Starry night on the prairie

This was anything but an empty space day. A preacher lady from Wichita contacted me last night and asked if she could visit with me this morning. She called me at 9:30 and we chatted for over an hour.

She is gathering a group of pastors from the Wichita area and they are going to do something to help either the Detainees or their families in Wichita. She was looking for ideas on what might be needed and how to go about doing it.

I don’t know if I was of any help to her or not. I told her why I had chosen to do what I am doing and then explained all that we do. I encouraged her to start small and build from there. There is so much that needs done that it can feel defeating if you take on too much.

I went to Emporia when I finished talking with her. Stopped and picked up Ellexia and then we met Jason at Bobby D’s for lunch. Always a good day when I get to spend part of it with my loved ones.

I took Ellexia home after lunch and then I killed time for a bit. I had to quickly find a bathroom a couple of times. I needed to be at a church at 1:25 as I did a presentation to a group of church women. I think the presentation was OK. I went way over my 20 minutes and we talked for about an hour. They had some good questions and comments. I stayed and they did their business meeting and then they served desserts. I answered some more questions and then came home.

It was a churchy type of day! The preacher was a United Methodist preacher and the church I went to today was United Methodist. Memories from the past assaulted me today. I came home exhausted. My tummy has been giving me fits today. I lost count how many times I had to go to the bathroom. Maybe I am getting a head start of the clean out tomorrow.

I came home and took a nap. Had trouble falling asleep but I finally found some sleep. I am still wiped out but can almost function, although I wouldn’t want to do anything too challenging.

Struggling to get the new website to open on my desktop. It will now open on my iPad and iPhone but it won’t load on the desktop. I’m afraid I choose the wrong name and there is a block of some sort that is not going to let it work. I may have to rename it and try again. Wonder what that will cost and look like? Dang it anyways. Things aren’t always as simple as I think they should be.

When we released the site it said to give it up to 72 hours to fully load. I will give it another day or two and then I am going to have to make some calls if it continues not to load. Not sure I know where to start but calling and asking for help is something I can do. My main fear of doing that is my lack of understanding the terminology they will use to help me fix it. I am very ignorant about these things.

I got 54 stamps in the mail today as well as a donation check. I was also given a check at the meeting today as well as a bit of cash. I will need to write some thank you notes and make a trip to the bank tomorrow.

Tomorrow afternoon I start the prep. I can only have clear fluids tomorrow. I’m not hungry tonight and trying to decide if I should try to eat something or just let it go. It may be a long day tomorrow, especially when things get going. Hoping I won’t run into issues like last time. At least this time, I only have to do one day of prep and not two.

Friday I have to be in Wichita at 7:30 in the morning and the procedure is at 9:00. I should be home by noon or a little after. This time I know the right place to go and it is closer than the doctor’s office.

No plans for the weekend. Giving myself some time to recover. It shouldn’t be hard to recover. Sure hoping they find out why my tummy doesn’t behave itself way too often.

Monday I have to go pick up the beef that is ready. Tuesday I have a lunch in Manhattan to go to, and Wednesday I have a doctor’s appointment in Emporia. I won’t have lots of empty space next week.

It was a Love in Action day today. I haven’t talked about Love in Action like that for a long time. I trust someone got something out of it. One never knows how people will take what I say. I try hard to avoid politics or religion when I talk but since I was talking to church people today not sure how that went over. I never know others feelings on politics but I also know their reaction is on them, not me.

Grateful to have gotten to share the Love in Action story twice today, grateful to have not had a bathroom oops, and grateful for an afternoon nap that restored my soul and body.

I went to Emporia this morning to pick up the supplies for the colonoscopy prep. Man it was hard to put a container of MiraLAX in my cart and know that I have to mix it and drink the whole thing. I am grateful I only do one night of prep instead of two nights this time.

I am excited that the amendment proposal to change the way the judges are elected failed. However I have a bit of cognitive dissonance going on because the Republicans choose Ty Masterson as their choice for Governor. Isn’t he the one that pushed the amendment? Uhm…….

I went to Christy Davis election watch party for a short bit. I got there just before she gave her concession speech. I got to visit with some Love in Action supporters and vent a bit. I needed that. I so appreciate the support others give me for this program and it encourages me to put the hard stuff down and push on.

I got a call that the beef is ready to be picked up. They are closed tomorrow and I am busy Thursday and Friday so will pick it up Monday. Two of the people each getting 1/3 of 1/2 will get their beef Monday. I have room in my freezer for the other 1/3 and I will get it to Nicole on another day. I didn’t keep any of it for me this time as I still have beef left over from last year. Kathy and I don’t eat that much of it anymore.

I had a quick chat with my brother Keith today. He is getting 1/2 of the beef. It was good to catch up with him. He has had some health issues going on and his son just had a baby that is in NICU and I needed to check on her.

Tomorrow I am picking up Ellexia and we are going to meet Jason for lunch. After I take Ellexia home, I am going to a church to do a presentation on Love in Action. They only want me to talk for 20 – 30 minutes. I will have to remember to wear my watch as I could talk for an hour.

Thursday I do my prep day and Friday I have to be in Wichita at 7:30 for the colonoscopy. I will be so glad when it is over.

It felt good to get some frustration out tonight and have the chance to vent. I feel more grounded than I have been. I reached out to the guy that started the latest mess and I think we are good. Somehow, someway, we have got to remember how to talk to each other and stop the name calling.

Grateful the amendment proposal didn’t pass, grateful for friends that let me vent tonight, and grateful I get to see Ellexia and Jason tomorrow.

Man, life gets interesting sometimes. Late last night I got a question about my post I made about the man from Germany that has requested to be deported. The man questioning me wanted the name of the Detainee. I refused to give it to him because of confidentiality reasons. We went back and forth a couple times and then he said that I could rightly be accused of making up the story since I wouldn’t disclose the names. He wanted to do a background check on the guy to see if he was worthy of having his story told.

I responded when I transported the two from Afghanistan and India, I never did learn their names. I have the name of the father of the son from Palestine in my phone as Father Palestine and the lady from China as Lin China. I told him I didn’t need to know their story or even their names to determine they were worthy of love and a ride. He didn’t respond back to that.

Because his post was public, I decided I needed to make another post letting others know why I chose not to disclose names and if that caused them to doubt my story so be it. I also said I am taking a love stand and invited others to stand with me. Sometimes when you stand up to a bully, they back down. I haven’t heard a peep out of the guy today.

The response to that post has been a bit overwhelming for me. I received several PM, texts, emails, and lots of responses. Love will win!

Haven’t felt the best again today. I had trouble sleeping after all that last night. I took a nap this afternoon but had trouble sleeping then too.

I got the instructions for my colonoscopy prep that I have to do Thursday. There were instructions for this week too that I was to have started last Friday – oops! I will go to town tomorrow and get what I need to do the prep. I am NOT looking forward to doing it but grateful I only have to do one round on one day and not another round on a second day.

I had ordered a new purse and backpack for my trip this November. They came in today and are perfect. I love the purse I have now but the credit card part is hard to snap shut and my phone won’t fit in the purse. The new purse is about an inch longer so the phone fits easily and the credit card part zips close so the cards will be more secure. I will probably start using it all the time. The backpack is much smaller than the one I have now but it is plenty big for my iPad, a change of clothes, and some snacks. I also ordered some packing cubes. I will give them a try and see if I like using them.

When I go on a trip that I have to repack every night or every other night it gets hard to keep things sorted. Hoping the packing cubes will help with that. We shall see if I can teach this old lady a new trick!

It got hot again today. The dogs are inside today for the first time in a couple of days. They have showed no desire to return outside yet.

Tomorrow I plan on going to Emporia to pick up my prescriptions and the supplies I need for the colonoscopy prep. I could wait and get them after my presentation Wednesday but have a feeling I won’t want to stop afterwards.

Thursday I will be doing my prep so will be on a liquid diet all day. I start taking the clean out stuff late afternoon. Last time it took six hours before things quieted down. May be a long night Thursday and I have to be in Wichita by 7:30 Friday morning.

No plans for the weekend. Next week I have a lunch to go to on Tuesday and a doctor’s appointment on Wednesday. I am grateful for all this empty space time. It is giving me the space and time I need to find my center and balance. The last week has been a doozy.

Sitting wrapped in the love of my supporters and donors from Love in Action. So many nice comments of support. I truly believe love will win and will drown out the hate.

Grateful I had an empty space day today to allow me to process my feelings and emotions, grateful for the love and support of my Facebook family, and grateful the instructions for the prep came today.

I got more sleep last night than I have been getting. It has been another hard day though. I think I need to take a break from Love in Action for a bit. I feel like I have been on a roller coaster this last week and have lost my footing and grounding.

I kinda laugh because last time I said I was going to do that and completely surrendered it, I got an email from the Center and the next day I dived back in. Not expecting it to happen that fast again but I am surrendering it completely and won’t pick it back up again until I am clear about my purpose.

Haven’t done much today. I did get my thank you notes written and in the mail box. I sure wish I had mailing addresses for those that donate via VENMO so I could properly acknowledge them too.

Nothing on the calendar until Wednesday when I am doing a presentation on Love in Action in the afternoon. I do need to pick up a couple of prescriptions so might go to town tomorrow and get those. I have a few groceries I need too.

Thursday I have to do my colonoscopy prep and then Friday I have to be in Wichita at 7:30 in the morning. I trust since I only have one prep to do and not two I can make it through without issue. I still don’t know what I need to do the prep with so hoping the information will show up tomorrow so I can pick up what I need.

I really would love to find a solution to my tummy issues. The upper showed some inflammation of the stomach lining but no definite answers as to why. I was pleased that the reflux I am having hasn’t damaged the esophagus yet. I’m also grateful I don’t have an ulcer and that the pancreas isn’t my problem.

The website still isn’t opening on Apple products. The site certificate page says to give it 72 hours to fully come on-line. If it isn’t on-line by Wednesday I will have my neighbor kid fix it for me. I look forward to announcing we have a real website.

I’m grateful we raised extra funds for the pizza party as the website costs more than I expected it to. There are lots of things in the background you have to pay for I didn’t know about. Sometimes I think it is a good thing I don’t know about these things as I wouldn’t have the nerve to jump in and do them if I knew all the details in advance.

Life is a roller coaster at times. I allow myself to fully feel both the ups and the downs and I feel this week I have gotten whiplash from the extremes. Pure joy at helping a released ICE Detainee get released to pure devastation at the situation of the man from Germany who has few good choices and control over his life. Somewhere in all of this is balance. I need to regroup, reset and find that balance point.

I step in and out of acceptance of what Love in Action can and does do. I swing out of acceptance when I see the things that need to be done that are too big for Love in Action to take on. Most of that is policy issues that I can’t change. When I can zoom out and realize what we have been able to do I can find that balance point again. Today, I haven’t been able to.

Grateful I know what I need to do to find balance, grateful I can allow myself to feel the highs and the lows, and grateful I can step aside for a bit and allow balance to find me.

This has not been an easy day. Second one in a row. I think that is enough of this. Tomorrow has got to be better!

Played peek a boo with sleep all night and if I catch sleep, I didn’t stay asleep. I laid back down this morning and again this afternoon but didn’t have much more luck. I am tired and cranky tonight.

The neighbor kid came over and attempted to make the website go live. It will load on non apple products but not on apple products. When I look up what to do, I don’t understand the instructions as they use words I have no idea where to go to find what they want me to do.

He brought over a contract that I needed to sign. Have no idea what most of it says or means. He is a real professional at age 12!

I will have the kid come over tomorrow and see if he can figure it out. I am too tired and frustrated to attempt it again tonight.

Other than getting two loads of laundry washed, dried, folded and put away I haven’t done much today. One of those days where everything I went to do caused frustration. I sorted my pills for two weeks and when I pulled the tray of pills out of the cabinet four bottles of pills fell down. Rinse and repeat and that is how my day has gone.

The good news of the day is I got more donations for Love in Action today. We have several ways donors can give and I think all of them were used today. It is good to get a live test on the two new ones so I can figure out how to get to the funds. Donors have been very generous in giving lately. It is a good thing as the website is costing more than I expected. We had to purchase some sort of thing today and have no idea what it was and when it renews, etc. I don’t understand that stuff and have no real desire to learn it. Hope the neighbor kid never moves!

What a beautiful day it was today. Low humidity, 80’s temperature, and light winds. I could live somewhere when it is like this every day. Kathy worked out in the yard today. She is sore tonight.

No plans tomorrow although I hope the website gets fixed so it can be released. That will be one more thing off my list of things to do.

One of the Detainees has requested a priest so he can do confession and receive communion. That is out of my control so will write a note to the staff at the Center and ask about the protocol they have for that. I’m not allowed to deal with religious matters due to the 501()3 requirements.

I do have a couple of notes I need to send to some Pen Pals. I wrote one this morning and I was almost done with it and it disappeared. This happened one other time. I don’t know if I am doing something wrong or if the system glitches and causes that. I was too frustrated to write it all out again when it happened.

I heard from my transport that she has arrived safely in New York. If I understood her correctly she didn’t get there until today. Not sure what the story behind that is but it doesn’t matter as she is where she needs to be now and is safe. I trust she won’t encounter ICE again.

I needed to refill two prescriptions so will need to go to town sometime this week and pick those up. I have a presentation to do on Wednesday so I can get them then if I don’t make it to town before then. Friday I have my colonoscopy so will have to start prep on Thursday. I haven’t gotten the instructions yet so hoping those come by Tuesday. If not, I will have to call and get them as I don’t know what supplies I will need to do the prep.

I realized today I haven’t had two bad days back to back for a bit. I can’t believe when I was with Jim I had them most of the time. I am grateful they are rare enough that I notice when I have two back to back now. However did I live like this all the time?

I have a bunch of thank you notes I need to write. Maybe I can get those done tomorrow. The good news is both Zeffy and PayPal give me mailing addresses so I can formally acknowledge the donations. VENMO does not do that.

My peaceful valley doesn’t feel so peaceful tonight. I think most of it is sleep deprivation more than anything else. I sure wish there was a cure for my sleeping problem.

Grateful the website is almost ready to go, grateful that this too shall pass, and grateful for the break in the heat and humidity.

Not one of my better days. No energy or motivation to do anything. I could tell things were not going to be easy today so haven’t attempted much. I did take the sheets off my bed and washed them but haven’t gotten them put back on yet.

Had trouble finding sleep last night. I think I was too wired from my trip to KC. Got up this morning and did not feel well rested. Went back to bed but couldn’t sleep. Finally was able to try again and this time I got a bit of sleep. Still not feeling rested but at least not quite so tired.

Have had lots of readers of my post about the transport last night. I like to see who shared it and what is being said on those posts. For some reason, Facebook is not allowing me to see who shared the post today. Not sure if I am doing something wrong or if Facebook made some changes again. Will try again another day.

I am grateful I had nothing I had to get done today as I’m not sure I would have been able to do so. I am spoiled with all the empty space time I have and can put things off when I decide to.

I got the car titles back today. About five weeks ago I went to the Courthouse and added my trust as the beneficiary on them. It is nice to have that pending project crossed off my list of things to track.

Got the month end report for Love in Action posted. I added a quick paragraph about the transport. I decided not to include the funds for the pizza event in it as it is easier to report that once and not split it. Wish I could figure out what to leave out so it isn’t so long.

My neighbor kid got the corrections made to the Website. I think we are ready to launch. I have a couple of small things to change at some point but nothing important. I will schedule a launch day for one day next week.

Got a text from the lady I drove to KC yesterday. She had managed to get her ID and was at the airport waiting for her flight. I think she will let me know when she arrives in New York and then I will post an update to the story. How sweet of her to keep me informed.

No plans for the weekend. Hoping I have more energy tomorrow and get a few things done. I always feel better when I have a bit of a productive day and am not a slug all day long. It is to be a bit cooler so maybe I can get out and take a long walk. It has been a bit since I have done that.

Grateful my transport was able to get her ID without issue, grateful others are interested in her story, and grateful the website is ready to launch.

This day had a plot twist thrown in to keep me on my toes!

I went to Emporia and picked Ellexia up at 11:30. We went to Applebees for lunch and then went to Five Below. At least, I think that is the name of the store. I had never been there before and hadn’t heard of it. I think I need to get out more.

Ellexia picked up a few things she needed for school supplies and then we went to Walmart to get the rest of the things on her list. I picked up a bag of ice and we checked out. I use self check-out and the lady came up as I was finishing up and said did you ring in the ice? I said I did and she said she didn’t see it. I showed her the receipt and she said it’s not on there. I said yes it was and showed her. It rings in as medium bags. She said that isn’t ice. I said check the numbers. She did and sure enough it was ice. She said I am going to tell management to change the name. She didn’t apologize to me about her attitude. Geez!

I took Ellexia home and then drove home. I was just finishing up putting the ice away when the Captain from the Center called me to ask if I could do a transport today. He had an ICE Detainee from China that needed to go somewhere so she could start her journey home to New York State. Initially he said I was going to take her to the bus station at Topeka but they don’t have a ticket office there. He said he would work with her some more and I arranged to pick her up at 3:00.

