Starry night on the prairie

Another night of little to no sleep. I could not fall asleep last night until about 2:00 this morning. Then I woke up at 5:00 and couldn’t go back to sleep.

I got up and made home made cinnamon rolls from scratch. What else does a person do when they can’t sleep at 5:00 in the morning – right? I don’t eat them but they looked good.

I also served my guests a French Toast Casserole, yogurt and fresh fruit. They packed up and headed home after they ate breakfast.

I have spent the day doing laundry and making beds and washing dishes. We got Tagen’s room all made up and his clothes unpacked and he is settled in. I made up Michelle’s bed so her room is ready for her to get unpacked and settled into tonight when she gets home from work. I still need to roll up the air mattress and get it put away.

I have the trash all emptied and the towels restocked in each of the bathrooms. Things are returning back to my new normal in the house.

Tagen is feeling much better. He went to town today and did a light work out at the gym and then picked up his girlfriend and brought her out to the house. I’m sure he will get cleared from concussion protocol when he goes to the doctor tomorrow. He may have to go through a week or so of gradual release but we shall see.

Wednesday I am borrowing a pickup from a dear friend and Kathy, myself and Jason are going with Tagen to the house to clear everything out of his room and bring everything here. I am hoping it won’t take more than an hour or two. While I am in town I will stop and pick up my grocery order for the week. It will be good for Tagen to have all of his stuff here.

I have nothing on my calendar for tomorrow. The house will be back in order so I can take a calm and relaxing day. I am overdue for a day like that. It seems like it has been a hot minute since I had a day at home with nothing that has to be done.

Does anyone know if the road construction on Highway 50 is completed? Tagen said they weren’t working today when he went to town this afternoon. What a relief it will be when it is done. I’m tired of driving the back roads and it taking extra time to get to town.

I had five others join me last night for the Tonglen practice. Four of the five had never done Tonglen before so we started at the very beginning. I’m not sure what my guests thought about it. It seemed a bit foreign to them I think. They were good sports though and stuck with it until we were done.

Things are still a bit apple cart upset around here. Not sure we can look too far to the future and have an idea of a solid plan yet. Hoping this week will bring some answers or at least a chance for all to catch their breath and allow bodies and minds to catch up with each other.

Grateful I have a big enough house to take in my family as needed, grateful for the guests that came and went, and grateful for the silence in the house this afternoon.

Thought I better blog while the house is quiet. I will be too tired later tonight.

I fed my guests crock pot steel cut oats, coffee cake, yogurt and fresh fruit for breakfast. They seemed to enjoy it again.

They are all out and about and enjoying what Chase County has to offer today. They will be back in a bit for the evening.

Tonight is another Tonglen circle. I invited my guests to join us and I think they are going to. Not sure who else will show up but am hoping a few others will join us too. It will be good for me to spend some time meditating and getting myself grounded tonight.

Michelle and Tagen will be back for the night in about an hour or so. Kathy and I got the queen sized air mattress blown up and I got it made up so it is ready for someone to sleep on it tonight. Kathy and I took a minute to figure out how to use the air pump for the air mattress. I do believe I need to invest in an electric one if I think I may be using this mattress again. Kathy got her exercise in for the day using the hand pump one. I did it for short periods but Kathy did most of the pumping.

I have one more breakfast to fix in the morning for my guests and then they will be on their way home. Still debating about what to make in the morning. I’ll see how early I wake up and how much energy I have in the morning and then decide what to fix. I may make homemade cinnamon rolls but not sure yet.

Tomorrow I will have four beds to strip and wash sheets and make up. Will have some other housecleaning to do to. That should keep me busy most of the day.

I have to pay the final payment on the cruise Ellexia and I are going on in July tomorrow. Next week I have to pay the bulk of the cost for the trip I am taking to the UK in September. Yikes! It hurts when I have to pull the money out of savings for these things but am grateful I have savings to pull it out of.

Hoping to get a quiet day on Tuesday with nothing to do but am not going to count on it. I am craving a stay at home with no one around day but that isn’t going to happen for a bit now. I will have to find other ways to self regulate.

Grateful breakfast went well today, grateful I have the funds to pay for the two trips, and grateful my guests are having a nice weekend.

What a day! I had trouble falling asleep again last night. It was after 2:00 before I was able to go to sleep. Thunder was rolling over the prairie at 6:30 this morning and woke me up. I needed to get up at 7:00 anyways so went ahead and got up. We only got a very brief, light shower. Sure wish the rain would come back and stay awhile. We need rain badly.

Made some banana bread and a cheese quiche for my guests to have for breakfast this morning. Served them with fresh fruit and yogurt. They seemed to enjoy it.

After I cleaned up the kitchen I went back to bed and took a nap. It was much needed and appreciated. I am not sure how I survive on only three to five hours a sleep for years on end. I have gotten used to sleeping more and feel very sleep deprived right now.

I left for KC at 3:00. I went to Costco and managed to fill the cart full of stuff. Not sure what all I got. I needed foods and snacks that are kid friendly – hope I got things the kiddos will eat. I also got a few things for myself.

Went to Nicole and Geoff’s house after I did the Costco thing. They were hosting a party for 40 or so to celebrate the 50th wedding anniversary of Geoff’s parents. I didn’t know many at the party but it was fun to watch the families interact and visit. Nicole and Geoff served a wonderful meal for all. I ate and then skipped out early and came home.

It took me a bit to get the car unloaded. I piled everything in the laundry room for now and will figure out where to put it tomorrow. I’m too tired tonight to deal with it all.

I am going to fix steel cut oats in the crock pot for breakfast tomorrow morning. I will mix it up and let it cook all night and like magic it will be ready in the morning. I will set out some bagels and bread for toasting and some fruit and yogurt and call it good.

I have another Tonglen practice Sunday evening. I invited my three guests to join us and I think they are going to do so. I’m never sure how many others will show up. It will be fun how ever many come.

Michelle and Tagen will be back tomorrow night. I am going to see if I can figure out how to blow up the air mattress I have so Tagen will have a bed to sleep in. Michelle and I can share my bed. If I can’t figure it out I will sleep with Kathy and Michelle and Tagen can share my bed. I will have a houseful tomorrow night.

I will fix my guests breakfast Monday morning and then they will be on their way. Michelle and Tagen can then get settled in their rooms for the duration. We are going to get all of Tagen’s stuff on Wednesday so he can make himself at home here. I’m sure it will feel good to him to have all his things here. Hopefully he will be released from concussion protocol on Tuesday and can slowly start to return to normal activities.

I don’t have anything else on my calendar for next week. It will be good to have some empty space. This last week was a bit chaotic and I need to slow things down a bit and give myself some breathing space. I need to find a new rhythm around here and do some planning of meals, etc. My lifestyle changed and I need to catch up with that change and adapt.

Grateful for a safe trip to and from KC, grateful for Nicole and Geoff and their invitation to come help them celebrate Geoff’s parents, and grateful I was able to pull off serving breakfast this morning.

Didn’t sleep well again last night. I am about to my limit on tiredness. Not sure what to do about it. Thinking my thyroid is way too low. I am going to call Monday and see if I can get it checked. I feel wired and am having trouble settling which happens when my TSH levels are too low.

Stayed busy keeping the grandkids fed today. Ellexia ended up spending the night so I had both of them all day. Tagen got up before I did and he had a bowl of cereal. When Ellexia got up I fixed both of them pancakes and scrambled eggs. For lunch they wanted noodles with Alfredo sauce. They had s’mores at some point this afternoon. They also hit up the chips. I really had forgotten how much teenagers can eat in one day.

Michelle took the kiddos to visit Craig and Nancy for the weekend. I’m sure they will all have fun and it will be a nice break for the kids from me and me from them.

My three guests showed up early afternoon. They dropped off their bags and went out on their first adventure of the weekend. Not sure what their plans are for the evening.. I will check with them at some point tonight so see what time they want breakfast in the morning. I need to decide what I am fixing them. I have three different menus I can use so will have to decide on one of them and see if I need to do anything tonight to get it ready.

I am planning on going to KC tomorrow afternoon. I need to make a big Costco haul and stock my pantry with snacks for the kiddos. I will drop by a party Nicole and Geoff are hosting for a hot minute and then come home. I will need to get home so I can get to bed so I can get up early Sunday morning to fix breakfast.

It will be nice tomorrow to have a bit of down time after I get breakfast fixed and served. I don’t feel I have sat in the silence much this last week and my body needs some. I will get some again Sunday after breakfast and before the kids get home Sunday evening. We shall see what next week brings.

Next week I have got to get back painting the deck. This week was too full of chaos for me to even think about it. We will find a rhythm and get everyone settled in soon and I will be able to get back to doing things I need to do.

I don’t have anything on my calendar for next week. It will be good to have a stay at home week and give me a chance to catch my breath. Tagen may get released from concussion protocol and will be able to get out and do his own thing. A empty house day sounds good to me right now!

Grateful the kids stayed fed and happy today, grateful my guests arrived safely, and grateful for some empty space time.

Five of us gathered last night and celebrated the gifts we each share with the world during our Summer Solstice celebration. I don’t know how I could do life without the support of these beautiful women and the gifts they freely share with me.

Had another rough night for sleeping. I was up at 5:00 this morning and couldn’t get more sleep. This has been going on all week. Not sure if it is the energy of the summer solstice or all the things going on around me.

I took Tagen to Emporia around noon. He needed to deposit a check. We picked up his girlfriend and Ellexia and I took them all to Bobby D’s for lunch. Afterwards we stopped and filled the car up with gas and got some milk at the store and then came home.

The kiddos have watched a movie and spent a quiet afternoon here. They have eaten several snacks and have taken a relaxing afternoon.

I am fixing goulash for dinner for them. Ellexia is going to spend the night too so I will have a full house. Michelle will take Tagen’s girlfriend home later this evening. This weekend Michelle is taking the two kiddos to Wichita to see Papa Craig and Nancy. I have three guests coming in tomorrow afternoon so will continue to have a houseful all weekend.

I haven’t gotten to the housecleaning yet but will get there. Haven’t had much energy today and haven’t pushed myself yet. I still have 24 hours – right? It will get done. Tomorrow I will need to strip all three beds and get clean sheets put on the beds. I will get to it tomorrow and it will get done.

The drain cleaning guy showed up around 5:45 last night. He was able to get the drain cleared out. I need to get something called a water ram that attaches to the hose. It puts higher pressure of water down the line and helps clear it out. I have looked on-line and haven’t found one yet but I will keep looking. He said the original drain wasn’t put in correctly – it is too flat and doesn’t have enough of an angle to the pipe leading out of the house. It is easy for it to back up and not much we can do about it. He did think the water ram would be helpful and recommended I use it on the drain quarterly. Good to have one thing crossed off my list and the worry about a flooded basement put to rest.

Kathy and Tagen took a long hike this morning. Tagen really enjoyed it. He hasn’t been able to get out and do anything since he had his concussion. He didn’t get a headache from the walk so that is good news. A good long walk was healing for him.

I was able to rise about the neutral level of consciousness last night during our ceremony. I am still higher than I was before the ceremony but I haven’t stayed as high today as I was able to climb last night. All good though! A good night’s sleep would certainly be appreciated and helpful.

Grateful for a full house, grateful the kiddos spent the afternoon with me, and grateful the drain got cleared.

Happy Summer Solstice to all. This is the day that has the most daylight of the year. The prairie has been mostly cloudy today so we haven’t enjoyed the light much of the day. Tagen has been happy as it has helped keep his headache away today since it is cloudy.

There were thunderstorm all around us but we only got sprinkles on my corner of the prairie. Dang it anyways. Maybe next time the rain will find its way to my corner.

I am looking forward to the Summer Solstice ceremony tonight. Several friends will be coming over to join Kathy and I in ceremony. We always have a great time.

