Starry night on the prairie

This has been a quiet day. I did go to Emporia to pick up a few groceries but other than that have been at home. Kathy is having a quiet day too. Sometimes one needs to tune out and tune inward.

I broke down and turned on the furnace this morning. Kathy said she was having trouble warming up. My body isn’t ready for this cooler weather. It felt nice to warm the house up.

Got another turnpike toll bill from our trip back east in May. Yikes! They are claiming I didn’t mail them a check for part of the tolls a month ago. I know I paid the bill but knowing our postal service these days I am not surprised they didn’t get it. We shall see if attempt number two goes through. I paid the extra $5 late fee although it irks me to do so.

Still haven’t heard from the doctor that billed Max for a procedure that he clearly did not do back in April. If I don’t hear from them by tomorrow I will file a fraud case with Medicare. Removing scar tissue from ovaries on a male is clearly either fraud or a billing error. I gave them fair warning to fix it.

I’m tired today. I had just fallen asleep last night when Sophia decided she wanted to go outside. I ignored her the first time she scratched on my bedroom door and she went away. I went back to sleep but 30 minutes later she was back again. I took her out to her pen and then I had trouble falling back asleep. Sometimes those dogs get on my nerves.

Had to stop reading the news this morning as I could feel it pulling me down. It amazes me how different the news of the same situation is depending on who your source is. Truth is very hard to discern which makes me believe that most of this is just distraction and noise. It isn’t worth my attention and energy. It reminded me to stay focus on building community and spreading love and tune out the rest. There is not a damn thing I can do about what is going on at the national level but I can spread love on a local level.

Feeling a bit isolated today. It is very difficult for me to people these days. It feels lonely sometimes when I am out and about and around people. I struggle to connect to others. Somehow it feels lonelier to be around others than it is to stay at home. Seems to take a lot of my energy and effort to be around others.

Grateful I can stay home the next couple of days, grateful for a working furnace that warmed up the house quickly this morning, and grateful I have the privilege of being able to tune out the outside world as needed.

It felt like a fall day today – I was tempted to turn on the heater. Not ready for cold weather. We got over two inches of rain between yesterday and this morning. Thankfully it is to be sunny and warm up a bit the rest of the week.

I haven’t heard back from the doctor’s office that billed Max’s Medicare for removing scar tissue from the ovaries and or fallopian tubes. If I don’t hear back from them by Thursday, I will fill out and mail the papers directly to Medicare claiming fraud.

I drove to Council Grove late morning and met some friends for lunch. It was a delight to see them and have a deep conversation with them.

I haven’t done much since I got home. I was tired when I got home. It may be an early to bed type of day. However, I have found even if I am tired it is very hard to find sleep early. Guess I am a night owl and might as well admit it and go with it.

I got another donation for the Love in Action project today. This one put us over halfway to being able to purchase 148 gift cards. Still have over two months to go so am thinking we will get there. I do have the funds on hand if more donations don’t come in. However, it will drain all the reserves.

The wood for the new addition got delivered this morning. It is exciting to look at it and think about when it will be completed.

I need to go to Emporia tomorrow to get some groceries. I have a couple of things I need at Walmart so will get those too when I get groceries. I hope I remember to purchase some of the Love in Action gift cards. Walmart doesn’t like you to get lots of them at one time so will try to remember to get 10 at a time until I get all 148 of them.

No plans other than a trip for groceries the rest of the week. I will have lots of empty space this week. It is starting to feel uncomfortable and I will have to make myself sit with it and allow it to be what it is. It is tempting to distract myself and find something to do but I know what I need to do is be with it and learn to allow myself to feel the uncomfortable feelings.

I saw a post today that said Newson had won the Peace Prize. I got a good laugh over it but then fact checked it and found out it was not true. So many things posted these days are not truth. I have finally learned to fact check most things before I believe them.

My mind is quiet tonight. Having trouble finding words to describe what is happening. I think I used all my words at lunch.

Grateful for dear friends to have lunch with, grateful we are over halfway to our goal of 148 gift cards for Christmas, and grateful for some empty space days ahead of me.

This has been a rainy day. Not sure how much rain we have received but there are puddles everywhere. I have a nice sized pond in my yard.

I took the appreciation gifts up to the Detention Center. I spoke with the Captain and a Lieutenant and presented the gift. They seemed to be most appreciative.

Kathy and I had to move our cars to the street. We are expecting a delivery of lumber for the room addition tomorrow and due to the rain they may need to use the drive by where we park our cars to drop it off. The back alley and back yard is one big puddle.

I got my laundry done today – it is even folded and put away. I hadn’t folded it for two times of doing laundry so had a bit extra to fold today. Good to have everything folded and put away.

I called the doctor’s office that billed Max for removal of scar tissue of ovaries or fallopian tubes. The lady that answered the phone sounded skeptical at first but when she pulled up the record she went Oh my. She put me on hold and then came back and said she would have to call me back. It will be interesting to see what she says. I found the paperwork I can use to file a fraud case with Medicare. I will give the office a chance to explain themselves and then decide what to do.

Tomorrow I am driving to Council Grove to meet some dear friends for lunch. It will be good to get out and have a deep conversation. I do better when I get a chance to have conversation with friends occasionally. I always feel lighter afterwards.

No plans the rest of the week. I will need to go to Emporia one day this week and pick up a few groceries. I may do a Costco run as I haven’t done one for a bit.

I have been struggling lately with reading facebook posts and memes that use labels and ugly words to describe the “other” side. I wonder what we will do when this is over and we wake up and realize we are all on the same side? Name calling and labeling others isn’t sitting well with me right now. It keeps both parties stuck in the muck and does nothing to bring us together.

I realized I was experiencing a bit of fear to post the appreciation gift project on the Love in Action site. There are some that will immediately accuse me of being a Nazi – or worse – by the simple act of thanking the detention center staff for allowing us to do our project. How did we get to this point? Maybe a better question is how do we get out of this? Both sides are equally at fault and both sides need to take steps to heal the divide.

There is a very good article printed in HuffPost today that describes two different versions of Christianity. One is Vertical Morality that measures righteousness not by goodness to others but by authority, power and a moral code of right and wrong. This system demonizes empathy.

The other is Horizontal morality which prioritizes the well being of our neighbors, communities and personal relationships. It encourages us to act in ways that causes the least amount of harm to those round us, regardless of beliefs. This approach focuses less on obedience and more on genuine empathy, compassion and love towards others.

It is an interesting dichotomy presented and explains why the vertical morality is actually easier to follow and is more black and white with quick answers. The Horizontal Morality has way more issues of gray and not clear answers as each has to find their own answers.

It does help me to understand why people act the way they do. I can better appreciate their viewpoint and passion. I don’t have to agree with them but once I understand where they are coming from I can hear them.

It also feels like a great description of the two different timelines I feel this country is on now. When one gives their own personal authority away and follows someone else’s authority, it can simplify their life in some ways. I understand why people would choose that way now. I personally have chosen another way of being in this world.

Grateful for the ways the detention staff has allowed me to be Love in Action with the detainees, grateful for choices of which life path calls me to be, and grateful love is the way, even when it is messy.

This has been a very quiet stay-at-home day. I did manage to get dressed this morning but I could easily have stayed in my pajamas all day.

I worked on the numbers for the Love in Action project. I like to make sure my numbers are accurate at least once a week so I know what I have to spend if needed. We are in the middle of raising funds for our Holiday projects and I wanted to make sure I have enough on hand in case more funds don’t come in. If I don’t get any more funds I will have enough to cover the cost of both the pizza party and the gift cards. But that will almost deplete the funds. I feel rather confident more funds will be forthcoming and we will be able to continue this project into the New Year.

No plans for tomorrow either. I may go to Emporia just to go somewhere. I have felt very restless today and sometimes if I get out and do something it helps calm me down. Not sure why I was so restless today. It felt like a very long day. I might call it a day and go to bed early and see if I can sleep.

Last night I ordered a couple more skirts and two blouses for the India trip in November. I think that will be all I need to get to be ready for the trip. I am thinking about getting a new carry on bag but I look at them on-line and can’t quite buy one. I am thinking my traveling days are going to slow down and not sure it would be worth the money to buy a new bag. The one I have works – an inside zipper broke but I can make do. The bag I have has lots of miles on it. I got it before I walked the Camino ten years ago. I bet it has been to at least 15 different countries since then.

I managed to fix a casserole of chicken and rice for lunch today. I have gotten out of the habit of cooking and need to get back into doing it again. It was good to have a real meal today. I have lots of leftovers so will get to have it again a couple more times.

Time to start thinking about what I want to do for the Holidays. I love hosting Thanksgiving although it isn’t quite as much fun to cook in this house as it was in my last house. I really dislike Christmas but enjoy having the kids over. We gave up doing gifts years ago. The only ones I buy for now are Ellexia and Tagen and they aren’t near as much fun to buy for now as they were when they were small. I do enjoy making Christmas treats but we don’t eat them like we used to. I’ll have to give all this some thought and see if I can come up with something different to do this year.

Phil let me know the lumber for the new addition is being delivered Tuesday. He worked a bit today on the plumbing things for the new bathroom. Not sure what all he did but progress was made. I can’t wait to see the walls and roof go up. It will really begin to feel real then.

Grateful it is almost bed time, grateful for a home cooked meal today, and grateful all is well even when it doesn’t feel that way.

I think I only got about one hour of sleep last night. Just could not fall asleep. I was up and going way before my alarm was to go off at 8:00. No use laying in bed when it wasn’t being productive.

I met Kathy at the Alzheimer’s walk at the Lyon County Fairgrounds around 9:30. They had a short ceremony before the walk. Kathy received a medal for raising more than $500. They had wind powered flowers in four different colors. When they explained what each color was for they called on people to come forward to demonstrate. Kathy was chosen to demonstrate the blue flower as those represented people with Alzheimer’s.

We walked around the fair grounds after the short ceremony. It was a moving experience and shows the support the community offers to those that have Alzheimer’s and to those that are supporting someone with it. I would guess there were about 50 people there in total.

Afterwards I went through the car wash and then came home. Around noon Kathy and I walked downtown to see what was happening with the fall festival. I needed to pay my water bill so took it with me and dropped it off at the city building.

There were several food trucks and we were going to have lunch but all of the trucks had long lines and we decided not to wait in line. There was a nice crowd downtown. We walked back home and I took a nap. I was able to sleep about an hour which helped ease my headache.

We had talked about going back downtown to listen to the live music that was going to happen at 4:30 but by then we were both ready to stay home so didn’t go back. I could hear the music from our house when I stepped outside. I wasn’t in the mood for loud today and am glad we stayed home.

When I got the mail today I got a notice from Medicare that explained the benefits they had paid out for Max. One of the charges caught my attention as they charged Max for removal of scar tissue of ovaries or fallopian tubes. Uhm…….. Did Max not tell me something or did someone code this procedure incorrectly or is this a fraudulent charge? Thinking it was probably a coding error but I will call and report it Monday. I’m not going to give it lots of energy though. We shall see if anything comes of it.

On the way home from Emporia late morning I was thinking about the Love in Action project and set the intention that in the mail today I would receive five gift cards for the Detainees Christmas project. There was nothing in the mail but when I got in the house, I opened my email and found that someone had donated $50 via VENMO which is enough for me to purchase five gift cards for that project. It was a reminder to myself that intentions work and to not be too specific about how they happen. The Universe delivers in ways that I don’t have to know how.

No plans for tomorrow. It should be a stay-at-home day for me. Monday will be one too. Tuesday I am going to Council Grove to meet some dear friends for lunch. So far the rest of the week is full of empty space too.

There is a full moon Monday. I have felt the effects of it already. I will need to remember to offer myself some grace these next coupe of days. That probably explains why I was unable to sleep last night. Sometimes the moon pulls me in and I struggle to ground and center during its pull. I think some of the most beautiful full moons are during the fall. It is almost like beauty and the beast – Mother Nature does have so many lessons for us to learn from.

One day next week I will take the appreciation gifts to the Captain of the Detention Center. I decided to go ahead and do them now instead of doing a Christmas gift. If I can find the right thing, I may do something for them for Christmas too but something is pushing me to gift them sooner rather than later.

Trusting I will get lots of sleep tonight. I am overdue to crash and burn and sleep the clock around. With nothing on my calendar for tomorrow I can give myself to sleep in as long as I am able to do so.

Grateful I was able to go support Kathy at the Alzheimer’s Walk today, grateful for a nap this afternoon, and grateful for the sleep I am going to get tonight.

This afternoon two dear friends came over and helped Kathy and I prepare the gifts for the staff at the Chase County Detention Center. We got all 100 fixed in less than 30 minutes. It will be fun to take them up to the center next week.

I went to the Emporia High Football game this evening. It was homecoming and Ellexia got to cheer. She usually only cheers for the back-up team. She got to fly tonight – she tried it a couple of times and didn’t make it but she kept at it and she did it! The smile on her face was priceless. I was glad to be there to witness it.

I didn’t get to talk to Ellexia. I left at half-time. I think she was done cheering but not sure. I was tired and wanted to come home. I took some video and pictures of her and sent them to her.

I didn’t get much else done today. I woke up early and it felt like a long day. I took a short nap as I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.

Tomorrow morning Kathy and I are going to the Alzheimer’s walk to a cure event at the fairgrounds. After that there is some sort of fall festival going on in Cottonwood Falls. They are having food trucks and then some sort of music in the late afternoon.

Starting Sunday next week is completely empty space. I do have some friends from Manhattan that want to hook up sometime next week. It will be good to have lots of empty space. This week has been busy and I need some stay-at-home days to recover.

I’m hoping construction of the addition will begin in earnest next week. There is a good chance we will get some rain Monday and Tuesday so that may delay things a day or two.

There was a post on Facebook that I can’t get out of my head. It said “There’s something deep happening beneath the surface of the world right now. You can sense it in your soul. This isn’t just about countries or politics. It’s energy. Light and darkness are battling. And if you’re reading this, you’re likely one of the souls who came to help. Keep shining. Keep praying. The world needs light more than ever.”

The more I have thought about it, the more I think that it applies to every person individually. Many of us are dong deep shadow work and dealing with the darkness inside. As we learn to befriend our darkness and change our relationship with it, we are able to carry more light as we go out to our communities and into the relationships we have with others.

I sincerely think that is how we are going to heal the world. Each person doing their own inner work and making peace with the darkness within. Can you imagine a world where everyone was able to do deep inner world and integrate the darkness each of us carries into love that they carry out to the world?

Grateful to see Ellexia have a success with flying tonight, grateful for her stubbornness and willingness to keep trying, and grateful for the friends and Kathy that helped me today.

I had to be at the Vo-Tech at 12:30 for round two of getting my teeth cleaned. I was out of there by 2:30. Ivy did a great job and was one of the best students I have ever had. My teeth are excellent plaque makers! She is going to have me come back in three months and then again before she graduates in May.

I stopped for lunch on the way home and then have come home and became a lump in a chair. Kathy was wiped out today – I think she did too much yesterday. Neither one of us has much energy this evening.

The rain we got was a surprise to me. I’m grateful the cement got poured earlier this week. The guys that did the job recommended we keep the top of it damp – the rain took care of that today. I am hoping Phil will be able to start construction next week. It will be good to see the walls and roof go up.

Tomorrow some friends are coming over to help me assemble the appreciation gifts for the Detention Center staff. It shouldn’t take too long. I love visiting with them so we will have a fun hour or two.

Ellexia is cheering in a game Friday night so I plan on going in for that. Saturday we have the Walk to a cure for Alzheimer’s in the morning. Chase County is having a big fall festival in the afternoon so will go to that too. Luckily next week is completely empty space at this point. This week kinda got busy for me and I look forward to staying home for a couple days next week.

I ordered a long black skirt for my trip to India. It came in today and fit. I think I will order another one or two. We will be touring lots of temples and I think it is more appropriate to wear a skirt when I do so. These skirts will pack easily and not take up much space. I only take a carry on suitcase so space is important. Now I need to figure out what shirts to take and if I need to order a couple new ones. I will need to dress in layers as the temperature in India will be warmer than it will be in Nepal. I wear the same things all the time at home so it won’t bother me to not have more than three options while on the trip.

