Starry night on the prairie

It is a lazy day on the prairie today. We got a dusting of snow on the ground last night. As Jim and I walked down to lock up the chickens last night the snow was falling. There was no wind and it was a beautiful walk in the dark with the snow falling. Most of the snow is already gone this afternoon.

The chickens were not impressed with the snow. They hopped out of the coop this morning, tramped around for about one minute and immediately went back into the warm coop. I don’t blame them. Cold and wet is not my favorite either.

I haven’t been motivated to do much today. I did order some yarn so I can make a smaller needle blanket and a hat and scarf. It seems almost sinful to order yarn when I have so much on hand but I don’t have want I need to make the blanket I want to make. I so enjoyed making the shawl that I decided to treat myself and order new yarn. It will keep me busy for several weeks as each row will have 209 stitches and it will be over five feet long when it is done. Good winter project.

Jim went into town to pick up a few groceries. My grandson requested more peanut butter balls. He has been sick and it is hard to say no to him. Thankfully his COVID test came back negative so he just has a head cold. He said he felt a bit better today although his throat is still sore. Tim and Michelle can now get out of quarantine and return to work.

Got room number 4 cleaned last night. Haven’t done my cleaning project for the day yet. I am hoping when I get done writing I will find the energy to get another room cleaned. It does feel good to be getting the house back into good, clean order. I so enjoy a fully cleaned house.

Got a call from the pharmacy today. Found out the cholesterol medication my new doctor ordered is considered a biological medication and it has to be prepared at a speciality pharmacy. They are sending it to me by FedEx and it should arrive Friday. The guy spend an hour on the phone with me this morning. I qualified for free medication if I agreed to have them call me every three months to get updates on how effective it is. The guy that called was most helpful and I appreciated all his instructions. I trust it won’t be as complicated as it sounds. I have to give myself two injections every four weeks. They are shipping a three month supply that has to remain refrigerated until 45 minutes before I need to inject myself. If this works I will have normal cholesterol levels for the first time in my life.

I have a crisis hot line shift tonight. I may need to take a short nap so I will be awake and alert for the callers. I got more sleep last night then I have been getting but I didn’t sleep very long at a time. Sleep for an hour, awake for an hour, rinse and repeat all night long. Grateful for what sleep I did get though.

We are having chicken tenders for dinner. Jim likes his fried and like mine grilled. Easy to do it both ways. Add some potatoes for Jim and veggies for me and dinner will be easy.

Jim didn’t have the right paperwork yesterday so didn’t pass the inspection. I’m not sure when he will try again. It is so frustrating to have to make two trips. I wish I spoke their language. They get so familiar with terms that I think they forget most of us don’t know what they are talking about.

Jim is leaving tomorrow early afternoon for Stillwater. He won’t be home until next Monday. It will be a quiet weekend on the prairie for me since I will be home alone. Maybe I will make some good progress on my house cleaning project. It is to warm up and be a nice weekend.

Nine days until Christmas. I’ll be glad when it is over. I’m grateful I have all my shopping and baking done and everything is ready. I will enjoy the Zoom gatherings we will have with Jim’s sons and my family. Sure wish we could be meeting in person but that isn’t in the cards this year. We will make the best of it and deal with what is. I do need to give some thought about what to fix for dinner Christmas. I suppose I should fix something a bit special. Hard to fix a special meal for just two people though.

Three of the six boxes I shipped have been delivered already. That was fast and easy. The other three should reach their destination by Saturday at the latest. I ordered another package to be delivered but haven’t heard when that package might arrive. Gotta trust that it will make it there by Christmas.

Winter Solstice is next Monday. The light will start to return minute by minute each day after that. I so welcome the return of more daylight. Time to set my intentions as to what I want to give out to the world this coming year. It is also time to pick my word of the year. I have a feeling it will be preferences to remind myself so much of what I feel is truth is really just my preference.

Grateful the pharmacy called today and the new medication is on its way, grateful Tagen tested negative for COVID, and grateful I have new yarn coming soon.

Tuesday is the day that we count on to know what day of the week it is. We take the trash down on Tuesday. It is our biggest outing of the week! Pathetic life that we have.

Sunday was one of the hardest days I have had in a long time. I fell hard into the muck pond and it took me until last night to fully recover from it. When I get emotionally overwhelmed I have no words – hard to believe I know but that is what I experience. I have to sit with my emotions and work them through my body and then process what happened before I can find words. All is well now. Another life lesson learned for me on this journey we call living and life.

I keep getting lessons on preferences vs truth these days. In my opinion we hold very few truths. If you live in the Northern hemisphere the sun rises from the east, northeast, or southeast and sets in the west, northwest or southwest. To me that is a truth. Most things we deal with in life are preferences – what religion if any you practice is a preference. How you load the dishwasher is a preference. Who you vote for is a preference. Wear a mask or not – preference. Take the vaccine or not is a preference. Abortion is a preference. Capital punishment is a preference. It would be a simpler life if those things were truths but they are not.

When our preferences become so strong they feel like truth is when conflict can arise. We hold on hard to our preferences sometimes and it is hard to let go and see the other side. It is a bit ironic how many preferences we hold without giving much thought to them. I just assume others think like I do and that is not a truth by any stretch of the imagination.

My mentor thought a class where he taught us to examine our beliefs and habit patterns. He taught that most of us hold a very limited range of belief (preference). When we allow ourselves to open and start to widen our range of beliefs and preferences we enrich our lives greatly. It allows a wider range of emotion to be in play as well as a wider choice of action. It takes some concentrated energy though to allow yourself to open as we have to admit we held a limited pattern of belief.

I am working hard to keep my heart and ranges open these days – to both sides of the coin of preference. I fail at it many times though.

I realized last time I went to town that the reason I get so wiped out when I go to town is I hold myself wide open out here on the prairie. If I forget to close that down a bit I get overwhelmed quickly when I am around other people and my system gets overloaded. Next time I go to town I will play around with the energy veil around me and see if I can close it up a bit and see if that makes a difference.

Had a much needed conversation with a dear friend this morning. I had sent her a text to see how she was doing and she called me. Talk about divine timing! I so needed that today.

Another member of my family is being tested for COVID. Damn!

Got a request from my grandson for more peanut butter balls. Next time I go to town I will get the stuff to make another batch and get some made for him. They are not my favorite things to make but when a grandson asks how do I say No?

I mailed the last of my Christmas boxes Monday. I delivered the boxes to Jason and Michelle’s house so Christmas preparation is done. The last of Jim’s gifts came in so I am officially ready for Christmas.

Thinking I need to order some more yarn and do another slow knitting project. I have a blanket pattern I really like and it takes what feels like a long time to make. If I can find the pattern I will get the yarn for it ordered so I have something to work on. With all my Christmas shopping, baking and wrapping done I need a new project to work on.

I have started Project Clean This House. I have three rooms done. Not sure I want to know how many more I have to do but if I get at least one done per day I will have it clean by New Year’s I think. Feels good to have that project started.

It is nice to have my dining room back. I had three of the tables full of Christmas boxes, wrapping paper, etc. After a while clutter like that drives me to drink. Now I need to get my corner where my chair is cleaned up. I still have knitting needles, yarn, etc. scattered around it and it needs to be cleaned up.

The chickens are giving me 5 – 6 eggs a day right now. The Rhode Island Reds are starting to lay. I’m still getting lots of double yolk eggs which is always fun. The Americanas won’t start laying for another two weeks or so.

It is cold and cloudy on the prairie today. We might get a dusting of snow sometime today. We sure need the precipitation and will take it however we can get it.

Jim is taking his car to get the VIN inspection at the Sheriff’s office this afternoon and then will go get tags tomorrow. When he comes back from Stillwater next week he will bring his other car and go through the process again. Slowly he is getting moved to KS.

It is good to be out of the muck pond yet again. I hadn’t spent that much time in it for a long time. I’m grateful for it’s lessons once I get out but I have a WTF moment when I am in the midst of it.

Grateful to be on the other side of the muck pond today, grateful for my mentor and the knowledge he has given me, and grateful to be on this journey of life and learning.

I am cranky. Good thing the pandemic is going on and no one can get close right now. I might bite your head off if you look at me wrong. Not sure where this mood came from or what it is trying to tell me. I’ll ride it out and it will be gone soon I trust.

I knitted a bit this morning. The shawl is completely done and the blanket is 3/4 done. I might get the blanket finished tonight if I don’t get on the Hot Line. I’ll see how it goes.

I took a long nap this afternoon. Unfortunately I missed seeing Jason and Cody. They came out while I was napping to pick up a mattress. I have a box I need to deliver to them so maybe I will get to see them then.

We had leftovers for dinner so dinner was easy. Need to think of something to fix for tomorrow. I might do chili as it is to possibly snow tonight. Chili always tastes better on a cold day.

Not much on our calendar for next week. Jim is going to Stillwater Thursday and will stay there for several days. The heater guy is coming Thursday to do a check on the furnace. Trash goes to the curb on Tuesday. Busy week ahead! Ha! With my Christmas shopping all but done I should have time to get the house cleaned. It is really bothering me.

I was going to take the packages to the post office in Cottonwood Falls today to mail but looked online and found they were only open from 8 – 9 this morning. I will put everything in my car and take it on Monday. I need my dining room tables cleared off. The clutter is driving me to drink and I don’t drink. I have a box to deliver to Jason and a box to deliver to Michelle and Tim’s house. May do those deliveries tomorrow.

Prayers and good energy for healing are needed for Tim’s dad. He had open heart surgery earlier this week and is having some complications. It is so hard for Tim to be so far away from him right now. With the COVID restrictions in the hospital Tim couldn’t be with his dad even if he was in KY. Seems so unfair that some people have to suffer so much.

When I went down to let the chickens out this morning I picked up 5 eggs. That is the most in one day they have given me so far. One of the Amber Star chickens is becoming very tame. When I open the feed door she hops up and cleans up the spilled feed from the floor. She likes to squat and have you pet her back. Jim calls her Sweetie Pie – I call her a nuisance.

Winter Solstice is one week from Monday. This is usually one of the hardest weeks of the year for me. The dark feels very heavy to me right now. I understand the saying it is always darkest before the dawn. I am feeling that right now. It is easy to slip into total despair for me right now. There is all the holiday cheer going on and I can’t relate to any of it. I’m glad I can for brief moments rise above it and know that this to will end. It is easy to forget that in the midst of the dark.

Grateful for 5 eggs today, grateful that this darkest will soon pass, and grateful for a long nap today.

I have made progress on my Christmas list. I made sugar cookies today with Jim’s help. He rolled and cut them out for me. I got them frosted afterwards. New Year’s Cookies are rising and the oil is heating now so I will get those done in about an hour. Got the shawl finished up this morning and 1/4 of the blanket knitted.

Next up is getting the sugar cookies put in containers and put in the boxes to ship along with the New Year’s Cookies. Then I can seal up the boxes and take them to town tomorrow. I’m only one day behind schedule – not bad.

I didn’t sleep much at all last night. I slept for about 1 1/2 hours and then was up for five hours. Went back to bed after taking another hot bath and found another 1 hour of sleep. I’m a bit tired today. Not going to take a nap though so maybe I can sleep tonight.

I took five calls on the hot line last night. Most were high risk callers. One I had to notify the supervisor as he checked all the boxes for high risk of suicide. We were able to talk him down and he probably lived to see another day. You never know what happens after you end the conversation.

Another of Jim’s presents came in today and I got it wrapped. One more will be here Tuesday and then I will have his Christmas ready. I am getting ever so close to calling it good for present wrapping and shopping. I have two more presents I need to purchase and two others that need wrapped. Christmas is two weeks from today. Time seems to be flying by quickly these days.

I have reached the point of no return on my dirty house. As soon as I get the boxes off tomorrow project get this dirty house clean will begin. I have not cleaned for ever and it is starting to bother me. It is not only dirty but it is also cluttered and that drives me over the edge. Time for things to get back where they belong and time for the dirt to be gone.

It is a cold and cloudy day on the prairie. No precipitation has fallen yet although it is foggy out. If it is going to be cloudy and cold I would prefer it to be raining or snowing and take advantage of the clouds. Clouds for no good reason can go away!

We will have to go to town tomorrow to mail the five packages that will be ready to go. Monday I will have one more that will need shipped. It will be so good to have them on their way and out of my dining room.

I have been sitting with why Christmas time is so hard for me. I really don’t like much of it. Part of it has to do with the decreasing light that continues until Winter Solstice on December 21. I always seem to do some hard personal work during this time of the year. It can be exhausting and demanding and when I try to force myself to do things that I feel need to be done for Christmas I get drained. I have cut back so much on what I do on Christmas to help myself out. Yet I feel the same overwhelm and frustration with it all anyways. Maybe with the pandemic and not having a family gathering it will be easier this year. We shall see.

I really dislike shopping be it for myself or someone else. Buying a gift because it is expected is the worse! I don’t feel like I am a good gift buyer. I hate “stuff” and hate to get more stuff for myself or for someone else. If I happen to be out and about and run across something that I think someone would enjoy I will buy it and give it to them just because. That type of shopping and buying is ever so more satisfying to me.

Grateful the sugar cookies are done, grateful the New Year’s cookies are almost done and grateful the shawl is off the needles.

I went into Emporia this morning to pick up my new prescription. The Doctor’s office had called yesterday to tell me insurance had approved a different brand. When I got to the pharmacy the pharmacy told me insurance needed prior authorization and it wasn’t approved. The pharmacy was going to contact both the insurance company and my doctor’s office and try to get it sorted out. I haven’t heard yet if that has happened. This is getting complicated. Maybe a sign I shouldn’t take this drug.

I knitted most of the morning and have the shawl done except for the ruffle. I decided to add the ruffle as it is curling up on the ends and the ruffle will keep it flat. The ruffle is only 16 rows or so on each side so it shouldn’t take too long to add it. Trusting I have enough yarn – I am having to make it in a stripe pattern as I don’t have enough of one color to add it.

I took a long nap this afternoon as I didn’t sleep well again last night. I sure slept good this afternoon. I have a crisis hot line shift tonight and knew without a nap I would struggle through that.

Made a batch of fudge after my nap. I still need to make sugar cookies and New Year’s Cookies and then I can ship my packages. I’m tired of the mess on the dining room tables and will be glad to get this stuff out of the house.

The yarn for the blanket I want to knit as a Christmas present came in today so will get started on that as soon as I get the shawl finished. The blanket will come together much faster than the shawl as I will use bigger needles and thicker yarn.

Last night on the hot line I took five calls. None of them felt satisfying to me. I trust the texter got what they needed though. One never knows sometimes if I am doing any good or not.

A friend called last night and we visited on the phone for over an hour. She needed to vent and it was good to get updated about her life. She lives with and cares for her elderly parents and works full-time. The stress of all of it is adding up for her. So many people had such burdens to carry these days. COVID just adds a new division of stress they didn’t have before. My heart goes out to them.

My Christmas to-do list keep getting smaller although not fast enough for me. I am done with Christmas! Oops, still have fifteen days to go. I can do this.

Have a pot roast in the crock pot cooking and the house smells so good. I have been hungry the last two days for some reason. We will eat when I finish writing. Sure wish the roasts were a bit smaller though as we will have too much leftovers. I put lots of carrots in it this time so I will have veggies to eat for several days for lunch. Now to decide what is for dinner tomorrow night.

Tomorrow I hope to go to town to mail five packages. I will have to get the sugar cookies and New Year’s Cookies done though before I can do that. We will see if I can pull that off. I will mail the shawl and blanket early next week.

I called the furnace people today as they hadn’t scheduled my winter furnace check-up. She said they had left three messages for me. I told her I hadn’t gotten any messages. She checked my phone number and discovered they had the wrong number. They are coming next week to do the check-up. I’m glad I called or it would not have happened.

Ellexia turns 11 tomorrow. I had taken her present to her earlier this week so she will have it to open tomorrow. My goodness I remember the day she was born. Her daddy had to have his appendix out the day Ellexia was born. What a day that was! Ellexia is such a bright light to the world. Full of piss and vinegar and courage. She is so much fun to be around.

As is usual for us these days nothing much on the calendar for next week. Jim is going to Stillwater a week from today and staying through the weekend and into the first part of the week. He has a church thing on Friday and Sunday to attend to and will get some work done on his house. I may need to come up with a project for me to do here while he is gone.

Three eggs from the ladies today. They are slow to get going in laying daily but it will happen soon. This nice weather sure helps them. The other 20 should start laying in another two or three weeks unless it gets really cold and stays cold. We are to get a wintery mix this weekend but it will warm back up a bit next week.

Grateful for a shrinking Christmas to-do list, grateful for a second successful batch of fudge, and grateful the other yarn showed up today so I can get that present knitted up.

Last night after Jim came home and we had dinner I was knitting. Three balls of yarn in a row tangled up on me. I told Jim I was going to put my knitting into time out for the evening. He said I needed to go to time out. Unfortunately he was right!

For what ever reason my patience level is running low these days. When little things go wrong I over-react. Grateful it doesn’t happen everyday but it has happened enough lately that I have noticed.

Made peanut butter balls this morning and got that project done. Had enough chocolate left over that I was able to dip some mixed nuts in the left over chocolate. Still need to make some more fudge, the sugar cookies and the New Year’s Cookies and then my Christmas baking will be done. I started putting goodies in small containers so I can ship on Friday. It will be good to get them on their way and out of the house.

I invited a friend over this afternoon. We sat out in the swings for an hour and half and visited. It did my soul good. I needed to have a deep conversation with another woman. Since we were outside and eight feet apart it felt safe.

What an absolutely beautiful day on the prairie today. 73 degrees, bright blue skies and no wind. It doesn’t get any better than today. Jim took a long walk while I visited with my friend.

