It was a long night.  I ran 101 – 102 temperature all night long.  It was hard to get comfortable- one minute I would be cold and the next hot.  I felt drained this morning but am feeling a bit better this afternoon.  I am getting concerned that C Diff is back as I have had 8 watery stools today.

I tested myself for Covid last night and again today and both tests were negative.  I’m not sure I trust them though as last time I had Covid it took five days of being sick before I registered positive.  My symptoms are more in line with C Diff today than Covid.

I ate a piece of toast with Manuka honey on it at noon and had half a bowl of chicken with rice soup.  Trying my best to drink as much as I can but it isn’t going down well.

It will be very discouraging if I have C Diff again.  The good news will be I should qualify for a fecal matter transplant this time.  That seems to be the only way to “cure” C Diff.  The bad news is I would have to suffer through another round of it first.

I was able to fold two loads of laundry today and put the clothes away.  I didn’t have the strength to do that yesterday.  I walked down to the chicken coop yesterday and had to rest a bit before I could make it back up to the house.  Thank heavens Kathy is here and can take care of them properly for me.  I didn’t have the strength to fill their watering container.

I am still in my PJ’s.  I conceded that this was going to be a rest day and decided there was no used getting dressed.

I am to go to Topeka Thursday for a retina exam.  Unless I am feeling lots better by tomorrow I think I will cancel that appointment.  They have to dilate my eyes and inject a dye that causes me to have severe nausea for a bit.  I don’t think I want to go there this week.

Dang!  This sucks!  I was doing so good at not getting sick.  Hoping this isn’t C Diff and just a 24 hour bug of some sort.

Grateful for Kathy’s help and presence, grateful for this beautiful day on the prairie, and grateful I am feeling a bit better this afternoon.

I woke up this morning feeling like I got run over by a truck.  I have had diarrhea, muscle aches, headache, low grade temperature and am tired.  All I have done today is take naps.

I walked down this morning to check on the chicks and felt like it was a long, long walk down and back up to the house.  The chicks are doing well.  I’m grateful I didn’t have to fill their watering container as I don’t think I had the strength to lift the bucket of water.

I took an at-home Covid test which was negative.  This doesn’t feel like what I had when I had Covid.  Hoping it is just a little bug of some sort that hitchhiked home with me and it will move on by tomorrow.  If not I will Covid test again tomorrow.  Last time I had Covid it took five days for it to show up positive.  If I have any suspicions that it is Covid I will go get the other type of Covid test.

Grateful I am home, grateful for my comfortable bed, and grateful I had nothing on my calendar today so I could take a rest day.

I moved the chicks to their big house today.  When I came home last night I could smell them all the way upstairs in the house.  It was time to get them outside.  Kathy helped me clean up the mess they made and carry them down to the big house.  I still have cleaning to do in the furnace room and then need to put everything back in it’s place but am making progress.  It has been a big job to get that room cleaned up.

When I went down to check on the girls this afternoon they seem to be settling into their new digs.  Several had found the roosting bars and were enjoying sitting on them.  I hooked the heat lamp up for night time to make sure they stay warm enough at night.  They have plenty of room to get away from the heat lamp if they get too hot with it on.  I will keep them inside the coop for several days and then let them go outside during the day.  I’ll have to set timers to make sure I remember to go down to let them in and out.  Once it stays warm enough at night I can leave their door open at night but it needs to be 70 or over at night before I can do that.

I need to drive around to the back of my house and load up all the trash bags of used wood shavings.  I think I will dump them on my recycling pile as I don’t have room in my trash can for them.  I also have things to take down to the barn to store until the next time I get chicks.  I think next time I will get chicks in the hot summer time so I can start them in the big house to begin with.  Lots less mess that way.

I found a dead mouse – yuck!  I got brave and managed to get it in the trash bag with the help of the dust pan.  When I was fixing the big house for the chicks a mouse dropped out of the sliding door that closes up the little door the chicks use to go in and out of the coop.  Enough with mice today!

I am a bit tired today.  I probably should have taken a rest day and moved the chicks tomorrow but it was time for them to go out.  I will enjoy my house more if I don’t smell them inside.  I may finish up the job tomorrow but we will see how I do today.  I took a rest and will try to get some more done today.

I have two problems to solve.  I went out and looked at the painting on the deck Kathy and I had done before I left for Vegas.  The paint is failing already – even on the new boards that had never been painted before.  Not sure if it just needs a second coat or if I got the wrong type of paint.  I will have to figure that out before I bother painting any more.  No use painting if it isn’t going to work.

The second issue is in the furnace room.  There is a floor drain in there and wood shavings got down the drain.  Not sure how many but I know some did.  Not sure what I need to do to make sure the shavings go on down and don’t plug up the drain.

I’m sure when I am not so tired I will figure out a solution to both of those issues.  I’m a bit fried today and my brain is not functioning at 100% right now.

Tomorrow I need to call John Deere and find out when they are returning my mower.  It is time to do my first mow of the season.  I also need to call my plumber and order a new kitchen faucet and have them check to make sure I didn’t get a water leak in the barn over the winter.  I like being able to use the bathroom in the barn during mowing season but don’t want to turn the water on in the barn until I know for sure I don’t have a broken pipe.

I got another bill from my divorce attorney that I wasn’t expecting.  I had forgotten she had to register a quit claim deed on the rental properties.  That finally got done and she billed me for the time it took to do that.  Trusting this will be the last and final bill from her.

I hope the run of bills I have been racking up is coming to a close.  They seem to come in bunches and this bunch has been a big one.  Yikes!  I am overdue for a couple months of no unexpected bills.

Luckily I don’t have anything on my calendar until Thursday this week so I can take a couple of days and get all the way home and get caught up.  I don’t think I have to go get groceries for a couple of days so I can stay home all day tomorrow.  I will finish up the furnace room project and get the basement cleaned from the chick mess.

I have two guests coming the last week in April and will need to clean my whole house between now and then.  It will give me a good reason to clean which I have needed to get me started.  The two guys are coming in so they can play in the disc golf tournament.  Both have stayed with me before and are like friends to me.  It will be fun to have them here and visit with them.

It felt good to come home with a little bit of gas still in my tank.  I was pleased that I was able to stay somewhat full during the trip.  It makes me feel more comfortable about my upcoming trip to Europe in September.  This trip had several opportunities for me to practice some different techniques I have learned and I was pleased that I was able to use them successfully for me.  Self development is a life-long process and I am pleased to learn new tricks.

Grateful the chicks are in their big house tonight, grateful for Kathy’s help in helping me move them there, and grateful for life lessons.

I got home tonight around 12:40.  We had a long travel day.  We checked out of the hotel at 11:00 Vegas time (which is 1:00 KS time).  We decided to go to the airport as we really didn’t have anything else to do.

The ride to the airport only took 15 minutes today.  Wednesday when we arrived it took 45.  There was little traffic.  Going through security took 10 minutes at the most.  There were few people in line.  Nicole has TSA pre-check and it took her longer to get through than it took Michelle and I.

Our flight didn’t leave until 5:00 Vegas time so we had a long afternoon of sitting at the airport.  There were not many food choices and no shops so we people watched and airplane watched.

Our flight departed on time and arrive 7 minutes before scheduled.  It was smooth and easy.  The new airport was easy to navigate and the blue bus showed up after only a few minutes wait.

We saw prairie fires from our view in the airplane as we flew over KS tonight.  They are just as beautiful from the air as they are up close.  We saw one fire on the way home outside of Ottawa.

We got to my car and then went to Nicole’s house to drop her off then headed home.  I dropped Michelle off and came home.  It was ever so good to get home.

This trip helped me learn more about each of my daughters and who they have become as adults.  I made some wonderful memories and will always treasure this trip.  I also learned some things about myself which I always appreciate doing.

Grateful for the time I had with my daughters in Vegas, grateful to be home safe and sound, and grateful for the beautiful moon that watched over us on our drive home tonight.

We took a quieter day today.  Nicole and I went and had pedicures this morning.  That was relaxing.  I had a bruised big toe nail that she was able to remove the dried blood under the nail.

We walked around for a bit outside after our pedicures as it was a beautiful day but I think we were all tired and the streets were a bit crowded.  We came back to the room and we all took a short nap.

My friends from CA called me today.  They are the ones I met when I walked the Camino.  It is always a good day when I hear from them.

Nicole used part of her big winnings and treated us to a fancy dinner tonight.  We went to an Italian restaurant that was fabulous.  We walked through the shops at Caesar’s afterwards to walk off our dinner.  We all ate too much.

I’m glad we are going home tomorrow.  A little bit of Vegas goes a long way.  Too many people and too much stimulation for this country girl.

I am proud that I have been able to keep myself full while I have been here.  I had to take a few breaks but was able to take good care of myself and will be going home with gas still in my tank.  It may take me a few days to fully refill once I get home.  I look forward to sitting in my corner chair and listening to the silence.

Tomorrow our flight got changed from 3:00 to 5:00 so it will be a long day.  We have to check out at 11:00.  We will have the hotel store our bags and go have a long lunch and then head for the airport.  The Vegas airport can be a challenge so we will allow lots of extra time so we can stay stress free.  We will land around 10:00 then drop Nicole off at her house and then head for the hills.  With good luck we will be home by 1:00.  I’m glad Michelle will be with me to help me stay awake.

Grateful for this time I have had with my daughters, grateful we are going home tomorrow, and grateful for the lessons I have learned this trip.

 

Nicole is the big winner so far in Vegas.  Last night she hit a $1,215 jackpot and today hit one for $480.  Michelle and I haven’t hit anything.  It is fun watching Nicole get lucky.

We walked around the area today.  The garden at Bellagio was a beautiful respite.  The water garden at Flamingo was another enjoyable stop.  There are lots of people out and about and the weather was perfect – not too hot and not too cold.

We had breakfast at Hash House A Go Go that was delicious but the portion sizes were huge.  None of us needed lunch after such a big breakfast.

We went to the 4:00 showing of the musical Menopause which was hilarious.  It was well done and we laughed and clapped along.

We had dinner after the show at In-N-Out Burger.  I had never eaten there and it was a great choice.  There was a long line but it went fast, service was excellent and the food was hot and fresh.  We found a table outside and enjoyed the warm early evening while we ate.

Tonight Michelle stayed in the room and Nicole and I went back down to try our luck.  Neither one of us won anything but we had fun trying.

I have done well with not getting overwhelmed.  At one point this afternoon we sat on the bridge overlooking the water feature at Caesars Palace and got away from the crowds for a bit.  It helped me not get drained.

I walked 16,485 steps today for a total of 7.17 miles.  Not bad for this couch potato.

Not sure what we are doing tomorrow.  Nicole is going to treat us to a fancy dinner with some of her winnings.  We may hang around the pool for a bit tomorrow afternoon and try to get some sun.  It is to be in the low 70’s so barely warm enough for the pool.

It feels like we have been here longer than 24 hours.  A little bit of Vegas goes a long ways.  We still have all day and night tomorrow and then Saturday our flight doesn’t leave until 5:00pm so will have a long day Saturday.  I’m sure we will find something fun to do tomorrow and Saturday.

Grateful for this time with my daughters, grateful for the exercise, and grateful for the beautiful weather we are having.

We arrived safely in Vegas.  Our flight was a bit delayed out of KC due to a maintenance issue but we weren’t too far behind schedule.  Traffic was very heavy from the airport to the hotel.  The new KC airport was nice.  Nicole has TSA Pre-check and went through security in 2 minutes.  It took Michelle and I about 20 minutes to get through.

We had lunch at a restaurant at the airport.  The flight was mainly smooth with the normal turbulence as we got close to Vegas.  The flight wasn’t jam packed full.  It was my first time flying Spirit.  The center isle was nice and wide but the distance between seats seemed smaller than I was used to.  We were able to carry on our bags without question.

We are staying at the Mirage.  Our room is nice and we overlook the volcano.  Lots of people out and about and lots of cars on the roads.  I think I am not in Chase County anymore!

We walked over to the Colosseum hotel and had dinner at Planet Hollywood.  It was OK but not great.  Prices of food are really high.  Service was not great either.  I have a feeling I’m going to be tired of eating out by the time I get home Saturday night.

The girls went to a musical show tonight.  Nicole was given two free tickets for a show tonight.  I am tired as I woke up at 3:00 this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep.  I came back to our room after dinner and will attempt sleep soon.  I bet they will have a great time and I will have a great time getting some quiet time.

So far I have managed the crowds and noise OK.  I didn’t hit overwhelm today.  Not sure what our plans are for tomorrow or Friday.  We will hit the main drag sometime tomorrow and see what fun we can find.

Enjoying the time with my daughters.  Priceless!

Grateful for a safe trip, grateful for this time with my daughters, and grateful for a quiet evening.

It has been a windy day on the prairie today.  Had a 53.4 MPH gust with averages of 25 – 30 most of the day.  Way too windy to paint today.

Went back out after dinner last night and painted some more railing.  Didn’t get to the steps yet but got close.  It was easier painting once it cooled down a bit and the sun wasn’t in my eyes.  The rest of it will have to wait until I get back from my short trip to Vegas.

My handyman came out to remove the water softener and other stuff from the furnace room this afternoon.  I had to move one crate of the chicks to the hallway to make room for him to work.  Kathy helped me carry the crate to the hallway and then back again when the handyman was done.

The furnace room is going to need a good cleaning once the chicks get outside.  There is a thick coating of dust everywhere in the room. I had a basket of yarn sitting out and hope that I can savage it.  Most everything else is in tubs with lids.

The project of removing the water softener had been on my pending list for over three years.  Good to have it finally out of the room.  That frees up lots more wall space so once the chicks are moved outside I can rearrange things in that room and be able to find whatever I need easily.  I so appreciate Phil.

I got packed for my trip tomorrow.  The bags I had ordered had more than enough room for three days of clothes and my purse.  You are only allowed one personal item so purses have to fit inside it.  Spirit Airlines is picky about the size of bag you can carry on so I ordered bags for each of us that meet their requirements.  I had ordered one for each of us as they were only $12 each.  I have heard Spirit likes to find things to charge you for so trusting these bags will work and we won’t have to pay $69 to check one bag one way.

The bags fold up in a little case so plan on taking it with me to Europe in September and using it as a way to bring souvenirs home with me.  I will only take my hard case carry on bag with me.  Sometimes I end up checking it as it is easier to navigate big airports without dragging the bag with me.  But if I don’t have too much time at the airport I can carry it on.  This new bag is the perfect size to put souvenirs in and I can carry it on board and check my hard case.

Trusting I didn’t forget anything.  I keep reminding myself we are not going to a third world country and Vegas has plenty of stores in case I forgot something.  I even remembered to put my extra printer and toners in the car to take to Nicole.  She doesn’t have a printer and I have an extra one to give her.  I love that a couple more things are leaving my house.

Nicole got us our boarding passes this afternoon so we are all set for tomorrow’s flight.  I will pick Michelle up around 9:45 and head to Nicole’s house to pick her up and then to the airport.  We have a 3:00 non-stop flight to Vegas.

Kathy went with me to dump recycling.  I’m grateful she did as I had to hold the door open while she dumped stuff in the trailer.  It would have been a challenge to dump things in with the wind blowing the door closed.  I always feel good when I clean out my garage and get rid of all the boxes and other recycling stuff I accumulated.  One of these days soon I need to clean the garage out but I don’t think I would have much luck blowing the dirt outside today.  It would blow back in faster than I could blow it out.

Feels so good to have the deck painting project started and the water softener gone.  I can get overwhelmed sometimes with all that needs to be done around here and find it helpful when I see progress being made.  I have finally learned to ask for help and pay people to do things I can’t do.  I am so grateful I have Phil who can do most anything at a price I can afford.

I am looking forward to tomorrow and spending time with my daughters.  As I get older I can’t think of anything I like to do better than spend time with the people I love.  Time seems to go so fast these days and I need to remember to stop and find reasons to see the people I love.

Grateful for Phil and how efficient and fun he is to work with, grateful for Kathy’s help again today, and grateful the trip is finally here!

Went to Emporia this morning and purchased 200 pounds of chicken feed and two bales of cottonseed hulls from Bluestem.  I went to the service desk and ordered and paid for it and then drove around back and the guys loaded it in my car.  Easy!  Now if I could only bring one of them home with me to help me unload it.

Filled the car up with gas so I am ready to drive to KC and the airport on Wednesday.  Stopped at an ATM and deposited a check and withdrew some cash for my trip.  Went to Walmart and picked up a prescription and a few groceries and then came home.

Went out to paint on the deck.  Kathy came out and helped .  We got six sections of the upper deck railings painted.  I think there are a total of 15 plus the four on the steps and four on the step landing.  We got the project started.  It was almost too hot painting as the sun was bearing down on us.  No wind today though so took advantage of a rare spring day and got some done.  I’ll try to get out in the morning and do another bunch of railings.  The deck floor will go fast but the railings are tedious and take patience and time.  The ladder work will need to get done sometime too and I dread that.  Grateful the project has gotten started.  I am using a different type of stain this time and hoping that it will last a lot longer than the type I used before.  I like the color of it.  I’m anxious to see it with the deck flooring painted.   I use different colors for each.

Michelle let me know Tagen has a baseball game tomorrow afternoon at 4:00 so will go in to watch that.  It is a double header but not sure I will stay for both games.  Usually when he has a double header I take Ellexia out for dinner after the first game is over.  It is to be 85 tomorrow afternoon so a perfect day to sit and watch a baseball game – hopefully in the shade.

My new glasses came in today – five days early.  Great job Warby Parker.  The prescription got changed and it is going to take me a bit to adjust to them.  They don’t feel balanced between the left and right eye.  I’ll see if I can adjust to them and will have to return to the store if not.  My left eye is hard to get right as I have a vision distortion in that eye.