Kathy had to go to Emporia today so she picked up my grocery order so I didn’t have to go to town. How lucky was that? Tagen and I have enjoyed a quiet day at home. He was in need of a quiet day and has been watching movies on the couch. He got his homework assignment taken care of and has been able to relax the rest of the day.

I baked a double batch of chocolate chip cookies. Tagen loves to eat them, especially right out of the oven. I hadn’t baked cookies for a long time. I like to make them so enjoyed doing so today.

Went down and took care of the chickens this morning when it looked like it was going to rain. The chickens and dogs have enjoyed this cooler day. I need to spend some time on Sophia and get her raked out and some knotted hair cut off. She is a mess right now.

I haven’t slept well the last couple of nights. Not sure what is up with that. I had gotten used to sleeping up to eight hours a night and am struggling with only getting four or five hours at most right now. Trusting I will be back on track soon.

The electrician showed up yesterday to fix the bank of lights that wasn’t working. He flipped a breaker and fixed it. I swear I had flipped that same breaker a week ago and it didn’t do anything. We had lost power earlier in the day and he said sometimes that resets them so when you flip the breaker they then work. Dang. That was an unnecessary expense to have him come out for that.

Still waiting on the plumber to come out. The main floor drain in the furnace room is backing up now. Sure wish they could figure out what causes that to happen and fix it once and for all. This house has had plumbing issues since I moved in and continues to do so. They wear me out after a bit.

I am also still waiting on the guttering guy to show up. Anyone know of someone that does guttering? I am about to give up on the guy I have called. I don’t know who else does guttering in this area.

Tomorrow I need to do some housecleaning to get ready for the guests that are coming Friday afternoon. I have some baking to do too. I think I am ready to fix breakfast for them the three mornings they will be here. It takes me longer to get organized these days then it used to.

Still sitting in a good head space. Things have gotten interesting and busy around here but so far I am dealing with it all OK. Life seems to happen and throw curve balls and being able to adapt to change is critical. I have a full house for a bit but so far it is working OK. Things are a bit fluid right now with no clear final path known. It will all sort itself out in time. Family support is everything right now.

Grateful for Summer Solstice and the reminder of my gifts, grateful Kathy picked up my grocery order today, and grateful for this quiet day at home with Tagen.

Took Tagen to his doctor’s appointment at 8:30 this morning. He didn’t get cleared from his concussion protocol yet as he still gets headaches when he is in the sun or reading and using screens. He will go back next week and see if they can clear him then. No driving, physical activity or working out for him yet. He is slowly improving but not enough to be cleared for normal activities yet.

Tagen and I picked up Ellexia after Tagen’s appointment and we went to iHop for breakfast. Stopped at Walmart for some groceries and then picked up Tagen’s girlfriend and came home. The three kiddos spent the day with me.

I fixed them macaroni and cheese made from scratch for lunch and spent the afternoon finding them snacks to eat. I forget how much teenagers can eat.

Took Ellexia and Tagen’s girlfriend home late afternoon and then Tagen and I came back out here. By the time we got home, Tagen had a bad headache so he laid down for a bit.

I didn’t get much else done today but that is OK. Spending time with my grandchildren is time well spent.

Tomorrow I have to go back to Emporia to pick up my grocery order. I need to get my Summer Solstice ceremony prepared for tomorrow night. It will be another busy day for me.

I still need to get started getting my house cleaned for my weekend guests. It will get done somehow, someway! It always does.

Grateful for the time with my grandkids today, grateful Tagen is slowly healing, and grateful for the beautiful weather today.

It felt good to sleep in my own bed last night. I woke up around 2:00 and wasn’t able to go back to sleep until about 3:30. Then I woke up at 7:00 and couldn’t go back to sleep. Not sure why that happened.

Got up and put on old clothes and went out and finished up the mowing. Feels good to have that job done for a week or so. I got over half of it done yesterday so only had about an hour or so to do this morning.

Came in from mowing and took a shower and had breakfast. Did a load of laundry and made up a guest bed. Did my animal chores and then sat in my corner chair and took some deep breaths. It was good to spend the whole day at home.

Kathy got home late afternoon from her adventure back east. It is good to have her back home. Things are slowly returning to normal around here.

Michelle and Tagen are spending the night. Tagen has a doctor’s appointment in the morning at 8:30 and I am going to take him to that. He got a concussion in football camp and he needs a doctor’s note to clear him to return to driving and work. After we get done with the doctor’s appointment we are going to pick up Ellexia and go out for breakfast.

Depending on what the doctor says, Tagen may or may not come home with me. If he gets cleared he will want to get his car and do some things he hasn’t been able to do this last week.

I fixed green chicken in the crock pot for dinner. I emptied the crock pot and put it in the kitchen sink so I could wash it. I set the lid to the crock pot in the sink behind the crock pot and the lid shattered. Not sure why it did that. I sent a note to Hamilton Beach to see if they will replace the lid. If not, I will order one off of Amazon. I have never had one do that before. I’m grateful it shattered in the sink and contained the broken pieces of glass. It would have created a safety hazard if it had broken on the counter.

After I get home from taking Tagen to the doctor I don’t have anything I have to do tomorrow. It will be good to have another quiet day at home. Wednesday afternoon I need to pick up a grocery order at Walmart and then in the evening we are having our Summer Solstice ceremony.

I do need to start cleaning the house so it is ready for the three guests that are coming Friday afternoon and staying until Monday morning. I might get that started tomorrow afternoon if the mood strikes.

Summer temperatures have hit the prairie. It was 90 today and is going to be close or over 90 all week. That will dry everything out quickly. We do have a good chance for rain this weekend but I don’t trust the forecast that far out. I would welcome any rain we can get, even if it comes on the weekend.

I tried taking a nap this afternoon but couldn’t go to sleep. I’m thinking I will go to bed early tonight and hopefully sleep all night. I will have to get up early tomorrow as we need to be on our way to Emporia by 7:50.

Still in a good head space. It felt good to get the lawn mowed and to stay home all day. It is good to have Kathy home and I will enjoy Michelle and Tagen here tonight. We shall see what tomorrow brings.

Grateful Kathy had a safe trip home, grateful to have had a stay at home day, and grateful no one was hurt when the crock pot lid broke.

There was another storm that rolled through in the middle of the night. I got woken up by two dogs that were trying to crawl into bed with me. I got up and gave them their calming medication and sat up with them for a bit. We went back to bed but it took them a bit to settle down and sleep. They slept in this morning.

I got up and did chores at the housesitting house and then came up to my house around 8:30 this morning. I put the spaghetti and meat balls in the crock pot and made a four layer dessert for lunch. Cleaned up some things around here.

Tagen and Michelle came out for lunch. We sat and visited afterwards for a couple of hours. It was a wonderful conversation. Tagen is so grown up and talked more today than he normally does.

Tagen and I went up to the housesitting job and did chores. We found the peacock down in the barn where he belongs. Tagen got to pet the three horses and play with the dogs. The cat didn’t come out to play with him.

We came back up to my house and after Tagen and Michelle went back to town I went out and mowed most of the yard. I still have about an hour of mowing left to do but got a good start on it. The rains this week really helped the grass grow and get thick. We got over half an inch last night.

Tagen took home the leftover spaghetti and meat balls and dessert. That kid loves spaghetti and meat balls. I thought I had cooked enough spaghetti for leftovers but had to cook some more so he could have some with the leftover meat sauce.

Tonight is another Tonglen practice. I never know if anyone will show up or not. Several have told me they are out of town or have company tonight and can’t come. We shall see who, if anyone comes. If no one comes, I will practice by myself.

After Tonglen I will make one more trip up to the housesitting job and do the evening chores and make sure I have gathered the stuff I took up there. They will be home late tonight. I trust they had a wonderful trip but I know they will be glad to get home.

Tomorrow I need to finish mowing and do some laundry. I also need to start cleaning house for the guests that are coming in Friday. It will be good to only have my critters to care for tomorrow.

Tuesday i am on stand by to possibly take Tagen to his doctor’s appointment to see if he is cleared from his concussion protocol. Someone else may take him but in case they can’t I am going to. Sometimes it takes a village to raise a child.

Kathy will be home either Tuesday or Wednesday. I trust she is having a safe trip driving home. It will be good to see her when she gets here.

I finally was able to climb the consciousness ladder a step or two about neutral today. That feels good. Some things are shaking out and coming together for me in a new way. I love how the Universe works and things get revealed in the perfect moment. There is a reason and season for everything.

Grateful for the time I had with Tagen and Michelle today, grateful most of the yard is mowed, and grateful for the rain we received last night.

Woke up early this morning and had trouble finding more sleep. I sure could fall asleep right now if I let myself.

Stayed around the housesitting house until mid-morning. It was cloudy and there was a possibility of rain. The dogs slept in so I had to wait until they were up and ready to go out to potty before I could leave.

Came up to my house and had breakfast. Craig and Nancy came up from Wichita and took Michelle and I out for lunch. We were going to go to Ad Astra but it wasn’t open so we went to the Grand. The food was great but we waited over an hour for our food. Michelle and Nancy wanted another adult beverage so we stop at Jacalito’s so they could indulge. We went to the Dollar General store to get a few things and then came back to my house. It was fun spending some time with Craig and Nancy.

I went back up to the housesitting house and did chores and let the dogs out for a bit. Came back home and did chores here.

This evening I have a bridal shower to go to at 6:00. I will have to leave at 5:30. Not sure if they are serving dinner or not so not sure if I should eat before I leave. Ummmm……. They may just have cake, etc. and I can’t eat that. What to do?

I went down to the basement and found a set of tea towels and washcloths that I had made and added some cash and called it good for a last minute bridal shower gift. Young girls these days don’t know about hand made tea towels so not sure they will appreciate the gift but that is what they are getting.

When I get back from the shower I will stop in at my house and check on the critters here and then go back up to the housesitting job to spend the night. It will be my last night there. Tomorrow I will wash towels and sheets and clean the house. My neighbors will be home late tomorrow night.

Tomorrow evening I have another Tonglen practice at 7:00. Not sure again how many will be able to come. Several have told me they are out of town so may not have anyone able to come. Summer time wasn’t a good time to plan to do something like that. People have lots going on in the summer time.

Tagen is coming out for lunch tomorrow. He wants spaghetti and meat balls and a four layer dessert. That will be easy to fix in the morning. Michelle will bring him out as Tagen is not to be driving much right now due to his concussion protocol. Hoping he will get released from the precautions when he goes to the doctor mid-week.

I don’t have anything else on my calendar until Wednesday evening when I will host a Summer Solstice ceremony. That will be fun! I love doing sacred ceremony with my close friends.

Friday three women are coming to spend three nights. I will be fixing breakfast for them the three mornings they are here so that will keep me busy next weekend. It will be fun to see them and visit with them. They have been here before and I enjoy their company.

I started my grocery order for next week. I will pick it up on Wednesday so still have time to add things I may have forgotten. I planned out the menus for the weekend and double checked to make sure I ordered what I needed to fix breakfast. I think I will spend all that I charge for the breakfasts on groceries. Sure don’t make money serving meals.

Saturday afternoon I want to go to KC to Nicole’s house. Her in-laws are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and Nicole and Geoff are hosting a party. I hope to be able to go and drop in for a bit. May stop at Costco since I will be in KC and pick up a few things.

I didn’t get around to mowing today. Lunch took longer than expected and I didn’t have enough time to mow this afternoon. I didn’t want to get dirty before the shower tonight. Maybe tomorrow after lunch I can get at it. If not then, things open up for me Monday next week and I will have lots of time then to get it done. Grass seems to wait for me.

Tomorrow is my last day at the housesitting job. I think the neighbor’s have had a wonderful trip and know they will be glad to get home. I trust everything will be in good shape when they get home. I still feel bad that the door got broken on my watch but those things happen. I’m anxious to talk to them and hear about their trip as they went to many of the places I will be going to in September. They can give me hints of places I should go and places to eat at.