Feeling a bit restless this evening. I spent too much time this afternoon reading the news. My internal Bullshit detector kept going off. I could feel myself getting pulled into fight or flight so I turned it off. Man, it is hard to find what actually is happening these days. I have no control over any of it and had to spend some time reminding myself of that. Time for me to focus on the Hour Of Love that is happening October 18 on the No Kings day. I do much better when I focus on things I do have control over. Spreading love to all in my community is one thing I can support and take action on. I hope some of you can come join us do that at 2:00 October 18.

Grateful my teeth are clean, grateful I have the privilege of taking the rest of the day off, and grateful my friends are coming tomorrow to help assemble the appreciation gifts.

After not getting much sleep last night, this has been a relative productive day. I made a list of about 15 little things I needed to take care of today and I have all but two of them done. I still may get to the rest of them before the day is over.

Had a bit of a frustrating time with my doctor’s office today. When I was having problems with my blood pressure, the doctor had me double up on my blood pressure meds dosage. Since I was using twice as many as originally prescribed, I was running out of them before it was time to renew. I sent a note to his office and asked for a prescription at the higher dosage. They called in the lower dosage. I had to reach back out to them to have them correct their mistake.

Dang! I wonder if that happens to other patients too. I would worry if it happened to someone like Kathy that would then not take the correct dosage. One would think they would be a bit more aware of these things but guess not.

I went to Emporia this afternoon to pick up the new prescription and get some groceries. I remembered to get Halloween candy – I like getting full size candy bars to hand out and I have found if I don’t get them early the stores won’t have them when I need them. Man are they expensive this year.

The heating guy came to do the annual check on the furnace. I talked to him about the new addition and he told me he would recommend we add a vent to the bathroom and the back porch. They can do that if needed. Just need to let them know after the addition has been roughed in. He was rather confident that both the A/C and the heater are big enough to handle the additional space they will need to heat and cool.

Felt good to get lots of little things taken care of today. I am caught up on thank you notes and letters that needed to be sent out. I got the Love in Action update written – discovered I have received enough funds to purchase 49 of the needed 148 gift cards. I will need to start purchasing those 10 at a time as Walmart makes it difficult to purchase large quantities at a time.

Tomorrow I have to be at the Vo-Tech at 12:30 to finish my dental cleaning. Last time I was late so will attempt to get there on time. Friday some friends are coming over to help me assemble the appreciation gifts for the staff at the Detention Center. Saturday Kathy and I are walking for the Alzheimer’s Walk to a Cure Walk. There is a fall festival of sorts happening in Chase County Saturday so we will go check that out when we get done with our walk. Next week has lots of empty space with nothing on my calendar yet.

Wondering what the impact will be with the government shut down and how long the shut down will last. It feels like this one might set a new record for length. I do think about the federal workers that have to work without getting paid and those that get furloughed or fired as a result. I don’t like when our country treats people like they are disposable items and not real humans.

A friend shared a video that talked about how group influence works and how many of us are caught in a trap of thinking we understand how others think. Too many then don’t speak up with their real thoughts as they don’t want to go against what the group is doing. However, most of the time we are wrong about what the group thinks. We allow a small percentage of the group to dictate the group actions. Hence, the political situation we are in today. Assumptions are made and we don’t take the time to verify each other. I know I have been guilty of that in the past. Interesting how our minds are wired and without being fully conscious we can totally read the room wrong.

Grateful the little things that needed done today got done, grateful I caught the error the doctor’s office made, and grateful I can learn to be more aware of how my brain works.

The cement was poured this afternoon for the room addition. Progress! The best news is it was 3/4 of the expected cost. The guy that fixed the footings said he usually bids high just in case and adjusts the final amount if the project goes as planned with no unexpected bumps. Grateful!

Kathy and I drove to Lebo today to track down our two brothers. We were able to find both of them and they each signed the insurance check that was payable to our oldest brother Max. I took it to the bank and they deposited it but they warned me it might bounce. Supposedly insurance companies can be hard to deal with. We shall see what happens.

I sent a note to my insurance company inquiring about a refund I should have gotten over a month ago. They told me due to a glitch in their system the check was sent to my old address. The check was returned and they are in the process of issuing another check to the correct address. Wonder if they will add some interest – they certainly would have added penalties and interest if the situation was reversed and I owed them money.

The stickers I ordered to complete the appreciation gift I am fixing to give to the staff at the detention center came in. I need to find a day and time and invite some others over to help me prepare them. They won’t take too long – we will be adding a sticker and tying a pen to a paper and then signing the paper. I’ll find a time soon and get the word out and see if I can find some helpers.

My list of pending things is getting things scratched off this week. Don’t have much left on the list of things to do. Time to come up with another project of some sort.

I did some calculations last night and discovered we have received enough funds to purchase 49 gift cards for the detainees Christmas project. Only 99 to go. I will figure out a way to put a countdown on the Love in Action Facebook page so people know what the need is. It amazes me every time I list a need on that page, how quickly people respond and give. I need to raise $500 plus for the pizza party we are giving them the week of Thanksgiving too. I do have funds if needed to complete both of these projects but that would delete the funds on hand. I have faith that additional fund will continue to come in.

It is almost time to give attention to the Hour of Love project that is happening October 18. I have purposely held off on pushing that project as it was too far out but it will be here soon. Time for me to start promoting it and giving people a chance to learn about it and get it on their calendar if they are interested in participating. It is an option to protesting that day. The event is registered with 50501 and our numbers will count towards the national numbers. This event will feature a short meditation to get us started and then we will scatter throughout the community being Love in Action. We will come back together and share our experience.

To me this feels more like bridge building and sharing love than holding up signs and shouting names. I am so very tired of all the finger pointing and name calling. It is time to come together as one in love and build community. That is the way this country will be rebuilt and all will be welcome.

Tomorrow the guy is coming to service the furnace in anticipation of winter. I am going to have a discussion with him about the addition and see what he recommends we need to do to make sure the addition has heat and A/C.

Thursday I have a dental appointment at the Vo-Tech to finish the cleaning that was started a couple weeks ago. I trust I will be on time this time and she can get done.

Saturday there is a Walk to the Cure for Alzheimer’s at the fair ground and I am going with Kathy to participate in the walk. Chase County is having a fall festival of sorts in the afternoon with live music in the evening. It will be a full day of fun and outdoors.

Felt a bit restless this afternoon. I know it is from having an almost empty to-do list. Some days the empty space feels comfortable and other days like today it is intimidating. It will be a good practice for me to sit with the uncomfortable feelings and allow them to be heard and felt and pass through. I have an old habit of judging myself by what I do and not by what I am. It rears its ugly head once in a while to remind me to give that shit up. Not sure why this lesson has been so hard for me to let go of. I must have layers and layers of it to allow and process.

Grateful the cement work got done today, grateful the insurance check got cashed, and grateful I can proceed with assembling the appreciation gifts.

The guys worked on the foundation today. The cement truck is coming tomorrow afternoon at 1:30 to pour the foundation. Progress! It will be good to have that done.

The back yard is completely torn up. Kathy said it hurts her heart to look at it. She will have lots to repair next spring.

We went to meet with the funeral home guy today. He knew exactly what we needed done, had the paperwork ready for us and we were in and out of there quickly. He will mail the papers tonight. Hoping we get some sort of confirmation letter from the insurance company in the next month or so. I think that is the last thing I needed to help Kathy take care of for now.

Before we met with the funeral home guy I went to Walmart and got my Covid vaccine and flu shot. For some reason they gave me a Pfizer shot instead of a Moderna. Most of my vaccines have been Moderna. The one other Pfizer shot I got I didn’t have a reaction to. Trusting it will help protect me from a bad case of Covid in the future. We shall see how I feel tomorrow.

Walmart had lots of walk-in people waiting to get shots. I’m grateful I had made an appointment as they took me right back. So far they haven’t billed me anything for them. I have read that Medicare may not cover the Covid vaccine in the future. We shall see if that is true.

I talked to Nicole for over an hour today. She and Geoff had been in Barcelona last week for a work reward trip for Nicole. It was good to catch up with her and hear about the trip. Nicole and I are going to India in November so we discussed that trip too. She is taking care of getting the Visas we need and booking airline tickets and reserving seats. I love to travel with her as she takes care of those details. Nice to be able to let someone else make those decisions for me for a change.

Got another donation for the Love in action project in the mail today. I will need 148 $10 Walmart gift cards by December 12. I have close to 40 of them so far. Crossing my fingers that the rest will come in too. I have funds available if not but it would deplete the funds on hand to fund both the Thanksgiving pizza party and the rest of the gift cards. This little project keeps on going and going.

No plans tomorrow except to watch the cement being poured for the foundation. It will have to cure for the rest of the week before Phil can start building on it. That is when it will really get exciting! Can’t wait to see walls and roof go up.

It was good to see Kathy feeling a bit better today. She managed to go to town this morning and get groceries. She came home wiped out but that is to be expected. She hung in there and went back to town this afternoon to get the life insurance policy thing taken care of. It will take some time for her to completely recover but it is reassuring to know she is on the way.

I’m starting to feel a change in the air, so to speak, around the current national energy. I have a feeling things are really going to get heated over the next three months and then the tide will start to shift. I am having to tune more and more of it out as it feels like distractions more than facts. I read today an article that claimed 25% of what you read these days is made up and not based on facts. I know I have begun to fact check most everything I read regardless of the source and am finding more and more things that appear not to be fact based. Two (or more) realities or just distractions? Not sure.

I rewatched Hidden Figures yesterday. It reminded me how far we have come with race relations but sadden me to think we are going back. Our country has a horrible history in how we treat others that aren’t like us – starting with the origins of this county. Makes me wonder if the collective “we” will ever get it?

Grateful the life insurance policy may have gotten taken care of today, grateful the cement truck is coming tomorrow, and grateful for the privilege of being able to tune out the national “news”.

Got up this morning and did a few things. Felt tired so went back to bed for a bit longer. Finally feel rested for the first time in a while.

Haven’t done much today. I am working on getting two loads of laundry done. I might get them folded and put away today – we shall see. I still have my pajamas on if that tells you what my day has been like.

We cancelled Kathy’s flu shot she had scheduled for tomorrow. She is feeling a bit better today but decided not to risk it and have the shot knock her on her ass again. Covid knocked her out twice – that is enough.

My flu shot and Covid vaccine is at 2:20. After that we will go to the funeral home and take care of Kathy’s insurance policy. I think that is the last thing we needed to take care of for Kathy. I am still waiting on Max’s savings bonds funds and I have a check I need to get my siblings to sign so I can cash that. Then we need to schedule a date and time to scatter his ashes. I didn’t make it to Lebo today to get my brother’s signatures.

Had a bit of a misunderstanding happen today between me and another person. I always hate when that happens. I replay the conversations we had over and over in my head to see where I might have said something that caused the conflict. I sometimes wish I had a video of conversations so I could learn from them how to be clearer in my communication.

I’m anxious to see what progress will be made on the room addition this week. Hoping the lines for sewer and water get laid and the cement poured. They have to wait a week after they pour the cement before they can start building. The weather is to be clear with no chance of rain for the next ten days – trust that will hold.

Nothing urgent on my calendar now. Lots of empty space ahead still. I strongly feel my job for the coming months will be to stay grounded in love and to encourage others to do the same. The world energy feels chaotic and it is so easy to get pulled into the dark fight that is happening. I will need all the empty space I have to keep myself out of the muck.

Starting to feel the urge to start a new project of some sort. The Detention Center project will probably wind down after the new year. They have enough supplies to last six to eight months for the detainees to send cards home. Not sure they will need other things. Donations have slowed way down and we will deplete our funds with the holiday events coming up. Not sure what type of project I want to start but know it has to be something rooted in love in action. I would like to find something that gives people on both sides activities that we can come together to accomplish.

Grateful to feel rested, grateful for another beautiful fall day, and grateful for dry weather this week.

Another beautiful fall day. Wish it would stay like this the rest of the year and we could go directly to spring and skip winter.

I went to Emporia late morning. I stopped and filled the car up with gas and then went through the car wash. I met Jason at Bruff’s for lunch. Bruff’s was really busy so service was a bit slow.

After lunch I went to Walmart and picked up a few groceries. I stopped at a liquor store and got Kathy some wine and then I came home.

Kathy woke up not feeling well today. We were worried she was having a bounce back case of Covid which can happen when you take Paxlovid. We tested her this afternoon and she was negative so not sure what is up. Hoping tomorrow she will feel better. She is having a hard time shaking this Covid case.

I am still symptom free so thinking I escaped. We are scheduled to get flu shots on Monday. If Kathy isn’t feeling better tomorrow I will reschedule her shot till later.

No plans for tomorrow other than kinda watching the Chiefs game. I’m not a big fan but like to have it on in the background. I still think our values as a society are skewed. It makes no sense to me that we pay our professional football players so much money – and for what? If we put the money that goes into professional football into our social safety net it would solve so many problems.

I do need to track my brothers down tomorrow and get their signatures so I can cash a check. Maybe they will be home tomorrow watching the game and I can find them.

Monday we meet with the funeral home guy to take care of Kathy’s life insurance policy. It will be so good to get that taken care of.

Not sure what the plan is for the construction project. The sewer and water lines need to be laid before they can pour the cement. Hoping that gets done Monday and the cement gets poured early next week. It will be good to see cement being poured.

Still haven’t heard back from my realtor about the low ball offer that she told me about yesterday morning. Not sure what is up with that. Maybe she couldn’t get hold of the buyer. Hoping I can work a deal and get that house under contract next week. That would take a big load off my plate.

Need to call the vet and take the dogs in for their annual check and shots this week. I will wait till Kathy is feeling better so she can go with me and help manage them. The dogs do great on leash until they get around other critters.

I have a long valley of empty space ahead of me. Usually when I have long valley’s like this I understand its purpose afterwards. Still haven’t figure this one out yet. I am grateful I can relax into this empty space and allow it to fill my soul. I can’t always do that.

Grateful for time with Jason today, grateful Kathy is finally testing negative, and grateful for this beautiful fall day.

This has been a sleepy day for me. I have never felt like I woke up today. I took a nap in the bed and then took a chair nap. Not sure why I was so tired today.

I got to sleep around 3:30. Sophia woke me up at 9:00 as she wanted to go outside. I went back to bed and fell asleep again but my phone rang at 10:00. It was my realtor with a cash offer for my rental house. It was a very low ball offer. I countered but haven’t heard back.

I got up and felt a bit weird. Not sure I can describe it other than I didn’t feel good and a bit light-headed. I sat in my chair for a bit and read the news. Not a good idea to read the news these days if you aren’t feeling grounded and well!

Phil was here working on the new addition. The two guys with the big machines came late morning. Phil had to pull the toilet as the guy came with the sewer line camera came to try to find the water and sewer line. They were unsuccessful finding them. Phil replaced the toilet seal and everyone left for lunch.

The two with the big machines came back and tore up the side yard. Poor Kathy – she worked all spring fixing the mess the workers made when they had to replace the water line earlier this year. She will get to do it all again next spring.

The back foundation is laid out and filled with some sort of light powder gravel I think they called it. The room looks huge. Not sure it needs to be that big but I will let it be that. I will use it for storage and the second bathroom. It will be nice to have more room for storage than I need. I am also moving the cat box and dog feeding station to the new room.

Not sure when they will be back – I am assuming next Monday. It will be a good day when the cement gets poured and things can really get going.

For some reason the mail man didn’t pick up my outgoing mail today. Not sure what happened with that – he is usually good at picking it up even when I don’t have any mail. Maybe there was a substitute today that didn’t bother stopping even though the flag was up.

The Director of the Urgent Care called me back this afternoon. Not sure why she bothered. She really didn’t have anything to say. She did call Kathy and apologize and said it wouldn’t happen to someone else. Not sure I will give them a second chance – we shall see.

Jason called this afternoon and we had a nice, long chat. I love when my kids call and let me know what is happening in their life – even when they don’t have much news.

I need to track down my brothers this weekend and get their signatures on the insurance refund check that came for my brother Gene. I will drive out to Lebo tomorrow and see if I can find them.

No plans for the weekend. I have a few things to take care around here that I have been putting off for a long time. Monday we meet with the funeral home guy to take care of Kathy’s last remaining life insurance policy. Wednesday the heating guy is coming to do the fall check and Thursday I go back to the Vo-Tech to finish my dental cleaning. Saturday there is a walk to raise funds for Alzheimer’s that Kathy and I are going to.

