This has been another hard day at times. Not sure what is behind all these hard feelings that are coming up. Assuming it is grief with many heads. I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster and never know when a drop is ahead of me. I feel like I come up for air and then the bottom drops out again.
Went to Emporia at noon for exercise. I went in early and stopped by my Chiropractor’s office but he was backed up and there were three more people waiting before me. I waited for about 15 minutes but ran out of time. I had to be at exercise at noon and couldn’t wait any longer.
I like not having to have an appointment to see him, but there are times when the timing doesn’t work. If this happens again, I will stop going. I’m not sure that the adjustments are doing any good anyways so not sure it is worth the $59 a month I am paying. We will see where this goes. I know better than to make quick decisions when I am unregulated so will wait until I can hold myself above neutral before I make a final decision.
Exercise was OK. We are repeating sessions that I did when I first started. I don’t remember doing them. This week was another fairly easy week and one where I’m not sure I am getting much of a workout. The time went fairly quickly. I wasn’t in a mood to visit today so most of the time was spent in silence.
Took Ellexia out to lunch at Bruff’s afterwards. It is always a good time to spend time with one of my grandchildren. She was fairly quiet today too. I took her home after we had our lunch together.
Stopped at Walmart and got the things that were on my list. I didn’t need any groceries this week so only got the prescription that was ready and a couple of other things. Quick stop in the store and then I came home.
I took a bit of a nap when I got home. I didn’t sleep very deeply but needed to lay down and rest. Had very little to no energy this afternoon. Felt a bit better when I got up but haven’t felt like doing much.
Took Sophia for a mile walk. Both dogs were restless all afternoon. We took them out to their pen and they barked. Finally took Sophia on her walk and they have both settled down since. Not sure what their problem was today. They usually don’t behave like that.
Ran into the lady that had a problem with my neighbor’s dogs yesterday. Her dog had a bite mark on her back from the encounter yesterday. It is a bit scary having those dogs across the street knowing they attack other dogs. So far they haven’t come after my dogs. Trust that will continue.
Tomorrow is our Summer Solstice celebration. I am considering cancelling it. Not sure I have enough in my tank to lead the ceremony. I will make a decision tomorrow afternoon and go from there. I am running on very low energy right now and leading the ceremony takes a bit of energy. Just can’t seem to get refilled and then hold my energy for very long.
I’m sure part of this is the let down from all I had to do earlier this year. I pushed myself beyond my limits earlier and I feel like I am paying the price for that now. Part of it is the grief of losing Craig and my two dear aunts. Grief has a way of waiting for me to acknowledge it. It feels lonely and hard and raw right now. Giving myself grace and allowing the hard feelings to be heard and released. Not an easy thing to do but it is the only way I know through this path. It will release and lighten when it is ready.
Today was a rainy, cloudy day. I enjoyed the break from the heat although it was humid out. Areas around us got up to five inches of rain again. We didn’t get near that much but when Sophia and I walked down to the river I could tell the river was rising again.
No plans for the weekend. I only have 11 days left before I leave for Costa Rica. I picked up a few things I needed today. Maybe this weekend I will make a packing list and make sure I have all that I need. It will be so good to get away and change my environment for a bit. The retreat I am going on is a healing retreat and feels like it is just what I need right now. So grateful I listened to my soul a couple months ago and signed up for the retreat. A change of scenery can do wonders for me.
Tomorrow may be a better day. I never quite know what to expect and do my best to allow whatever shows up for me. I know this hard, dark path won’t last forever even when it feels like it might. This last couple of weeks has been unusually hard for me. This hasn’t happened for some time so maybe I was overdue. Stashing emotion doesn’t work well for me and I am paying the price for having done that. I am grateful the emotion is welling up and coming out. Better this way then to cause a problem in my body later on.
Grateful for exercise and the temporary relief it brings to me, grateful for the walk with Sophia tonight, and grateful that this too shall pass.