I am starting to see the end of my shawl project. I should finish it up tomorrow or Friday at the latest. It has a ruffle that I am to pick up stitches and add on each end but am not sure I am going to do that as I don’t think I have enough yarn for that. We will see when we get done what I decide to do.

The yarn for my next project should be here by Friday so the timing on that worked well. That project will go faster and should only take two or three days.

When I get done baking and knitting I am going to have to break down and do some house cleaning. I have put it off for a long time as no one comes to see us right now. It is starting to get to the point where I can’t sit and relax in the living room as the dust is to thick. I can’t remember when I last cleaned the floors good. Maybe this weekend I can get the house cleaned up.

Jim brought a car load of stuff from Stillwater. He spent the afternoon unloading his car and finding places for it. Little by little he is getting moved up here. He may go down again early next week for another quick day trip and bring another load. The weekend of the 20th he is going down for a week to get some work done and he will bring another load when he returns then.

I have a Hot Line shift to work tonight. I have been busy baking and knitting and haven’t volunteered extra this week. Every time I have checked the hot line they have needed extra help. I feel guilty when I don’t hop on but just haven’t slowed down enough to want to take calls. It can be very draining at times to work the hot line and I needed my energy to get my baking and knitting done. Next week looks lighter for me so maybe I can give them some extra time then.

We are going to grill hamburgers for dinner tonight. It is so nice out and a good grilling day. Not sure we will be able to grill much more this year so will take advantage of today. I’m grateful Jim enjoys a plain hamburger as much as I do.

My new doctor’s office called and my Colon Guard test came back negative. That was good news. I was a bit concerned that the C-Diff had done some damage to my colon and it was reassuring to hear the test results were negative. The doctor’s office also let me know insurance has approved the new cholesterol medication that is an injection. They had to change to a different brand then the one he had originally prescribed. The pharmacy had to order it and when it comes in I will have to go to town and pick that up. This brand is a monthly injection instead of every two weeks. I haven’t found out how much it costs yet though. Hopefully my cost won’t be $450 a shot .

I need a hair cut but decided to wait a bit. That seems like a higher risk activity that is totally optional. No one sees me now anyways so what difference does it make if my hair is shaggy. Jim likes it longer anyways.

I got the Christmas tree up yesterday but didn’t do a very good job. I only put two of the three parts of it together. There is a middle strand of lights that quit working and the tree is leaning. It may bother me enough that I fix it or I may just let it be. I don’t do any other decorating for Christmas and Jim is lucky to even get a tree up. It is a little pathetic looking though. I usually put two pencil shaped trees up in the living room. Just not feeling the Christmas spirit enough to mess with doing that this year. If we were going to have the kids come home for Christmas I probably would have done so but that isn’t going to happen so why bother?

There is such a disconnect between what is happening in our hospitals and how people are living their lives. So many people are acting like nothing serious is going on and going on about their lives. I truly worry about those in car wrecks and those that have heart attacks as hospitals may not have rooms for them. Jim and I decided to stay home as much as possible and not add to the numbers if we can help it at all.

Grateful the peanut butter balls are made, grateful the Patric looking Christmas tree is up, and grateful for this absolutely beautiful day., complete with a visit from a dear friend.

Jim decided to go to Stillwater for the day. He will probably come home this evening. He wanted to check out his house as he hasn’t been down there for a bit and he is bringing a load of stuff back with him. If it takes longer to gather everything up than he thinks it was going to he will spend the night and come home tomorrow.

I have had a productive day so far today. I got the pepper nut cookies made. I can’t remember who likes them in my family though. They are a hard, small cookie that are best dipped in coffee. They have pepper, lemon rind, cinnamon, nutmeg and cloves in them. My dad’s mother used to make them and my mother made gallon jars full of them every Christmas. Fun memories for me while I was making them today. I won’t eat any of them but they sure smell good.

Got the Christmas gifts wrapped. I still have more coming but am caught up for the moment. I realized I need to get two more presents so will have to give that some thought and get something ordered.

I will probably make another batch of fudge today as it is a beautiful day on the prairie. Fudge does better when it is a clear day. I need at least three batches to get enough for everyone to have some and have only made one batch so far.

Tomorrow I need to make either sugar cookies or peanut butter balls and another batch of fudge. I may get New Year’s Cookies made today yet, if not I will have to do them sometime this week. Thursday I will make what I didn’t make tomorrow and I will then be done with Christmas baking so I can get things shipped on Friday. I’m not making as much stuff this year as no one will be coming over to eat it. I won’t eat any of it and Jim only likes some of them.

Friday I hope to get the packages I need to ship off. We are ordering via Amazon for Jim’s sons and partners and having Amazon deliver directly to them. Shipping has gotten so expensive. I do want to ship some treats to my brother in MA and I have a package to ship to Nicole and Geoff since we won’t see them before Christmas.

I have passed the halfway point on the shawl I am making. I will work on it some more when I finish writing and take a break off my feet. Then I will get up and either make fudge or New Year’s Cookies. I’ll wait to decide what to fix for dinner when I know if Jim is coming home tonight or tomorrow.

Jim has to be in Stillwater on December 20 for a church thing. I think he has decided to go down a few days before that and get some more work done and then come back to KS on the 21st. I thought about going with him but we both decided we didn’t want a house sitter right now. It is becoming harder and harder for him to leave here and go back to Stillwater. He has found enough projects to do here that he stays busy without having the pressure he feels when he is in Stillwater.

What a beautiful day on the prairie today. I went out to pick up some packages that had been delivered and didn’t need a sweater on. It must be in the low 60’s. We haven’t had much winter so far this year. I wonder if we will get some in January or February. Some years we just don’t get much winter weather. That is fine with me. I do not like to be cold and I don’t like doing chores in the snow and ice.

On my to-do list for today is to put the Christmas trees up. I don’t do much decorating for Christmas but Jim wanted the trees up. If I’m going to the trouble to put them up, I might as well put them up early and enjoy them for a bit. I will take them down as soon as Christmas is over.

Jason got engaged yesterday. I’m so excited for him. I love his finance and so look forward to having her join our family. She has two beautiful children so I will get to add two new grandchildren to my family. Yay! This has been a year for love in my family – I was married in March, Nicole got married in June and Jason got engaged in December.

I realized today that I am fully back to my normal. I had extra energy this morning and have had a very productive day. I think it is one of the first really good days I have had since I had C-Diff. I can’t tell you how good that feels. It’s good to be back 100% to myself.

Grateful for healing in my body, grateful the peppernuts are made, and grateful for the new additions to my family.

I’m halfway done with the shawl I am knitting. Maybe I will get it done by Friday – that is my goal at least.

Went to Emporia this morning to mail the hats. Went to Hobby Lobby for some yarn so I can make a blanket but they didn’t have what I wanted. Their yarn supply is much less than I remembered it being the last time I was in the store. I went to Staples to mail the package but their UPS machine was down. Went to Walmart to get groceries. Stopped by the post office in Strong City to mail the package. No lines and only one person to deal with. Came home exhausted. I don’t people well any more.

Took a short nap this afternoon. I had trouble sleeping again last night. I got three hours but then had trouble finding more sleep. Finally got one more hour. I was tired when I came home from town.

I knitted this afternoon. Got a few presents wrapped as the UPS delivery guy came three times today. Not sure why they don’t bring them all at once but it is what it is. Still waiting on several more packages to arrive and then I can get everything wrapped.

I need to make a Christmas treat yet tonight. I have a goal to make at least one a day this week so when I get ready to mail on Friday I will have treats to mail. Not making as big of a variety as I normally do this year. I won’t have visitors to send things home with this year and don’t want to throw stuff out if it doesn’t get eaten.

Three of the chickens like to roost at night in the rafters of the coop. Jim took off the feed thingy that was on the door because three were roosting on it and pooping on the water container. One was roosting on the board on the door tonight. Not sure why this bunch doesn’t use the roosting bars much. The Americanas roost there but not the others.

I’m starting to think reentry into the real world after this chaos is over is going to be a challenge for me. I find it so draining to be around other people right now. I am not very patient and come home cranky after being out and about. I remember when I came home from the Camino how hard it was to rejoin the “real” world.

I will relax at home and enjoy these last few months of isolation. It will be interesting to see what places I choose to go back to and which ones I will continue to avoid. Eating out has absolutely no interest for me right now. It would be too loud and chaotic of an environment for me to enjoy a meal in. Shopping has never been something I have enjoyed doing so going back to shopping in a store holds little interest for me. On-line is so much easier and calmer.

I will enjoy having friends over for dinner though. I have missed that most of all. Gathering my kids together and visiting Jim’s sons will be something I look forward to. Having the grandkids come spend the night is something I can’t wait to allow to happen. Can’t think of much other that I look forward to adding back in to my life.

Grateful I am halfway done on the shawl, grateful for what sleep I did get, and grateful for Christmas treats to make for my family.

Another beautiful day on the prairie. Bright blue skies during the day and a wonderful sunset tonight. Jim got out and took a long hike this afternoon while I stayed home and baked Ellexia some Chocolate Chip cookies.

I took a nap this afternoon as I didn’t sleep well again last night. I slept for three hours and then had trouble finding my second sleep. Got about one more hour before I gave up and got up. I even had trouble finding sleep for my nap today. We are getting ever so close to Winter Solstice and this time of the year sleep is hard for me to find.

I got Ellexia’s birthday present wrapped. When I take the cookies in tomorrow I will take her present so she will have it for Friday. When I go to town tomorrow I need to find some yarn so I can knit a blanket, mail the hats I knitted, and I also need to pick up a few groceries. I want to get my Christmas baking done this week and need a few more things to make that happen. I want to get things mailed by next Friday.

I knitted for a while this morning on the shawl I am making. Not halfway done yet but getting close. If I knit tonight I might get to the halfway part – we shall see. My left shoulder is sore from all the knitting I have been doing. I am out of shape to do a knitting marathon.

Other than going to town tomorrow I don’t have anything on my calendar all week. It will be a good week to get my Christmas baking done and my knitting done. I think I have all my shopping done. Just need everything to get here over the next two weeks and get everything wrapped. I don’t have a back-up plan so trusting I won’t need one. I still need to get the trees up too. Then Christmas 2020 will be in the bag.

Jim went down to the coop this afternoon to see the girls. He came up with a soft shell egg. That happens when the girls are first laying. The look on his face was priceless! They do feel weird when you handle them. It was leaking so we didn’t keep it. Jim is learning all the dirty ins and outs of raising chickens. He will be a full-fledged chicken rancher soon.

Dinner will be easy tonight. Jim wanted to make a ham salad sandwich and I am grilling myself a piece of salmon. Need to think of something to fix for tomorrow night.

I sent a note to my doctor. I had my cholesterol checked on Nov 20 and was to start a new medication. He was going to work to see if he could get the insurance company to cover the cost of it. I haven’t heard the results of the tests he ran nor if he was able to get the insurance to cover the prescription. I’ll see if they respond.

Christmas is less than three weeks away now. I am so looking forward to Winter Solstice and the days getting a bit longer each day. It always feels like a big turning point to me when it arrives. I enjoy the Solstice more than I do Christmas.

Grateful for the smell of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, grateful my Christmas shopping is done, and grateful for my chickens and the fun times and smiles they bring to our lives.

I got the fourth hat made up this morning and the box is all taped up ready to ship on Monday. All four hats are different sizes so I hope they each can find a head that will fit them. I don’t knit to size very well.

Jim and I took a 2 1/2 mile hike this afternoon. It was a bit windy and cool but it did feel good to stretch my legs a bit. My back has been bothering me today – I think from the position I have been sitting in while knitting. My body is out of shape for knitting!

I’ve gotten 8 eggs from the eggs in three days. They are cute little eggs that will get bigger as the girls lay more eggs. About half the eggs were laid in the nesting boxes and the others in the coop somewhere. It is hunt and find right now. Hopefully as they get used to laying they will use the nesting boxes more than the floor or the top of the nesting boxes.

I haven’t gotten any more knitting done on my other project I have on my needles. Maybe tonight I will get to it. I got the checkerboard part of it done which took a lot of concentration last night. Until I get to the other end of it will be easy knitting. I do have to count rows and follow a pattern but it isn’t a complicated pattern. It will take me two or three days to finish it up though as I am using smaller needles.

Monday I need to check to see if Hobby Lobby has the right color of yarn I want so I can make a blanket for someone as a Christmas present. If they don’t have it, I will have to order some. It only takes two days to make a blanket as I will use big needles for that project. I need to have it done and mailed by the 15th at the latest so need to get cracking at it.

I made a batch of fudge this afternoon. It looks fine. I cooked it about two to three minutes too long but it isn’t crumbly so I will call it good. I need to make two or three more batches of fudge to get enough for my kids and family. They all love that stuff. Jim doesn’t care for it so much.

I need to start making one Christmas goody a day for the next week so I can get everything done. I need to mail some treats to family and mail is slow these days. I hope to have everything done and in the mail no later than the 15th. We will see how successful I am.

Lots of gifts I ordered will come in next week. I need to spend a bit of time each day wrapping presents so it doesn’t become a marathon project. I don’t like to wrap.

Jim is having ham loaf and tator tots for dinner. I am having meat loaf and a baked sweet potato. He likes his ham loaf dry and I like meat loaf moist and I like meat loaf better than ham loaf. He likes cracker crumbs and I like oatmeal. I divided the hamburger into half and ground some ham to add for him. This way we both get what we want.

I slept hard for three hours last night and then sleep became hard to find. Finally got a second sleep of about two hours. I didn’t take a nap again today in hopes that I will sleep lots tonight. I sure could fall asleep easy right now though.

When I go to Hobby Lobby Monday I will need to stop and pick up a few groceries. I’ll have to go through my recipes tomorrow and check my pantry and see what I will need to make what I want to make for Christmas goodies. I am going to try not to make so many this year. I won’t eat any of them and I’m not sure many are things Jim will like. Since we aren’t gathering for Christmas this year I won’t have a chance to get rid of leftovers.

Grateful for a good hike this afternoon, grateful the first batch of fudge turned out OK, and grateful for the smell of dinner cooking in the oven.

Got my third hat made this afternoon. I have enough yarn to do one more for her so will get that done tomorrow and then can get the hats shipped on Monday. They are knitting up very quickly which is satisfying for me.

Cast on to make the blanket I am giving as a Christmas gift. Cast on using the wrong color so had to tink it out. Hope the rest of the blanket goes better. It has five different colors of yarn in it so will have to concentrate to keep it all straight in my head which yarn to use when.

Picked up one eggs this morning when I did chores. The heating element the metal watering can will sit on came in today so took it down and removed the plastic watering container. The plastic one is hard to get the lid back on. Hoping the healing element will keep the metal one warm enough that I can get the lid off when it gets really cold out. We will give it a try and see what happens. I have a heating lamp on it so that should help too.

Jim has been giving me a hard time about the cost of the eggs. If we add up the cost of the chickens plus all the food we have given them each egg is worth about $300. Ha! The price will come down as the girls really start laying soon. The real price is priceless! Farm fresh eggs – can’t beat them.

Jim went to town to get some wood to put on his bookshelves in his camera room. He has been sorting and tagging cameras for the last couple of weeks. He likes things in order so has been working to put them in some sort of order. Keeps him busy and gives him a project to work on.

I only took five calls on the hotline last night and then signed out. I was getting impatient with the texters as I had several that were very slow in responding and not wanting to problem solve. Hopefully just venting was enough for them to find a moment of calm in the chaos of their lives. I never know sometimes if I have helped them or not. Some calls are more rewarding than others. Such is life. You gotta take the bad with the good.

I got an email from the Crisis Hotline informing me my reward for leveling up is a one year subscription to Openfit. Anyone ever heard of it? It is an on-line fitness program. You can sign up and take live classes or do their programmed workouts of a variety of choices. Maybe this will kickstart me into actually working out again. I need to firm up some areas and get in better shape.

Not sure what I am fixing for dinner. We have some leftover taco meat that needs used. Jim said he would either eat tacos or make a big salad with it. I also have some hamburger thawed so I may just have a hamburger. I’m starting to run out of ideas of what to fix for dinner.

I had trouble sleeping again last night. I slept for about two hours then was awake for several hours. Finally got another two hours of sleep. I didn’t take a nap today hoping that I will be able to sleep tonight instead. I sure appreciate the nights when I can sleep for five or six hours straight. Hasn’t happened very often lately.

It has been fun knitting again. I forget how much it relaxes me. The blanket will be easier to knit than the hats as the blanket is a simple pattern except for 36 rows of checkerboard. Once I get it going it will be fun and easy. The hats I had to modify the pattern and I was anxious the whole time wondering if they were going to fit.

Tagen’s Christmas present came in today so I can cross him off my list. I have gotten to really appreciate on-line shopping. I tried to order early enough that everything should get here with lots of time to spare. Need to get one present ordered that will ship directly to the person it is a gift for. Trying to time it so it doesn’t arrive too early yet will be there in time. Still need to decide what to get Jim and then my shopping will be done.

I have some size 4 relaxed fit Lee Jeans to give away. They are like new as I just got them two months ago but have lost enough weight that they don’t fit. If you can use them holler at me and we can figure out how to get them to you. They fit more like a size 6 than a size 4.

Still nothing on my calendar for several weeks. It is hard to keep the days of the week straight when there is nothing different that happens to mark the days. Trash day has become the only marking point of the week. Pathetic isn’t it?

Feeling oddly content these days to stay home though. I was cranky at the clerks when I went to town yesterday. I am forgetting my social graces by not being around people much. The thought of going to town right now doesn’t sound inviting. Shelter in place is like heaven for us introverts.

Grateful to have completed hat number three, grateful for farm fresh eggs at last, and grateful for my reward from the Crisis Text Hot Line. Maybe I will get in shape soon!

