Starry night on the prairie

So many of you have been asking how I am doing and what is happening with my thyroid cancer. This seems to be the easiest way to catch everyone up with what is happening with it.

I went to the Endocrinologist in Topeka today. I saw the actual Doctor for the first time in this office. She called me back from the waiting room herself. It took me a minute to figure out she was the Doctor and not a nurse.

She had not received my records from MD Anderson so I was glad I had taken my copy with me. She was excited to read the change in my cancer diagnosis and was really happy I had gone to get a second opinion. She agreed to order an ultrasound to be done three times this year and will do blood work every six to eight weeks and check the antibody levels as well as my thyroid levels each time. As long as the ultrasound is clear and my antibody levels continue to drop she agreed I did not need the radioactive iodine treatment.

The ultrasound place is to call me next week to get an ultrasound scheduled and I will have my blood drawn sometime in March. I go back to see her in June.

I feel like I can take a deep breath for the first time in a while. I liked the doctor and felt she listened to me and explained things to me. I agree with her plan of treatment.

The Moon Rising Party was a great success. 25 people came for dinner and eight spent the night. We had a great time even though the moon was shy and didn’t let us see much of her. She did peek out from under the clouds every once in a while. The sunset was OK but the after glow was amazing.

Lots of empty space on my calendar now. Call me if you want to have lunch!

Rejoicing with my good news today on the prairie! All is well!

Just dropping in to let everyone know I am OK. I have been doing some very deep soul work. I come up for air every once in a while and meet with dear friends and then dive deep again.

The work I am doing is diving deep into things that trigger me and working to discover why I get triggered. You know – those things that others do that I react to – often out of proportion to what they did. I am finding my reaction is one of habit and not choice. The simple reason I was triggered is really not what my reaction was all about as I dig deep inside myself. This has been some of the harder work I have done in a long time. It is not easy to take a look at myself and observe my very humanness. My mentor reminds me there is nothing I can “do” to fix it. I need to observe and give it some attention and then let it go. Easier said than done on many levels. Many days I don’t like myself very well and am not fit to be around people as a result. I am reminded again that what others do has nothing to do with me and what I do has nothing to do with others. Others are teachers allowing me the opportunity to observe myself and my reactions to life.

One of the things I have discovered is I really react strongly when someone places what feels like a demand on me. It starts a fire of anger in my belly that grows very quickly and leads me down a dark path. I have been spending time observing myself when that happens and am learning what is behind that habit.

All of this is good stuff when it is done but difficult in the moment for me. Sure feeling like the experience in Peru cleared out a lot of old stuff and is allowing me now to deal with some of my core issues. Not easy admitting to my human flaws and learning to embrace them and learn how to use them to grow.

I have often told my healing clients that life is like climbing a set of stairs. You climb one and things level out and life seems easy and it feels like you have life figured out. But then you start climbing another stair and sometimes that climb (life) feels very steep and hard and like you will never get to the top again. Lots of slipping and what feels like sliding backwards often times during the climb. Sometimes you find a toe hold and take a pause before you have the strength to climb again. That is what today feels like to me. I can’t see the top of the stair I am climbing yet and needing to take a pause before I find the strength to climb some more. I will reach the top of this stair but how and when is a mystery to me today. The good news is there is no time pressure to do so. When I am ready I will make this climb and reach the top and be able to enjoy life even more than I did before.

MD Anderson finally recommended I do NOT need to have the radioactive iodine treatment done. They said my cancer is garden variety papillary cancer and I do not have the dangerous variant so the chances of it coming back is very low. They recommend quarterly blood work and an ultrasound quarterly for the first year, semi-annual the second year and then annually. What a relief! I go see the Endocrinologist in Topeka on February 2. It may be an interesting visit!

My energy level is slowly starting to climb back up. I am feeling better than I have for a long time on most days. I have started riding my stationary bike again and am eating better than I did before. Sleep is still hit and miss but when I do sleep it is a deeper, more restful sleep.

In case you didn’t see it on Facebook I am inviting everyone over for a moon arising party on Wednesday, January 31. It is a full moon, super moon, blue moon and that night we will see a lunar eclipse. This lunar event happens once every 150 years so definitely a once in a lifetime event. The moon rises at 6:15 and we will have dinner together afterwards. I am fixing a beef stew (and a vegetarian option) and asking those that come bring a covered dish. All the beds are spoken for that night but if you are from out-of-town and want to stay in the area let me know and I will find you a bed somewhere close. Should be a fun night! Join me in setting the intention the sky will be clear that night so we can witness this rare event. Please come if you can! Bring friends with you. I would appreciate a heads up if you are coming so I can set enough plates at my table.

