Starry night on the prairie

I didn’t fall asleep until 6:00 this morning. I slept till 10:00 so got four hours of sleep. Surprisingly I haven’t felt too tired today,

I went to Emporia and met Tagen for lunch. It is always a treat to spend time with him. He still is a bit up in the air about his plans. We shall see what he decides to do.

I went through the car wash and then came home. Couldn’t think of any errands I needed to take care of while I was in town.

Went to the bank in Cottonwood Falls and cashed in my loose change bowl. Had over $60 in change in it. I also converted some $100 bills into $20.

I remembered to go to city hall and get new dog tags for Sophia and Roxy. Now I need to remember to put them on their collars.

I sent a note to the doctor I saw last week about my prolapse. She was to refer me to a surgeon in Wichita and I haven’t heard anything yet. So far they haven’t responded to my note. Wonder why these things seem to be so hard?

I haven’t done much else today. I may go out and take a long walk this evening. It has been a beautiful day and I need to get out and enjoy it a bit.

No plans for tomorrow. The CD that I need to take care of renews tomorrow but I have ten calendar days to take care of it. I’ll see if I feel like going back to Emporia tomorrow. I do have to go to town later this week to get groceries for the meals I will be fixing next week when Kathy’s kids are here. They aren’t coming until a week from today so have plenty of time to go get them. I may even wait until Sunday so everything will be fresh.

I keep reading the news about the situation in LA. Man, it sure depends on where you get your news as to what you read and hear. Both sides seem to be telling different stories. Guessing the truth is somewhere out there but main stream media doesn’t seem to be able to sort it all out. Hearing reports about undocumented people being picked up here in Kansas. I wonder if they are being given their due process. So many are in the process of getting documented but that process is both expensive and cumbersome. Our immigration laws are so broken. I do wonder what I would do if I was in their shoes and had to flee my home country due to violence and corruption. Beginning to think I may have to flee my home country due to violence and corruption. Would I worry if I didn’t have the proper documentation if I decide to flee? The harm humans can do to other humans is overwhelming sad. Not sure why we are so afraid of each other.

My heart aches tonight for all people. Fear and chaos seem to be the rule of the day. I really wonder what the end game to all this will be. I know love will prevail but how far down the rabbit hole does society have to go before we remember love is the answer. I keep reminding myself my job is to stay above neutral and radiate all the love I have outward. I don’t have to be concerned where and how it goes I just know with every fiber of my being that it is important I do so. It doesn’t feel like it is enough but what else can a person do?

I wish the ballgame I am going to was on a different date. I really am feeling the need to go protest. However, family comes first. I will find a protest in another week or so to go to. Maybe I need to organize another one here in Cottonwood Falls.

Grateful for the mild temperature today, grateful for what sleep I did get, and grateful to know that love will win.

I am still in my pajamas if that tells you how my day went. It was a delightful stay-at-home type of day. I did absolutely nothing all day.

I got more sleep last night than I have been getting although I would sleep in spurts. Felt a bit more rested this morning but I wouldn’t say I got a good night’s sleep last night. At least I know I can sleep which I hadn’t the two nights before this.

It got really windy this afternoon but now it is as still as can be. The thunderstorm that was brewing went around us. It feels too quiet outside now. The temperature dropped about 10 degrees pretty quickly.

I need to walk down to city hall tomorrow and renew the dog tags. That has been on my list for a bit and I need to take care of it.

I have to go to Emporia Tuesday to deal with a CD that matures. Hoping I can track down Tagen and find out what is going on with him. I need to find out when he is moving out and what he has decided to do with the truck. He has till the end of the month to decide if he is keeping it or finding something else. Time goes by so quickly he needs to make a decision so things can get in place one way or another.

Still sitting in that in-between space. Today I was able to relax in to it and it didn’t feel so heavy. Lots of things in the works but none of them are waiting on me to make the next move. Things happen when the timing is best. Hard sometimes to let go and allow.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful the rain went by us, and grateful for the sleep I got last night.

I don’t think I got more than two hours of sleep last night. One of those nights. I was still going when the power went off at 11:15. I called it in. Eventually the Evergy site said it would be back on at 1:15. It came back on around 1:30 so their estimate was close.

We got more rain overnight. I have quite the pond in my front yard again. There is no place for the water to go. The ground can’t absorb any more water. Had some sharp lightning and loud thunder overnight.

I broke down and turned the A/C on last night. It was so humid that I thought it would help me sleep better with the A/C on. The house is much more comfortable today with the A/C on. We have had to keep the dogs inside all day as their pen is a mud pit. Hoping it will dry out enough they can spend the day outside tomorrow. They seem to enjoy the A/C too.

I’m surprised I didn’t take a nap today. I didn’t even get tired. I am starting to get suspicious that the steroid cream I am using is being absorbed in my body. Steroids prevent me from sleeping. I am to use this cream for at least three months. Not sure that is going to be possible if this keeps up. Maybe a body adjusts? I’ll give it a few more days and see what happens. Not sure I can go three months without much sleep. Not sure what the option will be if I can’t use the steroid cream.

This has been a quiet day at home. I did go out for lunch mid afternoon. Came home and took a walk down to the river. Felt good to get out and walk. It wasn’t so hot out today and it was a nice evening to walk.

No plans for tomorrow except another quiet day at home. The anger that surfaced yesterday seems to have quieted down or maybe nothing triggered it and it is still there. Sometimes I miss my body’s cues and misread them.

Not very motivated to find a new project to work on. I have gotten very comfortable doing nothing most days. Nothing feels very important or urgent to do so I ignore what needs to be done. It patiently waits for me to get to it. I do feel better about myself though when I get something accomplished during the day. I fear I am turning into a slug.

Grateful for the sunshine today, grateful for a walk to the bridge tonight, and grateful for the sleep I will get tonight.

I went to Emporia late morning. I stopped at Commercial Street Diner for breakfast. It was delicious as always with great service. I was digging in my purse for money to pay and a $100 bill fell out. I decided to leave it as a tip. I do this occasionally as it gives me great joy. I went up to the register and paid and left.

As I was walking down the sidewalk to my car, my waitress came running down the sidewalk. She wanted to make sure I hadn’t left it in error. Now that is what I love about mid America. How honest and thoughtful was that? That reinforced I chose the right waitress to leave a big tip to.

After having worked in the service industry for years, I understand well how hard waitressing is. This gal does one of the best jobs of it I have ever seen. She is very personable, efficient and kind.

I dropped a sack of books I had read off at the library to return them to the Friends of the Library. Then I went to the water department to get Tagen’s water put back in my name. I went to Walmart and picked up a few things I needed and then came home.

This afternoon I printed my blog off. I hadn’t printed it since May of 2024. I lost three years of my blog one time when the system was updated and somehow my data got lost. I have since started printing a copy and keeping them in big binders. It took a bit to get them all printed and three-hole punched and put in binders. Good to have that caught up and off my pending to-do list.

It rained on me while I was in Emporia. We got a bit more rain overnight here. We have a chance of more rain tomorrow afternoon. It will soon dry up and get hot and we won’t see rain again for weeks/months. Sure wish it could get distributed more evenly over the summer. After the rain on Saturday we are to have several dry days with the possibility of more rain coming in for next weekend. I trust it won’t rain the Royals game out on the 14th.

Found out when my nieces and nephew are coming in another week. I need to get hold of my kids and brothers and schedule a family day while they are here. It will be fun to have them all here and get everyone together. I have started making menus and grocery lists so we can get them fed while they are here. They are only going to be here for three full days and four nights.

I had a surprise phone call today. My Marine, as I called him, (Brian) was driving through Kansas today and called me. I hadn’t spoken to him in a long time. It was great to hear from him. He stayed with me for almost a year in 2019. He has completed his lineman apprenticeship and is now a supervisor. He is still traveling all over the US doing contract jobs. What I loved the most about doing the AirBnb is that many of my guests became dear friends. Another guest that stayed a couple times with me texted me today looking for a bed for the Symphony weekend. I had to let her know I had sold the big house and no longer have extra bedrooms.

The rancher I buy a beef from every year let me know she is taking one to the butcher on July 18. I will have an extra quarter if anyone is interested in it. I haven’t checked beef prices so not sure how much it will be. The rancher charges me livestock sale barn hoof prices and then there is a charge for the processing.

No plans for the weekend. One day next week I have to go to Emporia and deal with a CD that is up for renewal. I also need to go to City Hall in Cottonwood and renew the dog tags. Other than that, I have a very quiet week ahead.

Didn’t hear this week from the surgeon I am being referred to. Not sure if I should go ahead and get Max’s Celebration of Life dinner on the calendar or wait it out a bit longer. I think I will wait until after the visit from Kathy’s kids and then decide what to do. I do better when I only have one big thing ahead of me. That will give the surgeon’s office time to get hold of me. Good thing it isn’t urgent!

Sitting in a weird place tonight. Feeling a bit disconnected from life. I have way too much empty space on my calendar and I do better when I have more structure. Yet I hesitate to put things on my calendar until I know about surgery. This in-between space is hard for me. Reminding myself to relax into it and allow. Easier said than done!

Grateful for those that do the work of being a waitress, grateful I crossed some things off my to-do list today, and grateful for friends that reach out and surprise me with a phone call.

This has been a rest and recovery day for me. I am still in my pajamas as I forgot to get dressed this morning. It was too late in the day to get dressed when I realized I was still in my pajamas.

I went to bed around 10:00 last night and slept until 4:00 this morning. Around 6:00 I gave up trying to get more sleep and got up. Did a load of laundry and messed around a bit. Fell asleep in my chair around 11:00 and slept until 2:00.

I did manage to do the dishes today and fold and put away the load of laundry I did. That is absolutely all I have done today.

It sprinkled a bit this morning but this afternoon the sun is shining and it is warming up a bit. We are to get more rain overnight. It is starting to cloud over now as the latest storm gets ready to move in.

I haven’t heard if the highway between Cottonwood Falls and Strong City is open or not. The water has crested and the river is falling but it is still way out of its banks. I hadn’t planned on going anywhere today so haven’t checked lately to see what the latest report from the Sheriff is.

I had gone on-line to change Tagen’s electric bill to my name as he is moving out later this month. I got an email from Evergy today saying I had to call them as they were not able to complete my request. I detest the automated answering systems. I finally got to talk to a competent person but they had to call me back as the wait time was 30 minutes. She took care of the transfer. I had some anger and frustration come out as I was punching my way through the automated system. That is a sign to me that I need a couple more quiet days at home in time-out to allow my system to chill out.

I was able to get his gas bill transferred to my name without issue as far as I know. I thought I had taken care of the electric bill until I got the email today. I know the water bill has to be done in person at the city office. Next time I go to Emporia I will stop and take care of that one.

I still don’t know for sure when Tagen is moving out. He is waiting for his apartment to become available. Should be before the end of the month. After I have a definite date I need to decide on a realtor and get the house listed. It will be good to have it gone.

Starting to do some work on making a menu for the week that Kathy’s kids will be here. Still not sure when they are arriving and leaving and what their plans are. I don’t want to buy lots of extra food to fix and then find out they had other plans. Still have some time to complete my grocery list and menus but it helps me if I start early. It is a pain to have to run to Emporia last minute because I forgot something.

I haven’t heard from the surgeon yet and not sure when I might. The doctor’s report from my visit yesterday hasn’t posted on-line yet. That should have the details of who is going to call me. Maybe they are waiting to finish the report until the referral gets completed or when they hear back from the urine culture.

No plans for the rest of the week. It may be a bit before I get in my car and go again. It does my soul good to stay home for several days in a row. I have some little tasks that need taken care of when I get to them but nothing urgent that needs done.

Not feeling like I am at neutral or above today. The anger that came up during the automated phone call surprised me. I must have some trapped emotion that needs to be felt and heard so I can release it. The best way for me to allow that to happen is to have lots of quiet, down time. Grateful I can make that happen over the next couple of days. Sometimes I never know what the emotion that got trapped is and sometimes I realize after the fact.

Grateful for a chair nap today, grateful for a day of rest, and grateful for the Notes App on my iPad that helps keep me organized.

This day has felt like it has been three days long. I didn’t sleep much last night. I didn’t think I was worrying but could not find sleep. Thinking it will be an early bedtime for me tonight.

I went to the GYN. I liked her and her staff. They were kind and good listeners and easy to talk to. I do have a prolapse and she recommended surgery. However, she has to refer me to a “lady plumber” in Wichita as she called it. Not sure what the doctor’s name is I am being referred to or when I might hear from them but will give it a week or so.

I also have a skin infection of some sort. This was an incidental find today. She prescribed a steroid cream that I have to use for three months. One tube cost $150 and the pharmacist said I will need at least one more and maybe two more tubes before the three months are up.

The GYN had me take a urine test as some of my symptoms sounded like a UTI to the Doctor. The results were inconclusive so they are going to culture them and see if anything grows. I told the nurse when she called me with the results that I can’t do oral antibiotics due to my history with C-Diff. She said she would pass that along to the doctor. We shall see what happens if I need antibiotics.

I went to Walmart after my appointment to pick up the prescription. The pharmacist had some questions about how often I was to apply it. What the Doctor told me didn’t match with what was called in. He called the Doctor but couldn’t get hold of her so I had to go back. When I went back after lunch he still hadn’t heard from the Doctor so he called her again. He didn’t change the dosage on the box of cream he gave me but told me to follow the schedule the doctor gave me. I was on a time crunch as I needed to get to court and he worked hard to get me the medication so I didn’t have to come back a third time.

I met Jason for lunch at Radius and then we went to a court thing. To our surprise the judge was able to render a decision today. The hearing went two hours longer than scheduled but it is all over. Not sure Jason got what he was hoping for but the good news is he now knows what he is getting and everything is settled.

I talked to our attorney about Max’s situation. He echoed what the estate attorney had said in that it may not be worth filing for probate. I am going to table that decision for a bit and revisit it again later. I am still waiting to find out when I might have surgery before I schedule the Celebration of Life for Max. Trusting the doctor’s office I am being referred to will get back to me sooner rather than later and that there isn’t a month or more wait to be seen. If there is, I can go ahead and get it scheduled before surgery.

I had to drive to Cassoday on the Turnpike and then up through Matfield Green to Cottonwood Falls to get home. It is a trip of 60 miles instead of 20. It seemed to take a long time to get home. The regular way is flooded over. There are many places along the Turnpike that it looks like a new lake was put in. Water, water, everywhere you look there is water. I texted a friend about the road situation off and on all day. I ran into her husband while I was at Walmart getting my prescription. I appreciated their help in finding me a safe way to get home today.

I won’t be going anywhere anytime soon. The flood waters aren’t to recede until sometime tomorrow but we are forecast to get even more rain over the next five to six days. Wondering if the mail can get to us and am betting that the Dollar General will run out of things before a truck can restock them. Lots of people around me have flood damage and a lot of clean up will need to happen over the next month or so. Grateful I am only inconvenienced by a long drive to get to Emporia.

Not sure I am tracking or thinking straight tonight. I am so tired. It was a jam packed day for me and I will need a couple of quiet days at home to recover. Sitting in a court room that is in conflict is tough energy for me to sit in. I had to get up and take a couple breaks during the hearing. It was a huge relief to hear her ruling today and know that the conflict is over. The scars remain though and they will take longer to heal.

Grateful I was able to make it home tonight even though I had to take the long way home, grateful Jason’s situation got answers today even if they weren’t the ones we wanted to hear, and grateful to be able to sleep in my own bed tonight.

Rain rain go away, come again another day. We got 5 – 6 inches of rain overnight and today. The ground was already saturated from the rain last week. Ground water everywhere.

I have a doctor’s appointment in Emporia in the morning at 10:30. I decided I better get to Emporia tonight so I know I can make it in. The road from Cottonwood Falls to Strong City may flood by morning and the road from Matfield Green to Cassoday which is the long ways around is already flooded shut.

