Starry night on the prairie

Another quiet, cloudy day in Stillwater. I haven’t gotten anything done yet today. Jim just went out to work on the west side of the house. He has to get some stuff done before I can start painting that side of the house. Maybe I’ll get some painting in yet today if the rain doesn’t beat me to it.

We did take a 2 1/2 mile walk today. It is in the mid 70’s today but it is cloudy and humid. Sure feels like it could rain. There is a lot of moisture in the air.

Having heart spells again today. When I woke up this morning my pulse was 40. It got up to 110 on our walk but has settled back down to the 60’s now. My BP was high yesterday but low this morning. I’m getting tired of this roller coaster. Sure hope the doctor has some answers for me next week when I go in.

Have a pot roast in the crock pot cooking for dinner tonight. Sure makes the house smell good this afternoon.

I did get the bathroom cleaned this morning. It was disgustingly dirty. I kept forgetting to clean it. I haven’t been on a regular cleaning schedule here like I used to keep at my house in the country. Hoping I can get back on a schedule when we get home.

I got some good sleep last night. After a night of little sleep it was good I got some sleep. I was tired this afternoon but decided not to take a nap and start that cycle over again.

I have my volunteer shift with the Crisis Text Hot Line tonight from 10:00 to midnight. I hope I can stay awake that long and stay engaged with my texters. They usually keep me on my toes and wake me up. I usually have trouble going to sleep for a bit after my shift is over. I have to take time to process the calls and release the energy that I picked up during our exchanges.

Mailed four letters this morning. I haven’t written any today yet. They seem to come in spurts – I can only write when the urge hits me. When I get home and have my address book I’ll be able to write more to people I haven’t written to yet.

Only have four more full days here before we head north. Saturday and Sunday I will need to get Jim’s yard all mowed up. We will be back here June 12 – 10 so will need to mow again when we get back the 12th and again the 19th before we leave again. Jim has hired a high school kid to come mow for July.

I have started a list of things I want to take to KS with me. Since we are coming back the 12th I don’t have to worry so much about getting everything the first time we go home. We will be able to take another load north on the 19th. We will take Jim’s Mazda home that time and I’m sure load both cars full again.

Sometimes I feel so guilty that my life hasn’t hardly been effected by Covid19 compared to those that have lost their jobs, gotten sick or lost a lot of income. Other than not eating out much and not going home as scheduled we really can’t tell their is a pandemic happening. My heart goes out to those seriously effected.

Grateful for a long walk today, grateful for the smell of dinner cooking, and grateful I get to be in service tonight.

Another quiet day in Stillwater. I did get out this afternoon and finished painting the front of the house. We haven’t got the part above the porch roof done yet but the lower 3/4 is done. It looks nice.

Jim is working on removing shingles from the west side of the house. He hopes to get a section done yet tonight so I can get it washed and painted tomorrow while he does another section. We only have three sides of the house to do as the back section is a deck. There is a small section above the deck to do but it isn’t very big.

We had leftovers for dinner tonight. Cleaner out the refrigerator again. I like getting the refrigerator cleaned out. I laid out a pot roast to thaw and I will fix it in the crock pot for dinner tomorrow night. Once I know what to fix I am good to go.

Had a long phone conversation with a dear friend today. So good to visit with her. Wished I enjoyed phone conversations more and would do them more often. I have to be in the right mood to talk on the phone. Just not my thing I guess.

We took our walk this afternoon. Added another 1/4 mile or more to it. Feels good to get out and stretch our legs. We both need to get out more and keep increasing the distance in preparation for our trip to CO if we get to go. The high altitude always bothers me for a couple of days and hiking there is harder for me. Especially if I am badly out of shape.

Today has felt like a Monday to me. Yesterday felt like Sunday. Sure is hard to know what day of the week it is when you do the same thing everyday. We didn’t do anything special to celebrate the holiday weekend.

Need to start thinking about gathering things I want to take home with me next Monday. I have a friend that asked if she could come stay at my house in June so she is coming June 12 and we are going to come back here for a week. That will allow Jim to get more work done here and we can get the second car to take to KS. We can take two more car loads of stuff back with us. Hoping by then we will know if we are going to CO in July and can get the mountain gear to take back with us then.

Made a doctor’s appointment for Wednesday, June 3. Every time we walk my right shoulder hurts after I walk about 1/4 mile. It hurts the rest of the walk and into the evening afterwards. Once it quiet downs it doesn’t hurt again until the next time I take a long walk. Not sure what is going on but I am getting tired of it. I have a high tolerance for pain but when my shoulder gets set off if plain ass hurts. Haven’t figured out a way to hold my body so that it helps ease it. It will help for a minute at most when I hold my arm behind my back but then it hurts hard again.

My B/P was high today but dropped down after my walk. It is going back up again tonight. Guess I have switched from being too low to being too high. Wish I could find the sweet spot and stay there. I feel better when it is a bit high that I do when it is too low. Maybe I am getting to where I need to be slowly but surely.

It was a party cloudy and cool day in Stillwater today. We got more rain overnight but it has been dry today. While we were walking there were some dark clouds hanging around but they seem to have cleared on out. More rain is in the forecast through Thursday and then it is to clear out and start warming up again.

My mood was better today and the day proceeded with much more ease today. I’m back in my peaceful valley of life. Glad I was on a short detour yesterday.

Grateful for leftovers that turn into a second meal, grateful for friends and long conversations, and grateful to be back in my peaceful valley.

Ever have one of those days where nothing seems easy? That is kinda the type to day I am having today. I had to put my yarn in time out as it tangled up. I cut off the knot and put on a new skein and couldn’t get the end out of the center of the skein.

I was making banana bread and I have to unload part of a shelf to get the flour out. I set the brown sugar plastic container on something and as I was reaching for the flour the brown sugar container fell and hit me on the nose. OUCH! It is a bit swollen where it hit. Hoping I don’t have a black eye tomorrow morning. It would fit my mood today to be sporting one though!

It is sticky and humid and I have a headache. OK – enough of my bitching. I’m tired of myself right now.

I took some letters to the post office and stopped at the grocery store for a few things. We are having tacos for dinner and I needed lettuce, tomatoes, and taco seasoning. About half of the people in the store were wearing masks – mainly the older ones. The cashier had one around his neck but not over his nose or mouth. Maybe he had a cold neck?

I haven’t done anything productive today. The front of the house isn’t ready to paint yet although Jim is out there now working on it. Maybe if it doesn’t rain tomorrow it will be ready to paint and I can accomplish something.

A week from today I will be back on the prairie to stay. It will be another big change for us. We have adapted to the routine of living here and will have to adjust to a new routine there. Jim is getting more nervous by the day thinking of moving full-time to KS. He will be back and forth for quite some time as he still has lots to finish here. I’ll see how often I come with him. It is a bit of a problem to find House sitters all the time and have to get the house ready for them and then redone when we get back.

This is the first Memorial Day I have missed going to visit my parents and three sets of grandparents. I miss going to them today. Trusting someone else from the family visited. Usually the flowers I take to Dad’s parents are the only ones there. That makes me sad.

Wonder why I am so cranky today? Guess it is just one of those days. And this too shall pass! Sometimes I forget I don’t need a story to justify my feelings. I need to allow them to be what they are and they will shift. When I write a story about them they tend to hang around longer.

Grateful for easy days that I take for granted, grateful that this too shall pass, and grateful for the post office that delivers letters to my friends and family.

Not a very productive day today. I washed some boards on the front of the house. I’m waiting on Jim to finish removing the upper boards before I can get them washed and then start painting. I don’t have another project to do so I wait.

It has been cloudy and muggy today. Sure feels like a storm could blow in tonight. It reached the mid 80’s today and it felt like low 90’s with the heat index. I don’t like hot and humid weather.

A week from tomorrow we move to Kansas. I need to start pulling things out and get them packed. I managed to bring a lot of stuff here that I need to take back home. Jim hasn’t started figuring out what he wants to take. we will be back and forth enough that we don’t need to worry if we don’t get what we need the first trip. We are taking two cars this time so will have room to take a bunch of stuff. My house in KS is starting to fill up.

I’ve been quiet today. Not sure why. I did take a NyQuil last night so I could sleep and probably have a bit of a hangover as a result. I haven’t fallen in the muck pond but am feeling a bit down. It may also be a result of not accomplishing much today. Just the cloudy day blues perhaps.

I did write the grandkids their weekly letter today. I have a bunch of other mail that needs to go to the post office and wanted to get their letters done and out with the rest. I may write a few more tonight and take all to the post office tomorrow.

We cleaned the grill and then grilled brats for dinner. The grill flamed up but because we cleaned it they didn’t get charred. I laid hamburger out for dinner tomorrow night but not sure what I am going to make out of it.

It doesn’t feel like a holiday weekend to me. Nothing is anything different than normal. Everyday is a holiday when you are retired. I miss going to the cemeteries this weekend. Will go sometime after we get home in June.

Still having some shoulder issues. The right one acts up when we walk and stays painful for some time afterwards. The left one hurts when I move it wrong or lay on it at night. Once it hurts it stays hurting for quite a while. I did request a doctor’s appointment with my family physician for the first week in June. If a miracle happens and they both calm down I can cancel the appointment.

Grateful for NyQuil that helps me sleep – even when it causes me to have a hangover the next day, grateful I get to move home in a week from tomorrow, and grateful for quiet, introspective days.

A painting type of day around here. Jim laid out the wood he needed painted to build shelves in the upper cabinets last night. I worked on painting them today. All required two coats and then I flipped them over and put two more coats on the back side.

I needed another project to do while the paint dried so I painted the new cedar siding planks the floor guys put on the side of the house. That makes the house look so nice Jim decided to take the shingles off the front of the house this afternoon. When he gets that done and the scraping done I can start painting the front of the house.

Wrote some letters this afternoon. Jim took the last two packages of face masks to be mailed today while he was out picking up his prescriptions. I am out of extra face masks for now. I saved about a dozen for us to use. I’ll probably make some more once I get up to KS.

We are having chicken chimichangas for dinner. I made them one other time and they were good. I needed to use up the chicken I cooked in the crock pot earlier this week. Now to decide what to fix tomorrow night. Once that decision is made the rest is easy.

Got an email from the Crisis Text Hot Line. They have an emergency shift roster that they used when they get overwhelmed with calls. Now that I am a Level 2 I can sign up to get notified when they need extra counselors. I can tell them the hours I am willing to help out and there is no obligation on my part to have to be available during that time. They will send me a text if they need help during my specified hours and I can hop on and help them out if I am available. I will sign up next time I get on the Platform to take calls. I agreed to put in 200 hours and would like to get as many hours as possible a week to get that commitment paid back. I am limited to 12 hours a week maximum but have only signed up for four to six right now. I didn’t want to over commit myself until I feel like I can handle more on a regular bases. It can be intense work and I need to practice good self-care or I will get burned out quickly.

Still hasn’t sunk in that we will be moving to KS June 1. Only eight more full days in Stillwater. It will be a big change for us but I am hoping we can settle into life on the prairie pretty seamlessly. It is quieter there. Jim can do more writing and reading and not so much physical labor. He is going to build himself a workshop in the shop but it isn’t as pressing as the restoration work is here. I’m ready to reconnect to the sun, moon and land and get back to my riding mower.

It has been in the mid 80’s here today but the humidity hasn’t been as high so it doesn’t feel so warm. There has been a gently breeze moving the air so that helps too. We will take our walk after dinner tonight. I hope we go two miles again like we did last night.

Sitting in my peaceful valley again tonight. It helps when I have projects to work on and can see something that I accomplished in a day. Hoping Jim will get enough done today that I can start painting the front of the house tomorrow.

Grateful for the painting I got done today, grateful for left over chicken, and grateful we will be moving in 9 days!

I had another fun shift on the Crisis Text Hot Line. I was on for three hours but only took two calls. There are an abundance of counselors now which is a good thing as texters don’t have to wait to be taken care of. Both of my texters were able to go from a hot mess to a cool calm.

Had trouble sleeping last night. I took a second bath after my first sleep and was finally able to get a second sleep. I slept in a bit this morning and think I ended up with six hours of sleep.

I wrote some letters this morning when I got up. I baked Jim a batch of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. It gave me something to do and he enjoys eating them.

I posted on Facebook I had masks to give away. I stayed busy for a bit getting packages ready to mail. I sent 53 masks out today to 8 different people. I am down to about a dozen masks and Jim and I need those for us. I have some old sheets in Strong City that I can use to make some more when I get back home in June. It feels good to have the masks off of the chair they have been sitting on and in the mail and into the hands of people that need them and can use them.

I went to the Post Office to mail the packages and letters I fixed today. It was good to get out for a hot minute. Most of the people at the post office were wearing masks although only one of the two clerks had one on.

I fixed hamburgers on the grill for dinner tonight. We had had chicken for two nights in a row so will fix chicken left overs for tomorrow.

We extended our walk to two miles tonight. Both of us need to walk more and we decided to add some more steps to our walk. It is muggy and sticky outside tonight. We had a thunderstorm with some high wind come through this morning. It felt good to have some rain clean up the air for a bit. Feels like it needs to rain again now. There is a lot of humidity in the air and another rain will feel good.

I went back and read some of the training material for the Crisis Text Hot Line. It sure makes a lot more sense to me now that I have taken calls. I need to print the textbook off and reread it completely. For the most part I have been doing what they recommend but had kept running into a part that was a challenge for me. After reading the textbook I understand what I can do differently to make things go easier.

I’ve run out of projects again. I am knitting a blanket but my shoulder has been bothering me. Not sure what I did to it but wondering if I landed on it when I passed out the first part of the month. If I knit too long it bothers my shoulder.

Hard to remember this is a three day holiday weekend. Everyday feels the same to me these days and I only know what day of the week it is because my iPad tells me. I will miss going to the cemeteries this weekend. Will have to visit the cemeteries after we get back to KS the first of June.

Grateful I found home for the masks I made, grateful for a two mile walk tonight, and grateful for what sleep I did get last night.

Had a fun shift last night on the Crisis Text Hot Line. I took three calls. The first disengaged immediately, the second I referred to someone she could talk to on the phone and the third was a long call but very satisfying for me. I had gotten on at 9:30 for my 10:00 shift and didn’t take the first call until almost 10:00. I stayed over to finish my last call.

This morning after I got up I got the woodwork in the closet Jim has been working on painted. It is a narrow closet and with the shelves in it a bit tricky to paint the backside of the door frame. Got a bit of paint on me but got it done.

My B/P has been low again today and I have felt like I had a leak in my energy level all day. Finally gave up and laid down and took a nap. Feeling a bit better now but still low energy. Oh well, I really don’t have anything I need to do except fix dinner in a bit so I’m good.

I’m fixing scalloped potatoes with ham for dinner. Jim laid out a package of thick ham by mistake and I told him I would use it up. Doing my best to get the freezer cleaned out. Tomorrow night I need to use up the chicken from last night.

It has been cloudy all day today. It was supposed to rain but it went around us. The air is thick and heavy and it needs to rain to clear the air a bit. Now they are predicting rain early tomorrow morning.

I have another Crisis Text Hot Line shift tonight at 10:00. I leveled up last night and am now a Level 2 Counselor. That just means my conversations aren’t at the top of the Supervisor’s screen and I can now take two at a time. I will only take two calls at once when they get really busy and so far that hasn’t happened. We have an abundance of counselors right now and I spend about half my time of my shift waiting for a call.

The calls are getting easier for me and I didn’t have to use my notes as much last night. It is so satisfying to get a tester from a hot mess to a fun, cool calm.

Ten more days here in Stillwater. Jim has agreed to a moving date of June 1. He still plans to come back to Stillwater a bunch for a bit and finish up some jobs he is working on. We will see if he does. Once he gets to KS he will find jobs to do there. He wants to build a shop for all his tools and I bet he will get started on that and forget to come south so much. He has lots of jobs to do at both places.

Moving his two cats is at the top of his list of concerns about moving. Neither one have ever moved since he got them here. Katy will probably do better than Tony as she spends most of her time in the crate. We have another big crate and can put her outside in the crate. Tony likes to spend most of his time outside and he has never been around dogs. It will interesting to see how he adjusts to living with two dogs and three cats.

