as we both sent them under the same name as sender. He also wanted to know why he could send us an email for free when the other emails he sends costs him money. I need to add that information in the welcome letter I send the Pen Pal before their pen pal starts writing them. Still learning how to make this program work.

Tomorrow I have to leave the house at 5:30 so I can be at the hospital in Topeka by 6:45 for my MRI. Yikes! That is way early for me. Sometimes I don’t go to sleep until that time. I didn’t get much sleep last night so maybe I can go to bed early tonight and get a full night’s sleep before I have to get up before dawn. I was not on good speaking terms with sleep last night!

I should be home late morning as the MRI is scheduled to start at 7:30 and is to take about an hour. I don’t think I have anything else I need to do in Topeka before I come home. Guess if I don’t sleep tonight, I can come home and take a nap.

Thursday I have to go to Emporia for an appointment with my family doctor. It is part of the compliance program with the sleep apnea machine. That visit shouldn’t take long! I called the company that I got the machine from and they were to fax the compliance report to my doctor. Trusting that happened! We shall see.

I think after I get home Thursday I get to stay home for a couple of days. No plans for the weekend. Next week looks fairly quiet. Monday the heating and air guy is coming to do the spring check on the A/C unit. I am taking the dogs to Marion for their haircuts on Wednesday. They have to be there by 8:30. I will have to go back and get them that afternoon and then I have a meeting to go to Wednesday afternoon at 5:30. I have two CD’s that are renewing next week so will need to check rates and get those in terms that are what I want.

I did OK getting out today but it was just me and the guy cutting my hair and the doctor’s office was empty of patients except for me. I’m grateful it was a fairly quiet re-entry to the world. I will see how I do in the energy of a busy Topeka hospital tomorrow.

This journey with Love in Action is fascinating to me. I looked back at the beginning posts when I first created it and could not have guessed we would be where we are today from those posts. I will have to be aware of the no political involvement though. When I hosted the No Kings Rally of One Hour of Kindness I had stated in the publicity that it wasn’t political. Little did I know then that when we became a 501(c)3 that was one of the requirements. Someone has been helping me set this up. I wonder what we will be focusing on a year from now? I have no earthly idea!

Grateful for a haircut, grateful for a kind Cardiologist, and grateful for a space heater on this chilly spring day.

A year ago today my oldest brother Max (Gene) passed away. I had turned my phone to silent before I went to bed and forgot to turn it back on. Max’s best friend attempted to call me several times to let me know the news. I finally got her messages and made contact with her. Kathy and I ventured back east to clean out Max’s apartment and settle his affairs.

It still feels like something is missing in our family. Someone asked me the other day how many siblings I had and it took my breath away for a moment when I had to say I had five but only four are still alive.

This has been a quiet, stay-at-home day. I did a bit of paperwork for Love in Action and a bit of housecleaning. I have somewhere to go the next three days so I have been mostly mentally preparing myself for that.

Nicole called and told me about her trip to China. It sounded like they have a fabulous experience. I was surprised when I asked her if it was like Japan and she said no it was more like India. Not sure you could convince me to go to China now. Loud, crowded places and roads are not my thing. I’m grateful they had a safe journey and have wonderful memories of their trip.

I managed to call and get the compliance report for my CPAP records requested to be sent to my primary doctor before my visit Thursday. I also scheduled a haircut for tomorrow. He had an opening an hour before my cardiologist appointment which was perfect and will save me a trip to town.

I have to be in Emporia at 10:30 in the morning for my haircut. Grateful it isn’t earlier than that. Wednesday I have to be in Topeka at 6:45 for an MRI. That is way too early! I don’t do mornings well these days.

Both Kathy and I could have taken naps this afternoon. It feels like it may storm this evening and the air feels heavy. We could use the rain although we don’t need high winds or hail. Colorado is to get a late spring snow storm. They can keep the snow!

Almost to fall asleep as I write. Hmmm…..

Enjoying this day of quiet. I am becoming a hermit and I may like that! Preparing myself for getting back out and for the cooler weather that is coming.

Grateful for a day of rest, grateful for my oldest brother’s life and the joy he brought me, and grateful for memories.

Happy birthday daddy. 100 years old today! You never felt old to me. Somehow you were able to maintain that childlike innocence all through your life. You found the little things that most people missed in nature. Your love lives on through your family and friends.

I found a picture of daddy riding a riding mower and pulling a wagon full of granddaughters. That was so daddy! He created a lot of memories for my kids and his other grandchildren. He would get on the floor and play with them and let other things wait to be done until later.

It has been a quiet day at home. I did go out to lunch but other than that have stayed home and relaxed. I am working on some laundry but not much else.

I went back to PayPal to attempt to add a charity donation button. Ran into roadblocks again. I wonder why this is not easy for me? Guess I will stick with VENMO and call it good. I don’t anticipate many donations over $250 anyways and if I get one I will track down the donor and get their address.

I will need to track donors that give on a regular basis and see how their donations add up. Once they get to $250 I have to send them an official notification of their donation so they can deduct it if they choose to on their tax return.

I did some reading about requirements of running a 501(c)3 non profit. One of the main ones is no political campaigning or participation. I have attempted to set up Love in Action as non political from the beginning. I will have to remember to not make any political comments when others comment.

I attempted to have the tax return I filed refiled. It was rejected yet again. I looked up the list of non profits and Love in Action is still not listed. Maybe it takes the IRS a bit to update their list and files. Once it is listed on their site, I will attempt one last time to file the return.

I read today that if you miss filing for three years in a row IRS can revoke your status. Maybe I don’t have to file for last year.

Tomorrow I need to call the sleep apnea place and have them send my reports to Dr. LaSota before my appointment on Thursday. This visit is required by Medicare so they will pay for the sleep apnea equipment. I also need to call and get a haircut scheduled. Ellie needs her annual shots so I need to call and schedule that. It is time to get the dogs their annual dog tags from the city too. Maybe I can get all that done tomorrow.

Feeling a bit isolated and lost today. The quiet time I have had was deeply needed but it feels like I dropped out of society somehow. If the meeting I went to yesterday is any indication, it is going to be hard for me to rejoin society. Somehow I am more keenly aware of the vibration differences and being around low vibrations is hard.

Grateful for my daddy and all the love he shared with my kids, grateful to get to learn about running a 501(c)3, and grateful for to-do lists so I don’t forget to do something important.

I got the best news today when I got the mail. IRS finally approved the 501(c)3 status for Love in Action, Inc. This has been in the works since last December. The first step was becoming an organization with state nonprofit status. The next step was applying for the 501(c)3 status which I did way back the end of February or March. I’m grateful it is complete.

Now I need to educate myself on all the rules of running a 501(c)3 to make sure I don’t do something I shouldn’t do. I want to keep it as simple as possible but sometimes what I think is simple is not what the IRS thinks is simple.

Another person stepped forward to be a Pen Pal volunteer. A second one requested the guidelines and I haven’t heard a response yet. I trust more Detainees sign up so all the volunteers can be matched.

My neighbors had a yard sale today and their young son was out helping with it. He had dropped off a flyer a bit ago that he will brush the dogs and bathe them. I went over and talked to him and he agreed to come over several times over the next couple of weeks and brush the dogs out. The dogs are getting their summer haircuts the 13th of May and the haircut will go much easier if they aren’t full of mats like they are now.

I went to Emporia to the Lyon County Democrat gathering. They served chili and cinnamon rolls for lunch (for a donation). After a bit the speakers started. I couldn’t stay. All of a sudden it felt like I was on a different vibration than the room and it didn’t feel good. We have got to figure out new ways to do politics. The room was full of gray haired old people. We are the ones that created this mess and we are not the ones that is going to get us out of it. We have got to change and rebuild the system – this one is not working.

Getting several emails from vendors that my debit card isn’t working. I changed several of them ahead of time but I sure missed a lot of them. I went through the car wash today and it wouldn’t let me in as my debit card was not good. I came home and fixed it. I’m sure I will get more notices.

No plans for tomorrow or Monday. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I have medical appointments. I’m grateful I have the following couple days free to recover.

Still feeling like I am sitting in the in-between space although it feels lighter with the resolution of the 501(c)3. Still feels like some big change is headed my way but I have no idea what it is.

Grateful to get the approval for the 501(c)3, grateful to listen to my intuition and I was able to leave the event early today, and grateful for some quiet days ahead of my busy week next week.

This has been a quiet day at home. It is May Day and the day of dropping out of the economy. I haven’t left the house or purchased anything on-line today. Not sure one day is enough to get the attention of the billionaires but it is a start.