I went to get her and they had discovered she didn’t have her ID with her. It is at the Department of Homeland Security Office in KCMO up by the airport. Unfortunately, it would have been closed before I could get her there today. Her niece was going to arrange for a ticket for her so she could fly home to New York. She couldn’t fly home without her ID.

Not sure where she was picked up at but she lives in New York. She had no money on her and no credit cards. I told the Captain I would take her to a hotel by the airport and the Department of Homeland Security Office and pay for her to stay the night. I would arrange with the front desk to provide transportation for her to the Office in the morning so she could get her ID and then for them to take her to the airport.

We got part way to KC and she asked me to pull over. Using Google translate she said a friend of a friend lives in KC and they were going to arrange for a hotel room for the night and then would take her in the morning to where she needed to go. So I only had to take her to a hotel in Overland Park. That made the trip much shorter.

She didn’t speak much English and I speak no Chinese so I have no idea what her story was and how she ended up staying for a couple months in Chase County. She was most appreciative of the drive. Her friend put some money in my sweater pocket and would not take it back. I tried to explain what Love in Action is all about but she either didn’t understand or wouldn’t accept that there was no charge. I took the money and will add it to the pizza party event we are hosting for the Detainees in August. Not only will we celebrate my birthday but we will also celebrate her getting released. Not many do and I think it gives the ICE Detainees at the Center hope when one does get released.

What an honor it is to get to transport the released Detainees. She was so sweet and most appreciative. For tonight, I will rest knowing one got released as so few do.

I remember thinking about all the empty space I was going to have this week. So grateful I had the space to be able to do the transport today and didn’t even have to rearrange anything on my calendar. There is a bigger plan going on behind the scenes that I need to remember to trust!

No plans for the rest of the week or the weekend. Nothing on my calendar until Wednesday. Neither Kathy nor I slept much last night so hoping we both will tonight.

What a day. Spending time with released Detainees is such an honor. They are so very appreciative of a ride. I don’t know why ICE is allowed to just kick them out and not have to pay for transportation for them back to where ever they were picked up at. Thank heavens for Captain Whitney that helps his released Detainees get home.

Grateful for the opportunity to be in service to a released detainee, grateful for a safe trip to and from KC, and grateful for time with Ellexia today.

I got lots of sleep last night. I slept the clock around. I was woken up while in a vivid dream. In the dream I was back at the house in the country and although I was home, I had hired someone to take care of the chickens. For some reason I realized they had not shown up to take care of the chickens for over five days and it was hot outside. I got up and was putting on clothes as fast as I could when I woke up. Oops. Not sure where that came from.. It got me up and out of bed and dressed…..

The neighbor kid sent over the website via email that he has been working on. I sent a page of corrections and he made them and sent it back. Found a few more corrections and sent them to him. He hasn’t sent those corrections back yet. We are close to having a website up and running for Love in Action.

Have raised half of the needed funds to do a pizza event for the Detainees for my birthday. Trusting the other half, or at least most of it, will come in before my birthday August 21. I sent a note to the Captain asking permission to do a pizza event in August. I guess I should have done that first but since we did it before I think he will agree to it.

Ellexia sent me a text and asked if we could go shopping to get the rest of her school supplies. I am picking her up at 11:30 tomorrow. We will go to lunch and then go to Walmart and get what she needs. I have a couple things I need to get for me while I am there. It will be fun to spend time with Ellexia again.

The gastro doctor’s office called me today and scheduled my colonoscopy for August 9. That is sooner than I expected it to be. I go back to the same hospital that I was at last week. It was a competent hospital so feel comfortable going back there. Not looking forward to the prep but the doctor said he only prescribes one round of prep the night before. Crossing my fingers and toes I can tolerate it and get this done.

I got the results of the biopsy back today. I don’t have what ever bacteria infection he was looking for. I do have gastropathy which is when the stomach lining is injured. I looked up the reasons that could happen and none of them seemed to fit although it can happen when you have an autoimmune condition. I have thought for some time that I have some autoimmune problem that hasn’t been diagnosis yet. We shall she what the colonoscopy shows. Maybe we can get a definite diagnosis with a treatment that will work.

I ordered a new purse and a new backpack today. I am starting to think about my trip in November and need to try something new. My current purse doesn’t fit my phone and I tend to misplace it easily. My current backpack is too big. Trying to get something to replace both of them that will make traveling easier. We shall see if I choose well.

This day went by quickly since I slept all morning. I wonder if I will find sleep tonight. I rarely do after sleeping so long but we shall see. I still don’t feel rested but I have a severe sleep deficit.

No plans for the weekend. I will post the monthly update for Love in Action Friday or Saturday. That will keep me busy answering questions and comments. Next week I am doing a presentation at a church in Emporia on Love in Action and then I will have the colonoscopy on Friday. I still have lots of empty space on my calendar.

Still sitting in my peaceful valley. I read the news and I feel like I am observing it yet I am isolated from it somehow. I think it is too hard to allow in right now. I keep telling myself – right here, right now, all is well. I’m sure the repercussions of all that is happening will unfold and come closer. My heart hurts when I think of all in the world that can’t push all the hard news away and have to be in the middle of it.

Grateful for the funds that have come in for the pizza event, grateful for positive biopsy results, and grateful I get to spend time with Ellexia tomorrow.

I only got about two hours of sleep last night. One of those nights where sleep was playing hide and seek and I wasn’t looking in the right places. I gave up around 6:00 this morning so it has been a long day.

I did two loads of laundry and got them folded and put away. I think that is my only win of the day!

I attempted a nap but could not go to sleep. Maybe tonight I will crash and sleep around the clock.

I took a check to the bank and deposited it for Love in Action. I am grateful the bank I use for that account is only two minutes from my house.

The kid that is working on my website sent me his first draft of the work he is doing. I am impressed with what he has done so far. I sent him a list of changes to make. Maybe we can get the site up and running sooner than I expected. We shall see how long it takes him to make the changes.

Have had a headache most of the day. I am pretty sure it is from lack of sleep. I took some Tylenol and that knocked it down to a quieter background headache instead of a pounding one.

Was nice to have some cooler temperatures today. We got a bit of rain overnight and some sprinkles this morning. I think it is only to be in the upper 80’s for a couple of days. That is a nice break. The dogs still spent the afternoon in the house and are not jumping for joy to go back outside tonight. They are getting old and the heat is hard on them.

No plans for tomorrow or the rest of the week. Today has felt long and nonproductive. I didn’t attempt to do much as I didn’t get much sleep and knew things would probably not be easy today. I am grateful I can take a day off when needed for my safety and the safety of those around me!

Ellexia wants me to take her to Walmart and get the rest of the school supplies she thinks she needs. I think she gets home from her trip tomorrow. She is to let me know when she wants to go shopping. We will have lunch and then take care of her list.

The full moon energy this month is intense. We are in Leo season and that energy is strong and in your face too. No wonder I couldn’t sleep last night! I miss not being able to see the moon rise and follow it across the sky during the night.

Sitting in the ebb and flow of life and aware of the moon’s pull. Add in the energy of the conflict in the Middle East and it is no wonder things are stirred up. I have started doing a releasing ceremony every night to make sure I am not holding what is not mine to carry. I have restricted myself to short periods of time to read the news and attempt to remember to make sure I am well grounded before I open the app to read the news.

I read where the administration is wanting to consolidate the immigration cases under one branch instead of the current two as a way to eliminate the number of people that are applying for asylum. There are over 3 million asylum cases in process and the government wants to cut them all off. What are we doing? I can’t wrap my head around the cruelty and fear that this will create. Why can’t we help our neighbors out?

Why ask why! It is hard some days to stay in the energy of love and find ways to remember we are all one.

Grateful for the sleep I will get tonight, grateful for the rain and cooler temperatures, and grateful love will win.

After not stopping for groceries yesterday, I came home and placed an on-line pickup order at Walmart. I went in to Emporia early afternoon to pick it up. I stopped for lunch on the way, went through the car wash, and filled my car up with gas while I was in town. Kathy helped me carry it all in when I got home.

Walmart was out of ice today. I will need to go pick up a bag later this week. With this heat, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised everyone is buying ice.

Nicole called this afternoon and we had a nice chat. I saw the other two kids yesterday so feel like I got caught up with all three now. Love when that happens.

I took a short nap this afternoon. I think the heat sapped all of my energy today. It is scary hot out there again today.

Got a note from the gastroenterologist doctor that he needs my cardiologist to clear me for the colonoscopy. I would think his clearance for the procedure I had last week would suffice but what do I know. I will send my cardiologist a message and ask him to send clearance again. Geez, this seems complicated again.

Facebook sent me a fundraiser post for my birthday that is coming up in August. I decided to attempt to raise enough money to pay for pizza for the Detainees this year. I usually throw myself a birthday party but I would rather give the Detainees pizza instead this year. I have already raised over $200. People are so incredibly generous.

No plans for the rest of the week. It is to cool down a bit starting tomorrow. I welcome the cool. I can’t believe it is almost the end of July already. Where does the time go?

I found a meme in my memories today with a quote from Mother Teresa reminding me what we resist, persists. It was this meme a year ago that led me to stop going to protests and instead do something positive to help create change in the world. I still believe that love is the answer and fighting hate with hate will not get us there. Somehow, some way we have got to stop with the labels, name calling and division and start remembering we all have more in common with each other than our differences.

Grateful the groceries are in the house and my cupboards are restocked, grateful for the generosity of my donors that are supporting the pizza idea for my birthday, and grateful for the empty space ahead this week.

Another hot, summer day. Doesn’t feel quite as hot as yesterday but it is still dangerously hot outside.

I went to Emporia mid morning and had breakfast with Jason and Michelle. I went in to buy some groceries but after breakfast I couldn’t make myself stop and get them. I didn’t feel very good after eating so came home and took a long nap. Felt much better when I woke up. Not sure what is up with that but grateful whatever it was is gone.

Was a nice treat to have breakfast with two of my kids. We don’t make that happen often enough. It makes for a great day whenever I can see one or two or all three of my kids.

Haven’t done anything else today. I don’t have much on my list of things to do except for some house cleaning. That is always available to me if the mood hits and unfortunately the mood rarely hits. When it gets to the point it bothers me, I take care of it then. My tolerance for dirt seems to have increased with my age. There will be a tipping point at some point but I haven’t seemed to reach that point yet.

Nothing is on my calendar so far for this week. I can’t remember the last time that has happened. Maybe something will come up and fill in some of the time this week. Not sure how it makes me feel to have that much empty space. Part of it allows me to take a deep breath and part of it feels overwhelming and terrifying. Trusting I can sit in the middle of that and allow it to be what it is.

Grateful for the time I had with Michelle and Jason this morning, grateful for naps that restore my body, and grateful for empty space that allows me to breathe.

This has been a weird day for me. I took a nap yesterday and slept for a couple of hours. I really didn’t expect to sleep much last night but went to sleep around 11:00 and slept until 7:00 this morning. Since I got up so early, this has felt like a very long day.

Did some paperwork. Am working on the July month end report for Love in Action. I transfered the funds that came in via VENMO to the checking account. I had to pay for 90 more emails for the Pen Pal program. Got most of the report written but am sure I will have to make some last minute adjustments if any more donations come in next week. I always try to keep the report short but haven’t succeeded at that yet. So much happens in a month!

Got two books of stamps in the mail today. We have received over 800 stamps since June. I usually have to buy about 400 stamps a month so that is about two months worth of stamps. Yay! This way I can save the donated funds for special events for the Detainees. I had bought a bunch of stamps before they went up mid July so have lots of stamps on hand right now. That is a good problem to have!

It is scary hot outside today. The dogs came in early this morning. Kathy put them back out for a bit so they could potty. When she brought them back in it took about 30 minutes for their breathing to slow down. Not fit for man or beast outside today. This heat wave is to continue till the first of next week.

The Emporia Gazette posted a heat advisory and they said the temperature was to be in the mid 100’s. That is a bit exaggerated!

No plans for tomorrow and all of next week. I will need to go to town and buy some groceries one of these days. I cleaned out my refrigerator this morning and it is almost empty. The food that was in there wasn’t edible but at least it looked like I had food to eat. Rearranged my freezer to make room for the beef that is coming soon. I’m not keeping any of it for me but I may need to store it for a bit before I can get it to where it belongs.

I have had no symptoms from the procedure yesterday. Even my throat isn’t sore. I’m grateful I recover quickly. It is a relief to know the stone in my pancreas is not dangerous and I can live with only a little over half of my pancreas. My stool test shows I have all the enzymes I need to digest food.

Sitting in my valley of peace tonight. Not much on my calendar or on my pending list of things to do. Hoping time will slow down a bit for me. This year has flown by and I am ready for it to slow down a bit. There is a richness to these empty space days that I want to soak in.

Grateful for all the stamps that have been sent, grateful my recovery was easy, and grateful for air conditioning on this hot, humid summer day.

Went to Wichita late morning for my procedure. I showed up at the wrong place. I never did receive my pre-op instructions and when the lady called to schedule it she didn’t say where I was having it. There is an out patient facility next to my doctor’s office so I assumed I was going there.

Luckily I showed up 15 minutes early and the place I needed to be at was 10 minutes away. The lady at the desk started telling me instructions but I don’t know Wichita and they meant nothing to me. Thank heavens for GPS.

We got to the place on time. I had to fill out paper work. They asked if I had any family history and gave me about two inches of space to write it. Since I was going in for tummy issues I didn’t write anything assuming they were wondering about those types of family issues.

After I did the initial paperwork someone from admissions came and I had to sign my life away. She really didn’t explain what I was signing and I didn’t ask.

We went to a different waiting room and then a nurse came out and took me back. She was efficient and got the IV on the first poke. They even put it in my right hand as I had to lay on my left side for the procedure. Usually I have to ask to have them put it in my right hand. Since I had on elastic waisted pants, I didn’t even have to take them off.

After she got me ready she went and got Kathy and brought her back. I asked the nurse to help Kathy find me and then to be sure to take her back to the waiting room as she would get lost otherwise.

We only waited for about ten minutes before they came to get me to take me to the OR. The nurse that took me back, stopped and took Kathy to the waiting room instead of just giving directions. I appreciated that.

Got to the OR and it didn’t take them long to knock me out. Man is that room cold! Next thing I knew I was in recovery.

I woke up and no one was around. A nurse finally came in and said oh, you are awake already. She went and got Kathy and brought her back.

We had to wait about 15 minutes for the doctor to show up. He told me I had some sort of trauma to my pancreas years ago. The trauma had caused a stone to form and block a duct. About 1/2 of my pancreas is dead but luckily you only need about 1/3 of it to be OK. The only trauma I can think of is way back in high school I took a basketball to my gut area. It hit hard enough it left an imprint of the ball’s ridges on my stomach. I also fell off of a horse about that same time frame. Other than that, I don’t remember any trauma to my gut.

He did say my stomach looked angry so he took some biopsy pieces of it. Everything else looked good. His office is going to call me to schedule a colonoscopy but he said it wasn’t urgent.

He also told me the stool test I had done earlier this week came back normal with my results higher than normal which means my pancreas is creating plenty of enzymes to digest my food. The pancreas is not what is causing any of my tummy issues.

After he left, I got dressed and we were out of there. We were home a little after 4:00. Way earlier than I had expected we would be.

I’ve eaten a sandwich and I think I might go lay down for a bit. Not feeling any pain except for a bit of a sore throat which they told me would happen. Overall it was an easy procedure and by tomorrow I should be good to go.

The hospital where we went was efficient, small and all the people I encountered were pleasant. Overall it was a pleasant experience and much easier than anticipated.

I will rest the rest of the day and be good to go tomorrow.

Grateful for a safe procedure, grateful for the compassionate care I received today, and grateful Kathy was able to drive me home safely.

Woke up to the sound of thunder. It was a rainy, cool morning today. Nice to have a break from the heat.

Kathy and I went to Olpe to go to the meat locker and give them cutting orders for the steer that was butchered last Friday. After that we went to the Chicken House and had lunch. Nice to have a treat after taking care of business.

Came home and I was cold. I turned on the electric blanket on my bed and laid down for a bit. Didn’t sleep much but it felt good to rest. I am hoping I can stay up late and sleep in tomorrow morning. I have to be in Wichita at 1:00 tomorrow and can’t eat or drink all morning. If I sleep it away, I won’t notice. At least, that is my plan.

I didn’t get the pre op instructions in the mail today. The lady that called to make the appointment was having trouble hearing me. She kept saying I was cutting out. I did hear her say to fast after midnight. I trust there weren’t any other important instructions. I think they would have reached out to me if there were. I signed up for their patient portal as she said they would be on there but if they are on it, I can’t find it. Wonder why every doctor seems to have a different portal? Wish they could standardize them so it would be easy.

I did find out on the portal that although I am to be at the office at 1:00, the procedure isn’t scheduled until 2:30. The schedule says they are allowing 30 minutes for it. I read on a different site that recovery will be up to 60 minutes so probably won’t get started home until after 4:00 if they are running on time. That late in the day I doubt that they are on time. We shall see. Kathy will have a long wait in the waiting room. I need to remind her to take some snacks and her water cup.

No plans for the weekend. I read on a different site that if they take a biopsy of the pancreas it may take a few days to feel OK afterwards. I don’t have any plans all next week either so will have lots of time to recover. I hope they have the stool test results to give me tomorrow. I haven’t seen anything about that test on the portal either.