Sitting in a weird place this late afternoon. I feel like I have one foot in each timeline and can’t find my balance. Trusting this is a temporary place to me in and I will take the leap onto the path I know I belong soon. Sometimes I have to drop back down so I can know again my truth and to remember where I really belong.

Grateful for extra rest today, grateful progress was made on the addition today, and grateful Kathy loves doing yard work.

This has been an easier day for me.  I even got a good long nap this afternoon.

We got the paperwork to handle Kathy’s life insurance policy.  We had tried doing this with the local funeral home but the paperwork did not get done properly so we have to do it again.  This time I called a funeral home in Emporia.  The guy there knew immediately what we need to do.  He called the local insurance guy and got the proper paperwork for us.  We are going to meet with him next Monday and get things taken care of.  It was a relief to find someone that knew what they were doing.  It will be a relief to get this final life insurance policy taken care of.

I did two loads of laundry and even managed to get them folded and put away.  I didn’t manage to get the last two loads I did Monday folded so took care of those today too.

I got three thank you notes written for the Love in Action project and their checks deposited and recorded.

The gas company sent the bill to my contractor so he brought that over.  I got the check written and put it in the mail.

I am still not showing any symptoms of Covid so thinking I got lucky and won’t get it.  Kathy is still not 100% but is doing better.  I think she is getting tired of being tired.  She tested positive a week ago Friday so hoping she is almost done with this.  Last time it took her over two weeks before she tested negative.  She still tested positive yesterday.

The Executive director of the Urgent Care center for the hospital called me today.  Kathy’s doctor’s nurse had called her Monday to see how she was doing as they had received a report she had been in the ED.  Kathy told them about our experience getting her script for the antibodies.  I told her my side of the story.  She apologized and said she would investigate and call me back tomorrow with her findings.  We shall see if she does.

I am listening to a required training sessions on safety planning for the event I am hosting on October 18.  In order to get listed on the 50501 site I have to attend this safety session.  Not sure most of it applies to me but I will check their box.

I went to the post office and got some more international stamps.  Found out the person passing out the cards didn’t understand the international stamps and I have a feeling they were used for domestic mail.  She didn’t know that letters going to Mexico needed an international stamp.  I will write out some instructions for her and take the stamps up to the Detention Center tomorrow.

My contractor came over and we discussed a few more details about the build.  I decided to add a whole house attic fan to the room.  I had one at one of the houses I lived in years ago and loved it.  He said it would be no problem to add it.  We talked about A/C and heating for the room.  The heating guy is coming to do my fall check October 1 and I think we are going to ask him and get his advice as to what we need to do then.  We may not even need to do anything.  We could always add a wall unit to the bathroom to keep it from freezing if needed.  The door between the kitchen and the new room is going away so the heat and air will flow to the new room anyways.

Tomorrow will be exciting as the guy that is preparing the foundation and flooring is coming to get started.  Phil wasn’t sure if they will be able to pour cement tomorrow or not.  Kathy cut a bouquet of zinnias this afternoon as her patch will get run over tomorrow.  They are stating to fade and the bottom of them is dying so it only cut their life short by a few weeks.

No plans until Monday when Kathy and I are getting our flu shots and I will get the Covid vaccine.  After that we are going to the funeral home to get the life insurance policy turned over to them via an irrevocable trust.

It felt good to get a few things done today, especially the life insurance policy.  I don’t have knowledge of these types of things and depend on the professionals to guide me.  It was disappointing that it didn’t get done properly the first time.  I didn’t get any cleaning done but that seems to wait for me.  Maybe the mood will hit tomorrow and I can get some done.

Finally feeling like I am above neutral again.  It sure helps when the day goes easy.  Now I wonder if it goes easy because I was above neutral?  Probably a correlation.

Grateful to get this life insurance thing taken care of, grateful for an easy day, and grateful the construction will really get going tomorrow.

 

This has been a pajama day for me. I didn’t have anywhere I needed to go so decided not to get dressed today.

I haven’t felt the best today. I took a short nap this afternoon and felt a bit better after that but still not back to where I want to be.

Kathy and I both Covid tested today. Kathy is feeling better but still gets winded when she is up too much. Kathy is still showing a faint positive and I was negative. Maybe I dodged a bullet and won’t get it this time.

Didn’t get a thing done today. No energy and nothing urgent that had to be done so I let everything sit. Maybe tomorrow I will get some cleaning done and go through my desk and make sure I haven’t missed anything.

Nothing on the calendar until Monday when I am to get a flu and Covid vaccine. The empty space feels freeing somehow. No obligations to worry about and no pressure from the outside to be in the world. However, it is hard to be in service when I isolate.

This has been one of those days that I wonder where time went and where the day went. Nothing happened and yet it is dark outside. We did have a very brief rainstorm but it didn’t last long.

Phil let me know they are starting the foundation for the new room on Friday. It will be good to see some progress again.

My mind is quiet tonight and it is hard to hold on to anything. Sometimes days like this make me jumpy but not today. I have been able to relax into the quiet and slow things way down.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful the back room is going to progress on Friday, and grateful I am still testing negation for Covid.

This has been a mostly stay-at-home day. I have been tired all day as I didn’t fall asleep until 5:30 this morning and had to be up and ready to go for a 9:30 phone call. Maybe I will go to bed early tonight and get some good sleep.

Sophia wanted out at 1:00 this morning. I ignored her and she tried again at 1:30. This time I got up and took her out. I couldn’t go back to sleep so was sitting in my chair around 3:30 and I heard a scratch at the front door. I thought it was Roxy moving around in her sleep but it happened again. Went to the door and in Sophia came. The other door to the pen was wide open and I hadn’t checked it when I took Sophia out. Grateful Sophia came to the door and didn’t run away. Miss Ellie, the cat that mainly stays in the pen, also came to the porch. I found her this morning and let her in too.

I had a conference call with the Captain and Sergeant of the Detention Center. Found out the Christmas card idea is out. It would be too time consuming on their end as the Detainees do not have a Federal ID number.

They did approve us throwing the Detainees and staff a pizza party the week of Thanksgiving. If I can raise enough money I will throw in some chocolate chip cookies too. The Captain will coordinate the order with Casey’s and I will pay for it.

They also approved us giving the Center 148 Walmart $10 gift cards. They will be distributed along with the cards and stamps on December 12. That way every detainee can send a small gift to a family member. The Captain didn’t want to receive 148 packages so he is allowing me to buy them and bring them all to him at once.

Went to the bank to cash an insurance refund check that is payable to Max. Unfortunately the bank needs all four siblings to sign the check as we are all listed on the probate form. I will track my brothers down when I am out of Covid quarantine and try again. Not sure why I expected that little task to be easy. Trusting if I get the signatures they will cash the check.

Kathy has had several gifts dropped off yesterday and today from dear friends. Yesterday a friend brought her a bouquet of flowers and some other gifts, this morning a friend dropped off a card for her and then this afternoon another friend dropped off some chicken rice soup. We are so blessed to have such good friends take care of us.

Made some bread pudding this afternoon. I hadn’t had any for a long time and it sounded good. Not sure it was as good as I hoped it would be. I ate it hot so maybe when it cools down a bit more it will be better. Hadn’t made any for a long time. It has been a cloudy, rainy day and something warm sounded good.

Got another update written for the Love in Action project informing the group about the Holiday plans. I have already received $175. I am constantly amazed at how generous people are and the way they support this little project.

Had a bit of diarrhea again this morning. I took a Covid test as I read some people only have tummy issues with Covid. It was negative. I will test again tomorrow just to make sure. Kathy is feeling a bit better today but still not over it yet. This is day five so hoping in another couple days the worse will be behind her. This case has been less severe than the first case she had.

Had a wonderful phone conversation with a person I met when I did the Pema Chodron meditation at the country house a couple years ago. She is a strong advocate and it is a delight to talk to a like-minded person.

I was cranky when I left the bank. The check isn’t big enough for all that I have to go through to deposit it. I am a spirit of the law person and not a letter of the law. I’m tired of jumping through hoops.

No plans for the rest of the week. Trusting I will get a good night’s sleep tonight and will have lots of energy to get some things done tomorrow. I have some cleaning that I need to get done as it is starting to bother me.

Feeling a bit off center tonight. I think it is mainly from being tired. I have had a headache for a couple of days that doesn’t seem to be going away completely. If I take something it calms down but only to a dull roar. Maybe tonight will be the night I can sleep around the clock and make it go away.

Grateful the Captain is allowing the Pizza Party and Gift Card ideas for the Detainees for the Holidays, grateful Kathy is doing a bit better each day, and grateful for homemade bread pudding.

I called the A/C guy this morning to get the A/C fixed. I then called the bank so I could cash in a CD. I had to make an appointment at the bank to accomplish that task.

Headed to town late morning. I went to Casa Romas for lunch. My tummy decided to get angry and I had to keep interrupting my lunch to run to the bathroom. I had ordered fried ice cream but by the time I was ready for it I decided it wasn’t a good idea. Luckily the waitress forgot about it so that worked out.

Went to the bank to meet with the personal banker to cash the CD. Not sure why one has to make an appointment to do that but that is their system. I will be glad when I don’t have to use this bank again. It took five trips to the bank to open this account and it seems to take two or more visits to get what I want done. My on-line bank seems to make things much simpler.

Went to Walmart and picked up some groceries for Kathy and I. It was not an easy shopping trip. I kept finding the people that seem to be unconscious and unaware of anyone else in the store. The pharmacy line was backed up and blocked the main isle. I finally got what I needed and got out of there.

The A/C guy came and found that the breaker had been turned off and that is why the A/C didn’t work. Dang it anyways! I should have checked that before I called them. He did change the dirty filter so there is that.

At least I got the A/C fixed and the CD cashed as well as groceries restocked. Can’t say it has been an easy day but I made it through. It is nice to have a cool house again.

The Captain of the Detention Center sent me an email today. We are going to have a phone conversation tomorrow but it sounds like the gift card idea for the Detainees will work. Will find out if the Christmas Card thing will work too. He has gone out of his way to accommodate my requests.

No other plans for the next couple of days. I trust the rest of the week will feel easier and go smoothly. Kathy seems to be feeling a bit better today although it is a bit of a roller coaster ride for her. So far I am not showing any symptoms so hoping I am in the clear.

Got a check for Max for an insurance refund. Will have to go to a bank and find one who will allow me to cash it. The check was written back in June. Where oh where do these things sit until they can be forwarded? Curious minds want to know.

Not sure why some days feel hard like today but it did. Staying home sounds more and more enticing to me these days. I don’t people well!

Feeling a bit unsettled today. Struggling to get grounded and stay in love. It will be good to have a couple days at home this week. The world energy is so very chaotic and wild that it is hard for me to not absorb some of it when I am out and about. I do better when I limit my exposure.

Grateful the A/C is working, grateful the CD got cashed, and grateful I get to stay home tomorrow.

This has been a quiet stay-st-home day. I had trouble falling asleep last night and finally got to sleep around 5:00. I slept in this morning.

Kathy went to Emporia to pick up her antibodies for her Covid. It cost her $600 as insurance no longer covers it. So I guess if you are poor and have underlying medical conditions you are expendable to today’s society. Kathy only had the money for it as our brother, who ironically died of complications from Covid, left her some funds. Life is so unfair at times.

Kathy does seem to be feeling better today. She isn’t coughing so much and her fever comes and goes instead of staying around all the time. With the antibodies she should be much better tomorrow. She took a long nap this afternoon but that is a good thing. Rest and fluids are the best thing for her right now.

I walked the dogs this afternoon. Kathy walked them around the block this morning. Hard to keep her down!

We canceled our plans for this week and both of us plan on staying home all week. I am not showing any symptoms and am crossing my fingers and toes that I can avoid it.

I need to call the A/C people tomorrow. I turned the A/C on last night and after two hours the temperature in the house had gone up 1 degree. Something is wrong! I’m grateful it isn’t too hot out but the house was a bit sticky last night. Hopefully they can make it out this week to find out what the problem is.

Tagen and his girlfriend came and picked up the BBQ grill to take to Michelle. I am losing my back patio and have no room for it. I’m glad I found a new home for it. I didn’t let Tagen come into the house as I didn’t want him exposed to Covid.

It has been interesting seeing how the world has changed its views of Covid since 2020. The rest of the world has moved on and Covid has been reduced to a cold. Unfortunately those that have underlying medical conditions that can’t fight it off get left out in the cold.

I have tried to look up facts about Covid and what the latest recommendations are but that is hard. Lots of conflicting information and it is hard to know what is truth.

It will be a quiet week as we won’t go anywhere. If we decide we need groceries I will place an on-line order and go pick them up. I know many people are going out and about and are no longer isolating when they have or are exposed to Covid but I can’t let myself do that. It is the least I can do for my fellow humans.

Lots of empty space ahead of me. I want to do some work on advertising the Hour of Love in Action event that is coming up October 18. Not sure the best way to spread the word but will give it some thought this week. There is always cleaning that can be done.

Grateful Kathy is feeling a bit better today, grateful she had the funds to get the Paxlovid, and grateful for a quiet week ahead.

What a f**king day! We were on a search for a prescription for Paxloivid. We got one but now not sure if they will fill it and if the prescription drug company will cover the cost.

Patients with Alzheimer’s can often times have a hard course of Covid. Add in Kathy’s COPD and Covid can be deadly quickly. KU Memory Clinic had told us if Kathy ever got Covid to get Paxlovid ASAP.

We started our day at 10:00 with a trip to the Urgent Care Clinic that is attached to Newman Hospital. Kathy filled out the required form before we left home. I took it inside and had Kathy wait in the car to limit her exposing anyone.

I had to wait for the clerk to check in two other people ahead of me. When it was my turn I told her I had Kathy in the car and she needed a script for Paxlovid. The lady said, and I quote “We don’t do that here. What do you expect us to do about her having Covid”. WTF? I asked her if we needed to go to the ED and she said they won’t write a script for it either. We could call our on-call nurse line and see if they could do something.

I left and we tried calling the on-call line for our doctor. After 25 minutes a person answered and took the basic information and told us someone would call us back.

We called at 10:30. We decided to go home and wait for the call. At 3:00 they still hadn’t called back. I called them again. This time I only waited a few minutes to give the information to someone. Again they said someone would call me back. 15 minutes later the nurse called. She asked for all the symptoms, etc. and finally told Kathy to take some cough drops. When Kathy turned her over to me I said we had been instructed to get Paxlovid. She didn’t seem too interested in that but finally said she would contact the on-call doctor.

About fifteen minutes later a doctor called. When he heard Kathy was 74, had Alzheimer’s and COPD and running a temperature of 102 he said we needed to go to the ED.

So off we went to the ED. The nurse we had didn’t understand why we had come in. She didn’t wear a mask and even told Kathy she would breathe easier without a mask on.

The doctor came in and acted a bit put off that we were there with just a case of Covid. When I told him what KU Memory Clinic said and that we were instructed to come in by the on-call doctor he kinda rolled his eyes and said he would work Kathy up.

She had an X-ray, blood drawn and a nose swab. After two hours the doctor came back and said yes Kathy has Covid but not pneumonia and she was good to go. He said she would feel bad for about a week but that it would get better. He did say he would write a script for Paxlovid but he didn’t know if the pharmacy would fill it or if insurance would cover it. He said God Bless You and left.

None of the people tending Kathy today wore a mask. They were all a bit put off that she bothered them with “just a case of Covid”. We both wondered if any of them had worked in hospitals during 2020 and 2021 when people were dying daily.

We really are living in two different realities. Our medical system is so broken and has been bought off by the pharmaceutical companies and insurance companies.

So far I am not showing any symptoms. Based on what I saw today maybe I don’t need to have any concerns or bother isolating. Has Covid really softened to the point it is just a cold now? Many people are treating it like that. No wonder it continues to spread. I supposed the younger members of the population that don’t have underlying medical conditions can shake it off easily. But what about the exposure to us seniors – especially those like Kathy that has several complex medical issues. Do we not care about them anymore?

Made some chicken noodle soup when we got home from the Clinic. It sure tasted good when we got home from the ED visit.