I had to go to Emporia today to drop off my Colon Guard test kit at Staples which is where the UPS drop off point is. After I did that I went to Tractor Supply looking for a cover for my Weber grill. The clerk led me all over the store, finally asked someone if they had them and found out they don’t carry them. At least she tried to help me.

I then went to True Value which is where I had bought the grill. The lady at the register was reading a book on her register. She very hesitantly closed it out when I asked her if they carried the covers. She looked it up and told me that way and pointed to where I had been looking for five minutes and couldn’t find them. I left and came home and ordered one on-line. Not sure why I didn’t do that to start with. Local service ain’t what it used to be.

Baked Jim a batch of Snickerdoodle cookies this afternoon. Made a batch of ham salad – Jim likes to snack on it.

Last night I got the first of three hats I am making for someone knitted up. My Plan A worked for a change and the hat fit just right. I had to modify the pattern as the yarn is home spun and thicker than the yarn I had used when I used this pattern before. I increased the size of the needles and had to decrease the amount of stitches. At the top part of the hat you decrease stitches and I had to modify that too. I was very surprised when I was done and it fit. I thought I would have to rip it out and play with it a bit to get it to fit. Got it sewed together. I have the second hat on the needles. Since I am using size 10 needles they knit up fast.

I took a long nap again today. For some reason my lower back is bothering me today and I laid down on the bed to stretch out. Made the mistake of throwing a blanket over me and I got warm and sleepy so I slept for over two hours. I have a shift on the hot line tonight so now I will be alert to take my shift.

I leveled up last night. I had to take 250 calls to make that happen. The next level up will occur when I take 500 more calls. Yikes. That seems like a lot. I didn’t get on to take calls today as I needed to get some things done around the house. I checked once and they were busy and could have used the help. We are to limit ourselves to 12 hours a week and I already have spent 15 hours this week and I have my shift tonight. It can be addictive to be on the line.

I handled 15 callers yesterday. A couple of them were heart breaking. One had a miscarriage on Thanksgiving Day and another texter’s boyfriend was murdered the day before. I had to take a deep breath before I responded to either of those callers. They are the type of calls where you affirm whatever the texter has to say and just listen. Advice this early in these situations is useless and not needed. I think both were in a bit better space when the call ended.

Jim wanted a frozen pizza for dinner tonight so he doctored one up and baked it. I grilled a piece of salmon and had that along with some veggies. Made for a very easy dinner to fix. Almost felt like a night off from fixing dinner.

When I came home from town Jim said he had a present for me on the kitchen counter. There were two eggs on the counter. Jim had done chores for me while I was in town and found two eggs. The girls are laying! Yay! I was so excited when I saw them. This means they will probably lay all winter long, although if it gets bitter cold they will slow down a bit but I should have eggs now until next Fall Equinox time. Finally! The girls are 16 1/2 weeks old. Not all will start laying this early but enough that I may not have to buy eggs again. The fruits of my labor have begun.

It was a clear day with lots of sunshine today. The temperatures were in the low to mid 40’s though. We missed out on the moisture that was in the area. We got a bit of sleet or snow overnight but not enough to do much good. There wasn’t enough to cover the sidewalks – just some piled up along the edge of the deck. No more rain is in the forecast for the next week. I guess we will stay dry a bit longer.

No big plans for the weekend. We continue to stay home unless we have an essential trip to town we need to take. One of us will go to town next week for groceries. Jim was going to go to Stillwater this week but didn’t make it yet. He still needs to get the car he has up here titled before he brings the other one he has in Stillwater up to get it titled. Maybe tomorrow….

I seem to be settling into the routine of staying home now. I felt impatient at the two stores I went to today. I might be loosing my social graces and manners. It is going to feel weird being back out in public when this is over. It will take me a bit to adjust to being around others energy face-to-face.

Grateful my girls are laying eggs, grateful I leveled up on the hot line, and grateful for long naps on cold days.

I have taken 8 calls on the hot line so far today. I have a two-hour shift tonight that I will do. They are so busy I feel guilty when I get off to do other things. The wait time is long for most of the non-urgent texters. Many don’t respond when we finally get to them. We are supposed to limit ourselves to 12 hours a week and I have already put that in. I think they are waving that restriction due to how busy the hot line is.

I have one hat almost done. I’m anxious to get it off the needles and see if the size is correct. The pattern calls for a different weight of yarn and needle size so am adjusting on the fly. If it is too big I will rip it out and downsize it. Once I get the size thing right the other two will knit up quickly. Hats don’t take long – especially when I use the bigger needles.

Not sue what we are having for dinner yet. I haven’t gotten inspired. I have some hamburger thawed out so may end up with just burgers unless I can think of something else to do with it.

Jim took a long walk this afternoon and I took a long nap. I didn’t sleep well again last night and needed to make up some lost sleep. I didn’t sleep real well during nap but I got some more sleep and my headache is gone. Damn, I hate not being able to sleep.

Being back on the hot line so much sure makes my days go by faster. Add to that my knitting time and I am back to being busy. Much better than sitting around all day doing nothing. Now I have a real excuse not to clean my house.

I ordered Tagen and Ellexia’s Christmas presents today. I had some Best Buy bucks that needed used up and they ship for free. The two things I wanted were even on sale. Now to figure out what to get for Jim. He is my last one to buy for. I have lots of things in transit to me so trusting everything will get here safely and on time. I will wrap the local gifts and deliver on the appropriate day. The others I will have to wrap and ship so they have plenty of time to get where they need to get. I know the USPS and UPS are overloaded this year so want to allow a lot of extra time.

I still need to put the Christmas tree up. If we are going to the trouble of putting one up we should get it up so we can enjoy it a bit. Maybe Jim will help carry things up for me in a bit and I can get that done today. It is cloudy and looks like it is going to rain. We need a little brighter living room right now.

We had been forecasted to receive snow but now it sounds like we will just get rain. That’s fine with me as long as we get some moisture. The cracks in the yard are growing wider and are deep enough to catch an ankle in them and break it.

I got a long, news filled letter from Aunt Marylyn today. I love getting letters from her. Aunt Glenda and I text regularly now so I keep updated with her that way. I so love my last two remaining aunts and sure wish I could go visit them face-to-face. Maybe some day soon it will be safe enough to do so again.

It still feels weird to me to look at my calendar and see absolutely nothing on it for the near future. Jim and I were commenting today that trash day has become the highlight of the week for us. How pathetic is that! I am having more and more trouble remembering what day of the week it is as everyday feels the same. Thank heavens my iPad tells me the day of the week and month. I would have no idea otherwise.

I meant to run into town today to mail my Christmas cards and forgot to do so. I will try to remember to do that tomorrow. I also have my tax bills I need to mail. Chase County property taxes went down but Lyon County went up. Man, I hate paying those bills.

Jim is almost out of cookies again so will bake him a batch either tonight or tomorrow. The grandkids haven’t put in an order for what they want so they may still have some treats and don’t need any this week. They might be getting tired of Grandma’s cookies. In another week or so I can start doing my Christmas baking so it is all done for the 26th. I need to mail a couple of packages so will need part of it done before that so I can send some treats with some of the packages I will be mailing.

Feeling a bit like we have gone into hibernation for the winter. I don’t see an end to the shelter-in-place that we are doing. I keep hearing about more and more people that I know coming down with COVID. I am concerned about how many will get sick later this week as a result of traveling and being with friends and family over Thanksgiving. I sure wish there was something I could do for the medical providers and teachers right now to show my support to them.

Grateful for the time I am spending on the hot line, grateful my Christmas shopping is almost done, and grateful for letters and texts from my beloved Aunts.

I spent a lot of the day on the hotline. I took 8 calls today. Several of them were suicidal and others were going through relationship issues. Oh to be 16 and feel like your world is falling apart and that you will never love again. The hot line is so busy. Some callers are waiting over an hour and sometimes a lot longer to get a person to talk to.

We are broken out into levels that are based on how many calls you have taken. My next level is 6 and I had to take 200 more calls to get to that level. I only need 20 more to reach Level 6. Since we have been so busy it is easy to get lots of calls without waiting. I can pretty much hop on the line anytime and take calls right now.

I made hamburger soup for dinner. It sure makes the house smell good while it is cooking in the crock pot. It was fairly cold today and hot soup for dinner tasted good. We have leftovers for my lunch for the next couple of days.

I got up and weighed this morning and almost fell over. I had lost 4 pounds since yesterday. I have heard of others on this eating plan having that happen but it had never happened to me until today. I kept stepping on and off the scales to make sure it was true. I have taken off ten pounds since I started back on plan November 5. I want to take off at least another 10 and maybe 15. I didn’t think I would take the first 10 off until January so am ahead of schedule. I doubt that i will have another big drop but it sure was nice when it happened today. I set a target date of mid March to reach my next goal. It would be nice if I get there quicker than that but am not betting on it. I am usually a very slow loser.

Actually what I weigh isn’t as important as the fact that I have been able to stick to my lines for almost a month. I am approaching it differently this time as the realization that this is the way I am going to eat the rest of my life. My body will decide what it wants to weigh and stay there at some point. I’m not sure what that point will be. I am eating a bigger variety of foods this time and figuring out how to let Jim eat his favorites and modify the menu to meet my needs too. I feel so much better when I don’t eat flour or sugar. I never get that overfilled feeling and no acid reflux. I am beginning to have more energy and it feels more stable throughout the day. Being off flour and sugar helps keep the thyroid happier and the cancer from coming back – that is my main reason for eating this way.

I am still not able to eat raw foods, dairy, grains or beans. This is new for me since I had C-Diff. My stomach balance has changed and when I eat one of those foods it bloats me and I don’t feel well. I will keep trying small amounts of each group occasionally and see if I can add them back in to what I eat. I am able to eat eggs and small amounts of butter. Milk and cheese doesn’t go down well though. I miss being able to eat salads but the couple of times I have tried it didn’t feel good.

Some yarn arrived today so I now have a project to get done. I have three hats to make and get ready to ship in the next week or so. It is homespun yarn and is fun to knit with. I have to modify the pattern as it is a different weight than the yarn I used before. Once I figure that out they will knit up fast. Still waiting on the other yarn that I ordered so I can get a blanket made in time to ship it to someone for Christmas. All that knitting should keep me out of trouble for a week or so.

It is to possibly snow tomorrow and Thursday. We don’t have any plans to go anywhere so let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. We need the moisture in whatever form we can get it. I just don’t like the cold that comes with it.

Hard to believe it is December and Christmas is only 24 days away. I need to figure out what to get Jim. I think I have everyone else decided on – I just need to get a few more things ordered. I can do this! Sometimes I make too big of a deal out of it in my head and it feels impossible. I have a feeling lots of people are ordering on-line this year so want to allow lots of extra time for things to show up and so I can get them where they need to be on time.

No plans for the rest of the week – actually no plans for the rest of the month. Jim is going to go to Stillwater one day this week unless he changes his mind again. The weather isn’t good for him to travel tomorrow or Thursday. He needs to change cars so he can get the car he has in Stillwater up here so he can get it titled in KS. He didn’t make it to the courthouse today to get the car he has up here now titled but maybe he will get it done tomorrow.

Feeling more settled with my stay at home routine today. Having the hot line to work on during the day helps the days go by fast. With my knitting projects I will keep busy doing that so time goes faster too. I do feel better when I have something to show for my day.

Grateful for my big weight drop this morning, grateful for the yarn that showed up today, and grateful I was able to talk another person out of suicide earlier today.

Full moon tonight. I have been feeling the energy of this one for several days. There will also be an eclipse of the moon tonight. Double power tonight! Ground well and ride the waves that are coming.

I got an email from the crisis hot line this morning that they were getting slammed with calls. I’m not surprised as the Sunday after Thanksgiving was always the hardest day of the year at the store. Too many people didn’t have the Norman Rockwell vision of Thanksgiving with a loving family. They are out of their routine and the stress of being up close to their family for several days is getting to them. Add to that the additional stress Christmas brings and people are reaching their maximum coping skills this time of year.

I handled several calls. One was an 18-year-old that was suicidal. I was able to talk him down to a calm and we came up with a plan that he agreed to. When I get a call like that I feel really good about the work I am doing. I will never know what happens to him but for the moment he was in a better place than when he called in.

I was a bit disappointed in my supervisor though. I flagged her that I had a hot call and she responded she was reading through it. 15 minutes later I checked in with her to see if she was still there as she hadn’t sent any other responses. She finally engaged with me and together we helped the client. I don’t know if she was reading what I was saying and thinking I was on track or if she got busy with other calls and forgot about me. Either way it felt a bit distressing to be alone with such a hot case. In the end it worked out so all is well.

Jim is in town getting his KS driver’s license. I trust it will go well and he won’t have to go back with another document of some sort. He was going to run a few errands while he is in town. Some time this week he needs to get his Honda Element tagged in KS so he can drive it to OK and drive back his Mazda and get it tagged. Moving into a new state brings with it a set of complications that one has to work through. Jim tends to procrastinate on those type of things.

We heard back from his insurance provider and have him set up for medical, dental, and prescription coverage for 2021. Feels good to have that done. I need him to make a call so we can get one more task completed with his benefits and then we can cross that off our list of things to take care of.

It is sunny but cold on the prairie today. Only going to reach the mid 40’s. Jim did chicken chores for me this morning so I didn’t have to get out in the cold. He loves watching the chickens race out of the coop and search for the oats he throws out for them.

I didn’t sleep much again last night. Wondering if it is the effect of the moon that is causing me not to be able to sleep for the last couple of nights. If so, maybe after tonight I will be able to crash and sleep good for a change. I have a touch of a headache today but am thinking it is because I am a bit sleep deprived.

Did some on-line Christmas shopping today. I have three more people taken care of off my list. Jim still hasn’t given me a list nor has Ellexia. Tagen sent his list so I will get something off of it ordered for him later. I have yarn ordered to make another gift and know what to order for one other person. Jim and Ellexia are my last problem gifts. Once they tell me what they want I can get finished up. Did I mention I hate shopping and giving gifts. I have never felt I was good at it.

Grateful for being able to talk a suicidal person down to calm today, grateful Jim is running errands for me today, and grateful I am almost done with my Christmas shopping.

My son-in-love asked me if I had ever made Potato Candy. I had never heard of it. He sent me a recipe and I googled it and tried making it today. You boil a potato and then put the potato in a mixing bowl along with a stick of butter. You keep adding powdered sugar until the dough is stiff enough to form into a ball. You chill the dough for a bit and then roll it out until it is 1/4 inch thick. Spread peanut butter on top of it and then roll it up like you are making cinnamon rolls. Cut into thin slices. Jim tried it and said it was very sweet. I don’t eat sugar so I didn’t try it. Jim has to go to town tomorrow to get his KS driver’s license so will take it to Tim.

Next time I make it I will use less potato and not make it so thick. It cracked some when I rolled it out and I don’t think it is supposed to. I also didn’t know I was to let the potato cool completely before I mixed it. Not sure I will make it again but good to know just in case.

We had our family Zoom call this afternoon. It didn’t go too bad even with several not having been on Zoom before. We came up with our Christmas plan. Each family is buying gifts for the four grandkids and all the adults exchanged names via Nicole arranging that. Since we are shipping we decided on drawing names to reduce shipping expenses to four other families. We set December 26 as our day to Zoom again and we will take turns opening presents on the Zoom call. Not ideal but the best we can do in these times.

It was nice to have all the family together at the same time. Unfortunately Michelle was sleeping and couldn’t get on the call and Dylan was working. Maybe in December we can get everyone together.

I tried taking a nap this afternoon but really didn’t sleep much. It felt good to stretch out anyways and snuggle under a warm blanket. I have been cold all day today. I slept hard early for about three hours last night, then I was up for about four hours and finally got a second sleep of two hours. Maybe tonight will be the night I sleep hard all night long.

I fixed a beef stew for dinner tonight. It made the house smell good all afternoon while it was cooking. I am doing a better job at cutting down the amount that I make. We only have enough left over for my lunch tomorrow and then maybe the next day. Need to decide what to fix for tomorrow night. It is the biggest decision of the day!

I need to check my grocery list and see if I need to have Jim stop while he is in town tomorrow to pick some things up. I don’t think there is much of anything urgent on the list.

Nothing on the calendar for this week. Fixing dinner each night is the only thing I have to do. I need to find a big project to work on. Almost wish I could find a job that I could do from home. I do better when I have projects and stay busy. When my yarn comes in I have several knitting projects to work on as they are all Christmas presents.

Feeling a bit blue tonight. After seeing the kids it makes me realize how much we are missing by not being able to gather. Christmas is a blue time of the year for me and I feel it starting. I’m sure something will happen that will pull me out of this – it always does.

Last night when I couldn’t sleep I got up and took another hot bath. While I was in my big soaker tub I looked out the window and got to see a moon set. I have seen them before out here on the prairie but it is rare that I catch them. The moon will be full tomorrow so it was nice and big. It was a magical few moments as I soaked in the tub and watched the moon set. I always feel so blessed and lucky when I catch them.

Grateful for the Zoom call with my kids today, grateful we made Christmas plans, and grateful to have made a new to me Christmas treat – Potato Candy.

Made cinnamon rolls and took a pan to Jason and to Michelle’s house. I saw Tagen and Ellexia for a hot minute but didn’t get to see any of Jason’s family. The house sure smells good from them baking in the oven. I love cinnamon on most everything.

Took three calls on the hot line last night before I got tired. Lots of stressed out people in the world right now. Not everyone has a loving family to spend the holidays with. Lots of family arguments and conflicts going on right now. I’m sure the virus situation is compounding it. Glad people have a way to reach out for some support when things go from bad to worse at home.