Grateful I have all this empty space time. It makes recovery easier when I don’t have to push myself to take care of something. Love in Action is in a quiet time right now too. Nothing planned for it until Labor Day in September. I have till the middle of August to come up with an idea of what to do for the holiday. One of the Detainees keeps asking for pizza again. I’ll have to see how my budget is holding up and see if we can pull off doing pizza for Labor Day and then again for Thanksgiving.

I would like to get back to finishing up the website. My helper hasn’t been around this week. I will send him an email the first of next week and maybe we can finish up the site and go live with it. That is about the only pending project on my list right now.

As I wrote yesterday about the peaceful valley I am in I got to thinking about how long it has been since I have been here. It has been so long that I can’t remember the last time. It feels like I can let go, relax and surrender to the moment without thought about what is to come. Nice place to be in for however long it lasts. These peaceful valleys usually come after a period of great personal growth and integration. Not sure what that was all about but nice to settle into the openness of the peace.

Grateful for the cool, rainy day, grateful for a nap under a warm blanket, and grateful for the peaceful place I am in.

This has been a quiet, stay-at-home day. I made a quick trip to the bank downtown but other than that have stayed home. Kathy had a doctor’s appointment this morning so she was gone all morning.

I hit the bonanza in the mail today. Got a check, two books of stamps, a new Pen Pal request, and three thank you notes from Detainees for the cupcakes last week. Felt like Christmas morning.

Did some paperwork and got caught up on writing thank you notes and recording donations. Wrote a letter to one of my donors that doesn’t have Facebook. I include copies of the updates I have made so she can stay informed as to what is happening. I assigned the new Pen Pal request to their volunteer.

It is a bit cooler today than it has been. The neighbors took advantage of that and mowed our yard today. Three of them do it together and it doesn’t take them long. It is fun to watch their family work together.

Got on the new doctor in Wichita’s patient portal today. Found out my procedure Friday is at 2:30. I have to be there at 1:00 to get ready. Kathy will have a long afternoon of sitting and waiting for me. I trust her anxiety won’t get the best of her.

The doctor hasn’t posted the notes from my visit last week and the results of the stool test aren’t posted yet either. Not sure how this office works and how long it takes for those things to be posted.

Got the results of my blood results checking for cancer back. Both levels had risen but only by .5. This has happened before and the doctor is never concerned about that. They usually drop the next time. She says it can be lab error as much as anything when the difference is that small.

Tomorrow I am going to Olpe to give them cutting orders for the beef. I found out it was taken last Friday to the locker. They won’t cut it for another couple of weeks but I like to make sure they have the orders for when they do so. I will go at lunch time and have lunch at the Chicken House in Olpe. I like eating there but rarely go there.

Friday I go back to Wichita for the third time in two weeks. Yikes! That road is going to look familiar. The procedure is scheduled for 30 minutes so will probably head home around 5:00 if they are running on time. I don’t get to eat before the procedure so may need to stop and get food on the way home. Although usually after something like that, food is the last thing I want.

No plans for the weekend or next week for that matter. I will have lots of empty space for recovery in case they do a biopsy of my pancreas to see what the stone or tumor is all about. Hoping I get some good news and find some answers to my tummy issues. Maybe it is something easy to fix.

Sitting in what I call the valley of life right now. Things are slowing down and falling into place. I have very little on my to-do list and certainly nothing urgent. I don’t feel the outside pressure from anyone or anything right now. It is a nice place to be. Feels like I haven’t been here for a long time. I never know how long this little pause in life will last. I will appreciate it for however long it lasts.

Grateful for all the wonderful mail today, grateful my paperwork is caught up, and grateful to rest in this peaceful valley of life.

Not much sleep last night. One of those nights where if I could fall asleep, I wouldn’t stay asleep long or if I did I had to wake up to change the dream channel. I don’t usually dream much but they were very strong last night.

I picked up Ellexia in Emporia at 10:00 this morning. She had a friend with her so we took her friend home. We stopped and got an iced tea and then dropped off her friend. Headed for Wichita after that.

First stop was my new gastro doctor. I dropped off my stool specimen. I checked with the front desk to make sure they had gotten the fax from my cardiologist giving them his clearance for my procedure. They had and she told me scheduling would be calling me.

We then went to Chipotle and had lunch. Second day in a row for me. Must be my lucky week.

After we ate we went to Towne East Mall and shopped until we dropped. I found a suitcase that I think I will like at the first store we went to. I didn’t buy it until we were on our way back to the car so I didn’t have to drag it all over.

Ellexia knew exactly which stores she wanted to go to and where they were. I gave her a budget and off we went. She bought things in three different stores and stayed below budget! She went to five different stores and didn’t find anything else she wanted. We stopped and bought the suitcase and then headed home.

I had tummy issues today and had to keep finding a bathroom today. I hate days like this when I am out and about and the only thing I can think of is where is the closest bathroom.

While I was in a bathroom the doctor’s office called to get me on his schedule for my first procedure. He can do it this Friday at 1:00. I was shocked. I really thought it would be August and maybe even September before he could do it. I didn’t have good reception on my phone so didn’t get good instructions. They are to mail them to me. If I don’t have them by Thursday, I will call and find out if there is anything I need to do. I looked up the procedure and what is recommended as prep. Other than fasting the day of, I think I should be good to go.

I will try to find out what portal his office uses as they can send me instructions that way too. Sometimes I get lucky and can figure those things out and other times not so much.

We stopped for one last potty stop at Matfield Green and I filled the car up with gas. It was 100 degrees outside when we stopped.

I got home a little after 3:00 I picked up my mail and found someone had mailed me 43 stamps for Love in Action. It feels like Christmas around here with all the donations and stamps that are coming in.

Roy Wentz sent me a PM with a link to the story he wrote about the Detainees and the impact all the deportations are having on local Kansans. The story is published in the KLCjournal.com on-line magazine. Love in Action is mentioned several times in the article. I wish I could change a few things about what he said but over all it is a great article.

He used several quotes from the Love in Action Facebook page and provided a link to that page in the article. It will be interesting to see if we get some new members and/or donors as a result.

No plans for the next two days. I’m grateful I changed my trip with Ellexia to today. She found out she is leaving on vacation Thursday morning and couldn’t have gone that day. With another trip to Wichita for me on Friday, I’m grateful I will have two rest days before that.

The Doctor may be doing a biopsy on the stone or tumor that is blocking my pancreas duct. I read about the down time afterwards and it doesn’t sound like it is bad. I will probably need to take it easy for a day or two but I had no plans for the weekend and even all of next week so have lots of empty space to heal in.

Not sure when I might get the results of the stool sample. Maybe he will talk to me Friday about them. I sure hope all of this leads to some answers and changes I can make to solve my tummy issues. It is becoming a quality of life issue and not a fun one! There is more to life than knowing where the closest bathroom is.

Kathy has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. I don’t think she wants me to go with her but she may change her mind. She has been making a list of things to address with the doctor. I trust he will listen to her and help her find some solutions to her issues. Not sure why it seems to be hard to get to the root of medical problems these days. It feels more like they treat symptoms and not the real cause.

This has been a good day. I love spending time with Ellexia. She was fun and easy to be with today. I was impressed she didn’t buy something she really didn’t want just to spend all her budget. I was a bit gobsmacked that the doctor can do the procedure this week. I am cautiously optimistic that a solution can be found to some of my tummy issues.

Grateful for the time I got with Ellexia today, grateful the doctor can do the procedure this week and grateful for reporters that ask good questions and write independent stories about what is happening in this world.

I was out of the house and on my way to Topeka at 9:30 this morning. I had to stop and fill my car with gas and then I hit the Turnpike. I got to the ultrasound place at 10:45. I checked in and then went to the restroom. When I came back to the waiting room the lady that did the ultrasound was waiting for me.

She took me back and did her thing. I was out of the office before 11:00. I then went to a doctor’s office for a blood draw. It was a ten minute drive from the ultrasound place. I went in and registered and after a short wait they called me back. They had a student there and she asked permission to draw my blood. She did great but she needed three tubes and the vein stopped giving after two. She poked the other arm but missed the vein. Her teacher took over and dug around for a bit and got it in. They got the third tube full and I was done.

I went to lunch at Chipotle. There was no line and I got what I wanted, ate and then came home. I was home a little after 1:00.

I took a short nap this afternoon. I came home exhausted.

Tomorrow Ellexia and I are going to Wichita tomorrow. I need to drop off the stool sample and then we are going shopping. Not sure how long I will last but hopefully we can get through her list of things she wants. It will be fun to spend the day with her.

Thankfully I will have a few quiet days the rest of the week.

I got part of the blood work back and my TSH level was .7. That is a bit low but not dangerously so. I doubt that they change my medication. It tends to bounce around a bit. I prefer when my level is a bit low than too high. The rest of the blood work is the cancer level check and takes several days to come back.

Last night I made a loaf of banana bread. The house sure smelled delicious while it was baking. It turned out good. I hadn’t made it for a long time. I had three bananas that were too ripe to eat so turned them into bread.

I had sent a note to my Cardiologist about needing his approval before the Gastrointestinal doctor could schedule the test he wants to do. His office sent me a message back today saying they faxed his approval. I should hear from the Gastrointestinal doctor’s office tomorrow about a date for the test. I will check while I am there to make sure they got the fax.

Sitting in a quiet valley right now. Not much on my pending list of things to do. I am hoping life will feel like it is slowing down a bit for me. The first half of this year has flown by and I am ready for some slow down time. I need to make sure all parts of me are on the same timeline and that will take some slow, quiet time to make that happen.

Grateful for a safe trip to and from Topeka today, grateful my TSH levels are OK, and grateful for student blood suckers!

This has been a quiet, stay-at-home day. I did manage to fix a tuna and noodle casserole for lunch. It is a good day when I fix something homemade for lunch.

Got a note from one of the Detainees thanking Love in Action for the pop and popcorn. He also called out Heather, who is the person inside that hands things out. I appreciated him naming her and sent her a copy of the email adding my thanks. Nothing we do at the Center would be possible without the help of the Staff that do the work to make it happen.

We got some light sprinkles this afternoon. I hadn’t checked the weather so was surprised to see it raining. I don’t think the temperature dropped much though.

A lady stopped and picked up the extra toner I had for my old copy machine. She didn’t take the new drum as she said it wouldn’t fit her machine. Grateful at least the toner found a home. I threw away the old machine.

I collected my stool sample today. I hadn’t read the instructions carefully enough and thought I could freeze it and take it Thursday when Ellexia and I had planned to go to Wichita. After I was done, I read the instructions again and discovered they had to have it within 72 hours of collection. I changed our day to go to Wichita from Thursday to Tuesday so I can be in that time frame.

I go to Topeka tomorrow for a throat ultrasound. I wanted a rest day or two in between trips to Topeka and Wichita but kinda blew that. Oh well, I will have the rest of the week after Tuesday to rest.

I am due for a blood draw too so after my ultrasound will go to the clinic in Topeka and get the blood draw taken care of. I will stop and have lunch and then come home. Since I am shopping Tuesday I don’t need to stop for anything else Monday.

It will be fun to spend the day with Ellexia Tuesday. She is so grown up and she knows what she wants when we shop. The day will go by quickly and we will have tales to tell.

Love in Action should quiet down again for a bit. I don’t have any more special events planned until Labor Day and I’m not sure what we are doing for that day. It seems a long ways away and I won’t think about it for about a month. Things have been a bit busy lately with it so grateful it will slow down for a bit.

The man from Germany has chosen to be deported. He is afraid for his life to stay in the US with the recent ICE murders. Germany does a good job of taking care of its citizens that return and he needs a fresh start. It will be hard for him to leave his son behind but maybe someday that can be changed.

I do want to get the new website up and running soon. I should hear back from the Captain about his preferences regarding the information I want to put on the site. Once I hear from him, we can finish up the site and go live.

Time for the long, quiet, hot days of summer to slow things down for me. For some reason today the world energy feels calmer to me than it has been. Doesn’t make sense as the war seems to be escalating but something switched again. Maybe we reached the tipping point and things are swinging back the other way. Sometimes the physical evidence of that is slow to show up.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful Ellexia can change from Thursday to Tuesday for our outing, and grateful for what rain we did get today.

This has been mostly a quiet, stay-at-home day. Haven’t gotten much done. It is hot as can be outside. Not fit for man or beast.

The new printer I ordered came in today. It gave me a run for my money to get it up and running but I persisted and did it! Man, I wish they would have someone that doesn’t speak computer proof their directions and translate them into plain speak. The new paper tray isn’t as deep as the old one I had. I don’t print that much these days so don’t think it will be an issue. The new printer’s copies are sure darker and easier to read. The old printer is over six years old so I think I got my money out of it. Those things have a planned obsolete timing to them. I’m surprised it lasted as long as it did.

I listed on Chase County Cares and Shares my old printer. It has a brand new drum and toner in it plus I have an extra toner. Someone responded and they are coming to pick it up tomorrow. Grateful someone can use the parts and they won’t go to the dump. Not sure if they will take the old printer or not. Either way, the good stuff will get used.

I had a bacon and tomato sandwich for an early lunch. It was good but I could feel the tomato burning my tummy all the way down. I sure like fresh, garden tomatoes but my tummy does not. I also had two ears of fresh corn on the cob today. I don’t like eating it off the cob but man is it good. Garden produce at its best!

I went to the Dollar General and got a bag of ice and some more distilled water. Found a basket that will work for the blankets in my living room. I had them piled behind my chair and wanted to do something better with them. I might look for a nicer basket another day but this one will do until then. Not worth going shopping for a better one.

Got word from one of the Pen Pals that he decided to voluntarily sign his deportation papers. He is afraid, even if he does manage to get released, that he will be murdered by ICE. I don’t blame him. I did some research about Germany and how they are accepting the deportees and man are they doing it right. They have offices in all the major airports that accept the deportees and help them get to a shelter, get the proper paperwork, etc.

This guy has a home life that is anything but stable and he wasn’t sure it was a safe place to return to if he got released. Since he was going to have to start over anyways, he decided to go back to Germany and start over there. Sounds like they will help and support him more than the US will.

People are being forced to make decisions that no one should have to make these days. Why oh why are so many in the US afraid of people that don’t look like us? Not that long ago, our ancestors were immigrants. I just can’t wrap my brain around the hate and fear that is so strong in this country right now.

Did some work on the numbers for Love in Action today. We have raised over $19,000 in our first year of service. That doesn’t include all the goods that were shipped directly to the Center or ordered through the Amazon gift registry. Wow! That is impressive! Wonder what our second year will bring?

Feeling a bit restless today. Kathy has been restless today too. Too hot to get out and walk it off. And this too shall pass.

Grateful for the Pen Pal program and the ability to be a listening ear to the Detainees, grateful to Germany for welcoming the Detainees, and grateful I was able to get the printer up and running.

This has been one of those days. I finally told Kathy I wasn’t going to try doing anything else today as I will just mess it up. It was one of those days where everything I touched fell to the ground, broke, or scattered to the wind. Momma said there would be days like this!

I got caught up on my thank you notes. I got another donation in the mail today and managed to write a note to them and get the check to the bank. I mailed six thank you notes today.

Got a letter from a Pen Pal offering anniversary thank you’s. Her letter was very sweet. She attached two drawings she had made and had her bunk mates sign. In her letter she gave me her husband’s name and phone number and said she wanted us to reach out to him. He wants to do a fundraiser for Love in Action. Her Pen PAL is going to reach out to him. I suggested a stamp drive. How heart warming it is to get letters like this. Being able to write home means a lot to the Detainees.

I have four loads of laundry washed and dried. Next up is folding it and putting it away. It includes the sheets off my bed so will have to get it done today!

I went at 11:00 this morning and met a farmer that had a truck load of fresh corn on the cob as well as some tomatoes. I’m glad I got there at 11:00 because I think he was out of them by 11:15. I got a dozen ears and five tomatoes. Went and picked up some bacon and will enjoy a BLT tomorrow. Tomatoes do not agree with my picky tummy but I will eat at least one of them and tell my tummy to get over itself.

I got a letter from the doctor’s office I was at Tuesday. They are waiting for a clearance from my cardiologist before they can schedule the test. I will call the cardiologist office Monday and see if they have sent the clearance letter.

Got another six pack of Coke and took it to the Detention Center. I had taken 174 of them but they are very over crowded right now and needed one more 6 pack. Now they have 180 Cokes and 180 bags of popcorn for Sunday. Hoping that will do.

Sent the Captain an email letting him know about what I am doing with the new website for Love in Action. I shall give him a week to respond and will proceed if I don’t hear back from him. I know he was out on vacation this week. I want to add information to the website that lets family members know how to put money in commissary accounts, how to schedule a zoom meeting and how to send an email. I hope the Captain approves of this idea.

I went to the Courthouse and voted this afternoon. I made up my mind on the one race I was debating about and decided to get it done so I won’t forget.

A dental hygienist student got hold of me yesterday and scheduled a cleaning for September. Each year my name is passed along to the next year’s students. I’m grateful she called and got me on her books. She is getting to it and getting her books filled before school starts. Good for her!