I have set an intention for myself to meet with two different friends every week for face-to-face connecting time. Reach out if you are desiring to connect deeply with someone. I am craving real conversation with like-minded people. It helps me sort out life and reminds me what is really important to me.

I have had to restart my money challenge as I failed rather quickly this time in my attempt to go 30 days without buying something new. Started again with a renewed intention. Money insecurity seems to be one of the roots of my life issues and I am challenging myself to dive deep into it and lessen the effects of it on the choices I make daily. Life is a game and it is more fun when I remember to act as if it is.

Hope to see you the 31st! Come if you can and if you can’t come get outside and observe this once in a lifetime event where ever you find yourself.

All is well on the prairie today!

This will be my last public blog for a bit. I have some stuff I need to work out and I want to do so using my blog format but it needs to be private. Not sure for how long or if I will come back to a public blog site.

Blogging publicly has been very healing for me on many levels. For many years I wore a public mask that was not very helpful for myself but I didn’t know how to be a different way. Blogging has helped me remove my mask and become much more comfortable with who I am – the good, the bad and the ugly.

Now it is time to do some deep, personal inner work. One disadvantage of a public blog is I tried hard to make the blog about myself and not about the people I interacted with. That is their story to tell – or not.

But now I need to work through some personal interactions I am having with others and I need to write out details so I can see if I can find old habits and patterns that keep reoccurring for me. Hard to do that in a public space.

So for a bit at least if you want to know what is happening with me you get to find out the old fashioned way – email me, text me, come see me or call me.

Thanks to all that have read my blog over the last couple of years. Never could figure out why people read it as my life is rather boring most times.

Contemplating taking a break from Facebook too. It has become a crutch for me to be able to avoid people as it feels like I am interacting with others but in reality I am not really doing so. I want to become more intentional of staying connected to my close friends. I’m afraid I have become lazy about that and allowed my energy to go to Facebook instead of face to face.

So for now, farewell! Please reach out and stay in touch with me the old fashioned way. I am craving closer connections with others!

In a little better mood today. We have been invited to a gathering tonight from 7:30 – 9:00. Not sure if I can people yet or not. I don’t want to spread this bad mood to others. Besides, little things are really bothering me today and I don’t want to snap at someone over something stupid.

My baby brother came out and picked up his new year’s cookies along with some left over fudge and pepper nuts. He even took my left over peanut butter balls. I threw away the stuff in two other containers. All that is left now are some Rollo pretzel bites and I can’t make myself throw them away yet. Maybe tomorrow….

I kept the chickens in their coop today. I just went down and filled their water container. They aren’t very happy with me making them stay inside today. It is 12 degrees out and the wind is blowing so betting the wind chill is below zero. They can go out tomorrow if it is a bit warmer.

It is so nice to be able to open the chicken coop door easily. Man! Why didn’t I have someone fix it a long time ago. Funny how I can put up with a minor nuisance and not investigate it more. It is the little things in life sometimes that can make the biggest difference.

Looking at an almost empty calendar so far for January. That both delights and terrifies me. The old habit of you have to be busy to be worth while starts running in my head when I have that much free time. Maybe this will be the year I can break free of that old, useless tape in my head. The last few months when I thought I was going to have lots of empty space stuff has come up and eaten away my empty space. Trusting this time will truly stay empty for me. I am way overdue for lots of empty space.

I got my tax organizer from my accountant yesterday so it must be time to start pulling numbers together for him. I got started on them in October so it won’t take me long to finish up. Waiting for tax forms from banks and others holds me up the most. Always feels good to get that job finished up. I will start cleaning out files and pulling 2016 records to put in storage. When it gets warmer I will go down to the barn and pull one more year of records to take to the dump. Only two more years of records after I pull the 2011 ones and those will be gone. I will have lots of empty storage racks when that happens.