Still sitting in a good head space. It was good for me to be busy today and get out of the house for a bit. I do crave a quiet day or two at home though. Balance! Sometimes it can be hard to find. Kathy will be home Tuesday or Wednesday and with the housesitting job ending things will return to my new normal.

Grateful for the visit with Craig and Nancy, grateful I had a shower gift on hand, and grateful Tagen is coming for lunch tomorrow.

I went up to my house late morning. I took care of chores and worked on a project. The dogs did well last night and we all got a good night’s sleep.

I went to lunch with a dear friend today. We went to the new restaurant in Florence and had a grand time. It was so good for my soul to have a deep conversation and share with another. I enjoyed it very much.

A college student is doing an internship in Emporia for eight weeks beginning the middle of October. She came by this afternoon and looked over the house and checked me out. She is going to plan to stay with Kathy and I and rent a room for the eight weeks.

I went into Emporia after she left and helped Michelle out for a bit. I then went over to my housesitting house and let the dogs out and then went back to my house for a bit. Michelle and I went out for dinner and then I came back to the housesitting job for the night.

No plans for tomorrow or Sunday except for the wedding shower tomorrow night and Tonglen practice Sunday evening. My housesitting responsibilities end Sunday late evening.

It will be good to be back to only one household to maintain next week. Kathy will be home either Tuesday or Wednesday and things will be almost back to normal.

I have some mowing to do at home tomorrow if I get a chance. We shall see what happens. My painting helper got a concussion in football practice this week and can’t help me paint this weekend. Hopefully he will recovered quickly and be able to go back to work and play next week sometime.

The forecast for rain has gotten moved until tomorrow night. Maybe I will get some time at home tomorrow if the forecast holds true. I have to be up here when it rains as the dogs here are weather sensitive.

It’s been an interesting day with a family challenge. Things managed to shake out a bit but it is just the beginning of a long process. I am grateful how my family surrounded each other and came together to handle the crisis. What ever do people do that don’t have family support?

Grateful for my family and their love and support, grateful for good friends, and grateful this week is almost over.

Did a bit of mowing today until the mower stalled out. I am letting it cool down and will go back out to see if I can get it going again. This has not been my week!

Went home late morning and did a couple things at home. Took care of the chores at home and then came back up to the housesitting job. I can sit here just as easily then I can at home. The dogs here prefer someone with them and my dogs don’t notice or care if someone is home.

Got invited to a bridal shower on Saturday. I am going to have to figure out a gift to take. Just got the invitation today! It reminded me to order the wedding gift so got that taken care of. I will come up with something to take to the shower.

Tomorrow I am going out to lunch with a dear friend. We are going to Florence to try the new restaurant there. It will be a pretty drive and I will have good company. Feeling the need to have a deep conversation with someone in person and tomorrow I will get to do that.

Had a deep conversation with Nicole today. We talked about friendships and how they change as we change and grow. It can be so hard to let go of some friendships but it is a needed thing to do so you can allow new ones to come in. You can only carry so much in your arms until you have to set something down so you can pick something new up. Nicole and I are both finding it hard to make new friends in this Post Covid world. I don’t get out much and it is hard to make new friends when I am home alone most of the time.

Still staying at the neutral level of consciousness. Wish I could climb up a step or two but haven’t been able to yet. Maybe tomorrow will help. At least I haven’t fallen down the ladder. The empty space is starting to feel a bit heavy to me. My energy level has been low this week and not motivated to do much. Maybe when things return to normal next week i will climb up a bit.

We are to get some stormy weather this weekend so will spend most of my time at the housesitting job. I will be gone for the shower Saturday early evening but other than that can spend the majority of my time here. The poor dogs here are weather sensitive and do better when someone is around when it is stormy.

Friday late afternoon a women is coming by to see my house. She needs a room for eight weeks beginning the middle of October. We shall see if we will be a match and if she decides to stay with us.

I sent a note to my plumber about the leaking drain pipe. He is going to bring a camera to take a look at what is going on. Not sure when he is coming out though. He told me they have installed new plumbing in three houses that are being built in Emporia this month and have been tied up and are running behind. Hopefully he will get out sometime next week but I am not going to bet on it.

I have three guests coming in June 23 – 26. I am going to be fixing breakfast for them the three mornings they are with me. It will be fun to have a house full again. I’ll have to do some housecleaning next week to get ready for them. I also need to put together the menus and make a big grocery order.

A month from now I will be gathering eggs daily. They should start appearing anytime after July 1. It will be fun to have eggs again. Chicken chores are more fun to do when there is a reward in the coop for me. I need to get the coop cleaned out again around July 1 and clean out the nesting boxes so they are ready for them to use.

Next Wednesday is Summer Solstice. I love doing ceremony and look forward to it. The Summer Solstice is the time to celebrate the light that you are and to name and claim the gifts you offer to the world. Each of us have been given gifts to offer and naming and claiming them helps bring power to them.

Grateful for friends I can have deep conversations with, grateful for this beautiful spring day, and grateful to have had this empty space time.

Had a surprise storm roll through during the night. I heard the dogs barking and got up to allow them to get out of the carriage room. They came in the bedroom where I was sleeping and slept in late this morning. I got up before they did.

When I went out to the carriage room to let them out this morning I noticed the back door had a panel knocked out. When I looked closer I noticed scratches on the door from the inside. The dogs had gotten frightened from the storm and must have tried to get out. I didn’t hear them soon enough.

I went back up to my house late morning and did chores there. There was a chance for rain this afternoon so came back here and spent most of the day here. The dogs have been well behaved all day. I think they know they screwed up this morning.

My handyman came up this afternoon and fixed the door. He is so good to me and comes when I need it most. There was a turtle climbing around while he was working on the door that seemed very curious about what Phil was doing.

I have binged watched Call the Midwife again today. I am up to season five and have lots more seasons to go. It has made me cry a couple of times. I love how the show addresses issues of the time and does it in such a sensitive way. I wish our country had full medical coverage like England does.

So far there is no rain in the forecast for tomorrow so I will spend most of the day at home tomorrow. I have a few things I need to do at home.

Friday I am going to lunch with a dear friend. It will be good for me to get out and have a deep conversation with a friend. I have spent way too much time alone the last two weeks.

No plans for the weekend. I need to do some housecleaning here and gather my things up. My housesitting job will end Sunday evening. It will be weird next week staying home alone all day.

Feeling a bit lost tonight. Not sure what that is about. I will spend time at home tomorrow getting well grounded. I have a project to work on tomorrow and that will help.

Grateful the door got repaired today so quickly, grateful for the rain we received last night, and grateful for the empty space time I have had.

Had a long night last night. I took a late nap yesterday so had trouble going to sleep last night. A dog woke me up and wanted out in the middle of the night. They went out and ran away and wouldn’t come back in. I kept getting up to yell for them to come in but no answer.

This morning early the other one wanted out. They ran off too. Yikes! Finally about an hour later they both came home. Bad dogs! I feel so responsible for them and was ever so grateful they came home.

I came up to my house and went back to bed. I slept for about an hour or so and then got up. I did some laundry and took care of a few things I needed to do.

I have a Zoom class today that I thought started at noon. I went up to the neighbor’s house at 11:30 and did chores and let the dogs out. This time they came right back in. I came back to my house and logged in at noon and discovered I had converted the time from eastern time instead of the western conversion I should have used so my class is at 4:00 instead.

I texted Ellexia and invited her out to lunch. She accepted my offer so I drove to town and picked her up. We went for lunch and then went to Walmart and picked up a prescription that was ready. Ellexia wanted to get her dad a birthday cake and a Father’s Day present so we took care of that too.

Dropped Ellexia off and then went to a car wash and gave my car a bath. Went back to Walmart and picked up my small grocery order and came home. Put groceries away, will do my Zoom class at 4:00 and then go back up to the neighbor’s house for the night.

I so enjoy having lunch with Ellexia. She is so grown up these days. I needed to talk to someone and she fit the bill today. It was good to get out for a bit and get my errands taken care of.

Hoping tonight the dogs will come back in after I let them out. I worry about them attacking the peacock who has decided to hang out by the house instead of staying in the barn where it should be.

I sent a note to the drain cleaner guy as the drain in the basement backed up again. I ran the dishwasher a bunch over the weekend and did a load of laundry today. Other than that I haven’t used much water this last week. For some reason the lights are not working in that room now. I changed the light bulbs today and that didn’t fix the problem. I checked the breaker box and that didn’t fix the light problem. I am scratching my head wondering what is going on. The drain guys said it didn’t make sense that only this drain is backing up when the floor drain is not.

Their next step is to cut off the above ground U shaped pipe and close it off so water can’t come up the pipe. They don’t understand why the floor drain works but not this one.

I have nothing else on my calendar for the rest of the week. I really need to find something productive to do with myself. I do much better when I have things to do a couple days a week.

Still staying at neutral on the consciousness ladder. I would like to be a step or two up the ladder from neutral but can’t seem to climb up. At least I haven’t fallen down and gotten into the muck pond.

Grateful for Ellexia and our conversation today, grateful I discovered the drain had backed up again, and grateful both dogs came home safely this morning.

Three of us gathered around the swings and practiced Tonglen last night. It was a gentle, peaceful evening and we are discovering the power of Tonglen. At one point between practices, the birds were flying all around. When we did our four minute practice, the birds became quiet. When we were done with our practice, the birds started singing again.

I have been having a low energy day. Not motivated to do anything. Maybe I needed a rest day to recover from yesterday. What ever is going on, I am honoring my body and not doing anything today.

I went up to my house this morning after I did chores here. I took care of the chores at my house and sat all morning. Came back to the neighbor’s house around 1:00 to let the dogs out and then went back to my house. I had lunch and then came back to the neighbor’s house after I fed Kathy’s cat. I am going to watch some more Call the Midwife this afternoon and continue doing nothing the rest of the day.

I sent a note last Thursday to the Nurse Practitioner at the Endocrinologist office. I asked her if she was sure I should stay on the higher dose of the Tirosint medication for my thyroid. My levels were 2.1 when I had them checked last week and she recommended I still stay on the higher dosage. She finally responded today and confirmed that she wants me on the 125 dosage and then have my levels checked in 4 weeks.

Yikes! I’m afraid my levels will continue dropping and get too low. That can be life threatening if they get low enough. I had switched to the 100 dosage but am almost out of them and don’t have another refill. I guess I will get a refill of the 125 and do what she recommends. I sure hope I don’t get into trouble.

When I first went on Tirosint seven days a week I got too low taking the 112 level seven days a week. They switched me to taking pills three days a week and the liquid four days a week. Last time I was in the office they lower the dosage to 100 and had me go back on the liquid form seven days a week. It was working well until I had Covid again and the Paxlovid caused my levels to get way too high.

Sometimes I wish the practitioners would listen better and look through my records. This Nurse Practitioner wasn’t here then and although I told her what happened, I don’t think she heard me. Man! I hate things like this.

I will have to go to Emporia tomorrow and pick up the 125 medication. I need a few groceries so I will put in a grocery order and pick it up then too. Maybe Ellexia will go to lunch with me tomorrow and I can do three things in one trip.

It is an absolutely beautiful day today. Mid 70’s and no wind with bright blue skies. Days don’t get much more perfect than this one. I should have painted today but just couldn’t make myself go out and do it. Tomorrow is to be just like today so hoping I will get a couple hours of painting in then.

Staying at the neutral level on the chart of consciousness today. I could easily slip down below neutral though. I’m a bit frustrated with the doctor’s office and feeling a bit restless. I will do some Tonglen practice when I am done typing and see if that will help me release whatever is going on. If I could make myself go outside and take a long walk, I know that would help too.