Thirteen years ago today was my first day of retirement. It took me several months to wrap up all the odds and ends of selling the business and taking care of all the bills, etc. I do remember how nice it was to answer my phone and not hold my breath wondering who had done something stupid.

When the girls were still in middle school and high school, Craig and I took them on a mission trip to Mexico City. We went with a small group of people and stayed for about ten days with families that attended a Methodist Church. On the trip was a lady named Paula. Yesterday she left a note on my Facebook page and said she had known me for over 30 years. It took me a bit to figure out who she was and how I knew her. I didn’t remember what her last name was when I knew her. I finally got brave and sent her a PM and asked if she was the Paula from Mexico City. It was. How cool is that!

Got two more letters from the Detention Center. One of them was from a person from Laos that will be deported soon. He wanted to thank Love in Action for the things we do for the Detainees. I sent him back a note and wished him a safe journey to Laos. The other note was from a woman that had a probation violation and had to come back for a couple of months. I matched her with a Pen pal and trust that will help her.

Had another request from a volunteer to join the program. I don’t have enough Detainees to match with all the volunteers but it is nice to have more than I need in case a bunch come in. Unfortunately most of the ICE Detainees aren’t there long enough to get in the program or if they do request a match they are gone before we have much communication with them.

It started out to be a beautiful day but the clouds have moved in and we have a chance for rain. I have had to put my little space heater on to keep warm today. I am ready for it to warm back up although I need to be careful what I ask for as I don’t do well in temps over 80.

Nicole and Geoff are headed home today. They have a 32 hour trip ahead to get home. The hard part of traveling is getting there and then getting home. With the time change I’m confused as to when they will be home. Thinking sometime tomorrow and then they will have Sunday to recover before they go back to work on Monday.

Next week I have three appointments. Tuesday I see my Cardiologist, Wednesday I have a MRI in Topeka and Thursday I see my family doctor for a sleep apnea check. After staying home all of this week, next week feels busy!

Not much on my to-do list right now. Still sitting in the in-between time of something that I can’t put my finger on. This week of quiet, stay-at-home time has been good for my soul. I feel a tug of war going on inside though as it is hard to be in service when you aren’t around people.

Grateful for retirement, grateful to reconnect to old friends, and grateful for this quiet time.

Two years ago Kathy and I moved to this house in Cottonwood Falls from the big house in the country. It was a huge change for us but one I am so happy we made.

The moving truck had finally finished loading up this house with boxes when I got the call that Craig had made his transition. I guess we both made transitions that day. I think of Craig often and wish I could call him when something comes up with one of the kids. His love for them continues and I see him in the kids. He left a big hole for all of us to fill with love.

This has been a quiet, low energy type of day for me. Had trouble sleeping last night so it felt like a long night with little sleep. My sleep apnea machine and I were not good friends last night.

Have stayed home most of the day. I was going to go to Emporia to get groceries but decided I really didn’t need that many things so went to the Dollar General store instead and got some essentials. The rest of the things on my list can wait till another day. Gas is too expensive to make a needless trip to Emporia. Went to the bank downtown Cottonwood Falls to cash a check and to deposit a check.

Got the month end report posted for Love in Action. We used to have a rather complicated process for month end when we had the McDonald’s. It would take me several days to get all the numbers added and the proper people notified of our monthly sales. This report is nothing compared to those days.

No plans for the weekend. Tomorrow is the national day of protest with a call to not spend any money. I haven’t been doing much of that lately anyways but will intentionally stay home tomorrow and not eat out. I am still on my no spend kick that I started the end of last year. This is the longest I have ever gone on it. Material things just don’t hold much interest for me these days.

I saw a recommendation that those of us that are retired do intentional acts of kindness tomorrow since not going to work is something we do everyday. I got a new box of greeting cards and if I remember I will spend some time writing some cards and mailing them. It is fun to get a card or letter in the mail as it doesn’t happen often these days. You kinda have to be around people to do random acts of kindness and I don’t plan to be out and about.

Wrote two letters to the pen pal Detainees. One of them needs a pen pal and I haven’t found one to match him with. The other one has a pen pal but she is out of the country for the next couple of weeks and I didn’t want him to not get an email while she was gone.

I wrote a response to a post on someone’s Facebook page and a lady commented back that what I wrote was not true. Hmmm…. I don’t like when someone tells me what my truth is. I ignored it as when someone is that close minded it doesn’t serve me to argue with them as they can’t hear me. Truth is probably the wrong word here as it is more of an opinion.

Grateful for another quiet day at home, grateful Dollar General has the essentials so I don’t have to go to Emporia, and grateful for all that support Love in Action.

This has been another quiet, stay-at-home day. I am working on finishing up four loads of laundry. I changed the sheets on my bed and am washing the bedspread. It will be nice to crawl into bed tonight with fresh sheets and a fresh bedspread.

Did a bit more decluttering today. Slowly working my way through the little piles here and there in the house. I guess I am doing my spring cleaning. Funny how I let little things pile up until I can’t anymore. Time to clear things out again.

My tummy has been a bit angry today. Sure hope the MRI and colonoscopy gives me some answers and solutions as to why it does this way too often. The MRI is next week and the colonoscopy isn’t until the end of May.

Got another donation for Love in Action in the mail today. I will adjust the month end numbers to reflect this additional donation. Every time I get a check in the mail, I wished I could meet the person that mailed the check and give them a hug. The donations feel like a confirmation that this little project is to continue, even when I hit challenges.

Kathy mowed the yard today. I sure appreciate how she keeps the yard looking so nice. I offered to hire someone to do the mowing but she likes doing it. She is in heaven having a yard to play in.

I plan to go to Emporia tomorrow to get groceries. I’ll text Jason this evening to see if he is free for lunch. This is his crazy busy season so he may not have a lunch break. I don’t think I have other errands to take care while I am in town other than going through the car wash.

No plans for the rest of the week or the weekend. Next week I have three medical appointments on three different days so that will feel busy to me after these last couple weeks with nothing to do.

Still disconnected from the news. I attempt to read it and it all reads like a comic book. Most of it feels like lies and extreme distortions that I struggle to believe and relate to.

I still need to make some connections and put some things on my calendar. I would rather stay home alone than spend time with groups of people. I do enjoy one-on-one time with friends and need to make some of that happen.

Grateful to be working on spring cleaning the house, grateful I may get some answers to my tummy issues in a month or so, and grateful I have the privilege of choosing to stay home or go out.

It has been another quite day mostly at home. I went out for lunch but didn’t do anything else while I was out.

I took care of a few little things that needed done and I had been putting things off. I am slowly reorganizing things and getting rid of the clutter that has piled up. Still have two more places to work on.

I worked on the end of month report for Love in Action. I like to write it and then sit on it for a day or two to make sure it says what I want it to. It is hard to keep it short – I tend to over explain things and I’m sure some that read it don’t appreciate all the extra details.

Still no plans for the rest of the week. I have three doctor things next week to keep me busy. Maybe I have reached the age that I don’t get out unless it is to go to the doctor or a funeral.

One of these days I will need to go to Emporia and get groceries. Maybe I will see when Jason is available for lunch and go that day.

I haven’t been able to read much of the news this week. So much of it feels false and truth is very hard for me to find right now. Sometimes I wonder what happened to all the grown ups. This throwing insults back and forth feels like grade school. Time for all to grow up and figure out how we co-exist.

I am working hard at building a foundation with love as my base. It sure feels lonely at times though. I need to do more one-on-one connecting so I don’t feel like I am alone in this. I have a feeling there are more that think like me than not but somehow the noise from the other side seems to be louder and more dominant in most places.

Grateful the clutter is slowly going away, grateful for another soul filling quiet day at home, and grateful to know love will win!

This has been another quiet day mostly at home. I did go to the Grand for lunch today. My favorite waitress was there so it was nice.

I did some clean up of my files today. I have a pile of papers I need to take out to the shed to store. Got everything else filed where it should be. I really dislike not being able to find a piece of paper I need.

Got another note from a Detainee looking for a Pen PAL. Not sure if the next one in line wants this one or not. I haven’t heard back from her. This is one that is there not for immigration issues. Some of the volunteers only want immigrants.

Got another volunteer through the process to be a pen pal. Now I just need to pen pal to give her. I never know how many will request to be in the program and how long someone that does request a pen pal will remain at the facility. Three of them that wanted in the program are already moved out of this facility.

