Wednesday, February 15, 2023

Can’t believe it is the middle of February already.  Not sure how time passes so quickly when some days feel very long.

We are having a bit of winter tonight.  Snow is in the forecast and it won’t be very warm tomorrow.  It is to warm back up again Friday.  Have to say we have had a mild winter this year.

I haven’t done much again today.  I took a long nap this afternoon and have had trouble waking up from it this evening.  I never did get out of my pajamas today.  It was cold outside today and felt like a good day to have a PJ day.

My eating has been horrible the last week or so.  I eat when I am not hungry and I am not eating on plan.  This evening I feel icky.  Maybe this feeling will motivate me to stick to plan tomorrow.  Enough with the junk foods I have been eating.  I had a weak moment at the grocery store last week and brought home some stuff that I normally don’t eat.  Now I remember why I don’t eat it.

During a conversation with a friend today I pulled out the divorce papers to look something up.  I found what I needed and finished the conversation with her.  I then decided I needed to clean out that file as it was thick and full of papers that I no longer needed to keep.  In the papers were a bunch of emails that Jim and I had exchanged with each other when we were having issues.  I read a few of them and then decided I didn’t need to hold on to the energy the papers represented and threw them away.

As I was reading them, I felt detached from them in a new way.  I immediately saw the pattern in them that I had failed to see at the time they were written.  Each one was the same issue, different verse, same response, different verse.  I keep asking myself why it took me so long to see the pattern at the time.  That question will never have an answer!  Grateful I finally saw the pattern and was able to get help identifying what was really going on.

Had a phone conversation with another friend this afternoon.  It is a friend that I hadn’t spoken to for several years.  I am really enjoying getting back in touch with friends and family members that I haven’t talked to for a long time.  I do believe that some people come in to your life for a reason and many do not stay active in your life.  Some were really important to me at some point and I cherish the memories of the times we had together.

Feeling a bit restless and lost this evening.  My tummy is not happy with me and I am not happy with myself that I caused my tummy to be upset.  Trusting I will feel better in the morning and will treat my tummy with more respect tomorrow.

I didn’t get any house cleaning done today.  Maybe tomorrow I will feel up to it.  I still have nine days before company comes so have plenty of time.  I work best when I am on a deadline.

Riding the roller coaster of life.  Up one day, down the next.  I never quite know what the ride will be like from day to day.  Grateful I am allowing myself to feel what ever comes up and sit with it for as long as I need to so I can hear what it needs to tell me.  There is beauty in the depths of emotion that can be hard to find sometimes.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful for friendships I have had over the years, and grateful this cold snap won’t last long.