I am staying at a hotel in Emporia tonight. I may or may not be able to get home tomorrow night. We shall see what happens. I have a thing in the afternoon to go to with Jason so won’t attempt it until late afternoon. I can always stay a second night in Emporia if need be.

When I got ready to pack it was easy as I did laundry today and hadn’t folded and put away my clothes yet. I folded my clothes from the laundry and put them in a bag to bring to town. Kathy got to stay home with the critters and take care of them.

I had dinner with Jason since I was in town. I invited Michelle, Tagen and Ellexia but none of them got back to me. It was nice to have good conversation with Jason tonight. He has a full plate of life right now and I think it was good for him to be able to vent a bit. Life is certainly easier when we share it with those we love.

I hope to find out tomorrow if I have a prolapse and what the treatment plan for it will be. I could be wrong and it could be something else although I doubt it. I have several things I need to schedule but needed to wait to see if I have to have surgery to fix the prolapse and if so when it might be. They may have to try some other solutions before insurance will approve a surgery.

My left knee is a bit swollen below the knee joint and towards the inside of the leg. Kathy has a red light therapy thingy that I used on it this afternoon. I am also taking lots of ibuprofen. Hoping it is better tomorrow. If not, I may go to Urgent care once I am done at my doctor’s appointment. Not sure what I did to it to make it sore and not sure why it is swollen. It usually only hurts when I walk on it, although last night it hurt during the night. Man, getting old is hard sometimes. My body is acting up lately.

Once I get back home I don’t have any other appointments on my calendar until June 14. Kathy, Michelle and I are going to KC on the 14th to go to the Royals game and watch my son-in-love throw out the first pitch. It will be delightful to have a full week plus of empty space days. I bet some of them fill up sooner rather than later but we shall see what happens.

Still sitting in that in-between space but it doesn’t feel so heavy tonight. Maybe I am getting used to it? Still find myself searching for solid ground under me and have to remind myself it doesn’t exist. I learned on the Camino to take one step at a time and when I could stay out of anticipation I had a better day. Right here, right now, all is well.

Grateful for hotels in Emporia, grateful for dinner with Jason tonight, and grateful the rain is stopping and the sun is to shine tomorrow.

For some reason this has not felt like a Monday to me. I have checked several times to see what day of the week it is. My brain feels like it never woke up this morning.

Kathy and I left for KC at 8:00 this morning and we were back home a little before noon. The visit at the attorney’s office only took 15 minutes. I had to stop and fill my car up on the way out of town. Quickest trip I have ever made to KC. It was good to get that little project for Kathy completed.

I took a nap when I got home. I still don’t feel very rested or like my brain is awake. One of those days.

I went out last night to the Tallgrass Prairie Preserve to see if I could see the Northern Lights. I didn’t see them but I didn’t stay too long as I had to get up early this morning. There were lots and lots of bugs flying around and chirping in the bushes. The night sky was worth driving out for by itself. There was some weird energy flying around out there. I guess the lights showed themself for short bursts of time during the middle of the night. They had been stronger and lasted longer the night before.

Max’s cremains arrived today. It cost almost $125 to have them shipped here. Yikes! After I find out what is happening at my doctor’s appointment Wednesday I will know when I can schedule a Celebration of Life dinner.

I’m grateful this heat wave is breaking tonight. I am so close to turning on the A/C but I know I only have a few more hours to go before Mother Nature will offer me some relief from the heat. Not sure we need more rain right now but guess no one asked me.

Nothing on the calendar for tomorrow. Maybe I can get some extra sleep and wake up feeling awake. I don’t like slow motion brain days.

Wednesday I have my doctor’s appointment. It will be good to know what the doctor says and to have a plan to fix my prolapse, it that is what I have. I feel like I have put my life on hold a bit until I can figure out what is going to happen next.

Feeling ungrounded and unsettled tonight. Lots of things still pending and I can’t move any of them along. This in-between stage sucks sometimes. Doing my best to remind myself this is life and to allow it to be what it is. Sometimes that is easier said than done.

Grateful for a safe trip to and from KC, grateful Kathy got her paperwork done, and grateful that this too shall pass.

This has been an absolutely do nothing day. I got up this morning and still felt tired. After about an hour I went back to bed. I laid in bed for a couple of hours doing nothing. I don’t think I slept, I just self-isolated. It felt like what my body and soul needed today.

I am still in my pajamas as I didn’t bother to get dressed today. My head has been quiet and my body needed quiet today too.

The Northern lights made an appearance last night and are to be visible again tonight. I went outside once during the night to see if I could see them but with all the city lights I could not. I may go out to the country tonight to see if I can see them.

The contractor that is going to fix Michelle’s foundation called and he is going to do her job as soon as it is dry enough to do so. He had taken some time off as his wife had died but is ready to come back to work. I will be grateful when that job is done. Jason told me last week his foundation may need some work done to it. Yikes! I cross one thing off my list and add another. I will be very grateful when I am out of the rental house business.

Tomorrow we have to leave at 8:00 to go to KC. Kathy needs to sign papers at the attorney’s office at 10:00. I need to stop for gas again so will allow a few extra minutes for that. It will be good to have these papers signed, sealed and delivered.

Wednesday I see a new to me doctor for what I think is a prolapse. I am anxious to hear what she has to say and if she agrees with my diagnosis. I would say there is a 50/50 chance I will need surgery but we shall see. Once I know for sure, then I can plan somethings that are on my pending list.

Looks like tomorrow will be the last sunny day for a week or so. More rain and clouds are headed our way. I almost turned the air on today but I think I can handle one more day before it cools down again. I don’t like heat but I don’t like lots of cloudy days either. Guess I am hard to please.

It felt good to slow way down today. Life hit me hard and fast in May and I needed to take a day to let all of me catch up to myself. I can get out ahead of myself sometimes and need to stop and allow what is. Tomorrow brings its own rewards and challenges and I need to remember to stay present to today’s rewards and challenges. One step at a time…. One day at a time…. And sometimes one hour at a time…. One minute at a time…..

Grateful for a very slow day, grateful for sunny skies, and grateful for Northern Lights in KS.

This has been mostly a quiet day at home. I did run into Emporia for a few groceries. I got what I needed and came right home. Walmart wasn’t too busy and I was able to get in and out quickly.

I took some time and made a master list of all the things I have pending. I was getting overwhelmed and needed one list of things that are going on. It helps me calm down a bit and remember that I can do this. Seems like I have about 10 projects going on and all of them are waiting for something or someone to do something before I can do something. It is easy to drop the ball and forget where I am if I don’t keep a list.

Kathy and I decided not to go to the parade. Kathy had mowed the yard today and was hot and tired. I had gone to Emporia and was done with people today. We could hear the noise from the parade from our house. I’m grateful I stayed home. Not in the mood for noise and crowds today.

It warmed up today. I noticed we have another round of storms coming in Tuesday. I also noticed that the northern lights are visible in this area again. If I can’t sleep tonight and it stays clear I might go out after sunset and see if I can find them tonight.

Tomorrow is another stay-at-home day. I have some cleaning that needs done and some decluttering that needs to happen. Trusting I will be in the mood to get some things done tomorrow.

Monday we are going to KC. We have a 10:00 appointment so will need to leave around 8:00. With the trip to MA and now these two trips to KC I will be needing to change the oil on my car again soon. Last time I went seven months before I drove 6,000 miles. This time I probably won’t make three months.

This has felt like a long day to me. I am tired of so many non-productive days in a row. Yet, I have little to no energy to do much. I know my body needs this time of rest but am struggling a bit to relax in to it. I know most of what I am feeling is that in-between thing. So many projects going on yet I can’t move any of them along. My inpatient habit is rearing its ugly head again. I see it, I hear it, and I am honoring it to be what it is. And this too shall pass.

Grateful for a beautiful day, grateful the grocery shopping got completed today, and grateful tomorrow is a stay-at-home day.

Happy birthday to my youngest Nicole. I am so grateful she chose me to be her mother. She has grown into a beautiful, independent, wise woman. I cherish my time with her.

I had a quiet day at home today. Kathy had invited three of our friends over for happy hour this afternoon. It had been a hot minute since I had seen them and it was so good to sit with them and enjoy a deep conversation. I am so blessed to have these ladies in my life.

It was a beautiful day today. The sun came out and stayed out all day. The birds chirped and chirped all day long. I’m impressed we are not having 90 plus degree days yet. Spring has lasted a long time this year.

Trash day was today. After they came and emptied my container I filled it back up again. I got rid of all of the rest of the stuff that needs to go away. It is nice to have my front porch back again free of clutter. I was able to leave enough room in the trash container for what ever trash we have this week. Grateful that part of the project is completed.

I need to go to Emporia tomorrow to get groceries. I had the cat with me Thursday when I went to town and couldn’t stop then. I will need some things before next week. Emporia is crazy busy with the bikers in town but hoping if I just go to Walmart tomorrow and not downtown I can get what I need and get out of there.

The Rodeo parade is tomorrow afternoon at 2:00. Kathy and I may walk downtown and find a spot in the shade and sit and watch the parade. I struggle to make definite decisions 24 hours in advance though. We shall see what tomorrow brings and decide last minute if we are going.

Other than a quick trip for groceries I don’t have any other plans this weekend. Monday we go to KC again and Wednesday I have a doctor’s appointment. The rest of next week is looking free and clear.

Have been having trouble with restless legs lately. It seems to happen in spurts. I will go several weeks/months without having it and then it comes back and I get them most every evening. Drives me a little batty when they flare up. I do have an over the counter medication I take that helps some. What helps the most is a hot bath with Epsom salts. I may take an early bath tonight if my legs don’t quiet down soon.

The in-between feeling is strong in me tonight. I am doing my best to allow it to be what it is and not resist it. Feels like a lot of things are pending and not much I can do about any of them right now. I keep reminding myself this is life and there is really not much that is solid beneath me. I will make a master list of the things that are pending so I don’t forget where things are with them. Sometimes that helps me settle into allowing.

Grateful for my dear friends and their love and support, grateful for the sunny day, and grateful the porch is clean again.

I had a quiet morning at home. Had trouble sleeping last night so haven’t had a lot of energy today.

I took Ellie to the Vet at 3:30. She is so fat she can’t groom herself and has a nasty infection on her private parts. They cleaned her up and gave me some steroid cream to put on her as well as an antibiotic. She also got three vaccines. It cost me $145 to get out of there. Yikes! She has a foul odor from the infection. If it isn’t lots better by the first of next week I am to bring her back in.

Met up with Tagen after I was finished at the vet. We went to Bruff’s for an early dinner. I hadn’t seen Tagen for what feels like a long time. It was nice to get caught up with him. We made some plans for June. He is hoping the apartment he is moving into will be available by June 15. He may trade the truck for a more affordable vehicle. Since he drives to Topeka most days he needs better fuel economy. We shall see how June shakes out for him.

We stopped by the bank after dinner to close an account we are no longer using. It took them forever as they were having computer issues.

Took him back home and picked the cat up. I had taken the cat inside Tagen’s house while we went to dinner. She was hiding under his bed and it took a bit to get her out. She was glad when we got home.

It was a challenge giving Ellie her antibiotic and steroid cream. Kathy held her down and I did the dirty deeds. Ellie was pissed at me before but is really pissed at me now. It may be a long two weeks of treatment.

Tomorrow is trash day. I had left room in the big trash container for our weekly trash. I still had a bit of room so I loaded it up some more. I should be able to get rid of the rest of it next week. I will try to remember to take a load of cardboard to recycling tomorrow and get the front porch cleaned off again. It will be good to have that all gone and taken care of.

Nothing else on my calendar until Kathy and I go to KC again Monday. I have a doctor’s appointment next Wednesday. It will be nice to have a quiet weekend at home. Emporia was a mess today with all the bike riders in town. It was hard to drive down the streets and avoid them.

It was sprinkling while I was driving home around 5:30 this evening. Now the sun is out and all blue skies. I have so missed the sun. It is to be sunny tomorrow and Saturday. My soul needs that!

I needed an old business record today for a little issue that has come up. I was very pleasantly surprised when I call the Historical Society in Topeka that they were able to retrieve the record and email it to me within five minutes of my request. I had anticipated it would take days to weeks to get it. The man that helped me was very kind and efficient. I don’t always see that in the public sector.

Trusting things slow down for me a bit next week. May went by so quickly with the trip to MA and all that has happened since we got home. June will be fairly busy with Tagen moving out and the sale of the rental house. Trusting that the house will sell quickly and be an easy transaction. Kathy’s kids are coming for five days in June so that will be a busy week. We are going to plan some family dinners while they are so everyone can see each other. I hope to have two rather quiet weeks before they come so I can prepare menus, etc.

I’m grateful I decided to put the probate process and the celebration of life dinner on pause. I have a habit of rushing into things and need to remind myself to slow down. Things get done when it is time for them to get done. Honoring the natural order of things helps things go more smoothly and takes lots less energy to accomplish.

Grateful for the time with Tagen today, grateful for a kind Vet and medication for Ellie, and grateful the sun is shining this evening.

Kathy and I headed for KC at 8:00 this morning. I had to stop at Flying J to get gas. We made it to KC 15 minutes early.

We met with my estate attorney. He is drawing up a will, a living will and a power of attorney for Kathy. We go back next Monday at 10:00 for her to sign the papers.

This attorney is pleasant and easy to work with. If anyone needs a good trust or estate attorney let me know and I will pass along his information. He is a bit pricey but I think most attorneys are these days.

We were only with the attorney for about 15 minutes. After we were done we went to Costco. Didn’t find much to buy this time. We stopped at Chipotle and had lunch and then came home. It was a quick trip up and back.

Both of us came home exhausted. When the attorney asked when we wanted to come back I told him not this week. I can’t handle two trips to KC in one week anymore.

I did some thinking about Max’s affairs. I worked on the probate papers last night and was thinking about them today. I have decided to wait to file until we get an answer about one of his accounts. Once that is known, I will then know if I need to wait a bit longer or if I can proceed now. I have two years to file so no real rush in filing.

I also decided to wait on setting a date for the Celebration of Life. We don’t have the cremains back yet and I don’t want to proceed until we have them. I also need to wait until I know if I need surgery or not. I should find that out next Wednesday.

Sometimes I get in a hurry and do things out of order. I need to slow down and allow things to unfold a bit before I push some things through. This is an order to things that makes things go smoothly. The trick is figuring out the order and allowing that to dictate the schedule. Sometimes you don’t know the order until you know.

Tomorrow I have to take Ellie to the Vet at 3:30. Hoping I can find Tagen while I am in town so I can talk to him. He had to work this afternoon so I couldn’t meet up with him on my way back through town early afternoon. I would like to stop and get a few groceries but with the cat I may not be able to. I’ll see how hot it is tomorrow and if I think it would be safe to stop. I may have to make two trips to town tomorrow.

I have Friday and the weekend free. Nothing going on that I know of now. We make another trip to KC next Monday.

Next week I will need to go to Emporia and get the utilities of Tagen’s house changed back to me. He will be moving out within the next couple of weeks. Once he is out and I do a good cleaning of the house, I will list it for sale. Wish I could use the broker that sold my last rental house but I will no longer do business with the firm she is associated with. The broker did an outstanding job but I no longer trust the firm she works with. Anyone know a great broker?

Feeling a bit empty this evening. I took the pressure off myself by delaying the probate process and celebration of life. Taking that off created a void that I am feeling. I will do some meditation and allow that void to be filled with light. It is easy for me to drop back in to old habits of doing instead of being. When I come back to being I feel the void in my body.

Grateful for a safe trip to and from KC today, grateful I can postpone the probate process and the celebration of life gathering, and grateful I can go to bed early tonight.