I called my cardiologist to make an appointment.  I was on the phone for over 20 minutes.  One operator transferred me to another operator who transferred me to another operator who transferred me to a nurse.  I ended up having to leave a message.  They called me back and tried to give me a June appointment time.  I told them I could come to Topeka and they found a day in early May.  Good thing it isn’t too urgent.  I am getting concerned with my slow heart rate.  Last night I got 14 notifications that my heart rate had dropped below 45 and stayed there for over 10 minutes each time.  Most of the time it was 40 – 42.  One time it was 38.  I feel my heart skipping a beat occasionally, especially at night.  I’ve been to him before and he didn’t do anything so not sure it will do any good to go see him again but the skipping heart beat thing is new and he told me to come back if something like that happened.

I share half of my driveway with a neighbor.  He called today and wants to order some gravel for the driveway.  I told him I would pay for my part of it and asked him to have them deliver some all the way up my part of the drive too.  He is going to arrange it and let me know how much I owe him for my part of it.  We have to do this every couple of years.  The gravel seems to disappear and deep ruts show up.  I’ll be grateful to have some fresh gravel added.

It felt good to move my body and paint today.  I also walked down to get the mail.  Whatever I was holding on to yesterday is gone today.  I’m grateful for that.  Sometimes my job is to allow whatever I am feeling to be present and not force it or deny my feelings.  I prefer knowing what it is but I’m OK with it just leaving too.  One of the best things I ever did for myself was to give myself permission to feel whatever I was feeling and not label them as “good” or “bad” and feel shame about them.  The more I can sit with and honor what ever shows up, the quicker they pass through and I no longer get stuck in them.  Sometimes I know what they are and can name and claim them, other times they just are and then they are gone without me knowing what they were.

Tomorrow will be busy as I want to paint some more in the morning, pack for my trip and then go to town to watch the baseball game.  I’m so looking forward to getting away for a couple of days and spending time with my daughters.  Trusting the flights will be on time and the trip will be full of fun, laughter and love.

Grateful the deck project has begun, grateful my new glasses have arrived, and grateful for Kathy’s help on the deck painting project.

It was a beautiful but windy day on the prairie today,  We had a 53.4 MPH wind gust in the last 24 hours.  Too windy to paint.

I didn’t do anything again today.  I have managed to string lots of days together without doing anything.  My body is going to forget how to move if I don’t start getting up and finding myself something to do.

Tomorrow I need to go to Emporia and run some errands.  I almost went in today but the feed store wasn’t open which meant I would have had to go back tomorrow so decided to do it all in one trip tomorrow.  Trying to get all the things I need to get before my trip on Wednesday.  Hoping I won’t forget anything and have to go back to town on Tuesday.

Feeling a bit restless and a bit out of sorts today. Some things got stirred up in me last week and I am having trouble letting them go.  I thought I had managed to do so yesterday but they came roaring back today.  Must have some remnants of things that I need to heal and release.  I haven’t fallen in the muck pond today, just have felt restless and unsettled.  Can’t quite put my finger on what is bothering me.  Maybe by tomorrow it will be gone or at least I will figure out what is bothering me.  When I can name it and claim it, I can release it easier.  Can’t quite name it so I can claim it today.

The chicks continue to grow and eat.  Ten more days before I can move them outside.  The two dog crates are working well for them.  Trusting that when I combine the two flocks they will be OK with each other.  There is a real pecking order within chickens and sometimes they don’t play nice.  Hopefully since there are 14 in each group they will be able to integrate again and be nice to each other.

I went down to the barn expecting to see the mower but it has not been returned.  I will need to stop by the John Deere place on my way to town tomorrow and find out when they are returning it.  Maybe I needed to pay first.  Last year I didn’t but maybe they changed their policy.  I noticed the trip charge increased from $50 to $80.  Yikes!  The service part was the same cost as last year so I guess a $30 increase in the total bill from a year ago is reasonable.

The kitchen sink faucet is starting to go bad.  It is getting to be a bit of a challenge to make sure the water gets turned off after I use it.  I’ll have to call my plumber and have him order me a new one and come out and replace it.  Dang, it seems there is always something that needs attention out here.  I get tired of spending my money on boring things like faucets and plumbers.

I also need to call the guttering guy again.  He had promised me two months ago he would be out “soon”.  My definition of soon must be different than his as I haven’t heard from him.  I want to get the guttering fixed and off my pending list.  It has been on there since the end of December.  Anyone know of anyone that does guttering?  Maybe I need to try someone else.

The forecast for tomorrow is calling for light wind.  Maybe it will be a good day to paint.  I almost hate to start it and then be gone for the rest of the week but I need to paint when I can.  It has been hard to find a warm enough day without wind to paint.  Better take advantage of one when it shows up.

I wish Emporia had a yarn shop.  I need some more yarn to finish a blanket I am making.  I struggle to order yarn on-line as the colors look different in person than they do on-line.  I didn’t alter the pattern of the blanket I am making and I don’t have enough yarn to finish making it.  I will go down and see what I have downstairs but am pretty sure I won’t find enough to make do.  Dang, I should have altered the pattern.  Maybe Las Vegas has a yarn shop!

My renter in Cottonwood Falls let me know she will continue to rent my rental house in Cottonwood for next year.  I had to increase the rent a bit due to property taxes and insurance rates increasing.  I hated to raise the rent but I can’t keep eating the increases.  I hadn’t raise her rate since she moved in 1 1/2 years ago.

Think I will go out and take a short walk.  I need to more my body and maybe that will help move some feelings and emotions through.  I am very restless and uneasy tonight.  Wish I knew why!

Grateful the wind has slowed down a bit this evening, grateful for notes on my phone so I won’t forget something when I go to town tomorrow, and grateful tomorrow is a new day.

It has been a beautiful day on the prairie.  The sun has been out all day and the wind finally slowed down.  It was a tad cooler than forecasted but tomorrow it is to be warmer.  I am hoping I can get out and paint tomorrow.

I sat in my chair and knitted today.  I have been binge watching Virgin River while knitting.  I have two more episodes to watch of season four.  Haven’t done much else.  Decided to make it a lazy day and a do nothing day.

I got a bill from the John Deere dealer for the work they did on my mower.  I haven’t made it down to the barn yet but thinking they returned the mower without letting me know they were bringing it out.  I’m glad it is ready to go for this mowing season.  Now I need to either get my push mower fixed or get a new one.

Kathy got her new glasses today and I should get mine Monday.  They came in earlier than expected.  I love companies that come through better than you expect.

I signed up to volunteer for Hospice last July.  I went to their training last October and hadn’t heard anything from them.  Today I got a letter asking me for some more information.  Thinking they need to get better organized.  I don’t know if they will ever call me to let me volunteer.

Monday I will need to go to Emporia and get more chicken feed.  I will open my last bag today and I don’t want Kathy to run out while I am in Vegas.  I will need to switch to another kind of feed after the next couple of bags.  In another 12 days I can move them outside.

I still haven’t started my packing list so need to get that done before I go to Emporia Monday in case I need to pick something up for the trip.  I think I have all I need but need to double check.  I only have three more days before I leave for Vegas.  I need to make a list of things I need to take care of before I leave.  Sometimes it seems to take a lot of work to get away for a couple of days.

It’s been nice to have two quiet days at home.  I will probably stay home all day tomorrow unless something comes up that I don’t know about now.  I feel like I have been able to refill myself and each time I can do that it feels more solid than before.  It is taking me less time to recover when I get close to empty.  I will take that as a sign of progress on my recovery healing path.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful for the sun shine all day, and grateful the mower is back home and ready to go.

 

Skip to content

STARRY NIGHT ON THE PRAIRIE

My Prairie View of the World

Went to KC today.  It was a quick trip up and back.  I fought the wind driving both ways.  I came home really tired as the drive didn’t feel as easy as normal with the high wind.  I found myself holding my breath when I passed a semi as they were weaving a bit.

I stopped and got three more gallons of deck paint.  I don’t think that will be enough but will get this much on and then get a better feel for how much more I will need.  I don’t want to end up with lots left over.

Went to the jewelry store and as promised my ring was ready.  They did a nice job with it and I am pleased with how it turned out.  I wish I had ordered it a half size smaller as it fits a bit looser that I would like.  I don’t think it will slip off but I like it nice and tight so there is no chance it could happen.  I’ll wear it for a bit and then decide it I want to take it back in to have it sized a bit smaller.

I met two friends for lunch.  We stayed and visited for over 2 1/2 hours.  It was good to catch up with them and see them again.  The time went by quickly and I enjoyed our long lunch.

I was going to stop at Costco but decided it was too much for me today.  I headed home instead.  I’m glad I did as the drive home was a challenge due to the wind.  I came home exhausted and was ever so glad to be home again.  I got home before I was completely drained but if I had stopped at Costco I would have reached empty.

The temperature has started dropping as the clouds have been rolling in.  Sure hope we get some rain out of this system that is passing through but not sure that will happen.  It seems to be mainly bluster and nothing to show for it.

I don’t have anything on my calendar for the weekend.  I hope to get out and paint if the weather cooperates.  It can’t be too windy or too cold.  Hard to find a day in the spring time of KS that meets those two requirements.  We will see what happens.

It will be good to stay home for the next couple of days.  I need to start building some reserves for my trip to Vegas next week.  The best way for me to do that is to stay home.  I am getting excited about the trip to Vegas and especially the time I will get to spend with my daughters.

I need to check with the grandKids and see if they need any treats this weekend.  They are both doing spring sports so it is hard for me to catch them to see them these days.  Tagen is playing base ball and Ellexia is playing tennis. I need to find out when they are playing so I can go watch them.  I usually only go to one or two of their events but I sure don’t want to miss them completely.

I need to find some motivation and do some housecleaning.  I noticed this week how dirty the baseboards are and that the house really needs a good cleaning again.  I can’t wait till I can open the windows and let the spring air in.  However when I do that the dust comes right in with it so cleaning almost feels counterintuitive right now.  Not sure I can let it go too much longer though.  Once I notice it, I will feel guilty sitting and not cleaning it.  Dang, need to remind myself not to look for dirt as I seem to find it.

Sitting in a good space this afternoon.  I’m grateful I realized going to Costco would have been too much and I brought myself home instead.  I’m still working on offering myself grace and taking good care of myself.  Sometimes I won’t allow myself to accept it though.  Today I was able to.  I will call that my win of the day.

Grateful for friends and long lunches, grateful for a safe drive to and from KC, and grateful for the abundance of grace and mercy.

The night sky last night was amazing.  Kathy and I went out to look at the planet alignment about an hour or two after sunset.  There was no wind and it was a perfect night to star gaze.  I can’t wait for warmer evening temperatures so I can sit out on the deck and enjoy the nights on the prairie.

I went to Emporia today to go back to the library book sale to get a sack of books for $5.  I managed to find a sack full.  They have had a very successful sale and the pickings are getting pretty slim.  Tomorrow they will be open from 9:00 – noon and a bag of books is $2.

I stopped at the Tractor Supply store and got a bag of wood shavings.  I was out and will need to clean the pens at least once more, if not twice before the girls get moved outside.  I’m pleased with how well the dog crates are working. They push the wood shavings out of the crate but they will clean up easily when the girls get moved outside.

Went to Walmart and got some yogurt.  I stopped at Freddie’s and had lunch and then came home.

It is a beautiful day on the prairie today.  The temperature has reached the low 60’s and the sun has been out all day.  It should be another beautiful night to star gaze.  Last night someone was burning a pasture just south of us.  We could smell the grass fire smoke and see the flames burning as we watched the stars.  Doesn’t get much better than that on the prairie.

Tomorrow I am meeting two friends for lunch and then picking up my ring.  I will also go to Home Depot and get more deck paint and make a stop at Costco.  I put the paint cans I need more of in the car so I can take them in so they can get me what I need.  I also put a cooler in the car so I can get the frozen stuff I need from Costco.  It will be a quick trip to KC but a fun one.  I haven’t seen one of the two friends I am meeting since Covid started in 2020.

I plan on starting the deck painting project Friday.  The forecast for the weekend and into next week looks promising that I will have some good painting days.  It would be nice to get a good start on it before I leave for Vegas next Wednesday.  I have needed a big project to do and this one is a big one.

The littlest chicks are four weeks old today.  Two more weeks before they can be moved outside.  Taking care of them is easier since they got moved to the dog crates.  They sure eat a lot right now.  I fill their three pound feeders three times a day.  That means they are going through 18 pounds of chick feed daily.  I will need to get a couple more bags mid-week next week.  I will switch them to the next type of feed once I moved them outside and then when they are four months old will switch them to egg layer feed.  They won’t start laying until July when they will be about five months old.

My knitting project seems to be taking a long time.  I started knitting a blanket so I can use up some yarn that I have had for a long time.  May have to alter the pattern a bit as I planned on repeating some of the colors but I won’t have enough yarn if I do it the way the pattern calls for.  I’m at a decision point in the making of the blanket and need to make a decision and get on with it.  I can use other colors if I decide not to alter it but then I will have single skeins of colors left over and sometimes it is hard to use up a single skein of one color.

I have green chicken cooking in the crock pot for dinner tonight.  I’m not very hungry yet as I had a big lunch but hoping I will get hungry later and will eat some.  It is one of my favorite ways to cook chicken.  The leftovers are good too so I will eat it another day if I don’t eat it all tonight.

A week from today I fly to Vegas with my daughters.  I need to start making a packing list so I don’t forget something important.  I am really looking forward to this trip with my girls.  Time with my grown children is like gold to me.  Priceless!

Still maintaining my consciousness level above mid-point.  I’m amazed I am able to do that most of the time now.  I still fall down the ladder occasionally and wallow in the muck pond for a bit but I seem to be able to climb back up rather quickly these days.  It has been three months since the divorce was final and five months since I have seen or talked to Jim.  Time does help one heal along with the work I am doing on myself.

Grateful for the beauty of the night sky on the prairie, grateful for the healing work that I have and continue to do, and grateful the temperatures are warming back up.

There was a light covering of snow on the prairie this morning.  I’m grateful I didn’t move the chicks outside a week ago.  The sun has been out today and it has warmed up to the low 50’s and all traces of snow have melted away.  I bundled up to walk the trash down to the curb and was too warm.  No wind today which makes it even feel warmer than it is.

I didn’t get up until late today.  I stayed up too late last night so I slept in this morning.  I don’t think I even got up to pee last night which is unusual.  I slept long and hard.  I didn’t get dressed until I realized I needed to take the trash to the curb and didn’t want to do it in my PJ’s.  Feels good to take a lazy day and stay home and do nothing.  Although lately I seem to do nothing most days!

The dog crates are working well for the chicks.  One of them walked outside the crate when I was reaching in to get the feed and watering containers but it turned around and walked back in.  They have lots more room and seem to be content.  They are going through 12 pounds of feed a day right now.

Nothing on my calendar for tomorrow unless I decide to go back to the library sale and get a bag of books for $5.  I will need a few groceries one of these days but nothing urgent so may stay home again tomorrow.  We shall see what I decide to do.  Thursday I am going to KC for the day and have no plans for the weekend.

A week from tomorrow Nicole, Michelle and I are headed for Las Vegas for a couple of days.  I am really looking forward to spending time with my daughters.  We don’t have anything planned for while we are there but know we will find something to do that will be tons of fun.  Just spending time with them is all I want to do.

I need to remember to get out my chain saw, AKA razor, and shave my legs before we leave.  I rarely shave during the winter time as there is no real point to doing so.  I plan on taking a bathing suit to Vegas although I may not put it on.  Need to have my legs ready in case I get brave and go to the pool.

The ten day forecast is starting to look like spring.  By the weekend we are to be in the low to mid 70’s and the night time temperatures are not to fall below 40.  I hope to start painting my deck Sunday if the forecast holds.  I have needed a big project and that will provide me lots to do for the next couple of weeks.  I sure want to get it done before the heat of the summer kicks in.  Anyone want to come help me paint Sunday?  It will be fun……

I was talking to a friend yesterday and I told her I feel “safe” for the first time in a long time.  I have been thinking about that today and what that means.  My central nervous system has finally calmed down and I am not in fight or flight, freeze or fawn state all the time.  I still react quicker than I used to when things come up unexpected and I get surprised but I can go back to a calm state fairly quickly.

I realized when I feel safe I have lots of options and choices in what and how I want to respond to life.  I can allow myself time to pause and choose.  Before I didn’t feel I had many choices and couldn’t sort through the ones I had.  Not sure if that makes sense.  I didn’t realize when I was stuck in the fight or flight mode the damage it was doing to me.  I was using so much energy just to survive that I wasn’t thriving.  I feel like I am now thriving in a new way.  Feels good to be back on track with my personal inner journey.

Grateful for a long night’s sleep, grateful for the sunshine on the prairie today, and grateful I now feel “safe” to be myself again.

What a day on the prairie.  I went to Emporia this morning.  Stopped at the Vet’s office and got flea and tick medication for two dogs and two cats and HeartGuard for the two dogs for three months.  Spent almost $300!  Another customer must have seen my face when I was told the cost.  She quickly told me “They are worth it”.  Somedays I’m not sure that is true.

Between the meds for the dogs and cats and chicken feed my budget for the month is blown.  I have spent way more on my animals this month than on me.

Went to the library book sale.  Today and tomorrow is bag day for $10 a bag.  There were three small children running around, screaming and doing what little ones do.  They almost tripped an older lady and pushed others out of their way.  I could only handle it so long and had to remove myself from the room.  I didn’t get a full bag of books but I took care of myself.