One more week of housesitting. My neighbors will be home next Sunday evening late. It will be weird only having my critters to care for next week. Kathy will be coming home mid-week next week and things will be back to normal.

Grateful for this beautiful spring day, grateful to have the luxury of taking a do nothing day, and grateful for a beautiful Tonglen practice last night.

Happy anniversary to my parents who were married on this day in 1948. They are both together on the other side now and I trust they celebrated together. I sure miss them and am so grateful for all the ways they loved me.

It has been a busy day for me. A little thunderstorm rolled through during the night. The dogs woke me up for some reassurance that all was well. I let them out around 5:30 and then I went back to bed. Got up at 7:30 and did chores and then came up to my house around 8:30.

I got the turkey in the oven and did my chores. Fixed a green bean casserole and little smokies in BBQ sauce. Ran to Strong City and got some ice and then came home and made the macaroni and cheese. I had fixed a salad and desserts yesterday.

The kids started showing up around noon. We had a good time eating and visiting. There were nine of us for lunch. I got rid of the leftovers by sending them home with the kids.

Jason buried Belle in the old garden area. That is one of the few places where you can dig a hole without hitting rock. I’m grateful he took care of that job for me.

The lamp I have sitting by my chair quit working. Jason hit the reset button on the plug and fixed it for me. Grateful!

I sent home some beef with Jason and Nicole. I am working to get my freezer emptied out before the new beef comes in August. I am slowly getting the freezers cleaned out. It was good to get the turkey used up today.

After the kids left I went up to the neighbor’s house and let the dogs out and fed the peacock. For some reason the peacock had wondered up to the house today and hung out around the house all day. That is unusual for him to do that. Not sure if he was able to come up because the dogs weren’t out as much as they normally are or what. I trust he will find his way back to the barn tonight.

Tonight is a Tonglen group practice. Several of the ones that came last week can’t come this week so not sure who, if anyone, will show up. I never know when I do something like this if anyone will show. So far the forecast looks dry enough that we will be able to sit outside and practice but we can move inside if that changes. Outside feels a bit freer to me somehow.

I don’t have anything on my calendar for the rest of the week. I haven’t placed my grocery order for the week yet but don’t know that I need much this week. I will be going back and forth between the two houses all week. Since I was gone so much today I will spend more time at the neighbor’s house tomorrow and give the dogs some extra attention.

Hoping the weather dries out a bit so I can do lots of deck painting this week. Rain is in the forecast for everyday this week so we shall see. We still need more rain so appreciate the rain. I’m afraid once the rain moves on it is going to get really hot and then painting will not be fun. Although if I had my choice I will take rain over painting any day.

It was so nice having all the kids come home today. I love fixing a meal for them and enjoying their company. I would do it every week if I had my way but they all have their own life’s and are busy.

I am a bit tired today as I stayed up too late last night. I am watching the first couple seasons of Call the Midwife and I started one at 10:00 and thought I would be in bed by 11:00. It turned out to be a Christmas special episode and was two hours long. I didn’t realize that much time past as I was watching it so I got to bed late and then got up early this morning. Maybe tonight I can sleep in and get more sleep.

Still in a good head space. I do need to find a few things to put on my calendar for next week though. With Kathy gone I won’t see or talk to anyone else unless I find someone to do something with this week. If I go five or six days without talking to someone I get anxious.

Grateful the kids all came home today, grateful for my parents, and grateful Jason buried Belle for me today.

This has felt like a busy day but not sure it was. A thunderstorm rolled through early morning. The flash of the lightning and the crack of the thunder woke me up. I got up and checked on the dogs. They were glued to me for a bit. I gave them their anxiety calming medication and after a bit they settled down and we all went back to sleep.

We got almost an inch of rain overnight and today. What a gentle rain it was. The type of rain that gives all the plants and grass a good, long drink. It didn’t do much to fill the ponds but it was great for the grass.

I went to my house late morning and checked on my critters. Cleaned up the kitchen and did some dishes. Made two desserts for our family day dinner tomorrow.

Came back to the housesitting job and fed the peacock and filled the bird feeder. I had to fill one of the hummingbird water thingy too. All is well here.

I am going to stay here for a bit and then go back to my house. I forgot to bring any clothes for tonight and tomorrow. I have a couple more things to do at my house to get ready for the dinner tomorrow so I will take care of those things and then come back here for the night. I will get up early tomorrow morning and go home and get the turkey in the oven. Mid-morning I will come back here and let the dogs out and then go back to my house for our family gathering. When that is over and before Tonglen I will come back up here and take care of all the critters. Go home and do the Tonglen practice and then come back up here for the night. Good think we only live less than two miles apart.

I went down to my barn to try to find Belle, my missing cat. She ran in front of the mower inside the barn when I mowed earlier this week. I set out food and water for her as she wouldn’t come out of the barn. Unfortunately I found her dead under the camper today. I will have the guys help me bury her tomorrow. I had left the barn door open overnight hoping she would come out but she decided not to. Grateful for the time she shared with me and am grateful to have found her.

Farm animals that live outside can have a hard life sometimes. She had many chances to come out of the barn but for some reason had decided that is where she wanted to be. Maybe she knew she was going to die and wanted privacy. Who knows?

I haven’t talked to anyone again today. It feels weird to have gone back to that space and time where I don’t see anyone else for a couple of days. Grateful the kids are all coming home tomorrow so I will talk to someone. I do well for about four days not talking to anyone and then I start to get a bit restless.

Nothing on my calendar for next week after Sunday. I will continue going between the two houses all week. I will probably try to talk Ellexia into spending a day with me. Maybe I can entice her with offering to take her swimming in Cottonwood Falls. Tagen is a working kid now so he can’t come spend time with me during the week now. He was going to paint today but the weather didn’t cooperate with that plan.

Hoping I can get lots of painting done next week. There is a slight chance of rain everyday next week so we shall see what the weather does. We are finally getting some rain on the prairie. We need it so badly that I will gladly put off painting in exchange for lots of rain.

Still sitting in a good head space. I have had a couple of things going on this week and have been able to take care of myself and not overextend myself in some issues that aren’t mine to fix. I am seeing people and situations with a slightly different perspective which is helpful and healthier for me. That feels good and I will take that as progress in my healing life journey.

I have learned that I can read books and learn a new way of being but until life offers me a situation to practice what I am learning I never am quite sure if I got it. Co-dependency is a hard habit to break but I am starting to see the fruits of my labor.

Grateful for the life and love of Belle, grateful the kids are coming home tomorrow, and grateful all chores are done at both places for the day.

This has been a low energy day for me. Slept in for a bit after I got up and let the dogs up at 6:00. After I got up I went home, showered, ate breakfast and sat. I guess I did take care of two loads of laundry but had no energy to do anything else.

Mid-afternoon I went to Strong City and had a late lunch/early dinner, got some gas and ice and then went to the neighbor’s house. Even the dogs are lazy today and aren’t too interested in doing anything.

I will spend the night here as there is a good possibility of some thunderstorms rolling through early evening. It is good to be here as there isn’t much for me to do here and I don’t feel as guilty just sitting.

I did finish up the little bit of mowing that I wanted to do at the neighbor’s house. I want to keep the grass in the front of the house cut as it was starting to look like no one was here. It looks a bit more cared for now. I got the chores all done and have nothing else to do today until it is time to feed the dogs this evening.

I probably should just give in an go take a nap. Not sure why I am so tired and low energy today but guess I will chalk it up to just one of those days. I’m grateful I had nothing I had to do today and could take a rest day.

Nothing I have to do tomorrow either. The kids are coming for a family day Sunday but I have time Sunday morning to fix the food for our lunch. I may try to get some painting done tomorrow – we shall see how wet it is and if I feel like it. I thought about painting today while I was at home and couldn’t make myself get out there.

Not sure if Belle ever came out of the barn. I left the door open all night hoping she would come out. I closed it when I left the house today as it is supposed to rain. If I don’t see her out, I will have to start leaving feed and water for her in the barn. I hate to set out food and water in the barn as it may attract and feed critters I don’t want to feed and water but I can’t let her starve or go without water.

Have another Tonglen group practice Sunday evening at 7:00. All are invited to attend. I have a feeling this will be a much smaller group as several of the ones that came last time can’t come this week. No prior meditation experience is required. Tonglen is easy to learn but takes a lifetime to fully master.

I don’t have anything on my calendar after Sunday for next week. I will be going back and forth between my house and the neighbor’s house all week. Gives me a good excuse not to get much done.

I haven’t talked to many people since Kathy left Wednesday morning. I forgot how quiet the house is when I am there by myself. I did run into a friend when I was eating lunch today and visited with her and her husband for a bit. I doubt that I will talk to anyone else until the kids come home Sunday. Gives me lots of quiet, reflection time.

My mood elevator is staying above neutral today but barely. I’m not in a grumpy mood, just not in a particularly great mood either. I’m grateful for the time alone so I can work through some stuff that is happening. Not a damn thing I can do about any of it. Sometimes that is harder than having lots to do about something.

Grateful for this quiet time, grateful for nothing on my urgent to-do list, and grateful to have run into my friends today.

I got kissed by the sun mowing today. I got part of my neighbor’s yard mowed last night. I had to stop when I ran out of gas. Today I mowed all of my yard. I did it in two parts. It was sure hot by the time I finished. Good to have it done.

I did chores at the neighbor’s house this morning then went up to my house and mowed and did chores there. Thunderstorms are brewing so I came back down to the neighbor’s house to be here in case it storms.

When I opened the barn door to get the mower out at my house I saw Belle. She has been hiding in the barn for over two months! She hid from me and wouldn’t come out. I left the barn door open when I left hoping she will come out. I am surprised she is still alive. I haven’t seen her since I got home from Vegas early April. She must have been eating mice in the barn. Water blows in under the door and the toilet was open so she could have been drinking from there. I have had the barn door open many times since the first of April and she has had lots of chances to come out. She must like living in solitary confinement in the barn.

Other than mowing tomorrow I don’t have anything I have to do other than some laundry and chores at both houses. It will be good to have a quiet day.

Have had a couple of things in my family come up this week. It has been good to have Tonglen to help me deal. There isn’t much I can do about either situation. I can be a listening ear and support if others choose to use me as that but otherwise all I can do is send healing light and love. Taking others pain and holding it as mine is no help to anyone. Tonglen reminds me to do my part and transmit the pain and worry into love.

So looking forward to family day on Sunday. It is always a good day when the kids come home and we gather for a meal together. If it is nice, I may talk them into helping me paint for an hour or two. We could get a lot done if all of us painted for two hours.

I hear thunder rolling in the distance. Chances for rain aren’t looking good at this point but one never knows which direction the storms may go or where they might pop up from. We could use another couple inches of rain this weekend but am doubtful that will happen.

Despite the family issues I am proud of myself for holding myself above neutral on the ladder of consciousness. I didn’t get triggered mowing today for the first time all season. I am remembering my boundaries with the two family situations and have been able to not take things that aren’t mine to take. Progress!

Tomorrow I will go get some gas and then finish mowing the neighbor’s yard unless it rains too much tonight or tomorrow. I have some laundry to do at home tomorrow so will get that done sometime too. I’ll have to go home to do chores at home sometime tomorrow.

I sent a note to the Endocrinologist and asked her to reconsider the dosage recommendation of my thyroid medication. When my TSH level came back at 2.1 she recommended I stay on the 125 dosage. Last time I took 112 dosage seven days a week my levels dropped to 0.5 which is too low. I think I should be taking the 100 dosage seven days a week. We shall see what she says. I have already switched to the 100 dosage but will switch back if she insists. Sure hope my body is ready to level out and stabilize at the proper TSH level.

Grateful the mowing at my house is done, grateful all the critters I am caring for are well and fed this afternoon, and grateful for Tonglen and how it is helping me deal.

