Just dropping in to let everyone know I am OK. I have been doing some very deep soul work. I come up for air every once in a while and meet with dear friends and then dive deep again.
The work I am doing is diving deep into things that trigger me and working to discover why I get triggered. You know – those things that others do that I react to – often out of proportion to what they did. I am finding my reaction is one of habit and not choice. The simple reason I was triggered is really not what my reaction was all about as I dig deep inside myself. This has been some of the harder work I have done in a long time. It is not easy to take a look at myself and observe my very humanness. My mentor reminds me there is nothing I can “do” to fix it. I need to observe and give it some attention and then let it go. Easier said than done on many levels. Many days I don’t like myself very well and am not fit to be around people as a result. I am reminded again that what others do has nothing to do with me and what I do has nothing to do with others. Others are teachers allowing me the opportunity to observe myself and my reactions to life.
One of the things I have discovered is I really react strongly when someone places what feels like a demand on me. It starts a fire of anger in my belly that grows very quickly and leads me down a dark path. I have been spending time observing myself when that happens and am learning what is behind that habit.
All of this is good stuff when it is done but difficult in the moment for me. Sure feeling like the experience in Peru cleared out a lot of old stuff and is allowing me now to deal with some of my core issues. Not easy admitting to my human flaws and learning to embrace them and learn how to use them to grow.
I have often told my healing clients that life is like climbing a set of stairs. You climb one and things level out and life seems easy and it feels like you have life figured out. But then you start climbing another stair and sometimes that climb (life) feels very steep and hard and like you will never get to the top again. Lots of slipping and what feels like sliding backwards often times during the climb. Sometimes you find a toe hold and take a pause before you have the strength to climb again. That is what today feels like to me. I can’t see the top of the stair I am climbing yet and needing to take a pause before I find the strength to climb some more. I will reach the top of this stair but how and when is a mystery to me today. The good news is there is no time pressure to do so. When I am ready I will make this climb and reach the top and be able to enjoy life even more than I did before.
MD Anderson finally recommended I do NOT need to have the radioactive iodine treatment done. They said my cancer is garden variety papillary cancer and I do not have the dangerous variant so the chances of it coming back is very low. They recommend quarterly blood work and an ultrasound quarterly for the first year, semi-annual the second year and then annually. What a relief! I go see the Endocrinologist in Topeka on February 2. It may be an interesting visit!
My energy level is slowly starting to climb back up. I am feeling better than I have for a long time on most days. I have started riding my stationary bike again and am eating better than I did before. Sleep is still hit and miss but when I do sleep it is a deeper, more restful sleep.
In case you didn’t see it on Facebook I am inviting everyone over for a moon arising party on Wednesday, January 31. It is a full moon, super moon, blue moon and that night we will see a lunar eclipse. This lunar event happens once every 150 years so definitely a once in a lifetime event. The moon rises at 6:15 and we will have dinner together afterwards. I am fixing a beef stew (and a vegetarian option) and asking those that come bring a covered dish. All the beds are spoken for that night but if you are from out-of-town and want to stay in the area let me know and I will find you a bed somewhere close. Should be a fun night! Join me in setting the intention the sky will be clear that night so we can witness this rare event. Please come if you can! Bring friends with you. I would appreciate a heads up if you are coming so I can set enough plates at my table.
I have set an intention for myself to meet with two different friends every week for face-to-face connecting time. Reach out if you are desiring to connect deeply with someone. I am craving real conversation with like-minded people. It helps me sort out life and reminds me what is really important to me.
I have had to restart my money challenge as I failed rather quickly this time in my attempt to go 30 days without buying something new. Started again with a renewed intention. Money insecurity seems to be one of the roots of my life issues and I am challenging myself to dive deep into it and lessen the effects of it on the choices I make daily. Life is a game and it is more fun when I remember to act as if it is.
Hope to see you the 31st! Come if you can and if you can’t come get outside and observe this once in a lifetime event where ever you find yourself.
All is well on the prairie today!