A project I like to do every January is clean out all my cabinets and closets and see how much stuff I can get rid of. I use most of my dishes during the holidays so if I didn’t use them this year they go out. I noticed this morning my closet is feeling crowded so I need to get it cleared out. I love finding stuff I can get rid of. I boxed up a box of books to return to the library so they can resale them at the spring book sale. Maybe I can find a box or two to drop off at a Goodwill and make a “done with it” trip to town. I already cleaned out my pantry but what I found in it was stuff to throw away not give away. I really can’t stand clutter any more and anything I don’t use needs to go out of the house. I don’t keep just in case stuff anymore.

I was downstairs in my storage room and noticed I need to get down there and go through my totes one more time. Every time I do I find more stuff to get rid of. I put some extra furniture in there and that room is very crowded now. Anyone interested in two matching twin beds complete with mattress and box springs? They are in like new condition. I got Kathy a full-sized bed for her room and don’t need the twin beds anymore. $150 each or both for $200.

My money challenge starts tomorrow. Guess if I want to buy anything new I better get it ordered today! Good news is I can’t think of anything I want or need! Most of my spending continues to be impulse buying which is why a money challenge is helpful for me. Shopping from a list only really helps me be more aware of how I spend my money. I’m always surprised at how much I don’t spend when I use a list.

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions as I celebrate Solstice and equinox and that feels more relevant to me. I did see a meme on Facebook that I could call my 2018 resolution. It said: My goals this year? Eat chocolate, be real, go on adventures, hang out with weird people, create epic shit, and be magical & sassy as fuck. Same as every other year.

It is a bitterly cold, sunny day on the prairie. All is well!

Tim came out and fixed my chicken coop door last night.  He cut away about four inches of the mat in front of the door.  He had to take out the screws that held it in place, cut the mat and then put the screws back in.  It only took about 10 minutes to do.  The door opens easier than it ever has.  The latch even works.  Wow!  That was easy!

I had some beef stew in the oven that was smelling really good while he was here.  I sent half of it home with him as a thank you for fixing the door.

I woke up feeling very cranky this morning.  Not sure why other than I didn’t sleep much last night.  A little after noon I went back to bed and was able to sleep really good for several hours.  I’m not so cranky now.  Maybe I just needed a nap!

I tried some CBD oil last night.  The body aches I have had the last few days are gone today.  I’ll try it again tonight.  If I have to trade body aches for being cranky I am not sure what I will do.  Don’t like either one!

Got the final results of the thyroid test the doctor in Houston had ordered.  My levels have dropped from 4.8 pre-surgery and is now down to 1.2.  My level was 2.8 the end of October.  As they are still dropping I am hoping she won’t automatically advise me to have the radioactive iodine treatment.  My goal is to get to zero on this test.  It has been almost three months since surgery.  Not sure how long they allow.

I haven’t stepped foot out of the house yet today.  Too cold out there!  Tomorrow is to be even worse.  I’ll have to go down and lock up the chickens at dusk.  I rigged a heat lamp for them yesterday but the silly girls went outside when Kathy went down this morning and opened their trap door.  May keep their trap door closed tomorrow as it is to be 11 for the high of the day.  I don’t usually use a heat lamp for them but when it gets this cold I felt it was needed for a bit.

My head feels so much quieter this afternoon since my nap.  It was taking me to some really dark places this morning.  I had a weird dream that continued taking me  to a dark place during my nap.  I rarely am aware that I had a dream.  The dream I had today is still in my awareness.  I have learned several tricks to get my head quiet and stop the dark thoughts but none of them were working earlier.

I am grateful I had nothing that needed done today so I could go back to bed today before I said or did something that would have caused harm to anyone, including myself.  Sure wish I knew why it happened.  I guess sometimes I just need to feel the lower vibrations and allow them to be what they are.

It is a better day now, thank heavens.  The sun is shining and the skies are bright blue.  The furnace keeps running or else I would think it is nice enough to go play outside.   I need to check my propane level next time I go out and make sure I have enough to get me through this cold spell.  I don’t think my propane guy has been out lately.  I am on auto-fill so they are to keep an eye on it for me and keep it filled as needed.  Maybe it hasn’t been as cold for as long as it feels like it has.   More than three days is long enough for me!

Cold!  Sunshine!  Working chicken coop door!  All is well on the prairie today!

Michelle and Tim came out for dinner last night so they could pick up the kiddos.  Tim checked out my chicken coop door and needs to come back tonight with the right tools to fix it.  Good thing he is coming back as it froze shut again last night.  It is to be bitterly cold the next three days.  He is going to cut the floor mat away from the bottom of the door area.  Over time the mat has lifted and now that it has water on it the door sticks to it.  He was going to try to sand the door down but it makes more sense to cut the floor mat away.