The dogs are on my shit list. For some reason they barked off and on all night long. I took them out at 3:00 for a short walk. They both peed but kept barking. I should have put them out in their pen but I was trying to avoid them becoming mud balls. They were still restless mid morning and I gave up and put them outside. They have lost the privilege of coming in the house tonight.

Needless to say, I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. I wasn’t having a good night of sleep anyways and the dogs took away what little I was managing to find.

A dear friend and her best friend came over today. We had a nice time. Kathy joined us for lunch at the Grand. My soul needed a deep conversation today and this friend allowed me to vent. It was a grand day!

I finally got Max’s truck insurance cancelled. It only took five phone calls all together. Man, it shouldn’t be that hard to take care of a simple task.

Max’s death certificates arrived in my mail today. I mailed one to one of his insurance providers as they had requested. I will need another one when I mail the probate papers next week. I can’t file that paperwork until it has been 30 days since the day of death.

I have worked on the probate papers today. Tomorrow Kathy and I are going to see my attorney so he can draw up some papers for Kathy. I am going to take the probate papers with me and ask him a couple questions about them. I’m not sure of a couple of the questions what the proper response is. I don’t want to withhold information from them but I don’t want to give them information they don’t need either.

I was going to pay my income tax estimate payment for June. I looked all over for the voucher I needed. Finally decided to call my accountant and found out that they signed me up for auto pay this year. The funds will automatically be withheld on the due date. No wonder I couldn’t find the vouchers. I’m always afraid I will forget to pay them or they won’t get them on time so I am grateful it will be automatically paid and I won’t have to worry about it this year.

I didn’t make it down to city hall to check on the availability of the community building. I am a bit shy about committing to a date until I have my doctor’s appointment next week. I may have to have surgery and will have to time things in my best interest if that is the case. I may wait until after the doctor’s appointment to find a date for the Celebration of Life dinner. There is no real rush so can do it anytime.

We are leaving at 8:00 in the morning for our 10:00 attorney appointment. I need to stop and fill the car with gas so will have to leave a bit early to allow time for that. Trusting the water won’t be over the highway so I can get out of town. The prediction is it won’t cover the road. If we get more rain tonight that may change things. I still have lots of standing water in my yard. There is no place for the water to soak into by now and it will run off quickly.

If we have the energy for it we will make a Costco stop when we are done with the attorney. There is a chance that he will have us come back in the early afternoon to finalize the papers instead of having to make a second trip to KC. If that happens, we will go to lunch and then go shopping at Costco to kill the time. We shall see what happens tomorrow.

I need to talk to Tagen about something. He may have to work tomorrow and if so I will have to make another trip to town tomorrow evening so we can talk. I will take him to dinner if that is the case. He is to let me know tomorrow if he will be home when we come back through Emporia tomorrow afternoon or if I have to go back to town later in the day to meet up with him.

I am taking Ellie to the Vet on Thursday. She is overdue for her annual check and shots. Lately she has had a foul oder about her and I need to make sure she isn’t becoming diabetic. While I am in town I have a sack of books to take to the Friends of the Library for their next book sale.

Thinking it will be an early bedtime tonight. I will have to get up by 7:00 tomorrow morning to be ready to leave at 8:00. I am not in the habit of getting up that early. Trusting tonight I will be able to sleep without interruptions as I will leave the dogs outside all night.

I am ready for the sun to come back out and play. We surely needed the rain but after a couple days without the sun I get cranky. I sure couldn’t live in Washington or Oregon where they can go weeks without the sun. I broke down and turned the furnace back on as the house was cold. Can’t remember the last time I had to turn the furnace on in late May. Even Kathy was cold before I turned it on and that like never happens.

Sitting with lots of unknowns tonight. Not sure how the probate process works for sure and how long that will take, not sure if I will need surgery and if I do when I might do that, not sure what is going to happen with Tagen’s house and truck, not sure when to schedule the Celebration of Life for Max, not sure about much of anything tonight. Pema Chodron wrote a book “Living Beautifully with Uncertainly and Change”. She reminds us that everything changes and yet what we are looking for in life is certainty and that is hard to find. Learning to get comfortable in the in-between times where there is no certainty is important. I will dig that book out and read it and allow it to remind myself there is nothing wrong with uncertainty even though it feels like there is. Uncertainly feels uncomfortable in my body and I need to allow it to feel uncomfortable without fighting or resisting it.

Grateful for friends that come visit, grateful for outdoor dog pens, grateful for attorney’s that help solve some of life’s little problems.

This has been a rainy day. Hearing reports of from 4 to 6 inches of rain over the weekend around here. Lots of standing water on our walks with the dogs. Looking forward to some sunshine later this week. The dogs want to go outside and play in their pen but I haven’t let them as I don’t want them to track in mud.

I went to the family reunion late. I showed up as they were finishing eating. I visited with a few and then left. Not in the mood for a crowd today. They didn’t have a huge crowd today but had a nice turnout. I got to see my Aunt Marylyn and my brother Keith and part of his family. Also visited with some of my mother’s cousins. I only stayed about 45 minutes – it was all I could handle.

Haven’t done much else today. I did manage to do the dishes and clean up the kitchen a bit. I had laid out two pounds of hamburger to make a meat loaf to take to the reunion and need to figure out what to do with the thawed meat tomorrow.

A dear friend and her best guy are coming over tomorrow late morning. I may get ambitious and fix lunch for them or we may end up eating at the Grand. I’ll see how my morning goes.

Wednesday we are going to KC for the day. Have to leave the house by 8:00 so will have to get up early and get going.

I need to make some phone calls tomorrow so trusting I will be able to do that. I want to get a date set for Max’s Celebration of Life and I need to know when the community building is available so I can reserve it and set the date. Once I have the date I can then start making other plans for invitations, food, etc.

I need to get an appointment to take Ellie to the Vet. She is overdue for her shots and she has a foul oder about her. I am suspicious she is becoming diabetic.

We will probably get Max’s death certificates tomorrow or Wednesday. I will start preparing the paperwork needed to file for MA probate. It seems to be rather simple but that doesn’t always hold water for long. I can’t officially file until June 4 but I would like to have everything ready to go on June 4. We need the probate process to close out his bank account and to forward his mail. There is a retirement account that may need probate to close it out too.

After Wednesday I will go back to having lots of empty space ahead. Hoping I will get the rest of the deep cleaning done. I have dragged this out so long it is time to repeat clean the rooms I have already cleaned. Sure seems something always needs cleaned around here.

I have been a bit teary eyed today. Allowing myself some grace to release some stored up emotion. May has turned into a challenging month for me and I need to slow down and allow the emotion to come up and out. Not a fun thing to do but oh so necessary.

Grateful to see some relatives for a hot minute today, grateful for Notes on my iPhone so I don’t forget to do the things on my to do list, and grateful for the rain that has fallen and looking forward to the sun returning.

I had a weird night’s sleep. I went to bed at 7:00 and fell asleep right away. Slept until 9:00 and then was up for a couple of hours. Rinse and repeat all night.

I heard the thunderstorms at some point during the night. It was still raining when I got up this morning. Not sure how much rain we got but the puddle by the sidewalk is getting big. So nice to get rain again. It feels like it has been a long time since we got a good soaking.

I have done absolutely nothing today. I am still in my pajamas. Decided I wasn’t going anywhere today and no one was coming over so why get dressed. I didn’t attempt to clean anything today. Not in the mood for it and decide to take a day of rest.

Sophia wanted to go outside this morning but Roxy stayed in. Kathy walked both dogs when it quit raining. Roxy stayed in the house all day. Kathy finally let Sophia in late afternoon. Kathy had to take the hose to her to clean Sophia off enough so she could come in the house. She smells like wet dog – yuck!

Tomorrow I have a family reunion to go to if I can make myself go. I laid out some hamburger to make a meat loaf if I decide to go. Will throw together a dessert of some sort in the morning and call it good. We always have too much food so am not taking much.

Tuesday I need to call and make a Vet appointment for Ellie. She has a foul oder and I am suspicious she might becoming diabetic. I also need to call and reserve the Community Building in Cottonwood Falls so we can hold a Celebration of Life for Max (Gene) some time soon. The date of the event will depend on when the building is available. I also need to call and cancel Max’s truck insurance. Trusting I will be able to make calls that day – some days I can and some days I can’t.

Wednesday we have to be at an attorney’s office in KC at 10:00. We will have to get up and get going early that day. Will stop for lunch while we are in town and will make a Costco stop. Nicole is tied up that day so we can’t have lunch with her.

No plans for the rest of the week or next weekend. I will continue to work on the deep clean of this house and get that project wrapped up.

Feeling a bit ungrounded today. Not sure what is up with that as I have spent the day at home without any TV on and I didn’t read much news today. I didn’t move my body much today and I’m sure that is part of it. Feeling very unmotivated today and couldn’t make myself move. Feels a bit like I am swimming upstream and going no where.

Grateful for the rain, grateful for a day of rest, and grateful for the empty space that I am finding myself in these days.

I was surprised when I looked at the clock. I thought it was getting close to bedtime and it is only 5:30. I woke up early today so this has been a long day.

We had a thunderstorm during the night. Not sure how much rain we got but I had a big puddle beside the sidewalk. It usually takes over an inch that comes down hard to make that puddle. Lots of lightning and thunder during the night. I love the sound of thunder and appreciated the rain. We are in a drought and every drop of rain we get helps.

This has been mostly a stay-at-home day. I did run to Strong City to put some books in the little free library. I had two sacks full but only one sack would fit. I will take the other sack to the Friends of the Library in Emporia next time I am downtown. I went to Jacalita for a late lunch/early dinner.

I hand mopped the dining room today. I moved everything off the floor except the big pieces and cleaned it good. Found lots and lots of dirt. Can’t remember the last time I had done that. Guess I need to do it more often.

I moved all the clutter out of the living room. Now my porch looks cluttered but I don’t see it all the time. It will all go away sooner or later. Have some cardboard to take to the recycling bin. It is nice to have my living room clutter free again.

I had put on a long sleeve shirt today as the house felt cool after the rain. I spilled some of my breakfast on it and had to change shirts. While I was eating my late lunch I spilled sauce on the clean shirt. I decided it was not going to be a three-shirt day but it probably should have been. I’m not going anywhere and no one is coming over so decided to live with a sauce drip on my second shirt of the day. One of those days I guess…..

Kathy decided not to go to the alumni banquet. She had planned on going but was having a hard day. I do the same thing – going somewhere sounds fun until it is time to leave the house and then I can’t/won’t go. I offered to go with her but she knew I really didn’t want to go and she decided to stay home.

Didn’t feel up to attempting to fix my Apple Watch problem. It is telling me to enter the password to my apple account. When I do that apple tells me it is the wrong password. I go in circles trying to change the password. I have to be in the right mood for all that nonsense. Today was not the day!

No plans for tomorrow. I hope to get some more of the cleaning done. I am well over half way done. Sure feels nice to have a couple of clean rooms. Still have a bit more to do in the dining room and bedroom and then those two rooms will be done. Just have the kitchen and living room to do after that. Sure enjoy having a small house when it comes time to clean.

Monday I have a family reunion to go to if I can make myself go. I enjoy it when I go although I am not good at small talk and sometimes there isn’t anyone there that I can get into a deep conversation with. Not the time and space for that anyways but I really do not like shallow, small talk. I will come home exhausted if I go.

Tuesday I want to see if the shelter house at Swope Park is available June 29. I would like to host a Celebration of Life for Max (Gene). I will have to find another date if it isn’t available that day.

Kathy and I are going to KC Wednesday but other than that I don’t have any plans next week. It has been nice to have this empty space. My soul has needed extra breathing space lately. I have limited how much news I am reading and allowing the silence to surround me. It feels familiar and comforting to me right now. So much hardship and chaos is going on in the world right now. My soul can’t handle it right now and I have needed to retreat for a bit. My job is to fill my soul with light and keep it full and overflowing. That takes most of my energy these days.

Grateful the living room is clean again, grateful for the thunder and rain overnight, and grateful for a washer and dryer that makes days like this easy.

Kathy and I drove to Florence for lunch at the Branding Iron. It was one of the best restaurant lunches I have had in a long time. We both got the special which was a smash burger with avocado with fries.

After we ate we visited three different cemeteries to place flowers at graves of loved ones. We went to Hillsboro, Florence, and Cottonwood Falls cemeteries.

As we were leaving the last cemetery it started sprinkling a bit. By the time we got home it was sprinkling harder. We brought the cats and dogs inside and then it started raining. We didn’t get much rain but grateful we got the dogs and cats in before they got muddy and wet. It feels down right cold to me this afternoon. I thought strongly about turning the furnace on but wouldn’t let myself. I may turn my little floor heater on though. Once I get cold, I have a hard time warming up.

My Endocrinologist sent me a note and changed up my thyroid medications. That surprised me as she usually has me recheck in a couple of weeks and then changes it up if it remains low. The new prescription is coming from Mississippi so it will be a couple of days before I can start using the new dose. Hopefully my levels won’t go any lower before then. I may skip one dose this weekend and see if that will help.

My social security for the month was to be in my bank account next week. Guess because of the holiday Monday they sent it early. That was a nice surprise.

I have a password problem. My Apple Watch quit working as it says I need to enter my Hotmail password. I do that but it doesn’t fix the problem. I changed the password and that doesn’t work. Does anyone know anything about this stuff? It is driving me crazy and I am at my limit of skill set. Not sure why all of a sudden my watch did that as nothing had changed. Technology messes with my brain sometimes – and not in a good way.

I go round and round with the codes, passwords, etc. It feels like it is a black hole that sucks me in and never lets me out! Can anyone help a girl out?

I filled the trash can for next week already and still have more than seven boxes to go. I can do this for one more week – right? I think I can, I think I can. I have got to get rid of this clutter in the living room – it is getting on my last nerve. I think I will pile them on the front porch. I only see that when I come into the house.

Tried calling to cancel Max’s truck insurance and the phone would ring for several times and then a voice would come on that said “good bye” and disconnect the line. Tried it twice. I called around 3:00 our time. Maybe they closed early for the holiday weekend. I’ll try again Tuesday.

Can you tell I am falling into the muck pond? Little annoyances are wearing me out. None of them are big but added up I have allowed them to push me over the ledge. Be very careful of me right now!

We are going to plan a picnic at on Sunday, June 29 to have a celebration of Max’s life. He asked that we not hold a service and we will honor that. He asked that his cremains be scattered at a body of water or else in a forest. Since Kansas is not known for its forests, we will use the Chase County Lake as the next best spot. I think we will have a lunch and then a short remembrance. His birthday was June 25 so this is close to that. I need to check if there is a shelter of some sort that we can reserve in advance. Anyone know who I call?

Made an appointment for Kathy to go to my estate attorney next week. We are going Wednesday to KC so she can get her will drawn up and designate a power of attorney, etc. She has been wanting to get that done for some time. We both have extra free time and it seemed to be the right time to get that done. Since we will be in KC we will make a stop at Costco and restock.

Sitting with a major life change in this house. Nothing has changed yet it feels like everything did. Not sure where this new path will lead. It will teach me a much needed lesson in patience. Grateful for a strong support system around me. It will be an interesting ride in the coming months and years.

Grateful for my loved ones and the memories of them I hold dear, grateful for the city trash service, and grateful for blankets and floor heaters on cold, rainy days.

The A/C guy came early this morning to do the annual check on the A/C unit. I’m grateful I woke up early and was ready for him when he showed up an hour early.

Kathy had a doctor’s appointment this afternoon and I went to town with her. Since I was at the clinic I remembered to get a blood draw to check my TSH levels. They came back low at 0.5. They haven’t been this low for a long time. I bet they won’t change my prescription and have me recheck them in four weeks.

We stopped at the pharmacy after we were done at the clinic and came home. Going to the clinic late afternoon is a good time to go. There was no wait for the blood draw or for the elevators. The place looked almost empty.