No plans for Saturday or Sunday. Monday I am going to Topeka. Ellexia and I are going to Wichita Thursday. I will drop off the stool sample and then we are going to have lunch and shop till we drop. That won’t take long for me! Ellexia wants some school clothes and supplies.

I don’t like hard days like today. Everything I did seemed to be a struggle in someway. I’m ever so grateful I don’t have days like this everyday! Maybe I have them so I will appreciate the easy days more.

Grateful for the privilege of voting with no line, grateful for the letter from a Pen Pal, and grateful for fresh corn on the cob and fresh garden tomatoes.

It was not a night for easy sleep last night. Slept really good for about an hour and then was up and down for the next six hours. Finally took something and slept all morning.

Kathy and I headed into Emporia around 12:30. We picked up Ellexia and I dropped off some peaches for Michelle. We met Jason for lunch at Bobby D’s.

After lunch, Kathy, Ellexia and I went to Walmart where we purchased 29 six packs of Coke. They helped me load it all in my car and then we dropped off Ellexia and came home.

I had forgotten to put the bags of popcorn in my car so came home and got those and then Kathy and I went to the Detention Center with a car full of goodies. Our timing was perfect as the two people I needed to see were outside.

They called for help and it only took a couple minutes to get the car unloaded. I’m grateful I had gotten extras as they currently are overflowing with Detainees. They have a population of 170 today. Usually they have 148.

I may need to take one more 6 pack of Coke to them as we try to gift the staff that is on duty a treat too. They will chill the Coke and then serve it and the popcorn at halftime of the World Cup game Sunday.

I came home exhausted. I think I have a drug hang over from the pills I took during the night. I don’t want to take a nap this late though as it will continue the cycle I am in of not falling asleep until 2 or 3 in the morning.

No plans for the rest of the weekend. I thought today was Friday so am struggling to figure the time thing out today.

Monday I go to Topeka for an Ultrasound and then the rest of the week is full of empty space.

Still haven’t heard from the Doctor’s office I went to Tuesday about scheduling the test he wants me to have. Maybe I should call them tomorrow? Not sure how their office works. I would like to get the stool test completed though so will probably take a trip to Wichita one day next week to drop off the sample. At this rate I may not get the test done until September or later.

I had purchased 10 rolls of stamps earlier this month before the cost of stamps goes up. My cash reserves is getting low again as we have done four special events in the last several weeks. Maybe by the time Labor Day rolls around, my reserves will be built back up again. We have enough to do one and maybe two more special events before I will have to raise funds again. We should be set for stamps for a while with what has come in through the stamp drive and the 10 rolls I purchased. I got 100 more stamps in the mail today.

No word yet on the exercise equipment. Who ever they ordered it from is running behind.

We have some little white flowers on the spider plant we have. I have never seen it bloom before.

This has felt like a bit of roller coaster week to me. Saturday was a high during the party but fell off the cliff with the UTI. Got the note from the Detainee about his justified fear which gutted me and then I dropped off the Coke and popcorn which is a high. Guess that is a snap shot of life though. Some days it can be hard to stay steady through all of the ride.

Grateful for the Staff at the Center that will pass out the Coke and Popcorn Sunday, grateful to have lunch with Jason, Ellexia, and Kathy, and grateful I have some down time ahead of me.

Where does time go. Can’t believe it is the middle of July already. Yet July 4th seems months ago. Time and I are not connected well these days.

It has been a quiet day at home. Have done a bit of housecleaning today. Figured out a solution to a problem I have in the living room. Need to get something that will fix it. Took a few things out of the room and took something’s to the shed.

Got an email from one of the Detainees that hurt my heart today. I am going to add it here so I will have record of it in case Facebook goes down.

“ICE is yet again in the News killing 2 innocent human beings in 2 different states. I’m actually afraid of my life remaining in this country because ICE may walk in here with guns oneday and just shoot us for no reason like they have done in the past and very recently. Due to my fear being murdered by ICE I will tell the Judge at my next hearing that I need to be deported ASAP. Where I will have freedom and won’t fear ICE the police any goverment agency won’t randomly lock me up and treat me like an animal and/or won’t murder me for no reason. They are murdering innocent people and then they mentioned in the news that the ICE officers who murdered a innocent person will get re-trained. Being able to murder someone and their employer the goverment saying they will be re-trained is very disgusting. Many and myself will never be able to have freedom and justice in this country. Innocent until proven guilty doesnt exist for us because we aren’t allowed to fight our pending charges. I cannot continue living in a country where the goverment abuses and tortures and kills their residents.”

This was my response on the page: “From one of our Pen Pals. Please remember we are bearing witness to their stories. May their pain and fear be heard in your heart. Those who choose, even on a small scale, to love in the midst of hatred and fear are the people who offer true hope to our world.”

Man, how difficult and challenging these days are for our undocumented friends. They can’t catch a break. Their path to citizenship is being taken away from them, if it hasn’t already. They are stuck in detention with no hearings or possibility of bonding out. Once released they will worry about being shot. Yet for some of them, going back home to their home country is even more dangerous. What are they to do?

Luckily the man that wrote the above note has a safe country to go to. I did some research for him and discovered the churches in his country are stepping up big time and even have spaces in all the major airports to welcome these immigrants back into the country and help them find safe shelter, paperwork, jobs, etc. Man, can you imagine if US could do that?

Tomorrow I am picking up Ellexia at 1:00 and then we are meeting Jason for lunch. Kathy may come with us too. After lunch I will go to Walmart and pick up the Coke for the World Cup Final Event at the Detention Center Sunday. We will drop it off at the Center on our way home. I have some peaches to share with Michelle that I will take to town and I need to pick up a few groceries while I am getting the Cokes.

No plans for the weekend. Monday I have to go to Topeka for an ultrasound. Trying to think of something else to do while I am there but can’t think of anything yet. I just am not a shopper unless I have a specific thing to track down.

The rest of next week after Monday is empty space. I have a few things on my list to take care of but not much.

I didn’t hear today from the doctor’s office I went to yesterday to schedule my test. Wonder how long it will take them to call and then how long out the test will be. Things don’t happen very urgently these days. If the test is a couple weeks out, I will have to drive to Wichita one day next week and drop off a stool sample.

Sitting with some unease tonight. It started after I got the Pen Pal note. I am allowing my feelings to be stirred up so I can honor them and then release them. Not always an easy process though. My brain has been trying to tell me all day I am not doing enough to help them. I know what I am doing is important work and is helpful to some. The greater need is so big I don’t know what else to do.

If I remember, I will go up and vote tomorrow as early voting has opened. Still trying to decide on one of my votes which way to go. I will allow my intuition to guide me when I vote if I don’t decide before then.

Grateful for what cleaning I got done today, grateful for the Pen PAL program that gives the Detainees a place to vent, and grateful for all that read the posts and bear witness to their stories.

I was up early and on the road by 7:40 this morning. I had a doctor’s appointment in Wichita at 9:20 and they requested I come 30 minutes early to fill out paperwork.

I got there in good time and filled out 12 pages of paperwork. Geez! I wonder if anyone even reads it.

The nurse that checked me in was friendly and efficient. She spent lots of time entering things on the computer, took my vitals and then left.

This was my first visit to meet this Doctor. He is young and I liked the way he listened and asked questions. I didn’t like when he said several times why did you do that when I was telling him I did what a doctor told me to do. I don’t know, why don’t you call the doctor and ask why they said to do that!

He thinks my pancreas problems may have been caused by Covid. He said he is seeing lots of new patients that have similar problems now. The tail of my pancreas is atrophied and he said that is usually from a block in the duct. The CT scan shows I have a stone in the duct but the MRI didn’t confirm that. He wants to do a test where he sends a camera down my throat far enough so he can visualize the pancreas. If needed, he will take a biopsy of the stone or tumor or whatever is causing the duct blockage. Not sure when that is going to happen as they haven’t called me to schedule it yet.

When that test is done and whatever we need to do to fix that problem, then he wants to schedule a colonoscopy. When I told him I got into trouble last one he said why did they have you do a two day prep. I told him to call the doctor and ask him I just was doing what I was told to do. His prep is different and he allows the patient to determine if they need round two or not based on the results they are getting.

I asked about doing both at the same time but he discouraged it. He said if he has to take a biopsy that doing the colonoscopy afterwards would increase the risk of complications. I agreed to wait on the colonoscopy.

I told him about the reaction my stomach sometimes does to me after eating a meal. I try not to eat till I am full but two or three hours after I eat I feel overfull and it can take up to eight hours for that to pass. I struggle to even drink water when it happens. He thinks the pancreas is not producing the proper enzymes to break down the food. I have to take him a stool sample and he will test for it. He said it is an easy fix with medication. Not sure when I will take the stool back to him. If they schedule the other test soon I will wait and take it when I go for that. If it is a month or so out, I will have to make a trip to Wichita to deliver a specimen sooner. It is exciting to think that issue can be solved easily.

Overall I liked the doctor and found his staff to be competent. We shall see how far out he is booked and how quickly he can do this procedure.

After I was done at his office I went to Costco and manage to find things I didn’t know I needed plus got the couple things I did need. They were not busy today so it was a good time to go.

I then went to Chipotle and had lunch and then came home. I got home around 12:30. Kathy helped me get the car unloaded and I managed to get things put away.

When I got home, the neighbors were here mowing. I had a nice chat with the man of the house. I had met him before but hadn’t taken time to chat with him. I so appreciate them mowing for us.

I haven’t done much this afternoon. I wanted to take a nap but decided not to. Hoping I can sleep tonight and then get up tomorrow and get some things done around here. The level of lack of cleanliness is starting to bother me and it is time to clean.

My printer froze up today. It tells me I have a paper jam and I don’t. I did all the troubleshooting things several videos told me to try and no luck. The printer is over six years old so thinking it is into its planned obsolete thing that electronics seem to enter. I ordered a new one that will be here Monday. If anyone knows about these things and wants it to try to unstick it, you are welcome to it. Wouldn’t you know I just put a new toner and drum in it. How do they time there things to blow up when you spend money to put new guts in them?

Thursday I need to go to Emporia and get Coke’s for the Detainees for their World Cup treat. I am to drop off the Coke and Popcorn Thursday afternoon at the Center. I will check with Jason and see if he is free for lunch that day and make the trip to town more fun. I probably need to get some groceries while I am at Walmart picking up the Cokes.

No plans for the weekend. Next Monday I have to go to Topeka for an Ultrasound. It is my normal six month thyroid check up time. I think I go to annually after this next appointment as I am almost ten years out from having cancer. I had my thyroid removed in 2017. How is that almost 10 years ago? That time thing gets me sometimes. The chances of a reoccurrence after 10 years is 1%. I like my chances at this point of staying cancer free.

Geez, if it wasn’t for doctor’s appointments I might not have to leave the house much. I have several trips to Wichita coming up whenever they get scheduled. I have two trips to Topeka sometime in August for other doctor appointments there.

Got another nice donation for Love in Action today. These donations always motivate me to continue to find ways to support the Detainees. After the World Cup treats we don’t have anything else special planned. I will come up with something for Labor Day and then start thinking about the fall and winter holidays and see what we can do for them then. It will be nice when the piece of exercise equipment comes in and I pay our share of that. Still not sure how much that will be so it is hard to budget until that number gets plugged in. I’m still expecting it to arrive any day.

Feeling a bit optimistic that maybe some of my health challenges will finally get resolved. It is interesting to me how the two different gut doctors choose different approaches to my problems. I like figuring out the pancreas first as that seems to be the more pressing of my concerns. Trusting this doctor will actually follow-up and do what he says he will do. I never have heard back from the other office about the results of the MRI I had done in May or to reschedule the colonoscopy.

Grateful for a new doctor that appears to be competent, grateful for a safe trip to and from Wichita, and grateful for my neighbors that mowed our yard today.

This has been a quiet, stay at home day. I did take a deposit to the bank and dropped off a few more thank you notes at the post office but other than that I have stayed home. Managed to get two loads of laundry washed, folded and put away. I will call that my win of the day.

The popcorn I ordered from Costco for the Detainees World Cup event came in today. I will go to Emporia later this week and pick up the Coke and then deliver all of it to the Detention Center either Friday or Saturday. They will get the Cokes chilled and be ready to serve it during the World Cup finals on Sunday.

Did a bit of paperwork today. Wrote a few more thank you notes, filled out a form I need to take and get notarized either tomorrow afternoon or Wednesday, and caught the Love in Action books up. I wrote out somethings that the guy putting together my website needs.

I looked up the song that Elexa Dawson sang Saturday at the party. The song moved me and I wanted to learn more about it. It was written by Woody Guthrie about a plane crash of Detainees back in 1948. The press referred to the Detainees that were killed as Detainees and did not name them. They were all placed in a mass grave without any individual attention.

The guy I found on YouTube told the history of what happened and how some people came together to identify the crash victims and place markers for each of them at the cemetery. The song tells how the workers were treated.

I posted a link to the story and song on my Facebook page. Worth listening to. I guess things haven’t changed much since 1948 and what is happening now to the Detainees is not new. When will we learn?

Had a request from a Pen Pal that I had to refuse today. He needed some help writing and mailing some legal documents. Love in Action has committed to not get involved in legal affairs. What would happen if I didn’t understand what he was saying and typed the wrong thing and his motion was denied as a result? Hard to say no but I can’t be responsible for legal matters when I have no idea what I am doing. Dang, this can be hard sometimes.

Tomorrow I have to be on the road to Wichita by 7:35 so I can be at the doctor’s office by 8:45. I have to fill out paperwork when I get there. My appointment is at 9:20. It shall be interesting to see what he has to say and recommend. I trust he is a good listener and will hear my concerns and actually take them into consideration. Not all doctors will do that.

Plan on stopping at Costco afterwards. I have a short list of things I need but am sure I will find other things I forgot I needed while I am there. If I time things right, I will have lunch at Chipotle but if I don’t take lots of time at the Doctor’s office, I may not be able to stop. I won’t hang around and wait till they open.

No plans for the rest of the week other than picking up the Coke and delivering things to the Center. Maybe I will get around to doing the housework that I need to do.

It is becoming increasingly harder for me to read the news again. Wow, one could quickly fall down the rabbit hole reading the news right now. Fear mongering is rising to a feverish peek. I need to step away from it for a few days and make sure I am well grounded in love. Falling into the muck pond and not adding love to the world right now is not where I want to be.

The antibiotics are working and I am feeling better. My kidney area is still tender but they are not shooting pain off and on like there were before. The culture grew multi flora and nothing specific or particularly harmful so that was good news. I have two more days of pills to take and then I will have my urine checked again to make sure it is clean.

Grateful the antibiotics seem to be working, grateful I got some paperwork done today, and grateful for songs that tell our history.

This has been a rest and recovery day. I had trouble finding sleep last night. I think I was too tired to sleep! Things broke loose inside and I peed about every 30 minutes for three hours. That can interrupt sleep too!

Woke up feeling better than I have for a bit. Even had a bit of energy to get the rest of the car unloaded, dishes washed and everything put away from yesterday. Got a few thank you notes written and have several more to write. Having trouble finding words for a couple of them.

My neighbor’s son came over today. We had talked yesterday about him helping create a website for me. I hadn’t planned on getting going on it this quick but he was here and ready to go. We had a conversation and then he got on my desktop and we figured out a domain, etc. Have no idea what any of that means but I have a website now. I chose Chasecountydetainees.com as the website as I want detainees families to find it when they are searching about the Chase County Detention Center. Love in Action will be featured within the site.

We talked about what I wanted on the site and he went home. About an hour later he came back over and showed me the site. We still have some copy to write and I need to let the Detention Center know what I am doing and then we can go live.

Man, that was easy. He is 12 or 13 years old! I told Kathy he saved me many cuss words and throwing things. He asked me if I wanted the code to get into the website to edit it and I said it would do me no good. He is even creating a logo and banner!

He is to track how many hours he is spending and then I will pay him. We didn’t finalize how much per hour I will pay him. Have no idea what is fair but will let my intuition guide me. He will keep the site updated as needed. How easy is that?

One of the ladies that was at the party yesterday had taken pictures of the thank you displays that the Detainees had made. She blurred out names for privacy and then she posted the giant cards to the Love in Action site. I’m glad we have a permanent record of them. They are special and I am so grateful for them.

I made a peach cobbler using some of the peaches I got Friday. It is yummy! One of my all time favorites, especially when I eat it warm with some ice cream. Yes, I ate that today!

For the most part I am feeling better. Still have some tenderness in the kidney area but I think it is better. I have drank lots today and the burning feeling and heaviness in my bladder is gone. I think the antibiotics are doing the trick. Someone should call me tomorrow with the culture results. We shall see if they need to do anything different after those results come in.

No plans for tomorrow. I need to finish up my thank-you notes and go to the bank to deposit some checks from yesterday. I need to mop the kitchen floor – I will see if I get that done tonight or if it will wait till tomorrow.

Tuesday I have to be at the Doctor’s office in Wichita by 8:50. That will make an earlier than normal morning for me. I hope I have the energy to stop at Costco when I am done. Costco is close to the office so won’t have to drive across town out of my way to stop. It will be interesting to see what this doctor recommends and how long it will take to do whatever is needed. Not expecting many answers Tuesday.