While I was in town I stopped by the bank that has a CD of mine that is up for renewal today. The west side bank could not handle the paperwork of it for me. I have to go see a Personal Banker at the main bank to take care of it. Dang! I will be glad when I can close this account and not do business with this bank again.

This has not been an easy day! It did drive home to me the two different realities that are happening right now. It does make me more determined to stay on the love path and block out the other path to the best of my ability.

The best news of the day is when I got my mail I got a $200 check as a donation for the Love in Action project. I have the best friends that have been so very generous in their support of this project. I needed that reminder today that love is the answer and the only path that makes sense.

Grateful we got the script, grateful for all my friends that are supporting the Love in Action project, and grateful tomorrow is another day full of love and promise.

It has been a quiet stay-at-home type of day – my favorite. The sun was out today and it was a beautiful day.

Last night I checked the thermostat and it read 80. Not sure what is going on. I turned the A/c unit off and opened the windows. I forgot to check it today. The house stayed nice with the windows open today. Hope the A/C unit isn’t broken.

Kathy doesn’t feel well today. She has cold like symptoms with stuffy nose and a bit of a cough. We are crossing our fingers that it isn’t Covid. She has long Covid already and doesn’t need another case of it. Hoping she will feel better tomorrow.

Well dang it. Kathy just woke up and her face was beet red. She has a temp of 101.8. I had her take a Covid test and it is positive. We don’t go many places so not sure where she got it from. Trust it will be an easy case for her and she won’t get set back. I also trust I won’t get it!

I called an insurance company that Kathy has a life insurance policy with. Kathy had attempted to transfer the ownership of the policy to a funeral home to prepay her final expenses. The paperwork the funeral home filled out just made them the beneficiary and not the owner of the policy. The guy I spoke with today wasn’t particularly helpful. He is to send me another set of paperwork and when we get it he recommended we have a three-way call with the funeral home so they understand what needs to happen to transfer ownership. Sometimes these things are not as simple as they should be.

I might have to try another funeral home if this one can’t figure this out. We have till October when the policy expires to get this done.

Just when I think I am at the bottom of the things to do something else pops up. Maybe this will be the last of it.

I got another piece of mail that was for Max today. This one was dated in June. Not sure where this mail has been sitting and why they are able to forward it now.

Didn’t hear about the results of the Echocardiogram I had Monday. Not sure why it takes over a week to get results from a heart test. Seems like it would be a priority but what do I know?

No plans for the weekend. With Kathy having Covid we will isolate for the next several days. Crossing my fingers I won’t get it.

Next week is looking pretty empty. We are going to Wichita Thursday to see the Van Gogh immersive event if Kathy has recovered by then. Other than that I have nothing on the calendar.

Funny how fast things can change. Kathy had a really rough go with Covid last time and with her Alzheimer’s diagnosis it can be harder to deal with. I may have to take her to get the antibody medication at Urgent Care tomorrow. I’ll see how she is in the morning and if she thinks it could help. I can’t take it as it messed up my thyroid levels and it took six months for them to level back out. I’m not going through that again!

Grateful for healing for Kathy, grateful we have time to figure out this life insurance policy, and grateful for the sunshine today.

I was rudely woken up this morning having to go to the bathroom. I spent the next 45 minutes laying down, getting up and going again, rinse and repeat. Around 6:30 I took some Imodium and things slowed down enough that I could go back to sleep. Had another couple episodes today but manageable. For a hot minute I thought C-Diff was back but I don’t think so at this point.

Went to Emporia this afternoon to pick up a few groceries. A friend needed a prescription picked up so got that and had lunch, got my groceries and came home. It was a quick trip to town.

The social worker from the KU Memory Unit zoomed with us this afternoon. She was kind and it was a good conversation. Not much has changed since Kathy got her diagnosis and neither one of us feels like we need extra support at this point. However, it is nice to know that it is there when and if we begin to need it.

Phil got the dryer vent moved. Somehow it is now coming from under the house to the side of the house. He does amazing work and does it quickly. Unfortunately it rained again today and the forecast is showing rain for most of next week so thinking we are on a rain delay. I think the next step is the foundation and that can’t happen until the weather cooperates. It will get done when it gets done. It will be another lesson for me on universe time and not mine.

Sent a note to the Captain of the Detention Center requesting permission to do the gift card thing for Christmas. I also asked permission for people to send cards to the Detainees for Christmas. We shall see what he says. If he vetoes these ideas I will have to think of something else.

Scheduled my flu and Covid vaccines for the 29th of September. There are rumors floating around that Medicare may not cover the Covid vaccines after the end of this month. I needed both anyways so decided to go ahead and get them done. I have a couple of free days after that so can recover if I have a reaction.

No plans for the weekend. Tomorrow I do need to call an insurance company and figure out if the policy got transferred to the funeral home properly. Kathy got an invoice and so I am wondering if it got handled properly.

This run of empty space I have had this month has felt comforting. My soul needed a respite. The world energy keeps ramping up. There is a tug-of-war happening and it is easy to get caught up in it. I have to remind myself several times a day to stay grounded in love. When I read the news it is easy to dip into fear. That feels like that is the goal these days. Once one falls into fear your brain acts differently and it is hard to be logical and not fall into fight or flight.

Grateful for the social worker that called today, grateful I have felt a bit better this afternoon, and grateful the dryer is working again.

This has been another quiet stay-at-home day. We got a bit of rain today but not much. It has been cloudy all day though.

The gas company came this morning and worked all morning to move the gas meter from the ally to up near the house. They laid a new permanent line down as well. There were four guys here and they seemed to work well together. One of them came in and lit the oven and furnace.

Phil came over and worked on moving the dryer vent line. He didn’t get it finished but said he would be back tomorrow to finish up.

He came over and we went over drawings of the new bathroom and back room. We decided on window placement, door placement and shower configuration. Most of the things can be changed if needed. I’m rather flexible about those type of things and trust that Phil knows better than I where to put things.

The guy was to have come tomorrow to start digging for the foundation but with the rain we got today and more in the forecast he put it off until next week.

I got the update for the Detention Center Love in Action project written. I have already gotten six more things purchased off the Amazon gift registry. People are very generous in their support of this project.

Got a phone call from a lady that used to live in Newton and used to work with the Detention Center doing a ministry project of some sort. She had met someone that she wants me to meet and we exchanged contact information.

The appreciation gifts I ordered for the staff of the detention center came in today. It will take a bit of assembly to get them ready. I will post a note and ask for some volunteers to come help me when it is time to do that. I think I will take them up sometime in October. Just a little token of appreciation for all the staff does to make this project happen. It has impacted most of the staff in some way or other and I want to thank them and let them know I see them and appreciate their help making this project happen inside the walls of the detention center.

Tomorrow Kathy and I have a zoom call with a social worker from the KU Memory Unit at 3:30. I need to call in the morning as I never received the zoom link. Maybe she won’t send it until then.

No plans for the weekend. I didn’t make it to town today so will probably go Friday to get some groceries. I have a CD that is renewing Saturday and I need to give the bank instructions on it.

Still no results from the echocardiogram that I had done Monday morning. Maybe no news is good news. Sure seems to take them a bit to get around to sending out results. Wonder if that is normal in other hospitals as well. The state of modern medicine is not good these days.

It is nice to be back above neutral again. It sure helps to tune out the news. I give myself a few minutes every morning and evening to read some of the news but more than that I can’t handle. I do better focusing on the things I can do something about rather than stewing over the things I can’t.

Grateful for progress on the remodel, grateful for the support of the Love in Action project, and grateful for all the love being given and shared in my community.

This has been a quiet stay-at-home type of day. I even took a nap this afternoon. Other than doing two loads of laundry I haven’t done much. It has been a low energy type of day.

I didn’t get the update for the Love in Action project done. I have to be in the right mood to write it and today wasn’t the day. I will get it done tomorrow.

No plans for tomorrow. I will probably go to Emporia and pick up a few groceries. I was in town twice yesterday but didn’t take the opportunity either trip.

Ellexia told me her wrist is still sore today. Sometimes a sprain can take a few days to feel better. I hope she didn’t break it and it starts feeling better soon.

I have a rash where they put the pads for the echocardiogram. My body doesn’t like medical things – things on the skin or things I take. Still haven’t gotten any results.

Have been thinking all day about what is happening in the world. The two realities are splitting wider and wider apart. I need to focus my energy on building community that is within my reach. Doing acts of kindness and love, inviting others to join me, and letting the other stuff stay out of my way. It all feels like a distraction and not truth.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful for afternoon naps, and grateful love is the answer -not what was the question?

Totally forgot to blog last night. Rare for me to let that happen. Not much happened yesterday so really didn’t have much to blog about anyways.

I had to be at the hospital by 9:45 this morning for an Echocardiogram. The lady came and got me around 9:50. I was done by 10:10. Wonder if it will take nine days to get the results like the heart stress test did.

I stopped at CVS afterwards to pick up a prescription for a friend and then headed home. Stopped and dropped off the pills and made sure she took her first pill. Came home and had some breakfast.

When I was at CVS there was a lady in line in front of me. Her drugs cost a little bit but she didn’t have her purse with her. She had to go to the car where her granddaughter was waiting. The clerk switched to the other register and waited on me. The lady and her granddaughter came back in as I was finishing up. The granddaughter attempted to pay using an app on her phone but it didn’t work. I pulled out a bill and said I would be honored to pay. The lady gave me a big hug when she left. Sometimes we all need a bit of help – this was a small amount and it meant a lot to the lady and her granddaughter. The hug meant a lot to me.

I took a short chair nap this afternoon. I had trouble finding sleep again last night and had to get up and going this morning.

Kathy and I headed back to Emporia at 3:45 to watch Ellexia cheer. It was hot sitting out in the stands today.

Ellexia is a flyer on the cheer team and unfortunately on their first try they had a problem and she fell. One of the base girls went down too and hit her head. Ellexia sprained her wrist and hit her hip. She sat out the rest of the game. They didn’t try another flying set.

We stuck it out to the end of the game. Emporia won 44 to 0. For some reason they decided to play a fifth quarter. Not sure why in this heat. Luckily Ellexia got dismissed after the fourth quarter. Kathy and I took her to Braum’s for dinner. It felt good to sit inside and cool off for a bit.

Dropped Ellexia off and then we came home. It might be an early bedtime for both Kathy and I tonight. She didn’t sleep well last night either.

No plans for tomorrow or Wednesday. I need to get a few groceries so one of these days I will need to go to town to pick a few things up.

I got about ten pieces of mail of Max’s today. Good to know the forwarding thing is working. None of them were things I need to do anything about. Mostly bank statements, insurance stuff, etc.

Got a note from the sergeant that handles the Love in Action project at the Detention Center. She requested a few more things for the detainees that I added to the gift registry. The rolling carts she had me order didn’t last very long and she requested a stronger one. I found one and got it ordered. If it works well, I will order a second one. The new one is stainless steel and it should last longer.

I need to do the weekly update for the Love in Action Facebook page. I didn’t get that done yesterday and haven’t had time today. I will get that done tomorrow.

I haven’t taken the time to look at the news today. I needed to take a break from it anyways and having a busy day gave me a good reason to steer clear of it. So much of what I read feels like exaggerated news at best and some is false, or at least misleading. It takes a lot of energy to chase down facts.

Grateful to be in the right place at the right time this morning, grateful Ellexia and the others didn’t get hurt too badly, and grateful to have gotten to have dinner with Ellexia and Kathy.

Decided to go to the apple orchard north of Emporia to see if they had any Jonathan apples. Jonathan apple’s are my absolute favorite apple and they are hard to find except during peak season.

They had some so I got two big bags. I also got a big jug of honey and of course an apple slush.

When I got back into town I stopped and picked up Ellexia and we went to Bruff’s for a late lunch. Jason was able to join us too. After lunch Ellexia and I went to the spa to get Michelle a gift certificate for a mani and pedi for her birthday present for tomorrow. We then went to Walmart and picked up a cake and flowers. I took Ellexia and all the goodies home and then went to Verizon to get a new screen protection cover for my phone.

I was in town a bit longer than I had planned but it was good to get to spend time with Ellexia and Jason. I thought I would have to go to town tomorrow to take Michelle her birthday present but I was able to get that done today.

I got tickets for the Van Gogh Immersive event in Wichita for the 25th. Six of my friends are going with me. That will be a fun day! We will go to lunch and then go to the event. I have seen ads for these immersive events before and have always wanted to go. Van Gogh is one of my favorite painters and I am looking forward to the event.

Got the bathroom cleaned and some laundry done this afternoon. Still need to fold and put away the laundry but I will get that done this evening.

Read another article about the different realities that we are living through. The divide between the two seems to be getting wider and wider. I now understand what it means when others say we are splitting into two different timelines. I am feeling more and more disconnected from the other reality. It doesn’t feel important or even real to me any more. I feel even more strongly that I need to stay focused on being Love in Action and finding ways to invite others to join me.

I now understand why the rally’s don’t feel right to me. They are on a different timeline than I am on. To create a new world and way, we have to step out of our old patterns and habits and ways and rebuild in a new way, this time from the bottom up. Pointing out what we disagree with is pulling us down. We have to find ways to join in love and focus on common ground. The Hour of Love of Action is a new way of being in resistance in a positive way.

No plans for tomorrow. Monday I have an echocardiogram in the morning at the hospital and then Ellexia is cheering for a football game in the afternoon. She gets to be a flyer for three cheers they are doing. Kathy and I will plan on going. No other plans for next week except the social worker call on Thursday.

It was great to see both Jason and Ellexia and to get to spend some time with them. Ellexia is growing up so fast and I don’t get to see much of her these days. She has much better things to do with her time than spend time with me. She had fun getting presents for her mom’s birthday.

It’s been a hard couple of weeks. Something was behind all this and I finally feel like I figured it out. I have an old habit of wanting to see the full picture to put all the pieces together to make sense of things. I think the new order will not allow me to do that and that feels uncomfortable. Change is not always easy for me. It does help to understand what I was getting pulled away from and even more important what I am getting pulled to.

Grateful to get to spend time with Jason and Ellexia, grateful I have a big stock of Jonathan apples, and grateful to finally understand why the rally’s didn’t feel good to me.

This has been another stay-at-home day. I had trouble finding sleep last night so slept in this morning. Not sure I got more than six hours of sleep divided into about six segments but some is better than none.

I went to the Grand for lunch. I love their chicken strips. Lexi had her dog with her today helping her wait tables. Fun to see!

The gas company came and put down a temporary gas line. He came in and lit the furnace and stove. The gas company is going to send me a bill for $500 to replace the line and once they get payment they will come back and put in the permanent line.

On October 18 the 50501 group is calling for protests again. I struggle going to the protests as they feel to me like they are bringing negative energy. I want to demonstrate for what I believe in – not what I am against.

The world energy this week feels heavy and it is easy to miss all the good things that happen around us. I want to do an action that focuses on the good things and help us all think of ways we can become Love in Action.

To that end, I am going to host a Love in Action Day. We will meet at 2:00 and have a brief meditation and then scatter out throughout the community and practice random act of kindness. After 30 minutes we will gather back and report and have a conversation about ways we can be Love in Action in our daily life.

Some of the ideas I suggested we could do include: bring a dozen roses and go through the community and pass them out, bring a trash bag and take a walk and pick up trash, go to the local nursing home and visit with a resident, write out Christmas cards for the detainees, sit and have a conversation with someone that holds a different opinion than you do, bring a bag of flower bulbs and plant them in someone’s yard. I welcome additional suggestions.

Can you imagine the impact if every community would do this on October 18. There is so much goodness that happens on a daily basis that we overlook. Maybe with some intention on spreading love, the energy could shift. It certainly can’t do harm. Join us if you can and if not, do the same thing wherever you are that day.

What I like most about this event is that both sides of the division in this country can participate. We aren’t choosing sides and pointing fingers at each other. We are coming together and spreading love!

Didn’t get much done today. Have felt a bit off today and needed some time to think and process my emotions from this hard week. I feel better now that I came up with something actionable to do. An old habit of mine is doing not being. Sometimes when my back is up against the wall it helps to step into doing to deal with my emotions. I love the idea I came up with and trust it will be a success – even if it is just Kathy and I doing it.

