It has been a quiet day on the prairie today. I haven’t spoken a word all day. At least today has been easier for me than yesterday. I have felt better and have gotten a few things done.
I got the kitchen detailed clean. I stopped to eat a bite and write and then I will do the dining room. I even took the grill cover off the refrigerator and washed it out. I like taking care of the little details that are easy to overlook and then they don’t get done for a long time.
I went to bed early last night and got a bit of sleep although I was awake off and on all night. I am so looking forward to Solstice and the return of the light. In another couple of weeks I will be back to feeling like myself on all levels. This darkness is hard for me each year.
This year I did some good internal work though. I saw some of my insecurities rise to the surface to be tended to. You can only heal what you know you have. I get angry at myself for having them though and I have to work through that before I can release them and heal. Maybe someday I will figure out a way to do so without having to ride the emotional roller coaster.
I spent some time yesterday reviewing my finances. Every year I look at where I was at the start of the year and where I am at the end of the year. I spent way more this year than I had planned on but when I researched it I can’t find many ways that I feel I wasted my money. Buying a new car put a big dent in my allowance for the year as did spending four weeks in Estes Park. If I back those two things out the rest is within budget. I always set a goal of how much I anticipate spending for the coming year. They are just numbers and I’m still not sure what they mean other than a starting point. Life happens and sometimes I go over and sometimes I go under budget. Just a way to provide a checks and balance for myself.
I still have a relationship with money that at times is not healthy. There was a point in my life that I had nothing extra – like food was extra. That is why I started working at McDonald’s way back when. I got a free lunch each shift and figured I could live on one meal a day. I still am very cautious when it comes to spending money on myself, particularly. One of these days I will feel in control of my finances but I keep circling that wagon and struggle to stay there when I get there.
Jim will be home tomorrow night. I still have more cleaning I want to get done before he gets home. I’m not sure he understands my need to detail clean but there are things he does that I don’t understand. Guess that happens in every relationship.
My girls gave me 12 eggs today! That is a new record for this bunch. The Rhode Island Reds and the Amber Star pullets are laying. The Americanas should start laying in another week or so. When they all get to laying I will get two dozen a day if not more some days. Anyone want to get on my list to buy eggs? Let me know and I will let you know when I have extras. I’m still getting double yolk eggs – I had one this morning for breakfast.
Grateful for 12 eggs from my girls today, grateful the kitchen is clean, and grateful for a very quiet day on the prairie.