I stayed up way too late last night watching the last episodes of New Amsterdam. I didn’t realize I have so many to watch or I would have given up earlier in the evening. The plot got so good I didn’t want to wait to find out what happened next. Now to wait until Season 5 is released.
I didn’t take a sleeping aide last night and had trouble sleeping. I only got about three hours of sleep. I laid down to rest this afternoon but couldn’t go to sleep. Thinking it will be a very early bedtime tonight with a sleeping aide.
I haven’t gotten much done again today. Can’t think of much that needs done. Did get two loads of laundry washed, folded and put away. Guess I will count that as a day’s work.
I started looking for baby chicks to mail order. Having trouble finding the breeds I want. I want to reserve some for March but haven’t found what I am looking for yet. Evidently the demand for chicks is very high right now due to the high price of eggs. May have to wait until the chick guy comes to Bluestem and get mine there. I’ll have to call and find out when he is coming.
We got less than an inch of rain on the prairie last night. Missed out on the sleet and snow that others around us got. The wind was in a big hurry during the night and again this afternoon. It only got to the mid 40’s today and is not going to get that warm tomorrow. I kinda like the mid 50’s and higher better.
Tomorrow I need to go to Emporia to get some groceries and to get out of the house. I have been very restless today but didn’t feel like getting out. I think today I am tired more than anything and when I get overly tired I get restless. Hoping after a good night’s sleep tonight tomorrow will be easier for me.
It has been over three months now since Jim left. I am starting to find a new rhythm to my life and adjusting to living alone again. Somedays it feels like he just left and other days it feels like he has been gone for a year. I finally am starting to feel like myself and to begin to trust my reality and self. Still have a ways to go to be able to hold my grounding and light but I feel progress has been made. It is going to take me a while longer to be able to trust others again.
I’m grateful I can find moments of peace and calm for myself. I can’t hold on to that feeling but I am remembering what it is and can touch it again. It had been a while since I have been able to do that.
Healing myself has taken more energy and effort than I imagined it would. I am grateful that I have had this empty space to give to myself to accomplish what healing has happened. I am starting to feel the urge to rejoin the world a bit more but still not sure the best way to go about making that happen. Too much, too soon makes me lose my grounding and light. Finding the right balance is a bit of a challenge right now.
Grateful for what moisture the prairie did receive overnight, grateful for the empty space I am living in right now, and grateful for the progress I am making in my healing journey.