I usually enjoy watching little ones play but today I didn’t enjoy them.  The mother was looking at books and didn’t notice her children pushing people out of their way or tripping others.  Guess she is used to the noise and chaos they were causing.  I think my age was showing itself to me a bit today!

I went to Bobby D’s for lunch.  I enjoy their brisket without sauce or the bun.  It was nice to treat myself to lunch out.  I had a great waitress and it was nice to get waited on.

I filled the car up with gas on my way home.  Glad to see gas prices are below $3 a gallon.  It costs $40 to fill my car up at those prices.  Better than the $65 I paid mid-year last year.

Came home and cleaned out the chick’s pens.  I went down to the barn and brought up the second big dog crate and set it up.  I put the chicks that were in the nursery pen into the dog crate.  As I would catch a chick I would hand it to Kathy and she put them in the dog crate.  I had to try to keep the top covered as the chicks can fly out and over.  Had two fly out and over but managed to catch one easily.  The second one gave Kathy a run for her money but Kathy persisted and got the little bugger.

They will have more room in the dog crate than they did in the nursery.  I have more room to move in the furnace room with the big table down.  We had to wrap the crate with cardboard so the little buggers don’t squeeze themselves out.  I’ll keep the door closed in case they escape.

At one point I had to ask my dad for some help.  I needed to figure out how to attach the cardboard and hang the heat lamp.  He helped me remember zip ties.  I love those things.  I struggle to make them work right but finally remembered how to use them.  Dad always shows up for me when I have to figure something like that out.

The chicks seem happy in their new surroundings and quieted down a bit afterwards.  The other pen got fresh linens and clean watering containers.  I have two more weeks before I can move them outside.  I’ll need to get some more wood shavings next time I go to town as I will need to change them out at least one more time before I move them out.

Don’t have anything on my calendar for tomorrow or Wednesday.  Thursday I am meeting some friends for lunch in KC after I pick up my ring.  One of them I haven’t seen since Covid started so it will be good to catch up with her.  I need to go to Home Depot while I am in the city and get more deck paint so I can start that project next weekend.  It looks like Sunday will be a good day to paint.

I may go back to the library book sale tomorrow and get some more books.  I am sure I have enough to get me through until the next book sale this fall but it is hard to pass up $10 for a bag of books.  New books have gotten so expensive I would hate to run out and have to pay retail price for a book.

I need to vacuum the steps and clean up the wood shaving mess I made.  I tracked up the carpet on the steps running up and down getting things to get this project completed.  Maybe I will wait two more weeks as I’m sure I will track it up again going up and down to take care of the little buggers each day.  I usually go down to check on them several times a day.

It was interesting to watch myself react to the noise and chaos of the children at the library today.  I could feel my consciousness level dropping.  I could tell the mother wasn’t going to do anything so decided the best thing for me was to remove myself from the situation.  As I walked into the other side of the building I could feel my consciousness level start to rise again.

It felt good to recognize an external force that was effecting me and then be able to do something to take care of myself.  I knew I had plenty of books at home so it was no big deal to not get what I needed.  I could have come back after lunch if I felt I needed more books today.

There was a time when that little incident would have ruin my day.  Not today – I recognized it for what it was and took care of myself.  I am going to call that my win for the day.

Grateful the chicks are in a bigger pen, grateful the chicks have fresh linens, and grateful for progress on my healing journey.

I had a wonderful surprise today.  Jason and Cody came out and spent a couple of hours with me.  It was so fun to have them here for a bit.  Cody played with legos and Lincoln logs and watched a movie.  He told me the chicks are now big girls.

I haven’t gotten much done today.  I am working on doing my laundry but keep forgetting about it so it sits for a while.  I’ll get it done before the end of the day if I can manage to stay up that late.

I went to bed at 5:30 last night and slept hard until around 9:30.  I got up and then couldn’t go back to sleep until 4:00.  Slept in till 8:30 this morning.  Between the two sleeps I got enough sleep but it didn’t feel that way.

It was nice to stay home all day.  It was even nicer to have Jason and Cody come out.  The sun has came out off and on today but it has been chilly out.  I am so looking forward to warmer temperatures.  I hope we get a bit of spring once it warms up.  I’m afraid it will go directly to summer like temperatures.

Tomorrow I want to go to Emporia and shop the book sale at the library.  I didn’t get a chance to look for books when I worked the sale yesterday.  I need to get the cats and dogs their quarterly flea and tick medication while I am in town.  I will pick up a few groceries and then I won’t have to go back to town for several days.

Thursday or Friday I have to go back to KC to pick up the ring I am having made.  They had to order something so they could set the diamond in the ring I want it in.  It is to be ready Wednesday if the part comes in as expected.

I don’t have anything else on my calendar for this week.  I need to check with some friends and get something scheduled.  Too much free time is not good for me,

Felt a bit down and lonely last night.  I was grateful when I got up this morning I was back up the consciousness ladder.  Not sure why those feelings came up last night but I honored them and sat with them for a bit.  Maybe they just needed to be acknowledged and heard.

Life is interesting at times.  I think I have things figured out and then curve balls get thrown at me and things change.  Sometimes it takes me a bit to keep up with the changes.  I need to create a new picture in my head of what my future is going to look like.  I don’t have a clear sense of what it might be like right now.  I need to make some new dreams and hopes and do a mind shift of sorts.

Grateful Jason and Cody came to play with me today, grateful I was able to allow my feelings to be what they were and they sailed on through, and grateful for the unlimited potential of my future.

This has been a beautiful day on the prairie.  The temperature reached higher than forecast and the sun has been out to play most of the day.  The clouds are starting to roll in this afternoon and we have a chance of rain later today.  It was so nice to have a sunny day.

I went in to Emporia and volunteered at the Friends of the Library Book Sale today.  I only had to work two hours so it went fast.  We were nice and steady busy most of the time.  I got to do the cash table so got to sit most of the time. It was fun to watch families come in and the little children picking out books. Most of the adult books were only $2 or $3 each – what a bargain.  Monday and Tuesday you can get a whole bag of books for $10.  Wednesday a bag is only $5.  I need to go back to town Tuesday so will get a bag or two then.

I finally got a good night’s sleep last night.  I didn’t wake up much during the night which was wonderful.  If felt good to get lots of sleep.  I am tired this afternoon but thinking that is because I have been out of the house so much the last four days.  I get to stay home all day tomorrow and Monday so will have time to recharge and refill.

I don’t have much on my to-do list right now so have lots of empty space time.  When I come home from my Vegas trip I’ll get to start painting the deck as the weather should turn nice by then.  I hope to get it all painted before the heat of the summer hits.  It will be good to have a big project to do.  It has been a bit since I have had a project to work on.

I noticed at the book sale today I was having trouble with my short term memory.  Not sure if I wasn’t paying attention enough or what but I would tell a customer how much they owed and by the time I received their money and went to make change I forgot how much they owed.  Felt a bit slow on the mark today.  I don’t think I cheated anyone or the friends of the library group any money.  I am a visual person and I didn’t see the amount written down of the total owed so it didn’t stick in my brain.  Hopefully it isn’t a sign of something else going on.  I haven’t used my brain much lately to do math so maybe it is a bit rusty.

I need to do a bit of housecleaning tomorrow.  I haven’t done much cleaning lately and it is starting to show dirt.  I don’t have plans to have anyone over so it is hard to find the motivation to clean.  Maybe I need to invite some people over so I have a reason to clean.

I cleaned up my facebook group list.  I had joined a couple of support groups earlier this year but was not finding them helpful so I left them.  Reading the stories of other people being in the situation I had been seem to trigger me and not in a good way.  I am grateful I was able to get out of my situation rather quickly.  So many choose not to for whatever reason.  I tried to help a few out by commenting what had worked for me.  But reading others stories caused me to have flashbacks and then I would start ruminating and I didn’t want to do that.  The group had helped for a bit but it is time for me to move on.

As I learn more and more about setting boundaries I am learning what works for me and what doesn’t.  I am doing some editing of my life and discarding the things that I carried so I could help others.  I am opening up some space for new things to come in and in order to do that I need to discard things that no longer serve me well.  Time for me to reorganize my priorities in life.  My new mantra is “Honor Self and Honor Others”.  If what I do doesn’t honor myself, then I can’t continue doing it.  I can only honor others if I honor myself first.

I feel like I am getting to know myself in a new way.  Life is getting easier and freer for me as I realize how I have allowed others to “use” me and I have violated others boundaries by imposing myself on them.  I will continue to learn more about myself and how best to interact with others.  I’m sure I will make mistakes in this new journey for me but that is part of life too.  Sometimes I learn best by screwing up and trying again.

Grateful for the friends of the library book sale, grateful for empty space, and grateful for learning about boundaries.

Home again after being in KC all day.  We left this morning around 10:00.  First stop was to a jewelry store.  I had an old ring that I wanted the diamond from my wedding ring mounted on.  The store has to order a new base for it but they told me the ring will be ready to be picked up next Wednesday, although they will update me via email as to the exact date.  They made it easy for me and I’m impressed with their quick turnaround time.  I’m grateful I got that project started.

Next we met Nicole at Outback for lunch.  The food was delicious, the service was excellent and the conversation fun.  I was able to deliver Nicole’s carry on bag to her as well as her early birthday present,  I also delivered some bourbon that Tim and Michelle had picked up for her while they were in KY.

Kathy and I went to Costco so I could pick up a few things.  Kathy had never been in a Costco so we toured the store.  I forgot my cooler so only got non perishable goods.  When I go back to KC next week to pick up my ring I will try to remember my cooler and get the frozen stuff I need.

We made it to Warby Parker early for our eye examinations.  We both picked out new frames while we waited for our turn with the eye doctor.  I wasn’t impressed with the eye doctor.  The guy I had seen the last couple of times wasn’t there.  This guy spent more time looking up my past record than he did examining my eyes.

The guy that helped fill out our order was able to combine our order and give us the 15% discount for ordering more than one pair of glasses.  Each of our glasses cost $335.  We both got bifocal lenses as well as transition lenses and new frames.  I l Ike their prices.  They will mail us our glasses within two weeks.

We came home after we finished ordering our new glasses.  The drive home seemed to take a long time.  Not too much traffic once we got out of Gardner.  We drove through some light rain off and on – more off than on.  When we turned down V Rd it started to hail little bits of hail,  It didn’t last long.  I think we got 0.12 inch of rain.  Just enough to make it smell good outside but not enough to water the lawn,

The best part about being gone all day is getting home.  It is nice to sit in my corner chair and listen to the silence.

I got the car unloaded and things put away.  Took care of the chicks.  I put their watering containers inside a bowl and they managed not to knock them over.  One pen had filled the bottom of the container with wood shavings though.  The chicks have gone through 12 pounds of chick feed today.  They are growing fast and eating lots right now.

Tomorrow I work at the Emporia Friends of the Library Book Sale from 12:00 – 2:00.  It is the first day of the sale.  I haven’t worked the first day before so not sure how busy they will be.  I usually work bag days which will be next week.  I’ll go back in next Tuesday and get my semi-annual bag or two of books for $5 a bag.  Hoping I don’t find too many tomorrow that I will want and will have to pay asking price.  Still a bargain though as rarely is a book more than a couple dollars.  Certainly cheaper than buying a new book at the prices they are asking for those these days.

So far today I have been able to maintain my consciousness level at or above mid point.  I’m really tired this evening though and it wouldn’t take much for me to drain completely and fall down the ladder.  Thinking by the time I get home tomorrow afternoon from the book sale, I will be ready to stay home for several days.  Today is three days in a row that I have left the house.  Grateful I am not completely empty inside.

I didn’t sleep well again last night.  Not sure why I haven’t slept well this week.  If I don’t sleep well tonight I will take a full sleeping aid Saturday night and see if that pushes me into slumber land and keeps me there for a bit.  Last night I had trouble falling asleep and staying asleep both.  Makes for a long night when that happens.

Next week I will go back to KC one day to pick up my ring but don’t have anything else on my calendar.  I might go to the library book sale to get some books and while I am in town will pick up some groceries.  Hoping the sun shines for part of the week.  I’m tired of cloudy skies with no rain to show for them.  It will be wonderful to have a quiet week at home.

Sometime next week I need to start making my packing list for my trip to Vegas in early April.  I’m looking forward to spending time with my daughters and seeing Vegas with them.  Hoping the weather will be nice while we are there and we can get some pool time and sunshine.

Grateful for a safe trip to and from KC today, grateful for the time with Nicole today, and grateful for the discount on the price of my new glasses.

I went to bed at 8:00 last night.  I slept hard for three hours then was up and down the rest of the night.

I went to Emporia this morning for a 9:00 haircut.  After I got my haircut I went to Bluestem and got two bags of chick feed.  Then I went to Walmart and got supplies to make Chex Mix as my granddaughter Ellexia requested some.  I also picked up a prescription that was ready.

I made the Chex Mix this afternoon and need to take it to town later when the kiddos are home from school.  If I keep it in the house too long, I will eat too much of it.  I love it, especially when it is warm but my tummy will holler at me after I eat it.

I haven’t gotten much else done today except checking on the chicks a couple of times.  They seem to be behaving themselves today.  One pen tipped over their watering container again but I don’t think it had much water in it as the wood carvings don’t look too wet.  The big chicks are four weeks old today.  Two more weeks of them inside!

Tomorrow Kathy and I are meeting Nicole for lunch at noon.  Then we are going to Costco to pick up a few things.  Kathy and I both have eye doctor appointments at Warby Parker in the afternoon.  We both will order new glasses and then head for home.

I came home from town above mid-level on the consciousness ladder.  That was a win for the day.  The shopping went easy today and I found all I was looking for.  A haircut usually puts me in a good mood so that helped kick the shopping easier.  We will see what happens tomorrow when I spend the day in KC.

Got the bill for the new kitchen faucet and the installation of it and the booster pump.  I’m glad I was sitting down when I opened it.  Dang things are expensive these days.  So far they haven’t billed me for the new booster pump so hoping they were able to get it covered under warranty.  Grateful I can cross those two things off my pending list.

Still waiting on the guttering guys to come out and repair the front porch guttering that got hit by the moving truck when Jim moved out in December.  The owner of the business said he was waiting for the weather to get nice so he could call his guys back to work full-time.  Maybe in the next month or so they can get out here and get it repaired.

I haven’t heard from John Deere yet about when they are returning my riding mower.  I may stop and check on it when I go to town later today to take the Chex Mix in.  If they are done with it, I will need to pay for the service.  I need to take the push mower in to get it checked over.  The muffler on it had fallen off and I don’t think it ever got fixed.  I’ll have to find someone to take it to to get it ready for the mowing season.

The sun finally came out from under the clouds this afternoon.  It was windy this morning.  I had a 44.2 MPH wind gust.  The wind seems to have calmed down a bit too.  We have a chance for rain tomorrow.  Sure hope it comes and then pulls up a chair and stays awhile.  We could use a couple of inches to help fill the farm ponds.

We have a chance for light freeze next Monday and Tuesday nights.  Glad I didn’t move the chickens out when I wanted to.  Chicks don’t handle freezing temperatures very well.  Maybe next week’s freeze will be the last of winter.

The back pasture has seven black calves on it.  The owner of the pasture uses the calves for roping practice.  It is nice to see cattle back on the pasture.  There will be more coming later this spring.  I’m a bit surprised he put them out before he burns but it must have worked out that way for some reason.

Still sitting in a good place mentally and emotionally.  The trauma of the past seems to be falling away and my central nervous system seems to be calming down.  It does get triggered quickly and takes longer than I want it to for it to calm down again but progress is happening.  What a journey the last year has been for me.  So grateful to be on this side of it now.

Grateful for a haircut today, grateful for the sunshine this afternoon, and grateful for the progress on my healing journey.

Had a beautiful drive through the hills to go to Council Grove this morning.  I met a dear friend for lunch at Hays House.  I had grilled chicken with sautéed mushrooms and grilled zucchini that had a garlic/butter sauce.  It was delicious.  Service was great too.  Nice job Hays House!

My friend and I had a wonderful, deep conversation.  I love friends that you can go deep with and share your vulnerabilities with.

Stopped by Grove Gardens and got a flat of strawberries.  They are succulent and juicy.  I love strawberries that taste like strawberries and sometimes they are hard to find.  I will need to share some though as a flat is more than I can eat.

Came home and found out Kathy had cleaned out the big chicken coop today.  Bless her heart!  Now it is ready for the chicks to move into when they are big enough.

I cleaned out one pen of the chicks this morning.  One pen keeps bumping their water container over and the wood shavings get wet and then start smelling.  I need to clean the other pen out tomorrow.  The little buggers are getting harder to catch as they grow up.  Two or three weeks to go before I can move them outside.

Have a bit of an upset tummy this afternoon.  I keep wanting to eat something to get rid of the garlic taste but not sure what will do the trick.  My tummy is saying not so fast on the eating.  I’m sure it will settle down soon.

Tomorrow I have to go to Emporia in the morning and get my hair cut.  I also need to stop and pick up a prescription while I am in town.  I don’t think I need any groceries so will make a quick trip of it.

Friday Kathy and I are meeting Nicole for lunch then are going to Warby Parker for eye exams and to order new glasses.  We both needed an eye exam so will get that taken care of.  I have two things to take to Nicole so it will give me a chance to get that taken care of.  I’ll stop at Costco and pick up a few things since I am in the big city.  I don’t have a very long list this time but always seem to find things I need that are not on my list when I go to Costco.  If I thought the weather was going to turn and be nice I would pick up deck paint but the forecast doesn’t look promising enough for that yet.

It has been an absolutely beautiful spring-like day on the prairie.  The wind wasn’t even a factor today which is a rare.  The temperature reached the mid 70’s.  Sure wish it would stay this way for several days but the forecast for tomorrow is highs in the mid 50’s.  Dang I am ready for spring to get here and stay.