I got my insurance explanation of benefits from when I went to the ED for my diarrhea and vomiting episode. They billed over $5,375 including the charge for the ED doctor. Medicare paid $186 and my insurance paid $150. I had to pay $8.83. The rest was written off. I will never understand how our medical system billing works. The doctor was paid more than the hospital for my care. That doesn’t seem fair to the hospital. Grateful I have insurance. Worry about those that don’t and the fact they would have to pay the full sticker price. There is nothing in this whole billing process that feels fair to me.

Tagen text me and ask if he could mow my yard so he could make some money this summer. I ask if he wanted me to teach him to use the riding mower. He said sure but he would push it too. Wonder if he realizes how long it would take to push mow my whole yard. He would make lots of $$ if I pay him by the hour to do that. I’m getting anxious to see him – I haven’t seen him since February.

Grateful for health insurance, grateful for naps, and grateful for the opportunity to be in service to others via the Crisis Text Hot Line.

It is another beautiful day in Stillwater. The temperature has been in the low 80’s with bright blue skies and light wind. It is a perfect spring day.

I found the gas cap in the bushes this morning. I had ordered another one but decided to look one more time this morning and found it. Guess we will have a spare one in case I do the same thing again. I went out and did a bit more mowing this morning after I found the gas cap. Still have some to do but got the part that was bothering me done.

The workers came today to do some more work on leveling the floor in the spare bedroom. When Jim cleaned out that closet he found a big gap in the floor. They worked for several hours this morning but need to come back with different tools to get it fixed. What they tried this morning helped but didn’t fix it completely.

I woke up when Jim came to bed last night around 4:00. I couldn’t go back to sleep so finally at 6:00 I got up for the day. After lunch today I laid down and was able to sleep for about an hour. I have a volunteer shift tonight between 10:00 pm and midnight and needed to be able to stay awake and function well. Jim laid down too and he is still sleeping. His nap has lasted over three hours at this point. He likes to sleep more than I do.

I wrote four letters today that I need to take to the post office to mail. I seem to write letters in bunches these days instead of one a day. Oh well, the intention is there and they get done – just in a different way than I envisioned. I am starting to think that is what this “pause” time is to teach me. I tend to get a vision of how I think my plans should unfold and life has a way of unfolding in a different way. If I can stay out of my own way the way they unfold works well. It is my expectations of things that cause me to slip up and fall into the muck pond. I need to paste that reminder on my hand and look at it every day and remember to let go and let life unfold.

Grateful for afternoon naps, grateful for beautiful spring days, and grateful I found the gas cap.

Two months married as of today. The time is flying by. I thought time would slow down due to being in isolation but it hasn’t. I can’t believe it has been two months since we got married. Although I still forget we are married sometimes. Living with Jim is easy and getting married didn’t change anything. That is nice.

Got up this morning and got to work mowing. I had to come in twice to cool down and slow down my heart rate. My B/P was low again this morning. The third time I went out the mower started sounding different. I thought it was about out of gas so headed to the house. Got ready to put gas in it and realized I hadn’t screwed the gas cap on tight and it had fallen off. I have looked all over for it but can’t find it. Got on the computer and looked at the manual for his mower and got the part number for the gas cap. Went to Amazon and found one and ordered it. Should be here in a couple of days. One way to get out of mowing for a bit! Dang it anyways – I wanted to finish the mowing today.

Got the rest of the painting done. Jim did something to another board and had me paint it too. They are all ready to be put up in the closet when he gets around to it. I have some more painting to do in the closet but he discovered the floor wasn’t even and had to call the guys back to fix the beam. They are to come tomorrow morning so maybe tomorrow afternoon I can paint the woodwork inside the closet. It sure seems hard to finish a project sometimes.

Jim is out running errands. I posted on Facebook I have extra masks to give away and several people responded. I have given away over 50 so far today but still have 80 or so left. Jim had several packages to mail for me today as well as a couple of letters. He is also doing our grocery shopping for the week.

I’ve run out of projects to do today. Maybe when Jim gets back from running his errands he can find something else he needs me to do. I have chicken tenders marinating in olive oil dressing that we will grill for dinner tonight. Doing my best to get his freezer cleaned out before June 1. I’ll see if Jim finds something on sale to put in it today – he usually does.

A local rancher posted on Facebook that all the local butcher shops are booked through the end of the year. Grateful I had contacted my local rancher to get a beef before all this madness started. She has her date to butcher booked for sometime in July. The kids and I are going to share one whole beef. I hate buying beef in the grocery store as you never know where the beef is from these days. Right off the ranch beef tastes so much better.

Wrote the grandkids their weekly letters today and Jim took them to mail. Not sure what the kids think of getting a letter from me each week but it helps me feel more connected to them. I need to write a few more letters today.

Tomorrow I have my Crisis Text Hot Line work to do at 10:00 pm. I volunteer for a two hour shift but sometimes it turns into 2.5 or even 3 hours if I take a call that takes a bit to finish up. It is getting easier each week to know what to say and how to steer the conversation to problem solving. Some just don’t want to go there and that is OK too.

Feels good to have gotten some things done today. I like productive days and am working to embrace non-productive days too. Both are needed and have purpose for me. Old habits of driving myself to be productive die hard though.

Grateful I almost got the mowing done before I lost the gas cap, grateful the painting job is complete, and grateful for those that asked for face masks and reduced my pile.

I got to ride on my riding mower today! Best day in a long time! We went to our Strong City house today to take a load of Jim’s stuff. While he unloaded the car he told me I could mow. I didn’t get the whole yard done but it was fun to mow for a bit. The grass was nice and tall and easy to tell where I had been. I had the blades replaced earlier this year and this was the first time I was able to test the mower since it had been repaired. It cut much easier and cleaner.

We only stayed at the house about an hour. Jim got his stuff unloaded and then we headed back to Stillwater. It seems kinda silly to drive six hours to spend one hour at the house but it was worth it. The hills are so green it almost hurts your eyes. The ponds are full and the hills are full of cattle. It was a sight for sore eyes.

When we got home I fixed salmon for dinner. It was the last two pieces of salmon in the freezer. Neither of us are big fish eaters but we choked it down.

We took a one-mile walk after dinner. When we got back I flipped the pieces I painted yesterday and got the first coat on all of them. I’ll go out in the morning and get the second coat on them. Jim will have to come up with another project for me when I get them done.

I picked up my mail while I was home. Nothing urgent but grateful for a few things I found. I had over paid my real estate taxes for Chase County so had a refund check. That was a nice surprise. Some checks I had ordered came in and were there for me. I had ordered a book and it had come in.

I didn’t go see the grandkids this time. I can’t wait until I can see them whenever and give them hugs. I sure have missed having them come over and spend the night.

No big plans for the rest of the week. I’m sure Jim will come up with some projects for me to help him with. These last two weeks here will go by quickly. Hoping we will get a lot of work done but we will take what ever we can get done.

Have a friend that wants to come spend some time as an Airbnb guest in June. Thinking I might see if she will house sit instead and Jim and I will come back for four or five days the middle of June. We can get some more work done then. I’m not sure I am ready to have guests while I am in the house yet.

Grateful for being home for a hot minute today, grateful to be on the riding mower for a bit today, and grateful for a safe trip to and from.

Slept in this morning. We didn’t even wake up in time to listen to church at 11:00. I had trouble falling asleep last night and around 4:00 took some NyQuill. It worked and put me to sleep. Have felt hung over today but it was worth it to get some sleep.

I painted some today. Finally got the woodwork that Jim repaired in the dining room painted. It looks so nice now. Painted the back side of a door for the closet as well as the shelves and boards that he will use in the closet. Got two coats on everything and will need to flip them tomorrow and get the other side painted.

Jim is cleaning out the spare bedroom and loading up another load for us to take to Strong City tomorrow. I got into the tote that has my winter knitting in it and got the ends weaved in and boxed up to take to the church whenever the church can accept blanket donations. I may have some more to add to it if they aren’t accepting donations right now – I’ll have to call and check.

Fixed bacon and quiche for dinner tonight. I got up too late to lay anything out to thaw. Jim is kind and accepts meals like that sometimes. Laid out some salmon for dinner for tomorrow night. Doing my best to get the freezer cleaned out before we leave in two weeks to go to KS to stay. We are trying to eat up all the food I had bought for our wedding brunch that didn’t happen. Makes for some quick meals when I use that stuff up.

It was a beautiful day in Stillwater today. The temperature got up to the low 80’s and the sun returned from its week long vacation and stayed out and played all day. We took a nice walk this evening after dinner. I didn’t have to wear a sweater and I didn’t get cold. Perfect weather for me! It is to be nice the next couple of days. I will enjoy that!

Feeling better today and not so cranky. I did have some problem with my B/P being too low again today. It was 90/50 at one point. Maybe the NyQuil lowers it? Not sure. Sure will be happy when my thyroid levels get sorted out and this problem goes away. It is becoming annoying.

We are still debating about going to CO in July. Jim has his heart set on going but things are still dicey. Sounds like access to the National Parks is going to be limited and it still feels a bit risky to me to go. Lots can happen in a months time so will play it by ear yet and decide later. We may not have a choice if things get bad again.

Our plan for tomorrow is to get up early and be on the road by mid morning. Jim likes to sleep in so we will see if that is what happens. We have no reason to have to get there early so it won’t really matter if we don’t get gone before noon. It is a long day going to and from in the same day but it will be good to see home for a hot minute.

I had cleaned out the spare room downstairs so he could turn it into a dark room and store his stuff in it. We have decided it isn’t big enough for all his stuff so think we will convert one of the Jack and Jill bedrooms into a storage room for him. I don’t plan on having guests for a bit and that will give him a room to store his stuff out of the way until he can sort through it all and decide what to do with it. We will have to store the two twin beds from that room in the furnace room but that is no problem. Combining two households gets tricky!

We haven’t had the TV on today so haven’t listened to any news. That helps my mood stay higher. I checked on headlines on my iPad news line but didn’t read many articles. I’m so worn out from the news. Time to take a news break.

My mood has been much higher today. Doing something productive has helped and getting a good night’s sleep helped too. I’m back into my peaceful valley of life and back to being a witness. Life is easier when I can stay here.

Grateful for a good night’s sleep, grateful for a perfect spring day, and grateful some painting got done today.

I didn’t accomplish anything today other than taking a nap this afternoon. It was another lazy day around here. Jim got some work done on the closet in the spare bedroom. He needs to do some more work to it before I can finish painting it. He painted the walls and I will paint the woodwork trim when he has it ready.

I did do some knitting this morning. I tied on the last of four skeins on the blanket I am making. Trying my best to get all my yarn used up. I need to finish a stack of blankets by tying in the ends and get them to the church as a donation. Not sure how many I made this winter but need to get them moved out of the house. I’m not sure the church is taking donations right now though.

We did take a walk after dinner. We didn’t get one last night so needed to get out and walk tonight. It does feel good to get out and move my body. Not sure why I resist doing so.

I fixed hamburgers on the grill tonight along with a green salad and tator tots. Easy meal and quick to clean up. Not sure what we are going to have tomorrow. I’m trying to get the freezer cleaned out. Only two more weeks before I go back to the prairie.

Got the sewing mess cleaned up yesterday. It is nice to have some empty space in the window box by the dining room table. I missed working on them today though. They gave me something to do each day. Still not going to order any more material though. It was an expensive time waster.

I am ready for the sun to come back from the long vacation it has been on. I have missed it! These rainy, cooler days are depressing after a bit. I will be complaining about the heat though when the sun comes back and will be wishing for some rain after a few days. Guess I am hard to please.

Feeling a bit like I am in the muck pond tonight. Tears are just behind the surface and I’m not sure why they are even there. I think I have picked up on the universal energy and am carrying stuff that isn’t mine. I need to take some time and be intentional about releasing it.

I just don’t understand the debate about wearing face masks. To me they represent a physical sign that I care about your safety. I’m doing all I know how to do to keep myself safe and not become a carrier without knowing it. Wearing a mask seems like an extra level of precaution in case I have picked it up without knowing it. Why would someone choose not to do that? I just don’t understand.

I had hopes that this pandemic would be a unifying event in the world. I see evidence of people pulling together and unifying at times but as a whole I don’t think people’s opinions about the bigger picture have changed. The great divide is still there. That makes me very sad.

Grateful for afternoon naps on cloudy days, grateful for hamburger and all the different ways to fix it, and grateful for the glimmers of hope and love I see at times in the world.

Another rainy day in Stillwater today. I have been dragging all day long. My get up and go got up and left me behind.

I finished all the face masks I had cut out. I have made 268 masks and am retiring for a bit. Last call if someone needs some masks let me know and I’ll mail some to you. I will find someone to give the rest of them to next week and won’t have any more to give away. If we continue to have to wear masks for the next couple of months I’ll probably make some more later.

It was nice to clean up the sewing machine mess and put it away for a bit. I was so tired of seeing the mess in the dining room.

The workers finished their job today. Jim had them do a bit more work than they had planned to do so he won’t have to go under the house and finish the job. It is nice to know that project is completely crossed off the long to-do list of things that need done on this house.

Jim has worked on cleaning out the closet in the spare bedroom today. When he gets it cleaned out and repaired I will paint it. He also has a door for it that I will need to paint. I also need to paint the boards he put up in the dining room. I didn’t have the energy to paint today.

We haven’t decided if we are going to Strong City to take a load tomorrow or wait until Monday. We have had to get up early all week and a day to sleep in sounds good. Guess we will decide in the morning.

I had another shift on the Crisis Text Hot Line last night. I only took two callers. The first one was easy and the second one was another case where they disengaged before we could get to problem solving. Those are hard cases for me as there is no resolution for either of us. I never know if I have said something wrong or if something happened on their end and they needed to go.
I have volunteered for 9 hours so far and have taken 9 calls. One more call and I will level up and off the newbie list. We have so many volunteers right now that we do a lot of waiting to get someone to chat with. That is a good thing though as texters don’t have to wait to chat with someone like they used to.

We had tacos for dinner tonight. I had laid out some hamburger last night and didn’t know what to do with it. Jim is always up for having tacos and they are easy. I had a taco salad. Now to decide what to fix for tomorrow night.

I texted with the grandkids today. Always fun to text with them. I sure am looking forward to being able to have them over for the night again. It has been over six months since they were able to do that.

We need to go take our walk. It is so icky out I have been dragging my feet getting out and walking today. Jim fell asleep on the couch just now so maybe I’ll get out of taking a walk today. I’m ready to go take my bath and go to bed but it is only 7:30. I’m just not very energetic today.

Grateful the face mask project phase 1 is complete, grateful the foundation project on the house is complete, and grateful for lazy, rainy days.

Another quiet day at home. So what is new? I worked on face masks and did some mowing today. I got 2/3 of the back yard mowed and need to go out and finish the rest of it as it has started to cool down. It got up to the mid 80’s today and I got too hot mowing.

I have about 30 more masks to sew and then I am retiring from making them for a bit. I am tired of the mess in the dining room. I keep finding pieces of thread all over the house. 268 masks is enough!

Jim and I took our walk this morning before it got too hot. We only walked one mile though.

The foundation workers showed up this morning around 8:45. They didn’t get done so will be back tomorrow. Jim is pleased with the job they are doing. It is one of the first things he has hired done on his house. It was a bit unsettling to him to watch someone else work on his house. I’m grateful he agreed to hire them though as it has taken four men over 30 hours to get the job done. I can’t imagine how long it would have taken Jim to do it by himself.

We had planned on taking another car load of stuff to Strong City tomorrow but since the workers are coming back we will have to wait until Saturday or Monday to do it. Not sure which day we will go now.

My B/P has been low again today and my pulse rate way too fast. I had to quit mowing twice as I was getting light headed. My body does not like heat or cold. I have a very narrow comfort range these days. Jim is finally understanding my limitations.

We are having stuffed chicken breasts for dinner. When we decided to have them Jim said he would fix the chicken. I told him he could fix the whole dinner. I haven’t had a day off from cooking for over two months. He agreed so is fixing dinner tonight. It will be a treat to eat food someone else fixed. Food always tastes better when someone else makes it.

