Starry night on the prairie

I have spent most of the day on the phone. The first call was with my Endocrinologist. I remember each time I talk to her why I appreciate her. She is patient and explains things in a way that I can understand. She never rushes me and always asks how “I” am doing outside my thyroid issues.

I feel reassured and like I am not crazy after all. I thought I was crazy for thinking that I swing high and low after being sick. She explained some people do that after having their thyroid removed and there is even a name for it. I can’t remember what it is though. She said my body is trying to heal itself and can over or under compensate and it can send the TSH levels high and then they crash.

All the symptoms I have been having of a fast heart beat, low blood pressure, extra sweating, and poor sleep indicate that I am being overdosed with my medication. My family doctor raised my dose when I had my levels checked after being sick in March. She said she doesn’t adjust levels after a patient like me is sick. She waits at least six to eight weeks to check levels and then adjusts if needed. She said she can get a false high or low if the levels are checked before then. Who knew?

I told her I notice when I start a new bottle of the medication that it takes me a couple of weeks to adjust to the new bottle – even when the dose is the same. She said that is not unheard of. Some patient’s bodies are more sensitive to changes of the medication and generic medications can change the material they use that binds to the medication. Most people don’t notice the difference but some can. She sent a new prescription in for me that is not the generic version. It should provide more consistent results for me.

She doesn’t want me to get the Ultrasound done in Oklahoma. She likes to have her people do them and she reads the results herself. She said she can pick up on minor changes easier that way. I am to make an appointment in Topeka to get an Ultrasound when I get moved back to the prairie. She said another month or so won’t make a difference and she will trust the results that way. She also ordered blood work but wants me to use her lab in Topeka. She said labs tolerance levels can vary and it is best to use the same lab each time.

She did say that it is safer to have levels that are too high than too low. If they get too low it can cause major heart damage and complications. I feel better with lower levels but she cautioned about aiming too low – especially since my body seems to bounce around a lot.

She also cautioned me about getting out and about even though the state is starting to reopen. She is concerned that if I got the virus I would have a tough recovery.

Unfortunately she said I will have to deal with this roller coaster reaction into the future. Some people can find a level and stay there and be OK but some people like me can’t seem to find a permanent balance point. I’m not doing anything wrong and I can’t change anything to help it. Just the way my body is.

I’m so grateful for her compassion and the way she explains things. I really was starting to think I was going crazy or was becoming mentally ill for bouncing up and down so much. Helps me return to my center knowing it is a physical reaction in my body instead of a mental one.

I went to the post office after my phone call with the doctor and got the mail situation sorted out. My temporary forwarding orders have expired. I can receive mail in both places but they will no longer forward anything to me. I can live with that.

I stopped at Walgreens and got a blood pressure machine. My Endocrinologist told me to start taking my blood pressure daily and to call her if it stays too low for more than a week. She may need to lower my medication again.

After I was home for a bit my mentor called. He talked to me for about an hour. It is always good to hear from him. He did an energy body scan on me and read my energy. All is well!

Nicole called me this afternoon to see what I had found out from my Doctor’s call. Always good to hear from my kids.

Jason texted me earlier today and I talked to Michelle yesterday. This coronavirus crisis has reinforced to me how important it is to stay in closer touch with my kids.

I heard that back home got hit with some strong thunderstorms today. Keith had egg sized hail in Lebo this morning. His roof and truck took a beating. Strong City was reporting dime sized hail so trusting all is well there. I didn’t get any reports that my solar panels were damaged. I am set up on some sort of automatic monitoring system that will alert me if there was any damage to them.

Other than talk on the phone I haven’t gotten much done today. It is in the low 90’s outside and very humid. Too hot for me to be out right now. Another side effect I experience is being temperature sensitive. I don’t handle heat or cold very well.

Fixing tacos for dinner tonight. That will be easy! Actually anything is easy once I know what to fix. We are trying to clean out Jim’s freezer this month and eat up what we have on hand and not buy anything extra. That will cut down on the amount of stuff we will have to move come June.

Grateful for the call from my doctor today and the mental relief it gave me, grateful for the call from my mentor, and grateful for the contact from my kids.

Happy birthday daddy. He would have been 94 today! I miss him yet feel him with me especially when I am outdoors on my walks. I can still hear him laughing when I do something stupid. He had such a zest for life and made everyone around him better.

I have a touch of cranky pants today. Not sure why other than the full moon is this week. I am so tired of the political divide and the stupid things people are doing. Most days I can observe it and be curious about why others think so differently than I do. Today it is just pissing me off.

Didn’t do much at all today. Got up early while Jim slept in. Got him up to listen to church at 11:00. Took a short nap after church and then sat outside on the glider knitting for a lot of the afternoon. Decided we both needed a day of rest so didn’t do anything very productive.

I fixed a pot roast for dinner. I had it on the table ready to eat and Jim’s son called. I put it back in the crock pot and am waiting for their conversation to end. It has been almost an hour at this point. He so enjoys when his sons call.

Tomorrow the Endocrinologist is going to call me for my annual visit. I have a list of things to discuss with her. Haven’t heard when my ultrasound or blood tests will be done but will probably get some answers tomorrow.

After that visit I need to go to the post office and get my mail situation sorted out. Hoping I can find some mail that is overdue to have arrived. I need to remember to tell my house sitter to start checking my mail box at home.

It has been cool and cloudy all day. The air has been heavy – feels like it could storm tonight. I have had a headache most of the day due to the pressure in the air. Wish it would storm and get it over with. Tomorrow it is to be in the low 90’s – yuck! That is too hot for me.

I don’t like when I fall into reaction instead of staying in observation.  The energy is thick and heavy down here.  I’m so tired of the political divide and ugliness that is in the world right now.  Falling into it and becoming part of it is not the answer for myself.  I need to go take a walk and get grounded and centered and pull myself out of this pit of darkness.

Grateful that I was able to recognize why I am cranky today, grateful for a lazy day, and grateful it was cooler today.  Tomorrow will be a new day!  Back to my observer role instead of reactionary one.

Another lazy day in Stillwater. Not sure what I did today – if anything! Somehow it is after 7:00 though and the day is almost over. Funny how that happens.

I only have three more masks to sew and I will be out of material to work with. Got the flannel all cut into pieces today. Still waiting on the sheets to come in before I can start the next batch. Have a little ribbon left but not much.

Spent time on the phone tracking down the dogs meds. With my son-in-laws help I think I have figured out what is wrong. My temporary change of address has expired. When the meds were shipped UPS and then transferred to USPS I still have my forwarding address on file. They got shipped to Denver and then to Dallas to go through the forwarding process. Now that the order has expired they enter the loop again.

I told the Vet today that I wished she would ship me so I could go on an adventure like the meds are on. My house sitter is going to go to the vet’s office Monday and pick up a set of meds. If and when the missing shipment shows up I will use them for their next dose.

I have to go to the post office is Stillwater Monday and see if I can sort the mail out. May just let it stay in Strong City and not mess with extending the forwarding if the post office in Stillwater will deliver the packages that I have ordered to Stillwater and not forward them. I will also call the post office in Strong City after I talked to the Stillwater office and sort things out. What a mess.

Thanks Tim for your help! This seems like a foreign language to me and you helped me understand the process and what to do next.

Jim worked on putting siding up on the garage today. He only has two more pieces of siding to put up and then he can start making the window frames and putting the side pieces up. I will have some painting to do when he gets those pieces cut. It is easier to paint them before they get put up and then touch them up afterwards.

I have had a sore throat today as well as a slight temperature. No cough or chest pressure. Thinking it is sinus related – trusting by tomorrow I will feel better. I’m not extra tired or muscle aching so thinking I am OK.

Jason called this afternoon and we had about an hour conversation. Always good to hear from my kids.

I woke up this morning and realized I am way over due for a haircut. It hits me like that and I know it is past time to get one. It will try my patience as I wait to get it cut. Jim offered to cut on it some more but not sure I am that desperate yet. Give me another week or two and I might take him up on his offer.

It got up to over 90 in Stillwater today. Way too hot for my preference. We will go for a walk in a bit but it needs to cool down just a bit before I want to go out. Jim likes the hot weather and enjoyed working up a sweat this afternoon.

Fixed brats for dinner. They were looking perfect so went into the kitchen to get a plate. When I came out some grease had caught fire and burned the brats. They were eatable but burned. Oops! Jim was generous and ate his anyways.

Felt a bit restless today. I need a project to work on! My mask project is on hold again until I get some material in. I need to go on a long drive and see some open space. Hoping we can make it up to Strong City to take a load of cameras on Tuesday. I am homesick!

Grateful for the call from Jason today, grateful I figured out why the dog meds went to Denver, CO, and grateful for Tim’s help and expertise.

I have a bit of a USPS mystery. I ordered pet meds from my Vet. They shipped them via UPS two weeks ago. My house sitter reported she can’t find them so I called to check on them today. The vet told me UPS contracted with USPS to deliver them. USPS told the vet the USPS forwarded and delivered them to an address in Denver, CO.

The USPS sent me a letter in Stillwater saying they had received my change of address form and if I hadn’t changed my address to call them. The letter I received didn’t have a code number on it. I called USPS and they tell me there is no forwarding orders on either of my addresses and they didn’t know why I received the form. The guy I talked to needed the tracking number on the package which I don’t have.

I will call my Strong City Postmaster tomorrow to see if he has any idea what is going on. I don’t understand why I don’t have forwarding orders still in place at Strong City for the mail to go to Stillwater. Mystery for sure! I’ll try to unravel it some more tomorrow.

Got up early this morning and finished my Crisis Text Hotline training. I passed! I signed up for my first two shifts for next week. I have to work 10 PM to midnight on Wednesday and Thursday nights. They didn’t have any daytime shifts left to sign up for. They really wanted me to work anytime between 1 AM and 6 AM. Not my best time of the day! I’m looking forward to my first shift.

Finished making over 30 masks today. I am almost out of material so will have to wait for some to come in so I can make the next batch. I have about 15 more I can make before I am out of material. Start – stop – start – stop. Oh the days of getting what you ordered within 48 hours. I was spoiled and I didn’t appreciate it.

Jim didn’t feel good today so he took a nap this afternoon. He seems to be feeling better this evening. He is outside working on siding his garage. I was going to fix brats for dinner but he had an upset tummy so we changed the menu. I have some brunch stuff I was going to serve the day of our planned wedding so am heating some of that up instead. Should be a bit easier on his tummy than brats would have been.

I didn’t hear back from my Endocrinologist office today as to when my blood draw and ultrasound in Stillwater will be. I will talk to their office Monday morning when I have my video visit so will find out then I guess. I hate when people don’t call you back like they promise they will do.

It almost reached 90 today in Stillwater. Not sure I will like the hot summers here. It is to cool back down next Tuesday to more spring like temperatures that will be in the upper 70’s. I like those much better than the high 80’s and 90’s.

We are going to take a load of cameras to the house in Strong City one day next week. Jim has several hundred cameras in his collection. He needs to get the spare bedroom emptied out so he can do some work on it and there is no place to put the cameras. We might as well take them to Strong City and get them out of the way. I had some things I wanted to get from the house there anyways. I need to get out for a day and take a long drive. Starting to feel a bit claustrophobic again and need some wide open space. Maybe we can do a drive way meeting and see the grandkids while we are close to them.

Another lazy day for me. I like productive days better but I don’t have a major project to work on right now other than making masks and it seems I can’t keep working on them for longer than a day or two as I run out of material to make them out of.

I haven’t been as anxious and restless as I was yesterday. I have been able to stay in the moment and not get pulled off-center today. Makes a day much easier when that happens.

Grateful I completed my training and am certified and ready to be of service, grateful for the masks that I completed today, and grateful I get to go home for a day one day next week.

Seven years ago Craig and I signed papers to sell our remaining two stores. Wow! The seven years have gone by quickly. It seems now that owning the stores was in a different life cycle for me. So grateful we made the decision to sell and retire early.

My Endocrinologist office called today and told me my doctor is only doing video appointments right now. We no longer have to drive to Topeka to see her next Monday. The office is working to get my ultrasound and blood work done in Stillwater and will let me know tomorrow when I am to get that done. That will save us a long drive but I am sorry I won’t get to go home for a hot minute.

I took my final exam for the Crisis Text Hot Line this morning. It was a final practice text from start to finish. They had warned us that most have to retake the exam – you get up to three chances to pass. I was surprised this afternoon when I found out I passed on the first attempt. Now I have one more section to read through and take a test on and I will be ready to sign up and start taking live texts/calls. I think I can only sign up for two shifts a week and each shift is only two hours. It won’t take much of my time. I think I would like to do more shifts per week but I’ll wait and see how it goes before I ask if that is possible.

On NPR this afternoon was a story about how busy the Crisis Hotlines are right now. Most are reporting over a 40% increase in the number of contacts. I’m grateful I am trained and can help out a bit.

More ribbon came in today so I am back making face masks. I have enough ribbon to make the 40 masks I have cut out and have enough ribbon for 10 more once more material comes in. I will work on them this evening and tomorrow morning.

I did some more mowing this afternoon. It is to get in the low 90’s tomorrow in Stillwater and I wanted to get the mowing done while it was cooler. I don’t do well in hot weather.

I made Shepherds Pie for dinner tonight – it is one of Jim’s favorites. The bag of mixed vegetables I had on hand was a small bag so added a bag of corn so it would have extra veggies. Jim is not a good veggie eater unless I sneak them in casseroles. The only veggies he likes are white potatoes and corn. I try to avoid both of those.

Just saw that KS has hit the national news due to the number of cases in the prison and in the Tyson plants. Still trying to wrap my head around all of this. It breaks my heart to see all the suffering on many levels. The political division in the country is working against all of us – regardless of what side of the divide you are on. When will we learn?

Today has been a bit tougher for me. I was restless this morning – I think I was anxious to get the results of my final test. Then I was disappointed when I learned we won’t get to go by my house next week. Jim said he was glad as he was concerned I wouldn’t be able to leave again once we got there. There may be some truth in that concern. I am really homesick right now. One more month – I got this!

Grateful I passed my final test on the first attempt, grateful more ribbon came in today, and grateful seven years ago I found freedom from the responsibility of running three stores.

I feel much better today. Thanks to all who reached out with love and concern. I appreciate each of you!

It was a much cooler day in Stillwater today. It only got to mid 70’s today which is my heaven zone. There was a brisk breeze that made it feel a bit cooler but I could be out with just a light sweater on.

I finished mowing the back yard this afternoon. I waited until Jim got back from taking care of our weekly errands and picking up a few groceries. My heart rate got fast but I wasn’t light-headed this afternoon. Am thinking yesterday was a combination of thyroid levels that are too low as well as the side effect of donating blood on Monday.

I got two more lessons done for my Crisis Text Hot Line homework today. Tomorrow morning I will do a practice complete call. After that response is manually graded I have one more section to complete on policies and then I will be ready to take my first shift. I will be glad when the first couple of weeks of shifts are done and I feel comfortable. I always doubt myself when I start something new.

We cleaned out the refrigerator for dinner tonight. I had chili and Jim had split pea soup. We both had some hot dogs we grilled. Cleaned out a few other containers of a bite of this and a bite of that. Still have some left overs in the refrigerator but not enough for another meal. I’ll try to get some of them eaten for lunch over the next couple of days.

I got a letter from my Aunt Marylyn today. Always love hearing from her. She caught me up on her family and all the new additions that are due this summer. Sounds like she is weathering this “pause” time well. I do feel for those that live alone during this time. It can’t be good for their mental health long-term.

I wrote two letters today. I have gotten lazy and haven’t written any the last couple of days. I’ll try to get a few more written tomorrow too. Good to be feeling better so I can get caught up.

Jim mailed some more face masks for me today to a friend. If you don’t have a mask and need one please reach out and I will get some to you. I have over 40 made that are waiting for a home and have enough material ordered to make 100 more when it gets here. I mailed some to a couple of friends and they let me know today they had received them.

I still haven’t received my Stimulus money. I read that I am in the group that is to receive it this week. We shall see. We finally heard from the church and found out that we will be receiving our deposit and charge for the wedding back as we didn’t have the ceremony and reception that we had planned. Not sure when that will be coming either.

