Starry night on the prairie

I sent a text to Michelle, Tagen, Ellexia and Jason and invited them to join me for lunch at Bruff’s today. Only Jason was able to come. Kathy went with me so the three of us had lunch. It is always a good day when I get to spend time with my family. I dropped some peaches off at Michelle’s house when we were done eating.

Have spent a quiet afternoon at home. I am working on a letter for Kathy for an application she did. They needed an explanation for something. I have trouble remembering what I had for breakfast, let alone something that happened several months ago. I have the letter written but I needed to sit on it and then go back to it to finish it up. I don’t want to mess this up for Kathy.

Jason has decided he is ready to proceed with buying his house so I sent a note to the title company to draw up a contract. Not sure what all will be involved with this but will find out I guess. Grateful to be moving out from under another one of my rental properties.

I decided the house that is on the market would sell better if I go ahead and put a new roof and guttering on it. The one on it is almost done for and I heard it is hard to insure a house with a bad roof. The guttering at this house is sprouting trees in it and makes the house look uncared for. I don’t think it would pass inspection for close so might as well bite the bullet and get it done before all that comes up. I sent an email to the guy that has done several roofs for me in the past and has always done a good job. He is usually prompt in responding so will get that contract sometime this week.

Need to do another update for the Love in Action project. I am waiting till I speak to the two people I am working with at the Detention Center. I need to clarify a few issues and find out what is going on with the stamp issue. I will go buy some more stamps tomorrow and take them with me when I go up to talk to them. The Director will have lots of Amazon packages to open tomorrow. I’m excited to hear his response.

Tomorrow I will spend getting the above mentioned items taken care of. Have another couple of little things that need my attention too. Maybe I can clean up my pending list tomorrow – or at least the things I can move on. I have lots of empty space time this week so it will be a good week to clean things up.

I should hear back from Max’s bank this week so I can finish his estate matters. It will be good to have that project completed. He left things in fairly good order so it has gone rather smoothly and quickly. I have learned a lot in the process. It is absolutely essential for everyone -regardless of age, marital status, etc. to have an Executor named and then have it notarized. It can be done without the need for an attorney. It sure would have saved time in settling Max’s estate. I can help you with the paperwork if you don’t have yours done.

We should also hear back from the insurance company about the third life insurance policy Kathy had. I also need to follow up to make sure one of the others got handled properly.

I should get my grandmother’s death certificate in the mail this week so I can cash a Series EE Saving Bond that Max had. This process has been a bit more challenging than I expected. Trusting I can get this done this week without the need for further paperwork.

The tree guy came last week and worked for an hour or two but didn’t finish up. Trusting he will get back this week and get that job done. He did this last time too and took about six weeks to get it all done. This job is much smaller so trusting one more go at it will finish it up.

The beef I ordered and is being processed may be finished later this week or the start of the following week. I will make a trip to KC to take Nicole her portion of it when it is ready to go.

Still sitting with the notion of how do I stay grounded in love and be in resistance at the same time. It seems too big to hold it all so I have to break it down to what can I do. The Detention Center project was created out of that need and I am working on another project that might meet that need too. Would like to find some more ways. Still sitting with the idea of doing another protest in CWF. I want it to be a protest done in love though and need to figure out how I might make that happen before I put something together. How do I build community locally that it is done in love and helps us find common ground? That is my question of the day.

It is nice to have several empty space days ahead of me. Trusting I can put them to good work and get things done. I don’t have much on my calendar for most of August and need to decide how best to use that time. I am getting good at doing nothing but feel much better when I have a purpose and project to work on. The Detention Center project is up and running and doesn’t take as much of my time as it did at first.

Grateful for the time with Jason today, grateful for the response to the wish list for the Detention Center project, and grateful to be grounded in love and active in resistance.

Kathy and I headed to Topeka at 8:30. We stopped at McDonald’s on Kansas Avenue for a potty stop before we went to the Capital. Food was good but service was exceptionally slow.

Not a very big turnout again today for the rally. I am struggling going to them as most of the signs are negative. We need to stop with the hate – on both sides. Countering hate with hate keeps us in a low vibration and doesn’t allow for problem solving energy to come forth.

They did fix the loud speaker problems they have been having. They had encouraged people to bring noise makers so Kathy and I stayed back a bit as loud noises are not my thing.

I made a sign that had a red heart on it and below the heart were the words “Love in Action”. Kathy used the sign I had used two weeks ago that said “I stand in love with all. Free hug”. Kathy got several hugs today.

I hope the low turnout for the last two rallies is because it is summer time and people are on vacation and not because people are giving up. It does seem the rally’s and protests do not seem to be accomplishing much short-term. We are in it for the long-term but it is hard to keep people engaged for the long-term.

There is another rally planned in Topeka for Labor Day weekend and another national rally one being called for in two weeks. I think I will attempt to organize another one in CWF in two weeks. I want a rally where love is the theme and we work to build bridges between the two sides. I have been told I don’t need a permit for a rally like the one I had last time. I will sit with this over the weekend and if I decide to go for it I will get a post put together.

Since we stopped for breakfast before we went we weren’t hungry and came straight home. We didn’t stay for the rally march as they chant things I don’t feel comfortable with.

Kathy got a letter from an application she has sent in. I need to write a letter and gather the information they are requesting. We don’t have a paper trail for what they are asking about so am sitting with it and trying to figure out the best way to respond.

Sent a note to the Detention Center to find out if they have any urgent needs. They told me they are short on stamps again. I need to talk to them Monday as I have given them over 600 stamps which should have been enough for four weeks. I think they are doing the cards once a week and this is only the second week so not sure the math makes sense. I’m sure there is an explanation for it, I just need to understand their process and needs so I can keep this project going.

I did notice on their list of detainees that they are over their capacity of 148. Sometimes the list isn’t completely accurate. I will check on that Monday too. It would not surprise me to learn that they are being forced into an overcrowded situation. Not a lot of planning went into the current push to pick people up and little thought was given as to where to put them. Wonder if the Detainees are spending more time at the Detention Center before they can get processed out? I would assume that process is backlogged too.

Made a peach cobbler and bakes some peaches when I got home from Topeka today. The cobbler is delicious and I haven’t tried the baked peaches yet. The cobbler was my dinner tonight! The peaches are nice and big and only a few are fully ripe. It is nice to have some time to get the box worked up.

No plans for next week except a lunch meeting on Friday. I have lots of empty space right now. Time for me to find some good trouble to get into!

Feeling a bit empty this evening. Being in a group wears me out. I had to put an energy bubble around me to help keep the negative vibes away at the rally today. On one hand I am glad I went yet on the other hand I’m not sure it does any good. I think I need to keep my focus on my Love in Action project and figure out ways to expand it. Solutions are not going to come from our elected officials- they are going to come from the bottom up.

Grateful for another cool, summer day, grateful for the privilege of being able to peacefully demonstrate, and grateful for fresh juicy Colorado peaches.

Had another one of those nights that sleep played hide and seek all night. It was hard to find and I got very little sleep.

I met Tagen a little before 10:00 this morning. We went to the Commercial Street Diner for breakfast. Food and service were outstanding as always.

Then we went to the car dealership. I didn’t like the deal Tagen had gotten and their inability to negotiate with me. I wanted it handled one way and they were set on their way. They hadn’t rolled the cost of the sales tax into the deal. I told them unless they changed that the deal was dead. They said no so we walked out.

We went to the Court House to change the title of the truck into Tagen’s name. The wait was about 30 minutes. The lady that helped us was very efficient and helpful. She made it easy for us.

I took Tagen home when we were done and then I headed for home. I remembered the Colorado peaches are here so I stopped at the peach stand on my way home and got a box of peaches. They aren’t ripe yet so have some time to work them up.

A lady from SE Kansas called to find out how I had gotten the Caption of the Detention Center to allow what he is allowing. We had a pleasant conversation. We both agree that people are looking for a tangible project that you can see the results immediately. We also agreed that we need to work with and not against the staff at the Detention Centers.

I got two more checks for the Love in Action project in the mail today. I had gotten one yesterday too. I got the thank you notes written this afternoon and they will go out in tomorrow’s mail. I took a small box of note cards up to the Detention Center this afternoon. The two people I wanted to talk to weren’t there today so I left the box of cards. In front of their door was a big pile of Amazon packages that they get to open and put into use. Christmas time in Chase County!

Tomorrow I am going to Topeka for the rally. I think Kathy is going to come with me if she is having a good day tomorrow. We will leave around 8:30 so we have time to stop and take a potty break before we go to the rally. We will probably have lunch somewhere afterwards and then head home.

I made a new rally sign for tomorrow. This one says Love in Action and has a big red heart on it. I strongly feel we have to quit with the hate and join all together in love.

The weather has been beautiful this week. So much cooler. I could get used to this cooler weather quickly.

I got a call from the Vital Statistic people about my request for my grandmother’s death certificate. Evidently they are not available for just anyone to order. She asked me some questions about my family and I must have given her the right answers as she said she would get it in the mail today. I need it so I can cash a Series EE saving bond that Max had. The bond also names my grandmother as she is the one that gave it to him. I need her D/C so I can get it cashed.

I feel like I have caught in a paperwork web for the last three months and I am struggling to get fully out of it. I think I am on the tail end of most of it but a few projects continue to linger. It felt good to get the transfer of the title of Tagen’s truck completed today.

After tomorrow I don’t have much on my calendar for next week. I still have a few pending things that I hope break open and I can wrap them up.

I’m tired this afternoon. Doing my best not to take a nap in hopes that if I go to bed early I will get some good sleep. Sleep seems to be hard to find for me again.

I need to take some time and go through my desk again and make a new pending list. I don’t want something important to get missed.

My realtor sent me a text today to tell me she has had several more showings of the house but no nibbles yet. Not sure what I want to do with it if it doesn’t sell and how much time to give it. The real estate market has certainly changed from a year ago.

Feeling a bit empty this afternoon. It will be good to have a quiet week next week. I feel some emotion that needs to be given breathing space and time to surface. It will be good to slow things down.

Grateful we got Tagen’s truck title transferred, grateful others might be expanding the Love in Action project to other facilities, and grateful for this beautiful cooler weather.

I went to Emporia with a friend around noon today. We met another friend and had lunch at Radius. Great food and even better conversation.

The three of us went to a meeting with the Director of the Spanish Speakers of Emporia group. The man running the group is impressive and we share many of the same values and beliefs about the work he is doing. He is broadening his reach and hopes to create chapters in the other cities of KS that serve a high population of Spanish speakers.

I am searching for a way to help connect people to best meet the needs of the immigrant population in our state. There are needs in getting documents, work permits, driver’s licenses, etc. There are also needs for the families that are left behind if a loved one is deported.

The group I met with today is meeting those needs in a variety of ways. They work with a legal service that has a reasonable cost to help immigrants in their citizenship quest. They also provide employment services and are a wonderful resource to let people know where they can go to get their needs met.

Not sure where this is all going but I certainly want to partner with them in some way. Many people are looking for ways to help their friends and neighbors that are caught up in all the political chaos and are not sure what to do. Partnering with this group that is already doing the hard work seems possible.

We are all going to sit on what we learned today and then will be meeting again to come up with a more definitive plan on a way to work together in the future. Not sure that I will be taking the lead role on this project but there is a possibility of merging the Love in Action project with this group if my little project continues to grow and expand.

The two friends I met with today are the two that are providing financial oversight to the Love in Action project. I gave them a list of all the contributions and amounts and what I have spent so far. It feels good to be able to share the details with someone.

Have had lots of conversation with Tagen today about his truck. I am meeting with him tomorrow and hope that we get things resolved. I want the responsibility of the truck taken off my load. Not sure what steps we need to take to do that yet but hoping we can get it all figured out tomorrow.

Got my water bill today and noticed that I had a late fee and they didn’t have record of me paying my bill last month. I checked my banking account and the check cleared but not until yesterday. Wonder why it took three weeks for a check I mailed from Cottonwood Falls to get to another place in Cottonwood Falls. Think I will deliver it in person from now on.

Got another package in the mail today for the Love in Action project. This one had lots of note cards plus a check. People are so incredibly generous. Several more people ordered things via Amazon to be delivered to the Detention Center.

I need to either call or go to the Detention Center tomorrow to see if they have any immediate needs. It is good to get an update as to how the opportunity to send a card is being received. They should have started receiving lots of items from the wish list by tomorrow. Bet it feels a bit like Christmas to them.

My radio interview is to be aired tomorrow. I hope to catch it live but they should post it on their website afterwards so I can catch it then if I miss it live. We talked for over ten minutes and the segment is only for two minutes so hard to know what he will put on air. Trust it will sound OK.

Saturday Kathy and I are going to Topeka to protest. I have room in my car for at least two more and could take three more with us. We will leave CWF around 8:30 so we have time to take a potty stop before we go to the Capital grounds for the rally. We will probably eat lunch somewhere in Topeka before we come home. Holler if you want to ride along.

Next week has a lot of empty space. I’m sure some of it will fill in but it is nice to have a clean slate to start my week. Feels like it has been a bit since I have had several empty space days in a row.

So appreciative of my friend that organized the meeting today. I am impressed with the work this organization is doing and for the potential of a partnership. Together, we can do great things.

I think partnerships like this is how we start to rebuild this country. Building a community of people that care and are willing to work together to serve all is the key to the future success of our country. Grateful to find people already in the trenches doing the hard work.

I’m a bit exhausted this evening. It was an exciting meeting but I came home feeling very drained. More and more when I am out and about I come home feeling drained. I am able to hold my energy above neutral while I am out but I feel the toll that takes on my body. Grateful I have quiet space to come home to and can refill and recharge so I can go out again. These days I need lots of quiet time before I go back out.

Working hard to stay in my observer role and not get attached to any outcomes. This path ahead will be full of unexpected twists and turns, starts and stops, and detours and leaps of faith. If it is meant to be together we will find a way to move this project ahead.

Grateful for my friends and their contacts to put this all together today, continuing to be grateful for those supporting the Love in Action project, and grateful for a new way to be in service to my friends and neighbors.

I made it to my Endocrinologist appointment in Topeka at 10:00 this morning. They called me right back at 9:50 but I had to wait until 10:20 until the PA came in. We had a quick visit and I left. No news on anything which is good news. I’m surprised they are still following me so closely. It has been since 2017 that the thyroid cancer was discovered.

I went to fill the car up with gas and then went to BoBo’s by the hospital for lunch. They are an old-fashioned hamburger place and I enjoy eating there occasionally.

After I had lunch I went to the Heart Center and had my throat ultrasound. That took all of five minutes.

It is always interesting to me how they do the ultrasound. I don’t think any of them have ever done it the same way. Some go all the way up my chin and some don’t touch the chin. Some go all the way around my neck and some only do the front part. Things that make me wonder….

Had a quick and safe trip home. Not much traffic today which was nice. The only construction today was the local stuff at Strong City and in front of Flying J in Emporia.

Did an update on the Love in Action site. That usually prompts lots of questions and comments that I need to respond to. Interest is slowing down a bit but we have plenty of funds to cover several months of stamps and cards if additional supplies don’t come in. I have someone that is willing to coordinate a media blitz when the time is right for that.

So far 49 things have been purchased and are on the way to the detention center off the Amazon gift list. It will be like Christmas at the Center when those things start to come in. I will check with them Friday and see if there are any other things to add to the list. Several people are purchasing stamps off the list so that is good and will make the cash reserve last longer.

Tomorrow I am going to Emporia for a 2:00 meeting. I am meeting with two dear friends before the meeting to have lunch and then we will all go to the meeting. Hoping we can come up with another idea to share with others on ways to support the detainees and their families left behind.

Friday is an empty space day although I do need to meet up with Tagen and take care of an issue with his truck. Saturday I plan on going to the protest in Topeka in the morning. Trusting it will be better attended than the last one.

So far I don’t have anything on my calendar for next week. I’m sure some things will pop up and fill in a few days. The beef may be ready next week so will make a trip to KC to take Nicole her share if so.

I saw a Facebook post from a dental hygienist who is a student at the Vo-Tech looking for clients for this fall. Kathy nor I got called last year so I got hold of the student and we now both have appointments for the first week in September. The cost is only $20 and they do a very detail clean. Kathy won’t have to pay as she is a veteran. It does take several hours but if you have the time it is a service to the students to go there. I have her contact info if anyone wants to try it out.

I welcome the cool front that is coming in tonight and will hang around for a few days. I do not do well in this heat and will appreciate the cooler weather. We might get some rain out of it too.

I took a nap this afternoon when I got home. The trip wore me out and I had to get up and get going early today so I could leave the house by 8:20. I am privileged to be able to take naps whenever I feel I need one. Wish I could fall asleep at night as easily as I do when I take a nap.

Went to print my missing blog pages and discovered I had quit blogging for about six months way back when. I had forgotten I did that. Curious to me now as to why I did that. It was during my marriage to Jim and I am betting I was starting to be ungrounded and unsure of what was true. Funny what hindsight can tell you.

Feeling a bit depressed tonight. The world news just keeps getting worse. I may need to turn it off for a bit again. All I can do is focus on building community and sharing love and trust that the world is being rebuilt in a new way that isn’t loud and chaotic. We have tried hate. We have tried war. We have tried greed. It is time to let love have a chance.

Grateful the medical things checked out OK today, grateful for those that are contributing to the Love in Action project, and grateful for the cooler temperatures.

I went to Olpe this morning to give cutting orders for the beef they are processing for me. I told them I got shorted last year. Trusting that won’t happen again.

I stopped at Jay’s for a hamburger when I got back to Emporia. They have old fashioned service there – what a treat.