My shift last night on the Crisis Hotline went well. I handled three calls. I have another shift tonight. I only need three more calls and I will move up to level 2. Not sure what that means exactly other than they don’t monitor what I am doing as closely. I haven’t gotten any feedback yet so assuming I am doing OK. They have hundreds of new volunteers and I’m sure they are struggling to monitor everyone closely. We were told we would get feedback often but so far I haven’t gotten any. No news is good news?

The old timers on the hotline are complaining that they don’t get To take as many calls as they used to as they have so many more volunteers. Not sure what the turnover rate is among the Volunteers but betting it is fairly high for new ones. I’m grateful so many people stepped up and volunteered so the texters don’t have To wait very long to get served. There are lots of hurting people out in the world right now that need some extra support.

It is getting easier to know what to say without having to look up something all the time. I did get a new to me type of call and had to look up how to handle it. Two of the three calls felt easy and satisfying and had only one that felt incomplete. I have served 7 our of the required 200 hours so far. That was easy!

Still riding life in my peaceful valley. It helped to get some physical exercise today mowing even though I got too hot. I do better when I remember to move my body.

Grateful the masks are all almost done, grateful for the three calls I handled last night, and grateful most of my mowing is done for the week.

Another quiet day at home. Not sure why I blog these days as most days look the same. The workers were here a little before 9:00 this morning. They made lots of noise today as they hammered, ran the power saw, etc. They are to return tomorrow and hopefully finish up the job.

I worked on face masks again today. Still not finished with all of them but I made a good dent in them today. Most of them are pinned and waiting to be sewed together. More ribbon came in today but I will put it aside and have it on hand if I decide to make more later this year. I don’t have anymore cotton or flannel so can’t cut out any more pieces. I’m tired of seeing the sewing mess by the dining room table and am ready to get it cleaned up for a bit.

Jim put up two pieces of woodwork today that fits over the door to the kitchen. He has some more finishing touches to do to them and then tomorrow I can get them painted. Little by little we are getting things done.

We took a one-mile walk this afternoon after it warmed up. It has been cloudy and cool again today. It did warm up to the mid 70’s this afternoon but it was windy enough it didn’t feel that warm. It is to be in the 80’s tomorrow and the sun may pop out and play for a bit. I’m ready for this rain to go away and for it to be sunny and warm again. I will need to mow when this rain is gone.

I fixed bacon, eggs and hash browns for dinner tonight. Makes an easy and quick dinner. Need to decide what I am going to fix for tomorrow night. That is the decision of the day!

I have my volunteer shift tonight with the Crisis Text Hot Line tonight between 10:00 and midnight. I’m looking forward to it. I trust the sheets I typed up will help me tonight. I have checked a couple of times over the last couple of days to see if they needed help but every time I checked they had less calls then counselors. They just brought on hundreds of new counselors.

I went to the post office this afternoon to drop off four letters that I wrote. I have enjoyed that project. Not sure I have kept up and written one a day but I have come close. When I get back to KS I will have my address book so can write to lots more people.

It sure is difficult to make many long-term plans these days. Everything feels so tentative. It is getting easier for me to accept that but it still catches me off guard sometimes. I am a planner and not knowing how to plan can be unsettling to me. Good thing everyone else is in the same predicament and there is a basic understanding how plans may have to change.

Grateful more face masks are completed, grateful for our walk today, and grateful I get to be in service on the hot line tonight.

Another quiet day at home. I worked on making masks again today. I have over 50 made and another 50 to go. If you need some masks let me know and I will get some in the mail to you. I don’t think I am going to make any more for a bit so speak up now before I give them away.

It was in the low 50’s here today and rainy and cloudy all day. I haven’t been outside at all today. I put my sweater on and take it off every ten minutes. My legs were cold so I put high socks on today. They don’t exactly match my shirt and sweater but no one but Jim saw me today so who cares.

I fixed chili in the crock pot for dinner tonight. It was good and it was a good day to have soup for dinner. Not sure what I am going to fix tomorrow night. I have enough chili left we could have it again but I will probably wait a night or two before I offer it again.

I remembered to call and get my ultrasound scheduled in Topeka for June. I had cancelled my appointment when the Endocrinologist changed my visit to an on-line visit. She wanted me to have it done in Topeka and told me it could wait until June. I will go to her clinic that day and get blood work done too.

Jim went to the post office to mail two packages and dropped off our recycling. Funny how running errands is note worthy these days. Before all of this I wouldn’t have even paid attention to the fact he left the house.

Our workers couldn’t work today due to the rain. They called this evening and told us they are planning on coming tomorrow. We will have to be up and ready for them in the morning. It will be good when they get that job done. Jim has wanted to do that project for a long time. We keep crossing things off his very long to-do list. We aren’t close to being finish but sure have made some nice progress the last couple of months.

I filed for the special unemployment today. KS finally got the details pulled together and are now accepting claims from self-employed people. Not sure if I qualify as I didn’t have lots of business last year but decided to try. I am more interested in how the process works than getting the funds. I want to be able to help others if needed and the best way to do that is to actually go through the process myself.

I deposited my stimulus check using the on-line feature of my on-line bank on Saturday. It got deposited into my account today. I find that process fascinating – not sure I understand how they do that but am grateful they can.

I mailed two letters yesterday but didn’t write one today. Still may get that done tonight. I need to do something productive this evening. Other than making masks I haven’t done anything today. I don’t like days like this when I don’t feel productive.

My housesitter sends me a text with pictures of the mail I receive at home. My water bill finally showed up. It had gotten caught in the mail circle between the two places. I think it made it to Stillwater and went back to Strong City and back to Stillwater and finally back to Strong City. Wish I could travel like that!

Neither one of us has been a ball of energy the last couple of days. Not sure if it is just weather related or what. We had been working hard a couple of days and maybe we just needed to a couple days of rest and slowing down a bit. I have never been able to figure out what causes my energy to come and go day by day. Trusting both of us will find more energy tomorrow and will get back to getting some more work done.

Grateful for more masks made, grateful for delicious chili for dinner, and grateful we can take a day for rest when needed.

A non-productive day today. We had to get up early as the workers showed up to work on the foundation of the house. I didn’t sleep well last night but was sleeping well when the alarm went off.

It has been a cool, cloudy day in Stillwater today. No sprinkles but it sure feels like it good rain at any moment. Rain is in the forecast for the rest of the week. I don’t know if the workers will be back tomorrow as they can’t do what they are doing if it is raining.

The ribbon I ordered all came in today. I can get the last 120 masks made up now. I have decided not to make any more for a bit. I’m getting tired of them. If anyone needs some masks let me know. I will find someone to donate a bunch to the end of the week. I’ll save some back for us to use and if we hear of someone that needs some.

Other than making a few masks today I haven’t done anything. I took a nap this afternoon. We took a walk after lunch today. Neither one of us have been very motivated to do anything today.

Jim has been a bit antsy having others work on his house. He has done most all of the work on his house and isn’t used to having someone else in to work on it. They are doing it differently than he would have and that increases his nervousness. Luckily he agrees with what they are doing and realizes had he tried to do this job himself he might have run into some issues.

Jim and I talked at dinner about how weird it is to have others on the property. Jim tried to maintain his distance of the workers and remember to wash his hands if he touched the same tools that they used. We will both have it in the back of our minds for the next 14 days that we were in closer contact with someone else. I wonder how long we will continue to think like this? The guys that are working on the house are the type that are not taking this virus thing very seriously. They did honor Jim’s request to wear the face masks Jim gave him when they had to come into the house which was minimal.

We cleaned out the refrigerator and had left overs for dinner. I did’t fix much last night and nothing tonight. It is nice to have the refrigerator cleaned out again. Tomorrow I am going to make chili. It is to be rainy and cool all day tomorrow and a good day for a crock pot meal.

Nothing on the calendar for tomorrow. Not sure what we will do if the workers can’t come due to the rain. I will probably continue to work on making face masks. I want to get my sewing mess cleaned up. I’m tired of looking at it as it has been sitting out for weeks.

Still living life in my peaceful valley. I feel like I have been bouncing a bit in and out today but have managed to keep my grounding and return to my center. I do better when I am busy and I don’t have a project other than masks to work on right now. I might have to break down and clean house tomorrow to give me something to do. I’ll see how desperate I get!

Grateful the ribbon came in today so I can get the mask project finished up, grateful the workers are getting a tough job done and JIm didn’t have to go under the house to do a dangerous job, and grateful for cool afternoon naps.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers of the world. Physical birthing does not a mother make though. Mothering happens in many ways. Mother’s Day is not my favorite day of the year. I don’t like artificial celebrations and that is what it feels like to me.

We have had another quiet day at home. I did go to Walmart today to pick up a few things. I found some ribbon so can make 19 masks while I am waiting for the ribbon I ordered to come in. I have the ribbon pinned to the masks and will get them sewed up tomorrow. I would say about 40% of the customers at Walmart had masks on today. Most of the workers did. It does feel safer to me when someone I pass in the isles has a face mask on.

We have some workers coming tomorrow to lift up the SE corner of the house. I needed a project to do while they are here. Unfortunately it will only take me a little over an hour to get the masks sewed up. Maybe the ribbon will come in the mail tomorrow and I can finish up some more.

I baked Jim Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cookies today and then made some banana bread. I like to bake and he likes to eat! Wish I were in KS so I could have shared some of the cookies with my grandchildren.

We worked out in the back yard some this afternoon. I did a bit of mowing and helped Jim with his wood stacking project. He had stored some wood under the back deck and needed to pull it all out so the workers can have access to the foundation tomorrow. He had another stack of wood in the back yard. He went through both stacks and made a big throw away pile and then has worked to stack the wood he wants to keep and get it under a plastic cover. Another project that has been on his list for a long time.

It is to rain the next couple of days. It has sprinkled a bit this evening. Maybe he can get the two drawers for the kitchen finished tomorrow so we can take down the card table that has been in the living room for the last several months. We will see what his project of the day turns out to be tomorrow. He always surprises me with what he chooses to work on.

When I went to Walmart today I forgot to take my letters to mail so will need to do that tomorrow. I want to write a few more letters so maybe will wait and mail all of them in one trip.

I logged on to the Crisis Hot Line Platform a couple times the last few days to see if they needed help but each time I have checked they had plenty of volunteers. We can sign on anytime and take calls but they ask us not to if they aren’t busy so the volunteers that have signed up for that time can have something to do. Most calls come in the evening and into the night.

Hoping to get some more mowing done tomorrow but I will have to see what the weather decides to do. We are to get rain off and on over the next couple of days. If I can’t mow I need to find another project to do. I keep running out of projects! I do so much better when I have things to do – even if I decide not to do them. I don’t cope well when I have nothing on my to do list most of the time. Some old habits are harder than others to break.

It was good to get out for a bit today. The trip to Walmart didn’t feel so strange to me today. I got what I needed and came home. I didn’t waste time in the store and for the most part was able to find everything I wanted. People seemed to be less scared and most were honoring the six foot distancing recommendations as best they could.

Feeling a bit restless tonight. Not sure what is behind it. I am getting anxious to get back to KS. Three more weeks and that will happen. It has been six months since I lived there full time. Not sure I have been away from home that long before. I have gone back three times for four to six days at a time during those six months but haven’t put down my roots. My soul is needing to do that soon. I’m sure these three weeks will go past quickly. It just feels like it is still a long time to my heart.

Grateful for all the women that have mothered me over the years, grateful for my own mother and all the ways she showed love to me, and grateful for my children that taught me how to be a mother.

I was surprised when I looked at my iPad to see what day of the week it was and it said Saturday. Not sure what day I thought it was but it doesn’t feel like a Saturday.

Last night at 10:00 Jim drove me to the top of a hill so we could watch the moon come up. Thursday night was the full moon but I missed it. The moon last night was almost full and beautiful! Afterwards we drove around Boomer Lake and watched the light of the moon reflect on the water. My soul needed that last night!

I got up this morning and went out and painted for a bit. I have low B/P again today – it was 97/55 when I came in from painting because I was a bit light headed. I stayed off the ladder out of an abundance of caution. After Jim got up he helped me finish up the painting of the garage. It sure looks nice. Next up is fixing the roof and adding a garage door. Getting closer to having it completed.

This afternoon Jim has been moving the wood that he has stored under the back porch to a pile in the yard. He has some workers coming Monday to level the SE corner of the house and they will need access under the porch. He has wanted to get the wood out from under the porch for a long time and is finally having to do so.

We loaded up a bunch of old, rusted cans of paint and put them in his Element so he can take them to be recycled at the hazardous waste place. Slowly but surely some projects he has wanted to do for a long time are getting done.

I pulled weeds in the new flower bed for a bit. Had to stop and come in and get dinner in the oven. We are having scalloped potatoes with ham. One of Jim’s favorite meals. I enjoy them too although I prefer not to eat white potatoes.

I got the lost meds today in the mail. I also got my stimulus check via a paper check. Two things I can now cross off my pending list. I ordered a check to be sent to the Vet to pay for the meds. I deposited my stimulus check using the on-line deposit feature with my bank. I love how easy that is to use.

It was in the mid 70’s here today. It has been a beautiful day to be outside working. There has been a light breeze and lots of bright blue skies. It got down to the low 40’s last night but warmed up nicely today. It is to get down to 38 tonight but get up to the low 60’s tomorrow. We have lots of rain in the forecast for next week.

It’s been a good day although I have been a tad light headed off and on. I would paint for a bit then come in and rest and then go back out. I stuck with it and got the job done. I even got the other paint color out and fixed my oops and covered the nail heads on the sheets that were painted and then put up. I like seeing the results of a good day’s work.

No ribbon came in today so I don’t have a project for tomorrow to work on. Maybe Jim will find me something to do outside. I do need to clean house again. I need to start making a list of the things I want to take back to KS with me in three weeks. We might go take another load one day next week. It is good to get out and see the open prairie and heavens knows we have lots of stuff to move. I can’t really tell that we moved a load out of the spare bedroom. It is pretty full of stuff.

Still haven’t felt comfortable getting out and going shopping yet. Don’t anticipate I will do so for some time yet. I just don’t trust restaurants yet – even for carry out. Not sure what it will take to get me out again. I don’t really see case counts dropping much in either Oklahoma or Kansas – in fact both continue to rise daily. I don’t think this is even near over with yet. It may be an interesting summer and fall.

Grateful the garage painting project is done, grateful the pet meds showed up, and grateful I received my stimulus check.

A quiet day at home today. I did some work on organizing my notes for the Crisis Hot Line. I typed up the most common responses I used by category so I can find them easier and be able to respond quicker. It feels good to have them better organized. I’ll see next week if it helps me.

I had another two hour shift last night. I took two calls. One felt really good but the other one not so much. Still learning how to let them tell me what they want and yet steer them towards problem solving. I’ll get better at it with practice.

I went on the platform this afternoon for a bit. They have a section of information we can give to our clients when appropriate. I hadn’t spent time looking at what all was available so I spent some time doing that today. The platform is becoming more comfortable for me. My next scheduled shift is next Wednesday night but I can go on without being scheduled anytime and pick up a few extra hours. They especially need help between 11:00 pm and 5:00 am. If I am awake and can’t sleep during that time I might jump on and take a call.

Cut out the other sheet I had ordered for face masks and am sewing the flannel and sheet pieces together. Still waiting on more ribbon to show up so I can finish this last batch. I have about 100 more to make and then I think I will be done for a bit. If we have to continue wearing masks all year I will make some more later.

It was too wet and windy today to finish my painting job. We had a severe thunderstorm roll through last night and the ground was still pretty wet today. I needed to work on a ladder and the ground felt too soft to support it. Jim got the other windows framed and he filled the holes with putty. He is out sanding them down now so I will be able to paint in the morning.

Made white chicken chili for dinner tonight using the left over chicken and rice from last night. The chili was really good. Have enough left over for two more meals. I froze one container and we will eat the other container for lunches the next couple of days.

Tomorrow night I am going to fix scallop potatoes with ham. It is one of Jim’s favorite dishes. Once I know what to fix dinner is easy – it is deciding what to fix that stops me sometimes. We haven’t eaten out for over two months now. Not sure when I might feel comfortable doing so again.

Went to the post office and dropped off three letters I had written yesterday. I need to write a few more tonight if the mood hits me.