A lady from the KU Memory Clinic called today. She is a social worker and she scheduled a Zoom meeting with Kathy, myself and her for next week. Not sure who covers the cost of this but we will ask next week. She wants to find out what our immediate needs are to see if it is something she might help with. It will be good for both of us to get plugged in to some sort of support system now so when we begin to need them, we will have them.

I broke down and turned the A/C back on last night. It was too warm to sleep comfortably. I am grateful I had it on today as it warmed up again today.

No plans for the weekend. Have lots more cleaning to do and still have a few random piles of stuff that needs to find a temporary home. I should have done the living room last as my reward for taking care of the other piles in other rooms. Now when I sit in the living room I can forget about the other piles and they don’t bother me all day.

Finally feeling like I am back above neutral this afternoon. I fell into the rabbit hole and it was a hard climb to get out. It helped to limit my Facebook browsing today and limit my news reading. It hurts my heart when I read posts that are meant to divide us. Somehow, some way, we have got to come together and mend the divide.

I watched a short video of a lady that said a lot of the problem is that most of us get our news from social media. Social media is set up to give us more of what we read. We forget that others read different view points and we don’t see what they read and they don’t see what we read. We put others down because we think they know what we know and have chosen a different response. In reality, they don’t know what we know and we don’t know what they know. That put a different perspective on news for me and makes so much sense.

Grateful for Love in Action, grateful for the gas company and their help with this construction project, and grateful each of us get to choose to make a difference in the world.

The back porch got torn off today. We blocked the back door so we wouldn’t accidentally walk out and fall down. I need to remember to be in a full state of dress when I walk through the kitchen as the back door has a window in it and I would expose myself to the workers.

Phil is working on rerouting the gas line now. He has to move the entrance point of the gas line into the house to the side of the new room. The old one was in the middle of the porch. After he gets that done, the gas company will come and move the line that runs down the middle of the yard and hook into the new connection. I won’t have an oven for a bit.

My realtor text me to let me know she is scheduling an open house for the property I am attempting to sell in Emporia. We lower the price $5,000. Hoping to get more interest in it and at least get an offer. I would make someone a really good deal just to get rid of it. It has a new roof and guttering on it. the house has two bedrooms, one bathroom, no basement.

Got the living room put together as well as it is going to be until the new room gets done. It no longer has little piles of stuff lying around. I still need to do the same to the dining room. The room feels much smaller and I am a bit claustrophobic in it but guess I will adjust – sooner or later. The good news is I have been able to find the things that I needed that got relocated. Trust that will continue.

Not sure what I am going to do about Thanksgiving this year. Not sure I have room to sit many people in this house this year. I’ll have to put on my thinking cap to come up with a solution. Maybe the weather will be nice and some could eat outside – although the front porch is full of crap too.

Kathy and I both had trouble finding sleep last night. The energy in the world is so heavy right now. It makes my heart hurt to read Facebook right now. So much anger and blame and very little love. I may take a Facebook break except for the Love in Action page and to post my blog.

This is eclipse season and things are really stirred up. It feels a bit to me we are experiencing extreme chaos before good can emerge. Just like this little construction project I have going on. It feels very chaotic and unsettling but I know something better is ahead for me. I trust that is true for our nation. Sometimes we have to completely break something to allow for new growth to come through. We have got to find a way to reconnect to our neighbors and find the things we have in common instead of focusing on the things we don’t. Blame, labeling, name calling is all adding to the negative energy that is stirred up big time right now. Let’s give love a chance!

I reread my blog from my walk on the Camino ten years ago. On this day back then I lost a toenail. I ended the walk leaving six toenails in Spain – a little DNA trail of its own! Ten years ago I walked 16.2 miles. Rather sure I couldn’t do that today. What an adventure that was – truly a once in a lifetime trip.

No plans for the weekend. I will continue working on cleaning the house and finding new homes for all the things I relocated from the porch. I need to go through my desk again and make sure I don’t have something that needs attention.

Spending time rebalancing myself and anchoring myself into love today. The world doesn’t feel very safe to me right now and I know that is not my truth. There is so much love and goodness and kindness happening around me but somehow it feels covered up right now. I need to sit with my feelings and allow them to be what they are until I can find the love that is there and allow it to surface and overcome the darkness around me.

Grateful for my Camino experience, grateful the old porch is down, and grateful the living room is cleaned up.

To my surprise the guy showed up to cut down the tree today. I had no idea he could do it this quickly. It was hard to watch the tree come down. He was able to complete the job today. The first check for the back porch project has been written. The back yard is kinda torn up as the ground was a bit soft from all the rain we have had. We may have to plant some new grass seed come spring time.

Phil got started on the demolition of the back porch today. He is tearing off the old shingles on the outside of the room. The noise and mess has begun!

I went to Emporia this afternoon to get my hair cut. I stopped afterwards to wash the car and to go to an ATM and get some cash. I then went to eat and then to Walmart to pick up a few groceries. One my way home, I stopped at Flying J and filled the car up. It was good to get home.

I remembered to stop and pay the water bill on my way out of town. Last time I mailed it they didn’t get it until three weeks after I mailed it. I decided I better just deliver it in person from now on.

Last night I woke up and there was a hum in the room I am not used to. It took me a bit to remember that I now have a freezer in the bedroom. The same thing happened when I was sitting in my chair in the living room and the refrigerator kicked on. I’m sure one of these days those sounds won’t startle me.

No plans for the rest of the week. I still have some organizing and hiding of stuff that needs to happen. I feel like I did when I first moved in with stuff everywhere. Hope I remember where I hide things.

I’ve been thinking about the detainees that don’t have a family member to send a note to. I am considering coming up with some names of people that they could write to, kinda like Pen Pals. It hurts my heart to think that they are all alone with no one to tell where they are. One of the problems some of them have is they don’t have an address memorized and they have no way of looking them up. I know I don’t have many of the phone numbers I call frequently memorized. Wonder if I could find volunteers that would be a pen pal for those detained that don’t have a family member to write to? The other problem is that they will probably get moved shortly so it would be hard to track them after they leave.

The world energy feels very heavy tonight. This eclipse season helps bring things to a head and as we approach that the resistance is strong. It is hard for me to be out in the world right now as the energy is thick and heavy. I think we all absorb it even if we are not consciously aware of that.

Grateful for a hair cut, grateful for the shade and beauty the tree provided, and grateful demolition has begun.

More progress made on the back porch today. Phil came over to move the refrigerator and freezer into the house. We had to empty both of them so it would make moving them easier for Phil. Both needed a good cleaning so we were able to make that happen too.

Phil had to take the door to the kitchen off and remove the doors of the refrigerator to get it through. He does those things like they are nothing. It would have taken me all day to figure out how to get them off and back on again.

The refrigerator is in the dining room where the riding bike used to be. We decided to get rid of the bike. It takes up so much room and neither one of us use it often enough to justify keeping it. I listed it on Chase County Cares and Shares. So far no one has come to take it away.

The freezer is in my bedroom. I had to unload the book case and I put the freezer where the book case was. Once the freezer was in place, I put the book case on the side of the freezer turned sideways. We had to run an extension cord as there is no plug in where I put the freezer. Phil tacked the extension cord up over the closet door so I won’t trip on it. I got the freezer reloaded and the book case things put back up again.

This has been a take things out and put things back type of day. It is nice to have the freezer cleaned out and everything put back together in an organized way. I now know what I have in the freezer again and can find things.

I have to have a tree taken down in the back yard. It will be hanging over the new addition and I don’t like trees too close to the house. It is a beautiful oak tree and I hate to lose it. It provided lots of nice shade for the dogs. There are some other trees further back in the yard so I think the dogs will still have shade when we move their pen back behind the new addition.

I’m sure there will be more things that come up that I wasn’t expecting. That is the nature of a remodel. Phil is going to start the demolition of the old back porch this week. It will really begin to feel real when the old porch goes away.

Phil just came over and told me the gas company needs to move the gas line. There may be a charge associated with that. $$ add up fast on a remodel.

I got the rack in the living room reorganized today. It looks better but it is still a rack in the living room! And I have a second one in here too. How long is this project going to take? I think I can, I think I can.

I still have a few piles here and there that I need to find hiding places for things. I told Kathy today I wondered what I would replace if the house burned down. I have been looking at my stuff from that perspective and other than the extra vacuum and the riding bike I haven’t found anything to eliminate.

I also need to straighten out the front porch. We added a rack out there as well as some other things and they need to be better organized.

Kathy went out to dinner and a movie with some friends. It is good for her to get out a couple days a week. She loves going to the movies so I’m sure she will enjoy her evening out. I don’t enjoy movies so I stayed home.

Tomorrow I have a haircut in the afternoon so will get groceries afterwards. I need to pay my water bill tomorrow. I keep forgetting to take it down and it is due tomorrow. I also have a check I need to write to pay for a turnpike bill from the time we were in MA. They finally sent me the bill.

No plans after the trip to town tomorrow. It will be good to have a couple more quiet days at home. Not sure I can call today a quiet day but it was a day at home. It will be good to get out tomorrow and know that the next couple of days I can stay home.

Progress comes in bits and pieces. Every step is one step closer to being done. I am strapping on the seat belt and riding this for whatever it brings.

Had a thought about the Love in Action project. We can’t give the detainees a gift for Christmas other than a pizza party. But what if we gave them a gift card to send to their family? The lady that passes out the cards could insert one in the cards they write out. Not sure the Detention Center will allow that but I think I will ask. Sometimes it is a gift to give a gift even more than receiving one. We have lots of cash on hand and don’t need any more cards or stamps. I have a feeling people would send more cash to support the project as a Christmas idea. Not sure a $5 or $10 gift card goes very far but maybe the thought behind it will make it more valuable.

Grateful for the progress made today on the back porch remodel, grateful the freezer and refrigerator are moved and cleaned, and grateful Kathy got a night out with friends tonight.

This has been a rainy day at home. My energy matched the weather – low energy. I got absolutely nothing done today.

The Chase County Sheriff’s Office posted a nice note about the Love in Action project. I wish they had thanked all the contributors that made that happen.

Phil applied for the permit for the addition today. He is also having the lines marked. All small steps towards progress. It will feel more real when he starts to tear the old one off.

No plans for the rest of the week. One of these days I will need to go to town and buy groceries. I probably should try and find something to put on my calendar for later in the week. I’m not sure it is good for me to stay home isolated all the time.

Feeling a bit empty tonight. The quiet today still felt healing but I can feel the restlessness moving in. It is interesting to watch the ebb and flow of how I react to empty space. Some days it is healing and some days it feels draining. Guess everything in life is like that. I tend to feel all the feels. I remember a time when I was so numb I didn’t feel the highs or the lows.

Grateful for a quiet, rainy day at home, grateful for the relationship I am building at the Detention Center, and grateful for all the feels.

This has felt like a busy day. Kathy and I worked all morning finishing up getting the back porch cleared out. We managed to get most of it out. My living room feels very small right now as I have two big racks in it that are full of things from the back porch.

As I have time over this week, I want to sort through the stuff again and get it better organized. Today I just piled it on the racks and didn’t take the time to organize it. I wasn’t sure what would fit and now that I know what does I can get it organized. I don’t think I can sit here every day and look at the disorganized shelves.

I still have a few things I need to find hiding places for. I have little piles of stuff all over the house.

I found my old vacuum and decided since we don’t have any carpet any more I didn’t need it any more. I listed it on Chase County Cares and Shares and someone came to claim it about 15 minutes after I posted it. Love how easy that was.

Tagen came over this evening to pick up the truck title. While he was here he helped me move a rack to the front porch and then carried two heavy totes to put on the rack. He lifted those things like they didn’t weigh anything.

There are only a few things left in the back room. I will carry them to the porch in the morning.

Phil came over this afternoon and moved the dog pen that was attached to the back of the porch to the side yard. So far the dogs seem to like it. Ellie, the cat, isn’t too happy as she liked to go under the porch to hide out. She will get over it.

I went to hear Christy Davis who is running for the US Senate. There were about 35 people there. She did a question and answer program. Interest in her campaign seems to be good. The good news is there was a couple there that are life long Republicans that said they are embarrassed about Marshall. Hoping there are lots more like them out there.

Not sure when Phil is coming over to move the freezer and refrigerator off the porch. The freezer is going in my bedroom and the refrigerator is going in the dining room. Once those are moved the electrical panel needs moved to a different wall. The gas line needs moved and then he can start taking off the old back porch. He has to do some plumbing work to prepare for the new bathroom and then the footings can be poured. It is interesting to me to see this process unfold and watch it up close.

My neighbor just came over and brought me a sack full of tomatoes and sweet peppers. Kathy will enjoy them, Our neighbor is so generous every year with her garden produce and shares with us. She is a real animal lover and enjoys playing with the dogs when she comes over.

No plans for the rest of the week. One of those rare weeks when I don’t have anything on the calendar. It will be good to have time to get the house organized with all the extra stuff. Sometimes having a full week of empty space can intimidate me but this week it feels freeing. It helps to have a little project to get done.

I’m excited the back porch project is officially underway. It will help make this house function much better having a second bathroom and more storage. It should help the house stay warmer too as the room will be airtight and not have so much air leakage. I will even be able to store food items back there which will open up some space in the kitchen.

Kathy and I have told each other this chaos is only temporary. I hope it doesn’t throw Kathy off too much with everything being in new places. Change is hard for most of us and for someone like Kathy it is even harder. We will get through this – one day at a time.

Grateful the back porch is almost empty, grateful for Tagen’s help this evening, and grateful for the produce the neighbor dropped by.

Didn’t fall asleep until 6:00 this morning. Makes a long night when that happens. I slept until around 11:00. Makes a short day when I don’t get up until then.

The guy that is going to rebuild my back porch came over today and we talked a few more details. I am to have it emptied out by Monday. He is going to help me move the freezer and refrigerator next week. He will apply for the permit from the city and start lining up sub-contractors.

The guy that is going to pour the foundation came over today and gave us a bid. I never have any idea if the bid is in line or not. things are so high these days it is hard to tell.

We drew out a very rough draft of the floor plan. I am adding a shower and bathroom and we talked where the best place to put that is. Details are still being discussed.

I moved one of the rolling shelving units from the back into the living room. I will move another one tomorrow. I have another spot in the living room for it. One of the shelving units will have to go on the front porch. Not sure where I am going to put some of the stuff back there. Will have to put some in the shed.

Found a spot to put the dog food in the laundry room. Still need to find a place for the vacuum. In a small house there isn’t a lot of hiding places for things.

Hoping the clutter in the living room won’t drive me crazy before the room addition is done. It is what it is and I will have to learn to live with it. Sometimes the process is not easy!

Have no idea when it might get done. I’m sure it will depend on when suppliers can get here and how much time Phil can devote to it. They are going to move the electrical panel sometime next week. We also have to find another place to put the dog pen for the duration of the remodel.

It is exciting that this project is getting started. Phil is easy to work with and I usually can make quick decisions as things come up. I’m pretty flexible with the details and trust that Phil knows better than I what should happen. He has never disappointed me.

I need to spend some time looking at bathroom floor plans and give Phil some direction on how I want the bathroom laid out.

Baked a batch of peanut butter cookies for the political rally tomorrow. Still haven’t decided if I am going or not but will at least deliver the cookies. Not sure I can people tomorrow or not. I still need to clean the kitchen up from my baking mess but at least the cookies are done.

Tagen is to come over tomorrow and pick up the title to his old truck. Not sure why he needs it but he said he needed it by Monday. It will be good to see him for a hot minute. I haven’t seen him for a month or more. He is busy and spending time with Grandma isn’t at the top of his priority list these days.

No plans for next week. I will have plenty of time to reorganize things and find hiding places for them. I didn’t realize the back porch had so much stuff in it. Maybe I can find a bunch of stuff to eliminate.

Hoping to get to bed at a decent time tonight and get back on schedule. Some nights I have the hardest time falling asleep. I am tired tonight so hoping tonight is the night that I can get to sleep easily.

It was an absolutely beautiful day out today. Mid 70’s and bright blue skies. There is a smell of fall in the air. Betting we will have an early frost this year. Kathy mowed today and spent most of the day outside in her hammock.