Still sitting in a good place this afternoon.  I am tired as I didn’t sleep very well last night but have been able to maintain at or slightly above the mid-point on the consciousness ladder.  I’m always grateful when I get out and about and am able to maintain that level.  Somedays I can and somedays I can’t.

Did some knitting on a blanket last night while I was watching the last session of Madam Secretary.  Have lots more to knit before it is done but feels good to be knitting a bit.  I need to get some yarn used up or else I need to give it away.

Grateful for friends that share their life’s journey with me, grateful the chicken coop is cleaned out, and grateful for this taste of spring day.

We had a beautiful Spring Equinox Ceremony last night.  Six of us gathered and welcomed spring to the prairie.  We each planted our intentions for the coming months.  It is so delightful to have a group of friends where one can be vulnerable and sit with them as each share.  I’m so blessed to have each of them in my life.

I haven’t done much today.  I got to stay home all day today.  I have something on my calendar for the next four days and needed a day at home to prepare myself for the busy days ahead.  I usually don’t leave the house that many days in a row.  I may be wiped out by Saturday afternoon.

I was surprised that I wasn’t wiped out this morning.  Usually being around a group drains me but that didn’t happen this time.  Probably because we took some time at the beginning of the ceremony to ground ourselves and set the intention that we would remain grounded throughout.  I need to remember to that more often.

I think my central nervous system is finally calming down.  I was stuck in Fight or Flight for so long that it was working overtime to keep me safe.  I realized last night that I finally felt like “me” again for the first time in a long, long time.

The chicks are doing well.  I have tended to them a couple times today and nothing was amiss.  They seem to like having the extra space and are behaving themselves.  The littlest ones are three weeks old today.  Three more weeks before I can move them outside.

It is nice to go into the furnace room and not have water on the floor.  Grateful the booster pump got replaced and the source of the water leak fixed.

I still need to get down and clean out the chicken coop.  It was too cold to do so again today.  We only reached the mid 40’s today.  It is to be 75 tomorrow but I will believe it when I see it.  I am meeting someone for lunch tomorrow but maybe when I get home it will be warm and I can get the coop cleaned out.

I am meeting a friend in Council Grove tomorrow.  I happened to notice the Grove Gardens has fresh strawberries for sale.  I may stop and get a case and make some jam, etc.  If nothing else, I will freeze them.  I love strawberries and like to keep them on hand.  I won’t eat the jam but betting I can find someone that would like it.  Sounds like it will be a beautiful day to go for a drive to Council Grove.

Sitting in a peaceful place this afternoon.  I had a rough part of the day yesterday but I am pleased with how quickly I recovered.  It still feels like my soul box is filled with cotton puffs and not something more solid.  I deplete quickly at times.  It does feel today like something shifted in me last night and the cotton puffs feel a bit more solid today.  I’ll see how I do this week with four days of events to attend.

I’m so grateful I have lots of empty space to process my feelings and allow myself this time to heal.  I am starting to feel a bit restless and like I need to find a project to do.  Maybe when I come back from Vegas in two weeks I will be ready to tackle something more.  I need to get back to my death doula work and contact some people and tie up some loose ends from that.  Before that felt too big to take on but it feels possible today.

I do have the deck painting project in front of me this spring when it finally warms up and stays warm.  That will keep me busy for several weeks.  I plan on organizing a painting party one weekend and will get some help to do part of it.  It shouldn’t be too much longer before I can start painting.

Grateful for my tribe, grateful for my healing journey progress, and grateful for a quiet day on the prairie.

 

Happy Spring Equinox!  One of two days of the year where there is an equal amount of light and darkness.  It is a time to plant your intentions for the upcoming year.  What is it within you that you want more of?  What gifts do you have that you share with the world?

I texted the plumber this morning to inform him that I needed a new hand sink kitchen faucet when they come out to replace the booster pump.  I again asked him if they had found a booster pump.

He let me know they would find a faucet but didn’t know anything about the booster pump yet.  30 minutes later he texted they were on their way out with both!  Yay!

They showed up and looked at the booster pump.  The sales rep they dealt with told them some new instructions for installation of it and they had to go back to town to get parts.

They came back and got the new booster pump hooked up and running.  They then came upstairs and replaced the faucet.  Good thing they came when they did as they discovered the faucet was starting to leak under the sink.

I am grateful that both of those projects got crossed off my pending list.  Not sure I want to see the bill when it comes in a few days but I will deal with that when it comes.

Now I can clean up the floor in the furnace room and it will stay dry.  I have been tracking chicken wood carvings all over the house as the floor has been wet and icky.

I went to Emporia this afternoon to get a nut to fix the chick feeder.  I had trouble finding a helper at Bluestem.  Finally did but found out Bluestem didn’t carry the size of nut I needed.  They had one size too small and one size too big.  Ended up having to buy a whole new feeder.  That was an expensive nut!

Went to Walmart to get some flowers for tonight’s Spring Equinox celebration. They were out of fresh flowers and didn’t have any good looking small plants.  Got one thing and then left.

I went to Water’s Hardware and found what I needed.  I came home cranky.  May take a short nap so I will be ready for tonight’s ceremony.

I definitely did not hold my consciousness level above the mid-point in town today.  I got frustrated trying to find someone to help me at Bluestem.  Then frustrated again when Walmart was out of fresh flowers.   I hate driving to town in vain.

After I get done blogging I need to go down and clean the furnace room floor.  It will be a pain to do so as that room is crowded with the two chick pens and not much room to move in.  There are two extension cords in the way and lots of spilled wood carvings and feed on the floor.  Yuck!

The wind is in a big hurry today.  The highest wind gust on the prairie so far has been 44.8 MPH but it sounds and feels like it is higher than that.  It doesn’t seem to slow down much at all.  This is one of those days where the sound of the wind could drive me over the edge of the cliff.

Just wrote a whole paragraph that disappeared on my iPad.  I hit some key somewhere on my keyboard and it causes that to happen.  Wish I knew what I was hitting so it wouldn’t hit it again.

Trying to figure out why I feel so out of balance this afternoon.  Have a feeling the birthday party yesterday drained me and I went to town too empty.  Next time I go to town I need to remember to check my energy level and see if my tank is full or not.

I’m grateful our Spring Equinox celebration is tonight as that will help me restore my balance and grounding.  I don’t think I have to leave the house tomorrow so that will be a good day to build my reserves back up.  I have somewhere to be Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.  Yikes!  I’m not usually that busy.  Next week will be a quieter week thank heavens.

Grateful the booster pump and kitchen faucet have been replaced, grateful the Spring Equinox celebration is tonight, and grateful I found some flowers at the Hardware store.

What a fun afternoon we had.  Three friends came over to help me celebrate Kathy’s birthday.  Wine, cheese, grapes and birthday cake were enjoyed.  Conversation was fun and lively.  It was good to gather and celebrate Kathy’s birthday and her return to KS.

The chicks have been well behaved today.  They seem to enjoy having more space.  They still dump over their water and feed containers but no one has escaped today.  It is a bit tricky to get to both pens as the space is limited.  My water booster pump is leaking so there is water on the floor, extension cords to the heat lamps to step over, and spilled feed and wood carvings on the floor. So far I have managed to get to them without slipping or breaking something.

I cleaned house this morning.  It is so nice to have the chicks downstairs and out of the dining room.  It is nice to have a clean upstairs this evening.  I feel better when my house is clean.

Today would have been Jim and my 3rd wedding anniversary so it is a bit of a bittersweet day.  Hard to imagine three years ago turned into this.  If I had only known then what I know now.  Better late than never I guess.  Grateful I am on my path to healing and recovery and the past is becoming a more distant memory.

Tomorrow morning I need to text my plumber and let him know to bring a new kitchen sink faucet with him when he comes out to replace the booster pump.  The faucet at the hand sink has something broken in it and it can be tricky to turn off.  Dang!  There seems to always be something breaking around here.

Tomorrow night some friends are coming over so we can celebrate the Spring Equinox together.  I love our ceremonies and have found them to be very helpful and enlightening over the years.  They seem to grow in power the more we do them.  I’m glad I got my cleaning done today so I can enjoy tomorrow.

I need to go to town tomorrow and get a different feeder for one of the chicken pens.  The tiny nut that holds the top of the feeder on the base has disappeared and the chickens keep wasting more food than they eat.  I wish I could find a better watering container that didn’t tip over so easy but due to space limitations I don’t think there is one.  I will check again to make sure I didn’t miss seeing one last time I looked.  I will pick up another bag of chick feed while I am at the store.  The chicks are going through a bag a week right now.

It has been another day full of sunshine on the prairie.  It only reached to low 40’s so was a chilly day.  It is to warm up the rest of the week with a chance of rain several days.  We are in a fire watch for the next couple of days due to the dry conditions and high winds.  We need rain badly or fire season will be a dangerous one this year.

I need to remember to call and schedule a haircut before I go to Vegas.  I get my hair cut about every two months and it is almost time for a haircut.  Maybe my hair dresser can work me in tomorrow or Tuesday and I can get a haircut when I go get chick feed and save a trip to town.

I used my new feeling cards to see if I could find words to describe where I am this afternoon.  The words that I pulled out were relaxed, peaceful, content and calm.  I was surprised but grateful that on this bittersweet day that is where I am at.  I can look back at our wedding day with almost an observer perspective and distant myself from the emotions of it.  I am starting to remember more and more of things that happened that should have served as red flags to me but I chose at the time to ignore them.

The boundaried class I took yesterday helped me understand the toll it took on my body and reminded me of how my body can and should feel.  Grateful to be on this side of things and on my path of recovery and healing.

Grateful for Kathy, grateful to our friends that came over today to help us celebrate, and grateful to be where I am today mentally and spiritually.

This has been a day that the chicks took up a lot of my time.  This morning I noticed one of the chicks had blood in her tail area.  The other chicks were picking at it.  I washed the blood off of her and tried to put her back in the nursery.  The other chicks immediately came after her again and made her bleed again.

I got the cat carrier and put the wounded chick in it and set the carrier by the fireplace.  I left her in there the rest of the day.

Kathy and I went to Emporia to eat at Union Social for dinner.  When we came home I checked the nursery.  All seemed well but I kept hearing a peep that seemed out of place.  Looked at the floor and there were chicken droppings in several places.  One of the chicks had flown the coop and was on the floor.  Kathy came up and helped me corner the little darling and we returned her to the nursery.

I put the wounded chick back in the nursery and so far all is well.  Her tail area didn’t show any visible sign of blood and they seem to be leaving her alone.

Kathy helped me move the big dog crate into the furnace room.  I put stuff up against the edges of it and turned it into a chick nursery. If my little escape artists do their thing, I may have to wrap it in chicken wire.  We moved the table from the dining room downstairs too and now have two nurseries.  They were getting too big to all be in the same nursery.

We will see how they get along in the two pens.  I could not handle the mess and smell having them upstairs for another day.  My floors are dusty and dirty upstairs and the smell was giving me a headache.  I did some more reading about moving them outside and realized it is going to be two more weeks before I can safely move them outside.  I would have moved out of my own house before then if I had to keep them upstairs for two more weeks.

I swear this group of chicks is giving me a run for my money.  The last group of chicks I got in August so could start them outside as it was warm out.  It has been five years since I have had chicks in the house and I forgot what a mess they make.  I may never do it again this time of year.  It is much easier starting them in the chicken coop.

This afternoon Kathy and I watched a zoom meeting from the lady that teaches boundaries.  She is an excellent teacher and we both got a lot out of the class.  She had us write out what we experience in various parts of our bodies when we don’t remember who we are.  She then has us write out what we experience when we come home to ourselves and remember who we are.

I am still considering taking her eight week class on boundaries but need to figure out when the timing is right for me.  It will have to be after my Vegas trip and before my England trip.  I’m not sure what her schedule is so will explore that.  This teacher takes a bit different approach on boundaries and I resonated with what she had to say today.  Her class is a bit pricey but may be worth it.  I’ll see where I am in my healing journey in another month or so and decide what I want to do.

Dinner at Union Social was outstanding.  I never stop being amazed at how Amanda provides such excellent service and food, each and every time.  Every restaurant can have an off day but somehow Amanda never seems to let that happen.

Trusting tomorrow will be a calmer chick day around here.  At least it will be easier for me to ignore them now that they are downstairs.

After I get done blogging I need to clean my floors upstairs.  I need to get rid of the chick smell – it is gross.  I can’t believe how much dust and dirt the chicks caused.

Taking the class today stirred up some emotions for me but I was grateful to see how far I have come these last five months.

Grateful for teachers that appear when the student is ready, grateful the chicks are downstairs, and grateful for outstanding restaurants like Union Social.

And a Happy St. Patrick’s Day to all.  May the luck of the Irish be with each of us.

I went to Emporia this afternoon to pick up some groceries and other things on my list.  It was a quick trip to town and back home.  I didn’t have any other errands to run.  I managed to get to Walmart today and get everything on my list.

When I walked in my house when I got home I noticed an icky smell.  The chicks had dumped their water four times on the new wood shavings I gave them yesterday and their pen smelled to high heaven already.

Kathy helped me catch the little buggers and put them in a box and then she held the trash bag open while I used the dust pan to scoop up the wet shavings.  Put fresh shavings down and put the chicks back in the nursery.

I put some rocks I had in the water bottles to give them a bit more weight hoping they won’t tip them over so fast this time.  So far, so good.  They keep scratching up the wood chips though and it covers the watering lid.  I dump them out about every hour.  Wish there was an easier way to keep the chicks in fresh water.  When I put them outside next week I can put a big watering can in the big house and it will stay cleaner.

I looked up when I can moved the chicks outside and most articles I read said the earliest is four weeks.  Yikes!  The bigger 10 will be four weeks on Thursday.  We will see if I can wait another full week or not.  I can put two heat lamps in the big pen and I think they should be OK.  I would hate to lose them though after all the work I have put into them so far.  Maybe I will move out for a week and let them have the house!  I might have to move the chicks to the furnace room downstairs if I decide not to move them to the big house Tuesday.  They are getting on my last nerve and I want to reclaim my dining room and living room.

The doctor’s nurse called me this morning to let me know the blood test results were all normal and the EKG was normal.  She said not to worry about my low heart rate unless I become symptomatic.  Ummmm…..  OK I guess.  The doctor had added a thyroid test to the panel he had run yesterday.  My TSH is down to 3.58 which is better than it has been for a bit.  Still a touch too high but coming down.  My magnesium level was in the middle of the range which is good.

Wondering if it is the sleeping aid I take that is causing my problems.  I looked up the side effects of it and they mentioned it can cause a rapid heart rate but no mention of it causing a slow one.  Maybe I will quit wearing my smart watch at night and not worry about it.

It was Kathy’s turn to fix dinner tonight and she fixed chicken stir fry.  She was kind enough to let me get my portion before she added the Teriyaki sauce and rice to hers.  It is such a treat to have someone else fix dinner.

Tomorrow night is my night to cook.  I made reservations at Union Social for both of us.  Kathy’s birthday is Sunday and that will be my present to her.  I love Union Social and have been looking for an excuse to go eat there again.

I ordered two sets of cards that have different feelings on one set and different needs on the other.  One thing I am struggling with lately is naming my feelings and needs.  Once I can name them, I can release whatever energy comes up around them.  I needed to expand my choices a bit and trust that these cards will give me more food for thought.

I went so long without having my needs met and having my feelings shamed that I stopped naming them.  I got out of the habit of naming them and trust that the cards will help remind me of what I am feeling/needing.

Tomorrow afternoon I am watching a free Zoom lesson on co-dependency vs inter-dependent.  It is being put on by the lady that had the Facebook video on boundaries that I found so helpful back in October.  She offers an eight week course on boundaries that I may take.  It is a bit pricy so have resisted signing up but if tomorrow is helpful I may bite the bullet and take her class.

Grateful the chicks pen is smell free for the moment, grateful my Walmart trip is done for the week, and grateful the blood work was all normal.

This has been an eventful day on the prairie.  I changed out the girls linens this morning.  I made a mess as the nursery pen let the wood shavings fall on the floor.  I got that all cleaned up and put the girls back in the nursery with fresh wood shavings.

I heard a ruckus for a bit and finally yelled at them to be quiet.  As if that would do any good but to my surprise they immediately quieted down.  Complete radio silence followed.  That is weird so after about ten minutes I got up to see why.  I was afraid I had given them a heart attack for yelling at them.

The corner of the nursery pen had slipped over the edge of the table the nursery is on and about 10 of the chicks had fallen overboard.  As I walked up to them they scattered and went every which way.

I shored up the nursery pen using free weights and then using my dining room chairs made a pen on the floor to corner the little bastards, I mean darlings!  I got them back into their nursery and then had to clean the floor up again.  Before I got the floor cleaned up they tipped over one of the watering containers and it dripped water on the floor.

I almost went down and cleaned out the chicken coop and moved them outside today.  The temperature has dropped 30 degrees this afternoon and the wind is howling.  Not a good day to move them to the big house but oh was I tempted.

They have since settled down and things are back to normal although I am still a bit pissed at them.  Looking at the forecast it looks like it will stay above freezing after Tuesday next week and I can get them moved outside then.  Trusting they won’t change the forecast and that gets delayed.  The chicks and I are barely on speaking terms and if this get drags out too much longer we won’t be.

I met a friend in Cottonwood Falls for lunch today.  Always a treat to spend time with a friend.

I sent a note to my doctor informing him of my low pulse readings at night.  He wanted me to come in this afternoon for some blood tests and a EKG.  While I was in town I stopped and got a few things from two different stores and then did the doctor thing. I was going to stop at Walmart but decided to come home instead.  It was cold and windy out and I didn’t want to make another stop.