The rest of the week is empty space. One day I will need to go get groceries. I want to share some peaches with Michelle so might run those in to her tomorrow. I’ve been trying to hook up with Ellexia every other week or so for lunch so will try to do that this week. Her social calendar is much fuller than mine and it can be hard to find time she is free.

Still basking in the glow the event yesterday gave me. So much support and love was shown to me. I trust those that came felt the same love back to them.

Have lots of empty space coming up. With the event behind me now, I don’t have lots on my plate. Trying to decide what to do with all this empty space. Days seem to pass quickly even when I don’t plan anything.

Grateful for a new website in progress, grateful everything got put away from yesterday, and grateful I am feeling better.

I got up and got going this morning around 8:00. I got the iced tea made and the car loaded for the day. Stopped and picked up some ice and then headed up to the Old School.

Met the person that rents the place out and signed the papers and was given instructions on how to lock up, etc. The lady generously gave Love in Action a donation. Nice way to start the day.

Kathy and I got the car unloaded and set up the room where we had the party. We were done with lots of time left to spare. Guests started arriving around 11:15 and there was a steady flow for a bit. We ended up with around 25 – 30 people.

I got nervous when the food hadn’t showed up by 11:40 as it was to have been there at 11:30. I called to check on it and was told they were on their way. They got there around 11:45. Everything was as ordered and delicious as always.

We didn’t get started eating until 12:20. I had everyone fill their plates and then while they were eating I did my presentation of our history. Several questions were asked and the audience was very attentive and interested.

The Lieutenant from the Center came bearing gifts. She had the Detainees write on two different poster boards words of appreciation for Love in Action. One of the Detainees wrote “The best jail experience I’ve ever had. Thank you.” We all had to smile at that one – bet there is a fascinating story behind that comment. The other comments were touching.

After I was done talking we served cake and ice cream while Elexa set up. She entertained up with her beautiful music and soul until 2:00. I was moved to tears a couple times during her music.

Two dear friends stayed and helped us clean up and get my car loaded back up. I so appreciated their help. I was running on fumes by then.

We got home and only unloaded the food items. The rest can wait till tomorrow. We had lots of food left over. I sent a text to a friend that has lots of extra company here and to my delight she agreed to come over and take the remaining leftovers home. Kathy and I each got what we wanted and I was done with the rest of it. Now it won’t go to waste.

I woke up with blood in my urine again today. I did my best to drink as much as I could possibly get down. I felt a bit nauseous and wasn’t able to eat anything today. I still had some blood showing when I got home today so went to Urgent Care. My kidney area is very tender as is my abdomen.

I had the best ever experience with the PA that saw me and the nurse that helped. I told the PA when I left she is better than the doctors in the ER and I wish she could be my regular physician.

I have “dirty’ urine. They are running cultures and will call when they get any results. We had a long discussion about how to treat me. My drug allergies and my C-Diff history make taking antibiotics complicated for me. She is treating me for a UTI infection but I may have some kidney involvement. She played it conservative with my approval. If I start running a temperature or have increased pain I am to return ASAP. Not sure what they will be able to prescribe but we may have to risk the side effects if I do have a kidney infection.

Went to Walmart to pick up the scripts she sent in. She gave me a five day dose of the antibiotic that is used to treat C-Diff as a preventative measure. The first sign of diarrhea I am also to return.

Hoping this antibiotic and lots of fluids will do the trick and it won’t progress any further.

I had my breath taken away a couple times today. The lady that made the patches she sold as a fundraiser for Love in Action brought me a quilt she had made. The note she put with it and the work that went into the quilt is beyond amazing. I shall treasure the quilt and the note forever. I rarely get caught off guard with a surprise but that one got me today.

The Lieutenant that came today also spoke for a bit to thank the donors for the work that is being done within the jail by Love in Action. She shared how the mood of the Center has been changed because of Love in Action and how their job is easier and safer. She and the Sergeant that hands out the cards to the Detainees gave me a gift and a card. That took my breath away too.

Elexa’s first song she sang reduced me to tears and took my breath away. I don’t know the name of the song but it is about Detainees being deported without anyone naming their names. It so stated what is happening in the US these days and moved me deeply.

Seeing the friends I have show up and be present today took my breath away too. They have been with me supporting this program from the very beginning and their support means the world to me. One of the couples called me this afternoon and shared their positive thoughts about the day. I get to take all the credit when it is the donors that make it all possible.

There were four donors that came from all over the state. Three of them I had never met before. I so appreciate them taking the time to make the drive and effort to attend.

What a roller coaster of a day. I am grateful for all that came today and how each person added to the event. I am grateful that I had a wonderful PA this evening and have meds to help.

I’m sure more will come to me when I have had a day or two to process the day. It was one of the best days I have had in a long time and the love and support of old and new friends made it special.

Grateful for Urgent Care and very competent care from a PA that really heard me, grateful for today and all the breath stopping moments that happened, and grateful tomorrow is a rest day.

I left for town a little after 9:00 this morning. I stopped and got a case of CO peaches – one of my favorites! Filled the car with gas and then went to pick up the cake and cupcakes.

They had the cupcakes in a cart already and a lady pushed them out and another lady brought out the cake. They took them to my car and loaded me up. That was easy!

Stopped by the Detention Center on my way home and dropped off the cupcakes. There was a table in the lobby and I loaded up the table with the 13 dozen cupcakes, one dozen gluten-free cupcakes and two dozen sugar-free cookies.

Came home and started loading my car up with the things I need for tomorrow. I brought the cake inside so it wouldn’t melt in the heat of the day. Tomorrow I will put it in the car along with the ice cream cups and iced tea. I will stop and get several bags of ice and then go to the Old School and get everything unloaded and set up. A few friends are coming early so we should be all set up and ready to go by noon.

Had a moment of panic today about how much food I ordered. Man I would hate to not have enough but I don’t want way too much either. People do not RSVP these days. I have run Love in Action on intuition and I picked a number based on that. I will trust that is good enough.

A friend dropped by this afternoon for a brief chat. I got us into a sticky, icky mess and we needed to chat. She was most gracious and helped me see another point of view.

I need to learn to stick to what direction my intuition leads me and not try to solve others issues. That gets me into messes every time. That isn’t what I am being called to do right now. I am to share and bear witness. That is enough! Reminder to self. That is enough!

Got two notes already from our Pen Pals thanking us for the cupcakes. It is sweet of the Detainees to take the time to let us know they appreciate our efforts.

I will free up lots of brain space after the event tomorrow. It has taken up space for the last month. After my doctor’s appointment in Wichita Tuesday, I don’t have much on my calendar for the rest of the month. I have to go to Topeka for an ultrasound one day the following week but other than that the month is full of empty space. I do have a new project I want to attempt to get up and running for Love in Action. We shall see if I can pull that off. They seem to take way longer than I think they should if I can even get permission to proceed.

Trusting I will get a good night’s sleep tonight. Last time I did an event I didn’t sleep at all the night before and was running on empty during the whole event. I got through it but don’t remember much of it. Somehow some way, I need to make my peace with sleep and figure out how to find it when I need it.

Excited to meet some donors tomorrow. I know of a few that are coming that I haven’t met before. It is a good thing to connect personally with them and to be able to thank them for their support. I still am amazed perfect strangers trust me with their funds.

Grateful the cupcakes were delivered and enjoyed by the Detainees, grateful the car is loaded and ready to go, and grateful for all that show up tomorrow.

This has been a quiet day. I did go out to lunch after I deposited a check at the bank. Other than that, I have stayed home and enjoyed the quiet. Our neighbors are having a big metal shop built and the workers have played loud music. I will be happy when they get done.

I got 60 stamps and a check for $50 for Love in Action in the mail today. Always a good day when donations come in. I also got another request from a Detainee that wants a Pen Pal. This Detainee is being held for the US Marshall Service on a drug charge.

I think I am ready for Saturday. I have everything stacked up and ready to load into the car Saturday morning. Tomorrow I will go to Emporia in the morning and pick up the cake and cupcakes. My favorite Colorado peaches are to be in town tomorrow so will stop and get a box of those while I am in town.

I will drop the cupcakes off at the Detention Center and bring the birthday cake inside for the day. I’m afraid it will melt in the heat if I leave it in the car overnight.

I will load up the stuff that the heat won’t bother tomorrow and then Saturday I only have to do the cake, ice cream and ice.

Sure hope I have enough food. People do not RSVP these days so have no idea how many to expect. We will serve how ever many we can and then the rest can have lots of cake!

I’ll be glad when the party is over. It feels like it has taken lots of my time and attention. Not sure that is true but it has taken up brain space. The older I get the more I need brain space that is free! Ha!

Made contact with the lady that rents the space we are using Saturday. She is going to have the tables out and set up so all I have to do is add chairs and rearrange the tables. That will make set-up easier. Last time I held an event there, clean up went fast as the guests that came helped!

Next week I have to be in Wichita by 8:50 Tuesday morning. That is early for me these days. I think I will plan on going to Costco afterwards. I don’t have a long list of things I need but I will be close and it will save me another trip another day.

I ordered the popcorn I want for the 19th for the Detainees to be shipped directly to me. Not sure the store carried it and if they would have had five cases of it. This way I know I will have it and it will be one less thing to think about. I will have to buy Cokes late next week.

This has been another busy month for Love in Action. June seemed busy too. I am thinking things will slow down after the July 19 event as I don’t have any other events planned yet. We will come up with something for Labor Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas later.

When things slow down I want to schedule a meeting with the Captain. I haven’t met with him for a bit. I want to find out how families learn about how to email and call Detainees and how they learn how to put funds in Commissary accounts. I am exploring the possibilities of developing a website that has that information but I would need him to share it with the families. We haven’t done any outreach to the families and this would open the door to that possibility.

I also want to explore the possibility of adding funds to Commissary accounts, especially for those that are there for extended times and their families can’t afford to do so. No funds means no phone contact with children left behind. Not sure we can afford to fund everyone though so will have to figure out a way to help those that really need it. This stuff can get complicated!

It is expensive for the families left behind to communicate with their loved one that is detained. Phone calls, emails, zoom meetings all cost the families. When a family is down to one income sometimes that means those means of communication can’t be funded.

Oh the possibilities of expanding our program. I think the funding will come in if we can do more things. I always am aware that we are 100% funded with donations and the generosity of strangers (to me) and I don’t want to always be asking for funds and over extend myself.

This little project keeps trucking along. I get frustrated with our limitations and need to stop and be grateful for all the things we have been able to do.

I am out of touch with my group of friends. It has been too long since we have gathered. Maybe after my doctor’s appointment next week I can get something pulled together so we can gather. I’m sure others have been busy too and have lots to share.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful for my air conditioning on this hot and humid summer day, and grateful for on-line ordering.

Happy birthday Jason! So proud of you and the man you have become. I’m grateful you are in my life and I treasure the time I spend with you.

I met Jason at 11:30 to celebrate his birthday with him. We enjoyed lunch together. I made a mistake and ordered chicken wings instead of chicken tenders. Not much meat on wings and hard to get to. My mistake though.

I took my car through the car wash and then went to Walmart. I picked up my new pair of glasses. Things look a bit sharper to me although I don’t think the prescription changed much. At least I don’t look through scratches now.

Got the ice cream cups for the birthday party Saturday and some sugar free cookies to take to the Detainees on Friday. The other Detainees will enjoy a cupcake.

Came home after that. Discovered I have a crack in the middle of my windshield. It developed while I was going through the car wash. I don’t think the car wash caused it. Rather certain that I had a chip and the pressure from the car wash released the crack. Dang it anyways. I will have to find some time to take it in and get it replaced. I will check my insurance to see if they cover that. At least it is not in my vision field as it goes from the mirror downwards.

Took two naps this afternoon. The first one I had a time warp thing. I swear I fell asleep and slept for a bit but the clock showed me I was only in bed for about five minutes. I had a friend come over and we visited for a bit and then I took another nap. Still feel exhausted and not sure why. I didn’t think town took it out of me today but maybe it did.

I got a VENMO donation of $100 today and when I got the mail someone had send 75 stamps. It must be my lucky day! I so appreciate these donations as they keep this little project alive.

No plans for tomorrow. Friday I have to pick up the cake and cupcakes at 10:00. I will take the cupcakes to the Detention Center when I get back to town. Saturday I have the birthday party at noon. The food is to be delivered by 11:30. I will go up around 10:30 and get things set up. Still no idea how many to plan for but will set for 40 and hope for the best. That is how much food I ordered for. I have found the food usually stretches so should be able to feed at least 50, if not more. I really don’t think that many are coming though.

I struggle with my Apple password. I can’t seem to get all three Apple devices to use the password. I have tried changing it and some will take it but not all three. Man, why does this have to be so hard!

Next week I have a doctor’s appointment in Wichita Tuesday morning but other than that I have empty space. I may go to Costco while I am in Wichita as Costco is fairly close to where the doctor’s office is. I didn’t call today and get the records. I decided if the office really needs them they can call and get them . I will take a hardcopy of the results and call it good.

Feeling a step off tonight. A bit unsettled and ungrounded. I will go out and take a walk in a bit and see if that helps. It hasn’t cooled off too much yet though. There are some clouds and a slight chance we will get some light rain for the next 30 minutes. I will wait till that passes and then go walk.

Grateful to have lunch with Jason today, grateful all I need for the party Saturday is in the house, and grateful that I will feel better tomorrow.

51 years ago I was laboring to deliver Jason. Labor lasted over 48 hours with over 30 hours of transition labor. If they had epidurals then they didn’t offer me one. He weighed over 10 pounds and was born early in the morning on July 8! I don’t think they would let that happen nowadays. Lots of stitches and a week’s hospital stay afterwards. Grateful we both made it through and he is the person he is today. My life would not be the same without him.

I get to meet Jason for lunch tomorrow and celebrate his birthday with him. It is always a good day when I get to see one of my kids.

I haven’t done much today. I don’t think I got more than an hour of sleep last night. One of those nights where sleep played hide and seek and I could not find it. Sure makes for a long night. I did manage to take an hours nap late morning but even then sleep was hard to find. Maybe tonight will be the night where sleep finds me.

I did manage to cook myself breakfast and a late lunch today. Wow! Two home cooked meals in the same day! That hasn’t happened for a long time.

When I go to town tomorrow I need to find a substitute for the diabetics for the special event for the Detainees Friday. Still not sure what I am looking for. Walmart had some sugar free cookies that I might have to resort to if I can’t find anything else.

I go back to Emporia Friday to pick up the cupcakes and cake. I will also need to get the ice cream cups. I might get those tomorrow just to save myself the time on Friday. I have to have to cupcakes at the Center before 11:00 and I pick them up at 10:00. If I get the substitute for the diabetic cupcakes tomorrow and the ice cream I will only have to make one stop on Friday.

Still have no idea how many people might be coming. Only five had said they are coming for sure and 35 have indicated they are interested. Many of the 35 will not show up though as they are people from out of state or even out of the country. I’m sure there will be some that show up that haven’t responded. I will cross my fingers and hope I have enough food. I have never run out before so will trust I have enough this time too.

I just remembered I didn’t call to attempt to get a copy of the CT scan and MRI tests today. Dang, I need to try to remember to do that tomorrow. Wonder why the doctor’s office doesn’t arrange that? You would think there is a process already in place for them to do that.

The neighbors across the street are erecting a new, big storage building of sorts today. A crew has been working all day and mostly have the metal frame up. They have been playing loud music all day. I trust they will be done sooner or later tonight and won’t work into the night. I’m kinda tired of their music.

I got a text letting me know my new glasses came in today. When I go to town tomorrow I will stop and pick them up. I need to go to Walmart to get the ice cream cups anyways so will take care of both before I come home after lunch with Jason.

I got 40 more stamps in the mail today from a new donor to Love in Action. Stamps are our biggest budget item and it is nice to get some so I can save the cash for special events for the Detainees.

While I am at Walmart tomorrow I want to price bags of popcorn. I found some that will work at Costco on-line and will compare prices. I can order the ones from Costco and have them delivered if they are cheaper than Walmart. I have until the 19th to get them so I might even take a trip to Costco if I know for sure they have them in stock. We are giving the Detainees a Coke and a bag of popcorn on the day of the World Cup finals July 19. World’s Cu is equivalent to the US Super Bowl and as there are lots of international people at the detention center, I think they will appreciate us remembering them on that day.

No plans on Thursday other than one last check to make sure I have what I need for Saturday. Friday I will go pick up the cakes and then after I deliver the cup cakes I will get my car loaded. I will have to bring the sheet cake inside overnight so it doesn’t melt in the heat of the day Friday.

Saturday I will need to buy a bunch of ice and take everything up to the Old School and get things set up. Last time I did this that only took about 30 minutes. I did have some help last time. I might see if I can find some help again this time. It sure saved my back having others help lift table and chairs.

I’m grateful I decided to have the meal catered and not try to fix it myself. Lots easier and not that much more expensive. It is so hard to guess how much to fix when you do it from scratch.

Sitting in my empty space tonight and feeling a bit mixed. This day has felt lone and lonely at times and yet the empty space felt expansive at other times. Lack of sleep can distort my view of life and I kept reminding myself of that today.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful for the birth of Jason, and grateful I get to have lunch with Jason tomorrow.

Kathy and I both agreed that today felt weird. Not sure how but the energy today is weird. We both had trouble settling and we were both restless. We might or might not ever know what is up.