It is time to work on the end of the month report for Love in Action. We are in a good position with funds for the moment. Still haven’t paid for the exercise equipment. I haven’t heard an update on the expected arrival date. We don’t have to actively fundraise right now.

The river is up and running fast. Haven’t heard when it is to crest. North of us got up to five inches of rain yesterday. We were on the tail end of the storms both time they passed this way.

My new debit card came in today so I worked on updating my accounts with the new card information. I’m sure I forgot some accounts to change. Some of the accounts the funds come directly out of the checking account and not through the debit card. I have a couple more I need to check on. One doesn’t realize how many auto pay accounts they have until something like this happens.

Felt a bit restless today. I did manage to get up and work on some little projects I needed to get done. That helped a bit. I function better when I feel I have been productive and that wasn’t what I have been the last couple of days. Some old habits are harder than others for me to step away from.

This empty space feels more like in-between time and I am not sure what I am in-between. Maybe it is the world shift that is happening that I am tuning into. I have learned how to sit in this space and feel the uncomfortable feelings and hold them while what ever is coming happens. This feels like it is going to be a long haul and I will get lots of practice holding space without knowing what I am holding space for.

Grateful for lunch out today, grateful the filing is caught up, and grateful we missed the heavy rain that fell around us.

This as been a stay-at-home pajama day today. I have been dong laundry but haven’t gotten anything else done. The afternoon went by quickly for some reason.

We had some heavy rain this afternoon but it didn’t last long. Lots of area around got heavy hail but we didn’t get any. I am grateful for that. Hail can do even more damage than heavy wind.

I put a frozen pizza in the oven to share with Kathy for lunch. Five minutes later she comes out with a frozen pizza she was going to put into the oven to share with me. We must think alike!

We have an eager beaver pen pal recipient that I may have to remind to only send one email a week. He wants daily responses. I can understand where he is coming from but not sure we have the resources to send responses daily to all the pen pals.

The single parent that had her hearing last week is no longer at the Center. She has either gotten moved to another Center to prepare for deportation or has already been deported. I’m not sure what the procedure is and am not sure it is the same for each of them,

One of the disadvantages of the pen pal program is not knowing how long they will be there to correspond with. Not sure the detainees know the answer to that either though. We shall see where this goes and how it plays out.

Nothing on my calendar all week. Hoping I have a couple of productive days and get some things done around here. I have several small projects that need done if I can make myself get them done.

Today it feels weird to have no plans for the week. It feels a bit empty and overwhelming tonight. Tomorrow it may feel freeing. I will do my best not to allow my feeling of the moment to put limits on this empty space time. The more I can be uncomfortable with it the more comfortable with it I can become.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful for the rain we got without hail and heavy wind, and grateful for empty space and all the feels.

I went to the Longest Table event in Emporia today at noon. It was a gathering of I would guess 80 plus people that shared a meal together at one long table. Its purpose was to help people connect to others. Not sure how successful that was but I did appreciate the effort.

I saw some people I hadn’t seen for a long time which was nice. Met a couple new people. I did introduce myself to a mother and son and had a nice conversation with the mother. I found out she also attended Hartford High School but is 10 years younger than me so I didn’t know her.

Shared with a few the Love in Action story. Not sure how the story landed. One of the people had been incarcerated himself and knew the Captain of the Center I work with.

Came home exhausted. That type of social setting is very draining to me and I usually avoid them. Making small talk with strangers is hard for me, especially sitting at a table where you can’t mix and go. I left as soon as it felt politically correct that I could do so. Not sure if there was a program of sorts after I left or not. I thought they were going to have some live entertainment but if they did I left before that happened. I didn’t see a lot of people mixing with people they didn’t know. It probably happened more than I realized.

I stopped and filled the car with gas and then came home. I laid down for a bit but woke up with acid reflux – I really dislike when that happens. I had trouble falling and staying asleep all night last night. I am really tired again today.

Nothing on my calendar for all of next week. I should have lots of empty space to get done some little projects I need to do around the house that I have been neglecting.

The weather is starting to look a bit threatening again. I have had a headache again today but think it is weather and allergy related. Kathy spent a lot of time outside today pulling weeds. They were easy to pull since we got rain earlier this week.

I feel relief that today’s event is over and my calendar is empty for the next week. I reached my limit of being with people today and it will take me a couple days to refill. Some people really love events like today but I am not one of them.

Grateful people are working to help others connect, grateful the deviled egg plate was empty, and grateful I have lots of empty space to recover.

This has been a quiet, stay-at-home type of day. It has been sunny and cool outside today. Mother Nature is behaving herself today after all the storms yesterday.

I got the deviled eggs made for the lunch I am going to tomorrow. I was to bring a side dish – I trust they will serve as that. It will be good for me to get out and people. I haven’t done much of that lately.

Worked a couple hours on the Pen Pal Program. I think I finally have it organized and all the volunteers up to date on their status and what is happening. The application we go through to send emails is getting easier for me with repetition. I think all the Pen Pals have figured out how it works. I still have one more Pen Pal that needs to send their first letter and then all will have used the application.

Got another new request to be a Pen Pal today. This one is not an ICE Detainees but someone being held on drug charges. One of the volunteers agreed to work with him.

One of the Pen Pal recipients has been deported. We only had a brief exchange with him before he left. Have a feeling that may happen again. The ICE Detainees don’t get much notice when they are leaving and won’t be able to always tell us ahead of time. That can happen with the other Detainees too. Advanced planning doesn’t always happen!

I am hoping for more Pen Pal requests as I have volunteers waiting to get matched. I have no control over that end of it so will accept what ever comes in and be grateful for those that do sign up.

Tomorrow I have to be in Emporia at noon for the Long Table event. Not sure how many people have signed up for it so not sure what to expect. We have a chance for rain tomorrow so it might get moved inside.

No plans for next week at all. Lots of empty space right now. In this moment that feels comfortable and just what I need. There is something up in the greater world energy that makes me want to cocoon at home right now. Trusting it will calm down soon.

Grateful the deviled eggs are done and the eggs played nice and were easy to peel, grateful I get to stay home all day, and grateful I have an event to go to tomorrow.

I met Jason in Emporia for lunch today. I hadn’t caught up with him for a bit so was nice to have his company for lunch.

After lunch I went through the car wash and then went to Walmart to get what I needed. I had a long list of things I needed today so it took me a bit. I saw my baby brother and a guy I graduated from high school with. I need to get out more as it increases the odds I run into someone I know!

Came home and got everything put away. I picked up the wrong stuff for my colonoscopy the end of May so will have to go back and get the right stuff.

We had quite the storm blow through late afternoon. The tornado sirens went off for a short while. By the time Kathy got her shoes on and found her cat the sirens were done. We got a small amount of pea sized hail and some heavy rain for a short bit. Didn’t get the nasty stuff that others around did. Heard there was a tornado that touched down out by Lake Kahola and they are reporting damage to roofs.

Kathy was coming home from going to the movies right before the storm hit. She saw two tornadoes north of highway 50 on her way home. Grateful she got home before the nasty stuff hit here.

Worked on the Pen Pal program for a bit today. I have a feeling some of my emails are going to people’s spam file as I don’t get much response back. So frustrating when that is the only way I have to communicate with them. Guess I better get phone numbers from now on so I can check in. All but two of the Pen Pals have received their first responses so we are moving along. One of the two said they will get on it soon and I haven’t been able to get hold of the other lady.

I came up with a letter to send the Detainees that sign up laying out the program and what restrictions we are working under. Some have already requested things that we can’t do. I want to make sure they know this will be a weekly response and not a daily one. Can’t afford to do them daily – especially if lots more sign up over the coming weeks.

Have a few people that want to be Pen Pals but haven’t heard back from them if they agree to follow the restrictions. I will attempt to send them an email from a different account and see if that will go through. I don’t want them to think I have forgotten them. I don’t have Pen PALs to assign them but thinking more will sign up as time goes on.

I have to take a side dish to the event I am going to Saturday. Decided to make deviled eggs. Everyone seems to enjoy them and most people don’t make them often. I will get those made tomorrow. They are easy to make if the eggs will behave and play nice and let me peel them easily.

The Detainee that is from Palestine is to be deported tomorrow. His father has kept me up-to-date on his progress and will let me know when his son arrives in Palestine. Not sure where they are flying him to and how far it will be for him to then get to his father’s house. ICE doesn’t make it easy for them to get to where they want to go.

Still haven’t heard about the status of the 501(c)3 application. I check the website daily and nothing has changed. Not impressed IRS! A friend tried to call them yesterday and last I heard she had waited on hold for over two hours. Never did hear if she got through or not.

