Starry night on the prairie

I knew what day of the week it is without looking today as today is the day I gather trash for Jim to take to the curb. Gotta love regular, weekly, predictable things. Not too many of those left in my life right now.

I went on the hot line last night and only took two calls. Both were very hard calls – one disengaged rather quickly and the other one is one that will haunt me. Sure wish I knew the rest of his story and if he is still alive today. I am so grateful I can go back and reread the convo I had with him. I was awake part of the night thinking about it and it helped to release the energy from the call when I reread it and realized I had said what I had been trained to say. He ended the call just when I was going to get the supervisor involved for a rescue. Those are hard and hard to release the outcome. I only took the two calls as I needed time to decompress after the two calls ended. Maybe tonight will be a better night.

I haven’t gotten much done today besides gathering the trash. I slept in later than normal and haven’t found much motivation to do anything. I did go down to my stash and found a prayer shawl already made. When I go to Emporia next, I will take it to my son-in-love so he can mail it to the receiver. I need to get the last 35 rows of the scarf made and then I can get the hat and scarf mailed.

The girls gave me 16 eggs this morning. I need to go down and give them some fresh straw. It has been wet enough that they tracked in the coop and their straw is a mess. Their eggs get dirty when the straw is dirty. Need to train them to wipe their feet at the door before they come back in.

It is a beautiful day on the prairie today. Temperatures are in the mid 50’s with bright blue skies. Can’t ask for a better winter day than this one. Our winter has been very mild so far.

Tagen’s birthday present came in so I will get it wrapped and delivered when I take Tim the prayer shawl. I may even bake them some cookies to go with it. Jim is almost out of Snickerdoodle cookies so need to bake another batch of those too. I’ll dump some of my extra eggs on them too.

Still haven’t seen any sites to sign up to get the vaccine. I think I am on a list for Chase County but not sure. Not sure much will change once we get the vaccine anyways as they are still recommending we wear masks and social distance. It feels like the end of all of this is getting closer yet is still so far away.

I got a message from my old doctor’s office that they have no vaccines to give and have no idea when the local health departments or pharmacies might have it available. I’m sure they are overwhelmed with phone calls from patients asking about it. I was grateful to see they moved the age down to 65 in the next round of vaccine priorities so now I qualify. We will see if KS accepts that recommendation. I do agree that nursing homes, jails and other places where large numbers of people live in the same building take priority over me.

Have some sirloin steaks thawing for dinner tonight. May fire up the grill as it is warm out today. Found a recipe that is to help tenderize them so will give it a try. They aren’t my favorite steaks but need to use them up.

Grateful for the lessons the hot line teaches me, grateful for this beautiful winter day, and grateful a vaccine is available soon.

Another beautiful winter day on the prairie that felt more like pre-spring than winter outside. Jim took a long hike this afternoon and enjoyed the sunshine. I took a nap.

I delivered eggs to two customers today. I mailed the birthday girl her blanket, deposited a check and filled the car with gas. It was good to get those errands completed.

I got the living room detailed cleaned today. I found lots of dirt. It was way overdue to be cleaned. I rearranged a few things and took some things down to the basement. It amazes me how things pile up and I don’t notice them until I start really cleaning deep., It will feel good to sit in my corner chair tonight and enjoy the freshly cleaned room. Hoping I get the dining room done tomorrow.

I fixed an easy dinner tonight. When I went to the freezer to see what I could find to make, I saw some ham steaks from our Christmas ham. I just had too warm those up and add some veggies for me and potatoes for Jim. I also fixed Jim some ham salad. I laid out some sirloin steak for tomorrow night. Not sure how I am going to fix it but I’ll come up with something.

Tim let me know he was using the cookbook I gave them for Christmas. He tried the meatloaf recipe that he enjoys when I make it. He said it turned out good. I’m glad the recipe book is being used.

Since I took a nap I will probably stay up late and get on the hot line. We have a shortage of volunteers for the late night and early morning shifts. I can only do those shifts if I get a good nap in during the day.

I am starting to work on taxes off and on. I need to go see my rental manager and get the information I need from him. I have a prescription I need to pick up sometime this week so when I go to town I will take care of both of those things. So far the grocery list is short so may be able to skip getting groceries this week.

I’m still working on making the scarf for the hat and scarf gift I am making. Tim asked for a prayer shawl for a friend of his mother’s so will need to go down and find some yarn to use to make that. I also have the new yarn I ordered to make another blanket. Lots of knitting projects lined up. That should keep me out of trouble for a day or two at least.

The highlight of the week happens tomorrow when we walk the trash down to the curb. One of the few things that still happens regularly to help me know what day of the week it is. I guess I now get to add delivering eggs on Monday to our weekly highlight list. What an exciting life we live out here on the prairie.

Jason let me know he had lost his sense of taste and smell late last week. His COVID test came back negative so he went back to work today. Two others in his household have had stomach issues and fatigue. I have a friend that lost her sense of taste and smell and tested negative twice too. Makes me scratch my head and wonder what is going on. I read somewhere that sometimes they have such a light case that the tests don’t pick it up. Trusting all will heal quickly and recover fully.

I keep looking for information on how to sign up to get a vaccine but so far haven’t found a link anywhere. If anyone hears of something, please let me know.

Feeling quiet today. I am still trying to process all that happened on a national scope last week and figuring out how best for me to react. It seems so complicated and and multi-layered. I can’t not speak out yet I haven’t figured out the best way to do so.

Grateful another room has been cleaned, grateful for knitting projects, and grateful for my egg customers.

I took a late nap yesterday so was wide awake at midnight. I got on the hot line as they were busy. Ended up staying on until 3:00. Handled 10 texters. Some were fairly easy, routine calls but a couple were the type that stuck with me when my shift was over. I had trouble sleeping afterwards as the calls kept replaying in my head. I also felt guilty getting off the hot line as there were 100 callers waiting to text and only 24 counselors on-line. I just couldn’t take any more callers though.

I didn’t get much sleep last night as a result. I laid down this afternoon for a nap but couldn’t fall asleep. Hoping I sleep well tonight. I’ve had a headache all day.

I knitted this morning as I listened to the church service from Jim’s church in Stillwater. The preacher had a great sermon. She reminded me I am not my politics – I am a child of God. Trust I can remember that in the coming challenging week.

The blanket I am going to mail tomorrow is almost finished. Only have 16 more rows and then I will be able to cast off. I will have to weave the remaining ends in and then it will be done. I will be able to mail it tomorrow. Yay! Seems like it has been on the needles for a long time. I like how it turned out though – I love the colors and trust the birthday girl will like them too.

I need to get back to doing some house cleaning before I cast on my next big project. Hoping that can happen tomorrow. I have been slacking on that project as I prefer to knit.

I am really missing my kids for some reason today. My heart has hurt all day from the ache from not seeing them for so long. Some days are easier than others and today has been a hard day. Part of it is because I am so sleep deprived and emotional. I’m sure after a good night’s sleep I will do better tomorrow. Have been in tears most of the day. One of those days!

We have another quiet week ahead of us. Jim wants to go to Stillwater one day and exchange cars so he can get the Honda titled in KS and bring another load up. I think he is planning on going down and coming back the same day. We will see what he decides to do. Nothing else is on our calendar for the week other than doing an egg delivery on Monday, taking trash to the curb on Tuesday and my hot line shifts on Wednesday and Thursday evenings. We lead such an exciting life on the prairie – ha!

I will give myself two more shots next Friday. The welts on my legs are almost healed from the last shots I gave myself three weeks ago. I wonder if I will react the same way every time. I am to take Benadryl this time 30 minutes before the injections. We will see if that helps lessen the reaction.

Feeling a bit ungrounded today due to sleep deprivation. I will be gentle with myself this evening and go to bed as soon as I think I will be able to sleep.

Grateful for Leah and her beautiful light and soul, grateful the blanket is almost done, and grateful for a quiet week ahead.

Another quiet day on the prairie. I did go to town to pick up some prescriptions for Jim and for myself. I dropped off a pan of Rice Krispie Treats at both Jason and Michelle’s house. I saw Jason and Ellexia for a hot minute.

Other than that I ‘m not sure what I have done today. I haven’t knitted yet today. I finished the 7th repeat yesterday and am getting ready to start the 8th repeat. I will get the blanket done and in the mail on Monday. The birthday girl celebrated today so it will be late. Better late than never – right?

The girls gave me 18 eggs this morning. I had three of them for breakfast. One was a double yolk egg – I have a girl that lays a double yolk egg most days. The girls have enjoyed being outside today and especially enjoyed the brief times the sun broke through the clouds. Oh wait -that was me that enjoyed seeing the sun!

For some reason today has felt like Friday to me instead of Saturday, It is so hard to know what day of the week it is when you do the same thing everyday. January is almost 1/3 done. Spring is getting closer everyday. I can’t wait! We are having a very mild winter this year. We sure could use some moisture.

Monday I deliver eggs to Cottonwood Falls. They are $3 a dozen or 2 dozen for $5. Let me know if you want me to drop some off for you.

I’m sitting here yawning so may need to take a short nap before I fix dinner. I did manage to go the whole day yesterday without a nap. Most days I take at least a short nap. It has become a habit now and my body reminds me to rest during the day.

Not sure what I am fixing for dinner. I have some hamburger thawing so will have to use it up somehow. We had hamburgers last night so don’t think I can get away with that again tonight.

Just woke up from a nap and then fixing and eating dinner. I couldn’t keep my eyes open earlier. I may stay up late tonight since I took a nap so late. More knitting time!

Still trying to make sense of this week and all that happened on a national level. I’m scared that we will see something worse over the next two weeks. There has to be a better way to find common ground than attacking buildings and people. I struggle to understand how this gap between the two sides became so big. I certainly am not smart enough to offer solutions on a local level, let alone on the national level. I keep examining my heart and attempting to see the ways I add to the division and work on fixing that. As much as I struggle to find those areas, I guess helps explain how hard it is to find solutions on the national level.

Grateful for lots of eggs in the refrigerator, grateful we are moving closer to Spring each day, and grateful for my healing prairie home.

Another quiet day on the prairie. Thankfully the sun came out for a bit this afternoon. The wind was even quiet today to make it a perfect winter day.

The yarn I needed to finish the blanket I am making came it today. That was much faster than I expected. I have been knitting a bit this afternoon. It is good to be back working on the blanket. I am only one or two days away from having it done. I will ship it to the birthday person when I get it done. It will arrive a few days late so trusting they will understand.

I ordered yarn for my next knitting project too. It will be fun to cast on another project when I get this one done. I do better when I have a big knitting project to work on.

I took four or five calls last night on the hot line. It wasn’t a very rewarding night for me. I had an interesting mix of callers and didn’t feel I was able to connect well to a couple of them. Some nights are like that. I may get on tonight and see if I can have better success.

Jim went to town today to run a few errands. He picked up a few groceries for me. It’s so nice to have someone run those errands for me. I didn’t feel like leaving the house today.

My Endocrinoligist recommended I take a Calcium and Vitamin D supplement. My medication list they manage was changed to reflect that and showed the medication was sent to a pharmacy to be filled. They sent it to the wrong pharmacy. When I asked about it, the nurse didn’t understand and sent a prescription I didn’t need to the right pharmacy. When I contacted her again she said they hadn’t sent a script for the new medication but couldn’t tell me why it showed they did. She told me to get it over the counter. I hate things like this. I’ll have to go to the pharmacy and pick up the new script for my Thyroid medication. They want me to alternate doses with a stronger one and a weaker one. Whatever…

We have no plans for the weekend. I will go to town sometime to get the weaker Thyroid medication but other than that will stay home.

Our church friends from Stillwater are all getting their vaccines this week. I wonder when KS will get their act together and start offering them? I haven’t seen any information about clinics coming up. I did fill out a form for Chase County but they said they had no idea when they might offer them.

How are you all managing people on your Facebook page that have completely opposite political views than yourself? I have unfollowed many of them without saying anything. I am starting to feel like I need to speak up and not just go away quietly. Am I adding to the negative energy by saying something or by staying quiet? I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that many are still finding excuses for what Trump did and are seeing him as a victim. I’m not sure what to say to them or how to treat them. Staying quiet feels icky but so does speaking out.

It certainly feels we are all being called to find our truth. How do I carry that truth out to my community and be a voice for good? On one hand it feels like the politics is just a mirror and not reality. I need to stay aware of the times when I get locked into my position and can’t see around it. Maybe that is why the issue on Facebook is trying to teach me.

If all feels so complicated and confusing at times. I push myself forward one step and then fall back two. Nothing about this seems easy and simple. Maybe I just need to set it down for a bit and pick it up another day.

Grateful for the sunshine today – my soul needed that, grateful the yarn arrived, and grateful to be on a learning curve about myself.

It has been a quiet day on the prairie today. After all the chaos of yesterday I needed a quiet day today. I haven’t turned the TV on today and am taking a bit of media break. I was overwhelmed with it all yesterday and needed to refill my soul today.

I got a heartbreaking text from my granddaughter asking me if she was ever going to be able to come spend a day with me again. That one hurt! I told her as soon as we could get our vaccine she could come over to spend the day. Sure wish I knew when that might happen. I haven’t seen any sign up lists yet to give me an idea of how soon it can happen. I so miss my grandchildren and spending time with them.

The sun peaked out from behind the clouds for a bit late afternoon. It has been a misty rainy type of day on the prairie today. Not sure we accumulated very much rain overnight but it was a bit muddy in the chicken coop this morning. I need to dust and take advantage of the dust being gone for a bit.

Did a bit of knitting while I was watching some videos. I like watching Heather Cox Richardson, she is a historian from MA and I trust what she says and how she says things. She is greatly worried about what Trump might do over the next 13 days and thinks he needs to be removed from office ASAP. After the stunt he pulled yesterday I wouldn’t put anything past him. He has little to be gained by behaving for two weeks – not that he is capable of that anyways.

I took four calls on the hot line last night. I have another shift tonight. We were busy but not slammed last night. We will see what tonight brings. I handled one suicidal caller that was able to find a moment of calm. I trust they lived to see the sunrise this morning.

The Endocrinologist doctor’s nurse called with the results of my bone scan. It wasn’t normal but it wasn’t bad. They want me to take a Calcium tablet twice a day. They also want to change the dosage of my Thyroid medication. The nurse called one script into the correct pharmacy but sent the other script to the wrong pharmacy. I sent her a note and asked her to fix it but haven’t heard back. Not sure why she managed to get one right and one wrong. When it gets fixed I will have to go to town to pick them up.

Nothing on my calendar until I go to Cottonwood Falls and Strong City on Monday to deliver eggs. Let me know if you want to be added to the delivery route. Jim wants to go to town tomorrow to get some pictures made for his Christmas letter and is going to stop and get a few groceries for me. He also needs stamps so he can do his mailing. I may go with him – we will see what tomorrow brings. We try to only go out alone so we reduce our chances of getting exposed.

Fixing chicken tenders for dinner. I haven’t decided how I am going to fix them yet but I will figure something out when I get in the kitchen to start dinner. I am running out of ideas as to what to fix for dinner.

Called the company that installed my solar panels today and asked them to do a diagnostic review as my electric bill for December was high. The panels produced more solar power this December than a year ago. He said to check all electrical devices in the house to see if something is running all the time. He was sure that it wasn’t a problem with the solar panels. Not sure where to start. He did say to unplug things and then check the electric meter to see if it is still spinning. If so, keep looking for things to unplug. The only thing I can think of that I didn’t have last year is the new watering container heater that I put in the chicken coop and the three heat lamps we use for the chickens and dogs and cats. Surely they wouldn’t use that much electricity would they? Things like this baffle me.

Got my grandson’s birthday present ordered. He let me know today what he wanted. When I asked him if he needed new socks, t-shirts, underwear or sweat pants he said, No, I’m good. Guess I’ll have to give him some cash to go along with his gift as he ordered something below his budget. Glad to have that taken care of.

Grateful for a day of peace and quiet on the prairie, grateful for experts who share their knowledge and expertise with others, and grateful to see the sun this afternoon.

I’m at a lost for words tonight as I process what I saw and heard on the news today. I’m so incredibly sad at the comments I am seeing on Facebook as the blame game begins. My heart is so heavy and broken tonight.

I wish there was a clear enemy I could focus my anger and hurt on. My higher self seems to be telling me that what happened is a reflection of collective energy that needed to be released. I have added to that collective energy when I didn’t hear what someone was trying to tell me, when I spoke ill of someone that I disagreed with, and in many other ways – small and big.

It has been a day of collective failure on many levels. Maybe we had to hit a new bottom before we wake up and start rebuilding something new. I need to spend some time going inward and finding those spots inside I don’t want to see and open myself up to admitting how I have added to this negative energy that is so palpable today. Not an easy task but one very much needed.

What keeps running through my head tonight is where do we go from here? How do we heal as a divided nation? How can we hear those “from the other side” in a new way – a way that they feel heard – a way that encourages dialog and understanding? I have a firm belief that we all hold more in common than our differences but remembering that is challenging.

Tending my chickens today felt different somehow. A simple, country task that brought a moment of joy to me. Feeding the dogs and cats felt grounding. Fixing dinner was something I have done hundreds of times before yet tonight felt different too. Falling back into my rituals of tending animals and fixing dinner felt reassuring and comforting somehow today. When the world chaos seems so huge, I retreat into the simple things of life. I took a long nap to practice some self-care.

I have a shift on the hot line tonight. I wonder how busy we will be after a day like this. I’m blessed to have a safe place to retreat to – I know many do not.

I will continue to sit with the question – where do I go from here. I welcome ideas and comments.

Grateful for my critters that provided a bright spot for me on this very dark day, grateful for a long nap to sooth my soul, and grateful that what is broken can be rebuilt.