I spent the night at the neighbor’s house where I am housesitting for the next 12 days. The dogs woke me up at 2:30 as they needed to go out. One wouldn’t come back in but they were at the back door when I got up later.

I did the chores and let the dogs out again and then came home. I did the chores at my house and then went to Emporia to pick Ellexia up and brought her out to my house for the day.

We went up to the neighbor’s house and let the dogs out after I fixed Ellexia breakfast. I took Ellexia up to the barn so she could see the peacock and help me feed it.

We came back to my house and Ellexia has hung out on the couch all afternoon. She went to a sleepover last night and didn’t get a lot of sleep. She said she was too tired to sleep. She has seemed to enjoy a quiet afternoon laying on the couch and resting though. Sometimes it is good to take a day and do nothing.

I have some spaghetti sauce and meatballs in the crock pot for dinner. I think Ellexia wants to go home after dinner but we shall see if she changes her mind.

I will go back up to the neighbor’s house after I take Ellexia to town after dinner and will spend the night again. The dogs there do better when someone sleeps over.

I have a bunch of mowing to do at both houses over the next couple of days. I will get it started either this evening or in the morning. I shall see what the weather does. More rain is in the forecast starting tomorrow through the weekend. Maybe I can get the mowing done between showers.

Felt a bit overwhelmed earlier. It has been a busy week around here and I felt behind. I got some things done at this house today and feel a bit less overwhelmed. I need to do some deck painting but that didn’t hit my priority list for the day. It is starting to get hot during the day and with the humidity it feels even hotter than it is. I will get it done – just not today.

I don’t have anything on my calendar for the rest of the week so will have several days to get things done. Family day is Sunday but nothing until then. I have what I need to fix the meal so Sunday will be easy and fun.

I spent some time practicing Tonglen today. It helped calm me down and gave me a different perspective on a few things that were on my mind and heart. It is easy for me to get overwhelmed and breathing through it really helps.

I’m tired this afternoon. I slept fairly well last night except for the brief time I had to get up to let the dogs in and out. I will try to get to bed a bit early tonight and see if I can get caught up on my sleep. I haven’t been able to sleep in lately and I need a long night’s sleep to catch up.

Kathy got on her way a little after 9:00 this morning. I trust she has a safe trip back to CT. It is a long drive but she likes road trips. It will be good for her to see her kids and grandkids.

Grateful Ellexia came to spend the day with me, grateful all the chores got done today and grateful I got caught up on some things around my house today.

Kathy and I drove to Marion this morning for the funeral services of our Uncle Jack. A lot of the extended family was there. The immediate family of Uncle Jack did a beautiful job with the service. Stories were told and people laughed and cried as we remembered his life. The church was nearly full of family and friends of the family.

Afterwards we went to the cemetery in Florence. The Sheriff of Marion County and his deputies did a nice job of controlling traffic for our long procession. Most people coming in the opposite direction, pulled over to the side of the road as a sign of honor and respect. Uncle Jack was buried right next to my parents and mom’s sister’s husbands. All four of them have plots next to each other. My grandparents are also buried in the same cemetery just in a different part of it.

A lunch was held at the Marion County Lake House afterwards. There must have been about 100 people that came to the lunch. More stories about Uncle Jack were shared, family members reconnected, and many hugs were given. It was a beautiful gathering full of love, family and friends.

After we got home, I took a nap. I was really tired and decided a nap would serve me well. It felt good to stretch out on my bed and rest. Not sure why I was so tired today, but welcomed the opportunity to rest.

I got rid of most of the desserts and treats that I had taken to the lunch. I will have to find someone to give some chocolate sheet cake and banana cake to but the cookies, peanut butter balls and chocolate dipped cashews are all gone.

It is a hot day on the prairie today. The temperature reached the high 80’s and with the high humidity level from all the rain we got yesterday it felt like it was almost 100. There is a humidity haze on the horizon this evening.

We got close to 2 inches of rain last night. It rained hard for about 30 minutes. We called those types of rains Pond Fillers. It was so nice to finally get a decent amount of rain. My two brothers who live in Lebo said they only got light sprinkles. The rains this year seem to be very scattered and some areas seem to get skipped over more than others.

I haven’t done much else today. I am going over to the house I am housesitting at to spend the night. Kathy leaves tomorrow for CT and she needs to be home this evening to pack and get her car loaded. She also needs a good night’s sleep in her own bed as she will be doing all the driving to get to CT. I wish her a safe trip. It will be good when she gets back home in two weeks.

I remembered to put the frozen turkey in the refrigerator downstairs to thaw. I will be cooking it Sunday for our family day. I am not fixing all the traditional turkey fixings with it but I needed to get it cooked up and out of the freezer. I am making space for the beef that will be coming in August.

Nothing on my calendar for the rest of the week. I will be going between the two houses taking care of critters and trying to keep them all hydrated and cool. It will be a relaxing rest of the week for me. I will need to mow at both places later this week and I would like to get some more deck painting done. We have a 60% chance for more rain Thursday, Saturday and Sunday so will see what the KS weather brings. I don’t always trust the forecast, especially when it is more than 24 hours out.

I am sitting in a good head space this evening. It was a wonderful thing to see family today and gather to honor my Uncle Jack. It was a sad day too but there was a lot of joy to be found during the day. Days like this remind me how important family is and how important it is to gather.

Grateful for all the love and care that was shown to the family today, grateful for a beautiful KS day, and grateful for afternoon naps that restore my rest and soul.

What a beautiful evening I had last night. Eight of us joined around the swing set in my backyard and learned how to do Tonglen. Three of the eight were people I had never met before. We spent some time getting to know each other, practiced Tonglen and enjoying the beautiful weather. The three new to me people left as my new friends.

One of the guests stayed overnight. The one that was going to stay decided to drive home but another one decided to stay over. She and I sat outside on the swing on the deck and watched the sunset and then watched the stars pop out. We moved around to the east side after 10:00 to watch the strawberry moon. We had great conversation and fellowship.

I got up early this morning and by 7:30 had a cake ready to bake. While that cake was baking I mixed up another one and got it baking. Then I made a double batch of Snickerdoodles and got them baked up. My friend helped me with all my baking by doing the dishes. I tend to dirty lots of dishes when I bake so I kept her busy. We were done baking and had the kitchen cleaned up by 9:00.

I went to Emporia around noon and delivered a pan of peanut butter balls to the grandkids. Then I went and had a blood draw, deposited a check and picked up my grocery order. It was good to get home after all the errands were done.

I had a big grocery order this time as I had ordered some pop to take tomorrow as well as all the groceries I need for our family day dinner Sunday. It took me a bit to get everything unloaded from the car and put away.

There is a storm brewing this afternoon. I can hear thunder rolling across the prairie but don’t know if we will get any rain from it. I keep checking radar but so far the storm has outsmarted the future cast radar and not come over my little corner of the prairie.

I got the results of the TSH test back and my levels are right where they are supposed to be. My target range is 1.5 – 2.5 and today my level was 2.158. I will reduce the dosage of the Tirosint medication so my levels won’t go any lower. I am so grateful the levels are back where they should be. It has taken me two months to get them back down.

The house is quiet this afternoon after all the activity around here the last couple of days. Kathy is at the neighbors house keeping their dogs calm with the storm rolling in. She will be back up here in the morning so she can get ready to go with me to our Uncle Jack’s funeral in Marion in the morning. Jason, Michelle and Ellexia are going to ride with us too.

I drove to Strong City and picked up a couple bags of ice so I can cool the pop down for tomorrow. I have it in a big cooler all ready to load in the car. I moved the cooler to a spot where I can’t forget it in the morning. I will have a full car with the cooler, five people, and the desserts I am taking.

I was talking to the friend that stayed overnight and sharing some of my story. I realized how far I have come emotionally since last fall. Hosting the Tonglen last night also helped me realize how much I have missed doing things like this. I love bringing a group of people together and having deep conversations and teaching new techniques to them. I am ever so grateful to each of the guests that came and shared their heart with us all. I truly believe the world would be a better place if everyone had a safe place to gather and share.

Grateful for the Tonglen practice last night, grateful to the friend that stayed over, grateful my TSH levels are down, and grateful the desserts are ready for tomorrow.

It was a late night last night. I stayed up until midnight waiting for my guests to return from their big race. I gave up and went to bed. I heard them come in around 12:45. I didn’t get up to see them.

I heard them talking and moving around at 6:30 this morning so I got up and got dressed. The one that raced in the 200 mile race, came in 3rd place for her age group. Yay! She said it was the hardest thing she has ever done. The other one finished her 100 mile race. The majority of racers had dropped out due to the muddy conditions. They were both pleased with themselves that they had finished the race.

They were headed into Emporia for the award ceremony since the one will get called on stage for recognition. They were leaving for the airport afterwards. I’m not sure what time their flight was. They were great guests and they told me if they come back to race again they would like to stay here again.

Got a call this morning from a friend of a friend who is coming to the Tonglen practice tonight. He asked if he could stay overnight as he is coming from Wichita. His friend has house sat for me before and he has been to my house while she was here housesitting. Our mutual friend is also coming and is going to spend the night. It will be good to see my friend again and meet a new friend.

Someone left a message on my blog from yesterday asking if he could rent a room for one night next week. I have never heard his name before and am not sure how he found my blog. We have messaged back and forth but haven’t confirmed anything yet. Funny how things work sometimes.

Went out and painted some black trim this afternoon. It is hot sitting in the direct sunlight on the west deck. I almost burned by ass sitting on the hot deck. I lasted for about an hour and then had to come in. I took a shower and cleaned up a bit for tonight. I was a bit stinky and sweaty.

It has been a beautiful day today on the prairie. We had clear blue skies this morning. The clouds are rolling in a bit this afternoon but it doesn’t feel like it will rain. No wind today which is a nice treat. The rain yesterday was a blessing for the prairie although not so good for the bike racers.

The Tonglen practice is at 7:00 tonight. I think we should have about 8 – 10 people if all come that have told me they are coming. Some may show up that I don’t know are coming too. I’m excited about the possibilities of tonight. The full moon rises at 10:30 tonight and I plan on staying up and watching that. The moon was beautiful last night but it was a bit cloudy so didn’t get to see the full effect of it. Hopefully the clouds will stay away tonight and we can watch the moon rise.

Tomorrow I need to bake two cakes and two batches of cookies. It will be a busy day in the kitchen. I am going to Walmart to pick up my grocery order at 1:00 so will take a break mid-day to do that. Not sure when my guests will be leaving but am guessing sometime in the morning. While I am in town I need to drop of the peanut butter balls to my grandchildren.

Tuesday we are going to Marion for my Uncle Jack’s memorial service. We will go to Florence for the burial and then back to Marion for a lunch. It will be good to see family but will be a hard day. Uncle Jack was 90 years young but we were not ready to let him go.

The rest of the week is free and clear. I will have to go to Emporia on Thursday for a blood draw but other than that have a quiet week after Tuesday. Kathy leaves Wednesday so I will be splitting my time between this house and my neighbor’s house for the next 12 days.

My kids are all coming home next Sunday for a family day. That will be fun. I know what I am going to fix so the hard part of the day is over. I always enjoy when the kids come home and spend some time with me.

It felt good to get back into hosting guests. I feel guilty at times living in this big house and sharing it with others helps eliminate my guilt. Am considering opening it back up to being an Airbnb but probably won’t.

I’m in a good head space. I am so happy to being back to doing the things I love to do – hosting the meditation and hosting guests. I love when people come to my house. This house was meant to be shared and have others enjoy it too.

Grateful my racers had a safe race, grateful for the beautiful day on the prairie, and grateful for the rain we received yesterday.

It is raining again on the prairie. There have been lots of showers all around us all afternoon and it finally came over my little corner of the prairie. I had gone out to paint iron trim on the deck railing. I only painted for about 15 minutes when it started sprinkling. If I had known that was all it took to make it rain, I would have gone out earlier.