It reached 57 today before it started to cloud up and start to cool back down. Only going to be in the 40’s tomorrow and most of the week. There is even a chance for some snow later in the week. We need moisture so I will take it however we can get it. The ponds are very low going into winter.

The chickens have spent most of the day outside today. They must know it is going to get cold and they won’t be able to be out so much. They are finally starting to grow in their combs and waddles so am hoping they will be laying before too long. If they get started laying before it gets below freezing and stays there for a couple of days they will lay all winter. But if they don’t get started laying before it gets cold and stays cold for several days they won’t start laying until almost spring. It makes doing chores so much more fun when you can pick up eggs when you go down to the coop.

Ordered supplies to make a Christmas gift yesterday. Hopefully the supplies will get here soon so I can get it made as I have to mail it. I know what I want to get for another person so have two people taken care of on my list. Two down and how many to go? Yuck! Can’t get out of the grandkids what they want this year.

The kids and I are going to Zoom tomorrow afternoon. That should be fun. There will be 14 people on the call if everyone can be there so it may get interesting. I sure missed seeing everyone for Thanksgiving. My favorite days are when all the kids come home on the same day. Not sure when we can make that happen again. Maybe Zoom will help fill the hole in my heart.

We are having fish for dinner. I am having a piece of grilled salmon and Jim is having beer battered fish filets. He will have some tator tots with his and we will both have some veggies. It will be another simple meal to fix. Now to think of something to fix for tomorrow night. I love to cook – as long as someone tells me what to fix. The deciding what to fix part trips me up daily. May fix a beef stew for tomorrow as it is to be cloudy and cold.

For some reason I have been thinking about my mom today. I have felt her presence all day. She was always so busy during the holiday time baking, cooking and making sure everyone had a good Christmas. I still don’t know how she managed everything she did.

Grateful to get to see Tagen and Ellexia for a hot minute today, grateful I can take calls on the hot line again, and grateful for my mom and all the memories I have of her.

A non-productive day so far. I can’t think of anything I have gotten done yet. I did do chores and putting the lid on the watering container didn’t go well. I had a headache before I went down to the coop and it was throbbing by the time I came back up. I put myself in time-out and took a two hour nap. The headache is gone and I am in a better mood. That was easy!

I took five calls on the hot line last night. Two were suicidal clients, one client didn’t engage, and the other two were teenage problems. It does feel good to spend two or three hours a day being useful to someone else again. I only took one call at a time. We had clients waiting but somedays I can handle two at a time and some days I can’t. I don’t want to overwhelm myself and put pressure on myself and burn out again.

Still haven’t finished my Christmas cards although I am getting close. Another couple nights of working on them and most will be ready to go. I am putting together a new address book of sorts so I don’t have to look up addresses every time I want to send someone a note. I didn’t put them in any sort of order so may go back and alphabetically arrange it when I get done with my cards. I need to add phone numbers and email addresses if I have those with it too.

We had a nice dinner last night. The steaks were cooked perfectly. Not sure it ever felt like Thanksgiving to me but that is OK. Zooming with Jim’s sons and their partners was fun. Made us miss them though. Damn COVID! We will so appreciate being able to visit friends and family even more when this is all over.

I have some hamburger thawed out for dinner tonight but not sure what I am going to do with it. Since it is fairly nice out I may just grill burgers. It will be too cold soon to do so and I love burgers from the grill. Add a nice veggie and dinner is done. It almost feels like cheating to me though as it is such an easy meal.

I ordered a heating pad for my chicken’s metal watering cans today. I am so tired of fighting with the plastic bucket’s lid and getting water splashed on my legs. I also ordered a gadget that automatically turns the light and heater on when the temperature falls below 35. Sometimes we unplug it on nice days and forget to get it plugged back in before dark. When that happens the chickens don’t all go back into the coop at night and we have to catch them and put them in when we lock up the coop.

I checked with the grandkids to see if they needed treats. One said yes and the other said no. Guess I get to decide. Not sure what they want this time. Not sure if they need treats. If the mood hits I may bake something. I have been in the mood to make cinnamon rolls so may make those tomorrow and take a pan to the kiddos and a pan to Jason. I can cut a few out of each pan for Jim.

Need to go down to my yarn stash and get yarn to start making blankets. It is cool enough now that I can have a heavy blanket on my lap while I knit. I do better when my hands stay busy. They make nice Christmas presents too. I have some home spun yarn that someone is sending me with a request for me to knit some hats. That will be fun to do – I love knitting with real home spun yarn.

Jim and I are trying to figure out how to help our neighbors that may be hungry. We keep seeing in the news the amount of people that are visiting food banks for the first time and how at least 1 out of 8 families are in a food insecure time. I prefer doing hands on type of help and Jim prefers sending money. I don’t personally know anyone that is in that situation. We will keep our eyes and hearts open and see what happens.

Monday is full moon day. It feels like it will be a powerful one this time. I can already start to feel the pull of it. Sometimes the best thing I can do is sit with my emotions and allow them to talk to me and be felt. When I can do that they tend to pass through quickly and don’t pull up a chair and stick around a bit. December is traditionally a hard month for me and I need to attend to what arises. 24 more days until the days will start to get longer each day.

Grateful for a nice, quiet, non-traditional Thanksgiving, grateful for time-outs that turn into a long winter’s nap, and grateful for the abundance in my life.

Thanksgiving Day 2020 is one for the record books. It is just Jim and I today. We will be grilling steaks for dinner for our non-traditional Thanksgiving feast. He isn’t a big fan of turkey and dressing and I won’t eat dressing so decided to do something non-traditional.

We took a 2 1/2 mile hike this afternoon. It is a beautiful day on the prairie with temperatures in the upper 50’s and light wind. It was good to get outside and stretch my legs and get some fresh air. There is a cold front coming in and the temperatures will not be this high again for a bit.

I baked Jim a pecan pie this morning. I needed the smell in the air to remind me it is Thanksgiving. I sure miss the hustle of feeding 24 plus people today but have to say I don’t miss doing the dishes from the prep work or the meal.

I’m still working on my Christmas cards. I am over halfway done, I think. I keep thinking of additional people that I want to add to my list. Jim will send his cards out later. He usually doesn’t get them out until early January.

We are doing a Zoom call with Jim’s sons this afternoon. That will be a fun hour or so. I haven’t talked to my kids yet today. I’m not sure what some of them had planned for today. We might try to do a Zoom later this weekend.

I could not fall asleep last night. I finally got up around 4:30 and took another hot bath. That worked and I fell asleep around 5:15. I slept until 9:30 so got a good four hours plus of sleep. I’m a bit tired this afternoon but will stay up so I can hopefully sleep better tonight. I sure wish I could solve my sleep issue. For the most part it has improved but I still have nights where three or four hours is all the sleep I can find.

No plans for the rest of the weekend. I am in the mood to bake but really don’t have anything to bake. It is a bit early to start my Christmas baking. Jim has a whole pie to eat so he doesn’t need anything else right now. I may bake some cookies and freeze them. Not sure why I am wanting to bake as I don’t eat that stuff myself. Maybe it is a way of distracting myself from cleaning the house. I would much rather bake than clean.

I got on the hot line last night for the first time in five weeks. I took four calls. I did OK I think. Two of the calls were suicidal people that found a way to get calmer or go get help. The hot line has been so busy I have felt guilty not taking calls. It felt like it was time for me to try it again. I’m glad it went well and I will take more calls tonight if I’m not too tired. I don’t want to push myself too far and too fast after being off the line for five weeks.

Jim wants a tree up so I will probably get that done tomorrow. If I am going to the trouble of putting a tree up I might as well get it up so we can enjoy it for a while. If I had my way, we wouldn’t put one up. I doubt that we will have anyone over for Christmas this year. I have a feeling the virus case count is going to explode in a week or so from all the people that traveled and gathered over Thanksgiving. I hope I am wrong and the counts will start to drop and we will be able to gather for Christmas but not going to count on it.

Today I need to take a minute and express gratitude for all my friends and family. This year has been a challenging one and the one thing I have been able to anchor into is the love and support of my friends and family. We can’t be face-to-face right now but I feel your love and send mine back to you. When this chaos is settled and we can gather again we will have to have a huge celebration of friendship and love. Sending everyone a huge hug and much love.

Grateful for this day of Thanksgiving, grateful for a beautiful day to take a hike, and grateful for friends and family.

Another quiet day at home. I baked two pumpkin pies this morning and we ran them into town this afternoon. I saw Ellexia for a hot minute when I dropped off their pie but I was good and resisted hugging her. I left Jason’s pie on his front deck.

I have a ham baking in the over along with some potatoes for dinner. I’ll fix some green beans to go with it and dinner will be ready. Have steaks thawing out for tomorrow night’s dinner. That was easy!

Have worked a bit on getting Christmas cards ready to go out. Still need to do a bunch more but at least they are started. Then I need to get serious and decide what to get the grandkids and others for presents. I am not a good shopper and gift buyer. It is almost painful for me to shop for someone else unless they tell me what they want. Not a task I enjoy.

Laid down for a while this afternoon but didn’t go to sleep. I didn’t sleep very well last night. The wind was in a hurry and blowing hard most of the night. Things felt restless outside and inside me. The wind finally slowed down this afternoon and the clouds disappeared and the sun came out. There is a beautiful sunset going on right now. I love this time of the evening. There is a full 360 glow around the rim of the earth tonight – beautiful!

We are going to Zoom with Jim’s sons tomorrow afternoon. We haven’t had a chance to meet Thomas’s partner so it will be fun to get to know her a bit better. Both sons will be on the call so it will be a fun hour or so. May ask my kids if they want to Zoom sometime over the weekend. Not at all the same as being together but you got to do what you got to do to get by these days.

The stories coming out of the hospitals are scary. Most hospitals are running out of beds and space and staff. I wished there was something I could do to show the staff how much I appreciate their work and effort.

I called my insurance agent and priced adding Jim’s cars to my policy. He will save several hundred dollars by switching to my plan. It is nice to have that task done as well as his medical insurance decided on and forms submitted. Jim doesn’t like tending to things like that and tended to ignore them. I learned sometime ago how important it is to keep those things up to date and to review them annually.

My insurance agent is an EMT as a side job. We had an interesting conversation about COVID and what she is seeing. She has been working lots of extra hours transferring patients to bigger hospitals. She told me her daughter’s boyfriend, who was a very healthy 40 year old, died from COVID just three days after his diagnosis. It is like Russian Roulette when you get it as you never know how bad it is going to be.

Still feeling a bit sad about tomorrow and not having the kids over for dinner. Then I read the news and hear about the hospital situation and know we made the right decision. It still hurts though.

Tomorrow morning I am going to bake Jim a pie. Not sure if he wants pumpkin or pecan. I had a bit of pumpkin filling left over so I baked that in a dish so I might make him a pecan pie tomorrow. I will miss having a piece of pecan pie tomorrow morning. My mother would come over and help me fix Thanksgiving dinner. We would take a break mid-morning and have a piece of pie. It always tastes better before you eat a big meal than afterwards. I miss that tradition with her.

Wonder how many people will be out shopping tomorrow? You couldn’t pay me to go to a store over the weekend. I really wonder what the case count will be like two weeks from today. The highway was really busy when we went to town today to drop off the pies.

Feeling grateful for all that I have today. My life is so rich in so many ways. I have great friends and family and a beautiful place on the prairie to stay safe. Sometime in the distant future we will be able to gather again and enjoy face-to-face time.

Grateful for the smell of pumpkin pies baking this morning, grateful for the smell of the ham baking now, and grateful for the beautiful sunset tonight – Mother Nature knows how to paint the sky.

The highlight of my day was going into Cottonwood Falls and depositing a check and dumping recycling. On days like this I feel how small my world has become. It got me out of the house and for that I am grateful. Only talked to the lady at the bank and she was behind a glass window.

Fixed black bean soup for dinner. Not sure Jim was impressed but he ate it. It was good but you have to like black beans. I think the texture thing got to him. Not sure I will fix it often but it was an easy meal and on a cold day was a nice dinner for me.

Tomorrow I am baking a ham that Jim picked up when he went grocery shopping Monday. He always comes home with extra stuff. Ham is his favorite meat. Not so much mine although I will eat ham. There is a chance for rain tomorrow so decided to do the ham tomorrow and then we will grill steaks for Thanksgiving. I love that I know what we are having for dinner for the next two days. Makes it much easier once that decision is made.

I plan on baking two pumpkin pies tomorrow and taking one to Jason and one to Michelle. It will be a taste of what Thanksgiving dinner should have been like. I have a tub of Cool Whip for each of them to go with it. You only eat pie as an excuse to eat Cool Whip – right? I may bake Jim a pecan pie. Not sure he can eat the whole thing though and I won’t eat any as I don’t eat sugar or flour. Anyone want to share some of it with him?

I managed to stay awake all day and not take a nap. Now I need to stay awake until at least 10:00 and I will be back on schedule. It is raining out and the sound of the rain may put me to sleep if I sit and read. I have some typing to do so will work on that to stay awake.

Got Jim’s medical insurance thing figured out. He is going to stay with his retirement plan but we improved the plan he had chosen when he retired. This one doesn’t have a big deductible and should act like the plan I have. It is cheaper than we can get otherwise and the coverage looks the same as mine. Sure was a challenge figuring it all out though. I finally sent an email to the benefits department and got some questions answered. Jim gets bored with that type of thing and he missed getting some important paperwork in the move. Hopefully we got it all figured out and it will process as expected. We even got his beneficiary form updated. Good to cross that project off my to-do list.

I’m finally coming out of the muck pond. I took a spill yesterday and landed face first. I got triggered with something and it has taken me about 24 hours to process what happened and understand why I was triggered. It is an old issue I have been working on for a long time. I get angry at myself when I let myself get triggered and then those feelings get mixed with the other and it takes me a bit to sort through it all. I get quiet when that happens which is hard for Jim. We got it all sorted out tonight. Good to be back on track.

I haven’t heard from my new doctor about the medication he had prescribed for my cholesterol. The results on the website said a separate report was given to my doctor but I have no idea what that means or said. If I remember I will call the office tomorrow and find out. Walmart will only hold the prescription for seven days so if I don’t get it resolved tomorrow the doctor may need to send a new script if the insurance company has agreed to cover it.

I am slowly coming into acceptance about Thanksgiving. My heart still hurts but I am allowing it to be heard and felt. It isn’t the end of the world to not have a big dinner. I would much rather be safe than sorry. We will find a way to make the day a bit special.

Nothing on the calendar until next Monday when Jim goes to Emporia to get his KS driver’s license. I’ll send a small grocery list with him when he goes to town. He will have to get his cars titled next week but he needed his KS driver’s license first. Then I can call and add his cars to my house insurance company and save him some money.

Grateful to have Jim’s medical insurance plan lined up for next year, grateful I understand what triggered me and was able to work through it, and grateful for the gentle rain that is falling on the prairie.

It has been a cold, windy day on the prairie today. I haven’t stepped outside at all today. I took a long winter’s nap this afternoon and stayed inside and kept warm.

Jim went to Emporia to get some wine. I had him pick up a few perishable grocery items. He had trouble finding celery but found some. I sure wouldn’t have wanted to have been the person ordering grocery items at the stores this year. It would be hard to know what people and going to do this year. By the sound of the traffic on Highway 50, lots of people are traveling. Jim said the grocery store was busy.

I got my tax bill for my house today. The bill is actually lower than it was last year. That was a nice surprise. I haven’t gotten the ones for the four rental properties yet. I am always grateful I have money set aside to pay those bills. Writing the check to pay taxes is always a painful process though. I hate spending money on things I can’t see or use. I understand I use the county government to drive on their roads , rely on the fire department, etc. but if I had my preferences I would spend that big chunk of money in a different way.

Made a small batch of Party Chex Mix today. I had a few boxes of Chex cereal and the other ingredients on hand and needed to get them used up and out of my way. This batch made 3 1/2 gallons of mix. I am sure the kids will enjoy it. I don’t eat it but it smelled good.

I made Jim tacos for dinner tonight. I kept out some hamburger and fixed me a plain hamburger. Tacos and one of Jim’s favorites and so easy to fix. Tomorrow I am fixing black bean soup. That will be an easy meal to make too.

We were going to grill steaks for Thanksgiving but Jim picked up half a ham today so may have that instead. Ham is easy to fix too and is one of Jim’s favorites. I like ham but could take it or leave it.

I’m still sticking to my bright lines and eating plan. I’m lucky if I lose one pound a week but am more focused on cleaning up what I am eating than the actual weight loss. I’m still detoxing a bit and more tired than normal but that is starting to ease a bit. My pants are getting loose which is a good thing.

Chase County has decided to let the Governor’s face mask policy stand but will not allow it to be enforced with any penalties. I wonder how much people in Chase County will listen and start wearing masks now. We are doing out best to avoid going into Chase County stores as many didn’t wear masks the last time we were in one. I am grateful that Chase County has for the first time allowed the governor’s mandate to stand. Baby steps!

As far as I know, neither of us will need to go to town again for a bit. Jim has to go to Emporia next Monday to get his driver’s license changed from OK to KS. Once he gets that done he will get his two cars titles transferred to KS and I can get them listed on my house policy. The driver’s license place was booked a month in advance for appointments. You can still walk-in and take your chances to get waited on.

Feeling a bit blue tonight. I’m sure it is grief from not being able to host my family dinner. I am so sad that I won’t get to see all my kids together at the same time. I know we made the right decision to not have them come but my heart still hurts. I know there are thousands of others in my same place. I’m grateful to all that have made the same decision and are doing their part to stop the spread of the virus. I worry about the increase in the number of cases and hospitalizations that are coming as a result of those that decided to gather. Stay well everyone and stay safe.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful I have been able to stick to my bright lines for several weeks now, and grateful for all those that are staying home for Thanksgiving this year to protect their loved ones.