I cleaned up a clutter corner in the living room today. That corner has bothered me for a long time and it feels good to have it cleaned up. I have three items that I need to find a new place for. One needs to be hung outside but not sure I have the skills to do that. The other two need to be hung inside and not sure I have the skills for that either. I also have a sack of books to take to the library book sale or put in the free library box in Strong City.

I got tickets to the Royals game for June 14. Michelle, Kathy and I are going. Geoff is throwing out the first pitch. I asked Nicole what time we should be there and she said they are getting there around 11:00. It is a 3:10 game. I guess they are giving away bubble heads for the first guests that arrive. Don’t think I want one that bad to arrive four hours before the game starts. I think we will plan on arriving around 2:00. Not sure how long I can handle being in a crowd. Trust the weather will cooperate that day.

I got hold of the man that bought Max’s truck. He had a medical problem and hadn’t gotten to the registrar yet. He took care of it today. He had to call me for some more information which luckily I had. He called back and said it was taken care of. It had taken him two hours at the registry to take care of it. I appreciate him taking care of it today so I can cross that off my list. I will call and cancel the truck insurance tomorrow. Grateful that issue got resolved.

Found out today the death certificates are in the mail to me. They should be here well before June 4 which is when I can file for probate. Massachusetts has three levels of probate and Max qualifies for the easiest one. They call it Voluntary Administration. The rest of the things that need done can’t happen until I get a response back from the probate judge. It may be mid summer before all gets taken care of. Don’t have any reason to rush it all so will allow it to happen when it needs to.

Tomorrow Kathy and I are going to decorate graves. We will go to Marion, Florence, Hillsboro and Cottonwood Falls Cemeteries. I remembered to buy flowers last time I was at Walmart. It will take a couple of hours to do the round trip. Maybe we will have lunch in Florence as a treat.

No plans for the weekend. I do have a family reunion to go to at noon on Monday if I can make myself go. Sometimes I can and sometimes I just can’t. I don’t have any other plans all week next week. Still loving this empty space time but know the time is coming when it won’t feel so good. I do better when I have a bit of structure and things to look forward to during the week.

I do need to track down Tagen next week and do something about his truck. We need to sell his big truck and get him a more financially suitable vehicle. He can’t afford this big truck. Not sure how I go about this but I will figure this out. We also need to set a date for him to be moved out of the rental house so I can get it listed and sold.

Can’t say I was surprised the House passed the Big Beautiful Bill. I was comforted a bit when I read that the Senate has to pass it exactly as it is without any changes. From what I read the chances of that are slim to none. They will make changes and then it has to go back to the House again and repeat the process. Trusting that it won’t pass and become law. The poor in our country deserve better. Hell, all the people in this country deserve better.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed tonight. The clutter in the living room is getting to me and I haven’t figured out how to get rid of it yet. Tomorrow is trash day but my trash container is already full. Not sure I can handle it for another two weeks or more. May end up having to carry it to my car and taking it to the dump.

Grateful the truck issue got resolved today rather easily, grateful the A/C unit checked out OK, and grateful one more clutter corner was cleaned up today.

This has been a quiet, stay-at-home day. The weather has been perfect today with a light breeze. I got cool and had to close my window this afternoon. Much prefer days like this than the hot, humid ones that are coming.

I made a couple phone calls dealing with Max’s estate today. I attempted to cancel his truck insurance but the agent told me his tags have not been turned in yet and that has to happen before they can cancel his insurance. Kathy can’t find the name and number of the guy that bought the truck. I need to send an email to the manager of the apartment complex Max lived in and see if she will pass along a message to the guy that bought the truck. He works at the complex.

I also called Social Security to report his death. After going through a rather complicated phone system I was told there was over a 120 minute wait to talk to someone. I left my number and they said they would call me when it was my turn. Four hours later a lady called. They did not have record of his death yet. Uhm…. Wonder why? The funeral home was to have reported it the week of the death. I still haven’t heard about the death certificate yet. I might need to call about that tomorrow.

I also called his Massachusetts insurance company. They need a copy of the death certificate to cancel the policy. I told them I would mail them a copy when I received them.

Did a bit of paper work today. Finally made a file of Max’s important papers and put them all in one place so I can find what I need quickly. Cleaned off my desk and organized it a bit better. Finally got my suitcase fully unloaded and put away. Found one last box that needed gone through of Max’s stuff.

The pile of papers that need to go away is starting to drive me batty. My trashcan is full so won’t get rid of any of it this trash week. May load it all up in the car and take it to the dump. Not sure I can handle another week of it.

Took Sophia for a walk this afternoon. Roxy declined my offer of taking her for a walk. It is a wonderful day for a walk in the neighborhood.

Tomorrow the heating and air guy is coming to service the A/C unit late morning. After that I don’t have anything on my calendar. I do need to fix a couple of birthday cards and get them in the mail. Have the weekend free too. Need to make a cemetery run on Sunday and put flowers on all the family graves.

Finished the last show of the last season of Army Wives last night. I need to find a new series to binge watch.

I am going to be selling the house Tagen is living in next month. He is struggling to keep up with the bills and rent and needs to move back home for a while. If you know of anyone who is looking for a cute two bedroom, one bathroom house with a fenced in yard in Emporia let me know.

That will put me down to owning only one rental – the one Jason is in. He is on track to buy his house either later this year or early next year. When that happens, I will be out of the rental business. All the houses were great investments and did well for me but it is time to simplify and only have one house to worry about.

The urge to tuck in and lay low for a while is still strong. It feels like I am to extend that to all levels of my life. Not sure what is headed our way but I will need extra strength and light to cope with whatever is headed my way.

Grateful some more phone calls got made today, grateful for an afternoon walk with Sophia, and grateful for the privilege of being able to stay home most days.

The second storm last night woke me up. I had rain blowing in my bedroom window. We had small hail for a bit with high winds and more rain. I haven’t heard rain totals for the area. It was nice to get some rain.

I went to Emporia late morning today. I needed to run the errands I didn’t have the energy to do yesterday. I have a CD that is coming up for renewal so I stopped at the bank I have it at. I had received a letter from them telling me I needed to give renewal instructions before the renewal date. However the clerk at the bank told me they couldn’t do anything until the actual renewal date and that I had 10 calendar days from the date of renewal to come in and take care of it. Wonder why the letter didn’t say that?

Went to Brown’s Shoe Store and got two pair of Smart Wool socks. They usually have a good selection of colors and styles but not so much today. I only got two pairs as that is all they had in the weight of sock I like.

Went through the car wash and then took some time to vacuum out the car. Traveling over 3,300 miles caused the car to look like it was lived in.

Went to Walmart and got the items on my grocery list and the other things I needed. While I was at Walmart I got hot and dizzy for a bit. I managed to get out of the store and to my car. I stopped at McDonald’s and got an iced tea. I hadn’t had any fluids today and I think I was a bit dehydrated. Felt a bit better by the time I got home.

Got the car unloaded and things put away. I felt drained again after the trip to town. I was invited to a Happy Hour this afternoon but didn’t have the energy to go. One outing a day seems to be my limit right now.

It was much cooler today as a result of the storm last night. It was a beautiful day. We had a few little limbs down this morning. Grateful I had all the trees trimmed last year so there is less danger of limbs falling.

I don’t have anywhere to go tomorrow so will have a stay at home day. I did a bit of cleaning today and plan on doing more tomorrow. It takes me longer to clean a room than normal as I am working on some piled up clutter in each room. This house is small and I have to get creative to find places for everything. Too often I pile it up until I can’t anymore.

I have been able to refill myself by staying home this afternoon. I filled back up quicker than I did yesterday. I’m betting with another few quiet days at home I will be able to hold my light longer when I am out and about. Still not spending much time reading the news. My soul isn’t ready for that yet. Reading the news drains me even faster than going to town.

Nothing much feels important to me yet. This feels like a time I am to nest and clean and rest. I feel my body resetting somehow. Sometimes I don’t understand at the time why I am intuitively led to do things. My life functions best when I do what I am led to do and not over ride it.

Grateful the errands got taken care of today, grateful for the rain last night, and grateful for this time of rest and reset.

I went to Emporia mid morning to get my hair cut. I then went and had lunch. I was going to buy some groceries but felt drained and had to come home. I was able to maintain neutral all the time I was in town but knew if I stayed in town any longer I wouldn’t be able to hold it.

I haven’t had a lot of energy today. I didn’t get another room cleaned today because I knew if I pushed myself too far I would fall below neutral and have trouble climbing back up. I am slowing refilling myself today but not full yet.

I was surprised how fast I drained while I was in town. Grateful I recognized what was happening and came home when I did. I am finally learning how to practice self-care and take care of myself first.

We had quite a storm roll through this evening. There was a beautiful rainbow afterwards. It is the first one I have seen since I moved to this house.

Nothing on my calendar for the rest of the week. I will have to go back to town one day to get the things that I should have gotten today. I will have time to get my house cleaned this week.

Still haven’t heard if Max’s friend has received the death certificates or not. Guess it doesn’t matter as I can’t do anything with one until it has been 30 days since he died. I’m sure I will have them by then. I do need to remember to cancel his truck insurance – I keep forgetting to do that.

Trust that my energy level will rise again soon. I’m grateful I was able to take care of myself today and come home without doing everything I wanted to do. It has been a hard month on many levels and it is taking some time to level back out again.

Feels a bit strange to have so much empty space time in front of me. I am both grateful and terrified of it. I do better with some structure and routine and I feel like I don’t have that right now. I’m sure there is a bigger purpose in this free time and I am going to be careful with how I feel it.

Grateful for the self-care I practiced today, grateful for the rain we received, and grateful for the rainbow I saw today.

It has been a quiet day at home. I didn’t have a lot of energy today so worked in small spurts. It was nice to take my time and not rush.

I finished detail cleaning the laundry room today. I hand mopped the floor and got things better organized. I also washed the bedspread, blanket and sheets on my bed and got the bed put back together. I will finish cleaning the bedroom tomorrow. 2 down – 6 to go.

Tomorrow I have to be in Emporia at 11:15 for a haircut. I have a few errands to run tomorrow. I need to pick up a few groceries and check in with Tagen. I’m not sure if he is working tomorrow or not.

I feel like it has been a long time since I have been in Emporia. I’m grateful to be able to go tomorrow and get my errands taken care of and the pantry stocked up again. It will also be nice to get a haircut. It is way overdue.

I finally feel like I am all the way home. These three days staying at home and taking is slow and easy helped. It was good to set aside all the paperwork from Max and let it rest for a bit. There is nothing more I can do on any of it until 30 days after the death. I also still don’t have the death certificate. This will all proceed in its own time.

Still have lots of boxes in the living room. They are full of stuff that needs to be disposed of. Kathy has slowly been burning some of it each day. I will get rid of three of the boxes when I do trash on Thursday. I need to figure out where to move the boxes until I can get them out of here. The clutter in the living room is starting to bother me. When I am around clutter my mind has trouble quieting down.

Don’t have anything else planned for the rest of the week. I should have plenty of time to get the rest of the house detail cleaned. I do feel better when my house is really clean.

Feeling a bit disconnected from the world tonight. I have been distracted with settling Max’s affairs and dropped out of sight. I also haven’t been reading the news much and haven’t had a chance to talk to my friends since I have been home. Things that felt important before Max died seem far away right now. Funny how quickly your priorities can change. I will take advantage of this and decide again what I want to pick back up again. Right now I am having trouble making anything feel very important.

Grateful two rooms in this house are completed, grateful for this period of down time, and grateful I get to have my haircut tomorrow.

I woke up early and couldn’t go back to sleep. When I get up before 7:00 it makes the day feel long.

Kathy started going through some of the boxes of Max’s stuff this morning. I joined in and we worked all morning. We got the car emptied and everything brought inside. We did a first pass through all the boxes. We only ended up saving about two boxes of stuff. We must have brought home 15 or more.

Found a box of my grandmother’s childhood things. I had never seen the contents of that box and didn’t know Max had it. Not sure how he got it but am grateful that he did. He was a better saver of that type of thing than I am.

We will go back through the box and determine what to keep and what to share with other family members. There are some pictures of my aunts, uncles, and cousins that they might appreciate getting.

I’m glad I didn’t get to Emporia and buy a bunch of tubs to store stuff in. I only need two and don’t have room for more.

Max put all his notes, writings, etc. in three-ring binders. I don’t have a need for 30 binders so made a post on Facebook and put it on the Cares and Shares page. Trusting someone or several someone’s will come by and pick them up for free. I would rather they go to someone that can use them to throw them in the trash.

I have a huge pile of boxes of stuff that we need to either burn or throw away. We will probably do a mixture of both. My trash can won’t hold all the pile so it may take us a couple weeks to get rid of it all. Not sure where I am going to store it all until I can rid of it. Clutter gets to me after a bit. I guess I could load it all up in my car again and take it to the dump. Hate the thought of carrying all the boxes again though. We shall see what happens.

I was going to clean today but ended up doing this job instead. It needed done and I am grateful it is done except for the disposal of the stuff we aren’t keeping. I can mange figuring out what to do with one or two boxes and not get overwhelmed with 20 of them.

I took a nap this afternoon. I had stayed up late last night and got up too early this morning. I hadn’t had a nap for a bit and it felt good to take one.

Need to get back to the housecleaning tomorrow. That job has been pending too long and I will feel better when I get the whole house detailed clean again. Now that my car is empty again I can get it cleaned out.

It has been good for my soul to stay home these last two days. I get to stay home tomorrow too. I am slowing beginning to feel like I am filling up again. Trusting by the end of tomorrow I will be overflowing.

Finally feeling like I am home all the way. Getting the car unloaded and all the boxes gone through really helped. It feels like this project is almost done. I still have the probate process to deal with but that can’t be started until 30 days after the death. It will proceed as it will and there won’t be much I can do to speed it along. It doesn’t sound too complicated but one never knows until you are in the middle of it.

Grateful the car is empty, grateful all the boxes have been gone through, and grateful for a nap today.

I finally got sleep last night. I was awake a couple times during the night but each time was able to go back to sleep rather quickly. I am tired today but that is normal for me after getting good sleep.

I detail cleaned our bathroom today. I washed the rugs and hand mopped the floor. Found lots of dirt as I hadn’t detail cleaned it for a bit. I even washed the light fixture and woodwork. One room down, five to go. I started the laundry room and may get it done yet tonight – we shall see.

I haven’t worked on any of the boxes we brought back from MA today. I needed to take a break and be fresh when I tackle them again. I still have a bunch to bring in from my car. It will happen – just not sure when. Haven’t touched any of the paperwork either. I needed a break from it all.

I’m grateful it cooled down today. We opened the windows and have let the fresh air blow in. Whatever the smell was is gone. It is to stay in the upper 70’s to lower 80’s for a couple of days so will leave the house open until it warms up again.

No plans for the weekend. I have a haircut Monday late morning so will go to Emporia for that. I will need some groceries by then too. If I remember I need to stop and have a blood draw. I haven’t checked my thyroid levels for a bit. It will be good to have another two full days of stay-at-home time. I feel more of me got home today but am not sure I am at 100% yet. I’m sure by the end of the weekend I will be all home. Cleaning the house is grounding work for me and that helped today.

I called and made a doctor’s appointment today. I discovered last night I have a prolapse that will need some attention. Unfortunately I bet it will need surgery as I am guessing it is a Grade 3 or 4. Wish a doctor would have checked and caught it earlier so I could have tried other measures to support it. My appointment isn’t until the first week of June. When I called, the clerk checked with a nurse to see if they needed to work me in as an emergency and the nurse said it could wait a couple of weeks. Grateful for that information. It is uncomfortable but good to know not urgent.

Enjoying this beautiful spring day. I could live somewhere that has weather like this most days. I may try to get out and take a walk in a bit. I need to move my body and get it home.