My guests left the house a little after 5:00 this morning. They will have a long day but one that I trust will be full of fun and adventure for them. One is riding the 100 mile race and the other the 200 mile race. I don’t expect them back until late evening. I’m not sure what time they are leaving in the morning. I have enjoyed them and will wish them safe travels home tomorrow.

Kathy came by for a bit this morning. She did some laundry and played with her cat and then went back to the housesitting job. She wanted to be there in case it stormed as those dogs are weather sensitive.

I have had a quiet afternoon at home. I fixed Tagen some peanut butter balls but haven’t done much else today.

I talked to my cousin and his wife and they decided the most help to their family would be for me to bring two sheet cakes and some pop to the family lunch they are having after the burial Tuesday. They told me they were getting lots of food and they didn’t need dinner brought in tonight. I will bake a couple cakes Monday to take Tuesday – that is easy enough. I may also bake a couple batches of cookies to take too.

I put in a grocery order to pick up on Monday, I needed to get the pop to take Tuesday so went ahead and got what I needed for the week too. We are having a family day next Sunday so got the stuff I will need to fix dinner for that day. I have a turkey in my freezer that needs used up so will fix that but instead of the traditional turkey trimmings I am going to make macaroni and cheese, little smokies in BBQ sauce, green bean casserole and a salad. I will make a couple of desserts too. That will be easy and I will be glad to get the turkey out of my freezer. I am trying to make room for the beef that will be coming in August.

Kathy is leaving for CT on Wednesday. I will be going back and forth to the housesitting job at night and coming up here for day time. I don’t have much on my calendar except for the funeral on Tuesday. I will go to Emporia on Monday to pick up my grocery order and again later in the week to get a blood draw to check my TSH levels. The house will be quiet with Kathy gone. I will have two houses, three horses, two donkeys, four dogs, one peacock, three cats and 28 chickens to care for. That should keep me out of trouble for two weeks or so.

With this rain we are getting I will have mowing to do at both places sometime later this week. The good news with the rain is I won’t have as much watering to do at the housesitting house. I hope we get lots more rain over the next two weeks. It might even be enough to keep the horse trough filled too but I doubt it.

I got the instructions for the Tonglen practice we are doing at my house starting this Sunday evening at 7:00 typed up. All are welcome to come – no reservations are needed. We will start promptly at 7:00 and will be done by 8:00. Come early and enjoy the beauty of the prairie and stay late and watch the moonrise. There will be a full moon Sunday night and it will be a sight to see.

One more month before I start to get eggs. The girls are still growing and getting close to being full grown. They haven’t started swatting when I get close to them so they aren’t ready to lay yet. Should be just a couple more weeks before I get the pay back for all the feed they have been eating. It will be fun to have eggs again. I’m anxious to see what color the Easter Eggers will lay. They will be a shade of blue or green. The others will lay brown eggs.

Tagen has football camp this week so he can’t come help me paint this week. Maybe I will find some motivation and get some done without him being here. I sure would like to finish up that project. Tagen got most of the ladder work done so most of the rest of it I can do by myself if needed.

I was going to go to the lake to drop in at Nicole’s birthday party camp out but decided not to due to the weather. No fun camping when it is raining. I am a bit of wimp when it comes to bad weather. I didn’t want to drive in it or sit in it at a camp ground. I will enjoy the rain sitting in my chair in the dry living room.

A death in the family always makes me reflect on the cycle of life. Uncle Jack lived to be 90 years young but we still weren’t ready to let him go. Death is the one thing every human has in common – someday we will all go through that portal. I try to remember to let death remind me to live my life fully, each and every day. The great mystery of life is most of us have no idea when the portal door will open for us. If could be today, tomorrow, or a long time from now. I try to live as if I know it will be tomorrow. I don’t like unfinished business and unfinished projects.

Grateful for the long life of Uncle Jack, grateful for the rain falling on the prairie, and grateful for the comfort of my home.

Rain! Rain! Rain has arrived on the prairie at last. I hope it pulls up a chair and rains all night. It is rodeo weekend in Strong City and it seems to be a pattern of receiving rain during the rodeo weekend. Feel bad for the cowboys but am ever so grateful for the rain.

The 350 mile bike racers left Emporia at 3:30 this afternoon – just in time to ride into a storm. Trust they will all be safe. The rain may create some conditions for the bikers in the 200 mile race tomorrow. I will hold them all in my heart and trust that they all have a safe race.

Went out and painted the back side of the upper railing on the west deck mid-day. It was hard painting as I was hanging over the railing. Glad that part of the painting job is done. I saw the forecast and decided not to paint the deck floor today – grateful I didn’t as it wouldn’t have dried enough before the rain hit.

We probably won’t be able to paint tomorrow as things will have to dry out a bit. Tagen was going to come out today to paint but had trouble getting his car started. Maybe Sunday? It will get done when it gets done.

My guests came in yesterday late afternoon. They had been traveling all day and were in bed by 7:00 last night. I visited with them a bit this morning before they headed into town to get their bikes and registration packets. They are due back to the house soon and I bet will be in bed early again tonight. One of them has to be in town by 5:30 in the morning as her race starts at 6:00. Not sure when the other one’s race starts. I won’t see much of them tomorrow and then they leave Sunday morning. Easy guests.

My Uncle Jack passed away yesterday. He was the husband of one of my mom’s sister. He turned 90 last month. His services will be next Tuesday in Marion. I sent a note to the family and offered to bring dinner tomorrow night. I told them I needed a head count so I knew how much food to bring. They are to figure out what they are doing and let me know later tonight or in the morning. I figured out what I am taking, now I just need to know how many I am fixing it for.

Kathy is spending the night at the neighbor’s house since it is storming and the dogs we are caring for are anxious during storms. I’m grateful my dogs aren’t weather sensitive. Kathy is leaving next Wednesday to go to CT for two weeks. I will be going back and forth from my house to the neighbor’s house for that time period. I’ll probably sleep at the neighbor’s house so her dogs are more comfortable and will come here for a bit each day to do my chores. She only lives 1 1/2 mile from my house so no big deal to go back and forth.

Tagen requested peanut butter balls so will get those made up either tonight or tomorrow sometime. I went to the Dollar General store in Cottonwood Falls this afternoon to get some things for the dinner and things I needed to make the peanut butter balls. I didn’t want to drive into Emporia with all the extra people in town due to the bike race. Luckily the Dollar General had everything I needed. Much easier and faster!

I think I will wait and do my weekly grocery order later this week and avoid the extra people in Emporia on Sunday. I will have to go to town one day next week to have a blood draw to check my TSH levels and will plan to pick my grocery order up then. I am not out of anything that I need right now so might as well save a trip. Tagen may be out Sunday to paint and he can take the treats home with him when he is done painting.

Still in a good head space. It feels good to have guests again and to have the Tonglen group practice scheduled for Sunday evening. I feel like I am returning to who I AM and doing the things I love to do.

Grateful for the love and life of my Uncle Jack, grateful for easy guests, and grateful the railing painting is done.

Last evening it looked good for a chance of rain. Kathy and I are housesitting for a neighbor for the next couple of weeks. Kathy had to work today so I went down to spend the night as the dogs are nervous during storms. We got one big clap of thunder but no rain or storm.

When I took a bath, one of the dogs came in the bathroom with me and laid by the tub to make sure I was safe. The dogs did well. I figured out to turn the fan on in the bedroom and once I did that, the dogs settled down and slept all night.

I came home early this morning after letting the dogs out to go potty. I have a drain in the furnace room that backed up and released reddish, stinky water. I called the drain people and they were to come today. I didn’t want to take a chance of missing them.

I got a message from the drain company people mid-morning that they had run into a mess and asked if they could wait to come early next week. They have come on a minute’s notice when I had an emergency before. The drain only overflowed once and has behaved itself so I told them no problem. I will call them if it acts up and I can’t control the overflow of water.

I finished cleaning the basement and the final things I needed to do upstairs. I am ready for my guests. They were to have been here around 3:00 but they sent me a message and let me know they won’t be here to closer to 5:00 or after. I appreciate them keeping me informed of their plans.

I cancelled my buddy from painting today as the forecast looked very promising for some rain today. We finally got some sprinkles around 3:00 this afternoon. All that wonderful rain passed by my little corner of the prairie. I just came up from taking care of the chickens and the grass is barely wet. Dang! We need rain badly.

The forecast is about the same for tomorrow so not sure we will be able to paint tomorrow either. I will make a decision in the morning when I look at the forecast then. We are so close to having the back deck done I sure would like to get it done tomorrow but no use painting if it is going to rain. Next week Tagen has football camp and can’t paint. Guess it will get done when it gets done.

Didn’t hear from the plumber today. I will text him early next week if he hasn’t shown up by then. Sometimes he forgets things. He might be in the middle of a big project. He didn’t tell me when he might be able to get out.

No plans for tomorrow unless I get to paint. Not sure what my guests will be doing and I like to hang around if they are hanging around. Their big race is Saturday and they will be gone all day Saturday.

I need to type a sheet up with the Tonglen instructions for the meditation Sunday evening. Tomorrow will be a good day to get that done.

Nothing on my calendar for next week. Trusting I can get out and do lots of painting on the two front decks and get those done. Right now there is a slight chance of rain every day next week but the rain seems to be going around us. It is rodeo weekend and it usually rains during the rodeo weekend sometime. Fingers crossed the rodeo magic works this year.

Woke up feeling off this morning. My get up and go got up and left and I have never found it today. Kathy came home from work and said she is having one of those days too. The full moon is Sunday evening and we both feel the effect of the full moon. I laid down for about an hour this afternoon and felt a bit better when I got up. Just one of those days, I guess. Tomorrow will be better.

Still staying in a good head space. I love having a clean house. Painting this week and cleaning has been good for me as it has forced me to move my body. Trusting I will continue to do so as it is good for both my physical and mental health.

Grateful for guests that communicate well, grateful for the drain people, and grateful my house is clean.

I got the living room, dining room and kitchen floors done. The two beds are made downstairs. Still have the laundry room, guest bathrooms and hallways to clean but have made a big dent in the cleaning. Yay!

I broke down and turned the A/C on today. It wasn’t that hot but the humidity got to me. The house is much more comfortable this afternoon. I knew my guests would appreciate the A/C and wanted the house to cool down before they get here tomorrow afternoon. Maybe the dust will stay outside a bit better with the windows closed.

Still need to get outside and finish up the mowing. I also wanted to do a bit of painting but the weather today doesn’t feel like painting weather. Maybe my buddy will be able to come tomorrow and we will get a bunch more done. I need to get my cleaning and mowing done today in case he comes tomorrow. I will paint whenever my buddy is here to get me motivated to do so. So far the weather tomorrow is looking a bit rainy. I will take rain over painting any day.

Kathy got the office sliding door open for me today. Jim had locked it the last day he was here and I hadn’t been able to get it open. I knew it would trigger me if I tried to get it open and failed so I asked Kathy if she would try. She used a screwdriver and got it – easy peasy. I’m so grateful she was able to do that and I am proud of myself for being able to ask her to do that little job. I avoided falling down the rabbit hole! Go me! I will take that as a sign of healing.

Earlier this year I ordered some new Lee Capri pants. The four pair I had are five years old. I discovered a hole in the pair I was wearing yesterday. They make good paint pants and then I think I need to throw them away. I had purchased them the year I lost weight. I’m grateful they still fit and I have been able to keep most of the weight off.

I’ve been spending some time reading the book “Awakening Loving Kindness” by Pema Chodron in preparation for the Tonglen practice that I am hosting Sunday evening. Pema has a way of making complicated things simple. I love the way she writes and explains things. I trust some people show up to practice with me. All are welcome. We start at 7:00 and will be done by 8:00. The only requirement is to have experienced suffering and happiness. If you can relate to those two conditions, you can do Tonglen.