I mailed a letter to a PO Box in Strong City from Cottonwood Falls and it took over a week to arrive. Man, I could have walked it to the post office and walked back home quicker than the mail took. Not impressed with the postal service these days.

No plans for tomorrow except for making the deviled eggs. It should be a stay-at-home type of day. Saturday I have the Long Table event and then nothing else on my calendar for next week.

Had trouble with sleep again last night. I kept having nightmares which is most unusual for me. I would wake myself up to turn the dream channel. I was up from 2:00 – 4:00 and finally found some more sleep. I am tired tonight though. Maybe I can sleep tonight!

I feel like I am sitting in that in-between space right now but not sure what is on either side to make me feel that way. I really don’t have too many projects going on except waiting for the 501(c)3 to be completed. Maybe what I am feeling is bigger than my little projects. The world energy is crazy right now and when I get still enough I can feel the new love energy coming in and overtaking the old, fear energy. Maybe that is really what I am feeling.

Grateful we didn’t get the nasty storm energy this evening, grateful for lunch with Jason, and grateful the Pen Pal program is up and running.

This has been a quiet, stay-at-home type of day. It was cloudy this morning but cleared off this evening. I miss the sun when it takes a day off. It is to rain the next four days. We need the rain but I do miss the sun.

I got some letters and notes written today that have been on my list to do for some time. Felt good to get those done. Got a few spots in the house decluttered and cleaned up. Finally got the iced tea jug washed out and out of the dining room. Only took three weeks for me to do that! Geez!

A friend came over and I helped her get her Pen Pal site up and running. That site is not an easy site to navigate. I need to check in with a couple of the Pen Pals and see if they set it up privately or are having issues getting on the group site. I finally figured out how to work it. I purchased 90 more emails for the group site. Each email is $0.50 no matter how many you purchase at a time but the service fee is much less when you do the bigger purchase. The service fee was $6.20 for 30 emails and $8.00 for 90.

A girl that lives here in Cottonwood Falls posted she needed to borrow a large sized dog kennel so she could care for a momma cat and her babies for a few weeks. We have two so I offered one to her to come get. This girl spends most of her time caring for all the feral cats in Cottonwood Falls and making sure they are fixed and cared for. I admire the work she does.

I might have fixed my Grandfather clock. It has been ringing the wrong number of chimes on the hour for a long time. It ran down last night and I changed the hands moving them forward this time and stopping on the quarter hours. When I reached the hour it rang the right number of chimes. I stopped it and then started it when it was the right time. I will see in a bit if it is fixed.

Tomorrow I need to go to Emporia and get some groceries and run a few errands. I may try to meet Jason for lunch but he is really busy this time of the year and may not be able to take a lunch break.

Saturday I am going to the Longest Table Event. It is an attempt to gather lots of people to share a meal and make new connections. A friend I haven’t seen for a long time is a table chair and I will sit at her table. Trust the rain will hold off and they can hold it outside as planned. We shall see.

Time is doing its thing with me again. I don’t have a good relationship with time anyhow. When something happened in the past I would not be very accurate in telling you how long ago it happened. Could be days, weeks, months, years ago – it all feels the same to me. The clock stopped today didn’t help with my time issue as it said the same time all day! I guess it is a good thing I am retired and don’t have to be places on time very often right now.

This empty space time has been interesting for me to experience. On one hand it is just what I needed. On the other hand I struggle to feel productive and feel a bit isolated. Interesting to me that my perspective changes throughout the day. Same time, same space, different perspective makes the time feel different. Makes me wonder what else my perspective changes my thoughts about.

Grateful to get caught up on my correspondence today, grateful I got another Pen Pal up and running and grateful I could loan out a dog kennel to a neighbor.

Neither Kathy nor I slept much last night. There was something in the air! Trusting tonight we will both crash out and make up for the lack of sleep we got last night.

Kathy and I headed for Wichita around 10:30. I needed to do a Costco run and Kathy asked if she could tag along. I was grateful for the company.

We had lunch at Chipotle before we hit Costco. It was good as usual and service was OK. There was a bit of a line when we got there but it moved fairly quickly.

We did the Costco thing. I forgot my phone in my car and had to go from memory to get what I needed. I did well as I didn’t forget anything. I couldn’t find their powdered sugar so didn’t get that but I looked. I didn’t break the bank when I checked out so all was well!

It was a beautiful drive through the hills going and coming. The grass is so green it can almost hurt your eyes. We saw cattle being unloaded onto the pastures and saw a couple of pastures being burned. I was surprised they were burning today as the wind was a blowing strong.

We are starting to get some responses from the Pen Pal program. So far we have nine or ten people that have signed up for the program and have touched base with over half of them so far. We shall see where this program goes. I hold no expectations for it but trust that both sides will find some value in it. I made a new match today as a letter came in yesterday wanting a match.

Read a heartbreaking story of a family from Emporia that has been broken up with the dad being deported. He leaves behind in Emporia two or three small children and his wife. She wrote about the amount of attorney fees they had to pay both before and after he was picked up. It was over $30,000. She also mentioned how much it cost to stay in touch with him while he was being held for 60 days. She provided him with funds so he could order things from the commissary plus funds she had to pay to communicate with him on a regular basis. He was dropped off in Mexico far from where he needed to go and she had to fund transportation for him to get to where he had family.

She didn’t say what his status was prior to being picked up although she mentioned how long the process was and how the tules kept changing creating an unclear path for him to citizenship. She has no idea when or if they will see each other again.

Her young family is now in financial disaster with the loss of his income and all the additional expenses. Man! What the hell are we doing? Can’t believe this man posed a threat to anyone and he certainly wasn’t the danger criminal that we were led to believe were going to be deported.

I am waiting to hear about the young single mom of an 8 year old that got picked up and has been held in Chase County Detention Center. She was to have her hearing today. I sent her an email and asked her to update me but she may not have the energy to do so, especially if she got bad news. Not sure what will happen to her young son if she gets sent back to Mexico.

Multiply these stories by the thousands and you get a glimpse of what life is like for far too many in the US right now. Do we really not have room for them? What are we so afraid of if we allow them to stay? Our immigration policy must be fixed so immigrants are given a clear path to citizenship. If they don’t or won’t follow it, then deport them but at least give them a clear path to pursue.

Bearing witness is not for the faint of heart. Man, these stories hurt my heart. We have to find a way to do better for all mankind, not just the rich white people.

Grateful to be restocked with things from Costco, grateful for lunch at Chipotle, and grateful for the extra sleep I will get tonight.

This has been another quiet day. I did get out of the house today but didn’t go far.

Kathy wanted to open a new checking account at the local bank here. She went to do so but they wouldn’t let her write an out of state check to make the initial deposit. She came home and got me and they allowed her to write the check out to me and then they were able to deposit it as her initial deposit. I have an account with them. What a circus! Oh well, mission accomplished.

A guy from NPR called me today. He is from St. Louis but covers KS as part of his territory. He is working on a story about the 300% rise in deportations that have happened in KS so far this year. He was looking for a family that had a member deported and somehow got my contact information. I referred him to the father that I transported last week. We talked about the Afghanistan man I transported in February. He is going to call the father and see if he will talk to him. He did tell me he wanted to do a story about Love in Action in the future and would call me again. That would be cool!

I went to Jacalito’s for lunch today. The food was good as usual and the service excellent.

I went to the Dollar General store as I needed a couple of cards. They had what I needed. I was also looking for two other things but they didn’t have those. I will attempt to remember to look in Emporia next time I go.

I am finally figuring out the Pen Pal program app that we have to use to communicate with the Detainees. I think I have it set up OK now and the Pen Pals should be able to fairly easily use it. I went to add some more dollars to the account so we would have plenty of emails and remembered I don’t have my debit card. I can use a credit card if the balance gets too low before my new debit card comes in. I think it will be OK for another week or so.

It hurts my heart that the detainee families have to pay to send their loved one an email. I understand that there is administrative time involved to monitor and track all that but it adds another financial burden to families at a time when they are already under stress and financial worries.

The system has not been easy to learn how to use. Not sure how the families get it all figured out. Those that don’t have extra money can’t communicate with their loved ones. Wish there was a way to reach the families and help them out. Not sure how one would accomplish that though. I need to remember we are there to bear witness, not necessarily solve problems.

One of my Pen Pals stopped by today and I got her set up and ready to go. Wish I could personally visit the others and help them through the process the first time. Maybe I can make that happen.