Stopped at the Post Office to see if they will forward Max’s mail. On-line they said I had to do it in person and needed the probate paperwork giving me permission to have his mail come to me. The guy that processed it looked at the death certificate and entered some information from it but didn’t look at the probate papers. Dang, I would have done this two months ago if I had known I didn’t need the probate paperwork.

Stopped at the house I am selling and the bath tub faucet is no longer dripping! That took the plumber almost two months to make that happen. Grateful it is fixed.

Went through the car wash and then came home. It is another hot one out there and was glad to get home and be able to stay inside the cool house. I am so grateful I put in central air before we moved into this house. Can’t imagine doing this summer heat without it.

Someone from KVOE radio called me this afternoon and did a phone interview with me. They are going to feature the Love in Action project on their Feel Good Friday segment. It is only a two minute segment and we talked for ten minutes so hard to know what they will air. I haven’t listened to a radio for a long time but will have to remember to tune in Friday. Not sure what time of day they play this segment. I found some segments on their website so thinking if I miss it live I will be able to listen to it later.

Being in the news and being interviewed is not my favorite thing to do. One never is quite sure how what one says will be interpreted and reported. I trust it will result in more interest in the Love in Action project.

So far about 38 of the over 200 things I listed on the Wish List yesterday have been purchased. Most of the items need multiple purchases. There are not over 200 individual items listed. I am pleased with the response so far. I will continue to publish the links to it so people can find it easily. I still have about $3,000 I can use to purchase the things that others don’t pick. Not sure what I will do when we run out of funds but I will cross that bridge when I get there. Have enough funds to last for several months of weekly mailings from the detainees to their loved ones.

I have a printing job I need to do this afternoon. Discovered I am missing about six months of my blog for a couple of years ago. If the mood hits I will try to get that done. It takes patience as I have to tell the printer to print and can only do about 10 requests and then have to wait for it to catch up. If I keep requesting printing it will lock up.

I sat outside for about 15 minutes last night to see if I could see any meteors. I may have seen a couple very small ones but nothing else. It was a beautiful night to sit outside. It is amazing how many stars I can see here in town from my yard. Too many trees around to get the full sky. If I remember I will go back out tonight as two different meteor showers are to peak tonight.

Tomorrow I have to be in Topeka by 9:45 for a doctor’s appointment. Afterwards I have a throat ultrasound. Will probably stop for lunch after the ultrasound and then come home. I can’t think of any shopping I need to do in Topeka.

Thursday I have a meeting in the afternoon with a group that works with the Spanish speaking population in Emporia. We are looking for ways we can work together to support the families that are being impacted by the ICE raids. A couple of dear friends are going with me so it will be a good day.

Saturday I plan on going to Topeka to the protest. It is to cool down and be a good day to be outside that day. Still not sure how productive protests are but feel I need to attend. If anyone wants to ride along let me know. It is more fun when I go with people I know.

Can’t believe it is going to be August next week. July flew by for me. I had thought things might slow down around here but so far it doesn’t feel like they are. My August calendar has lots of empty space on it but somehow it manages to get filled in, sometimes in unexpected ways.

I was able to cross two lingering items off my to-do list today with getting Max’s mail forwarded and the bathtub drip fixed. Seems like whenever I can cross a thing or two off I add a thing or two. I had gotten two of Kathy’s life insurance policies handled and then found another one to add to the list. Still have another application pending for a different matter for her we are working on. They are to send paperwork and I have a tight turnaround time to get it back to them. That type of stuff seems to be hard for Kathy to mange now. Good thing I can usually figure that type of thing out.

Still no nibbles on the house I am attempting to sell. Not many lookers right now. May have to rent it out again although I would rather make someone a really good deal on it just to get rid of it. It would make a cute Airbnb property if one was looking for that type of thing.

Feeling a bit isolated and out of touch again. At the same time not sure I can people right now. Large groups are getting harder and harder for me to manage myself in. It takes too much of my energy being in them and I come home feeling drained.

I feel out of balance somehow but not sure where or what is causing that. I have an intensity inside that is keeping me focused on the Love in Action project and it is hard to look away from it. Haven’t felt that type of energy inside myself for a bit. I will play this out and see where it goes. Doing my best to stay in my observer role and allow this project to proceed without expectations or goals on my part. Somehow it feels like this could turn into something bigger than I can explain or know now.

Grateful the drip has been fixed, grateful Max’s mail will be forwarded, and grateful for places like Jay’s that remind me of the way businesses can still be run and keep customer satisfaction at the top of the goal.

This has been a day I have spent on technology. Some days it goes easy and some days not so much. This has been a not so much easy day.

I finally got the wish list from the Director of the Detention Center. I tried setting up a wish list on Amazon on my iPad. I couldn’t make that work. I switched to my desktop and finally figured it out.

Then I got another wish list from the Detention Center and had to add items. It took me a hot minute or two or three to figure out how to do that.

I put a notice on one Facebook group about the wish list and referred them to the new page I set up Love in Action. Some could find the new page and some could not. It took me a long time to figure out how to link the two accounts. Dang, this stuff is hard sometimes.

Then I needed to pay Nicole my portion of our trip to India. My Venmo page does not have an Add Funds button. It would not allow me to pay Nicole. Nicole requested funds and it went through that way. Things that make me scream and cuss! I struggle when things work the way they are intended to work and when they don’t work I don’t know how to fix them. I still haven’t figured out why I can’t pay someone.

I think I made all of this harder than it needed to be by my ignorance.

The second email with the second wish list I got from the Detention Center told me they needed more stamps. I had gone to the post office this morning to mail something so I had to go back and got 300 stamps for the Detention Center. I took the stamps up to the Detention Center and got to talk to the lady that did the passing out of the note cards and envelopes. She said the project went over extremely well and that most every detainee took advantage of it. It lightened the mood in the Center.

I’m grateful I got the two lists and as soon as I published them people started ordering things off of them. Three different people have ordered things already and they just got put up.

I got a phone call from the doctor’s office that I am going to about my prolapse. The doctor I am to see is going to be gone the week in October that my appointment was scheduled for. They asked if I could come the end of August instead. Of course I said yes. Wonder why that appointment wasn’t available when I called a month ago? The things that make me go WTF? I struggled to get on their app and find the address of the appointment. I finally figured that all out. Not an easy day for me with technology.

Someone stopped by with a donation of stamps and cards for the Detention Center project. I took their postcard stamps and regular stamps to the Detention Center when I dropped off the stamps I had purchased for them. It is going to keep me busy buying stamps each week as they use at least 148 a week.

Good thing I had nothing else to do today but figure out technology things. It has literally taken me all day to do a couple of what should have been simple things to accomplish. I had to talk myself off the ledge a couple of times.

Tomorrow is another empty space type of day. Maybe I won’t raise my blood pressure trying to figure out technology things tomorrow. It was good to get the wish list published and the bank papers mailed. I still need to write a letter to Kathy’s insurance company and cancel the life insurance policy we discovered she has last week.

Wednesday I go to Topeka for an Endocrinologist and ultrasound appointments.

We are to get a cool front starting Thursday and it will hang around for about a week. I am grateful as we have been way too hot for my liking lately.

Feeling a bit flustered this afternoon. Not sure why it was so hard for me to make things work. Grateful I managed to get there but it sure took lots of cuss words and frustration to get there. Maybe I need to go back to school and learn the right way to do things.

Once I take a step back and look at a bigger picture of today I will be back into gratitude for what I got done today. I got the trip to India paid for, the wish lists are published and being taken care of, the papers to clean out Max’s bank account have been mailed, I replenished my personal stamp supply, and my doctor’s appointment got moved up two months. None of them happened the way I thought they should happen but they all got done. When I focus on the end result I am grateful.

I will move my body and shake out the frustration from how hard things felt today and move into gratitude.

Grateful things eventually got done today, grateful the wish list things are being purchased, and grateful not everyday is this hard.

It has been a quiet day at home. It is much too hot to go outside for long. I did go to the Dollar General Store to get some copies of the Chase County Leader News. Came right back home and stayed in for the rest of the day.

I posted an update on Facebook about the Love in Action Project. I have spent some time this afternoon answering the questions and comments.

I got into a bit of trouble with the admins of the Be The Bear site as they don’t allow people to share from their site. Their rules specifically say we are not to copy and paste and many were doing that. I referred people to my personal page to get the same post so they could share but that was a bit cumbersome. I decided to create a Love in Action page where I will put the same posts. People are joining my personal page and I’m not sure I want to manage that.

Hoping tomorrow I can figure out why the Director of the Detention Center’s emails aren’t getting to me with his wish list. Not sure what is blocking them. They are not in my spam and he says he sent them. I did send him an email so he could have my correct address. People are anxious to get the wish list.

One of the workers that is coordinating the letters for the detainees is to create a wish list too. I will go up tomorrow to talk to them and see if I can get those.

I need to go to the post office and buy another 200 hundred stamps. I also need to get 100 stamps for my personal use. I will mail the papers to Max’s bank so I can hopefully be able to close out his account. I also need the post office to process the paperwork so his mail can be forwarded to me.

We found another life insurance policy Kathy has so I need to make a call Monday and try to find out what this one is and get it stopped. Hoping they will give her a refund for this one too. It is the same company that sold her the junk policy. She doesn’t have the policy paperwork for this one nor did she know she had it.

I have been a bit evasive about Kathy to protect her privacy. She has decided to be completely transparent and has put a post on her Facebook page about being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. She has given me permission to talk about it openly. I admire her courage in facing this so directly. How she progresses is her story but how it impacts me is my story.

Trusting the plumber shows up the first part of the week to fix the dripping faucet at the house I have for sale in Emporia. I am not holding my breath though as they said it would be fixed two weeks ago.

I also need to get Tagen’s truck paperwork taken care of this week. His tag expires the end of the month and so he can’t drive it after that until he gets insurance and new tags.

Maybe I can finish up some pending projects this week. They seem to stack up and I get to a point where I can’t do anything until someone else does something. For some reason it seems like they all break free around the same time and then what I need to do piles up.

This has been another bit of restless day for me. I keep going back to my own mantras to remind myself that nothing in life is certain. One does the best they can until they know better and than one does better. Patience is not one of my virtues and I am reminded daily of that. I am doing better at pausing before I take action and waiting until it feels like I have a green light from the Universe to proceed. Then I also have to contend with the Universe’s timeline that doesn’t always meet my preferred time line. Sitting and waiting. Sitting and waiting. Creating a restlessness that I feel strongly. Some days it is easier to sit with it all than others.

Grateful for the interest and support of the Detainee project, grateful things eventually get resolved, and grateful for a fresh start tomorrow.

Sophia had a tummy issue last night. With the rain and storm she had to stay inside and it made for a long night. She is feeling a bit better this evening. Trusting tonight she can sleep all night and then maybe I can too.

I cleaned my desk off this morning and got a few more thank you notes written. I pile papers on my desk and forget about them so try to remember to go through them weekly and take care of things.

Someone I know casually came over this afternoon along with her husband. She is a US citizen as is the rest of the family although her husband has a green card. They are sitting in fear. Not knowing what may happen with her husband. There is lots of news of green cards being revoked.

I wanted to hear their story and see if there was anything I could do to help. We didn’t come up with anything that I can take to the larger community. But, they were very appreciative of being able to tell their story and know that others care.

They both commented how much the people that are going to the protest means to them. It makes them feel like they aren’t alone.

The world doesn’t feel fair in so many different ways right now. He did all the right things when he came to the US but now may lose everything. It makes me want to use my voice even more.

Someone had donated something’s directly to the Detention Center that they couldn’t accept. I picked them up yesterday and passed them along today to the Food Bank in Cottonwood Falls. They have a table where they put things people donate that are not food related. They seemed happy to get them. I had ordered some trash bags that were the wrong size and they took those too.

This evening Kathy and I went to a dear friend’s house for dinner. They had invited another couple over too. What a delightful dinner it was. The food was delicious, the company delightful. I need to remember to make something like this happen more often.

No plans for tomorrow. There is always housecleaning that could be done if the mood strikes. Looks like it is going to be another hot one with temperatures well into the 90’s. Hard for me to find motivation to do anything when it is that hot outside.

Looking forward to a quiet week. I have to go to Topeka Wednesday but other than that have lots of empty space. Need to come up with a project to work on for my down time. I have a bit of paperwork things that need taken care of but none of those should take too much time.

My heart feels heavy tonight. Way too many people are living in fear in the USA. I can’t seem to wrap my head around it all. Hard for me to know what to do and what action to take. Today I needed to be a witness to the heartache that is happening. Wonder if everyone could find one family to reach out to and witness what they are experiencing. It might help change the energy of the country.

Grateful for the couple that came over today to share their story, grateful for the friends that had us over for dinner, and grateful for the basic goodness in humanity.

This has felt like a busy day but not sure it was. I did get some things done and a few phone calls made.

I called an electric company about an issue that I have been working with them to resolve since the first part of June. No movement on their end yet.

I got the sealed and stamped copy of Max’s probate form back. I put together a packet to mail to his bank so I can close those accounts out. I took it to the post office but they were having technology issues so will try again tomorrow.

I was also going to attempt to forward Max’s mail but couldn’t do that either. I will try that again tomorrow too.

The lady that was working the post office today felt so bad about the delay. She was crying! There was another lady waiting with me and we started visiting. She decided to go get gas for her car and come back. Before she left she offered to bring the postal worker an iced tea. What a wonderful random act of kindness. Made my day!

I took a Series EE savings bond Max had to the bank to cash it. Unfortunately since it also has my grandmother’s name on it I will also need a copy of her death certificate to cash the bond. I have ordered one at a cost of $35. The bond will cash out at $115. Guess it is worth it? We shall see what else I might need before I am finished.

Went by the Detention Center and was able to speak to the two people I needed to speak to. The Director saw me coming and he came out and the other lady who I didn’t know I needed to talk to was in the lobby already and joined the conversation.

I was given two boxes of things that had been donated that the Center cannot use. I have a phone call in to the lady that runs the food pantry to see if they can distribute toothbrushes and tooth paste. The box also has some ink pens and markers. If she can’t use them, I will find another place to donate them to.

I keep getting told that the detention center is going to start passing out cards to let the detainees write a note home but they haven’t done so yet. Today is to be the day. The lady that will manage that is to let me know how it goes over and what the need for cards and stamps will be. She is anticipating that the majority of the 148 detainees and other prisoners will take advantage of sending a letter home. She was almost giddy about the idea of offering it to them. She is also putting together a wish list and came up with several more ideas of things they can use. They slowly keep expanding what they are allowing me to have sent in. All future donations need to come directly from Amazon or me.

I received another $650 this week to add to the $3,100 that had already come in. That doesn’t include the value of the many stamps, cards, basketballs and soccer balls that were sent.

The Director told me he had emailed me his wish list yesterday but I haven’t gotten it yet. I sent him an email today so I know he has the right address. My email is tricky as it ends in uk.co and many people miss that and put .com Hoping to get his list soon so I can post an update to the project.

Chase County Leader News has a front page article about the project. I went to pick up a paper copy of it and both the Dollar General and Casey has the Council Grove paper but not the Chase County Paper. Curious minds want to know why?

While I was out looking for the newspaper I happened to look east and saw a low riding rainbow. Rainbows are always fun for me and I had to take a picture of it. We have too many trees on the east side of the road across from our house so rarely get to see rainbows from this house.

I received a package of post cards today for the project as well as an envelope with a check for $100 from a lady in Maryland. She heard about the project from a relative in Lawrence.

I have several more thank you notes to write from this week’s donations. Guess that is a good problem to have!

Tomorrow I will go back to the post office and attempt the two things I failed at today. In the afternoon a lady and her husband are coming by to share their story with me and hopefully give me some ideas of how the community at large can better support them and the millions of families like them.

Kathy and I are going to a friend’s house for dinner tomorrow night. That will be a treat.

No other plans until next Wednesday when I have to go to Topeka for a doctor’s appointment and an ultrasound. It will be nice to have several empty space days.

Hoping we can come up with a great idea to add to the Detention Center Project. The one I am hoping for will reach the families of those left behind or the ones that are making the impossible decision of what to do. I can’t possibly raise enough cash to touch lots of families but hoping we can come up with something that will let them know we care.

Feeling a bit less restless today although it is still running in the background. Lots of uncertainty about the future and it can overwhelm me at times. Remembering to release the anticipation and take it one day at a time. Staying present to what is my map out of overwhelm. I learned this when I walked the Camino – one step at a time. When I break things down to what is my next step, I usually can take that step.

Grateful the probate paper came today, grateful for the partnership I am developing with the Detention Center, and grateful for the support of the community near and far for the Detention Center project.

This has been a quiet day at home. I have felt restless a bit all day. Not sure what that is all about. It has been in my background for a bit and came on a bit stronger today. I’m sure there is something behind it but I will need to be patient to find out what it is trying to tell me.

I did make a couple needed phone calls today. We got a prescription thing straightened out for Kathy. The Clinic yesterday had written that she was to discontinue taking one of her scripts. It is one that Kathy finds helpful so we had to call her regular doctor and have the two doctor’s talk. Luckily they decided she can keep taking it.

I also called the Kansas Insurance Commission. They had told us to contact them if Kathy didn’t get the check the insurance company was to send her. We didn’t get it yet today so I called them. I didn’t hear back from them so trust they will call sooner or later.

Did a bit of cleaning today. Still have more to do. I don’t think one ever gets it all done.

I received an extra generous check for the Detention Center project today from a dear friend. Goodness, I didn’t expect that! People are being so very generous to support this project.

