Five years ago today I started eating the Bright Line way. It isn’t a diet as much as a way of eating for life. The principles of the program are you don’t break four lines – 1. No flour. 2. No sugar. 3. Three meals a day with no snacking. 4. Weigh and measure your food.
Most days I follow the program. I have had very little sugar for the last five years. No cookies, no cake, no pie, no artificial sugar. I have eaten some Manuka Honey when I had tummy problems but other than that no other high sugar foods. I do eat fruit but the sugar in fruit is natural and I eat real fruit, not dehydrated. On vacation this year I ate a salad that I didn’t know had sugar in it. I got an instant headache that lasted several hours. I think my body has forgotten how to process sugar and it certainly didn’t like it.
I have eaten more flour than I should lately. I have realized my tummy doesn’t process flour well and when I do eat it I pay a price for it. I also do not eat fake or products that contain other types of flour. Flour acts as a trigger for me. When I eat flour I start to crave more food and sweets. If I can stay away from flour, I have no cravings.
Most days I don’t snack. I break that line occasionally but when I snack it is usually some fruit or veggies. Snacking leads to over eating though and craving.
I eat mainly one ingredient foods, i.e. chicken, blueberries, yogurt, green beans, carrots, hamburger, steak, etc. I mainly avoid processed foods when I can and rarely eat away from home.
When I started the program in 2018 I lost 52 pounds over seven months. I have since gained back 15 pounds. It is hard to get back on the wagon and stay there long enough to take the 15 pounds back off. I can stay on for a bit but then something comes up and before I know it I am back to eating foods that I should not be. I really do feel better when I stick with the program. Wish I could remember that every day!
With all my emotional turmoil over the last six months I have fallen back into my old habit of emotionally eating. My weight has not been my top priority lately as I needed to calm my center nervous system first. Recovery has taken most of my focus and is my top priority right now. The weight will come back off when I can make it a top priority and am farther down the road in my recovery.
Today has been a quiet day on the prairie. I did go to Emporia this morning to pick up some groceries. I ended up with a full cart full as I needed to buy cat food, dog food and a 20 pound bag of ice along with the other things I needed.
I am organizing a reunion for a group that I used to be in. I sent a letter out to invite the group for a gathering. After I sent it I realized I did the co-dependency thing without thinking. Luckily, everything worked out the way I needed it to and I didn’t have to back out of hosting the gathering. I will consider it progress that I realized what I did and was going to take preventive action to fix it. I am going to have to slow down next time, pause, and ask myself if what I am saying is really what I want to say. Catching myself and taking a different action is going to take conscious effort on my part.
Tomorrow I plan to watch the Super Bowl but other than that have nothing planned. Monday is wide open and then Tuesday I go to Topeka for an ultrasound and blood draw. The rest of the week is wide open. If the weather holds, I will find another friend or relative to go visit. I am enjoying these visits.
In two weeks I have some friends coming to spend the night. I will need to start cleaning house next week. I have needed some motivation to clean house and this will give me that. I may have three or four friends spending the night so will need all the extra bedrooms. Project Clean House is about to commence.
Sitting with what is becoming a familiar feeling of restlessness. This in -between stage is exhausting and overwhelming. I can refill my inside bucket with light but can’t seem to hold on to it. I get drained very quickly and then I become cranky and irritable. At least I can now recognize the feeling and can be on watch for the irritability so I don’t dump it on someone that doesn’t deserve it. For a while today though, I tried to eat my feelings and that never works. Then a cycle starts of shame and guilt and that makes me go even farther down the rabbit hole. Grateful I figured out what was going on today and why I was feeling the way I was and why I was eating like I was. Self work takes a level of consciousness that I struggle to maintain sometimes. And this too shall pass.
Grateful the reunion is going to happen, grateful I realized what I did, and grateful the fall out from today has leveled off.