It will be good when my guests get here tomorrow afternoon. I am always a bit anxious before they get here. I’m sure they will be fun guests and will enjoy a bit of the Flint Hills on their first trip ever to KS.

I’ll be staying close to home this weekend since I have guests. Nicole is having her 40th birthday party this weekend. I may try to go Saturday and pop in for a couple of hours. My guests will be bike riding and I don’t expect them to be around at all that day. They are both riding the 200 mile race and won’t be done until evening after starting early Saturday morning. They are flying home on Sunday.

It feels good to sit in a clean house. I love when my house is clean but unfortunately don’t clean it often these days. It will be good tomorrow when the whole house is completely clean. I always find things to de- clutter after I clean house. It motivates me to clean out drawers and closets and get rid of things I no longer want/need.

It has been five months since my divorce was final. I have to say I am in a totally different head space then I was five months ago. I am remembering who I AM and what things bring me joy. It feels good to be back on the path leading to myself and wholeness.

Grateful to Kathy for unlocking the office door, grateful the house is clean, and grateful for air conditioning.

Happy birthday to my youngest daughter Nicole. Her strength, courage and compassion amaze me constantly. Life hasn’t been fair to her but she picked herself up and never stopped. Love her to the moon and back and am so grateful she choose me to be her mom.

Tagen and his girlfriend came out at 9:15 to paint. He had texted me at 8:00 to let me know he would be here at 1:00. He changed his mind and came early so he could paint on the west side of the house in the shade. His girlfriend jumped right in and did a bunch of painting too. The three of us made huge progress on the west deck today. One more day like today and the west deck will be finished! OMG! This project has gone much faster than I had thought it would, thanks to Tagen and his girlfriend.

I painted on the floor of the deck again while the other two did railing painting. I emptied two gallon cans of paint today. The floor of the huge deck is almost done. I have the landing of the back stairs, a small part of the main deck floor and the three steps leading off the deck to do yet. Then I will move to the east side of the house and do those two deck floors.

We painted for well over two hours and got tired. I came in and fixed scrambled eggs, pancakes and bacon for their breakfast/lunch. Lily wanted blueberry pancakes and Tagen puts peanut butter on his.

After they left I drove to Topeka to get more paint. I only have one gallon of floor paint and 1/4 gallon of trim paint left. Tomorrow I have to clean house so decided to get it today in case Tagen wants to paint Thursday. He is busy tomorrow.

I had lunch at Chipotle in Topeka and then went to Home Depot to get paint. I got three more gallons of floor paint and 1 more gallon of trim paint. I also got a quart of black paint so we can paint the metal rods in the railing. Got some knee pads and a kneeing pad to see if I can protect my knees a bit.

Stopped and filled the car up with gas and then came home. I had to stop at Walmart in Emporia to pick up a prescription and since I was there I picked up some more eggs and pancake mix. I have gone through a lot of that this last week!

I watched a storm roll in while I was on the road. It was sprinkling when I came out of Walmart and I had to use my wipers off and on for light sprinkles between Emporia and home. I missed the heavy stuff that went through. The ground was wet here at home. Kathy said we had two little groups of showers come through. Doubt that we got much rain but it is nice to get things wet.

Got the car unloaded and the trash taken down to the curb. It feels good to sit for a bit. I haven’t gotten to do much of that today.

One of my guests that was coming in Thursday let me know she isn’t coming. I will only have two guests now, unless I happen so see a request for a room and someone decides to stay here. That is OK. This way both guests will be downstairs and I won’t have anyone on the main level. I’m disappointed that the guest waited until the last minute to cancel. I had asked them to let me know at least two weeks before if they decided to do that. Maybe she had something come up last minute. I’m not sure as she didn’t explain why she canceled to me.

Tomorrow I will spend the day cleaning. Kathy has taken care of cleaning the basement so will just need to double check the two guest bedrooms and their bathroom to make sure everything is dusted, stocked up and ready to go. I need to do the floors upstairs. If I get done cleaning and it doesn’t rain again, I have some mowing that I need to do. I had planned to do that this evening but the grass is wet enough from the little showers that I won’t get to do it today. I can do it Thursday if it rains tomorrow.

Feels good to have had a busy day. I am so tickled that the back deck is almost done. We still have the hardest parts to paint yet but I can see the finish line for it. The front two decks are much smaller and easier to paint. We don’t have any ladder work to do in the front of the house. I am ever so grateful to Tagen for all his help on this big project. It would have taken me weeks to do it all myself.

Sitting in a good head space today. Jim sent a package to me in the mail. It was a photo book of my trip to Ecuador and Peru back in 2014. I didn’t get triggered when I saw a package from Jim so I will take that as a sign of progress. Not sure how the book got mixed up in his things but I am grateful he returned it.

Tomorrow we start housesitting duties for our neighbor. Between Kathy and I we will make sure things are taken care of for them. I have traveled enough to know a trip is much easier when you know things are taken care of at home.

I didn’t call the eye specialist today. The black dot floater disappeared and I haven’t noticed it at all today. I think if it was a sign of a retina tear or detachment it would have been getting worse and not going away. Hoping I dodged a bullet this time.

This day went by very quickly. I feel like I got a lot done, thanks to Tagen and Lily’s help. It will be such a relief when this deck project is completed.

I sent a text to the plumber to let him know the faucet arrived today. He responded OK. Not sure when he will get out to install it. I need him to fix the water line to the refrigerator when he comes or else I would have my handyman install the new faucet. We shall see how long it takes him to come out. Still haven’t heard from the guttering guy. Hoping it doesn’t take all summer to get those two jobs completed and crossed off my list.

Grateful for Tagen and Lily’s help today, grateful for Nicole and the many blessings she gives me, and grateful the paint is restocked and ready to go.

Went to Cottonwood Falls for a family reunion at noon today. Made a meat loaf, roasted veggies and a dump cake to take. We had a big crowd at the reunion. It is always nice to see everyone. Kathy went with me. We left after about two hours. Enough was enough. Neither one of us do groups well and we both came home tired and drained.

Jason stopped by around 3:30. He had stopped in at the reunion after we left. He got to see two of my aunts and then left and stopped by my house. It was good to see him and his family for a hot minute.

I am going to go out and mow or paint after I get done blogging. Haven’t decided which I want to do yet. My buddy had plans this afternoon and couldn’t come help me paint after the reunion. He is going to out tomorrow unless it rains again.

I sent directions to the guests that are coming in for the bike race. All three are arriving Thursday afternoon and will be here until Sunday morning. I have until Thursday early afternoon to get the whole house cleaned. I think I can, I think I can….. Kathy has done most of the basement so I should have time to get it all done.

I booked the cruise and flights for Ellexia and my adventure in July. I had to change the date as the cruise I originally had been looking at was not available today. We will go July 23 – 28 instead. I sure trust that Ellexia will like cruising and have a great time. One advantage of changing the dates is I found a return flight that is direct and it leaves at 2:00 in the afternoon instead of having to wait until early evening to leave. We will land around 7:15 and will be home by 10:00. I like that better then getting home after midnight. Usually by the end of the trip, all I want to do is get home and go to bed.

I still need to book a hotel for our first night in CA and then figure out how to get from the airport to the hotel, and then how to get from the hotel to the boat docking point. I booked a bus from the boat docking point to LAX for our return flight. I have lots of time to figure all that out.

I started having a black spot floater yesterday and it has been bothering me off and on all day. I read about them and it is recommended I see an optometrist ASAP for a new black spot floater. I have had floaters before but never a black spot one. It could be a sign of a retina detachment or tear. It is in the same eye as the retina tear I had earlier this month. I will call the retina doctor’s office in the morning and see if they need to see me. From what I read, I need urgent care if it is a bunch of black dots but one may or may not mean anything. Fingers crossed it isn’t serious and I won’t need more laser surgery.

I was a bit surprised at how drained I got at the reunion today. I haven’t been in a big group of people for a bit and that might have been why I got drained quickly. I’m grateful Kathy was willing to leave early too. I do so much better with small groups. There were lots of little ones running around and the noise level was high. I am used to the quiet on the prairie.

Grateful for family and family gatherings, grateful Jason and his family stopped by for a visit, and grateful the cruise and flights are booked.

It has been a productive day on the prairie. Tagen was here at 9:45 this morning and did ladder work painting for two hours. While he was doing that painting, I painted the floor of the big deck on the west side. I have it half way done. Tagen got his part done and we stopped painting for the day.

We came in and I fixed him bacon, eggs and pancakes. He ate and then went home for the day as it looked like some rain might move in this afternoon.

Kathy and I did a cemetery run this afternoon. We went to Hillsboro, Florence and Cottonwood Falls and left flowers on 14 graves. I wonder who will do that when we are gone?

Drove through some rain on the way home. As I am typing the rain just arrived here. Radar doesn’t show it lasting very long or producing much rain but am grateful for every drop I can get. We saw a lot of empty farm ponds on our drive today.

My body is starting to protest my painting activity. I am sore this afternoon. I have a blister on one of my knees and one on one of my fingers. I do not like floor painting as you have to be aware at all times where all of your body is so you aren’t painting yourself in a corner or moving across wet paint. It is easiest to paint on my hands and knees but my knees don’t appreciate that so I try to paint sitting down most of the time and that gets complicated.

I think I have decided to take Ellexia on a cruise in July for our outing. I found a Carnival cruise that departs from LA at a price that seems reasonable. Flights to LA are much cheaper than flights to Florida. I am checking with her parents to get their permission and then I will book the cruise and flights. We will fly to LA on a Sunday evening and board the cruise ship on Monday late afternoon. We dock back into LA on Friday morning and then will fly home Friday late afternoon. I think Ellexia will enjoy it. There is lots of things to do on the ship plus we have two full days of port calls and one full day sailing at sea.

Tomorrow I have a family reunion to go to in Cottonwood Falls. Tagen is available to paint if the weather allows it. We shall see how much rain we get and how wet things are in the morning. It is much more comfortable painting in the morning then in the hot afternoon. We need rain so badly I hope we can’t paint due to it raining. We shall see what happens.

I have to go to Emporia at 6:00 this evening to pick up my weekly grocery order from Walmart. I had originally scheduled it for 4:00 but shifted it to later as I wasn’t sure how long we were going to paint and how long the cemetery tour would take. As it worked out, I could have left it at 4:00 but 6:00 will work. I’m grateful I can get it done on Sundays so I don’t have to drive through the road construction on Highway 50 during the week.

Ever so grateful for Tagen’s help painting. I’m very grateful that project has gotten a good start and it now feels possible that I can get it done this spring. I’m also grateful I found an affordable cruise to take Ellexia on and that she seems to like the idea. Two big things that have been on my mind and both are on their way to completion. Now if I can get the plumber and guttering guys to get those two projects completed!

Sitting in a good head space this afternoon. Moving my body is so good for me. It helps me to clear things out of my head and I can tell my body likes to move, even though it is protesting a bit this afternoon.

My temperature did not spike yesterday and hasn’t today. Still not sure what happened Friday. Guess I will write it off unless it happens again.

Grateful for the gentle rain that is falling on the prairie this afternoon, grateful for the painting that got done today, and grateful for the love of my ancestors that I visited today.

Feeling better today. My temperature broke after I took some Tylenol. My headache went away and the fatigue went away. Still have no idea what was going on. Today I haven’t had a temperature (so far) but my blood pressure has been low. It was 96/57 when I got home this morning. The regulator in my body must be broken. Wonder if they are replaceable?

Kathy and I went up to our neighbor’s house to get a tour and instructions for our housesitting project coming up next week. Kathy will cover the first nine days and I will cover the last nine or ten days.

Tagen came out at 12:30 to paint. He got the swing set finished up today and emptied the first bucket of trim paint. I painted on the deck flooring and emptied the first gallon of the flooring paint. Progress! He is coming back tomorrow but will come out in the morning when it isn’t so hot.

