This has been a recovery day for me. I slept long and hard last night after taking a full sleep aide. I usually only take half of one. I slept the clock around and woke up, had breakfast, and then went back to bed for a nap.
I have done nothing at all today. The sheets are sitting in a basket waiting to be put on the beds. They will sit patiently, waiting for me to get to them. I have until the weekend so no rush. The beds will get made up when they get made up.
I have been ruminating more today than I have been for a long time. I’m sure this weekend stirred up some emotions and I am processing the remnants of them. I now see the value of the recommendation of my therapist who encouraged me to delete all Facebook connections and not to have contact with people who came into the relationship. Talking about all of it stirred me up and I am finding it hard to let go again.
I will get there. Giving myself today to regain my balance and physical strength. I was so very exhausted after the company left and emotionally drained as well. It was so good to see everyone and catch up but I feel I paid a price for that pleasure. I would do it again though. Grateful I know what I need to do to self-care and recover.
It has been a beautiful day on the prairie today. The wind has not been so strong and the sky has been bright blue with no clouds and lots of sunshine. Just what I needed to lift my spirits.
The chicks are growing hourly. Their wings are now very visible and they are already starting to change colors. I found my big chicken nursery thingy and will need to get it set up to move the chicks into within the week. They are quickly outgrowing the container I have them in now.
I didn’t call Topeka or Wichita to look for chicks today. I hope to do that tomorrow and if I find some will go get them. It is going to be cloudy tomorrow but no rain is in the forecast.
I am trying a new breakfast. I have found myself having cravings lately and have been going off plan way too much. I have managed to avoid sugar but have been eating way too many things that have flour in them. For a long time I have been eating Rice Chex with my yogurt and blueberries each morning. Before I started eating Rice Chex I didn’t have intense food cravings. I know grains do not agree with me and finally figured out that the Rice Chex may be what is causing me to not loose weight when I follow the plan 100%. I would get discouraged with that and then go off plan. Today I tried 1 oz of walnuts instead.
As I typed that I remembered I shouldn’t eat walnuts as they can interfere with my thyroid medication. I will switch to pecans instead. Grateful I figured that out quickly and before my new thyroid medication didn’t work right.
When I lost all the weight the first time, I didn’t eat any grains at all. You are allowed one serving of grains for breakfast. Intuitively I knew that wouldn’t work for me back then. I love the crunch of Rice Chex on my yogurt but I did OK with nuts today. I have gotten used to the taste of yogurt and don’t need the Rice Chex to hide the flavor any more. Last time on the plan I ate eggs and bacon every morning. Can’t switch to that this time as I need to eat yogurt daily to keep the C-Diff away. I’ll see what happens when I switch to pecans and see if that helps me drop some weight and more importantly stop the intense food cravings.
I have been thinking a lot lately about the phase “good enough”. When is “good enough” enough? One can get addicted to the quest to heal oneself. When does one know when what you have done is good enough? I don’t have any answers yet but am consciously aware of that question running in the back of my head. One can miss the pleasures life has to offer if you get fixated on being better.
I read a definition of happiness that said happiness is when you can accept that this moment has everything you want/need without conditions being applied. If one is always off chasing the next healing adventure or waiting until all the pieces perfectly align, one can miss the happiness that has dropped in your lap. When is good enough enough?
Grateful for a rest and recovery day, grateful for the beauty of the prairie today, and grateful to be able to sit with the question When is good enough enough and not have to have an answer.