Feeling a bit isolated again. I have done it to myself as peopling is hard for me these days. Hoping that lets up soon. Still haven’t discovered what is behind that but riding it out and allowing it to be what it is.

Grateful the back porch project has begun, grateful for what sleep I did get this morning, and grateful for this beautiful fall day.

Kathy and I both enjoyed a quiet, rainy day at home. I didn’t even get dressed today. For some reason this week has felt busy and a bit chaotic. We both needed a very quiet day at home.

I spent some time catching up on Facebook. Every time I post an update to the Love in Action project I get responses and comments. Some need a response and explanation of sorts. I am grateful that so far this time there have been no negative comments.

One person that has purchased several things off the Amazon gift list before had trouble with it today so she Venmo the money and I purchased what she wanted sent. Not sure what happened but sometimes Amazon has the hiccups and causes little glitches. Grateful we could find a work around.

Several people purchased things for the first time. I am grateful for the interest in this project and that it continues. The thank you notes that some of the detainees sent me seemed to touch the heart of the donors.

I am thinking about finding some volunteer pen pals for the detainees. Some of them are there longer than the usual 48 hours to two weeks. Some of them have no one to send a card too. I will have to be careful choosing the pen pals as I think it could cause some issues. I will continue to sit with that idea and see where it goes.

I want to get a small gift for the staff at the detention center. Did some looking today and may have found what I am looking for but want to keep looking. Whatever I get I need 70 of them so it can’t be something that is too expensive. I realized when I was up at the detention center that this project has impacted the staff in different ways. I want to thank them for the extra work this project has caused them.

I made a tuna noodle casserole for dinner tonight. I hadn’t had it for a long time and I needed some real food. It was good but I didn’t have any sour cream and it was a bit drier than I like. I don’t keep the same staples on hand that I used to when I cooked more.

Tomorrow I need to bake some cookies for a political event on Sunday. Haven’t decided what kind to make yet. I’ll check with Kathy and see if she is craving any special kind.

Sunday I have the political rally to go to if I can make myself go. I may just go drop off the cookies and not stay. I am struggling doing the people thing these days for some reason.

So far next week is full of empty space. Right now that feels wonderful but I also know that sitting at home for days and days is probably not good for me. Hard to be in service to others when I stay home all the time. Maybe something will show up for me and call me out of the house.

Realized today how much strength I lost the last couple of weeks due to lack of movement. I didn’t realize how bad I felt until I finally feel better. While I wasn’t feeling good, I really did very little. I need to find a way to start moving my body again. I need to get back into shape before the trip to India. I have two months for that. We will be doing lots of walking on the trip and I want to be ready for it.

Feeling a bit numb to the world right now. I feel like my range has tightened for some reason. I don’t remember this happening for a long time. Not sure if it is self protection of some sort or what. I know the energy is chaotic right now as we are entering eclipse season. I have been on a bit of a roller coaster for several months and maybe I need to pull in and tighten my range to help me through it. I’m sure, sooner or later I will figure it out.

Grateful for a quiet, rainy day, grateful for the wonderful response to the Love in Action Project, and grateful for empty space.

Neither Kathy nor I slept very well last night. Not sure what is up with that. I am grateful it finally cooled off a bit. The house was a bit chilly this morning.

I went to the post office in Cottonwood Falls this morning to try a second attempt at forwarding Max’s mail. I thought I had this done in July but I got a notice stating they needed more documentation. I had taken the probate paperwork with me the first time and the guy said he didn’t need it. This time the lady entered something off of it and kept a copy for her file. Wonder if the second try will work?

I stopped by the Detention Center. I met with the Captain and the Sergeant that is handling the program. The Captain gave me a few items that had been sent that he couldn’t allow in. They also gave me four thank you notes that some Detainees had written to thank the donors of the project. One of them said “appreciate you for thinking of all of us that may not have anyone”. That makes this project worth it!

I gave them five more rows of stamps and two sheets someone had sent me for them. The program seems to be rolling right along. They had a couple things they needed that I came home and got ordered for them. We are brainstorming ideas for the holidays. We may do a pizza party for them one night.

I’m trying to come up with an idea for the staff too. The Detention Center has about 60 employees and the Sheriff’s office has 10. I will keep looking for something. I want them to know I appreciate their help with this project and the care they show the Detainees.

I got the update written for the facebook page and shared it to a couple of groups I am in. One of the things they asked for was Monopoly games with rubber pieces. Not sure how to find one of those – I will keep looking. Wondering if I can buy a regular set and substitute out the pieces. They aren’t allowed to have metal pieces.

I went to the Vo-Tech for a cleaning this afternoon. I had a senior moment though. I knew the appointment was at 12:30 but for some dumb reason I didn’t leave the house until 12:30. Yikes! I think the wrong one of us was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. I sent the lady that was to do my cleaning a note when I realized what I had done and she said I could come in late.

She took my blood pressure and it was too high. We waited 10 minutes and she checked it again. It had gone up! Waited another 10 minutes and it came down. She got a late start due to me being late and the blood pressure thing. She only got half done so I get to go back in October. Me bad!

This student is wonderful. She has a light touch. My teeth are hard to clean as they are crowded and I develop a lot of plaque buildup easily. I hadn’t had them cleaned since March 2024. She had to ask her instructor for help on a couple of them. This is the first time I actually experienced an instructor acting teaching while I was there. They usually criticize the student when they check and then come back and rinse and repeat if needed. This was a great instructor and a great student.

I was going to stop and get something to eat afterwards but I was wiped out and came home. I am really beginning to think I am becoming a hermit. Life outside feels too unbalanced and chaotic to me these days.

No plans for the next couple of days. I volunteered to bake some cookies for a rally on Sunday so will get those done Saturday. So far next week is full of empty space too.

I sent a note to my handyman asking him to be the general contractor for the back porch redo. He agreed to do so and is going to come over soon so we can talk details. Sure not looking forward to living with all the stuff that is on the back porch now being moved into the main part of the house during construction. It is a necessity though if I want this project done. I am adding a bathroom with a walk-in shower in addition to doubling the size of the porch. It will be nice to have a room to store things that is weather proof and temperature controlled. The porch now leaks and has no heating and lots of holes in the floor and walls.

Took some time and read some news this morning. Lots of things up in the air right now, no wonder it feels so chaotic out there. I’m grateful I have a positive project to focus on. There isn’t a damn thing I can do to change the hot issues facing our country but I can make life a bit sweeter for those detained at the Chase County Detention Center. It is a drop in the bucket in light of what is ahead of them but a drop of love is better than nothing.

Grateful for a wonderful dental technician and her instructor, grateful for the Captain and Sergeant I am working with at the Detention Center, and grateful to be back home after a busy day away.

Last evening I sent a note to my doctor inquiring about the stress test results from the test I did nine days ago. His nurse sent a note back this morning to let me know the results were negative. I wonder if they would have reached out if I hadn’t asked? I swear the state of modern medicine is broken. Great news that the results were negative. I am even more convinced that all that has happened over the last month has been the result of the steroid cream I was using.

I went to a friend’s house in Council Grove for a happy hour this afternoon. Four of my dear friends were there. It was a relaxing gathering and just what my soul needed. I had self-isolated for a week and that was a gentle way to come out of isolation.

I stopped at the grocery store in Council Grove afterwards and picked up a few groceries. I like shopping in real grocery stores.

The Captain of the Detention Center called me today. He invited me up to the Center tomorrow morning. He has a few things to give me that he has received that he can’t use as they didn’t come from Amazon. He also has some thank you notes the Detainees have written. Those will be fun to share on my Love in Action page.

Tomorrow I go to the Detention Center in the morning and then into Emporia to the Vo-Tech at 12:30 for a dental cleaning. It has been over a year since I had my teeth cleaned and they are way overdue. I trust she can get it done in one visit. She did Kathy’s clean on Tuesday and Kathy said she was really good.

No plans for the rest of the week. There is a political thing in Cottonwood Falls Sunday afternoon. I am to take a couple dozen cookies so will get those baked Saturday afternoon. Next week is wide open with empty space as far as I can tell. I’m sure something will come up to fill a couple of the days.

I do want to send a note to my handyman and ask him to proceed with the back porch tear off and rebuild. I hate the thought of the mess and clutter while it is being done but the results will be worth it. I want to add a bathroom and more space in the back room. We will move the litter box and the feeding station for the dogs to the back porch will help clean up the laundry room. I decided I need to add a walk-in shower instead of just a half bath. That way if one or the other of us need a handicap shower we will have it. Right now I have a very deep tub/shower combination that is not easy to get in and out of.

My handyman is going to do part of the work himself and help me find subcontractors to do part of it. Not sure when we can get started and how long it might take. I sure would like to have it torn off and partially built in before snow flies. I’ll see if that is possible.

I am tired this evening. After not being around people for a week it was a bit exhausting to get out and visit. I’m grateful after tomorrow I will have another couple of empty space days. I think I could live like a hermit and rarely deal with other humans.

It is hot and sticky this late afternoon. We are to get some rain and wind in a bit. I’ll be glad when it gets here to cool things down again. I have had a headache all day that feels like a weather related headache. I’m ready for some relief.

Feeling a bit frustrated with the state of our medical system. Kathy had some issues with her doctor today too. Why is it so hard to get answers and find doctors that give a flying f**k? Our medical system is so broken and I have a feeling it is going to get worse. I worry about those that don’t have someone that can advocate for them and those that can’t engage due to financial restrictions. It is difficult enough for those of us that have resources.

Grateful for my friends, grateful for a negative result on the stress test, and grateful for the cooler temperatures headed our way.

This has been my seventh stay-at-home day. I did send an email to the Captain and Sergeant at the Detention Center to see if they have any needs and to see how their stamps are holding up. I haven’t heard back from them yet but am expecting to tomorrow.

Still haven’t heard results from the heart stress test. This is day eight. Uhm……. Wonder what is up with the delay? I certainly trust this isn’t normal but these days I actually wouldn’t be too surprised if it was.

I am feeling better today than I have for a bit. No rises in blood pressure and no drops either. Maybe I am finally on the other side of this roller coaster ride I have been on.

We had a thunderstorm during the night. The thunder was loud enough to wake the dead. Man did it crack. I love hearing thunder but when it cracks really loud and shakes my bones it crosses a line. Not sure how much rain we got but the spot in the yard that only shows up if we get more than an inch was full of water this morning. Forecast shows highs in the low 70’s for the next 10 days. Unusually cool days for September. Wonder if we will have one more hint of summer before winter comes.

Tomorrow I am getting out! I am going to Council Grove to a friend’s house for a happy hour. Afterwards I will go to the grocery store in CC and pick a few things up. Not sure I am ready to get out yet but I really can’t stay home forever. Thursday I have a dental cleaning at the Vo-Tech. Kathy went today and said the technician she had today was the best one she has ever had. I have the same one Thursday so crossing my fingers it will go rather quickly and easily.

It sure feels better to feel better. I didn’t realize how far down the rabbit hole I had fallen. Still thinking this all started from the steroid cream I was usually. My body has rare reactions to medications.

Kathy got a small check from the life insurance company. Better than nothing I guess. Not surprising they refunded her on the smaller of the two policies and refused on the larger one. Just grateful we discovered them and got a stop to them.

I’ll be happy when it dries up a bit and the dogs can go back outside. They leave dog fur all over my rug in the living room. No use vacuuming it as it will be covered with dog fur by morning again.

Grateful to be feeling better, grateful for the rain last night, and grateful to breaking my time-out tomorrow.

I struggle to keep track of the days of the week during a normal week. Throw in a holiday Monday and I am screwed! Hopefully I will remember tomorrow is Tuesday and not Monday and can remind Kathy of her dental appointment in the afternoon.

This has been another quiet day at home. Day six of my time-out. I didn’t sleep well last night and felt off this morning but finally feel better this evening. I haven’t had to take an afternoon blood pressure pill as my blood pressure is 108/52 this evening. Maybe things are balancing out.

I need to go visit the Detention Center tomorrow. I missed going last week and need to touch base and see if they have any needs. I have some cash I need to take to the post office and get them some stamps. After that visit I will do an update to the Love in Action Facebook page and post it in several different sites.

Wednesday a friend is hosting a happy hour in Council Grove. I will stop at the grocery store in Council Grove afterwards and pick up some groceries.

Thursday I have a dental appointment at the Vo-Tech at 12:30. Trusting that the girl that is cleaning my teeth is good and fast. I dislike when one appointment turns into two. My teeth are in bad shape so it is possible she won’t get done.

No other plans for the week. I do want to make an appointment with a gastroenterologist. Beginning to think my problems are more gut related than heart related. I don’t expect to get in very quickly but I want to get on someone’s booking. I really need to find a new family doctor that is a bit more curious than the one I am seeing now. He goes through the motions but I don’t think he is very thorough or detailed.

Trusting the results of the heart stress test will be back this week. One would think they would get those results turned around rather quickly given the nature of what they are testing. Sometimes I think our medical system is very broken and logic doesn’t come into play.

It is time for me to rejoin the outer world. This respite has been good for my soul but it is hard to be in service to the world when I am in time-out. I need to get over myself and get on with my life. I do appreciate the short bursts of time when I feel almost normal again. Mabye if I get out and rejoin the world I will have more of them.

Grateful for the privilege of having a six day respite, grateful for feeling better each day, and grateful my iPad tells me what day of the week it is.

It has been another quiet day at home. I did go to Jacalito’s for lunch. I was only able to eat about half of what I got but it was good. My appetite hasn’t been great the last couple of days.

I was going to go to Emporia and buy some groceries but I hadn’t made a list and couldn’t really think of much I needed. I went to the Dollar Store this afternoon and got some bread which is all I thought I really needed.

My blood pressure has been good today. I have learned if I take a blood pressure pill shortly after I get up and then another one about ten hours later I can keep it under control. My pulse has been a bit fast at times today though. Geez, balance is hard for me to find.

I did have a bit of dizziness this morning. I would go to get out of bed and get a bit dizzy. I would lay back down and go back to sleep. Did that two or three times until it stopped. I think I just needed more sleep.

I do feel better this evening than I have for a bit. Maybe whatever this has been is almost over. It was a good sign that my blood pressure didn’t jump high today.

I baked an apple crisp this afternoon. I had gotten some apples when we went to KC last week. I love apple crisp and on a rainy day like today it was a nice late afternoon treat.

No plans for tomorrow. I don’t think I will attempt the rally. It has been a very quiet week for me and I don’t think I can handle a crowd. The last rally I went to wasn’t well attended. I struggle with the negative chants and signs. We have got to stop the negative name calling from both sides. Hate and fear has gotten us into this mess and love is the only thing that will get us out of it.

I have a happy hour to go to Wednesday and then a dental appointment at the Vo-Tech on Thursday afternoon. I do need to go talk to the Captain at the Detention Center on Tuesday. It has been over a week since I made contact with him and I am overdue to do so. I don’t want this program to go south due to lack of my follow-up.

Trusting I will get the results of the heart stress test on Tuesday. I struggle to understand why it takes so long to get the results. Maybe they took a quick look at it and things were OK so they didn’t get the whole report written up.

These five days at home in the quiet have been good for my soul. I feel more grounded and full than I have for a long time. There is so much chaos and low energy out in the world that I think some must have latched on to me. It feels like it finally let go today.

Grateful for these quiet days at home, grateful for warm apple crisp on a rainy day, and grateful for a day for a day of no high blood pressure.

It has been a lazy day at home. I didn’t sleep well last night. My blood pressure thing is wearing me out. It dropped way too low last night and I was dizzy when I would get up to go to the bathroom.

I didn’t feel well this morning. I forced myself to eat something and then took a nap. I have felt better since my nap.

I hate this roller coaster I am on. It reminds me back when I had COVID and took the antibodies and it screwed with my TSH levels. Hopefully next week we will get some answers and figure things out.

I am seriously considering changing doctors. I am upset with my family doctor. When I reported Friday that I am still struggling with my blood pressure he said go to the ED if you have problems. I was in touch with him early in the morning and he could have attempted to help me somehow. Instead he brushed me off. I try not to complain to my doctor every time I don’t feel well but when I do I expect them to hear me and do something.

I will call next week and see if the doctor I would like to change to is taking new patients. I think my current doctor has done as much for me as he can and it is time for a new set of eyes.