I went into Emporia this morning to get groceries and pet food.  Hoping not to have to leave the house the next three days.  I don’t like being out when it is single digits outside.

Put a beef stew in the oven when I got home from town.  With cold weather coming it sounded good!  I love the way it makes the house smell while it is cooking.

May run over to Lebo this afternoon to deliver my brothers their Christmas gift of fudge and New Year’s Cookies.  I attempted to give Chad his while I was in town but couldn’t find him.  It will be too cold to go over the weekend.

It finally feels like some empty space has opened up for me.  Absolutely nothing for me to have to do for the next couple of days.  I started a big zig saw puzzle that I may have time to work on.  Trusting my calendar will remain empty and I can stay home and listen to the quiet.

Kathy and Craig got home last night a little after 8:00.  Fast trip to CO.  Sure glad I stayed home and played with grandkids instead.

I was really tired last night but didn’t sleep very well.  For some reason my hamstrings are tight and very sore.  Not sure what I did to give them a reason to yell at me.  It might be the cold weather is bothering them.  Wonder how they will feel by Sunday when it really is to get cold?

Need to go down and put the heater in front of the chicken coop door again so Tim can get in and fix it when he comes out tonight.  Things like that drive me crazy!  Maybe I need to take a house repair 101 class and learn how to fix things myself.

Starting January 1 I am starting a 30 day money challenge.  I won’t buy anything but food, pet food, replenish cleaning and personal supplies, medication and essential home repairs.  I will start making a list when I go to the store and can only buy from my list – no impulse buys.  No new clothes, equipment, tools, or new things.  I will also attempt to clean out my pantry and freezer and only buy food that is perishable.  I will give myself a small eating out allowance each month and when that is gone I can’t go out.  If I am successful for 30 days I may see how long I can sustain it.  I tried this last year and learned a lot about myself and my money habits.  It will be interesting to see what lessons I learn about myself this year.

I view this more as a game I play with myself than anything else.  I make the rules so I can break the rules as needed.  It helps me feel more powerful about how I spend  my money and feels like I am more in charge of my money via it running me.  Life is more fun when I treat it like a game.

Got an email from the National Parks Services and my senior park pass is in the mail.  I ordered it on April 25.  It was to have taken 4 – 6 weeks.  They must have been overwhelmed with how many were ordered.  Sure wish the government was as forgiving with me if I was late with a tax payment.

Empty space at last!  All is well on the frozen prairie today!

 

I didn’t get much sleep last night. It was a busy night around here. The kiddos and I all went to bed in my queen sized bed. Tagen fell right to sleep a little after 8:00. Ellexia had trouble falling asleep and was up until 9:00. At 11:30 I crawled out of my bed and went to lay on the couch in the living room. It was a bit crowded in my own bed.

Ellexia came to the living room around 2:00. She laid on my tummy with me on the couch until she decided to go sleep on the recliner around 2:30. Sophia woke me up at 4:30 as she wanted to go outside. After I let Sophia in at 5:00 I went back to sleep in my own bed with Tagen.

Sophia wanted out again at 6:30 and Ellexia came and got in the big bed to join us at 7:00. We all finally got up at 8:00. Sure doesn’t feel like I got much sleep last night. Tagen slept for 12 hours! I’m jealous.

I fixed Ellexia scrambled eggs and blueberry pancakes and Tagen waffles for breakfast. They are both a bit cranky today so they have been separated for an hour or so. Usually after I separate them they can figure out a way to play nice together again.

Still haven’t been able to get my chicken coop door open.  Tim said he would come out after he gets off work tonight and see if he can get it open for me.  I took a metal water can full of water down and set it outside in their pen.  I can tell by looking in the window their heated water can inside their coop is completely dry.  If I can’t get the door open I may loose my whole flock.  I have a room heater running and facing the door.   Not sure it will do any good but I need to try something.  It is to get above freezing this afternoon so maybe between the heater and the warm up it will open.  The wood swelled when the watering can leaked two days ago.  I can’t see any ice but it may be behind the wood I can see.

It sure was nice to be able to do dishes this morning and not have to go downstairs and wet vac afterwards.  The simple things in life!  I take them for granted sometimes.