Today was another easy day. I didn’t get much done but the day passed quickly. Don’t have any special plans over the next couple of days. Hoping some more ribbon will come in tomorrow so I can get another 25 masks made. It gives me something to do that feels productive. Jim hasn’t come up with a project for me yet except to help him occasionally on what he is working on.

Grateful I am feeling better today and was able to finish mowing the yard, grateful for left overs that make an easy dinner, and grateful I am almost done with my Crisis Text Hot Line homework.

I passed out this afternoon. I had been out mowing. My heart would start racing after mowing for about 15 minutes. I would come in and lay down and it would slow down then I would go back out. I did that about three times. I was laying on the couch and Jim asked me to come to the bedroom to help him with a window. I must have gotten up too fast as next thing I knew I was laying on the floor. I think I took five years off of Jim’s life. I scared him he said.

I wasn’t out very long and was able to sit up for a bit and then laid down on the bed. I never got to sleep but felt better when I got up. I didn’t go back out to finish the mowing.

Not sure what is going on but guessing it has something to do with my thyroid. My BP was low yesterday when I gave blood. My heart rate has been bouncing between being too fast and too slow. Guessing my BP is doing to the same thing. I guess it could be a delayed reaction to giving blood. I’ll ask my Endocrinologist Monday if it is OK to give blood again.

It could have been a reaction to the heat. I don’t handle heat well and I was sweating a lot this afternoon which is unusual for me.

We got a nice rain for a bit late afternoon. We were sitting out on the back deck and enjoyed hearing it hit the garage’s metal roof. We would get an occasional hail stone. It finally decided to let go and it poured hard for a bit. It was almost dinner time so I came in and started dinner. We finally got some real hail for about one minute. Grateful it didn’t damage any of the vehicles.

Jim grilled hamburgers for dinner. I fixed hash browns and a salad. Easy and quick dinner. My favorite type of dinner.

I started my homework assignment today but I was using my iPad and realized I needed to be on Jim’s computer. I will get up tomorrow morning and get it done. I have taken several days off and it is time to get back to it.

I am getting good at not getting much done during the day. I haven’t written any letters or done my homework. I didn’t even get my mowing done today. Somehow the days pass regardless if I get anything done or not.

I got in some more receiving blankets so will work on getting them cut into the right size for more face masks. Cutting them out is the hardest part of making the masks. I can get 13 pieces out of each blanket. Hoping some more ribbon will come in tomorrow so I can get more masks completed.

It reached 88 here today. Too hot for me! I am a fair weather person – I don’t like below 50 or above 80. Maybe we need to move to San Diego.

Still living life in my peaceful valley. Feel a bit disconnected from my physical body though. I am always surprised when it acts up on me. I’m sure tomorrow will be a better day.

Grateful Jim was here to help me this afternoon, grateful for the rain to cool things down, and grateful I have the luxury of not having to do anything during the day.

I had trouble sleeping again last night. Rather certain the long nap I took yesterday caused my sleep problems last night. It was around 5:30 that I was able to fall asleep. Slept lightly for a couple of hours and couldn’t stay in bed any longer. Maybe tonight I will be able to sleep again.

Boxed up three different shipments of face masks today. I need to go to Walmart and get some shipping bags instead of using over sized boxes. Jim will do a shopping run later this week and I will put them on my list.

I went to the local grocery store to mail the packages. Happened to see a blood drive van in the parking lot. I drove around it and tried to decide if they were open. I finally saw someone go in so decided to stop and go in and see if they were taking walk in clients. They were and could get me right in. After answering all their questions, getting screened and hemoglobin level checked, I successfully gave blood. It took 10 minutes to fill the bag. The person drawing the blood kept playing with the needle to speed it up. I hadn’t donated blood for years. I’m grateful I saw the van and they could work me in. I have read that blood is in short supply right now.

I am fixing chicken over rice for dinner tonight. It is in the oven cooking right now. Starting to smell good. I had a couple of over ripe bananas so made some banana bread this morning. I made it in three little loaf pans – Jim has eaten one of the three already. I will freeze the other two.

Waiting on more ribbon to come in to finish another set of face masks. As it is taking so long to get things in I ordered some more sheets, baby blankets and ribbon so I can make another batch of them. They give me something to do while I am here.

Michelle let me know that the nursing home she works at has a Covid19 case. I think my heart stopped for a bit when I read her text. Damn! The person that has it transferred in to the facility last week and had been in isolation except for staff that tended to them. Trusting the nursing home management will make some smart decisions and will keep Michelle and the rest of the staff safe. Scary!

I haven’t gotten much done today. I got up late and the morning was gone quickly. I didn’t get my homework done so I will have to do that tomorrow. I want to get it done and off my mind. I don’t like putting things off. Jim is outside working now but the next assignment I need to do is almost an hour long and I don’t have time to get it done before dinner will be ready.

Sounds like KS is going to at least partially open back up next week as well as OK. Maybe we can get back up to the prairie before June 1. Not sure though. Sure wish I had a crystal ball and knew what this virus is going to do. Jim still has a lot of work to do here so he will stay busy as long as we are here.
Even with OK opening back up I’m not sure I am comfortable going most places. Not ready to eat out yet or go to a hair salon. The grocery store wears me out right now.

My blood pressure was 96/60 today when I was giving blood. Wonder if that is why it took a bit longer than normal to fill the bag? I don’t have my blood pressure machine with me and I haven’t checked it for a long time. Good to know it is on the low side and not riding high.

I need to find a project to work on. I do better when I feel I have done something productive each day. The stuff for the masks seem to dribble in slowly and I can’t find a rhythm in making them. The projects Jim are working on outside are not projects that interest me much. I help him when I can but running the power tools is not my thing.

Grateful for the opportunity to give blood today, grateful for some friends that accepted an offer of face masks, and grateful for the sleep I will get tonight.

Lazy day for me today. I took a three hour nap this afternoon! Didn’t mean to sleep that long but had nothing else to do. We were going to take a four mile walk this afternoon but that didn’t happen. Jim was on the phone with his son and I decided to lay down for a bit while he was talking. Three hours later I got up!

I finished sewing the face masks I have ribbon for. Still have another 40 cut out and waiting for more ribbon to arrive. I have made 100 so far. Have 55 waiting for a home. If you need one let me know and I will mail you one.

The sewing machine got cranky today. Haven’t figured out what is wrong with it yet. Luckily I had finished the ones with ribbon and was sewing the long seam in the last few I had cut out and am waiting on ribbon for. Tomorrow morning I will try to fix the machine. I put the new bobbin case in it as well as the new pressure foot which arrived today. It was working better than it had been since I started using it. Now it won’t sew much at all. Maybe it just needed a break and tomorrow it will behave itself.

Fixed tacos for dinner. I had laid out some hamburger this morning but hadn’t decided what to do with it. Since I woke up at 7:00 I needed something to fix for dinner that was quick and easy. Tacos only take 10 minutes so tacos it was. I had a big taco salad.

We took a one-mile walk after dinner. It ws getting pretty dark by the time we walked but the weather was perfect. Got to see the sliver of the moon while we walked. There was a light breeze so it was a wonderful, relaxing walk.

Tomorrow morning I want to complete my next Crisis Hot Line assignment. I will witness an actual call that is 45 minutes long. I can’t remember if I have to take a test afterwards or not. Once I finish that the next thing is to actually do a practice full call and then take two more tests on policies and I will be done with my training. Hoping to finish Tuesday so I can sign up for my first shift later this week. Once I take a shift or two I will feel more comfortable with it all. I will get on the schedule and see what shifts are available. I can only do up to three two hour shifts a week so that won’t take much time.

I haven’t written a letter for several days so need to do that tomorrow morning too. I like to do them on Jim’s computer as I can’t print easily from my iPad. Jim likes to sleep in so I have several hours each morning where I can use his computer before he gets up. Maybe the urge will strike me tomorrow and I can get several letters written and mailed. I have to go mail a package tomorrow and could take some letters to be mailed with me then.

A week from tomorrow we have to drive to Topeka to go to the Endocrinologist. My appointment is at 10:30 so we will have to leave at 6:00 to get there on time. Looking forward to stopping at my house on the hill on the way home to pick up a few things.

Today was another easy day. Hard to be a hard day when you sleep all afternoon I guess! This peaceful valley of life is a nice place to play and live life in.

Grateful for long afternoon naps, grateful tacos make an easy dinner, and grateful for late evening walks under the light of the moon.

More ribbon came in today so I got to make more face masks. I had finished making 25 yesterday and have another 25 either made or pinned. I should finish them this evening or in the morning. Have one more ribbon ordered so I can make the last 25. I need to decide if I want to make more. Amazon is really slow these days (understandably) and if I want to make more I need to get things ordered as it is taking 7 – 10 days to get things in.

Had a neat experience with the face masks this afternoon. I went to the grocery store to mail a package and the guy that checked me out didn’t have a mask on. I had taken two extra with me into the store. He gratefully accepted my offer and took one. The girl that was bagging my groceries said she had two of them already and declined my offer.

I went out to the parking lot and as I was getting in my car I saw a lady about my age getting out of her car to go into the store. Something told me to give her a mask. When I offered it to her she first asked how much I was selling them for. I told her it was free. She started to cry. She told me she had been afraid to go in the store as she didn’t have a mask to wear. She was very appreciative of me giving her one. Made my day! Now I know why I am making them and how to get rid of them.

Other than making masks and planting the flowers Jim got yesterday I didn’t do much. I fixed chicken chimichangas for dinner. Tried a new recipe – they were good.

It was another beautiful day here in Stillwater. Temperature was in the mid 70’s and light wind. We took a one-mile walk after dinner. I wore a sweater but shouldn’t have as I took it off and had to carry it.

I didn’t do any home work for the Crisis Text Hot Line program today. Decided to take the weekend off. I will get it finished up Monday and Tuesday. I did go back and read back through all the lessons. They make more sense now that I have the context of what they are teaching.

I got a letter from my brother Gene today. It was good to hear from him. I haven’t written a letter to someone for two days now. Some days I can’t make myself do it and some days I write three or four. Maybe the urge will hit me yet tonight.

Stillwater is lifting their shelter in place orders May 1. The governor of OK has decided to open the state even more and it is hard to have one city closed when the rest of the state is open. Phase One allows for beauty shops, pet grooming, etc. type of shops open. If after two weeks the case count doesn’t jump they go to Phase Two which opens restaurants, etc. Phase Three comes two weeks after that again if case counts don’t jump. That allows churches, etc to open. It will be interesting to see what KS decided to do. KS has a democrat as a governor and surprise surprise the governor in OK is Republican. Time will tell which one is wiser.

Tomorrow we will watch church on Facebook live at 11:00. No other plans than that. Hard to believe May will be here next week.

It was another easy day for me. I am grateful when they happen. I can’t make them happen but I do attempt to remember to be grateful for them when they do. I had a long streak when they didn’t happen that I am extra grateful for them right now.

Grateful for the letter from my brother today, grateful for the lady that accepted a face mask today, and grateful for my peaceful valley.

Good news! One of the ribbons I ordered came in today so I have been able to sew this afternoon. I have completed 10 masks so far today. Not sure I like the thinner ribbon as well as the thicker ribbon that I doubled over and sewed. They go together faster without the extra step of sewing the ribbon together. I will get these made up and wash a few of them and see how they do.

If anyone is trapped at home and doesn’t want to go out because you don’t have a face mask let me know and I will mail one to you.

I baked Jim oatmeal chocolate chip cookies today. They are his favorite cookies. The first batch was coming out of the oven when he got up so he had warm cookies with his coffee for his breakfast today.

We went to a local nursery today to get some plants for the new flower beds Jim has been working on. The nursery specializes in native plants. Not sure what all he got. we walked around the big green house for a bit. I had to come out early as I felt a bit overwhelmed being off the property. I am beginning to wonder how I will handle being able to go out when this is all over. I sure feel safer at home these days. We wore face masks and about half the people there did too. I felt safer when I passed others that had a face mask on.

We had rain overnight again. It felt like it was going to rain again this afternoon but the storm went around us. The sun is out now and it is a beautiful day in Stillwater now. There is a light breeze and bright blue skies.
We will take a walk after dinner.

I am almost finished with my training for the Crisis Text Hot Line. I took and passed two tests this morning. The next step is to watch a live conversation with a Texter. It will take 45 minutes and I didn’t think I could sit still for that long this morning. I’ll see what mood I am in tomorrow and may do it then. After that I will have a practice test of a complete conversation with a Texter. If I pass that I will then get on the board and observe for a two hour shift. Then I have one last practice text and if I pass that and I will then be certified to start taking shifts on my own. Not sure I feel ready to do that yet but I think it will be OK if the help they promise is as promised.

The training has been fairly straightforward. They are a bit overwhelmed right now both with the number of calls they are receiving and the number of new volunteers they are attempting to train. I may go back through everything again now that it makes sense to me from a different perspective. As with most companies I have to learn their language to understand what they are teaching and it took me a bit to learn their language.

I have a chicken cooking in the crock pot for dinner. I put a whole chicken in the crockpot and turn the crockpot on. You don’t have to add any liquid or spices to it. It makes the easiest meal ever and the chicken is always very tender and juicy. Need to figure out what to serve with it and dinner will be ready. Tomorrow I will use the left over chicken to make white chicken chili.

I haven’t written a letter yet today. I wrote two yesterday but I think I was a day behind. Sometimes I have to wait until the urge hits me to be able to find something to write about. I don’t have my address book and sometimes have trouble finding addresses. I have a couple of people I want to write to that I don’t have their address.

I did four loads of laundry today. Katy, Jim’s 18 year old cat spends most of her time in a huge dog crate as Katy has forgotten how to use the litter box. We use blankets and towels to line the bottom of the crate with and change them out at least twice a day. She makes a load of laundry by herself daily. Luckily she likes to be outside when it is warm enough during the day. I swear she holds her pee all day though and lets it all go when she gets into her crate. Silly cat!

Still sitting in my peaceful valley of life. This has been another easy day for me. I don’t take them for granted though as I have had some really tough days over the last couple weeks. I am grateful when I have an easy one. Wish I had the self-discipline to keep myself in this valley. I never quite know what causes me to fall out of it.

Grateful the ribbon came in today, grateful to have gotten out to see beautiful plants, and grateful my safe haven was waiting for me when we got home.

I am sitting out on Jim’s back deck writing this. It is a perfect spring day – temperature hit 81 here today. The sun is starting to go down and the temperature is slowly starting to drop. There is no wind and everything is extra green due to the rain we got last night. Hard to find a more perfect day than this one was.

I worked on my Crisis Text Hot Line homework this morning. I have tests I have to take daily. The one I had today I did three times and would get almost finished and it would kick me off the site and I would have to start over. Frustrating to say the least. I finally decided I wasn’t meant to take it today and walked away. This afternoon I went back and printed out pages of the training material that I feel will be helpful when I start taking calls. Mainly for examples of how to word responses. I need to get them put into a notebook with labels so I can find the section I need quickly. I am over halfway done with my training and still have ten days before my due date. I may try the test once more tonight or I might wait and do it in the morning and trust that the system will work like it is supposed to then.

Jim went to the grocery store this afternoon. He had to go to two different stores to get what he wanted. He came home drained. We talked about how I felt after the Camino and how jarring it was for me then to go to the store after being isolated for two months. I think he understands that now. It is stressful to go to the store now – you have to remember to not touch your face, wear your mask, and be cautious of the people around you. I’m grateful I don’t have to go.

I did some housecleaning this afternoon but not much else. It was a good day to sit outside and enjoy the beauty of the day. I texted both grandkids today and two different friends and wrote one letter. The day seemed to go by quickly.

We grilled steaks for dinner tonight. I had the grill too high and almost burned them but we were able to salvage them enough to be able to eat them. To tell the truth I would prefer a hamburger over a steak any day of the week. Jim got a roasting chicken today so I will fix that in the crock pot for dinner tomorrow night.

As usual we don’t have anything planned for tomorrow or the weekend or next week for that matter. When the mood strikes we do some work on the house but if not we sit and enjoy the beauty of spring in Oklahoma.

The ribbon for the face masks still hasn’t come in. I may be out of the mood to make them by the time it gets here. Amazon is really slow these days, Guessing a lot of people are ordering through them and they are back logged. What seems to be taking the most time is the shipping part though. Not sure why that has slowed down so much unless they are overwhelmed and under staffed too.