Allowing myself grace and time to refill and recharge. Am so grateful I have an empty calendar for the next couple weeks so I can ease into things again. Not sure I could hold myself above neutral if I had to be around lots of people right now.

While I was gone I didn’t read much news or pay much attention to the state of affairs in the world. I read the news for about five minutes today and had to turn it off. I will never understand what our politicians have against poor people. The cruelty of some of the actions they are attempting to take is disheartening, to say the least.

Grateful the bathroom is clean, grateful for this perfect spring day, and grateful for the sounds of silence around me.

This has definitely been a rest and recovery day. Kathy and I did drive to Marion to pick up the dogs. We stopped at the grocery store in Marion before we got the dogs to pick up a few things so I didn’t have to go to Emporia for a few days. The dogs were happy to see us and we got a good report on them.

This morning I unloaded a few things from the car. I need to get some plastic tubs to put the stuff in as I don’t like to store things in cardboard. I’ll have to empty at least part of the load out of my car to fit the new tubs in though.

I found a power of attorney Max had notarized but unfortunately it is a durable one and expired upon his death. We still need to empty a bank account and forward his mail. I am going to have his friend who was named as his POA attempt to do those two things using the durable power of attorney form. Maybe the bank and post office won’t know the difference and will honor it.

I mailed a packet of things I found to his friend back in MA. I found some pictures of her along with some other paper that she will need.

We found a packet of letters that our dad had written to his friend while he was in the Army and stationed in New Guinea in 1945. Interesting reading to say the least. I will save those but not sure what to do with them. Not sure how Max had gotten hold of the guy that had written the letters and sent them to Max.

I went through my mail and didn’t find much that I needed to deal with. I need to pay one bill and deposit a refund check. I’m not too motivated today to do much so will get to those things sooner or later.

I’m tired this afternoon. I may still go take a nap. I slept for an hour or so last night and then was up for a couple of hours and then got a second sleep of a couple more hours. Maybe tonight will be the night that I sleep lots.

No plans for the weekend. I did schedule a haircut for Monday so will go to Emporia then. I plan on hanging around the house until then. It was hard to get in the car to go to Marion but at least Kathy drove today.

Need to do some housecleaning this weekend. The house was dusty before we left and it is really dusty now. We have a smell of some sort in here that we need to find and clean up. Thank heavens the house isn’t very big and it won’t take me days to clean it all. Although as slow as I am moving, it might!

I also need to get my car cleaned out when I get it emptied. Somehow we managed to make a mess in it while traveling. When I go to Emporia Monday I will need to wash it and vacuum it out. It also needs wiped down inside.

Grateful I can ease back into things here. I don’t have anything on my calendar for the coming days except the haircut. My soul needs lots of empty space right now to process all that has happened this month. I am running on fumes right now and will need to refill my soul.

What a beautiful day it is today. Kathy was out early mowing and getting the yard back into shape. I welcomed the blue skies and light breeze today. We need rain but my soul needed blue skies today.

Don’t feel like I have gotten all of me back home yet. My brain is in slow motion today and processing things slowly. Grateful I have the time and space to not rush this process and allow myself time and grace to get fully home.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful the dogs are back home, and grateful I have the luxury of allowing my body all the rest it needs.

We are home after traveling 3,278 miles safely. Man did it feel good to pull into the driveway. I am wiped out. I did all the driving this trip and if I don’t get into another car for a month I will be happy.

We left Indianapolis around 7:30 this morning. It was raining when we left. We didn’t have breakfast at the hotel although Kathy grabbed a cup of coffee. We headed home as we had 600 miles to drive today.

An hour or so down the road I looked at the clock and it said the same time it said when we left. It took me a minute to remember we had changed from Eastern time zone to Central. We got to redo the hour. That was a bit disheartening.

The miles seem to pass rather quickly today except for the last 100 or so. The closer we got to home, the farther away it felt.

We didn’t hit stop and glide traffic until we got to KC and then we hit it twice. The first time I pulled off and bypassed most of the slow down. The second time we mustered through it.

We saw early spring back east and almost summer time as we got home. We paid anywhere from $2.79 a gallon for gas (Kansas) to $3.39 (Missouri). Most of the time it was around $3 a gallon.

Back east they have had more than their share of rain. Lots of flooding and rain going on while we were there. We could tell KS had gotten some but the ponds were still low.

My goose egg has disappeared on my forehead from my mishap yesterday. It is still tender to touch but otherwise OK. Last night my right wrist and hand hurt all night. I think I may have sprained it during my trip and fall. I took some ibuprofen and it felt better although in certain positions it sends pins and needles up my fingers and down into my arm. I also must have hit the side of my head when my glasses went flying as there is a tender spot there too. Wished I had a video of the mishap. Not really sure what all happened.

We are going to wait till tomorrow to unload the car. We each brought in our suitcases and decided the rest could wait. We may take Kathy’s car to go get the dogs tomorrow. I may not get my car unloaded for a couple of days. The thought of carrying all that stuff is overwhelming as is thinking about where to put it all. We will probably store it in the shed and bring in a box at a time to go through.

The remaining things that need taken care of are waiting for a copy of the death certificate and not sure when we will get those. I think I will set everything aside until next week and then take a fresh look at it and go from there. Not much left to take care of and none of it is urgent.

It is going to take a couple days for all of me to get home. I haven’t slept well on this trip and need to catch up on sleep. Thankfully I don’t have anything on my calendar for the next couple of days except for picking the dogs up. I will welcome the empty space so I can process the trip and release some pent up emotion.

I will offer myself some grace and have zero expectations of getting anything done through the weekend. I will make a list of things that need to be done for next week and allow that to be enough for a bit.

Doing this project makes me want to get more active with my Death Doula work, especially helping people name their power of attorney, reminding them to make sure all their accounts have a beneficiary named, and that their last wishes are known to their family members. It makes it so much easier for survivors if that is all taken care of. If you need help with getting your affairs in order, reach out. I would love to help.

Grateful to be home safely, grateful Kathy and I were able to make this trip and take care of business, and grateful to be able to sleep in my own bed tonight.

Didn’t make it 600 miles today. There is a major traffic jam on I70 outside of Indianapolis and all lanes are closed. Decided to pull off and stop for the day and finish it up tomorrow.

We drove through lots of rain today and lots of road construction. Never did hit stop and glide traffic but it was slow going at times.

Indianapolis seems to be our trouble spot this trip. Traffic has been horrible since about 30 miles outside of town. Saw a couple signs warning about all lanes closed about 20 miles down the road.

We stopped at a Hyatt and they were full. They said the only place they knew that had a bed was a LaQuinta. We found it and I went inside to see if they had a room. While the lady was slowly checking me in I asked if there was a bathroom close. They pointed me in the direction. I had trouble finding it.

Finally found it and went inside. I put my purse down and walked over to the toilet. I tripped over my purse and banged my head into the wall hard. Knocked my glasses off my head and I saw stars for a moment. I have a big goose egg on my forehead. It knocked me silly and I wet my pants. Damn!

I have a headache but think I will be OK. I don’t think I have a concussion. I’m sure a good night’s rest will make it all better.

We are on the second floor and there is no elevator. When we came in the side door I had my hands full with a water bottle, my other water bottle and my suitcase and purse. I decided I better not take all of that up the steps at the same time. The nicest young lady was sitting at the top of the stairs and offered to carry my suitcase up the stairs. How nice was that? We have been guided with angels all trip.

600 miles to go before we are home. Hopefully my little mishap this afternoon will be the only one of the trip. We can do this!

Tomorrow we get to go back on central time so will get a redo for an hour. We are both ready to be home. I hated to stop tonight but didn’t want to sit in traffic going nowhere for hours either.

It feels good to sit in a hotel room and rest. Today was hard. I told Kathy the middle day of travel is the hardest as there is no prize at the end of the day except to get up the next day and drive again. I don’t like driving in rain and unfortunately saw lots of that today. Construction zones are particularly difficult when traffic is heavy and it is raining.

We ate a late lunch somewhere along the way so won’t need dinner tonight. I already have my pajamas on so won’t want to get dressed and go out. Hopefully I can sleep lots tonight and have a better day tomorrow.

This trip has been an adventure. Still can’t believe we got the Project Clean out completed so quickly. I originally thought it would take two weeks. Grateful it went as smoothly as it did.

Grateful we are only 600 miles from home, grateful for hotels along the way, and grateful we will be home tomorrow.

This day has been full of unexpected blessings. Kathy and I have both felt Max’s presence and guidance throughout this day.

We got to the apartment by 8:30 this morning. Kathy went over to the community room to bring back the things that the other residents didn’t take from what we have tried to give away. She came back and said the man that asked about the pickup was there and he was interested in buying it.

I got the pickup title and went over to the community room with her. We had received an offer from Kelly Blue Book dealer for $5,500 for the pickup although they reserved the right to lower or raise it once they saw the pickup. This guy offered $5,000 and Kathy accepted the offer. It would save us having to deal with the paper work and a possible delay.

I got on the computer in the community room and found a MA bill of sale for a vehicle. I typed it out and printed it. The guy drove the pickup to his house and picked up the cash for it. He came back and a deal was done. He has purchased lots of vehicles and knew how to work the system.

I am going to wait to cancel the insurance on the pickup for a couple of days so the guy can get it registered before I cancel the insurance. Trusting there will be less questions that way. I gave the guy the file Max had on the pickup with all service records, etc.

Wow! What a relief to have the pickup gone that easy. I think we could have gotten more for it but this way we had no hassle or headache. That was worth a lot!

The make it go away guy showed up as promised a little after 9:00. While he was clearing out the apartment I went back to our hotel and checked us out. We thought selling the truck would take most of the day and that we would have to spend one more night here. We decided to head out after we got the apartment empty and cleaned.

The guy finished clearing everything out by 11:00, he even broom swept the floors for us. He told us that is all we needed to do. We started cleaning and Kathy said let’s go ask the manager how clean it needed to be before we spent hours cleaning.

The manager came over and she only needed us to wipe out the refrigerator. They are going to repaint the walls and wax the floors so she didn’t need us to detail clean much. What a relief that was.

We got the keys turned in and the checkout list signed off and we loaded up and took out. Max’s friend still didn’t have the cremains and didn’t know if the death certificate was ready or not. We decided to have the funeral home mail them to us and not hang around and wait for them.

We drove over 350 miles this afternoon. We stopped in Batavia, NY for the night. I was getting tired and traffic was getting heavy as we are getting close to Buffalo. We still have over 1,150 miles to go so won’t make it home tomorrow night but we should roll in Wednesday afternoon.

Traffic was mainly good this afternoon. Hit a few slow down spots but we kept moving. We stopped for lunch somewhere along the road and made a couple potty stops.

I still need to close out his bank account and forward his mail but I can do both of those things electronically from home. The apartment manager is going to watch his mail and open and scan and send me anything important. I will cancel his pickup insurance after we get home. There is also a small death benefit from Social Security. I’ll see if I have the patience to attempt to claim that. As far as I know now, those are the only things remaining to take care of.

What a relief it was to sale the pickup so easily today. I had thought it would take all day and that we would have to drive miles. I was worried we wouldn’t be able to complete the transaction today without going through probate, etc. I’m grateful I was wrong!

When we left I had told the place boarding the dogs that we would probably be gone for at least two weeks and maybe three. I never guessed we could have this project completed so quickly. We started Thursday afternoon and finished before noon on Monday and took Sunday off.

It seemed like the right people showed up at the right time all the time we were working on this project. Max left everything very organized and easy for us. I got to meet a long-time Facebook friend and Kathy got to see two old friends and all three of her kids. We had many joys and blessings along the way.

Now to travel another 1,150 miles to home. We are both ready to be home. I’m not sure Kathy will leave the house for days. She is particularly ready to be home and stay there. This trip came on the heels of her Honor Flight and is ready to get home and stay home.

Not sure where I am going to put all the stuff we have loaded in my car. Guess we will load up the shed and bring a box in the house at a time and deal with what we brought. Couldn’t even tell you what we brought home. I’m sure a lot of it we didn’t need to bring but wanted to take our time to go through things so we didn’t toss out something important. We want to honor Max’s things and make sure they are treated appropriately.

I am so grateful for how easy this project clean out has gone. I would never have betted we could leave this early. I know more things may pop up over the next couple of months but we will handle them as they do. I am also grateful for Max’s friends that helped us in many ways through this process. It was an honor to meet them.

Trusting I will have a quiet weekend when I get home. I have some emotion that will need to come to the surface to be heard and to be released. In situations like this I focus on what needs to be done and push emotion to the side. That works until it doesn’t. So far I haven’t bitch slapped someone but I can tell that urge is getting closer and closer to the surface.

Grateful for how easy it was to sell the pickup today, grateful we didn’t have to detail clean the whole apartment, and grateful for safe travels so far.

I finally fell asleep around 3:30 this morning. I cooled the room down and that seemed to help. I really didn’t want to get up and going this morning.

We left for CT around 9:30. First stop was to see Kathy’s best friend who is in a rehab facility. Kathy spent about 45 minutes with her. Next we went to Kathy’s youngest daughter’s house. They fed us a delicious steak salad for lunch. It was nice to have a home cooked meal. Kathy’s son showed up for a bit while we were there.

Another friend of Kathy’s came over shortly before we left. This lady had lived next door to Kathy and her family when the kids were small.

Around 4:00 we headed back to the hotel. Traffic was stop and glide as we got on the highway due to a lane closure. We finally got through that and it was smooth sailing the rest of the way home although traffic was much heavier coming home than it was going. We went almost 200 miles today.

We need to be at the apartment by 8:15 in the morning. The make it go away guy is to be there around 8:30 or so. While he is clearing out the apartment we need to clean out the truck. I haven’t looked in the truck yet so don’t know what that job will be like.

We have two appointments tomorrow to get a bid for selling the truck. I did some on-line research and we may have a problem. Technically we will need power of attorney and a copy of the death certificate to sell the truck. We don’t have either yet. Am hoping we can make a deal and they will let us store the pickup with them while we get the paperwork we need. Or even better, be willing to turn a blind eye to the letter of the law and complete the transaction tomorrow. We may have to go through the MA probate process. Not sure how long that may take.

Not sure if we will get the death certificate tomorrow or not. One of the guys from the funeral home seemed to think they would be ready Monday but the other guy seemed to think it could take another week or so.

Worse case scenario tomorrow is that we will have to drive the pickup to one of Kathy’s kids house and Kathy will have to fly out later to do the paperwork to sell the pickup. Hoping that won’t be necessary and that we can keep the pickup at the car dealership and do the paperwork electronically. There is also a small chance that we can complete the deal tomorrow without any holdups. We shall see what happens tomorrow.

Once we figure out the truck situation we will need to clean the apartment. Once the apartment is empty it will be easy to clean. It isn’t very big so with both of us working on it we hope it won’t take more than a couple of hours.

We are still hoping to be on the road home Tuesday morning. We shall see what happens with the pickup and what we need to do with it. If we have to drive the pickup to one of Kathy’s kids, we may not get the apartment cleaned out and will have to do that Tuesday morning.

We also have one bank account that needs closed out if the death certificates come in. The guy I talked to at the bank said we could do it electronically from KS if needed.

I am both anxious to head home and dreading it. 1,500 miles seems like a long ways to go. We plan on taking three days again to make it but I know the closer we get to home, the harder it will be to stop.

Today was Mother’s Day. I love that Kathy got to see all three of her kids this weekend. It was a nice bonus on this trip for her. Since we are here on a family matter, Mom has been on my mind all week long. I can only imagine the reunion she, dad and Max are having today.

I am tired tonight. The drive home was challenging for me but I made it. It felt like my processing speed was on slow mode today. Hoping I will get a good night’s sleep and be able to hit it hard again tomorrow.