I went out to take a walk and was surprised to discover it is sprinkling out. I guess I forgot to check the forecast and I didn’t know we were to get rain today. This house is hard to hear the rain in and I didn’t realize it had been raining.

I still need to go to Emporia and get groceries. I didn’t feel like doing that today again. Maybe tomorrow will be the day. I don’t have anything on my calendar for next week except the rally in Topeka on Monday. Unless I feel much better tomorrow and Monday I probably won’t go. I do need to go to the post office in Emporia one day next week and get Max’s mail forwarding situation straightened out.

This is my fourth day to stay home. I haven’t stayed home that many days in a row for a long time. I haven’t gotten bored or felt the need to get out yet. Wonder how many days I can go before that would happen. My body is tired from the chaos of the last couple of months and has needed this quiet time to reset. Maybe if I allow a few more days it will reset on its own and the blood pressure thing will resolve itself.

Every time something like this happens it makes me realize once again how I can take my health for granted. I do need to become more aware of what I am feeding it and moving it and start doing the things that show my body I care for it. I tend to not practice good self-care when things get chaotic and it is time to get back at it.

My trip to India with Nicole is in a little over two months. That will be here before I know it. It is giving me a deadline to get this medical thing figured out so I can go knowing I can fully enjoy what I am seeing and doing. Right now going that far away seems impossible but trusting that answers will be forthcoming and things will get on a healing path soon.

Grateful for this quiet time at home, grateful for the healing that is headed my way, and grateful I have choices of who my healthcare provider is.

Had another episode of very high blood pressure last night.  It starts with a hot flash that makes me sweat.  I then get diarrhea and a bad headache.  I finally took four baby aspirin and two blood pressure pills.  I took a hot bath and went to bed.  After about 15 minutes in bed my blood pressure dropped back to my normal.  This is getting old!

I sent a note to my doctor this morning as he had asked me to let him know if my blood pressure was still high.  His response was to go to the ED if it happens again.  WTF?  Still don’t have results from the stress test that was done Tuesday.  I have been to the ED twice this month and nothing has changed.  I think if I decide to go again I will go to Topeka and see if they can find out something more helpful.

Had a bit of higher blood pressure today but it has gone up and down and hasn’t stayed high.  We shall see what tonight brings.  Sure wish I knew what was behind all of this and what I could do about it.

I stayed home all day today.  I wasn’t in the mood to people and what groceries I needed could wait another day or two.  Kathy went for happy hour this afternoon but I wasn’t in the mood so I stayed home.  Sometimes I need to put myself in time-out and today was one of those days,

A lady from Newton called me today and we had a good conversation about the Love in Action project.  Her church used to provide a ministry to the Detention Center in Cottonwood Falls and wanted to join forces.  What she wants to do isn’t what the Captain has allowed me to do so I recommended she call him herself to see if he would allow it.  I don’t want to push my luck with him and take a chance of him shutting down what we are able to do now.

I didn’t get hold of the Captain today as I wasn’t in the mood to do so.  I will attempt to do so next week.  He lets me know if there is anything they need so will trust that he would have reached out if he needed something.

No plans for the weekend.  I may go to a Rally in Topeka on Monday if I am feeling better.  We shall see what happens.

Grateful for another stay-at-home-day, grateful for the interest in the Love in Action project, and grateful all is well even when I doubt it.

This has been a day where it has been hard for me to make sense of time. I got an email from the Treasury Department telling me it will take a minimum of six weeks and up to a year for them to process Max’s savings bond. Uhm……. Not sure it is that complicated of a thing to cash it. Its face value is $50. Good thing I am not in a hurry for the $115 it is worth. Goodness, why so long?

My lady plumber’s office called today and scheduled my prolapse surgery for January 15, 2026. Yes, that is right! That is his earliest opening. Oh my, good thing it isn’t urgent by his standards. My prolapse was officially diagnosed in early June. Eight months to fix it? That field of medicine must be in short supply of competent doctors. I’m grateful it is only uncomfortable and not painful. I can only imagine how long it would be scheduled out for if I hadn’t gotten my appointment to see him moved up over a month and one half.

Still starting the day with some head spinning. I have gone back to bed to wait it out as I can’t do much when things are spinning. Usually it stops after an hour or so. It kinda comes and goes all day but only for seconds, unlike the mornings. I tried taking one of the pills the doctor prescribed for it this morning. Not sure I could tell any difference than with what happened yesterday.

When I go back to bed in the mornings it makes time feel off all day. I have a disconnect between clock time and inner time. Doing my best to keep myself grounded and allowing time to be what it is. Hard to let time be anything other than what it is.

I got a note from the post office today telling me that Max’s mail forwarding process is on a 20 day delay. I have to go to the post office and show them proof I have the legal authority to receive his forwarded mail. This ticks me off as when I originally went to forward his mail I took the probate form which shows I have that authority. The mail clerk that waited on me said he didn’t need it and didn’t even look at it. Wondering if it is even worth doing at this point. Wondering if delay is the name of the game these days. Not sure it is a game I like playing but guess no one asked for my opinion.

Still haven’t heard any results from the stress test that was done on Monday. No news is good news I guess? I sure seem to be on a different timeline than the rest of the world today.

I didn’t make it up to the Detention Center today. I need to go to the post office and purchase some stamps and when I remembered to do that today the post office was already closed. I will go to Emporia tomorrow to get some groceries and will stop by the post office there and get the stamps and attempt to get Max’s forwarding mailing address to go through again. I will stop at the Detention Center on the way home.

Haven’t accomplished much today. I am working on getting two loads of laundry done but other than that haven’t done much. Low energy type of day. It rained last night and has been cloudy most of the day. Good day to declare another rest day.

No plans for the rest of the week other than a trip to Emporia tomorrow to get groceries and go to the post office. I may go to a rally in Topeka on Monday if the mood strikes. Not sure they are accomplishing much and I don’t like the negativity. It does feel better to go and do something than to give up and do nothing.

I have struggled with time for some time. Things that happened in the past seem so far away – even if it was only a day, a week, or a month ago. I can’t reliably tell you how long ago something happened. Days like today make it even harder to make sense of.

Grateful the surgery is scheduled, grateful the Savings bond was received, and grateful for the privilege of taking another rest day.

This has felt like a weekend day to me for some reason. I have checked the calendar several times today to convince myself it really is Wednesday. One of the downsides of being retired is that most days are the same and they get hard to keep straight.

This has been a rest and recovery day for me. I am still in my pajamas. I got up around 8:00 and felt dizzy. It doesn’t help that in this house the floors are anything but flat and even. I staggered around a bit and after a bit decided to go back to bed. I had been up in the middle of the night for a couple hours and needed to make up the lost sleep. I felt much better when I got up again.

Did some research last night and discovered the steroid cream I have been using can cause rapid heartbeat, high blood pressure and vertigo. Check, check and check. Now why didn’t the doctors connect the dots? I had stopped taking it about a week ago but it took until the meds I got in the ED Sunday to bring it down. So far, it has stayed down – or at least to a high normal for me. I have gotten several notifications from my Apple Watch that my heart rate has dropped below 45. That is very normal for me and hasn’t happened for several months. I started using the steroid cream in early June.

The lady plumber did not say anything about the rash so thinking it must be gone. I’m sure he will check again when I have surgery. There is an alternate solution to the steroid cream and if it comes back I will ask for that.

I should have known it was a reaction to a drug. My body does weird things when given drugs and I usually have the rarest condition caused by the drug.

I made goulash for a late lunch today. I had laid out a pound of hamburger and was going to make meat loaf but goulash sounded better to me today. I will have plenty to eat on for the next couple of days. It is hard to make a small batch of goulash.

My chest is itching where the EKG patches were put on it during the ED visit and the heart stress test. I have little red patches of inflamed skin all over my chest. They used sandpaper on me during the stress test to make sure the patches stuck tight.

Still haven’t heard any results from the stress test. Know that I understand what caused the high blood pressure and rapid heartbeat I’m not sure a stress test was necessary. The X-ray showed my heart is enlarged so maybe this will either confirm that or find out it was a shadow.

We got a bit of rain this afternoon. I was able to turn off the A/C and open windows and let the fresh rain smell in. I have sneezed off and on all afternoon. I may need to put some socks on in a bit as my feet are cold. We are to stay in the 70’s for at least the next ten days. Hoping this doesn’t mean winter will put in an early appearance. Not sure which I dislike more – the extreme heat in the summer or the extreme cold in the winter.

Tomorrow I need to get up to the Detention Center and take them some stamps that have been donated. I also need to pick up a few things that came in that they can’t accept. I haven’t written my weekly update yet and will wait to do that until I have a conversation with either the Captain or the Sargent that is working with me. I really don’t have much to report this week but I like to update it as it keeps the project front and center in others awareness.

Other than checking in at the Detention Center tomorrow I don’t have any plans until next Monday. It is nice to have several empty-space days on my calendar.

There is a stillness and quiet that happens when it rains. We have gotten a very gentle, light rain and you can almost hear the flowers and grass drinking it. Everything smells fresh and clean – almost like Mother Nature is giving us all a second chance.

Feeling relieved I figured out what was behind the fast heart rate, high blood pressure and the vertigo. I am trusting that the Vertigo will not make another appearance since I stopped using the steroid cream. Wish I had connected the dots sooner when the blood pressure started rising as well as the heart rate. Better late than never – right?

Got two spam texts today. I worry that someone will do that to Kathy and she will respond in her normal kind way and not ignore them. Sure wish there was something someone could do to stop the scams. I block the number each time but they seem to have plenty more numbers to choose from. A lady called me the other day claiming I had called her. I’m sure it was a scam and someone used my phone number – the dirty dogs.

My soul feels tired today. I attempted to read some news and I couldn’t read for long. Everyday it feels like we are being pulled further and further away from love, peace and harmony and treating each other with love and respect. I know that what I read is not my truth and under all the chaos love is prevailing. Some days it is hard to remember that though. I do better when I don’t read the news.

Grateful for a morning nap, grateful to have figured out what caused my health problems, and grateful for a rest and pajama day.

It was an early to rise type of day for me. I had to be in Emporia at 8:15. I checked in at the hospital and within five minutes the lady from Radiology came to get me.

She started an IV and then injected me with some glow in the dark medicine. Then I went back out to the lobby to sit for 45 minutes.

After 30 minutes she came out with a box of drink I had to chug down. She said it was like Ensure and if that is true I will never drink an Ensure again. That stuff was nasty.

She came to get me 15 minutes later and she put me on a table and started the machine. I had to lay perfectly still for 15 minutes.

Then she took me to a different lady who wired me up. She then injected me again with three different things. It caused my heart to race and I felt nauseous. This visit lasted about 20 minutes. Interestingly, this nurse had an episode of Vertigo this weekend too. She had never had one before. What are the chances of that?

After that visit was over they gave me a coupon for a free breakfast in the hospital cafeteria. I wasn’t able to eat much but got some fluids down. I hadn’t had any water all day and I was dry.

I had to wait out the 45 minute break and then I went back for more imagining. This time on my back for 15 minutes and then on my tummy for 15 minutes. Not wise to have someone who just ate to lay on their tummy for 15 minutes. I was swallowing down what wanted to come back up.

I was done after that. They told me I probably wouldn’t have results till Friday. I had a lunch to go to at 1:00 and it was 11:00. I really didn’t have anything to do in town for two hours so went home for an hour. I came back to town in time to be at a lunch at 1:00.

Six of us gathered and had delicious food and even better conversation. Since it was my birthday celebration the restaurant provided a free dessert. I asked our waiter to get five more spoons and we passed the dessert around a couple of times so everyone could have some. The waiter said he hadn’t seen that happen before. We told him we were all sisters.

We didn’t get out of the restaurant until 2:30. I came home and haven’t done much since. I am so grateful I have several empty space days ahead. My body is tired and needs some silence and space to recover.

My blood pressure and pulse have behaved again today. Wonder if the medication they gave me in the ED Sunday reset my body somehow as I haven’t had high blood pressure since.

I took the motion sickness patch off last night. One of the side effects from it was urine retention and that was definitely happening. I only peed once in 24 hours and it wasn’t much. Sometimes the side effects are worse than what you are trying to fix.

It feels like a fall day today. It was only 55 when I went to town this morning. That is cold for me. Don’t think it is supposed to get back in the 90’s for a week or more. I will enjoy this break in the heat.

Have been having a few episodes of Vertigo today but they only last for seconds and aren’t too severe. Once when I got up off the imager table I staggered to where my purse was. I must have looked like a drunk. I don’t think I would have passed the field test for sobriety. Once I staggered the ten steps or so I was OK. It is becoming hard to trust my own body.

So looking forward to several stay-at-home days so I can refill and recharge. I don’t have much on my to-do list so will have plenty of time to rest. I do need to check in with the Captain of the Detention Center and see if they have any needs this week.

It was so nice to gather with my tribe of “sisters” today. It seems like it had been a long time since we did that. I love them so and my favorite thing to do these days is gather with them.

Feeling blessed and celebrated today. Things are slowly unraveling and being completed. Still not sure what I am going to do with all my empty space time but have a feeling something will come along and fill part of it in. Still looking for opportunities to be in service to others.

Grateful for my tribe of “sisters”, grateful the stress test is over, and grateful my blood pressure has come down and seems to be staying down.

This has been another busy day. The Director of Pioneer Bluffs came this morning to pick up the Newsletters. She brought with her mail trays so I transferred the envelopes into those.

The lady from the Council on Aging called and helped me understand Medicaid better. Since Kathy didn’t quality (yet anyways) for home services she has to spend down almost $7,000 every six months to stay on Medicaid. This spend down has to be all medical expenses.

Since that won’t happen, we will drop the Medicaid and reapply later when Kathy needs home services. What a process! You can only receive Medicaid insurance without a required spend down if you make less than $900 a month or if you qualify to receive home services. KanCare sent Kathy three identical letters to inform her she didn’t qualify for home services. Things that make me go WTF. One wouldn’t do it?

We went to KC today. Kathy was kind enough to drive me as I am feeling a bit fuzzy-headed today. I liked the surgeon I saw. He was kind and efficient. I will need surgery later this year. He is booked out till the end of October and I have a trip to India planned for two weeks in November. He recommended I wait till I get back from the trip to have surgery as there is a six-week recovery time. His nurse is to call me to get it scheduled sometime soon.

I learned last night when I switch from left side to right side to sleep the Vertigo comes back but if I keep my eyes closed as I switch, it greatly lessens the Vertigo. My blood pressure was too low this morning and my heart rate has been dropping below 45 several times which is my normal. My body feels weird though as I was experiencing heart rates of 80 – 150 the last couple of weeks. I am struggling to find balance these days.

I sent a note to my Doctor today and he prescribed a medication that should help reduce the effects of Vertigo. I only take it if I have a spell. Kathy and I stopped at Walmart on the way home to pick up the prescription. The doctor at the ED also sent a script for nausea and vomiting. We picked that one up too.

I am feeling better today although my head feels fuzzy. It is a side effect of the patch they gave me to help stop the spinning. I took short naps to and from KC today as the patch also caused sleepiness. It also causes urine retention and I have barely been able to pee today. Man, sometimes the side effects are worse than what we are treating.

Tomorrow I have to be at the hospital in Emporia for a heart stress test at 8:30. Yikes! I don’t like mornings so that will be early for me.

Tomorrow I am meeting some of my dear friends for lunch. It feels like it has been a hot minute since we were all together so it will be fun to see everyone.

After lunch tomorrow my calendar is free for the rest of the week. I feel like I need several stay-at-home days in a row to fully recover.

So grateful to be feeling somewhat better today. At least the house isn’t spinning and I can tell the floor from the ceiling. When I get a bit of Vertigo it isn’t near as bad as it was yesterday and it only lasts for a few seconds.

Got a letter from Kathy’s insurance company that told Kathy that they will not be refunding her premiums for the third life insurance policy we discovered Kathy had. I didn’t expect them to but it was worth asking. I would suggest staying away from American Income Life Insurance Company. They sell junk policies.

With hearing from Medicaid and the Life Insurance Company, I think I have settled all of Kathy’s affairs that needed attention. Always a good day when I can take things off my pending list and today I got to cross off two things. Only four more things on my pending list.