I am in a calm and relaxed place this evening. I realize now that it has been a bit since I have felt this calm. Not sure where it came from but I am grateful it found me. Back into my valley of life. I can’t get here by choice – it seems I have to wait for it to allow me to enter. I usually find it after a period of growth. Maybe I took another step up my ladder of life.

Grateful for beautiful spring days, grateful I didn’t have to go to the grocery store today, and grateful for the peaceful valley I find myself in this evening.

I didn’t even get dressed today until about 5:30 when Jim wanted to take a walk. I wore my pajama bottoms but did manage to put a bra on and a t-shirt.

I have chili in the crock pot for dinner. It smells really good!

I worked on my Crisis Text Hot Line homework. I had a test I had to get at least 80 on. I had to try it three times before I scored high enough. The score didn’t make sense to me but I rolled with it. Later today I got an email from my coach that said the computer didn’t grade it correctly and I would have passed on my first try. Oh well, I got lots of practice. I am over half way through my training and still have 10 more days before it is due.

When I was talking to Nicole today she reminded me of how difficult it was for us when we came back from Japan and we were in the airport in Chicago where it was so noisy. Japan was so quiet that it was jarring to hear the noice in the USA. I had found the same thing when I came home from the Camino. The noise level at a Walmart was overwhelming to me. I wonder what it will be like when we go back to getting out in the world. The noise will be alarming to me. I had forgotten how difficult it was when I came back from the Camino after being out in the quiet of nature for 50 days.

I have been restless today. Had trouble finding something to do to keep myself busy. I laid down for a bit but couldn’t sleep. It was rainy most of the day and I didn’t have much energy. The sun has come out this evening and it is beautiful out now. We took a one-mile walk and feel better now than I have all day.

Tomorrow it is to be 80 tomorrow with bright blue skies all day. I will be glad to get back outside for most of the day tomorrow.

My ribbon still hasn’t come in yet. I sure hope it comes in tomorrow. I sure would like to get the face masks I have cut out made up. They aren’t doing anyone any good sitting on a chair partially finished.

I’m grateful the second half of my day is turning out to be better than the first half was. My energy is returning with the sun coming out.

I’m grateful for the chili in the crock pot waiting for us, grateful for the crisis text hotline training is over halfway done, and grateful for a nice walk this afternoon.

Not much to write about today. I was lazy today and didn’t get much done. Jim worked on his landscaping project. It was 81 here today! Beautiful day.

I worked a bit on my homework for the Crisis Text Hotline. I started a quiz but didn’t finish it. I am working on the section about suicide calls and it hit me hard and I needed to take a break. I’ll do the test tomorrow morning now that I am better mentally prepared for it.

I took a short nap this afternoon in the swing on the deck. Jim was working outside and doing something he didn’t need my help with. I was sitting outside watching him and got tired so laid down and fell asleep. When I woke up he had me plant eight plants for him in the new flower bed. It is to rain tonight and most of tomorrow and he wanted to get the plants in before it rains.

Fixed chicken tenders on the grill tonight. I marinated them in olive oil dressing. They were delicious.

Wrote and mailed letters to Ellexia and Tagen. I told them in their letters that they were making history by living through this virus episode. Someday their children and grandchildren will read about it during history class.

Kathy called me this afternoon and we talked for over a hour. It was good to hear from her.

The ribbon to finish making the face masks didn’t arrive today. Hoping it will be here tomorrow. I need a project to work on!

Grateful for afternoon naps in the swing on the deck, grateful for plants to put in the dirt, and grateful for my grandchildren.

Another day of sheltering in place. I did drive to the post office to mail two letters today. Dropped them in the box and didn’t have any face to face interaction.

I get the update everyday as to what mail is going to be delivered. Sometimes what they say will be there doesn’t come that day. Anyone know why that is? I am patiently waiting on more ribbon to come and got all excited this morning when the digest told me the packages were to be delivered today. They weren’t in my box though.

I have made 50 face masks and have the first seam sewed in another 75. Just waiting on the ribbon so I can get them made up.

I started my Crisis Text Hot Line training today. It seems simple enough – just have to learn their language of how they want you to respond. Seems pretty common sense stuff to me. They have a five step method you use and I have to learn their process. I have two weeks to finish the training. I did the first three days of training this morning. It gives me something to do in the mornings before Jim gets up as I have to be on his computer to do it. I tried doing it on my iPad and kept getting kicked out of the program. Finally figured out I had to be on a computer and then it worked well.

Mowed the bigger part of Jim’s back yard today. I still have to move the lower part in the way back but he said he only mows that part every other time he mows the front part. It was a nice day to be outside doing something. I miss my big riding mower!

We had hot dogs cooked on the grill for dinner. Simple and easy dinner! Not sure what I am going to fix tomorrow. My day is much easier once I decide what to fix for dinner. That seems to be the big decision of each day!

We took a one-mile walk after dinner. It was another beautiful day in Stillwater. We had a few sprinkles this afternoon but they quickly blew away and the blue skies returned. It was in the upper 70’s today.

I am starting a list of things I want to get from my house on May 4. I have to go to Topeka that day for a doctor’s appointment and will stop by my house on the way home to pick up a few things. I have been surprised as how few things I can remember I even have in the house and ever fewer things that I actually want to get. Sure hoping I can get back home for good early June if not before.

Jim has a big project he wants me to help him with and I need the new computer I got to do it. We were going to take his pictures to Strong City and I was going to do it there but I need a big project to work on here so I am going to pick up my computer and bring it to Stillwater. I function better when I have projects to work on.

Jim worked on his gray water system and did some more landscaping. We planted a few plants this afternoon. He has hung two of the siding panels so far – four more to go. It is exciting to see the progress that he is making on this place. Lots more to do but he has gotten a lot done lately.

I was a bit distressed to hear about the Covid19 clusters in Emporia. One of them is at the plant Jason works at. It is a huge dilemma for those big plants as to how to keep them open and keep their employees safe. If they shut down it disrupts the food supply. It will be interesting to see what happens.

Sure doesn’t sound like there is light at the end of the tunnel in many places yet. What a pickle the world is in. Jobs being lost, people sick, people hungry, weak leadership, and lots of scared folks. And no easy path to get out of this mess. Trusting we are all doing what ever we can to look after our neighbors and friends and finding ways to be in service in big ways and small ways.

Grateful my training program has begun, grateful for some physical movement today, and grateful for the progress Jim is making on his renovations.

As I watched church service this morning on Facebook live I know what day of the week it is without looking. I did have to look at what day of the month it is though. Jim and I have been married one month today!

I was to go to KC for a workshop the first weekend in May. I sent a letter to the instructor today to let him know I wasn’t going to come. Spending three nights in a hotel and eating out for three days doesn’t feel good to me right now. I hated to cancel but know it was the right thing for me to do. If I lived in KC I would have gone as I could have gone home for lunch and to spend the night. I feel a bit relieved that I made the decision I did and I can go on from here.

I did realize as I was writing this morning that what I have been looking for in the news I keep reading was someone to tell me when it will be safe to move to KS. I have finally come to the understanding that no one can with 100% certainty predict what is going to happen anywhere in the world with this virus. Many are proclaiming themselves as experts but they can only give us an educated guess. I need to let go of the need to know when and stay present with what is – I am safe in Stillwater with the man I love. What more could I want?

This afternoon I painted six side paneling pieces for Jim’s garage. The pieces are 8 x 4 I think. Jim had to go get me some more paint. It is good to have them painted. He was going to put them up today but got side tracked on his gray water system project instead. So many projects he needs to do. I can only help so much.

I have a bunch more face masks cut out and the first seam sewed. Waiting for the ribbon to show up so I can finish them. They will only take about ten minutes each to finish now. I still have some more material so will work on getting even more cut out and ready to go. Might as well use up what I have and then I will decide if I want to order more sheets and receiving blankets. I will need to find a home for the ones I am making now before I make more. Thinking about taking them to my Endocrinologist appointment on May 4 and see if their office can use them.

Making split pea soup with ham for dinner in the instant pot. We haven’t had it for a bit. It is one of Jim’s favorites – I like it but not one of my favorites. It will be ready in about 20 minutes. The house smells good as it is cooking now.

I hope after dinner we can get out and take a walk. We forgot to do so yesterday and we had planned on taking one this afternoon and both of us got busy and forgot about it. We need to start increasing the distance we are walking each day as we have only been walking about one mile. It is a beautiful day here in Stillwater and the temperature is in the low 70’s. Perfect walking weather! Tomorrow is to be sunny all day with the high in the mid 70’s. We are to get rain on Wednesday. I will need to find another project to do to help Jim. Not sure what he will ask me to do next.

I FaceTime with Ellexia earlier today. I hadn’t heard from her for a bit. She is reporting that she is bored but has been playing outside a lot. She figured out how to play a video game and connect with her friends using her microphone. That helps she tells me. Her dad is very wisely not taking her to Walmart with him when he goes shopping. It is hard for her to understand why she has to stay home all the time. I get that! It is hard for adults – let alone children.

I realized last night that I am finally figuring out when I am letting in too much collective energy and have figured out how to turn it off. When I get tired and let down my guard is when it tends to happen for me now. I’m grateful I figured out what was happening and when so I can more quickly release it and not take so much in. It was dragging me down and knocking me off my feet. Hard to get back up when that happens.

I still spend part of my time crying – although not everyday like I was. I think at times I cry out of gratitude for what I have and other times out of compassion for all the suffering people are feeling from the pain of the virus and those that have lost their jobs and are scared. It is overwhelming to me at times. Wish there was more I could do to be of service to others.

Tomorrow I am to start my Crisis Text Line training. Not sure how that will look like and what they will send me to get me started. Guess I will find out tomorrow. They recommended I allow three hours a day for studying. Jim sleeps in most mornings and I usually have all morning to myself so will use that time to study. Looking forward to seeing this process unfold.

Grateful this painting job is done, grateful I was able to say no to attending the workshop in May, and grateful I figured out how to turn off my receivers inside to the collective energy so I don’t get so overwhelmed.

I can only make one more face mask and then I am out of ribbon for the ties. I have some ordered but not sure when it will be here. I received the new pressure foot I ordered but I ordered a long shank one and need a short shank. Didn’t know there were two different ones! The bobbin case I ordered came in. It looks used. I haven’t tried it yet.

I have about 15 masks made and have put together another 50 or so. When the ribbon comes in and I get it cut to size I can quickly have 50 or so made. I still have some fabric to cut out and will probably get that all cut out and the first seam put in them so I can turn the masks out quickly. Still not sure what I am going to do with them but see lots of places are asking for them.

It was a beautiful day in Stillwater today. I went out and painted on Jim’s garage. He had a section put up that had never been painted so I got that done today. He was going to put siding up on the additional he built to the garage last year but did landscaping work around the garage instead. He needed to cut down four trees so he could more easily get to the north end of the garage. Then he had to do some dirt work around the garage. Maybe tomorrow he will get the new siding up and I can get it painted. He may move on to a different project – I never can predict what he might be in the mood to work on.

A friend I had sent a letter to called me today and we talked for an hour and one half! It was good to hear from her and catch up. I find it fascinating to hear how others are dealing with this situation and the many things we learn about ourselves during this “pause” time.

My mentor held another Zoom call this evening so I listened in on it. He had one last week that wasn’t too helpful for me but tonight’s call was better. He reminded me to stay present with what is. That is enough to deal with right now. No one really knows where this is all going and what twist and turns might be ahead. There is enough change to deal with in the present moment. That was helpful to me to be reminded of that.

He is still planning on coming to KC the first weekend of May to teach a workshop. I’m not sure I am going to go though. I have an appointment in Topeka on Monday of that weekend so if I go I would have to go to KC Friday afternoon and stay until Monday morning. Not sure where I would stay and where I would eat. Feels too complicated to go and I try not to do complicated these days. We will see what the situation is in two weeks. As fast as things change it may feel simpler by then = then again it may not.

I fixed my favorite pot roast for dinner. I love this recipe! We have enough left overs for one more meal some time next week.

I haven’t written a letter yet today. I am attempting to write at least one a day. The mailman isn’t picking them up out of the box for some reason so have to have Jim take them to the post office drop box to mail them. I have two to mail and will get another one written yet today. I may go for a drive and drop them myself this evening. Jim is outside mowing and I don’t want to disturb him.

This week has gone by quickly. I’m surprised how fast time is going by given we don’t get out and do anything. I am having trouble remembering what day of the week it is though. Not much difference from one day to the next. Good thing my iPad tells me what day of the week and month it is.

If this virus thing hadn’t happened we would be packing up and moving full time to Strong City this weekend. I would have finished doing taxes this week and we had planned to move after church on Sunday. I read an article today that was a state by state guide as to when things might get opened up again and this article said Oklahoma probably won’t be released until the end of June or into July. We aren’t under a state wide shelter in place order for everyone yet. The number of cases keeps jumping daily. We aren’t even close to containment. Good thing we have lots of things to keep us busy here. I may have to buy more yarn but I can do that!

I start my Crisis Text Hotline training Monday. Not sure what that will look like but they said to allow three hours a day for homework. I’m looking forward to getting that training started. I will be in training for two weeks and if I pass I will then start taking shifts of answering texts. I will work two hour shifts several days a week.

Feeling grounded and centered today. Finding some purpose and ways to be useful which helps me stay grounded. My mantra continues to be right here – right now – all is well and so it is!

Grateful I got outside to do some painting today, grateful I made a bunch more masks today, and grateful for my mentor and the reminder to stay present with what is and not to try to figure out what the future may look like.

As I typed Friday I had a moment of double checking the date on my iPad to make sure of the day. With having the same thing happen everyday it is getting harder and harder to track the day of week and month. Not much happens to help me know what day of the week it is.

Jason text me and asked for some face masks for his family. I boxed up 10 of them and Jim took them to the post office to mail them this afternoon. Made 10 more this afternoon and have about 30 more cut out. I only have five more to make and I will be out of ribbon. I have a bunch more ribbon ordered but Amazon is not delivering on its regular schedule right now. I totally get why they are being overwhelmed. It will get here when it gets here. I can cut more out while I am waiting for the ribbon to get here.

It was too cold to paint today. The sun came out in the late afternoon but it didn’t warm up enough for me to want to be outside much. We did take a one mile walk before dinner.

Dinner was a variety of left overs. I cleaned out the refrigerator and we ate what ever I found. Got rid of all most all of the left overs. Yay! Jim stopped at the grocery store for some wine this afternoon and picked up a pot roast that had been reduced in price. I will fix my favorite pot roast recipe tomorrow night.

Tomorrow it is to be close to 70 so plan on getting back outside to paint. Jim said he would go get some garage siding paint for me. That will be easier painting than the roof overhand was.

I have had a pain in my right shoulder the last couple of days. I think it is from the way I am sitting when I sew. I need to get my heating pad out and see if that would help. I took some Tylenol and that helped quiet it a bit but it hasn’t gone away yet. Jim rubbed my shoulders after dinner. It hurt so much it felt good!

Grateful for left overs that made a dinner, grateful more masks have found a home, and grateful for Jim’s massage of my sore shoulders.

Another quiet day at home. Kinda wondering why I am blogging right now as not much changes day to day.

I painted the overhang on the roof of the garage this afternoon. Only have two small sections to do and it is right above where Jim has been working laying pipe for the gray water system. When he is done and gets the trench filled in I can finish the last two sections.

Cut out another 25 masks and have them ready to sew. Have six done. I will probably work on them some more this evening. Once everything is cut out they only take about 10 minutes to sew up unless I have machine trouble. I am using an old machine Jim bought at the ReStore and it seems to get tired easily. When it gets tired it acts up. Kinda like me I guess!

Starting a twin sized blanket on my knitting needles. This is the last of the adult blanket yarn I have with me. I have tubs of it in Strong City but not here. Glad I have gotten what I brought worked up. I may need to buy some more to get me through until I get back to KS again.

I noticed on Facebook that Chase County has their first confirmed case of Coronavirus. Guess others have been tested but this is the first positive. I wonder how many others have it that haven’t been tested.

I ordered more ribbon so I can make another four dozen or so face masks. I had everything else I needed to make them and no use for the stuff unless I turn it into face masks. Someone told me Chase County is looking for enough face masks to be donated so they can make sure everyone in the county has one. I may send them a box of them if I can’t find someone that needs them here.