I went to Emporia late morning to pick up a prescription. I also found gluten-free cupcakes so picked those up. They were frozen so I kept them frozen and will thaw them the day before the party.

Found out the Center needs to pass the cupcakes out on Friday instead of Saturday and they need them Friday morning. I went to North Reebles (or whatever that store is called now) to change the pickup time. The lady that helped me said it wasn’t a problem to change. I am grateful.

Stopped and had lunch and then came home. Town felt busy to me today and I was glad to get home.

Still need to figure out something for the diabetic Detainees. I found some sugar free cookies but not sure they are much better for the Detainees than a regular cupcake. I looked on-line and didn’t find anything. Maybe an apple? That doesn’t seem like a good exchange though although if the Detainees don’t get fresh fruit it might be. I will give it some more thought and decide what to do.

Found out I can provide a Coke and popcorn for July 19. That is the day of the finals for the World Cup. The lady that handles these things for me told me I could bring in pre-popped popcorn and brown bags to put it in and she would dish it out. Have no idea how much popcorn I would need to make 150 plus servings. Think I will order the single serving bags of popcorn that is already popped. Costco carries several types and I bet Walmart does too. I will worry about that after the party on Saturday.

I think what the Detainees would rather have is pizza again but that is a bit over my budget. Pizza costs $1,500 for all to have a couple slices and I can do the pop and popcorn for under $400. I will attempt to raise enough funds again at Thanksgiving time so we can do pizza again then.

Pulled out some more items that are on my list that I will need for the party Saturday. I like to have everything ready a couple days ahead of time and then can double and triple check that I have everything. Friday I will go to Emporia and pick up the cake and cupcakes. Saturday I will need to buy ice and then haul everything up there and set up the room. The food is to be delivered by 11:30 so we will be ready to eat at noon.

If this event is like the Singing our Resistance event, people won’t show up until 12:15 or so. Not sure why that happens but that seems to be the norm around here. I think I will have everyone get a plate and then give my talk while they are eating so we can have more time for music from Elexa. After she finishes up we will serve the cake and ice cream. I guess I should have left the ending time open so we could extend things if we decide to.

No plans for tomorrow. Wednesday I am meeting Jason for lunch to celebrate his birthday. I didn’t get my phone calls made to see if I could get copies of the CT scan and MRI. I couldn’t make myself do that today. I will try again tomorrow.

I am so out of time. Yesterday felt like it was three days long and today feels like it should be noon right now instead of almost 7:00pm. Time doesn’t make sense to me right now.

Got a donation of 40 stamps in the mail today. That is always appreciated. I love that people that have never donated before are stepping up and doing so. I wonder sometimes how I keep the program relevant and interesting so we attract new donors as well as keep our previous donors engaged.

Grateful to have found gluten-free cupcakes today, grateful we get to do a World Cup event for the Detainees, and grateful for new donors to Love in Action.

This has been the longest day. I woke up way too early and couldn’t go back to sleep. Makes for a long day when that happens. I attempted to take a nap twice and failed. Maybe I need to go back to Kindergarten and take nap class again!

Ops, I think I just dated myself as I don’t think they do naps in kindergarten any more. I didn’t go to kindergarten as they didn’t have it at the little rural school I went to. And no, it wasn’t a one-room school! I’m not that old!

This has been a quiet day at home. I did two loads of laundry and got them folded and put away so the day wasn’t a total loss. Other than that, I didn’t do much. I wrote a couple of the Pen Pals and was able to get one of them to re-engage with communication. It was good to hear from her as she hadn’t responded for a long time. Taught me not to give up on them.

A friend came over and we talked about a situation we are working together on. No easy answers to the situation but it is nice to have someone to share it with. The world feels a bit heavy to me tonight and it is nice to share that with someone that gets it.

Tomorrow I need to go to Emporia and pick up a prescription and check on getting some gluten free and diabetic cupcakes for the Detainees for the end of the week. I’m not sure if I have to order them in advance or not. I will pick up some groceries while I am in town.

I also need to make some calls and attempt to get copies of the CT scan and MRI that I had done sometime ago to the doctor I will be seeing next week. Not sure how I do that but will make some calls and figure it out. I may need to go to Topeka to get a copy of the MRI but am not sure.

Sitting with Love in Action and feeling like it is at a cross roads. Do we stay the course or do we attempt to go big? Not sure I have the bandwidth to go big, yet it is so frustrating to not be able to do more for the Detainees. I feel a push pull going on with positives and negatives for both ways. I also know that no matter how much we do we can’t do it all. Continue doing what we are doing or go big and add more knowing that we will run into our limits even then? The system is not set up for success and I can’t change policy at this low level I am working on. Accept my limitations and carry on?

Whatever path I am to take will let itself be known to me sooner or later. I think sitting with the possibilities is good and keeps me open to potential change. Maybe there is a compromise position that I can’t see right now.

This little project I started almost a year ago has already done more than I ever imagined. I don’t set goals or do a business plan. I rely on pixie dust and moon beams to lead the way! So far, it hasn’t led me astray.

Grateful laundry is done for another few days, grateful for a friend that is willing to get into the weeds with me, and grateful for what we have been able to do so far and the potential of doing more in the future.

This has felt like a Sunday to me after the festivities yesterday. Guess I get to have two Sunday’s this weekend. Trust I can get it straight in my head and not be messed up all week.

This has been a quiet, stay-at-home day. I did manage to make a tuna and noodle casserole for lunch. Had trouble getting it warm enough in the oven. Not sure if I usually bake it at a higher temp or if my oven is starting to act out. I thought 30 minutes at 350 would sufficed but it did not. I did add a bag of frozen peas so maybe that made it take longer than I thought it should.

Watched To Kill a Mockingbird this afternoon. During times like we are in right now, I am not sure much has changed since the movie was made and represented the late 20’s and early 30’s. Racism is just as alive now as it was then. Hurts my heart.

Got a request from one of the Detainees to see if Love in Action would do something for the World Cup finals on July 19. I sent a request to the person in charge. We shall see what they say. I am not a sports fan so wouldn’t have thought about doing anything. With so many Detainees from all parts of the world, it probably is a big deal to some of them.

We got lots of rain this morning. I hadn’t seen it rain that hard for a long time. It was hard to see the house right across the street for a bit as it was raining so hard. Bet we got over two inches in the short time it rained. We have big puddles in the yard again. It was nice to have it be a bit cooler today though.

Haven’t felt the best today. I had a bit of blood in my urine this morning. I have drank a lot of liquids today and it seems to be going away. I had some lower back pain and an uncomfortable fullness in my abdomen for a bit but that seems to have gone away too. I will keep an eye out and see what needs to be done. If all is OK tomorrow, I will check to see if my doctor will do a UA Monday. It doesn’t feel like a UTI and I don’t want a kidney infection to get away from me if that is what it is. If it comes back tomorrow, I may go to urgent care and see what they say. I don’t like to take oral antibiotics due to the risk of C-Diff. I do not want another episode of that to start.

Monday I need to double check and make sure it is OK to bring cupcakes to the Detainees on Friday for the birthday party Saturday. I had talked to the Captain a couple of weeks ago but we never did firm up the plans. I don’t want to assume something that I shouldn’t.

Monday I also need to try to figure out how to get a copy of the CT scan and MRI that were done on me to the doctor I am seeing the 14th. Not sure how I do that but will call and find out. Unfortunately the two different tests came from two different facilities so I will have to figure out two different things. I am betting both have different ways of proceeding.

I also need to call or go to Walmart and find out about getting a dozen gluten free cupcakes and a dozen for diabetics. I don’t know if I need to special order those or not. I have a prescription that is ready to be picked up so I will go in to get it and ask about the cupcakes. The place where I ordered the 13 dozen cupcakes and the sheet cake couldn’t take care of the special needs cupcakes.

No plans for tomorrow. I will have to remind myself that it is Sunday and not head to town thinking it is Monday.

Next week is rather empty. I will go to town Monday and take care of a few errands. I will probably go back Wednesday and take Jason out for lunch as it is his birthday. Friday I will go in and pick up the cake and cupcakes for Saturday. Saturday is the birthday party. I trust enough people will show up that it was worth doing. Would love to meet some of the donors so I can thank them in person. It still amazes me that strangers trust me and send me money for this project.

Hope there aren’t too many booms and pops tonight. There have been a few today. Mother Nature had her own booms and pops this morning with the lightening and thunder. Tomorrow night should be the last night of them for this year.

Nice to have a quiet day at home. The cooler weather was welcomed. I was able to sleep in a bit this morning as it was cloudy out and I didn’t realize how late it was. Time is doing its weird thing again and doesn’t make sense. I would struggle if I had to go back to work and have time deadlines during the day.

Enjoying the expanse of empty space today. I get my best ideas and intuition hits when I give myself lots of empty space to allow those thoughts and hits to surface. Solutions to problems that felt unsolvable come into my awareness when I am quiet enough to hear them.

Grateful for a dry house to ride out the rain in today, grateful for home made tuna and noodle casserole today, and grateful I get a second Sunday this week since today felt like a Sunday too.

Another hot summer day in KS. Man, it is not fit for beast or man outside.

I got more sleep last night than I have been getting although I did wake up about every hour but was able to go back to sleep fairly quickly most of the time. As is normal for me, when I get more sleep than I have been getting, I feel even more tired the next day.

I went to the Grand for lunch, They had some service issues today which is rare for them. I didn’t complain and ate what I got.

I walked up to the July 4th festivities that are happening downtown Cottonwood Falls around 6:00. I didn’t stay long though as it was way too hot. It was good for me to get out and walk a bit. I walked slow due to the heat.

I did run into a few people I knew. One couple lives a couple houses north of me. I walk by their house when I walk the dogs. I knew her but didn’t realize she lived there. I got to meet her husband and her granddaughter.

Came home dripping sweat. I have cooled off now and think I will stay tucked inside the rest of the night. Kathy was smart and didn’t even attempt to go downtown.

Haven’t gotten much done today. I got a donation in the mail for Love in Action and I wrote a thank you note to them. I have a birthday card lying on my desk for Jason. I will probably see if I can meet him for lunch on his birthday and take the card to him. I might change my mind and mail it in case we don’t get to meet up.

Nothing on my calendar for the weekend and next week. Hoping to get a few things done around here that are on my when I get to it list. They seem to wait patiently for me.

This has been another one of those days that after I eat the food seems to get stuck and doesn’t go down. I feel much fuller now than when I ate four hours ago. Sure hope the doctor I am going to in a couple of weeks can give me some answers as to why that happens. I was hoping the walk downtown would help but it hasn’t seem to yet. This doesn’t happen every day which is frustrating in its own way too.

A week from tomorrow is the Love in Action birthday party. I will do a media push the first of next week. I don’t have many people that have definitely said they are coming and lots that are interested. I will go with what I ordered for food and trust that it will feed all that come.

Next Friday I will got to Emporia and pick up the cake and cupcakes I ordered. The food is going to be delivered Saturday so that will make things easy for me that day. I will need some ice but I can get that Saturday morning. I like to keep things simple as it makes setting up, serving and cleaning up much easier.

The doctor I am seeing on the 14th called with a recorded reminder message today. The message said he wants the actual MRI and CT scan copies. Not sure how I arrange to get those to him. I will make some calls Monday and see if I can figure it out. He might have to make do with the written reports.

Sitting in a weird place again tonight. The restlessness has been high level today. The world energy is doing some funky stuff and the time thing is messing with my mind. Make it make sense!

Grateful for the extra sleep I got last night, grateful for a cool house to relax in and grateful for all those that are working so hard to put on a July festival downtown Cottonwood Falls. Just not my thing.

Kathy nor I slept much at all last night. Not sure what is up with that. We both tried all our tricks and none of them worked. I attempted a nap this afternoon and couldn’t find sleep then either.

I went to the post office this morning and got some stamps. I took part of them by the Detention Center and brought the rest of them home. I bought extras as stamp prices are going up next week.

I fixed both of my license plates on the cars. There is a new state law that went into effect July 1 giving cops the right to pull one over if any part of the information on the license plate is covered by a plate frame. Both of my cars had plate frames from the dealership where I purchased the car from and the frame covered the top part of the word Kansas on the plate.

I didn’t have too much trouble taking off the plates but then I needed to order more screws to hold the plate firm. The plate frame held the plate in place with only two screws and now I need four.

I called the Sheriff’s office and asked if they would have a public service day where people could come in and get assistance with making sure their plates are now legal. I’m not sure he knew what I was talking about but since I have noticed he put a post up about the change. He hasn’t offered up an assistance day but still might do that.

I don’t think some people could manage to fix their plates themselves. Supposedly you can get up to a $2,500 fine plus jail time although here is to be a six-month warning time.

This new change seems likely to me to be a way that cops can racially profile drivers and it will be another way for them to justify pulling over someone that doesn’t look white. I may be wrong but given our current legislation in KS I would be surprised if I am.

I sent a text to my kids to let them know about the change. Not sure what they will do about it but they have been warned. To all my friends on here, take heed.

Haven’t gotten much done today. I’m very tired and have no energy. I may get something done later, but not counting on it. Maybe tonight will be the night I get lots of sleep and will have the energy to get lots done tomorrow.

Not sure if I will go to the festivities in town tomorrow evening or not. I know I won’t stay to see the fireworks. If it is as hot tomorrow as it has been today I probably won’t go. I don’t enjoy crowds on a good day and when you add the heat to the mix I don’t see much to attract me to go.

No plans for the weekend or next week for that matter. Lots of empty space ahead for me. It is too hot to go outside and do much so I will enjoy my time as a hermit and stay in. Hopefully I will find things inside to keep me busy.

The birthday party for Love in Action is July 11 so it is just a little over a week away. I got some more supplies today that I had ordered from Amazon for the party. Still waiting on one more shipment than I think I have all I need. The day before the party I will go to Emporia and pick up the cake and cupcakes, the ice cream cups and ice for the beverages. The food is being delivered the day of the party so I won’t have to deal with that. I trust I have ordered enough food and that some people will come. I look forward to meeting some of the supporters.

This has been one of those days where it is hard to hold on to a thought. My brain feels quiet and empty today. It was over used yesterday so I am grateful for a quiet day today.

Grateful the stamp supply has been replenished, grateful for A/C that works on this hot and humid summer day, and grateful I was able to fix my license plates so they are now legal.

Not one of my better days. Got an email this morning that hit a nerve and I have struggled to recover. At least I know why I am in the muck pond. I will relax, take a mud bath and walk out when I am finished feeling all the feels.

I did four loads of laundry and got it all put away. Put clean sheets on my bed and deep cleaned my bathroom. The day wasn’t a total loss.

I realized today I don’t have a succession plan for Love in Action. I need to find someone that would take it over for me in case something would happen to me. I have a couple of people in mind but haven’t approached anyone yet. Maybe it can be broken into pieces and different people would take care of different parts of it. I can think of some who would be good at managing the Facebook page, some who would be good at building a relationship with the staff at the Center and some that would be good handling the occasional transfer. So far, not sure who I would ask to do all of it though. I will give it some more thought and see what I can come up. I don’t anticipate having to step away but successful nonprofits always have a back-up plan just in case.

The Center let me know they need more stamps. I have given them 720 stamps in the last two weeks. Found out the person that handles the program put stamps on all the new cards that were sent and she doesn’t have any leftover to put on the envelopes so the Detainees can become a Pen Pal. Dang it anyways. I will go buy some more stamps tomorrow and take them up to her. I wish they would stamp the cards when they are ready to be mailed and not in advance. I worry that lots of stamps get wasted this way but I don’t know that for sure. Some things I have no control over and I have to learn to be grateful for what I get.

One of the Detainees reached out and asked if they could have tacos for celebration of the World Cup finals on July 19. I can’t make that happen unfortunately. Maybe I can get them popsicles or something like that instead. We are so limited as to what we can do.

No plans for the rest of the week. I hope to get some more housecleaning done. The clean bathroom reminded me I really do enjoy a clean house and I have not had the motivation for a long time to deep clean. Thank heavens this house is small and it really doesn’t take that long to deep clean each room. The big country house would take hours and hours of cleaning to get it clean.

Sitting in a weird head space today. I will take it as progress that I have been talking myself out of where I am at today and when the talk became negative, I would correct myself. Not sure I am aware of having done that before.

Grateful for the laundry all put away, grateful for a clean bathroom, and grateful for the mud bath I took today in the muck pond.

June went by so fast to me. This year is already half over and I still stop and think when I write 2026. That time thing and I have trouble relating these days.

I didn’t sleep much last night. I took a late nap yesterday and paid for it with not being able to sleep last night. I am tired this afternoon but will do my best to stay up and attempt to get a long, good sleep tonight. I am way overdue to crash and burn and sleep lots.

I went to Emporia to go to the eye Doctor. My appointment was at 12:15. I was done by 12:20. It was the fastest eye appointment I have ever had. I went next door and ordered a new pair of glasses. They will be in late next week, if not before.

I went to Applebee’s for lunch and then came home. I stopped at the bank in Cottonwood Falls to make another deposit and then escaped the heat and have stayed inside all afternoon. It is not fit for man or beast outside today.