Tomorrow I am going to the Detention Center to take some more things up and to pick up the things they received that they can’t use. Hoping to get a better handle on how many cards and stamps they think they can use over the next couple of months. They are also to have the wish list ready for me to pick up.

I also need to go to Olpe and give cutting orders for the beef they are processing for me. Maybe I will time it so I can have lunch at the Chicken House.

Saturday a couple are coming over to share their story. I am searching for a way that the collective we can find ways to support them and the millions of others like them. Not sure I can raise enough cash to give to all the families and am hoping there is something we can find that will resonate with others and they can support it.

Saturday evening Kathy and I are going to a dear friend’s house for dinner. It will be fun to spend an evening with friends.

Next week I have to go to Topeka on Wednesday for my bi-annual check with my Endocrinologist PA. After the visit with her I have to go to the Heart Center for an ultrasound. Thursday I am meeting with a group to see if we can join forces and come up with ways to support a targeted group of people. Saturday the 2nd is another protest in Topeka.

Nicole made the flight reservations for our flight from KC to NY for our trip to India. I kinda put the trip out of my mind but November will be here before I know it. We got flight insurance in case we need to change plans last minute. The ways things are going, I’m not sure how safe it will be to leave the country. Maybe safer out of USA than in!

I haven’t had this much empty space for several months. It feels a bit foreign to me today. Still have some projects to finish up but all of them are waiting for someone else to do something before I can take my next step. Back into the in-between space. Some days I can step into that space gently and other days it feels heavy. Today was a heavy day.

Grateful for the donation that I received today, grateful I was able to make the two phone calls today, and grateful for empty space (even when it feels heavy).

My brother Keith stopped by with a check for the half of beef he is getting. I bought a whole steer from a local rancher and can’t use that much beef so my brother is buying half of it. I put his check and one from me in an envelope and mailed it to the rancher. It is so nice to have a local source for grass-fed beef that was raised with love. I need to go to Olpe later this week and give them cutting orders.

I got to visiting with Keith and almost forgot to go to Emporia for my haircut. I was five minutes late getting to the hairdresser. I was glad to see he didn’t have anyone waiting for him when he was done with me. I didn’t want to throw off his schedule.

After my haircut I met Jason for lunch. It is always a good day when I get to spend time with one of my kids. I’m two out of three this week! Lucky me!

After lunch I stopped by the house I am selling to see if the plumber had fixed the dripping faucet. He had not. I had called them three weeks ago and requested service. They came the next week and did something to it that cost $300 but the drip is not fixed. I called them over a week ago to have them come back out and they said they would later last week.

Today they told me it will be next week before they can come out. I lost it! She started to give me excuses about why they put it off and I told her that wasn’t my problem. I hired them to do a job and they didn’t do it.

Why does it seem so hard to get things fixed correctly these days? I had spoken to the plumber while he was at the house and gave him permission to go to Plan C if needed. He said he would yet didn’t. Man! I dislike people that don’t act with integrity and don’t do what they say they will do.

I had a couple other phone calls to make today but the plumber one pissed me off and I was in no mood to make other calls. I didn’t want to dump on someone that didn’t deserve it. Maybe tomorrow I will get some made after I fully regulate myself.

I didn’t get the paperwork from Max’s probate case yet. It should be here tomorrow or Friday. I’m also waiting on a check to close out another thing I am working on. If that check doesn’t come tomorrow I will need to call and report it. Another example of a company not doing what they said they would do.

I’m still cranky this evening from the plumber issue. Having trouble shaking it off tonight. Doesn’t do any good to stay angry but having trouble releasing it. I probably have something else sitting below this that needs to be heard before I can release it.

I’m meeting with a family this weekend that is facing some tough decisions in the near future. Trying to figure out ways to support them and the millions of others that are in a similar position. I would like to find a tangible way to offer support and somehow share that with others. Many want to do something to support them but we just don’t know what is the best thing to do. I have a meeting next week with a group to help determine that too. Maybe between the two meetings a good idea will surface and I can run with it.

I slipped below neutral today and have been slowly climbing up. Not sure I have reached neutral yet though. I will put myself in time-out until I can. I am no service to myself or anyone else when I am below neutral.

Grateful the beef is being processed, grateful to spend time with Keith and Jason today, and grateful I get a new chance tomorrow to stay above neutral.

Kathy and I headed for KC at 9:10. First stop was lunch with Nicole at Chipotle. The food was delicious as always and it is always a great day when I get to see one of my kids.

After lunch we went to Kathy’s appointment at a clinic. Every one of the staff that we encountered was polite and professional. They took us right back and were very efficient. I really liked the Physician’s Assistant that we saw today. She was very easy to talk to and she listened well.

Stopped for gas afterwards and then we came home. We got home around 3:45. Both of us are wiped out and grateful to be home. There is something about driving to and from KC in the same day that wipes me out.

I have a haircut tomorrow at 12:15. I will probably stop for lunch afterwards and then stop and pick up a few groceries. I haven’t been cooking much so won’t need many.

When I got home today I realized I had put my shirt on backwards today. yikes! Good thing it is one that pulls over my head and I doubt anyone noticed it. Maybe the wrong one of us had an appointment at the clinic!

I didn’t get but one phone call made today. I need to call the plumber and find out where he is. He was to have gotten to the house I am selling last week. I also need to call about a check Kathy was to have received that hasn’t hit our mail box yet. I also need to check on a utility company matter that I haven’t heard about a resolution to an issue yet. Maybe tomorrow I will have a day where I can make some calls and get some things moving and off my pending list.

Nothing on my calendar except my haircut tomorrow for the rest of the week. I may go to an event at Pioneer Bluffs Saturday evening but only if it cools down a bit. I do not do well in the heat. I do need to go by the Detention Center Friday and pick up some donations that the Center cannot use. I will need to find another home for them.

No nibbles on the house I am selling in Emporia. My realtor had warned me that the market has come to a halt. Not sure what I will do with the property if I can’t get it sold. I really don’t want to rent it out again but may resort to that if it hasn’t sold by the first of September. Anyone know of someone that needs a short-term rental property? It is two bed, one bath with a large back yard located in Emporia.

Hoping to get the paperwork on Max’s probate this week so I can finish up that project. Only have two more things to take care of and that project will be complete. It went much easier and smoother than I feared it would. Trusting the last two things go easy too.

I heard the term “Corn Sweat” for the first time this year. I have seen three articles from three different people about it. Has anyone else heard about it? They are claiming that as the fields of corn dry out that contributes to the humidity in the air. Wonder why I have never heard the term before and how long that term has been used? Curious minds want to know.

I posted an update to the Detention Center Project and asked people not to send things that are not on the list to the center. I open myself up for attack every time I post. I just wished that people that don’t like this project would suggest a better one. I understand some of what they are saying but I really don’t like it when people criticize without suggesting a better solution. Some are very free with other projects they want me to organize too. I am finding I have to check to see if I am regulated after I read the comments and if I am not to take some time to regulate myself again. Once I am regulated again I can remind myself for every negative comment there are 10 positive ones. Guess it is human nature to let the weight of the negative ones have more than their share of space in my head.

I have been learning some valuable lessons for myself with this little project. Betting I have even more lessons for myself as this project plays out. Why is it so hard to ignore ignorance and criticism? I cannot let one person’s negativity derail this project.

Grateful for a safe trip to and from KC today, grateful to spend time with Nicole today, and grateful for kind and compassionate staff at the clinic.

I still have my pajamas on if that gives you any indication of what type of day I have had. I think I am soul tired today. My heart feels heavy with grief over what is happening to this country. I needed to take a day and allow myself to have all the feelings. Not an easy thing to do but ever so necessary.

Got two more donations for the Detention Center in my mail today. One was pre stamped post cards and the other were cards, envelopes and stamps. Appreciated both packages.

A lady from Council Grove called me. Her church is taking on this project as a mission project. She had a few questions and at the end told me she would bring me a check in the next couple of weeks. They are taking up a special collection soon. Grateful for their support.

The tree guy stopped by to check out what I needed done. We walked around the yard and I pointed out what I had noticed. He noticed a couple more. He said he would try to be back to do the work within two weeks. Ummm…. Wonder if that is true? These guys tend to work on a different type of calendar than I have. We shall see what happens. Hopefully he will get to them before we have a storm that takes them down.

Got notice that my steer had been taken to the butcher. Beef prices are $2.50 a pound on the hoof right now. This one weighs almost 1,100 pounds. I’m grateful for the ranchers that beef prices are high. Still much cheaper to buy beef this way than at the store and this beef is grass-fed, no drugs or artificial food given to him. It will take about three weeks before it will be cut and ready to come home.

The Director of the Center called me this afternoon to let me know he had received some donations. Unfortunately some of the things that he was sent were things not on the list and he can’t accept them. I am going to meet with him Friday and he will give those things to me and I will find another home for them. I trust he doesn’t get overwhelmed with stuff not on his list and shut the whole project down. People’s intentions are good but he has to follow security guidelines. He is making an exception for the things he is allowing and can’t bend more.

Tomorrow Kathy and I will head to KC around 9:15. We are meeting Nicole for an early lunch and then are going to the Clinic for Kathy’s intake visit. Not sure how long the appointment will be. We may stop by Costco when we are done if we aren’t too tired. I don’t have anything urgent on my list so it can wait if we don’t feel like stopping. I am betting we will have more appointments over the next couple of months so can get things then.

Nothing else on my calendar for the rest of the week after tomorrow. I do need to call and schedule a haircut. I keep forgetting to do that during business hours. I will need to go to town one day this week and get some groceries. I need to get with Tagen and get the truck paperwork taken care of.

This has been a hard day emotionally and mentally. Sometimes I have to stop and allow myself to feel the hard feelings. This was a good day to do that as I didn’t have anywhere I needed to be. Better to release them than to let them sit and stew.

Grateful for the donations that continue to come in, grateful the tree guy is almost ready to cut the dead limbs down, and grateful I was able to allow my emotions space and time today.

This has been a quiet stay-at-home type of day. For some reason it has felt like a long day. I did laundry and managed to get it folded and put away. I can’t always say that.

I wrote 15 thank you notes for people that have contributed to the detention center detainee project I am working on. I wish I had addresses for all the others that have contributed but those donations came in via Venmo and I am not given their address. I still need to put my thinking cap on and figure out a way to get them all a handwritten thank you note.

I had two phone calls today. One was from an older lady that lives in Maryland. Her cousin (I think it is her cousin) had told her about the detention center project and she wanted to make a donation. She doesn’t do computer or Venmo. She called to ask a few questions and told me she is sending a check.

The other call was from a lady in KC that is in the same Facebook group I am in. She had seen my post about me not having the energy to track down the press and share what we are doing. We had a wonderful conversation. Come to find out she used to work for one of the advertising agencies that McDonald’s did business with. She also walked part of the Camino.

We decided not to pursue broadcasting this project. I’m concerned that the director of the center would get pressure to shut down what we are doing if it becomes too widely known. I know his contract is through Chase County but with the current administration vendetta against anyone that doesn’t fall into compliance I was concerned he would get too much heat.

I am hoping in the next week or so to meet with a group out of Emporia that does advocacy work with the Spanish speaking community in Emporia. I am hoping together we can come up with some needs the community has and then I can ask this lady to help get the word out about that need.

I ordered 12 soccer balls and 12 basketballs for the Detention Center. Several people had told me they were shipping the center some but so far only one soccer ball has come in. This way I know they have that immediate need met. It feels good to spend a little of the donation money that has come in. I had bought 200 stamps last week with some of the money too.

Nothing on my calendar for tomorrow so should have another quiet day. I have something’s to work on around here if I the mood strikes. Unfortunately it usually doesn’t so I don’t get things done. I do have a couple phone calls to make if it is a good phone day for me.

Tuesday Kathy and I are spending the day in KC. We will have lunch with Nicole and then Kathy has an appointment at the Clinic. Not sure how long her appointment will take as we aren’t sure what they are doing. Betting we have several more trips we will be taking to the Clinic.

Nothing else on my calendar for the week after Tuesday. It is so nice to have mostly a quiet week at home. I can’t remember the last week that I have had more than two stay-at-home days.

Feeling a bit empty tonight. Not sure why. Things have been happening so fast the last three months that I have gotten scattered. It feels like I need to take some quiet time and pull all of me back in somehow.

Grateful the thank you notes got written today, grateful even more for the donations all have generously provided, and grateful for quiet space.

Got up and got going this morning so I could leave for Topeka by 8:10. I had to stop and fill the car with gas and then I went to my friend’s house and picked her and her husband up.

We drove through a brief downpour on the way to Topeka. The cloud cover kept us out of the heat for the time while we were in Topeka.

There was not a very big crowd at the rally in Topeka at the state capitol building today. I saw an estimate of 250 people – I had guessed higher but I am never a good counter of people.

I took my sign that said “I stand in love with all Free Hug”. I got about 8 hugs today! Each time I told the person we have to stop with the hate and step into love. Everyone agreed and had a smile when they left. I truly believe that is how we start to change the world.

We gathered around the south steps for a bit. A couple of different people spoke and led some chants and then another lady led some songs. We all then stood on the steps for pictures.

The crowd then dispersed to line 10th street for a bit. Group by group they peeled off and did a march. When it was our turn to peel off we walked to my car and left.

Most of the chants were positive today although they did do some that I couldn’t say with them. Exchanging hate filled messages does not do anything but add hate to the world. We have got to exchange hate for love and stop the name calling and negativity.

When I got to Cottonwood Falls and was turning onto Union St there was a lone protester. I stopped and talked to him and found out he is the son of a friend. We talked about the detention center and had a good conversation. Kudos to him for standing alone on a hot summer day to protest. He didn’t know about the rally in Topeka today.

After I dropped my friends off at their home I stopped for lunch and came home. I was hot and tired so laid down and took a nap. Got a phone call that woke me up. It was my Aunt Marylyn and it is always a good thing when she calls and we get to visit.

A reporter from the Emporia Gazette called and we talked about the Detention Center Project. Not sure how she is going to turn that into a story but I guess I will read the Gazette for the next week or so and see if there is something in it. It was a nice conversation regardless if she does something with it or not.

Another lady that does media contact work for non-profits is calling me tomorrow. Not sure what she has in mind but it will be fun exploring options with her. I’m concerned the Detention Center will stop the card and stamp project if it gets too much publicity as they really aren’t supposed to accept things from the outside.

It got to the mid 90’s today. We are in a heat wave and it is to be in the mid to upper 90’s for the next week or more. Summer has hit hard in KS now. It is dangerously hot outside now and I will not be venturing out unless absolutely necessary. Heat and I don’t get along well.

Nothing planned for tomorrow. I do have some thank you notes I need to write. Maybe I will find the motivation to get those done. Also will need to do some laundry and housecleaning. It will be good to have a quiet day at home.

Next week is still looking fairly free. Kathy and I are going to KC Tuesday for a medical appointment Kathy has. We are having lunch with Nicole before her appointment so it will be a fun day. Not sure how long the appointment will take. We may stop at Costco afterwards if we aren’t too tired.

It is nice to have several empty-space days on my calendar. It has been a bit since that has happened. Things might come up to fill in some of them but so far they are free and clear. I always have things around the house I can do if I can find the motivation to do them.

Hoping to get the paper about Max’s probate next week so I can finally close out his bank account and put a forward on his mail. Those are the last two things that need to be taken care of that I am aware of.

Kathy has a couple of pending things that I hope get resolved this next week too. Waiting on others to do something so we can do what we need to do to finish up some pending items. Maybe next week will be a week where I can clean several things up.

It felt good to be at a protest today but am wondering if they are doing any good. Our elected officials continue to vote the way they do and ignore many of their constituents. The crowd size was very small today and not sure why. Maybe people are giving up on protests? The next one is August 2. I may organize one for Cottonwood Falls that day so I don’t have to drive to Topeka.

Feeling a bit frustrated this evening and I keep reminding myself that the universe operates on a different time table than I do. Good things are happening and change is coming. It is taking longer than I want!

Three more people donated funds to the Detention Center project today. I hope I can find more ways to let people contribute in a positive way to those being most affected by the change in our immigration rules and laws. I know these changes are disrupting many lives and causing much pain and stress. My challenge is finding those that need help. I am so privileged and have not been personally impacted.

Grateful for the right to protest, grateful to my friends that went with me, and grateful for the lone protester in CWF this afternoon.

This day started off with a phone call at 7:15 this morning. It was a lady from probate court in MA needing my attention to a form I had submitted. I had made an error on it and needed to electronically submit a corrected page.

It always takes me a hot minute or two or three to figure out how to send a file. I had to go to the probate court page of MA and find the form and then download it. Had trouble finding it to attach to an email.

I sent it and then the lady called again with another thing she needed changed. Rinse and repeat four more times and we finally got it all fixed.

They entered Max’s probate into their docket and closed out his case. His probate is complete. They are to mail me something that says that. Then I can get his bank account cleaned out and his mail forwarded. Other than today, that was easy!

It feels so good to have probate done. It was easy and would have been even easier if I was more competent on file sharing.

My cousin came to drop off some pictures and memorabilia my Aunt had of our family. It was good to visit with him for a hot minute.

Kathy needed a form sent to the VA but I couldn’t find the form on-line. I wrote a letter and attached documentation that hopefully will suffice. She signed that letter and we got it in the mail.

A lady came by with a donation for the Detention Center project. We had a nice conversation and discovered we share a mutual friend.

I took a bunch of post cards, a soccer ball, stamps, cards and envelopes up to the Detention Center. I got to meet the Director face-to-face as well as a Lieutenant. We had a very pleasant conversation. They are putting together an Amazon wish list of things they think will help the detainees improve their quality of life while at the Center. They needed a few more cards and stamps so I left and went to the post office and bought 200 more stamps and went home and got more cards and envelopes and took them up to the Center.