We got our first response to a note a Pen Pal sent. It was good to get confirmation that the system works. It took them a day or two to approve the message. I trust both sides of the Pen Pal program will find this program valuable and of some service to each.

I got another letter from a Detainee requesting to be part of the Pen pal program. I still have several people that have volunteered that haven’t been assigned a pen pal yet. I will get that connection made later today.

It has been an absolutely beautiful day out. Light wind and bright blue skies with temperatures in the 70’s. Perfect spring day. Kathy has spent most of the day outside puttering in her gardens. She is counting down the days until she can plant her flowers.

The new neighbors that moved in across the street brought by a flyer. Their young son runs a dog grooming business. For $6 each he will brush out the dogs. He would give them a bath too but I can’t ask him to do that as these dogs hate water. I think I will hire him to brush out the dogs weekly. The dogs are getting their summer haircuts in May so not sure they will need brushed for a bit after that but I bet they would enjoy getting brushed out between now and hair cut day.

I may go to Wichita tomorrow or Wednesday to make a run to Costco. I am almost out of a couple things and I really need to get out of the house. I don’t have anything on my calendar until Saturday this week and need to find some place to go.

Nicole and Geoff are in China. They went to the Great Wall of China today and walked over 2 1/2 miles of mainly steps to go to a lookout and then came back to their starting point. Add squatty potties to the day and ouch!!! I trust they will have a wonderful time and see some incredible sites and create memories that last a lifetime.

Feeling a bit isolated today. It was good to see the Pen Pal person that came by today, I do better when I have interactions like that during my week. Need to make some calls and get something’s on my calendar.

Grateful Kathy got her bank account open, grateful I know the Pen PAL program is working, and grateful for NPR and the reporting it does.

This has been another quiet day. I did get out of the house today but didn’t go far.

Kathy wanted to open a new checking account at the local bank here. She went to do so but they wouldn’t let her write an out of state check to make the initial deposit. She came home and got me and they allowed her to write the check out to me and then they were able to deposit it as her initial deposit. I have an account with them. What a circus! Oh well, mission accomplished.

A guy from NPR called me today. He is from St. Louis but covers KS as part of his territory. He is working on a story about the 300% rise in deportations that have happened in KS so far this year. He was looking for a family that had a member deported and somehow got my contact information. I referred him to the father that I transported last week. We talked about the Afghanistan man I transported in February. He is going to call the father and see if he will talk to him. He did tell me he wanted to do a story about Love in Action in the future and would call me again. That would be cool!

I went to Jacalito’s for lunch today. The food was good as usual and the service excellent.

I went to the Dollar General store as I needed a couple of cards. They had what I needed. I was also looking for two other things but they didn’t have those. I will attempt to remember to look in Emporia next time I go.

I am finally figuring out the Pen Pal program app that we have to use to communicate with the Detainees. I think I have it set up OK now and the Pen Pals should be able to fairly easily use it. I went to add some more dollars to the account so we would have plenty of emails and remembered I don’t have my debit card. I can use a credit card if the balance gets too low before my new debit card comes in. I think it will be OK for another week or so.

It hurts my heart that the detainee families have to pay to send their loved one an email. I understand that there is administrative time involved to monitor and track all that but it adds another financial burden to families at a time when they are already under stress and financial worries.

The system has not been easy to learn how to use. Not sure how the families get it all figured out. Those that don’t have extra money can’t communicate with their loved ones. Wish there was a way to reach the families and help them out. Not sure how one would accomplish that though. I need to remember we are there to bear witness, not necessarily solve problems.

One of my Pen Pals stopped by today and I got her set up and ready to go. Wish I could personally visit the others and help them through the process the first time. Maybe I can make that happen.

We got our first response to a note a Pen Pal sent. It was good to get confirmation that the system works. It took them a day or two to approve the message. I trust both sides of the Pen Pal program will find this program valuable and of some service to each.

I got another letter from a Detainee requesting to be part of the Pen pal program. I still have several people that have volunteered that haven’t been assigned a pen pal yet. I will get that connection made later today.

It has been an absolutely beautiful day out. Light wind and bright blue skies with temperatures in the 70’s. Perfect spring day. Kathy has spent most of the day outside puttering in her gardens. She is counting down the days until she can plant her flowers.

The new neighbors that moved in across the street brought by a flyer. Their young son runs a dog grooming business. For $6 each he will brush out the dogs. He would give them a bath too but I can’t ask him to do that as these dogs hate water. I think I will hire him to brush out the dogs weekly. The dogs are getting their summer haircuts in May so not sure they will need brushed for a bit after that but I bet they would enjoy getting brushed out between now and hair cut day.

I may go to Wichita tomorrow or Wednesday to make a run to Costco. I am almost out of a couple things and I really need to get out of the house. I don’t have anything on my calendar until Saturday this week and need to find some place to go.

Nicole and Geoff are in China. They went to the Great Wall of China today and walked over 2 1/2 miles of mainly steps to go to a lookout and then came back to their starting point. Add squatty potties to the day and ouch!!! I trust they will have a wonderful time and see some incredible sites and create memories that last a lifetime.

Feeling a bit isolated today. It was good to see the Pen Pal person that came by today, I do better when I have interactions like that during my week. Need to make some calls and get something’s on my calendar.

Grateful Kathy got her bank account open, grateful I know the Pen PAL program is working, and grateful for NPR and the reporting it does.

This has been another quiet day at home. One of these days I will need to leave the nest and venture out into the world. Just wasn’t today!

I had trouble with sleep again last night. My sleep mask and I were not on speaking terms by morning. Some nights it leaks and hisses at me most of the night. That was last night. I finally took it off and found some quiet sleep.

Made goulash for lunch. I needed some real food to eat and I had what I needed to make that on hand. The pickings are mighty slim around here right now. I need to figure out some food to fix and what I need to make it and go to the grocery store. I keep avoiding that situation and am emptying out my cupboard.

A lady that is working with Leavenworth Detention Center called me today to get some ideas of what they might be able to do. This makes the second call I have received about that Center and a third person said they were going to call but haven’t yet. I trust they are communicating with each other and each group finding a path. There is lots of work to be done but no use doing what someone else is already doing.

The advice I gave her is to pick a side you want to work on. Do you want to work to close the Center and document what they are doing wrong or do you want to work with them and help improve the life of the people being held inside. It feels like an energy thing to me. What do you want the Universe to help you with? Pick a side and work that side. Both need done but it is cross energy for the same person to work both sides.

The Pen Pal program continues to challenge me. Not sure I understand how the email system works. So far only one note has been read by a Detainee. One other note has been sent but is sitting and waiting approval. No one that I know of has sent a note back. I might not be pushing the correct buttons and I am thinking there is a bit of a time delay going on too. Hope we can figure this all out and it becomes a meaningful program. Not off to the best of start though. Patience, grasshopper, patience!

Hoping this week will be the week that I get final approval for the 501(c)3 application. That may be overly optimistic though. Crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. I sure would like to cross that off my pending list and have it be official. Not sure what I will do if it isn’t approved. I will cross that bridge if I have to when I have to.

The guy I transported from the Center to Wichita let me know his son’s flight to Palestine is booked for the 24th. I wish them both the best and trust that all will be well. It would be scary as a parent to send your son to Palestine alone, especially knowing the son has some challenges processing information due to a brain injury.

I felt like I was walking through a swamp land today. No energy and I could feel my energy draining for some reason today. Not an easy day for me. Trusting a good night’s sleep tonight will solve my issues today.

Grateful I could stay home today, grateful for the grass fed beef in my freezer, and grateful it is almost bed time.

I was surprised I was able to sleep last night after taking a long nap late afternoon yesterday. I woke up feeling rested for the first time in a long time.

I got a piece of mail today that was mailed from Maine on March 22. I also got the Pioneer Bluffs Newsletter that was mailed from the Cottonwood Falls Post Office on March 25. Not too impressed with our postal service today.

I got a text from my bank asking about a charge that was made using my debit card. I assumed the text was a scam but opened a chat direct with the website of my bank. Unfortunately it was not a scam as someone had attempted to charge something to my debit card. That means they had to cancel my card and it will be up to a week (or more if the above paragraph holds) before I get a replacement. I carry two credit cards just in case so may have to use them. Dang scammers anyways. Now I will have to change my card number on all my automatically billed accounts. What a pain!

I am grateful the charge was strange enough that they checked on it before they let it go through. Their security measures worked. How do the scammers get my number though?