Made a Tex Mex casserole for dinner tonight. It had hamburger, green chilies, kidney beans, rice, taco seasoning, corn, cream cheese and tomato sauce in it. It was good but it made way too much for just the two of us. We will have to eat another meal of it in a day or two to get through it all.

Jim got his waste water system pipe put it today. We did a load of laundry tonight and the water drained like he had planned. He is going to leave it uncovered for a day or two to make sure the pipes are going to hold together. Then he will cover the pipes and that project will be completed. Always a good thing when you can cross something off the long to do list. His back is sore from digging the trench and bending over to lay the pipe. My shoulders are sore from reaching over my head to paint. Both of us are feeling our age tonight.

Sounds like shelter in place orders are being extended to the middle of May. Kinda thought that would happen. I will be surprised if they get lifted the middle of May. When I can surrender and relax into the moment and remember all is well I am OK. When I get anxious to get back home I get out of balance. Most of the day I have been OK although I had a few moments of anxiety. Being outside painting today helped ground me.

It was in the lower 70’s in Stillwater today but a bit windy. I am a messy painter anyways and when the wind blows it I am even messier. A cold front is coming through again tonight and tomorrow it is to be cooler again for a couple days.

Hard for me to think about the 22 million Americans that are now unemployed. The unemployment systems are overwhelmed with claims. I trust the system catches up and people can get some partial financial relief. My heart aches for the people that have lost their jobs and don’t know how they are going to feed their families. I wish I had more faith in our government and that they would step up and take care of the little guy at the bottom of the ladder. Seems like they are more interested in taking care of the stock market and big corporations.

Grateful the overhang painting is almost done, grateful Jim’s gray water piping is successfully laid, and grateful the governors are being responsible and extending the shelter in place orders.

Finished the rest of the face masks I was making for Michelle and Jim took them to the post office to mail. I sent 24 of them to her to use at the nursing home she works at. I have enough stuff to make 24 more. I worked on making them this afternoon. Got all the ribbon cut and sewed together and have the first 3 made. I need to cut out some more sheet material and flannel. I may order some more ribbon as I have extra material and make even more masks. Sounds like we may be wearing them for a long time.

We grilled hamburgers for dinner tonight. Makes a very easy dinner. Served them with tator tots and a green salad. Now to decide what to fix tomorrow night.

I painted for over an hour this afternoon. It was beautiful out and I have been inside too much the last couple of days. I painted the bottom of the overhang of the roof on Jim’s garage. Not the easiest painting as it is rough plywood type of material. The angle on the ladder is a bit challenging too as I am painting over my head. Got one side of the garage almost finished before I ran out of paint. Jim got more paint so will go out again tomorrow and paint some more.

Jim worked on digging a hole for a pipe for his gray water system he has been working on the last three days. He says he is almost done with that part of the project. He got some tomato plants at the hardware store this afternoon when he was getting the paint so he is outside now planting them.

Several people I know have received their stimulus checks. I didn’t owe any taxes in 2018 and just now filed my 2019 taxes and didn’t owe federal tax then either. I went to the web site and it says if you get social security they will deposit it the same way you get your social security money. I logged on to the new where is my stimulus check site and received a notice telling me they can’t tell me where my check is. Good thing I don’t need the money right away as I don’t think I will get mine for a bit. I would rather this happened to me then to someone that has lost their job and really needs the money.

I still get surprised when I read on someone’s Facebook page that they think this virus is a hoax and that the government is using this to take away our rights. Guess time will tell which side is more true than the other.

The Governor of KS has extended the shelter in place orders until May 3. The number of cases continue to grow in the state and in Lyon County which is where Emporia is. Chase County where I live still has not reported any cases. The big hang up To getting things reopened continues to be the lack of proper testing. The scary part for me is the number of people that are contagious and don’t know they have the virus.

Oklahoma also continues to grow in its number of cases. There is a nursing home that has over 60 cases between the patients and staff. Oklahoma still doesn’t have a state wide shelter in place order except for those over 65 or those that have pre-existing health conditions. The city of Stillwater has issued shelter in place orders though.

I need to send my house sitter a check as it looks like we will remain in Stillwater for the next three weeks at least, if not longer. Grateful my house sitter is able to continue to stay long past the time I had told her we would be home. With most things cancelled she said she didn’t have anywhere she needed to go.

I have a workshop I had planned to go to the weekend of May 2 and 3. Not sure I am going to it now. Lots of things can happen in two weeks time these days so I’ll not make a final decision until time gets closer. I have to be in Topeka on May 4 so it would make that appointment easier if I was in KS that weekend. We will see what happens.

It was a good day! I was able to be in my witness mode all day and stayed grounded and centered. I got some things done and felt good about sending the masks off to Michelle. It was good to get outside and get a little painting done and get some fresh air.

Grateful to know how to sew, grateful for a beautiful spring day in Stillwater, and grateful for a full freezer and many choices to choose from for dinner.

I got out of the house twice today. Jim had new tires put on his car as he ruined one last week. I followed him to the tire store and brought him home and then took him back when the new tires were put on his car. I stopped and filled the car up with gas on the way home. Wow! Two days this week out of the house and in my car.

After Jim’s car was done Jim went to Walmart and got me some sewing machine needles. I had broken one yesterday and he didn’t have any replacements. Sewing is easier when the needle is sharp. I have a dozen face masks completed and enough ribbon ready to make 11 more. After I get all those done I will fix a box and mail them to Michelle. The nursing home she works at is in need of them. I have another spool of ribbon to cut and sew together and then I can make 24 more masks. Not sure what I will do with that batch.

I set chicken tenders out for dinner but wasn’t sure what I was going to do with them. Found a box of Zatarain’s Jambalaya mix in Jim’s cabinet so made that with the chicken mixed in. It was OK. Jim liked it better than I did. It has blue cheese in it and that is not my favorite. But another meal is done. I told Jim at dinner tonight the big decision of each day is what to fix for dinner. We haven’t eaten out for over a month now.

Finished knitting the baby blanket I was working on last night. Still have enough yarn to make one more twin sized blanket and another baby blanket and then I will be out of yarn. Now that is a disaster waiting to happen! Ha! I get very nervous when I don’t have a knitting project on the needles. I don’t knit as much as I used to but when I get stressed knitting helps calm me down. When this lock down is over I will have a big tub of blankets to donate to Jim’s church. They seem to be able to find homes for them.

Tomorrow evening my mentor is teaching a class via Zoom. I am looking forward to it. He always has a fresh perspective on things that help me make sense out of life events.

Mailed two more letters I wrote today. This is turning into a fun activity for me – writing letters to people I love. I still have a list of people to write to. May need to go get more stamps though as we are going through stamps quickly these days.

I don’t have my property tax payment coupons with me but remembered that I needed to record the amounts due on my 2019 tax prep sheets. I have those with me so went through them and found out how much I owe for the rental properties tax as well as my house in Strong City. I got those checks mailed today too. Hope they can process them without the proper coupons attached.

Jim has worked outside this afternoon on his drain project. He came in to eat dinner and then went back out to do some work on it. He is finding lots of tree roots in the drain that he wants to use to drain the washing machine into. Something about a gray waste system. Still not sure I understand what he is doing but am OK not knowing and understanding.

Jim got notice that a cousin died of Covid19. She wasn’t a cousin that he had ever met and was in her 90’s. Makes it feel very real though to lose a family member to Covid19. My cousin’s brother-in-law is still in ICU. They were able to remove the ventilator but now is having other issues. This stuff is scary dangerous for those that get a hard case of it.

This has been a smoother emotional day for me. Having the face masks to work on helps as it gives me something to do. Last week I was a big mess most of the week and rode the emotional roller coaster up and down all week. Getting out of the house and taking a long drive on Sunday helped I think. Today when I started thinking about how much longer until I got to go home I was able to remind myself that right here – right now – all is well. It helped me come back to the present moment and not worry about the future. I can’t always remember to do that but it sure helps when I can.

Grateful for a dozen face masks completed, grateful for two short trips out of the house in the car today, and grateful that right here – right now – all is well!

Another day at home. I have been working on making more face masks. My daughter is an LPN in a nursing home and they need more masks. When I get a bunch more made I will fix a box and mail them to her for her to take to work with her. I need her to stay safe!

Jim has been outside drilling to break up some concrete. Not sure I understand what he is going to do once he gets the concrete out of the way – something about a drain. He hops from one project to the next and I can’t keep them all straight.

I wrote two letters today and received one. I love getting letters the old fashion way in the mail. Makes my day when I get one. Thanks Robin (again)!

I reached out to one of my disc golf players that was to come stay with me the end of April. He has run into a health challenge and I needed to check in with him to see how he is doing. Gratefully he is recovering although still having challenges. I wish him good health – his beautiful family needs him to get better.

I was talking to someone else today and we both shared that we are experiencing a bit of anxiety about thinking of rejoining the “normal” world. I was glad to hear I wasn’t the only one having those thoughts. Not sure the “normal” world still exists as I knew it and I’m sure part of my anxiety is thinking about what the “new” world will look and feel like.

I am glad to hear about the governors that are joining with governors of adjoining borders to form a collaborative effort on reopening their states. That makes a whole lot of sense to me. We are all in this together and together we can turn this around. Individually we will fail.

I tuned in to listen to the governor of KS give her daily update. I read the comments people were posting while she was talking. Oh my god! Some have no clue how difficult and unprecedented these times are and expect the government to work the way it did before all this started. It was never designed to work at the levels they are being called to do now. Wow! Patience goes a long ways people!

There was an element of fear in the messages that was palatable. I understand how terrified people are now. They were looking for someone to blame and the governor seemed to be catching their anger. I guess I get it to some degree.

I also find it interesting that the people that have been the loudest voices about how we need to shrink the government and that the government can’t solve our problems are the ones that are screaming the loudest right now that the government isn’t working for them. Shrinking the government during normal times has consequences during times of crisis.

I trust that when this is over we will find a better way for our government to work for all of us. The cracks in it are showing their light right now.

These are certainly interesting times we are living through. I listened to a podcast today from a guy that said what most people are feeling is grief as they watch the country they love become something they don’t know. He said we can’t go back to the way it was and something new is going to be created. He worries that people will get stuck in the denial and blame stages of grief and not come through to the acceptance and rebuilding phase that we will be in as we come out of this time. The problem is no one really knows when we will be through this and what the new outcome will look like. We are habitual creatures that like routine and predictability and no one can predict what the new “normal” will look and feel like. Uncertainly is where we are at and it is icky and uncomfortable for many if not most of the population right now. Many are turning to unhealthy ways to get them through this. Denial and blame happen to be handy and feel “normal” so many go there. Substance abuse and physical abuse is another way some are coping. Sitting with the unknown and allowing it to be what it is is hard but that is what he recommends we do. Dom’t run and don’t hide! Allow yourself to be uncomfortable and not know what to do. Feel what ever you need to feel and be OK with that. Offering grace and mercy to each other can help. Reaching out to others and being real with them can help. Don’t be afraid to admit you are overwhelmed and need help can help. Together we can help each other through this.

Grateful I have found a home for the face masks I am making, grateful for the governors that are leading the nation through these times, and grateful I found that podcast today as it reassured me that my overwhelm is normal and even needed in the world right now.

Happy Easter! It was weird listening to church on Facebook live instead of worshipping with the congregation. Grateful for the technology we have so we could participate via internet.

After church and lunch we took a four hour drive. We went west about 120 miles and then headed north and then came back east. Drove past the Glass Mountains which I love. It was nice to get out of the house and see open prairie. The winter wheat is beautiful. There were lovely spring wild flowers blooming in the ditches and fields. Just what I needed today!

I must say though it was almost surreal being out of the house that long. We didn’t stop or talk to anyone on our drive. Not much traffic any where we went. We drove through Enid on the way home and the town was empty. I really hadn’t been out much since the lockdown and it was eerie driving past all the closed restaurants and shopping centers. The full impact of what this shelter in place is doing to the economy hit me today.

I fixed tacos for dinner while Jim ran to the grocery store to pick up a few supplies. We didn’t need much this week. Jim loves tacos and enjoyed his dinner when he got back from the grocery store.

I haven’t gotten any masks made today as we were gone much longer than I had anticipated we might be this afternoon. Oh well, that will give me something to do tomorrow.

It was 70 degrees out this morning but by 3:00 it had dropped to 50 and by the time we got home it was 40. We have a freeze warning for tonight. It will warm back up by Wednesday. Hoping this will be the last freeze of the year. The wind was in a big hurry all afternoon. Jim had white knuckles trying to keep the car on the road on our drive. The little ponds we passed had white caps on them.

I am surprisingly tired for having done nothing today but sit in the car for four hours. It was good to get back home and relax. I have gotten into the rhythm of staying home and it almost felt uncomfortable being out of the house so long.

Not sure what we will work on tomorrow. It is to be too cold for me to be outside painting so will probably try to get a bunch of face masks made. Jim needs to finish making two drawers for the kitchen so we can get that task completed. Not sure that is what he will do though. He has so many different projects started it is hard for him to know what to work on next.

We were to be moving to KS full time this next weekend. Doesn’t look like that will happen. Haven’t heard if the shelter in place orders that are in effect until April 30 will be extended or not. I am guessing they will be. From what I have read in order for them to lift the authorities need to be able to do lots of testing and have few enough cases that they can do the needed contact tracing. Oklahoma case count is still growing 5% plus a day and some days they have double digit increases in case count. KS is doing a bit better but still growing too. I am kinda preparing myself that the orders will be extended through May.

I haven’t heard if the Symphony on the Prairie in KS is going to be postponed or cancelled this year. I hope they don’t have to cancel as they had to last year due to storm damage. Not sure how they will recover if they can’t hold their event two years in a row. However I’m not sure how many people will be ready to be with 10,000 other people in June the way things are now. I also haven’t heard if the Strong City Rodeo is going to be cancelled. I have guests from the Rodeo that are to come stay the end of May. Not sure I want a house full of strangers with the situation the way it is now. Thankful the Dirty Kanza was postponed and rescheduled for September. Very wise in my opinion.

I’m still trying to figure out how I felt being out of the house today and seeing the empty town of Enid. I have been so isolated here that the full impact of the shelter in place was hidden from me. It was spooky and unworldly somehow. The world is changing before my very eyes. May it change so that it works for more of the people and not just the rich!

Grateful for the ride through the countryside today, grateful for a warm, comfortable house to return to, and grateful for the hope that Easter brings to me each year.

Another day of – wait for it – staying home! Ha! We started sheltering at home four weeks ago today. Looks like we will have at least another four weeks of staying home if not lots more. Kinda getting used to it now. The best part is no decisions need to be made if we want to go somewhere.

I fixed stuffed chicken breasts for dinner. I cut whole chicken breasts open and stuffed them with ham and cheese. I rolled Jim’s in butter and bread crumbs but left mine naked. They were nice and moist and tasted good.

I have gotten two face masks made. The flat sheet I ordered came in today when I got the mail around noon. I washed and dried it and then cut it into 9 x 6 pieces. It only takes me about five to ten minutes to make a mask. I am experimenting with how many layers I think they need. The first one I made only had two layers – one of flannel and the other of cotton. The second one I made had two layers of cotton and one layer of flannel. I think I liked the second one better. The hospital here wants four layers so will try one like that next.

I saw a news article that said to spray water through them while holding the mask up to a mirror. The goal is for the mask to catch the water and not have any pass through and go on the mirror. Even with just two layers there was no water. The ties are long enough and tie easily. They are easy to breathe through and don’t seem too hot.

I will make a bunch more either tonight or tomorrow morning. Not sure what I am going to do with them yet but trust I will find some place to donate them to.

Jim worked outside this afternoon on a landscaping project he has been working on the last couple of days. He went to the hardware store for more landscaping timbers but they were out. He came home with some siding for his garage instead. He has lots of different projects he is working on. If he gets the siding up I will get to paint it.

It feels like it is going to rain this evening. The air is heavy and humid. We could use some rain in Stillwater. I saw Chase County is in a severe thunderstorm watch this evening. I love watching storms roll in across the prairie.

I got a letter from my cousin today. I love getting handwritten letters! I wrote two letters today and will mail them tomorrow when we get out. Jim promised to take me for a drive to the countryside tomorrow so I can see some open prairie. My heart is craving open space. We won’t get out of the car and will practice social distancing while on our adventure.