The Center is going to offer cards to the detainees and will let me know how many take advantage of them. That will tell me how many more stamps and cards we might use over the next month or so.

I got two packages in the mail again today. Both had stamped post cards. It feels like Christmas around here!

I got the update note written for the Facebook group that helped raise the funds for the Detention Center project. I am happy to report we have raised $3,101.12 so far plus about 15 different donations of cards, envelopes, stamps, soccer ball, etc. The value of those things is not included in the total I reported. WOW! And there is more coming in daily. It is heart warming to witness love in action. People do care and need a way to express their love and support.

Not sure how long this project will run. I will see how big the Amazon list is and find out how many stamps and cards were used. Both of those will give me an indication of how long this will go on. If not many use the cards and stamps, I will be able to wrap this up rather quickly. However, if there is a big demand for cards and stamps I will continue to hold this open and attempt to meet the demand and need.

Today has felt busy. I have been responding to the comments on the update and that takes time. I just don’t get some people! Easy to complain but they tend not to be the ones to offer solutions. Many very positive comments to outweigh the negative ones though.

Tomorrow two friends and I are going to Topeka to the protest. Trusting there will be a huge crowd. It may be another hot one so doubt that we last the full two hours. I don’t do well in heat. We will leave a bit early so we can find a bathroom and get drinks before we go to the protest. Usually Saturday parking isn’t too much of a problem.

So far the only thing I have going on next week is a trip to KC. Kathy and I are going to have lunch with Nicole and then Kathy has a clinic appointment. I do need to go to Olpe one day next week and give them cutting orders for the beef.

I’m ready for some quiet, empty space time. Today has felt very busy with paperwork and my attention on this little project I started. Grateful I had some empty space time to fill with this need. Now I need some empty space to refill me.

Sitting in wonder and amazement at the incredible response to my request. People really do want to be part of the solution but it doesn’t feel like we are given many opportunities to do so. Next week I hope to meet with a group from Emporia and come up with more ideas of ways we all can support those being severely impacted by the changing landscape of our government.

Feeling a bit like I need to hide for a bit. This fundraiser has made me very public and that isn’t my comfort place. I have to talk myself back into love when someone posts a negative comment. But, I think the world is calling all of us out of our comfort zone and asking us to step up and do things to help change the current winds. In the grand scheme of things, what I am doing is easy and low risk.

Grateful Max’s probate is complete, grateful for the response to the fundraiser for the Detention Center, and grateful next week looks quiet.

Kathy and I picked up a friend and headed to Emporia to the John Lewis Good Trouble Protest on Commercial St. We joined maybe 25 others and stood at the intersection of 6th and Commercial with our political T-shirts and signs. With the rain that came through last night, it was much cooler today than it has been and it was a beautiful morning to stand outside.

I met several wonderful people today. One of them is in the Be The Bear Facebook group that I am in. When one makes connections, the world feels smaller and less scary. One person read my sign and gave me a hug!

We had way more thumbs up and honks of support than we did middle fingers. I would say the ratio was 9 honks for 1 middle finger or stink eye. That is a supportive ratio for red Emporia.

Kathy had a call from the VA this morning and needed to find a form so she walked down to the VA office. The lady told Kathy the form wasn’t needed but that isn’t what the guy on the phone said. I walked back down with Kathy and we talked to the lady again. This time she said to call the guy back and have him email Kathy the form she needs as the lady in Emporia doesn’t have it. Ummm…….

Kathy got a bit dizzy and lightheaded so we went to Commercial Street Diner and had breakfast so Kathy could sit down for a bit. Breakfast was delicious as usual. We went back out for a few minutes and then came home. We stayed until about 11:30 or so.

I think there were more protesters from Cottonwood Falls than there were from Emporia today. Several of our friends and neighbors were there. The two ladies I spoke to were from out of town too.

I didn’t sleep much at all last night so came home and took a short chair nap. It knocked my rough edge off and am hoping I can sleep tonight. I had trouble falling asleep and when I finally did the storm woke me up and I couldn’t go back to sleep. We got about an inch of rain. I texted with Nicole this morning and they had gotten 6.5 inches.

I got two packages today. One was a package of 50 stamped postcards and the other had a soccer ball and some note paper. It is like Christmas here with donations coming in for the Detention Center. I will take those, as well as the other ones people have given me this week, up to the Center tomorrow. I am anxious to find out how many cards and stamps were used this week. That will give me a hint as to how many we will use over the coming weeks.

I need to do a status update on the site I listed the fundraiser tomorrow. I don’t have answers to a few of the questions I was waiting for but will give them what information I do have. Trying to figure out how to send thank you notes to the people that donated. I have names for most but not many addresses. May have to use Facebook Messenger although I would prefer a handwritten note in the mail.

Tomorrow another lady is dropping off a donation and my cousin is coming with a photo album that contains pictures of my extended family. I will take things up to the Center and hope that I get to talk to the Director and get his wish list.

The steer a local rancher has raised is going to the butcher tomorrow. That means my freezer will be stocked with fresh grass fed beef in about three weeks or so. I need to get down to Olpe next week and give them cutting instructions.

Saturday I am taking two friends to Topeka to the state capitol for the late morning protest. Not sure if Kathy will go or not. We will see Saturday how she is feeling.

Next week doesn’t have much on my calendar. Kathy and I are going to KC Tuesday for an appointment Kathy has at a clinic. Other than that, the week is full of empty space. I am ready for a quiet week at home.

Not sure how much good the protest today did. It felt different than the other ones I have been to. Although I think we got more positive reaction today than last time I protested which was back in April. I was a bit disappointed in how few protesters there were but it is a work day. Most of the protesters were white and older. We had more men than I have seen before and we had a few younger women and men.

I was pleased that most of the signs today were positive and enforced Love One Another. We have got to change the energy around us to one of love and get out of the name calling and hate that has been going on for way too long.

It does feel good to do something to support a change in the way things are being handled in this country right now. Something is better than nothing. Both women I talked to today agreed that we need to come up with positive actions that we and others can take. This problem feels so big that we are stuck in not knowing what to do next. I trust the little group that met earlier this week can come up with something that others will join in and support.

Still sitting with the question of what do I want my life to look like in ten years. Not sure I have come up with an answer to that yet. I have never been a good long-term goal setter. I can set goals for projects and make them happen but long-term doesn’t compute with me. Part of the problem is I have trained myself to keep coming back to the present moment and not get ahead of myself as anticipation can lead me to dark places. I need to continue to sit with this and find a way to think outside of myself and envision the next ten years. How do I know what to ask the Universe for if I don’t know what I want?

Something has shifted inside me again. I have a stronger conviction that although the next couple of months are going to be hard for many, better times are coming. I have a stronger inner vision of what the world might be like next year and a stronger conviction that positive change is coming. Sometimes I get an inner knowing that I don’t know where it comes from but usually is correct. I need to keep returning to that vision and hold it for myself and the world.

I also know I need to do my part to lessen the pain and hurt that others will and are feeling right now. I sometimes get inner guidance on things I can do to help others. I need lots of quiet time and silence so I can turn off the outer chaos and hear the guidance. I am learning how to not discount the guidance because it will only help a few people. Doing something for one person makes a huge difference to that person. If everyone reached out and helped one person, we could change the world together.

Grateful for the privilege of being able to protest, grateful for the people I met today, and grateful for the wonderful people that are sending donations for the Detention Center project.

This day started with good news when I got the mail. Some time ago we discovered Kathy had a life insurance policy. It had been sold to her as a Veteran’s benefit and turned out to be a junk policy. When I discovered it, I read the policy and it didn’t seem like a good deal to me. I took it over to a dear friend, John Queen who used to sell insurance. He looked it over and agreed with my assessment that it was a junk policy.

We were going to just walk away from it but John suggested we send the insurance company a letter and also send a letter to the Kansas Insurance Commission explaining Kathy’s situation and request a full refund of the premiums Kathy has paid in. I wrote the letters several weeks ago and kinda forgot about them.

Today Kathy got notified that the insurance company is refunding in full the premiums Kathy paid in. Wow! Thanks John Queen. Sometimes you win one and this is a nice one to win. The insurance company that sold the policy sold it under false pretense to start with and it was a policy that Kathy was going to pay in more than it would ever pay out.

I went to town early afternoon. I had several errands to take care of. I needed a blood draw in preparation for a doctor’s visit I have in two weeks. My TSH level came back at 2.0 which is almost perfect. The other results will take time to come back.

I stopped at a place and picked up two donations of notecards and post cards for the Detention Center project. Went by CVS and picked up a prescription for Kathy.

Went through the car wash and then stopped and got some groceries. Had lunch and then came home.

I think today has been the hottest day of the year. It was ugly hot today. I was glad to get home and stay home for the rest of the day.

This afternoon I baked some No Bake Chocolate cookies and took some over to John to thank him for his help getting Kathy’s refund. I would never have thought to ask for a refund or to include the Kansas Insurance Commission in the process.

Tomorrow I am going to the protest downtown Emporia. Not sure I will make it the full two hours if it is as hot tomorrow as it was today. I will definitely stand on the east side of the street in the shade. A friend and Kathy plan on going with me.

Friday two different people are coming by to drop off things. One is my cousin that has an album his mother put together of pictures of my family. The other is a lady that has a donation for the Detention Center. Saturday Kathy and I and two of our dear friends are going to Topeka for the protest. Again, I’m not sure we will make it all two hours. We shall see how hot it is.

Kathy is going to KC next Tuesday for a long awaited appointment at a Clinic. I will drive her and we will make a day in the city of it.

I put an update on my post about needing cards and stamps for the Detention Center project. I asked that people stop sending funds and supplies for a bit. I am working with some other people to find another project that others can help us with. I have more funds than I expected to receive and will need to get creative to use them all. People surprised me with their generous response. It did my heart good to see how many shining lights there are out there.

Today felt like a winning day. Kathy finally got the appointment she has been waiting several weeks for and got the notice about the refund of her insurance premiums. We both needed a turn of events around here and both were welcomed and feel a bit like a miracle happened.

Both of us have been struggling a bit lately. Life has hit us hard the last two months and it is nice to have some good things happen. Maybe the tide has turned and more good things are on their way.

Today reminds me of the value of asking for help. Had I not asked John for help I would never have known to ask for a refund of the premiums that had been paid in. Had I not asked for support for the Detention Center Project, I would not have funds sitting in an account to support that project. I have a wonderful support system around me and I need to remember to use it more often.

I strongly believe we have to build new systems for the future. The new systems will be built from the ground up and will be person-to-person helping each other out. Today is a reminder of how that might work. There is a different feel to the energy of this type of system. I was able to tap into that energy today and let it register in my body so I have a reference point for the future.

Grateful for John Queen and his expert advice, grateful for the appointment at the Clinic for Kathy, and grateful for the gentle life lessons I received today.

This has felt like a busy day. A friend picked me up at 8:30 and we headed to Council Grove for a meeting. Four of us discussed next steps for a Facebook group one of the four has started. It was a good discussion and I got to make a new friend. As I was leaving a gal that went to the same high school I did came in and I got to visit with her for a hot minute. She is a couple years younger than I am but I graduated with her brother.

I got two phone calls while I was in Council Grove. One was from the Director of the Detention Center. He has softened some more and came up with some additional items that he will accept for the Detention Center. The other call was from someone that wanted to send a donation.

Got home and had four more phone calls. Jason and Nicole both called as well as my friend from CA that I met on the Camino. Another lady called with questions about making another donation to the Center.

A friend stopped and dropped off 50 international stamps for the Detention Center project. Tonight at dinner another friend gave me some more cash to add to the other cash that has come in. I have the best friends!

I was tired and had tried to take a nap in my chair but gave up after the second phone call. Taking to people I love was more fun than napping.

Kathy and I went to a birthday party dinner this evening. It was a relaxing gathering and dinner. The 96 year-old birthday gal seemed to have a great time with friends and family gathered to celebrate her.

I’m tired tonight. I had trouble falling asleep last night and was up a couple of times in between sleeps. Trusting I will sleep lots tonight.

Tomorrow I have to go to Emporia for a blood draw and to pick up some donations for the Detention Center. On the way home I will stop and drop off the donations I received today as well as the ones I pick up tomorrow. Not sure what time I will go to town. The blood draw needs to be done 4 – 5 hours after I take my medication in the morning so it will depend on what time I get up and going.

Thursday I am going with some friends to the John Lewis Good Trouble Protest in downtown Emporia from 10:00 – noon. I made a new sign today which says “I stand in love with all. Free hug!”

Friday two people are coming by to drop some things off. One is a photo album that my aunt made of my family. Her son is dropping it off. The other person is coming by with a donation for the Detention Center project.

Saturday I am going to Topeka for the rally at the State Capitol building. It is being held from 10:00 – noon to try to avoid the heat.

So far next week looks much less busy but I had thought this week was going to be quiet too. I’m ready for a couple of empty space days back to back to back.

I need to do an update of the fundraising project on the site I posted the request. I am struggling a bit with what to write. I am going to wait until Friday to post it as I think most of the donations will have come in by then. I have more than enough money for cards and stamps and will need to pivot a bit. Hoping the Center will get their list to me by Friday so I can include that information in my update. Not sure what the reaction will be to using the funds for other things. It seems there is always one or two or more that will not be pleased. I need to step out of fear and into love and make it happen.

Feeling a bit drained tonight. I’m grateful that tomorrow is a quieter day. I will need to fill up so I am ready for Thursday and Saturday. I struggle to people these days.

This little project I started has consumed my time and energy this week. I am thinking that will slow down after this week. However, the group today talked about our next project this morning. Waiting on a bit more information before we can proceed. We all need to find ways to take action of some sort, even if it is baby steps. If everyone did something, we could move the needle and move the country into love in action.

Grateful for friends and their compassion and support, grateful the director of the detention center is opening up to more ways we can support the detainees, and grateful for the 96 year old birthday girl.

This has been a restless day for me. I was surprised I slept at all last night after sleeping all of yesterday afternoon. I slept most of the night and even took a short nap this afternoon.

I took the two donations that had been dropped off at my house of cards and stamps to the Detention Center. Unfortunately the director was at a meeting off site. I delivered them to the person in charge of the detention unit today. She is going to have the director call me tomorrow when he is back in the facility. The lady I spoke with today knew about the fundraiser I am doing and was most appreciative of what I dropped by today.

Other than that I have had a stay-at-home day. It has been hard for me to settle down and do anything today. One of those days.

I did call the plumber and ask to be put on their schedule again. They said it would be a couple days before they could get over there again. I have to wonder why they didn’t fix it the first time but I guess that is above my pay grade – oh wait, I am paying for this!

I read that Andrea Gibson made her transition today. She is a poet that I loved listening to. She was only 49 and died of ovarian cancer. Gone much too soon but what a beautiful contribution she made to the world while she was here. Her poetry spoke to me in a deep way. She was not afraid to love and celebrated all the small, beautiful things in this life. She was a bright light that shone in all the darkness around us these days.

Tomorrow I am going to a breakfast in Council Grove. It will be fun to spend some time with like-minded women. In the early evening I have a birthday party to go to which will also be fun.

Wednesday I have to go to Emporia for a blood draw and to pick up some cards and stamps from two people. Thursday I am going back to Emporia for the protest. Also going to another protest on Saturday.

I have been thinking about what to put on the sign I will carry – I think I will put “I stand in love for all”. It is hard for me to be in the energy of hate and throw labels and names back and forth. We have to do better!

One of the people in the group that I posted about the fundraiser I am doing for the detainees in the detention center wrote: “Wow! I’m really struggling here – making life in a concentration camp a bit more comfortable somehow makes being placed in a concentration camp OK? Are you also OK if they get shipped to a country who will torture and kill them – maybe some comfy socks would help.” Oh my!

When people are living in a place of hate and fear they can say things that add to that energy. I keep reminding myself that how people respond says more about them than it does about me. It is hard to remember that sometimes.

My response back was “I hear you and I trust we are all doing what we can to change the bigger issues. This fundraiser is a drop in the ocean to touch the lives of a very few that are having their lives turned upside down. I am open to ideas on other things to do.” So far, no response.

I get it. This issue is so complex and the solutions are hard to find. However, if one can rise above the fear and hate and overwhelm solutions can and do present themselves. Love will win over hate!

Staying in love can feel lonely and harder than caving into the fear and hate. It is a different approach for many so it feels differently and not familiar. “We have tried hate and war; now let love have its turn to whisper”. I can’t remember who said that but I lean into that daily.

Sitting with my dis-ease tonight. Sometimes I have to stop and allow myself to have all the feels. So much pain, so much chaos, so much anger, so much hate, so much division. It doesn’t have to be this way. Hard to rise above it all and stay in love energy.

Grateful for the life and works of Andrea Gibson, grateful for the incredible outpouring of support and love that is coming in for the fundraiser, and grateful love will win.

This has been a crash and burn day for me. I slept for two hours last night and then was up for three hours. Went back to bed and slept three more hours.

Got up this morning and decided to drive into Emporia to check out the faucet on the bathtub at the house I have listed on the market. I had gotten the bill from the plumber and wanted to see if the problem had gotten fixed.

It has not. The plumber that came to the house told me he had to replace the valve and that didn’t work so he had to replace the faucet set. He said if that didn’t work then he had to replace a different valve and I gave him permission to do that.

He did not. I will have to call Monday and have them come over again and this time hopefully get it right. I don’t understand where the valves are and what they are talking about. I just want the faucet to not drip and struggle with the fact that it is not fixed and they billed me.