I took a long winter’s nap this afternoon. I had fallen asleep in my chair last night and slept from 7:00 – 9:00. Then I couldn’t go to sleep until after 2:00 this morning. Got up before 8:00 after not sleeping very well. Slept a solid two hours this afternoon. Trust I will sleep tonight.

We are having leftovers for dinner tonight so when Jim is ready to eat all I have to do is heat some things up. He is so good about eating leftovers. It is hard to only cook for two not have so many leftovers, although I am getting better at cutting down how much I cook.

I turned the leftover pot roast into beef salad last night. I left a little out so I could have it for dinner tonight. Still have lots of potatoes left over though. I ate leftover carrots for lunch and have enough for tonight too

This doesn’t feel like Thanksgiving week to me as I am not making lists of groceries and checking the list twice before I make a big grocery shop. We are grilling steaks Thursday for dinner and baking potatoes so dinner will be easy. I may bake some pies and take one to Jason and one to Michelle. It won’t feel like Thanksgiving if I don’t bake pies.

Really need to make some decisions about Christmas gifts. So far it doesn’t look good that we will be able to do our annual gathering and white elephant gift exchange. Neither grandkid knows what they want yet. Not looking like Jim’s sons will be able to come home either. Mailing gifts just isn’t the same. Maybe we can agree to have Christmas in July instead?

Jim is going to town tomorrow to get some wine. I need a few groceries so he is going to pick those up when he goes.

We have another chance of rain tomorrow and Tuesday. We got a little over a half of inch yesterday. Hoping for at least that much in this next round. The ground was so dry that I didn’t even notice the rain had fallen when I went down to do chickens this morning. It is only going to be 47 for the high tomorrow so it will be a good day to tuck inside and stay warm and dry.

I have taken a two day media break. I figured if something major happened somehow I would have heard about it. I’m so tired of the division of sides and the distorted facts being used on both sides. I am looking forward to the end of January and hopefully a return to more normal news out of Washington. We have got to come together and solve this great divide or nothing good is going to come of it. Neither side owns truth.

No plans for tomorrow or the rest of the week for that matter. I am finding little housekeeping jobs to do and doing some deep cleaning in small amounts. I need to find a big project and tackle it but somehow the days pass without me having much to do. I am getting better and better at doing nothing and being OK with that. Learning to “be” and learning that is enough.

Grateful for leftovers and a break from cooking, grateful for long winter’s naps, and grateful for learning that being is enough.

I have managed to waste most of this day. It is cold and raining on the prairie today. We have had a light rain most of the afternoon. It is the soaking in type of rain. It won’t fill any ponds as there is no runoff but it is beautiful and quiet. The colors of the grass are muted and the sound of rain so relaxing. It has been a wonderfully quiet day in the house, soft music playing, the sound of light rain on the windows, and the smell of pot roast cooking.

I started re-reading the book I had made of my Camino walk blog. It brought up lots of good memories for me. I still have trouble believing that I walked most of the 500 miles of the Camino de Santiago. I am so glad I blogged and recorded the adventures of each day. Reading it took me right back to where I was each day of the journey. I smiled when I read the parts when I was with Carolyn and Tom. We have stayed in touch and continue to grow our friendship.

I did get the master bedroom floor dry mopped. Found lots of dust under the bed. Put fresh sheets on the bed and did four loads of laundry today. Have a pot roast in the crockpot for dinner. Other than that, I haven’t gotten anything done.

Jim was brave and walked down to take care of the chickens and walked down to get the mail. It is only 42 out and I chickened out and stayed inside. I have been chilly all day and am finally warm and didn’t want to have to warm back up again.

30 more days until Winter Solstice. The light will start returning soon. The last 30 days always feel long to me though as the light continues to lessen each day. December brings the anxiety of Christmas to me. Not my favorite holiday and this year even more so as we won’t be able to gather our families. That is the only part of Christmas I like – all the kids come home at the same time. We will stay apart this year so all will be here to gather next year. It is almost time to start my Christmas baking. I do enjoy that part of Christmas.

In my memories on Facebook I was reminded this is the time that I put out a general invitation to anyone and everyone to come join my family for Thanksgiving Dinner. Afraid I can’t offer that invitation this year. We will all have to gather for a huge party when it is safe to do so. Hopefully by fall of 2021 it will be safe to gather again.

We have passed eight months of limited mobility in the community. In some ways it feels like it has gone by quickly and in others it seems like forever ago that we ate out without worry and care. I wonder how this time at home has permanently changed our habits for the future. I will never take having guests over for granted anymore. I miss having friends and family over more than anything.

Jim and I have been married for over 8 months now. Guess we will be able to remember when the shelter-in-place began as it was the same month we got married in. I am so grateful I have had him to shelter-in-place with.

I took a day off from reading the news today. I needed a day to clean my soul and mind from all the bad news. I have visualized the rain washing away all the negativity in the world today. I can’t change a thing in the world except myself. When I get caught up in the whirlwind of chaos I add to the world problems. When I can stay grounded and centered and send out more light and love I can rise above the negativity and add positive energy to the world. It never feels like that is enough but if everyone could do that I absolutely feel the world would change.

Grateful for a quiet, rainy day on the prairie that has felt like a respite from the craziness of the world, grateful for the smell of pot roast cooking, and grateful for memories of days gone by.

I went into Emporia this morning to have a fasting blood draw. The doctor I saw yesterday needed some details on my cholesterol so he could get the new medication approved through insurance. Walmart notified me that it was ready to be picked up but it costs $447 for one shot. I am to take a shot every two weeks. Unless something changes with the price I won’t be taking it. The Doctor said not to pick it up until he tried to do some behind the scenes work to help get the price down. We will see what happens.

I wasn’t impressed with the lab at the hospital that the new doctor uses. I had to wait about 20 minutes and they only had one person in front of me. They had a new girl attempt to get the blood and she missed on a vein that is usually a winner and easy for them. Her teacher tried the second time and got it right away. But they didn’t apply pressure on either site so I have bruises.

Jim helped me clean out the chicken coop this afternoon. I wasn’t going to clean it out again before spring but it has been so warm I decided to do it one more time before the cold weather gets here. It didn’t take long to do and it will smell much better for a bit, The chickens are so fun to watch afterwards as they like to rearrange the straw to their liking. Cleaning out the coop is not one of Jim’s favorite things to do. He has a strong aversion to chicken shit.

It has been cooler today but less windy. The temperature only reached the mid 50’s today and not the mid 60’s that were forecast. We are to get some rain tomorrow if we get lucky. We are in drought conditions so rain would be most welcome.

I was so tempted to stop at Walmart on the way home today but decided the risk wasn’t worth it. COVID is running rampant in Emporia right now and what I have on my list wasn’t essential. Hoping we can stay home now for the next week or so and not leave the property. I didn’t have good luck with staying home this week so we will see what happens next week. Traffic will start getting heavier this weekend as people start traveling for the holiday. I sure hope people listened and will cancel plans and stay home and be safe. I worry about our medical people and supplies if people get out and about. We are reaching a critical tipping point to a huge disaster.

We are gilling hamburgers for dinner so that will be easy. I have a sweet potato baking in the oven for me. Jim is going to have Tator Tots with his along with some veggies. Tomorrow we are going to have pot roast. Nice to have the decision made about what is for dinner a day early.

I have managed to stay on plan for over two weeks now. I’ve lost 4 pounds so far. I am a slow loser and it will take me to March to get to my goal weight. Since we don’t eat out it makes it easier to stay on plan. I’m glad I was able to get back started again and trust I will be able to remain on plan. Last time I ate the same thing all the time but this time I am modifying whatever I fix for Jim and eating a bigger variety of food. I think that is healthier and easier to maintain long-term. I am already feeling better and have more energy. I am still detoxing a bit from all the flour I ate when I had C Diff but am reaching the end of the detox, I think.

I ordered some Christmas cards for this year. I haven’t sent any out for several years but decided this might be a good year to send some out. I am stuck at home and don’t have a lot to do. I really enjoyed writing letters earlier this year and want to write a personal letter with each card I send out. I have a lot of friends that I want to tell how much they mean to me. I forget to say that to them sometimes.

I haven’t heard if Chase County is finally going to adopt a face mask policy. So far they have vetoed the governor’s policy and exempted the county from the governor’s mask mandate. I was pleased to see that they cancelled the Country Christmas events they had scheduled for next weekend. I know it was a hard decision to do but I strongly feel it was the correct one. I don’t think cities should be encouraging people to get out and about right now.

Feeling more prepared mentally for the coming two or three months of lockdown. I had been feeling resistance to it but something has clicked this week and it feels OK now. I hate that I can’t see my family and friends but that is what is needed for the safety of all right now. I’m glad I have Jim to shelter in place with.

Grateful the chickens have fresh linens, grateful the doctor is working to help me get the medication at a more reasonable price, and grateful for all that are serious about sheltering in place to protect others.

I met my new doctor today. Actually I had met him when I was in the hospital and he was the Hospitalist and I was impressed with him. He had been Kathy’s doctor and helped her with her parathyroid gland that was malfunctioning. I was impressed with his staff and their efficiency today.

He took his time with me and seemed to listen to my biggest concerns. He had a recommendation for me for my high cholesterol and ordered a StoolGuard test that was coming due. I go back in six months to have my cholesterol rechecked and to check in with him. I trust this was a good move to change to his practice.

I went into town a bit early so I could drop off cookies and Chex Party Mix at Jason and at Michelle’s house. I got to see Michelle andTagen for a hot minute when I dropped off theirs. I left Jason’s on his front porch. Tagen was doing school. Ellexia has to start doing on-line school Monday. I sure wish I could have them out for a day but that i going to have to wait until this virus thing is under better control. I trust they will enjoy their treats. It is the only way I can be with them and not be there.

I didn’t sleep much last night so came home from the Doctor and took a nap. I even had trouble napping today. Trusting good sleep will find me tonight.

Jim and I have committed to each other not to have any friends over or go to anyone’s house until things have quieted down. It is so tempting to have some friends over again but we just can’t take the risk right now. The hospitals are too full and we need to do our part to keep everyone safe. We will have to get creative and find ways to stay engaged with the world outside of each other.

It reached the mid 70’s today. Unfortunately the wind was gusting to over 40 MPH again today. The dust has blown in the house and covered the floors and furniture again. Maybe tomorrow I will go after it and put it back outside where it belongs. The sound of the wind drove me over a cliff today. It wears one out after a bit.

For not having anything on my calendar I managed to have to leave the house three times this week. I wonder if I will get to stay home now for a bit. I have nothing on my calendar for the duration ahead. We will see what happens.

I’m fixing chicken tenders with veggies for dinner tonight. Jim will also have a baked potato. That will be easy! I had leftover One Pot Dish for lunch. It was OK but not great. What’s for dinner remains the biggest challenge of the day and the only long-term planning I do most days. Think I will make black bean soup for dinner tomorrow night. Jim says he has never had it but is willing to try it.

Thanksgiving is a week from today. I think we have decided to grill steaks for dinner that day. Doing something out of the box and nothing that I normally would be fixing. We will try to make it a bit special for the two of us. I have a special cake I am going to bake for Jim for that day. We are trying to think of ways we can reach out to others that day too. I’m sure there will be lots of folks like us that are home alone for the day that normally would be gathering with family. What ever your plans are, I trust you will stay safe.

Grateful to finally have a new doctor, grateful for a day in the mid 70’s in the middle of November, and grateful to have been able to see Michelle and Tagen for a hot minute today.

Baked Jim a batch of Snickerdoodle cookies this morning. He woke up in time to eat some right out of the oven. The house always smells good when you bake something that has cinnamon in it.

Have dinner cooking in the oven. When I was typing recipes I found some I had forgotten about. Tonight is One Dish Meal which is sliced potatoes, hamburger, rice, onion, carrots and tomato juice. If I remember correctly it is yummy but I haven’t fixed it for a long time.

Got a call from my new doctor’s office today. They got enough of my medical records that they can see me. I have an appointment for tomorrow at 1:00. That is a huge relief for me. It means making a trip to town but this one will be worth it. Staying home hasn’t worked out so well for me this week.

I called my medical insurance company to make sure I can keep the same medical insurance plan as I had last year. I can and they gave me the rate. I price checked a plan for Jim and it is cheaper than what his teacher’s plan offers and has a lower deductible. We will get him signed up. The call was one of the easier ones I have placed lately. I didn’t have to deal with an automated system and the lady helping me was very efficient. She even gave me her direct dial number so I can call back in easily to get Jim signed up. That will be another big thing off my to-do list. Now to get Jim to call in and give them all the information they need.

The wind has been gusting up to over 40 MPH today. Jim is working downstairs in a bedroom that doesn’t have any windows so he doesn’t have to hear the wind. It was getting on his last nerve today. The wind can certainly wear you out sometimes out here on top of a hill. I haven’t noticed the chickens out playing in the yard today. Both indoor cats have been a bit edgy today.

Both Topeka and Wichita hospitals are saying they can’t accept any more COVID patient transfers. The Topeka hospital is reporting a 10% mortality rate of patients admitted with COVID. This is getting serious and dangerous. I’m glad we cancelled our Thanksgiving dinner. We just can’t take any risks right now.

Ellexia and I have been texting back and forth so she can help me choose a birthday present for her. I got some things ordered for her last night so that project is completed. Now to decide what to get her and her brother for Christmas as well as for Tagen’s birthday in January. One gift down, three to go. I can do this!

As the grandkids get older, it is harder to buy gifts for them. Luckily Ellexia wanted clothes. I don’t mind buying those as I know she will use them. They certainly don’t need more stuff.

I wanted to do a knitting project so went through my yarn but couldn’t find enough of it to make the project. Does that mean I get to buy yarn? I’ll probably come up with another project instead. I have lots of yarn, just not in the right colors and quantities for a bigger project. I have lots of linen yarn that I need to figure out something to make out of it.

Jim hasn’t decided yet if and when he is going to Stillwater. He had thought about going today but decided not to drive in this wind. There are so many semi trucks on the Turnpike and this wind makes it hard for them to stay straight. I reminded him next week there will be lots of extra traffic due to the holidays.

I’m sure glad I don’t have to place a food order for McDonald’s for Thanksgiving weekend. Who knows how busy they might be this year. They should be slow if everyone listens to the experts and stays home for Thanksgiving but something tells me most won’t. I wonder what Black Friday shopping will be like. You couldn’t pay me to go out that Friday and go into a crowded store. No bargain would be worth it to me.

On Facebook I follow two young doctors that used to live in Emporia and are now working in big hospitals in KC. Both are saying the same thing – things are getting really hard for them. Too many sick patients and no end in sight. Staff continues to come down sick and they are being stretched to the max. They both are reporting a high number of people in their 20’s and 30’s with no pre-existing medical conditions being on 90% oxygen and are very sick. They have patients in the hallways and in waiting rooms now. Scary times for all right now.

I realize how much privilege I have to be able to make the choice to stay home right now. I don’t have to go to work and be around people. I have a stocked freezer and pantry and no worries about food. I wish everyone could make the same choices I have been able to make and not have to deal with the consequences of such choices. So many people are living on the edge of falling into a disaster outcome. I feel so helpless at times and wish there was a way I could do more to help others.

Grateful for a doctor’s appointment, grateful Ellexia’s birthday present is ordered, and grateful for all those on the front line taking care of COVID patients.

Sammy, my Subaru, is back home. Jim drove me to Topeka this afternoon to pick her up. It was a quick trip up and back. The guy at the service department even returned the rock that had gotten stuck between the brake shield and disc.

I called to see if my medical records have arrived at my new doctor’s office yet. They were requested October 11. They have not. I asked to speak to a supervisor and got someone that seems to know what to do. She called records department and was told via a voice message that no one is in the office for 14 days so don’t leave a message. By law, they have to produce the requested documents within 30 days. She called to update me and said they are going to make some noise and see what they can do.

In the meantime she requested my most recent office visit reports from my doctor and they will review those and if approved will schedule an initial appointment for me. Who knew this would take six weeks. Good thing it isn’t an emergency need. I have a great deal of frustration with disorganization and processes that don’t work.

Had a request from a past guest for a room for a long-term boarder stay. I had to turned him down as I can’t risk having others in the house right now. If I won’t let my own kids come for Thanksgiving I can’t let a friend come stay long-term. I hated to say no but felt that is what I needed to do right now. If things start improving I will reconsider.

I get so angry when I see posts stating the left is trying to cancel Thanksgiving and Christmas. I see it so differently. If I cancel hosting my Thanksgiving dinner, then maybe we won’t be in ICU for Christmas. It is an act of love, not a loss of my rights. Why did common sense and acts of love become so political. I will never understand that perspective. Besides, we will figure out a way to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas – just not in the same house at the same time.

A friend’s husband who has COVID had to go to ER today as walking and talking was impossible for him. He was given a treatment and sent home. You have to be really sick to get admitted to the hospital right now. Another friend let us know his granddaughter has a moderate to severe case of COVID right now. She had to come home from college. Another friend I know posted on Facebook that she is down with it too. I am loosing track of how many people I know that have it.

Unless another emergency comes up we are home for a bit. No plans to leave the property again except to go to Cottonwood Falls to take a load to recycle. That doesn’t involve any human contact though. Jim may run down to Stillwater later this week to get a load of stuff but he plans his trip so he doesn’t have to stop on the way down or back so it is human contact free. He may spend one night in Stillwater but he may make the trip down and back in the same day.

Still trying to come up with a big project to work on. I have a knitting project I am going to be doing for someone but the yarn for that project hasn’t arrived yet. I will keep my eyes and ears open to see if someone has a need that I could help with from home. I am limited a bit as I won’t do any human to human contact right now. Anyone know of a non-profit that could use my help with something I could do from home?