I got the results of the blood draw the doctor from MD Anderson wanted done.  My levels have not changed from two months ago.  Thinking she will now recommend I have the radioactive iodine treatment done.  I should know for sure next week when she sends her recommendations out.  I have an appointment with the Endocrinologist in Topeka the first of February so we can discuss it then.  I get to actually see and meet the Doctor in Topeka for the first time when I go back.  Maybe she isn’t as threatened by my getting a second opinion as the nurse practitioner is.

We may go eat at Subway if the kids can decide if we eat there or bring it home.  They can’t agree and I won’t take them until they do.  I may fix Mac and cheese at home.  I forget that kids like to argue and it is normal for them.  So glad I don’t have to listen to it everyday!

Another busy day with kiddos.  Headsets are on and it is briefly quiet on the prairie.  Not holding my breathe that it will last.  All is well on the prairie today!

Kathy left with Craig this morning. They are headed to Colorado for a couple of days. Craig had asked me to go with him but I wasn’t ready to take another trip right now. Grateful Kathy went with him so he didn’t try to drive it all himself.

Got the plumber out this morning to fix my backed up overflow drain. Nice to be able to do dishes and not have to go downstairs and use the wet vac. The other guy still has the flu and hadn’t made it out yet.

Expecting a furniture delivery this afternoon. They were to have come yesterday but someone got sick and they had to reschedule. Must be a lot of flu and crud going around.

Ellexia sent me a text this morning and told me she was bored. After the plumber left I went into town and picked both kids up. After a quick stop at the grocery store we came to my house. They are planning on spending the night as their mom works again tonight and she will need to sleep at least for a while tomorrow. She had worked last night too and needed to sleep today.

Still need to go down and see if I can get into the chicken coop. Was waiting to see if it was going to warm up but not thinking that it is going to. May have to get creative to make sure they have access to water. I can throw food in their coop via the egg door. May see if Tagen can squeeze through the little trap door and see if he can push the door open from the inside. Ellexia could make it in but she isn’t strong enough to do much good.

Sophia is stuck with me while Kathy is gone. So far she has been good. The kids played with her for a bit when they first got here until Sophia had enough and wanted to go back outside. The dogs love this very cold weather.

The first thing Ellexia had me do when she got here was change my music. She doesn’t like quiet, soft music. Lord help me! There is a station on my Sonos called Kidz Bop 36 she likes. I am getting old! She just ask me to play the song Just Shake Your Rump! Where have I been lately? Have never heard of it.

Need to remember to set the trash out tonight. They are picking up a day late this week and next due to the holidays. Need to change the cat litter box. It is way overdue to be refreshed.

Another cloudy and bitterly cold day on the prairie. Ready for winter to be over and spring to come. Am not a fan of cold weather. Makes me want to run away to a warm beach somewhere.

So grateful the kiddos came to spend the day. I miss my peace and quiet but it is fun to have them here for a day or so. They are a bit wired but trusting they will settle down soon and relax into the quiet of the prairie. Both look a bit tired so maybe bedtime can come early tonight.

All is well on the cold prairie today. It isn’t very quiet but full of fun today instead!

And Christmas 2017 is a wrap. We had a lovely time at Craig’s house yesterday. Craig made chili and I took tons of cookies and candies. Kathy made a cherry jello salad and a cheesecake. We all ate way too much! Got rid of most of the cookies and candies. May try to give some more away later today. I need them out of the house so I quit eating sugar! My stomach is starting to tell me to clean up my eating habits.

Kathy took down the Christmas trees this morning and I have been cleaning upstairs while Kathy has been cleaning downstairs. I broke the hose on my vacuum off. I tried duck taping it but it didn’t hold. Ordered a new hose from Amazon. May have to wait to clean the rest of my house until the part comes in – darn!

The main door to the chicken coop is frozen shut. When the water container leaked it dripped water down in front of the door and it froze shut during the cold wind yesterday. Luckily they have lots of food and water and should be OK until I can figure out how to get it open. It is to warm up later this week. I can always slip food and water through the egg door if needed.

Finally got Gene’s Christmas box mailed to him this morning. He should have it before New Year’s. Better late than never I guess.

I want to try to make another batch of New Year’s cookies as the first batch wasn’t very good. May do those this afternoon since I can’t finish my cleaning. My other two brothers really like them and I try to get them some every year as my Christmas gift to them along with some fudge. Both are made using my mother’s recipes.

