Author: Kay Krause

Happy birthday to my beautiful mom. She would have been 91 today. Wonder what she would have been like in her 90’s? I think of her often and miss her daily. She always made me a better person by being around her.

Thanks for those that reached out to me yesterday. I had a terrible, rotten, no good day yesterday and your love and concern helped me recover. I feel the love surrounding me and appreciate all of you.

I called for an appointment with my doctor and found out he is out of the office this week. I got an appointment with the doctor I used to take my kids to. She had an opening this morning. Found out I have a UTI (no surprise). She is going to wait until tomorrow when the culture finishes growing out before deciding what to do. With the C Diff the last thing she wants to do is prescribe an antibiotic that won’t fix the UTI but would cause the C Diff to be worse. She said having a UTI when you have C Diff is very common. She doesn’t think it is a reaction to the antibiotic I am on even though it is listed as a side effect. I finish the C Diff antibiotic Wednesday but will be on the new one starting tomorrow. The circle continues….

I stopped and got some good bacon and ham and then came home. We are having bacon and eggs for dinner tonight although I just remembered I only have three eggs left in the house. I will have chicken noodle soup and bacon and Jim will have bacon and eggs and hash browns. I made ham salad for Jim when I got home.

I took a long nap this afternoon. I had gone to bed early last night and slept well although the wind woke me up at some point. I got up and closed some windows and went back to bed. I am extra tired these days. I take it as a sign my body is healing.

I haven’t gotten any more painting done the last two days. I feel like I could paint today but I need a heavy ladder to do so and Jim just laid down for a nap. When he gets up I will have him move the ladder to the back so I can paint tomorrow. I really want to get that project finished.

I will have to go to town tomorrow to pick up the new prescription and some groceries from Walmart. Jim wants to get his driver’s license moved to KS. He went to the Court House in Chase County today to do so but they can’t do transfers. He did get registered to vote in KS and requested an advance ballot as we will be in OK on Election Day. Hopefully this week he will get his driver’s license and one of his cars registered. He will have to bring the other car up and get it registered too. It has to be inspected and the VIN number verified before he can register them. Now that he has registered to vote he has a time limit to get that done. But first he has to get his driver’s license changed to KS. Moving across state lines can get complicated.

After he gets the two cars registered we will need to check my home owner’s insurance and price them for insurance. I think we will save money if we add them to my policy.

Later this week Medicare enrollment for 2021 starts. I need to change my prescription coverage. I haven’t been very happy with CVS. I like my medical policy so will leave it with Aetna. I find shopping for the those policies challenging And trust I can navigate through it. We need to find Jim a policy too and compare it to what his retirement has.

It is a beautiful fall day – finally. Temperatures are in the low 70’s with a mild breeze. Finally good sweater weather. It is nice to have light wind today. The wind was in a huge hurry last night and made the whole house rattle and shake for a bit.

I am feeling a bit better today. Still having headaches, mild tummy cramping, and lower back ache. I have only gone to the bathroom three times today. I will get to the point of acceptance of what is happening – just not there yet. I got sick the end of July and have not returned to my normal since. Sure trusting the Gastrointestinal doctor will have some solutions for me when I go next week. It could be another month or so though before we can get to the solution depending on what they recommend and what if any tests will need to be done. Maybe I better set my sights on the end of the year before things return to normal for me. Maybe by the time my girls are laying eggs I will be mended and return to the land of fulling living my best life.

I am slowing coming to acceptance that the COVID lock down and restrictions will be in place for at least another year. I don’t think Jim is there yet as he keeps talking about trips we are going to take next year. I am preparing myself for a very limited Thanksgiving and Christmas gathering this year. I just don’t see how we can do our big Thanksgiving dinner and maybe not our smaller Christmas gathering safely. I hope I am wrong and we can figure out a safe way to gather. It will be what it is and I will wait and see what happens.

Other than doing a drug run tomorrow I have no plans for the rest of the week. Jim has talked about going to Stillwater again and am not sure if he is going this weekend or not. He gets so torn – he wants to go and get work done but he really likes being on the prairie. I’ll wait and see what he decides to do. I am going with him the end of the month for a long week with him in Stillwater. Maybe he will wait and not go before then.

Grateful for all the love and concern expressed by my dear friends and family, grateful for beautiful fall days, and grateful to be slowly coming into acceptance of what is for me right now.

Five years ago today I arrived in Santiago, Spain after walking the 500 mile Camino. It was a magical day after a grand adventure. I am so grateful for all the lessons I learned while walking and the lessons that I continue to reap from the walk.

I have felt pretty crummy all day today. Last night before I went to bed I had blood in my urine. This morning my urine was stinky and cloudy but not bloody. I looked up the side effects of the antibiotic I am on and discovered UTI and stinky urine is one of them. It also listed nausea and diarrhea as well as headache and swollen hands among others. I have had all of the above this round.

The article I was reading said to call your doctor immediately if you have any of these symptoms. I called the rent a nurse and she called the doctor on call. They called in orders to the hospital in Emporia for a UA and culture. I drove into Emporia and took care of that. If my temperature goes above 100 I am to go to the ER. I will call my doctor in the morning and get an appointment to see him tomorrow if possible.

I am so tired of this. It seems like I am caught in an endless round that has no end. The worse part is I’m not sure the antibiotic is doing any good. I don’t see and end to this mess yet.

Needless to say I haven’t gotten any painting or anything else done today. My energy level is very low today and I just feel crummy. I took a short nap and may go back and take another one.

I did help Jim with a computer issue he was having and figured out what the main problem was but didn’t know how to fix it. He called the Geek Squad and they helped him. It is so frustrating when programs get updated and change and you don’t know how to work it.

I am fixing Jim tacos for dinner. We had some leftover taco meat from the other day that needs to get used up and it will be something simple to fix. Bless his heart for eating leftovers without complaining.

The wind has been in a big hurry again today. It is averaging 30 MPH with gusts well over that. The sound of the wind can drive me over the edge sometimes. It will be nice this evening when the wind calms down some.

I am developing a great deal of respect for those that suffer with chronic illness. I have been struggling since the end of July and am starting to get depressed. It is beginning to mess with my head. On one hand I know someday soon this will all get resolved but on the other hand it is starting to feel like it won’t ever get resolved. I’m not sure how those that have lifelong illnesses deal. They have earned my respect.

I got on the hot line last night and handled four calls. I didn’t feel like I was doing a very good job so got off. They were really busy but I didn’t want to get a critical call and mess it up. The ones I had were pretty routine although one of them was hard. The texter disengaged before we got very far into the call. I never know why they do that and try not to take it personally.

I print a copy of my blog entries and last night took the time to get caught up doing that. I lost two years of my blog a while back when WordPress updated and my data didn’t transfer successfully. I don’t want to lose years worth of writing again so now I print a paper copy. I need to get a tub and take the printed copies down to my record storage area in the barn.

Digging deep inside and finding some resolve and strength to keep going on. Feeling overwhelmed and vulnerable today and observing how it clouds my judgement and perspective.

Grateful for the Camino and the life lessons it gives me, grateful for the information I can easily access via the computer these days, and grateful that this too shall pass – someday – somehow – soon!

This has been a bit better day than yesterday was. I ate a very small lunch and it didn’t hurt as much afterwards. I had to take a nap again this afternoon as I got very tired after lunch. I am feeling better now that I had a nap.

I did some black iron painting outside today. I did the iron posts that support the deck and the landing. I need to get the ladder out tomorrow and do the top supports. It feels good to be making some progress on the deck project again.

We went to Emporia early afternoon so I could take the cookies to the kiddos. I saw Ellexia for a hot minute but Tagen was at his dad’s house. The kids are growing up so fast and I feel like I am missing so much of their lives right now.

Stopped at the lumber store so Jim could get some boards to repair the deck. Came home after dropping some letters in the mailbox.

It was another warm October day with highs in the mid 80’s. I so look forward to the 60’s and 70’s.

I will probably get on the hot line tonight since I took a nap today. They have what they call Spike Teams that get activated when the hot line get backs up. It seems like most every night now the Spike Team sends a text asking for volunteers to jump on and help out. When I am not too tired I try to get on and take several calls.

No big plans for the next couple of days. I have been enjoying lots of empty space lately. I miss making masks as they gave me an easy thing to do when I had lots of empty space. I have had trouble getting interested in knitting or working on the tea towels. I am getting pretty darn good at doing nothing these days.

We are having left over pot roast for dinner tonight so don’t have to do much to fix dinner. I’ll need to come up with something fresh to make tomorrow. I hate to feed Jim leftovers too often. I’ll see what the pot roast does to my tummy this time. If I have a bad day tomorrow I will know that is what the cause was.

Need to clean out the chicken coop again. I think this time I will put hay down for the girls instead of cottonseed hulls. They are almost nine weeks old and I can treat them like big girls now. Should have seven to eight weeks to go before we start getting eggs. I look forward to that. It is much more fun to do chores when I get to gather eggs as part of taking care of the girls.

We sat outside last night for the longest time and star watched. It was a beautiful night to do so. I had a blanket wrapped around me but it was warm enough I probably didn’t need one. The moon didn’t come up until late so we could really see the Milky Way and the stars.

Grateful for the beauty of the night sky, grateful to be feeling better today, and grateful for these days full of empty space.

This has not been an easy day. I had another episode of tummy issues after lunch today. Have gone six times so far today. Starting to think I have reached antibiotic fatigue and they aren’t working this time. Although it could be a reaction from the pot roast I ate. I haven’t ventured too far away from dry toast and chicken noodle soup and maybe the pot roast was too much too fast. Man! I’m tired of this crap!

I did a bit of deck painting today. I had about two inches of paint left in a bucket and got all of that put on. I painted the back part of the steps leading down the deck. I had enough paint to give the top rail a fresh coat and then ran out of paint. Tomorrow I want to paint the black iron downstairs which will involve using a ladder. I am waiting on Jim to finish sanding some steps and railing before I can paint those. The main floor of the all three decks need another coat but want to wait and make sure I have enough paint before I do them.

I took a nap again today. I didn’t feel very good after lunch and had to sit up for about 30 minutes until the nausea feeling stopped. I felt drained after that so laid down for a bit. Fell asleep and slept for two hours. I felt better when I woke up and was able to eat a piece of toast and some crackers. The same thing happened the last two days too. What is up with this?

The wind has finally slowed down a bit. It was in a big hurry most of the day blowing up to 40 MPH at times. It is nice to have it slow down a bit. The sound of the wind can wear me down. It was mid 80’s today which is way too warm for October. I am ready for the 60’s and sweater weather.

Made the kiddos a batch of no bake chocolate cookies today. I need to run them into town later. I sure miss having the kiddos come out and spend some time with me. Tagen has grown a whole bunch this year and I have missed seeing that happen.

I read an interview today that Dr. Fauci did and he predicted things won’t return to normal as far as group gatherings, etc. for at least another year and possibly longer. That is a bit depressing. Jim and I are starting to talk about what the holidays might look like and what a back up plan might look like. I keep reminding him that long-term planning these days is knowing what to fix for dinner. It is impossible to make any plans for the future with any degree of certainty right now. Guess it is a good thing I like to stay home.

I have some steaks thawing that we are grilling for dinner tonight. I hope I can eat at least part of one. The beef we got this time is one of the best ones I have ever had. The pot roast I fixed was fork tender and so flavorful. All the steaks we have had so far haven’t needed steak sauce or marinated and they are fork tender. It is so nice to have good beef to eat again.

The mailman must be busy these days with all the political mail being delivered. At least I get mail these days! I will be so grateful when the election is over. I have a bad case of election fatigue right now.

I handled six calls on the hot line last night. One was intense but worked out OK. The other five were more routine or non-engaged texters. I might get on tonight since I took a nap today. We were busy again last night and there was a wait time for the texters again.

Grateful the deck project has been restarted, grateful the wind slowed down, and grateful for steaks to grill for dinner tonight.

Jim didn’t get home until almost 9:30 last night. I was glad I had fixed a crock pot dinner that could hold. It was nice to have him back home on the prairie.

I had to get up early this morning as Jim taught his OSHER class at 9:00. I only had to help him out twice. He was pleased with how the class went.

We went into Emporia when he was done teaching and picked up my prescription and dropped off a package he had to return to Amazon. Got what we needed and came back home.

Both of us took a long nap this afternoon. Jim had not gotten much sleep the night before and didn’t get a lot of sleep last night as he stayed up way later than I did. I’m not sure why I was so tired but am grateful or the extra sleep I got today.

One of my exchanges on the hot line got graded by my coach. It is the first one that has been graded. She gave me some very helpful hints and overall thought I had done great. It helped build my confidence and will help make me a better crisis counselor. Wish they had done this several months ago.

I had booked off my shift last night so I could spend time with Jim. I have a shift tonight that I will do. The time usually goes by very quickly when I am taking calls, especially when I handle two calls at the same time.

I have a wireless containment system for my dogs. One of the Control boxes keeps overheating and beeping rather loudly at me. I unplug it and let it cool down and then after a while it starts beeping again. I ordered a new system today. Hopefully I can nurse this system along and it will hold out until the new system gets here. This system has really helped keep the dogs safe as they don’t run away like they did before I had it. The old system is three years old and they only have a two year warranty.

We don’t have any plans for the weekend. It will be nice to have a quiet weekend at home with Jim. He wants to get the second desk for the office finished and I want to get some outside painting done. My energy level seems to be coming back and I think I can get some work done.

The last two days late morning I get really hungry. Yet when I eat I start getting cramps again. They last several hours and then go away. Not sure what is causing them. Yesterday I thought it was peanut butter but didn’t eat that today and still had them. Last night I noticed how swollen my tummy looked and felt. I had gained several pounds yesterday and hadn’t eaten enough to have made that happen. Overnight the swelling went down and the weight was gone this morning. Maybe the specialist in Topeka will have some answers for me when I go in another ten days.

It is another warm day on the prairie today. We reached the upper 80’s today which is a bit cooler than it was yesterday. Not sure why we are getting another blast of summer weather. The forecast shows it is to cool down in a few days. Sure wish we could get some rain. It is getting way too dry and we are headed into fire danger status.

Grateful Jim got home safely, grateful for my coach on the hot line, and grateful for long afternoon naps that help me heal.

I am patiently, OK not so patiently, waiting for Jim to leave Stillwater and head this way. He had lots of things to finish up today so don’t expect him to leave until after 6:00. He will eat dinner late tonight. I have a pot roast in the crock pot for him to eat when he gets here.

I finally have an appointment with the Gastrointestinal doctor in Topeka. It is on October 19, their first available day. The timing might be perfect as it will be six days after I finish this round of antibiotic. The last two times I have had a reoccurrence it happened six days after I stopped the antibiotic.

My tummy is a bit swollen today for some reason. I ate some chicken noodle soup for lunch and it hasn’t gone down well. I think I will switch to clear fluids for the next 24 hours and see if it will settle down a bit. I had some peanut butter yesterday and am thinking my tummy didn’t like that. Have only gone to the bathroom once today which is nice. I am getting tired of chicken noodle soup but can’t seem to find anything else my tummy likes. If my tummy is tired of chicken noodle soup I have no idea what to eat.

It is 91 degrees today. Too hot for the first part of October. I opened the windows but haven’t turned the AC on. There is a nice breeze coming through and as long as I don’t move around a lot I am comfortable. Good reason not to get much done today.

I have been reading my blog from the days on the Camino. I arrived in Santiago on October 11 so I am in the final stage of the journey. What wonderful days those were. I still have trouble believing I walked 500 miles over 40 days. It was one of the best things I have ever done for myself.