Another quiet day on the prairie. I did have a short visit with an egg customer. It is so nice to visit with a dear friend – even if we can’t hug or get too close. I’ve sold $10 worth of eggs this week. Wow! At this rate I may break even in seven years – ha!

Took a short nap this afternoon. I had a bit of a headache and it went away after I laid down for a bit. My blood pressure was a touch low today and I felt a bit off. Feel better now. Think I am a bit dehydrated – will try to drink lots of water this afternoon and see if that helps.

Baked a batch of cookies this afternoon. I will put them in the freezer and take then to town to give to the kiddos next time I go to town. Jim taste tested them and gave them his approval. I was in the mood to bake something. I don’t eat cookies or cakes any more but love to bake them.

It is in the low 50’s on the prairie today. Another beautiful winter day. We are having a mild winter so far this year. Have had snow twice and not much of it either time. We sure could use some more moisture though.

Jim took a hike today while I took a nap. He is good about getting out and walking in the cold weather. I am a wuss and prefer to stay in when it is windy and a bit chilly.

We are having leftovers for dinner so don’t have to fix dinner tonight. I need to clean out the refrigerator to make room for more eggs. We only got 15 eggs today – the slackers.

I am setting up a regular delivery time of around noon on Monday to deliver eggs to Strong City and Cottonwood Falls customers. If you want to be added to my delivery route let me know. Eggs are $3 a dozen or $5 for two dozen. Regular weekly customers get first take of the eggs but you can have some as needed if I have them available. My phone number is 620-481-8323 and my email is kaykrause872@yahoo.co.uk

Still knitting on the scarf I am making to go with the hat. The yarn I need to finish the blanket still hasn’t shipped yet so that project is sidelined for a bit.

Found out today that Chase County Health Department is collecting names of Airbnb owners that are interested in getting the COVID vaccine. I put our names on their list. Not sure what it means as to when we might get the vaccine. It is the first list we have been put on though. KS sure seems to be moving a bit slowly to get the vaccine in arms. I haven’t seem anywhere else to sign up for a vaccine yet. We are privileged in that we can stay home and stay stay so am hoping the vaccines are going to those at higher risk right now. I can’t even consider opening the Airbnb though until we are both protected.

It will be interesting to watch what happens tonight in the Georgia senate races and tomorrow during the acceptance of the Electoral College election results. Jim has been tied up in knots listening to the news. He has a deeper understanding of all of it then I do. I will be glad when Biden is inaugurated and Trump is gone. Maybe the government can then get back to the business of doing what they have been elected to do and quit with the politics and games. I am loosing faith in them.

Grateful for short visits from friends, grateful for my egg customers, and grateful for leftovers that give me a break from cooking dinner.

A beautiful day in the lower 50’s on the prairie today. The snow is melting and it is a muddy mess in the chicken yard. The girls gave me 16 eggs this morning, counting a fairy egg. I had an egg customer come out to pick up eggs and she brought her two-year old grandson with her. He helped me gather eggs. Not sure he was impressed with the chickens but he enjoyed giving them some oats and watching them gather round and eat them.

Jim and I went to Emporia to do a feed haul. We got 200 pounds of chicken feed, 100 pounds of dog food, 100 pounds of oats and 50 pounds of sunflower seeds. The car held steady on the way home. We stopped at Walmart and picked up a few groceries and other stuff we needed. I spent my allowance for the week between the two stops.

I got a response from my doctor about the welts on my legs. He said that was a fairly common side effect but advised me to take Benadryl 30 minutes before the next injections as a precaution. If they get worse and I am to let him know and he will consider changing the type of medication.

Last night for dinner I made a Ham and Corn Chowder. It was delicious. We had left overs for lunch today. I printed the recipe and will make it again. It would be better if I had put it in a crock pot and let it cook for several hours. I did it the quick way on the stove top and it took about 35 minutes to make. I think if the flavors had a chance to simmer it would really be good. I added a bit too much crushed red pepper but it was still good. Tonight we are having pot roast – the house really smells good with it cooking in the crock pot all day.

Got a notification from the store I ordered my yarn from. There is a delay as they are getting slammed with yarn orders and shipping times have doubled. I was going to send the blanket I am making to someone for a birthday present but now it won’t get finished on time. May have to go to plan B for the birthday present or else send an IOU card.

Got the hat made last night and am making the matching scarf now. The scarf will knit up fast as it is a simple pattern and not too many stitches per row – just lots of rows. Maybe when I get it done I will get back to cleaning house. I would much rather knit than clean and my house is reflecting that right now. You could write your name on my coffee tables in the dust that is covering them. With the dust settled it is a good time to clean as it stands a chance of staying clean for a day or two.

I have found customers for 5 dozen eggs a week. I still am looking for a few more customers that are interested in a weekly delivery of eggs. I still have at least 5 more dozen a week to find homes for. They are $3 a dozen or two dozen for $5.

Settling into the rhythm of the New Year. There is a beautiful slowness to it as we tuck in at home and stay here most of the time. Nothing seems in a hurry and nothing urgent to be done. Lots of empty space and quiet surrounds me. It is a good time to go internal and discover new things about myself. The chaos of the world seems miles away from us right now.

Grateful the feed haul is completed for another month or so, grateful my doctor responded promptly to my message, and grateful for the slow rhythm of 2021.

17 eggs this morning from the girls. A new record. I haven’t been back down this afternoon to see if they added to it. The eggs are starting to over take my refrigerator. I need to clean it out and make more room for eggs.

I took another long afternoon nap today. Seems I sleep my best between 2:00 and 4:00 in the afternoon. While I was sleeping Jim took a long walk. It is in the mid 40’s today and a good day to go for a long walk. He walks – I sleep. What a pair we make.

I had gotten about three inches done on the hat I am making and realized it is too big so had to rip it out. I haven’t started it over yet. I hate when I do that. I knew better.

Haven’t accomplished anything again today. I seem to be on a roll of do-nothing days. Good thing there is nothing that has to be done. I’m lucky to get dinner on the table at night these days. Tonight I am warming up some ham and will need to think of something to add to it. Tomorrow I am making pot roast.

We are going to Emporia tomorrow to get chicken feed, oats, sunflower seeds, and dog food. We will stop at the grocery store although my list is rather short. I need bananas.

There is a beautiful sunset tonight – it is the plain Jane type but the kind I like the best. Not a cloud in the sky and it will send a color band around the entire horizon. The stars were incredible last night before the fog moved in. The moon reflecting on the snow was beautiful too.

Jim just came up with 2 more eggs for the day – 19 total. Wow! Better get to cleaning out the refrigerator quick.

The long, dark days of winter are upon me. I am spending more time going internal instead of joining the world. The pandemic has helped make this possible this year. I really wonder how long it will take me to readjust to jointing the outside world when this is all over. I do my best when I spend lots of time alone.

I haven’t lost much weight lately. I have hit a plateau and seem to be staying there a long time. My pants are starting to get baggy though so I am losing inches, just not pounds right now. The scale doesn’t really mean much to me any more but it is a measure that I continue to use. It will be interesting to see where I bottom out at this time. Maybe I have hit my new bottom and this is where I will stay. That is OK if that happens. We will see what my body wants to do. I rarely get hungry these days so am eating enough to not let that happen. I feel like I am at a healthy weight now and like where I am at.

Grateful for 19 eggs today, grateful for these long, dark winter days and long afternoon naps, and grateful for the beauty that surrounds me today.

I’m glad the holidays are over. I trust next week I will be able to keep track of what day of the week it is. I have failed miserably doing so this week. Not sure what day of the week I think it feels like but I was surprised when I looked at the calendar and found out today was Saturday. I feel like I am living on an alternate universe right now.

It has been another quiet day on the prairie. I knitted some until I reached the point I can’t go any further until the new order of yarn comes in. I hate that I have to set it aside for a bit and wait for yarn. I have six repeats done and am so close to finishing it. I will get the hat and scarf I want to make started and will work on that until the yarn order arrives.

I took a nap again today. What a habit I am developing. I slept OK last night and was surprised when I felt like I needed a nap today. Nothing else to do so why not – right?

I have white chicken chili cooking in the crock pot. I just added the cream cheese and cream. It smells divine. Trusting I can eat it without suffering later as it has both dairy and beans in it. It will be a test for my stomach. Only way I will know if I can eat those things again is to try it.

Jim walked down to get the mail and kept on walking. It is nice out and he decided to walk down to Peyton Creek. He always feels better after he takes a hike. The sun is shining and the snow is slowly melting today. I bet the creek is beautiful with its blanket of snow and frozen water.

I didn’t get on the hot line last night. They weren’t busy when I checked and then when they got busy I was getting too tired to get on. I have to be on top of my game when I get on or else I feel I don’t do a good job. I’ll check again tonight since I took a nap. I checked this afternoon and they were in good shape. I don’t like to get on and take calls from those that have scheduled shifts. I only get on extra when they have texters waiting for a counselor. I only have a little over 20 hours to go to fulfill my commitment to them. I have taken 300 conversations since I started.

The girls gave me 14 eggs this morning and Jim brought another one up this afternoon. Eggs are starting to pile up on me again. The eggs are getting bigger although the Americanas are still not all laying. Not sure what I am going to do when I start getting two dozen eggs a day.

I sent a message to my doctor. I have a red welt where I injected myself with the new cholesterol medication two weeks ago. It has been there for over a week. Now the other thigh where I put the second injection is starting to welt up too. Not sure if it is just a coincidence that they are developing at the injection sites or a sign of a reaction of some sort. They itch and the first welt is bigger than a quarter and is a bit raw. I wanted to check with the doctor before I do the second round of shots in case I am having an allergic reaction and could potentially develop a problem with the second set of shots. We will see what he says Monday.

No plans for the next several weeks. January may be a long month of nothingness. Doesn’t sound like our social distancing will be relaxed very soon. It feels like when I was walking the Camino and I could see the village where I was going to spend the night in the distance but the longer I walked, the longer away it looked. The end zone is getting close yet it is still so far away. At least the end is in site unless a new development happens. A great lesson in patience and resiliency for myself.

If anyone knows of a non-profit that has something that needs done that I could do from home please let me know. I need a project to work on.

Grateful for the smell of dinner cooking, grateful for this beautiful winter day, and grateful for lots of empty space in my life right now.

Happy New Year’s Day to all. It is nice to start a new decade with a clean slate. A light blanket of snow fell overnight and the view on the prairie looked virgin white this morning. A beautiful way to start a new year.

It was brutal walking down to the girls today though as the wind was wicked. I made them stay inside today. I should have gone down early afternoon and let them out as the clouds rolled away and the wind died out. Hopefully tomorrow will be nice and they can get outside all day. They gave me 15 eggs when I went down this morning. Jim is doing chores this evening so I will see if he brings any more eggs up with him then.

We spent a quiet night at home. I worked the hot line for a couple of hours. Had one very hard call and asked the supervisor to take it over. I read the transcript this morning to see how it turned out and I’m not sure she did any better than I had been doing. One of those calls that I will always wonder what the rest of the story is. I handled three other calls that went OK. We do get an interesting mix of people that text in. You never know if you are going to get my mom is mean and she took away my phone or if they are suicidal or if they are mentally ill or something in between.

It has been another quiet day on the prairie. I took a nap this afternoon. I wasn’t feeling my best earlier and a nap helped. I felt like I had a hangover but I hadn’t drank anything last night. My headache is gone now and all is well.

Only did a little bit of knitting earlier. I’m sure I will knit more after dinner. I am almost out of one of the colors of yarn so will have to wait to finish the blanket until the yarn I ordered comes in. I will get started on making the hat and scarf someone asked me to make while I am waiting on the yarn to come in.

Got all the animals dosed with their flea and tic medication as well as heart guard for the dogs. That is always an adventure tracking them all down and making sure the dogs chew it up and eat theirs.

No plans for the weekend or into next week or that matter. I thinkJim is going to drive to Stillwater one day next week and return the same day or the next day. He needs to change cars so he can get the Honda tagged in KS and he wants to bring another big load of stuff. He is almost to the point of needing to rent a U-Haul and bringing a big load but he keeps putting it off. He can’t bring his big tools until he gets the renovations done in Stillwater but he can’t start building his shop here until he can bring his tools. He will get it all sorted out sooner or later.

We will have to make a trip to town sometime next week to get chicken feed. They are really eating lots of it right now. We are down to our last three buckets. I think the dogs will need another couple bags of food too. Kinda breaks the bank when I go buy critter feed.

I’ll probably get on the hot line again tonight for a bit. We were busy last night and will probably be so again tonight. I need to get a couple of good calls under my belt after having had the one last night I didn’t feel like I handled very well. Two different texters left sweet feedback for me last night. All texters are offered the chance to leave feedback but few ever do. It is a nice reward to see what they write and that in the moment it felt like you made a bit of a difference to them.

Grateful for the beautiful scenery of the day on the prairie, grateful for lots of quiet space today, and grateful the house was warm and dry today.

Another quiet day on the prairie. I did go to town and got my hair cut. It had been almost three months since I had it cut last and it was way overdue. Feels so good to have it trimmed up and back in shape.

I stopped at the grocery store downtown and picked up a few things and then came home. It is nice to get out but it is even nicer to get home.

I took a nap again this afternoon. I think I have developed a bad habit again. I didn’t sleep much last night and I have a Crisis Hot Line shift tonight and needed more sleep so I can stay up and do my shift. I took five calls last night – a couple of suicidal people, teenage problems, etc. Pretty normal night these days. I don’t know if we will be busy tonight or not with it being New Year’s Eve. Mental illness doesn’t take a day off so am guessing it will be busy as normal.

I got an email from my coach letting me know I have reached 175 volunteer hours. I had made a commitment to do 200 hours when I signed up. I should reach that in another four weeks or so. Then I can decide if I want to stay on or not. There are things I really like a bout volunteering and other things I wish they could fix and change. Guess most volunteer jobs are like that. I have the option of not scheduling shifts and just getting on when I feel like it after I reach my 200 hour target. That might help take some pressure off of me. I’ll see what I decide to do. They have been so busy lately I would feel guilty walking away at this point though.

I got 17 eggs from my girls today. I picked up 14 this morning and Jim picked up 3 more this afternoon. I took a dozen to my hair dresser as a Christmas present. I need to remember to put an ad online on the Facebook groups I am a member of and see if I can find some regular customers. I eat three eggs a day and they are starting to pile up on me.

I have five repeats done on the blanket I am making. I have at least two more to go and probably will do a third one. I like blankets to be long enough to totally cover me and I think I will want to add the last repeat. We will see when I get there. They have a tendency to stretch out a bit as the blanket gets longer and heavier. I ordered extra yarn so I will have enough to add the eighth repeat if I decide to when I get there.

Nothing on our calendar for next week except to take the trash to the curb on Tuesday afternoon. Neither one of us has any big plans or projects going on. January may turn into a long month at home. The news about the virus isn’t very promising right now and it sounds like our chances of getting a vaccine isn’t very close yet. Good thing we both like staying home and enjoy being with each other. Jim will probably go to Stillwater for a week sometime during January. He has a lot of work to do down there. He also needs to switch cars so he can bring his Honda up to KS again and get it tagged. It seems too complicated to get a house sitter right now so I will stay home and do chores.

We are to have a big winter storm blow in tonight. Guess it is a good thing we have no plans to go anywhere. We sure can use the moisture in what ever form we can get it. I would prefer rain over ice and snow but no one asked me what I prefer.

Feeling a bit empty with all the empty space ahead of me. I really do better with some projects to work on. Can’t seem to come up with one that captures my attention right now. It will be a good time for me to practice beings instead of doing. That seems to be one of my life lessons that I keep repeating and haven’t quite mastered yet.

Grateful for a hair cut today, grateful for all the eggs the girls are producing, and grateful for empty space that allows me to practice being.

Some days I’m not sure why I even bother writing this blog. Nothing much happens out here on the prairie and I don’t have much to say. It has been a very quiet day again. I’ve done some knitting but not much else. I have 4 1/2 repeats done on the blanket I am making. 3 1/2 to go. I placed a yarn order as I won’t have enough of one of the colors to do the full 8 repeats. I ordered enough yarn for another blanket.

The girls gave me 14 eggs this morning. One of them lays a big double-yolk egg everyday. Another of the Americanas are laying – I got a tiny green-shelled egg this morning. Each chicken lays eggs of a shape that is unique to her. This egg was a different shape than the other green-shelled eggs I have been getting. Two laying – 8 to go.

Jim went into Emporia to get some wood. He is putting wood support pieces on his metal bookcases in his camera collection room. He wants to build some shelving for the furnace room too. He likes things organized.

It is nice to see the sun this afternoon. We are to get another winter storm sometime tomorrow so this is a short break between storms. Hoping I can get to town tomorrow for my hair cut. I sure don’t want to have to cancel twice in a row. I have reached the point of desperation for a hair cut – if I can’t get to town tomorrow I may take scissors to it myself and that never ends well.

I have a Crisis Hot Line shift tonight. May need to take a short nap so I can stay up till midnight to finish my shift. I didn’t sleep well last night – I think I slept too hard and for too long yesterday afternoon.

I have chicken tenders with green salsa over them cooking in the crock pot for dinner tonight. I did OK with the chili last night but I did pick out most of the beans and not eat them. If I stay up I will throw in a baked potato for Jim and a sweet potato to bake for me. I’m getting tired of eating frozen carrots and peas. Need to mix things up a bit.

I see we are going to get another round of stimulus checks. Last time I spent the whole $1,200 on material to make face masks. I’m not sure anyone still needs any but I may order supplies again and make another big batch. It gives me something to do. Jim’s son’s partner seems to be able to find homes for them if no one here needs them. It took three months to get my check last time so have some time to think about what to do with it.

We don’t have any plans for New Year’s Eve. I have a hot line shift to work so will be spending most of the evening taking calls. We actually don’t have anything on the calendar for several weeks. Tuesday is the exception when we take the trash to the curb. Highlight of our life these days.