I got the month-end report for Love in Action posted. I attempted to post it on my desktop and had trouble adding the links for PayPal, VENMO, and Zeffy. Switched to my iPad and had success. I wished I understood links and how to manage them better. I swear they work differently every time I attempt to do them. When I make them work, I am never sure how I did it.

No plans for the rest of the week and through the weekend. I didn’t get groceries today as I couldn’t think of anything I needed. If I think of something I will go to the Dollar General and get it there. Hoping I won’t have to go back to Emporia this week. We shall see if I can make that happen.

I do need to send a note to the Sergeant that runs the card and stamp program at the Detention Center. I can’t remember if I told her I dropped some stamps off for her last week. Sometimes when I drop a package off she doesn’t get it unless she knows to look for it. I also need her help to reset the Pen Pal program. We haven’t gotten any new requests to join the program from the Detainees in a long time. We made some changes that I hope will help us build a stronger program. We shall see if it survives or not.

Dug out the paint I am going to use to paint the front door. It is too hot to paint this afternoon but maybe if I go to bed early I will get up early enough to get it done tomorrow before it gets too hot. That has been on my to-do list for a long time and for some reason the urge to get it done has just now hit.

I have some painting to do on the outside of the house but it is going to have to cool down before I can do that. Phil got most of it done this spring but there are some rafters that are still bare that need a coat of paint on them.

I am slowing working or reorganizing the back room. It is looking too cluttered for my taste. I need to find things to get rid of. One can only reorganize clutter so often before one realizes that isn’t the real issue. The room has too much stuff in it and I need to purge.

This is the time of year that usually things slow down for me. The long, hot days of summer kick in and I tuck myself inside and it takes a lot to get me to come out and play. Good thing I like staying home and can do so for days at a time. Nothing feels too urgent or important right now.

Feeling a bit of restlessness again. Haven’t felt it for a bit but it is starting to come back. Wonder what it has to tell me this time? Sometimes I find out and sometimes I don’t. The trick is for me to stay curious about it and stay open to whatever happens. Sometimes I am successful at that, and sometimes not so much.

Grateful new glasses got ordered today, grateful I am privileged enough to be able to stay inside during the summer heat, and grateful for the empty space ahead.

Went to Emporia late morning to get a haircut. Stopped at the bank in Cottonwood Falls on my way out of town to make a deposit. I went to a different bank when I got in Emporia and made a withdrawal.

Picked up Ellexia and we went out for lunch. Found out she had a friend over for the night but the friend was still sleeping. I didn’t discover this until we were done with lunch or I would have ordered something to go for her friend.

Took Ellexia home and then went through the car wash and gave my car a bath. Took two sacks of books I have read to the library to give to the Friends of the Library so they can resell them at their next book sale.

Went to my hairdresser and got my hair cut. He gave me a very short summer cut this time. Found out he is retiring September 4 so I will only get one more haircut from him. Dang, I do not like breaking in new-to-me hairdressers. It is hard to find someone that knows how to cut short hair. Anyone know of someone?

Came home after my haircut and got the mail. I got another donation for Love in Action plus I got a VENMO deduction this morning. Always a good day when a donation or two come in.

Took a nap this afternoon. Not sure why I was so tired but I was so I gave myself the gift of a nap. Had a weird dream and woke myself up to change the dream channel and decided I better get up and not sleep some more or I won’t sleep tonight.

The neighbor mowed our lawn this morning. It sure looks nice with its haircut and trim. He even brought over his weed eater and took care of that. This hot humid weather is not good for Kathy to be out in so I appreciated that he took care of the weed-eating so she wouldn’t be out doing it.

Tomorrow I have an eye doctor appointment at 12:15. Not sure how long that will take but I will stop and have lunch afterwards. I don’t think I have more errands to take care of but didn’t think I had any to do today and found several things to take care of. I need to check to see if I need any groceries and take care of that while I am in town. Then I will get to stay home for the rest of the week. Two trips to Emporia in one week is enough for me.

Got notice that my renewal for my notary was approved and finalized. Now I am good to go until 08/01/2030. That feels like a long time into the future.

Will need to post the month-end report for Love in Action Wednesday. I also need to create a post for the stamp drive. I have mentioned it in several posts but haven’t highlighted it with a post of its own. Need to make one final list of things I need for the birthday party. I think I have the rest of the stuff but need to dig it all out to make sure.

Have lots of empty space on my calendar after the appointment tomorrow. Nothing else on my calendar until sometime next week. I think I am becoming a hermit and I prefer to stay home these days. It is too peopley out there for me most days. Too much stirred up energy out there that is easy for me to pick up.

Tonight is the full moon. Maybe things will settle down again for a bit after tonight. The energy has felt stirred up and chaotic to me lately. Hard not to get caught up in it all.

I do need to call a few friends and get some one-on-one time scheduled. I so love having deep conversations with people that aren’t afraid to be completely vulnerable and are willing to go deep. They do my heart and soul good.

Grateful for a haircut, grateful for time with Ellexia, and grateful for a nap on a hot summer day.

Summer has arrived. Low 90’s and windy today. The heat sucks the whatever right out of you today. It is to remain like this all week. Typical summer weather. The dogs have decided they need to spend the afternoons inside due to the heat. Neither one seem interested in going back outside yet.

Kathy and I went to Jacalito’s for lunch. It was nice to eat out for a change together. Haven’t done much else today. Too hot to go outside and not much to do inside.

I did manage to get a letter written to my Pen Pal volunteers. I made some mistakes setting up the program and need to do a reset. I had limited the number of times we write to weekly and that was a mistake. A week is a long time in the Center for the Detainees and some needed more attention than that. I was concerned initially about the cost if we had lots of Detainees sign up and I was concerned about the pressure it would put on my volunteers if they had to write more than once a week.

I also needed to better state expectations of the volunteers. Some take several weeks to respond and the Detainees lost faith in the program. I now have a way out if they take too long.

Hopefully with these and a few other small changes the program can rest and we can get more Detainees to sign up. I need to send a note to the person that does the program inside the Center and let her know what changes we have made so she can promote the program again.

When you know better, you do better and that is what I hope I have done.

Tomorrow I have a haircut at 2:00. If I remember I will check with Ellexia to see if she wants to have lunch again since I will be in town. I don’t think I have any errands I need to run otherwise.

I get to go back to Emporia Tuesday as I have an eye appointment at 12:15. Another chance to eat lunch out!

No plans for the rest of the week or the weekend. I wish I could escape the fireworks that have started in the evenings. They sound violent to me and I don’t appreciate them.

Wednesday I will post the month end report for Love in Action. I also need to make a special post about the stamp drive we are doing. Stamps are the biggest expense we have and the more stamps people send, the farther our funds go for special events for the Detainees. The donors like to have something to do and getting stamps and mailing them is something that is much appreciated.

Need to finish rounding up the last few items I need for the birthday party July 11. It will be here in less than two weeks. Still have no idea how many to expect. I picked a number and hope I am close and don’t have tons of leftovers.

Felt good to step away from Facebook for a day or two. I always feel better when I remember to surrender and let go. I forget that is a daily practice and not something that you do once and you are done.

Grateful for lunch out with Kathy today, grateful the letter got sent to the Pen Pals, and grateful when I know better I can do better.

I am all shades of messed up today. I didn’t sleep much at all last night. I was up and down all night. I finally fell asleep this morning around 8:00 and slept until noon. That does a number in my head with time which I am not good to start with.

Did some rearranging in the back room today. It is amazing how a bit of reorganizing can change the look of the space. I still have more to do but it has some empty space now which I appreciate.

It has been an interesting week. I made a post about a detainee from Germany and I think I must have touched a nerve. I am grateful I turned off comments as I didn’t have the bandwidth to handle them. Not that it prevented people from getting their feelings to me.

I was called a cold-hearted bitch for not using Love in Action funds to help the family. Guess that is one way to look at it!

What that person doesn’t know is what is happening behind the scenes with a media contact or two and a family that is quietly working with the family offering support.

I have long held an unhealthy belief that I had to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and take care of others myself. Sitting and bearing witness is new to me too. And to my utter surprise and delight, others can and do step forward to pick up the load.

I suppose to the outside world, bearing witness can look like I am being a cold-hearted bitch. Maybe there is some truth in that. Any maybe I am breaking an old habit that no longer serves me and I am allowing others to carry the load.

Oh the lessons Love in Action dish up for me. Some are easier ones to learn than others. Maybe this person gave me one of my best lessons yet as I had to do a gut check and really look at my why and my boundaries and gave me the opportunity to hold them or to revert to my old patterns of behavior.

Nothing on my calendar for tomorrow. I am going to take another quiet day but hopefully find some sleep tonight and be back “in” time tomorrow.

Monday and Tuesday I have appointments in Emporia so will be going to town both days. The rest of the week looks open so far.

It is almost time to write the month-end report for Love in Action. I did some numbers today to make sure my bank account is in balance with what I record. I had forgotten to record a check I had received but figured that out what the discrepancy was rather quickly. I need to learn how to edit my report so it isn’t so long.

I am sitting with the Pen Pal program and I know I need to make some changes. Am bouncing some ideas in my head about it and haven’t settled on all the solutions yet. I’m afraid due to our lack of responses we may have a rough time getting the Detainees to trust us again and get more Pen Pals to sign up. Part of that is my fault, as I limited the number of responses to once a week. That turned out to not be a good call. I was concerned about fairness and overburdening the Pen Pals on our end. I was also concerned about the expenses of daily contact in case there were lots of Pen PALs. Live and learn and adjust the plan!

Live is certainly an adventure these days. I think I have all this empty space and nothing is happening but man is that wrong. I am finding more and more old patterns of behavior surface that need my attention and then I get to make a decision if I want to change that pattern. The hardest part for me is not seeing the patterns. For some reason, they are surfacing right now in bunches.

Grateful for what sleep I did get even though the timing was off, grateful for a hurtful comment as it gave me the opportunity to examine my intentions, and grateful for the surfacing of old patterns that no longer serve me.

This has been a day. I got woke up with a phone call from a reporter wanting some quotes about how the current immigration policies are impacting real people. I am currently sitting in a state of anger from an immigration situation that feels hard. Not sure I gave him what he needed. I sent a note to him this afternoon and apologized.

The detainee from Germany is in a pickle. He reached out for some help and Love in Action is not set up to help him. What we do for one we have to do for all and there are 119 others at the Center that have their own hard stories. I posted the below on Facebook today.

TRIGGER WARNING

The following update is hard to read and sit with. Love in Action was created to support the Detainees while they are being held at the Chase County Detention Center located in Cottonwood Falls, KS. It was not created to solve individual Detainee situations. This is just one of the Detainees story and situation. The Center houses 119 other ICE Detainees with similar stories.

We are being called to bear witness to their stories and allow the feelings that arise in us to find ways to help change our broken systems. May bearing witness to this story encourage you to find ways to soften your heart and offer more grace and compassion to ALL of your neighbors.

This is an update on the Detainee that was born in Germany to a German mother and a US citizen father that was in the military. The Detainee was brought to the US by his father when he was 16-years-old. For whatever reason, his US citizenship request by being the son of an American father was denied. He has been detained since December, 2025.

Recently the Detainee was granted I-130 status which is citizenship through being married to a US Citizen. However, he now needs his I-485 Green card application approved.

The Trump administration’s new directive to USCIS makes filing an I-485 to adjust status within the United States an “extraordinary discretionary relief”. USCIS officers are instructed to treat consular processing (applying from outside the U.S.) as the default method for obtaining a green card, making U.S.-based adjustment of status the rare exception. He is being detained so going to Germany to apply is not in his control.

This Detainee needs to obtain a specific physical which can cost between $2,000 – $3,000 to complete. How he is to do that while being detained is still unknown. His wife is struggling with the attorney fees they have already paid and continue to occur. This process has been in the works for over three years now and they have already paid out close to $40,000 in attorney fees. Every time he has a court appearance (which is monthly) the attorney charges him $500.

He has no timeline for this to come to an end and no guarantee that his application for the I-485 will be approved. The normal processing time can take up to 24 months and USCIS is overwhelmed currently and processing times are stretching far beyond the expected timeframe. He continues to sit in the Detention Center through this process unable to earn any income to support his family.

If the family had an extra $5,000 for attorney fees, they could file a Writ of Mandamus which would force USCIS to make a quicker decision. However, they have reached their maximum credit limit with what they have spent so far.

Both the Detainee and the wife are starting to have physical and mental issues due to the stress of this situation.

I have disabled comments on this post.

I had to disable comments as I don’t have the bandwidth to respond to comments today. I have received a couple PM’s already though. Dang, this is hard sometimes.

I did have two highlights of the day though. I got the mail on my way to Emporia late morning and received three donations for Love in Action. I got a check for $300 and another one for $20. I also got a book of stamps. All donations are appreciated and welcome. After the hard start to this morning it was a wonderful reminder that we are doing some good even on the days when it feels like it isn’t enough.

I made a double batch of Chocolate No Bake Cookies and took some to Ellexia and Jason when I met them for lunch. Kathy and I have enjoyed the leftovers today.

I picked up Ellexia and we met Jason for lunch. Always a good day when I get to spend time with some of my loved ones. Ellexia and I went to Walmart after lunch and I got my groceries and then I took her home. She was going to take a shower and then take a nap. She had woken up at 9:00 this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. She said it was way too early to wake up! Oh the life of a teenager.

While I was in town I stopped and picked up some new parts for my sleep apnea machine. The cushions around my mouth had stretched out and I was eligible for a free replacement part. Trusting that will make using the machine a bit easier again. Lately it has been bugging me at night and I have taken it off a couple of nights and not used it all night.

“My momma said there would be days like this – my momma said.” Isn’t that a song from long ago? Sure feels true today! What a roller coaster of a day.

Nothing on my calendar for the next two days. I need to put myself into time-out until I can settle with my anger. I am so tired of a system that puts people down and makes it impossible for them to navigate through. What are we doing? I will come to grips with this sooner or later. Right now I need to allow myself all the feels so it will pass and I can get back to helping others with what little I can.

Next week I have a haircut in Emporia on Monday and then an eye doctor appointment on Tuesday. I don’t think I have any other plans for the rest of the week. We shall see if the empty space holds open.

This has been a day where my tears keep falling. I must have been holding some hard feelings I wasn’t aware of and needed to release them. I trust I won’t stay in the muck pond long as it is hard to think logically when I am in there. I know solutions for all problems are available and one is in place that is helping make a difference already. The rest will fall into place sooner or later.

Grateful for time with Ellexia and Jason today, grateful for reporters that do their best to tell the stories of the immigrants, and grateful for all those that support Love in Action in big and small ways.

Happy heavenly birthday to Gene. I missed fixing a birthday package to send to him this year. It still feels weird when I think he is gone.

I took my car to the gas station to get the oil changed. About halfway through, a friend came in to get her car worked on. We had a nice conversation and made the time go by quicker. It was lightly raining when I got there and was grateful they were able to fit my car right in and I didn’t have to walk home in the rain.

Got another donation for Love in Action in the mail today. It feels like Christmas time around here with all the gifts coming in.

I got a call from the eye doctor and got an appointment scheduled for next week. I called the utility company I sent paperwork to and confirmed that they had received it. Not sure what there next more will be and not expecting it to happen anytime soon. The lady I spoke with thought it was rather cut and dry but a lawyer has to approve it. We shall see what happens.

The tablecloths for the Love in Action birthday party came in today. One more thing checked off my list for the party. I am going to Emporia tomorrow and hope to get a few more things after lunch.

Ellexia is going to join Jason and I for lunch tomorrow. It will be a treat to have lunch with both of them. Not sure where we are going but it really doesn’t matter.

Sitting with a situation with a Detainee at the Center. Man, some of these situations can break your heart. I really have to wonder why we make it so difficult and put people in impossible situations. I think this is just one of hundreds of thousands going through this. No easy answers, no guarantees, and lots of money spent with no way of knowing what might happen.

I’m not sure I ever woke up all the way today. It has felt like a long day for some reason. Not much energy or motivation to do much. The rain today kinda fit my mood. Maybe it is washing something away.

So far the ten-day forecast looks like the rain is moving on out and it is to warm up and be in the 90’s most days. I don’t do well in the heat but I am ready for some sunshine. It won’t be long before we will be wishing the rain was back.

No plans for the weekend. Monday I have a haircut and Tuesday an eye doctor appointment so will have to go to Emporia twice next week. One of those days I will stop and get some groceries and attempt to get the rest of the things on my list for the birthday party. I like to get things early as it helps me relax about the party.

Grateful for the oil change and conversation with my friend, grateful the rain is almost to move on out, and grateful I get to have lunch with my son and granddaughter tomorrow.

This has been a bit of a productive stay-at-home day. I got several little things taken care of which feels good.

I finally got the pages from my blog three-holed punched and into a binder. I didn’t print them in the right order so had to collate them which was a bit of a pain but I got it done. Thank heavens I only had half the year and not the whole year to do.

I got the paperwork filled out to send to my bank about the required withdrawal from my IRA that will happen later this year. They sent a twelve page set of papers and it looked intimidating but when I sat down to do it I found it wasn’t too bad. They have several pages to fill out if I wanted a wire transfer which I don’t need so I was able to throw away those pages. Good to have that paperwork completed and in the mail.