Another day of finding some joy. It was a delight to get to see Kathy’s kids and two of her grandchildren. It was a nice break from all the sorting and packing we had been doing.

Grateful for time with family, grateful for a hotel room to come back to that feels like home away from home this week, and grateful we are almost done with this project.

We had a productive day today. We had breakfast at the hotel and then headed to the apartment. We found a few more boxes to go through and finished clearing out all the kitchen cabinets.

The man that is going to haul everything away came and gave us an estimate. He is able to take all the remaining stuff. He is coming Monday morning to make it all go away.

One of Kathy’s kids and her husband came and helped us out big time. They loaded up my car with the stuff that we are taking home with us. I have a very full car. I think there is room to put our suitcases in it. I had brought two cases of water and the kids took one of them as we didn’t have room for it.

After my car got loaded they filled their car with some stuff they could use. Then they carried all the stuff to the trash and recycling bins. They also carried a couple bags of clothes across the street to the donation bin. What a big help they were. Kathy and I are both tired and sore and so appreciated their help carrying so many boxes and bags today.

We went out to lunch with them when we were done. Just across the street from Max’s apartment complex is a seafood place. Service was a bit slow but the food was delicious.

After the kids left, Kathy and I went to Webs, a yarn store only 15 minutes from here. Back in the day I ordered lots of yarn from them. I got some yarn to knit a blanket. I didn’t have lots of time to spend and might go back Monday to spend more time.

While we were out and about I stopped and got a plug for the bathtub so I can take a bath tonight. Kathy needed some Benadryl so we stopped and got that.

Another friend of Max’s came to the apartment mid afternoon and picked out a few books to take. It was nice meeting some of Max’s friends. They were all people I would love to get to know better and spend more time with.

After he was done we came back to our hotel. We passed a dispensary on the way here and stopped and got some gummies. Shhhh, don’t tell anyone.

We are going to spend the rest of the day in our quiet hotel room. We have both reached the point of no return and need to decompress a bit. Since we had a big lunch I don’t think we will need to go out for dinner. We have stuff to make a PBJ if we get hungry later.

Tomorrow Kathy is going to CT to see her other kids and a dear friend of hers. Not sure if I am going or not. A quiet day in the hotel room sounds like heaven to me right now. I’ll see if Kathy feels up to driving tomorrow or not. I may go so I can drive. Either way, we won’t be going to the apartment tomorrow. We need a break from it.

Monday the guy is coming in the morning to make everything go away. Afterwards we have two appointments at car dealers to sell Max’s truck. Kelly Blue Book dealers gave us a much better estimate than CarMax did. We shall see what they do when we go to them and they see the truck in person. Trusting one or the other will give us a reasonable offer and we can sell the truck easily Monday. Another company is willing to come to us if we send them some pictures of the truck. We will do that Monday morning and see which of the three will do the best deal.

We still need to close out a bank account and forward the mail but both of those need a copy of the death certificate. Still don’t know if we will have that Monday or not. If not, we can do those two transactions electronically from home. If the truck deal can get done we will head for home Tuesday morning.

We are both exhausted on many levels. It will be good to take a day off tomorrow. Things have gone relatively smoothly so far and it will be good to finish things up Monday. This has taken less time than I had initially thought it would. I had told the place where I boarded the dogs that we would be gone at least two weeks. Looks like it will be more like 10 or 11 days.

Not sure either of us is looking forward to the long drive home. My ankles are still a bit swollen from the drive out here. We will try to stop more often and walk a bit more when we do stop to help the ankles out. We will probably go home the same way we came. Kathy thought it was less traffic than going through Pennsylvania.

What an adventure this has been. We have managed to find joy each day. Project Clean Out has gone faster than I anticipated. Although we are tired it has been rewarding to have been able to do this for Max. We learned more about his life and it was delightful to meet his friends.

Grateful for how smoothly things have gone so far, grateful for the joy we have found each day, and grateful for a day off tomorrow.

Both Kathy and I got a good night’s sleep last night. We got up and going and stopped at Dunkin Donuts for coffee and a breakfast sandwich.

We were at the apartment before 8:45 and got started sorting. Kathy worked on the bedroom and I worked in the living room and made 15 phone calls. For those that know me, you know that is a lot of phone time for me. I hate the automated phone systems. None of them had an option I could choose to report a death. Most of the calls were to medical practices so guess that would send the wrong message to the other patients!

Most of the calls went well and I was able to resolve what I needed to. I have to have the death certificate to close out his bank accounts and to forward his mail. Hoping to get the death certificate Monday but we shall see.

So far it doesn’t look like we will have to go through probate. He doesn’t have much money in his bank account and if we can’t get those funds we will walk away from them. So far that is the only thing that might require probate. If that remains true, we wont’t have to file. That would be nice if we are able to avoid that process.

I went through lots of paper work and decided what to keep and what to throw out. We will have a full car coming home of things that we will go through more thoroughly when we get home. We saved all his journals, poems he wrote, etc. They deserve more time and attention so we can do the right thing with them.

The apartment manager stopped by and was helpful. We found the washer and dryer and did a load of laundry. We took lots of stuff to the community room for the other residents of the complex to help themselves to if they so desire.

Found a guy that is going to make everything go away Monday morning. He is coming over either Saturday or Sunday to look at it all and make sure he can take it all. He is going to show up early Monday morning and make it all go away. I didn’t need near as many boxes as I brought but am grateful I had them in case.

A friend of Max’s came over and went through his books and picked some out to keep. Max and this guy and another guy met for coffee once a month or so and discussed books and life. It was nice to meet him.

A guy that owns a book store came and bought a lot of the books. He boxed them up and carried them away. It was nice to get paid for some of the books rather than paying the guy on Monday to haul them away.

The other book club guy is coming tomorrow to pick out some books. I wish he had been able to come before the book store guy took most of the books but that isn’t the way it worked out.

We still need to find a way to sell the truck. Carmax gave me a very low offer for it and I think we can do better. The problem will be timing. We will work on that project tomorrow and see what we can do. There is a guy that lives in the complex that is interested in it so will talk to him tomorrow. I wish I could drive it home and let Tagen use it but I don’t think we want to have to each drive a vehicle on the way home.

We need to actually try to start the truck tomorrow and drive it and see how it runs. It is a stick shift and we have been told the clutch is hard to work. If all else fails, we will get the car to one of Kathy’s kid’s house and let them sell it for us later. That would make it an out of state transaction and might complicate things but it might not. We will see how this all shakes out.

We carried lots of bags to the trash and to the recycling bin. Have more to carry tomorrow. I wish we had more time so we could have recycled more things. We had to waste a lot of food that was open containers. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to complete a project.

Tomorrow one of Kathy’s family members is coming to help us carry things. We need to get my car loaded up with the stuff we are bringing home. I will have a full load on the way home. He is also going to help us carry the rest of the things to the dumpster and recycling bin.

Sunday we are going to take a rest day. Kathy has a best friend to visit and she will spend some time with her family. I might stay in our hotel room and listen to the quiet and do nothing.

Monday the guy is coming to haul everything away and then we have to give the apartment a good cleaning. I hope the death certificates come on Monday so we can go to the bank and the post office and get those two things taken care of. If we get all that done we will head back to Kansas Tuesday morning. We have our hotel room reserved through Wednesday if we need one more day to stay. After that there aren’t any rooms available as it is college graduation weekend next weekend.

We checked into a different hotel tonight. It is much nicer than the one we stayed in last night. We will be here until we head for home. It was nice to unpack and settle in. This is the fourth hotel we have been in four nights. Nice to have a home away from home for a couple of nights.

We are both exhausted this evening. We stopped at Texas Roadhouse for dinner on the way to the hotel. The food and service were excellent but it was very loud. Neither one of us was in the mood for noise tonight. It was nice to get into our quiet hotel room afterwards.

We both have sore backs and swollen ankles tonight. We did lots of lifting and carrying today. After sitting for three days it was a lot of movement. Our bodies don’t know what to think!

We made more progress today than I had hoped we might. I am hoping that when we go tomorrow we can finish it up easily. The guy that is taking everything Monday doesn’t need anything boxed up. We put some things in boxes just to get the stuff out of the way and give us space to work. Hoping we can get my car loaded up tomorrow with all the stuff we are taking home so it doesn’t get taken in error on Monday morning.

We have had some good laughs today at some of the stuff we found. Really makes me want to go home and get rid of more of my stuff. We both commented today how stuff is stuff and when one dies it loses its meaning. Note to self – get rid of more stuff!

In spite of the hard work we did today, I am grateful we were both able to come and do this project. I feel like I have gotten to know Max better and appreciate him even more. It has been nice to have Kathy here too as we could bounce things off each other and decide together how to handle things.

Looking forward to our rest day on Sunday. We have been hitting it hard since we left home and I think we need a day of rest before we start back home again mid week next week. Not sure I am looking forward to the drive home but it has to be done.

This has been an emotional week but we have been able to find joy each day. It was a joy to meet Max’s close friends. I have liked each and every one of them and wished I lived closer so I could get to know them better. All of his fellow residents at the complex have had nice words to say about Max. It has been a pleasure to meet them and share memories with them.

Grateful for all the work we got done today, grateful for the people that showed up for us today, and grateful this project is moving along quicker than I had hoped it would.

Kathy and I arrived in Hatfield, MA this afternoon around 3:00. We traveled 1,500 miles to get here and it took three days of travel. Grateful to have arrived safely.

This morning Kathy and I had breakfast with a dear Facebook friend of mine. We met each other about 15 years ago on-line through the Prayer Shawl Ministry website and chat room and somehow connected. We have written each other, walked each other through major life changes, and became great friends all via the internet. It was such a treat to meet her face-to-face for the first time. She is as beautiful in person as she comes across on the internet. Made my day to get to hug her. I look for joy on trips like this and I found it this morning. I so enjoyed our conversation and am grateful she took the time to join us for breakfast.

The drive today was traffic jam free! We hit lots of construction sites that slowed us down but traffic was flowing. Had light drizzle most of the day although the sun broke through this afternoon. Drove in heavier rain this evening coming to our hotel room. We stopped at a local Mart and got peanut butter, jelly, bread, frozen pizza, coffee and beer to sustain us over the next couple of work days. Restaurants are not plentiful in the small town where Max lives.

We met with Max’s dear friend at his apartment this afternoon at 3:00. His friend shared with us the information Max had given her including papers, insurance information, etc. We enjoyed talking with her and so appreciate all she has done for Max over the years. They have been friends for over 30 years and she will feel his absence greatly.

After his friend left, Kathy and I did a brief survey of the job in front of us and looked through some of the important paperwork. We decided we were both tired so left for the day. We found a nice restaurant in Amherst to eat at and then found a room for the night. We are both wiped out and were not in a good place to make any decisions about what to do with stuff tonight. We will get a good night’s sleep and hit it hard tomorrow.

Tomorrow we will go through everything more thoroughly and set aside anything we want to bring home. Max had a couple of friends that might be interested in some of his books. They are to get hold of me by Sunday if they are interested in doing so.

Max’s friend gave us the name of a service that will come and make everything go away. They even do the packing. We will decide tomorrow if that is the way we want to go. If it is, we will see if they can come next Monday or Tuesday and empty everything we don’t want out of there. That is easy! Not sure they can be available on such short notice but a girl can hope.

We need to make several phone calls tomorrow and cancel credit cards, insurance, etc. We may need to wait for the death certificate before we can do some of that. There is an order to these things and one is never quite sure what that order is until we call.

We are hoping we can leave for home by Wednesday. That may be optimistic but for today that is our goal. We had trouble finding an affordable hotel room for the night. We finally found one after three tries for around $125. The other two places we stopped at were over $200 for one night. We went on-line once we got into our hotel and found a different hotel for the next five nights for $125 a night. Max’s apartment only has one single bed and we need room for two. This will give us a break from our work each night which will probably be a good thing.

My ankles are really swollen tonight. They were bad last night too and even worse tonight. They will appreciate a couple days not in the car all day. It is hard to drink enough when you are on the road as bathroom breaks can be hard to manage. I’m sure after an active day tomorrow and not in the car much they will recover quickly.

Max did a great job of organizing his papers and left us good information to work from. It will be easier than I expected it to be but also know that we will run into some blocks along the way that will take patience and persistence to get through. Grateful Kathy is here with me so we can share this job.

I had trouble sleeping again last night. Trusting I can find some good sleep now that we are here and the first half of the drive is behind us. Grateful we have several days before we have to tackle the drive home. Since we will have a hotel room for the next five nights starting tomorrow, we can always go to the room during the day for a nap if needed.

It is still raining here in Amherst this evening. They have flood warnings all over as they have gotten more than their share of rain lately. Maybe we can talk the rain into coming home with us.

One of the things Kathy and I had talked about was the need to find some joy during this trip. Meeting my friend fit the bill for the day! We will take some time while we are here and find more ways to find joy. It has been a roller coaster of emotions so far and being intentional about finding joy on this trip is helpful.

Grateful to have gotten to meet my friend in person, grateful for how organized Max left things, and grateful for this time with Kathy.

We are in Rochester, NY for the night. We came another 600 miles today. 300 miles to go!

We hit another stop and glide traffic jam first thing this morning. It took us about 30 minutes to go 2 miles. After that we did well although traffic was heavy and there were lots of construction zones. We finally hit a nice stretch where we could go a little over (Well a lot over at times) the speed limit.

There are way too many cars, people and trees for my liking. I feel very claustrophobic out here. Wide open spaces are few and far between.

We have been lucky and haven’t had to drive through rain yet. We can tell they have had more than their share of rain as there are puddles everywhere. Maybe we can bring some rain home with us when we come back to Kansas.

I am wiped out again tonight. All I have done today is sit and drive. Not sure why that is so very tiring but it seems to be. We stopped for breakfast this morning and ate on the road. The hotel we stayed at last night did not provide a complementary breakfast. We stopped for gas twice more and one or two potty breaks. We had snacks for lunch. There is a Cracker Barrel by our hotel for the night so we had dinner there. It was OK but not great. Oh well, we are fed and tucked into our hotel room for the night.

We have a little over four hours to go tomorrow. Not sure if we are meeting Gene’s friend in Amherst or Hatfield. We need to get the key to his apartment from her. I sent her a message but haven’t heard back yet.

I also sent a message to a Facebook friend of mine. She lives about five minutes from where we are tonight. I am hoping she is free to join us for breakfast tomorrow but it is short notice and she may have other plans. We have been Facebook friends for years but have never met face-to-face.

Grateful for another safe travel day, grateful we are almost there, and grateful it is time to rest for the day.

Kathy and I were up and on the road by 8:00 this morning. We stopped at McDonald’s on Industrial to get a bunch of fry boxes. Our brother Chad happened to be there so we got to visit with him a bit.

We hit the highway and made it 600 miles today. We were going to try to get to the other side of Indianapolis but ran into a traffic jam. It took us over an hour to go 5 miles. Took the first exit we got to and got out of that and found a hotel for the night. Hopefully it will be faster going in the morning.

Luckily this hotel had a restaurant as we didn’t see any restaurants close by. We stopped for gas once today and at one rest area. We had brought snacks so that is what we had for lunch. We are butt tired tonight.

Traffic was pretty good most of the way. Hit a lot of slow downs during construction sites but until the last jam did well. I almost had pee running down my cheeks while we were waiting in traffic. Old ladies can’t handle traffic jams with no potty in sight!

The trip is a total of 1,490 miles so we are not quite halfway. We don’t have a deadline so not sure if we will push it tomorrow and go all the way or if we will make one overnight stay before we get there. I am betting on stopping once more tomorrow night. 600 miles feels about my limit for one day.

The weather was perfect driving weather today. There was a heavy thunderstorm east of here but nothing where we were. Trusting tomorrow will be smooth sailing too.