I have slipped back into acceptance of self-isolation. The holidays made me angry and I spent some time in resistance. Not that it did any good except drain me but I guess I needed to feel that for a bit. Today it feels good to be self-isolating. We will see how I feel tomorrow.

Funny how the same situation can feel differently day by day when in reality nothing has changed. My mind is a very complex thing and sometimes operates on its own logic. You would think that by now I would have figured it out but it still can trip me up.

Grateful for the empty space on the prairie today, grateful for the sunshine today, and grateful for acceptance of self-isolation.

Woke up to sleet and ice on the windows this morning. I cancelled my haircut as I hate to drive on slick roads. I will try again on Thursday.

Not sure what I did today – nothing much for sure. I did fix a crock pot of chili we had for dinner. I picked out the beans the best I could. Not sure it is going down well. We will see what happens. I have been avoiding spicy food and not sure it was wise to try some today.

I took a long nap again this afternoon. It was cloudy, foggy and wet outside and felt like a good day to curl up under a thick blanket with my heating pad. I fell asleep and slept hard for two hours. Made up for some lost sleep last night. Having a bit of trouble fully waking up but that is OK. I don’t have anything I have to do tonight so can just rest and maybe knit a bit. I haven’t even knitted one stitch yet today.

When I went down to take care of the chickens this morning I got to play wack a doodle with them. I didn’t want to let them outside today and they were hard to keep inside when I opened the door to gather eggs. I would get one pushed back and then another would pop up. They gave me 14 eggs today – a new record for this group. Still only getting one green shelled egg a day so still have some that haven’t started laying yet. I have not yet identified a rooster if I have one so could have up to 29 eggs in one day once they all get laying.

It has been a very quiet day on the prairie. The fog and clouds seemed to absorb whatever sounds were being made around the prairie. It felt a bit isolating to not be able to see much beyond the fence around the property. We have probably gotten about half of an inch of rain. Sure could use several inches. We are still to get more moisture over the next two days so we will see what it adds up to when it is done.

This was a good day to be quiet and go inward. There is a full moon shining above the clouds tonight. Hoping the energy will shift a bit and not be so heavy over the coming days. So much sadness and worry energy in the world right now. It felt good to have some rain today to help wash some of the heaviness away.

Grateful for long afternoon naps on cloudy, foggy, rainy days, grateful for chili on a cold day, and grateful for the shifting of energy that is occurring right now.

I wonder how long it will take before the days of the weeks feel like they are correct? For the life of me I can’t seem to keep them straight these days.

Jim and I went in to Emporia this afternoon and dropped off two dozen eggs at Jason’s house and then two more at Michelle’s house. One of the cartons we dropped off at Jason’s house had a fairy egg in it. They are fun to see and open as they are yolkless.

We stopped at the Vet’s office and picked up the flea and tic medication for the dogs and cats and came home. I didn’t have anything on my grocery list so we didn’t have to stop and get any groceries.

Dropped off two more dozen eggs at a friend’s house on the way home. It was good to see them for a hot minute. I told her we have joined the loony tunes bunch. Somedays it is easy to go with the flow and some days I am in strong resistance and sick of social distancing and staying away from friends and family. Today was a hard day for me – I so wanted to hug my granddaughter and my friend.

Came home and we both took a nap. Jim had worked last night to install a new software program and ran into problems. He gave up late night and had trouble sleeping knowing he was going to have to deal with it when he got up. Luckily when he got back to it this morning the error message had disappeared and the program worked. He downloaded all his photos to it and can now start playing with it. New things like that are hard for him.

The girls gave me a dozen eggs this morning. I haven’t been back down this afternoon to see if there were any late layers. The eggs are much cleaner since we cleaned out their coop.

We are to get a bit of a winter storm starting tonight and into tomorrow. I have a haircut scheduled for 10:30 in the morning. We will see if I am able to make it in. We need the moisture but I really dislike ice and slick roads.

I am heating up leftovers for Jim for dinner tonight. With all the eggs out of the refrigerator I now have room in there again and found some leftovers that need used up. I will grill myself a hamburger again. Tomorrow I will need to fix something fresh. If it is going to be cold and wet tomorrow I may fix chili or a soup of some kind in the crock pot.

I have three repeats done on the blanket I am making. I would like to do five more but may not have enough yarn. We will see how far I can go. Darn, I may have to place another yarn order. I need a minimum amount so I don’t have to pay shipping so will have to order my next project too. I really didn’t plan that but won’t cry if that happens.

I haven’t gotten much done today besides knitting. It feels like this is a pause time of some sort for me right now. Not sure what that even means yet but am honoring the feeling. I’m not pushing myself to do anything and slowing down a bit. There doesn’t seem to be any rush in getting anything done. We aren’t going anywhere and no one is coming over. There is a long winter ahead of me and no use rushing through it. Time to slow down and be.

Grateful the eggs have found homes, grateful for long afternoon naps, and grateful for knitting that keeps my hands busy and stills my mind.

Another quiet day on the prairie. Not sure I accomplished anything today other than taking a long nap this afternoon. Think I am feeling the after Christmas let down. Not motivated to do much and am having trouble waking up from my nap this afternoon. Declared today a rest day and gave myself grace to do nothing the rest of the day.

Knitted a bit on the blanket I am making. Have two repeats done and am started on the third set. Two down – six to go. One-quarter done! Good thing there is no deadline for when this blanket needs to be done. Small needle projects seem to take a long time to make. I am liking the color combination and it has a row where I use two colors at once every eight to ten rows so it keeps it interesting to make.

We had leftovers for dinner tonight so that was easy. Still have one more batch of leftovers to use up and may do those tomorrow night so I can clean out the refrigerator. Deciding what to fix for dinner remains the biggest question and challenge of the day.

I may run into town tomorrow to get the dog and cat tic medication as it is to snow on Tuesday and maybe Wednesday. That way I will have it done and on hand for the first when it is due and not have to worry about driving on icy roads. I do need to call and see if I can get a haircut this week. I have reached the point of no tolerance on my hair. Maybe he can work me in tomorrow afternoon and I can take care of both errands in one trip.

We got the Christmas tree taken down and put away. Jim still needs to pick up the three nativity sets he set out and then Christmas 2020 will be history in this house. We need to hang some new framed pictures and get them up off the floor in the entry way. It feels like the house has been cluttered for a bit and I am ready for it to go back to its uncluttered status. Clutter makes my head hurt sometimes.

We don’t have plans for New Year’s Eve other than I have a shift on the crisis hot line that night. I have never been one to celebrate New Year’s Eve with lots of people and Jim doesn’t either. We both prefer quiet nights at home with each other.

When I look back at 2020 it is one for the record books in many ways. Trusting 2021 will bring a relief to the shelter in place but who knows how soon that may happen. Not making any plans for travel in 2021 yet. I still can’t believe it has been over nine months since we started self isolating and I don’t really see an end in sight yet. It may take months before we get vaccinated and achieve a more comfortable level of getting out and among people. My first goal is to be able to have the grandkids come out for the day. I have missed so much of their lives this year.

I didn’t get any more done on Project Get This House Clean today. Maybe tomorrow I will wake up with some energy and motivation to clean. Just not in me today.

My heart is heavy with worry about the millions of people that have lost their unemployment due to the President’s temper tantrum. Evictions can begin again January 1 unless something happens between now and then. The lack of empathy for our fellow humans is distressing and hard to see. Poverty and food insecurity is a hidden issue right now and is about to get much worse. I can’t wait until Biden gets in office and can start to work to change things. Change will come too late for too many though.

Grateful for grace, grateful for quiet days on the prairie, and grateful for a beautiful space to enjoy empty space.

Christmas 2020 is a wrap. We had our family Christmas via Zoom this afternoon. With 14 people on a Zoom call and most of us not used to it, it felt a bit chaotic. It got the job done though. Gifts were opened and gratitude and love was expressed. It was good to see everyone, if only through the screen.

Not sure what I did the rest of the day. I was up from 4:00 – 7:00 this morning and then went back to bed and was able to get two more hours of sleep. I did a couple loads of laundry and did some knitting.

We did manage to give the girls fresh linens this afternoon. It was 61 degrees and not too windy so it was a good day to get outside and get that job done. With 29 chickens spending lots of time inside the coop gets dirty quickly. It sure smelled better tonight when we went down to lock them up. I got 11 eggs today, including one fairy egg and one green shell egg. When I go to town next week I need to drop some eggs off at Tim’s and Jason’s. I’m getting close to or over a dozen eggs a day right now and they are piling up.

No plans for tomorrow. I will do more knitting, take the tree down and do some cleaning. Normal stuff around here. Jim has several things of leftovers he needs to eat up so will probably not even have to cook tomorrow night. I’ll thaw some hamburger for me and he will get let overs. What a deal!

Monday or Tuesday I will need to go to town and get the tic medication. I don’t have anything on my grocery list yet but maybe by then I will.

Feeling a bit down tonight – the normal let down after Christmas. It is so hard to not be able to hug my kids and gather them around my table. I know we did the right thing by not gathering, yet there is an emptiness inside as a result. Trusting by next year we will be able to safely gather.

Grateful for the modern technology that allowed us to “gather” this year, grateful the girls have fresh linens, and grateful for the empty space in my life right now.

Merry Christmas to all. May the spirit of Christmas be with you on this day and on the days to come. May we all find love, compassion and goodwill towards each other in the days to come.

We have spent a quiet day at home. We opened our gifts to each other late morning. It’s funny as we each got the other two things alike. We will both stay warm as I got several sweaters and Jim got some more new flannel shirts. We got each other a desk lamp and an Ansel Adams framed print. It was a nice, quiet calm morning.

I made Jim a Sour Cream Lemon Cake and some peanut brittle after I had lunch. I’m pleased to say the peanut brittle turned out perfect. He will taste the cake after dinner tonight. The recipe is one that he makes for his sons most years for Christmas. I hope it turned out good.

We Zoomed with his two sons and their partners for almost two hours in the middle of the afternoon. We all got very nice gifts and had a nice time sharing the experience of opening them with each other. Certainly not the same as being together in person but it worked. It’s nice to see his two sons settled and happy with their partners.

I have a ham cooking in the oven for dinner tonight. Jim wants Tator Tots with it – I will have some carrots. It is hard to fix a fancy meal for just two people.

I was on the hotline twice yesterday. The first time I got fairly easy calls from people stressed over not being with their loved ones for Christmas. The late shift I got three suicidal people in a row. I was able to talk them down to a calmer place and am guessing they all lived to see Christmas morning. One never knows though what the rest of the story is. I will check to night to see if they need more counselors and if so will take a few more calls.

Tomorrow we are Zooming with my family late afternoon. Once that is done Christmas 2020 will be a wrap and I can take down the Christmas tree and put things back in order. Not sure I ever caught the Christmas spirit this year but that is OK. We will remember this year as the year that wasn’t what we are familiar with. Here’s to hoping next year will be back to being able to gather with our loved ones in person.

We don’t have anything on our calendar for next week although I do have to go to town to get flea and tic medication for my two dogs and two cats. If we need any groceries I will pick those up then too.

The blanket I am knitting is coming along. I have the first repeat done and am working on the second one. I think the pattern calls for seven repeats all together. I’ll see how the yarn holds out – maybe I can do eight if I have enough yarn. I haven’t started the hat and scarf I want to make yet so will have lots of knitting to do next week. I also want to get back to Project Clean Up This House. I took today and am taking tomorrow off from that project.

Bell and Ellie, my cats turned five today. Sophia will be four next week. Jim has a special treat for all four cats planned for tonight to celebrate their birthday and Christmas.

The chickens gave me 13 eggs today. I have four dozen extra eggs if anyone needs eggs. Most are still small but some are regular sized. I had two double yolk eggs for breakfast this morning.

It has been a lovely, quiet day on the prairie. It certainly has felt more calm than Christmas normally does when we gather with a crowd. Maybe I will decide not to go back to normal and keep it like this.

Grateful for the peace and calm on the prairie today, grateful I finally was able to make a good batch of peanut brittle, and grateful for my cats Bell and Ellie and wish them a happy birthday.

Christmas Eve 2020. Christmas has a different feel to it this year. We will miss greatly not attending church service at 11:00 tonight. What a different world we live in this year compared to last year.

It was a year ago today that Jim asked me to marry him. We had just finished dinner and were sitting around the table enjoying the evening together when he popped the question. I don’t think either of us could have predicted how our first year together would play out.

I went into Emporia this morning and went to the lab for my blood draw to check my thyroid levels. The lab wasn’t too busy and they got me back fairly quickly. I checked in at the X-Ray department early for my bone density test. They weren’t busy and took me back as soon as I checked in. I was done by 11:15. That was easy.

I went to the bank and deposited a check and dropped some mail off at a mail drop. Then I went to Walmart for some groceries and a few other things I needed. The parking lot was full although I got lucky and a car pulled out fairly close up and I grabbed the spot. The store was busier than I had seen it for a long time. I did my best to avoid people but somethings that was hard. Evidently a truck has just been unloaded as there were pallets of stuff the clerks were putting out everywhere. Lots of empty shelves today.

I got almost everything I wanted although they were out of several things. I wanted some corn syrup so I can make Jim some peanut brittle. I backed up and looked on the very top shelf and there were two bottles at the very back of the shelf. I tried climbing up the shelves but couldn’t reach it. A couple came by and the lady, who is at least a head shorter than I am, said she could get it. She climbed like a monkey up the shelves and grabbed it. She said short people learn how to cope. I told her she was my Christmas miracle.

The blood test restyles came back already. My thyroid level is 0.74 which is better than the 0.51 it was in November. I think I will go to skipping a pill every four days instead of the five I am doing now. Thinking next time I need a refill the doctor will reduce the dosage so I don’t have to have skip days.

Came home and put everything away and then ate some lunch and took a nap. I had taken a nap after dinner yesterday so I could be awake for my crisis hot line shift and then had trouble sleeping last night.

I handled eight callers last night. Four of them were suicidal. I was able to talk all of them down for the moment. People are sure stressed out right now and so many feel worthless and helpless. It is a hard time of the year for so many.

I have another shift tonight. I’m curious to see what Christmas Eve is like on the hot line. I’m expecting that we will be busy but maybe not.

Tomorrow we are zooming with Jim’s sons in the early afternoon. I got a ham to fix for dinner tomorrow night. Saturday late afternoon we are zooming with my kids and Craig. Sunday I can take the tree down and call Christmas 2020 a wrap and done.

Jim’s church is having a Facebook Live Christmas Eve service at 11:00 tonight. We may watch it if I get done with my hot line shift and the hot line isn’t too busy. I think it is harder for Jim to watch services though. This will be the first year in his life time that he doesn’t attend a Christmas Eve Service in person. He especially will miss singing in the choir and being with his choir family. Usually his sons would join him in the choir loft each year. Such good memories to hold on to this year when everything is so very different and gathering is not possible.

I’m fixing chicken pot pie for Jim for dinner. I am going to leave out some chicken and veggies and have that. The pot pie has things in it that I shouldn’t eat and I don’t want to have an upset stomach tonight and tomorrow.

The girls survived the cold night last night. They were eager to get out in the sunshine this morning even though it was still very cold out when I let them out. They gave me 10 eggs so far today. The eggs are getting bigger every day. I’m still only getting one green egg a day but the others should start laying very soon.

Still haven’t found my Christmas spirit but am doing OK. I’ll be glad when Sunday comes and the tree goes away. Looking forward to a New Year coming in next week.

I have the first of eight repeats done on the blanket I am making. I like the colors and am enjoying having a big project to work on. I may stop at some point and work on the hat and scarf just to make the project last longer. We will see what I decide to do.

Grateful for this first full year living with Jim, grateful for a helper in the grocery store today, and grateful for the many blessings that Christmas brings.

Oh my goodness the wind is in a hurry today. Hope it gets to where it wants to go. We have had gusts over 60 MPH today. The walk down to see the girls this morning was brutal. I had trouble holding on to the egg basket on the way back up to the house.

We put the cover on the BBQ grill today and five minutes later it went sailing over the yard. Luckily Jim was able to capture it before it made it into Morris County.

I got 10 eggs from my girls today and need to go down again this afternoon to see if there were any late layers. The eggs are starting to pile up. Holler if you need some. I gave one dozen away today to my postman along with a card and some cash. They sure work hard this time of the year to get us our packages and letters.

Radar is showing a chance for some snow yet this afternoon. The system that is bringing it is falling apart so am not sure we will get any. It would be nice to have a white Christmas – especially since we aren’t traveling and no one is coming here.

Jim is in Cottonwood Falls getting his Mazda titled with KS tags. Hope he has better luck today than he did last week with his Honda. Sure seems complicated moving to a new state. He is gradually getting these little things taken care of.

My yarn order came in today so I now have a big project to work on. I am going to be making a hat, scarf and a blanket. That should keep me out of trouble for several weeks.

I got the master bathroom detailed cleaned today. I’m embarrassed at how much dirt I found. It seems like I just cleaned it but evidently my memory is failing me. Feels good to have another room done and off my to-d0 list. May get the master bedroom done today yet and I may not. We will see have inviting the knitting projects are.

I have some hamburger thawing for dinner tonight. I think I am going to make Gravy Train for Jim and cook me a plain hamburger. Right now I can’t think of anything else to fix. When I get groceries tomorrow I need to decide what to fix for Christmas dinner. It should be a bit special but haven’t figured out what that might be yet.

Jim brought some pictures that need hung in the house some where. Thinking I need to do some redecorating and find good places for them. Some of what I have up I no longer feel attached to. He has lots more pictures to bring so not sure if we should wait until more of his stuff gets here and then decide where to hang things at or if we start rearranging a bit now.