I am fixingJim scalloped potatoes with ham for dinner tonight. I have a sweet potato baking for me and I will fix a black bean burger for me to eat along with our big serving of veggies. I am staying off white potatoes, grains, flour and sugar right now. Attempting to take off the COVID19 I gained. I’m down a little over 3 right now but have lots more to go.

It was another beautiful day on the prairie although a bit windy. I got a fire watch alert as well as a wind advisory for today. It reached 66 today and is to reach 68 tomorrow. Not bad for the middle of November.

My restlessness is quieting down. Making the decision about Thanksgiving seemed to have helped. I am coming into acceptance of the fact that I will be tucking in at home and not getting out much for the next six weeks or so. I’m almost OK with not having a big Thanksgiving dinner. We will have a huge dinner when things are safe again – whenever that might be.

Grateful Sammy is home safe and sound, grateful I found someone to help me get my appointment schedule with my new doctor, and grateful for all the doctors and nurses treating all the COVID patients.

This feels like it has been a busy day. We called the Subaru dealer in Topeka after videotaping the sound the car was making. When we played it for him the guy said we had a rock in the brake shoe. He gave us the number for the Subaru rescue squad and we had the car towed to Topeka. They have already called and told us they got the rock out and the car is ready to come home. We will drive up tomorrow afternoon and pick it up. That was easy. I am impressed with the service that Subaru provided. The tow was easy to set up, free, and they were here within an hour of my call.

Carolyn and Tom, my friends from CA I met on the Camino, FaceTime with us this afternoon. It is always a good day when we get to visit.

Jim and I took a 2 1/2 mile walk. It is a beautiful fall day and a bit windy but not bad, especially down in the valley. One the way back a neighbor was working his field and needed some help closing a heavy gate. I’m glad we were in the right place at the right time to help him out.

Jim wants leftovers for dinner tonight so that will be easy. And I already know what I am fixing tomorrow night. That is the hardest part of each day – deciding what to have for dinner. I am blessed for that to be the biggest decision of the day.

Guess my lockdown will not go as planned as we have to drive to Topeka tomorrow to get the car. We will get the key, sign a paper and get out of there and head home. Seems like there is always something essential that needs to be taken care of.

Haven’t gotten much done today. Good thing I don’t have a lot that needs done. I did a bit of cleaning in the study. An area had been bugging me and I got it taken care of earlier. Maybe I will get in the mood to do some more cleaning yet today. Doubt it but it may happen!

Jim is working on a CD rack he built. It was about a 1/2 inch too long so he has to take one edge off and cut it down a bit. He said he might run to Stillwater, spend one night and come back the next day with a car load of tools and books he wants. We will see if he goes. His house sitter that comes to the house two or three times a week to check things out has COVID. I think his family has been checking on things for him. Sounds like he has a mild case thank heavens. He is only 17 so in the age group that recovers quicker than us old people.

I have been observing myself and my reaction to COVID. I seem to come to acceptance of what is but struggle to hold myself there and fall back into denial and anger about what is. Today I feel like I am solidly in acceptance but yesterday I was solidly in anger. Acceptance feels much better. Being in anger or denial doesn’t help anything and wastes my energy on thoughts and feelings that are not helpful. Hard to convince my mind not to go there though.

Grateful for a long walk on a beautiful fall day, grateful for the visit with Carolyn and Tom, and grateful my car was fixed easily.

We went to Walmart and did a huge grocery shop today. It took us a bit to gather all we needed in the store and even longer to find space for all of it when we got home. If I accomplished my goal, I won’t have to go back to the grocery store for four to six weeks except for milk, bananas, and other perishables. It feels good to have the pantry fully stocked and the freezer full.

I took a long nap again this afternoon. Going to town wears me out faster than anything else I do. Glad I am tucking in to to stay home for a long while. I don’t think I will be back in town for several weeks. We do need to go into Cottonwood Falls tomorrow or Tuesday to dump recycling but that doesn’t involve seeing other people.

Got news today that a dear friend’s son and granddaughter have COVID. Luckily my friend wasn’t exposed. I wonder if there is anyone left that doesn’t know someone that has it. Maybe that will help change people’s behavior and more people will wear masks and stay home except for essential trips.

My brother, wife and two sons are all on the recovery list or will be within a day or two. I am grateful they all made it through. I saw my nephew today at Walmart and he looked good. My friend that had it is being moved to the recovered list too.

I went through my personal and business files and pulled the records from 2019. I need to find a box to put them in and take them down to the barn in my record storage area. When I did the books for McDonald’s that was a three day project. It only took me about 30 minutes to do it this year. I have to save the records for back up for income tax purposes as most of my expenses are deductible for the Airbnb business. Since I won’t have any guests in 2020 I won’t have to save those records.

I saw all the Thanksgiving dinner ingredients in the store today and it made me a bit sad I won’t be picking any of them up. I will so miss cooking all my families favorite things and having a bunch for dinner. I have some pumpkin so will probably bake Jim a pumpkin pie. Not sure what we will have for our Thanksgiving dinner. Jim isn’t a big fan of turkey. Cooking for two just won’t be the same.

Jim fixed a frozen pizza for dinner. He adds jalapeños, onions and olives to it. I don’t like or eat pizza so I had something else that was simple to make. It was nice to have a day off from cooking. I’ll come up with something to fix for tomorrow night.

Eleven days of being back on my eating plan. I can tell I am still detoxing though from all the flour I had eaten while I had C Diff. My headaches had faded to the back ground although they are still there. Another couple of days and they should be gone. It feels good to be back on plan. I have been surprised I have been able to quit snacking. I need to do a better job of planning what I am going to eat but am figuring out some quick and simple foods to eat when I haven’t thought ahead.

I have been working on preparing myself to stay home for the duration. I need to do a better job of reaching out by phone to my friends and staying in touch that way. I have never liked talking on the phone but I need to suck it up and deal. I need to find a big project to work on at home so I stay busy and forget that I am choosing not to leave the property.

I keep reading posts from doctors that work in hospitals and the horror they are seeing each day. Hospitals around here are out of beds and the big hospitals are refusing to accept new patients. My fear is those that have heart attacks, accidents, etc will struggle to find care. We are in for a hard couple of months ahead I fear. Thanksgiving events will add to the misery.

Grateful to be tucked in at home for the duration, grateful the shopping trip is done and put away, and grateful to be back eating on plan.

Jim and I got our workout in today. We went to Bluestem and bought 500 pounds of chicken and dog feed. We had to load it on to the cart, then into the car and then out of the car. Sorted the chicken feed into buckets when we got home.

Stopped at Fanestil’s and bought some bacon. It happened to be on sale at $24.50 a box so got two 10 pound boxes. That should last me a bit. When I got home I divided it up and put about two pounds each in gallon zip lock bags. My freezer is filling up. I need to give away the eight gallon bags of Chex Party Mix to make some more room.

We need to make a grocery trip but didn’t have room in the car for groceries after getting 10 bags of feed. I will go to town in the morning when the store isn’t busy and do a big grocery haul. We are trying to stock everything up so we don’t have to go to town much for the next six to eight weeks. We will have to go once a week for milk and fresh veggies but hoping to limit what we will need so it can be a very short and quick trip in and out of the store.

Got good news from my brother’s family, Two of the four have been moved to recovered status and the other two are close behind. What a relief to know they are healing and getting better. My friend that has been down for three weeks with it is on the mend finally. COVID can be wicked and it takes a while to recover. Hopefully none of them will become long-haulers and continue to have issues into the future.

The wind has been gusting up and over 30 MPH today. Sustained winds are averaging 20 MPH. I walked up to the house to get some empty chicken feen buckets and almost did a Mary Poppins on the way back down to the garage. The chickens don’t like to get their feathers ruffled so they are staying inside today.

I finished my cookbook project so need to find another project to start.

We were going to take my car to town but when Jim backed it out of the garage it made a funny noise. Jim said it sounded like the brake shoe was rubbing. I’ll have to call the dealer Monday and see when we can take it in. That will mean going to OK for at least a day. Jim wanted to go get some tools anyways so we will have to work something out depending on when they can look at the car. Hope it is safe to drive it to Tulsa.

Nothing on our calendar the rest of the month except the grocery store haul and getting my car fixed. It is nice to have a long stretch of empty space in front of us. Jim has a few projects he wants to get started, especially if we get some of his tools brought up.

I’m still sad that I can’t do a big Thanksgiving dinner this year. The realization that Jim’s sons probably won’t get to come home for Christmas is starting to set in for Jim. We keep telling each other we are giving up these things this year so all may gather alive and well next year. Not sure it makes it easier but it does feel like it is the right thing to do. If people would stay home except for essentials and wear masks the virus would go away much quicker. I just don’t understand why doing the right thing for the protection of others has become such a divisive issue in this country.

Grateful the big feed haul is done, grateful my brother’s family is on the road to recovery, and grateful the cookbook project is complete.

Went to visit with a dear friend this morning. I hadn’t seen her in over a year. Both of us have made significant life changes since last we met. I got to tour her new house. It is so nice and comfortable. She has done a beautiful job with the major remodel. It was good soul food to have a deep conversation with another woman.

I am almost finished with my cookbook project. Just need to type and print a table of contents and I will be done. Got all the recipes sorted and placed in the folders this afternoon. Made the labels for the dividers and got them put together. This has been a fun project down memory lane for me.

I’m making Steak Packets for dinner. I marinate sirloin steaks in a ketchup, steak sauce, Worcestershire sauce marinate. Then I placed them on a big piece of foil and topped them with potatoes, onions and carrots. Bake in the oven for an hour and dinner is ready. I used to fix these using hamburger patties for the kids when we had our cabin at Lake Kahola. Easy to fix and yummy to eat. You can tailor each one to each person’s preferences. My packet won’t have potatoes and Jim’s will have extra onion.

I talked to Nicole today and told her we have decided not to have a Thanksgiving dinner. I hate to cancel it but I just don’t feel right hosting one. The spread of COVID is rapid and I just can’t risk it. Hoping we can figure out a way to do something for Christmas but am not going to bet on it. I have a feeling one to two weeks after Thanksgiving will show a huge spike in cases which will make Christmas even more risky.

I heard about some friends that gathered for a small party last Saturday night and now several of them are positive for COVID. It is so easy to spread it as you can give it to someone without knowing you are sick.

Jim and I are tucked in for the duration. We will only be going to town once a week for essentials. I took a risk yesterday getting my teeth cleaned and another risk today visiting my friend. I need to tuck in for a bit and not take any more risks and push my luck.

It only got to 50 today for the high but the sun was out and the skies were blue. It is to warm up some for next week. Still hoping to get some deck work done but am not going to hold my breath. I need Jim to do some sanding before I can paint and that hasn’t hit his list yet. No worries. It can wait.

I got the biggest belly laugh today. Jim came in the kitchen carrying his coffee thermos. He said he was going to dump it out and make some fresh as it had a funny taste to it. He said the coffee that was in his cup tasted fine but the thermos was yucky. When he was dumping it out the Scotch Brite Pad he uses to clean the thermos fell out along with the yucky coffee. No wonder the coffee tasted yucky. We both had a good laugh. I’m glad I am not the only one to do something like that.

Still feeling the restlessness although it has been a bit quieter today. Making the decision about Thanksgiving helped. The unknown is usually an uncomfortable place to rest in. There are lots of unknowns in the world right now. All will be well. All is well. I forget that sometimes.

Grateful for a visit with a friend, grateful the cookbook project is almost done, and grateful for the laugh Jim provided me today.

This day went by quickly. I didn’t sleep much last night but sure was sleeping good when the alarm went off at 6:30. I had to be gone by 7:30 this morning so had to get up and get moving.

The Vo-Tech is taking the virus seriously and have implemented lots of safety precautions to help keep everyone safe. The girl that cleaned my teeth was fun to visit with and did a good job. She is a second year student so it only took a little over two hours.

I stopped at Walmart when I was done and picked up a few groceries and then ran into Staples and got a few things. It was good to get home after being in town for several hours.

I fixed lunch and then took a long nap. I woke up and fixed leftovers for dinner. I needed to get the refrigerator cleaned out and Jim is always willing to eat leftovers.

My recipe project is coming along. I probably am over half done typing recipes and have the first half of them printed. I need to figure out how to organize them in the folder I am putting them in and get them all sorted into sections. I must like to make desserts because that is the section I have the most recipes for. I guess most main dishes I make don’t require recipes.

It has been interesting typing some of the recipes. Many call for margarine instead of butter. That must have been the trend in the 70’s and 80’s. Some call for things that aren’t even made even more. Do they still make Cool Aid packages? Pistachio pudding mix? Boxes of frozen strawberries? I must be getting old.

Tomorrow I am going to Matfield Green to visit a friend for an hour in the morning. I haven’t seen her for almost a year so looking forward to catching up. After that I don’t have anything on my calendar for several weeks. Jim hasn’t decided if he is going to Stillwater but thinking not.

Jim got the doors on my chicken coop repaired today. They were hard to close and have been since I got the coop. I can finally easily close and lock them. He is handy to have around.

The good thing of doing the recipe project is I now have some ideas of what to fix for the next week or so. I had forgotten about some of the things I like to make. I laid out some sirloin steak for tomorrow night and I am going to make Steak Packets with onion, potatoes, carrots and steak. It has a yummy easy sauce I make to go over it. You wrap everything up in a foil packet and bake for an hour. I like meals like that.

Just discovered my dishwasher is not working. It was replaced earlier this year. It blinks at me but won’t reset and start. I looked up the owner’s manual on-line but the trouble shooting guide doesn’t list that problem. Hate when that happens. I may need to call them tomorrow and see what is wrong.

Still feeling the restlessness but it has quieted down a bit. Still there though and still have no clue what it is.

I read where we may have a national lock down again to try to stop the virus. Don’t think it will change anything about how we are living right now. We limit our trips outside the house to essential trips. Tomorrow is an exception for me to that rule as I will be going to visit my friend. We just don’t get out much at all yet. We still haven’t eaten at a restaurant since all this started – haven’t even picked up take out food. Trust we don’t have national shortages of people stock piling reserves again. It is nice to have a freezer full of meat in case there are shortages again.

Grateful for the Vo-Tech and its dental program, grateful for long afternoon naps after a night of little sleep, and grateful for repaired doors on the chicken coop.

We had fun last night delivering meals. Our first stop was to Dean’s apartment. He came out in his mask to pick up his food. Then we went to Lebo and dropped off dinner for Keith, Tammy and Abram. We left their food on their back deck. Our last stop was at Ellexia’s. She only got dessert which was Rice Krispie Peanut Butter treats. It took us almost two hours to make the round trip.

I started organizing my recipe files today. I am typing all my favorite recipes and creating a file on my computer. I’m tired of paper recipes and not being able to find the one I want. I learned how to create a file on my computer and have been typing on and off most of the day. One of those rainy day projects that was on my dream list. Feels good to get that one started.

Not sure what else I have done today. I did fix dinner and took a short nap. Took care of the animals but not sure I did anything else.

I have to get up early tomorrow as I have to be at the Vo-Tech before 8:00. Sure trusting they are being safe. If I don’t feel safe once I get there I will leave. After seeing what my brother has been through I don’t want COVID.

Friday morning I am going to Matfield Green to visit a friend. We have been trying to get together for three months. She has kids in school so I will wear my mask while I am there. I am taking a risk to go to the dental school to have my teeth cleaned and to go visit my friend.

After my visit with my friend Friday I don’t have anything else on my calendar for weeks. Still not sure if Jim is going to Stillwater next week. We will see what he decides to do.

Still feeling that restlessness that has been lingering for a bit now. Still haven’t figured out what it is trying to tell me. It doesn’t usually linger this long so I am curious as what is behind it. Maybe it is related to knowing that I really need to lock myself at home and not get out and take risks. Maybe it is related to the election energy and the not knowing what is going to happen with all of that. Maybe it is something else completely. Sooner or later it will go away and I may never have a story about what it is.

It was a non windy day today – at last. It warmed up to the mid 50’s but felt warmer as the wind wasn’t blowing. The sun was out all day and it was beautiful out. I should have gotten out and enjoyed it. Jim took a long walk but I couldn’t make myself get out of the house and go with him.

Grateful I have started a dream list project, grateful for a low wind day on the prairie, and grateful for a quiet day at home.

I have a crock pot of hamburger veggie soup cooking. It smells so good. We are doing meals on wheels tonight and delivering soup to my sick family members. I will make some beer bread muffins in a bit to go with it. Maybe a homemade dinner cooked with love and healing intentions will help everyone feel better.

I have a pan of peanut butter Rice Krispy treats to take to Ellexia since we are going to town. We were texting today and she decided those sounded good.

I haven’t managed to get anything else done today. It is windy and cold outside today. It was in the mid 30’s with wind chill in the mid 20’s when I went down to do chicken chores this morning. I opened their door to let them outside but not sure they ever stuck their heads out the door. I don’t blame them for staying inside today.

We got some rain last night. The ground wasn’t very wet when I went down to do chores so am thinking we didn’t get much. The wind and rain woke me up last night at some point and I checked and it was a gust of over 50 MPH. It was in a big hurry to get somewhere last night. The sun finally popped out this afternoon and it looks warmer out but not sure it is.

I haven’t heard from my Endocrinologist office today about what they want to do about my low TSH levels. Am guessing it must be her day off or else they are waiting on the other blood test to come back so she only has to reply once. They are really good about getting back to me so I’m sure I will hear something tomorrow.