Jim and I are getting ready to go take our evening walk. The wind has finally slowed down and it doesn’t feel as cold outside as it did earlier. The sun is to be out to play all day tomorrow but it is going to dip down below 40 tomorrow night. It warms back up again after next Tuesday.

I finally got a good night’s sleep last night. I was able to sleep for several hours without waking up and was able to go back to sleep fairly quickly when I did wake up. It feels like it has been several weeks since I have had a good night’s sleep. I’m grateful for sleep when it finds me.

My house sitter sent me pictures of some mail I had received at home today. I’m glad to know the mail is finally coming through there. If it looks important I have her open it and send me a picture of what is in the envelope. One of the pieces she sent me today was an invoice for house insurance for one of my rental properties. I was able to go on-line and get that billed paid – that was easy!

I missed seeing the full moon rise last night as it was cloudy here. It rises tonight at 10:06 so may take a drive tonight so I can watch the moon rise. It has been too long since I have seen it rise. Three more weeks before I am back home on the prairie – I’m getting excited! Sure hope the coronavirus doesn’t delay me going home again.

Still riding in my peaceful valley. Today was an easy day for me. I am grateful and don’t take them for granted.

Grateful for the delicious white chicken chili we had for dinner, grateful I have found ways to be in service to others via the Text Hot Line and making face masks, and grateful for a good night’s sleep.

My first shift on the Crisis Text Hot Line went well. I took two calls and was able to get them both to a calmer state of mind. For the first ten hours I volunteer I can only take one call at a time and only work four hours a week. After I get to Level 2, which happens after 10 hours of volunteering, I can work up to 12 hours a week and take two calls at a time. After level 3 which happens after 20 hours of volunteering I can take up to three calls at a time.

It took a bit to get assigned to a call and sometimes I waited for 5 – 10 minutes for them to respond. The time went fast though and I enjoyed it. I look forward to my shift tonight.

I spent some time this morning organizing my class notes better and putting them into folders. Last night I struggled to find the paper I was looking for. I’lll see if this works better for me tonight.

Found out today by reading some more on their site that I can stay over to finish a call. Last night my last call ended at 11:45 and I didn’t take another call as I didn’t know if I had to rap it up at shift end at midnight. Most calls take 45 minutes to complete. If that happens tonight I will take another call and work a bit over my scheduled time off.

Went out this morning and filled nail holes with putty so I could paint this afternoon. I had to dodge the rain sprinkles that happened off and on this morning and early afternoon. The sprinkles were more off than on. I got the window and door frames Jim had put up yesterday painted. He is working on finishing some more window frames so I will have some more painting to do when he gets them done. Rain is in the forecast for tomorrow so may not get them painted tomorrow.

I put a chicken in the crock pot this morning and served it with brown rice and broccoli for dinner. I’m going to turn the left over chicken into White Chicken Chili for dinner tomorrow night. Think I will put the left over rice in with it. My recipe doesn’t call for rice but I think it will work.

Jim took 75 face masks to the Stillwater Police Department for them to distribute to local people that need a mask. They were out of them so were happy to receive them. I am waiting on more ribbon to come in so I can finish my next batch of masks. The slow mail delivery sure makes this project drag out. I don’t think I will order any more material when I get the last 75 or so made. Enough is enough of a good thing.

My new prescription of thyroid medication came in today. That was fast! I am anxious to see if the non-generic version will make a difference. I’ll take my first one tomorrow. I hate to waste medication and have an almost full bottle of the 112 and 125 generic left over. Anyone use it and want them?

Wrote three letters today. I am behind as I haven’t been writing one a day. I may write some more letters tonight while Jim is still outside working. I use his computer to write on as it is hooked up to the printer. I keep him busy taking letters to the post office most days. Our mail carrier won’t pick up letters in the box to mail right now.

I am tired tonight. I didn’t get to bed until late as I didn’t get done with my shift until almost midnight. I would sleep for about an hour than be up for two hours and repeated that cycle all night long. At some point I got up and took another bath. That helped me fall asleep quicker. I look forward to my thyroid levels smoothing out and my sleep returning to a more normal cycle.

Finally feeling like I am back into my smooth valley of life. Things are slowly leveling out for me again and I am back into my observer role instead of reactionary one. Life is much easier for me when I can observe instead of react.

Grateful my new meds arrive so quickly, grateful I had a painting job to do today, and grateful my first shift went well.

Tonight at 10:00 is my first two hour shift on the Crisis Text Hot Line. I’m excited to see how this works and how I react. I have a shift tomorrow night too.

Called the Vet’s office today. I got a bill for three doses of the dogs and cats medications and only picked up one with another one in the mail lost some where. They figured out the mistake and took one dose off my bill. I sent a check for one dose and we are waiting to see if the lost package ever shows up before I pay for it.

Called the post office in Strong City today to alert them to the fact my forwarding orders expired and they need to start delivering mail to me. The regular guy wasn’t there so hoping the lady will take care of it. I’ll have to remember to check with my house sitter to see if I am getting any mail.

I was on-line at my banking site to order the check for the vet and remembered I hadn’t paid my May 1 water bill. I had to call to find out the amount I owe as I haven’t received my bill yet. Glad I remembered it hadn’t been paid. I hate paying late fees.

The sheets I ordered to cut up for face masks came in today. I have one cut into pieces. I matched the sheet pieces with the flannel piece and have sewed the first seam in about 50 more masks. I only have enough ribbon to finish making about 15 of them. Have them pinned and will get them sewed together either tonight or in the morning. I am to get more ribbon in the mail tomorrow if the post office delivers as promised.

I still haven’t received my stimulus money. I read a post on Facebook that some other friends haven’t received theirs yet either so maybe mind will be coming soon. Good thing I am not waiting on it to pay bills or buy groceries.

I am also waiting on a check from the church here in Stillwater. They are refunding the money we paid to use the church for our planned wedding. Not sure when that check will be arriving. Hope it is not caught up in my mail cycle from hell. Who knew getting mail was so complicated.

I have had a better day emotionally and physically than I did yesterday. Having masks to work on helped. I was really sad last night after such a short trip home. Seeing Ellexia made me realize how much I am missing not being able to see the grandkids weekly. I wouldn’t have been able to see them if I was at home in Strong City. Sometimes the effect of this “pause” time hits me hard and it rocks me.

Jim and I keep thinking of businesses and ways that this shut down is really hurting. We wonder how many will not survive and what the world will be like a year from now. Sometimes I think my imagination is too small to imagine what all the effects will be. Maybe it will be years before the full impact is known.

We took a one-mile walk this afternoon and picked up a sack of trash along the way. Jim got a grabber pole so he doesn’t have to touch the bottles and cans we pick up. He lives on a major road and way too many people throw things out of their car windows as they pass by.

It was in the upper 70’s today – a perfect weather day. Tomorrow afternoon or evening we are to get some rain.

I dead-headed the big rose bush this afternoon. Found lots of new buds hiding under the almost gone roses. The roses are really putting on a show this year.

Grateful today is my first hot line shift, grateful for the perfect weather today, and grateful the sheets I ordered came in today.

We took a quick trip to Strong City today to take a load of stuff from Jim’s spare bedroom. We stopped at the Vet Clinic in Emporia first to pick up the cats and dogs flea and tick medication. I couldn’t resist stopping by to see Ellexia on our way out of town. Tagen was at his dad’s house. I swear Ellexia has changed big time since I way her last in February. She is taller and is looking so much older. It was great to see her if only for a few minutes.

We went to our house on the prairie. The dogs and cats acted ho-hum towards us. I gave the dogs their meds and found one of the two cats and treated her. We unloaded the car and stacked the stuff in the hallway downstairs. I had a list of things I wanted to gather up and bring back to Oklahoma. I found what I needed and got it loaded up in the car.

We didn’t stay at the house very long. If I had stayed much longer I might not have left. It was good to touch base if only for a hot minute.

We stopped at the bank in Cottonwood Falls on our way out of town so I could cash a check. The drive down and back was beautiful. The hills are so green right now. They have gotten a few nice rains and the grass is nice and tall. You certainly can’t tell the grass was burned just a few short weeks ago.

We got back to Stillwater around 5:00. I unloaded the stuff I brought and got it put away. It is nice to be back home here. Driving six hours in a day wore me out. Jim did all the driving – I took a short nap on the way home.

We both forgot how to change the adaptive cruise to conventional cruise. I looked it up in the book but didn’t have luck figuring it out. I texted with Subaru and the lady that was helping me didn’t know how to do it. I finally called the dealer I bought my car from. I asked for the lady that taught me how to use my car. She wasn’t available so they transferred me to service. The guy that answered didn’t know how so he asked the shop foreman. The foreman said it couldn’t be done. When I said the lady had shown me how he said I could call her but it would be a waste of time.

I called her and after a mishap or two she told me how to do it. Simple really when you know what buttons to push.

Jim is not a big fan of my new car – it is too complicated for him. Guess it is too complicated for the shop foreman too!

I put my smart watch on today. I haven’t worn it for several weeks. I wanted to track my heart rate a bit closer. It ranged from 52 to 91 on the ride to Strong City. I wasn’t doing anything but sitting in the car and my heart rate jumped all over the place. Glad I figured out yesterday what is going on and am looking forward to it settling down in the next week or so.

My thyroid medication used to cost $10 for a 90 day supply. Since I can’t use the generic version the new meds are $117 for a 90 day supply. Next time I get them refilled I will check GoodRX and see if I can find them some where else cheaper without using my insurance. Still not sure what good prescription insurance is when you can find the drugs cheaper somewhere else without using insurance.

I need to fix dinner. We skipped lunch today and I am hungry. I am going to warm up the left over pot roast and veggies and call it good. I’m too tired to do much else tonight.

Thinking it will be an early night to bed for me. The drive wore me out. It was emotional for me to see my granddaughter and realize how much I have missed out due to this lock down. I am so ready to go back to my prairie home full time.

I realized being out of the house all day is exhausting. It was a bit easier this time than last time but I was aware much of the day of an anxiety feeling I had being out of the house. Not much traffic and the bathrooms were empty at the rest area we stopped at.

Grateful for a safe trip today, grateful to have gotten to see Ellexia, and grateful the dogs and cats finally got their tick medication.

I have spent most of the day on the phone. The first call was with my Endocrinologist. I remember each time I talk to her why I appreciate her. She is patient and explains things in a way that I can understand. She never rushes me and always asks how “I” am doing outside my thyroid issues.

I feel reassured and like I am not crazy after all. I thought I was crazy for thinking that I swing high and low after being sick. She explained some people do that after having their thyroid removed and there is even a name for it. I can’t remember what it is though. She said my body is trying to heal itself and can over or under compensate and it can send the TSH levels high and then they crash.

All the symptoms I have been having of a fast heart beat, low blood pressure, extra sweating, and poor sleep indicate that I am being overdosed with my medication. My family doctor raised my dose when I had my levels checked after being sick in March. She said she doesn’t adjust levels after a patient like me is sick. She waits at least six to eight weeks to check levels and then adjusts if needed. She said she can get a false high or low if the levels are checked before then. Who knew?

I told her I notice when I start a new bottle of the medication that it takes me a couple of weeks to adjust to the new bottle – even when the dose is the same. She said that is not unheard of. Some patient’s bodies are more sensitive to changes of the medication and generic medications can change the material they use that binds to the medication. Most people don’t notice the difference but some can. She sent a new prescription in for me that is not the generic version. It should provide more consistent results for me.

She doesn’t want me to get the Ultrasound done in Oklahoma. She likes to have her people do them and she reads the results herself. She said she can pick up on minor changes easier that way. I am to make an appointment in Topeka to get an Ultrasound when I get moved back to the prairie. She said another month or so won’t make a difference and she will trust the results that way. She also ordered blood work but wants me to use her lab in Topeka. She said labs tolerance levels can vary and it is best to use the same lab each time.

She did say that it is safer to have levels that are too high than too low. If they get too low it can cause major heart damage and complications. I feel better with lower levels but she cautioned about aiming too low – especially since my body seems to bounce around a lot.

She also cautioned me about getting out and about even though the state is starting to reopen. She is concerned that if I got the virus I would have a tough recovery.

Unfortunately she said I will have to deal with this roller coaster reaction into the future. Some people can find a level and stay there and be OK but some people like me can’t seem to find a permanent balance point. I’m not doing anything wrong and I can’t change anything to help it. Just the way my body is.

I’m so grateful for her compassion and the way she explains things. I really was starting to think I was going crazy or was becoming mentally ill for bouncing up and down so much. Helps me return to my center knowing it is a physical reaction in my body instead of a mental one.

I went to the post office after my phone call with the doctor and got the mail situation sorted out. My temporary forwarding orders have expired. I can receive mail in both places but they will no longer forward anything to me. I can live with that.

I stopped at Walgreens and got a blood pressure machine. My Endocrinologist told me to start taking my blood pressure daily and to call her if it stays too low for more than a week. She may need to lower my medication again.

After I was home for a bit my mentor called. He talked to me for about an hour. It is always good to hear from him. He did an energy body scan on me and read my energy. All is well!

Nicole called me this afternoon to see what I had found out from my Doctor’s call. Always good to hear from my kids.

Jason texted me earlier today and I talked to Michelle yesterday. This coronavirus crisis has reinforced to me how important it is to stay in closer touch with my kids.

I heard that back home got hit with some strong thunderstorms today. Keith had egg sized hail in Lebo this morning. His roof and truck took a beating. Strong City was reporting dime sized hail so trusting all is well there. I didn’t get any reports that my solar panels were damaged. I am set up on some sort of automatic monitoring system that will alert me if there was any damage to them.

Other than talk on the phone I haven’t gotten much done today. It is in the low 90’s outside and very humid. Too hot for me to be out right now. Another side effect I experience is being temperature sensitive. I don’t handle heat or cold very well.

Fixing tacos for dinner tonight. That will be easy! Actually anything is easy once I know what to fix. We are trying to clean out Jim’s freezer this month and eat up what we have on hand and not buy anything extra. That will cut down on the amount of stuff we will have to move come June.

Grateful for the call from my doctor today and the mental relief it gave me, grateful for the call from my mentor, and grateful for the contact from my kids.

Happy birthday daddy. He would have been 94 today! I miss him yet feel him with me especially when I am outdoors on my walks. I can still hear him laughing when I do something stupid. He had such a zest for life and made everyone around him better.

I have a touch of cranky pants today. Not sure why other than the full moon is this week. I am so tired of the political divide and the stupid things people are doing. Most days I can observe it and be curious about why others think so differently than I do. Today it is just pissing me off.

Didn’t do much at all today. Got up early while Jim slept in. Got him up to listen to church at 11:00. Took a short nap after church and then sat outside on the glider knitting for a lot of the afternoon. Decided we both needed a day of rest so didn’t do anything very productive.

I fixed a pot roast for dinner. I had it on the table ready to eat and Jim’s son called. I put it back in the crock pot and am waiting for their conversation to end. It has been almost an hour at this point. He so enjoys when his sons call.

Tomorrow the Endocrinologist is going to call me for my annual visit. I have a list of things to discuss with her. Haven’t heard when my ultrasound or blood tests will be done but will probably get some answers tomorrow.

After that visit I need to go to the post office and get my mail situation sorted out. Hoping I can find some mail that is overdue to have arrived. I need to remember to tell my house sitter to start checking my mail box at home.

It has been cool and cloudy all day. The air has been heavy – feels like it could storm tonight. I have had a headache most of the day due to the pressure in the air. Wish it would storm and get it over with. Tomorrow it is to be in the low 90’s – yuck! That is too hot for me.

I don’t like when I fall into reaction instead of staying in observation.  The energy is thick and heavy down here.  I’m so tired of the political divide and ugliness that is in the world right now.  Falling into it and becoming part of it is not the answer for myself.  I need to go take a walk and get grounded and centered and pull myself out of this pit of darkness.

Grateful that I was able to recognize why I am cranky today, grateful for a lazy day, and grateful it was cooler today.  Tomorrow will be a new day!  Back to my observer role instead of reactionary one.

Another lazy day in Stillwater. Not sure what I did today – if anything! Somehow it is after 7:00 though and the day is almost over. Funny how that happens.