It is interesting merging his houseful of stuff with my stuff. We share some similar tastes but he likes more stuff than I do. I like to pick a sample of what I like and go with a minimal look and that is hard for him to do. We will see how we compromise and find a look that works for both of us.

I’m looking at the sun through the clouds and it looks more like a full moon than the sun right now. The clouds are racing in front of the sun and moving on out. The rays of the sun are reflecting through the clouds down by the horizon making beautiful streaks of light in the sky. If the sound of the wind wasn’t driving me to drink I would enjoy it even more.

Still haven’t found the Christmas spirit but that is OK. Two more days and it will be done with. Actually make that three days as my family is zooming on Saturday late afternoon. Then I can take the tree down on Sunday and Christmas 2020 will be done. Jim brought some of his Christmas decorations with him earlier this week but hasn’t set them out yet. Maybe next year we will put them out.

I have to go to town tomorrow for my blood draw and bone density test. I haven’t been out of the house for over a week so it will be good to get out. My grocery list keeps growing. I want to get some peanuts and try making peanut brittle. Jim told me he likes it. I have my mother’s recipe but usually don’t have good luck with it. I’m willing to try it again though.

I had to quit watching the news last night. I get so overwhelmed with what is going on right now. I wish the politicians would catch the Christmas spirit and remember those that are not as safe and comfortable as they are.

Grateful for my mailman and the way she takes good care of us, grateful for another room detailed cleaned, and grateful for the beauty in the sky this afternoon on this windy day on the prairie.

Jim and I stepped out and watch Jupiter and Saturn merge last night. It was a wonderful sight in the sky. Looking forward to watching it again tonight if the clouds clear.

It has been a windy day on the prairie today. It warmed up to the mid 60’s which is amazing for the middle of December. My peach tree is budding out – silly thing.

I got 13 eggs today – a new record for these girls. Got another huge egg. The one I had gotten yesterday had a double yolk – I had it for breakfast this morning. Got another green shelled egg today. They always make me smile.

I took a nap this afternoon. Didn’t sleep well again last night. Kinda getting used to that. I will probably get on the hot line tonight since I took a nap today. The week before Christmas can be lonely and stressful and the hot line has been busy lately.

I haven’t done much today. I have some cleaning I really need to do but it hasn’t captured my attention yet today. It is so windy and dusty today that cleaning up dust seems like an exercise in vain. We need rain badly to quiet the dust and to fill the cracks in the yard.

Jim took the trash to the curb today so it must be Tuesday. Some weeks that is the only thing on my calendar. Hope the lid doesn’t blow into Morris County tonight.

I am fixing Jim scalloped potatoes with ham for dinner. I am having a piece of salmon with a baked sweet potato. White potatoes and I are not good friends these days. They tend to bloat me and give me stomach cramps. Ever since I had C-Diff I have had to pay close attention to how my stomach reacts to certain foods. I still can’t do anything raw, eat grains, dairy or beans in addition to the white potatoes. Maybe someday my stomach will heal and I can consume them again. We will see.

Nothing planned for tomorrow. Thursday I have to go to town for a bone density test as well as a blood draw. I have a grocery list so will stop and get our groceries for the week while I am in town. The list isn’t very long this week so it won’t take me long. Hope the store isn’t over run with last minute Christmas shoppers.

Jim is taking his Mazda in to get tags tomorrow. Hopefully he has what he needs this time and can accomplish this task. The Honda never did get tagged. He will have to switch cars again next time he goes to Stillwater and try again with the Honda.

I checked and a gift that I had ordered that they were to ship got delivered today. Grateful it made it on time and arrived safely. That was the last of my Christmas shipping that needed to arrive in time for Christmas. My gifts for Jim are wrapped so I am officially ready for Christmas. Now to find some Christmas spirit. It seems to be in short supply for me this year.

The yarn I ordered to make a small needle blanket is to be here either tomorrow or Thursday. I need a project and it will be good to have something new to work on.

Grateful for all the eggs I am getting now, grateful for lots of empty space right now, and grateful it is almost time for dinner – I am hungry tonight!

Jim came home last night – well more accurately early this morning. It was good to have him back home. We didn’t get to bed until after 5:00 this morning. I am feeling the lack of sleep this afternoon. May go lay down for a bit when I finish writing.

I went down to do chicken chores this morning and to my delight found the first green egg. Soon all 29 chickens will be laying and we will be over run with eggs. Pay day is almost here!! I got 11 eggs today after getting 12 yesterday. Anyone need eggs?

Not sure I have gotten anything done today. I helped Jim unload his car. He brought another full car full of his treasures. We will have great difficulty someday if we ever decide to downsize. Guess we will cross that bridge when we get to it.

We walked down to get the mail but it hasn’t arrived yet today. I’m sure the postman has lots of extra packages to have to deal with which is putting her behind schedule. It is so nice out today it won’t be a problem to walk down again later when she gets here.

Today is Winter Solstice – a turning point for me. Daylight will start to return minute by minute. It feels like I have reached the bottom of the hole I fell into earlier and can now start to climb out.

Nothing on the calendar for tomorrow or Wednesday. I want to get some more cleaning done and give some thought as to what to fix for dinner Christmas Day. I have to go to town for a bone density test and a blood draw on Thursday and can pick up things if I need them.

I do need to call a place tomorrow and check on a Christmas present that I ordered and they were to have shipped. I haven’t heard back from them other than receiving an order confirmation. I’m not sure if they send me a notification when they ship or not.

Baked Jim a batch of Snickerdoodle cookies tonight. He was out and we can’t have that emergency. I love baking cookies – just don’t like to eat them.

Grateful Jim is home on the prairie, grateful for Winter Solstice, and grateful for a green egg today.

It has been a quiet day on the prairie today. I haven’t spoken a word all day. At least today has been easier for me than yesterday. I have felt better and have gotten a few things done.

I got the kitchen detailed clean. I stopped to eat a bite and write and then I will do the dining room. I even took the grill cover off the refrigerator and washed it out. I like taking care of the little details that are easy to overlook and then they don’t get done for a long time.

I went to bed early last night and got a bit of sleep although I was awake off and on all night. I am so looking forward to Solstice and the return of the light. In another couple of weeks I will be back to feeling like myself on all levels. This darkness is hard for me each year.

This year I did some good internal work though. I saw some of my insecurities rise to the surface to be tended to. You can only heal what you know you have. I get angry at myself for having them though and I have to work through that before I can release them and heal. Maybe someday I will figure out a way to do so without having to ride the emotional roller coaster.

I spent some time yesterday reviewing my finances. Every year I look at where I was at the start of the year and where I am at the end of the year. I spent way more this year than I had planned on but when I researched it I can’t find many ways that I feel I wasted my money. Buying a new car put a big dent in my allowance for the year as did spending four weeks in Estes Park. If I back those two things out the rest is within budget. I always set a goal of how much I anticipate spending for the coming year. They are just numbers and I’m still not sure what they mean other than a starting point. Life happens and sometimes I go over and sometimes I go under budget. Just a way to provide a checks and balance for myself.

I still have a relationship with money that at times is not healthy. There was a point in my life that I had nothing extra – like food was extra. That is why I started working at McDonald’s way back when. I got a free lunch each shift and figured I could live on one meal a day. I still am very cautious when it comes to spending money on myself, particularly. One of these days I will feel in control of my finances but I keep circling that wagon and struggle to stay there when I get there.

Jim will be home tomorrow night. I still have more cleaning I want to get done before he gets home. I’m not sure he understands my need to detail clean but there are things he does that I don’t understand. Guess that happens in every relationship.

My girls gave me 12 eggs today! That is a new record for this bunch. The Rhode Island Reds and the Amber Star pullets are laying. The Americanas should start laying in another week or so. When they all get to laying I will get two dozen a day if not more some days. Anyone want to get on my list to buy eggs? Let me know and I will let you know when I have extras. I’m still getting double yolk eggs – I had one this morning for breakfast.

Grateful for 12 eggs from my girls today, grateful the kitchen is clean, and grateful for a very quiet day on the prairie.

Four years ago today my son-in-love died. I will never forget the call I got from Nicole that evening telling me. We had held our family Christmas the day before and Chris looked great. 24 hours later he died. After releasing some long held grief today I was able to smile at some of the beautiful memories I have of him. He may be gone but he is still loved and remembered.

His death has taught me so much. I vowed to never take anything for granted again. Nothing is permanent in this life. One must always live in the moment and be grateful for what one has as it may be gone tomorrow.

I have held Chris, Nicole, Michael and Cecil in my heart today. It is a bittersweet day for them. Grief is a never ending process that reminds us how much we loved.

I haven’t gotten any cleaning done today. Just wasn’t in the mood to do so today. I may get some done this evening or it will wait patiently for me to get to it tomorrow or the next day. Some things are more important than cleaning.

When I went down to do chicken chores this morning the light bulb in the heat lamp had fallen out of the heat lamp. The lamp has a shield on it so the bulb didn’t break. I tried fixing it and finally realized the socket had broken it’s weld. I went into the hardware store in Strong City and got a new one along with some extra bulbs. Came home and got it back up and running.

The Amber Star chickens are the friendliest chickens I have ever had. They stay right under my feet when I am in the pen. They like to squat and be petted. They were doing their best to help me change the light bulb.

This has been a rough day for me. I didn’t sleep well again last night and when I tried to take a nap this afternoon I couldn’t sleep then either. Solstice is coming Monday and the last of my shadow work is happening. I will gradually pull out of this dark journey I am on right now. It takes lots of patience and determination to do so though. Some things about myself are hard to face and accept. I will get there sooner or later.

Funny how I can go from having a very productive, peaceful day to having a day that sucks. Guess that is how life goes though. During this time of the year my emotions are all over the board and many times feel out of control. I had a teacher tell me one time that you can only go as high as you are willing to go low. I may be flying when this low period is over.

I have been giving some though as to what I want to set as my intentions for 2021. I have a few ideas but haven’t committed to them yet. Now is a good time to set intentions and plant them in the dark of the Winter Solstice. I have been clearing out old behaviors and thoughts to make room for something new to grow. I’m looking forward to Spring Equinox and the return of more light beginning next week.

Grateful for this journey I am on, even when I have dark days, grateful for the life and love of Chris Gustafson, and grateful for my memories of days gone by.

It has been a quiet day on the prairie. I spoke briefly to Jim and then to Jason on the phone today but other than that have spent the day in silence. It was very windy today with gusts up to 40 MPH. I almost had to put rocks in my pockets when I took the girls some water this afternoon.

I have been working on deep cleaning my kitchen – washing the cabinet fronts, washing all the woodwork, filled all the pump bottles of hand soap, dish soap, etc. Am not done yet but getting close. Feels good to get the kitchen really clean. Tomorrow I will do the dining room.

I was expecting the shipment of my new injectable cholesterol medication today. When I went out to do chicken chores I walked around the house to see where it might have gotten put. I couldn’t find it. I drove down to get the mail and decided to check my neighbor’s house and sure enough the package was on their front porch.

The medication came in a big box in a styrofoam cooler with ice packs. The ice packs hadn’t melted completely yet. They also sent a sharpie container to put the used injection things in.

I let the two injection things sit out for 40 minutes and then injected my first two shots. I had a bit of trouble getting them to click and start injecting but played around and finally figured out what I was doing wrong. I could feel a slight pinch when they entered the skin but it didn’t hurt. The medication went in very quickly and it clicked and I was done. That was easy. I will give myself two shots every four weeks.

I was going to put them in my stomach but when I had trouble getting them to start I switched to my thighs. I have to press the thingy pretty hard into my skin to make it start. I’ll see if my legs get sore or not.

The prescription receipt said the retail price is $1,495 for six shots or a three month supply. Yikes! I got it for nothing as insurance covered all but $141 and then the pharmacy had some sort of foundation they work with that covered the rest of it. I change prescription insurance companies in January so am hoping the new insurance will cover it as well. I didn’t know about this when I changed my insurance companies. It took a month from the time the doctor prescribed it before I was able to get through the red tape to get the medication. I’ll have to start the process for the next three months supply a month before I need them.

I took five calls on the hot line last night. They were all a bit challenging but thankfully not imminent suicidal calls, although several were having those thoughts. There are so many hurting people out there right now. The isolation of COVID is really starting to hit people, especially with the holidays coming up. I talked to a new mother that is overwhelmed with all a new baby brings and the isolation is really hard for her. No one can come give her a minute’s break except for her husband who needs to man up and help her out more. It was another one of those calls where you want to go to the person and give them a hug and a break for a bit.

I have a piece of salmon thawed to cook for dinner tonight. Not sure what I will fix tomorrow night. I can only eat salmon once a week or so. Not one of my favorites but it is quick and easy to fix.

I took another long nap this afternoon. I hadn’t slept very well last night again. I kept waking up and had trouble getting back to sleep. I turned the hot pad on this afternoon and got nice and warm and fell asleep quickly and slept really good for about an hour. Woke up feeling rested.

I may get on the hot line again tonight since I took a nap. They have been so busy and can usually use another counselor to help handle the volume of calls they are getting, especially at night.

Nothing planned for the rest of the weekend except more cleaning. I am finding lots of dirt so it is good that I have this time to dig deep and get things cleaned up. It is a great feeling to have a completely cleaned house. Maybe I can keep it up this time and not let it get away from me again.

Jim will be home Monday unless he decides to stay a few more days to get more done. He has so much work to do there that he may decide to do that. There isn’t much going on here so it is a good time for him to be there to get something done.

We don’t have big Christmas plans. We will Zoom with his sons on Christmas Day and with my kids on the day after Christmas. Sure hoping next year it will be safe to gather again.

Spending a day in silence has been good for me. I have been able to work at my pace and take my time cleaning. I forget how valuable silence is for me and how it fills me. I have had soft Christmas music playing in the background and I feel very peaceful this evening.

Grateful Project Get This House Clean is happening, grateful the medication came in and I was able to successfully inject myself twice, and grateful for the silence that filled the house today with grace and peace.

Jim is in Stillwater until Monday. The house feels big and empty tonight with him gone. It will be a very quiet weekend on the prairie for me.

I took recycling to Cottonwood Falls this afternoon. I timed it perfectly as the trailer I dump the stuff in had just returned from being emptied so it was easy to dump things in to. I dropped a sack of books off at the little free library box in Strong City. There was room in the box to put the whole sack of books in it. I was glad to get rid of the sack of books that had been sitting around for a bit.

Then I went into Emporia and dropped off Peanut Butter Balls at Jason’s house and then at Michelle’s house. Jason got a dozen eggs too. I thought Cody might enjoy eating eggs from the chickens he loves to visit. I got to visit with Michelle for a hot minute. It was good to see her. It is so hard to live so close but not get to see my kids. I saw both Tagen and Ellexia for a second. Tagen was still doing school on-line. He looked like he was feeling better.

Came home from town and took a long afternoon’s nap. I didn’t sleep very much last night and was tired.

Took four calls on the hot line last night. Two of them were heart breakers. One I felt like I was able to help a bit and offer some hope to the texter, but the other one was in a situation where they didn’t have a lot of options. I did what I could to make them feel better about themselves but not sure I was able to offer much in the way of a solution out of their issues. Sometimes you want to be able to give them your number and have them come live with you. I have another shift tonight.

Project Clean This House didn’t get very far yesterday or today. I have big plans for the weekend with Jim gone though. I got a bit done today but not enough. Sleep was more important this afternoon.

I forgot to lay some meat out for dinner so had breakfast for dinner. It works in a pinch. I’ll remember to lay something out for me for tomorrow. Since I knew Jim was leaving I didn’t think to lay something out to feed myself.

I need to bake Jim some cookies this weekend. I sent the last bag of Snickerdoodles that were in the freezer to OK with him. When I need to take a break from cleaning I will bake his cookies. I love baking – just don’t eat the stuff I bake. The grandkids are set for a bit with all the Christmas goodies I gave them plus the extra peanut butter balls they got today.

Still hard for me to believe that Christmas is a week from tomorrow. I haven’t found the Christmas spirit yet. Not at all unusual for me – some years I never find it and sometimes I catch a bit of it. Too bad we all can’t celebrate and party hardy for the New Year’s this year. 2020 has been one for the record books in many ways and it will be good to see a New Year start. Trusting 2021 will be a bit less chaotic on many levels for all.

It won’t be long before I will start having extra eggs to sell. I am getting 6 – 8 eggs a day right now. They are mainly small eggs though – it takes 4 eggs to make 3 when I bake. The Rhode Island Reds are starting to lay and the Americanas shouldn’t be too far away from laying now. The eggs will gradually get to large size over the next three to four weeks. Let me know if you are interested in getting eggs and I’ll let you know when I have extras. I’m still getting double yolk eggs occasionally.

Trying to think of something fun I could do by myself this weekend. I don’t want to spend the entire weekend cleaning although I have enough cleaning to do that I could do that. I have my shopping done so no need to go to a store. I’m having trouble thinking of things to do when I choose to stay home and not go out much in public. Wish my yarn would get here so I could get the blanket started. Shipping is taking extra long right now.

It’s almost time to start gathering information so I can have the accountant do our taxes. I’m anxious to see what the impact of getting married will have on my taxes this year. It was an unusual year as I didn’t do any Airbnb business but got unemployment instead. Wonder if I will be able to get my Airbnb back up and running in 2021? Not looking like it so far but maybe with the vaccine I will get to the point where it feels OK to open again. I may decide not to go there again. Some doors aren’t meant to be opened again after they close.

Having strangers come stay in my house feels icky to me right now. I have made so many dear friends from having the Airbnb and know my life has been enriched because of them, yet opening back up feels icky. I won’t reopen unless I can embrace it as I did before. Not sure that is going to happen. I have gotten used to my privacy now and I don’t want to disturb it. Sharing the house with Jim makes the house feel different too. He has taken over part of the basement for his camera collection and it feels good that the basement is finally getting used.