I have some ripe bananas I need to turn into banana bread. Wish I had my recipe from home. May try to find one on-line. I hate to waste food and these bananas turned ripe really fast and need used up. Jim likes banana bread.

I have all those mints I made for the wedding and the reception. Jim doesn’t like peppermint and I can’t eat them as they have powdered sugar in them. I hate to throw them out but not sure what to do with them. People aren’t having gatherings now to donate them to.

I will miss having the kids and grandkids over for Easter. I like to get them kites and we go out and fly kites on Easter Sunday afternoon. Jim and I will watch church tomorrow morning and then go for a drive in the afternoon. It won’t be the same but what is the same these days?

I am thinking more and more about how this pause is changing my life. I am really curious as to how it will change society in general. Will we learn the lessons this is giving us the opportunity to learn or will we go back to our wasteful spending prior to Coronavirus. I think I will think of this time as BC and AC. Coincidence? I am thinking not!

I read several blogs daily and two I read today both recommended spending some time thinking about what you like about this pause time and what you really miss. Both recommended you also think about the things that you used to do that you do not miss. Both came to the same conclusion that what most people are missing is human connection and gathering together. Most of the other stuff we might be missing is habitual stuff that makes life easier but not necessarily richer. I think that is true for me.

Grateful for this time of pause in my life, grateful for spring showers, and grateful for Easter even though it will be very different this year.

I have had a much better day today. The ribbon for the face masks I am making came in so cut it to length and have been sewing a line down the ribbon. Amazon was out of 1/8 and 1/4 grosgrain ribbon so ordered 5/8 and am folding it over and sewing a line down it.

Jim’s sewing machine is one he paid $10 for from the ReStore. The bobbin case fell apart but I was able to put it back together again. The pressure foot falls apart occasionally too. Making it work though.

Jim has worked outside on his project. It is in the high 60’s here today with bright sunshine and little wind. It is a beautiful day to be out playing in the dirt.

I cried off and on most of the day yesterday. I hit some stuff inside that needed to come out. It took me most of the day to process it and allow it to release. I have been working to refill my soul today with love and light. Certainly in a much better place this afternoon than I was yesterday. Jim was so patient and kind with me yesterday. I am grateful!

Jim’s church had a Zoom Maundy Thursday service last night. Sure miss gathering with others at time like that but it was a meaningful service via Zoom.

We are going to grill steaks for dinner tonight. Need to throw together a salad to serve with them and call it good. Makes for an easy dinner.

After dinner we will take our walk. I need to get outside and enjoy a bit of this beautiful day. I have spent the afternoon in front of the sewing machine inside. It did feel good to do something productive.

The baby receiving blankets came in. Jim fixed me a board 9” x 6” and I used it to measure out the pieces of flannel I need for the masks. I have one blanket cut into 13 pieces. Still need to cut the other 5 blankets. The sheets I ordered are to be in tomorrow so I can get them washed up and then start cutting them into pieces and start sewing everything together.

Not sure where I will be taking the extra masks. Several of the doctor offices in town are asking for masks as well as other places. Gives me something to do and keeps me busy. I like that.

I haven’t read the news today. Decided I needed a media break for a bit. I’m sure Jim will turn the TV on tonight but maybe by then I can listen to the news and not get sucked in.

One thing I have been working on with myself is observing my reaction to the behavior of others. On most days I don’t get pulled into an emotional response to something someone else does. Yesterday that wasn’t the case. It was a good reminder to myself to stay in the observer role and not react to the behaviors of others.

My accountant called and is mailing me my taxes. I owed some to the feds but the tax credit for the solar panels covered that. I have to pay the state $240. Good to have that job done for the year.

Tagen called me this morning and we chatted for about 15 minutes. I hadn’t talked to him for over a month so it was good to catch up with him. He sounded so grown up and mature. Seems to be handling all the world changes and taking things in stride. I sure miss seeing my kids and grandkids.

Grateful to be back in my observer role today, grateful for the expansion of my heart space, and grateful the face mask project is started.

My soul has hurt today. I made the mistake of reading some comments on Facebook about the governor of KS being overridden in her orders to limit worship and funeral sizes. The comments were very strongly worded against the governor and included beliefs that if they let the governor get away with this order the next order she would make would be to take away their bibles and guns. Really?

I understand the desire and need to have the right to worship. But during these times we are being called to do things differently for the good of all. I had just read an article about a man that went to a funeral and a birthday party while sick without knowing he had the virus. Three of the people he came in contact with at those celebrations are now dead.

Do people not yet understand you can have the virus and not know it and give it to other people? What is it going to take to wake us up?

I know part of my over reaction today was a response to a note I received today from a church. The church was communicating to me about something and I took it the wrong way. It triggered a negative response in me. It reminded me why I can no longer be a member of a church. It angers me that a church is not a safe place for me in all ways.

My soul hurts!

I know there is a lot of wonderful things happening in the world right now. Many people are doing amazing things to help their fellow humans in ways that were not happening before this happened.

I have learned I need to honor my deep soul hurts and sit with it as long as it takes for me to completely feel the pain and hurt. This too shall pass and my heart will expand and be able to hold both the joy and hurt in equal measure.

I trust I haven’t triggered something in you with my words. Forgive me if I have. That certainly wasn’t my intent. I don’t want to engage in a war of words with anyone. If you can’t relate to what I am saying scroll on.

Tomorrow will be a new day and one that I trust I will see more joy than hurt. Somedays I have to honor the hurt in my soul and this is one of those days.

Grateful for the wonderful ways most humans are stepping up and helping out their fellow humans during this time, grateful for being able to hold pain and joy in my soul, and grateful for the way most people are putting aside their own desires for the good of all.

A non-productive day today. Jim has worked hard outside all afternoon and I have been lazy inside. It is 90 degrees and too hot for me!

I did bake Jim a batch of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies this afternoon. I have a meat loaf and baked potatoes in the oven for dinner. I guess I haven’t totally wasted the day.

Woke up at 4:00 this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep. Finally got up and took another hot bath and was able to sleep afterwards. The full moon hit me hard last night. I had a good cry earlier and that helped. Needed to release some emotion that I had been holding on to. Feel a bit drained this afternoon as a result. We will take a long walk after dinner and while on the walk I will refill my soul with light and love.

Wrote a long letter to my brother Max today. I have been attempting to write at least one letter a day to friends and family. I love receiving letters so decided to send some out.

Ordered two flat sheets and some grosgrain ribbon to make face masks out of. Also ordered some flannel receiving blankets to use to make the masks too. Amazon is sold out of elastic, interfacing and even cotton material that is at a reasonable price. Many others must be making masks too. If I was in KS I would have what I needed on hand to make them. Gotta put the thinking cap on and make them out of what I can find here. The stuff I ordered should be in this weekend so I can get started making them. That will give me a project – I have needed a project to do. I really do better when I am productive.

Tomorrow night we will attend Maundy Thursday church services via Zoom. So grateful for the technology we have that makes this all possible. Not sure if the church is putting anything out for Good Friday or not. Their Easter services will be on-line for sure.

I haven’t been off the property for over a week now. Jim went to the store yesterday but I haven’t been out. I’m surprised I am not going stir crazy but with the stores closed I really don’t have anywhere to go.

I realized after I scheduled my Ultrasound at 12:45 and my doctor appointment is at 10:30 that there is no where to go have lunch at in Topeka. At least no where that we can sit down and enjoy a lunch out. We will have to go to a drive-thru and then find a park to eat it at. Can’t even go shopping to waste time as the stores are mainly closed.

The guy that takes my prairie hay in exchange for him burning my property called me today to let me know he burned the property today. Wish I could have been here to see it. I enjoy watching them burn it. Grateful it was done without harming man or beast.

I told Jim last night on our walk that sheltering in place has a rhythm to it that I found on the Camino. Not much else to do but meet our most basic needs with shelter, food and water. The world seems to have become much smaller in some ways. Anything we choose to do during the day is optional. The Camino gave me a reason to get out of bed each morning though as I had a goal each day of getting to the place I would be staying that night. This time I am already there!

Makes me wonder how much of what I “normally” do is just busy work or essential stuff. I had given most of my busy stuff up as I worked to simplify my life after my divorce. I kinda like the rhythm of my days now. It will be jarring when the shelter in place order is lifted and we can begin to assimilate back into society.

Grateful for lazy days at home that feel full of the best things in life, grateful my property burn went smoothly and no one was harmed, and grateful I have had practice simplifying my life.

I am sitting out in the driveway looking at the full moon. I had set my alarm so I could walk to the top of the hill to watch it rise. I let Jim talk me into going a different direction and we ended up missing the rise of the moon. We finally saw it after it had been up for 15 minutes or so. Damn!

I am homesick for my prairie right now. I have lost contact with the moon and miss the sunsets. Both ground me in ways that I am missing deeply right now.

While Jim slept in this morning I went out and started mowing the back yard. Jim has a very deep but narrow back yard. I mowed for about an hour than came in and took a break. When I went back out I flooded the mower and couldn’t get it started. After Jim got up he went out and of course the mower started right away. I finally got the job finished late this afternoon. Jim did mention that I mowed it differently than he did. He is a creature of habit and change is hard for him. I told him I would mow the way I want or he could mow it. Didn’t matter to me.

Jim went to the grocery store with a long list this afternoon. He was like a duck out of water in the material section and ended up not getting the material I needed to make face masks. I may go tomorrow and see what I can find. It might be simpler to buy a flat full sized bed sheet. I read that the 600 count sheets are good filters. I could get lots of face masks out of a full size flat sheet.

We grilled brats for dinner tonight. They aren’t my favorite but Jim likes them. Tomorrow I will fix something I like better.

My foot surgeon called me this afternoon. I’m glad I didn’t drive two hours to go to the appointment as the call only took three minutes and there is nothing he can do to help me right now. It is a nerve problem that is going to take lots of time to resolve. He did say he could give me steroids but with the Coronavirus he is hesitant to do so as those on steroids are having a more difficult recovery. Since I have noticed a bit of improvement he thought they were counter indicated anyways. I am to call him if it gets worse. He thinks it will continue to improve but will take several months. Maybe by the time the shelter in place orders are lifted my foot will be better.

The moon has a moon-bow around it tonight. It is stunning!

It reached 88 degrees here today and is to be that warm again tomorrow. The spring flowers are in full bloom. I picked some lilac today – one of my favorites. The iris are ready to pop open and there is one red rose blooming. I love this time of year but I don’t like the almost 90 degree temperatures.

Thinking I need to have a good cry tonight. The moon pulls out emotion from deep inside me and I am feeling that tonight. A lot of what I am feeling is not even my stuff. It is the collective pain of grief that the world seems to be emitting these days. The moon is reminding me to let go and release it to her.

I can’t fill myself with light and love if I continue to hold on to grief and pain. Thanks moon – I needed that reminder tonight.

Grateful for the beauty of the full moon, grateful the back yard is mowed, and grateful for the light and love within.

I walked down to the mailbox today and picked up the mail. In the mail today was a hand written letter from a friend in KS. It made my day! Thanks Robin. I was so homesick last night and your letter helped. What an unexpected gift.

I got up this morning and it was so nice outside that I went out and weeded the iris bed for about an hour. It looks nice now and the iris are starting to bud. If it gets as warm as it is supposed to tomorrow – mid 80’s I be the iris pop open. I love the smell of iris.

Jim and I took a one-mile walk this afternoon. It is mid 70’s today but windy. We noticed several new spring flowers blooming today that hadn’t been. We have one rose blooming in the front yard.

Other than doing laundry and weeding I haven’t done much. Most of the projects that need done are stuff I don’t know how to do on my own. Jim is finishing hanging two kitchen cabinet doors this afternoon. He still has to build five more for the upper cabinets and finish scraping two lower ones. It is nice to get that project almost done though.

I have a list made for the grocery store but Jim didn’t make it there today. No rush as I can fix dinner without the stuff on the list. He doesn’t want me to go so I agreed to let him go. I have some things on the list that I need so I can make some face masks. It will be interesting to see if he can get what I need. We shall see!

The battery on my iPhone 8 is starting to not hold a charge. Is it possible to just buy a new battery or would I be better off getting a new phone. This one is about 3 or 4 years old.

May bake a batch of cookies after dinner tonight. I am in a baking mood. I like to make cinnamon rolls and would love to make a batch of those but not sure Jim can eat them all.

I heard back from the Crisis Text Line that I want to volunteer with. I passed the application process and the background check and have signed up for their training. The training doesn’t start until April 20 and lasts for two weeks. I’m excited for this opportunity to be in service. If this is something you might be interested in doing let me know and I will send you the link to apply. They are expecting to see a big surge in the need for their services over the coming months due to the current world situation. You have to agree to give them 200 hours of service over the next two years. They recommend you be available for four hours a week in two – two hour shifts although you can do more shifts if you would like.

Tomorrow my foot surgeon is to call me during the time I was scheduled to see him in his office. I’m looking forward to seeing how this process works. Hoping I made the right call not to drive to Wichita to see him in person. My feet still bother me but not enough to justify driving to Wichita. Not sure he will be able to do anything but we shall see.

My Endocrinologist is going to attempt to schedule my ultrasound the same day as my appointment with her in Topeka in May. I asked them to attempt that as I don’t want to make the drive twice – especially if we are still here in Stillwater. It is a four hour drive one way.

The guy that burns my property called me today and he is going to attempt to burn tomorrow unless the forecast changes. I’m sad that I won’t be there to witness it as I love to watch them burn. Another Coronavirus sacrifice!

I continue to ride the waves of my emotions. At least I don’t feel like I am on a roller coaster like I was a couple of weeks ago. I do get overwhelmed with emotion from time to time but it doesn’t last too long. I remind myself to allow whatever I am feeling and let it pass. Grateful when that works for me – it doesn’t always.

Grateful the iris patch is weeded, grateful for a letter from a friend, and grateful I was accepted into the Crisis TextLine training program.

I got up rather early for me this morning. Didn’t have lots of energy but enjoyed some quiet time while Jim slept in. At 11:00 I took my iPad to bed and we listened to church services. When it was over Jim got up but I fell asleep and took a two-hour nap.

We took a one-mile walk today. It is in the upper 50’s with little wind and a beautiful day out. We may go for another walk after dinner.

Not sure what I am fixing for dinner. I have some hamburger thawed so will need to use it up somehow. Running out of ideas of what to fix. We haven’t eaten out for over three weeks now. Not sure I trust restaurants right now. I know too well how employees come to work sick as they can’t afford to not work.

I am waiting to hear from the text hot line place. Two of my friends sent in their references and the company told me they would respond within two weeks if I am accepted into their volunteer program.

Next time I go to Walmart I am going to see if they are still selling material so I can get some to make some face masks. I need a project besides knitting. I have been researching alternatives to elastic as that is hard to find right now. Shoe strings and clothesline have been suggested to use as ties if you can’t find bias tape. I’ll see what I can find.

The Walmart here is limiting how many people can be in the store at one time and have made their isles one way. That all makes sense to me. I have started a grocery list and one of us will get out sometime this week and go get supplies.

I tried to go on-line today and order groceries and then go pick them up but the app wasn’t working. I bet they are overloaded with requests right now. I have never used the app before so maybe I was doing something wrong.

We sure are saving money right now. Not using the vehicles except for once a week trip to Walmart or grocery store and post office. We aren’t eating out so not spending money that way. Don’t go to Lowe’s and are doing projects we already have the parts for. I did order some summer clothes on Amazon as mine are back in KS. When you can’t go anywhere your need list gets smaller.

I truly wonder what businesses will be able to come back when the dust is settled. Will people go back to consuming non-essential goods? I read posts of lots of people using this time to de-clutter and get rid of stuff. So many people have lost their jobs and have no disposable income to buy stuff with. Maybe if the shelter in place orders last long enough more people will realize all that stuff is not necessary and won’t go back to buying it.

It is hard to get rid of stuff right now though as the normal drop off places are closed. Not a good time to have garage sales or list things on buy sell or trade sites. Interesting times to say the least.

These quiet days do give one the opportunity to think about their values and what they are really missing during this isolation time. The only thing I am missing is personal contact with family and friends. I really miss hugs and shared experiences with others.

