Had trouble finding sleep last night. I couldn’t get my mind to shut off. Usually when I can’t sleep my mind is quiet but last night it was on speed. Makes for a long night when that happens. May go take a nap in a bit to see if I can sleep.
Went to Emporia late morning. I wanted to get something from a store downtown but they were having the Trick or Treat event downtown and there were little ghosts and goblins everywhere. No parking to be found and way too many people around for my liking so I didn’t get what I came to town to get. I’ll get it another day.
I had lunch while I was in town and then went over to check on Tagen. He decided some Spaghetti O’s, bananas and applesauce sounded good so I went to the grocery store to get those for him. Took them back to him and then headed out.
Talked to Nicole for an hour today. She and Geoff just got back from a wonderful trip to Greece and it was fun to hear all about it. They had a great time and the weather was perfect for them. I look forward to seeing all the pictures she took. Nicole is a wonderful photographer and catches things most people miss.
Started knitting a baby blanket today. I needed something to do while I listened to some podcasts and videos. Have one of six repeats done on the blanket. It feels good to have picked up my needles again.
I slowly feel my strength and power coming back in. Man was I empty and drained. I will spend some time at my counseling session Monday having the counselor help me figure out how I allowed myself to get so empty. It was one of those things that happened a bit at a time and by the time I noticed, I couldn’t stop the draining process. I can’t remember ever feeling this empty before. I was starting to question my own sanity which feels a bit scary to me now.
I had an episode of severe depression about 20 years ago and that was a totally different feeling. This wasn’t due to depression. I am starting to understand what happened and now need to figure out how to stop it from ever happening again. I take full responsibility for it as I didn’t value myself enough. Boundaries are a big thing for me to learn how to navigate and manage as they will help me not allow this to happen again. I didn’t keep myself important enough and gave too much of myself away. Hopefully I have learned my lesson.
Nothing on the calendar for tomorrow so will have another rest and recover day. Monday I go see my counselor. Wednesday the furnace guy is coming to do the winter check on the furnace in the morning and I have an appointment in Emporia in the afternoon.
It is a beautiful day in KS today. The fall colors are wonderful and the air is crisp. I think I will go take a walk and then attempt a nap.
Grateful Tagen is feeling better, grateful for the life lessons I am learning, and grateful Nicole and Geoff had a safe trip home.