Had an amazing ceremony tonight. I almost missed it. Around 5:30 I got weak again. I went to bed and slept really hard. Nicole said she came in twice to check in on me but I didn’t hear her. The retreat leader shook me awake a little after 8:00. I had trouble figuring out where I was for a bit.
During the ceremony I saw a slide show in my head of times when my ego was in charge. Then I saw a slide show that showed me times when my perfectionist tendencies prevented me from experiencing joy, love and happiness.
I then spent some time practicing self-forgiveness. I can’t change what I did in the past so the best I can do about that is forgive myself and do better in the future.
At the end I felt a beautiful rose colored light flood through me.
It felt very powerful and freeing.
I only went to the bathroom once during ceremony. Turned out only to be a fart but at this point I don’t trust myself to fart.
I only had about 8 stools today so did much better than yesterday as I had close to 50 then. I was able to drink a half cup of broth twice today and eat two bananas as well as a piece of bread today. Progress!
Trusting tomorrow will be even better. I am still low on energy but I can feel it returning.
I only took a sip of plant medicine again tonight. It was enough to give me a great experience without the side effects.
I signed up to have another massage on Friday. This one I have to pay for. It is only $50 in US dollars or $150 in soles. She is really good and I think she can help me refill my low energy levels. Not sure when I am going to have it. My first massage lasted almost two hours.
Three down! One to go! Feeling much better.