I got the sewing machine put away today and the sewing mess cleaned up. It is nice to have my dining room back again. I miss working on masks though. Can’t seem to get interested in embroidery work yet. That’s OK. Maybe I just need to rest and be for a bit before I start a new project.

I need to go into town and pick up a prescription but the thought of going into town today isn’t very appealing. I might wait and get it later this week. I don’t need the prescription yet so I don’t have to go today.

Am doing some house cleaning off and on today. I have the sheets off my bed in the washer and will get them dried and put back on my bed. I love climbing into a bed with fresh sheets.

I sent a request to a different doctor to see if he is accepting new patients. I have had it with my doctor and his nurse. Jim needs to find a doctor here and it would be nice if we had the same one. I haven’t heard back yet so will see what happens. When I get transferred I will send a note to my old doctor and let him know why I left his practice. When basic communication is broken it is hard to fix and erodes what little trust I had left in him.

I booked off from my shift on the Hot Line tonight. Last night I realized I was too concerned about how busy they were and was putting pressure on myself to stay on even though I knew I was tired and it wasn’t in my best interest to do so. I need to step back a bit and remind myself what my role is. I crossed my own line about getting too involved and need to back up a bit. I’m grateful I caught myself and can take steps to fix this before I get burned out.

Jim teaches his OSHER class in the morning. He likes me to be close when he does that in case he has a technology glitch that he needs help with. He is learning how to do Zoom and I doubt he will need help tomorrow.

We don’t have any plans for this weekend. I am hoping we can get out and work on the deck. Might as well take advantage of these last days of summer and get some painting done. I should be feeling well enough to get after it this weekend.

Grateful I have an appointment with the Gastrointestinal doctor after a three day wait, grateful Jim will be home this evening, and grateful for the many lessons the Camino gave me – and for that matter continues to gift me with.

I have wasted most of the day waiting for the specialist from Topeka to call. The office called this morning but they needed a referral from my doctor before they could schedule the appointment. The lady said she would call my doctor to get it and then would call me back today. I have stayed inside so I wouldn’t miss her call. So far – no call.

The good news is by being inside this afternoon I was able to FaceTime with my Camino friends from CA. Carolyn called me this afternoon. It is always a delight to talk to Carolyn and Tom. Five years ago we were almost to our destination of Santiago, Spain and the completion of our 500 mile Camino walk. They were one of the many gifts the Camino blessed me with.

I haven’t gotten anything done today. Guess I will declare it a rest day and continue to do nothing the rest of the day. Why not waste the rest of the day?

I do need to walk the trash down to the curb and pick up the mail. It is so nice outside that I would like to be outside finishing my mowing. Tomorrow it is to be nice again so I will attempt to get it done then.

Jim will be back on the prairie tomorrow evening. Not sure when he will get here but don’t expect him until evening. He had a lot to get done today before he could start loading up the car and head this way tomorrow. Things usually take longer than expected so doubt he will get away until late afternoon.

We don’t have any plans for the rest of the week except for his OSHER class Thursday morning. Because he has to get up early to teach he usually takes a nap in the afternoon after class.

I got on the hot line last night and took four calls. The hot line was really busy again last night and I had taken a nap and wasn’t tired. One of the four calls felt productive but the other three were not so much. One never really knows though if the texter got what they needed or not.

I had trouble falling asleep but slept well for about four hours. I feel like I need a nap now but it is getting late and I want to be able to fall asleep tonight. We will see if I can stay awake until bedtime. I never know what I might do.

Feeling better again today. I haven’t had to run to the bathroom today except once. That is a big improvement. I can feel my energy starting to return although I wouldn’t describe myself as a ball of fire yet. The cramping has been mild this time.

I feel a bit lost without masks to work on. I have all this free time all of a sudden. I haven’t made good use of it today as I have sat in my chair in the warm sunshine for most of the day. I need to get up and move my body.

I tried to watch the news for a bit last night but gave up. I get too mad when I watch it. I sure will be glad when this year is over and things feels a bit more resolved although I’m not sure what that might feel or look like. The impact of this year will take years to unwind and understand.

I found a house sitter for October 30 – November 8 so will go to Stillwater with Jim for that week to help him with projects he is working on there. I haven’t been back to Stillwater since we returned to the prairie the middle of June. I think I am finally ready to be away from the prairie for a bit. I just hadn’t been ready until now.

Feeling more grounded and centered then I have been for a bit. I worked through some things during this empty space time with Jim in Stillwater. I had some nagging issues that kept surfacing and I couldn’t seem to put the pieces together to make sense of them. It helped to have lots of silence and empty space to process things. I had felt out of step for a bit and it is nice to be back in step with myself.

Grateful for the call from Carolyn and Tom, grateful for a day of rest and quiet, and grateful Jim will be home tomorrow.

This has been a weird day. I woke up at 4:00 after going to sleep after 1:00. I could not fall back asleep. A little before 6:00 I gave up and got up. I finished making the last of the masks. That project is DONE! I made over 1,500 of them. Enough is enough. I gave most of them away but kept the last 220 of them. That should last us until we can stop wearing masks at some time in the future.

I took care of the dogs, cats and chickens. I headed to Emporia at 9:30 for my 10:00 haircut. Getting my haircut always makes me feel better. After my haircut I went to Walmart and got my prescription for the antibiotic and picked up a few groceries and headed home.

I took a long nap this afternoon to make up for the sleep I didn’t get last night. I was emotional and cranky when I went to bed and am feeling much better now.

The ER doctor called me last night around 6:00 to tell me the stool test came back positive for C Diff and Salmonella again. He sent a prescription to Walmart but the pharmacy closes at 6:00 so I couldn’t go get it last night. I was surprised he called as he had told me my doctor would let me know the results Monday. The ER doctor told me if I came back to ER he would arrange to have me admitted to the hospital. But he also admitted there wasn’t much they could do to speed up the recovery process so I declined his kind offer of a stay at the big house. I promised to go in if the diarrhea doesn’t stop and I start to get dehydrated. So far I have been able to keep up with the fluids.

I sent a note to my doctor and asked for a referral to a specialist. They sent back a note that said I could go if I wanted to. I called the Cotton O’Neil Digestive Health Center in Topeka and had to leave a message and haven’t heard back. I will call them again in the morning if I don’t hear back tonight.

I get the notices from one of the local funeral homes in Emporia and saw that one of our ex McDonald’s Employees had died. I sent the obit to Craig. He responded and let me know one of our White Glove supervisors had died from COVID. Damn!

Since my nap I am feeling a bit better. I had to take one of my slow the trots pill this morning. I had gone 6 times before I left to go to town. I didn’t want to have an accident in town. The pill worked and I haven’t had to go this afternoon and was able to take my nap and not get woken up.

While I was gone Lynn came by and picked up the finished Newsletters. It’s good to have that project done and out of here.

A guest who has house sat for me several times called late morning. She wanted to bring a friend and come spend the night sometime the end of the month. I told her I wasn’t open yet and mentioned that I needed a housesitter for 10 days the first part of November. She said she would take care of the house and critters for me that whole time! That was easy! I need to talk to Jim and see if those dates work for him and if they do we can go to Stillwater together and get some good work done on the house together. I love how easy things can be when they are meant to be.

I need to go out and finish mowing the yard but it is too windy. The wind is gusting up to 31 MPH. Not in the mood to fight the wind today. It is to be nice for the next couple of days so I will wait for a day when the wind isn’t in such a hurry.

Still processing in my head that I have C Diff for the 3rd time in a little over a month. This is getting old and I am emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted. Being sick wears a person down in many ways. I feel very vulnerable, weak and angry. I’m grateful this round has not been as severe as the first round but I can also tell my energy has been depleted again. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. And this too shall pass! If this round is like the other two cases by tomorrow night I will start feeling better and will slowly start to feel even better each day after that. It makes me tired though and that takes longer to go away. Hopefully I will get to a specialist sometime soon and they will have some ideas of something else that can be done to prevent another occurrence.

Grateful for antibiotics, grateful the ER doctor called me last night, and grateful for a haircut.

It has been a better day for me today. I’ve only gone five times so far today – much improved. I woke up at 6:40 and got my sample. I took my shower and got dressed and headed for town. They had told me to go to the main registration but those doors were locked. I drove around to the east side of the hospital and went to the lab. They sent me to registration for ER. After they got me registered I had to go back to the lab to pass off paperwork.

The drive in to Emporia this morning was beautiful. It was just before the sun came up and the colors were incredible. There was fog lifting off the ponds and hanging out in the low areas. By the time I headed for home the fog was gone and the sun was out. It is a beautiful day on the prairie today.

I finished gluing the rest of the Newsletters this morning. Nice to have that little project done. I haven’t finished any masks yet but will work on them later. After I ate my chicken noodle soup for lunch I went out and mowed half the yard. Thinking it might be the last mowing of the year but we shall see. It was hard to mow today as I couldn’t tell where I mowed for part of the yard. The part I got done looks nice. Still need to mow for another hour or so but the bouncing was causing me to have stomach cramps. I’ll finish the yard tomorrow afternoon.

I should hear from the doctor tomorrow morning what the results of the stool test are. I will be very surprised if it is negative. As soon as I hear it is positive I am going to call the Gastrointestinal Doctor in Topeka and get an appointment. Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. If it is positive this will be the third time and it is time to try something else.

I have a haircut appointment in the morning at 10:00. I will need to go to town anyways to pick up a prescription if the test is positive. Trusting the timing will work out so I don’t have to make two trips to town tomorrow. Getting my haircut always makes me feel better so trusting tomorrow will be a good day.

I may go take a nap when I finish writing. I was up early and went to bed late. I’m still feeling a bit drained. The fluids I got yesterday helped but still feel like I am running a pint or two short.

Once I get the masks done I need to do some housecleaning again. It is so dry the dust is coming in the house. Not sure it does any good to dust as it just gets dirty again soon but when the dust is thick enough to be able to write your name in it I probably should clean it up. Need to Clorox the house again too.

I don’t have anything on my calendar for the next couple of weeks after my haircut tomorrow. Maybe I will get some things done around here. Hopefully I will get to feeling better again and find some energy to do things. I’m afraid I am getting very good at doing nothing. It is habit forming – just like taking naps.

Grateful for a beautiful day today, grateful the Newsletter is done, and grateful half the mowing is done.

I should have known something was up yesterday. The whole day felt off and like something was going to happen. After Jim left I started having to run to the bathroom again. I must have gone 20 times over a four hour time period last night. I couldn’t eat anything and even drinking water was hard to get down.

When I got up this morning I had another 8 to 10 episodes and knew for sure that the C Diff had returned. I went to the Urgent Care clinic but they sent me to the ER. I had the same doctor as I had when I went in the end of August. He seemed more approachable today and not as cold. They gave me a bag of fluids. I wasn’t able to produce a specimen for them so after four hours they sent me home with the supplies needed to return one to them when possible. The doctor offered me a stay at the big house again but we decided it was safe for me to return home.

The results of the test will be sent to my doctor’s office so even if I go today I won’t hear anything until Monday or be able to start treatment until then. I am to return to ER if I have anther episode like last night and get dehydrated.

I hadn’t eaten or drank anything for almost 24 hours and had pretty much emptied out. I came home and ate some soup and toast. Still waiting to go. I am feeling better this evening as a result of getting the extra fluids. Didn’t get the big energy boost that I did last time but I am better than I was when I went in.

If the test results are positive I am going to call the specialist in Topeka on Monday and get an appointment. Something else needs to be done to put a stop to this process. I’m getting tired of being in isolation all the time and not feeling good for days on end. This has gone on long enough and I have had enough.

I have worked on the Pioneer Bluffs Newsletter since I have been home and have everything stuffed and two of the eight boxes glued shut.

Jim is struggling being in OK while I am here sick. I keep telling him I am not that sick and am capable of doing chores and taking care of things here. Not sure he believes me.

I still need to finish the last 60 masks. They are all in the final stage so it won’t take long when I get to them. Wanted to get the Newsletter done first as it is on a deadline and the masks can wait. I’m glad I have several sit down type of jobs to work on as I don’t have much energy to do anything else.

The good news is this round is not as bad as the second round which wasn’t as bad as the first one. I haven’t had to take the medication to stop the cramping as the cramping has been very mild this time.

Nothing on my calendar for tomorrow. I will finish the Newsletter if I don’t get it done today and probably get the rest of the masks done. Both projects are nice and easy and relaxing.

Grateful for the ER, grateful for easy projects to work on and grateful this round seems easier.

This has been a weird day for me. I have felt out of step most of the day. Not sure why. Things just haven’t been easy for me today.

Worked on the hot line last night and took five calls. None of them felt easy or satisfying. Some nights are like that. Three of the callers were what we call people that circle. They just keep coming back to their problem and aren’t interested in any solutions. They play victim and stay there. Those types of calls are the most draining for me. They don’t feel like they accomplish anything for either of us and I’m never sure why the people call in. Maybe just venting gives them some sort of relief.

Worked on stuffing newsletters this morning and afternoon. I am over half way done stuffing. I still need to glue what I have stuffed. It is mindless work and goes fairly quickly. Jim helped me out and folded all the return envelopes that get stuffed with the newsletter. That speeds up the stuffing part for me.

Jim left late the afternoon for Stillwater. He won’t be back until next Wednesday evening. It is always hard to see him leave.

My new printer came in this afternoon. Had trouble getting the driver installed as the directions that came with the printer didn’t have the driver I needed. Jim worked on it for a bit too. After I walked away from it and cooled down I was able to get it installed on my computer. I need the passwords for Jim’s computer and then we will both be able to print from our computers. I still need to get it connected to my iPhone and iPad. Sometimes things like that go easy and sometimes not – today was a not so easy day.

Nothing on the calendar for the weekend. I will finish up the newsletter tomorrow and finish up the last 60 masks. After that I don’t know what I will do. Monday I have a haircut in the morning so will go to town for that and will probably stop and pick up a few groceries. Maybe what I need to get back into step is some empty space and quiet.

The moon was beautiful last night. I didn’t see it rise above the horizon but saw it shortly after it had risen. It is just behind the city lights of Emporia right now so it is hard to see coming up from the horizon. Maybe what I am feeling today is the effect of the full moon.

Have a big of an unsettled tummy this evening. I didn’t eat anything new so not sure what is up with that. I sure hope it is not a return of the C Diff. Staying positive and thinking it is just reacting to my feelings of being out of step today.

Jim got his desk moved into the study today. It looks nice in there. He had been using a card table so it is nice that he has more room now. We need to rearrange some book cases so the desk fits better but it will do for now. The study is getting filled up. I feel a bit claustrophobic in there at times as I like lots of open, empty space. Jim likes lots of stuff around him. It is more his room then mine so I will deal when I need to go in there.

It is interesting how different people have such different preferences. I guess we all like what we are used to. Jim has had more changes to deal with then I with him moving here so I am glad to give him one room that he can clutter all he wants. It makes him feel more at home.

Sitting with my unease and unsettledness this evening. I’m sure by tomorrow I will be in a better head space. Somedays are just hard and as hard as I look I sometimes can’t figure out why. Accepting what is and allowing it to be what it is helps make it pass quickly.

Grateful the new printer is installed and working, grateful tomorrow will be a better day, and grateful this unease will not last long.

I’m exhausted. We took Roxy, Belle and Ellie to the Vet for their annual appointment At 2:00 this afternoon. Jim had to lift Roxy to put her in the car. The Vet office was running behind and it took over an hour to finish their exams. Roxy weighs 95 pounds, Belle 15 and Ellie 18.

