The friend that was going to come over today got the flu and is home in bed. Trusting she will recover quickly. Empty space opened for me in an unexpected way for today. For some reason it feels very uncomfortable for me today again. Sure wish I could figure out why that happens.
I didn’t sleep very well last night. Probably because I took a nap yesterday afternoon. I was asleep early but my phone rang and then I had trouble going back to sleep. What a difference between getting three hours straight and not getting that much sleep. Sleep come back to me. I miss you!
For some reason I feel a rage or anger below the surface today. Nothing going on that I am aware of that would make me feel that way. Will try to figure out a way to release it today. Moving my body would help but the wind is in a huge hurry today, it is raining off and on and is not a good day to be outside. Maybe I can ride my stationary bike to move my body and release this feeling.
I thought about cleaning house for Thanksgiving but it is a couple days too early. I would have to do it again next week. I did get my light fixtures in the kitchen and dining room cleaned. I like the fixtures but they are a pain to keep clean.
Kathy was feeling unsettled today too so maybe it is universal junk and not mine. There sure seems to be a lot of heavy energy in the universe lately. Hard not to let it grab me and pull me down into the muck pond. Need to remind myself to let go and take a mud bath while I am down and not resist the heavy energy. The quicker I can do that the quicker I can walk out of it.
I called Craig to see if he needed to go somewhere today. He decided to drive himself today so I didn’t need to take him. Trusting he is ready for that.
Maybe I can start putting together my packing list for Peru. I am struggling to get excited for this trip. Somehow it doesn’t seem real to me yet. I was so wishy washy about going I think I convinced myself it wasn’t going to happen. Maybe a packing list will help make it real.
I also need to get out my Christmas cookie recipes and make a grocery list for those. Since I am going to be gone the first two weeks of December I won’t have a lot of time to get them made. Going to try hard this year to not make so many. Nicole used to take all my leftovers to work with her after our family Christmas but since she is not working she won’t do that this year. Hard to think about Christmas this year. Chris died the day after we had our family Christmas last year. Hard to believe it has been almost a year since he died. In some ways it feels like it has been much longer yet in other ways it feels like it happened yesterday. Kathy has been living with me almost a year now too. That too seems impossible. What is time anyways? Sure feels like a illusion to me today.
Still don’t know about the ablation and if I have it done when I might do that. We may have to schedule Christmas in January this year if I get the ablation done the week before Christmas. I will have to be in isolation for several days while I am having that treatment and there is a possibility of up to over a week of isolation.
Maybe my restlessness is due to all the not knowing what is going to happen. Need to remind myself to stay present and surrender what might happen. All I have is right now! I will waste the present if I start thinking too much about the future. It all seems to work out one way or another.
Another hard day for me. Feels like I have had too many of those lately. It is what it is and the faster I can accept that the quicker they will go away – they always do I just forget that sometimes.
Time to move my ass and move this heavy shit out. This is temporary. All is well on the windy prairie today!
Kay, this is none of my business, as you well know. But I really wish you’d cancel this trip to Peru, if you can. Granted, I said the same about the trip to Japan, so I may just be a worry-wart. It just seems you have too much on your plate right now, with far too many unknown factors out there waiting to toss someone like a rag doll. If Nicole really really wants to go, maybe she could take a friend instead of you? I think a lot of the angst you’re feeling is due to the plethora of unknowns, particularly your thyroid regimen. Slow down, bake some Xmas cookies. Thanks for telling us about Jason. We need to give him a call. <3