I only have three more masks to sew and I will be out of material to work with. Got the flannel all cut into pieces today. Still waiting on the sheets to come in before I can start the next batch. Have a little ribbon left but not much.

Spent time on the phone tracking down the dogs meds. With my son-in-laws help I think I have figured out what is wrong. My temporary change of address has expired. When the meds were shipped UPS and then transferred to USPS I still have my forwarding address on file. They got shipped to Denver and then to Dallas to go through the forwarding process. Now that the order has expired they enter the loop again.

I told the Vet today that I wished she would ship me so I could go on an adventure like the meds are on. My house sitter is going to go to the vet’s office Monday and pick up a set of meds. If and when the missing shipment shows up I will use them for their next dose.

I have to go to the post office is Stillwater Monday and see if I can sort the mail out. May just let it stay in Strong City and not mess with extending the forwarding if the post office in Stillwater will deliver the packages that I have ordered to Stillwater and not forward them. I will also call the post office in Strong City after I talked to the Stillwater office and sort things out. What a mess.

Thanks Tim for your help! This seems like a foreign language to me and you helped me understand the process and what to do next.

Jim worked on putting siding up on the garage today. He only has two more pieces of siding to put up and then he can start making the window frames and putting the side pieces up. I will have some painting to do when he gets those pieces cut. It is easier to paint them before they get put up and then touch them up afterwards.

I have had a sore throat today as well as a slight temperature. No cough or chest pressure. Thinking it is sinus related – trusting by tomorrow I will feel better. I’m not extra tired or muscle aching so thinking I am OK.

Jason called this afternoon and we had about an hour conversation. Always good to hear from my kids.

I woke up this morning and realized I am way over due for a haircut. It hits me like that and I know it is past time to get one. It will try my patience as I wait to get it cut. Jim offered to cut on it some more but not sure I am that desperate yet. Give me another week or two and I might take him up on his offer.

It got up to over 90 in Stillwater today. Way too hot for my preference. We will go for a walk in a bit but it needs to cool down just a bit before I want to go out. Jim likes the hot weather and enjoyed working up a sweat this afternoon.

Fixed brats for dinner. They were looking perfect so went into the kitchen to get a plate. When I came out some grease had caught fire and burned the brats. They were eatable but burned. Oops! Jim was generous and ate his anyways.

Felt a bit restless today. I need a project to work on! My mask project is on hold again until I get some material in. I need to go on a long drive and see some open space. Hoping we can make it up to Strong City to take a load of cameras on Tuesday. I am homesick!

Grateful for the call from Jason today, grateful I figured out why the dog meds went to Denver, CO, and grateful for Tim’s help and expertise.

I have a bit of a USPS mystery. I ordered pet meds from my Vet. They shipped them via UPS two weeks ago. My house sitter reported she can’t find them so I called to check on them today. The vet told me UPS contracted with USPS to deliver them. USPS told the vet the USPS forwarded and delivered them to an address in Denver, CO.

The USPS sent me a letter in Stillwater saying they had received my change of address form and if I hadn’t changed my address to call them. The letter I received didn’t have a code number on it. I called USPS and they tell me there is no forwarding orders on either of my addresses and they didn’t know why I received the form. The guy I talked to needed the tracking number on the package which I don’t have.

I will call my Strong City Postmaster tomorrow to see if he has any idea what is going on. I don’t understand why I don’t have forwarding orders still in place at Strong City for the mail to go to Stillwater. Mystery for sure! I’ll try to unravel it some more tomorrow.

Got up early this morning and finished my Crisis Text Hotline training. I passed! I signed up for my first two shifts for next week. I have to work 10 PM to midnight on Wednesday and Thursday nights. They didn’t have any daytime shifts left to sign up for. They really wanted me to work anytime between 1 AM and 6 AM. Not my best time of the day! I’m looking forward to my first shift.

Finished making over 30 masks today. I am almost out of material so will have to wait for some to come in so I can make the next batch. I have about 15 more I can make before I am out of material. Start – stop – start – stop. Oh the days of getting what you ordered within 48 hours. I was spoiled and I didn’t appreciate it.

Jim didn’t feel good today so he took a nap this afternoon. He seems to be feeling better this evening. He is outside working on siding his garage. I was going to fix brats for dinner but he had an upset tummy so we changed the menu. I have some brunch stuff I was going to serve the day of our planned wedding so am heating some of that up instead. Should be a bit easier on his tummy than brats would have been.

I didn’t hear back from my Endocrinologist office today as to when my blood draw and ultrasound in Stillwater will be. I will talk to their office Monday morning when I have my video visit so will find out then I guess. I hate when people don’t call you back like they promise they will do.

It almost reached 90 today in Stillwater. Not sure I will like the hot summers here. It is to cool back down next Tuesday to more spring like temperatures that will be in the upper 70’s. I like those much better than the high 80’s and 90’s.

We are going to take a load of cameras to the house in Strong City one day next week. Jim has several hundred cameras in his collection. He needs to get the spare bedroom emptied out so he can do some work on it and there is no place to put the cameras. We might as well take them to Strong City and get them out of the way. I had some things I wanted to get from the house there anyways. I need to get out for a day and take a long drive. Starting to feel a bit claustrophobic again and need some wide open space. Maybe we can do a drive way meeting and see the grandkids while we are close to them.

Another lazy day for me. I like productive days better but I don’t have a major project to work on right now other than making masks and it seems I can’t keep working on them for longer than a day or two as I run out of material to make them out of.

I haven’t been as anxious and restless as I was yesterday. I have been able to stay in the moment and not get pulled off-center today. Makes a day much easier when that happens.

Grateful I completed my training and am certified and ready to be of service, grateful for the masks that I completed today, and grateful I get to go home for a day one day next week.

Seven years ago Craig and I signed papers to sell our remaining two stores. Wow! The seven years have gone by quickly. It seems now that owning the stores was in a different life cycle for me. So grateful we made the decision to sell and retire early.

My Endocrinologist office called today and told me my doctor is only doing video appointments right now. We no longer have to drive to Topeka to see her next Monday. The office is working to get my ultrasound and blood work done in Stillwater and will let me know tomorrow when I am to get that done. That will save us a long drive but I am sorry I won’t get to go home for a hot minute.

I took my final exam for the Crisis Text Hot Line this morning. It was a final practice text from start to finish. They had warned us that most have to retake the exam – you get up to three chances to pass. I was surprised this afternoon when I found out I passed on the first attempt. Now I have one more section to read through and take a test on and I will be ready to sign up and start taking live texts/calls. I think I can only sign up for two shifts a week and each shift is only two hours. It won’t take much of my time. I think I would like to do more shifts per week but I’ll wait and see how it goes before I ask if that is possible.

On NPR this afternoon was a story about how busy the Crisis Hotlines are right now. Most are reporting over a 40% increase in the number of contacts. I’m grateful I am trained and can help out a bit.

More ribbon came in today so I am back making face masks. I have enough ribbon to make the 40 masks I have cut out and have enough ribbon for 10 more once more material comes in. I will work on them this evening and tomorrow morning.

I did some more mowing this afternoon. It is to get in the low 90’s tomorrow in Stillwater and I wanted to get the mowing done while it was cooler. I don’t do well in hot weather.

I made Shepherds Pie for dinner tonight – it is one of Jim’s favorites. The bag of mixed vegetables I had on hand was a small bag so added a bag of corn so it would have extra veggies. Jim is not a good veggie eater unless I sneak them in casseroles. The only veggies he likes are white potatoes and corn. I try to avoid both of those.

Just saw that KS has hit the national news due to the number of cases in the prison and in the Tyson plants. Still trying to wrap my head around all of this. It breaks my heart to see all the suffering on many levels. The political division in the country is working against all of us – regardless of what side of the divide you are on. When will we learn?

Today has been a bit tougher for me. I was restless this morning – I think I was anxious to get the results of my final test. Then I was disappointed when I learned we won’t get to go by my house next week. Jim said he was glad as he was concerned I wouldn’t be able to leave again once we got there. There may be some truth in that concern. I am really homesick right now. One more month – I got this!

Grateful I passed my final test on the first attempt, grateful more ribbon came in today, and grateful seven years ago I found freedom from the responsibility of running three stores.

I feel much better today. Thanks to all who reached out with love and concern. I appreciate each of you!

It was a much cooler day in Stillwater today. It only got to mid 70’s today which is my heaven zone. There was a brisk breeze that made it feel a bit cooler but I could be out with just a light sweater on.

I finished mowing the back yard this afternoon. I waited until Jim got back from taking care of our weekly errands and picking up a few groceries. My heart rate got fast but I wasn’t light-headed this afternoon. Am thinking yesterday was a combination of thyroid levels that are too low as well as the side effect of donating blood on Monday.

I got two more lessons done for my Crisis Text Hot Line homework today. Tomorrow morning I will do a practice complete call. After that response is manually graded I have one more section to complete on policies and then I will be ready to take my first shift. I will be glad when the first couple of weeks of shifts are done and I feel comfortable. I always doubt myself when I start something new.

We cleaned out the refrigerator for dinner tonight. I had chili and Jim had split pea soup. We both had some hot dogs we grilled. Cleaned out a few other containers of a bite of this and a bite of that. Still have some left overs in the refrigerator but not enough for another meal. I’ll try to get some of them eaten for lunch over the next couple of days.

I got a letter from my Aunt Marylyn today. Always love hearing from her. She caught me up on her family and all the new additions that are due this summer. Sounds like she is weathering this “pause” time well. I do feel for those that live alone during this time. It can’t be good for their mental health long-term.

I wrote two letters today. I have gotten lazy and haven’t written any the last couple of days. I’ll try to get a few more written tomorrow too. Good to be feeling better so I can get caught up.

Jim mailed some more face masks for me today to a friend. If you don’t have a mask and need one please reach out and I will get some to you. I have over 40 made that are waiting for a home and have enough material ordered to make 100 more when it gets here. I mailed some to a couple of friends and they let me know today they had received them.

I still haven’t received my Stimulus money. I read that I am in the group that is to receive it this week. We shall see. We finally heard from the church and found out that we will be receiving our deposit and charge for the wedding back as we didn’t have the ceremony and reception that we had planned. Not sure when that will be coming either.

Today was another easy day. I didn’t get much done but the day passed quickly. Don’t have any special plans over the next couple of days. Hoping some more ribbon will come in tomorrow so I can get another 25 masks made. It gives me something to do that feels productive. Jim hasn’t come up with a project for me yet except to help him occasionally on what he is working on.

Grateful I am feeling better today and was able to finish mowing the yard, grateful for left overs that make an easy dinner, and grateful I am almost done with my Crisis Text Hot Line homework.

I passed out this afternoon. I had been out mowing. My heart would start racing after mowing for about 15 minutes. I would come in and lay down and it would slow down then I would go back out. I did that about three times. I was laying on the couch and Jim asked me to come to the bedroom to help him with a window. I must have gotten up too fast as next thing I knew I was laying on the floor. I think I took five years off of Jim’s life. I scared him he said.

I wasn’t out very long and was able to sit up for a bit and then laid down on the bed. I never got to sleep but felt better when I got up. I didn’t go back out to finish the mowing.

Not sure what is going on but guessing it has something to do with my thyroid. My BP was low yesterday when I gave blood. My heart rate has been bouncing between being too fast and too slow. Guessing my BP is doing to the same thing. I guess it could be a delayed reaction to giving blood. I’ll ask my Endocrinologist Monday if it is OK to give blood again.

It could have been a reaction to the heat. I don’t handle heat well and I was sweating a lot this afternoon which is unusual for me.

We got a nice rain for a bit late afternoon. We were sitting out on the back deck and enjoyed hearing it hit the garage’s metal roof. We would get an occasional hail stone. It finally decided to let go and it poured hard for a bit. It was almost dinner time so I came in and started dinner. We finally got some real hail for about one minute. Grateful it didn’t damage any of the vehicles.

Jim grilled hamburgers for dinner. I fixed hash browns and a salad. Easy and quick dinner. My favorite type of dinner.

I started my homework assignment today but I was using my iPad and realized I needed to be on Jim’s computer. I will get up tomorrow morning and get it done. I have taken several days off and it is time to get back to it.

I am getting good at not getting much done during the day. I haven’t written any letters or done my homework. I didn’t even get my mowing done today. Somehow the days pass regardless if I get anything done or not.

I got in some more receiving blankets so will work on getting them cut into the right size for more face masks. Cutting them out is the hardest part of making the masks. I can get 13 pieces out of each blanket. Hoping some more ribbon will come in tomorrow so I can get more masks completed.

It reached 88 here today. Too hot for me! I am a fair weather person – I don’t like below 50 or above 80. Maybe we need to move to San Diego.

Still living life in my peaceful valley. Feel a bit disconnected from my physical body though. I am always surprised when it acts up on me. I’m sure tomorrow will be a better day.

Grateful Jim was here to help me this afternoon, grateful for the rain to cool things down, and grateful I have the luxury of not having to do anything during the day.

I had trouble sleeping again last night. Rather certain the long nap I took yesterday caused my sleep problems last night. It was around 5:30 that I was able to fall asleep. Slept lightly for a couple of hours and couldn’t stay in bed any longer. Maybe tonight I will be able to sleep again.

Boxed up three different shipments of face masks today. I need to go to Walmart and get some shipping bags instead of using over sized boxes. Jim will do a shopping run later this week and I will put them on my list.

I went to the local grocery store to mail the packages. Happened to see a blood drive van in the parking lot. I drove around it and tried to decide if they were open. I finally saw someone go in so decided to stop and go in and see if they were taking walk in clients. They were and could get me right in. After answering all their questions, getting screened and hemoglobin level checked, I successfully gave blood. It took 10 minutes to fill the bag. The person drawing the blood kept playing with the needle to speed it up. I hadn’t donated blood for years. I’m grateful I saw the van and they could work me in. I have read that blood is in short supply right now.

I am fixing chicken over rice for dinner tonight. It is in the oven cooking right now. Starting to smell good. I had a couple of over ripe bananas so made some banana bread this morning. I made it in three little loaf pans – Jim has eaten one of the three already. I will freeze the other two.

Waiting on more ribbon to come in to finish another set of face masks. As it is taking so long to get things in I ordered some more sheets, baby blankets and ribbon so I can make another batch of them. They give me something to do while I am here.

Michelle let me know that the nursing home she works at has a Covid19 case. I think my heart stopped for a bit when I read her text. Damn! The person that has it transferred in to the facility last week and had been in isolation except for staff that tended to them. Trusting the nursing home management will make some smart decisions and will keep Michelle and the rest of the staff safe. Scary!

I haven’t gotten much done today. I got up late and the morning was gone quickly. I didn’t get my homework done so I will have to do that tomorrow. I want to get it done and off my mind. I don’t like putting things off. Jim is outside working now but the next assignment I need to do is almost an hour long and I don’t have time to get it done before dinner will be ready.

Sounds like KS is going to at least partially open back up next week as well as OK. Maybe we can get back up to the prairie before June 1. Not sure though. Sure wish I had a crystal ball and knew what this virus is going to do. Jim still has a lot of work to do here so he will stay busy as long as we are here.
Even with OK opening back up I’m not sure I am comfortable going most places. Not ready to eat out yet or go to a hair salon. The grocery store wears me out right now.

My blood pressure was 96/60 today when I was giving blood. Wonder if that is why it took a bit longer than normal to fill the bag? I don’t have my blood pressure machine with me and I haven’t checked it for a long time. Good to know it is on the low side and not riding high.

I need to find a project to work on. I do better when I feel I have done something productive each day. The stuff for the masks seem to dribble in slowly and I can’t find a rhythm in making them. The projects Jim are working on outside are not projects that interest me much. I help him when I can but running the power tools is not my thing.

Grateful for the opportunity to give blood today, grateful for some friends that accepted an offer of face masks, and grateful for the sleep I will get tonight.

Lazy day for me today. I took a three hour nap this afternoon! Didn’t mean to sleep that long but had nothing else to do. We were going to take a four mile walk this afternoon but that didn’t happen. Jim was on the phone with his son and I decided to lay down for a bit while he was talking. Three hours later I got up!