Came home and loaded up Sophia, Tony and Katy and headed back to town. Sophia was a pain in the ass to get in the car. We finally had to lift her in. The visit went a bit quicker this time but we were there almost an hour. Sophia weighs 100 pounds, Tony 18 and Katy 6.

It cost me over $700 to get out of there. I purchased a 12 pack of Heartguard and all six critters needed a dose of Bravito. They all got two or three shots and the dogs got checked for heart worms. I’m glad that job is done for a year.

Jim taught his class this morning on Zoom. It seemed to go well. He only needed help from me twice. He is starting to get the hang of teaching on-line. The students left their mics on today so there was more teacher – student interaction which Jim liked better.

Last night I handled 10 calls on the Hot line. They were getting slammed when my shift was over and I felt bad signing off. I worked an extra hour and was getting too tired to handle any more calls. Had two unusual calls last night that I hadn’t come up against before. Both seemed to go well and I faked my way through them. I have another shift tonight.

Worked on masks this morning while Jim was teaching. I am down to my last 60 to finish. I was hoping I would get them all done today but not looking like I will at this point. Oh well, I will get them done tomorrow and put all the sewing stuff away for a bit. It will be glad to claim my kitchen table again.

I will be working on stuffing the newsletter for Pioneer Bluffs this weekend. The director is dropping it by later today and I told her I could have it done by Monday. That gives me lots of time to get it done. Jim will be in Stillwater this weekend soI will have plenty of time to work on it.

I forgot to blog last night. I was going to blog while I was waiting on calls on the hot line and never had any down time while I was on-line. In fact I had two calls going at once most of the shift. The days of waiting 45 minutes to an hour for a call are over. We have gotten busier and have less volunteers than we did for a bit.

No plans for the weekend other than stuffing the newsletter. I hope to get some painting done but we will see if I get motivated to do so. I have gotten good at doing nothing most days. Maybe with the masks done and out of the way I will find some time to do other projects around here.

We had to vacuum my car when we got home this afternoon. The dogs both stress shedded while in the car on the way to and from the vet. The car now smells like dog. Yuck!

I have some hamburger thawed for dinner tonight. Am going to grill burgers. I will attempt to eat at least part of one. I have some left over grilled chicken tenders from last night and I will eat some of those too. Am feeling better for the most part. Had a scare last night as I had to run to the bathroom three times in an hour but I don’t think it is a return of the C Diff. I haven’t had that problem today so am thinking I am OK. Still not wanting to eat foods much beyond my safe foods of toast, chicken noodle soup, rice and applesauce. I keep pushing myself to add at least one more food a day to see how my tummy reacts. So far dairy is not settling well. Haven’t been brave enough to try raw veggies or fruits yet.

It will be a quiet weekend with Jim gone. Maybe that is what I need right now. I have some books and videos I want to look at and do some inner work. It will be a good time to do that.

Grateful the dogs and cats annual visit is done for the year, grateful for those that checked on me when they didn’t see my blog, and grateful to be feeling better.

What a long day in Wichita. We got to Best Buy at 2:20 for my scheduled Geek Squad appointment. The kid that helped me was efficient but it took 25 minutes to get checked in and he confirmed with Apple that my battery qualified to be replaced. He then told me my phone wouldn’t be ready for two hours.

We went to Costco and took our time shopping. When I got there I realized my list was on my phone Notes and I didn’t have my phone. Duh!!! We went down every isle and took our time as we had two hours to kill. Ended up with way more stuff than was on my list.

Costco didn’t have Manuka Honey this time so stopped at Sprouts and got that. Then headed back to Best Buy.

When we got to Best Buy I found out they had broken my phone when they attempted to remove the battery. They replaced it with a new one of the same model at no charge to me. But that took an extra hour of time that I hadn’t planned on. They couldn’t start the download and transfer without my permission and password. They had sent me a text to let me know but they had my phone so I didn’t get the text. Duh!!!!

While my phone was downloading I purchased a new copier/printer machine. They didn’t have one in stock so they are mailing it to me and it should be here by Friday. The other printer I have isn’t working wirelessly and we both need to have access to a printer. It will be nice to be able to print from my phone and iPad again too.

I think most everything got transferred to the new phone but I haven’t checked it all out yet. A lot of the apps still need to download before I can open them and check.

We got home around 6:45 after leaving home at 12:45. Much longer day than I had planned. We got everything carried in and put away. I had gotten two of Costco’s cooked whole chickens and we had that for dinner. I deboned the rest of the two chickens and got enough meat to fix five more meals from them. Not bad to get six meals from $10 of chicken.

Last night I got on the hot line again and took three calls. All were youngsters with a variety of issues. Kids sure have bigger issues these days then I remember having when I was that age. They are also more aware of themselves and mindfulness than I ever was at that age.

Tomorrow I get to stay home all day. Thursday we take all six critters to the vet in two different appointments in the afternoon. That will be expensive but it will be good to have that done.

Friday Jim is going to Stillwater and staying until the following Wednesday. It will be a quiet weekend here on the prairie for me. Hoping to get some painting done on the deck while he is gone.

Both of us are exhausted tonight after a day spent in the city. I have not been out much the last month and being around all that busy energy was draining. It was good to get home tonight and listen to the quiet. The stars and moon are beautiful tonight.

I didn’t get my nap this afternoon and I’m a bit cranky this evening. It might be an early bedtime for me tonight. I’ll check the hot line and see if they need help. That wakes me up a bit and maybe I can stay up until at least 10:00. If I go to bed too early I wake up too early.

It is nice to have my pantry and cleaning supplies restocked. I should be good to go for another four to six months before I have to make another run to Costco. I hadn’t been since January.

I realized today again that I am a country girl at heart. The city offers lots of nice things but that lifestyle is just not for me. I enjoy my space, quiet and privacy too much. I would rather do without then have to put up with that traffic and noise.

Grateful this shopping adventure day is over, grateful for a quiet day on the calendar for tomorrow, and grateful for the beauty of the night sky.

Went to bed fairly early last night and slept for two hours. Woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. Got up and checked the hot line. It was getting slammed with callers. Hopped on and handled seven calls in about two hours time. Two of them were the type that I will always wonder how things turn out. Some of the situations people have to deal with can break my heart. I so want to reach through the line and give them a hug and bring them home with me.

Jim and I went to town this afternoon. We needed chicken, dog and cat food from Bluestem. Then we went to Staples to mail two packages. We went to Walmart for groceries and then to the post office to mail one more package. I was exhausted by the time we got home. Glad that little adventure is done.

Worked on masks before we went to town and after we got home. I have 50 more masks completed and another 150 in the process. I am eagerly waiting to sew up the last one so I can put this little project to bed.

Jim is putting the first coat of varnish on the first desk he made. We are trying to figure out how to keep the cats off the top of the desk overnight. The cats love to lay on anything new in the garage.

It is in the upper 60’s today but very windy. At least the sun is shining and out of the wind it is nice. I went down to let the chickens out this morning and when I put the water container away in the barn saw the mower and remembered I had a little bit of mowing I needed to do. I ate a lot of cut grass while I was mowing as the wind blew it into my face. I am still rubbing bits and pieces out of my eyes and ears.

We had steak tenderloin for dinner last night. I ate half of one small piece. It tasted good but was afraid my tummy wouldn’t like it. I didn’t have any problems. My tummy handled steak better than it does dairy and cheese. I am going to fix rice, chicken and veggies for dinner tonight for me and Jim is having some leftover gravy train.

It is nice to be off antibiotics again. Sure trusting that I won’t get a third occurrence of C Diff. I am tired of that stuff and am done with it.

Got some embroidery thread while I was in town. I have two more sets of tea towels stamped and I want to get them done and out of the way. I’ll start working on them when I get the face masks done. Trying to get some projects completed so I can clean things up around here.

Nothing on the calendar for Wednesday. Tomorrow we are gong to Wichita for the afternoon. It will be good to get out on the road and take a little road trip. I have a long list of things to get at Costco. Jim is going to Stillwater on Friday and will stay until the following Wednesday. I decided to stay home again this time. I have a haircut next Monday.

Can’t believe it will be October in three days. Time seems to be going by quickly these days. I don’t do anything but somehow the days fly by. It will be time to start thinking about Christmas soon. Sure hard to know how to plan for it this year and if it will be safe to gather. Doubting that Jim’s sons will be able to come home this year. That will be hard for Jim if they don’t get to come but I guess it is what it is. Thinking about Thanksgiving too and wondering if it will be safe to have a group over. It is hard to plan beyond what is for dinner these days.

Grateful for the hot line and the help it provides to those in crisis, grateful my shopping trip is done, and grateful I didn’t have to take an antibiotic today.

My quarantine is officially over. I took my last antibiotic this morning. Trusting this is the last chapter of the C Diff experience. I am ready to get on with my life and put this little ongoing episode behind me.

What a difference a day makes on the prairie. Yesterday it was in the low 90’s and today we have barely made it to the low 60’s. I am almost ready to turn the heater on. I didn’t let the chickens out this morning as it was misty and rainy off and on. We went down to check on them this afternoon and they were all doing fine in the coop. They ate a lot of food today though. Guess when chickens are bored they over eat too! Maybe I taught them that?

Worked on making masks again. I had to put my sewing machine in time-out as it kept acting up. I think I was tired of sewing and was getting frustrated fixing it all the time. I have a lot of masks that I need to turn and get ready for the last step of sewing and I also have a bunch that need pinned. It will be good to get these last 200 done so I can put the machine away for a bit and clean up the mess. I’m tired of threads all over the place. I haven’t seen the top of the table I have had my machine on for months.

I may run into Emporia tomorrow. I need some groceries and I have a package to send out via UPS. Jim likes to sleep in so may go in the morning while he sleeps.

I got up early this morning so took a short nap a little after noon. Naps have become a daily habit lately.

I think I have decided not to go to Stillwater with Jim later this week. I haven’t gotten organized enough to find a house sitter and with my C Diff thing I am still a bit shy about being away. He is not leaving until Friday and will be back on Wednesday so it will be a short trip for him. I have plenty I can do around here to keep me busy and out of trouble while he is gone.

If the weather clears up I have a bunch of painting outside I would like to get done. The chicken coop needs painting. I still need to finish up the deck project we started last year. I also have a few rooms inside I would like to repaint and freshen up. There always seems to be projects I can do.

When I went down to close up the chickens after dark I had my flashlight on. I kept seeing sparkles in the grass. I stopped and looked and found a big spider. The light was reflecting the eyes of the spiders. There must have been a hundred of them reflecting back at me. I had never seen something like that before. Creepy but cool at the same time.

Grateful to be out of quarantine, grateful for the little rain we have received, and grateful for the cooler temperatures this week.

Ellexia and I were texting today and she told me she was out of cookies. I baked a big batch of chocolate chip cookies and took them in. Can’t have an empty cookie jar for my kiddos!

When I went down to let the chickens out this morning I discovered I had forgotten to close the windows to the coop last night. Good thing it was a warm evening although with the wind it didn’t feel as warm as it was. The heat lamp was on so I’m sure they were OK but I feel bad they had to deal with the wind blowing in their coop all night.

Worked on making more masks today – what else do I do? Have 300 made now and need to get them boxed up so I can get them off to David and Cassie. They know lots of non profits that can use them. Still have another 200 in the works and then I am done making masks. I need to get some things done around the house and I get distracted by mask making and don’t get to the other things that need done.

I’m warming up leftovers for dinner tonight so dinner will be easy to fix. My tummy did OK with the chicken pot pie although it caused some cramping for a bit. I had some leftovers of the pot pie for lunch and the cramping came back. My gut feels a bit swollen this afternoon. Trusting that is just a reaction to the cheese that was in the pot pie and not a sign of more C Diff. I’ll eat chicken noodle soup for dinner tonight and see what happens.

No plans for tomorrow or Monday. My quarantine ends tomorrow. I broke it a day early by taking cookies to Ellexia. I doubt that I go anywhere tomorrow or Monday. Tuesday we go to Wichita and I need to go to Costco and get a long list of things.

Jim is getting ready to put the first coat of varnish on the first desk he is making. That will be exciting to see what the desk looks like with varnish on it. He said he will sand it lightly after the first coat and then put a second coat on it. The top of the desk will require three coats. It is fun to watch a pile of boards become a desk.

The house is dusty this afternoon. The prairie is so dry the dust rolls in. I closed up the house and turned the AC on as it is over 90 on the prairie today. Thankfully it is to cool down tonight and stay cooler for the next couple days. We even have a chance of rain for tomorrow. I invite the rain to pull-up a chair and stay awhile. We could use a couple inches of gentle rain.

Trying to remember to spend some time each day thinking about those things inside that I want to release during this inward journey I am on. I have gotten away from my spiritual discipline and need to go back to it. I have been distracted lately and haven’t spent enough time focusing on myself and what I need to work on. Doing the same thing and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. It only takes a few minutes of focused attention each day for me to start to change my habits and beliefs. I have been revisiting spending that time lately which tells me something big is getting ready to be revealed and I am hiding from it. The longer I hide the bigger it becomes in my head. Time to face the music and get this done!

Grateful for AC on this last hot day of the year, grateful to see Ellexia today, and grateful for the inward journey I am on.

Another day of quarantine almost over. Haven’t done much to write about today. I slept in a bit later than normal and I took a nap this afternoon. Worked on making more masks and fixed dinner. Not sure what happened to the rest of the day.

I have a crustless chicken pot pie baking in the oven. I’m going to try real food tonight. It has cheese in it so we will see how this goes. Last time I tried dairy it didn’t go well.

Jim has been working on building the second desk. He has had frustrations putting on the legs but I think he almost has that part done now. Once the legs are on the rest is easy – relatively speaking, of course.

I took five calls on the text line last night. None of them were remarkable – most were teenagers having a crisis of sorts. Most just needed someone to listen to them and tell then they are OK. Since I took a nap I will probably get on the line tonight and lend a hand. We have been busy lately and have a lot fewer volunteers than we did for a while. There is rarely a wait time now to get a caller. I prefer only handling one call at a time but if they get really busy then I attempt two. That drains me though so I have to see where my energy level is and don’t do it if I am already getting tired.

I broke down and turned the AC back on this afternoon. It was 86 inside and that is too hot. I wanted to turn the oven on to bake the pot pie and didn’t want to be too hot while we ate dinner. With the solar panels it won’t cost be anything to turn the AC on. I’ll turn it back off when it cools down tonight but will probably turn it back on tomorrow as it is to be in the low 90’s. It is to cool down after that so probably won’t need it again this season.

No plans for the weekend. I’m sure I will be making more masks and doing more cleaning. Routine stuff around here. I will get out of quarantine Sunday so if I decide to go to town I can go. Tuesday we are going to Wichita to get a new battery for my iPhone. It will be good to take a little road trip and get out of the house.

Feeling OK today. A bit concerned about my temperature. It hasn’t gone over 100 but it is back in the upper 99’s. It had dropped to my normal of 97.2 for a couple of days but has gone back up. Hoping it doesn’t mean anything. I’m not prepared emotionally for round 3 of C Diff and not sure how I would handle it. We will see how this unfolds.

Wish the baby chickens would go in at night by themselves. Every night we have to catch 6 – 12 of them and put them inside. If we wait until it is dark they are easy to catch but it is a pain to do so. I’m going to try to remember to turn the heat lamp on a bit earlier tonight and see if the light will draw them in.