Kathy ordered a yard swing that came in yesterday. She spent most of her day putting it together. I was proud of her that she was able to do so. She lit a fire in our fire pit and sat out by the fire this afternoon. It was a perfect day to have a fire as it is a bit cool today but we have bright blue skies.

Talked to my Aunt Marylyn today. She had called while I was napping yesterday and I didn’t hear my phone ring. It is always a good day when I get to talk to her. I think she has more of a social life than I do and she is 90. She has lots of grandkids and great grandchildren that have events that keep her busy. What a joy it is to talk to her.

I need to go to the store and get some cards. I need to send the daughter of a friend a graduation card. I also need a get well card to send to my Camino friend that lives in CA. I haven’t heard from her for a long time. She has lung cancer and is undergoing treatment. I am out of sympathy cards and need to send one of those out too.

I have an empty calendar for next week. I did sign up to go to an event next Saturday at noon. Wonder what I will do with all my empty space?

Grateful for the pieces of mail finally arriving, grateful the scammer that attempted to use my debit card was stopped, and grateful for this absolutely beautiful spring day.

This has been another pajama day for me. I slept in late this morning so time has been off for me all day. I took a nap late afternoon which added to my time warp. Not sure why I was so tired today but it was a crash and burn type of day.

We had some pea and marble sized hail this afternoon. Strong winds and rain came with it. We got off easy though as there was rougher stuff east and north of us. This the time of the year for thunderstorms and tornadoes.

One of the Pen Pals attempted to write her Pen pal today. I had to add each of the Pen Pals names under my driver’s license and photo so the Pen Pals could write them. Not sure if her email went through or not. It isn’t showing up yet so not sure what is going on. This system is not the easiest to navigate. I trust the Pen PALs will stay patient and work through all of this for me.

Adding the names was a bit of a challenge. Some of their names are in different orders than I expected. Never did find one of them. He could have been moved out already. I will check again tomorrow and see if I can figure out what is going on.

I guess I didn’t expect the Pen Pal program to be easy but not sure I expected it to be this hard either. It really makes me wonder how stressed out families deal with all of this. Makes me want to put together a guide of some sort for them but not sure how I would get it to them. Then again, we are to bear witness and not problem solve. Hard place to sit in.

Our neighbor fixed Kathy’s mower for her. She had overfilled the oil and the mower wouldn’t start. He sucked some of the oil out of it. I ordered a new air filter as oil got in the old one. Nice to have neighbors that help some old girls out. He was a mechanic for over 30 years so he knows engines and was happy to help us out.

Trusting I will find some motivation to do something tomorrow. I have a few little things that I need to do and get off my list. I also have some house work that needs done. Just didn’t have any motivation to do anything today.

Feeling so weird that I have nothing on my calendar for the next two weeks. Tonight that feels overwhelming and hard. Funny how that feeling changes day by day and hour by hour.

A very non productive day for me. Trusting tomorrow I can get a few things done. I do feel better about myself when I can get things taken care of.

Grateful for the rain we received today, grateful the stronger storms didn’t find us, and grateful for all the sleep I got today.

I was up and out of the house before 8:00 this morning. The drive to Topeka was easy and smooth.

I got to the Gastroenterology office by 9:10. I got checked in and they called me back at 9:30 for my 9:30 appointment. The NP that I saw today came in around 10:00.

I liked her although she said the referral said I was there for rectum bleeding and I thought I was there to evaluate the stone in my pancreas duct. We worked through that and she decided to check out both issues.

I reported all my GI symptoms over the years. She must have asked me three times if I had reported that to my family doctor. Yes I have! They blew me off every time.

She put in orders for me to have an MRI of my abdomen done at St. Francis hospital. They are to call me to schedule it.

I am also having a colonoscopy done on May 27. They gave me the instructions for the prep. Yikes! I had one done years ago at Mayo Clinic and then they gave me a prescription to get things cleared out. This time it is all stuff I can get over the counter. Certainly not looking forward to the two days of prep but I will survive it.

She seemed knowledgeable and competent. At one point she said I need to call a friend to ask her something and stepped out of the room. Not sure what that was about but I like that she got a second opinion on something she was considering.

We didn’t talk next steps so will have to wait till the tests are done and go from there. Seems like nothing happens too quickly in medicine these days. Hurry up and wait seems to be the slogan of the medical field these days.

I didn’t get done until after 10:30. I stopped and filled the car with gas and then went to Schlotzsky’s for lunch. It wasn’t as good as I remember it being years ago. Brought Kathy home a Cinnabun as a treat for her.

Got another note from a Detainee that wants a Pen Pal. This guy is from Cuba and has been there for 16 months and due to not having any funds in his commissary account hasn’t spoken to a family member or friend since he got detained. I can’t imagine! We aren’t allowed to put funds in his commissary account but maybe we can help track down some family members and they can do so. Not sure how family is informed about the commissary account process. I know one recent family that had someone there was surprised their dad wasn’t able to keep his phone on him at all times.

I have nothing on my calendar for the next two weeks. Not sure if that is a good thing or is scary for me. I may make a Costco run one day next week if the mood strikes. Sure need to get some cleaning done around here but the dust seems to sit patiently waiting for me to scatter it away.

The ant spray came in so I need to do that task. I need to take everything out of the kitchen cabinets and spray them down. That will take some time. They need reorganized anyways so that will force that little project to get done. I haven’t been able to find where the ants are coming from. Not sure if they are under the house or where their nest is. I will spray inside and outside. May need to spray and leave the house for a bit for it to sit and work and not get us sick from it.

I’m tired tonight. I had to get up way too early. I am grateful I have a long stretch in front of me where I can sleep in as late as I want.

Feeling a bit vulnerable and isolated tonight. It will be good to have some down time to process the last few weeks and fill and refill my soul. I may fast from Facebook and the news for a few days. Time to spend my time on the really important things in my life.

Grateful for a safe trip to Topeka today, grateful for a NP that was a great listener and was curious, and grateful for lots of empty space in the next two weeks.

This has been a quiet day at home. I stayed up way too late last night finishing up a series I was watching on TV. I slept in very late this morning. The day has felt weird all day time wise as a result.

Did two loads of laundry today and managed to get them folded and put away. That doesn’t always happen so grateful I could at least manage that today.

Worked on the pen pal program for a bit. Got the letters addressed to send to the pen pals so they can have the hard copy of what their pen pal wrote. Still have one more email to write. I attempted it last night but her mail box was full and it didn’t go through.

Tomorrow I have to be in Topeka by 9:15 so will have to leave the house by 8:00. That is too early for me! Hoping I can get to sleep before midnight but we shall see what happens. I am looking forward to what she has to say tomorrow. She may recommend watch and see or surgery or something in between. I feel like I have kinda put my life on hold waiting to see what they are going to do. It will be good to have a direction to go tomorrow.

I don’t think I have anything I need to do in Topeka once I am done at the doctor’s office. Have no idea how long the appointment will be as I have never seen this doctor before. May be a quick trip up and back and it may stretch out to a longer day.

No plans for the weekend or for next week for that matter. Lots of empty space on my calendar as I have intentionally kept it empty in case the doctor wants to do something. Once I know if it is still empty space, I will find some things to put on my calendar as I do better with a little structure.

I didn’t file an extension for Love in Action as I couldn’t find a form to use. The only ones I could find were for individual tax returns. Hoping IRS will let me know within two weeks what the status of the application for the nonprofit is and go from there. I may have to pay a bit of a penalty if they don’t approve the application.

Had an experience today that reminded me that some people can’t hear what I say. We must be running different energy patterns. I’m grateful I understand that and didn’t push the point. It sure makes it easier to communicate when you understand that. Or maybe communicate is the wrong word as I stopped the communication more than communicated. Interesting to watch it play out.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful to have been able to refill and recharge today, and grateful for lots of sleep last night.

At some point this afternoon Kathy commented I must have declared today a PJ day. I had forgotten to get dressed this morning. Oh well, I had no plans other than to stay home and get a few things done here.

If I got four hours of sleep total last night I would be surprised. One of those nights where sleep was playing hide and seek and I couldn’t find it. Even took a second bath but even that didn’t help much. I did take a nap mid morning and got an hour or two of sleep. Trusting tonight I will crash and burn and get lots of sleep.

It is muggy in the house today. I wish the storm would hurry up and get here and be gone. I have felt anticipation all day waiting for the storm to arrive.

Last night when I was driving home from Wichita I saw the back end of the storm that caused the tornados. It was fascinating to watch the constant lightning and watch the clouds swirl.