I checked with my property manager to make sure all four of my tenants were able to pay rent and that none of them had lost their jobs. So far – so good. I told him I would be willing to work with the tenants if they had lost their jobs.

Grateful for our walk today and the beautiful spring flowers we saw on the way, grateful for this quiet time that teaches me what is essential to my well-being and happiness, and grateful I have Jim to give me hugs often throughout the day.

A chilly day in Stillwater – only got to the mid 40’s. It is to warm up starting tomorrow. We took a one-mile walk and it was too cold for me! Jim loved the temperature today. I had to walk faster than normal to warm up a bit.

I worked on detail cleaning the living room today. It looks much better tonight than it did this morning. Wish I could de-clutter it but it isn’t my clutter to dispose of. Jim is slowly working on removing parts of it.

I asked Jim to work on the kitchen cabinets today. He had made new doors for some of them and they needed fasteners so they would stay closed. He had bought the fasteners a while ago and had forgotten to put them on. They took him most of the afternoon to put on. He has two doors to hang and put fasteners on yet tonight. I think he can! I think he can!

When he gets done I need to do some paint touch ups. I may try to get that done tomorrow. I have several more rooms to detail clean but there is no rush to getting that done. We don’t have anyone coming over and we aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.

I have chili cooking in the crock pot for dinner tonight. We both enjoy chili and it was a nice cool day to make it. It smells divine and has made me hungry all afternoon. If I come out of quarantine and my jeans still fit I will be surprised. I have been stress eating lately. I had given up snacking for the longest time but sometimes a girl has to do what a girl has to do to get through the day. Someday soon I will give it up again – maybe when my jeans get too tight.

I woke up in the middle of the night after a bad dream. I had tears streaming down my face. Not sure I even remember what the dream was about but thinking it had something to do with a hospital and corona virus. I rarely have dreams that I am conscious of. I guess with all that is going on in the world right now it isn’t out of the normal to be processing my thoughts during the night in form of dreams which can become nightmares.

I sure wonder how children are handling all of this. It is hard for me to wrap my head around it all. I can’t imagine what children are thinking about it. It must be really scary for them. I saw an article today about the high number of domestic violence cases that are happening right now. My heart goes out to those that don’t have a safe place to weather this storm in.

Feels good to have had a productive day. The living room feels much cleaner to me tonight. I can smell the PineSol I used to clean with. I’m looking forward to detail cleaning the kitchen, bathroom and bedroom in the coming days.

The face masks I ordered from Amazon came in today. I’m glad I got them ordered when I did as there aren’t any more available. Next time I go to Walmart I want to get some material and make some that are washable. The ones I ordered are the blue, disposable ones. The hospital here is accepting donations of handmade face masks to give to patients and family members. If I can figure out how to make them I will make a bunch for them.

I managed to stay out of the muck pond today. Had a moment when I was talking to Ellexia and we realized we won’t be able to color Easter eggs together or have Easter dinner together. Oh the simple things of life that I miss. She asked me when she would see me again and I don’t have an answer for her.

I signed up for a 40 day free meditation series. I listened to the first one today. It reminded me to pause when things feel out of control and regain my balance before I respond. I needed that message today. A Pause is a great friend for me.

Grateful the living room is clean, grateful the kitchen cabinet doors will close tight when Jim is done tonight, and grateful for my conversation with Ellexia today.

It has been a restless type of day for me. Part of it is the cold weather and I haven’t been brave enough to venture outside for a walk. Having trouble settling down and doing much. Decided to roll with it and call this a day of rest – lessness!

I have done five loads of laundry. At least I accomplished something today! I did manage to take a shower and get dressed and eat breakfast and lunch. I’m on a roll today!

I was reading an article about ways to volunteer during this Covid19 confinement and found a link to a Crisis Text Hotline. There was a short application process, I had to provide three names they will send a reference check to, and then there is a two week on-line class that I will do. When I successfully complete the class I will sign up for two-hour shifts and accept and respond to texts from people that need a little support during these crazy times. This is something I can do and look forward to being in service in this way.

By the way, if you need some extra support you can text me now at 620-481-8323. I would love to hear from you and visit with you. We are all in this together and we need to learn to lean on each other as needed. Sometimes we can be the givers and sometimes we need to be the receivers. Both make the world a better place for all!

Jim has been restless today too and neither one of us have felt like doing much. He has been typing some articles for the local newspaper. He has become a guest columnist and they publish an article from him at least weekly. That is another way of being in service to the world right now.

I have heard reports of freezing temperatures in KS today. Slick roads and some sleet and ice fell overnight and into the morning. We got some moisture here but it didn’t get below freezing. It is to be in the mid to upper 80’s early next week.

I started knitting another baby blanket. I knit about three rows and have to take a break. Unusual for me to have to stop that quickly but whatever. I learned a long time ago not to force anything if I can help it. I am knitting for a bit, pacing for a bit, eating something, and then trying to knit again. This has been one of those days that I will way over eat and I don’t even care right now. Some days I just have to do what I have to do to get through the day.

I have some hamburger laying out for dinner tonight. I think I am going to make tacos. They are Jim’s favorite food and easy to make.

My sister-in-law posted an article on Facebook today that suggested we will be in lock down for at least ten weeks and probably longer as not all are obeying the direction to shelter in place. That confirms what I have been feeling. It hit me hard when I read it that it will be late summer before I get to see my kids and grandkids again. Thank heavens for FaceTime and texting.

Some days are easier than others. This is a day that seems to drag and go by slowly. I’m sure tomorrow will be better. I have managed to stay out of the muck pond so far which is a miracle in and of itself. Allowing myself to feel the restlessness today and knowing this too shall pass.

Grateful for a possible volunteer opportunity I found, grateful this last blast of winter weather will be gone shortly, and grateful for a warm house to shelter in place in today.

Not a very productive day but a good one. I went out and pulled a bunch of weeds in the iris garden. The iris are almost ready to burst into bloom. I love the smell of them and will be grateful when they bloom in a couple of days.

I marinated chicken tenders in olive oil with seasoning and then grilled them for dinner. They were so good! Made an easy and quick dinner.

Jim got the brow of the garage covered in wrap this afternoon. He still needs to put the metal over it and then that project will be done. It is to rain tonight so he wanted to get the wrap on it to protect the boards.

Jim went to Walmart today to pick up my prescription and a few things we needed. It was his weekly out of the house trip. I will wait a few days and then it will be my turn to get out. We like going together but in light of what is happening these days decided it is silly for both of us to expose ourselves at the same time.

I’m surprised I haven’t been going stir crazy. I do better when I have projects to do but today went by easily and I didn’t really have anything special to do. It did feel good to get outside and get my hands in the dirt. We haven’t taken our walk yet today but will when Jim gets off the phone with his son. I talked to Nicole for an hour earlier today. Nice to be able to stay in touch that way.

I had ordered some summer clothes and they came in today. They all fit! I had planned to go back to KS after the wedding for a week and was going to bring summer clothes back with me then. Since we didn’t get to go to KS I needed to order some as I have no idea when we will get back to KS. It is to be in the high 80’s again early next week here in OK. There winter was much milder than it was in KS but there summers are much hotter.

I think I am going to bake Jim a batch of cookies this evening. I feel like baking. I’ll have to see what ingredients we have on hand and then I can decide what kind to make. His favorites are oatmeal chocolate chip and snickerdoodles.

We have been married two weeks already. This second week has flown by. It seems like it was three days ago that we celebrated our first week anniversary. There is a sameness to our day these days. Nothing happens much that helps me know one day from another. We don’t have choir practice on Wednesday and church on Sunday to mark the days. Good thing my iPad tells me what day of the week it is everyday or I would have no idea what day it is.

I had a stuffy nose yesterday so Jim gave me some Flonase to use. I used it again this morning and I noticed tonight I haven’t had a headache all day. Wondering if I had a bit of a sinus infection that the Flonase is helping to clear.

Sent a note to my Endocrinologist asking her to either schedule my ultrasound the same day as my appointment in May or if I could have the ultrasound done here in Stillwater so I don’t have to make two trips to Topeka. I haven’t heard back from her yet.

I called my accountant to check on my taxes. He had completed them but they hadn’t been reviewed by his partner yet. He didn’t tell me what the results were yet. They aren’t seeing clients face to face to deliver taxes to so he said he would need to mail them to me to review before they could file them. Good thing the due date was delayed. He said they were running a Skelton crew and were running behind. I guess keeping up with all the day to day changes the IRS is making is delaying them too.

My house sitter said there was a lot of burning happening in the neighborhood. I am so sorry that I am missing it this year. I love watching the night prairie fires. Don’t miss the smoke and ash that blows into the house though.

The dogs and cats are due for their flea and tic medication this month. I will need to call the vets office and see if they will mail them to Kylee so she can give them to the pets. I had planned on being home to pick them up myself. So many plans that need changed!

Spent some time this afternoon imagining how the world may be different when all this is over. I truly trust that things will shift and the decisiveness of our nation will find a way to bridge our differences and a better balance in wealth will happen. I know many of the jobs that are being lost will not return and people will have to find other ways of supporting themselves. I think we have all learned that government can not provide essential services and we need to find a way to help one another through this crisis.

I put on FaceBook and I will say it here too. If you or your family is in financial need during this time please send me a private, confidential message and I will see what I can do to help. We are all in this together and we all need to help each other out. It does require that someone ask for help though.

Grateful for a delicious dinner, grateful for phone calls from family, and grateful for essential services that people risk their lives to continue to provide.

Had trouble sleeping last night. Finally took some NyQuil around 5:00 and slept hard until 11:00. Makes a day go by fast when you sleep half of it away.

Jim worked yesterday replacing boards on the overhang of his garage. I painted them today and he added the first top layer. Still have more layers to go to finish the project but it already looks a lot better than it did.

It was a day in the low 70’s in Stillwater today. The clouds would roll in and than roll out. The sun would come out to play and then go behind clouds again. When the sun was out and the wind was calm it was t-shirt weather but when the clouds rolled in and the wind picked up I needed long sleeves.

We grilled hamburgers again for dinner. I used the air pot and made French fries. Have finally figured out how to use the machine and the timing of the fries. They turned out good tonight.

We are going for a walk as soon as Jim finishes fastening the last board to the over hang.

I felt hung over most of the afternoon. I am grateful the NyQuil helps me sleep but I don’t like the after effect. I had a Foggy brain and a feeling of not being completely in my body most of the afternoon. I was on a ladder most of the afternoon with my head bent backwards – not a good combination when you have a hang over.

It is to be windy and warm again tomorrow with rain coming in along with some cooler temperatures for Friday. Next week it is to get up into the 80’s. Summer comes fast to Oklahoma.

The governor of OK still hasn’t shut down the state. Individual cities are closed down to essential businesses only but not the entire state. The numbers keep jumping here. Testing has been slow to get here although they announced today they got a lot of test kits in and have relaxed the conditions under which you can be tested.

We started self isolating around the 14th of March. It is starting to feel “normal” to stay home and not see anyone else. We are working on projects that Jim has the parts for so he can avoid going to Lowe’s. One of us needs to go to Walmart to get my new prescription but decided it would wait until we needed other things too.

Ellexia seems to be enjoying internet school. She said it is boring though. She is in advanced classes and they are teaching to the lower level. She liked being able to see her friends. She is such a social butterfly that staying home without her friends is hard for her.

Realized today that Tagen won’t have an 8th grade graduation ceremony. Wonder if they will do something in the fall. Can’t believe he is starting high school this fall.

Grateful the painting job is complete, grateful for NyQuil and sleep, and grateful that in this moment all is well!

Guess what – I spent another quiet day at home. I bet no one guessed that – right? Ha! And double guess what I am doing tomorrow! Right – staying home! Not sure I need a blog to remind myself what I did with myself these days.

I took a nap this afternoon. I haven’t been sleeping well and felt sleepy this afternoon so I laid down. Slept for about 90 minutes. I’ll take sleep whenever it finds me these days.

It was a beautiful day in Stillwater today. It reached the upper 60’s and we had sunshine most of the day after getting rain last night. We took a one-mile walk this afternoon and may take another one this evening.

I still have a headache. I can’t seem to get rid of it completely. I don’t usually get headaches anymore. There was a time that I got them frequently but haven’t had them for a long time. It is probably due to my anxiety of the world situation right now. Trying to find some extra grace to extend to myself right now and allow myself space to not do much when they hit. It makes a day long though when I don’t do much.

Jim has worked outside on his garage roof most of the afternoon. I went out and helped him a bit. He is hoping to have part of it ready for me to paint tomorrow. That will give me an afternoon project.

I wrote letters to my two aunts today. I have been thinking about both of them and decided I would write them a letter. I may try to start writing a letter or two a day for a bit. I do better writing than I do on the phone. I love getting letters in the mail and now seems a great time to send some. Trusting they will arrive Virus free.

I had left over mashed potatoes so fixed potato pancakes for dinner tonight along with bacon and eggs. Made a quick and easy dinner. Trying hard to use up our leftovers and not waste food.

I called my foot surgeon’s office today to tell them I didn’t want to drive to Wichita next week for my appointment. After several calls back and forth they decided they would schedule a phone visit instead. The doctor’s office is to call me at my scheduled appointment time next Tuesday and I will talk to the surgeon about the pain I am still having in my feet. I trust this will work and he can figure out something to do to help my feet fully recover. They are slowly getting better but the right one still sends sharp pain up the big toe when I walk on it. It doesn’t happen every step now like it was doing six weeks ago but often enough I am tired of it.

I am mentally preparing myself to shelter in place in OK until at least August. If we get released before that I will be very happy but I do better with a target date. I set it far enough out that I am trusting we will get released before the date I mentally set. This is the longest time I have been away from my kids and grandkids. Thankful for all the different technology that we have now to help me stay connected to them somewhat. Can’t wait to hug them all again.

I feel for all those single people out there that don’t have someone to shelter in place with. If any of you need someone to talk with please call me anytime – day or night. I told Jim at dinner that if I was in Strong City I would know people that I could be checking on and offering to get groceries for them, etc. I don’t know people here in Stillwater that could use my help.

I have been slipping on my eating habits. I still haven’t eaten sugar or flour but have been snacking more than I have in two years. I’m not even hungry but find myself stuffing food in my mouth. My anxiety must be higher than I realize it is. I’m going to come out of self-isolation and have no clothes that fit if I’m not careful.

Grateful I have a safe place to shelter in place at, grateful for the mail service, and grateful for afternoon naps and walks.

A very lazy day in Stillwater today. It has rained off and on all afternoon. After such a productive day yesterday today was the exact opposite.

My Camino friends from CA FaceTime with us today. It is so fun to see their faces and have conversation. We chatted for over an hour!

I went to Walmart to pick up my prescriptions and get groceries and some other things we needed. The store was not busy and the shelves were fuller than they were last time I was there. Still no hand sanitizer, thermometers, rubbing alcohol or jig saw puzzles. They had some hamburger and other meat today although I didn’t buy any.

When I picked up my blood pressure medication they told me they had to give me the water pill part separately as they can’t get the combination pill. They told me the price was $243! Ouch! I use GoodRX and was able to get the price down to $44. Still not sure how that works as I don’t pay GoodRX anything. Something seems fishy to me in that deal.

I called my doctor in Emporia today and found out they hadn’t received my blood tests results from Stillwater that were done last Thursday. I called the Stillwater Clinic and they told me they would fax them again. The Doctor’s office called me back and the doctor changed the dose of my thyroid medication. I had just picked up a refill of the other dose. I’ll have to go back to the pharmacy when the new dose is ready and pick it up. Sometimes it is hard to know what to do!

I was surprised I wasn’t sore from being on my hands and knees for six hours yesterday. The floor sure looks nice today. I’m anxious for us to get it sanded and the varnish put on it.

I have scalloped potatoes and ham baking in the oven for dinner. They should be ready in about 30 minutes. I will need to heat up some veggies to serve with it and that will be dinner.

I’m grateful for being able to deposit checks on-line. I got a rent check Saturday and was able to take pictures of it and send to my bank and they were able to deposit it into my account. Amazing!

I listened to a BBC report this afternoon. The report said the people in England are being told to stay at home with little movement in the community until at least the end of June. Starting to think that will happen here too. I may not be back in KS until fall time.