I have hit fatigue with all the political stuff. I am becoming numb to the antics of both parties and have little hope for change. I will be very glad when this election is over. Trusting that what is in the best interest of the country will prevail.

Grateful for the smell of the pot pie coming from the oven as I type, grateful for AC on a hot autumn day, and grateful for the extra sleep I got today.

Took four calls on the hot line last night. They were busy when I logged off but I was tired and needed to stop. One of the calls was one of those that I will always wonder what the rest of the story turns out to be. I wish there was a way to follow up on some of the texters and find out what happens. I have another shift tonight.

Jim taught his OSHER class on-line this morning. It went well and he didn’t have any major problems. He found it fun but hard to teach as he couldn’t see what the audience reaction was to what he was saying. One down and five to go.

I worked on making more masks today. Second verse – same as the first! Got one of the sheets cut out and pressed and put together with the flannel pieces. Still need about 75 more sheet pieces to finish up the flannel pieces. This morning I got to do the final process on 50 masks so it feels like I got something done today. Some days I can sew for hours and not finish one mask. Jim helped me with some of the pressing today while I completed the masks.

Took a long nap again this afternoon. We had to get up early for us today so Jim could teach at 9:00. I had stayed up late last night as I had my hot line work. Afternoon naps and I are becoming good friends.

It is warm out today. The temperature is in the mid 80’s. The haze that has been hanging over the prairie seems to be lifting a bit. Doesn’t feel like fall temperatures yet. The chickens enjoy days like this where they can spend all day outside eating bugs and grass. They were eager to get out the door when I let them out this morning.

I have two more full days of quarantine left. I finish my medication Sunday morning then I am released. I will be seriously depressed if I get a third round of this crap. I am ready to get back to the land of living and get on with my life. Feeling good today although my temperature has been a bit higher today than it has been. Trusting it is the heat that is causing it to be a bit higher today and not a sign of more infection.

Still struggling to figure out what to eat besides chicken noodle soup. Nothing sounds good. Normal food that Jim eats makes me almost sick to even smell or look at. It has been over a month now that I have eaten regular food. At least I am starting to get hungry now so maybe that is the first steps towards eating normal again.

No plans for the upcoming weekend. Next Tuesday we are going to Wichita to get the battery in my phone replaced and then going to Costco. Such adventures we have! It will be good to get out of the house and take a drive – even if it is just to Wichita and home again. A week from today we take all six critters to the vet for their annual visit. That will be fun too. Wonder if I can handle all the upcoming excitement I have scheduled for next week?

Grateful for my work with the Crisis Text Hot Line, grateful Jim’s class went well today, and grateful for this time-out I have been living that is full of empty space.

Got a lot of work done on mask making today. Late afternoon more sheets and elastic showed up so will now need to cut sheets into strips and then into pieces and cut elastic into 7 inch lengths. This should be enough to finish up making all the flannel pieces I have cut. When these are done I am done for a bit. Time to move on and do something else with my time.

Got the dining room cleaned today. The chairs have non stick pads on the bottom of them and they collect dust bunnies whenever a chair is moved. Got all the bottoms of the chairs and tables washed cleaned. Replaced a few of the pads. Feels good to have that job done.

Took a long nap this afternoon. I haven’t felt peppy today and needed a long nap. I have a Crisis Hot Line shift tonight and needed some energy to get me through that. I feel better after my nap but still not as good as I have been feeling. Hoping it is just a down day and not something else going on. I’ve been quiet all day and a bit withdrawn.

Jim got the chicken coop fixed so the chicks can’t get underneath it. Last night when we went down to lock them up I did a quick count of the Amber Star white chickens. Two were missing. We found them hiding underneath the coop. It was a pain to get them out and tucked inside for the night. He took five wheelbarrows full of gravel and placed it around the bottom of the coop. Hoping that will keep the little darlings out from under the coop.

Tomorrow Jim teaches a class using Zoom. The class starts at 9:00 which is very early for Jim to be up and about. I trust it will go well. Using new technology is always a challenge. There is to be a technology expert in the class in case he runs into trouble.

I still have three full days of quarantine to go. Sunday morning I take my last antibiotic and then I can be released. Other than going to the doctor’s office I haven’t been off the property for over a week. It will be good to be able to go where I want when I want. I will be very frustrated and depressed if I get another relapse. Enough is enough!

Tuesday I am going to Wichita to take my phone to Best Buy to get the battery replaced. I also want to go to Costco and pick up some things. I haven’t been to Costco since this whole virus thing started. I have a long list of things I want to get

A week from tomorrow I take the dogs and cats to the vet for their annual physical and shots. I made two appointments and will take one dog and two cats to each appointment. That will be an expensive day. I also need to get Heartguard and nail clippers for the dogs.

Jim is going back to Stillwater the end of next week and stay until the middle of the next week. He has some painting he wants to get done before it gets cold. If I can find a housesitter I may go down for the weekend and come back the first part of the week. He wants to bring his other car up so I will take him down and come up by myself. He needs his car here so he can get it registered in KS.

Not sure why I have been so down today. I am not in the mood to talk and just want to hide today. Have had a bit of a headache all day and have felt off. Tomorrow is a new day and trusting I will be back on the path to getting well tomorrow.

Grateful for long naps on hard days, grateful for all the work I got done making masks today, and grateful the chicken coop is fixed.

Time is doing it’s thing on me. I was shocked when I went to type and my iPad said Tuesday. Not sure what day of the week I think it is but I had a moment when I read Tuesday. I just came up from walking the trash down the lane and I do that on Tuesday. I think I am loosing my mind. When you stay home all the time days of the week don’t mean much I guess.

The baby chickens have fresh linens. I went down this morning and scooped out the dirty linens and put down fresh. The coop smells better. The cottonseed hulls are easier to deal with then the straw. I’m sure as the chickens grow it will get dirty faster but it wasn’t bad today.

We are working on rearranging the study. I took a tub full of Knick knacks off of the book case shelves today and took it downstairs. We currently have five bookcases in there and when the new desks are done I think we are only going to have room for three. We will put the extra book cases downstairs. Jim still has at least six more book cases in Stillwater to bring up. The house is slowly filling up.

I took a nap this afternoon. I slept better last night but I was awake at 6:00 and couldn’t go back to sleep. I want to take some calls on the Crisis Hot Line tonight and needed a nap so I could stay awake to do so.

It was so foggy this morning I couldn’t see past the back deck for a bit. This afternoon the clouds rolled in but so far no moisture. The prairie could use a nice long drink of rain water.

I haven’t gotten any more cleaning done inside today. Still might get the dining room done but wouldn’t bet on it. I much prefer to sew on masks than to clean. I haven’t gotten any masks completed today but am making progress on the bits and pieces of them to get them to the final stage of completion. I am out of elastic so am waiting for that to come in so I can pin a bunch more of them.

I got on the phone and made three appointments. All the cats and dogs need to go in for their annual physical and shots. I made two appointments and will take one dog and two cats at one time and then come home and return with another dog and two cats on the same day.

I made an appointment to see a Dermatologist. I have a few spots I want them to check out and also for them to look over my whole body. I have lots of moles and want to make sure they are all good.

I also got my mammogram rescheduled for the third time. Third time is a charm- right?

I’m taking my phone to Best Buy in Wichita next Tuesday to get the battery replaced. I need to go to Costco afterwards and get a few things.

I am putting together a shopping list for Jim for tomorrow. I need a few things and since I can’t get out he has to go to town for me. We will need to restock critter feed sometime soon. Maybe it can wait until I am out of quarantine and I can do that.

I haven’t read the news much lately. Needed to take a time out from all of it. My world feels very small to me right now. I must have needed this break from the rest of the world. Today is Fall Equinox and the journey within begins in earnest today. I spend from Fall Equinox to Winter Solstice going within and finding demons inside that need released to the light. It is usually an intense time for me, Maybe this year without the influence of the outside world the journey will be easier.

Grateful the chicken coop is cleaned out, grateful I was able to get all my appointments scheduled, and grateful for Fall Equinox and the lessons it brings to me.

The Cardiologist dismissed me from having to come back unless I develop new symptoms. He said all the tests were basically normal and my heart function is good. He said a low heart rate at night while sleeping is the sign of a healthy heart. As long as it doesn’t start dropping during the day while I am up and about then there is nothing to worry about. I needed good news for a change and he delivered.

I got the living room deep cleaned this afternoon. Found lots of dirt on the woodwork and in the corners. I still need to dust the coffee tables but otherwise it is done. Tomorrow I will do the dining room and kitchen. It feels good to home one big room done.

I am feeling better again. I have more energy and was able to eat a bit more again. I had to take a nap but I got up at 5:00 and couldn’t go back to sleep so got up at 6:00.

I took a late nap so we didn’t have time to take a walk this evening. We walked over a mile last night.

The baby chickens haven’t learned to go in at dark yet. They are easy to catch and put in but tonight there were a dozen of them outside when we went down at 8:00 to lock them up. They got all stirred up and were a pain to catch. Wonder when they will give it up and just go in at night by themselves.

I worked on making masks again today. I have 170 made and waiting a place to go to. Jim talked to David yesterday and David will find homes for more masks for me. I think I will wait till later this week and send him at least 200 this time. Still have flannel pieces to make at least 300 more. Then I am done making masks until later this year. I need to get some other things done around here and prefer to sew than clean.

Jim’s OSHER class starts Thursday. A technical support person called him today and taught him how to do PowerPoint during a Zoom meeting. Hopefully all will go well during his first class. The technical support person will be on the Zoom class in case something goes wrong.

Jim has his desk all made and is now working on sanding it and getting ready to put the first coat of varnish on it. He has started putting my desk together. It will be fun to have new desks in the study.

I have started a list of things I need to do next week when I get released from quarantine. My phone keeps sending me notices that my battery needs replaced. I will make an appointment with Best Buy in Wichita next week and take it in and get that done. I need to go to Costco so will take care of that while I am in Wichita. The dogs and cats all need their annual shots. I’ll have to figure out how many trips I want to take to take in four cats and two dogs. The four cats don’t all get along so can’t take them all at once. I also need to reschedule my mammogram and an appointment with the dermatologist. It will be nice to be able to be out and about again.

Grateful for a good report from the Cardiologist, grateful for the energy to get one big room deep cleaned, and grateful I am feeling better.

Woke up at 4:00 this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. Finally around 5:00 I got up and stayed up. Got lots of work done on masks while I was trying to be quiet so I wouldn’t wake up Jim. Took a short nap this afternoon so I can stay up for a bit this evening.

I have been hungry today. I will take that as a good sign. No cramps, headache or diarrhea today so all is well. I have been allowing myself to eat something every two hours or so. Still sticking with safe foods but getting more in than I had been. I am being very careful though as last time I had a hungry day I ate too much and it didn’t go well.

When I let the chickens out this morning there was a rush to get out the door and down the ramp. Last night I had to catch four of them and put them inside as they had bedded down for the night outside the door. Silly chickens! They are too young to spend the night outside yet. When I woke up this morning at 4:00 I heard a bunch of coyotes singing and was glad I had gotten all the chickens inside where they were safe.

We walked down the lane and the road last night. Probably walked less than a mile but it was nice to get out and walk that far. I didn’t push myself and turned around before we went too far. I will add some distance every night and start working on building up my strength and endurance.

There is a thick haze that is hanging around the prairie. Guessing it is part of the smoke from the wildfires from the west. The color of the sun while rising and setting is striking. It looks more like a full moon than the sun.

One more week of quarantine to go. I do get to go to town tomorrow morning as I have an appointment with the Cardiologist. It will be good to get off the property and see people. I have some errands to run but I will be good and come straight home and let Jim go to town later in the week to run the errands. I certainly don’t want to give this crap to anyone else.

Wrote two letters this morning and have a couple more to write. I have missed writing letters. I finally feel good enough to have the energy to write again.

Hoping I get some good, deep house cleaning done this week. My house has passed the point of no return. It is dirtier than I have ever let it get right now. Mask making is much more fun than cleaning and I have made enough excuses lately. Time to get some cleaning done. The dust bunnies are big enough to start attacking others. Tony, the cat might get lost in the maze of dust in the house.

Jim is working on building desks for the study. He has his desk almost to the point of being ready to sand and varnish and then he will start working on building mine. He so enjoys doing woodworking and building things. It is fun to watch things come together for him. He is missing his tools from Stillwater. It is hard to have things in two different places and not have what you need for a project.

Grateful for afternoon naps that make up for a short night of sleep, grateful for letters written, and grateful I am feeling well enough to start walking again.

Jim and I have been married for six months today. Time flies when you are having fun. March seems like it was three years ago in some ways and three weeks ago in others. Still sometimes forget I am married! Guess I am a bit slow these days.

Not sure what I did today. I took a nap this afternoon as I didn’t sleep well last night and was tired. I probably would have taken a nap even if I did sleep well but it sounds better putting it that way. Naps have become a daily habit for me – for better or for worse.

I have felt good all day except for being tired. No diarrhea or stomach cramps today. My headache has been much better today too. I’ll take a good day anytime! Still don’t feel normal but not sure what normal is anymore.

I worked on mask making again today. Got all the sheet pieces I have cut out pressed and combined with the flannel pieces. Decided I needed two more sheets to have enough sheet pieces to match all the flannel pieces I have cut so I ordered two more sheets today. I can always buy a bit more flannel material if I have left over sheet pieces. I still need to cut the ribbon into pieces to make ties. I also ordered more elastic as I won’t have enough of it either. I will have left over elastic but it isn’t expensive and will save.

Jim wanted left over tacos for dinner tonight. I had fixed him tacos Thursday night and he had left over meat. That will be easy. I will have a bowl of chicken noodle soup with crackers.

Jim went into Emporia to pick up the rest of my antibiotics this afternoon. He needed some more lumber for the desks he is building us for our study. His good tools are still in Stillwater and he is having a time figuring out how to build without his good saws. Hard to have two places and not have what you need at the place you are at.

I had to take a media break today and not read the news. Sometimes I get overwhelmed when I try to keep up with all that is happening and need a break. The division in this country feels bigger and bigger to me. I get so frustrated when I see posts from people that can still support Trump and all his lies. I have been unfollowing many people lately. I use Facebook to keep up with friends and family and not to be persuaded on who to vote for. Guess I will miss out on some updates from friends and family but that is the only way I can cope right now. I’m sure others have done that to me too. Maybe I just need to take a Facebook break until after the election. I can post my blog and not read any other posts.

I haven’t made it outside today except to do the chicken chores this morning. Thinking about taking a short walk when I get done writing. I need to start building back up my strength and endurance. Moving my body is one way to do that. It was a month ago that all this C Diff stuff started and I haven’t eaten properly since. My jeans are looser on me now – so I guess something good has come from all of this.

I feel exhausted. Not sure if it is because of the C Diff or something else. I’m exhausted on several levels and getting frustrated again. I’m tired of being sick and tired, I’m tired of all the political division, lies and unrest, I’m tired of white privilege denial, I’m tired of all the racism, I’m tired!

And there will be better days ahead. Sometimes I need to stop and allow what is to fully sink in and give myself time to feel it all. Right now it all feels so heavy and big that I can’t begin to know what to do with it. There is a way out for me but I need to sit with it all first and feel it and process it and then begin to release it – bit by bit. Guess I know what I will be doing during this time of Fall Equinox heading into Winter Solstice. There are bits and pieces of me wrapped around all of this heavy energy and I need to find the roots of them and release them. It will take some time. All will be well. Actually all is well now but I can’t feel that today.

Grateful for Jim and our six months of married life together, grateful for my teachers that have taught me how to deal with all of this, and grateful that all is well.