Came home and fell asleep in my chair and slept most of the afternoon. I finally feel rested. It has been a hot minute since I have felt rested.

I got on Facebook and read all the comments from the post I put in a group about raising funds for the detainees held at the Chase County Detention Center. Most of the comments are wonderfully supportive and appreciative. There are always a few that take the other approach. I am doing my best to stay in love while I respond to them and explain how I got to where we are at. I so appreciate my friends that have chimed in supporting me. Man, some people need to take a breath before they write and calm themselves down a notch or two or three.

The only thing on my agenda for tomorrow is to attempt to schedule a face-to face meeting with the director of the Center. I need to prepare him for the incredible response my post is bringing him and to let him know he may soon be overrun with soccer balls and basketballs. I have way more money than I need to purchase stamps and card stock so want to have a deeper conversation with him to see what else we can do with the funds. It is a good thing to have this type of problem!

I guess I also need to call the plumber and get them scheduled to come yet again and this time fix the problem. How many trips does it take to stop a drip in a faucet? Maybe it is more complicated than I know.

Tuesday I am going to a coffee in Council Grove and then late afternoon Tuesday I have a birthday party to go to. Wednesday I am picking up some donations from downtown Emporia and having a blood draw. Thursday I am going to the protest in downtown Emporia. Friday the beef I am getting will be taken to the butcher. I will need to make a trip to Olpe to give them cutting instructions soon. Saturday I will go to another protest. It is going to be another busy week for me.

Marianne Williamson did a video today that I needed to hear. She reminded me that first I need to sit with my feelings of heartbreak about what is happening in the USA Today. Then i need to look inside and find ways that I have added to the problem and have not been acting in a state of love to all. She also reminded me that hate and fear got us in this mess and love is the only way out. We can’t continue doing what we have been doing and expect different results. She also reminded me that acts of love and service will appear when one is ready to hear them. I need this reminder today!

This little detention center project I am working on is reminding me of the goodness of my friends and neighbors around the state and even beyond. So many of us want to do the right thing and sometimes knowing what that is can be hard to know. Many of us are action based people and finding positive action to take seems to be hard to find. I am beyond grateful of the ways people are stepping up to support this little project. It feels a bit like a miracle to me.

I would love to find a group that understands this and is working towards that goal daily. It is easier to do when one has like-minded people doing it with them. Change of this nature takes time and lots of humility. Miracles can and do happen and I strongly believe this is how we will get out of this awful mess we are in.

Looking forward to the conversation with the Director of the Center this week. I want to see his face when I tell him how much we have raised with more funds coming in. People are also taking things directly to the center and mailing the Center things. Love in Action can send a powerful message.

Grateful for messages that show up when I need them the most, grateful for friends and their support, and grateful for opportunities to protest this week.

I drove to Ottawa, KS late morning to go to a Celebration of Life lunch. The weather was amazing for the middle of July. The event was held in a park under a shelter. The family brought fans and they kept up nice and cool. There was plenty of food and lots of folks visiting.

I was lucky and there was a dear friend there that I could visit with. I didn’t know many other people there so was grateful this friend was there. We had a lovely time catching up with each other.

I managed to get rid of most of the cookies I took. Before I left I bagged up several bags of them and gave them away. Now I won’t be tempted to eat so many.

Have spent some time this afternoon going through the post on Facebook and answering questions and comments. It is interesting to read other peoples reaction and their point of view. Amazing how others take things so differently.

While I was gone today a friend dropped by a financial contribution to add to the growing Venmo balance and another couple came over with some cards and stamps. I so appreciated their contributions and support. I have yet other donations to pick up next time I am in Emporia.

Monday I want to schedule a face-to-face with the director of the detention center. I need to prepare him for the response to my post and brainstorm a bit to see if there are more ways we can support the detainees.

Monday I am also going to attempt to contact the immigration attorney I met when I protested at the center back in April. I want to see if he has ideas of ways we can best support the detainees.

I need to find a few people that will help me form an advisory council of sorts for this project. I don’t want all the responsibility of this on my own. The funds are starting to add up and it needs several heads working together to best use this new resource to its maximum potential. I said I needed a project – guess what, I found one! This one is going to take some time to successfully implement and manage.

Tomorrow is a stay-at-home day for me. I have some things I need to work on for this detention center project. I need to figure out a way to thank the people that have sent donations and am not sure how to find their information to do so. I also need some quiet time to think of other ways to put these funds to good use.

This little idea is taking on a life of its own. I have far surpassed what I thought might happen. Grateful others are willing to get involved and help make the plight of the detainees a bit easier. Trusting that we can come up with more ideas of things we can do to help them out.

And yet the bigger issue of the day remains. How does one wrap one’s head around it all and still have the energy to act in love? Guess the old adage of how do you eat an elephant applies – one bite at a time. Doing something is better than doing nothing.

Sitting with a grateful heart from the response that has already come in. Also feeling the weight of the responsibility that comes with it. Seeing so many parallels in this project that is stirring up the bigger issues confronting all of us. How do we handle conflict? How does one stay above neutral and strive for radical love? So many people are carrying so much pain and anger and don’t know what to do with it. How can we do a better job of listening and caring for each other?

Grateful for the generosity that is being shown, grateful for friends and family that attended the Celebration of Life today, and grateful I don’t have to have the answers to life’s bigger problems.

Got up and got going and took Sophia to the Vet to get her stitches out this morning. When we got to the Vet I always check the lobby before I go in so I know what kind of trouble Sophia might get into. I saw what looked like a dog the size of a miniature pony.

When we went in I was surprised to see it was a miniature pony! For once, Sophia wasn’t the tallest animal in the clinic.

The tech took Sophia to the back and took out her stitches. No one said anything to me afterwards so assumed everything healed nicely.

We came home and I unloaded Sophia and then went to the Grand for lunch. On the way home I stopped by the Sheriff’s office to ask for the name and number of the person in charge of the detention center.

Came home and gathered my courage and called the person. At first I didn’t think I was going to get very far with him. He was a bit defensive and assured me the detainees had everything they needed. I ask about several options including commissary funds, visitation expenses, personal hygiene products, socks, etc. Chase County is a turnaround facility and the detainees are there for a short time. Some only spend 48 hours there and most are gone within two weeks. There are a few exceptions, however. He discouraged me from any of my ideas due to the short nature of their stays and how difficult it is to track them after they leave.

We ended the conversation getting nowhere but he said he would talk to someone else and see if they could come up with something. To my surprise and gratitude he called me back about an hour later and had two suggestions for me. He said he thought the detainees would appreciate having card stock and stamps so they could send notes to people at home. He also said due to the increase in population the yard they use for exercise could use some more soccer balls and basketballs.

I put a post on a site I follow on Facebook that has over 36,000 people that share my political views and I also put it on my own personal Facebook page. The response has been overwhelming in a wonderful way. I didn’t set a goal but what has already come in has far surpassed what I dreamed of. I will need to contact the guy that runs the center on Monday and tell him he needs to dig deeper as I will have more money than needed to buy cards, stamps and balls. Every time I check my Venmo balance it has gone up and up and up!

Most of the replies I am getting on the post I put on the political site are very positive. A few have expressed some strong hate and anger but the positive ones far out weigh the negative ones.

One of the ladies called me. I didn’t know her but she had been doing some work to accomplish what I am doing. She lives in fear and was too frightened to call to ask what they needed. We had a good discussion about staying in love and out of fear. Not sure she is ready to let go of her fear but maybe a seed was planted.

I trust this will send a strong message to him and others at the Center that there are lots of people who care about what is happening within the walls of the Center and to the people that are being detained. I also trust that I can build a trusting relationship with the Center and that I will be allowed to do more things to show the detainees that we care and support them.

I baked a double batch of oatmeal raisin cookies this afternoon to take to the Celebration of Life lunch tomorrow. I think they turned out OK. I didn’t burn even one batch this time!

Tomorrow I need to be in Ottawa around 11:45 so will leave here around 10:30 or so. It is going to be another hot one tomorrow so trusting the park will have some shade. Trust I won’t forget the cookies!

Sunday and Monday are empty space days so far. I will have lots of Facebook posts to respond to on Sunday since I will be gone tomorrow. I need to have some follow-up conversations on Monday about my Facebook posts that will keep me busy for a bit. I needed a project and guess I found one!

This might get interesting for me in ways I didn’t anticipate. My challenge will be to stay regulated and in the space of love and not drop into the anger and hate that some will want to pull me into. That energy is the energy that created this mess and will not help get us out of it. Grateful I have some empty space days ahead of me as I have a feeling I will need them to recharge and respond.

Sitting in love tonight and overwhelmed with remembering how people want a different reality. I am also reminded I need to use my gifts to help bring that new reality into present time.

Grateful for the beautiful response I am getting to my post, grateful Sophia is healing nicely, and grateful for all the beautiful humans in this world that are willing to bring more love into this world.

I finally feel asleep this morning around 5:30. Woke up at 6:30 and got up as my alarm was set for 7:00. Makes for a long night when sleep is hard to find.

The floor installer was here at 7:40. He had a crew of six people. They swarmed the house and took it over. The bedroom stuff that we hadn’t removed went out on the front porch and filled the rest of the dining room and living room.

They brought their own music that was loud. Kathy and I hung out outside part of the time. The crew was polite and friendly but the chaos was a bit unnerving. I am still amazed they were able to come with one days notice.

The crew finished about 10:45. They did a great job and almost put things back where they belonged. Kathy and I spent some time this afternoon putting our rooms back together again. I still have a bit more work to do to get my room back to its new normal.

I drove my car up to the gas station so they could change the oil. I walked back to the house and then around 11:00 I walked back down and picked it up. It was good to get that taken care of and have a clean car again.

I took a two hour nap after I got back from picking up my car. I had trouble finding sleep but finally feel asleep. It knocked the rough edge off but am still feeling tired and out of sorts.

Discovered I am missing six months of my blog from several years ago. I will check one more time and then will have to print it out. Feels strange that I missed printing it but anything is possible. I lost several years of my blog when the web press company I used did an upgrade. I learned to print them out and save a hard copy just in case.

All the chaos in the house this morning reminded me how grateful I am that the house is usually quiet and peaceful. I got anxious this morning with all the chaos. Funny what you get used to and really notice when it isn’t there. This house is small and I don’t have much company here as it isn’t easy to entertain in this house. Sometimes I miss that but sure enjoy the peace and quiet the house contains..

Wondering now if I want the hassle remodeling the back porch will bring. I use the back porch as a pantry and it is in rough shape and is not winterized. The roof leaks and there are see through places in the walls. I would love to have it ripped off and a new room built. Not sure I can handle the chaos and mess though. Might have to find a different place to stay during construction if I choose to go forward with that project.

Tomorrow I have to have Sophia at the Vet at 10:30 to get her stitches out. The incision looks like it has healed nicely. When I get home from my trip to town I will need to bake some cookies to take to the Celebration of Life lunch I am going to Saturday. I haven’t baked cookies for a long time. Trusting I remember how.

Still not reading the news. I don’t have the energy to read the same story several different places to figure out what really is happening. So much disinformation about the BBB is coming out. Guess when I need to know I will go looking.

I must say I did hear the Sec of Agriculture say yesterday that the farms are going to replace the loss of immigrant labor with those that will need to find jobs to qualify for Medicaid. We really do have two different realities happening at the same time. I am grateful for the reminder of that so I can remind myself to stay in my lane and distant myself from those that have chosen a different lane to live in.

Feeling very sleep deprived. Sleep has been very hard for me to find lately. Not sure what is going on. The full moon is tonight so maybe I will get some relief soon. If I remember I will go out tonight and stand under the light of the full moon and let it fill my soul with its light and beauty.

Grateful the flooring got installed so quickly, grateful there is no more carpet in this house, and grateful my car got taken care of today.

This has been mostly a stay-at-home day. I did have to run to Emporia this afternoon. Sure is a hot one out there today.

I text the guy that helped me with Michelle’s house floor when her basement flooded a year ago. I ask him if he would be interested in putting in new flooring in the two bedrooms.

He called me right back and told me he could do it tomorrow! Wow! I’m impressed.

Kathy and I went to Emporia to go to the flooring store to pay for the flooring I had picked out yesterday. While we were there the guy showed up and we talked a bit more about the job he is going to do. Due to the slope in the bedroom he recommended a different product than what I had picked out. We picked out another one and paid for it. He got the material loaded up and will be here in the morning to get the job done.

I find it amazing that he can do it so soon and that he showed up while we were at the store. Both feel like a sign that I was meant to do this project now.

Kathy and I have unloaded our bedrooms into the dining room and living room. The guy will have to move the heavy stuff but we got everything up off the closet floor and everything out of the room that we could easily move. We will both have to get up and get moving early tomorrow as I have a feeling the guy will be here bright and early.

This project wasn’t on my list to do this year although it was on the list for next year. One of the cats got mad and peed on the carpet in Kathy’s room. I hate the smell of cat pee and needed to get the carpet out of the bedroom. I decided to go ahead and do my room at the same time and get it over with.

I did three loads of laundry today and have it folded and put away. Still need to get my bed up from changing the sheets today.

Tomorrow I take my car to get the oil changed at 9:00. It will be good to get that taken care of too. It is overdue by a couple hundred miles. Friday Sophia goes back to the Vet one more time to get her stitches out. Friday I need to bake some cookies to take to a Celebration of Life I am going to Saturday.

My soul needed the coincidences that happened today with the flooring guy. I depend on my intuition and it is always nice to get confirmation that it is working. It helps me stay on my path knowing I am being guided. I have also found that once I see coincidences happen, more will follow. I will stay alert and look forward to seeing more soon.

The flooring project also reminds me to stay in the flow of life. When things are easy they are meant to be. Forcing things doesn’t work for me anymore. I appreciate the reminder of how easy things really can be.

Grateful for my life lesson and reminder today, grateful for air conditioning on a hot summer day, and grateful laundry is done.

Happy birthday to my oldest Jason. He turned 50 today. Yikes! That makes me old.

I went to Emporia late morning and picked up a birthday cake for Jason. I needed a couple things at the grocery store so got those while I was there. Stopped at the bank afterwards to see why I am getting statements on an account that was closed in March. I then went to the flooring store and picked out the new flooring for the bedrooms.

I picked up Ellexia at a friend’s house. She had a sleepover last night. We then went to Radius where we were going to meet Jason for lunch. Radius had a 45 minute wait for a table so we went across the street to Bobby D’s.

Jason joined us for his birthday lunch. It is always a good day when I get to spend time with one of my kids and grandkids. We have a fun lunch.

Ellexia and I came back to my house after lunch. She took a nap on the couch and I rested in my chair. I never went to sleep but sure could have. I had trouble finding sleep last night.

I took Ellexia back to town at 4:30 and dropped her off at her dad’s house. I then went to Bluestem and picked up four bags of dog chow. I stopped at the rental house to see if the plumber had fixed the bathtub drip – it is better but not fixed yet. Picked up the mail and took it to Michelle’s house for Tagen.

I had an after tax season party at the lady’s house that coordinates our volunteer tax program. It was fun to see all the other volunteers and enjoy some time together. Our hostess served a delicious dessert plate.

There is road construction at Strong City so getting to the highway is a challenge. They didn’t mark a detour so kinda have to figure it out yourself. Adds a few minutes to the trip.

This turned out to be a busy day. Grateful I decided not to go to a thing tomorrow as I will need tomorrow to reset myself. I struggle when I have things to do on back to back days. I need a rest day in between events.

Tomorrow I have a couple of phone calls to make if I can make calls tomorrow. Somedays I can make them and other days I can’t. We shall see what happens tomorrow. Other than that I have a free day. Thursday I am getting the oil changed on my car and Friday I take Sophia in to get her stitches out. Saturday I have a Celebration of Life lunch to go to.

Still avoiding the news. I was able to keep myself above neutral today even with all the errands I did. I am surprised I was able to do that as I am very tired today. It does help to have down days so I can fully recharge and refill between busy days. Not sure I would have been able to stay above neutral if I had read the news today.

Feeling a bit disconnected from the world since I’m not reading the news. I struggle to find the balance between staying informed and practicing good self-care. Part of the problem is the research I have to do to feel like what I am reading is somewhat close to the truth. I have to read the same story from several sources to fully understand what is happening.

A couple I met while I was on my tour of England and Ireland have started a newsletter that works hard to find facts. One of the areas they have focused on is helping us understand why the great divide and how differently both sides few reality. There are studies that show differences in people’s brains that scientists can now predict which side of the divide you are on. This newsletter also shares ways one might be able to bridge the divide. Not an easy process but some are finding success with it. I have to keep reminding myself to honor the ways others think and process and remember it is way different than the way I do it.

Grateful for time with Jason and Ellexia today, grateful for the 50 years I have had with Jason, and grateful tomorrow is a quiet day.

This has been a quiet day at home. I didn’t make it to Emporia today. I needed a stay at home day. I was feeling like I would drop below neutral if I did what I wanted to do today. What I needed to do today needs to be done when I am above neutral.

Tomorrow I am picking Ellexia up and then we are meeting Jason for lunch to celebrate his birthday. Ellexia is going to come home with me afterwards and then I will take her back to town when I go for my 5:30 thing. It will be fun to have Ellexia for the afternoon.

Jason turns 50 tomorrow. How does that happen? I remember when he turned 40 and it helped me realize I wasn’t 40 any more. Having a son that is 50 makes me feel old! Yikes!

I did manage to call and make an appointment to get the oil in my car changed. I take it in on Thursday.