I have moved into a better space mentality as I have started to accept the reality of what is happening. I am in a safe place and have all my basic needs met and many of my wants met. I am one of the lucky ones. There are so many hurting people in the world right now – from the sick to the ones that have no financial resources.

I sure miss my kids and grandkids. It will be a grand day when we see each other again. One certainly learns quickly not to take face-to-face visits for granted. I am missing giving and receiving hugs to my family and friends. Grateful I have Jim to hug often.

Grateful for a safe and peaceful shopping trip today, grateful for GoodRX and the savings they provided, and grateful my basic needs are met and then some!

A very productive day at last. Jim and I tore out the old linoleum in the kitchen and found wood floors underneath. We had to scrap off the material that was used to glue the linoleum to the floor. We soaked it with water first, used a scraper to get the first layer off and then used a scotch pad to get the glue off. It was messy and dirty work.

We started a little before 1:00 and finished around 6:15. I think both of us are going to be a bit sore tomorrow.

We will need to rent a sander and finish the floor with sanding it and then applying polyurethane. We will save that project for another day.

It felt good to have something physical to do. I have needed a project day for a bit and this was a good one for me. Not sure what I will find to do tomorrow.

I started my day off by listening to a meditation that was on-line. I knew one of the three women that hosted it. It was so good to reconnect to Court and it did my body good to take some time to breathe and relax. Court sent me a recording of the meditation so I can listen to it again.

This afternoon my Aunt Jeanne called. I haven’t talked to her in several years. It was so nice to hear from her. Can’t believe she is turning 80 this year. Where does the time go?

Tomorrow I will need to go to Walmart and pick up my prescription. I have a list of things we need that I will get while I am there. I also need to get hold of my doctor in Emporia and see if he wants me to do anything as a result of the blood and urine tests that were done Thursday. I have had a headache off and on for over a week now and the pain in my lower back still comes and goes. I feel like something is off but not sure what it is.

I fixed salmon for dinner. It is easy and quick to fix. Served it with a nice green salad and corn. We had pineapple rings with cream cheese for desert. Neither one of us love salmon but I try to serve it once a week or so.

We took a one-mile walk after dinner. Both of us were a bit stiff from being on our knees working on the floor all afternoon. It felt good to stretch the legs a bit. It was lovely out and we saw the last of the sunset.

No big plans this week. My adventure of the week will be going to Walmart tomorrow. Jim will go later this week. I’m sure we continue working on the house as there are many projects waiting our time and attention. I would love to see us finish the kitchen project so at least one room would be complete. Jim prefers working on this and then that and then that instead of sticking to one project and finishing it and then starting another one. We are different that way!

Since I am staying in OK for the time being I need to check with my insurance and make sure I don’t have to do anything about changing it to OK. I had gotten a notice from my prescription coverage asking why my prescriptions were being mailed to an OK address. I can’t tell them until I know how long I will be here.

Beginning to feel like the stay at home orders will be in effect for several months. I don’t think KS or OK have even begun to see the full impact of the spread of the virus. This will not be the year to do any traveling – at least not until the last quarter or so, it then. Having to readjust my plans for the year. I am slowing coming into acceptance of this new reality. It sure would help if I had an end date but I know that no one knows when that might be. Learning to accept what it is and dealing with it. I keep reminding myself that right here, right now all is well!

Grateful the kitchen floor project part 1 is done, grateful for our walk this evening, and grateful that right here, right now, all is well!

I’m grateful my iPad tells me the day of the month and week. When you stay home all day everyday the days run together and it is hard to know what day it is.

We worked outside this afternoon after taking a two mile walk. It was in the mid 60’s but very windy. I mowed with the push mower and Jim worked on the garage overhang. We also cut down the tall grass by tying a string around it and using the chain saw to cut it down.

Since I am not coming back to KS for a bit I had to make different arrangements for a prescription that I need refilled. I called the pharmacy in Emporia to see if they could mail it to me. They could not but suggested I contact a pharmacy in Stillwater and have them call my pharmacy in Emporia and they could transfer the prescription to them. I called a pharmacy in Stillwater and made the arrangements. I am assuming everything worked as I didn’t hear back. I told them it wasn’t urgent. They are to text me when the script is ready for me to pick up.

I listened to the governor of KS issue her stay at home orders today. The governor in OK has not been as pro-active. I’m glad we realized last week that we needed to stay put and not go back and forth between the two places. It sure would be easier though if I knew when I might get to go back home again. Thinking it might not be until May or even June.

My mother’s cousin posted today that her brother-in-law is in the hospital with Coronavirus. That hits pretty close to home. He is a younger man with a wife and two kids. I pray he will recover.

When my prescription is ready I will go to Walmart and get some groceries and a few other things we need and then we won’t have to get out again for several days.

We grilled hamburgers for dinner tonight. Jim cooked them perfectly. They make a very simple meal and one of our favorites.

No plans for tomorrow other than to continue working on the house. Same for Monday, Tuesday,…….Rinse and repeat!

I need some T-shirts. I didn’t bring many when I came last time as I thought I was going home this week and could get them then. I may have to order some although I don’t like to make the delivery workers work so much. I may look at Walmart and see if I can find some there and if not I will have to order some as the clothing stores are closed. I don’t have any shorts with me either. I wasn’t planning on staying here this long. Although if I buy some shorts I will have to shave my legs – not sure I am ready to do that yet this year! Ha!

Feeling a bit better today. Only had a headache for a couple of hours instead of all day. My back hurt off and on but not constantly. I’ll take that as progress.

Grateful I got to mow today, grateful for hamburgers on the grill, and grateful for feeling better.

Another quiet day spent at home. Thinking that is what is going to happen for many more days if not weeks and months.

I didn’t sleep much again last night. I finally was able to get two hours of sleep this afternoon. Woke up feeling better. I still am struggling with a headache that seems to come and go and has for the last week. My lower back has hurt off and on for about that same time too.

Got the results of my blood work back but didn’t hear from my doctor. I still have Red Blood Cells in my urine so wondering if I still have a UTI or maybe even a kidney stone. The pain gets rather strong at times. Most of the other results were within normal with a few exceptions. The two things that were in the blood in the ED and were concerning to the ED Doctor were gone which was good news.

Jim chopped and stack a rack of wood in the back yard today. He is hot and tired tonight.

I forgot to lay some meat out for dinner tonight. In the freezer is a bunch of food I had gotten for the brunch we were going to hold on the morning of our planned wedding. I heated up a quiche and some potato bite things that were really good although probably not really good for me. It made a quick dinner. Good thing we liked it as I can fix three more meals just like it.

We took a one mile walk after dinner tonight. We got a few showers this afternoon and it cooled down nicely. We saw the last of the sunset while we walked. There was a nice breeze and it was a nice time to be out walking.

I need to find a project to work on while I am sheltering in place here. I am starting to go a little stir crazy. I have been knitting a lot but am almost out of yarn. I do have two sets of tea towels I can work on so may switch to them.

Got a text from David and he said the car and title arrived safely. I like being able to cross things off my pending list.

It is getting hard to know what day of the week it is. Everyday is almost the same.

Chase County has gone into lock down mode. I read this afternoon that visitors from Wichita and the KC area have to self-quarantine for 14 days if they come to Chase County or if a Chase County person goes to those areas. Unfortunately Chase County is experiencing an influx of guests from KC and Wichita trying to escape. The fear is they will bring it to us. Wish people would just stay home!

Wishing I could find something to do to make this situation easier for others. Hard to help others when you can’t hug them or touch them. I do spend time each day sending healing love and light out into the world.

Grateful for my health tonight, grateful for afternoon naps, and grateful the Prius arrived safely at its new home.

Happy one week anniversary to Jim and I! What a week it has been. Feel like we got on a roller coaster and it hasn’t stopped yet. We have had more ups and downs this week than since we started dating.

I woke up at 3:00 this morning and never did go back to sleep. Had something on my mind and had to work through it. By the time I did it was time to take a shower and go get my blood work done. When I got to the clinic there was a nurse in the lobby that took my temperature and then allowed me to go to the lab.

While I was waiting for my blood draw one of the techs came out. Turns out she was best friends with my Doctor’s daughter during high school. It is a small, small world.

Stopped at Sprouts on the way home and picked up a pot roast for dinner. They had potatoes – the first ones I have found for over a week. Came home and put the pot roast in the crock pot for dinner. It was delicious! Served it with mashed potatoes and gravy.

We worked out in the yard today. I put wood from a big pile a branch at a time on a horse and Jim used the power saw to cut them into pieces. We also replaced the screens in the storm windows. I got pretty good at it by the time we were done.

Took a one mile walk after dinner. It is still in the upper 80’s here this evening. It reached 95 this afternoon! It is still March! Not sure I want to summer in OK if it is this hot now.

I am tired tonight. Trusting I will be able to sleep many hours tonight.

Grateful I was able to get my blood draw done today, grateful I found potatoes in a grocery store today, and grateful for warm spring days.

We had to get up early this morning as the plumber came at 9:00 to fix the drain under the kitchen sink. After he had been here a bit he told Jim he had just gotten home yesterday from a trip to the Caribbean! WTF! Why wasn’t he under quarantine?

By that time he was almost done with his job. I stayed outside the rest of the time he was here and Jim stayed as far away as possible. After the guy left we mixed up some bleach and water and wiped down everywhere the guy had been – including the door knobs, etc.

I understand how difficult it is to not work and not have income but to enter my house under these conditions and expose us is not OK. I thought travelers coming into the USA right now were being told to self-quarantine. I wonder if he was told and decided to not obey or if no one suggested it to him.

Jim had said something to him earlier which led me to believe the guy is a Republican and one of those that aren’t taking this thing very seriously. He is probably in his early 40’s and thinking all of this is making a big deal out of getting a cold. UGH! He is the type that will make this virus spread and never know he was why the number of cases jumped in his area.

We took a walk to the lake this afternoon. We only walked about 1/3 round it and found a bench overlooking the water. We sat and enjoyed the sunshine and the wind in our face. It was windy enough we could hear the waves. It reached 86 here today and is to be in the 90’s tomorrow. We must have sat for an hour in the sunshine and then walked back to the house without walking all around the lake. It felt so good to let the wind blow the cobwebs out of my head.

We came home and Jim laid down and fell asleep. After about an hour I decided to lay down too and I slept for several hours. Getting out in the fresh air was exhausting I guess. We both slept really hard this afternoon.

We were talking earlier how our lives really aren’t much different being in lockdown than they were before. We rarely ate out and the main difference is we are not going to the grocery store as often as we did before. We limit our trips to Lowe’s which it the other place we went a lot. When we do go to the grocery store we try to get what we want quickly and get out and back home.

We are grilling steaks tonight. It is so nice we may even eat outside.

Nothing on our schedule for the foreseeable future. That is weird I guess. We usually had church if nothing else to go to. Hoping we get some work done on the house but we didn’t manage to get much done today yet. Maybe after dinner we will get something done. A nap seemed more important today.

I sent a note to my doctor in Emporia and he faxed orders so I can get my blood work done here in Stillwater tomorrow. We will go do that sometime tomorrow.

Still hard to think I may not get to go back to my prairie until June. I told Jim there is nothing in my house I have needed except for yarn. Maybe I ought to sell it and walk away completely. He wasn’t sure that was a good idea. Things will return to “normal” again but have a feeling it will be a new normal and not the way they were. We were overdue for a major correction in the world and I have a feeling this is what this is all about. May we rebuild the world so that it works better for all of us and not just the top 1%.

Grateful for a beautiful walk on a beautiful day, grateful for the wind today that blew the cobwebs out of my head, and grateful for afternoon naps that restore my body and soul.

A somewhat better day today. I’ll take it as a sign of progress. I haven’t cried today – at least yet!

Just sent my Prius on its way to CA. It was weird to drive it one last time. It has been a great little car but I can’t say that I am sad to see it go. I love my Forester much better! It will be a good car for David. I will miss the low cost of filling the gas tank.

Jim went out on errands today. We decided we both shouldn’t get out at the same time and double our chance of exposure. He dropped off recycling material and went to the grocery store.

I took about a one mile walk while he was gone. My heart started racing so I turned around and slowly walked back to the house. It does that when my thyroid levels get out of wack after being sick. Have about two to four more weeks before I will feel “normal” again.

It is 71 degrees in Stillwater today. Going to hit the 90’s on Thursday. Maybe it will get warm enough to chase away the Corona virus that is invading OK. They are over 100 cases already and have surpassed KS in case count. People here don’t seem to be taking shelter in place very seriously.

Still have a nagging headache. Unusual for me to have a headache and especially one for several days. It quiets down and then roars back. Thinking it is related to my thyroid being out of wack.

I called some doctors in Stillwater to see if I could get an appointment this week so I could have my levels checked. There is a six week wait time for new patients. One office recommended I go to Urgent Care and ask them to do the blood work. Another said I could have my doctor in Emporia fax the blood test ordered to the clinic and have my blood drawn that way and they could send him the results. I will decide tomorrow which way would be best.

Saw a post about the price of eggs in the stores. Grateful my chickens are putting out a few eggs a day right now. Wish I was home to eat them! Might need to replenish my stock sooner rather than later if the price of eggs keep rising.

I sure miss my prairie. If Plan A was enforced we would be home on the prairie for a week. Staying flexible and making the best of Plan B. It would help if I knew when I might get to go back home to stay but there are way too many variables for that. Good practice for me to continue to sit in the unknown and know that in this moment all is well. I repeat that to myself many times a day when my brain goes into monkey chatter. It helps remind myself to come back to the present and know all is well.

I’m glad the tax date got extended as I don’t know when I will get to Emporia to get my taxes. I haven’t heard if they are done or not and what the outcome is. I’ll have to make a trip to Emporia to pick them up if I am not home by then.

Grateful for a beautiful spring day in Stillwater, grateful the Prius is on its way to California, and grateful I am on the upward swing!

Another hard day – damn it! I wish I could shake this depression. I did realize today that whenever I get sick it throws my thyroid out of whack and it takes about six weeks to level back out. I am on an emotional roller coaster right now and my balance is totally off. Knowing what is behind it helps.

We have decided to stay put in Stillwater for the next month. My heart wants to go back to my prairie but my head is telling me to stay here. We had much trouble deciding what to do – both of us want to be in both places.

I need to figure out something to do with myself. I realize how much I liked doing taxes and having something to do several times a week. I can’t get out and do volunteer stuff now so will need to get creative and come up with something else to do. Jim has a very long list of projects to work on and will have no trouble finding something to do around the house. Most of his stuff is stuff I can’t do.

My house sitter is being very flexible and is able to stay on. I will mail her some funds tomorrow so she can replenish the critter food supply and get gas for the mower. I will miss mowing and riding my mower! I love that job.

I only have yarn to do two more blankets and three more baby blankets. Yikes! That is almost a national emergency. Ha!

I will need to find a local doctor to get my blood follow up test done. I had an appointment with my doctor a week from today in Emporia but am not driving back for that. Hoping I can find someone here that is taking new patients and will see me.

I have an appointment with my foot surgeon on April 7. Not sure if I will go to it or not – as fast as things are changing who knows what will be happening then. My foot is a bit better than it was when I went to see him a couple weeks ago. Still not where I want it to be but not an emergency by any means and not worth a four hour trip to see him.

I do have an appointment with my Endocrinologist in May in Topeka that I will drive to. I need to have my cancer levels checked and have my annual check with her.

My Prius is getting picked up tomorrow and shipped to California. It will be good to see it get on its way. Trusting it will have a safe journey and that David will enjoy the car.

Baked Jim some butter cookies last night. He doesn’t have a cookie press so just spooned them out. He said they were delicious although they weren’t pretty.

I went to Walmart today and was surprised that about 30 to 40% of the grocery isles were empty. There were no potatoes, hamburger, beans, sugar, and not to mention Tylenol and hand sanitizer. There were many other shelves empty. I was surprised I was able to find a gallon jug of bleach.

Hard for me to wrap my head around the divide in the country. Many seem to be taking this situation seriously and doing their best to stay home and limit their exposure to others. Yet there is a group that still seems to believe we are making too much out of this and it will all go away on its own. Guess we will see in a few weeks time which group was on the side of truth.