I felt good enough this morning that I went out and mowed for two hours. It was good to get outside and bounce on the mower for a bit.

I let the baby chickens out into their yard this morning. They were a bit shy about coming out of the house but most spent the afternoon outside. We had a bit of a time getting them all in tonight but finally got them all tucked back inside.

I took a nap this afternoon. I am still surprised how tired I get during the day but thinking my energy is going into healing the C Diff and that drains me. I am also not eating much yet and am not feeding my body properly yet. Still mainly eating chicken noodle soup and crackers. Not much else sounds good.

Worked on making masks for a lot of the day. Have 120 made now so if anyone needs some hit me up. I will find a non-profit to send them too if no one needs some. Have another 100 in the final stages of being made and over 300 still in pieces. Then I am retiring from making masks for a bit. If we are still wearing them later this year I might make some more then but I need to move on and find something else to do.

No plans for tomorrow. Jim will need to go to town to get the rest of my prescription for my antibiotic. I got a text today letting me know the rest had come in and were ready to be picked up. Not sure we need any groceries so he might have to make a trip to town just for them.

I am in quarantine until September 27 and can’t leave the property or have anyone over. Good thing I like staying home. The critters are keeping me entertained and busy caring for them.

I do get to go to a doctor’s appointment I have on Monday. I am allowed to leave the property to go to my doctor. This appointment is with my Cardiologist so I can hear about the results from all the tests I had done earlier. Not expecting him to recommend any further treatment.

I really had a much better day today than the last couple of days. Didn’t run any temperature today and my stomach cramps were mild and rare. It is nice to have a day when I feel better. I will continue eating little and being very careful about what I eat for another week or so and then will start pushing myself to try other foods. It is hard to build my strength up without feeding my body properly. Just not sure what foods to add at this point. Raw fruits and veggies are out except for bananas. Red meat turns my stomach right now. I can do chicken in small quantities. Some cooked veggies are OK and don’t give me cramps. Applesauce seems to be OK although I have to limit the quantity or it hurts my tummy. Ideas anyone?

I got on the Hot Line last night and took two calls before I got too tired. Not much help but better than nothing I guess. I sent a note to my coach to let her know what was going on and she encouraged me to take off as much time as I needed. When I am feeling good in the evenings I check to see if they need help and if I have the energy I will hop on and take some calls. Otherwise I am taking myself off the schedule for a couple more weeks. I miss taking the calls but you can’t pour from an empty cup.

I was so saddened to hear about the passing of Ruth today. It scares me what might happen now and how this might impact the course the country will take over the next coming years. I wonder what the impact on the election this will have. I truly believe that good always wins so will hold on to hope that the right thing will happen – one way or another.

My world feels so small to me right now. I can’t see my kids or grandkids, can’t have friends over, and can’t get out. For some reason I am being called into myself and am attempting to do my best to take advantage of this time to go inward. Fall Equinox is next week and it is a good time to spend some time looking inward at those things I try to hide from. The next three months as the days get shorter tend to be difficult months for me. Being aware of the work I am doing and being very conscious of what I allow in my head will help.

Grateful to be outside mowing today, grateful for the joy and fun the baby chickens bring to us, and grateful for the life and legacy Ruth brought to the world.

Yesterday after finally getting my prescription for more antibiotics my pharmacy sent me a text telling me that they were out of the drug and would have it today. I decided a one day delay wouldn’t hurt. But then this afternoon I got another text saying it would be another day’s delay. I called them and found out they have 4 days worth on hand. Jim is on his way into town to pick them up. My quarantine can’t be over until I finish all ten days of pills. Besides I want to get started getting this round of C Diff under control. Wonder why they didn’t offer me a partial fill yesterday?

I took a nap yesterday and woke up with a temperature and not feeling good. I laid back down late evening and was sound asleep when Jim got here around 9:00. I’m afraid I wasn’t very good company last night as I didn’t feel very good. I seem to have good times and hard times with this stuff and never know from hour to hour which side of the coin I will be on. It was nice to see Jim though and we enjoyed visiting and catching up.

Have had stomach cramps most of the day today. The diarrhea has slowed way down but this morning the cramps were bad again. I took a nap this afternoon and am feeling better again now. I haven’t eaten much today to try to give my tummy some rest time. I never know if I should eat or not and if it makes a difference.

I may try to make an appointment with a gastroenterologist in Topeka if I don’t start feeling better by Monday. I don’t feel my doctor’s office has given me much guidance on what to eat, etc. and I feel like I don’t have enough information to fight this thing correctly. Maybe the antibiotics will kick in and I will be better by then. I will certainly go see one if I get a third episode.

We let the chickens out into the yard today. Jim had his camera all ready to record the parade down the ramp he built. The chickens were too chicken to come out. Jim was so disappointed. He went down to check on them before he went to town and came back up to report several have gone into the yard and several are now hiding under the coop. We might have fun tonight trying to get them all back tucked safely inside. It is always something happening around here.

Other than working on making more masks I haven’t done much today. Jim brought his paper cutter and we found that works to cut the strips of sheets into pieces. Makes that job easier. Sometimes it doesn’t cut all the way through but a quick snip with the scissors finishes the job. I have another 100 masks ready to be sent out some place. Not sure where these will end up. All of these have elastic ear pieces as I haven’t taken the time to cut the ribbon and sew the ribbon pieces together. I will run out of elastic and will have to cut the ribbon soon. I may have to order one more spool of elastic to finish the remaining masks. I think I will need one more sheet too. I still have over 400 pieces of flannel to work up yet.

It has been another beautiful day on the prairie. Temperatures were in the low 70’s. There is a haze over the land though. Thinking it is smoke from the wildfires out west. I can barely see the sun that is starting to lower in the western sky. Sure wish it was rain that was blocking the view. The cracks in the yard are getting wide and deep.

No plans for next week. I do have a Cardiologist appointment on Monday. I don’t think it will be a very productive visit but we shall see. I have quit wearing my smart watch to bed as I don’t want to know if my heart rate is dropping below 40 at night. The Cardiologist doesn’t seem to think it is a problem so I decided I shouldn’t think it is either. It is easier to ignore if I don’t know that it is happening. That solves that problem – right?

Jim is building two new desks for our study. He cut the pieces out while he was in Stillwater and brought them here to finish. He will be working on that project for the next week or more. He loves doing woodworking projects and is very good at it.

It is nice to have Jim back on the prairie. The house feels so much more lively when he is here. One of these days soon I will be well and we will get back to taking long walks every evening. I look forward to the days when we can have company again and have friends and family over for dinners.

Grateful to be getting started on the antibiotics later this evening, grateful for the times when I feel OK, and grateful Jim is back on the prairie with me.

Damn! I have C Diff again! Finally got the test results this afternoon. Doctor is going to call in another prescription of antibiotics. This crap is getting old.

I had a rough night as I kept having to get up and go to the bathroom. This morning I went three times in 30 minutes and haven’t gone since. When I get a bit of reprieve I start feeling better. Doing my best to drink lots of fluids today so I don’t become dehydrated.

I have been eating some bland flood today. I was hungry this morning for the first time in a bit. Didn’t take much to fill me up but it felt good to have a bit of an appetite .

I have more energy today than I did yesterday. Thinking I will take a nap soon so I can stay awake when Jim gets here late tonight. He has lots of little things to take care of before he can get away today so I don’t expect him to get here until 9:00 tonight or even later. I have chili in the crock pot for him to eat when he gets here. Chili doesn’t even sound good to me but he will enjoy it.

I am on quarantine again for 10 days. Good thing I like staying home. I will have to run into town to pick up my prescription but I can use curb side pickup and not take a chance on contaminating someone else.

This is becoming old and frustrating for me. Wonder why I am getting this particular lesson at this time of my life? The universe is using a 2 x 4 to get my attention for some reason. I will sit with that question and listen for the answer that is within. Maybe this time around I will get it!

Haven’t done much today. Took care of all the critters. Made some more masks. Did some laundry. Normal stuff around here. Slowing down and spending time “being” instead of “doing”. Giving my body lots of healing space and time. My world feels small these days. Maybe that is part of my lesson?

Grateful Jim will be home this evening, grateful for antibiotics, and grateful for a beautiful space to quarantine in.

This has not been one of my better days. Last night after I went to bed I had to go to the bathroom. My diarrhea is back with a wicked streak. I initially thought it was because I had eaten an apple yesterday but by early lmorning was thinking it was a return of the C Diff. I spent lots of time in the bathroom for the first part of the night and again this morning. It has finally slowed down this afternoon.

I sent a note to my doctor and he had me go get a stool test for C Diff. I went in at 10:30 this morning. When I got to the lab the nurse had forgotten to send in the orders for the test. We finally got that fixed and 45 minutes later was able to give them a sample and I headed for home.

I was hoping they would have called me this afternoon with results but I didn’t hear anything. Wish I trusted my doctor’s nurse more. She seems to be a flake. When I sent a note this morning I had three questions for her and she only answered one of them.

I took a nap this afternoon and woke up feeling better. Unfortunately tonight my temperature is starting to go back up and I am tired again. It is feeling more and more like a return of the C Diff to me. Damn it! I am so frustrated. I’m tired of being sick and tired.

I should hear in the morning what the results were and if it was positive what the doctor recommends for treatment. If it was negative I need an answer as to why I am having these troubles. We will see what happens in the morning.

I worked on making masks some today. Fed all the critters and cleaned the study. Made up a bed and swept some floors. I walked the trash can down to the curb for it to be picked up tomorrow morning. Considering I haven’t felt good all day I will consider that a productive day. I don’t feel as bad as I did three weeks ago so that is a plus. Hopefully I will get started on a treatment before it gets so far along this time.

Jim offered to come home tonight but I think I talked him into staying until tomorrow. There is nothing he can do if he was here. I would prefer that he stay in Stillwater longer so we don’t have to worry about him catching this crap. Not sure I can talk him into that though.

Man I am tired of this crap. Not sure what I can do to help it go away. I looked up options today and remembered about Manuka honey. I ate two pieces of toast with a thick layer of Manuka honey on it. I normally don’t eat bread but if it might help was willing to try it. I also don’t eat sugar or honey but again I am willing to try anything at this point. It didn’t seem to bother my tummy and I didn’t get a sugar rush from the honey. I had a can of chicken noodle soup today too. That’s all I have managed to eat today. Just don’t have an appetite. Have been trying to drink lots of water so I can stay hydrated.

This sucks! I hope it goes away quickly and this time for good. Not sure I want to live my life going to the toilet all the time.

Grateful for medical tests that tell us what is wrong, grateful the diarrhea has slowed down this afternoon, and grateful Jim will be home tomorrow.

Happy birthday to my beautiful daughter Michelle. She turns 40 today. That makes me feel old! I so remember the day she was born. How can that be 40 years ago?

I woke up at 4:00 this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. Finally at 5:30 I got up and started my day. I worked on pinning masks for a long while this morning and then did some other things around the house.

Went into Emporia around noon to ship 100 masks via UPS to Jim’s sister. She has two places she is going to take them to. Also went to the post office to get stamps, got some groceries, filled my car with gas and came home.

I took a nap this afternoon. Luckily I got a phone call so I didn’t sleep all afternoon. I am getting pretty used to taking afternoon naps. Don’t mind if I do these days. Wonder if this is going to become a permanent habit?

The first two sheets came in today – I ordered them two weeks ago. I got the other two cut into pieces and they are ready to be pressed and put into sets with the flannel pieces. I will have to get the two that came in today cut up soon. I will know after I get the first set processed if I will need to order another sheet or two to finish up making this set of masks. I am hoping this will be my last group to make. I think I am done with mask making for a bit.

Amazon seems to have switched to UPS instead of the mail for delivery now. UPS is sure faster these days than the mail is. I mailed the masks today via UPS as I don’t trust the USPS anymore.

It is another beautiful day on the prairie. Little to no wind and bright blue skies. There is a bit of haze over the land that is probably from the wildfires out west.

I didn’t talk to a single person yesterday. Jim called last night after I was asleep and I didn’t hear the phone ring. If I keep this up I am going to forget how to talk to people. I haven’t touched another person since Jim left last Wednesday afternoon. Kinda weird when I think about it!

I am handling this time away from Jim better than I did the first week he was gone. I feel myself pulling into myself though without him here. I was getting used to have someone to share life with and it is amazing to me all the ways we do that together. It will take me a bit to adjust back to having him here when he gets home Wednesday evening.

Grateful for my daughter Michelle, grateful for UPS as an option to the USPS, and grateful for this gift of empty space.

It is a beautiful day on the prairie today. Temperatures in the high 70’s, bright blue skies and lots of sunshine. I have the windows and doors open and fresh air is coming into the house. I’m sure dust is coming in too but that is a small price to pay for the fresh air.

This has been another day that I am not sure what I have done all day. I sewed on masks, tore two sheets into strips, took care of the critters, and did a bit of cleaning. The day seems to pass whether I stay busy or not.

I have had a quiet mind today. Thoughts seem to come in and flow out quickly. Nothing seems to be sticking around long enough to think about. I enjoy days like this. I feel grounded and calm. I have not read the news today or had the TV on. Soft music is playing in the background and I don’t have a care in the world. Life seems simple and easy today. Trusting this isn’t the calm before the storm but if it is I will deal with the storm.

I need to go into the study and get on the computer and write a few letters. I am behind on my letter writing campaign. I need to go to Emporia tomorrow to mail a box of masks and pick up a few groceries. It would be a good day to have letters to take to the post office. I need to get some more stamps while I am there.

Jim won’t be home until Wednesday so still have three more days alone. It will be good to see him driving up our lane Wednesday late afternoon. The house feels so big and empty without him here.

No plans for this week. I will continue to heal and get stronger. I am almost back to feeling normal. Still need to work on finding foods I can eat safely. I tried cheese yesterday and that didn’t work so well. I tried grapes this afternoon and will see how that works. I haven’t had red meal yet so may try that tomorrow. Am trying to cut back on the amount of crackers and chips I have been eating. That is all that sounds good to me but neither are good for me nutrition wise. Both make me crave more of the same so need to detox from them again.

I put Katy, Jim’s 18 year old cat, outside for a bit today. She sat by the back deck screen door and yelled the whole time she was outside. When I finally let her back in she got in her crate and has been sleeping ever since. Her crate is in the sun light and she is enjoying the sun on her. She loves heat.

Need to reschedule two appointments tomorrow. I had to cancel both of them when I was sick. I had rescheduled one of them when I thought I was better and had to cancel it for the second time. Maybe the third time will be a charm and I can get to the appointment. Hope they don’t think I am a total flake.

I have been reading all the different ways parents are dealing with schooling their young children these days. My hat is off to them dealing with the unknown and making impossibly tough choices. Sometimes none of the choices feel like the best choice. I think each parent is doing the best they can do. I wish I knew of a way that I could support them somehow. I keep thinking this situation is going to be with us for a long while yet. I don’t see much end in site yet. Wonder what life will be like for each of us After Corona virus.

Grateful for a quiet mind type of day, grateful for a beautiful day on the prairie, and grateful for parents that are coping with the ever changing educational challenges of the day.

I had high hopes I would get something productive done today but that hasn’t happened yet. My get up and go got up and left and I haven’t felt like doing anything today. Guess I will declare today a rest day and accept it for what it is. May go take a nap in a bit. Might as well sleep if I am not going to do anything else.