Grateful for a long afternoon nap, grateful Jim had a safe trip to Stillwater, and grateful for breakfast for dinner.

It is a lazy day on the prairie today. We got a dusting of snow on the ground last night. As Jim and I walked down to lock up the chickens last night the snow was falling. There was no wind and it was a beautiful walk in the dark with the snow falling. Most of the snow is already gone this afternoon.

The chickens were not impressed with the snow. They hopped out of the coop this morning, tramped around for about one minute and immediately went back into the warm coop. I don’t blame them. Cold and wet is not my favorite either.

I haven’t been motivated to do much today. I did order some yarn so I can make a smaller needle blanket and a hat and scarf. It seems almost sinful to order yarn when I have so much on hand but I don’t have want I need to make the blanket I want to make. I so enjoyed making the shawl that I decided to treat myself and order new yarn. It will keep me busy for several weeks as each row will have 209 stitches and it will be over five feet long when it is done. Good winter project.

Jim went into town to pick up a few groceries. My grandson requested more peanut butter balls. He has been sick and it is hard to say no to him. Thankfully his COVID test came back negative so he just has a head cold. He said he felt a bit better today although his throat is still sore. Tim and Michelle can now get out of quarantine and return to work.

Got room number 4 cleaned last night. Haven’t done my cleaning project for the day yet. I am hoping when I get done writing I will find the energy to get another room cleaned. It does feel good to be getting the house back into good, clean order. I so enjoy a fully cleaned house.

Got a call from the pharmacy today. Found out the cholesterol medication my new doctor ordered is considered a biological medication and it has to be prepared at a speciality pharmacy. They are sending it to me by FedEx and it should arrive Friday. The guy spend an hour on the phone with me this morning. I qualified for free medication if I agreed to have them call me every three months to get updates on how effective it is. The guy that called was most helpful and I appreciated all his instructions. I trust it won’t be as complicated as it sounds. I have to give myself two injections every four weeks. They are shipping a three month supply that has to remain refrigerated until 45 minutes before I need to inject myself. If this works I will have normal cholesterol levels for the first time in my life.

I have a crisis hot line shift tonight. I may need to take a short nap so I will be awake and alert for the callers. I got more sleep last night then I have been getting but I didn’t sleep very long at a time. Sleep for an hour, awake for an hour, rinse and repeat all night long. Grateful for what sleep I did get though.

We are having chicken tenders for dinner. Jim likes his fried and like mine grilled. Easy to do it both ways. Add some potatoes for Jim and veggies for me and dinner will be easy.

Jim didn’t have the right paperwork yesterday so didn’t pass the inspection. I’m not sure when he will try again. It is so frustrating to have to make two trips. I wish I spoke their language. They get so familiar with terms that I think they forget most of us don’t know what they are talking about.

Jim is leaving tomorrow early afternoon for Stillwater. He won’t be home until next Monday. It will be a quiet weekend on the prairie for me since I will be home alone. Maybe I will make some good progress on my house cleaning project. It is to warm up and be a nice weekend.

Nine days until Christmas. I’ll be glad when it is over. I’m grateful I have all my shopping and baking done and everything is ready. I will enjoy the Zoom gatherings we will have with Jim’s sons and my family. Sure wish we could be meeting in person but that isn’t in the cards this year. We will make the best of it and deal with what is. I do need to give some thought about what to fix for dinner Christmas. I suppose I should fix something a bit special. Hard to fix a special meal for just two people though.

Three of the six boxes I shipped have been delivered already. That was fast and easy. The other three should reach their destination by Saturday at the latest. I ordered another package to be delivered but haven’t heard when that package might arrive. Gotta trust that it will make it there by Christmas.

Winter Solstice is next Monday. The light will start to return minute by minute each day after that. I so welcome the return of more daylight. Time to set my intentions as to what I want to give out to the world this coming year. It is also time to pick my word of the year. I have a feeling it will be preferences to remind myself so much of what I feel is truth is really just my preference.

Grateful the pharmacy called today and the new medication is on its way, grateful Tagen tested negative for COVID, and grateful I have new yarn coming soon.

Tuesday is the day that we count on to know what day of the week it is. We take the trash down on Tuesday. It is our biggest outing of the week! Pathetic life that we have.

Sunday was one of the hardest days I have had in a long time. I fell hard into the muck pond and it took me until last night to fully recover from it. When I get emotionally overwhelmed I have no words – hard to believe I know but that is what I experience. I have to sit with my emotions and work them through my body and then process what happened before I can find words. All is well now. Another life lesson learned for me on this journey we call living and life.

I keep getting lessons on preferences vs truth these days. In my opinion we hold very few truths. If you live in the Northern hemisphere the sun rises from the east, northeast, or southeast and sets in the west, northwest or southwest. To me that is a truth. Most things we deal with in life are preferences – what religion if any you practice is a preference. How you load the dishwasher is a preference. Who you vote for is a preference. Wear a mask or not – preference. Take the vaccine or not is a preference. Abortion is a preference. Capital punishment is a preference. It would be a simpler life if those things were truths but they are not.

When our preferences become so strong they feel like truth is when conflict can arise. We hold on hard to our preferences sometimes and it is hard to let go and see the other side. It is a bit ironic how many preferences we hold without giving much thought to them. I just assume others think like I do and that is not a truth by any stretch of the imagination.

My mentor thought a class where he taught us to examine our beliefs and habit patterns. He taught that most of us hold a very limited range of belief (preference). When we allow ourselves to open and start to widen our range of beliefs and preferences we enrich our lives greatly. It allows a wider range of emotion to be in play as well as a wider choice of action. It takes some concentrated energy though to allow yourself to open as we have to admit we held a limited pattern of belief.

I am working hard to keep my heart and ranges open these days – to both sides of the coin of preference. I fail at it many times though.

I realized last time I went to town that the reason I get so wiped out when I go to town is I hold myself wide open out here on the prairie. If I forget to close that down a bit I get overwhelmed quickly when I am around other people and my system gets overloaded. Next time I go to town I will play around with the energy veil around me and see if I can close it up a bit and see if that makes a difference.

Had a much needed conversation with a dear friend this morning. I had sent her a text to see how she was doing and she called me. Talk about divine timing! I so needed that today.

Another member of my family is being tested for COVID. Damn!

Got a request from my grandson for more peanut butter balls. Next time I go to town I will get the stuff to make another batch and get some made for him. They are not my favorite things to make but when a grandson asks how do I say No?

I mailed the last of my Christmas boxes Monday. I delivered the boxes to Jason and Michelle’s house so Christmas preparation is done. The last of Jim’s gifts came in so I am officially ready for Christmas.

Thinking I need to order some more yarn and do another slow knitting project. I have a blanket pattern I really like and it takes what feels like a long time to make. If I can find the pattern I will get the yarn for it ordered so I have something to work on. With all my Christmas shopping, baking and wrapping done I need a new project to work on.

I have started Project Clean This House. I have three rooms done. Not sure I want to know how many more I have to do but if I get at least one done per day I will have it clean by New Year’s I think. Feels good to have that project started.

It is nice to have my dining room back. I had three of the tables full of Christmas boxes, wrapping paper, etc. After a while clutter like that drives me to drink. Now I need to get my corner where my chair is cleaned up. I still have knitting needles, yarn, etc. scattered around it and it needs to be cleaned up.

The chickens are giving me 5 – 6 eggs a day right now. The Rhode Island Reds are starting to lay. I’m still getting lots of double yolk eggs which is always fun. The Americanas won’t start laying for another two weeks or so.

It is cold and cloudy on the prairie today. We might get a dusting of snow sometime today. We sure need the precipitation and will take it however we can get it.

Jim is taking his car to get the VIN inspection at the Sheriff’s office this afternoon and then will go get tags tomorrow. When he comes back from Stillwater next week he will bring his other car and go through the process again. Slowly he is getting moved to KS.

It is good to be out of the muck pond yet again. I hadn’t spent that much time in it for a long time. I’m grateful for it’s lessons once I get out but I have a WTF moment when I am in the midst of it.

Grateful to be on the other side of the muck pond today, grateful for my mentor and the knowledge he has given me, and grateful to be on this journey of life and learning.

I am cranky. Good thing the pandemic is going on and no one can get close right now. I might bite your head off if you look at me wrong. Not sure where this mood came from or what it is trying to tell me. I’ll ride it out and it will be gone soon I trust.

I knitted a bit this morning. The shawl is completely done and the blanket is 3/4 done. I might get the blanket finished tonight if I don’t get on the Hot Line. I’ll see how it goes.

I took a long nap this afternoon. Unfortunately I missed seeing Jason and Cody. They came out while I was napping to pick up a mattress. I have a box I need to deliver to them so maybe I will get to see them then.

We had leftovers for dinner so dinner was easy. Need to think of something to fix for tomorrow. I might do chili as it is to possibly snow tonight. Chili always tastes better on a cold day.

Not much on our calendar for next week. Jim is going to Stillwater Thursday and will stay there for several days. The heater guy is coming Thursday to do a check on the furnace. Trash goes to the curb on Tuesday. Busy week ahead! Ha! With my Christmas shopping all but done I should have time to get the house cleaned. It is really bothering me.

I was going to take the packages to the post office in Cottonwood Falls today to mail but looked online and found they were only open from 8 – 9 this morning. I will put everything in my car and take it on Monday. I need my dining room tables cleared off. The clutter is driving me to drink and I don’t drink. I have a box to deliver to Jason and a box to deliver to Michelle and Tim’s house. May do those deliveries tomorrow.

Prayers and good energy for healing are needed for Tim’s dad. He had open heart surgery earlier this week and is having some complications. It is so hard for Tim to be so far away from him right now. With the COVID restrictions in the hospital Tim couldn’t be with his dad even if he was in KY. Seems so unfair that some people have to suffer so much.

When I went down to let the chickens out this morning I picked up 5 eggs. That is the most in one day they have given me so far. One of the Amber Star chickens is becoming very tame. When I open the feed door she hops up and cleans up the spilled feed from the floor. She likes to squat and have you pet her back. Jim calls her Sweetie Pie – I call her a nuisance.

Winter Solstice is one week from Monday. This is usually one of the hardest weeks of the year for me. The dark feels very heavy to me right now. I understand the saying it is always darkest before the dawn. I am feeling that right now. It is easy to slip into total despair for me right now. There is all the holiday cheer going on and I can’t relate to any of it. I’m glad I can for brief moments rise above it and know that this to will end. It is easy to forget that in the midst of the dark.

Grateful for 5 eggs today, grateful that this darkest will soon pass, and grateful for a long nap today.

I have made progress on my Christmas list. I made sugar cookies today with Jim’s help. He rolled and cut them out for me. I got them frosted afterwards. New Year’s Cookies are rising and the oil is heating now so I will get those done in about an hour. Got the shawl finished up this morning and 1/4 of the blanket knitted.

Next up is getting the sugar cookies put in containers and put in the boxes to ship along with the New Year’s Cookies. Then I can seal up the boxes and take them to town tomorrow. I’m only one day behind schedule – not bad.

I didn’t sleep much at all last night. I slept for about 1 1/2 hours and then was up for five hours. Went back to bed after taking another hot bath and found another 1 hour of sleep. I’m a bit tired today. Not going to take a nap though so maybe I can sleep tonight.

I took five calls on the hot line last night. Most were high risk callers. One I had to notify the supervisor as he checked all the boxes for high risk of suicide. We were able to talk him down and he probably lived to see another day. You never know what happens after you end the conversation.

Another of Jim’s presents came in today and I got it wrapped. One more will be here Tuesday and then I will have his Christmas ready. I am getting ever so close to calling it good for present wrapping and shopping. I have two more presents I need to purchase and two others that need wrapped. Christmas is two weeks from today. Time seems to be flying by quickly these days.

I have reached the point of no return on my dirty house. As soon as I get the boxes off tomorrow project get this dirty house clean will begin. I have not cleaned for ever and it is starting to bother me. It is not only dirty but it is also cluttered and that drives me over the edge. Time for things to get back where they belong and time for the dirt to be gone.

It is a cold and cloudy day on the prairie. No precipitation has fallen yet although it is foggy out. If it is going to be cloudy and cold I would prefer it to be raining or snowing and take advantage of the clouds. Clouds for no good reason can go away!

We will have to go to town tomorrow to mail the five packages that will be ready to go. Monday I will have one more that will need shipped. It will be so good to have them on their way and out of my dining room.

I have been sitting with why Christmas time is so hard for me. I really don’t like much of it. Part of it has to do with the decreasing light that continues until Winter Solstice on December 21. I always seem to do some hard personal work during this time of the year. It can be exhausting and demanding and when I try to force myself to do things that I feel need to be done for Christmas I get drained. I have cut back so much on what I do on Christmas to help myself out. Yet I feel the same overwhelm and frustration with it all anyways. Maybe with the pandemic and not having a family gathering it will be easier this year. We shall see.

I really dislike shopping be it for myself or someone else. Buying a gift because it is expected is the worse! I don’t feel like I am a good gift buyer. I hate “stuff” and hate to get more stuff for myself or for someone else. If I happen to be out and about and run across something that I think someone would enjoy I will buy it and give it to them just because. That type of shopping and buying is ever so more satisfying to me.

Grateful the sugar cookies are done, grateful the New Year’s cookies are almost done and grateful the shawl is off the needles.

I went into Emporia this morning to pick up my new prescription. The Doctor’s office had called yesterday to tell me insurance had approved a different brand. When I got to the pharmacy the pharmacy told me insurance needed prior authorization and it wasn’t approved. The pharmacy was going to contact both the insurance company and my doctor’s office and try to get it sorted out. I haven’t heard yet if that has happened. This is getting complicated. Maybe a sign I shouldn’t take this drug.

I knitted most of the morning and have the shawl done except for the ruffle. I decided to add the ruffle as it is curling up on the ends and the ruffle will keep it flat. The ruffle is only 16 rows or so on each side so it shouldn’t take too long to add it. Trusting I have enough yarn – I am having to make it in a stripe pattern as I don’t have enough of one color to add it.

I took a long nap this afternoon as I didn’t sleep well again last night. I sure slept good this afternoon. I have a crisis hot line shift tonight and knew without a nap I would struggle through that.

Made a batch of fudge after my nap. I still need to make sugar cookies and New Year’s Cookies and then I can ship my packages. I’m tired of the mess on the dining room tables and will be glad to get this stuff out of the house.

The yarn for the blanket I want to knit as a Christmas present came in today so will get started on that as soon as I get the shawl finished. The blanket will come together much faster than the shawl as I will use bigger needles and thicker yarn.

Last night on the hot line I took five calls. None of them felt satisfying to me. I trust the texter got what they needed though. One never knows sometimes if I am doing any good or not.

A friend called last night and we visited on the phone for over an hour. She needed to vent and it was good to get updated about her life. She lives with and cares for her elderly parents and works full-time. The stress of all of it is adding up for her. So many people had such burdens to carry these days. COVID just adds a new division of stress they didn’t have before. My heart goes out to them.

My Christmas to-do list keep getting smaller although not fast enough for me. I am done with Christmas! Oops, still have fifteen days to go. I can do this.

Have a pot roast in the crock pot cooking and the house smells so good. I have been hungry the last two days for some reason. We will eat when I finish writing. Sure wish the roasts were a bit smaller though as we will have too much leftovers. I put lots of carrots in it this time so I will have veggies to eat for several days for lunch. Now to decide what is for dinner tomorrow night.

Tomorrow I hope to go to town to mail five packages. I will have to get the sugar cookies and New Year’s Cookies done though before I can do that. We will see if I can pull that off. I will mail the shawl and blanket early next week.

I called the furnace people today as they hadn’t scheduled my winter furnace check-up. She said they had left three messages for me. I told her I hadn’t gotten any messages. She checked my phone number and discovered they had the wrong number. They are coming next week to do the check-up. I’m glad I called or it would not have happened.

Ellexia turns 11 tomorrow. I had taken her present to her earlier this week so she will have it to open tomorrow. My goodness I remember the day she was born. Her daddy had to have his appendix out the day Ellexia was born. What a day that was! Ellexia is such a bright light to the world. Full of piss and vinegar and courage. She is so much fun to be around.

As is usual for us these days nothing much on the calendar for next week. Jim is going to Stillwater a week from today and staying through the weekend and into the first part of the week. He has a church thing on Friday and Sunday to attend to and will get some work done on his house. I may need to come up with a project for me to do here while he is gone.

Three eggs from the ladies today. They are slow to get going in laying daily but it will happen soon. This nice weather sure helps them. The other 20 should start laying in another two or three weeks unless it gets really cold and stays cold. We are to get a wintery mix this weekend but it will warm back up a bit next week.

Grateful for a shrinking Christmas to-do list, grateful for a second successful batch of fudge, and grateful the other yarn showed up today so I can get that present knitted up.

Last night after Jim came home and we had dinner I was knitting. Three balls of yarn in a row tangled up on me. I told Jim I was going to put my knitting into time out for the evening. He said I needed to go to time out. Unfortunately he was right!

For what ever reason my patience level is running low these days. When little things go wrong I over-react. Grateful it doesn’t happen everyday but it has happened enough lately that I have noticed.

Made peanut butter balls this morning and got that project done. Had enough chocolate left over that I was able to dip some mixed nuts in the left over chocolate. Still need to make some more fudge, the sugar cookies and the New Year’s Cookies and then my Christmas baking will be done. I started putting goodies in small containers so I can ship on Friday. It will be good to get them on their way and out of the house.

I invited a friend over this afternoon. We sat out in the swings for an hour and half and visited. It did my soul good. I needed to have a deep conversation with another woman. Since we were outside and eight feet apart it felt safe.