I got the Pen Pals matched up today. I need to do one more match and the first set will be done. Still not 100% sure how the app program works but hoping it is flexible enough that all the Pen Pals can use the same account. Guess I will find out as others attempt to log in. I am learning along with the other volunteers.

As I was matching them up I discovered one of the detainees requesting a pen pal had sent two letters. Not sure why he did that but guess he is anxious for a pen pal.

For a while I have been sitting with a bit of an unsettled feeling about Love in Action. Where are the boundaries around it? What is our real purpose? How do I keep the focus on what we are doing without getting pulled off track?

I finally realized today that our main purpose is to bear witness to the detainees and their stories and to share their stories. The program limits what we can do for them individually and as a recovering people pleaser that was hard for me. I too used to jump directly to problem solving and the program limits doesn’t allow that as what we do for one we have to do for all. Understanding we are bearing witness helps give me a better sense of our purpose and accept that it is enough.

Someone called me this morning and was really pushing Love in Action to do more to solve individual problems. It triggered something in me and I had to sit and figure out why that happened. Now I get it and I can release the anxiety it caused.

I am a bit concerned about the pen pal program. It has the potential to grow into something bigger than I want to handle. However, it is a great way to give volunteers a hands on experience with the Detainees and for us to learn about their stories and to be able to bear witness even more. It is so tempting though to problem solve and offer solutions beyond what the program can offer. No use anticipating problems though. Maybe others are better at bearing witness alone than I am and I can learn from them.

Isn’t it interesting how life can provide the exact lesson you need at the exact time if one is open and ready for the lesson? Now I know how to frame the pen pal program and allow it to be enough without fixing anything.

Tomorrow is another free day. Maybe I will even get dressed tomorrow! Thursday I have to be in Topeka by 9:15 for a doctor’s appointment. No plans after that for a long while on my calendar.

Love days where a life lesson comes into clarity. I feel an ease about Love in Action that settles something in me.

Grateful for a PJ day at home, grateful for clarity about bearing witness, and grateful the storm that is coming will be here soon.

I am cranky and tired and it would probably be better if I didn’t write tonight but I need to get it out of me so I can sleep tonight. This might be a post to skip if you can’t handle my crankiness!

Had Trouble sleeping last night. I was probably flying too high after having the kids home Sunday. It was such a perfect day. Sometimes I struggle to come down from the high.

I got a phone call that woke me up too early this morning as I didn’t get to sleep until after 3:00. By the time I answered the call they had left a message. It was a reminder about a doctor’s appointment i have Thursday. I couldn’t go back to sleep after that so got up.

I can’t remember what happened next but I quickly figured out this might be a hard day. Nothing seemed to go easy for me. Kathy reported having the same type of day! What is going on in the energy right now? Yikes! I attempted to eat some lunch and it made my stomach start cramping again.

I attempted to call the company that provides the email service for the Detainees. Once I got through the fifty AI questions I was put on hold and informed the wait time would be approximately 68 minutes. I wasn’t in the mood for that so I hung up. I thought I would attempt again tonight but the universe had other plans for me.

I got a letter from the IRS about my 501(c)3 application. I had forgotten to check the box that stated I agreed under perjury that I had the proper authority to sign the application. They also wanted more details about what the non profit was going to do. I wrote a response letter and then went to the post office to mail it so it would go out today.

I checked the IRS website to see if I am listed on their pending file since they are working on the case but I am not. Why was I not surprised?

As I was getting ready to leave the house to go to Emporia to volunteer at the friends of the library book sale the Captain of the Detention Center called me and told me he had someone that needed a ride to Wichita. I told him I would attempt to find someone that could take him as I was going to be tied up until after 6:00.

I texted a few friends to see if anyone was free and then headed to the book sale. I got there a bit early so I did some shopping at the sale myself and filled a bag of books. I then sat at the register and checked people out from 3:00 – 6:00. For some reason today, I was alone at the register. Usually there are two people that work it but all the workers stayed in the other room for most of the shift. Maybe my energy said leave me alone – I am cranky!

Kathy let me know while I was at the library book sale that CWF had a hail storm and strong winds. I will check her car out tomorrow and make sure it wasn’t damaged.

At 6:00 I headed to the Detention Center to see if the guy was still there. The Captain said the guy may find a ride. He was there. He gave me the biggest hug and was most appreciative of the ride.

The guy had come to CWF this morning for a 9:00 hearing for his son. His son had come to the US on a student VISA several years ago. About a year ago his son developed a brain tumor and had to have brain surgery and was hospitalized and in rehab for over six months. His son still struggles with processing information and was unable to finish school.

His son had been picked up by ICE on March 24 and brought to Chase County. He will be deported in the coming weeks. They are from Palestine which is not exactly a safe place to live right now. The father has no idea what to do in the future. The father has the proper paperwork to be able to work and live in the US.

While the father was inside at the hearing, a deputy had noticed that his car tag had expired. In questioning the father, they also discovered his insurance was expired. The cops impounded his car hence the guy needed a ride home to Wichita.

He was the most interesting guy. He has lived all over the world doing his job in the oil and gas industry. He shared the history of his country with me. We discovered through our conversation we share many of the same beliefs and values.

I will say hearing about their problems made my day seem not so hard. However, I got to see first hand the results of yet another family get torn apart. There has got to be a better way people! I hope some will feel safer knowing yet another harden criminal is off the streets! NOT!

I will go to bed and attempt to get some sleep if I can come down or is it climb up from this hole I feel like I fell into today. I certainly have experienced a full range of emotions this last 48 hours. Going from the highest of highs having all my family here to hearing about a father that has to watch his brain injured son be deported, Hopefully, I will find my center and ground. What a day!

Grateful to have been able to help this father out by gifting him a ride to Wichita, grateful to have been in service at the library today, and grateful tomorrow is another day and another chance to get above neutral.

This was the best of days. All three kids and both grandkids came home to have lunch with me. Life doesn’t get better than this!

The leftovers from the Singing our Resistance event heated up nicely and made for an easy meal to fix. That was a good thing as I am still a bit weak from yesterday. I am getting stronger as the day goes on. I was able to eat a bit today which helps. I am thinking by tomorrow I will be back to normal.

I got the dishes washed and everything put away. I didn’t bother setting a table today so we ate in the living room and balanced our plates on our lap. It worked and made things easier to set up and clean up.

Tomorrow I am volunteering at the Friends of the Library book sale at 3:00. I will go to town early and get replacement parts for my sleep apnea machine and I also want to buy a sack of books before my shift starts. Last year while I was working the register one of the other volunteers picked out books for me. She made some really good choices and I discovered some new to me authors. Maybe I can make that happen again tomorrow. I can afford two bags of books at $10 a bag.

I need to call the company that manages the email situation with the Detainees tomorrow. I need to fully understand how this process works and what will be the best way for volunteers to log in and use it. I would like to find out if it is possible for Love in Action to have an account and the volunteers can use it. I don’t know if different Detainees can use the same account or if we have to have different accounts for each. I feel bad for the families of the Detainees that have to pay the prices they charge in order to stay in email contact. It is $15 for 30 emails but then there is a $6.20 service fee in addition.

Nothing on my calendar for Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday I have to be in Topeka by 9:15 so will have an early morning.

I need to figure out how to file an extension for Love in Action’s tax return. I have never done that before but I don’t think it can be too difficult. Then again I didn’t think filing a return for Love in Action would be a challenge and it has been.

Feeling very happy and content this afternoon. I love spending time with my little family and having a meal together.

Grateful for a day with my family, grateful for safe journeys for all, and grateful I am feeling better today.

This has not been my best day. I have had tummy issues that started overnight and really ramped up this morning. I spent most of the morning running to the bathroom. I finally took some Imodium and after about an hour it slowed things down.

I ate a small bowl of chicken and rice soup but couldn’t finish it. I just had two pieces of toast. We shall see if that was a good idea or not.

This morning if I drank anything it activated everything even more. Grateful it seems to have slowed down this evening.

I laid down for a bit this afternoon. I was folding clothes and got very tired. Not sure I slept much but it felt good to lay down. I didn’t get much sleep last night as I had to keep getting up to go.

Haven’t decided what caused all this today. For a hot minute I was concerned it was the pancreas stone but I didn’t run a temp and the pain in my tummy was in my lower stomach and not in the upper left side. This evening the pain has shifted to the upper left this evening but it is not intense by any means.

