SAD has hit me hard this year. It took me a couple of days to figure out what is wrong. I forget every year that the last couple weeks before Solstice are miserable for me. Even with the higher than normal temperatures I fell down the rabbit hole into the dark depths of the land of depression. Thankful I recognized what was going on so I can practice good self-care. It really doesn’t last long by the calendar days – just feels like forever to my soul at times. The timing of the trip to Peru is divine as they are in the midst of spring and that will pull me up and out of my rabbit hole hell.
I got on-line this morning and requested an appointment with both MD Anderson and Mayo Clinic so I can get a third opinion on how best to treat my thyroid cancer. I will go to whichever one has the earliest appointment. Not expecting an appointment till sometime next year. Both are to contact me the first of next week. That feels good and will relieve my mind that my next step after that is the right one. I will find out when they call if my insurance will allow a visit.
I went into Emporia last night to pick up some prescriptions. I didn’t go until after 5:00 and the store was not busy nor was there much traffic. Kathy took my car to work today as her tire isn’t fixed yet. I will have to go back to Emporia Tuesday to get chicken feed. I also need to get cash to take to pay for the remaining balance of my retreat.
Notified three of my four bank card companies about my upcoming trip. The other one I will do Tuesday at the bank. It is a local bank so doesn’t have the fancy call-in feature the bigger companies use.
Nothing on my to-do list for the day. Hard to find the motivation to do anything right now. All I want to do is sit, cry and eat. None of those are good for me but I can’t seem to get my ass up and moving. I recognize it for what it is now though which is progress. Once I can figure out the why I am doing something then figuring out what to do about it is easier.
Ellexia didn’t come out yesterday. She text me mid-day and ask if I would come get her as she was bored. I was sorry to not be able to go get her. Not sure what she is doing today. It is hard when your mom has to work nights – hard on both daughter and mom.
Another beautiful fall day on the prairie. Bright blue skies and the temperatures are to be in the 60’s today. It is to gradually drop into the 50’s next week but that isn’t bad for the first week in December.
I haven’t managed to take my shower yet today. Maybe today will be a pajama day. Other than the trip to town yesterday I took a pajama day yesterday too. Just how many pajama days can a girl handle? Glad I have two different things on my calendar for Monday. It will force me out of the house Monday morning. Some dear friends are coming over for the afternoon Monday. That will lift my spirits. I leave Tuesday late afternoon to go to Nicole’s house and we fly out Wednesday. I can make it until Monday!
Hard for me to balance staying busy with giving myself lots of down time. The last month or so it tipped into the being busy side and now that it has tipped the other way it doesn’t feel good. Once this cancer stuff is taken care of I really need to give that balance thing some attention.
And this too shall pass. Blogging has been helpful to me to help me find words for what I am feeling. Once I can name it I can allow it. When it sits like a rock in my gut and weighs me down I struggle to release it.
It is a beautiful day on the prairie. All is well!