It warmed up into the 70’s today. I turned the heat lamp off for the chicks and opened their windows. They haven’t had fresh air for several days. It is clouding back up this afternoon so may need to go down and close them back up again. I was going to clean out the coop today but didn’t have the energy to do so.

I have worked on masks for a bit. Got another 10 finished. Still have 30 more almost done and then I need to start pinning again. Also need to cut two sheets into pieces and get them pressed so I can start the process all over again. Sewing hasn’t held my attention today so haven’t worked on them for very long at a time.

I did enjoy a nice long conversation with a friend on the phone. She called me to check on me and we ended up talking for 45 minutes. I so appreciated the phone visit. I have gone three days and have only talked to Jim daily. I was getting tired of talking to myself.

I need to figure out something to eat. All I am hungry for is crackers and chips. That isn’t very nutritious or very good for me. I have eaten flour products since I have been sick and need to go off of them again. I am proud of myself that I didn’t cave into the desire to have sugar. Flour and grains act like sugar in my body though and starts my cravings. It will be a rough couple of days to get it out of my system again. I need to figure out what I can eat and then I can start the detox process. Raw veggies and fruits still don’t look safe to me. I need to get brave and try them and see what happens.

I always wonder why some days I can get a lot done and other days I can’t make myself move. I guess it is a good thing I can go with the flow of the day and not have to push myself to do things when I don’t want to. Maybe my body needed another rest day. It feels like I have taken lots of those lately. Good thing there isn’t anything that I feel has to be done urgently around here. Makes it easier to go with the flow and honor what my body seems to be asking for.

Grateful for a warmer day today, grateful for friends and long phone chats, and grateful I can honor my body and declare today a rest day.

Project Clorox the house is complete. Although I keep thinking of other places I might have touched that need wiped down. I had a sore throat by the time I was finished due to the smell of the Clorox. This big house has a lot of surfaces that I touch regularly. Trust I got all the remaining C Diff bugs killed off.

Went into Walmart this afternoon to get more bleach and some more sewing machine needles. I broke two needles this morning and was getting low. I also got some more pins as I kept running out of them. I have bent so many that my supply had diminished.

Did lots of sewing today. Got another 30 finished and more in the final process. Two of the sheets came in today so am getting those washed up and then I can cut them into strips and start the assembly process for the next batch. Still waiting on two more sheets to come in but at least now I can get started. Have about 550 flannel pieces that need two pieces of sheets sewed to them.

The chicks continue to do well. They are really growing now. Still can’t tell if I have any roosters in the group but that will become obvious in another two weeks or so. Thinking I have at least one if not two as they are a bit bigger than the others. I could be wrong but won’t be surprised to start hearing them learn how to crow soon.

The sun came out for a bit this afternoon. It warmed up into the low 60’s. I look forward to some warmth coming back tomorrow and the rest of the week. I need a nice day to get down and give the chicks some fresh bedding.

Took a nap again this afternoon. I stayed up until after 2:00 last night and was up before 8:00 this morning. I was up for about an hour during the night too. Naps are nice on a day like today.

Took five calls on the Hot Line last night. I checked earlier this evening and they weren’t too busy yet. I might get back on tonight if they get busy. I need to make up some hours I lost while I was sick. They have been extra busy lately. We are really starting to see the impact COVID is having on people’s mental health. Kids are starting to struggle to adjust to the new norm. As normal, kids that have a strong family base seem to be doing better and those with little parental support are really struggling. As life gets hard for the parents due to no income, etc. the impact and stress gets passed down to the kids. Parents do the best they can do and sometimes that short changes the kids. Those with limited resources seem to get a double whammy in times like this.

No plans for the weekend. I doubt that I go anywhere this weekend unless the kiddos want me to come get them for a bit. I need to do some house cleaning and will continue to sew masks. I seem to be getting pretty good at doing nothing. I have some painting to do on the deck if the urge hits and I want to do something outside.

I’m finally starting to feel good. Still not as strong as I would like to be but getting there. I need to start expanding what I eat beyond chicken noodle soup with added rice and veggies. It is easy and filling and I still don’t trust my stomach with beans, red meat, raw vegetables, fats, etc. Not having any symptoms so hoping that episode is behind me now. Trusting I won’t have a reoccurrence.

I have enjoyed my empty space this week so far. I am remembering how to be alone and the pluses that brings. It has been good to have time in the quiet to process my thoughts and get grounded. This year seems to keep bringing changes and challenges and I need this down time to let all my body catch up. It will be nice when Jim gets back next week though. It is more fun having someone here to share the little moments of life with.

Grateful the Clorox project is completed, grateful my sewing needle supply has been replenished,, and grateful for the empty space I am enjoying.

This day is almost over and I have no idea what I did today. I haven’t gotten much cleaning and sanitizing done. I did do four loads of laundry but haven’t gotten it all put away yet.

Katy, Jim’s 18 year old cat that stays in a huge dog crate, woke me up at 7:00 this morning. She wanted dry bedding. I couldn’t go back to sleep after I tended to her so finally gave up and got up. I took a two hour nap this afternoon to make up for my lost sleep this morning. I had stayed up until after 2:00 this morning so Katy made it a short night for me.

I worked on the Crisis Text Hot Line last night. I had one rough call that I had to get my Supervisor involved with. It is one of those that I wish I knew the rest of the story. I will never know how the situation turned out. I trust the client is well today. I am surprised how I have been able to let go of these situations – especially when I get the Supervisor involved. I totally trust their experience and that they make the correct decisions in each case. I wouldn’t be able to do this job if I held on with worry about the clients. I have another shift tonight.

I have completed my first 100 hours of volunteer time. I made a 200 hour commitment when I took the training so I am halfway there. I’ve taken over 140 calls so far. Most of them have been very rewarding.

It has been another cloudy, wet day on the prairie. We sure didn’t get enough rain but am grateful for the little we did get. The dogs are loving the cooler temperatures and are romping around like puppies. The baby chicks seem to be staying warm enough. It has been too cold to let them outside for the first time. It is to warm up later in the week and be warm again next week so will let them out later in the week. I need to change their bedding and it would be easier if they were outside when I did it.

Nothing on the calendar all weekend long. The empty space feels healing and comforting to me right now. By the end of the weekend that might change but I will take the feeling for now. This day went be very quickly. Just wished I remembered what I had done.

Grateful for the moisture we have received on the prairie, grateful for the experiences I have on the Crisis Text Hot Line and grateful for empty space in my life.

Jim went to Stillwater this afternoon. Not sure how long he is staying there this time. Probably six or seven days. He has a lot of projects to work on down there. The house here sure feels big and empty with him gone.

I took my last antibiotics today. I am officially out of quarantine tomorrow. I don’t have anywhere to go so will probably stay home a bit longer. Nice to know if something comes up and I want to go somewhere I can.

I got on the Crisis Text Hot Line last night. I needed to see if I still had my game on. I handled three calls. They were really busy when I stopped but I was getting tired and I didn’t want to push myself past my limit. I have a shift tonight so will take more calls tonight. It felt good to get back to volunteering. Another sign of things returning to my “normal” routine.

When I went down to check on the chicks this morning they were all out of sight. I found them huddled together in the nesting boxes. This evening when I went down to check on them they were scattered throughout the coop and some were laying down under the heat lamp. The coop felt nice and warm so I think they will be OK during this cold snap.

We have only gotten a bit of rain today. It has sprinkled and misted off and on all day. Only got real rain for a few minutes. More is in the forecast for tonight and tomorrow so we still have a chance to get enough to measure. The yard has deep cracks in it that need filled up.

The elastic and ribbon came in today. Jim helped me cut the elastic before he left this afternoon. I have started pinning it to the masks but haven’t felt like working on them much today. They will wait patiently for me to get to them. I still need to cut the ribbon into the right size pieces and sew them together. Maybe I will work on cutting the ribbon while I am taking calls tonight on the Hot Line.

I broke down and turned the furnace on this morning. The house was down to 65 when I got up this morning. I even lit the pilot light and turned my fireplace on. I don’t handle cold much better than I handle heat. My thermostat has a narrow comfort range these days.

I made a double batch of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for Jim this morning. He took two bags with him to Stillwater and I froze the rest of them. He is now restocked with cookies.

Tomorrow I want to Clorox all the door handles and clean the bathrooms really good. I need to make sure I kill any remaining C Diff germs that are hanging around so I don’t reinfect myself. I will take my sheets off the bed and wash them with Clorox too.

I did go into Cottonwood this afternoon and dumped a bunch of recycling material and deposited a check at the bank. Also mailed some bills Jim had written out. I realized I haven’t driven for over two weeks. I haven’t used much gas lately.

It is weird being home alone again. I have gotten used to Jim and it will take me a bit to get used to being alone again. I have lots of little projects to work on so will stay busy.

Grateful Jim had a safe trip to Stillwater, grateful the elastic and ribbon showed up today, and grateful my furnace worked and the house was nice and toasty warm today.

What a difference a day makes. The temperature is 58 for the high today after reaching over 90 yesterday. It is cloudy, misty and windy on the prairie today. No measurable rain yet but am holding on to the promise of rain to come over the next two days.

Jim is still here. He is having trouble heading south. He says he is going tomorrow but we shall see.

I took a long afternoon nap today. I made the mistake yesterday of not taking one and had trouble last evening staying awake until it was bed time. I was tired this afternoon and decided to indulge in a nap again. It is becoming a habit these days. Hopefully as I get to feeling better I will be able to stop this habit.

I sent a note to my doctor asking about ending my quarantine. He said I could stop it the day after my ten day supply of antibiotics is done as long as I remain without symptoms. So Thursday I will be able to rejoin the world if I choose to do so. I don’t have anywhere to go so probably will continue to stay home but it will be nice to know I can go somewhere if the desire strikes. I am to contact the doctor immediately if I start having diarrhea, run a temperature or have stomach cramps. Evidently C Diff can reoccur after a round of treatment and the sooner I get starter on a second round the faster it will go away. I sure trust I won’t have a reoccurrence and I am done with this crap. I am ready to start feeling better and get on with my life.

I didn’t get a morning energy boost like I did yesterday but I felt good enough to get some more house cleaning done this morning. Had a bit of a headache this morning but thinking that is due to the weather change. The wind is blowing all sorts of stuff around and my allergies are not happy.

I lowered the heat lamp in the chicken coop when I went down this morning. Not sure they need the additional heat but they are only four weeks old and not fully feathered out yet. The coop is big enough they can get away from the lowered lamp if it is too hot for them.

Jim and I walked down to the mailbox this afternoon after my nap. It is cold out! The wind was strongly in my face coming back up to the house. It did feel good to get out and stretch my legs briefly but it felt even better to get back into the warm house.

Almost have the last tea towel in the set finished so I can get that mess cleaned up. Didn’t get the elastic or ribbon in the mail today so my mask making has come to a halt. May have to start a knitting project to have something to do until the supplies show up. This mail thing is becoming a problem. It takes at least two weeks to get stuff now that used to take three or four days.

Need to figure out something to fix for dinner. I am starting to get hungry again but nothing sounds good to eat. I am getting tired of chicken noodle soup but it is safe and doesn’t bother my stomach. Another sign of progress that I am getting hungry.

Nothing on my calendar for the rest of the week. The empty space has been healing for me. I have no real desire to rejoin the real world yet. I kinda have enjoyed this cocoon of peace and quiet I have been living in lately.

Grateful for the potential of rain this week, grateful for long afternoon refreshing naps, and grateful for a walk down the lane this afternoon.

Woke up feeling better than I have for a long time. It only lasted about 30 minutes but I will take it as a sign of progress. I got a bit of house cleaning done and had the energy to do it.

Got the last of the flannel sheets cut into pieces today. Jim helped me with some of the cutting. Now I am waiting on the sheets to arrive as well as the elastic. When those come in I can get them cut to size and start the final assembly process for the next bunch of masks. I ordered two more sheets this morning as I realized I didn’t have enough coming in for all the flannel pieces I have. I use two pieces of sheet to one piece of flannel. I am thinking I will be done when I get this last batch made up. I have at least 300 more to make up and that will put me well over making 1,000 masks.

Did a few loads of laundry today. I enjoy doing laundry and it never feels like work to do it. Jim had some that needed done so he can get packed for his trip to Stillwater tomorrow. We have had to do our laundry separately as part of the precautions they recommended we take. Hopefully I will get released from all of that tomorrow.

Made a double batch of chocolate no bake cookies to take in to the grandkids. I need Jim to pick me up some groceries this afternoon so I will have what I need in case I don’t get released from quarantine tomorrow. When he goes to town to get the groceries I’ll have him take the cookies to the grandkids.

It is another windy day on the prairie. It is in the mid 90’s and very windy. I am looking forward to the cold front that is to come in tomorrow. I am not a big fan of hot, windy days. We need rain to fill the cracks in the yard. It is in the forecast for the next several days so hoping the rain will pull up a chair and stay a while and give the prairie a good drink.

I need to put some rocks in my pockets and walk down to the chickens and give them some fresh water. I went down earlier and opened their windows and turned off the heat lamp. They get hot on days like this and I like to make sure they have lots of cool water to drink.

Working on a list of things I can do while Jim is in Stillwater. I will have to see how my energy level holds up but am cautiously optimistic that I can get some things done. Most of what I have on the list is from my wish to do list and not my have to do list. It will be nice to get some things crossed off the list.

Other than riding in the car to go to Emporia the other day I haven’t been off the property since a week ago yesterday. I don’t have any plans to go anywhere this week either. I may have forgotten how to be social with other people. I wonder how long I can go without having contact with other people.

Grateful for feeling really good this morning even though it didn’t last long, grateful the hot temperatures will be declining soon, and grateful for this quiet time on the prairie.

Another lazy day on the prairie of resting and healing. I took a long nap this afternoon as I didn’t sleep well last night. The wind was blowing 20 – 25 MPH all afternoon and the sound of it wore me out after a bit. It has calmed down some this evening but still blowing. It is working hard to bring in the cold front that is due in sometime Tuesday night.

Worked on making masks again today. I have 50 made up and am out of elastic and ties so can’t finish putting any more together until my supplies get replenished. The elastic is due to arrive Wednesday and the ribbon is still MIA. Not holding my breath that the elastic will arrive as promised. The mail is all screwed up these days. I have some flannel I can cut into pieces while I wait for the elastic to show up. Still waiting on the sheets to come in so I can cut them into pieces. Got all the pieces I have cut and pressed sewed together so when the elastic comes in all I have to do is cut it to length and start pinning masks together. They will work up quickly once I get them pinned.

Did some embroidery work this afternoon. Trying to get the set of tea towels finished that I started several weeks ago. Today is the first day I have felt good enough to pick them up and work on them for a bit. Only have one more to go and the set will be finished. I am tired of looking at the clutter on my end table.

Still haven’t gotten any housecleaning done. It seems to patiently wait for me to get to it. The dust just got thicker today with all the wind. Maybe it is a good thing I hadn’t gotten to it and I would have had to do it all over again anyways. That’s the trouble with house cleaning work – you rinse and repeat over and over again. Never seems to end and things don’t stay clean for long.

Feeling better each day. Still running a bit low on energy in my tank but each day I can do more things easily. I am on day 8 of 10 of taking the antibiotic. I think once I am done taking those I will started feeling better. I still have mild stomach cramps but nothing like I had been having. I will check with my doctor mid week and see if I need to be retested or if I can assume I am no longer contagious and stop the quarantine. Fingers crossed it won’t come back.

Jim is almost out of cookies. While he is in Stillwater I will need to replenish his supply for him. I enjoy baking cookies and he enjoys eating them. I need to take some in to my grandkids too. I sure have missed them. It seems like it has been a long time since I have seen them. Hoping to get released this week so I can see them again soon.