What an absolutely beautiful day on the prairie today. 73 degrees, bright blue skies and no wind. It doesn’t get any better than today. Jim took a long walk while I visited with my friend.

I am starting to see the end of my shawl project. I should finish it up tomorrow or Friday at the latest. It has a ruffle that I am to pick up stitches and add on each end but am not sure I am going to do that as I don’t think I have enough yarn for that. We will see when we get done what I decide to do.

The yarn for my next project should be here by Friday so the timing on that worked well. That project will go faster and should only take two or three days.

When I get done baking and knitting I am going to have to break down and do some house cleaning. I have put it off for a long time as no one comes to see us right now. It is starting to get to the point where I can’t sit and relax in the living room as the dust is to thick. I can’t remember when I last cleaned the floors good. Maybe this weekend I can get the house cleaned up.

Jim brought a car load of stuff from Stillwater. He spent the afternoon unloading his car and finding places for it. Little by little he is getting moved up here. He may go down again early next week for another quick day trip and bring another load. The weekend of the 20th he is going down for a week to get some work done and he will bring another load when he returns then.

I have a Hot Line shift to work tonight. I have been busy baking and knitting and haven’t volunteered extra this week. Every time I have checked the hot line they have needed extra help. I feel guilty when I don’t hop on but just haven’t slowed down enough to want to take calls. It can be very draining at times to work the hot line and I needed my energy to get my baking and knitting done. Next week looks lighter for me so maybe I can give them some extra time then.

We are going to grill hamburgers for dinner tonight. It is so nice out and a good grilling day. Not sure we will be able to grill much more this year so will take advantage of today. I’m grateful Jim enjoys a plain hamburger as much as I do.

My new doctor’s office called and my Colon Guard test came back negative. That was good news. I was a bit concerned that the C-Diff had done some damage to my colon and it was reassuring to hear the test results were negative. The doctor’s office also let me know insurance has approved the new cholesterol medication that is an injection. They had to change to a different brand then the one he had originally prescribed. The pharmacy had to order it and when it comes in I will have to go to town and pick that up. This brand is a monthly injection instead of every two weeks. I haven’t found out how much it costs yet though. Hopefully my cost won’t be $450 a shot .

I need a hair cut but decided to wait a bit. That seems like a higher risk activity that is totally optional. No one sees me now anyways so what difference does it make if my hair is shaggy. Jim likes it longer anyways.

I got the Christmas tree up yesterday but didn’t do a very good job. I only put two of the three parts of it together. There is a middle strand of lights that quit working and the tree is leaning. It may bother me enough that I fix it or I may just let it be. I don’t do any other decorating for Christmas and Jim is lucky to even get a tree up. It is a little pathetic looking though. I usually put two pencil shaped trees up in the living room. Just not feeling the Christmas spirit enough to mess with doing that this year. If we were going to have the kids come home for Christmas I probably would have done so but that isn’t going to happen so why bother?

There is such a disconnect between what is happening in our hospitals and how people are living their lives. So many people are acting like nothing serious is going on and going on about their lives. I truly worry about those in car wrecks and those that have heart attacks as hospitals may not have rooms for them. Jim and I decided to stay home as much as possible and not add to the numbers if we can help it at all.

Grateful the peanut butter balls are made, grateful the Patric looking Christmas tree is up, and grateful for this absolutely beautiful day., complete with a visit from a dear friend.

Jim decided to go to Stillwater for the day. He will probably come home this evening. He wanted to check out his house as he hasn’t been down there for a bit and he is bringing a load of stuff back with him. If it takes longer to gather everything up than he thinks it was going to he will spend the night and come home tomorrow.

I have had a productive day so far today. I got the pepper nut cookies made. I can’t remember who likes them in my family though. They are a hard, small cookie that are best dipped in coffee. They have pepper, lemon rind, cinnamon, nutmeg and cloves in them. My dad’s mother used to make them and my mother made gallon jars full of them every Christmas. Fun memories for me while I was making them today. I won’t eat any of them but they sure smell good.

Got the Christmas gifts wrapped. I still have more coming but am caught up for the moment. I realized I need to get two more presents so will have to give that some thought and get something ordered.

I will probably make another batch of fudge today as it is a beautiful day on the prairie. Fudge does better when it is a clear day. I need at least three batches to get enough for everyone to have some and have only made one batch so far.

Tomorrow I need to make either sugar cookies or peanut butter balls and another batch of fudge. I may get New Year’s Cookies made today yet, if not I will have to do them sometime this week. Thursday I will make what I didn’t make tomorrow and I will then be done with Christmas baking so I can get things shipped on Friday. I’m not making as much stuff this year as no one will be coming over to eat it. I won’t eat any of it and Jim only likes some of them.

Friday I hope to get the packages I need to ship off. We are ordering via Amazon for Jim’s sons and partners and having Amazon deliver directly to them. Shipping has gotten so expensive. I do want to ship some treats to my brother in MA and I have a package to ship to Nicole and Geoff since we won’t see them before Christmas.

I have passed the halfway point on the shawl I am making. I will work on it some more when I finish writing and take a break off my feet. Then I will get up and either make fudge or New Year’s Cookies. I’ll wait to decide what to fix for dinner when I know if Jim is coming home tonight or tomorrow.

Jim has to be in Stillwater on December 20 for a church thing. I think he has decided to go down a few days before that and get some more work done and then come back to KS on the 21st. I thought about going with him but we both decided we didn’t want a house sitter right now. It is becoming harder and harder for him to leave here and go back to Stillwater. He has found enough projects to do here that he stays busy without having the pressure he feels when he is in Stillwater.

What a beautiful day on the prairie today. I went out to pick up some packages that had been delivered and didn’t need a sweater on. It must be in the low 60’s. We haven’t had much winter so far this year. I wonder if we will get some in January or February. Some years we just don’t get much winter weather. That is fine with me. I do not like to be cold and I don’t like doing chores in the snow and ice.

On my to-do list for today is to put the Christmas trees up. I don’t do much decorating for Christmas but Jim wanted the trees up. If I’m going to the trouble to put them up, I might as well put them up early and enjoy them for a bit. I will take them down as soon as Christmas is over.

Jason got engaged yesterday. I’m so excited for him. I love his finance and so look forward to having her join our family. She has two beautiful children so I will get to add two new grandchildren to my family. Yay! This has been a year for love in my family – I was married in March, Nicole got married in June and Jason got engaged in December.

I realized today that I am fully back to my normal. I had extra energy this morning and have had a very productive day. I think it is one of the first really good days I have had since I had C-Diff. I can’t tell you how good that feels. It’s good to be back 100% to myself.

Grateful for healing in my body, grateful the peppernuts are made, and grateful for the new additions to my family.

I’m halfway done with the shawl I am knitting. Maybe I will get it done by Friday – that is my goal at least.

Went to Emporia this morning to mail the hats. Went to Hobby Lobby for some yarn so I can make a blanket but they didn’t have what I wanted. Their yarn supply is much less than I remembered it being the last time I was in the store. I went to Staples to mail the package but their UPS machine was down. Went to Walmart to get groceries. Stopped by the post office in Strong City to mail the package. No lines and only one person to deal with. Came home exhausted. I don’t people well any more.

Took a short nap this afternoon. I had trouble sleeping again last night. I got three hours but then had trouble finding more sleep. Finally got one more hour. I was tired when I came home from town.

I knitted this afternoon. Got a few presents wrapped as the UPS delivery guy came three times today. Not sure why they don’t bring them all at once but it is what it is. Still waiting on several more packages to arrive and then I can get everything wrapped.

I need to make a Christmas treat yet tonight. I have a goal to make at least one a day this week so when I get ready to mail on Friday I will have treats to mail. Not making as big of a variety as I normally do this year. I won’t have visitors to send things home with this year and don’t want to throw stuff out if it doesn’t get eaten.

Three of the chickens like to roost at night in the rafters of the coop. Jim took off the feed thingy that was on the door because three were roosting on it and pooping on the water container. One was roosting on the board on the door tonight. Not sure why this bunch doesn’t use the roosting bars much. The Americanas roost there but not the others.

I’m starting to think reentry into the real world after this chaos is over is going to be a challenge for me. I find it so draining to be around other people right now. I am not very patient and come home cranky after being out and about. I remember when I came home from the Camino how hard it was to rejoin the “real” world.

I will relax at home and enjoy these last few months of isolation. It will be interesting to see what places I choose to go back to and which ones I will continue to avoid. Eating out has absolutely no interest for me right now. It would be too loud and chaotic of an environment for me to enjoy a meal in. Shopping has never been something I have enjoyed doing so going back to shopping in a store holds little interest for me. On-line is so much easier and calmer.

I will enjoy having friends over for dinner though. I have missed that most of all. Gathering my kids together and visiting Jim’s sons will be something I look forward to. Having the grandkids come spend the night is something I can’t wait to allow to happen. Can’t think of much other that I look forward to adding back in to my life.

Grateful I am halfway done on the shawl, grateful for what sleep I did get, and grateful for Christmas treats to make for my family.

Another beautiful day on the prairie. Bright blue skies during the day and a wonderful sunset tonight. Jim got out and took a long hike this afternoon while I stayed home and baked Ellexia some Chocolate Chip cookies.

I took a nap this afternoon as I didn’t sleep well again last night. I slept for three hours and then had trouble finding my second sleep. Got about one more hour before I gave up and got up. I even had trouble finding sleep for my nap today. We are getting ever so close to Winter Solstice and this time of the year sleep is hard for me to find.

I got Ellexia’s birthday present wrapped. When I take the cookies in tomorrow I will take her present so she will have it for Friday. When I go to town tomorrow I need to find some yarn so I can knit a blanket, mail the hats I knitted, and I also need to pick up a few groceries. I want to get my Christmas baking done this week and need a few more things to make that happen. I want to get things mailed by next Friday.

I knitted for a while this morning on the shawl I am making. Not halfway done yet but getting close. If I knit tonight I might get to the halfway part – we shall see. My left shoulder is sore from all the knitting I have been doing. I am out of shape to do a knitting marathon.

Other than going to town tomorrow I don’t have anything on my calendar all week. It will be a good week to get my Christmas baking done and my knitting done. I think I have all my shopping done. Just need everything to get here over the next two weeks and get everything wrapped. I don’t have a back-up plan so trusting I won’t need one. I still need to get the trees up too. Then Christmas 2020 will be in the bag.

Jim went down to the coop this afternoon to see the girls. He came up with a soft shell egg. That happens when the girls are first laying. The look on his face was priceless! They do feel weird when you handle them. It was leaking so we didn’t keep it. Jim is learning all the dirty ins and outs of raising chickens. He will be a full-fledged chicken rancher soon.

Dinner will be easy tonight. Jim wanted to make a ham salad sandwich and I am grilling myself a piece of salmon. Need to think of something to fix for tomorrow night.

I sent a note to my doctor. I had my cholesterol checked on Nov 20 and was to start a new medication. He was going to work to see if he could get the insurance company to cover the cost of it. I haven’t heard the results of the tests he ran nor if he was able to get the insurance to cover the prescription. I’ll see if they respond.

Christmas is less than three weeks away now. I am so looking forward to Winter Solstice and the days getting a bit longer each day. It always feels like a big turning point to me when it arrives. I enjoy the Solstice more than I do Christmas.

Grateful for the smell of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, grateful my Christmas shopping is done, and grateful for my chickens and the fun times and smiles they bring to our lives.

I got the fourth hat made up this morning and the box is all taped up ready to ship on Monday. All four hats are different sizes so I hope they each can find a head that will fit them. I don’t knit to size very well.

Jim and I took a 2 1/2 mile hike this afternoon. It was a bit windy and cool but it did feel good to stretch my legs a bit. My back has been bothering me today – I think from the position I have been sitting in while knitting. My body is out of shape for knitting!

I’ve gotten 8 eggs from the eggs in three days. They are cute little eggs that will get bigger as the girls lay more eggs. About half the eggs were laid in the nesting boxes and the others in the coop somewhere. It is hunt and find right now. Hopefully as they get used to laying they will use the nesting boxes more than the floor or the top of the nesting boxes.

I haven’t gotten any more knitting done on my other project I have on my needles. Maybe tonight I will get to it. I got the checkerboard part of it done which took a lot of concentration last night. Until I get to the other end of it will be easy knitting. I do have to count rows and follow a pattern but it isn’t a complicated pattern. It will take me two or three days to finish it up though as I am using smaller needles.

Monday I need to check to see if Hobby Lobby has the right color of yarn I want so I can make a blanket for someone as a Christmas present. If they don’t have it, I will have to order some. It only takes two days to make a blanket as I will use big needles for that project. I need to have it done and mailed by the 15th at the latest so need to get cracking at it.

I made a batch of fudge this afternoon. It looks fine. I cooked it about two to three minutes too long but it isn’t crumbly so I will call it good. I need to make two or three more batches of fudge to get enough for my kids and family. They all love that stuff. Jim doesn’t care for it so much.

I need to start making one Christmas goody a day for the next week so I can get everything done. I need to mail some treats to family and mail is slow these days. I hope to have everything done and in the mail no later than the 15th. We will see how successful I am.

Lots of gifts I ordered will come in next week. I need to spend a bit of time each day wrapping presents so it doesn’t become a marathon project. I don’t like to wrap.

Jim is having ham loaf and tator tots for dinner. I am having meat loaf and a baked sweet potato. He likes his ham loaf dry and I like meat loaf moist and I like meat loaf better than ham loaf. He likes cracker crumbs and I like oatmeal. I divided the hamburger into half and ground some ham to add for him. This way we both get what we want.

I slept hard for three hours last night and then sleep became hard to find. Finally got a second sleep of about two hours. I didn’t take a nap again today in hopes that I will sleep lots tonight. I sure could fall asleep easy right now though.

When I go to Hobby Lobby Monday I will need to stop and pick up a few groceries. I’ll have to go through my recipes tomorrow and check my pantry and see what I will need to make what I want to make for Christmas goodies. I am going to try not to make so many this year. I won’t eat any of them and I’m not sure many are things Jim will like. Since we aren’t gathering for Christmas this year I won’t have a chance to get rid of leftovers.

Grateful for a good hike this afternoon, grateful the first batch of fudge turned out OK, and grateful for the smell of dinner cooking in the oven.

Got my third hat made this afternoon. I have enough yarn to do one more for her so will get that done tomorrow and then can get the hats shipped on Monday. They are knitting up very quickly which is satisfying for me.

Cast on to make the blanket I am giving as a Christmas gift. Cast on using the wrong color so had to tink it out. Hope the rest of the blanket goes better. It has five different colors of yarn in it so will have to concentrate to keep it all straight in my head which yarn to use when.

Picked up one eggs this morning when I did chores. The heating element the metal watering can will sit on came in today so took it down and removed the plastic watering container. The plastic one is hard to get the lid back on. Hoping the healing element will keep the metal one warm enough that I can get the lid off when it gets really cold out. We will give it a try and see what happens. I have a heating lamp on it so that should help too.

Jim has been giving me a hard time about the cost of the eggs. If we add up the cost of the chickens plus all the food we have given them each egg is worth about $300. Ha! The price will come down as the girls really start laying soon. The real price is priceless! Farm fresh eggs – can’t beat them.

Jim went to town to get some wood to put on his bookshelves in his camera room. He has been sorting and tagging cameras for the last couple of weeks. He likes things in order so has been working to put them in some sort of order. Keeps him busy and gives him a project to work on.

I only took five calls on the hotline last night and then signed out. I was getting impatient with the texters as I had several that were very slow in responding and not wanting to problem solve. Hopefully just venting was enough for them to find a moment of calm in the chaos of their lives. I never know sometimes if I have helped them or not. Some calls are more rewarding than others. Such is life. You gotta take the bad with the good.

I got an email from the Crisis Hotline informing me my reward for leveling up is a one year subscription to Openfit. Anyone ever heard of it? It is an on-line fitness program. You can sign up and take live classes or do their programmed workouts of a variety of choices. Maybe this will kickstart me into actually working out again. I need to firm up some areas and get in better shape.

Not sure what I am fixing for dinner. We have some leftover taco meat that needs used. Jim said he would either eat tacos or make a big salad with it. I also have some hamburger thawed so I may just have a hamburger. I’m starting to run out of ideas of what to fix for dinner.

I had trouble sleeping again last night. I slept for about two hours then was awake for several hours. Finally got another two hours of sleep. I didn’t take a nap today hoping that I will be able to sleep tonight instead. I sure appreciate the nights when I can sleep for five or six hours straight. Hasn’t happened very often lately.

It has been fun knitting again. I forget how much it relaxes me. The blanket will be easier to knit than the hats as the blanket is a simple pattern except for 36 rows of checkerboard. Once I get it going it will be fun and easy. The hats I had to modify the pattern and I was anxious the whole time wondering if they were going to fit.

Tagen’s Christmas present came in today so I can cross him off my list. I have gotten to really appreciate on-line shopping. I tried to order early enough that everything should get here with lots of time to spare. Need to get one present ordered that will ship directly to the person it is a gift for. Trying to time it so it doesn’t arrive too early yet will be there in time. Still need to decide what to get Jim and then my shopping will be done.

I have some size 4 relaxed fit Lee Jeans to give away. They are like new as I just got them two months ago but have lost enough weight that they don’t fit. If you can use them holler at me and we can figure out how to get them to you. They fit more like a size 6 than a size 4.

Still nothing on my calendar for several weeks. It is hard to keep the days of the week straight when there is nothing different that happens to mark the days. Trash day has become the only marking point of the week. Pathetic isn’t it?

Feeling oddly content these days to stay home though. I was cranky at the clerks when I went to town yesterday. I am forgetting my social graces by not being around people much. The thought of going to town right now doesn’t sound inviting. Shelter in place is like heaven for us introverts.