A day of travel kinda numbs me. How can one get so tired when all one does is sit all day? Having trouble holding any thoughts tonight long enough to act on them. Think I will take a bath and go to bed early so we can hit the road again in the morning.

Grateful for traveling 600 miles today safely, grateful we got to visit with Chad this morning, and grateful for hotels along the road.

This was a busy day doing the things I need to get taken care of so I can be gone for a couple of weeks. Paid the water bill and my contractor, took the dogs to be boarded, got some snacks for the drive, emptied out the refrigerator and trash, etc. All I have left to do is pack and we will be ready to hit the road in the morning for MA.

The funeral home called me to tell me they needed my signature on a form or two. They were supposed to email me the form but I didn’t get it. I called them back after a couple of hours had passed to let them know I hadn’t gotten it. I talked to a different person and he said I didn’t need to sign anything. Not sure what happened and trust that it won’t hold things up.

I moved a doctor’s appointment I had scheduled for this coming Thursday. Her next available appointment is the end of July. Goodness, that is a busy practice. It is a routine visit so felt comfortable postponing it that long. I will need to get a blood draw when I get back to check to make sure things are good.

At the recommendation of a friend we are trying the Spur Ridge Vet Lodge to board the dogs this time. The dogs will be together in the same pen and can go outside during the day. The other clinic we took them to they were put in a small crate and only allowed out twice a day. I trust this place will do a good job. I liked what I saw while I was there. I did pay extra to have Sophia walked at least once a day as she loves her walks. Roxy could care less if we walk her.

Not sure how long we are going to be gone. I told the boarding place two weeks but that I may need to extend it and that I would let them know when I know. Not sure what we will find when we get there and how long it will take to clear out the apartment. I’m grateful I have till the end of the month so I don’t have to rush. Trusting it won’t take that long but we shall see.

Kathy arranged for the neighbor to take care of the cats and to bring the mail in. They will take good care of the house for us. Nice to be able to leave and know someone is watching the place. I probably should clean the house a bit but it will just get dusty again before I get home so what is the use.

We are planning on leaving mid morning. I want to get to the other side of St. Louis before rush hour traffic starts. We don’t have any hotel reservations along the way so will go as far as we feel like and stop for the night. We don’t have to be there in any time frame so can take our time to get there.

I need to take some time and pack tonight. We will have access to washers and dryers so don’t have to take too many clothes. I’m trying to think of other stuff that I may want. I keep reminding myself they have all sorts of stores back east so no worry if I forget something.

It will be good to hit the road tomorrow and get this project started. Not sure what I will find and it will be good to get there and know where we are. I have lots of time and won’t have to rush to get it done. I don’t do well rushing these days.

Grateful for the love and support of friends and family, grateful for the help of Gene’s good friend, and grateful one by one things are getting done.

Woke up late this morning and checked my phone. I had about eight missed phone calls and lots of texts. Found out my brother Max (Gene) had died this morning. A dear friend of his had tried many ways to get hold of me. She had gotten creative and figured out Jason’s phone number and had called him. She also called Kathy but she didn’t hear her phone and she doesn’t take out of state calls unless she knows the caller.

Evidently Gene had been in the hospital since April 8. He first went in with Covid. He has COPD so it had hit him hard. He actually recovered from Covid but while in the hospital he developed a bowel obstruction and had surgery April 27. He did well during surgery but started struggling afterwards. He didn’t want his friend to contact me as he knew Kathy was doing her Honor Flight and he didn’t want to interfere with her trip.

His dear friend that let us know what was going on had known Gene for over 35 years. She had lost her husband a little over a year ago in the same hospital. I felt bad that I was hard to reach and made her morning harder than it needed to be.

Gene had requested that no services be held and he had arranged for direct cremation. His friend took care of all of that for us. I spent some time this afternoon writing and calling family to let them know the sad news.

Kathy and I will be driving out to MA sometime later this week. We will find out tomorrow how much time we have to clean out his apartment, etc. He didn’t have a will that we know about so far so will probably have to go through probate to take care of things. We will see about all that once we get there.

I can’t say I am surprised that Gene passed. He had been in declining health for some time. The last time I saw him a couple years ago he was frail and struggling a bit then. I am so grateful for his dear friend that took care of him through all of this.

Tomorrow I will need to make a few phone calls and start some things in motion. I have something I may have to do Tuesday before we can take off. Once I know how long we have to clean out his apartment I will know how urgently we have to get out there. Hoping we have till the end of the month as he has paid May rent but sometimes that doesn’t mean what I think it means.

I will need to find a place to board the dogs and Kathy is going to find someone to take care of the cats once we know when we are leaving. We aren’t sure how long things will take once we get to MA so will have to leave the return date open. I’m grateful my calendar is rather empty for the month of May. I do have a doctor’s appointment in Topeka Thursday but it is a routine appointment and I can change the date if we want to leave before then. We decided we are driving in case we want to bring home some stuff. Not sure what we will find when we get there and not sure there will be anything to bring home but want the option in case.

Life and plans can change quickly. Grateful my schedule is free and Kathy is free to join me for a trip back east. Kathy will get a chance to visit her family and to check on a friend of hers that is sick. We will find some ways to find some joy on this trip.

I need to start making a packing list so when I know we are leaving I can get ready to go quickly. I will know tomorrow about when we are leaving. I never pack too heavy and we will have access to washers and dryers so no need to pack lots of clothes. Not sure what else I might need.

Memories from the past have been going through my head all day. I’m sure more will surface as I remember Gene. Not sure the news has fully soaked in yet. It will take some time.

Haven’t done much else today. I am still in my pajamas and decided it was too late to get dressed. I jumped right into phone calls when I got up this morning and the day kinda got away from me. I will take care of some things tomorrow and will probably go to Emporia to get some things for the trip so I will get dressed then.

Funny how grateful I am for an empty calendar this month. Sometimes having empty space has a bigger meaning than it appears at the time. It will make it easy to get away for a couple of weeks if needed.

Today gave me another reminder about how I spend my time and who I spend it with. One never knows when it will be the last time you see someone or hear from them. I treasure each and every one of my friends and family.

Grateful for the memories of Gene, grateful for his dear friend, and grateful for my family and friends.

Happy birthday daddy. He would have been 99 years old today. He never seemed to age when he was alive. I can imagine him at 99. Still as mischievous as ever with that smile that said everything.

I baked a chocolate sheet cake this afternoon to take to the party. Brought home over half of it.

Went to a friend’s house for a party this evening. It was a beautiful day to sit out with some friends and enjoy the evening. They even hired a live band to play after dinner. I enjoyed the evening but came home when I got cold. I have been cold all day and once the sun went down I really got cold and had to come home to warm up.

I took a bit of a nap in my chair this afternoon. I woke up early this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. After sleeping most of yesterday I was surprised I had gotten any sleep last night.

Did some laundry today but not much of anything else. Tomorrow is a stay at home day and I hope I have some energy to do more.

There were lots of friends I knew at the party tonight so it was fun to visit with them. I wasn’t in an outgoing mood tonight and couldn’t think of much to say. I haven’t spent much time with other people lately and I think I have forgotten how to do small talk.

Still feeling a bit weird. Can’t figure it all out yet. Feeling disconnected from all that I knew. Yet still connected too. Weird! Things will sort themselves out as I get used to this new energy I am in.

Grateful for an evening in the country with friends, grateful for a chair nap today, and grateful this too shall pass.

I am still in my pajamas today. Might tell you how my day is going. Had trouble falling asleep last night and was woke up with a phone call this morning. Took a long nap this afternoon. I may not sleep tonight but we shall see what happens.

It was a beautiful day out today. Kathy spent most of the day outside mowing and playing in the dirt. I should have taken a long walk and enjoyed the day but had no energy for that.

I haven’t had a day like this for a long time so felt good to take a do nothing day. Next week is looking pretty quiet so far so will get a chance to have several empty space days.

Tomorrow I have a party to go to in the evening if I can people. One of my favorite groups is playing after the dinner and it would be lovely to sit outside and listen to them.

Feeling a bit like I am in that in-between space. Not sure if it is the higher timeline I have gotten on to or what. Nothing feels familiar yet everything does. I used to jump between timelines and that doesn’t feel like an option right now. None of this makes a lot of sense to me right now. Something huge has shifted in me but nothing has. It will all sort itself out sooner or later.

Grateful for a day of rest, grateful to let go and be in the flow without knowing where I am going, and grateful for the beautiful day and freshly mowed yard.

Two friends of mine and I went to Topeka to the May Day Rally at the state capitol building. We got there shortly before the speakers were finished. We gathered on the steps for a group photo and then the crowd marched downtown Topeka. We participated in most of the walk and peeled off when we were close to the car.

This is a snap of the crowd on the Capitol steps. One of my friends and I are in the bottom right of the photo. I would estimate the crowd to have been close to 1,000 but I am not a good crowd estimator. For the most part, the rally was peaceful. There were a few chants that I wasn’t comfortable with but most of them were OK.

We left and went to the Blind Tiger Brewery for lunch. Service was excellent and the food was good. I enjoyed the conversation with my friends today.

Tomorrow is an empty space day. I am ready for one! I came home exhausted today. I realized today the reason I was shaking in court yesterday was that I was sitting in the energy of conflict. My body doesn’t handle that well evidently.

I noticed today the dual reality that we are in these days. I am having a physical reaction to the different timeline, just like what happened in court. It feels like the dual realities are splitting wider and wider apart energetically. People that are on a different time line are becoming almost non existent to me in some ways. Trusting that one day soon my body will become accustomed to the differences and I won’t need the physical reminder of the differences.

These times we are in are certainly interesting. I try not to think about the future and stay present to what is. I have no control over what may happen and it is a waste of my energy to worry about it. It takes all I have to keep myself grounded and above neutral.

Grateful for the chance to be part of democracy today, grateful for the company of friends that went with me today, and grateful for understanding what happened in court yesterday.

Got up and going this morning and did a bit of house cleaning. Have more to do but got some of it done.

Went to Emporia late morning and met Jason for lunch at Radius. Afterwards we went to a court thing Jason had. It was a brutal afternoon for Jason. Unfortunately they ran out of time and have to have yet another hearing in June. This is dragging out forever for him.

I had an interesting experience watching the proceedings unfold. The Judge requested we turned off all cell phones. I went to turn mine off and got the shakes. I couldn’t make my fingers stay still. Then my whole body wanted to shake. It lasted off and on all during the hearing. Not sure what was up with that. It felt like I had too much energy running and it couldn’t escape so it built up inside. Weird!

While I was at the court house I paid the second half of the property taxes for my two remaining rentals. It was good to get that taken care of today.

Came home and walked the dogs. It was a nice afternoon for a walk and I needed to stretch my legs too.

Phil fixed a crawl space entrance that is under the bathroom window. The other one had a big rock up against it and that would have created a problem in the winter time if someone needed to get to a frozen water line. He built a box of sorts and put a lid on it. He is painting the lid the same color as the house so it will blend in nicely. Not sure what I would do without Phil next door. He takes good care of my house for me.

Kathy got home early evening. She had a grand time on her Honor Flight trip. My thanks to all that sent a card to her for Mail Call when she got to the welcome home party in Wichita. She was recognized for being the only female veteran on the flight.

Tomorrow I am going to Topeka for another Rally. Two of my dear friends are going with me. I have room in my car for one more if anyone wants to join us. We will be leaving from Cottonwood Falls around 11:15.

Grateful I will have a free day on Friday. I am exhausted this evening. I will be outside lots tomorrow for the rally. Trusting the weather will cooperate and we can stay dry. This will be the fifth rally I have attended. I am turning into an old hippy!

A year ago today Kathy and I moved into this house. Just after the movers left and I was beginning to unpack boxes I got the call that Craig had died. It wasn’t totally unexpected news but it still was shocking and had happened sooner than expected. The kids have really pulled together this year to help each other through. I still forget he is gone sometimes – especially when something happens with one of the kids and I want to talk to Craig about it. He was a huge influence in lots of people’s lives and continues to be missed. I feel his presence around me often and know he is doing his part to watch over the kids and grandkids.

I can’t believe I have lived in this house for a year now. In some ways I can’t remember living any where else and in other ways it feels like a couple of months ago we moved in. I have a weird relationship with time these days. Can’t make sense of it most of the time.

I am grateful I moved and downsized. This house is easier in many ways. It forces me to keep my belongings down to the right amount as if I go over that level the house begins to feel crowded to me. I mentioned to Phil that next year I might have him tear off the back porch and rebuild it and add a second bathroom. Haven’t fully committed myself to that project yet but am going to start thinking about it. The back porch was not done well and it is not heated or air conditioned. We shall see if I decide to proceed in the future.

Still struggling a bit to make anything feel important. Although it did feel important I be at court for Jason today. I come home and can’t think of a thing that feels important enough for me to do. Maybe that is a good thing.

Grateful Kathy had a great trip and is back home safely, grateful for the love and life of Craig, and grateful I have a bed to sleep in tonight.

Got up this morning and walked the dogs. It was a cool, beautiful day. We didn’t get much rain if any last night. Around here got a good soaking.

I drove to Wichita a little after lunch. The ponds are low in the Flint Hills. We need a couple of good pond soaker rains to fill them up. The cattle are being let out on the prairie. It was a beautiful drive today.

I went to Chipotle for lunch and then went to Costco. I got a cart full of stuff I didn’t know I needed. I stocked up on some basic stuff. I needed four cases of water and asked at the register if someone could get them for me. They sent someone after them. They even helped me load them into the car.

It took me a bit when I got home to get everything carried in. I still need to bring the water in but I will get it one at a time over the next day or two. I got everything I bought put away and am washing up the new towels and clothes I bought. It always feels good to be stocked back up again.

Took the dogs on long walks when I got home. They came in afterwards and took a long nap. Sophia wanted back out. When I opened the back door to let her out to go into the pen she took off after a stray dog that was in the yard. Luckily she didn’t go too far and came right back home. Roxy is still in the house but I’m sure she will want to go out soon.

I need to do a bit of housecleaning tonight. The dogs have brought in lots of twigs and leaves and dirt. It rained just enough to get their paws dirty and they cleaned their paws once they got in the house. Yuck!

Tomorrow afternoon Jason has a court thing and I am going to go in to be there. I can’t do much but be present. Hopefully he will get a resolution to this matter soon. Not expecting one tomorrow but will be grateful when it does come.

Thursday is May Day. I am going to Topeka to the May Day Rally at the Capitol. The speakers are to start at noon and the march is to begin at 12:30. I’m looking for someone to ride with me if anyone is interested in going. Call me and let’s ride together.

Friday is an empty space day. Saturday I have a party to go to in the evening. Sunday is another empty space day.

A year ago today I was doing the final packing at the county house. What a job that was! Grateful I made the decision I did and that all is behind me.

Still thinking about how to handle the political situation we are all in. I strongly believe we have to change the energy in the world that created this situation. We each have to do our part and step away from the fear, overwhelm and hate. I think the Rally’s are a good thing but only if they stay positive. I have no control over the energy at the rally. What I am sitting with is bringing positive energy my purpose right now? Positive energy is contagious and I can always leave if the Rally becomes negative.

I follow a lady named Kerry K. She reads energy and helps me understand what is happening in the world. About ten days ago I felt a shift in the collective energy and didn’t know what it was about at the time. Kerry K sent out her monthly email today and explain the shift in energy. April’s energy gave us a chance to choose a path to be on – one that allows one to step into your own personal power and one that is still waiting to be rescued. For those that choose stepping into your own power, the energy is very supporting of a reawakening happening. May’s energy is about walking the path you are on without the continued searching. May’s energy is all about learning to trust all is well and fully step into that knowledge in all ways. It is always gratifying to get confirmation of what I have felt.

Grateful for a beautiful drive to Costco today, grateful for the confirmation of what I had sensed, and grateful for being.