I got a phone call from someone saying they were from Evergy and they had taken over my electric service and were going to disconnect me in one hour unless I gave them my credit card info over the phone.  I hung up on them and called my electric company just to make sure it was a fraud.  It was.  Dang those people anyways.  They need to get a real job!

Don’t have any plans for the next couple of days.  The weather is crappy this afternoon and we have a chance for some ice or snow.  Winter go away!  I’m tired of you and your bi-polar moods.  Come on spring!

Monday evening I will celebrate Spring Equinox with some of my friends.  It is always a good time and a grounding experience for me.  Following the cycle of Nature has taught me a lot over the years.  If one can slow down and appreciate the lessons from Mother Nature, life can be richer and easier.

In three weeks Michelle, Nicole and I are going to Vegas for three nights.  I’m looking forward to the trip and excited to be spending some time with my daughters.  I haven’t flown since Covid started so that will be a different experience for me.  I’ve heard the airlines have changed lots of things so will see what that is all about.  We fly out of the new terminal in KC.  Anxious to see what it is like now.

I was able to stay above mid-line of consciousness while in town today.  That is good.  I knew if I went to Walmart though I would not be able to maintain it.  Still I was out and about for over three hours and was able to maintain for that time.  Progress!

Grateful the chicks are back in their pen, grateful for lunch with a friend, and grateful I can stay home for the next two or three days.

Another night of being up for two to three hours in the middle of the night.  What is up with that?  Luckily I was able to get a long second sleep.  Feeling tired today though.  Wonder if it is the effect of the time change.  I don’t do time changes well.

I have taken a rest day today.  Just don’t have any motivation to find something to do.  I have taken care of the chicks and fed myself.  Not sure I have accomplished anything else today.  Somedays are like that.

It reached the low 60’s today but the wind has been gusting between 25 – 37 MPH all day.  I was going to clean out the chicken coop today but the wind makes that job difficult.  Decided to wait until I get a better day.  I will have to tolerate the dirty, messy chicks for another couple of days inside.  I need to give them fresh linens tonight or tomorrow since they will be inside for another couple of days.  Last week when I did that job, Piper was here to help me.  Piper please come back and visit.  I need your help!

Today is Roxy’s birthday.  She turned seven years old today.  A Great Pyrenees/Saint Bernard life span is 10 – 12 years so she is middle aged now.  Couldn’t tell it by the way she gets excited when guests arrive.  She has been a faithful dog and is very gentle, yet can be protective of me when she doesn’t like the looks of someone new.

I’m meeting a friend for lunch tomorrow and then am going to run some errands while I am out and about.  I need a few groceries and a couple other things from town.  It will be good to get out for a bit.  It is to rain tomorrow but it looks like it will be warm enough that we won’t get ice or snow.

I made an appointment for a week from Friday for an eye exam.  Kathy is going to get one too so we will both go to KC for the day.  We will have lunch with Nicole and then I want to make a Costco run before our eye appointments.  I have something I need to get to Nicole before our Vegas trip so will get that taken care of that day.  It will be a three-for-one type of trip.

I checked with my plumber and he hasn’t heard anything about the water booster pump yet.  I’m tired of mopping up water in the furnace room so hope the new one gets in soon.  I have the floor fan running to help dry the floor up a bit.  I go down twice a day and sweep the standing water into the floor drain.  I’m grateful it isn’t going out in to the hallway too much.  I need to get it replaced before water starts to spread out in the hallway and I can’t keep up with it.

My tummy is a bit upset today.  I usually eat chicken and occasionally I eat beef.  I had a hamburger for lunch yesterday, pot roast for dinner last night and then pot roast for lunch today.  I think I have eaten too much beef in a row.  I may skip dinner tonight and see if it will settle down and then go back to chicken for a few meals to see if that helps.  The pot roast was really good but eating it twice in a row is too much and not good for me.

This wind is blowing in the dust.  I did all the floors last week and they need done again.  We have a wind advisory for most of the rest of the week so may wait until the wind slows down before I clean them.  No use cleaning them only to have them need it again the next day.  The chicks add to the dust and dirt in the house too.  I am eagerly anticipating getting to move them outside very soon.

Found out a friend has Covid.  They were on a trip and just got back and discovered Covid hitched a ride and came home with her.  She has gone all this time without getting it.  Thankfully she is up to date on her vaccinations and should be OK.  She got the antibodies and was feeling better today.  I worry more about someone getting long Covid.  From those I know that have it, it is a beast to deal with.

I worry about getting Covid on my trip to Europe in September.  Sure hoping Covid has slowed down by then and I won’t get it.  Have a feeling it would ruin a trip if I pick it up along the way.

Feeling a bit blah today.  I’m still at base line of consciousness so haven’t fallen down the ladder but I don’t think it would take much to do so.  Trusting by tomorrow I will find some motivation to do something and get some things done.  Somedays it is best to do nothing and rest.  Grateful I have the space and time to do that when needed.

Grateful for Roxy and the love she brings to my life, grateful for sleep, however it comes, and grateful for rest days full of empty space.

John Deere called this morning and said they were on their way to pick up my mower to take it in for its annual check-up.  They didn’t show up for over an hour.  Hope they didn’t get lost and charge by the mile.  They will do the service on the mower and then bring it back to me within a week.

At noon time I went to the McDonald’s on the Turnpike for lunch.  Today is the last day there will be a McDonald’s at the Emporia Rest Area.  It will become a Subway and Taco John.  I told the lady that waited on me I used to own this store.  She was very friendly and we chatted for a bit.  She remembered Craig as he used to go to the Industrial store for food after we sold the stores.

As I was eating a customer came up to me.  He had overheard my conversation with the lady and asked me if he could sit with me for a minute.  He had been stopping at this store since he was 7 years old in 1988 when the store first opened.  He lives in OK and his grandparents live in Topeka.  He was sad the store was changing to something else.  He told me the store ran better back in the day.

I realized when I came home from my short visit to the Turnpike McDonald’s that I wasn’t drained.  I didn’t stay there very long and didn’t see anyone I knew but I did visit with two different people for a short bit.  I will take this as a sign of my healing progress.  I was able to hold my consciousness level about the mid-point and not let it drop while out in public.  This is the first time that has happened in a long time.

My handyman came out this afternoon and confirmed for me the water leak in the furnace room is from the water booster pump and not something else.  I had already called my plumber to let him know but I was concerned there was something else going on due to the way the water was collecting on the floor.  I need to call the plumber back and find out when he is coming to fix or replace it.  Feels good that I had diagnosed the problem correctly.

My handyman is going to come back another day and removed the broken water softener, an old water filtering system, and some pipes that are hanging above the two things.  That will give me more storage space and clean up that room.

I have a pot roast cooking in the crock pot for dinner tonight.  We will eat early as the smell is enticing me to eat.  Yummy!  Kathy said she likes pot roast too.  Dinner will be ready whenever we are ready to eat.  I added some carrots to it earlier so won’t even have to fix anything else to go with it.  Easy!

The sun has been shining today but it is cold.  We had a 37 MPH wind gust today and the wind chill has stayed in the mid 30’s.  I appreciate the bright sunshine but sure wish it would warm up.

Chase County has a burn ban through Sunday as the forecast is calling for high winds the next couple of days.  This is the time of year that it is easy for a fire to get out of control.  We are very dry and the fire danger is high right now.  I worry about someone throwing a cigarette out a car or truck window on the highway and having it start a fire.  It wouldn’t take the fire long to reach my house if that happens.

I have been wearing a pair of leggings all day.  When I go to Vegas in April I am limited to how much luggage I can take as I am flying Spirit Airlines and don’t want to pay $69 each way to check a bag.  I bought some leggings to take with me as they take up way less space in a suitcase than jeans do.  I have never worn any before.  They are going to take some getting used to.  They are comfortable but not sure if I am too old to be seen in public in them.

Since I got out of the house today I don’t need to go to town tomorrow.  I really didn’t need groceries although I could have picked some up if I needed that as an excuse to go to town.  I may call some friends and see if anyone wants to have lunch Thursday or Friday.  That would be a fun thing to do and would get me out of the house for an hour or two.

I have had three nights in a row now that I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep.  I get up for two or three hours and then go back to bed to get a second sleep.  I am still taking the sleep aid so not sure why this is happening.  Maybe the effects of the sleep aid are diminishing.  Dang it anyways.  I was just getting used to sleeping more than three hours a night.  Hoping whatever is causing this will stop and I will go back to sleeping all night and getting six to eight hours of sleep a night.

The chicks are still inside.  The forecast is not looking good for them to get moved outside this week.  I’m tired of the dust and dirt they cause.  They are starting to get a bit crowded in their chicken nursery but guess they are just going to have to deal for a bit longer.  One of these days I will get to reclaim my dining room and get it cleaned.  Another lesson in patience for me.

Grateful the mower got picked up for its annual service today, grateful I was correct about the booster pump and nothing else is broken, and grateful I was able to hold my consciousness level above mid-point in public today.

What a fun day I had.  Jason brought Cody out around 8:30 this morning.  Cody was so good and had lots of fun playing Legos, Lincoln Logs, holding baby chicks, and watching movies.  He was not demanding or moody all day.

He watched me knitting and said “You have to be really really old to knit”.  Ouch!  I asked him if I was really really old and he said no, only really old.  Guess I have a ways to go before I am really really old!  LOL!

Jason came to pick Cody up around 3:30.  Cody wasn’t sure he was ready to go home but went without a fuss when it was time.  We both had a fun day.  I will call that a successful day for this Grandma.

John Deere called and let me know they will be out tomorrow late morning to pick my riding mower up and take it in for its annual service.  Grateful that is going to get done before the grass grows and needs cut for the first time.  I’m grateful I discovered they offer a pickup and return service for a nominal amount.  I have a trailer but no way to pull it.

I have had water on my furnace room for several weeks.  I cannot figure out where it is coming from.  I think from the water booster pump but there is water in places that I don’t think should be coming from the booster pump.  My handyman is coming over tomorrow afternoon to diagnose what is going on.  I am not sure if I need a plumber, a drain person or if the water is coming from the furnace.  I’m sure Phil will sort it all out for me tomorrow.

It will be good to cross those two things off my pending list.  I called John Deere sometime in early February to get on their list for the mower tune up.  The water leak has been there for several weeks and I just thought to call Phil to have him help me figure out what is wrong.

Kathy fixed dinner tonight.  I am sure enjoying her cooking every other day.  Tomorrow I am going to fix a pot roast in the crock pot as it will be my turn to cook tomorrow.  That will be an easy dinner for me to fix.  Grateful she is here so I can fix a meal like that.  It was too much food for just me and I would tire of the leftovers long before they were gone.  With two people eating them it will disappear quickly.

I am tired tonight.  I slept last night but kept waking up off and on all night.  I didn’t feel well rested when I got up this morning.  Thinking it will be an early to bed type of night for me.  Might be the effects of day light savings time.  I sure wished we didn’t mess with Mother Nature’s timing.  It doesn’t work well with my system and takes me a bit to adjust.

Still eating on plan.  My swollen belly is reducing daily since I have been avoiding flour and grain products.  Trusting I will stay on plan for a long time this time.  I need to take off the 20 pounds I have gained these last six months. Need to get back down and stay there!  I feel so much better when I am at the lower end of my range then I do at the higher end where I am now.

Kathy joined a gym in Emporia today.  I really need to go with her and start working out.  Not sure why I resist that so much.  I would feel even better if I could manage to go with her.  Maybe the urge will catch up with me and I will do what I know I need to do.  Having someone to go with would make it easier.

I started knitting a blanket today.  I went down to my yarn stash and found some colors that I think will work for a new to me pattern I found.  I had to cast on 190 stitches on size 8 needles so this project will take me a long time to finish as I want the blanket to be at least 6 – 7 feet long.  Shawls go so much faster but I don’t know what to do with them when I am done.  I usually can find a home for a blanket.

Wednesday or Thursday I need to find a reason to make myself get out of the house.  I went to town Saturday but haven’t left home since.  I can go days without leaving the property and am not sure that is healthy for me in some ways.  I will go pick up a few groceries if nothing else comes up.  Don’t need much but I usually can think of a few things to get.

I need to go to KC next week to deliver something to Nicole.  I’ll probably do a Costco run while I am there.  I may schedule an eye exam for that day too.  It has been over two years since I had my eyes checked last and am past due for an exam.  I go to an eye doctor on the Plaza.  A day in KC sounds like fun and it will get me out of the house one day next week.

A friend requested that I let her and two of her friends come stay for a weekend in June.  She requested I provide breakfast for the three of them.  I quoted her a price and she agreed to it.  Looks like I will have guests for two weekends in June.  The first weekend is the Gravel Bike Race and I have three guests coming to stay for that.  I can use the extra money to put towards my trip to Europe in September.

Still sitting in good head space.  It is easier to maintain that when I stay home.  My challenge is staying in a good head space when I am around people.  I still get drained easily although not as fast as I did earlier this year.

Grateful the mower is going to be picked up tomorrow, grateful Phil is coming to diagnose my water leak, and grateful to have spent the day with Cody.

This has been a weird day for me.  I have trouble remembering it is Sunday.  Not sure what day I think it is but I am surprised every time I look at the date and realize it is Sunday.  At 11:30 this morning I was thinking it was time to fix dinner.  Crazy, mixed up type of day for me.

Maybe it is the effect of the daylight savings time change?  I don’t think I am senile or have dementia.  Just a mixed up type of day.  I’ve done this before and usually the next day is back to my normal level of craziness.

I haven’t done much today.  I did go down and dig out some yarn.  I am feeling the urge to knit again.  I have lots of yarn but not in the color combinations I am looking for.  I may try a blanket with what I have but I don’t love the color combination so not sure I can make myself do it.  We shall see what happens.

I went on line and looked at some new to me knitting patterns.  I like to make stripe blankets and to try new combinations of stripes.  It helps to have a pattern that lays it out for me.

The sun is shining on the prairie today.  Hallelujah!  Unfortunately with the sun came the wind.  It is 42 out but only feels like 32 due to the wind chill effect.  Dang it anyways.  At least the sun is shining.  It is to shine tomorrow too and then go back to cloud cover for the next seven to ten days.  Chance of snow by Friday.  Hopefully when it gets closer they will change the forecast and remove the snow.  Not looking good for me to move the chicks outside this week.

One of the chicks got on top of their pen.  Not sure how they found the hole between the shelves I put over the top of the pen.  I couldn’t catch her but I moved the shelves and she went back down into the pen.  By the end of the next week their pen will be too crowded for them as much as they are growing.  Hard to keep their feeders full.

Tomorrow I am babysitting my six year old grandson.  He will keep me busy and entertained all day.  I need to check my refrigerator and make sure I have some kid friendly food in the house.  One trick I learned a long time ago with grandkids is to keep them fed and not let them get hungry.

I don’t have anything else on my calendar for the week after Monday.  I need to find something to do.  I have been sitting way too much and need to get my body moving but don’t know what to do to make that happen.  Still sitting in the in-between stage of my life.  I’m sure the right thing will show up at the right time for me.

I want to get some buttons made up for a family thing that is being held in August.  I would like them to say Patton/Johnson 4th generation, Patton/Johnson 5th generation,  Patton/Johnson 6th generation, and yet others would say Patton/Johnson 7th generation.  Anyone know of someone that makes them?  I can find them on-line but you have to order a minimum of 50 each and I don’t need that many.

Still in a good head space, even if I am a bit mixed up today with time and date.  Feeling more optimistic about my future than I have for a long time.  I have been able to hold myself above the mid-line of consciousness lately most of the time.  I still drop below mid-line when I am out and around too many people but even that is lessening.  It is amazing what a bit of time can do for a healing journey.

Grateful for the sun shining on the prairie today, grateful I can hold myself about mid-line, and grateful for many generations of deep roots in Chase County.

 

It has been a quiet day on the prairie.  Another day where I didn’t do anything.  I did mange to get two loads of laundry washed, dried and put away.  Kathy fixed dinner so I didn’t have to do that.  I must say it is a treat to have someone cook every other day.  I think I can get used to that quickly.  It will be my turn to cook tomorrow night so will have to think of something to fix.

It has been another cloudy, cold day on the prairie.  We only reached the low to mid 40’s today.  I am looking forward to the sun coming back from vacation.  It has been gone a long time.  I’m starting to feel the effects of no sunshine.  I couldn’t live in places that go months without the sun shining.

No plans for tomorrow.  I thought about going in to Cottonwood Falls today to go to the craft fair but I am still struggling being around people.  I can handle a few at a time but a busy, loud building with lots of people felt overwhelming to me and I didn’t go in.  I have finally gotten my central nervous system calmed down and I don’t want to set it off unless something really important comes up and I need to be around lots of people.  The craft fair didn’t meet that standard.

The chicks are all still alive and growing.  The littlest ones now have noticeable wings.  Some of them are still on the small side though but a few of them are about as big as the 10 older chicks.  I have to fill up their feed container three times a day.  I dump wood shavings out of their water containers almost hourly.

I’m sorry that daylight savings time starts tonight.  I don’t like the change in time.  I’m grateful most of the clocks in the house will reset themselves.  I only have a couple that I manually have to change.  Maybe I can sleep in a bit later tomorrow morning since it will be dark later.  I woke up at 6:15 this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep.  Makes a long day when I get up that early.

We didn’t get much moisture today.  We had a very light rain fall a couple times but I don’t think we got a measurable amount.  We need rain badly.  Wish all these clouds would bring some to the prairie.  No use having clouds if they don’t produce rain.