I got Max’s probate form back in the mail today. I had put myself as the petitioner and didn’t list myself as an heir. I also didn’t give them the last four digits of Max’s bank account although they hadn’t asked for that. I redid the form and mailed it back. Trusting it will past muster this time. This explains why his case wasn’t showing up on the docket for the court.

I’ve had to take another break from the news. I even have to scroll by some sites I normally stay up on in my feed on Facebook. I can’t read about the gloom and doom and fear. Throwing insults back and forth from both sides of the division keeps us stuck in the energy that created this mess. Somehow we all have to figure a way to step out of this energy and into a different space.

I still need to call the guy that is in charge of the ICE detention unit in Chase County. I am thinking about how I want that conversation to go and haven’t thought of the correct approach yet. My intuition tells me to pause until I can find the right one.

This has felt like a head game day. I keep thinking about different scenarios for the future for both the country and myself. It has been one of those days that I have held and felt both sides of the spectrum. Balance can be hard for me to find when that happens.

All I can do is stay in my lane and continue to choose what feels like to me a path of love. Today I got stuck in the who, what, why and when. That doesn’t serve me or anyone else.

Grateful for a stay at home day, grateful for my intuition and my ability to listen to it guide me, and grateful love will win and I don’t have to know how, why or when.

I went to Wichita to go to Costco this morning. I stopped at Chipotle for lunch and then headed to Costco.

I stopped at the service desk and asked them to have someone bring me four cases of bottled water. They were happy to do so. I got what I needed and then found the cart of water someone had brought up for me. I took my other stuff to the car and pulled up to the front door and they loaded the water for me. That was easy!

The drive down and back was beautiful. It did my heart good to see the wide open space and green space. Traffic was light today although Costco was crowded as usual.

Came home and carried the stuff in. I put the four cases of water on the front porch and Kathy carried them in the house. I still have three more cases to carry to the laundry room. Those things are heavy!

Haven’t done much else today. It is too hot to be outside. I don’t have much that needs done so am taking it easy this afternoon. Need to go to Emporia tomorrow to pick out flooring for Kathy’s room. I hope the installer I used for Michelle’s house is still available. I will call him tomorrow and see.

I want to go to the ICE Detention center tomorrow and find out if the clients have any needs that a group of concerned citizens could help meet. There is a group in Missouri that has formed a group that is providing things to detained non-documented clients in a detention center in Rolla. I would love to get a group here doing the same thing. Love in action feels like an appropriate response to what is happening in the world.

I also need to call and get an appointment so I can get the oil changed on my car. The car is overdue for an oil change and need to get that done this week.

I saw a quote today that said “We have our love. We have our light. And we have each other”. In the midst of all that is happening that is a good thought to hold on to. What else is there anyways?

Grateful to be restocked from Costco, grateful for the help with the cases of water at Costco today, and grateful for the beauty of the hills that restore my soul.

Last night I went out to make sure the dogs and cats were inside. The moon had a beautiful rainbow around it. I stood out and stared at it for a bit. Felt honored to get to witness it.

The booms and pops didn’t stop until almost midnight last night. I need to remember to find a quiet space to be in next year. I don’t enjoy the booms and pops.

I took Sophia to the vet’s office and they took out her drain. They had to remove two stitches and were able to pull it out fairly easily. Sophia didn’t act like it hurt or bothered her. Sophia still has to stay inside for another couple days and then we can let her go out to the pen. I think she is tired of staying inside. She has been anxious today and wanting to go on lots of walks.

I did laundry today but I don’t have it folded and put away yet. Trusting I will get to it yet today.

Other than laundry I haven’t done much. It is a low energy type of day plus I don’t have anything urgent on my to-do list. I have some things to take care of next week but nothing I can do this weekend.

I may go to Costco tomorrow if I get restless and need to do something. I’m out of a couple things and I don’t have anything else I need to do tomorrow.

Monday I want to pick out some new flooring for the bedrooms and find someone to install it. I will call the guy that laid the flooring in Michelle’s basement when it got flooded out. He did a great job and was reasonable in price. I don’t know if he comes to Cottonwood Falls but it doesn’t hurt to ask. I also need to call and get an oil change scheduled. My car is overdue for one.

A couple different volunteer opportunities have come up. Sitting with them and deciding which I want to find out more about. I need some project to work on that helps others. I’ll make some calls on Monday and see which one settles with me. The one that is the easiest to connect with and get information about will be the one I choose.

Sitting with restlessness today. It is less than yesterday so maybe it will be gone tomorrow. This doesn’t feel like in-between energy but not sure what it is. Allowing it to be what it is and listening to my inner self to see what she needs to tell me. Sometimes I never know what the energy is from or what its purpose was.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful for the moon bow last night, and grateful Sophia is healing well.

This has felt like a hard day to me. I was able to stay home all day but felt very restless and it was hard to settle in today. I don’t like the July 4 holiday and the sound of the booms and pops all day has rattled me. I’m betting it will really get loud at dusk and afterwards. Last night was hard during the fireworks show. I couldn’t see them but sure could hear them.

I was wondering for a bit yesterday why this felt new to me and realized last year at this time I was in Costa Rica so I missed the first July 4 in this house. I will need to remember to go somewhere quiet next year.

I took some sort of a nap this afternoon. I had trouble sleeping and even napping felt hard and restless today. Not sure why I am sitting in this energy today but it is what it is. Trusting it will do whatever it needs to do today and tomorrow will be a better day for me.

I have to have Sophia at the Vet at 10:00 tomorrow morning to get her drain out. Trusting that will go well. Sophia is restless today and wants to go outside in her pen. Hoping the Vet will give us the OK to let her do that after her drain is gone tomorrow. If not, we will have to wait until her stitches are out in another 8 – 10 days.

I thought about going to Costco today and looked up and found that they were closed today. Grateful I checked before I drove to Wichita and found it out that way. I may go tomorrow afternoon or Sunday.

I had quit taking the Celebrex the orthopedic doctor had prescribed for my knee and my knee started aching again this morning. I took a Celebrex and it quieted back down again. Still using the prescription cream he prescribed but evidently I need both to keep the knee happy and quiet. I’m going to try only one Celebrex a day instead of two and see if that will give me enough relief. I really don’t like taking medication if I absolutely don’t need it.

Days like this are hard. There is no reason I know of now that should make me so restless yet I am. I feel both hungry and full at the same time. Nauseous and yet craving food at the same time. Unsettled in many ways today. Maybe I am experiencing both ends of the spectrum at the same time today. Holding both and not finding balance. And this too shall pass.

Grateful for a quiet week ahead, grateful the booms and pops will lessen after today, and grateful tomorrow is a new day.

This has felt like another busy day. The friend that I was going to meet with this morning needed to postpone our visit so I got a bit more time at home this morning.

Went to Emporia and met a friend for lunch. It did my soul good to have a deep, personal conversation. I so admire this friend and honor her journey.

Kathy and I had a meeting with the local funeral home this afternoon to take care of an insurance matter. I think it went well and trust that what we did today will solve a problem.

Kathy and I went over to a friend’s house for a happy hour after our meeting. It is always a treat to visit with dear friends and catch up with them on their lives.

Came home and am ready to sit for a bit. Grateful I don’t have any plans for tomorrow. Saturday I have to take Sophia to the Vet to get her drain out. Trusting that will go easy. The incision looks a bit infected but hoping it is not bad. She is on antibiotics and pain pills. She seems to be recovering nicely so far.

My realtor called and said she was at the rental house taking pictures and is hoping to get the house listed either today or tomorrow. I am not holding my breath and thinking it will sale quickly. One never knows and we shall see what happens. The realtor did tell me the bathtub faucet is still dripping so the plumber must have had to order parts. Trusting he will get back over there next week and get it fixed. The drip is running up the water bill.

So far next week is looking much quieter than this week was. I’m sure something’s will come up and fill in my calendar a bit but so far I only have something to do on Tuesday and Saturday next week. I welcome some empty space time. If feels like it has been a bit since that has happened.

One day next week I want to go to Emporia and pick out new flooring for Kathy’s bedroom. Her room is the animal house room and one of the cats has soiled her carpet. It needs to be replaced. I may go ahead and do my bedroom too. I’ll see how prices are and then decide. My room can wait as animals are not allowed in my room.

I can’t say I was surprised that the Big Beautiful Bill passed today. I read some of the comments from both sides of the isle and it is certainly interesting to read how both sides are defending their positions. Truth is hard to find. It really does remind me there are two different realities happening at the same time. It was hard to remember that I was reading about the same bill.

A measure of a man is how they treat those that can do nothing for him. Not sure the big beautiful bill can measure up to that standard. I simply can’t understand why so many are so afraid of those that have a different skin color or those that were born somewhere other than the USA.

The coming days and months will be an interesting time in this world. Wonder what path most will choose – one of love and unity or one of people that are not like me need to go. I have to believe that love will win out.

Grateful to have lunch with a dear friend, grateful for happy hour, and grateful for a stay-at-home day tomorrow.

This has felt like a busy day with two trips to town. Not sure I got much done but haven’t had lots of down time.

I was awake around 6:00 this morning. I had my alarm set for 7:00 but couldn’t go back to sleep so got up around 6:30. I left for Emporia with Sophia around 7:15. I dropped her off for her surgery today and then went by the rental house.

The make it go away people had shown up and did their job. The back yard looks much better from the clean up yesterday. The house still needed a good cleaning but is close to being ready to be shown. I found a window open but couldn’t get it to close. I will have to go back and take a hammer with me so I can pound the window close.

My handyman let me know he successfully switched the washer and dryer from the rental house and took them to Jason. He then brought the set that was at Jason’s house and put them in the rental.

The plumber called and let me know he tried a simple fix for the leaking bath tub faucet and it didn’t work. He needed to go get parts and was going with Plan B. If that doesn’t work he will have to come another day with Plan C. Who knew stopping a leaking faucet required three plans.

The realtor let me know the cleaning lady was to come this afternoon and then the house will be listed tomorrow. Fingers and toes crossed that there will be some interest in the house. The realtor told me she had a couple other houses listed and no one has come through them yet and they have been listed for several weeks.

My Endocrinologist office called to schedule my throat ultrasound. They were going to put it on my calendar the day before my appointment with the Endocrinologist and then decided they could do it the same day so I didn’t have to drive to Topeka two days in a row. I appreciated them accommodating my schedule.

I was trying to take a nap this morning when all this commotion and communication was happening. Made for a constantly interrupted nap.

I went back to town around 4:00 and picked Sophia up. She has a sizable wound near her back side. The Vet was happy that I had agreed to surgery as the site was showing signs of infection from the drainage attempt they did last week. Sophia has a drain that will need to come out Saturday and then the following Saturday she will get her stitches out. She is to remain in the house and is to have only short walks at least until the drain is out. We may have to keep her inside until the stitches come out depending on how she is looking Saturday. She likes to roll in the dirt and that would not be a good thing.

I had to pay $71 last week to get the cyst drained and the bill today was $435. Still two visits to go! Yikes! Like having a teenager in the house. I forgot to get Bravecto today so will try to remember to get that Saturday.

My cat is having trouble using the litter box. Kathy’s carpet is starting to smell like a litter box. Next week when I have a quiet day I need to go to Emporia and pick out some vinyl flooring and find someone to put it down so we can get rid of the carpet. I dislike carpet anyways. I might go ahead and do my bedroom too so this house can be carpet free.

Tomorrow is going to be another busy day. I am meeting a friend at 9:30 for a chat. I’m meeting a different friend for lunch at 11:30. Then Kathy and I are going to the funeral home in Cottonwood Falls to prepay our cremations at 3:30. Wonder what else I will do tomorrow?

No plans for the 4th. I don’t enjoy fireworks and I am not exactly in the mood to celebrate our democracy as it appears to be fleeting. I will stay inside and put on some quiet music and do some inner work. Saturday I have to take Sophia to the Vet to get her drain out.

So far next week looks quiet. I have a thing to go to Tuesday evening but other than I don’t have anything on my calendar. I will appreciate a quiet week. It feels like it has been a bit since I had one. Since I now know I won’t be having surgery until fall (if then) I can plan Max’s Celebration of Life Dinner.

I figured out how to look up Max’s probate case and it isn’t showing up yet on the court docket yet. Not sure if it hasn’t been processed or if there is a problem with the way I submitted it. I will give it another couple of weeks and then will call if I don’t see it. Not sure what the next step of the process is.

Still sitting with what is happening in DC. I feel more detached from it today and can zoom out and see why this is happening. I am being called to be a bridge and not become part of the division. I keep reminding myself that opinions are not truth and truth is hard to find in all of this. Stepping out of the overwhelm and fear and into trust and love. Trusting that love will win, somehow, someway, and in divine timing. This is a lesson for myself to stay out of the But how? But why? But when? Allowing light to flow and looking for good things and miracles to celebrate is where I need to stay.

Grateful Sophia did well during surgery, grateful the rental house is ready to be listed, and grateful for the everyday miracles that are happening around me.

Sleep was almost impossible to find last night. Got about two hours of sleep from 6:00 – 8:00 this morning. I have struggled to stay awake this afternoon. Betting it will be an early bedtime for me tonight and trusting that I will be able to find sleep.

Finally got a call from the specialist I was referred to. My appointment is October 13. Yes, October! Trusting my bladder won’t fall out before then. Yikes!

Made a quick trip to Emporia to check out something at the rental house. The guy that is cleaning up the yard was there doing his thing. I didn’t bother him and talk to him. Went in the house and checked on what I came to town for and came home.

I didn’t hear from the plumber. He was supposed to show up today. Maybe tomorrow? That seems to be the story of my life lately – people not doing what they said they will do.

My dear neighbor is going to do the washing machine and dryer switch for me tomorrow. Tagen was supposed to have taken care of it but didn’t manage to get it done. Grateful for Phil and his willingness to help me out often.

Tomorrow is Sophia’s surgery. I have to have her at the Vet before 8:30 tomorrow morning. She can’t eat after 10:00 tonight. I should be able to pick her up tomorrow afternoon between 4:00 and 5:00. The plugged sweat gland was drained last week but it is already full again. Trusting surgery will take care of the problem for good.

I was not surprised when I heard the Big Beautiful Bill passed the Senate. Moran backed out and didn’t challenge it. He must want to run again. My heart is heavy tonight as I sit with the possible ramifications of this bill. Trusting the House will have enough dissenters that it will be stopped but am not counting on that happening. Back door deals are being made and egos are involved.

It has been interesting reading others opinions and thoughts about what now. I think we all need to take a deep breath and pause and allow ourselves to feel our big feelings without acting on them. Sitting with this heaviness and anger is hard but an essential first step. If we fall in despair and fear we become part of the problem.

I still think we can’t solve this problem with the same energy that created it. I need to double down on my own inner work and find ways to stay as high above neutral as I can be. A mentor I follow wrote:

This is the work of the new timeline:
to see the light
to amplify the light
to become the light

Light is all around us but when we are angry and fearful we block it out. Finding ways to be the light and then to share the light is the answer. What can I do in my own community to share the light? I saw a list of needs from the local food pantry that I can take to the store and buy things to help them out. I am going to call the local ICE detention center and see what needs the female clients have and take care of those (thinking personal care items like tampons, etc). I need to direct this deep anger into action in love.

It doesn’t feel like enough in the moment yet I know deep in my bones that if everyone would respond in love and share that love in our community we can make a difference and drown out the national chaos. If and when this bill is finalized and the ripple effect starts to be felt our neighbors will need us to lend a helping hand.

I will continue to make my voice heard and protest when I find one. However, I will carry signs stating what I want as opposed to what I am against. Being against something pulls me down to a lower vibration. I want to march for peace and love for all. I want to sing love songs and unite with fellow humans that share my vibration.

I would love to hear your thoughts about the situation and what you plan on doing about it. Together we can rise above this and bring a new way of being to the world.

Grateful I finally have an appointment and trusting I can keep my bladder inside my body until then, grateful things are progressing at the rental house, and grateful for love in all ways and in all things.

Kathy and I were in Emporia by 9:30 this morning. A realtor came to the rental house so she could get the property listed. The house was not ready to be shown but luckily she could see past the clutter. The realtor is finding people to come haul away the left over stuff and then someone to clean it and take care of the yard.

Kathy and I picked up Ellexia and we went for our spa treatment. Kathy and I had pedicures and Ellexia got a manicure. It felt so good to have someone rub my calves and feet. I need to remember to do that more often. I enjoyed the time with Ellexia today. This was her idea of a fun day and I am looking forward to the next one.

After we got beautified we went to 627 for lunch. We were going to go to Bruff’s but it was closed. I had chicken tenders and they were good. We took Ellexia home after we were done eating.

I called a plumber to go to the rental house and fix a dripping bath tub faucet. I thought that had been taken care of but I guess the plumber I had called several months ago never showed up.

I went back to Emporia later this afternoon and checked out the house again. Tagen got the last of what he wanted out of it. The realtor happened to have stopped back by so we touched base again. She said the market is not moving much right now so it may be a bit before the house sells. We shall see what happens.

If you know of someone looking for a two bedroom, one bath, no basement with a big back yard in Emporia let me know. This is a perfect starter home or rental. It would make a cute BnB place too.

Got a form from an insurance company today that I think is what we needed. Need to make an appointment with someone and try to get that taken care of later this week. Sure wish I spoke “insurance” so I knew for sure what I was doing.

Feeling tired this evening. I am disappointed in what the house looked like and the work I now have to have done to get it ready to sell. Grateful there are people that make things go away. Trusting that the sale process with go quickly and smoothly.

No plans for tomorrow. Still haven’t heard from the surgeon about an appointment. They had told the nurse it takes them a week to get back to make appointments. It is a week tomorrow. Trusting they will call this week. They are my second option. Not sure what my third option will be if I don’t hear from them.