Grateful to have completed hat number three, grateful for farm fresh eggs at last, and grateful for my reward from the Crisis Text Hot Line. Maybe I will get in shape soon!

I had to go to Emporia today to drop off my Colon Guard test kit at Staples which is where the UPS drop off point is. After I did that I went to Tractor Supply looking for a cover for my Weber grill. The clerk led me all over the store, finally asked someone if they had them and found out they don’t carry them. At least she tried to help me.

I then went to True Value which is where I had bought the grill. The lady at the register was reading a book on her register. She very hesitantly closed it out when I asked her if they carried the covers. She looked it up and told me that way and pointed to where I had been looking for five minutes and couldn’t find them. I left and came home and ordered one on-line. Not sure why I didn’t do that to start with. Local service ain’t what it used to be.

Baked Jim a batch of Snickerdoodle cookies this afternoon. Made a batch of ham salad – Jim likes to snack on it.

Last night I got the first of three hats I am making for someone knitted up. My Plan A worked for a change and the hat fit just right. I had to modify the pattern as the yarn is home spun and thicker than the yarn I had used when I used this pattern before. I increased the size of the needles and had to decrease the amount of stitches. At the top part of the hat you decrease stitches and I had to modify that too. I was very surprised when I was done and it fit. I thought I would have to rip it out and play with it a bit to get it to fit. Got it sewed together. I have the second hat on the needles. Since I am using size 10 needles they knit up fast.

I took a long nap again today. For some reason my lower back is bothering me today and I laid down on the bed to stretch out. Made the mistake of throwing a blanket over me and I got warm and sleepy so I slept for over two hours. I have a shift on the hot line tonight so now I will be alert to take my shift.

I leveled up last night. I had to take 250 calls to make that happen. The next level up will occur when I take 500 more calls. Yikes. That seems like a lot. I didn’t get on to take calls today as I needed to get some things done around the house. I checked once and they were busy and could have used the help. We are to limit ourselves to 12 hours a week and I already have spent 15 hours this week and I have my shift tonight. It can be addictive to be on the line.

I handled 15 callers yesterday. A couple of them were heart breaking. One had a miscarriage on Thanksgiving Day and another texter’s boyfriend was murdered the day before. I had to take a deep breath before I responded to either of those callers. They are the type of calls where you affirm whatever the texter has to say and just listen. Advice this early in these situations is useless and not needed. I think both were in a bit better space when the call ended.

Jim wanted a frozen pizza for dinner tonight so he doctored one up and baked it. I grilled a piece of salmon and had that along with some veggies. Made for a very easy dinner to fix. Almost felt like a night off from fixing dinner.

When I came home from town Jim said he had a present for me on the kitchen counter. There were two eggs on the counter. Jim had done chores for me while I was in town and found two eggs. The girls are laying! Yay! I was so excited when I saw them. This means they will probably lay all winter long, although if it gets bitter cold they will slow down a bit but I should have eggs now until next Fall Equinox time. Finally! The girls are 16 1/2 weeks old. Not all will start laying this early but enough that I may not have to buy eggs again. The fruits of my labor have begun.

It was a clear day with lots of sunshine today. The temperatures were in the low to mid 40’s though. We missed out on the moisture that was in the area. We got a bit of sleet or snow overnight but not enough to do much good. There wasn’t enough to cover the sidewalks – just some piled up along the edge of the deck. No more rain is in the forecast for the next week. I guess we will stay dry a bit longer.

No big plans for the weekend. We continue to stay home unless we have an essential trip to town we need to take. One of us will go to town next week for groceries. Jim was going to go to Stillwater this week but didn’t make it yet. He still needs to get the car he has up here titled before he brings the other one he has in Stillwater up to get it titled. Maybe tomorrow….

I seem to be settling into the routine of staying home now. I felt impatient at the two stores I went to today. I might be loosing my social graces and manners. It is going to feel weird being back out in public when this is over. It will take me a bit to adjust to being around others energy face-to-face.

Grateful my girls are laying eggs, grateful I leveled up on the hot line, and grateful for long naps on cold days.

I have taken 8 calls on the hot line so far today. I have a two-hour shift tonight that I will do. They are so busy I feel guilty when I get off to do other things. The wait time is long for most of the non-urgent texters. Many don’t respond when we finally get to them. We are supposed to limit ourselves to 12 hours a week and I have already put that in. I think they are waving that restriction due to how busy the hot line is.

I have one hat almost done. I’m anxious to get it off the needles and see if the size is correct. The pattern calls for a different weight of yarn and needle size so am adjusting on the fly. If it is too big I will rip it out and downsize it. Once I get the size thing right the other two will knit up quickly. Hats don’t take long – especially when I use the bigger needles.

Not sue what we are having for dinner yet. I haven’t gotten inspired. I have some hamburger thawed out so may end up with just burgers unless I can think of something else to do with it.

Jim took a long walk this afternoon and I took a long nap. I didn’t sleep well again last night and needed to make up some lost sleep. I didn’t sleep real well during nap but I got some more sleep and my headache is gone. Damn, I hate not being able to sleep.

Being back on the hot line so much sure makes my days go by faster. Add to that my knitting time and I am back to being busy. Much better than sitting around all day doing nothing. Now I have a real excuse not to clean my house.

I ordered Tagen and Ellexia’s Christmas presents today. I had some Best Buy bucks that needed used up and they ship for free. The two things I wanted were even on sale. Now to figure out what to get for Jim. He is my last one to buy for. I have lots of things in transit to me so trusting everything will get here safely and on time. I will wrap the local gifts and deliver on the appropriate day. The others I will have to wrap and ship so they have plenty of time to get where they need to get. I know the USPS and UPS are overloaded this year so want to allow a lot of extra time.

I still need to put the Christmas tree up. If we are going to the trouble of putting one up we should get it up so we can enjoy it a bit. Maybe Jim will help carry things up for me in a bit and I can get that done today. It is cloudy and looks like it is going to rain. We need a little brighter living room right now.

We had been forecasted to receive snow but now it sounds like we will just get rain. That’s fine with me as long as we get some moisture. The cracks in the yard are growing wider and are deep enough to catch an ankle in them and break it.

I got a long, news filled letter from Aunt Marylyn today. I love getting letters from her. Aunt Glenda and I text regularly now so I keep updated with her that way. I so love my last two remaining aunts and sure wish I could go visit them face-to-face. Maybe some day soon it will be safe enough to do so again.

It still feels weird to me to look at my calendar and see absolutely nothing on it for the near future. Jim and I were commenting today that trash day has become the highlight of the week for us. How pathetic is that! I am having more and more trouble remembering what day of the week it is as everyday feels the same. Thank heavens my iPad tells me the day of the week and month. I would have no idea otherwise.

I meant to run into town today to mail my Christmas cards and forgot to do so. I will try to remember to do that tomorrow. I also have my tax bills I need to mail. Chase County property taxes went down but Lyon County went up. Man, I hate paying those bills.

Jim is almost out of cookies again so will bake him a batch either tonight or tomorrow. The grandkids haven’t put in an order for what they want so they may still have some treats and don’t need any this week. They might be getting tired of Grandma’s cookies. In another week or so I can start doing my Christmas baking so it is all done for the 26th. I need to mail a couple of packages so will need part of it done before that so I can send some treats with some of the packages I will be mailing.

Feeling a bit like we have gone into hibernation for the winter. I don’t see an end to the shelter-in-place that we are doing. I keep hearing about more and more people that I know coming down with COVID. I am concerned about how many will get sick later this week as a result of traveling and being with friends and family over Thanksgiving. I sure wish there was something I could do for the medical providers and teachers right now to show my support to them.

Grateful for the time I am spending on the hot line, grateful my Christmas shopping is almost done, and grateful for letters and texts from my beloved Aunts.

I spent a lot of the day on the hotline. I took 8 calls today. Several of them were suicidal and others were going through relationship issues. Oh to be 16 and feel like your world is falling apart and that you will never love again. The hot line is so busy. Some callers are waiting over an hour and sometimes a lot longer to get a person to talk to.

We are broken out into levels that are based on how many calls you have taken. My next level is 6 and I had to take 200 more calls to get to that level. I only need 20 more to reach Level 6. Since we have been so busy it is easy to get lots of calls without waiting. I can pretty much hop on the line anytime and take calls right now.

I made hamburger soup for dinner. It sure makes the house smell good while it is cooking in the crock pot. It was fairly cold today and hot soup for dinner tasted good. We have leftovers for my lunch for the next couple of days.

I got up and weighed this morning and almost fell over. I had lost 4 pounds since yesterday. I have heard of others on this eating plan having that happen but it had never happened to me until today. I kept stepping on and off the scales to make sure it was true. I have taken off ten pounds since I started back on plan November 5. I want to take off at least another 10 and maybe 15. I didn’t think I would take the first 10 off until January so am ahead of schedule. I doubt that i will have another big drop but it sure was nice when it happened today. I set a target date of mid March to reach my next goal. It would be nice if I get there quicker than that but am not betting on it. I am usually a very slow loser.

Actually what I weigh isn’t as important as the fact that I have been able to stick to my lines for almost a month. I am approaching it differently this time as the realization that this is the way I am going to eat the rest of my life. My body will decide what it wants to weigh and stay there at some point. I’m not sure what that point will be. I am eating a bigger variety of foods this time and figuring out how to let Jim eat his favorites and modify the menu to meet my needs too. I feel so much better when I don’t eat flour or sugar. I never get that overfilled feeling and no acid reflux. I am beginning to have more energy and it feels more stable throughout the day. Being off flour and sugar helps keep the thyroid happier and the cancer from coming back – that is my main reason for eating this way.

I am still not able to eat raw foods, dairy, grains or beans. This is new for me since I had C-Diff. My stomach balance has changed and when I eat one of those foods it bloats me and I don’t feel well. I will keep trying small amounts of each group occasionally and see if I can add them back in to what I eat. I am able to eat eggs and small amounts of butter. Milk and cheese doesn’t go down well though. I miss being able to eat salads but the couple of times I have tried it didn’t feel good.

Some yarn arrived today so I now have a project to get done. I have three hats to make and get ready to ship in the next week or so. It is homespun yarn and is fun to knit with. I have to modify the pattern as it is a different weight than the yarn I used before. Once I figure that out they will knit up fast. Still waiting on the other yarn that I ordered so I can get a blanket made in time to ship it to someone for Christmas. All that knitting should keep me out of trouble for a week or so.

It is to possibly snow tomorrow and Thursday. We don’t have any plans to go anywhere so let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. We need the moisture in whatever form we can get it. I just don’t like the cold that comes with it.

Hard to believe it is December and Christmas is only 24 days away. I need to figure out what to get Jim. I think I have everyone else decided on – I just need to get a few more things ordered. I can do this! Sometimes I make too big of a deal out of it in my head and it feels impossible. I have a feeling lots of people are ordering on-line this year so want to allow lots of extra time for things to show up and so I can get them where they need to be on time.

No plans for the rest of the week – actually no plans for the rest of the month. Jim is going to go to Stillwater one day this week unless he changes his mind again. The weather isn’t good for him to travel tomorrow or Thursday. He needs to change cars so he can get the car he has in Stillwater up here so he can get it titled in KS. He didn’t make it to the courthouse today to get the car he has up here now titled but maybe he will get it done tomorrow.

Feeling more settled with my stay at home routine today. Having the hot line to work on during the day helps the days go by fast. With my knitting projects I will keep busy doing that so time goes faster too. I do feel better when I have something to show for my day.

Grateful for my big weight drop this morning, grateful for the yarn that showed up today, and grateful I was able to talk another person out of suicide earlier today.

Full moon tonight. I have been feeling the energy of this one for several days. There will also be an eclipse of the moon tonight. Double power tonight! Ground well and ride the waves that are coming.

I got an email from the crisis hot line this morning that they were getting slammed with calls. I’m not surprised as the Sunday after Thanksgiving was always the hardest day of the year at the store. Too many people didn’t have the Norman Rockwell vision of Thanksgiving with a loving family. They are out of their routine and the stress of being up close to their family for several days is getting to them. Add to that the additional stress Christmas brings and people are reaching their maximum coping skills this time of year.

I handled several calls. One was an 18-year-old that was suicidal. I was able to talk him down to a calm and we came up with a plan that he agreed to. When I get a call like that I feel really good about the work I am doing. I will never know what happens to him but for the moment he was in a better place than when he called in.

I was a bit disappointed in my supervisor though. I flagged her that I had a hot call and she responded she was reading through it. 15 minutes later I checked in with her to see if she was still there as she hadn’t sent any other responses. She finally engaged with me and together we helped the client. I don’t know if she was reading what I was saying and thinking I was on track or if she got busy with other calls and forgot about me. Either way it felt a bit distressing to be alone with such a hot case. In the end it worked out so all is well.

Jim is in town getting his KS driver’s license. I trust it will go well and he won’t have to go back with another document of some sort. He was going to run a few errands while he is in town. Some time this week he needs to get his Honda Element tagged in KS so he can drive it to OK and drive back his Mazda and get it tagged. Moving into a new state brings with it a set of complications that one has to work through. Jim tends to procrastinate on those type of things.

We heard back from his insurance provider and have him set up for medical, dental, and prescription coverage for 2021. Feels good to have that done. I need him to make a call so we can get one more task completed with his benefits and then we can cross that off our list of things to take care of.

It is sunny but cold on the prairie today. Only going to reach the mid 40’s. Jim did chicken chores for me this morning so I didn’t have to get out in the cold. He loves watching the chickens race out of the coop and search for the oats he throws out for them.

I didn’t sleep much again last night. Wondering if it is the effect of the moon that is causing me not to be able to sleep for the last couple of nights. If so, maybe after tonight I will be able to crash and sleep good for a change. I have a touch of a headache today but am thinking it is because I am a bit sleep deprived.

Did some on-line Christmas shopping today. I have three more people taken care of off my list. Jim still hasn’t given me a list nor has Ellexia. Tagen sent his list so I will get something off of it ordered for him later. I have yarn ordered to make another gift and know what to order for one other person. Jim and Ellexia are my last problem gifts. Once they tell me what they want I can get finished up. Did I mention I hate shopping and giving gifts. I have never felt I was good at it.

Grateful for being able to talk a suicidal person down to calm today, grateful Jim is running errands for me today, and grateful I am almost done with my Christmas shopping.

My son-in-love asked me if I had ever made Potato Candy. I had never heard of it. He sent me a recipe and I googled it and tried making it today. You boil a potato and then put the potato in a mixing bowl along with a stick of butter. You keep adding powdered sugar until the dough is stiff enough to form into a ball. You chill the dough for a bit and then roll it out until it is 1/4 inch thick. Spread peanut butter on top of it and then roll it up like you are making cinnamon rolls. Cut into thin slices. Jim tried it and said it was very sweet. I don’t eat sugar so I didn’t try it. Jim has to go to town tomorrow to get his KS driver’s license so will take it to Tim.

Next time I make it I will use less potato and not make it so thick. It cracked some when I rolled it out and I don’t think it is supposed to. I also didn’t know I was to let the potato cool completely before I mixed it. Not sure I will make it again but good to know just in case.

We had our family Zoom call this afternoon. It didn’t go too bad even with several not having been on Zoom before. We came up with our Christmas plan. Each family is buying gifts for the four grandkids and all the adults exchanged names via Nicole arranging that. Since we are shipping we decided on drawing names to reduce shipping expenses to four other families. We set December 26 as our day to Zoom again and we will take turns opening presents on the Zoom call. Not ideal but the best we can do in these times.

It was nice to have all the family together at the same time. Unfortunately Michelle was sleeping and couldn’t get on the call and Dylan was working. Maybe in December we can get everyone together.

I tried taking a nap this afternoon but really didn’t sleep much. It felt good to stretch out anyways and snuggle under a warm blanket. I have been cold all day today. I slept hard early for about three hours last night, then I was up for about four hours and finally got a second sleep of two hours. Maybe tonight will be the night I sleep hard all night long.

I fixed a beef stew for dinner tonight. It made the house smell good all afternoon while it was cooking. I am doing a better job at cutting down the amount that I make. We only have enough left over for my lunch tomorrow and then maybe the next day. Need to decide what to fix for tomorrow night. It is the biggest decision of the day!

I need to check my grocery list and see if I need to have Jim stop while he is in town tomorrow to pick some things up. I don’t think there is much of anything urgent on the list.

Nothing on the calendar for this week. Fixing dinner each night is the only thing I have to do. I need to find a big project to work on. Almost wish I could find a job that I could do from home. I do better when I have projects and stay busy. When my yarn comes in I have several knitting projects to work on as they are all Christmas presents.

Feeling a bit blue tonight. After seeing the kids it makes me realize how much we are missing by not being able to gather. Christmas is a blue time of the year for me and I feel it starting. I’m sure something will happen that will pull me out of this – it always does.

Last night when I couldn’t sleep I got up and took another hot bath. While I was in my big soaker tub I looked out the window and got to see a moon set. I have seen them before out here on the prairie but it is rare that I catch them. The moon will be full tomorrow so it was nice and big. It was a magical few moments as I soaked in the tub and watched the moon set. I always feel so blessed and lucky when I catch them.

Grateful for the Zoom call with my kids today, grateful we made Christmas plans, and grateful to have made a new to me Christmas treat – Potato Candy.

Made cinnamon rolls and took a pan to Jason and to Michelle’s house. I saw Tagen and Ellexia for a hot minute but didn’t get to see any of Jason’s family. The house sure smells good from them baking in the oven. I love cinnamon on most everything.

Took three calls on the hot line last night before I got tired. Lots of stressed out people in the world right now. Not everyone has a loving family to spend the holidays with. Lots of family arguments and conflicts going on right now. I’m sure the virus situation is compounding it. Glad people have a way to reach out for some support when things go from bad to worse at home.