I have gotten back on my eating plan.  Kathy eats the same plan so that makes it easier for me to stick to plan.  I am on day 3 of clean eating.  I can feel my body detoxing from the foods I had been eating that are not on my plan.  It will take me another week or so to get the icky stuff out of my body and then I will feel good again.  I really do feel better when I stay on plan.  Never quite sure why I get off track but it seems to happen before I realize it.  Here is to trusting that I can stay on track this time.

I feel more settled and grounded right now than I have for the last year.  It is good to discover who I am again and like what I am finding.  I can’t believe I allowed myself to get so pulled off my center.  Grateful I am finding my way back home to myself.  I still can get pulled off track quicker than I would like but am starting to notice and appreciate the progress I have been making.

Grateful for the healing that is happening within, grateful to be able to eat someone else’s cooking, and grateful to be back on my eating plan.

I went to Emporia this morning and got chicken feed and dog food.  I then went and picked up a few groceries for myself.  I spent more on the chicken and dog feed than I did on my groceries.  The dog food is now in a 42 pound bag instead of the 44 it used to come in.  The price went up $4 a bag and I got 2 less pounds.  Not sure that math works in my favor at all!

Haven’t done much else today except fix dinner.  I fixed green chicken for Kathy and myself.  It is easy and we both enjoyed it.  I usually forget to think ahead three hours to put it in the crock pot but I remembered today.  I was hungry this afternoon though as I smelled it cooking all afternoon.  I heated up some veggies to go with it and dinner was served.  It is nice to have someone to eat dinner with again.  Food seems to taste better when you share the dining experience.

One of the chicks was sitting on top of the chicken pen this afternoon.  I found some shelving things that I laid across the top of the pen to attempt to keep them in.  We may have jail break soon though.  I will move them to the big coop outside mid week next week.  Hope I can keep them contained until then.  It is to be 70 next Wednesday which will be a good day to get the coop cleaned out and get it ready for them.  They will still need the heat lamp for six more weeks so will need to figure out a way to do that.  I will need a barrier of some sort in the coop to limit how far they can roam for the first two weeks they are in the big coop.  I’ll have to put on my thinking cap and figure out something to use to  put up.   After that they can use the full coop with a heat lamp to warm up under when they choose to.

It will be a quiet weekend on the prairie for me.  Nothing on my calendar and no plans to go anywhere.  I don’t have anything on my to-do list either.  After the last two busy weekends it will be a treat to have a quiet one.  Two of the grandkids went to FL for spring break so they aren’t around for me to have fun with or bake cookies for.  One of the other grandkids is coming out Monday to play with me.  I’m looking forward to that.

I finally got some good sleep last night.  I hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep for several nights.  It was good to wake up this morning feeling rested.  My body seems to need extra rest right now.  I’m grateful I don’t have a lot of things pending and can honor what my body needs.  It feels so good to be in a good head space again.  I can feel that my central nervous system is finally calming down and allowing me to relax.  Ahhhhh……. I have missed this feeling.

Anyone else besides me missing the sunshine?  We seem to be having lots of cloudy days without the benefit of getting rain from the clouds.  Maybe KS moved to Oregon and forgot to tell us.  I don’t think I could live somewhere where it is cloudy most of the time.  I miss the sun!

I trust it will warm up soon and allow me to start painting my deck.  It needs to stay above freezing overnight for at least three days in a row before I can start painting.  It also needs to be over 50 for several hours during the day without a chance of rain for me to be able to paint.  Looking at the forecast it may be April before both conditions are met and I can go at it.  I want to get it all painted before the heat of the summer hits.  I hope we have a long spring this year and the heat waits until late May to show up.

It will soon be burning season in the Flint Hills.  We need some rain to make the burning less dangerous.  The ranchers will have to delay burning if we don’t get some spring rains soon.  That delays pasture season and ranchers  lose money.

Grateful I got good sleep last night, grateful the chicken feed supply has been replenished, and grateful for company at dinner time again.

It has been a lazy, recovery day for me on the prairie.  I didn’t do a darn thing today.  Kathy fixed dinner for both of us so I didn’t even do that.  It was just what this gal needed – a day of rest.  It was so nice to have someone else prepared a meal.  I can’t remember the last time that has happened for me.

The chicks are all doing well.  Some of the older ones like to hang out on top of the feeder and watering containers.  It won’t be long before they discover the top of the pen.  One more week and I will move them outside.  Hoping they don’t fly the coop before then and declare a jail break.

About 1:30 this morning I heard a howl I didn’t recognize and heard the chickens were all stirred up.  I went out to the living room to see what was going on.  Kathy’s cat had come upstairs and was down the hallway “talking” to my cats that were in the laundry room.  They were exchanging “words”.  I’m not sure it was love at first sound!  I made my cats go outside and things settled down.  I stayed up for a bit to make sure the chicks settled back down.  It was a bit of ruckus for the middle of the night.  I finally got back to sleep around 5:00 and managed to get another two hours of sleep before I was up for the day.

Kathy said she will keep her cat locked in her bedroom tonight so we don’t have Act II tonight.  We are going to have to figure out how to introduce the cats to each other during the daytime.  Kathy’s cat needs some time to adjust to living here first though.  My cats are limited to the laundry room when they come in the house and Kathy’s cat doesn’t go outside so maybe we don’t have to introduce them.

I need to go to Emporia tomorrow and get some chicken feed, dog food and groceries.  I realized today I haven’t been out of the house since last Saturday.  Probably time I get out.  I may go to the McDonald’s on the Turnpike while I am in town for one last visit.  We opened that store in September, 1988 and it is closing next week.  It will become a Subway and Taco John.  Lots of memories in that store for me.

I don’t have any plans for the weekend.  Monday I am babysitting for my grandson Cody.  He will keep me busy that day I’m sure.  The chicks will get lots of loving that day.

Still feeling grounded and in a good head space.  I realized today what I am feeling is safety.  This last year I realized I didn’t always feel safe and it has taken me several months to get my nervous system calmed down enough to feel safe again.  It is a nice feeling.

Grateful for a day of recovery and rest, grateful for the dinner Kathy fixed tonight, and grateful for a feeling of safety.

Joy and the twins headed for home today.  We had breakfast together and then Kathy drove them to the airport.  Piper really wanted to stay here – she has fallen in love with KS and the wide open quiet spaces.  The twins enjoyed a last breakfast of chocolate chip pancakes.  For one of them I added bananas and the other topped theirs with peanut butter.  Bacon and scrambled eggs rounded out their last breakfast.

After Kathy left for the airport I cleaned house and started laundry.  I managed to get the living room, dining room, kitchen, hallway, entry way and office floors cleaned.  I did five loads of laundry and did two more loads in the dishwasher.  If feels good to have a clean house this evening.  The guests rooms are made up and the house is back in order.

I took a short nap this afternoon in my chair.  I knew if I laid down on my bed I would sleep long and hard and didn’t want to do that.  I haven’t slept well the last couple of nights and am tired.  I trust tonight I will sleep long and hard as I don’t have to be up in the morning to fix breakfast.  Tomorrow will be a rest and recovery day for me.  I have nothing on my calendar or to-do list.

One day this week I will need to go make a feed run.  The chicks have almost gone through the 50 pound bag I got when I got the first 10 chicks.  I will need to get a couple more bags of feed and a few groceries later this week.  It can wait a couple more days though.

I have spent most of the last four months home alone.  Having company for two weekends in a row has been out of the ordinary for me.  I have loved every minute of the company but am grateful my calendar is free of company for the next couple of weeks.  It will give Kathy and I time to adjust to each other again.  She is easy to live with but it will be a change and sometimes change is jarring.

Jim has been gone for over four months now.  I must say I am finally adjusting to live alone again and finding it easier than it was when I lived with Jim.  There are things I miss about having a partner but there are things I am relishing not having a partner too.

I finally got the bill for the door lock that I had installed on my back door.  I had ordered it in November, it was installed in January and the bill arrived in March.  Glad to have that project finally completely crossed off my pending list.  I ordered a check for the bill to be paid today and crossed it off my list.

The chicks are all alive today.  Kathy was wondering if they missed all the loving the kids gave them while they were here.  I wondered if they have enjoyed being left alone today.  They have been quiet most of the day but have been eating lots.  I have to fill their feeders several times a day and clean the wood shavings out off their watering containers several times a day too.  One more week and they will get moved out to the chicken coop.

It has been cloudy and in the low to mid 40’s all day.  It has been a good day to stay inside and clean.  We have a good chance for some rain overnight and tomorrow morning.  Maybe it will be a good day to sleep in.

Things feel more settled inside me than they have for a long time.  I can’t say it feels like things are back to normal as I don’t know what normal is these days.  But I feel grounded in a way that I haven’t for a while.  Not sure if is because Kathy is here and I am not so alone or what is happening but I like whatever it is.  Life doesn’t feel so heavy and hard tonight.  That is a good place to be in.

Grateful Joy and the twins came for a visit, grateful my house is clean tonight, and grateful the heaviness inside has lifted.

 

What a fun evening.  My brothers Chad and Keith and his family  and two of my kids and families came for dinner tonight so they could welcome Kathy back to KS and see Joy and the twins.  We sat around and visited after dinner.  Too bad it is a school night and everyone had to get home to get kiddos to bed.

I fixed a meat loaf, green bean casserole, baked potatoes and baked sweet potatoes, roasted veggies and a salad.  I fixed two different desserts.  Dinner went off well and all were well fed.

I got rid of some of the leftovers from my week of cooking.  Jason and Michelle each took home some stuff that Kathy and I won’t eat.  Good to get the refrigerator cleaned out a bit.

Today Kathy and her family went to Emporia twice.  This morning they went to the zoo and then took a trip down memory lane and drove past our childhood home.  This afternoon they all went in and went bowling.

I think Joy and the twins are ready to go home tomorrow.  They have a noon flight so Kathy will drive them to KC in the morning.  The twins seem to have enjoyed their adventure.  They are excited about flying tomorrow as it will be their first flight.  I’m so grateful they came and spent some time at my house.

Tomorrow I will fix one more meal for them before they leave.  The kiddos want banana and chocolate chip pancakes with scrambled eggs.  They have to leave for the airport before 9:00 so we will be up early to eat and say our goodbyes.

After they leave I will spend some time doing some housecleaning.  I don’t have any other company coming for a bit so I will take my time and get to it when I can.  After Kathy gets home tomorrow she will start unpacking and getting settled in.  She hasn’t gotten to spend anytime doing that yet.  We will learn a new routine for both of us over the next few weeks and adjust to living together again.

It was so fun to have 15 people for dinner tonight.  I love when family comes for a meal.  The conversation was lively and entertaining for all.  The chicks have enjoyed all the extra loving they have received.  They are quiet tonight and seem to be settling in for the night a bit earlier than they have been.  I think I will be getting to bed soon too.  I am so used to being by myself that I am more tired than normal too.

The house will feel big and empty when they leave in the morning.  It may become a rest and recovery day for me and the housecleaning will wait for another day or two.

I won’t see Tagen and Ellexia for another week or so as they leave on vacation Friday.  They are heading to Florida and Kentucky for spring break.  I’m glad I get to stay home and enjoy the quiet on the prairie.

Grateful for family, grateful for the visit from Joy and the twins, and grateful all the chicks are still alive this evening.

What a fun day we have had.  We were up early this morning.  I fixed banana and chocolate chip pancakes, chocolate chip and peanut butter pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast.

The kids played outside most of the morning.  They helped me transfer all the chicks into one pen.  That went well.  All 28 of the chicks are playing nice with each other.  The dogs and cats are loving all the extra attention they have been getting.

I fixed macaroni and cheese with hot dogs for lunch.  Kathy and the others went to Cottonwood Falls in the afternoon and to the Prairie Preserve.  I took a short nap.

This evening I fixed hamburgers on the grill, potato salad, broccoli with cheese, deviled eggs and nachos for dinner.  I think I did six loads of dishes in the dishwasher today.  Not used to cooking for five for each meal.  It has been fun!

Tomorrow the kiddos requested French Toast for breakfast.  One likes it soggy and the other not so much.  I’ll see how it turns out!  Not sure what we are having for lunch.  Tomorrow night my two brothers, and Michelle and Jason’s families are all coming to join us for dinner.  I am fixing meat loaf and the fixings.  That will be fun too!

I’m tired tonight.  I didn’t sleep well last night so think I will take an early bath and go to bed before 8:00 tonight.  I need a good night’s sleep tonight.  The kiddos are tired tonight too so am betting everyone will be in bed sooner rather that later tonight.

Joy and the twins fly back to CT on Wednesday.  The house will sure feel quieter and empty when they leave.  It has been a delight to have them here.

I took the Pioneer Bluffs Newsletter to the Cottonwood Falls Post Office this morning.  It took 45 minutes for the lady to process it.  I can’t say I was impressed with her.  She had made a mistake and couldn’t get the numbers to balance.  She then tried to blame it on me.  I don’t appreciate when people do that.  The good news is the Newsletter is on its way and that project is done.

I think the kiddos are going bowling tomorrow in Emporia.  It is to be cold and rainy tomorrow so they were thinking of things they could do indoors.  I will stay here and get things ready for dinner.  I think I am having 14 for dinner tomorrow night.  I forgot to serve the hot bread with the spaghetti last night.  Hope I remember to serve everything tomorrow night.

If I remember I have the things to make a batch of Chex Mix for the kiddos tomorrow.  My grandkids are coming out tomorrow night so I can send some home with them.  I’ll see if I remember to make it.

I felt a bit weird at times today.  My blood pressure dropped once or twice and I got light-headed.  It went away quickly.  I switched thyroid medications about a week or so ago and am thinking that was the cause.  I’ll have to get my levels checked at four weeks instead of six if this continues.  I had taken some Excedrin this morning and that might have caused it too.  We will see what happens tomorrow.

Mother Nature treated us to a beautiful sunset tonight.  The colors kept changing rapidly.  It was bright red at times.  I think the after glow of the sunset provided the most beautiful colors.  Unfortunately the clouds are rolling in and I’m not sure we will see many stars again tonight.

This morning we all got to watch the moon set.  Neither Joy nor the twins had ever seen one before so that was a special treat.  Piper is ready to move in with her grandma and stay here.  She is loving the prairie.

Tomorrow will be another fun day of cooking and it will be fun to see what we end up doing.  What an adventure the kiddos are having.  I trust they will always remember it and will look forward to coming back again sometime soon.

Grateful for the presence of Joy and her twins, grateful Kathy is back home, and grateful for the beauty of the prairie and the awe it provides.

I am patiently waiting for Kathy, her daughter Joy, and Joy’s twins to arrive.  They should be here between 6:00 and 7:00 this evening.  It sounds like they have had some fun adventures on their drive to KS from CT.  It will be glad to see them when they arrive safe and sound.

I got everything on my to-do list completed.  I went to Emporia and picked up a prescription and a few more groceries.  Did a couple loads of laundry and got some cleaning done.  I may take a short nap this afternoon.  I seem to be sleepy today for some reason.

Tomorrow I am taking the Pioneer Bluffs Newsletter to the post office in Cottonwood Falls.  Someone was going to drive all the way from Matfield Green today to pick them up and then drive again tomorrow to drop them off at the post office.  That didn’t make sense as I am only 10 minutes from the Cottonwood Falls Post Office.  I need to go to Cottonwood Falls tomorrow anyways to drop off the recycling.  I think it will all fit in my car.

The chicks are still all alive and growing fast.  Tomorrow I will combine them into one pen as the newest babies will be one week old tomorrow.  Trusting that will go well.

It has reached 70 degrees today and may go up another few degrees before the afternoon is over.  Too bad the wind is blowing hard.  It will be in the mid 50’s for Monday and Tuesday and then the 40’s for the rest of the week.  This is the time of year where you could change clothes three times a day to dress for the every changing KS weather.  We have a chance for some rain/snow mix on Tuesday and Wednesday.  I will be grateful for some moisture for the prairie.  It is very dry and fire conditions are high right now with the high wind.

It will be a change for me to have Kathy living here again.  It will be a change for her too as both of us are used to living alone.  Good thing we have done this before and know what to expect from each other.  It will be nice to have company and not go so many days without talking to someone besides myself.

Other than having Joy and her twins here this week I don’t have anything on my calendar this week.  Some family members are coming out for dinner Tuesday night so they can see Joy and the twins and welcome Kathy back to KS.  That will be fun!

There was an article in the newspaper today about a cruise ship that is going to offer a three-year trip around the world.  Man that sounds fun!  I looked at the details and thought about it.  I would almost be tempted to look further at it.  With my thyroid problems I’m not sure it would be wise for me to consider it but dang would I love to do that.  I do have an adventurous streak in me!

Feel like I have turned a corner in my healing somehow.  I am starting to recover a bit quicker when I get drained.  I am not getting as frustrated with the little annoying things that happen during the day.  And most importantly am finding myself above the neutral point on the consciousness chart most times.  It is good to be back again!  I know I have more healing to do but am pleased with my progress.

Grateful Kathy, Joy and the twins will be here soon, grateful for a completed to-do list, and grateful to have come back home to myself.

The Pioneer Bluffs Newsletter was done a little after 3:00 this afternoon.  I had three helpers.  My cousin came from Wamego this morning and then two friends joined us this afternoon.  It was fun to visit all morning with my cousin and then visit with her and my two friends this afternoon.  I so appreciate their help.  The day went by quickly and the work got done.

I took my cousin to the Grand for lunch today.  It was nice to get out of the house for a short bit and enjoy the beautiful weather we had today.  One friend was here when we came back from lunch.  She let herself in and had started to work on the Newsletter.  The other friend came shortly after lunch.

I had gotten one box done last night and got up this morning and got started a little after 6:30 and did a second box.  I was ever so grateful for some extra hands to get the last two boxes done.  It can feel a bit overwhelming in the middle of it but that feeling disappeared quickly when help showed up.