Still haven’t made it back to volunteering for the Crisis Text Hot Line. I thought about getting on last night but decided I was too tired. I may check with them to see if I can do a day shift for a couple of weeks until my strength and energy comes all the way back. They usually have plenty of day time volunteers but guess it wouldn’t hurt to ask. I do miss doing the work. Hope I haven’t lost my skill set. It has been almost a month since I was on-line.

No plans this week other than resting and healing. Trusting by the end of the week my energy will have returned and I can gradually start working on getting some things done around here. I’m getting tired of being tired and not doing anything.

Grateful for afternoon naps, grateful my grandmother taught me how to embroidery and the joy it brings me to do so, and grateful for the healing my body continues to do.

I had a better day today than yesterday but still didn’t get much done. I laid down around 5:15 and ended up sleeping for over two hours. Extra sleep must be what my healing body needs right now.

I worked on making masks off and on today again. I am out of elastic and ribbon for the ties so can’t finish up any more. I have a bunch to sew the first seam together and more sheets to cut into pieces so I will stay busy until the elastic and ribbon finally arrives.

I finally got the bed made up downstairs that my friend used over a week ago. I had washed the sheets but hadn’t had the energy to go down and make up the bed. Don’t plan on having guests again for a bit but I was tired of looking at the sheets piled on a dining room table.

I cooked some chicken and added it to the can of chicken noodle soup. So far it has only caused mild stomach cramps so I will take that as progress. Still struggling to figure out how to add protein and fat but taking baby steps.

Maybe tonight I will be awake enough to hop on the Crisis Text Hotline and take a call or two. I have missed being on the Hotline but haven’t had the energy to give to it. I haven’t booked myself off my shifts for next week yet as I am hoping to be able to get back on for my shifts next Wednesday and Thursday. We shall see what happens.

I have been in quarantine for a week now. The time has gone by quickly and I haven’t missed other people. The doctor told me to stay home for ten days to two weeks. Thinking since I am symptom free at this point I can be released at the ten day point. I don’t have anywhere to go so may extend it.

No plans for the next few days. Jim will be headed to Stillwater one day soon. I will have him do one last grocery run for me before he leaves so I won’t have to do that while he is gone. I don’t eat much these days and only a few things so my list will be short.

Grateful for extra sleep, grateful for the healing my body is doing, and grateful my quarantine time is almost over.

This has been an OK day. Have had mild stomach cramps off and on all day. Thankfully no diarrhea to go with them but have felt kinda off all day. I slept for three hours last night, woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep until four hours later. Took a nap this afternoon and still feel a bit tired and weak.

Struggling to find a protein to eat that my body likes. It makes my stomach cramp when I try to eat it. I haven’t tried eating any fat yet as it turns my stomach to think about eating it. Simple carbs seem to go down well and not cause trouble. I’ll get there – it is just going to take me longer than I want it to.

Sent a box of 125 masks off to Jim’s son. His girlfriend has lots of contacts all over the country of places that can use masks. I’m glad she can help me find a home for them. Still have pieces cut to make another 150 or more plus material to cut to make another couple hundred. I have sent over 800 masks out into the world so far.

Today would have been the wedding anniversary of Nicole and Chris. I think of him so often. It is a bittersweet type of day.

I haven’t felt like doing much today. Low energy type of day so I am honoring my body and resting. I have sewed a bit off and on but haven’t gotten started cleaning house yet. The dust and dirt seems to wait patiently for me to come find it.

I rode into town with Jim to mail the box of masks. I stayed in the car. It was nice to get out of the house for a bit. I hadn’t been off the property since I went to the ED Sunday afternoon. Another week or so of quarantine and I should be released. I am pretty much symptom free at this point so should no longer be contagious but I want to play it safe and make sure I don’t spread this to someone else.

Today is what it is. Just grateful I am making progress towards healing. I don’t think it is a setback today – more of a reminder to continue to slow down and give my body time to heal.

Grateful for the life of Chris and the love he brought to my family, grateful for rest days that allow my body to heal, and grateful for the food I can eat.

A normal stool this morning at last! I think I am on the mend. Feeling much better and my energy is slowly starting to return. I have been hungry today for the first time in a month. Still eating bland foods as my tummy doesn’t feel ready for other stuff yet but it is getting close.

Went out last night and mowed for about an hour and finished it up this afternoon. The whole yard didn’t need mowed so it didn’t take me the normal three hours to mow. It was good to get outside and bounce around on the mower for a bit. It is very dry and dusty though. The volunteer sunflowers are blooming and are beautiful. They are late blooming this year but am grateful they are blooming now.

The baby chicks are still doing well. They are growing everyday and love to fly around the big house. I opened their windows today and they have enjoyed the sunlight and fresh air. Next week they will get to go outside for a bit during the day. I have had them for three weeks today. 29 out of 31 are still alive.

Took a short nap this afternoon. I still get tired rather easily but can tell my strength is returning. I slept fairly well last night. It was so nice to not have to get up several times during the night to use the bathroom.

From what I read after 48 hours of no diarrhea and having normal stools I am considered non-contagious. I plan on staying home for another week or so anyways just to be sure. I do not want to give this crap to anyone else. So far Jim remains symptom free. It will be a huge blessing if he somehow escapes the curse of this stuff.

Still working on making masks off and on. I got about 35 pinned and ready to sew and have started sewing them together. I work in batches of 10 and switch off to doing different parts of them after I finish making 10. Keeps me from getting too bored with them. I must like repeating doing what I am doing though. I think I can make them in my sleep at this point.

I need to start cleaning house. I haven’t cleaned much since I got home the end of July. The house needs a good going over and not just a lick and a promise which is all I have been doing lately. I don’t like when my house feels dirty and that is where it is now. Maybe I will feel like cleaning tomorrow and get a room or two done.

Jim didn’t leave for Stillwater today as planned. He has now decided to wait until next week. Part of it is he loves being here and part of it is he wants to double make sure I am healed and well. I don’t want to ask a house sitter into the house right now with my C Diff germs in the house. Maybe when he goes after this trip I will be well and feel comfortable going with him and finding a house sitter.

We sat outside for a bit last night and enjoyed the light of the full moon. There were clouds on the horizon so didn’t get to see it rise. It went in and out of clouds for a bit before it lit the prairie with it’s golden light. Fog rolled in and dimmed everything for a bit but there was a magical feel to the night when that happened. I love sitting out under the light of the full moon.

I ordered a package of elastic and ribbon from Amazon on August 17. It was shipped August 21 and USPS can’t tell Amazon or me where the package is now. Amazon is going to ship a replacement package. Have a feeling that is going to happen more and more with what is happening at the post office these days. That really hurts us rural people that don’t have a lot of shopping options.

The grandkids started school this week. Ellexia gets to go to school everyday for now but Tagen only goes occasionally and most of his classes are on-line. I can’t imagine how difficult this situation must be for teachers, students and parents. I trust they will all find ways to make this work for all and learning can happen.

I sure miss seeing the grandkids. Maybe in another week or so I can go in to see them and we will all be safe. Although now they are being exposed to all the kids at school and I’m not sure I want to be exposed to that. Damn! This is hard sometimes doing the right thing.

Grateful to be recovering quickly now, grateful Jim is taking good care of me, and grateful for the light of the full moon.

Still doing better today. No diarrhea today! The first day in a long time! My bowels moved but it wasn’t watery. I know, TMI but it is part of this journey I seem to be on right now.

I managed to get down about 500 calories yesterday. I’m almost at 300 for the day today so far. Progress in baby steps!

I did have a short episode of stomach cramps this afternoon. I had scrambled eggs for breakfast and am thinking my stomach isn’t ready for protein yet. The cramps didn’t last long and I laid down and took a short nap and they were gone when I got up.

Jim and I walked down the lane to the mailbox. It felt good to move my body. I took it slow and easy and made it down and back without issue.

The baby chicks are growing fast right now. They are definitely entering the ugly ducking stage. They sure like trying to fly and are enjoying all the room in the big house. We cleaned up their coop this afternoon and raised the feeder and watering can up off the ground so it will stay cleaner. Jim poured the feed into kitty litter containers so it will be easier for me to handle while he is gone.

Worked on mask making a bit today. Will do more of them later. Have about 200 more to sew together and have 80 more made. I’ve surpassed the 800 mark at this point.

Trying to talk Jim into going to Stillwater tomorrow. He is afraid to leave me I think. He will be safer down there as we are to continue social distancing for another week or so. I am strong enough to stay home alone now but I am having trouble convincing him of that. We will see what he decides to do.

No plans for the rest of the week other than resting and recovering. I sleep when I can and do little things around the house when I feel like it. I may try to do a shift on the Hotline tonight but will make a last minute call on if I do so or not. Sometimes the calls can drain me and I don’t have a lot in my tank right now. I may wait one more week before I start back up again.

It sure feels good to be feeling better. It is going to take me a bit to return to my “normal” but it seems to be getting closer everyday.

Grateful my health is returning to my “normal”, grateful the chicks continue to grow and thrive, and grateful for the ability to eat real food again.

FINALLY! Feeling so much better today. Only three small episodes so far today – way down from the 15 I had yesterday and the 30 or more I was averaging. Maybe there is hope for me yet.

I had some unsweetened applesauce for breakfast. I think the natural sugar from the apples gave me a bit of an energy boost. Had chicken noodle soup for lunch. I am still full and my tummy is starting to make lots of noise for the first time in several weeks. I have been able to drink water today and not have it be a problem. Not sure I am ready for Thanksgiving dinner but real food tastes good. I have mainly been fasting for almost a week now.

Jim went to town to get some baby chicken feed. I think I confused him as it took several texts for him to feel comfortable that he got the right stuff. He also picked up my drugs and got me a few groceries to get me through while he is in Stillwater this week. What would I do without him?

The lady from SOS came and picked up the two twin beds and one night stand I needed to go away. It is nice to have more room in the furnace room again. She may come back and get the other set of mattresses another day. What we gave her filled her truck. Jim was kind enough to load them and then cover them with a tarp as it started raining while she was here. I’m glad they found a good home.

The chicks are growing and starting to enter the ugly duckling stage. They go from cute to ugly to grown up. Guess humans do that too – chickens just compress the time table. They are three weeks old now. Another three or four weeks and I can treat them like grownups.

Took the sheets and mattress cover off my bed this morning and washed it all with bleach. Need to get my bed remade this afternoon. Trying to kill off the C Diff bug. I may repeat that several more times over the next few days. Jim has to sleep in the guest room down the hall as we are not to touch each other for another 10 days or so.

I had a really hard day yesterday. I was in tears most of the day. I think my filters were gone and I was letting everything going on in the world in. I was tired of going to the bathroom and feeling crummy and was beginning to think that was going to be my life. I had felt so good after getting fluids Sunday and felt a long ways away from that yesterday. Jim and I are not to touch each other in hopes of not spreading it to him. All he could do is sit and watch me cry. It was hard on him too. Sometimes I go kicking and screaming into acceptance and yesterday I was kicking and crying. I got a good nights sleep and things feel much brighter for me today.

I laid down for a nap this afternoon but didn’t sleep. I’m still a bit weak and have to pace myself a bit to get through the day. I am hoping once I can eat a bit more my strength will return rather quickly.

Someone from the State Dept of Health called me today to do a contact tracing since I had Salmonella. She was relieved to hear we had not eaten at a restaurant since March. She thanked me for not being around many people over the last month. She agreed it was probably the baby chickens although it could have been a bag a lettuce as I guess they have been having issues with that. Jim ate the lettuce too though and he didn’t get sick. She said some people are more susceptible to it then others and my case sounded like a mild case although with the C Diff at the same time it would be hard to know which one caused what. I now wear a pair of muck boots down to the chickens and take them off before I come into the house when I come back up. Hopefully that will help prevent a repeat case.

I think Jim is going to Stillwater tomorrow and staying for a week to ten days. It will be safer for him to be there and I am feeling well enough now to be alone. I can’t cook for him here so he may as well be in Stillwater and get some of his projects there done.

He got my chicken ramp up for me yesterday. The ramp that came with the chicken house four years ago was poorly designed and has given me trouble from day one. He built a nice solid one that will last a long time. It is nice to be able to cross that project off my wish list of things to fix around here. I will enjoy watching the chickens come down it in another week or so when I let them outside for the first time.

He also built a platform for my bales of straw to sit on. I had been putting them on the ground and over time they rot. He put a layer of gravel down on the floor of the lean-to where I keep the straw and put the platform on the gravel. The bales are now nicely stacked and will last much longer. It looks so nice and neat now. Two big projects completed this week. I’m glad one of us has been productive – it certainly hasn’t been me.

Still working on making more masks. I have 70 completed so far and hundreds more to make. I work on them in bits and pieces and slowly but surely they get made up.

Grateful I am feeling better at last, grateful the chicken ramp is up, and grateful the mattresses and box springs are gone.

August has come and is almost gone in a big blur to me. I’m having trouble processing all that has happened this month. I feel like I flushed the month away!

Not feeling as perky today. I got a huge lift yesterday from the fluids. I needed to be reminded what feeling better felt like. I don’t have that same feeling today but can remember what it is at least. Something to look forward to soon.

Stomach cramps are much better. Still having diarrhea x ten so far today but it is a big relief to have the stomach cramps gone. I am on clear fluids yet today as the diarrhea hasn’t gotten down to a manageable number yet.

I did manage to make it down to check on the baby chickens. All are well and they seem to be enjoying this cloudy, cooler day. I realized while I was down there that I need to have Jim do a feed run before he heads for Stillwater Wednesday. The chicks are eating more everyday and will need another 50 pound bag of feed soon. I’ll have him get two just in case they really start eating big time which I have a feeling they will. They are growing fast and like to try out their flying skills. I am finding them in the nesting boxes now and up on the top rung of the roosting bars.

Am working on making masks off and on today. Not very motivated or energized to do much so mainly resting. I can only sit for so long though. Thinking a nap will be in order this afternoon. I laid down for a bit a while ago but didn’t go to sleep.

Got a note back from my doctor’s office. I had asked some specific questions and don’t feel like they answered any of them completely if at all. His nurse is going to pray for me though. Maybe that will help me know when to start eating agin or what type of probiotic to take. Yes, I know that was full of sarcasm but really I was not in the mood for that response this morning. Just answer my questions – is that too much to ask?

My Endocrinologist on the other hand sent me back a very appropriate note and directly answered the question I asked her.

I was beating myself up last night for not going into the ED sooner. Then I realized Friday I spoke with my doctor’s office and my temperature had broken and both of us thought I was getting better. Saturday things were a bit better but still going on and I went in on Sunday. I really could have only gone in one day sooner. Time is doing a funny dance with me right now and not making sense.

I’m still trying to make sense of the world these days. The division seems to be growing and things keep coming so fast I don’t think many of us can process all that is happening and make sense of it. There are so many lies, propaganda and half truths out there to sort through. The outright corporate and collective greed is overwhelming. Protecting the stock market seems to be the goal of some. The continual evidence of racism grows and yet the resistant to facing that fact also seems to be growing. It gets harder and harder to find common ground with those that are on the opposite side of the fence.

What does one do with all of this?

For today I sit with it and allow it to be in my heart. I remind myself I don’t have to know any answers. It is OK to sit with the questions. I will continue to keep my heart as open as I know how to do so and do my best not to become part of the problem. Somedays that is hard, though.