The Vo-Tech called me this morning and I now have a dental cleaning appointment for Thursday morning at 8:00. I haven’t had a cleaning since last March so am due for one. I am grateful they called. Hoping it is safe to go and have that done. If you want a good place to go have your teeth cleaned very thoroughly and for only $20 call them and book an appointment. It takes several hours but they do a great job and a real dentist checks you over when they are done. I have gone for the last several years and have not been disappointed yet.

I need to start thinking about what I am going to get the kids for Christmas. We usually do a grab bag type of thing but we may not be gathering this year. I don’t do much for Christmas for them but need to get something for them. It is almost time to start my Christmas baking. That is the only part of Christmas I love.

Still feeling unsettled and restless today. Having trouble getting grounded and holding it. There is a lot of things on my mind and I am having trouble letting go of some of the worry I am holding on to. Worrying about something has never once change the outcome and it is a waste of energy to worry but sometimes that knowledge doesn’t make it to my heart brain.

Grateful for the rain we got last night, grateful for the smell of soup in the air this afternoon, and grateful for the Vo-Tech dental program.

We went to Topeka this morning for my regular visit with the Endocrinologist. I saw the NP instead of the doctor. She was good and took her time. I had blood work done when the visit was over. Just got notified of the results of the TSH. It is low at 0.5 which is what I predicted. They are waiting on the cancer marker test and tomorrow will let me know what adjustment to the medication I take they will want me to make.

I can usually tell when my levels get low. I sweat lots when they are low, I poop more,, my heart rate is faster, and my skin gets dry. I have all those symptoms. I have lost three pounds this week which is great but I don’t take it off that fast if my levels are normal.

I am to have a bone density test and they called and got that scheduled for December 24. She put in standing orders for me to go to the clinic every six weeks and have my levels checked. That is nice and helpful.

We got home around 2:00. I ate lunch and then took a nap. Going to town wore me out even though Jim drove.

Got word that the COVID tests were positive for my extended family members. I wasn’t surprised to hear that based on their symptoms. Three of the four are doing OK but one is having a harder course. All we can do is pray for the best. So far not hospitalized and we will see how this plays out. I now have six extended family members with active COVID.

I have ham and beans in the instant pot for Jim’s dinner. I will probably have left over hamburger and chicken and a veggie. Beans don’t sound good to me tonight.

It was in the low 70’s today but was cloudy and windy. It didn’t feel like it was that warm. We have a chance for rain tomorrow and it is to start getting cooler for the extended forecast.

I don’t have anything else on my calendar for a while. Jim is talking now about going to Stillwater to work for several days next week. I will probably stay home. I feel for some reason I need to be here for a bit. We will see – I may decide to go or he may decide to stay home.

Jim has started a new wood working project. He has a bunch of CD’s and needs a shelf to hold them. He likes building things. I need to find a new project.

Feeling a bit unsettled tonight. Having nothing on my calendar is both freeing and a bit unsettling to me. With all the COVID in the area we will be limiting even more our outings. We are going back to only going to town individually once a week and timing our visits when the least amount of people are out and about. KS is in the top ten states again for the most increases in cases. The hospitals are filling up quickly – some are already turning down patients. Time to ramp up our protection and tuck in at home.

It is looking more and more like we won’t schedule a Thanksgiving Dinner. I would have trouble living with myself if I held one and then several got sick as a result. Hoping things slow down a bit so we can gather sometime in December to celebrate Christmas. We shall see what happens.

Grateful for a safe trip to Topeka and home, grateful for medication that lets me live life without a thyroid, and grateful for the rain we are going to get tomorrow.

Heard that a second cousin has COVID. This is spreading way too much in our family. I have at least three extended family members that have it now and possibly three others that are still waiting on test results. Be careful out there.

Haven’t gotten much done today. I listened to Jim’s church Facebook service this morning. Took a nap this afternoon and took care of the chickens. I did go to Emporia and picked up a few groceries. Most people at Walmart were wearing masks although there were a few that had them around their necks instead of their mouths and nose. Hope that works for them.

Three successful days of eating on plan done. So far, so good today. I had forgotten how tired I get when I am detoxing. Low energy and a bit of a headache. It will pass in the next couple of days. Shows me how much I was eating that I shouldn’t have been. Back to three meals a day and no snacks.

The wind has been gusting up to 40 MPH today. I was carrying two empty buckets up from the chickens to the barn and almost did a Mary Poppins and flew up the hill. I got 33.7 MPH on the way home from town as the wind was pushing me home. It wears me out after a bit.

Tomorrow I have to be in Topeka at 11:15 for my 11:30 appointment with the PA at my Endocrinologist office. I don’t think I have anything I need to stop and get in Topeka so it will be a quick visit up and back. I’ll need to leave around 10:00 and should be home by 1:15.

We had rain in the forecast for both tomorrow and Tuesday but now we are down to only a 30% chance on Tuesday. We sure could use some of the rain Florida is forecasted to be getting. We are dry on the prairie. The cracks are wide and deep in the yard now.

It was in the mid 70’s again today. Tomorrow is our last day that it is going to be that warm. Low 50’s to 60’s are forecast for the next ten days after that. Maybe the wind will calm down when it cools down a bit.

Have felt a bit restless today. Not sure if it is because of the wind or something else. I am worried about some of my family members that are sick. The state of the world right now feels very tenuous and a bit out of control. I am doing my best to take time to ground and stay centered so I don’t add to the heavy energy of the world. It sure feels like it may be a long winter this year with the spread of the virus and the whole political situation. Grateful Jim and I both enjoy staying home.

I am grilling chicken tenders for dinner if the grill will stay lit in this wind. That will make for an easy dinner. Jim will have a baked potato with his and I will fix a veggie for me. I’m so happy I got a grill earlier this year as we use it a lot. I used to be afraid of the grill and didn’t know how to use it well but I have learned and am getting much better at it.

Need to get back to writing some more letters. The think I miss the most about the isolation of COVID is having face to face contact with my friends. Writing a letter helps bridge that gap but it will be so nice to get back to real contact.

Grateful for three successful days on plan, grateful for my grill that makes cooking so easy, and grateful for those that wear their masks properly and help keep their friends and neighbors safe.

We had the most delightful evening last night. It felt so good to do something “normal” and have friends over for dinner. The food was great and the conversation even better.

Woke up to the news this morning that Biden is our new president. Of course the election results still needs to be verified but sounds like both the popular vote and the Electoral College will go his way. I wish a vote would also end the great divide between sides. Biden has his work cut out for him. The changing of presidents gives me a glimmer of hope but the work to unite the country will be a long, arduous journey. Each of us will need to do our part to help make it happen.

Took a short nap this afternoon. I had trouble falling asleep last night but slept hard for about five hours once I fell asleep. I needed a short nap for a burst of energy to make it through the day.

It has been another beautiful day on the prairie. The wind has been gusting up to 30 MPH so it has been a windy one. Feels so good to have the windows open though. The furniture that I dusted yesterday is already covered with a layer of dust. Oh well, That is the price I pay for living in the country and having 70 degree days in November.

I am fixing tacos for Jim for dinner. I may grill myself a hamburger. Tacos aren’t my thing. I am running out of ideas of what to fix again. That remains the hardest decision of my day – what to fix for dinner. I am privileged to have that be the biggest issue of the day.

Nothing on the calendar for tomorrow. Monday I go to the Endocrinologist in Topeka. My appointment is at 11:30 so I will need to leave around 10:00. Nothing else on the calendar for the rest of the week. Jim may run down to Stillwater for a few days. We will see what he decides to do.

I had another successful day eating on plan yesterday. So far today I have held to my lines. My body feels so much better already. Have a bit of a headache today from the withdrawal side effects of getting the flour I had been eating out of my system. Guessing I have another couple days of that until I am clean again.

Jim is sanding on the back deck this afternoon which means tomorrow I will have some painting to do. It will be good to get that project wrapped up.

My Facebook memories reminded me that a year ago I was recovering from my second bunion surgery. I am grateful that is behind me now and I can walk relatively pain free now. Two years ago Nicole and I were doing our trip to New Zealand and Australia. That was one of the best trips I have ever taken.

I have a paper sack of romance novels that I need to find a home for. If you like reading them let me know and you can have them. I usually give them to the library for the Friends of the Library sale but they aren’t accepting them right now. I got them from the library book sale so they are used books but very readable.

I can hear the dogs snoring on the back deck. They are nocturnal animals and like to sleep during the day and guard the house all night long. They had more energy when the temperatures were lower. They love having Jim give them some scratches and attention. He has always been a cat guy but is coming around to liking dogs now too.

Virus case counts keep climbing and climbing. Hospitals are running out of ICU beds again and are starting to ration care. It huts my heart when I see people out and about without a mask on. We are doing our best to stay home most of the time. Having friends over last night was an exception and a welcome and needed break for us. We are trying to carefully choose what risk we are willing to take.

Grateful for friends that came to dinner, grateful for two and a half successful days back on plan, and grateful Biden won the election.

Sounds like we might know for sure today or tomorrow who our next President is going to be. I have been reading pages on Facebook from those across the isle from me. I am trying hard to understand their support of Trump. It is interesting to read both sides think the other side is going to incite violence.

I believe life is a mirror and we see in others what is hard to see in ourselves. So I have been sitting with the question: When do I lock into my side of an issue so hard that it feels like truth? When we stop seeing both sides of the issue we have lost the battle. Neither side has ownership of truth. Interesting times we are living in for sure.

I believe there are very few real truths in the world. Most of what feels like truth is preferences. If we can see our beliefs as preferences instead of truth there is more room for discussion and learning. It can be hard for me to remember that though.

I have been cleaning today. I don’t think my house has ever been his dirty before. Finding way too much dirt. I am waiting until the last minute to dust as we have the doors and windows open today and the dust is blowing in faster than I can clean it up. Another mid 70’s day on the prairie with bright blue skies. It was cloudy earlier but the clouds have rolled on out and it is a beautiful day now.

We have some friends coming over for dinner tonight. Decided we would grill steaks as it is so nice out. They are bringing a side dish and dessert so it will be an easy meal for me to fix. We will have to break out some wine and celebrate our new president. Maybe I will dig out my pearls and wear them. They go with blue jeans – right?

The chickens were glad to get outside again this morning. When I opened their door the wind was quiet but it has picked up a bit since. They don’t like getting their feathers ruffled.

My nephew got to go home from the hospital already. So grateful he is doing better. It helps to be young and healthy.

I am back on my eating plan. Had my first successful day yesterday. I have been eating way too much food that has flour in it while I was sick as that was all I could get down. I also was snacking as I could only eat small amounts at a time. Now that I am feeling better I need to clean up my act again. I have put on 19 pounds and need to get it back off. Felt good to have a successful day at last. No sugar, no flour and no snacking is my mantra for success. I do feel better when I eat on plan.

Last time I was on plan I ate the same thing everyday. I see now that wasn’t a smart thing for me to have done. It is hard to have a life and eat the same thing everyday. Now that I have Jim to eat with I need to learn how to stay on plan with a variety of food and options. This time I am not in a hurry to take the weight off. In fact that is a reward of eating on plan but not the goal. The goal is to remove processed foods and feel better in my body.

This is a picture of the desk Jim built for me. I love it. I like the simple, functional design.

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Grateful for a cleaner house then I had this morning, grateful for the beautiful desk Jim built me, and grateful for friends coming for dinner.

Jim and I took a two mile walk today. Longest walk I have been on since I got sick. It felt so good to get out and stretch my legs and enjoy this beautiful day. Temperatures are in the upper 70’s and very little wind today. Perfect fall day.

Got news that my nephew is in the hospital with COVID19. His temperature was over 105 last night. He is feeling better today thank heavens. My brother and his wife are being tested as both are not feeling well. Dang! This is hitting close to home again.

The numbers in the state continue to climb. Jim and I decided we need to double down and up our precautions. I was grateful to see the Lyon County Commission has implemented a face mask policy for Lyon County and limited the size of gatherings. Wish Chase County would do the same.

Starting to have serious doubts about hosting a Thanksgiving gathering. It is my favorite holiday and I love preparing a huge meal for lots of people but I keep getting the feeling I shouldn’t do it this year. We will see what happens over the next three weeks and what I decide to do.

Still no final results on the presidential race. I am trying to let go of any expectations and let this play out. Nothing I can do will change the results anyways. It makes me sad to see how some are reacting though. States are having to deal with lots of mail in ballots that they have never dealt with before. I certainly understand the delay and feel it is more important that the results be accurate than speedy.

I finally got a good night’s sleep last night. I slept hard for six hours straight which is almost a record for me. Wish I could do that every night.

We are having some friends over tomorrow night for dinner. They take the same COVID precautions we do. It will be so fun to have some good conversation with friends. We are going to grill steaks and bake potatoes and they are bringing a side dish and dessert. Easy meal with good company – hard to beat!

Last night we grilled hamburgers for dinner. Tonight I have some salmon to cook. I am attempting to get back on track with my eating. I have gained weight this year and need to get it back off. Today is Day 1 of getting back on track. I can do this!

Still not used to the sun setting so early in the evening. I am ready for bed by 8:00 these days. Realizing how set in my ways I am becoming. Change is harder for me now then it used to be.

Nothing on our calendar for the weekend. I have to go to Topeka Monday for a Endocrinologist appointment. We may go to Stillwater later in the week next week if I can find a house sitter. I keep asking Jim if he wants to go and he keeps saying maybe. He is adjusting to being here now and I think he is liking it. Stillwater doesn’t seem to have the same strong pull on him that it did.

Grateful for a long walk today, grateful for all the election workers that are still counting ballots, and grateful for this beautiful day.

It was a long night last night watching the election results come in. We are watching again tonight but I don’t have an expectation that we will know tonight yet. I found myself getting too caught up in all of it and told Jim we needed to do something physical so I could move out some of the pent up energy I had.

We moved the bookcases in the study around. Moved one out and rearrange the other four. Jim has a lot of books! He still has more books in Stillwater to bring. The new desks didn’t fit with the way the bookcases were before and they look so much nicer now that the bookcases are better arranged. We had to take all the books off the shelves so we could move the bookcases. Turned out to be more work for Jim then for me as he needed to make sure the books were arranged to his liking when we put them on the proper shelves. Glad we got that task done though.

I got a big batch of Party Mix made today. The batch made eight gallon zip lock bags full. Feels good to have the first batch of holiday cooking done. I always give the kids a bag of Party Mix at Thanksgiving and then another bag at Christmas time. Not sure we are gathering for either event this year but one way or another I will get them their Party Mix. Some traditions have to be upheld.

I took a long nap late afternoon today. I had trouble falling asleep last night – I was too worried about the election results. I finally took another hot bath around 5:00 this morning and was able to sleep after for a couple of hours.

Jim met our new doctor today. He liked him. He found out my medical records haven’t arrived yet so they can’t schedule an appointment for me yet. This is turning into a disaster – but helps me know it is past time for me to find a new doctor. My old doctor’s office is incompetent. Hoping the new doctor is better.

I only have to take two antibiotics a day for this week after two weeks of taking four a day. It is nice to not have to take so many pills a day. I will take two a day for one week and then go to one a day for a week. Then I have eight weeks of one every other day.

When I went down to let the chickens out today they were out of water. It was warm here today and I didn’t get down to let them out until close to noon. Their heat lamp was on and they must have gotten hot and drank lots of water. We went down tonight to close them up. I hadn’t turned the light on yet for them and it was after dark. About ten of them had settled down outside the coop for the night. I had to pick some of them up and throw them in the coop. At least they are easy to catch after dark.

I struggle with understanding why so many people voted for Trump. The corruption and lies and total incompetence he brings with him seems pretty overwhelming evidence to me that he is not fit to be president. Guess if I only watched Fox News I might have a different set of facts to sort through. I surely hope that if Biden wins he will find a way to work with the Senate and stop the log jam that seems to be in Washington these days. I don’t have a lot of faith that can happen but to give up hope feels too dark for me to accept.

Grateful the study is coming together and looking nice, grateful the first batch of holiday cooking is done, and grateful Biden still has a chance to win.

Election Day at long last. It will be interesting to watch the results come in tonight and tomorrow and maybe into next week. Trusting the morality of the voters will prevail.

I went to Emporia this morning to mail a package and get a long list of groceries from Walmart. It took me about 45 minutes to gather everything I wanted to get which is a long shopping trip for me. I was exhausted when I left the store.

I stopped at McDonald’s to get an iced tea and got to see two managers that are still there from when we owned the stores. It is always a treat to see them. The only thing I miss from owning the stores is seeing the people that worked for us and the regular customers that became friends.

I have a pot roast in the crock pot cooking for dinner. I invited some friends over for dinner at the last minute but neither could come. Thought it would be fun to have some like-minded friends over to watch the early election returns.

I am cautiously optimistic about what might happen tonight. It will feel good to know that we might be able to return to a more normal sense of governance in the near future. I am exhausted from all the drama that has been happening the last four years.

We moved the desk Jim built for me into the study last night. It looks so nice. We picked up the rug that was in that room and moved it downstairs. The study looks bigger without the rug on the floor. My desk chair moves much easier without the rug underneath. Slowly we are getting Jim moved in and making the house more accommodating for him.

One of Jim’s projects on his to-do list is do build different bookcases for the study. The ones we have now don’t fit with the desks. He is contemplating what he wants to build.

It is in the mid 70’s today although there is a 20 – 30 MPH wind. We sat out on the deck for a long time this afternoon enjoying the sunshine and fresh air. We won’t get too many more days like this one this year. I should have spent the afternoon painting but it was nice to just sit and look out over the prairie and enjoy being for a bit. Both of us are a bit on edge in anticipation of the election results and it felt good to let the wind blow out our minds a bit.

Jim has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow afternoon to meet his new doctor. Other than that we don’t have anything on our calendar until next Monday when I have an appointment in Topeka with my Endocrinologist PA. I plan on getting more house cleaning done over the next few days. I have gotten some done today – am cleaning those often forgotten places and washing lots of wood work. The house is starting to feel cleaner to me although I still have lots of cleaning left to do.