I got up at 8:00 so I would be ready when Phil came to finish the repair job. This morning he worked under the house using the access hole under the window in the living room. He took a lunch break and then this afternoon he came in the bedroom and fixed that side of the foundation.

It is good to have that job done. I didn’t see what he did but I trust Phil and know it is taken care of. That project has been on my list since I moved into this house a year ago. It was the last project on my list.

At some point I may decide to have the back room rebuild and a bathroom added but that is not going to happen this year. I need a year to recover from all the expenses of last year and see where this economy is headed. It might never get done but that is OK.

I haven’t left the house today except for walking the dogs several times. The last time Roxy politely decline my offer of a walk. She didn’t even want to come in the house yet. Sophia is taking a nap on the floor inside. I’m sure she will want to go back out later.

It warmed up today and the house feels warm. Way too early to turn the air on but it is sticky inside. We have a chance for some severe weather later tonight. It sure feels like a storm is brewing.

I haven’t done much today. I was wiped out today and am tired tonight. I will probably go to Wichita tomorrow to do a Costco run. I need to get out of the house for a bit. I’ll see what the weather is doing – I won’t go if it is raining.

The house sure is quiet with Kathy gone. I bet she is having an interesting time in DC. She will be home Wednesday afternoon. The dogs and cats really miss her as she gives them a lot more attention than I do.

Feeling a bit lost and ungrounded today. There was a post on Facebook that hooked me and I am struggling to let go of it. I will get there – it may take a day or two though. I function better with some scheduled things on my calendar and right now my calendar has a lot of blank days on it. I need to find a worthy volunteer job to do on a regular basis. The ones I have tried haven’t given me what I am looking for.

I have been giving lots of thought to how I want to share my voice in these times. It is hard to know what to do that might make a difference. Staying out of hate and fear and above neutral is almost a full time job for me – especially on days like this. I haven’t found any answers yet but I’m sure they will come. I keep reminding myself to stay open and when an opportunity presents itself I will know to take it. Sometimes if I don’t script things in detail I get unexpectedly surprised with the outcome. Trusting that will happen this time.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful the foundation repair job is completed, and grateful tomorrow is a new day.

I saw a post on the 50501 Kansas site today that told me there was going to be a protest at the immigration center here in Cottonwood Falls at noon.

I went up and joined a group of 10 others. We held our signs by the side of the highway and visited with each other. Several people going by gave us the bird and others honked and gave us a thumbs up sign.

I got into a conversation with one of the ladies there. She and her partner live in McPherson. I told her I had read that the Casinos in Vegas are starting to lay people off as the number of international visitors is dropping so quickly that it is impacting their traffic counts. She then went on to say the factory she works for in McPherson is quietly starting to do what she called slow downs in production. They have started to cut a week of production here and a week there. She said their warehouse is full and that customers have stopped buying anything but essential material.

The best part of the rally was the immigration attorney that had come to the detention center to see a client. The client he saw wasn’t the one that had prompted the protest. He explained the “law” and how much of it is open to interpretation by the individual judges. The supposed legal path to becoming a citizen is full of pot holes and mud holes and is a long and arbitrary path that is about as clear as mud.

I asked him what is the best way for us to support the work he is doing. I think I caught him a bit off guard. He said no one had asked him that before. He said the best way for those of us that are citizens to support the other members of our community that may not be is to show up. Be Vocal. Do not be afraid to post our views on social media. Speak up to others when we witness racism and misinformation. Communicate our concerns to our elected officials. Do not back down to the fear, overwhelm and hate that is being pushed on to us.

I told him I agreed with all he said. I also told him I navigate through the world reading energy and not hearing words so much. That we all have to help change the energy of this world. Both sides have helped make this problem and it is going to take each of us changing ourselves to fix the problem. Dropping into hate, fear and overwhelm continues the energy that got us here. We have to respond to hate with love, to fear with joy, and overwhelm with logical thought.

He looked at me with tears in his eyes and told me I was a modern Gandhi. I told him hardly that. I am just an old hippy that believes love is the answer – now what is the question? Regardless the attorney said non-violent, peaceful protests, and keeping faith in hope that love will win is the way to be.

Several in the group nodded in agreement with his words. However, shortly after our exchange, one of the people in the group started leading some chants that I could not chant. A car went by and gave us the bird and the sign was returned.

I decided it was time for me to leave. I came home for a bit and then drove back up about 30 minutes later. They were gone by then.

It was an interesting protest. I did meet a lady that has a guest house in Bazaar. She is from Olathe but comes down often as she loves the Flint Hills. Another man I know from Cottonwood Falls was there. He had heard about the protest and walked up to see what was happening. The others were from McPherson, Topeka, Perry, and Wichita. The person that had posted about the protest wasn’t there.

I must confess I was a bit intimidated to go and wondered if I should. According to the Sheriff a permit is required for a rally. I’m not sure if he would call today a rally or a protest and if a permit would be needed. If the Sheriff showed up and I was there, I was concerned that he would know I knew about the permit situation and hold me accountable. I decided I had to go anyways and see what happened. Fear cannot win!

I took a chair nap when I got home. I was exhausted this afternoon. Not sure if the protest took it out of me or what. I have a bit more energy since my nap. I took the dogs for a walk and they are taking their naps now.

Kathy left while I was at the protest to go to Wichita. She is helping my cousin check in the other participants for the Honor Flight then they are going to my cousin’s house for the night. Her flight leaves early in the morning. I trust she will have a great time.

Tomorrow I think Phil is coming early to finish up the foundation repair project. I will have to set an alarm and get up early for him. I don’t have anything on my calendar other than being around in case Phil has a question or needs something. I will have to walk the dogs a couple times but that will get me up and going. Wednesday I am going to a court thing with Jason in the afternoon. Kathy will be home Wednesday late afternoon.

I may go to Wichita Tuesday as I need to make a Costco run. Sometimes I need to get out of my own space and run away a bit to clear my head. It has been a heavy weekend and I need to clear it out.

I do want to find a rally to go to on May 1. I think I heard there is one in Topeka so will have to find details. I will continue to find ways to show up in love and let my voice be heard.

Grateful for the 10 others that showed up at the protest today, grateful for immigration attorneys that are doing the hard work on a rocky road, and grateful I could leave the protest when it didn’t feel like peace and love.

I was in Council Grove at 11:40 this morning to meet a dear friend for lunch. We had a nice conversation while we ate lunch.

After lunch we walked down to the independent book store in Council Grove. I managed to find a book, a puzzle, and a few cards. It feels important to support locally owned, small independent book stores. It wasn’t a hardship to find something to buy.

My friend and I and another lady set up a cookie/water station for the political rally that was held in Council Grove this afternoon. I made Snickerdoodles to take, my friend brought chocolate chip cookies, and the leader of the rally brought donuts and water. It was a bit chilly sitting out this afternoon. I was grateful I had taken my long rain coat as I used it for extra warmth.

It was interesting watching people walk by as we waited for the rally participants to come. One lady told us she has a government job in Manhattan and it wasn’t safe for her to participate in the rally or to state what she beliefs. That sure made me grateful I was there protesting.

Several walked by and wouldn’t make eye contact. One guy told us he was for Camp Trump. Another guy was grateful we were doing what we were doing and left a donation for the democratic committee in Council Grove.

There were 28 people participating today. They ranged in age from 1 to 80 ish maybe. Most were in my age range. One couple had been at the rally in Cottonwood Falls as was the lady that organized this one today along with my friend and I.

The rally participants that were from Council Grove were going to meet together afterwards and attempt to discover some next steps they can take. I trust they will come up with something that helps them feel they are taking productive steps.

I stopped at the grocery store in Council Grove afterwards. I love shopping at “real” grocery stores Whenever I travel to different cities one of my favorite things to do is to visit a grocery store. You can learn a lot about a local culture from a grocery store. I picked up a few things and then came home.

I finished watching Brothers and Sisters and am now starting to watch Army Wife’s. As with Brothers and Sisters I watched Army Wife’s when it was on before but missed several of the shows. It has been a long time since I watched it so decided to binge watch it all again. It will take me a bit to get through all the shows and seasons of it.

Wednesday will be one year since I moved into this house. In some ways it feels like we have been here forever and other ways it feels like it has only been a few months. I am grateful I made the hard decision to sell the county house and move to town. I loved living in that house and on that property but it was too big for me and getting to be too much for me to handle.

Wednesday is also the anniversary date of Craig’s death. How can it be a year already since he died?

Today’s rally was my third rally this year. This old lady is turning back to her hippy days of love and peace and protesting. I have to believe that protesting on the streets does some good The next call is for rally’s to be held on May 1. I will find one that day and go again. I haven’t seen a list yet of where they will be held. Anyone want to go with me?

No plans for tomorrow except a few housecleaning chores. Kathy leaves for her Honor Flight trip tomorrow afternoon and will be back Wednesday. Phil is coming Monday to finish the foundation repair so I will have to get up and get going early. Wednesday Jason has a court thing that I am going to go with him to.

I am tired tonight. I wasn’t kind to my body yesterday and had tummy issues overnight. Trusting tonight will be better. It did feel good to protest again today yet still struggling with knowing things continue to challenge our democracy. I wonder what it will take before things cross some line that others will say No More.

Grateful for the privilege to be able to protest, grateful for the people that showed up today, and grateful the rain held off during the protest.

This has felt like a Saturday to me. Not sure why. I finally got some sleep last night and slept in this morning. Have been a bit discombobulated all day.

I baked a double batch of Snickerdoodle cookies for the rally tomorrow. I will give the leftovers to my kids. They turned out good today. I learned I have to cook one batch at a time in my oven. If I tried to do two at a time the bottom batch would burn even if I only kept them in there for a few minutes.

Someone posted on Facebook they needed to borrow a knee scooter. I posted they were welcome to borrow mine and they came and picked it up this afternoon. I think that is the tenth person that has used this scooted. I’m grateful I held on to it and am able to loan it out to others. I didn’t get any details from the lady that borrowed it. If it is meant to be, she will return it in a couple of months.

Tomorrow I am going to meet a friend for lunch in Council Grove and then we are manning a water and cookie station for the political rally that is being held tomorrow afternoon in Council Grove. It will be fun to spend time with my friend and to participate in another Rally.

Sunday Kathy is going to Wichita to spend the night at our cousin’s house. She has a very early flight out of Wichita Monday morning for her Honor Flight to Washington, DC. I trust she will have a good time. DC is a beautiful city to visit in the spring time.

Next Wednesday I have a thing with Jason to go to in the afternoon. Saturday I am going to a party at a friend’s house. Other than that, I have a quiet week planned. I will have dog and cat duty Monday through Wednesday so will get more exercise those days walking the dogs.

We still haven’t gotten much rain. Lots of rain has fallen around us but hasn’t found us yet. Trusting that sometime this week it will be our turn.

Still having trouble making much important. Just can’t think of anything I need to do that is important. Makes me wonder what is important. What would feel important to me these days? Making connections with others and being there for my family is about all I can think of.

Grateful the cookies are made and turned out OK, grateful someone else can make use of the knee scooter, and grateful for friends and family.

I could not find sleep last night. I gave up around 6:30 and got up. I did lay down for a couple of hours late morning but not sure I slept for more than an hour. Man I hate when I go through spells like this. I feel very drained this afternoon. Hopefully tonight I will get lots of sleep and will wake up with some energy in the morning.

I went to Emporia late afternoon to attend a visitation. Halfway to Emporia I could tell it had recently rained lots. It was a pond-filler type of rain as all the ditches were full and the sides of the roads in Emporia were full of water. We only got a brief rain in Cottonwood Falls. About three minutes before I got to the funeral home it started pouring again but by the time I was parked and ready to go in the rain stopped and I got in dry.

The person that made their transition was a dear friend of my parents. Mom and Dad had a group of about six couples that they hung out with. This was the husband of one of the those couples. I think most of the “gang” as they used to call themselves have departed. I got to see his daughter this evening and her beautiful family. My, have we all grown up and gotten old!

Tomorrow I need to bake some cookies for the political rally on Saturday. I haven’t baked cookies for a long time – trusting I still remember how. I will allow myself some extra time just in case. This kitchen is not easy to bake in.

Saturday I am meeting a friend for lunch and then we are going to the rally. She is hosting the water/cookie break table for the rally so I may sit with her and join the rally when it gets to us. We shall see how the day unfolds.

I didn’t make it to the gym today. I didn’t have the energy due to little to no sleep. Hoping I can make it tomorrow. One day at a time – one step at a time – I got this. I need to allow myself some wiggle room and remember this is a journey and not a destination. Perfection is not required.

Feeling a bit empty tonight. I’m sure most of it is from lack of sleep. The weather has been a bit unsettling today too. It feels like I don’t have much solid ground beneath my feet. Maybe it is part of letting go and allowing and accepting there isn’t much solid in this world. Going with the flow and allowing means not leaning on anything solid and trusting in the Universe. I think I can, I think I can….

Grateful for what rain we did get, grateful for the memories of days long gone by, and grateful to be in the flow.

I drove to Council Grove to meet a dear friend for lunch. We visited for over 2 1/2 hours. My soul needed our conversation today. It was a beautiful drive through the hills today. The grass is so green that it hurts your eyes. I love spring in the Flint Hills.

I came home and took a chair nap. After I woke up I went and laid down on my bed and read for a bit. I needed some quiet time this afternoon.

We got a few sprinkles this afternoon. Areas around us got some good rain but we got the consolation prize of sprinkles and thunder. Bet there was a rainbow if I could have seen the horizon.

I have a visitation to go to tomorrow evening. I will stop and get a few groceries when I am done. Friday I have a free day. I am going to bake a batch of cookies to take to the rally on Saturday. I’ll do a double batch and take some to Tagen, Jason and Michelle. I haven’t baked cookies for a long time.

Saturday I am meeting a friend for lunch and then we are going to the rally in Council Grove. It will be another fun day.

Kathy leaves Saturday afternoon to go to Wichita. She is spending the night at our cousin’s house and then has an early flight on Sunday to DC. She is going on the Veterans Honor Flight. She will be home Wednesday. I will have dog duty while she is gone.

I am having trouble making anything important this evening. Sometimes I have to let go and allow. When I do that, nothing feels important. I stepped into watching my life as if it is a movie and I have no control over what is happening next. I am along for the ride. I have no idea what is going to happen next and for some reason that feels good.

Grateful for lunch and a deep conversation with a dear friend today, grateful to be able to let go, and grateful for whatever happens next in my life.

It has been a quiet day at home. Don’t think I did much today. A storm is starting to roll in. Hoping we get some rain out it.

I had a long talk with Jason today. He has a major life change happening and needed to vent. I’m grateful I can listen when he needs to do that.

Tagen called this afternoon. He had a situation going on and needed some advice and needed to vent. That seems to be my theme for the day.

I took Sophia for a mile walk this afternoon. Roxy declined my offer to take her. I didn’t go to the gym today so I did a mile walk instead.

Tomorrow I am meeting a friend in Council Grove for lunch. It will be nice to have a deep conversation with a like-minded friend. Thursday I am going to a visitation and Saturday I am going to Council Grove for a political rally.

Feeling a bit disconnected again tonight. My world feels small tonight. It will be good to get out tomorrow and have a long, deep conversation.

I had to take a break from the news today. There are so many distractions going on that it is hard to stay focused on what is important. It was frustrating me so I needed to step away. Right here – right now – all is well as long as I don’t read the news. I think I feel a bit guilty that what is happening hasn’t impacted me directly yet. So many people are hurting from what is happening and many more will hurt in the future. Some nights I can’t go there.

Some days are harder than others. I know love is the answer and that love will win. I need to duck inside and remember that completely.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful for a mile walk today, and grateful I have the privilege to tuck inside when I get overwhelmed with all that is happening.