I finished sewing the face masks I have ribbon for. Still have another 40 cut out and waiting for more ribbon to arrive. I have made 100 so far. Have 55 waiting for a home. If you need one let me know and I will mail you one.

The sewing machine got cranky today. Haven’t figured out what is wrong with it yet. Luckily I had finished the ones with ribbon and was sewing the long seam in the last few I had cut out and am waiting on ribbon for. Tomorrow morning I will try to fix the machine. I put the new bobbin case in it as well as the new pressure foot which arrived today. It was working better than it had been since I started using it. Now it won’t sew much at all. Maybe it just needed a break and tomorrow it will behave itself.

Fixed tacos for dinner. I had laid out some hamburger this morning but hadn’t decided what to do with it. Since I woke up at 7:00 I needed something to fix for dinner that was quick and easy. Tacos only take 10 minutes so tacos it was. I had a big taco salad.

We took a one-mile walk after dinner. It ws getting pretty dark by the time we walked but the weather was perfect. Got to see the sliver of the moon while we walked. There was a light breeze so it was a wonderful, relaxing walk.

Tomorrow morning I want to complete my next Crisis Hot Line assignment. I will witness an actual call that is 45 minutes long. I can’t remember if I have to take a test afterwards or not. Once I finish that the next thing is to actually do a practice full call and then take two more tests on policies and I will be done with my training. Hoping to finish Tuesday so I can sign up for my first shift later this week. Once I take a shift or two I will feel more comfortable with it all. I will get on the schedule and see what shifts are available. I can only do up to three two hour shifts a week so that won’t take much time.

I haven’t written a letter for several days so need to do that tomorrow morning too. I like to do them on Jim’s computer as I can’t print easily from my iPad. Jim likes to sleep in so I have several hours each morning where I can use his computer before he gets up. Maybe the urge will strike me tomorrow and I can get several letters written and mailed. I have to go mail a package tomorrow and could take some letters to be mailed with me then.

A week from tomorrow we have to drive to Topeka to go to the Endocrinologist. My appointment is at 10:30 so we will have to leave at 6:00 to get there on time. Looking forward to stopping at my house on the hill on the way home to pick up a few things.

Today was another easy day. Hard to be a hard day when you sleep all afternoon I guess! This peaceful valley of life is a nice place to play and live life in.

Grateful for long afternoon naps, grateful tacos make an easy dinner, and grateful for late evening walks under the light of the moon.

More ribbon came in today so I got to make more face masks. I had finished making 25 yesterday and have another 25 either made or pinned. I should finish them this evening or in the morning. Have one more ribbon ordered so I can make the last 25. I need to decide if I want to make more. Amazon is really slow these days (understandably) and if I want to make more I need to get things ordered as it is taking 7 – 10 days to get things in.

Had a neat experience with the face masks this afternoon. I went to the grocery store to mail a package and the guy that checked me out didn’t have a mask on. I had taken two extra with me into the store. He gratefully accepted my offer and took one. The girl that was bagging my groceries said she had two of them already and declined my offer.

I went out to the parking lot and as I was getting in my car I saw a lady about my age getting out of her car to go into the store. Something told me to give her a mask. When I offered it to her she first asked how much I was selling them for. I told her it was free. She started to cry. She told me she had been afraid to go in the store as she didn’t have a mask to wear. She was very appreciative of me giving her one. Made my day! Now I know why I am making them and how to get rid of them.

Other than making masks and planting the flowers Jim got yesterday I didn’t do much. I fixed chicken chimichangas for dinner. Tried a new recipe – they were good.

It was another beautiful day here in Stillwater. Temperature was in the mid 70’s and light wind. We took a one-mile walk after dinner. I wore a sweater but shouldn’t have as I took it off and had to carry it.

I didn’t do any home work for the Crisis Text Hot Line program today. Decided to take the weekend off. I will get it finished up Monday and Tuesday. I did go back and read back through all the lessons. They make more sense now that I have the context of what they are teaching.

I got a letter from my brother Gene today. It was good to hear from him. I haven’t written a letter to someone for two days now. Some days I can’t make myself do it and some days I write three or four. Maybe the urge will hit me yet tonight.

Stillwater is lifting their shelter in place orders May 1. The governor of OK has decided to open the state even more and it is hard to have one city closed when the rest of the state is open. Phase One allows for beauty shops, pet grooming, etc. type of shops open. If after two weeks the case count doesn’t jump they go to Phase Two which opens restaurants, etc. Phase Three comes two weeks after that again if case counts don’t jump. That allows churches, etc to open. It will be interesting to see what KS decided to do. KS has a democrat as a governor and surprise surprise the governor in OK is Republican. Time will tell which one is wiser.

Tomorrow we will watch church on Facebook live at 11:00. No other plans than that. Hard to believe May will be here next week.

It was another easy day for me. I am grateful when they happen. I can’t make them happen but I do attempt to remember to be grateful for them when they do. I had a long streak when they didn’t happen that I am extra grateful for them right now.

Grateful for the letter from my brother today, grateful for the lady that accepted a face mask today, and grateful for my peaceful valley.

Good news! One of the ribbons I ordered came in today so I have been able to sew this afternoon. I have completed 10 masks so far today. Not sure I like the thinner ribbon as well as the thicker ribbon that I doubled over and sewed. They go together faster without the extra step of sewing the ribbon together. I will get these made up and wash a few of them and see how they do.

If anyone is trapped at home and doesn’t want to go out because you don’t have a face mask let me know and I will mail one to you.

I baked Jim oatmeal chocolate chip cookies today. They are his favorite cookies. The first batch was coming out of the oven when he got up so he had warm cookies with his coffee for his breakfast today.

We went to a local nursery today to get some plants for the new flower beds Jim has been working on. The nursery specializes in native plants. Not sure what all he got. we walked around the big green house for a bit. I had to come out early as I felt a bit overwhelmed being off the property. I am beginning to wonder how I will handle being able to go out when this is all over. I sure feel safer at home these days. We wore face masks and about half the people there did too. I felt safer when I passed others that had a face mask on.

We had rain overnight again. It felt like it was going to rain again this afternoon but the storm went around us. The sun is out now and it is a beautiful day in Stillwater now. There is a light breeze and bright blue skies.
We will take a walk after dinner.

I am almost finished with my training for the Crisis Text Hot Line. I took and passed two tests this morning. The next step is to watch a live conversation with a Texter. It will take 45 minutes and I didn’t think I could sit still for that long this morning. I’ll see what mood I am in tomorrow and may do it then. After that I will have a practice test of a complete conversation with a Texter. If I pass that I will then get on the board and observe for a two hour shift. Then I have one last practice text and if I pass that and I will then be certified to start taking shifts on my own. Not sure I feel ready to do that yet but I think it will be OK if the help they promise is as promised.

The training has been fairly straightforward. They are a bit overwhelmed right now both with the number of calls they are receiving and the number of new volunteers they are attempting to train. I may go back through everything again now that it makes sense to me from a different perspective. As with most companies I have to learn their language to understand what they are teaching and it took me a bit to learn their language.

I have a chicken cooking in the crock pot for dinner. I put a whole chicken in the crockpot and turn the crockpot on. You don’t have to add any liquid or spices to it. It makes the easiest meal ever and the chicken is always very tender and juicy. Need to figure out what to serve with it and dinner will be ready. Tomorrow I will use the left over chicken to make white chicken chili.

I haven’t written a letter yet today. I wrote two yesterday but I think I was a day behind. Sometimes I have to wait until the urge hits me to be able to find something to write about. I don’t have my address book and sometimes have trouble finding addresses. I have a couple of people I want to write to that I don’t have their address.

I did four loads of laundry today. Katy, Jim’s 18 year old cat spends most of her time in a huge dog crate as Katy has forgotten how to use the litter box. We use blankets and towels to line the bottom of the crate with and change them out at least twice a day. She makes a load of laundry by herself daily. Luckily she likes to be outside when it is warm enough during the day. I swear she holds her pee all day though and lets it all go when she gets into her crate. Silly cat!

Still sitting in my peaceful valley of life. This has been another easy day for me. I don’t take them for granted though as I have had some really tough days over the last couple weeks. I am grateful when I have an easy one. Wish I had the self-discipline to keep myself in this valley. I never quite know what causes me to fall out of it.

Grateful the ribbon came in today, grateful to have gotten out to see beautiful plants, and grateful my safe haven was waiting for me when we got home.

I am sitting out on Jim’s back deck writing this. It is a perfect spring day – temperature hit 81 here today. The sun is starting to go down and the temperature is slowly starting to drop. There is no wind and everything is extra green due to the rain we got last night. Hard to find a more perfect day than this one was.

I worked on my Crisis Text Hot Line homework this morning. I have tests I have to take daily. The one I had today I did three times and would get almost finished and it would kick me off the site and I would have to start over. Frustrating to say the least. I finally decided I wasn’t meant to take it today and walked away. This afternoon I went back and printed out pages of the training material that I feel will be helpful when I start taking calls. Mainly for examples of how to word responses. I need to get them put into a notebook with labels so I can find the section I need quickly. I am over halfway done with my training and still have ten days before my due date. I may try the test once more tonight or I might wait and do it in the morning and trust that the system will work like it is supposed to then.

Jim went to the grocery store this afternoon. He had to go to two different stores to get what he wanted. He came home drained. We talked about how I felt after the Camino and how jarring it was for me then to go to the store after being isolated for two months. I think he understands that now. It is stressful to go to the store now – you have to remember to not touch your face, wear your mask, and be cautious of the people around you. I’m grateful I don’t have to go.

I did some housecleaning this afternoon but not much else. It was a good day to sit outside and enjoy the beauty of the day. I texted both grandkids today and two different friends and wrote one letter. The day seemed to go by quickly.

We grilled steaks for dinner tonight. I had the grill too high and almost burned them but we were able to salvage them enough to be able to eat them. To tell the truth I would prefer a hamburger over a steak any day of the week. Jim got a roasting chicken today so I will fix that in the crock pot for dinner tomorrow night.

As usual we don’t have anything planned for tomorrow or the weekend or next week for that matter. When the mood strikes we do some work on the house but if not we sit and enjoy the beauty of spring in Oklahoma.

The ribbon for the face masks still hasn’t come in. I may be out of the mood to make them by the time it gets here. Amazon is really slow these days, Guessing a lot of people are ordering through them and they are back logged. What seems to be taking the most time is the shipping part though. Not sure why that has slowed down so much unless they are overwhelmed and under staffed too.

I am in a calm and relaxed place this evening. I realize now that it has been a bit since I have felt this calm. Not sure where it came from but I am grateful it found me. Back into my valley of life. I can’t get here by choice – it seems I have to wait for it to allow me to enter. I usually find it after a period of growth. Maybe I took another step up my ladder of life.

Grateful for beautiful spring days, grateful I didn’t have to go to the grocery store today, and grateful for the peaceful valley I find myself in this evening.

I didn’t even get dressed today until about 5:30 when Jim wanted to take a walk. I wore my pajama bottoms but did manage to put a bra on and a t-shirt.

I have chili in the crock pot for dinner. It smells really good!

I worked on my Crisis Text Hot Line homework. I had a test I had to get at least 80 on. I had to try it three times before I scored high enough. The score didn’t make sense to me but I rolled with it. Later today I got an email from my coach that said the computer didn’t grade it correctly and I would have passed on my first try. Oh well, I got lots of practice. I am over half way through my training and still have 10 more days before it is due.

When I was talking to Nicole today she reminded me of how difficult it was for us when we came back from Japan and we were in the airport in Chicago where it was so noisy. Japan was so quiet that it was jarring to hear the noice in the USA. I had found the same thing when I came home from the Camino. The noise level at a Walmart was overwhelming to me. I wonder what it will be like when we go back to getting out in the world. The noise will be alarming to me. I had forgotten how difficult it was when I came back from the Camino after being out in the quiet of nature for 50 days.

I have been restless today. Had trouble finding something to do to keep myself busy. I laid down for a bit but couldn’t sleep. It was rainy most of the day and I didn’t have much energy. The sun has come out this evening and it is beautiful out now. We took a one-mile walk and feel better now than I have all day.

Tomorrow it is to be 80 tomorrow with bright blue skies all day. I will be glad to get back outside for most of the day tomorrow.

My ribbon still hasn’t come in yet. I sure hope it comes in tomorrow. I sure would like to get the face masks I have cut out made up. They aren’t doing anyone any good sitting on a chair partially finished.

I’m grateful the second half of my day is turning out to be better than the first half was. My energy is returning with the sun coming out.

I’m grateful for the chili in the crock pot waiting for us, grateful for the crisis text hotline training is over halfway done, and grateful for a nice walk this afternoon.

Not much to write about today. I was lazy today and didn’t get much done. Jim worked on his landscaping project. It was 81 here today! Beautiful day.

I worked a bit on my homework for the Crisis Text Hotline. I started a quiz but didn’t finish it. I am working on the section about suicide calls and it hit me hard and I needed to take a break. I’ll do the test tomorrow morning now that I am better mentally prepared for it.

I took a short nap this afternoon in the swing on the deck. Jim was working outside and doing something he didn’t need my help with. I was sitting outside watching him and got tired so laid down and fell asleep. When I woke up he had me plant eight plants for him in the new flower bed. It is to rain tonight and most of tomorrow and he wanted to get the plants in before it rains.

Fixed chicken tenders on the grill tonight. I marinated them in olive oil dressing. They were delicious.

Wrote and mailed letters to Ellexia and Tagen. I told them in their letters that they were making history by living through this virus episode. Someday their children and grandchildren will read about it during history class.

Kathy called me this afternoon and we talked for over a hour. It was good to hear from her.

The ribbon to finish making the face masks didn’t arrive today. Hoping it will be here tomorrow. I need a project to work on!

Grateful for afternoon naps in the swing on the deck, grateful for plants to put in the dirt, and grateful for my grandchildren.

Another day of sheltering in place. I did drive to the post office to mail two letters today. Dropped them in the box and didn’t have any face to face interaction.

I get the update everyday as to what mail is going to be delivered. Sometimes what they say will be there doesn’t come that day. Anyone know why that is? I am patiently waiting on more ribbon to come and got all excited this morning when the digest told me the packages were to be delivered today. They weren’t in my box though.

I have made 50 face masks and have the first seam sewed in another 75. Just waiting on the ribbon so I can get them made up.

I started my Crisis Text Hot Line training today. It seems simple enough – just have to learn their language of how they want you to respond. Seems pretty common sense stuff to me. They have a five step method you use and I have to learn their process. I have two weeks to finish the training. I did the first three days of training this morning. It gives me something to do in the mornings before Jim gets up as I have to be on his computer to do it. I tried doing it on my iPad and kept getting kicked out of the program. Finally figured out I had to be on a computer and then it worked well.

Mowed the bigger part of Jim’s back yard today. I still have to move the lower part in the way back but he said he only mows that part every other time he mows the front part. It was a nice day to be outside doing something. I miss my big riding mower!

We had hot dogs cooked on the grill for dinner. Simple and easy dinner! Not sure what I am going to fix tomorrow. My day is much easier once I decide what to fix for dinner. That seems to be the big decision of each day!

We took a one-mile walk after dinner. It was another beautiful day in Stillwater. We had a few sprinkles this afternoon but they quickly blew away and the blue skies returned. It was in the upper 70’s today.

I am starting a list of things I want to get from my house on May 4. I have to go to Topeka that day for a doctor’s appointment and will stop by my house on the way home to pick up a few things. I have been surprised as how few things I can remember I even have in the house and ever fewer things that I actually want to get. Sure hoping I can get back home for good early June if not before.

Jim has a big project he wants me to help him with and I need the new computer I got to do it. We were going to take his pictures to Strong City and I was going to do it there but I need a big project to work on here so I am going to pick up my computer and bring it to Stillwater. I function better when I have projects to work on.

Jim worked on his gray water system and did some more landscaping. We planted a few plants this afternoon. He has hung two of the siding panels so far – four more to go. It is exciting to see the progress that he is making on this place. Lots more to do but he has gotten a lot done lately.

I was a bit distressed to hear about the Covid19 clusters in Emporia. One of them is at the plant Jason works at. It is a huge dilemma for those big plants as to how to keep them open and keep their employees safe. If they shut down it disrupts the food supply. It will be interesting to see what happens.