Got four thank you notes written and in the mail for Love in Action. I got another book of stamps in the mail today from a first time donor. It is good that we are still attracting new donors. This book makes four books of stamps so far for our stamp drive. I also had received two rolls of stamps from a donor earlier this month.

Made goulash for lunch. I had remembered to lay out some hamburger last night and got it made late morning. Not sure why I was craving it but it hit the spot. I like goulash leftovers so will eat more of it tomorrow. I added a can of corn to it today and enjoyed that. Snuck in some veggies! I am not a good veggie eater so I appreciate when I can eat some.

Got two thank you PenPal notes today from Detainees expressing their appreciation for the Father’s Day treats of Coke and M&M’s. I shared those posts on the Love in Action Facebook page. One of them requested a large print Bible be sent to the Center and someone has already ordered that and taken care of that request.

Made a post about the three new ways to donate to Love in Action. I was able to find the links to each of the new ways to donate and they all work. I wasn’t able to do that yesterday and I don’t know what I did differently today to make that happen. Somedays technology and I are not on speaking terms and somedays it works with me. Wish I knew how I did it so I could easily do it again.

I didn’t hear back from the eye doctor so I called and left another message today. I wonder if his office will call me back or if I need to find someone else. I tell you, customer service doesn’t seem to be what it used to be.

Phil is coming over in a bit to install the window A/C unit for the backroom. I had ordered it when the house was hot thinking the central A/C unit couldn’t keep up. The next day I discovered the central unit was broken. I am still going to have it put in and we will use it on really hot days to give the central unit a bit of a break. I trust it will fit – I measured it twice but sometimes there are things I don’t know about things that bites me in the ass.

Tomorrow I take my car to get the oil changed at 1:00. Not sure if they will do it when I get there or if I will walk home and then back up there when it is done. Last time I left it they forgot to call and tell me it was ready to come home. I don’t have anywhere to go until next Monday so guess they can keep it for a bit if needed.

No plans for the weekend. I haven’t decided if I am going to a Rally on Saturday or not. I struggle with the energy at them and am doing a birthday party for Love in Action in July instead of putting together a rally locally. I have to be careful not to involve Love in Action in a political event as that is prohibited by the rules of being a 501(c)3. It is to be hot Saturday and I don’t do well in the heat. We shall see what I do.

Felt good to get a few little things done today. I tend to put things off and then it feels like I have a lot to do when really I don’t. Funny how my mind can blow things out of proportion to reality. It is something I have become aware of and am working to adjust my thinking.

Grateful for the little projects I accomplished today, grateful for homemade goulash, and grateful for the stamps that are coming in for Love in Action.

This has been a much better day for me. I actually was able to accomplish everything on my list today.

I started with a trip to the Court House to add a beneficiary to my car titles. Stephanie did a great job learning how to do this. I’m sure it isn’t something that happens everyday. It did take a bit to get both cars done but it is kinda complicated to do. I am to get new titles within the next six weeks or so.

After that got taken care of I went to the Post Office to get stamps. I had hoped they would have rolls of stamps today but they didn’t come in so had to get books of stamps. They are not quite as easy to use, but will do the trick.

I came home and packaged them up and then took them to the Detention Center for Heather.

Went to Emporia and went to North Reeble’s, although it is called something else now. I ordered a sheet cake and 13 dozen cupcakes for the July 11 event. I was pleased to see they still have their bakery. I still need to get a dozen gluten free cupcakes and a dozen cupcakes for diabetics ordered but I will get those somewhere else.

I went to Bobby D’s and had lunch and then placed my catering order. They aren’t charging for mileage which was nice and they are providing plates, silverware, napkins, serving spoons, buns, etc. They are to deliver the food by 11:30. That will make that day much easier for me.

Filled my car up with gas and came home. I had thought about going in Walmart and getting some groceries but I was peopled out and had to come home. When I got home I took a short nap.

Someone had ordered two books of stamps and had them shipped to me for the stamp drive I am doing for Love in Action. Those little gestures of sharing love is what keeps me going most days. I so appreciate the support.

After my nap I made an appointment to get the oil on my car changed, booked a haircut and an eye doctor appointment. Somedays those calls are hard to make so I am grateful I was able to get all three calls made. The eye doctor’s office didn’t answer and are to call me back – we shall see if they do.

I managed to get two loads of laundry washed, dried and put away today. Love when I can get that done all on the same day. Somedays I can’t do that.

I am working on a post for Love in Action that will include the links to all three new ways of giving. I thought I had it figured out but only one of the three links worked so had to delete the post. I put that post in time-out and will try again another day. Not sure why that seems to be hard for me but most days it is. When I do figure it out, I’m never quite sure what I did to make it work so it is hard to do it correctly again.

I have a couple thank you notes to write for Love in Action. My bank sent me the paperwork to fill out so I can take the required withdrawal from my IRA since I will be turning 73 this year. I have some time to get it filled out. When I am in the right mood I will tackle that. Sometimes that paperwork is hard to do as they use terms I have to look up to make sure I understand what they are asking for. I don’t have a very large IRA so the withdrawal is not very big so I don’t think I can mess it up too badly if I don’t do the paperwork correctly.

Have an idea for a new project for Love in Action. It is extremely hard to figure out what platform to use for what to get aide to the Detainees. One platform provides email access, a different platform is used to put funds in their commissary accounts, yet another platform is used for visitation. I would like to develop a website that clearly states which platform is used for what with instructions on how to proceed. I would have to develop a website plus figure out how to connect the families to the website. After the birthday party I will have a conversation with the Sheriff and Captain and see if they will cooperate and pass along the information to the detainee families.

Currently there is a lot of conflicting information on the various sites stating what platforms they use. Not sure if they change platforms frequently or if maintaining the various websites that list the information is a low priority. I can’t imagine being a stressed family member and trying to figure it all out. Lots of rabbit holes to fall down into when navigating all of that.

Have no idea how much this would all cost and how difficult it would be to build a website, etc. I think the biggest challenge will be to get the information to the family members on the outside that need it. We shall see where this all goes. It is in the very beginnings of forming into a plan in my head right now.

Nothing on my calendar for tomorrow. Thursday I take the car in for an oil change. I usually drive it up and walk home and then walk back up to get it when it is done. Sometimes I time it right and they can take it right back while I wait for it.

No plans for the weekend so far. Monday I have a haircut and need to go by the vet’s office and pick up Flea and Tick medication for the critters when I am done with my hair cut. The rest of the week looks rather empty right now.

Grateful for an easier day today, grateful I crossed off several things from my to-do list, and grateful two more books of stamps showed up for the stamp drive.

This has been a hard day for me. Nothing felt easy. Grateful this is not normal and only happens rarely.

First thing I tried to do was confirm the small deposits PayPal had sent to the Love in Action bank account. The button I needed was hidden on my keyboard and it was hard to get it to scroll to find. That must have taken me an hour to figure out what was going on.

I went to the bank in Cottonwood Falls to get my notary application notarized. I was going to take it to the post office and mail it when I was done so I had taken a stamped envelope. I discovered I had thrown away page three as it was only instructions. Had to go home and get page three just in case that was really needed.

Went to the post office to get four rolls of stamps and they were out of stamps. Geez!

I took a deposit to the bank and forgot to write the account number on the deposit slip. First time I have done that.

I took my car titles up to the court house to add a beneficiary to the title. I had to leave them as the lady said it takes quite a while to process that. I have to go back up tomorrow to pick them up.

Supposedly in VENMO you can transfer funds from one VENMO account to another but when I have attempted to do that they sorry, we can’t do that. Guess I will do it the slow way. Like I said, nothing seems easy today.

I got the bill from the repair of the A/C. The bill was over $200 and the part that was broken was $2. Ouch!

I finally decided to go back to bed and take a nap and start this day over. None of the hard stuff was really important stuff, just frustrating that I found so many roadblocks. I’m not sure I got much accomplished today and had expectations that I would. That expectation thing bit me in the ass again!

I didn’t make it to Emporia today. Decided it was best to stay home and try again another day when things are easier. Hoping I can make it tomorrow and get the food and cakes ordered for the birthday party.

I think I will finish binge watching my show and finish reading the book I am reading and not attempt to get anything else done today. When things are hard, that is my sign from the Universe to drop things and let them sit. Tomorrow is a new day and things will be easier then.

My momma said there would be days like this! I know that you have to go low in order to go high. I remind myself of this and that makes the low days feel more purposeful.

Grateful this was a rare day of roadblocks, grateful tomorrow is a new day, and grateful I was able to realize what was happening and able to drop things and not keep pushing through.

This has been a quiet day at home. I did go out for lunch but other than that have stayed home and not done much. I am finishing up binge watching a show I started a couple days ago.

Got an email from PayPal that told me I am eligible to sign Love in Action up for a VENMO account. WTF? How come they didn’t offer that before I got a charity PayPal account. From all I read it said I couldn’t use VENMO for a charity. I am so confused.

They are validating the bank account and then I can change the VENMO link in to the Love in Action account and I can get my personal VENMO account back.

Hoping all of this is clearer to me by the time I do the month-end report. It will be nice to introduce a couple new ways for donors to donate. Some have been asking for PayPal. Zeffy will be a new one with no fees that seem easy to use. Most of the donors are used to VENMO so the only change will be the address.

Tomorrow I need to go to the Post Office and get four rolls of stamps for the Center. Then I will deliver them and then I am going to Emporia to order the lunch for the birthday party from one vendor. Am going to a different one to order the birthday cake and cupcakes from another one. Maybe if I time it right, I can have lunch in town since I will be at a restaurant. I also need to take a form to the bank and get it notarized so I can mail in my application for the renewal of my notary certification.

It will be a good thing to have the things for the birthday party ordered. I will still have a few things to gather but for the most part after I get the orders placed, I will be ready.

I don’t have any plans for next week after I take care of my errands on Monday. Lots of empty space ahead for me. Not sure what I am going to do with it. Today it feels overwhelming and a bit intimidating. Tomorrow it may feel opening and welcoming.

I missed texting Craig today to thank him for being the father to my children. Even after the divorce we would do that for each other on these days. Thinking it was a challenging day for the kids. I am grateful for the wonderful memories though that pour forth.

Feeling a bit isolated today. I know it is a feeling and not a fact or truth. Trusting if I give it some love and attention it will disappear after teaching me whatever it is I am to learn.

Grateful for Craig and the love he shared with our kids, grateful the PayPal and VENMO thing is almost done, and grateful the party plans are well underway.

I woke up early this morning so it has been a long day. I did try to get more sleep late morning but was unsuccessful. I am still in my pajamas so it has been a stay-at-home type of day.

I did manage to get Charity PayPal on-line for Love in Action. I also hooked up Zeffy and got that on-line. I posted both of those to one of the month-end updates on the Love in Action site but haven’t officially announced them.

I also dug out the paperwork I need to name a beneficiary on my car titles. I think I found the right paperwork from the state that I have to fill out but I will go up to the Court House and have them give it to me.

I purchased the surety bond that I need to renew my notary license. I have the application all filled out and need to take it and get it notarized so I can mail it in.

Nicole and Geoff’s wedding anniversary is today. They have been married six years already. They threaded the needle and found a short window to have a back yard wedding with their closest friends and family there. It was a beautiful day and we were all grateful no one came down with Covid afterwards.

No plans for tomorrow. I might take another pajama day. It is nice to have a couple stay-at-home days where I sit and relax and then go to the desk and get things done. I have a little project I want to finish up tomorrow.

Monday I need to get the Detention Center some more stamps and take them up to them. They received a bunch more cards and I knew that request was coming. The Sergeant that runs the program likes to pre-stamp the envelopes before she hands them out and keeps her cart full of them. When I take the stamps to the Center I want to take a printed invitation to the birthday party July 11. I am anxious to hear how the pop and M&M event goes over for Father’s Day tomorrow.

I want to go to Emporia Monday and get the food order placed for the birthday party. I have decided to cater it as I worked some numbers and it is a bit more expensive but not really that much. I also need to order a cake and cupcakes. The party is in three weeks and I like to give my vendors lots of notice. Still have no idea how many will come but am going to pick a number and go from there.

Summer Solstice tonight. Time seems to slow down during this time of year for me. I do feel my gifts are fully present and being put into service in a new way for me. Things feel easy for the most part which is how I know I am using my gifts.

Grateful for a stay-at-home day, grateful I got the Charity PayPal up and running after six months of trying, and grateful to celebrate Nicole and Geoff today.

This has felt like a long day. I was surprised when I looked at the clock and it is only 4:30. I assumed it would be at least 6:00 if not later.

I did two loads of laundry and got them folded and put away. Yay for me. Kathy said sometimes you have the celebrate the small wins and that is what that feels like to me when I manage to get things folded and put away the same day they are washed.

Our neighbor came over and mowed our yard for the first time today. She came in afterwards and we had a wonderful conversation. I shared with her the history of Love in Action. She brought over a book of stamps. I gave her a couple packages of the grass-fed beef for her to try to make sure she will like the beef that is coming early August.

She told me about an app that caters to nonprofits called Zeffy. I might explore that as an option to collect donations for Love in Action. They don’t charge funds unless someone chooses to donate to them. You can enter a card information or bank accounts and pay that way. Something to explore, especially if I can’t get PayPal Charity to get up and running. It would be nice to find one that doesn’t charge fees.

Some friends dropped by and we had a wonderful conversation about a mutual acquaintance. I feel like a weight I was carrying got picked up and taken from me. I am forever in their debt.

I am working on making copies of my blog. I try to do that two or three times a year. I still have a couple months to go before I finish that little project. I can only request print on about nine days at a time and then I have to wait a bit. If I try to do too many, the printer stops and I have to start over. Good lesson in patience for me.

I took a check up to the Detention Center. I was informed last night that what I paid for the M&M treats wasn’t enough. The person at the Center had misunderstood the pricing sheet and didn’t order enough quantity. I had thought the price was way too low to start with so wasn’t too surprised when I got the email last night. Thankful I had extra funds to cover the additional expense easily.

Summer Solstice is Sunday. Time seems to slow down for me around the Solstice. We are invited to take a moment and honor the light that surrounds us and is within us. Light sustains us and carries us through the hard times. You are light! Light is love!

No plans for the weekend or next week for that matter. Have a few little tasks to do around the house. Getting my blog printed was one of those. Doing some cleaning is another. Getting my notary renewal application completed is on my to-do list for the weekend. Deciding what food to serve for the Love in Action Birthday Party is on the list too. Need to order a cake and cupcakes and if I decide to have it catered I need to get that order placed. I also need to write out an invitation for the Detention Center staff and get that to them. Lots of little things to take care of.

Sitting in amazement with how the Universe works. Problems are discovered and answers come with little effort when things are in alignment. Trust and patience! I think that needs to be my new mantra.

Grateful for a neighbor that will barter, grateful for friends that stepped up to the plate and took care of something, and grateful for Summer Solstice that invites us to be grateful for the light that surrounds us and is within each of us.

Neither Kathy nor I slept much last night. I think it was because the house was so hot. I doubt if I got more than three hours total the whole night.

Called the A/C repair guy first thing this morning and got on his schedule. He was able to come around 1:00 and got it fixed. He found a stuck valve and had to replace it. Wonder if it is covered under warranty? The unit is only two years old. I was gone when he came so didn’t get to ask him.

I went to Emporia and met Jason for lunch. Always a good day when I get to spend time with one of my kids. After lunch I took my car through the car wash and then went to Walmart to get some groceries. Got what I needed and came home.

Took a nap when I got home. Still don’t feel rested but am better than I was before I laid down.

Had a phone call from a Detainee’s wife. It was nice to talk to her for a bit. She sure is in a hard spot with her husband being detained for so long. He has been in the Detention Center since last December. Still not sure when he might get released.

Had a few sprinkles off and on today. Rain is in the forecast everyday for the next ten days. Not sure we need more rain at this point but I would rather have the rain than the 100 degree days.

Trying to decide what to fix for the light lunch for the Love in Action Birthday Party. I could get cold cuts, cheese, etc for build your own sandwiches or I could cater BBQ. Not sure which would be cheaper. Catering would be easier. I will price some things out and see what I decide to do. Have no idea how many people will show up so it is hard to estimate cost. What do I want lots of leftovers of may well decide which way I go.

No plans for the rest of the week or weekend. I haven’t done much today but a couple of stay-at-home days sound nice. I have a few little projects to work on and maybe I can find the motivation to get them done this weekend. Next week has lots of empty space in it too. Time for me to get some things done!

Hoping to get the charity PayPal account finally up and running soon. I am waiting on them to confirm I am an official charity and then I should be set to go. Although I am doubting myself as I type that. This little project has dragged on since the first of the year and I am not sure I really believe I am at the end of it. I hate to have to pay fees to get donations but I am not technically able to continue to use VENMO for Love in Action. If I can’t get connected to PayPal Charity soon, I might throw in the towel and give up. Wish there was another way to collect donations that was free and one that most people can access easily.

Feeling like there was something important I was supposed to take care of today but have no idea what it was. Guess it will reappear in my mind if it was important.

Sitting with a feeling of expectation today but have no idea what I expecting to happen. Maybe something new is on its way to me. I have lots of empty space to accommodate what ever is coming.

Grateful for time with Jason today, grateful the A/C is fixed, and grateful for all the empty space ahead of me.