Happy birthday to my grandson Tagen. He turns 17 today! Where does the time go? He has grown into a polite, generous, and kind man. He has a tender heart of gold. So grateful he is part of my life.
This has been a teary day. I think I was overdue for one. I have been climbing out of the rabbit hole I had fallen into while I was married. The climb has been fast and furious. I think I needed to slow down and let the grief from the divorce catch up to me today. I need to allow myself to feel sadness and anger so it can be released. I have finally learned that when I don’t allow my emotions to be what they are, I will pay a price – sometimes it is a physical price and sometimes it is an emotional one. Either way, it is better for me to allow my emotions to be what they are and not stuff them. I am grateful I didn’t break my eating plan and try to eat my feelings. That is progress!
The coordinator of the tax program called me today to tell me she had a work around my failing the tax test. I had to tell her I still couldn’t proceed with doing taxes this year. I feel very vulnerable right now and know that my patience and brain bandwidth levels are low. I just don’t have the energy to give to the tax program this year.
I surprised myself a bit when I struggled so hard yesterday figuring out how to do the test problems. It has been three years since I did taxes. The knowledge base I had before was a bit hard to access. I was frustrated that they were testing us over cases that I doubt that I will see doing taxes. I needed a refresher on the basics first and that wasn’t provided.
I am grateful I was able to recognize that the stress I was putting myself through was not good for me and I was able to back out. That wasn’t easy for me as once I give my word I usually don’t back out. But, I could tell if I powered through and did taxes it would cost me emotionally and physically. It felt good to listen to my body and honor what it needed. Maybe I am starting to break the bonds of my co-dependency issue.
I put a first coat on the underside and legs of the desk this morning. I’ll go down in a bit and put the second coat on. I also painted the top of the bookcase so I could see the color under the mural where the bookcase will sit. The color works well with the mural. Having these two pieces painted will warm up the room downstairs. Painting furniture is very different than painting walls. I like painting walls better.
I haven’t ridden my bike yet today and I may give myself a pass on doing so today. I have a touch of a headache from crying and I may go lay down and take a nap instead. I need to put myself in time-out and let my emotions level out a bit today. I feel a bit beaten up and broken today but I know if I allow that feeling to be I will climb up by tomorrow and all will be well again.
The wind has been in a big hurry most of the day. Somedays I love the sound of the wind across the prairie and somedays I want to scream at the sound of it and make it go away. The wind has been an irritation to me today but I think most anything has been today.
Just one of those days. These days do have a blessing in them as they allow me to release my emotions. They certainly are not my favorite days or fun by any means. But they do serve their purpose and I will be better for it tomorrow,
Grateful to understand what is happening to me today, grateful I was able to say no to doing taxes, and grateful the sun is shining this afternoon and warming my soul.