Still trying to decide what to do for Thanksgiving. My heart says to fix a meal and take a chance and my head says not so quick. The spread of the virus is out of control and the hospitals are running out of space across the state. Now is not the time to start taking chances and getting impatient with isolating. It may be a long winter this year.

I got the ingredients today to make my first big batch of Party Mix. I always give each of the kids a big bag of it for Thanksgiving and then another bag at Christmas time. I may have to deliver it to them this year if we don’t get to gather. Some holiday traditions can be maintained even if we have to break some others.

Grateful the shopping trip is completed, grateful it is finally Election Day, and grateful for the time on the deck this afternoon enjoying this beautiful day.

I am sitting in my corner chair watching the sunset as I write. It is only 5:21 and the sun is almost down. It is going to take me a bit to adjust to this time change. It feels much later.

I finished the baby blanket I was working on. I need to get an address and get it mailed to the new baby. I have another blanket I want to make but need to track down the yarn. I may need to go get some more. Oh no – buying yarn! It is a sacrifice but I can do it if I have to!

Got a bit of cleaning done today. I cleaned up a few areas that have been bugging me. Got the guest bedroom put back together again. Washed the quilt that hangs in the entry way. It is nice to get some little things done.

It was a beautiful day on the prairie again today. Temperatures were in the mid 60’s with bright blue skies. The wind was in a bit of a hurry today but has finally calmed down. The chickens are out enjoying the last rays of the sun for the day. They don’t enjoy the wind and like to come out when it slows down.

Nothing on the calendar for tomorrow. It is to be even warmer tomorrow. Jim is hoping to get the last set of steps of the deck sanded so they can be painted before winter sets in. He put the second coat of varnish on my desk today so it should be ready to move into place tomorrow.

Wednesday Jim has an appointment with our new doctor. I still haven’t gotten an appointment as my paperwork is still in limbo.

Tomorrow is the big Election Day. Sure hoping we will have a good idea of who our next president is going to be by late evening. With all the mail-in ballots it may take several days though. I keep reading stories about the potential for social unrest when the results are final. I trust that doesn’t happen.

My iPad is acting weird on the Facebook app. The top line of buttons where the back button is and the one that takes me to my homepage are not working. The back button works on other apps – just not on Facebook. It works on my other devices – just not my iPad. Anyone else having this problem? The iPad was upgraded and the buttons haven’t worked since. Hate when that happens.

Today is a bit bittersweet as it is the birthday of Chris, my son-in-law who died in 2016. I feel for his two dads and for my daughter Nicole. Memories of him are so strong for me today. We sure miss him and yet I feel his presence in spirit today.

Grateful for the love Chris had for my daughter, grateful the baby blanket is completed, and grateful for the beautiful sunset tonight.

It has been another beautiful day on the prairie. Bright blue skies and temperatures in the mid to upper 50’s. It is to be even warmer during the week. Maybe we will get a bit of fall this year.

When I went down to let the chickens out this morning, I shook the feed container and the light bulb in the heat lamp fell out. It had separated from the screw in part that holds it in the lamp. I took down the whole thing and brought it up to the house so Jim could take the screw in part out of the lamp. He fixed it and took it back down to hang up. I’m grateful it wasn’t too cold last night and the water didn’t freeze.

I took a nap this afternoon. I had a hard time finding sleep last night for some reason. It felt good to get an hour or so sleep this afternoon. I must be feeling better if sleep is getting hard to find.

I am using the left over chicken from dinner last night and am making white chicken chili. Hoping my tummy is ready to eat beans. Guess I will find out soon. The soup smells divine and is making me hungry this afternoon. I tried cutting the recipe in half so we won’t have so much left over. I really hate wasting food.

I finished another panel on the baby blanket I am knitting. Have the last panel started. Maybe I will get this one done either tonight or tomorrow and can then get the second baby blanket I want to make started. I used to be able to knit for six to eight hours a day but can’t seem to manage that now. It is almost cool enough to start knitting twin-sized blankets again. I still have some Homespun yarn I need to get knitted up.

Jim just had me help him flip the desk he is building for me over. He put the first coat of varnish on the legs and bottom and needed it flipped so he could varnish the top. It is looking so nice. This nice weather is helping him get it done before winter sets in. Not sure what his next project will be.

Not sure when we are going to reschedule our trip to Stillwater. Jim may go by himself for a few days. He has so much he needs to get done down there yet he loves being here. Too bad he can’t be in two places at once.

Project Clean This House starts tomorrow. I have put it off for too long. I think the house is dirtier now than it ever has been. I just haven’t had the strength to clean house much the last three months. Time to get it done. I will feel even better when my house is clean again. I got a bit of it started today.

Last night on Facebook two of Jim’s friends in Stillwater got very creative. One was on top of their house and had a long chute of plastic that he used to drop candy down to the Trick or Treaters. The other had made a catapult device that shot the candy down the drive way to the little ones. Loved their creativity. What cool ways to keep safe.

I was a bit dismayed though by the number of adults I saw in pictures posted on Facebook that were in crowded situations not wearing face masks. I sure hope the numbers of cases doesn’t shoot up mid week from those that were out unprotected. I still don’t understand why people are refusing to wear masks.

We remembered to change our clocks last night. Sure is weird to have the sunset starting to get close and it is only 5:00. It will take me a bit to adjust to the early dark in the evenings. I will enjoy the early light in the mornings.

Grateful for naps on days when sleep is hard to find, grateful for the desk Jim is building me, and grateful for those that do wear face masks.

41 years ago today Craig and I were married in front of a judge in KC. It seems appropriate that since we were married on Halloween we filed our papers for divorce on April Fool’s Day. Oh the memories I have.

It has been a windy but beautiful day on the prairie today. Temperatures are in the mid 60’s with 15 – 20 MPH wind. The chickens are not fans of the wind and didn’t stay outside much today. I tried to chase them out of the coop twice but as soon as I turned my back they went right back inside.

Took some snickerdoodle cookies to the grandkids today. I got to see both of them and visit with them for a hot minute. I sure miss having them come out and stay with me for a full day. I feel like I am missing so much of their lives right now. I know all you grandparents out there feel the same way.

Jason called me this afternoon and we visited for a bit on the phone. I love hearing from my kids and catching up with them. I remember when I lived in Chicago for three years and every weekend Mom and I would visit on the phone for an hour or so. I didn’t realize then how important that was to her.

Have manage to waste most of the day and not get much done. I am getting really good at that. I have knitted a bit on the baby blanket I am making. Still have about 1/3 of it to do. It doesn’t seem to hold my interest for very long but slowly, it is getting done.

Time change is tonight. I sure wish we would leave time alone and let it be what it is all year and not change it. It takes me several weeks to adapt to the change. It will be weird to have it be dark so early.

Tonight is the Blue Moon. The moon last night was beautiful. I was up in the middle of the night and the moon lit the entire prairie. I didn’t need to turn the bathroom light on to see what I was doing as the bathroom was so brightly lit by the moon. The moon will light the path of the trick and treaters tonight. Perfect Halloween weather.

I am still feeling really good today. Have only gone to the bathroom once today. I almost feel normal again. My energy is coming back strong and if I wanted to do something I could do it. Gosh it feels good to feel good!

Have some chicken with green salsa cooking in the crock pot for dinner. I put some potatoes in the oven to go with it. Makes an easy dinner. Last night I cut up some sirloin steak and made Stroganoff- it was good. Served it over rice.

Nothing on the calendar for the next few days. It is nice to have lots of empty space. Jim has been working on finishing the desk he is making for me. I need to find a project to do but seem to be pretty content doing nothing.

I am grateful the election is this week. I have election fatigue. It should be an interesting night or two to see who all the winners are. I sure hope the election isn’t so close that it ends up in court and it takes a long time to declare a winner.

Need to start thinking about doing some Christmas shopping. I have no idea what to get anyone this year. Maybe with COVID we can just skip Christmas and call it good. Christmas is my least favorite holiday of the year. I will miss hosting a big Thanksgiving gathering this year if we aren’t able to do that. That is my favorite holiday of the year.

I have been observing how my outlook on life has been changing as I have started feeling better. Pain can distort your world view without your understanding of how distorted your thinking has become. I fell pretty far down the rabbit hole and it feels so good to be climbing back out of it.

Grateful for improving health, grateful for beautiful fall days on the prairie, and grateful I got to see the grandkids for a hot minute today.

Finally feeling more human! I had a “real” poop this morning. Something to celebrate for me at least. Guess if you don’t celebrate the little things in life you miss out on a lot of celebrations.

The C Diff test came back negative which surprised us but is very good news. The Doctor’s PA called this afternoon and she is guessing I had a reaction to the shots and other antibiotic I had been on for the UTI. I am to continue on the antibiotic for the C Diff for the remaining 11 weeks and to call her back if the diarrhea returns.

Jim had gotten me a Tempest Weather Station for my birthday. We have had so much trouble with it. The first one didn’t register the wind speeds correctly so they shipped us a new one. When the new one came in the old hub went out so they had to send us a new hub. Then I couldn’t get the new system to work correctly. After a series of emails back and forth over a two week period they finally called me this morning and we got it back up and running. Jim needs to go put it back up on the 12 foot pole. He has had to take it down four times while we tried to get it running. Trusting this will be the last time he has to put it up. It is fun to check the weather on our iPhones but it has been a frustrating process to get it to work.

The jeans I ordered for him didn’t work so I dropped them off in the mail to return them this afternoon when I went to Cottonwood Falls to dump recycling. I also returned the Tempest Station and hub.

I called and got Jim’s doctor appointment with his new doctor set for next week. I still am waiting to hear if my doctor’s office sent my records so I can get an appointment. I have been trying for three weeks now to get an appointment. Hoping this is not an indication of what it will be like to get an appointment when needed in the future.

Jim called to get an appointment in Emporia to get his KS driver’s license. The first available appointment is November 30. He has to get his driver’s license before he can transfer his car tags. Hoping the state is still allowing a bit of grace for time periods to get those things done.

It is a beautiful day on the prairie. Temperature is 66 and there are bright blue skies and lots of sunshine. I didn’t have to wear a heavy coat to dump recycling. May need to take some time this afternoon and sit on the back deck and enjoy the sun. The chickens are loving being outside today. We had to chase them in last night when we went down to close them up. It sure is easier to get them to go in when both of us are herding them.

I can’t believe how good I am feeling today. I have had more energy than I have had in a long time. Got some cleaning done and don’t feel like I need to take a nap this afternoon. It is so good to be back to feeling human again.

As it turns out we could have gone to Stillwater today. Better safe than sorry I guess. Staying here will give us some time to get some projects done around this house with this nice weather. I am hoping to get out and do some painting this weekend now that I am feeling good again.

Jim went to Emporia to get some groceries and run a few errands. I want to bake the kiddos their cookies for the week and will run them into them tomorrow sometime. The kids haven’t let me know what kind they want this week so am waiting to bake until I hear back from them. Maybe they are getting tired of homemade cookies.

I finally got a good night’s sleep last night. I don’t think I moved much during the night as the bed didn’t look like I had slept in it when I got up this morning.

Grateful to be feeling really good today, grateful the weather station is up and running, and grateful for this beautiful day on the prairie.

Starting to feel better this afternoon. I had to run to the bathroom four times this morning but haven’t gone since. Maybe things are finally slowing down.

We cancelled going to Stillwater tomorrow. Jim didn’t want me to be that far away from my doctors in case this turns ugly. I hated to tell my house sitter as she was so looking forward to coming to the prairie to stay. She sent me the sweetest note and offered to come another time when we want to get away.

I didn’t sleep very well last night. I tried to take a nap after Jim’s class was over but couldn’t sleep. Finally got an hour of sleep later this afternoon. When I woke up it felt like someone had flipped a switch in me and I felt the best I have for several weeks. I even had some scrambled eggs for dinner as food sounded good.

Jim taught his last class this morning. He didn’t need my help at all for it today. He isn’t sure teaching on Zoom is too fun though. He missed the personal interaction with the students. He got a sense of what it must be like for our teachers that are having to teach on-line right now. Giving information is one part of teaching but the most rewarding part is the personal interaction with your students.

Now that we are staying home next week I will need to find a project to work on. I had been wrapping things up and winding things down to be gone. Not sure what I will decide to work on although cleaning my house is at the top of my list. I have been licking and promising to clean it good for several weeks. It needs more than that right now. With the rain we got the dust will be settled for a bit so I can clean and it has a chance of staying clean for a bit.

I walked down this morning to let the chickens out. It warmed up to 50 this afternoon. I noticed they were out in the yard off and on during the day. They are getting so big they take up lots of room in their little coop. I bet it feels good to them to be able to run around and flap their wings, I am about four to six weeks away from having eggs unless the cold weather delayed them.

It was so nice to see the sun this afternoon. I so miss it when it goes on vacation. I looked out the east windows and saw the almost full moon. Saturday is a Blue Moon as it is the second full moon of October.

I got a text from Aunt Glenda last night. Her son had gotten her an iPhone and she joined the texting world. I wrote back and told her I was proud of her. I think she will like texting when she gets used to it. I resisted texting for the longest time and now would really miss it if I couldn’t text.

What a difference a day makes. I was so discouraged yesterday I was ready to throw in the towel. This evening I feel like I am on the mend and back in the land of the living. I am not sure if this is for real and how long it will last but I am going to relish every moment of it. It feels good to feel good!

Grateful I am feeling good right here, right now, grateful for the sunshine this afternoon, and grateful for my sweet house sitter and her understanding.

It was a long night last night. Around 3:45 I had to get up and go to the bathroom. I continued to have to get up and go seven more times. That made for a night of little sleep and a sore ass.

I had sent a note to the Gastrointestinal PA I had seen last week yesterday evening. I updated the note this morning and told her about my night. I also noted my temperature has been rising again and my pulse rate is faster than normal.

Her office called this morning and sent me to the clinic in Emporia to get a container so I could provide a stool sample. I couldn’t go while in town so came home and was able to provide one. Jim took it to town for me to drop off at the clinic. I probably won’t hear before morning what the results are as it takes 12 hours to read the results.

Feeling crummy and tired today. I am so tired of this. I feel like I ran into a brick wall.

I looked up what happens next when the antibiotic treatment fails. They can increase the dose from 125 to 500 and possibly admit me to the hospital for IV therapy. The article I read strongly recommends consideration for a fecal matter transplant. They don’t do that in Topeka so I would have to be referred some where else to have that done. We will see what happens tomorrow when the test results come back.

From what I read it can be very difficult to get rid of C Diff once it starts to not respond to antibiotic treatment. The problem becomes what it does to the colon and it can turn deadly if it causes enough damage to the colon. Thankfully I don’t have the symptoms of that yet. Hoping the PA can come up with a plan to prevent that from happening.

It is warmer today on the prairie. It is in the mid 40’s. I went down this morning and let the chickens outside as the forecast calls for rain this afternoon that is to last through the night. I wanted the chickens to get some fresh air while they could. The snow we got earlier this week is all gone except for the very sheltered places in the yard.

Stillwater had a bad ice storm Monday. Curious to know if Jim’s place has any trees down. We are to go there Friday unless we decide I need to stay closer to home for treatment options.

Going to take a nap after I finish writing and make up for some lost sleep. I am worn down emotionally and physically. Maybe it is a good thing I don’t know how long this is going to go on as right now I feel like I can’t take much more of it. Hopefully we will get some answers tomorrow and a plan that will work.

Better days are ahead – I just need to hold on until then. This sucks though and I am so tired of it.

Grateful for treatment options, grateful the PA responded quickly to my notes, and grateful for better days ahead.

Woke up to the sound of ice pellets hitting the bedroom windows this morning. There is a light coating of ice on the prairie today. It I didn’t warm up enough today to do much melting. Thankful we didn’t get a heavy coating of it.

Stayed home all day and sat in front of the fireplace. I did manage to make it down to check on the chickens this morning. I didn’t let them out into the yard today. Their door was hard to open as it had ice on it.

Took a nap again this afternoon. That is becoming a daily habit for me. Grateful to be getting extra sleep right now to help my body heal.

Not as good of a day for me as I had been having. Have had five trips to the bathroom already today. I am back on clear fluids for a day or two to see if that will help slow things down. I may need to take another Imodium if it doesn’t.

Got the results of the mammogram and UA back and all is well. The UA had two out of range markers but the doctor said it was close enough for him to call it normal. That is a relief that the UTI cleared up and that the mammogram is normal.

Confirmed with the house sitter that she is still able to come Friday and stay for ten days. She sounds excited about coming and is bringing a friend with her for part of her stay. The animals love her and the house will be in good hands.

Found out a friend and her son have COVID. She had dinner with her son and the next day he came down with it and then she came down with it several days later. That is what worries me about gathering for the holidays. One can be a carrier of it and not know you are contagious. Trust she and her son will recover quickly and easily.

Had to move the plants out of the east window box so they don’t freeze. They are blooming and getting so big but I know if I leave them there they will freeze. Jim brought a bunch from Stillwater and put them downstairs so I will move these down there too.

We will have to go to Cottonwood Falls tomorrow to pick up Jim’s car. He had it in the shop getting some repair and it is ready to come back home. We need to dump recycling when we go. Thursday we will need to go to Emporia and get some cat food so they will have enough to make it through while we are gone.

I am in a rut of not doing much. If something is urgent I get it done but otherwise I have gotten very good at doing nothing. I knit off and on during the day but other than that don’t do much. Guess it is my season to “be” and not do.

Grateful for the warm fireplace, grateful the mammogram and UA were both normal, and grateful to be able to stay home on icy days like today.