We are getting some snow flurries this morning on the prairie. Not much accumulation so far. Radar showed most of the snow went north of me. It can stay there as far as I am concerned. Single digit temperatures are forecasted for today. Way too cold for my liking. Going some place warm in January or February is sounding better and better. Only problem is traveling just doesn’t sound inviting right now. Maybe in a couple of weeks I will feel the urge to go again. Right now all I want to do is sit in my favorite chair with the fireplace on and stay inside all nice and cozy warm.

So glad Christmas is over. I need to find a new normal for myself to settle into. Things have been way too chaotic around here for my liking. I’m ready for a string of so-called normal days where nothing is going on and I get to stay home. I need some quiet days to process all that has happened over the last year.

Waiting on my repairman to come fix my floor drain and for the furniture store to make a delivery.  Need to go get some groceries but they may wait for a day or two as I really don’t want to leave the house again today.

Cleaning. Nesting. Settling in at home for a bit. It is a bitter cold and snowy day on the prairie. All is well!

May the spirit of Christmas find each of you today and everyday of your life. May peace, joy and happiness fill your heart and overflow to touch everyone you encounter.

Decided to take a shower this morning even if it meant mopping up the basement floor. No hot water! The Grinch stole my Christmas morning shower! Finally figured out the pilot light had gone off so got that relit. Maybe I’ll take a bath tonight instead.

Kathy came in from doing chores and told me the chicken’s water container was not holding water. Went out and fixed it (at least I think it is fixed). Will go check it again in an hour or so to make sure it is fixed.

Poured the grease from the pan I used to make New Year’s Cookies into the container the grease came out of. Made a huge mess but thankfully had set a bowl underneath the container so I wouldn’t get grease down the sink drain and add to my clog. Used tons of paper towels to get that mess cleaned up.

Three things have gone wrong this morning and it isn’t even 9:00 yet. Maybe the rest of the day will go much better. About ready to go back to bed and start this day over!

Looking forward to seeing my family this afternoon. Maybe they can help me find my Christmas spirit. It seems to have eluded me this year.

Have been trying to figure out why I don’t enjoy Christmas. I know when I went to Israel in 2004 and saw the manger Christ was born in something shifted in me. Part of it was I felt deceived by the representation of a wooden stable the church has used to depict the original manger. It is more like a stone cave – no wood in sight.

Part of it is the church built above the manger. The middle four feet of the church is unfinished as the two churches that claim ownership of the church can’t agree on how to merge the two fractions.
Not so Christ like in my opinion!

I think I realized then that Christ is a consciousness energy that represents the best parts of how I strive to live my life and the rest of the story is man-made nonsense. I think I started my minimalist life style the day I saw how man has twisted the Christ birth into something it isn’t and that I needed to start separating myself from the materialistic representation that I saw that day. I wasn’t able to physically manifest that for several years but the shift happened in my soul the day I saw the manger and the church above it.

I do better celebrating Christmas in other months of the year when I can share the energy of the Christ consciousness without the materialistic trappings of the December season.

However and whenever you celebrate I trust you will be surrounded by peace, love and joy! When ever peace, love and joy are present you have found the true spirit of Christmas – regardless what day the calendar says it is!

I got my New Year’s Cookies made this morning.  Not sure they turned out very good.  I’ll try some later and check them but may need to do another batch.  Not sure what I did wrong. They didn’t raise up very much and tasted heavy.

The basement overflow drain backed up again last night.  We tried plunging it again but didn’t have much luck.  Sucked up as much as we could with the wet vac.  Put some baking soda and vinegar down the drain.  It drains very slowly today and if I keep using the wet vac have been able to do dishes without creating a big mess downstairs.  The guy that has a snake called me back.  He has the flu but will try to get out early next week.

Tim brought Ellexia out this morning,   Tim and Michelle needed to finish up some Christmas errands and needed a little one away from the house for a bit.  Kathy and Ellexia went outside and made snow angels this morning and are watching The Polar Express movie downstairs now.  I am thinking about taking a nap when I get done writing.  I didn’t sleep very good last night.  Don’t have a lot of energy today.