I will be glad when I see the specialist Thursday so she can reassure me that the stone isn’t causing these problems. I have these flare ups occasionally but haven’t had one that lasted a whole night and day for a long time. Maybe I was just letting go of something!

I didn’t get out and run my errands today. I didn’t trust that I could be that far away from the bathroom. I do need to run one in the morning. I was going to go out tonight but it feels like it could rain any minute and I don’t like getting caught in the rain.

Didn’t get any housecleaning done. Good thing it is my kids that are coming and they won’t inspect my house for dirt. I’m grateful I picked an easy menu to fix tomorrow as I’m not sure how I will be feeling then. Just have to warm up BBQ and the cheesy potatoes. Going to make some green beans and a chocolate sheet cake. Both of those are fairly easy and won’t take much energy.

It takes a day like today to make me grateful for the good days and good health. One never knows when that all can change. Kathy had a bit of an episode today that was concerning. What is going on?

Tomorrow will be the best type of day with all the kids and grands coming home for the day. Life doesn’t get better than those days.

Monday I need to go to the Detention Center and find out how to write the Detainees so I can share that with the Pen Pals. I have three Pen Pals confirmed and am waiting to hear from 11 others that said they were interested. They have to read the guidelines and put in writing that they will follow them. I also need their mailing address so I can send them the notes from the Detainees. Not sure if the Detainees will respond in writing or via email. I think it costs them a bit to send an email so if they don’t have funds in their commissary account they will have to mail a note.

I am working at the Friends of the Library book sale from 3:00 – 6:00 Monday afternoon. It is $10 bag day so if I work the register that will make it easy. I plan on going a bit early so I can get a bag of books too. I am getting to the end of the bags I got last fall.

While I am in town I want to stop by the store where I got my sleep apnea machine. It is time to get some parts replaced and I need them to check and see if the leakage thing is enough that I need to try a different face mask. I keep getting emails from the company that supplied the face mask and machine that I am leaking too much air but not sure the store guy will agree.

Thursday I have to be in Topeka by 9:15 for my doctor’s appointment. I am anxious to see what they will recommend and what tests they might order. I have read about all the options and they range from watch and see to surgery to remove it with others in between.

My cousin on my dad’s side is doing some family research and sent me a couple of photos. One is of our grandfather standing with his siblings at the grave of his father. I didn’t know that his father died when Grandpa was eight years old. He was a towhead! Now I know where the towheads in the family came from. Genetics are fascinating. I wished I had asked more questions when my grandparents and parents were alive.

Feeling a bit vulnerable this evening after this day. One never knows what the future holds for yourself and when there will be a major plot twist in the road. Trusting this was a one day thing and my tomorrow I will be feeling much better.

Grateful for Imodium, grateful the kids are coming home tomorrow, and grateful for the rain that is coming.

This has been a quiet day at home. I am still in my pajamas as I had no where to go today and no one was coming over.

I did send a letter to all that have volunteered to be a Pen Pal to the Detainees being held at the Chase County Detention Center. They need to respond and send me their mailing address and agree to follow the guidelines.

I am struggling to figure out how we are to communicate with the Detainees. I think the Center uses a service to handle correspondence with the Detainees but can’t figure out which one. I sent emails asking for more information and how the process works but so far haven’t gotten the information I need. I will go up there Monday if I haven’t figured it out before.

I checked several different web pages and find conflicting information about how to correspond with the Detainees. The Captain asked that we not send physical mail. Uhmmm… wonder how the families figure this all out.

I’m anxious to get the letters to the Pen Pals so that program can begin. They can’t respond until I figure out how they do that. Round and round I go. I seem to spend lots of time chasing my tail these days.

No plans for tomorrow except for doing some house cleaning. The kids and grands are coming Sunday for lunch. I will bake a cake Sunday morning. I already have the BBQ and potatoes ready to heat as I am serving leftovers from the Singing Our Resistance event. I will make some green beans and call it good.

We had a thunderstorm roll through during the night. Got several rounds of rain but I don’t think it all added up too much. Didn’t see many puddles of water anywhere today. It has been cloudy and cool today with misty rain coming and going – mainly going. We are forecast to get more rain through the rest of the weekend. We need rain so can’t complain.

I stepped outside during the night and the smell of smoke after the first rain was heavy. I still smell smoke in the air. We need a couple inches of rain to clear the smoke out.

I have ants back in the kitchen. I fought them all last year. Anyone have any knowledge about how to get rid of them. Everything I tried last year didn’t work. I tried getting a professional to come out and didn’t have any luck. One guy wanted almost $1,000 to deal with them. I hate those little buggers.

Monday I am working the Friends of the Library Spring book sale from 3:00 – 6:00. Thursday I go to Topeka to the specialist to check out the stone in my pancreas duct. I have had a tummy ache for about a week now that never completely goes away. No fever, no loss of weight, no chills so don’t think it is pancreatitis. I’ll keep an eye out for it and see if I can wait till Thursday before I need it checked out.

It will feel funny next week not doing taxes. Hoping the IRS will get my 501(c)3 application listed so I can file taxes for Love in Action. If they don’t, I am not sure what I am supposed to do.

Haven’t been able to read beyond the headlines of the news today. I need to refill myself before I can do that as the news would drain me today. The headlines can be very misleading so not sure what has happened in the world.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful for the rain we did receive, and grateful I will figure out the Pen Pal thing sooner or later.

I was in Emporia a little after 9:00 this morning. It was the weirdest day dong taxes. We decided it was a good day to have a hard day doing taxes as it was the last day of the season. We only filed two returns today but helped a couple of other people. Taxes feel so complicated to some people and they struggle to bring us what we need to complete their returns.

We didn’t get out of there until almost 1:00 today. I helped organize the material we use so the leader can take it to its storage space next week.

I stopped at Bobby D’s for lunch and then came home. I haven’t felt the best this afternoon so haven’t done much. My blood pressure was high when I checked it earlier. It randomly does that – sure wish I knew what causes it to misbehave. My ankles were a bit swollen which is unusual. I doubled up on my pee pill to see if that will help reduce them.

I got nine letters from the Detainees at the Chase County Detention Center today. Several of them are looking for a pen pal and several were thank you notes. Not all of them gave us their identification number so not sure how we can respond to them.

I will match pen pals tomorrow after I get clarification as to how the Center wants us to communicate with them. I need to get two letters translated. I didn’t have the energy to attempt that today.

I didn’t sleep well last night as I took too long of a nap yesterday afternoon. I have nothing on my calendar for the next two days so hoping I can sleep lots. Sunday is family day which I am getting excited for.

Today was the last day of tax season. I turned my computer in and I am done. We will have a gathering of all the preparers sometime soon to wrap up the season. I finally feel competent to do taxes this year. Things clicked in for me and most all returns I feel like I can handle. I still see an occasional thing that I haven’t seen before. Wonder how many seasons I would have to do before that stops happening?

Next week I have family day Sunday. Monday I am working at the Friends of the Library book sale from 3:00 – 6:00. Thursday I have a doctor’s appointment in Topeka to check out the stone I have in my pancreas duct. I will be anxious to hear what they recommend to take care of it. They may order another CT scan to see what if anything has changed. It is possible they may need to surgically remove it. They may surprise me with another recommendation too.

One of the notes I received from a Detainee was from a 27 year old single mom of a nine year old. She has been in the country since she was a toddler. She has a hearing April 21 to determine what will happen to her. She didn’t say who was taking care of her son. Another example of a Detainee that is not a criminal and has been detained for two months and counting. I wonder just what the hell we are doing! Can we really sleep better tonight knowing she is behind bars?

We are to get some rain this weekend. The ground is very dry and the smoke is very thick tonight from all the pasture burning that is happening. I will be grateful for the rain to lay down the smoke and cleanse the air. Burning season should almost be over as pasture season traditionally starts April 15.

Feeling just this side of cranky tonight. Our systems are so broken and I saw too much evidence of that today. Our tax system is set up to benefit the rich, not the ones working several jobs to survive, our immigration system is broken and we punish the wrong people. Add the mess in the Middle East and the truly horrible way it is being handled and I guess I figured out why I am cranky. I will allow some hard feelings to be felt and arise and be released. Sometimes you have to take a dip in the muck pond to wash away those hard feelings that come with doing life and interacting with others. Once I can fully be present with my hard feelings and allow them to be heard, I find they usually can be released and then I can rise above and get motivated to do more acts of kindness for others.

Grateful to have completed another tax season, grateful we are expanding our role with Love in Action to include being pen pals, and grateful for the rain we will get over the next couple of days.