Sure doesn’t sound like there is light at the end of the tunnel in many places yet. What a pickle the world is in. Jobs being lost, people sick, people hungry, weak leadership, and lots of scared folks. And no easy path to get out of this mess. Trusting we are all doing what ever we can to look after our neighbors and friends and finding ways to be in service in big ways and small ways.

Grateful my training program has begun, grateful for some physical movement today, and grateful for the progress Jim is making on his renovations.

As I watched church service this morning on Facebook live I know what day of the week it is without looking. I did have to look at what day of the month it is though. Jim and I have been married one month today!

I was to go to KC for a workshop the first weekend in May. I sent a letter to the instructor today to let him know I wasn’t going to come. Spending three nights in a hotel and eating out for three days doesn’t feel good to me right now. I hated to cancel but know it was the right thing for me to do. If I lived in KC I would have gone as I could have gone home for lunch and to spend the night. I feel a bit relieved that I made the decision I did and I can go on from here.

I did realize as I was writing this morning that what I have been looking for in the news I keep reading was someone to tell me when it will be safe to move to KS. I have finally come to the understanding that no one can with 100% certainty predict what is going to happen anywhere in the world with this virus. Many are proclaiming themselves as experts but they can only give us an educated guess. I need to let go of the need to know when and stay present with what is – I am safe in Stillwater with the man I love. What more could I want?

This afternoon I painted six side paneling pieces for Jim’s garage. The pieces are 8 x 4 I think. Jim had to go get me some more paint. It is good to have them painted. He was going to put them up today but got side tracked on his gray water system project instead. So many projects he needs to do. I can only help so much.

I have a bunch more face masks cut out and the first seam sewed. Waiting for the ribbon to show up so I can finish them. They will only take about ten minutes each to finish now. I still have some more material so will work on getting even more cut out and ready to go. Might as well use up what I have and then I will decide if I want to order more sheets and receiving blankets. I will need to find a home for the ones I am making now before I make more. Thinking about taking them to my Endocrinologist appointment on May 4 and see if their office can use them.

Making split pea soup with ham for dinner in the instant pot. We haven’t had it for a bit. It is one of Jim’s favorites – I like it but not one of my favorites. It will be ready in about 20 minutes. The house smells good as it is cooking now.

I hope after dinner we can get out and take a walk. We forgot to do so yesterday and we had planned on taking one this afternoon and both of us got busy and forgot about it. We need to start increasing the distance we are walking each day as we have only been walking about one mile. It is a beautiful day here in Stillwater and the temperature is in the low 70’s. Perfect walking weather! Tomorrow is to be sunny all day with the high in the mid 70’s. We are to get rain on Wednesday. I will need to find another project to do to help Jim. Not sure what he will ask me to do next.

I FaceTime with Ellexia earlier today. I hadn’t heard from her for a bit. She is reporting that she is bored but has been playing outside a lot. She figured out how to play a video game and connect with her friends using her microphone. That helps she tells me. Her dad is very wisely not taking her to Walmart with him when he goes shopping. It is hard for her to understand why she has to stay home all the time. I get that! It is hard for adults – let alone children.

I realized last night that I am finally figuring out when I am letting in too much collective energy and have figured out how to turn it off. When I get tired and let down my guard is when it tends to happen for me now. I’m grateful I figured out what was happening and when so I can more quickly release it and not take so much in. It was dragging me down and knocking me off my feet. Hard to get back up when that happens.

I still spend part of my time crying – although not everyday like I was. I think at times I cry out of gratitude for what I have and other times out of compassion for all the suffering people are feeling from the pain of the virus and those that have lost their jobs and are scared. It is overwhelming to me at times. Wish there was more I could do to be of service to others.

Tomorrow I am to start my Crisis Text Line training. Not sure how that will look like and what they will send me to get me started. Guess I will find out tomorrow. They recommended I allow three hours a day for studying. Jim sleeps in most mornings and I usually have all morning to myself so will use that time to study. Looking forward to seeing this process unfold.

Grateful this painting job is done, grateful I was able to say no to attending the workshop in May, and grateful I figured out how to turn off my receivers inside to the collective energy so I don’t get so overwhelmed.

I can only make one more face mask and then I am out of ribbon for the ties. I have some ordered but not sure when it will be here. I received the new pressure foot I ordered but I ordered a long shank one and need a short shank. Didn’t know there were two different ones! The bobbin case I ordered came in. It looks used. I haven’t tried it yet.

I have about 15 masks made and have put together another 50 or so. When the ribbon comes in and I get it cut to size I can quickly have 50 or so made. I still have some fabric to cut out and will probably get that all cut out and the first seam put in them so I can turn the masks out quickly. Still not sure what I am going to do with them but see lots of places are asking for them.

It was a beautiful day in Stillwater today. I went out and painted on Jim’s garage. He had a section put up that had never been painted so I got that done today. He was going to put siding up on the additional he built to the garage last year but did landscaping work around the garage instead. He needed to cut down four trees so he could more easily get to the north end of the garage. Then he had to do some dirt work around the garage. Maybe tomorrow he will get the new siding up and I can get it painted. He may move on to a different project – I never can predict what he might be in the mood to work on.

A friend I had sent a letter to called me today and we talked for an hour and one half! It was good to hear from her and catch up. I find it fascinating to hear how others are dealing with this situation and the many things we learn about ourselves during this “pause” time.

My mentor held another Zoom call this evening so I listened in on it. He had one last week that wasn’t too helpful for me but tonight’s call was better. He reminded me to stay present with what is. That is enough to deal with right now. No one really knows where this is all going and what twist and turns might be ahead. There is enough change to deal with in the present moment. That was helpful to me to be reminded of that.

He is still planning on coming to KC the first weekend of May to teach a workshop. I’m not sure I am going to go though. I have an appointment in Topeka on Monday of that weekend so if I go I would have to go to KC Friday afternoon and stay until Monday morning. Not sure where I would stay and where I would eat. Feels too complicated to go and I try not to do complicated these days. We will see what the situation is in two weeks. As fast as things change it may feel simpler by then = then again it may not.

I fixed my favorite pot roast for dinner. I love this recipe! We have enough left overs for one more meal some time next week.

I haven’t written a letter yet today. I am attempting to write at least one a day. The mailman isn’t picking them up out of the box for some reason so have to have Jim take them to the post office drop box to mail them. I have two to mail and will get another one written yet today. I may go for a drive and drop them myself this evening. Jim is outside mowing and I don’t want to disturb him.

This week has gone by quickly. I’m surprised how fast time is going by given we don’t get out and do anything. I am having trouble remembering what day of the week it is though. Not much difference from one day to the next. Good thing my iPad tells me what day of the week and month it is.

If this virus thing hadn’t happened we would be packing up and moving full time to Strong City this weekend. I would have finished doing taxes this week and we had planned to move after church on Sunday. I read an article today that was a state by state guide as to when things might get opened up again and this article said Oklahoma probably won’t be released until the end of June or into July. We aren’t under a state wide shelter in place order for everyone yet. The number of cases keeps jumping daily. We aren’t even close to containment. Good thing we have lots of things to keep us busy here. I may have to buy more yarn but I can do that!

I start my Crisis Text Hotline training Monday. Not sure what that will look like but they said to allow three hours a day for homework. I’m looking forward to getting that training started. I will be in training for two weeks and if I pass I will then start taking shifts of answering texts. I will work two hour shifts several days a week.

Feeling grounded and centered today. Finding some purpose and ways to be useful which helps me stay grounded. My mantra continues to be right here – right now – all is well and so it is!

Grateful I got outside to do some painting today, grateful I made a bunch more masks today, and grateful for my mentor and the reminder to stay present with what is and not to try to figure out what the future may look like.

As I typed Friday I had a moment of double checking the date on my iPad to make sure of the day. With having the same thing happen everyday it is getting harder and harder to track the day of week and month. Not much happens to help me know what day of the week it is.

Jason text me and asked for some face masks for his family. I boxed up 10 of them and Jim took them to the post office to mail them this afternoon. Made 10 more this afternoon and have about 30 more cut out. I only have five more to make and I will be out of ribbon. I have a bunch more ribbon ordered but Amazon is not delivering on its regular schedule right now. I totally get why they are being overwhelmed. It will get here when it gets here. I can cut more out while I am waiting for the ribbon to get here.

It was too cold to paint today. The sun came out in the late afternoon but it didn’t warm up enough for me to want to be outside much. We did take a one mile walk before dinner.

Dinner was a variety of left overs. I cleaned out the refrigerator and we ate what ever I found. Got rid of all most all of the left overs. Yay! Jim stopped at the grocery store for some wine this afternoon and picked up a pot roast that had been reduced in price. I will fix my favorite pot roast recipe tomorrow night.

Tomorrow it is to be close to 70 so plan on getting back outside to paint. Jim said he would go get some garage siding paint for me. That will be easier painting than the roof overhand was.

I have had a pain in my right shoulder the last couple of days. I think it is from the way I am sitting when I sew. I need to get my heating pad out and see if that would help. I took some Tylenol and that helped quiet it a bit but it hasn’t gone away yet. Jim rubbed my shoulders after dinner. It hurt so much it felt good!

Grateful for left overs that made a dinner, grateful more masks have found a home, and grateful for Jim’s massage of my sore shoulders.

Another quiet day at home. Kinda wondering why I am blogging right now as not much changes day to day.

I painted the overhang on the roof of the garage this afternoon. Only have two small sections to do and it is right above where Jim has been working laying pipe for the gray water system. When he is done and gets the trench filled in I can finish the last two sections.

Cut out another 25 masks and have them ready to sew. Have six done. I will probably work on them some more this evening. Once everything is cut out they only take about 10 minutes to sew up unless I have machine trouble. I am using an old machine Jim bought at the ReStore and it seems to get tired easily. When it gets tired it acts up. Kinda like me I guess!

Starting a twin sized blanket on my knitting needles. This is the last of the adult blanket yarn I have with me. I have tubs of it in Strong City but not here. Glad I have gotten what I brought worked up. I may need to buy some more to get me through until I get back to KS again.

I noticed on Facebook that Chase County has their first confirmed case of Coronavirus. Guess others have been tested but this is the first positive. I wonder how many others have it that haven’t been tested.

I ordered more ribbon so I can make another four dozen or so face masks. I had everything else I needed to make them and no use for the stuff unless I turn it into face masks. Someone told me Chase County is looking for enough face masks to be donated so they can make sure everyone in the county has one. I may send them a box of them if I can’t find someone that needs them here.

Made a Tex Mex casserole for dinner tonight. It had hamburger, green chilies, kidney beans, rice, taco seasoning, corn, cream cheese and tomato sauce in it. It was good but it made way too much for just the two of us. We will have to eat another meal of it in a day or two to get through it all.

Jim got his waste water system pipe put it today. We did a load of laundry tonight and the water drained like he had planned. He is going to leave it uncovered for a day or two to make sure the pipes are going to hold together. Then he will cover the pipes and that project will be completed. Always a good thing when you can cross something off the long to do list. His back is sore from digging the trench and bending over to lay the pipe. My shoulders are sore from reaching over my head to paint. Both of us are feeling our age tonight.

Sounds like shelter in place orders are being extended to the middle of May. Kinda thought that would happen. I will be surprised if they get lifted the middle of May. When I can surrender and relax into the moment and remember all is well I am OK. When I get anxious to get back home I get out of balance. Most of the day I have been OK although I had a few moments of anxiety. Being outside painting today helped ground me.

It was in the lower 70’s in Stillwater today but a bit windy. I am a messy painter anyways and when the wind blows it I am even messier. A cold front is coming through again tonight and tomorrow it is to be cooler again for a couple days.

Hard for me to think about the 22 million Americans that are now unemployed. The unemployment systems are overwhelmed with claims. I trust the system catches up and people can get some partial financial relief. My heart aches for the people that have lost their jobs and don’t know how they are going to feed their families. I wish I had more faith in our government and that they would step up and take care of the little guy at the bottom of the ladder. Seems like they are more interested in taking care of the stock market and big corporations.

Grateful the overhang painting is almost done, grateful Jim’s gray water piping is successfully laid, and grateful the governors are being responsible and extending the shelter in place orders.

Finished the rest of the face masks I was making for Michelle and Jim took them to the post office to mail. I sent 24 of them to her to use at the nursing home she works at. I have enough stuff to make 24 more. I worked on making them this afternoon. Got all the ribbon cut and sewed together and have the first 3 made. I need to cut out some more sheet material and flannel. I may order some more ribbon as I have extra material and make even more masks. Sounds like we may be wearing them for a long time.

We grilled hamburgers for dinner tonight. Makes a very easy dinner. Served them with tator tots and a green salad. Now to decide what to fix tomorrow night.

I painted for over an hour this afternoon. It was beautiful out and I have been inside too much the last couple of days. I painted the bottom of the overhang of the roof on Jim’s garage. Not the easiest painting as it is rough plywood type of material. The angle on the ladder is a bit challenging too as I am painting over my head. Got one side of the garage almost finished before I ran out of paint. Jim got more paint so will go out again tomorrow and paint some more.

Jim worked on digging a hole for a pipe for his gray water system he has been working on the last three days. He says he is almost done with that part of the project. He got some tomato plants at the hardware store this afternoon when he was getting the paint so he is outside now planting them.

Several people I know have received their stimulus checks. I didn’t owe any taxes in 2018 and just now filed my 2019 taxes and didn’t owe federal tax then either. I went to the web site and it says if you get social security they will deposit it the same way you get your social security money. I logged on to the new where is my stimulus check site and received a notice telling me they can’t tell me where my check is. Good thing I don’t need the money right away as I don’t think I will get mine for a bit. I would rather this happened to me then to someone that has lost their job and really needs the money.

I still get surprised when I read on someone’s Facebook page that they think this virus is a hoax and that the government is using this to take away our rights. Guess time will tell which side is more true than the other.

The Governor of KS has extended the shelter in place orders until May 3. The number of cases continue to grow in the state and in Lyon County which is where Emporia is. Chase County where I live still has not reported any cases. The big hang up To getting things reopened continues to be the lack of proper testing. The scary part for me is the number of people that are contagious and don’t know they have the virus.

Oklahoma also continues to grow in its number of cases. There is a nursing home that has over 60 cases between the patients and staff. Oklahoma still doesn’t have a state wide shelter in place order except for those over 65 or those that have pre-existing health conditions. The city of Stillwater has issued shelter in place orders though.

I need to send my house sitter a check as it looks like we will remain in Stillwater for the next three weeks at least, if not longer. Grateful my house sitter is able to continue to stay long past the time I had told her we would be home. With most things cancelled she said she didn’t have anywhere she needed to go.

I have a workshop I had planned to go to the weekend of May 2 and 3. Not sure I am going to it now. Lots of things can happen in two weeks time these days so I’ll not make a final decision until time gets closer. I have to be in Topeka on May 4 so it would make that appointment easier if I was in KS that weekend. We will see what happens.

It was a good day! I was able to be in my witness mode all day and stayed grounded and centered. I got some things done and felt good about sending the masks off to Michelle. It was good to get outside and get a little painting done and get some fresh air.

Grateful to know how to sew, grateful for a beautiful spring day in Stillwater, and grateful for a full freezer and many choices to choose from for dinner.

I got out of the house twice today. Jim had new tires put on his car as he ruined one last week. I followed him to the tire store and brought him home and then took him back when the new tires were put on his car. I stopped and filled the car up with gas on the way home. Wow! Two days this week out of the house and in my car.

After Jim’s car was done Jim went to Walmart and got me some sewing machine needles. I had broken one yesterday and he didn’t have any replacements. Sewing is easier when the needle is sharp. I have a dozen face masks completed and enough ribbon ready to make 11 more. After I get all those done I will fix a box and mail them to Michelle. The nursing home she works at is in need of them. I have another spool of ribbon to cut and sew together and then I can make 24 more masks. Not sure what I will do with that batch.

I set chicken tenders out for dinner but wasn’t sure what I was going to do with them. Found a box of Zatarain’s Jambalaya mix in Jim’s cabinet so made that with the chicken mixed in. It was OK. Jim liked it better than I did. It has blue cheese in it and that is not my favorite. But another meal is done. I told Jim at dinner tonight the big decision of each day is what to fix for dinner. We haven’t eaten out for over a month now.