Got everything ready for our family Christmas tomorrow at Craig’s house.  Need to find a couple of boxes to load everything into and I will be ready to go.  Need to remember to take some left over containers so I can get rid of some of these cookies and candies.   My body is ready for me to go off sugar again.

i want to get Gene’s box put together today.  I’ll drop it in the mail Tuesday morning.  At least he will have it before New Year’s Day.  I missed the Christmas deadline.

We got a very light dusting of snow overnight.  The sun is shining brightly this afternoon but it is cold out.  Nice to have a white Christmas with just enough snow to make it white without creating a huge mess.   We can be done with snow for the season now as far as I am concerned.

Christmas is tomorrow!  Maybe the spirit of the season will find me yet.

White Christmas!  Shopping and wrapping is done.  Family gathering tomorrow.    All is well and beautiful on the snow dusted prairie today!

Made a second batch of fudge this morning early. Grateful it was a successful. I never know if it will turn out or not.

Went into Emporia for a few groceries. I stopped at two different stores to do something else and both were closed. Luckily the grocery store wasn’t crowded. I avoided Wal-Mart as I anticipated it would be full.

Came home and made a batch of pepper nuts. Kathy rolled the last few pans of them as she had never made them before. They turned out really good. Not sure they are as good as Mom’s were but they will do. Got three quarts full of them. Mom used to make them by the gallon.

Kathy discovered the floor drain in the basement is backed up. May have to wait to do dishes until I can get someone out to fix it. I left a message for the guy that fixed it for me last time but he hasn’t returned my call. He may be gone for Christmas. Poor timing to have this happen now. Good thing I am not having Christmas here on Monday. It may have to wait until Tuesday before I can find someone to come out. I would offer fudge for someone to come out with a snake and clear my drain.

The only thing I have left to do is wrap a few gifts and make New Year’s Cookies. They may wait until Tuesday if I can’t use much water until then. I didn’t get Gene’s box mailed so I will wait until I get the New Year’s Cookies made and put some in his box next week and get it sent off late.

Feels good to have my Christmas list almost finished. I sure got a late start on it this year. I only made single batches of most of the cookies this year as I don’t want so many left over. Maybe the kids will take most of the left overs for me. I do want to make up a few trays and gift some to some dear friends.

Still having trouble knowing what season it is. Peru was enjoying spring time while I was there. Hard to come back to winter time in Kansas. Things have felt a bit like chaos lately. Grateful for the slow down that is coming next week. I am way overdue to allow things to slow down.

What a month this has been. No wonder my head is spinning a bit!

My list is almost crossed out. Ready to slow down and enjoy the season of hope and faith. All is well on the quiet prairie today!

Had a beautiful solstice celebration with some dear friends yesterday afternoon. The light is returning! So thankful for this new season in my life. Time to lighten up and have more fun. My word for the year is pause. When I remember to pause before I do anything life seems easier. Trusting this may help me remember to pause more.

I had sent a note to my Topeka Endocrinologist asking why she decreased my thyroid medication dose. The doctor at MD Anderson had mentioned I needed it increased. The Topeka Endocrinologist response was rather rude I thought. She recommended I only have one doctor to follow and ask if I was changing my care to MD Anderson. She didn’t answer my question about why she lowered my dose. Wonder what she will do when she finds out MD Anderson disagrees with the type of cancer they diagnosed me with.

Does me getting a second option threatened her that much? I responded my insurance doesn’t cover out-of-state care so I was stuck with her. I ask her again to answer my question about why she lowered my dose. WTF? May need to find a new local Endocrinologist. Anyone know of one? This is the same office that the nurse could not tell me what the radioactive iodine treatment involved. When I said I wouldn’t have it done without more information they couldn’t find an appointment for me to come in and discuss the procedure until the February appointment I already had scheduled.

Good news is I turn 65 in August and will go on Medicare which allows out-of-state care.

Had trouble falling asleep last night. Finally took a second sleeping pill and some Advil and finally fell asleep. Ended up sleeping six hours straight! I needed that as I am still struggling to get over this tired to the bone feeling.

I am going to bake sugar cookies and make a final decision on what to get the kids for Christmas today. Looks too cloudy to make fudge although I may try one batch as I want to get Gene’s box mailed out to him and fudge is his favorite.

Still need to wrap the grandkids presents. I tried to get the kiddos to come out today to help frost sugar cookies but they have school today. They must not get a very long Christmas break from school this year.