It reached 57 today before it started to cloud up and start to cool back down. Only going to be in the 40’s tomorrow and most of the week. There is even a chance for some snow later in the week. We need moisture so I will take it however we can get it. The ponds are very low going into winter.

The chickens have spent most of the day outside today. They must know it is going to get cold and they won’t be able to be out so much. They are finally starting to grow in their combs and waddles so am hoping they will be laying before too long. If they get started laying before it gets below freezing and stays there for a couple of days they will lay all winter. But if they don’t get started laying before it gets cold and stays cold for several days they won’t start laying until almost spring. It makes doing chores so much more fun when you can pick up eggs when you go down to the coop.

Ordered supplies to make a Christmas gift yesterday. Hopefully the supplies will get here soon so I can get it made as I have to mail it. I know what I want to get for another person so have two people taken care of on my list. Two down and how many to go? Yuck! Can’t get out of the grandkids what they want this year.

The kids and I are going to Zoom tomorrow afternoon. That should be fun. There will be 14 people on the call if everyone can be there so it may get interesting. I sure missed seeing everyone for Thanksgiving. My favorite days are when all the kids come home on the same day. Not sure when we can make that happen again. Maybe Zoom will help fill the hole in my heart.

We are having fish for dinner. I am having a piece of grilled salmon and Jim is having beer battered fish filets. He will have some tator tots with his and we will both have some veggies. It will be another simple meal to fix. Now to think of something to fix for tomorrow night. I love to cook – as long as someone tells me what to fix. The deciding what to fix part trips me up daily. May fix a beef stew for tomorrow as it is to be cloudy and cold.

For some reason I have been thinking about my mom today. I have felt her presence all day. She was always so busy during the holiday time baking, cooking and making sure everyone had a good Christmas. I still don’t know how she managed everything she did.

Grateful to get to see Tagen and Ellexia for a hot minute today, grateful I can take calls on the hot line again, and grateful for my mom and all the memories I have of her.

A non-productive day so far. I can’t think of anything I have gotten done yet. I did do chores and putting the lid on the watering container didn’t go well. I had a headache before I went down to the coop and it was throbbing by the time I came back up. I put myself in time-out and took a two hour nap. The headache is gone and I am in a better mood. That was easy!

I took five calls on the hot line last night. Two were suicidal clients, one client didn’t engage, and the other two were teenage problems. It does feel good to spend two or three hours a day being useful to someone else again. I only took one call at a time. We had clients waiting but somedays I can handle two at a time and some days I can’t. I don’t want to overwhelm myself and put pressure on myself and burn out again.

Still haven’t finished my Christmas cards although I am getting close. Another couple nights of working on them and most will be ready to go. I am putting together a new address book of sorts so I don’t have to look up addresses every time I want to send someone a note. I didn’t put them in any sort of order so may go back and alphabetically arrange it when I get done with my cards. I need to add phone numbers and email addresses if I have those with it too.

We had a nice dinner last night. The steaks were cooked perfectly. Not sure it ever felt like Thanksgiving to me but that is OK. Zooming with Jim’s sons and their partners was fun. Made us miss them though. Damn COVID! We will so appreciate being able to visit friends and family even more when this is all over.

I have some hamburger thawed out for dinner tonight but not sure what I am going to do with it. Since it is fairly nice out I may just grill burgers. It will be too cold soon to do so and I love burgers from the grill. Add a nice veggie and dinner is done. It almost feels like cheating to me though as it is such an easy meal.

I ordered a heating pad for my chicken’s metal watering cans today. I am so tired of fighting with the plastic bucket’s lid and getting water splashed on my legs. I also ordered a gadget that automatically turns the light and heater on when the temperature falls below 35. Sometimes we unplug it on nice days and forget to get it plugged back in before dark. When that happens the chickens don’t all go back into the coop at night and we have to catch them and put them in when we lock up the coop.

I checked with the grandkids to see if they needed treats. One said yes and the other said no. Guess I get to decide. Not sure what they want this time. Not sure if they need treats. If the mood hits I may bake something. I have been in the mood to make cinnamon rolls so may make those tomorrow and take a pan to the kiddos and a pan to Jason. I can cut a few out of each pan for Jim.

Need to go down to my yarn stash and get yarn to start making blankets. It is cool enough now that I can have a heavy blanket on my lap while I knit. I do better when my hands stay busy. They make nice Christmas presents too. I have some home spun yarn that someone is sending me with a request for me to knit some hats. That will be fun to do – I love knitting with real home spun yarn.

Jim and I are trying to figure out how to help our neighbors that may be hungry. We keep seeing in the news the amount of people that are visiting food banks for the first time and how at least 1 out of 8 families are in a food insecure time. I prefer doing hands on type of help and Jim prefers sending money. I don’t personally know anyone that is in that situation. We will keep our eyes and hearts open and see what happens.

Monday is full moon day. It feels like it will be a powerful one this time. I can already start to feel the pull of it. Sometimes the best thing I can do is sit with my emotions and allow them to talk to me and be felt. When I can do that they tend to pass through quickly and don’t pull up a chair and stick around a bit. December is traditionally a hard month for me and I need to attend to what arises. 24 more days until the days will start to get longer each day.

Grateful for a nice, quiet, non-traditional Thanksgiving, grateful for time-outs that turn into a long winter’s nap, and grateful for the abundance in my life.

Thanksgiving Day 2020 is one for the record books. It is just Jim and I today. We will be grilling steaks for dinner for our non-traditional Thanksgiving feast. He isn’t a big fan of turkey and dressing and I won’t eat dressing so decided to do something non-traditional.

We took a 2 1/2 mile hike this afternoon. It is a beautiful day on the prairie with temperatures in the upper 50’s and light wind. It was good to get outside and stretch my legs and get some fresh air. There is a cold front coming in and the temperatures will not be this high again for a bit.

I baked Jim a pecan pie this morning. I needed the smell in the air to remind me it is Thanksgiving. I sure miss the hustle of feeding 24 plus people today but have to say I don’t miss doing the dishes from the prep work or the meal.

I’m still working on my Christmas cards. I am over halfway done, I think. I keep thinking of additional people that I want to add to my list. Jim will send his cards out later. He usually doesn’t get them out until early January.

We are doing a Zoom call with Jim’s sons this afternoon. That will be a fun hour or so. I haven’t talked to my kids yet today. I’m not sure what some of them had planned for today. We might try to do a Zoom later this weekend.

I could not fall asleep last night. I finally got up around 4:30 and took another hot bath. That worked and I fell asleep around 5:15. I slept until 9:30 so got a good four hours plus of sleep. I’m a bit tired this afternoon but will stay up so I can hopefully sleep better tonight. I sure wish I could solve my sleep issue. For the most part it has improved but I still have nights where three or four hours is all the sleep I can find.

No plans for the rest of the weekend. I am in the mood to bake but really don’t have anything to bake. It is a bit early to start my Christmas baking. Jim has a whole pie to eat so he doesn’t need anything else right now. I may bake some cookies and freeze them. Not sure why I am wanting to bake as I don’t eat that stuff myself. Maybe it is a way of distracting myself from cleaning the house. I would much rather bake than clean.

I got on the hot line last night for the first time in five weeks. I took four calls. I did OK I think. Two of the calls were suicidal people that found a way to get calmer or go get help. The hot line has been so busy I have felt guilty not taking calls. It felt like it was time for me to try it again. I’m glad it went well and I will take more calls tonight if I’m not too tired. I don’t want to push myself too far and too fast after being off the line for five weeks.

Jim wants a tree up so I will probably get that done tomorrow. If I am going to the trouble of putting a tree up I might as well get it up so we can enjoy it for a while. If I had my way, we wouldn’t put one up. I doubt that we will have anyone over for Christmas this year. I have a feeling the virus case count is going to explode in a week or so from all the people that traveled and gathered over Thanksgiving. I hope I am wrong and the counts will start to drop and we will be able to gather for Christmas but not going to count on it.

Today I need to take a minute and express gratitude for all my friends and family. This year has been a challenging one and the one thing I have been able to anchor into is the love and support of my friends and family. We can’t be face-to-face right now but I feel your love and send mine back to you. When this chaos is settled and we can gather again we will have to have a huge celebration of friendship and love. Sending everyone a huge hug and much love.

Grateful for this day of Thanksgiving, grateful for a beautiful day to take a hike, and grateful for friends and family.

Another quiet day at home. I baked two pumpkin pies this morning and we ran them into town this afternoon. I saw Ellexia for a hot minute when I dropped off their pie but I was good and resisted hugging her. I left Jason’s pie on his front deck.

I have a ham baking in the over along with some potatoes for dinner. I’ll fix some green beans to go with it and dinner will be ready. Have steaks thawing out for tomorrow night’s dinner. That was easy!

Have worked a bit on getting Christmas cards ready to go out. Still need to do a bunch more but at least they are started. Then I need to get serious and decide what to get the grandkids and others for presents. I am not a good shopper and gift buyer. It is almost painful for me to shop for someone else unless they tell me what they want. Not a task I enjoy.

Laid down for a while this afternoon but didn’t go to sleep. I didn’t sleep very well last night. The wind was in a hurry and blowing hard most of the night. Things felt restless outside and inside me. The wind finally slowed down this afternoon and the clouds disappeared and the sun came out. There is a beautiful sunset going on right now. I love this time of the evening. There is a full 360 glow around the rim of the earth tonight – beautiful!

We are going to Zoom with Jim’s sons tomorrow afternoon. We haven’t had a chance to meet Thomas’s partner so it will be fun to get to know her a bit better. Both sons will be on the call so it will be a fun hour or so. May ask my kids if they want to Zoom sometime over the weekend. Not at all the same as being together but you got to do what you got to do to get by these days.

The stories coming out of the hospitals are scary. Most hospitals are running out of beds and space and staff. I wished there was something I could do to show the staff how much I appreciate their work and effort.

I called my insurance agent and priced adding Jim’s cars to my policy. He will save several hundred dollars by switching to my plan. It is nice to have that task done as well as his medical insurance decided on and forms submitted. Jim doesn’t like tending to things like that and tended to ignore them. I learned sometime ago how important it is to keep those things up to date and to review them annually.

My insurance agent is an EMT as a side job. We had an interesting conversation about COVID and what she is seeing. She has been working lots of extra hours transferring patients to bigger hospitals. She told me her daughter’s boyfriend, who was a very healthy 40 year old, died from COVID just three days after his diagnosis. It is like Russian Roulette when you get it as you never know how bad it is going to be.

Still feeling a bit sad about tomorrow and not having the kids over for dinner. Then I read the news and hear about the hospital situation and know we made the right decision. It still hurts though.

Tomorrow morning I am going to bake Jim a pie. Not sure if he wants pumpkin or pecan. I had a bit of pumpkin filling left over so I baked that in a dish so I might make him a pecan pie tomorrow. I will miss having a piece of pecan pie tomorrow morning. My mother would come over and help me fix Thanksgiving dinner. We would take a break mid-morning and have a piece of pie. It always tastes better before you eat a big meal than afterwards. I miss that tradition with her.

Wonder how many people will be out shopping tomorrow? You couldn’t pay me to go to a store over the weekend. I really wonder what the case count will be like two weeks from today. The highway was really busy when we went to town today to drop off the pies.

Feeling grateful for all that I have today. My life is so rich in so many ways. I have great friends and family and a beautiful place on the prairie to stay safe. Sometime in the distant future we will be able to gather again and enjoy face-to-face time.

Grateful for the smell of pumpkin pies baking this morning, grateful for the smell of the ham baking now, and grateful for the beautiful sunset tonight – Mother Nature knows how to paint the sky.

The highlight of my day was going into Cottonwood Falls and depositing a check and dumping recycling. On days like this I feel how small my world has become. It got me out of the house and for that I am grateful. Only talked to the lady at the bank and she was behind a glass window.

Fixed black bean soup for dinner. Not sure Jim was impressed but he ate it. It was good but you have to like black beans. I think the texture thing got to him. Not sure I will fix it often but it was an easy meal and on a cold day was a nice dinner for me.

Tomorrow I am baking a ham that Jim picked up when he went grocery shopping Monday. He always comes home with extra stuff. Ham is his favorite meat. Not so much mine although I will eat ham. There is a chance for rain tomorrow so decided to do the ham tomorrow and then we will grill steaks for Thanksgiving. I love that I know what we are having for dinner for the next two days. Makes it much easier once that decision is made.

I plan on baking two pumpkin pies tomorrow and taking one to Jason and one to Michelle. It will be a taste of what Thanksgiving dinner should have been like. I have a tub of Cool Whip for each of them to go with it. You only eat pie as an excuse to eat Cool Whip – right? I may bake Jim a pecan pie. Not sure he can eat the whole thing though and I won’t eat any as I don’t eat sugar or flour. Anyone want to share some of it with him?

I managed to stay awake all day and not take a nap. Now I need to stay awake until at least 10:00 and I will be back on schedule. It is raining out and the sound of the rain may put me to sleep if I sit and read. I have some typing to do so will work on that to stay awake.

Got Jim’s medical insurance thing figured out. He is going to stay with his retirement plan but we improved the plan he had chosen when he retired. This one doesn’t have a big deductible and should act like the plan I have. It is cheaper than we can get otherwise and the coverage looks the same as mine. Sure was a challenge figuring it all out though. I finally sent an email to the benefits department and got some questions answered. Jim gets bored with that type of thing and he missed getting some important paperwork in the move. Hopefully we got it all figured out and it will process as expected. We even got his beneficiary form updated. Good to cross that project off my to-do list.

I’m finally coming out of the muck pond. I took a spill yesterday and landed face first. I got triggered with something and it has taken me about 24 hours to process what happened and understand why I was triggered. It is an old issue I have been working on for a long time. I get angry at myself when I let myself get triggered and then those feelings get mixed with the other and it takes me a bit to sort through it all. I get quiet when that happens which is hard for Jim. We got it all sorted out tonight. Good to be back on track.

I haven’t heard from my new doctor about the medication he had prescribed for my cholesterol. The results on the website said a separate report was given to my doctor but I have no idea what that means or said. If I remember I will call the office tomorrow and find out. Walmart will only hold the prescription for seven days so if I don’t get it resolved tomorrow the doctor may need to send a new script if the insurance company has agreed to cover it.

I am slowly coming into acceptance about Thanksgiving. My heart still hurts but I am allowing it to be heard and felt. It isn’t the end of the world to not have a big dinner. I would much rather be safe than sorry. We will find a way to make the day a bit special.

Nothing on the calendar until next Monday when Jim goes to Emporia to get his KS driver’s license. I’ll send a small grocery list with him when he goes to town. He will have to get his cars titled next week but he needed his KS driver’s license first. Then I can call and add his cars to my house insurance company and save him some money.

Grateful to have Jim’s medical insurance plan lined up for next year, grateful I understand what triggered me and was able to work through it, and grateful for the gentle rain that is falling on the prairie.

It has been a cold, windy day on the prairie today. I haven’t stepped outside at all today. I took a long winter’s nap this afternoon and stayed inside and kept warm.

Jim went to Emporia to get some wine. I had him pick up a few perishable grocery items. He had trouble finding celery but found some. I sure wouldn’t have wanted to have been the person ordering grocery items at the stores this year. It would be hard to know what people and going to do this year. By the sound of the traffic on Highway 50, lots of people are traveling. Jim said the grocery store was busy.

I got my tax bill for my house today. The bill is actually lower than it was last year. That was a nice surprise. I haven’t gotten the ones for the four rental properties yet. I am always grateful I have money set aside to pay those bills. Writing the check to pay taxes is always a painful process though. I hate spending money on things I can’t see or use. I understand I use the county government to drive on their roads , rely on the fire department, etc. but if I had my preferences I would spend that big chunk of money in a different way.

Made a small batch of Party Chex Mix today. I had a few boxes of Chex cereal and the other ingredients on hand and needed to get them used up and out of my way. This batch made 3 1/2 gallons of mix. I am sure the kids will enjoy it. I don’t eat it but it smelled good.

I made Jim tacos for dinner tonight. I kept out some hamburger and fixed me a plain hamburger. Tacos and one of Jim’s favorites and so easy to fix. Tomorrow I am fixing black bean soup. That will be an easy meal to make too.

We were going to grill steaks for Thanksgiving but Jim picked up half a ham today so may have that instead. Ham is easy to fix too and is one of Jim’s favorites. I like ham but could take it or leave it.

I’m still sticking to my bright lines and eating plan. I’m lucky if I lose one pound a week but am more focused on cleaning up what I am eating than the actual weight loss. I’m still detoxing a bit and more tired than normal but that is starting to ease a bit. My pants are getting loose which is a good thing.

Chase County has decided to let the Governor’s face mask policy stand but will not allow it to be enforced with any penalties. I wonder how much people in Chase County will listen and start wearing masks now. We are doing out best to avoid going into Chase County stores as many didn’t wear masks the last time we were in one. I am grateful that Chase County has for the first time allowed the governor’s mandate to stand. Baby steps!

As far as I know, neither of us will need to go to town again for a bit. Jim has to go to Emporia next Monday to get his driver’s license changed from OK to KS. Once he gets that done he will get his two cars titles transferred to KS and I can get them listed on my house policy. The driver’s license place was booked a month in advance for appointments. You can still walk-in and take your chances to get waited on.

Feeling a bit blue tonight. I’m sure it is grief from not being able to host my family dinner. I am so sad that I won’t get to see all my kids together at the same time. I know we made the right decision to not have them come but my heart still hurts. I know there are thousands of others in my same place. I’m grateful to all that have made the same decision and are doing their part to stop the spread of the virus. I worry about the increase in the number of cases and hospitalizations that are coming as a result of those that decided to gather. Stay well everyone and stay safe.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful I have been able to stick to my bright lines for several weeks now, and grateful for all those that are staying home for Thanksgiving this year to protect their loved ones.