I haven’t gotten any housecleaning done yet but that is on my agenda yet for this evening or tomorrow.  I think Kathy and company will be here mid afternoon tomorrow but am not sure.  I still have plenty of time to get the house cleaned up a bit before they get here.

I am going to fix spaghetti and meat balls in the crock pot for dinner tomorrow night.  That way it will be ready whenever we decide to eat.  I got a spaghetti squash to bake as well as traditional spaghetti noodles.  I have some salad stuff and bread so it will be a quick dinner to fix and serve.

The chicks are all doing well today.  They are going through the sack of feed I got.  I’ll have to go to town the end of next week and get another big bag of feed.  It keeps me busy throughout the day keeping the two feed containers full and the water containers full.

I’m tired this evening.  I didn’t sleep really well last night and I was up by 6:30.  I was thinking about the Newsletter and wanting to get it done so I could have time to get my house clean.  Grateful everything worked out so I can do that.  I need to run to Emporia and pick up a few things I forgot at the grocery store and to pick up a prescription that is ready.  Think I will do that tomorrow sometime.  Not feeling like leaving the house this evening.

Today kinda reminds me of the barn raising days of the past.  When friends show up in your time of need and lend a hand, the work gets done quickly and you have fun doing it.  It would have been a long day without their help today.

Grateful for the help of my cousin and friends, grateful the newsletter is done, and grateful I have time to clean the house before my company arrives tomorrow.

This has been a weird day.  I went to bed at 6:30 last night.  Woke up at 3:00 and was up until 5:30.  Went back to bed for an hour and then got up.  Was up until 11:00 and then took a nap.  Finally felt rested.

I changed the bedding for both sets of chicks today.  Both sets had managed to spill their water and their pine shavings were wet.  The big pen only needed the wet removed and replaced but the little tub needed totally cleaned.  Nice to have clean pens tonight.

I struggle to keep the watering containers free from pine shavings.  I dump wet shavings out about every hour to make sure the chicks have fresh water at all times.  I’ll be glad when they grow up a bit and can use the bigger watering containers and I won’t have to worry about them all the time.

I’ll be glad when I can put the littlest ones in the bigger pen.  And then I will be even gladder when I can move them all out to the chicken coop outdoors.  The weather forecast for next week isn’t looking good though so thinking it will be more than a week before that can happen.  Maybe the winter system that is to come through will change its mind and go somewhere else.  Come on Spring and warmer temperatures.

I went to Emporia this afternoon and bought groceries for the week ahead.  I had a full cart today.  I’m not used to cooking for five people for several days.  I already know a few things I didn’t get so will have to make a return trip to town sometime soon.

The Pioneer Bluffs Newsletter got printed today so I picked that up and will start stuffing it this evening.  If anyone doesn’t have plans for tonight or tomorrow you are welcome to come over and help out.  Hoping to get it done by tomorrow afternoon.  Many hands help get the job done quickly.

The first box of envelopes that has to be kept in zip code order was all mixed up.  I got those sorted so it will be easy to stuff them.  Hoping the other three boxes are not messed up.  It would be easy to mess them up when they get printed.  Makes my job a bit tougher when they do that though.

I haven’t gotten my house cleaned for my company yet.  I want to get the Newsletter finished first and then if I have time I will clean.  Hoping to get a bit of cleaning done but we shall see what happens.  I’m very good at procrastinating on doing cleaning.  I will try to get to the things that are bothering me but we will see how this all unfolds.

The rumination that I had earlier this week has stopped, thank heavens.  Feeling more like myself again.  My sleep has been a bit unpredictable this week but am sure it will calm back down soon.  I am grateful I followed my therapist advice and got rid of trigger items in the house.  I do better when I don’t talk about what happened or see things that remind me of what happened.

It sure warmed up more today then I thought it would.  We missed the snow that was to have come overnight.  Got a bit of rain overnight but it has been clear and sunny today.  Reached the low 60’s on the prairie today.  It is supposed to reach the low 70’s on Sunday before winter comes back for a last blast during the week.

Grateful the groceries are mostly in the house for next week, grateful the chicks are thriving and growing, and grateful for what rain the prairie got overnight.

It has been a productive day on the prairie for me and the day isn’t even over.  I have three of the four beds and bedrooms ready for my guests that are arriving Sunday or Monday.  I will get the other one done yet today or tomorrow.

I moved the older 10 chicks into a bigger house today.  They are a week old today and the guy I got them from said to keep them in a smaller container for the first week.  I had never heard that advice before but decided to follow it.  The chicks seem very happy in their larger house this afternoon.  They have quieted down and are peeping occasionally and softly when they do.  When they get loud I know something is amiss.  They have more room to spread out and get away from the heat of the heat lamp if they need to.

I had to set the table for the chicks bigger house up in the dining room.  I used to put them in the laundry room but the cats come in there and I’m afraid the cats would go after the chicks.  I have a leaking water booster pump in the basement room and I didn’t want to track water out of the furnace room with all the trips in and out to check on the chicks.  I called the plumber yesterday and he is ordering me a new water booster pump.

When the newest chicks are a week old next Monday I will add them to the pen the other 10 are in.  I hope to get them all moved from the house to the big chicken coop nursery before the oldest ones are three weeks old.  They start to break out of jail at that age and it gets hard to keep them contained inside.

I got my KS state income tax refund today via direct deposit.  I noticed it wasn’t as large as I expected it to be.  I dug out the tax return and discovered they had only credited me for three of the four estimated payments I had made.  I dug out my bank records to make sure all four had cleared my account.  They had.

I called the state and after holding for a person for 25 minutes I got a very efficient lady.  She discovered that the September payment had been coded as a joint return and it had a hold on it to credit it to a joint return.  This is the payment that I had to call in due to the bank fraud mess.  The lady was able to recode it and I should have the additional return amount by next week.  That was easy – if it goes through as she said it would.

Hoping this is the last wrinkle the bank fraud caused.  I’m ready to put that whole situation to bed.  I’m grateful I was able to problem solve and get it fixed fairly easily.

I invited my two KS brothers, their families and my kids to come for dinner next Tuesday night so they can get a chance to see Kathy’s daughter Joy and her twins.  Not sure who all will be able to come on a school night but that was about the only day we could do it.  I’m not sure when Joy and the twins are flying home.  It will be fun to have a mini family reunion.  I need to decide what to fix.  It will be something simple as that is all I fix these days.

Gotta love KS weather.  Yesterday it was in the mid 60’s and today it is in the mid 40’s.  We have a chance for a wintery mix tomorrow and a chance for snow in another week.  Is it winter or spring on the prairie?  Depends on the day and hour!  The forecast will help determine when I can move the chicks to the big house so hoping for more spring like days than winter.

The rumination I had been doing has stopped.  Going for chicks yesterday seemed to break my habitual pattern enough to disrupt the thoughts I had been having.  Grateful for that!  I finally feel more like myself today and am grateful I have gotten some things done today.  I’m not so tired and cranky today and feel my mood elevator climbing up and over the mid-point of awareness today.

I am amazed at how dusty the house is already.  I had dusted the furniture and cleaned the floors last Saturday for my weekend guests and I am going to have to do it again before Kathy and her family gets here.  I guess having 30 MPH plus wind gusts is enough to drive the dust inside.  I’m sure the cedar shavings I am using for the chicks is adding to the dust in the house too.

Grateful one set of chicks is in a bigger house, grateful the state tax situation was fairly easy to fix, and grateful I am back above neutral on the consciousness ladder.

I went on a hunting adventure today.  Last night I called Tractor Supply in Topeka and was told they had lots of baby chicks.  I got up early this morning and was in Topeka before 8:30.  The store opens at 8:00.  They had one chick left.  They told me they might be getting more this afternoon.

I got on my phone and checked the North Topeka store.  I called them and they didn’t have any.  I checked with the Holton Tractor Supply store and was told they were just then checking in a bunch.  I headed north to Holton.

I was able to get 20 chicks.  10 are Easter Eggers, which are the ones that lay blue or green eggs, and I got 10 Leghorns.  It was a noisy ride home with 20 chicks peeping away.

I got them settled in a tub when I got home.  One of the Easter Eggers wasn’t very active like the others.  I helped it get some water and watched it eat a bit.  About two hours later I checked on the chicks and it was dead.  It doesn’t surprise me to lose one but it is sad when it happens.

I went to Strong City and got a second heat lamp and thermometers to put in each box.  Temperature control is especially important during the first week or so.  Too hot and they get dehydrated and die and too cold they get sick and die.

I checked the forecast and we may get snow mid week next week so will wait until that weather system passes before I put them down in the coop.  I may have to set up a bigger nursery in the house before then.  They grow very quickly the first couple weeks of their life.  My two groups are only five days apart in age so will be able to mix them within a week or two.  The older ones are already about twice as big as the new ones.

The chicks I got today were $5.49 each.  The ones I got last week were $5 each.  Wowsers!  Last time I bought chicks two years ago they were $3 each.  Thinking the price I will charge for eggs will need to rise this year.  Looking forward to July as that is when they should start laying.

While I was in Strong City I went to City Hall and got signed up for auto pay for my water bill.  I am having trouble with mail delivery and didn’t want to miss another water bill and have to pay a late fee.  I prefer auto pay anyways.  Saves me time and money in stamps.  Grateful they do auto pay now.  Last time I checked they only did it with the local bank and I don’t have an account with them.

Feeling more grounded and rested today.  Decided against taking a nap although I think if I had laid down I could have fallen asleep.  Still feeling the effects of the weekend but in a good way today.  Everyone of the women that came had had a major life event happen.  The phase “Be kind, you never know what someone is going through” seems appropriate for all of us.

Kathy will start her trip to KS tomorrow.  Her car is loaded with all the things she is bringing plus the four passengers.  There is a weather system that is hitting part of her planned route so trusting she will find ways to navigate around it.

I haven’t gotten anything done today except for my chicken adventure.  Still don’t have all my energy back from the weekend but by tomorrow I should be back to my new normal.  It has been a quiet afternoon on the prairie and I feel myself calming and quieting down internally.

I follow a page on Facebook called Wild Goose Counseling.  The author of the page teaches how to make boundaries.  The post today talked about the need to identify your own personal needs and then seek out resources to help get those needs met.  I am getting better at that but it took me years to realize I needed to be able to ask for help in getting my needs met and not expect that someone could see what I need without me communicating them.  I had a hard time thinking I deserved to have my needs met.  I’m glad I am finding ways to get my needs met these days and am able to ask for what I need from others.  What a hard lesson that was for me to learn.

Grateful for new chicks on the prairie today, grateful for cell phones that made my chicken adventure successful, and grateful for Wild Goose Counseling and the lessons she is helping me learn.

This has been a recovery day for me.  I slept long and hard last night after taking a full sleep aide.  I usually only take half of one.  I slept the clock around and woke up, had breakfast, and then went back to bed for a nap.

I have done nothing at all today.  The sheets are sitting in a basket waiting to be put on the beds.  They will sit patiently, waiting for me to get to them.  I have until the weekend so no rush.  The beds will get made up when they get made up.

I have been ruminating more today than I have been for a long time.  I’m sure this weekend stirred up some emotions and I am processing the remnants of them.  I now see the value of the recommendation of my therapist who encouraged me to delete all Facebook connections and not to have contact with people who came into the relationship.  Talking about all of it stirred me up and I am finding it hard to let go again.

I will get there.  Giving myself today to regain my balance and physical strength.  I was so very exhausted after the company left and emotionally drained as well.  It was so good to see everyone and catch up but I feel I paid a price for that pleasure.  I would do it again though.  Grateful I know what I need to do to self-care and recover.

It has been a beautiful day on the prairie today.  The wind has not been so strong and the sky has been bright blue with no clouds and lots of sunshine.  Just what I needed to lift my spirits.

The chicks are growing hourly.  Their wings are now very visible and they are already starting to change colors.  I found my big chicken nursery thingy and will need to get it set up to move the chicks into within the week.  They are quickly outgrowing the container I have them in now.

I didn’t call Topeka or Wichita to look for chicks today.  I hope to do that tomorrow and if I find some will go get them.  It is going to be cloudy tomorrow but no rain is in the forecast.

I am trying a new breakfast.  I have found myself having cravings lately and have been going off plan way too much.  I have managed to avoid sugar but have been eating way too many things that have flour in them.  For a long time I have been eating Rice Chex with my yogurt and blueberries each morning.  Before I started eating Rice Chex I didn’t have intense food cravings. I know grains do not agree with me and finally figured out that the Rice Chex may be what is causing me to not loose weight when I follow the plan 100%.  I would get discouraged with that and then go off plan.  Today I tried 1 oz of walnuts instead.

As I typed that I remembered I shouldn’t eat walnuts as they can interfere with my thyroid medication.  I will switch to pecans instead.  Grateful I figured that out quickly and before my new thyroid medication didn’t work right.

When I lost all the weight the first time, I didn’t eat any grains at all.  You are allowed one serving of grains for breakfast.  Intuitively I knew that wouldn’t work for me back then.  I love the crunch of Rice Chex on my yogurt but I did OK with nuts today.  I have gotten used to the taste of yogurt and don’t need the Rice Chex to hide the flavor any more. Last time on the plan I ate eggs and bacon every morning.  Can’t switch to that this time as I need to eat yogurt daily to keep the C-Diff away.  I’ll see what happens when I switch to pecans and see if that helps me drop some weight and more importantly stop the intense food cravings.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the phase “good enough”.  When is “good enough” enough?  One can get addicted to the quest to heal oneself.  When does one know when what you have done is good enough?  I don’t have any answers yet but am consciously aware of that question running in the back of my head.  One can miss the pleasures life has to offer if you get fixated on being better.

I read a definition of happiness that said happiness is when you can accept that this moment has everything you want/need without conditions being applied.  If one is always off chasing the next healing adventure or waiting until all the pieces perfectly align, one can miss the happiness that has dropped in your lap.  When is good enough enough?

Grateful for a rest and recovery day, grateful for the beauty of the prairie today, and grateful to be able to sit with the question When is good enough enough and not have to have an answer.

It has been a rest and recovery afternoon on the prairie today.  I had two guests overnight Saturday night, six guests during the afternoon Sunday and four overnight guests Sunday night.  The last one left a little before noon today.

I took a long nap this afternoon.  I’m not used to being around others 24/7 and I was exhausted.  Still a bit tired this afternoon but I will go to bed early this evening and by tomorrow I should be back to normal.

I have done several loads of laundry today.  I have the sheets all washed and need to get them put back on the beds.  My sister is coming with her daughter and two of her children this weekend so will use the beds again then.  Good thing I have all week to rest and recover so I can be good to go when they get here.

We had a fabulous reunion Sunday.  It was so good to see the six women that came and to get to give and receive so many hugs.  We all felt like our souls received much needed nourishment and attention.  We had a sharing circle and each woman updated us on their lives.  We hadn’t been together as a group for over 10 years so we had a lot to catch up on.  Many tears were shared, much laughter was shared, and the room was full of love and light.  I truly feel the world would be a whole different place if each person had a sacred circle of trusted friends they could share their souls with.

I fixed dinner Saturday night, breakfast, lunch and dinner for Sunday and then breakfast on Monday.  Reminded me of my retreat days.  I kept the meals simple and it was easy.  I don’t think I forgot to serve anything but I haven’t fully checked my refrigerator yet.  I’m known to make something and forgetting to serve it.

The baby chickens are growing fast.  They will need to be moved to a larger pen this week.  I will get one set up for them tomorrow.  Don’t have the energy to do it today.  I didn’t call around to see if I could find more chicks today so will try to do that tomorrow.  If I can’t find any, the guy I bought these from is coming back to Emporia March 10 so I will get 20 more then.  The chicks will only be two weeks apart and will be fairly easy to mix flocks in a couple of weeks.

We got some high wind and rain last night.  I slept through most of it.  Two of the women stayed over an extra night as they didn’t want to drive home through the storm.  South of here got the more severe stuff.  I was grateful we missed that.

I may have a newsletter for Pioneer Bluffs to stuff later this week if it gets printed in time.  Kathy will be here Sunday or Monday so I can’t do it the following week.  We will see how this unfolds and if I do it.

I don’t have anything on my schedule this week except for getting the house ready for Kathy and her gang.  Thankfully I had to clean the house for the reunion this weekend so won’t have to do too much more cleaning.

The house is feeling big and empty this evening.  It was nice to have all the bedrooms used last night and a full house.  I appreciate the silence this afternoon and am allowing it to be without turning on the TV or music.

I got rid of a tub full of shawls and blankets I had knitted a long time ago.  It is nice to empty one more tote.  I also gave away several sets of tea towels and a bunch of dish rags.  They don’t do anyone any good sitting in a tote in my storage room.  Good to have them gone.

Sitting with a full heart and tired body this evening.  It is so amazing to be heard, understood and cared for by others.  This journey through life can be hard at times and it sure helps to have others by your side.

Grateful for the love and friendship that was shared this weekend, grateful for the trust and support of my friends, and grateful for the silence on the prairie this evening.

Decided I better blog early today as I have guests coming in a few hours and won’t have time later.  I doubt that I blog tomorrow as I will have guests all day and through the night Sunday.

All 10 chicks are still alive and doing well today.  I was afraid they would be noisy during the night and wake me up but I didn’t hear them.  They have quieted down and only peep occasionally now.  They are already noticeably growing.  Their wing feathers are starting to come in.

I did a bit of cleaning last night and then did some more this morning.  Still have more to do but I think I can always say that.  Struggling to find the motivation to do more than I absolutely have to these days.