I had another reminder about my health yesterday. I way too often take my health for granted. Time to get back on the band wagon and get my act together.

Grateful for a kind and efficient doctor today, grateful Kathy was able to drive me to and from, and grateful there is medication that might help lessens the effects of Vertigo.

This day hasn’t gone as expected. I woke up to my room upside down and wrong side up. I tried to sit up in bed and the room was spinning and twisting and turning. It finally calmed down a bit and I went to the bathroom. Something clearly was wrong with me.

I came out and sat in my chair for a bit and took my blood pressure. It was way too high and I started feeling nauseous and had chest pressure. Kathy was out walking the dogs so I decided I better call for an ambulance. I knew I couldn’t drive myself.

They came in about 10 minutes. They loaded me up and took me to Emporia. One good thing about arriving in an ambulance is that you are met at the hospital with several nurses and the doctor – no waiting.

The doctor ordered a head CT scan and they drew blood. It didn’t take long for the lady to come get me for the CT scan. I was still a bit unstable on my feet but the spinning had slowed down.

After the CT they brought me back to my room and started giving me medication. The spinning came and went and at one point I felt like I was in a tunnel. Weird sensations and feelings.

They brought Jason and Kathy back to my room. After the medication kicked in I started feeling better. My blood pressure was 249/125 in the ambulance. Yikes! It started gradually coming down and about noon they let me go home.

I came home and went to bed. I was still spinning a bit but not near as badly. I slept for a couple of hours and am feeling much better. This afternoon my blood pressure was 94/65. Now I am a bit lightheaded from the low blood pressure but that is a feeling I know how to deal with.

While I was resting, two dear friends came over and helped Kathy finish the Pioneer Bluffs Newsletter for me. That really touched my heart! So grateful for their help and it will help me relax knowing that job is done. The Director is coming over in the morning to pick it up. We will have to transfer the mailing into mail trays and get everything sorted but that is easy.

I took a shower and got dressed. That felt good. I finally ate a bit this afternoon. Still not very hungry but knew I needed to get something down. I will try to eat a bit more later. I put some salt in my water to help bring my blood pressure back up a bit. Balance seems to be hard for me to find right now.

Tomorrow I am going to KC. Kathy is going with me and will drive for me if I don’t feel like it is safe to do so. It will be good to see the lady plumber and find out what he can do for me. Tuesday I have a stress test in the morning and then a lunch with my friends. The rest of the week is empty space which will be good.

What a day! The closest I have ever come to feeling like this before was when I had a bad sinus infection while I was in Israel. I went to the bathroom and everything rocked and rolled for a bit. I thought it was from the sinus infection and it turned out they had an earthquake. Today was a very similar feeling but lasted much longer and was worse. Grateful the spinning has stopped and my blood pressure has come down for the first time in several weeks. Wonder if bodies have body quake’s? Is that a thing? Maybe that is what they should call vertigo.

One never really knows what is ahead for them. Things can change so quickly. It reminds me that there is really nothing certain to ground into – even your body can betray you.

It also reminds me how important friends and family are. Jason showed up at the hospital before I got there. Kathy followed me in. Two dear friends came without being asked and helped finish up the Newsletter. I am blessed.

Grateful to be home and getting back to “normal” this afternoon, grateful for the support of my friends and family, and grateful it was nothing too serious that was wrong with me today.

I have been working on the Pioneer Bluffs Newsletter off and on most of the afternoon. Lynn came over and helped out for an hour or so. We are half way done. I have till Monday morning to finish so should be able to get the job done. It was fun to have Lynn come over to help. We enjoy visiting and the time goes by much quicker with someone to visit with.

I didn’t get up early enough to get to the Post Office for trays. I am having to get very creative to find things to put the stuffed envelopes in. I hope the things I have come up with hold them together until the trays get here Monday morning. Not sure what I am going to use to finish the job up. I’m sure I will figure something out.

Still haven’t taken time to read my birthday wishes on Facebook. Maybe when I take a break this evening I will reward myself and do so. I do it slowly and remember a memory I have of the person posting. It is fun and I like to take my time.

Kathy and I went to Jaqualito for a late lunch/early dinner this afternoon. I had forgotten to eat lunch and was hungry. I needed some real food so I wouldn’t start in with the junk stuff. Lunch was delicious as usual.

Tomorrow I will finish up the newsletter job. Hoping I get one of the two remaining boxes done tonight so I only will have one box to do tomorrow. We shall see if that happens.

Monday I go to KC to see the lady plumber. Tuesday I have a stress test in the morning and then lunch with my friends. The rest of the week is empty space.

Still having high blood pressure issues. It has come down just a bit but still way above my normal. My heart rate has slowed down a tad but also still running faster than normal. Sure wonder what has caused this and when it might slow down. Thinking it is causing my extra fatigue. My heart is acting like I am constantly running a marathon. Wish I was getting lots of exercise to show for it.

Felt good to have a project to work on today. At least I can see something I have accomplished today. It will feel even better tomorrow when everything is done.

Still have a few things on my pending list waiting someone else to do something before I can make the next move. Most of them are final steps so when someone does something they should be done.

Thinking I will go ahead and get the back room project started. I would love for it to be done by Thanksgiving but not sure that is possible. I don’t look forward to having all the stuff I have in the back room be placed in the dining room while construction is underway. We will only have a path to walk through in the dining room for a bit. That will drive me a bit crazy but that is the price I have to pay for a new back room. If it isn’t done by Thanksgiving I won’t be able to host a Thanksgiving dinner – at least not on Thanksgiving Day as I wouldn’t have room for people to sit.

The last two days have reminded me how important it is to me to have deep conversations with friends. I have not made that a priority lately and I need to do so. Burdens shared lighten my load. I feel lighter today than I have for a while.

I remembered today to share the Love in Action Project on three other groups I am members of on Facebook. Hopefully that will expose the project to a new group of people that will want to participate. I have plenty of funds on hand right now but would like to increase the number of times the detainees can send a card to twice a week and maybe even three times a week for the holidays. It costs $115 in stamps alone every time they get to send a card home.

Grateful the newsletter is halfway done, grateful for the help from Lynn today, and grateful for a delicious mid afternoon lunch with Kathy.

This has been a busy day for me. I got some sleep last night so didn’t have to take a nap today – good thing as I didn’t have time for one.

The new Director at Pioneer Bluffs brought by the material that needs put together for a Newsletter to go out next week. I haven’t started on it but it looks like it will be a fairly quick one to do as there are only three pieces to put inside the outer envelope. I will work on it tomorrow. I have till Monday morning to get it done so I will work on it off and on all weekend. I need to go to the post office tomorrow morning and get a few trays to put the completed envelopes in.

I went over to visit with a friend for a bit and share an Instagram post with her. We had a nice chat – it had been too long since I had taken time to do that.

This afternoon a dear friend came over for an energy session. I hadn’t done one for a long time. Felt good to do one and to find the basics came back to me. We had a nice long visit before and after the energy session. It did my soul good to have a very deep conversation and to be trusted with someone else’s concerns. The weight of the world is lighter when the load is shared. The resilience of the human spirit is wonderfully beautiful to behold.

The hospital called to schedule the stress test and echocardiogram this afternoon. They like to do both on the same day but the first available is September 15. They can do the stress test next Tuesday morning so I opted to do that and then do the Echocardiogram on the 15th of September. My blood pressure is still running way too high and I want to find out if there is something going on with my heart that is causing this. Hopefully the stress test will relieve my concern.

Sent a note to the lady that has been helping us with Kathy’s new insurance. I haven’t heard back from her but I know she will get back to me sometime next week. Still trying to figure all this out and I needed some professional advice and help.

I still need to read and reply to all the birthday greetings I got on Facebook. I want to take my time with them and haven’t found the time to do that yet.

I will be working on the Newsletter this weekend. I don’t have anywhere to go until I go to KC Monday. Then Tuesday I have the stress test in the morning and then a lunch with friends. The rest of next week is empty space

It was so fun to do an energy healing today. I didn’t realize how much I missed doing them until today. It was also good for my soul to have two deep conversations today with dear friends. It has been too long since I made that happen. Connection to other humans is good food for my soul.

Feeling a bit tired this evening. It will be good to have two quiet days at home. Hoping some additional rest will help my blood pressure calm down. The Newsletter is repetitive boring work so that might help too.

Grateful for time with friends today, grateful I remembered how to do an energy balance, and grateful for the cool weather headed our way this weekend.

Kathy and I loaded up Nicole’s beef and headed for KC around 9:30 this morning. We stopped at the Pome on the Range apple orchard to see if they had Jonathan apples yet. They did not but they did have the most delicious apple donuts. It would be worth a drive just for those.

We got to Nicole’s house around 11:30 and loaded the beef into her freezer. We then went to Chili’s for lunch. We all had a wonderful lunch and even better conversation. Nicole treated me to lunch for my birthday.

Headed to Kathy’s doctor appointment at the KU Memory Clinic. We didn’t wait long before she was called back. The aide checking us in was fun. She asked what I was to Kathy and I said sister. She said something and I said – oh no, not that type of Sister.

The Neurologist came in shortly after the lady checking Kathy in was done. He was a complete nerd. I don’t think he knew how to take us. He doesn’t really have much to offer Kathy other than there is one other drug she can try. After more conversation with him Kathy decided against it. She is doing well on what she is taking and there is a high risk of brain bleeds due to a thing she has going on in her brain. The medication he suggested might give Kathy six more months with life as she is now but it really doesn’t change the long-term prognosis.

We finally told him Kathy had spent years as a nurse in nursing homes and fully understands the path Alzheimer’s takes and what is ahead of her. After that he kinda chilled out and was easier to talk to. I am guessing most people come in with lots of fear and questions. He was very cautious at first but loosened up a bit.

Not sure we accomplished anything today other than he submitted Kathy’s name for some studies they have going on. He also recommended she go back to the sleep doctor to see if he will write a script for a CPAP machine as he thinks they can be very helpful. She got the official diagnosis of Alzheimer’s but we knew that already.

We were at the doctor’s office about an hour. After a bit of confusion finding each other afterwards after we each found different bathrooms to use, we headed out and went to Costco.

I stopped at the service desk and asked them to have someone bring up four cases of water for me. I have done that before and they were always eager to do it. The lady I asked today looked a bit taken aback but did agree to do that for me. When we went to check out it took them a bit to find the cart but it was there. I went to the car and pulled it up and a guy helped load the water. He looked a bit put out to have to do it and didn’t help load the other heavy stuff. Our check out guy was a bit short and wasn’t too pleased he had to enter the water manually.

This is the first Costco experience I have had where the workers weren’t excited to help us. They must have all been having a hard day. The store wasn’t crowded and we had no wait time to check out.

I had ordered my own birthday cake and stopped to pick it up when we got to Emporia. We came home and got everything unloaded from the car. I think everything I got today weighted a lot. We were both hot and tired and breathing hard by the time we got everything in the house.

Just as we finished two dear friends stopped by to drop off a birthday card and some fresh garden produce. We invited them in for a piece of birthday cake. It was fun to get to spend a hot minute with them. They were on their way to book club.

I don’t think I will try to do anything this evening. I am wiped out. I have been gone four of the last five days and it is catching up with me. I am grateful I have the next three days to stay home.

I still need to put things away but that may wait till tomorrow. I am pooped. I wish it was time to go to bed as I could easily fall asleep right now. I don’t want to take a nap this late so will force myself to stay awake until closer to 9:00.

I get to go back to KC Monday to go to the lady plumber. It will be good to find out if I have to have surgery or not. Not looking forward to another trip to KC but a girl has to do what a girl has to do. Better Monday than the originally scheduled date of mid October.

Still struggling a bit today with a fast heart rate and higher than should be blood pressure. I didn’t hear from the hospital about the tests the doctor ordered Thursday. Didn’t really expect to though as it seems it takes them a week or more to get around to calling people. Good thing it isn’t too urgent I guess. My blood pressure was a bit lower today than yesterday at the doctor’s office.

My friends stopping by helped it feel a bit like my birthday. It has been a busy day so haven’t taken time to read Facebook yet. I will safe that for later tonight when I can take my time and read each greeting. I always take time and remember a favorite memory from all that take the time to greet me and wish me happy birthday. It is much appreciated and I can feel the love!

Looking forward to a quiet weekend. I have some paperwork to attend to that I have set aside this week. Trusting I will be able to make sense of it all tomorrow and get through it. Next week I have the trip to KC on Monday and a lunch with my friends on Tuesday. The rest of the week should be empty space time.

Grateful for all the love shown me today, grateful for 72 years on this planet, and grateful for a safe trip to and from KC today.

I crashed last night and slept for twelve hours. Yikes! As usual when I get lots of sleep I feel tired the next day. Maybe this is a start of a new thing for me! The nights sure go by faster when you sleep all night.

Went to Emporia to go to my physical this afternoon. The office was running a bit behind today. I didn’t get called back until almost 25 minutes after my scheduled time. I had a new nurse take my information – she wasn’t used to the computer so it took her what felt like a long time to get all the information in the computer.

The experienced nurse came in and speed things up. My blood pressure was extremely high today and my heart rate was really fast too.

The doctor didn’t seem too concerned about my blood pressure. He told me to double my blood pressure meds but didn’t think I would see much improvement for a week or so. He is going to schedule an echocardiogram and stress test to make sure things are OK. Kathy and I are betting that won’t happen until mid September.

Physicals are a joke these days. He listened to my heart and lungs, pressed on my gut and looked at my ankles. That was all he did. No one has done a skin check on me for years. Guess that isn’t part of the physical anymore.

I didn’t get out of his office until 2:45. Drove to Olpe and had lunch at the Chicken House and then went to pick up the beef. Came home and Kathy helped me sort the half into thirds. I used clothes baskets to put it in as they are easy to carry. I put Nicole’s third on one shelf in the freezer and put her hamburger in a big bag and stuffed it in the freezer. Found room for my third and then took the other third to a friend’s house and put it in her freezer. I always feel rich when my freezer is full – especially at the price of beef these days. I have more hamburger than I need so if anyone wants some I will be glad to share.

I had forgotten to take the dog food out of the back of my car before I left this morning. When I got to Olpe and opened the back of my car I was surprised to see it was gone. Kathy had remembered to take it out this morning. Maybe the wrong one of us has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

I had called yesterday to get my annual appointment with my Cardiologist. They called this afternoon and my appointment is for the middle of October. Things that make me go WTF. I told them I was having high blood pressure and heart rates upon exertion but that didn’t change anything. Guess you have to collapse and go to ER to see them after something happens. Our medical system is so broken!

My doctor’s office called later this afternoon to tell me my blood work results came back and everything looked good except for my high cholesterol. He wanted to prescribe an injectable medication that I would take every other week. I had to remind the nurse that we already tried that and it didn’t work. Sure wish they would check my chart before they call. They did the same thing last year and the year before that.

Tomorrow we are leaving for KC around 9:30. We are going to Nicole’s house to take her some beef and then we are going to lunch with her. Kathy has an appointment at the Memory Care Clinic at 1:15 with a neurologist. We might stopped at Costco afterwards but we may be too tired to do so.

My birthday is tomorrow so will celebrate with lunch with Nicole. My friends are taking me out for lunch next Tuesday. No plans for the weekend. This has felt like a busy week and it will be good to have a couple quiet days at home.

Next Monday I go back to KC to see the lady plumber about my prolapse. It will be good to know if I have to have surgery to fix that.

I have been thinking today about ten years ago when I was nervously doing my last minute packing for my trip to Spain. I flew into Paris and stayed there for two days before taking the train to the starting point to walk the Camino de Santiago. What an adventure that was.

Wondering about the state of our medical systems. Seems like you have to completely fall apart before any action is taken. Waiting two to three to four months for an appointment seems to be common these days. Preventing disaster doesn’t seem to be a priority. Give a pill and call me if you are not better seems to be the rule of the day. There has to be a better way!

Birthdays always make me a bit reflective about my life. I have been blessed in so many ways and have had so many grand adventures. Looking forward to my next grand adventure in November when Nicole and I are going to India. I always wonder what is ahead for me and never can quite imagine what might lay ahead. Trust it will be as fun as the last 71 years have been.

Grateful for fresh beef in my freezer, grateful for lots of sleep last night, and grateful for all the adventures I have experienced over the last 71 years.