Sitting with my disappointment this evening. Allowing it to be heard and felt. I had a hard lesson to learn in all of this and am trusting I have learned what was needed. I can look back and see what I did wrong and am proud of myself for course correcting and not allowing it to drag on. Self progress can be slow and hard!

Grateful we are making progress to get the house listed, grateful for a realtor that has contacts with people that make things go away, and grateful for time with Ellexia today.

This has been a very quiet stay-at-home type of day. I did accomplish doing two loads of laundry and have it folded and put away. That’s about all I have done today.

Kathy was ambitious and got the yard mowed this morning and is out weed eating now. She loves the heat and being outside and working in the yard. I’m grateful she does as I don’t.

Tomorrow I am meeting a realtor at 10:00 at Tagen’s house and will get that house listed for sale. After that I am meeting Ellexia for lunch and then for our pedicure and manicure date. That will be fun!

I’m anxious to hear how much the realtor thinks she can get for the house. Real estate prices seem to continue to climb. Not sure how young families can afford to buy a house these days. Trusting the house will pass inspections and we will have a quick and smooth close.

I’m grateful I agreed to have surgery on Sophia as her plugged sweat gland is already filling back up again. She has to be at the Vet before 8:30 Wednesday morning for her surgery. She should get to come home Wednesday late afternoon if all goes well.

I’ve taken my blood pressure a couple times this weekend and it is still a touch high but not dangerously high like it was in the doctor’s office. I will keep an eye on it and if it doesn’t go back down to my normal range I will call the doctor in a few days. It has been a stressful couple of months and I haven’t been sleeping well. Trusting I am on the back end of things and that things will calm back down again soon.

No plans for the July 4th weekend. I don’t enjoy fireworks and neighbors have already started shooting them off. Plan on staying home and turning up the music to drown out the bangs.

Hard to believe the year is almost half over already. The first part of it went very slowly but time seems to have sped up lately. May and June came and went and in my mind we are still in April. Yikes! My relationship to time is off these days.

I sent Senator Moran an email today. Not sure it does any good to send them but it does make me feel like at least I did something. I had to quit reading about the Big Beautiful Bill when I heard that one of the provisions is that those on Medicaid have to reapply every six months. I also read that if the bill goes through as written it is forecast that close to 50% of nursing homes will close. And then what? All so the rich can have lower taxes? I had to turn it off and not go down that rabbit hole. Worry doesn’t help me change anything and it causes me to drop my own vibration. I have to believe love wins or else what is the point?

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful for clean clothes, and grateful Kathy likes to mow even on hot summer days.

This has been a quiet day at home. I did get a few housecleaning chores done. The refrigerator was way overdue for a good cleaning. I also dusted the house. The dust was thick enough I could have written my name in it. It never seems to stay dust free very long but it is nice for a couple of days.

I did go to Strong City so I could have a late lunch at Jacalito. I saw four people doing the Highway 50 protest. I wished I had known that was going to happen as I would have joined them. I was going to stop and talk to them after I was done eating but they were gone by then. Thank you to the four brave souls that were out by the side of the highway in this heat today. I salute you!

It is nice to be relatively pain free. Not sure if it is the magic cream or the Celebrex or a combination of both but my knee is much less painful. If I concentrate hard enough on it I can feel a tiny bit of discomfort but it is very low. The Doctor told me to take the Celebrex twice a day for a week and then I could stop taking it if the pain was gone. I can use the cream up to four times a day but haven’t felt the need to do so.

No plans for tomorrow either. I may go to town and check out Tagen’s house. He is to be all moved out by tomorrow. I have a realtor coming over Monday and I want to make sure the house is ready to be seen by a realtor. Trusting I won’t have much to do before we can list the house. Last time the house I sold needed some minor cosmetic work done and the realtor took care of it.

I’m looking forward to the time with Ellexia on Monday and getting a pedicure. I haven’t had one for several years. I love getting my lower legs and feet rubbed. I should treat myself to a pedicure more often, just never think to go get one.

Waiting on responses to the letters I sent earlier this week before I can take next steps on the two projects I am working on. Trusting those responses will come sooner or later. As slow as mail is these days it may be a couple of weeks before the responses get here.

It may be a week free of paperwork if the responses don’t come in this week. That would be a nice break for me. It seems like my projects happen in spurts with pauses in between. At least that gives me a chance to catch my breath and build up some energy until the next round.

Today sitting in the in between space feels comfortable and doable. Some days it doesn’t so I will appreciate this easy day with it. I don’t have much on my to-do list or pending list that I can do right now. Most everything on the list is waiting on someone or something else to happen before I can take the next step.

Feels good to be back above neutral. The news is overwhelming and depressing these days. I have learned to tune it out when it starts to pull me down. I do myself nor the world any favors when I fall into despair and overwhelm. I have to believe that love will win and I have to believe that keeping myself above neutral will help. Easier said than done some days though.

Grateful for being almost pain free today, grateful the refrigerator is clean again, and grateful love will win.

I had an orthopedic doctor appointment at 9:00 this morning so had to get up and get going. I didn’t sleep much last night as I had taken a nap the day before. During the night my knee started throbbing and it was a long, painful night.

The doctor’s office felt empty this morning and I got called right back even though I got there as requested 15 minutes early. All I interacted with were pleasant and efficient.

My blood pressure was very high today for some reason. I am to take it at home over the weekend and if it doesn’t go back down to normal I am to call my physician Monday.

They took several X-rays of my knee and then put me back in the room to wait for the doctor. It didn’t take him long to come in. He manipulated my knee in several ways.

He thinks I have arthritis that has flared up. I may have some minor meniscus or ligament damage but he wants to try a more conservative approach first.

He prescribe an anti inflammatory pill and a custom compound cream. I am to go back in a month if the pain isn’t gone and he will try a steroid injection. If that doesn’t work then he will do an MRI and go from there.

I left his office at 9:15 and went to Commercial Street Diner for breakfast. Jason was able to come join me and I got to spend some time with him. Breakfast was delicious as always and service was the best in town.

After breakfast I stopped at the pharmacy across the street from the hospital as they are the only pharmacy that can make the custom compound cream he ordered. They needed 30 more minutes to get it ready so I left to go do my other errands.

I drove by Michelle’s house on the way to Walmart. From the outside the work the contractor did looks great. She will need to reseed the area this fall but otherwise it looks good. I saw Tagen for a hot minute but didn’t stay long as he hadn’t gotten up for the day yet.

Went to Walmart to pick up another prescription and some groceries. Thankfully I stopped at the pharmacy first as they hadn’t received the script yet. I had to call the doctor’s office and have them resend it. After that ten minute phone call I picked up what groceries I needed and then went back to the pharmacy. After a ten minute wait they had it ready.

Went back to the other pharmacy and had to wait another ten minutes for them to have the script ready.

I was exhausted by then and came home. Not sure why the Walmart pharmacy had not received the script the first time it was sent but that seems to be my mojo these days with modern medicine.

Came home and put the groceries away and took the new pill and put the cream on my knee. This afternoon my knee is almost pain free! Yeah! I can use the cream up to four times a day if needed. That stuff must have some magic in it.

Took a long chair nap again this afternoon. I was frustrated with the wait at both pharmacies. A 20 minute wait turned into a two hour wait and am still not sure why the script that had been sent from the office while I was in the office hadn’t been received. Together the two scripts were over $200.

Felt better after my nap. It is nice to be almost pain free and my cranky pants seem to have gone away. I have a few things I want to take care of this evening and feel like I have the energy to do them. We shall see if I do.

No plans for the weekend. It will be nice to have a couple stay-at-home days ahead. I have a couple of things I would like to do so we shall see if I get to any of them.

Monday I am meeting a realtor at Tagen’s house so I can get it listed. Afterwards Ellexia and I are going to lunch and then I am getting a pedicure and Ellexia is getting a manicure. This will be a fun day. Wednesday Sophia has her surgery so will be going to town twice to take her and then go back to pick her up. Thursday I am meeting a friend for lunch.

Hoping to get some paperwork back next week so I can continue the work on Max’s estate and Kathy’s stuff. It sure will be nice when both of those projects are completed.

Still haven’t heard from the surgeon. Trusting his office will call the first part of next week. This has become a marathon of waiting. Betting it will be a month or more before I actually get to see him. Good thing this isn’t urgent!

Our modern medicine system feels very broken to me. Delays, insurance dictates protocols, prescription cost that prevent many from taking the drugs that would be helpful, appointments that are hard to procure and long waits when you do get one. Surely we can do better than this. I keep searching and listening for the lesson that is in all of this for me. I had to talk myself out of the feeling of not being seen or heard today.

Yesterday I was able to replace the crock pot lid handle that I had melted the week before. I found the part on Amazon and it came in and I was able to put it on. I get ridiculously proud of myself when I can fix something like that. Simple task but I am not always successful accomplishing it.

I was able to talk myself out of the rabbit hole this afternoon. I took a quick dip into the muck pond but am out of it already. I can’t always do it that quickly. Sleep helped! Being almost pain free helped too. I forget how chronic pain can drain a person and my pain wasn’t as bad as many suffer with.

This has been a chaotic two months with way too much drama and decisions that needed to be made. Trusting that life will slow down and become slow and simple again. I remember the first of May not being sure what I was going to do as I had so much empty space on my calendar. Need to remember not to worry about that as things have a way of coming up. I relish the thought of weeks of empty space that may be coming up for me.

Grateful for a compassionate and kind doctor and staff today, grateful for drugs that are giving me great pain relief, and grateful for an empty space type of weekend coming up.

I got more sleep last night than I have been getting. I am sleep deprived though so still feeling tired. Have a lot of sleep to catch up on.

I got the paperwork ready to mail to file Max’s probate. Trusting I read it all correctly and have everything I need. I don’t speak legal and sometimes it can be tricky to know what they want. Not sure how many terms I had to look up to make sure I knew what they were saying. Not sure what happens next or when I might hear back. Mail is slow these days and it may take a week or more before they get the application. We shall see what happens.

Have spent a quiet day at home. I did run to Emporia to take care of an errand. It was a quick trip to town and back. I did remember to go through the car wash and fill my car with gas while I was out and about.

Tomorrow I am meeting Tagen for lunch at noon. I have a couple things I need to get resolved with him. I should be able to list the rental house for sale by the end of the month. I will call a realtor tomorrow and get that process started.

I need to do a banking thing tomorrow and go to the court house and check on how I transfer a title to a vehicle to a different county. I love small towns as neither of those things should take long. I need to get car tags for my cars sometime soon, I might go ahead and get them tomorrow since I will be at the court house anyways. Not sure they can give them to me before July 1 but I will ask.

It feels good to cross some things off my pending list. I have been patiently waiting for the timing to be right to proceed with some of these things. Now that I have some empty space time it feels right to move these projects forward. I am still waiting on a surgeon date before I schedule Max’s Celebration of Life Dinner. Trusting I can get the surgeon’s date nailed down this week. It has been over three weeks since I was to have been referred.

One of the things I need to do tomorrow is have someone look at my sore knee. It has been bothering me for several weeks and is not getting better. I may go to urgent care for that. I also need to call and get an appointment for Sophia and have someone check out the mass on her back end.

It will be productive week if I can take care of all of these things. I put everything on hold last week and it will be good to get them all taken care of. Trusting they will all go smoothly and efficiently.

Saw lots of reminders on Facebook today about staying in love during these hard times. It can get overwhelming reading the news and it is easy to fall into worry. Doing something for someone else is one way to step out of worry. I want to call the local food bank and find out what their greatest need is so I can pick things up for them. I get the strongest urge to do something but I often don’t know what that something is. Buying food for a food bank is one thing I can do. Staying in the vibration of Love is another thing I can do.

Grateful the probate paperwork is completed, grateful I have a list of things to do this week so I can stay organized and productive, and grateful I get to have lunch with Tagen tomorrow.

Last night I made a batch of zucchini bread. Keith had brought three big zucchini when he came to family day last week. The bread turned out wonderful. Not sure we are going to be able to eat all of it though. It made a double batch. I only have one loaf pan so I put the rest of it in muffin tins. That worked!

Had trouble sleeping last night so got up early. I did some house chores this morning but not much else. I took a nap in my bed this afternoon. I laid in bed for a long time. My soul needed isolation and quiet this afternoon.

It was a nice day to take a break from paperwork. I had a phone call to make but decided to put it off a day. Not a people day for me.

Still no word from the surgeon. I really hope they call tomorrow. It has been over three weeks since I saw the OB/GYN and still no referral appointment.

Tomorrow morning I have to be in Emporia at 8:45 to see the orthopedic doctor about my knee. Have a feeling physical therapy is in store for me. We shall see what he says.

I need to stop and pick up groceries after my appointment. I haven’t bought groceries since I got some when Kathy’s kids came so am out of most perishables. I need to stop by Tagen’s house and see how the move out is going. I also want to drive by Michelle’s house and check out the foundation repair.

No plans for the weekend. It feels good to slow things down. Next week I have plans on three different days.

Today was a slow down day. Felt a bit isolated and out of sorts. I’m still processing all that happened last week and releasing it. I have some sadness to release as well as anger. It takes me a bit to allow myself to access those feelings and allow them to surface. I spent years pushing them down and it is still a bit foreign to me to allow them. It can be physically draining.

Grateful for a quiet, slow day at home, grateful I will get some answers about my knee tomorrow, and grateful for fresh zucchini that can be turned into yummy bread.

Happy birthday to my brother Gene. This is his first birthday away from us with his physical presence. It felt weird not making a batch of fudge and buying some Pringles and Vienna sandwich cookies to mail to him. Maybe I will make a batch of fudge and share with some friends in his honor later today.

I feel like a slug under a rock today. No energy at all. I slept in this morning and took a chair nap this afternoon. Maybe the energy of all the chaos from last week caught up to me and slowed me way down today.

Kathy and I made four phone calls this morning dealing with an insurance issue. Three of the four people we spoke to were efficient and helpful. I appreciated their help. I don’t speak insurance and if you don’t use the exact term some of them don’t know what you want. We shall see if they send the proper forms we requested today. As slow as the mail is these days it could take several week before the forms show up.

After the phone calls were made I took three letters to the post office to mail by certified mail. Trusting I used the proper language in the letters and what I need to happen will happen.

Took Sophia to the Vet. I had two papers I needed to drop off to two different people in Emporia. It was too hot to leave Sophia in the car so she got to go in places with me. She acted like it was something she did everyday and got in and out of the car like a pro.

Sophia has a plugged sweat gland cyst on the end of her back. The Vet said it was the largest one she had ever seen. The Vet drained it and it took several minutes to get most of the fluid out. Sophia will have surgery next Wednesday so they can remove it. The Vet said since it was so large we will have trouble keeping it drained and each time they drained it the skin will stretch thinner and thinner and eventually the skin will start tearing and it will become an open wound. It is a day surgery so no overnight will be required if things go as planned.

Came home and took a chair nap. I did manage to renew my car tags on-line when I woke up. Have no other plans for the day. I only had one other thing on my to do list for the day and I will carry that over to tomorrow. Don’t have it in me to make one more phone call today.

I have a stay at home day tomorrow. Friday I have to go back to Emporia to go to the knee doctor. I need to remember to make a grocery list and pick up a few things. The cupboards are getting to be slim pickings around here. So far I don’t have any plans for the weekend unless I go to a protest on Saturday.

Next week is looking busy again. Monday Ellexia and I are going to lunch and then I am having a pedicure and Ellexia is having a manicure. Wednesday I have to go to town twice to take and pickup Sophia from her surgery, and Thursday I am meeting a friend for lunch.

Still haven’t heard from the prolapse surgeon. The nurse did call me this morning to tell me the referral had been received and that the referring doctor’s office will call within seven days to schedule my appointment. Yikes! This process keeps getting dragged out. One of these days I will get an appointment. I did appreciate the follow-up from the nurse but wish that had happened one of the other four times I had called.

I think we are getting to the bottom of the paperwork barrel. Will have more paperwork to do when forms come back and I get responses to the letters that were mailed. It will be nice to have a short break until Round Two begins.

Tagen is to be moved out of the house by next Monday. I will need to get the house thoroughly cleaned and a realtor in it to get it listed next week. Trusting it will sale as fast as the other rental house I sold last year did. It will be good to be down to only having one rental property to manage.

Paperwork is no longer fun for me. I used to do so much of it when I did the books for McDonald’s. I have gotten out of the habit of dealing with it and it can feel overwhelming at times. It will be good to have it all sorted out and done with. One paper at a time – I can do this!

Low energy type of day. My body is telling me it is time to slow things way down. I needed to schedule some fun days in and next week that is going to happen twice. Finding balance in what I do is hard to do sometimes for me. I’m grateful my body reminds me to take fun time too.

Grateful for helpful insurance agents today, grateful Sophia’s mass is not too serious, and grateful for chair naps on low energy types of days.

It has been a quiet stay-at-home day. I am even still in my pajamas. I needed a rest and recovery type of day.

I called the OB/GYN office and spoke to a nurse. It has been a month since my appointment when I found out I have a prolapse and still haven’t heard from a surgeon. She told me the orders were faxed and she would call and find out what is going on. To no surprise when she called back she said the surgeon’s office hadn’t received the orders and she would send them again. She is to follow up with me tomorrow to make sure the surgeon’s office calls. Not sure I believe that at this point.

I asked a friend to look over a life insurance policy to see if I was missing something. He agreed with me that the policy was junk. He advised me to send a certified letter to get the payments stopped and to send a letter to the KS Insurance Commission to ask for their help in getting funds back. I got the letters written and I will mail them via certified mail tomorrow.