I saw someone getting a manicure today and neither were wearing a mask. Wonder if a manicure was worth the risk? Guess we each have our own priorities and risk levels we are willing to tolerate. This situation is calling us out of our comfort levels to do things that make us uncomfortable and to make sacrifices for the benefit of others.

I’m sure that is part of what I am feeling. Things feel out of control on many levels and giving up free choice feels icky. When I can remember that I still have choices and am making them based on the whole instead of my selfish desires it feels better inside.

I’m sure I’ll bounce out of this funk soon. Remembering my thyroid is behind part of it helps. And this too shall pass – maybe like a kidney stone but it will pass!

Grateful our decision has been made, grateful the Prius is almost on its way to California, and grateful for the groceries I was able to find and buy today.

I am having a much better day today. I climbed out of the muck pond and have been able to have a level head today. Although I am still a bit overwhelmed with the world situation I have a better perspective on it today.

We were planning on going to the prairie tomorrow for a week and return a week from Monday. It hit me this morning that we are putting ourselves at higher risk by going back and forth. We need to pick one house or the other and prepare to button down the hatches and hole up. We have gone back and forth as to which house we should stay at. Both have pros and cons. We are going to sleep on it tonight and make a final decision in the morning.

At this point we are leaning towards returning to KS. We would take Jim’s cats with us and hire someone to walk through his house three times a week to keep an eye on things and hire someone to mow. It seems simpler to leave this house empty than to hire someone full time at my house.

If we end up in Strong City Jim would have time to get a shop built in the big building. He could take his negatives and prints and get started on what he wants to do with them. It would delay completing the Stillwater house project but that project isn’t going to get done anytime soon regardless. We would hopefully be able to come back late summer and maybe spend the winter here again and get more work done here. Hard to know what the future holds at this point.

If we go to KS we won’t leave until mid week to give Jim time to get things in order here and time to gather all the things he would want to take with him. We had planned on taking two cars anyways so will have room to take some stuff. Hopefully we can come back for a day or two if needed in a month or so. Hard to know how bad things are going to get and how shut down they will become.

If we end up in Stillwater my current house sitter has agreed to stay on. I will have to get her some money so she can restock the critter feed as needed.

Hard to know which way to go. Guess we are lucky to have two places to choose from.

I made crock pot chili for dinner tonight. It was really good. If we go to KS I need to remember to take that recipe with me.

I am feeling better today although my headache came back this afternoon. Thinking it is allergies as my ears itch and my throat is sore and draining. Spring has sprung here and lots of blooming plants already.

We took a one mile walk this afternoon. I had to wear my winter coat as it is in the low 50’s and damp out. It felt good to stretch my legs a bit and get some fresh air.

Still seeing lots of evidence here of people still acting like life is normal. The governor of OK hasn’t done much yet. The city of Stillwater is holding a meeting tomorrow night and on the agenda is a lock down policy. They decided they need to not wait for the governor to do the right thing. There is a second case in Stillwater that has been confirmed and heavens knows how many other cases. Testing supplies are very limited and are only given to those that are sick enough to be in the hospital.

I am almost out of yarn here in Stillwater. Yikes! That could be another disaster in the making! I bet Walmart still has some though. I hate to buy more as I have tubs of it in Strong City. Maybe that will be the deciding factor in where we stay! Ha!

Grateful my head is out of my ass and I am back to being grounded and centered, grateful for two homes to live in and shelter in, and grateful we are both being open and flexible.

Not a good day for me. I fell hard into the muck pond and it took most of the day to climb out of it. I was near tears most of the day. Thinking part of it is what is happening in the world right now but the other part was me throwing myself a pity party. All five kids, Jim’s brother and family and my sister were to have arrived today for our big wedding tomorrow. I was supposed to have been busy today cooking a big dinner for 20 people. I’m so sorry things worked out the way they did and our family couldn’t come be with us.

I have had a headache, a bit of a sore throat, some body aches and chills off and on all day today. I didn’t sleep very good last night and have been very tired today. Don’t think I am physically sick as much as soul sick. I’m sure I will feel better tomorrow after a good night’s sleep tonight.

I did get out and take a one mile walk alone today. Felt claustrophobic all day inside. It was only in the low 50’s today so I had to wear a heavy coat. It felt good to get outside and get some fresh air.

I got the Prius out and got it filled with gas. We are going to hire a transport to deliver it to David in Berkeley sometime either next week or the week after. It will be good to get the car to him.

I am going to KS Monday. Jim may have to wait a day as we need the plumber to come fix under the kitchen sink before he can leave. We aren’t sure when he is coming back or when I am coming back so we had already decided to take two cars in case we decide to come back on different days. I have a doctor’s appointment a week from Monday and Plan A is for me to come back to Stillwater after that.

When we made our plans originally I needed to be back on Sunday so I could do taxes on Monday. Taxes were stopped sometime ago so I don’t have them to come back for. I may decide to just stay in KS. I am so homesick for the prairie. I have been in Stillwater since the middle of December except for a few days here and there back on the prairie. My soul needs some wide open space and to reconnect to the sun and moon.

We loaded all the wedding stuff in my car so I can take it to Strong City. I have more storage space than Jim does. Not sure if and when we will be able to schedule a reception in Stillwater and Strong City so we can celebrate with our friends. It will depend on how long this crisis drags on. Starting to look like it will be fall if we are lucky before it will be safe to gather again. Does anyone drink Fresca or White Grape Juice? I have five containers of each that I won’t be able to use for a bit and not sure it will be good six months from now. I also have two batches of cream cheese mints that need eaten or thrown out. I won’t eat them as they have sugar in them. Holler at me if you would eat them and I will get them to you.

Just got notification that the oven I had ordered cannot be installed. They can deliver to outside my house but not install it. I tried to call them but the hold time was over two hours. I think I will cancel the order completely if they will let me do that. They were to come Thursday to deliver and install it. I certainly understand why they don’t want to come in people’s houses right now to do this type of work. It isn’t urgent that I have a new oven. I sure feel bad for businesses right now and all the adjustments they are having to make.

What a time to be living through. So much chaos and fear. Doing my best to stay grounded and out of fear. Tomorrow will be better!

Grateful to have climbed out of the muck pond this evening, grateful for fresh air and a walk today, and grateful I get to go to my prairie on Monday.

Another quiet day at home in Stillwater. We did go to the hardware store to get parts for the kitchen and stopped by the grocery store to pick up a few essential items. The workers came today to lay the new kitchen counter top. It looks so nice!

We had to buy a new kitchen sink today. When they hooked it up they discovered a hole in the drain pipe. Jim has a temporary repair on it but the plumber will need to come hopefully Monday to do a permanent fix. We aren’t using the kitchen sink drain right now to prevent a disaster. One thing about repairing 100 year old houses is you can always expect the unexpected.

I took a two hour nap this afternoon. The guys were working in the kitchen and I was trying to stay out of the way. Decided the bed looked inviting and warm so laid down to warm up. Next thing I knew it was two hours later and I slept the afternoon away.

I think my tiredness is soul tired. The news is overwhelming right now. We try to turn off the news and take media breaks. We have been getting a walk in every day so we can get some fresh air and walk off some pent up energy. Today we walked one mile.

This is sounding more and more like it is going to take a long time before things get better. Even if we can slow it down during the summer it sounds like there will be another big surge in the fall. Life as we knew it is being altered before our very eyes. I trust what will be created out of all of this for the future will be something that works better for those on the bottom rings of our society. The path we have been on for some time has not been working and needed changed. Careful what you ask for?

My heart hurts for those that can’t afford to pay rent or buy groceries as they have lost their job. Trusting some sort of security blanket gets put into place sooner than later. With people self-isolating I’m not sure how we find out those that need help. It might be up to each of us to reach out to our network of friends and check in with them and see what their needs might be. I don’t trust that my government will be there for them. If you are in need, please reach out – help is available but you will have to ask for it.

I watched a meditation today that was a balm for my soul. I need to remember to search out and find things like that daily. I can’t be of service to others if I fall into the muck pond and withdraw my light from the world.

Married life is grand! I’m so grateful I have someone to self-isolate with. This would be even more difficult if I was still single and alone.

Trying to figure out how I can use the house in Strong City to be of help to others. I have to balance the risk of bringing in someone that may make me sick with the need to help them out. I am trusting that a way will be shown to me if a situation comes to my attention that feels right. Anyone single out there that needs to join with someone else in self-isolation that wants to come live with us in Strong City? You are welcome to come stay! I’ll be back on the prairie Monday and plan on staying for a bit and would love to have company. Wide open spaces and lots of fresh air.

Grateful I have a partner to share this crazy time with, grateful progress is being made in the kitchen, and grateful for the internet which helps connects us. Sending love and hugs to all!

We got married this afternoon. It was a beautiful, simple service conducted by the preacher of Jim’s church. We held it in the sanctuary of Jim’s church and maintained social distances from the couple that stood up with us and the preacher. That was a bit weird!

One of Jim’s sons recommended about an hour before the service that we live stream the wedding service. We were successfully able to do so and lots of our friends and family were able to watch the ceremony. It is posted on my Facebook page if you missed it and want to go see it. When times are like this you have to do what you have to do to make it work! I am ever so grateful Thomas suggested the idea. I could feel the presence of our loved ones watching.

We took a one mile walk before the wedding. It is a beautiful day in Stillwater and was good to get out and stretch my legs and work off some extra energy. We will probably go for another one when I get the blog written. A cold front is coming in tonight and it is only going to be 46 for the high tomorrow.

After the wedding we came home and had some soup and then changed out of our fancy clothes and into work clothes. I painted some more cabinet doors and Jim is building the two drawers for the kitchen. I need to do some housecleaning this evening.

Not sure I feel married yet! The ceremony was very sweet. The preacher did a great job. We were only at the church for less than an hour. With no guests except for the two attendants it was simple. I’m glad we had our virtual guests.

We don’t have any plans for the weekend. We will continue to work on some projects around here. Hoping the kitchen counter top came in today and the guy can come install it tomorrow. Would love to get it and the flooring done this weekend but we shall see what happens. Monday we are going to KS for one week. I am homesick to spend some time on the prairie.

Next Thursday Best Buy is to come install the new double oven in my kitchen in Strong City. I wonder if they will be able to come or if they will have to postpone the visit. Not sure I would want to go into homes of strangers right now and am not sure I want a stranger in my house right now. Things are changing so rapidly who knows what the situation will be by then.

I have a doctor’s appointment on March 30 to get my blood levels rechecked. Plan A is to return to Stillwater after that visit but that may change. Since I’m not doing taxes anymore I have no reason to have to return to Stillwater and if we decide to we could stay in KS. Not sure what will happen. Staying flexible and fluid right now seems to be what is required.

If I am not needed to help with grandchildren we may go back and forth every week or so. We need to bring Jim’s cats to KS and only pay for one housesitter instead of two though. Jim also talked about me staying in KS and he comes back for several days alone part of the time.

I don’t think I will be opening my Airbnb again for a long time. It is just too much risk right now. I will keep my ear to the ground and see if anyone I know needs some safe space to hang out in and invite them in. I have a rental property that is coming empty the end of March in Emporia that I may reserve for someone that becomes homeless as a result of loosing their job during all of this. We will see what happens on several fronts.

Guessing we won’t be doing any travel this summer. Estes Park is totally closed right now and they were going to reevaluate the middle of April. So hard to know how to plan.

What a day to get married. I’m sure years from now we will be able to tell our story about how we gathered our friends and family via live stream and shared our simple little ceremony with them.

Seems like this crisis is one of those that we will refer to in the future as life before Coronavirus and life after. If feels life changing on many, many levels. My heart hurts for those that are sick, those that have lost their jobs and those that are afraid. Yet I can feel a deep change happening in the world. It feels like the world was slammed with a giant 2 x 4 to get our attention and help us reprioritize our lives.

Grateful to be married, grateful for our friends and family that joined us in witnessing our ceremony via live stream, and grateful for Jim and his love.

Going to the chapel and we’re going to get married! Tomorrow afternoon at 2:00! There will be five of us gathered for the deed. Celebration to follow after this madness is over.

Spent a quiet day at home. We did go to Boomer Lake and took a three mile walk. It was a beautiful day here in Stillwater – mid 70’s and the sun even came out to play for part of the day. It felt so good to get outside and take a long walk. There were lots of people out walking. As we passed people we gave each other lots of space.

I came home and took a two hour nap. I didn’t think I was that tired but decided to lay down and treat myself to a short rest. I feel asleep quickly and slept hard for over two hours. I’m still a bit tired tonight. Thinking it is emotional tiredness as much as physical tiredness. I have hit overwhelm a bit with all the bad news and changing of plans.

There was a post on Facebook tonight about a couple from Council Grove that have been diagnosed with the Coronavirus. They had traveled earlier in the month to the Caribbean and had returned to Council Grove March 11. Over the weekend they were in Strong City and ate at Ad Astra obviously while they were contagious and before they were showing signs of being sick. Sure points out how important isolation is and why it is important that restaurants close.

My soul hurts tonight. So many are posting about loosing their jobs, no income, little food in the house, more questions than answers. Time for all of us to step it up but hard to know how to help. Self isolating is one step I can take but that doesn’t feel enough. Spending time sending positive, healing energy out to the world.

Did a bit of painting this morning. I have two more cabinet doors almost done. Have one more part to paint on them tomorrow and they will be done. Running out of projects to work on which is not a good thing right now. I need to keep busy right now. Jim said he would find some projects for me tomorrow.

What crazy times. The mom in me wants to retreat to my country home and have all my kids come home and stay with me. It is so hard to know what to do and keep up with all the changing news. My heart hurts for those that are in financial distress and those that are sick. Time for me to step it up and help out in some way. Figuring out how to do that safely is hard right now. Trusting a path will be cleared in front of me and I can find a way to lighten the load.

Much love to each of you. Reach out if I can help in any way.

Grateful for unplanned naps, grateful for long walks in the great outdoors, and grateful that tomorrow I am getting married!

Another crazy day! Hard to keep up with all the developments in the Coronavirus outbreak. Schools closed for the rest of the school year, businesses closing or modifying service, lifes disrupted everywhere you look. Hard to process it all.

We spent a quiet day at home. We did go to the OSU office to find out about health benefits to see if I want to change to Jim’s plan. We stopped at Lowe’s for more small parts. We got what we needed and came home quickly.

I spent some time looking at his health insurance package. I pay less for better coverage in KS. Not sure the plan he is offered is at any sort of discount. I need to call and talk to them tomorrow and unless I am missing something I will stay with what I have.

I finally got on-line and saw the results of my blood tests that were done when I went to the ED early Friday morning. There were two that were unusual for me to be off. Not sure why and what they mean. I looked them up but couldn’t really find out anything. I did schedule an appointment with my regular doctor in KS so I can have the level checks again and ask him to interrupt them for me.

I have been restless to get back home. I figured out today that is part of the restlessness I am feeling but the main part of it is my uncertainty with what is happening in the world right now. It is so hard to process the magnitude of what is happening. My heart feels heavy as I think of those that don’t have the financial means to survive this time they are being forced to take off work. I think of the domestic violence situations that many women and children live with and are now being forced to stay in without any way to escape.

I trust that those in need will be able to reach out to some sort of support system that will be put into place. I haven’t heard mention of that in the national news yet but in my small community the first rumblings has started. Have a feeling this will be the type of thing that neighbor will need to take care of neighbor. Jim and I have been brainstorming how best we can do that.

I sent my property manager a text to let him know I will be flexible if any of my renters lose their jobs and need some rent relief. One of the houses has the renters moving out the end of the month and he hasn’t found renters yet. We will see what happens with that.

I never know who reads this blog. But if you are reading it and need support please send me a private message. I will be back in KS next Monday and am wiling to help anyone that needs whatever.

Cancelling a wedding seems so small right now! We will be married Thursday afternoon with little fanfare and celebration. We were laughing at dinner tonight that we won’t even be able to go out to dinner to celebrate.

As often as I could remember today I took a minute and took deep breaths and reminded myself All IS WELL. It helped me keep myself grounded and fully present in the moment. Whatever will happen will happen and I can’t control any of it. All I can control is my reaction to it. Breathing. Grounding. Centering. All is well in this moment!

Grateful for the internet which connects all of us together, grateful for all the angels that are stepping up and reaching out to help their fellow humans, and grateful for mantras and deep breathing that ground and center me.