Finished knitting the baby blanket I was working on last night. Still have enough yarn to make one more twin sized blanket and another baby blanket and then I will be out of yarn. Now that is a disaster waiting to happen! Ha! I get very nervous when I don’t have a knitting project on the needles. I don’t knit as much as I used to but when I get stressed knitting helps calm me down. When this lock down is over I will have a big tub of blankets to donate to Jim’s church. They seem to be able to find homes for them.

Tomorrow evening my mentor is teaching a class via Zoom. I am looking forward to it. He always has a fresh perspective on things that help me make sense out of life events.

Mailed two more letters I wrote today. This is turning into a fun activity for me – writing letters to people I love. I still have a list of people to write to. May need to go get more stamps though as we are going through stamps quickly these days.

I don’t have my property tax payment coupons with me but remembered that I needed to record the amounts due on my 2019 tax prep sheets. I have those with me so went through them and found out how much I owe for the rental properties tax as well as my house in Strong City. I got those checks mailed today too. Hope they can process them without the proper coupons attached.

Jim has worked outside this afternoon on his drain project. He came in to eat dinner and then went back out to do some work on it. He is finding lots of tree roots in the drain that he wants to use to drain the washing machine into. Something about a gray waste system. Still not sure I understand what he is doing but am OK not knowing and understanding.

Jim got notice that a cousin died of Covid19. She wasn’t a cousin that he had ever met and was in her 90’s. Makes it feel very real though to lose a family member to Covid19. My cousin’s brother-in-law is still in ICU. They were able to remove the ventilator but now is having other issues. This stuff is scary dangerous for those that get a hard case of it.

This has been a smoother emotional day for me. Having the face masks to work on helps as it gives me something to do. Last week I was a big mess most of the week and rode the emotional roller coaster up and down all week. Getting out of the house and taking a long drive on Sunday helped I think. Today when I started thinking about how much longer until I got to go home I was able to remind myself that right here – right now – all is well. It helped me come back to the present moment and not worry about the future. I can’t always remember to do that but it sure helps when I can.

Grateful for a dozen face masks completed, grateful for two short trips out of the house in the car today, and grateful that right here – right now – all is well!

Another day at home. I have been working on making more face masks. My daughter is an LPN in a nursing home and they need more masks. When I get a bunch more made I will fix a box and mail them to her for her to take to work with her. I need her to stay safe!

Jim has been outside drilling to break up some concrete. Not sure I understand what he is going to do once he gets the concrete out of the way – something about a drain. He hops from one project to the next and I can’t keep them all straight.

I wrote two letters today and received one. I love getting letters the old fashion way in the mail. Makes my day when I get one. Thanks Robin (again)!

I reached out to one of my disc golf players that was to come stay with me the end of April. He has run into a health challenge and I needed to check in with him to see how he is doing. Gratefully he is recovering although still having challenges. I wish him good health – his beautiful family needs him to get better.

I was talking to someone else today and we both shared that we are experiencing a bit of anxiety about thinking of rejoining the “normal” world. I was glad to hear I wasn’t the only one having those thoughts. Not sure the “normal” world still exists as I knew it and I’m sure part of my anxiety is thinking about what the “new” world will look and feel like.

I am glad to hear about the governors that are joining with governors of adjoining borders to form a collaborative effort on reopening their states. That makes a whole lot of sense to me. We are all in this together and together we can turn this around. Individually we will fail.

I tuned in to listen to the governor of KS give her daily update. I read the comments people were posting while she was talking. Oh my god! Some have no clue how difficult and unprecedented these times are and expect the government to work the way it did before all this started. It was never designed to work at the levels they are being called to do now. Wow! Patience goes a long ways people!

There was an element of fear in the messages that was palatable. I understand how terrified people are now. They were looking for someone to blame and the governor seemed to be catching their anger. I guess I get it to some degree.

I also find it interesting that the people that have been the loudest voices about how we need to shrink the government and that the government can’t solve our problems are the ones that are screaming the loudest right now that the government isn’t working for them. Shrinking the government during normal times has consequences during times of crisis.

I trust that when this is over we will find a better way for our government to work for all of us. The cracks in it are showing their light right now.

These are certainly interesting times we are living through. I listened to a podcast today from a guy that said what most people are feeling is grief as they watch the country they love become something they don’t know. He said we can’t go back to the way it was and something new is going to be created. He worries that people will get stuck in the denial and blame stages of grief and not come through to the acceptance and rebuilding phase that we will be in as we come out of this time. The problem is no one really knows when we will be through this and what the new outcome will look like. We are habitual creatures that like routine and predictability and no one can predict what the new “normal” will look and feel like. Uncertainly is where we are at and it is icky and uncomfortable for many if not most of the population right now. Many are turning to unhealthy ways to get them through this. Denial and blame happen to be handy and feel “normal” so many go there. Substance abuse and physical abuse is another way some are coping. Sitting with the unknown and allowing it to be what it is is hard but that is what he recommends we do. Dom’t run and don’t hide! Allow yourself to be uncomfortable and not know what to do. Feel what ever you need to feel and be OK with that. Offering grace and mercy to each other can help. Reaching out to others and being real with them can help. Don’t be afraid to admit you are overwhelmed and need help can help. Together we can help each other through this.

Grateful I have found a home for the face masks I am making, grateful for the governors that are leading the nation through these times, and grateful I found that podcast today as it reassured me that my overwhelm is normal and even needed in the world right now.

Happy Easter! It was weird listening to church on Facebook live instead of worshipping with the congregation. Grateful for the technology we have so we could participate via internet.

After church and lunch we took a four hour drive. We went west about 120 miles and then headed north and then came back east. Drove past the Glass Mountains which I love. It was nice to get out of the house and see open prairie. The winter wheat is beautiful. There were lovely spring wild flowers blooming in the ditches and fields. Just what I needed today!

I must say though it was almost surreal being out of the house that long. We didn’t stop or talk to anyone on our drive. Not much traffic any where we went. We drove through Enid on the way home and the town was empty. I really hadn’t been out much since the lockdown and it was eerie driving past all the closed restaurants and shopping centers. The full impact of what this shelter in place is doing to the economy hit me today.

I fixed tacos for dinner while Jim ran to the grocery store to pick up a few supplies. We didn’t need much this week. Jim loves tacos and enjoyed his dinner when he got back from the grocery store.

I haven’t gotten any masks made today as we were gone much longer than I had anticipated we might be this afternoon. Oh well, that will give me something to do tomorrow.

It was 70 degrees out this morning but by 3:00 it had dropped to 50 and by the time we got home it was 40. We have a freeze warning for tonight. It will warm back up by Wednesday. Hoping this will be the last freeze of the year. The wind was in a big hurry all afternoon. Jim had white knuckles trying to keep the car on the road on our drive. The little ponds we passed had white caps on them.

I am surprisingly tired for having done nothing today but sit in the car for four hours. It was good to get back home and relax. I have gotten into the rhythm of staying home and it almost felt uncomfortable being out of the house so long.

Not sure what we will work on tomorrow. It is to be too cold for me to be outside painting so will probably try to get a bunch of face masks made. Jim needs to finish making two drawers for the kitchen so we can get that task completed. Not sure that is what he will do though. He has so many different projects started it is hard for him to know what to work on next.

We were to be moving to KS full time this next weekend. Doesn’t look like that will happen. Haven’t heard if the shelter in place orders that are in effect until April 30 will be extended or not. I am guessing they will be. From what I have read in order for them to lift the authorities need to be able to do lots of testing and have few enough cases that they can do the needed contact tracing. Oklahoma case count is still growing 5% plus a day and some days they have double digit increases in case count. KS is doing a bit better but still growing too. I am kinda preparing myself that the orders will be extended through May.

I haven’t heard if the Symphony on the Prairie in KS is going to be postponed or cancelled this year. I hope they don’t have to cancel as they had to last year due to storm damage. Not sure how they will recover if they can’t hold their event two years in a row. However I’m not sure how many people will be ready to be with 10,000 other people in June the way things are now. I also haven’t heard if the Strong City Rodeo is going to be cancelled. I have guests from the Rodeo that are to come stay the end of May. Not sure I want a house full of strangers with the situation the way it is now. Thankful the Dirty Kanza was postponed and rescheduled for September. Very wise in my opinion.

I’m still trying to figure out how I felt being out of the house today and seeing the empty town of Enid. I have been so isolated here that the full impact of the shelter in place was hidden from me. It was spooky and unworldly somehow. The world is changing before my very eyes. May it change so that it works for more of the people and not just the rich!

Grateful for the ride through the countryside today, grateful for a warm, comfortable house to return to, and grateful for the hope that Easter brings to me each year.

Another day of – wait for it – staying home! Ha! We started sheltering at home four weeks ago today. Looks like we will have at least another four weeks of staying home if not lots more. Kinda getting used to it now. The best part is no decisions need to be made if we want to go somewhere.

I fixed stuffed chicken breasts for dinner. I cut whole chicken breasts open and stuffed them with ham and cheese. I rolled Jim’s in butter and bread crumbs but left mine naked. They were nice and moist and tasted good.

I have gotten two face masks made. The flat sheet I ordered came in today when I got the mail around noon. I washed and dried it and then cut it into 9 x 6 pieces. It only takes me about five to ten minutes to make a mask. I am experimenting with how many layers I think they need. The first one I made only had two layers – one of flannel and the other of cotton. The second one I made had two layers of cotton and one layer of flannel. I think I liked the second one better. The hospital here wants four layers so will try one like that next.

I saw a news article that said to spray water through them while holding the mask up to a mirror. The goal is for the mask to catch the water and not have any pass through and go on the mirror. Even with just two layers there was no water. The ties are long enough and tie easily. They are easy to breathe through and don’t seem too hot.

I will make a bunch more either tonight or tomorrow morning. Not sure what I am going to do with them yet but trust I will find some place to donate them to.

Jim worked outside this afternoon on a landscaping project he has been working on the last couple of days. He went to the hardware store for more landscaping timbers but they were out. He came home with some siding for his garage instead. He has lots of different projects he is working on. If he gets the siding up I will get to paint it.

It feels like it is going to rain this evening. The air is heavy and humid. We could use some rain in Stillwater. I saw Chase County is in a severe thunderstorm watch this evening. I love watching storms roll in across the prairie.

I got a letter from my cousin today. I love getting handwritten letters! I wrote two letters today and will mail them tomorrow when we get out. Jim promised to take me for a drive to the countryside tomorrow so I can see some open prairie. My heart is craving open space. We won’t get out of the car and will practice social distancing while on our adventure.

I have some ripe bananas I need to turn into banana bread. Wish I had my recipe from home. May try to find one on-line. I hate to waste food and these bananas turned ripe really fast and need used up. Jim likes banana bread.

I have all those mints I made for the wedding and the reception. Jim doesn’t like peppermint and I can’t eat them as they have powdered sugar in them. I hate to throw them out but not sure what to do with them. People aren’t having gatherings now to donate them to.

I will miss having the kids and grandkids over for Easter. I like to get them kites and we go out and fly kites on Easter Sunday afternoon. Jim and I will watch church tomorrow morning and then go for a drive in the afternoon. It won’t be the same but what is the same these days?

I am thinking more and more about how this pause is changing my life. I am really curious as to how it will change society in general. Will we learn the lessons this is giving us the opportunity to learn or will we go back to our wasteful spending prior to Coronavirus. I think I will think of this time as BC and AC. Coincidence? I am thinking not!

I read several blogs daily and two I read today both recommended spending some time thinking about what you like about this pause time and what you really miss. Both recommended you also think about the things that you used to do that you do not miss. Both came to the same conclusion that what most people are missing is human connection and gathering together. Most of the other stuff we might be missing is habitual stuff that makes life easier but not necessarily richer. I think that is true for me.

Grateful for this time of pause in my life, grateful for spring showers, and grateful for Easter even though it will be very different this year.

I have had a much better day today. The ribbon for the face masks I am making came in so cut it to length and have been sewing a line down the ribbon. Amazon was out of 1/8 and 1/4 grosgrain ribbon so ordered 5/8 and am folding it over and sewing a line down it.

Jim’s sewing machine is one he paid $10 for from the ReStore. The bobbin case fell apart but I was able to put it back together again. The pressure foot falls apart occasionally too. Making it work though.

Jim has worked outside on his project. It is in the high 60’s here today with bright sunshine and little wind. It is a beautiful day to be out playing in the dirt.

I cried off and on most of the day yesterday. I hit some stuff inside that needed to come out. It took me most of the day to process it and allow it to release. I have been working to refill my soul today with love and light. Certainly in a much better place this afternoon than I was yesterday. Jim was so patient and kind with me yesterday. I am grateful!

Jim’s church had a Zoom Maundy Thursday service last night. Sure miss gathering with others at time like that but it was a meaningful service via Zoom.

We are going to grill steaks for dinner tonight. Need to throw together a salad to serve with them and call it good. Makes for an easy dinner.

After dinner we will take our walk. I need to get outside and enjoy a bit of this beautiful day. I have spent the afternoon in front of the sewing machine inside. It did feel good to do something productive.

The baby receiving blankets came in. Jim fixed me a board 9” x 6” and I used it to measure out the pieces of flannel I need for the masks. I have one blanket cut into 13 pieces. Still need to cut the other 5 blankets. The sheets I ordered are to be in tomorrow so I can get them washed up and then start cutting them into pieces and start sewing everything together.

Not sure where I will be taking the extra masks. Several of the doctor offices in town are asking for masks as well as other places. Gives me something to do and keeps me busy. I like that.

I haven’t read the news today. Decided I needed a media break for a bit. I’m sure Jim will turn the TV on tonight but maybe by then I can listen to the news and not get sucked in.

One thing I have been working on with myself is observing my reaction to the behavior of others. On most days I don’t get pulled into an emotional response to something someone else does. Yesterday that wasn’t the case. It was a good reminder to myself to stay in the observer role and not react to the behaviors of others.

My accountant called and is mailing me my taxes. I owed some to the feds but the tax credit for the solar panels covered that. I have to pay the state $240. Good to have that job done for the year.

Tagen called me this morning and we chatted for about 15 minutes. I hadn’t talked to him for over a month so it was good to catch up with him. He sounded so grown up and mature. Seems to be handling all the world changes and taking things in stride. I sure miss seeing my kids and grandkids.

Grateful to be back in my observer role today, grateful for the expansion of my heart space, and grateful the face mask project is started.

My soul has hurt today. I made the mistake of reading some comments on Facebook about the governor of KS being overridden in her orders to limit worship and funeral sizes. The comments were very strongly worded against the governor and included beliefs that if they let the governor get away with this order the next order she would make would be to take away their bibles and guns. Really?

I understand the desire and need to have the right to worship. But during these times we are being called to do things differently for the good of all. I had just read an article about a man that went to a funeral and a birthday party while sick without knowing he had the virus. Three of the people he came in contact with at those celebrations are now dead.

Do people not yet understand you can have the virus and not know it and give it to other people? What is it going to take to wake us up?

I know part of my over reaction today was a response to a note I received today from a church. The church was communicating to me about something and I took it the wrong way. It triggered a negative response in me. It reminded me why I can no longer be a member of a church. It angers me that a church is not a safe place for me in all ways.

My soul hurts!

I know there is a lot of wonderful things happening in the world right now. Many people are doing amazing things to help their fellow humans in ways that were not happening before this happened.

I have learned I need to honor my deep soul hurts and sit with it as long as it takes for me to completely feel the pain and hurt. This too shall pass and my heart will expand and be able to hold both the joy and hurt in equal measure.

I trust I haven’t triggered something in you with my words. Forgive me if I have. That certainly wasn’t my intent. I don’t want to engage in a war of words with anyone. If you can’t relate to what I am saying scroll on.

Tomorrow will be a new day and one that I trust I will see more joy than hurt. Somedays I have to honor the hurt in my soul and this is one of those days.

Grateful for the wonderful ways most humans are stepping up and helping out their fellow humans during this time, grateful for being able to hold pain and joy in my soul, and grateful for the way most people are putting aside their own desires for the good of all.