It is a beautiful day on the prairie today.  The Tallgrass Prairie Preserve is burning today.  The smoke is hanging in the air and not blowing away very fast. Sure seems early to burn but they do experimental burning patterns there so maybe they are trying something new again.  Won’t be long before my property gets burned.  Love to watch the evening pasture burns.  Dislike the smoke it causes though.

We have a 100% chance of rain tomorrow evening.  Luckily it is to warm up to 60 tomorrow so it will come as rain and not ice or snow.  Snow is a possibility for Thursday next week though.  Go away winter and stay away.  I’m tired of you!

Found a video that had some central nervous system movements one can do to help calm and regulate your central nervous system.  I saved the video and will try doing them a couple times a day.  The more I read about what happened to me the more I understand that my central nervous system got stuck on the fight or flight response.  When that happens, it can take months to get it to calm back down again.  That explains why my body has been so exhausted and I have had trouble finding motivation to do anything.  When the central nervous system takes over, it shuts off the rational, reasoning part of your brain and that is why my normal bag of tricks didn’t work.

I find it fascinating to discover the science behind my reactions.  It is so helpful to discover these things and know it wasn’t a lack of self-control or discipline that has caused me to react the way I have.

I have come a long ways in four months but feel at times that the road in front of me is still long and winding.  Not sure what the finish line will feel like or how I will know when I reach it.  I’m sure it is a gradual thing and one of those things that you know when you know.  It hasn’t even been two month since the divorce was final.  In some ways it feels like it has been much longer and in other ways it feels like it happened last week.

Bluestem is going to have a chick day again March 10.  I will pre-order 20 more chicks to pick up that day.  If I can find some somewhere else that has them in stock before then I will go get them.  I checked with Tractor Supply in Emporia but they only had ducks left and didn’t know when they would get more chicks.  I’ll call around Monday and see if I can find some place in Topeka or Wichita that has some.  I would prefer not to have to have two pens of chicks for the next eight weeks but will if I have too.  It is hard to mix flocks of chicks of different ages.

I made some hamburger soup for tomorrow night’s dinner.  It is in the crock pot in the refrigerator.  I’ll put it in the crock pot tomorrow and presto – dinner will be ready when I am ready for it.  I have green chicken cooking for dinner tonight.  I will roast some veggies later and dinner for tonight will be ready.  Before I go to bed tonight, I will put some steel cut oats in the crock pot and then breakfast will be ready when I get up tomorrow morning.  Easy peasy!

It will be fun to have company for 2 days.  I’m sure I will be wiped out at the end of it as I am so used to being by myself but it will be worth it.  I love each of the women that are coming and it will be so good to catch up with them and see what is happening in their lives.  I’m sure we won’t lack for something to talk about!

I don’t have anything on my calendar for next week other than looking for some baby chicks and taking care of the ones I have.  Kathy will be coming in Sunday, March 5 so will do somethings to get ready for her.  It will be a quiet, recovery week for me.  I want to get the chicken coop cleaned out and get it ready for the chicks to move into.  Hoping for a nice day some time next week to do that.

Grateful the chicks made it through the night, grateful for the rain that is headed to the prairie, and grateful my friends are coming this weekend.

 

Nothing about today as gone as planned.  It was way more fun than I had planned though.

I was in Emporia by 8:30 this morning.  I stopped at the ATM to get cash to buy baby chicks and then went and picked up two grandchildren.  We drove to pick up a girlfriend of one of the grandchildren and then went to Bluestem.  We got there at 9:00.  There was a long line of people waiting to buy chicks.  They started selling them at 9:00.

The kiddos stood in line for me while I went and got feed and needed supplies. I came back and they hadn’t moved yet.  Tagen and his girlfriend went and found a heat lamp and bulb for me.  When he came back the line still hadn’t moved.

It took over 30 minutes to get to the front of the line.  Then I found out that I could only get 10 chicks unless I had pre-ordered.  I didn’t know anything about prep-ordering so could only get 10.  The guy gave me an assortment of breeds, we paid and then headed home.  The guy that sells them will be back in March. He gave me the date and his phone number so I can call on the Tuesday of the week he is coming and I need to pre-order the other 20 I want.  He said demand is very high right now and he is having trouble keeping up with the demand.  He warned me to be patient trying to get him on his phone as he is tied up all day taking pre-orders.

The grandkids helped me get the heat lamp put together and hung.  The chicks are upstairs for now.  By the time they are a week old I will either move them downstairs into a bigger space or put them in the coop outside, depending on the weather.

The chicks have finally settled down and are quietly peeping now.  They sure were noisy when we got home.  We dipped their little beaks in sugar water and they perked up some.  All seem to be eating and drinking OK this late afternoon.  The grandkids had fun picking one out at a time and loving on it.  Hopefully I can keep all of them alive, we shall see.  It is not unusual to lose one or two when they are so little.

I fixed pancakes and scrambled eggs for the kiddos once we got the chicks settled.  After I got the dishwasher loaded after breakfast, I baked a double batch of chocolate chip cookies.  They are Tagen’s favorite, especially hot out of the oven.

By the time I got the cookies baked and the dishwasher unload and loaded again it was time to fix lunch.  I fixed old fashioned macaroni and cheese.  I didn’t have any boxes on hand but had the stuff to make it the old fashioned way.  I fixed some ham sandwiches to go with it and called it lunch.  They all three ate it and went back for seconds so I am calling it a success.  Another load of dished got started in the dishwasher.

The kiddos watched a second movie and then I took them back into Emporia.  They took home left over macaroni and cheese, two ham sandwiches and a bunch of cookies.  We had a fun day and they were very well behaved today.

After I dropped the kiddos off I went to Walmart to pick up my new prescription of thyroid medication.  Last year I paid $87 for a 30 day supply, this year it is $143.  Yikes!  I will now take it seven days a week instead of four or five so will need a refill every month.  May need to get a job soon!  The price is with my prescription insurance.  It would have been over $400 without insurance.

I picked up a few more groceries.  I used a half gallon of milk today with the kiddos here.  They each drank two glasses at breakfast time and then I used the rest of it making the macaroni and cheese.  I forget how fast kids go through milk.  I rarely use a half gallon before it expires.

I haven’t gotten any cleaning done today yet.  I am really tired this afternoon.  I had trouble sleeping last night.  I took a sleep aide but it didn’t seem to work last night.  A high school student passed away yesterday.  I know her dad and I kept thinking of her family all night.  What a tragic situation for all.  It is so cruel to have to bury one of your children.  Tagen and Ellexia both know the family and we talked about it off and on today.  It is hard for adults to process, let alone the kiddos.

Can’t decide if I am going to take a nap and then get up and clean or just call it a day and go to bed very early and get up early tomorrow and clean.  I did get the eggs boiled and the ham salad made today but still have lots of things to prep tomorrow in addition to cleaning the floors and bathrooms upstairs.  We shall see what I do.

As I was driving home from Emporia this afternoon it started raining ice pellets.  My windshield wipers froze up and had trouble keeping the ice off the windshield.  I was surprised it rained.  Grateful for the moisture but we didn’t get much before it stopped.  We are to get more rain over the weekend.  Hoping it warms up and it comes down as rain and not more ice.

It was fun having the grandkids help with the baby chicks.  We had a nice day together.  They pitched in and helped me out.  Tagen carried the heavy sack of chick feed and Ellexia carried the heart lamp.  The girlfriend carried the chicks in for me.  It feels good to have chickens back on the prairie.  I have missed them.  Chicks are a pain in the ass for a while but they grow fast and before I know it I will be back in the egg business.

Grateful for the time with the kiddos today, grateful to have chickens again, and grateful for what moisture we did get today.

I went to Topeka for an Endocrinology appointment this morning.  Luckily a friend rode along with me and it turned into a fun day.

I met with a new Endocrinologist Nurse Practitioner today.  She was great.  She is switching me to a lower dose of the liquid Tirosint and I will take it seven days a week.  Hoping that will help stabilize my TSH levels.  When I took the higher dose it made my TSH go too low.  The pharmacy doesn’t stock it and ordered it for me.  I will start taking it when I get it and then have my TSH levels checked six weeks after I begin taking it.  Trusting this is the solution I have been looking for.

I liked the new nurse.  She got right to the point, listened well, and was willing to try something new.  She has worked with Dr. Brian through the hospital for the last eight years and is excited to be in the clinic full time now.

After my appointment we went to Best Buy so my friend could pick up a few things.  We then went to Nature Grocers so I could get some steel cut oats.  Emporia seemed to be out of them.  We then went to Longhorn for lunch.  I had the most delicious chicken Parmesan with a baked sweet potato.  We came home after lunch.

It made the day so much more fun having a friend along for the ride.  The day flew by and was over too soon.

When we got home I got a call and found out my taxes were ready to be picked up.  I went to Emporia and picked them up and then stopped and got groceries for the weekend.  I’m glad I went to town as I found out that tomorrow is chick day at Bluestem.

I texted Kathy and she has agreed to help me with chicken chores so I will go to town tomorrow and get 30 chicks.  I will keep them downstairs for the first two weeks and then hopefully it will be warm enough I can move them into the chicken coop.  They are much easier to care for in the chicken coop.  They grow fast and my little pen inside won’t hold 30 bigger chicks.

I have missed having chickens but haven’t missed cleaning out the coop.  That project will need to be done before I can move the babies into the coop.  Sure hope the weather cooperates with me and I can get them moved outdoors quickly.

It takes them 18 – 22 weeks before they start laying eggs so I won’t have any eggs until July.  The cost of chicks has almost double since last I bought them two years ago.  They are now $5 or $6 a piece, depending on the quantity you buy and the breed.  I bet food prices for them have risen too.  I will need to increase the cost of my eggs to make up for it.

Got my taxes and got good news.  I get a big refund from both federal and state.  I didn’t owe any taxes this year.  One of the rentals had a big loss and that helps at tax time.  We had withheld based on Jim and I together and without his income I came out way ahead.  The refund will almost pay for my trip in September!  yay!  I have adjusted my social security so less federal tax is going to be withheld this year so I come out even next year.  I hate letting the feds or the state use my money throughout the year when I don’t owe it to them.  Grateful my taxes are done for the year.

Tagen texted me this morning and requested some chocolate peanut butter ritz treats so got the stuff to make those while I was at the grocery store this afternoon.  I will get those made up tonight so I can take them in when I go pick up chicks in the morning.

Tomorrow after I come home from getting chicks I will finish cleaning house.  I waited to do the floors upstairs as the wind has been blowing hard and it blows in dust.  I will need to do a final dusting of all the furniture tomorrow too.

I got a request from Social Security for wage information from an employee we had in 1998.  Yikes!  Those records are gone.  I looked up the record keeping requirements and as far as I can tell you only have to hold on to records for seven years.  Maybe they thought they would get lucky but I don’t have the information to give them anymore.

It has been a great day.  Got several things done, feel encouraged by the doctor appointment, and am excited about having chickens again.

Grateful for a nurse practitioner that listens, grateful for a friend that rode along with me today, and grateful for my tax refund.

Today has been a much better day.  I actually got the basement floors cleaned and the basement is almost ready for the guests I have coming this weekend.  Will need to do some last minute dusting and touch-ups but that won’t take long.

I sure can tell the weather is changing.  The temperature climbed overnight and through he morning but then started dropping.  After a high of 63 today, the high tomorrow will only be 29.  It has already dropped to 30 today.  Yikes!  Another short blast of winter for the plains.

I just realized I never got fully dressed today.  I put on a pair of sweat pants when I got up as I was chilly and forgot to take a shower and get fully dressed later in the morning.  Guess this was a PJ day.

I called the post office this morning to ask about my missing mail.  I didn’t receive my water bill nor my electric bill.  I did get the disconnect notice about the late water bill.  The electric bill gets automatically deducted so it didn’t matter that I didn’t get it.  The postmaster didn’t know what the problem was.  She was going to leave a note for my carrier.

I called the locksmith as I still haven’t gotten a bill for the work he did back in January.  I was afraid he had sent me a bill and I had not gotten it.   The locksmith said he would talk to his wife, as she is his bookkeeper and they would let me know how much the bill was.  He didn’t know if she had sent a bill or not.

Nicole called and we chatted for a bit.  We had an interesting conversation about the state of world affairs.  I have a theory that the world is undergoing a major energy change and the chaos is related to the part of the world that doesn’t want things to change.  There is a part of the world that are holding on as hard as they know how to hold on and resisting any change.  The other part of the world is quietly changing how they live their lives.  This part of the world is dropping out of doing things the way we have always done things, dropping the commercialism, finding ways to simplify and minimize, and doing work on themselves.  Our institutions are all in a state of crisis and are failing at doing what their intent is.  The old way of doing things has to fall apart so the new way can have room to expand and grow.

There is a chart of consciousness that lists the various emotional states humans can find themselves in.  Shame is at the bottom and Bliss and Joy are at the top.  Neutral is the place where you don’t add to the negative energy of the world but you don’t add to the positive energy either.  My theory is if everyone can do their own inner work and be able to maintain themselves at one step above neutral, the world would be a whole different place to live in.

Sometimes we look outside of ourselves for solutions to the world’s problems, where one possible solution is inside each of us.  Doing your shadow work and making peace with yourself and those you interact with can help you get to a neutral level and possibility a step or two above that.

Most days I can hold myself at a neutral level but I have days like yesterday where I fall below.  Some days I can even climb the consciousness ladder and get pretty close to the top.  Some days I fall all the way down to shame.  That is the human condition.  I don’t know of anyone that can maintain the top rungs ALL the time.  Being aware of where I am on the ladder is helpful though and it can provide me the motivation to do my inner work so I can climb up and above neutral.

Tomorrow I am going to Topeka for my appointment with my Endocrinologist nurse.  A friend is riding along and we both have some stops we want to make while we are in Topeka.  We will eat out and then come home.  It will be a cold day to run errands but it is to be sunny and dry.

Friday I will go to Emporia and get some groceries and then come home and finish getting the house clean.  Saturday morning I will spend in the kitchen getting meals prepped for the weekend.  My Saturday guests will be arriving late Saturday afternoon.  It will be fun to have a house full all weekend.

Next week I don’t have anything on my calendar except getting ready for Kathy to return home.  She will be here a week from Sunday.  Her daughter Joy, and Joy’s twins will be riding to KS with Kathy and will be staying for a couple of days.  So looking forward to seeing them and showing Joy and the twins the Flint Hills of KS.

Grateful I got the basement cleaned today, grateful I have a working furnace, and grateful the roads will be dry tomorrow.

 

It has been a weird day for me.  Something has felt off all day.  I took a nap this afternoon in hopes that I would wake up and restart my day.  So far, that didn’t work.

Not sure what is up.  I feel like I slid backwards in my recovery.  I have been ruminating about the past today and can’t seem to stop myself.  It is a bit better now then it was this morning but not sure why I am doing this.  Maybe it is just one of those days.

I haven’t done a thing again today.  May try to force myself to do something this evening.  I do feel better when I get something done but getting started takes a lot of effort.  Just didn’t have it in my tank today to make myself do anything.

I did manage to write a note and send out to the women that are coming this weekend for our reunion.  I found out today I will have two, and possibly three house guests Saturday evening and then two different guests Sunday evening.  I worked on a menu as I will be fixing dinner Saturday evening, three meals on Sunday and then breakfast on Monday.  I like cooking so that will be fun for me.  I made out a grocery list of things to pick up on Friday.  I already got most of the stuff earlier this week so won’t take long to get the additional items.

I did warn the guests coming that I seem to get overwhelmed easily these days with group energy and I might have to excuse myself for a bit and hide in my room for a while.  Kinda like putting myself in time out.  I’m not sure the anxiety happens because I spend so much time alone or if it is just where I am in my recovery journey.  It may not happen but thought I would give them a heads up in case.  That will make it easier for myself to step out for a bit if needed.

A friend sent me a message today.  I almost wrote something that I didn’t really mean in my answer and caught myself and didn’t write it.  I will count that as progress in my codependency healing journey.  Maybe I did get something done today!

The weather was mixed today.  It warmed up but was windy and I can tell there is a weather change coming soon.  It has been cloudy this afternoon and the temperature is starting to drop a bit.  It is to be turn cold Thursday and Friday but warm up again this weekend.  I don’t think we are to get any snow but that may change.  We sure could use the moisture.

Jason called to chat with me this morning.  It was good to have someone to talk to for a bit.  He calls every other week or so just to chat.  I so appreciate him calling and letting me know what is happening in his neck of the woods.

A friend that had a bilateral mastectomy last week called and we chatted for a bit last night.  She sounded much better than I thought she would be.  She is up walking around, stretching lightly and doing what she needs to do to recover quickly.  She is even doing some work at home for her job already.  It is amazing what the human body can do to help itself.  I was grateful she called and let me know how she is doing.

Thursday I have to go to Topeka for a doctor’s appointment.  A friend is going to ride along with me as she needs something from Topeka.  It will be fun to have a day out with a friend.  I have a couple of stops to make in Topeka besides the doctor appointment and she has a stop we will make.  We will enjoy lunch together and running our errands.  The day will be a lot more fun having a friend ride along.

It will be good for me to get out of the house all day Thursday.  I don’t like to get out just to get out and so I stay home most of the time.  I make a good hermit these days.

I’m getting excited thinking about my sister coming back home to live.  She is easy to live with and good company.  We eat on the same food plan (when we stick to eating on plan) and are on a similar healing journey.  She made lots of friends when she lived with me several years ago.  She likes to get out more than I do so maybe she will help me get out more.

Chalking today up to one of those days.  If you don’t have a hard day once in a while you begin to take the easy days for granted.  I’m sure tomorrow will be a better one.

Grateful I caught myself before I sent a message I didn’t mean, grateful the reunion is soon, and grateful my friend is going to Topeka with me.