Grateful for the reminder of what feeling good feels like, grateful the stomach cramps are gone and grateful it is OK not to have to know answers to hard questions.

I have answers at last. Went to the ED today on the advice of the Nurse Practitioner I visited with on the phone this morning. My doctor’s clinic has a weekend call a nurse program and I used that to contact someone this morning and she recommended I go in for a C Diff screening.

The hospital took me right back to a room and bypassed triage as I told them I was there for a C Diff screening.  After blood, urine and stool samples were collected we waited for about three hours for results. They gave me a bag of fluids while we were waiting which helped me feel much better.

The Doctor finally came in to tell me I had a double whammy going on. I have Salmonella and C Diff. He gave me an antibiotic for the C Diff and some meds to help slow the diarrhea and sent us on our way. He offered to keep me for a night or two if I wanted him to. I declined his kind offer of a stay in the big house.  I have been able to keep enough fluids down to not get seriously dehydrated and promised to return if I don’t get better or if I get worse.

I wasn’t impressed with the doctor.  He really didn’t want to listen to the beginning of my story with the Cipro back in July.  When he came in to tell me what I had he acted surprised I had questions for him.  He was in a rush and really didn’t want to deal with me.  He figured out what was wrong though so I guess that is all I should expect from him.

The C Diff was probably caused by the Cipro I took way back the end of July for the UTI.  When I had the yeast reaction to the Cipro I was given a different antibiotic that must have stirred up my gut and allowed the C Diff to run amok.  Now they want me to take another antibiotic to fix the problem the other two antibiotics caused.  Yikes!  May this cycle end now!  Third one is a charm – right?

Have no idea where I got Salmonella from.  Perhaps the baby chickens although I have been very diligent about hand washing.  I could have picked it up on my shoes and got it on my hands when I took my shoes off.  I’ll have to double down on being careful so I don’t reinfect myself.

Just knowing what is wrong is a relief.  I was beginning to think I was going to spend the rest of my life on the toilet doubled over with stomach cramps.  Yes, I know I am playing the drama queen card but I was getting pretty discouraged.

I am to call my doctor tomorrow and get advice about when to start eating again.  The ED Doctor recommended clear fluids for two to three days at least and maybe up to a week if the diarrhea doesn’t slow down.  I am also to stay away from people for fourteen days as I guess C Diff is very contagious.  I can’t cook for Jim or share a towel, a drink or dishes with him.  We each have our own hand towels in both bathrooms now.  We aren’t to have physical contact with each other during that time.  Since I have had symptoms since last Wednesday I am thinking If he is going to get it I have already given it to him but we will follow the rules and work hard to prevent him from getting it.  It is miserable and I don’t want to see him go through it.

Jim gets to unload the dishwasher and put the dishes away.  I can load it.  I think he will escape to Stillwater sometime later this  week and stay there for a week so we can avoid contact with each other.  He wants to wait to leave until he is sure I am fully on the mend.

We stopped at Walmart after I got out of the hospital and picked up my drugs and a few groceries.  It was good to get home.  Now I get to stay here for the next two weeks.

Kudos to my sister Kathy who called what I had last week.  She knows her stuff!  Sometimes I think we should let the nurses be the doctors.  They just know stuff!  The nurse today knew what I had too.  Not sure if it had crossed my doctor’s mind last Friday or not – he didn’t mention it if so.

Thankfully my calendar is pretty empty for the next two weeks. I have a mammogram scheduled for Friday so will ask the Doctor tomorrow if I can do that or if I should reschedule it again.  I cancelled the first appointment to get one when I was running a temperature.

Jim is just now getting his coffee for the day and looking at the news.  He got up a bit early for him this morning to take me in to the hospital.  He really does take good care of me.  I’m grateful he has been at my side through all of this.  Crossing my fingers I didn’t share the bug with him.

I really am feeling much better this afternoon.  The extra fluids perked me up and I have more energy than I have had for over a week.  I will not eat anything so hoping that will help quiet down the diarrhea.  It has been much slower today without me eating.  I just hope I can keep up with the fluids enough so I don’t have to go back to the big house.

Grateful for answers, grateful for solutions, and grateful for Jim!

Am continuing to feel better although eating is still a bit of a challenge for me. My temperature never reached over 100.5 yesterday and for most of the day was well below 100. 30 minutes to an hour after I eat I still experience painful stomach cramps and diarrhea episodes. They can also happen when I don’t eat. Hopefully today those will slow down.

My COVID19 test came back negative. Whew! Since my temperature had broken I wasn’t surprised. I kept reading the symptoms of COVID and my symptoms just didn’t match up. My doctor said many are starting to report with GI issues and if they have a fever with them the recommendation is now to test for COVID. Glad I don’t have that but now want to know what I do have.

Grateful the doctor’s office got the results yesterday instead of me having to wait until Monday. I messaged the office to give them an update as to how I was feeling. In their response they let me know I can now take something to slow the stomach cramping and diarrhea down. I took something last night that let me sleep good for four hours and then after I was up an hour or two I took another one that let me sleep for another three hours. I feel a bit hungover today but it is worth it to get some good sleep.

No plans for the day except for recovery and rest. I have a bunch of mask pieces that need pressed so I can start the assembly process. That doesn’t take much energy so may work on them off and on today. Other than that I don’t have anything that needs done.

Jim got the ramp to the chicken coop made. He is going to attach it today. He is now working on building a platform for the hay to sit on so the bottom of the bales don’t rot. He does like to work with wood and build things. I’m grateful!

We are released from quarantine since I didn’t have a known exposure or direct contact with someone with COVID. Jim is going to town later today to get some more chicken noodle soup and bananas for me and some stuff he needs to do another project he wants to work on. I am going to double down on my effort to stay healthy and away from people. I just can’t take any chances for a bit.

Jim is a bit shy about going to Stillwater to work on some projects he has going on there. He wants to make sure I am recovered before he leaves. I’m thinking by the first of the week I should be good to go. My strength will return quickly once I can eat again and get moving a bit. I managed to stay up most of the day yesterday and only took one short nap. Having trouble sleeping last night was another sign things are returning to normal for me.

Once again I am humbled and grateful for my health. I take it for granted too often and need reminders to not do so. It is amazing to me how our bodies can heal if we treat them well and allow them the space and time to do so.

Grateful for negative test results, grateful for Jim’s love and care, and grateful for all who reached out to me with prayers, good vibes and good intentions.

Good news. My temperature broke yesterday afternoon after peaking at 102.0. I took some Tylenol and by 3:00 it was down to under 100 and has continued to drop and stay down. This morning I only was at 99.1. That makes me feel much better.

Still having stomach cramps and diarrhea occasionally. I was able to get down a few crackers last night in hopes of giving my stomach something to work on. I may try eat something this morning later and see what happens.

The fact that my temperature broke gives me much hope that I don’t have COVID. I’m still weak and tired but am feeling much better this morning. Grateful!

I may hear results late this afternoon and if not then I won’t hear until Monday morning.

I slept most all day yesterday and most of the night last night. I am finally feeling not so sleepy this morning. I know I will take some naps today but right now I have the energy to stay up for a bit this morning. That feels good too. I may walk down to see the baby chicks – but it feels like a long walk to me right now.

Grateful my temperature broke, grateful for healing sleep, and grateful for a bit of energy this morning.

Damn! I’m sick. Running up to 101.9 temp, diarrhea, stomach cramps, headache. Going to get COVID tested this afternoon. If I have it I have no idea where I got it.

Be careful out there.

Five years ago today I completed my first day of 50 walking to Santiago on the Camino. My lesson from the first day was to learn how to ask for help. I asked a local for directions to get me started on my walk and he showed me the way by walking with me for my first 20 minutes. He acted like I did him a huge favor by asking for his help. That lesson has stayed with me. It does feel like someone does me a favor when they ask for my help – not sure why it can feel uncomfortable for me to ask for help at times. I try to remember my first Camino Angel when I need help and the lesson he taught me.

I had another dead baby chicken this morning. Yesterday I noticed another one of the Rhode Island Red chick was struggling and I told Jim then that I expected I would find a dead one later in the day. It was still alive when I closed them up last night but found her dead this morning. This is the hard part of raising chickens. I don’t think it will ever get easy to find them and have to dispose of them. The others seem to be liking the big house and having lots of room to move around in.

Got the house ready for my friend that arrived late afternoon. He is staying two nights as he is working in Emporia for the next two days. We had a wonderful conversation this evening. He is a gentle man with a huge heart for mankind and humanity. He is going to join us for dinner tomorrow night. I laid out some steaks to grill – that will be easy.

We took apart two twin beds in the bedroom Jim is going to use as his camera storage room. SOS in Emporia will take them – just have to nail down a time to deliver them to them or have them come pick them up. It will be good to get them out of the way as well as a third set that has been taking up storage space in the furnace room. They will also take the extra bedding so that can all go away soon too.

Worked on ripping up sheets for the next big set of masks I will be making. I got four sheets ripped up so far and have three more sheets to rip. I got all the pieces marked out and have been working on cutting them while conversing with our guest. Jim has been helping me cut so it shouldn’t take too much longer and the pieces will be all cut out. Then I will have to press all of the pieces and I can then start putting them together. I haven’t counted how many more masks I can make yet but guessing 300. We will see how close I am in count.

For the first time since Wednesday night I haven’t had to run to the bathroom today. Progress at last. I am tired tonight as I had to rebuild my strength a bit but it is coming back. By tomorrow I will probably forget I was sick over the weekend.

Got the results of the blood work back that was drawn Monday morning. Everything is normal for me. The doctor sent back a message saying I didn’t need a different antibiotic for my vaginal rash unless it stops getting better and starts getting bad again. I’m good with that. I’m tired of pills for a bit.

Nothing on the agenda for tomorrow except fixing dinner for our guest and us. We might go to town to deliver the beds if SOS can accept them tomorrow. It was nice to stay home all day today and take my time and get a few things done. Did some more embroidery work on the tea towel set I am making. Almost have the fifth one in the set done. Makes good sitting time work for my hands.

We had leftovers again for dinner tonight. I promised Jim good food tomorrow night. He has been generous to eat leftovers for the last four nights. We still have leftovers in the refrigerator but I am tired of leftovers and need something fresh.

We were going to build the steps to the chicken coop today but never made it down there to do so. Jim got busy carry stuff downstairs to put in the bedroom and reorganizing it and I got busy doing other things. Maybe tomorrow we will get down to the coop and get the steps made. The chicks have to be four weeks old before they can go outside and they are only two weeks old so we have some time yet. Although Jim is planning on going to Stillwater for a week and I would like to get them done before he leaves. We will see what happens. It won’t hurt the chicks if they have to stay in a bit longer after they turn four weeks anyways.

Grateful I found a home for the extra beds and bedding, grateful for time to visit with my guest, and grateful all the blood work came back normal.

Got up late this morning after not sleeping well last night. Took my shower and headed into town for my fasting blood draw. Stopped to get some groceries and then came home.

The baby chicks survived their first night in the big house. They seem happier having more room to play in. They didn’t sleep on the roosting bars – they probably don’t have the leg strength yet to support themselves all night. They like to jump up on them and sit for a while and then hop down and run around.

They seem to have found the feeder and watering containers as both had lots missing this morning. I turned the heat lamp off before I went to town and when I got home opened some windows for them. The closed up coop gets mighty hot on days like this.

Started embroidery work on another set of tea towels. Heavens knows why as I have lots of sets already done. Just trying to clean out some totes and found some blank tea towels. Have three of the set of seven done so far.

Completed 10 more masks today. I only have about 15 more to sew and then I have to start cutting sheets into pieces for the next bunch of masks. That part is the part that seems to take the longest and nothing to show for the time spent.

Have a friend coming to spend two nights starting tomorrow evening. I’ll need to get downstairs later today or sometime tomorrow and make sure the basement is in good order. I’m sure the floors need dusted as well as the furniture. It will be nice to have him here again. He is one of my house sitters occasionally along with his wife and family. I enjoy visiting with him when he comes.

Did some laundry but haven’t done much else today. Am feeling much better but can tell I am still not 100% – getting closer everyday though.

Tim and the kiddos got released from quarantine today. They are free to rejoin the world. Michelle hasn’t gotten moved to recovered status yet but is getting closer everyday. She is still weak from not moving much the last two weeks but is regaining her strength bit by bit.

We are having leftovers again tonight. The refrigerator is full of leftovers and it seems silly to make new stuff when we need to eat the old stuff up. Jim is good about eating leftovers. Maybe tomorrow night I will fix something fresh.

A heat wave has descended upon the prairie. There are big cracks in the yard as it has dried out again. Possibility of rain over the weekend but I will believe it when I see it. The heat drains me very quickly when I am outside working.

Other than my Crisis Text Hot Line Shifts this week I have nothing else on my calendar this week. I will relish my empty space time. Still not sure when Jim is going to Stillwater. He wanted to make sure I was fully recovered before he left again. He has found some projects to do here and has been staying busy working on them. He has lots of things on his to do list.

Grateful Tim and the kiddos are released from quarantine, grateful Michelle is feeling much better, and grateful the chicks like the big house.

It has been a productive day on the prairie at last. I got up fairly early and decided to get my mowing done while it was still cool. I’m glad I did because it has warmed up this afternoon.

After Jim got up and had his coffee we went out and got the chicken coop ready for the baby chicks to use the whole coop. It was plain ass hot working inside the chicken coop.  I was dripping in sweat by the time we were done.  I used the cottonseed hulls as bedding this time since I had them.  Next time I clean it out I will switch to straw.

I trust the babies can find the new watering cans and feeder.  The watering can has a red bottom like their other ones did.  I laid a trail of feed to the feeder.

When we went down to check on them they had discovered the roosting bars and were enjoying sitting on them.  The second time I went down there was one all the way up on the third bar high.  They seem to be enjoying all the new space they have now.

I have everything cooked for the dinner I am taking in to Michelle and Tim for tonight.  I sent a text to Jason to see if his family would enjoy chicken and noodles too and he said yes so am taking them the same dinner.  Jason is working 6 twelve hour days a week right now and I thought he might enjoy a night where no one had to cook.

I need to get things boxed up soon and taken in.  Ellexia likes to eat early as she is so hungry then.  I baked a chocolate sheet cake and am waiting for it to cool a bit so I can divide it in half and take each of them half of that.

My friends I met on the Camino FaceTime me this afternoon.  Carolyn and I talked for almost an hour.  It is always a treat to talk to her.  They have smoke filled skies right now with all the fires going on.  The fires are very early this year she told me.

Five years ago I was in Paris getting ready to start my Camino de Santiago walk.  I still have trouble believing that I walked almost 500 miles across Spain.  I think I will get my blog that I had printed into a book and relive my adventure again.  I’m so glad I blogged so I wouldn’t forget the little things that happened along the way.  I actually started the walk on August 25.

I sent 60 masks to Jim’s son David last week.  Through contacts his girlfriend has they will be passed on to people in KY, ND, and CA.  Makes me want to make a bunch more for them to pass along.  Glad they are going to good places and people that need them.

Tomorrow morning I have to go to the clinic to have my blood drawn.  I have a few groceries to stop and get and then I hope to tuck in at home and not leave for the week.  Last week was too busy for me and I am feeling the need to nest at home.  Maybe I will follow in my chickens footsteps and find a roosting bar and settle in!  Ha!

I am way behind writing letters again.  I have one to mail tomorrow and have a list of people to write too.  When we get back from delivering meals tonight I might get a few more written.

Grateful for meals to take to the kids, grateful the chicken coop project is complete, and grateful the chickens found the roosting bars.