Did some organizing of papers today and got them put in marked envelopes so we can find what we need. Tomorrow I need to make a couple of phone calls and figure out a couple things.

Have a long list of things I need to do tomorrow. Not sure why so many things are popping up to be dealt with but hoping I can get through them and allow things to slow down again. It will be good to have all this little stuff taken care of.

I am taking Sophia to the Vet tomorrow to have a mass looked at. I won’t be able to do any errands while I am in town as it is too hot to leave her in the car while I run into a store. Still haven’t made a grocery list but I can take care of that when I go back to Emporia Friday.

Feeling a bit drained this afternoon. I got so angry when I found out the referral had not been received after I have checked four times with this office to find out what is going on. Incompetence is hard for me. I’m grateful this issue isn’t considered urgent but I wonder why my being uncomfortable isn’t considered. Not sure what I am going to do if I don’t have an appointment on the books by Friday.

And this too shall pass. Things always get resolved sooner or later and sometimes the timing works out better when things get delayed. Hard to sit with the delay in the moment though.

Grateful for the friend that helped with the life insurance policy, grateful for the progress we are making on the paperwork issues, and grateful for to-do lists so I don’t forget something.

This has been a productive but way too busy of a day. Managed to cross lots of things of my pending and to-do lists.

I went to the post office this morning to mail the probate information certified mail. Then I went to the bank and took care of a banking thing. Went to the court house to find how what I needed to do to transfer the title of the truck to Tagen. I will do the actual transfer in Emporia since that is where Tagen lives. I trust the people in Chase County to give me good advice so I started there.

Went to Emporia and met Tagen for lunch. We enjoyed our lunch at Bobby D’s. I came home afterwards and didn’t stop for groceries as I forgot to check the refrigerator and make a list of what I needed.

Got a call from the contractor that is fixing Michelle’s foundation and he let me know he was almost finished. He was able to do the work at the minimum bid he had quoted me. He had a back up bid in case the work was more extensive than he could see. Grateful he was able to do it at his low bid price. I got a check written for him and put it in the mail box to go out tomorrow.

Kathy got a call from her life insurance company. Neither one of us liked the guy that called and we still aren’t sure what prompted the call. They said we had scheduled it but I don’t think that was the case. The guy told us that he had to check in with the policy holder occasionally to make sure things were good. Why would we have scheduled a call to do that when we didn’t know they did that? I am grateful he called as we needed to make some changes to the policy. He kinda answered our questions but I didn’t trust what he said. I’m going to check with a friend that understands insurance and make sure I am understanding what I am reading. They are to call us back tomorrow – we shall see if they do.

The Emporia VA lady called and helped Kathy with that application. That lady was wonderful and is doing her best to help Kathy. I appreciate people like that.

I made an appointment with an Orthopedic doctor on Friday so he can tell me what is wrong with my knee. I am taking Sophia to the Vet on Wednesday to have a mass looked at.

Still haven’t heard from a surgeon. I am going to call the OB/GYN that I saw a month ago and beg for their help tomorrow. Does it really take a month to get an appointment scheduled? I’m sure it will be another month or more wait once I get an actual appointment. Yikes! Good thing they don’t think this is urgent.

I called my tree guy and got put on his list to come take down some dead limbs. He didn’t give me an estimated date of when he might get to them. At least I am on his list.

Tomorrow I think I get to stay home. I need a quiet day after a busy day like today. I am going to town Wednesday to take Sophia to the Vet, Thursday to meet a friend for lunch, and Friday to go to the doctor. This empty space week has filled in quickly and it is only Monday.

Kathy and I both commented that we are exhausted after today. Way too many phone calls and interactions for my liking. I usually can only handle one or two a day and today felt like I did hundreds of them. A little exaggerated but that is what it felt like!

Feeling brain tired tonight. I had to make lots of little decisions today and I am feeling decision fatigue. Trusting we are getting to the end of things that need taken care of and we can slow things down a bit. I am craving my boring, quiet life.

Grateful for all the things crossed off my lists today, grateful I was able to make phone calls today, and grateful for a quiet day ahead tomorrow.

I slept in two parts last night. Went to bed early and slept for a couple of hours. I was up from midnight until 4:00 and then was able to find sleep again and slept until 7:30. I feel tired today. One of these days soon I will crash and burn and sleep a long time.

A dear friend and her husband picked me up at 11:30 and we went to Pioneer Bluffs for a lunch and a Prairie talk. The food was brisket, baked beans, cheesy potatoes and Cole slaw. It was delicious!

After I finished eating I grabbed a big trash bag and went around and collected plates, and other trash from the people as they finished eating. They were short on volunteers today and I know how to do trash.

As we got ready to go upstairs to listen to the presentation I noticed there wasn’t a volunteer at the chair lift. I helped about five people get up the lift safely and then found a chair to sit in and listen to the presentation.

The presentation was done by Annie Wilson of Five Oaks Ranch. She took us through the history of their land starting 100 years ago. The detail was wonderful and their land has a rich history. It is wonderful to see and hear from those that love the land and are great stewards of it.

It was hot outside today. The barn had a bit of a breeze blowing through it but it was still hot. Felt good to get in the air conditioned car for the ride home. I sure appreciated the ride today and the conversation we had in the car. How does one do life without dear friends?

After I got home I did the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen a bit. That is about all I have done today though. The heat takes it out of me and I have little energy or motivation to do much. There is a strong wind blowing today – not sure if that helps it feel cooler or not. I think if you were out in the wind very long it would get annoying rather quickly.

No plans for tomorrow. I need to take stock of the refrigerator and see if I need any groceries. I will need to run to town sooner or later and restock. The only thing I have on my calendar for next week is a lunch with a friend on Thursday. Kathy has a couple of appointments and needs to get another one on her calendar for next week. I may need to go to one of those with her.

I need to remember to call and get an appointment so someone can check out my sore knee. It has been bothering me for three weeks and is not easing up any. It hasn’t gotten any worse either. I also need to get an appointment to get a mass on Sophia checked out. I have a banking thing I need to take care of next week too.

Hoping Monday I can figure out what the delay is about getting an appointment with a surgeon. The doctor’s office referred me to a different surgeon last Monday and that office didn’t call me either. I am wondering if my phone number on the referral form is wrong. This has gone on way too long and I need some help from the referring doctor’s office to fix it.

Next week I want to file for probate for Max’s estate. I decided to go ahead and do it and then things will be completed and not hanging out there. It should be a fairly simple process as he has a very small estate and only one account that needs taken care of. We shall see if it is as easy as they make it sound like it will be.

It feels like things are going to start opening up for me and I can get some things moving that have been on my pending list for a while. I had put some things on hold since we had a busy week planned for this week. Now that it is over I have the time to move some things along.

Feeling less overwhelmed with the situation that happened earlier this week. I need to continue to sit with it and release it. It feels like everything changed yet nothing changed. The good news is there is no immediate impact so nothing needs to be done about any of it immediately. I trust that solutions will come with time.

Grateful for some time with dear friends today, grateful for air conditioning in both cars and houses, and grateful for empty space and quiet.

Kathy’s kids left this morning. It is nice to go back to quiet and silence.

I put the kitchen back together again and hand mopped the floor. I hadn’t hand mopped the floor in a long time and I found lots of dirt. Feels good to have it clean again.

I’ve done four loads of laundry today. Changed the sheets on my bed and got it made up. All the laundry is folded and put away!

This has definitely been a rest and recovery day. There was a lot of drama and emotion this week and my soul needed a quiet day to reset. I finally feel like I am back above neutral. Now that I spend the majority of my time above neutral it is hard on my body when I drop below and stay there for a couple of days. I missed the natural rhythm of my body!

Tomorrow I have an event at Pioneer Bluffs to attend at noon. It is going to be a hot one. I trust I will be able to make myself go. I don’t do well in the heat. Some good friends of mine are going and I would love to see them and visit with them. That might provide enough motivation for me to go. We shall see what tomorrow brings.

Still haven’t heard from a surgeon. Wondering what is up with this delay? Not sure if the referring doctor has had issues or if the doctor that I am being referred to is having issues. Sure frustrating whatever the cause. It has been three weeks now and I’m sure it will be a couple weeks wait once the appointment is made. Good thing this wasn’t considered urgent. It is uncomfortable for me but guess that doesn’t fit in the equation somehow.

My knee is still bothering me. It has been about three weeks on that hurting too. If I take a big dose of ibuprofen it calms down but I have to take meds twice a day to get relief. Not good on my tummy to take that much. Guess I will need to call and go see someone next week about it. Whatever is going on it isn’t going away. The good news is it isn’t getting worse but it causes enough pain I don’t want to live with it long term.

My brother brought me three huge zucchini that I need to use up. I love zucchini bread so will probably make some of that. One of the zucchini he brought will make several loaves of bread though. Not sure what to do with the other two.

Next week I have lots of empty space. I am meeting Tagen one day to transfer his truck. It is almost time to get a realtor to come and list the house for sale. Trusting that can happen next week too. I am also meeting a friend for lunch on Thursday – really looking forward to that.

Still sitting with a situation that happened this week. Working on releasing my anger and frustration. It seems to be leaving in small bits at a time. This is going to take some time to work through. I am working on being patient with myself and allowing the feelings to rise and be heard so they can leave in peace. I am reminding myself to stay present to what is and not anticipate what the long-term effects of all of this will be.

I am proud of myself for setting my boundaries and stepping away from the chaos of the situation. I keep telling myself I am not responsible for the reactions of others. Easier said than done though!

Grateful for the peace of the day, grateful for empty space again, and grateful for fresh sheets on my bed.

What a day. I am tired tonight! I had to get up early so I could have Sophia in Marion at Spur Ridge for her spa day by 8:15. Sophia walked right in like she owned the place and went right back.

Came home and started fixing dinner. I put the pot roasts in the crock pot to cook all day. I added potatoes and carrots later in the day. Fixed a pink fluff salad and baked two pies. Fixed a pudding dessert. This afternoon I fixed macaroni and cheese and beer bread muffins.

This kitchen is not as fun to cook in as my last kitchen. I forgot to clean up as I went and I had (have) one big mess in my kitchen tonight. I am over halfway done cleaning it up. Some of it may wait till morning.

Nicole came around noon. I ordered a pizza from Casey and that is what we had for lunch. This afternoon Nicole and I went back to Marion to pick up Sophia. She looks wonderful all cleaned up and smelling good. They said she did a great job. They didn’t have to knock her out to cut her hair. It took them several hours to get through it all though. I will definitely take the dogs back to Spur Ridge for grooming when they need it done again.

My brother Chad came shortly after we got home. Shortly after he came a lady came to help Kathy with some paperwork. My brother Keith, his wife and youngest son came as the lady was finishing up the paperwork. Michelle, Ellexia and Tagen showed up too so I had a full house for dinner. I think there were 12 of us if I counted right.

All the food turned out OK. Had too many leftovers but that is normal for me. I sent the leftover macaroni and cheese home with Tagen. I think he ate half the pan of it himself tonight. He didn’t have many leftovers to take home.

Tomorrow I will need to carry the tables and chairs back to the shed and do the laundry from the linens I used. I will finish cleaning up the kitchen in the morning and mop the floor. I am too tired to finish it all up tonight.

Kathy’s kids will head out in the morning for the long drive home. I trust they will have a safe journey home.

This has been a busy and emotional week. It will be good to get back to empty space. Kathy and I have some homework to do next week but we can do it at a slower pace than we worked on things this week. I need to sit down and review what has been done and what needs to be done so we don’t miss something.

My mantra for the day is someone’s reaction to what I do is not my issue. I have had to remind myself of that several times today. As a chronic people pleaser that is a hard one for me.

This busy week has reminded me how lucky I am to have a quiet life most of the time. I function best with lots of down time and empty space. That has been in short supply this week.

Sitting in a bit of a confused state tonight. Too much happened this week and it is going to take me some time to process all of it. I’m grateful my calendar is very empty next week to allow me time to unpack all that happened so I can release it.

Grateful for family time, grateful the meal was a success, and grateful the quiet returns tomorrow.

I got some sleep last night at last. But when that happens I usually feel even more tired the next day. Trusting I will get more sleep tonight.

Took the day off from preparing meals for the kids. The girls had to drive to KC this morning to pick up their brother. Kathy had a doctor’s appointment at 2:00 so we met them all there.

After the doctor’s appointment I came home and rested a bit. The others joined me at 5:00 and a lady came over with some information. Afterwards we had a family meeting.

The kids and Kathy left to go find dinner somewhere. I am going to go to bed early as I have to be up early. Sophia has to be in Marion before 8:30 in the morning so I have to get up and get going early. Sophia is getting a spa day and a haircut. Not sure that is her idea of a fun day but she needs some help for heat relief. Her coat is a mess and is heavy. This hot weather is hard on her.

Tomorrow afternoon and evening is family day. Some of my kids and grandkids are coming out as well as my two brothers. I am fixing a meal for all tomorrow night. It will be fun to have a house full of family.

The kids are leaving for home Friday morning. It will be a long drive for them but there are three in the car that will switch off driving. They have fun together so it will be a long but fun trip for them.

I have an event to go to Saturday at noon but have Friday free as a recovery day. Luckily my calendar for next week is wide open. It will be good to go back to “normal” around here.

Feeling a bit out of sorts tonight. Still haven’t heard from a surgeon so that is still pending. Waiting on that appointment to get set before I can proceed with some of the other pending items on my to do list. One of these days things will break open for me and I can proceed. Sitting in that in-between space is hard some days and this is one of the hard days.

Got a good lesson on nothing external being solid to ground into today. It is interesting to watch my own as well as other’s reactions when we are searching for solid ground and can’t find it. Wonder why that isn’t taught to us at some point in our lives. The sooner we figure out nothing is solid ground the faster we can turn inward and do our own work and find solid ground within.

Grateful for the hard conversations today, grateful for a day off from cooking, and grateful I can go to bed early tonight.

Unfortunately I had another night of little to no sleep. I am dog ass tired tonight. I am going to go to bed early tonight and trust that sleep will find me.

We got 3 1/2 inches of rain today with more on its way. Sure wish we could space out the rain a bit better. We will be begging for it come the first part of August.

Kathy went over to where the girls are staying and spent the morning with the girls. I fixed lunch and they all came over to have lunch. After lunch, four of our dear friends came over for happy hour. We all enjoyed the conversation and it gave Kathy’s girls a chance to meet our friends.

Since I fixed a big lunch I didn’t fix dinner tonight. I had fixed nachos for Happy Hour so I called that dinner.

Tomorrow the girls are driving to KC to pick up their brother at the airport. Kathy and I are going to stay home and rest. Kathy has an appointment in the afternoon we are all going to. I told the group I wasn’t cooking tomorrow so they can find somewhere to have lunch and dinner.

I will drive separately to the appointment as I have some errands to run afterwards. Other than that, I have nothing on the calendar for tomorrow.

Thursday is family day. Nicole is coming down for part of the day. I am hoping Michelle, Chad and Keith are coming out for dinner. I will try to remember to text them tomorrow and remind them. I am fixing a pot roast so it will be an easy meal and will stretch if it needs to.

The kids are heading out Friday morning to drive home. They have had a bit of a whirlwind trip but it has been fun having them here.

Saturday I have an event to go to at noon and then nothing on my calendar for all of next week. Thinking I will need some down time after this week.

I sent a note to my GYN and asked to be referred to the doctor in KC. I still haven’t heard from the doctor in Wichita and it has been two weeks. I’ll see how long it takes for the doctor in KC to respond. What is the deal with this?

I’m so tired I can barely hold a thought tonight. Sure trusting I will find some good sleep tonight. If this continues for much longer I may have to see what other alternatives I have for the steroid cream. I am getting seriously sleep deprived.

Grateful to have this time with Kathy’s girls, grateful for my friends that came over in the pouring rain today, and grateful for a slower pace day tomorrow.

Another night of little sleep. Having the hardest time falling asleep these days. It was after 5:00 this morning when I finally fell asleep. I never did feel like I woke up all the way today.

I fixed a taco salad and home-made cheesecake for dinner tonight. Kathy’s girls didn’t get here until almost 8:00. It was an easy dinner to fix and serve. The girls left around 9:15 to walk up to their Airbnb for the night. They had driven all night and were ready to take a shower and go to bed.

We don’t have any special plans for tomorrow. They are fixing breakfast for themselves in their house. I think I am fixing green chicken for lunch. Kathy is hosting Happy Hour tomorrow afternoon at 3:00. I am going to fix some loaded nachos for that and call that our dinner. The green chicken is a crock pot meal so that will be easy. I have a cantaloupe to cut up and serve with the chicken and potatoes and that will be lunch. We have left over cheesecake so don’t need another dessert made.

Not sure what else is on the agenda for tomorrow. It may be a hang around the house type of day. I’m sure the girls need a day to recover from spending almost 24 hours in their car.

It was fun to see the girls walk in tonight. I’m grateful they came to visit their mom and see where she lives. I wish I had a spare bedroom for them to stay here but it is what it is. Maybe them having their own space is better for all.

I didn’t hear from the surgeon again today. I kinda forgot about it until it was too late to call. I’ll try to remember to do that tomorrow. It has been almost two weeks now. Good thing it isn’t too urgent! Trusting I won’t develop bigger issues before I can get an appointment.

Trusting I will get some good sleep tonight. I tried to take a chair nap this afternoon and was able to sleep for a short bit but never did feel rested. It is time that I crash and burn and sleep long and hard. Still wondering if the steroid cream I am using is causing this sleep problem.

Grateful the girls had a safe trip, grateful dinner was edible and grateful for the long sleep I will get tonight.