Need to go into Emporia later and run some errands. Thinking today will be less crowded than tomorrow. Need to get some groceries so I have something to eat the next couple of days. I keep forgetting to get something when I go as I have been focused on my Christmas goodie list instead.

Getting very close to being ready for Christmas. Will be glad when it is done! Not my favorite time of year and it is my least favorite holiday. I have really cut back on what I do for Christmas but still find it a difficult holiday on many levels for myself. Being gone for most of December helped make it a shorter season than normal this year.

Making my list. Checking it twice! All is well on the cloudy and cold prairie today.

The Endocrinologist Oncologist from MD Anderson had her nurse call me yesterday.  The nurse told me the doctor now believes the type of cancer I have is conventional papillary and I do not have the variant.  She had met with the pathologist and reviewed the slides and now agrees with him.  If this is true this is good news for me as it lessens my chance of a reoccurrence.

The doctor is waiting for the results of the blood draw I had today to write her recommendation of treatment options for me.  I probably won’t get that until after the first of the year as my blood tests results will probably not be back before Friday and she leaves for vacation after that.

I ask the nurse about my thyroid medication dose being lower.  She said I needed to send in the results of the labs and they would address that in the recommendations.  I had showed both the nurse and the doctor the results of the labs when I was there.  Guess I will need to figure out how to get them the results on paper.  Why does this seem so complicated?

I didn’t get my fudge made while the sun was still out yesterday.  It is to be sunny Saturday so may have to wait and make it then.

Am cleaning my house today. We are having Christmas at Craig’s house this year but I love a clean house. Have some friends coming by this afternoon so it will be nice to have a clean house for them.

I need to go into Cottonwood Falls to go to the bank and post office this morning. Still am trying to decide what to give for Christmas presents. Running out of time and options.

Enjoying the Winter Solstice today. Taking some time to sit with the darkness and anticipate the return of the light. I did some deep soul work over the last three months and feel cleansed and ready for new things to come in. Need to decide what intentions I want to plant during our ceremony this afternoon. The last two years I have chosen a word for the year. Two years ago it was balance and this year’s word was movement. I have found it helpful to have a word that brings me back to center and helps keep me focused on my priority for myself. Maybe I will get inspired during our ceremony and the right word will present itself.

Slowing things down today. Sitting in gratitude for my many blessings. Knowing all is well!

Went into Emporia this morning to get my blood draw done. Afterwards I went to the liquor store to get the bourbon to make bourbon slush. Stopped at Walgreen’s to pick up a prescription and went to Wal-Mart to get the rest of the ingredients I needed to make Christmas goodies.

Came home and got the peanut butter balls made and dipped in chocolate. Had extra chocolate so Kathy spread peanut butter on Ritz crackers and I dipped those in chocolate. Still had extra chocolate so poured a bag of pecans in the chocolate and coated them. Also made the bourbon slush that is a family tradition for us.

It the sun stays out I can get a batch or two of fudge made. The only other thing on my list is sugar cookies and I will wait until I have some helpers to help me frost them on Saturday. Now if my shopping was all done I would be almost ready for Christmas!

Found out my stool culture came back normal. One less thing to worry about. The retreat leader knew what he was doing by treating me with silver and oregano oil.

Sent a note to my local Endocrinologist asking why the decrease in my thyroid medication and told her the Endocrinologist Oncologist from MD Anderson wanted to increase it. I haven’t heard back from her yet. So confusing when I get two different opinions and they don’t match up. I am going to attempt to arrange a conference call after the first of the year with the two doctors and myself and see if we can get together and sort this out.

I am not near as tired today as I was yesterday. I can’t remember being that tired before. I think everything that has happened over the last couple of weeks caught up to me and almost knocked me out. Thinking it will take me a few days to figure out what way is up for me right now. Lots has happened to me over the last several months and I need some down time to process it all. Grateful I have almost a completely empty calendar so far for January. So ready for lots of empty space.

My dear neighbor escorted my dogs back home this morning. They were down by her house by the road and she was afraid they would get hit. Love living where I do and am so lucky to have such nice neighbors.

Have some friends coming over tomorrow afternoon so we can celebrate Winter Solstice. It will be good to see them. We always have a good time when we get together and I always feel better after they are here.

Feeling better about Christmas coming as I got some things ready today. Need to clean house a bit to get ready for tomorrow. Feels so good to be home.

The smell of chocolate is in the air! Christmas is coming soon. All is well on the prairie today!