He hadn’t had lunch when he came so I fixed him macaroni and cheese. I am out of the boxes of it so had to fix it the old fashioned way. He ate a bunch of it so it must have tasted OK. He has some leftovers for tomorrow.

I decided not to go to the Alumni Banquet tonight. Feeling a little unsure of myself health wise today and don’t want to go and then have to leave early. I think Kathy is going to go unless she has changed her mind.

After we get done painting tomorrow, Kathy and I are going to Hillsboro, Florence and Cottonwood Falls to visit cemeteries. We have 14 graves to visit and place flowers.

I have a grocery order to pick up between 4 and 5 tomorrow. I keep thinking of items and adding to it. I’m really working on only getting groceries once a week and not going into Walmart otherwise. That is helping me save money and miles on my car.

Monday we have a family reunion to go to in Cottonwood Falls. I ordered things on my grocery list so I can make a few things to take. There is usually so much food that I don’t think anyone would notice if I didn’t take something.

My guests arrive next Thursday. I will spend the first of next week cleaning for them. I hope the weather is good for them. So far we have rain in the forecast everyday next week. We need rain badly but hate to see it make the race even more difficult.

Today is one of my son-in-laws birthday. He has been a great addition to our family and I am so happy he is part of our family. Happy birthday Geoff! Enjoy your special day.

Other than cleaning and guests coming in I have a quiet week ahead. Kathy will leave Wednesday to go to the neighbor’s house and will spend most of her time there. It will be weird having the house to myself again after the guests leave next Sunday.

Feels good to see progress on the deck painting project. I am so grateful Tagen is coming out to help. He seems to enjoy painting. It will be so good to get that project finished before the heat of the summer sets in.

Grateful for Tagen and his help painting, grateful I am feeling better today, and grateful for this beautiful day.

Went to Cottonwood late morning to get a bag of ice and flowers for the cemetery run Sunday. Also stopped and filled the two gas containers so I am ready to mow.

I cancelled Tagen from painting today as originally there was a good chance for a shower this afternoon. As the day progressed the chances kept dropping. He is coming out tomorrow early afternoon and hopefully will be able to get the swing set finished up.

I’ve had a bad headache and tummy cramps today. I laid down around 3:30 to take a nap and felt feverish but I didn’t get up to check. I took my temperature when I got up and it was 102. Yikes! Not sure what is going on. I took some Tylenol and we will see what happens. I’m feeling very drained and tired but not really sick. I think I will skip eating dinner tonight and see if my tummy settles down. I ate on plan for breakfast and lunch. I really wasn’t hungry when I ate lunch but don’t like to skip meals. Time will tell what is going on.

Tomorrow Kathy and I are to go to our neighbor’s house to get instructions for our housesitting responsibilities. If I am not feeling better Kathy will have to go by herself and report to me. I have house sat for them before so am pretty familiar with what needs to be done. The house owner always leaves a detailed note to follow which is very helpful.

Tomorrow night is the high school alumni dinner. I went last year and hadn’t decided if I wanted to go this year. Looks like I may have no choice but to stay home. I think Kathy is planning on going.

Monday we have a family reunion to go to in Cottonwood Falls. Guess that may be in question whether I get to go to that too. I won’t go unless my temp breaks and stays down for 24 hours.

Sure wish I knew what was going on. Not sure something like this has happened before. Have no idea what it might be.

Grateful the gas can are full, grateful Tagen is coming tomorrow to paint, and grateful I can rest tonight.

Got a very little bit of rain last night. Just enough to get the deck wood wet. There is a 50% chance for more rain later today so no painting for today.

I had set my two five-gallon gas containers outside the barn so I will remember to take them in to get filled up for mowing. Both of them had blown into the yard overnight. Must have had a touch of wind overnight. I need to go get them filled as I will need to mow sometime this weekend. I need to go to the Dollar General Store in Cottonwood and get some flowers for our cemetery run this weekend. Maybe I can get gas and flowers later today.

A friend picked me up and we went to Cottonwood Falls for lunch today. It was nice to get out and enjoy some conversation. I so enjoy lunches like this.

Have a touch of a headache this afternoon. Thinking it is weather and sinus related. I may go lay down for a bit and take a short nap. For some reason I am tired. I got some good sleep last night, although it came in two separate sleeps. I have been sleeping all the way through the night and that hasn’t happen for a bit. My body must have gotten used to sleeping straight through.

Still looking for a destination for Ellexia and I to go to in July. I keep thinking of places I like to go to but not sure they have enough stuff to keep Ellexia busy. She doesn’t want to go somewhere where we have to do a lot of driving to get to fun places. I like museums and scenic views but not sure that is what she is thinking would be fun.

Feeling very unmotivated this afternoon. I have some cleaning that I have got to get done by next Thursday and can’t get myself up and moving to get it done. The dust is thick right now and know that if I clean too early it won’t look clean in a week. However, if I wait too long I won’t get it all done.

Nothing on my calendar for tomorrow. We have a good chance for rain so won’t mow or paint unless the forecast changes.

Thinking about organizing an eight-week meditation/awareness class for the summer. The national news is so depressing and it is easy to think there is nothing I can do to make a difference in any of it. One of my favorite authors, Pema Chodron teaches a type of meditation that works well in groups. You start within yourself and look for ways that you are behaving in a certain way and offer yourself forgiveness and grace. Then you look within your family circle (family could involve friends) and find the same thing and again offer forgiveness and grace. And the third time you look within your community and then the fourth time you look out into the world. Each week you take a different word and apply it to all four levels. Examples would be peace, acceptance, harmony, fear, change, etc. It can be a powerful meditation and can help one feel less powerless in this rapidly changing world we live in. I truly believe that if everyone would look inside and find ways to allow themselves to more fully accept differences between us, the world would be a better place for all.

It has been a long time since I have hosted drum circles or meditation groups and am thinking I am long overdue to start opening up to them again. Something shifts inside when I remember that others share my hard feelings and struggles. We are not alone on this journey through life, it just feels like it sometimes.

Grateful for lunch with a friend, grateful I can take a day and do nothing, and grateful for teachers like Pema Chodron.

Ellexia and I have had a fun time together. She went to bed around 11:30 last night and slept until 10:00 this morning. I fixed her scrambled eggs with blueberry pancakes for breakfast. She wanted green beans and Kraft Mac and Cheese for lunch. We baked No Bake Chocolate Cookies after lunch. I have run the dishwasher twice today and will have a third load before the day is over.

Tagen came out early afternoon and started painting the swing set in the back yard. He painted for almost two hours until the clouds rolled in and it sprinkled a bit. He quit painting as we could hear thunder but the storm went three miles east of us. He may come back out and paint more tomorrow if we don’t get rain tonight or in the morning. It is good to get that project started.

Tagen took Ellexia home with him after he was done painting. It is nice to have a licensed driver in Tagen so I didn’t have to go to town.

Other than doing two loads of laundry today and spend a bit of time in the kitchen, I haven’t done much. I sat and enjoyed Ellexia’s company.

I looked up trips to the ocean and found a condo, flight and car to Myrtle Beach that was affordable. I showed it to Ellexia and she wasn’t sure that is where she wants to go. She isn’t sure there is enough fun stuff to do while we are there. I asked her what fun stuff she is thinking of and she couldn’t name anything. Ummm…. Back to the drawing board. Not sure where we will go now. Maybe I’ll take her where I want to go and she will have to buck up and enjoy!

Tomorrow I am meeting a friend for lunch. It will be fun to get out and have an adult conversation. Saturday is the high school alumni banquet. Not sure if I am going or not. I think Kathy is planning on going but not sure I have it in me to go this year. I’ll make a last minute decision the day of. Sunday we need to do the cemetery tour and go to Hillsboro, Florence, and Cottonwood Falls. Monday we have a family reunion to go to in Cottonwood Falls. One day this weekend Kathy and I need to go to a friend’s house and get instructions for our housesitting responsibilities that will be coming up next week. Kathy is taking the first half and I will take the last half of the time our friends will be on vacation in England.

My DK bike racers will be here next Thursday and will be staying until Sunday. I need to get the house ready for them next week. Kathy will be at the neighbor’s housesitting while the racers are here. She is taking Louis, her cat, with her so I won’t have to tend to her cat.

The weather is feeling heavy and pregnant. Sure hope we get some rain out of the heavy clouds that are south of me. Right now the wind has stopped and it is very still outside. I’ll have to keep my eye on the sky for a bit and see what is coming in. The wind just picked up and is blowing very heavy. Time to close windows and button down the hatches.

Feeling a bit restless this afternoon. Could be the anticipation of the potential strong weather headed my way. Still feeling I am sitting in the in-between of something. Wish I could figure out what I was in-between. The mystery continues….

Grateful for Tagen’s help with the painting, grateful Ellexia spent the night, and grateful for the possibility of rain tonight.

It has been a busy afternoon today. I went to Emporia early afternoon to run some errands. I stopped and got four bags of chicken feed at Bluestem. I love how they load it directly in my car from the back dock. Makes it so much easier for me.

I went to Walmart to pick up a star screwdriver and some birthday cards and a gift. Found a couple other things I just had to have since I was in the store.

Got my hair cut and always had a good conversation with my hair dresser.

I stopped and picked up Tagen and Ellexia and took them out to dinner at Bruff’s. They are so grown up it is like having dinner with adults. I took Tagen home after dinner and then brought Ellexia home with me. She is going to spend the night with me. She hasn’t done that for a long time. It will be a fun evening for both of us.

Sophia’s new collar came in today. It took both Kathy and I to get the damn package open. I used scissors and a knife and it must have taken us 5 minutes to get the package open. Thankfully putting the collar on Sophia was easy. I haven’t confirmed that the new collar is working yet.

I sent a text to the plumber checking to see if the new faucet is in. I asked him to order it April 13. He text back and told me the orders had gotten mess up and requested that I order it. I went on-line and found what I needed it and ordered it. I will let the plumber know when it comes in and he is to come out and install it. The guttering guy hasn’t returned my call again. At least I feel I made progress on one of the two projects I have had pending for months.

I talked to Tagen about the deck while we were eating dinner and he offered to help me paint. He is going to come out tomorrow and check out what needs to be done and get started. He said ladders don’t scare him. I will have him start with the ladder work as I hate that part of it. Wow! I might get this deck project finished after all. Tagen has football camp the first week of June but is free the rest of this week and all week next week. We could get it all done in that time if it doesn’t rain. However, we need rain badly so I won’t be sad if it does rain. That is more important then the deck.

I had trouble getting the new screwdriver out of the packaging too. Man! They wrap those things tight! At first I had trouble figuring out how to put the bit into it. I didn’t know the holder part had to be pulled out and flipped. There were no instructions on the package other than it said it was easy to change heads. Right! Once I figured that out I was able to put the right head in so the bit fit properly. Unfortunately the screw that has been falling out won’t screw in anymore. I took it all the way out and will have to ask someone what I do now. I might have to call Phil and see if he can fix it for me.

I swear there is always some little project going on around here that stumps me. Usually it is simple things (if you know what you are doing). Unfortunately, I don’t know what I am doing when it comes to things like screwdrivers and loose screws.

It feels like I got some things done today. That feels good. I didn’t get any painting done but should get lots done tomorrow. I went out last night and painted on the swing. It is almost done now. Slowly but surely things are getting crossed off my list.

Feeling in a better head space then I was yesterday. Being active and getting out helps. Put something on my calendar for Thursday to look forward to. Knowing Tagen is going to help with the deck painting project helps too. It is fun having Ellexia out for the night.

Grateful for grandkids that add so much to my life, grateful Sophia’s collar came in, and grateful the kitchen faucet is ordered (better late than never).

I had trouble falling asleep last night. It was way past 3:30 before I could sleep. Slept in a bit this morning but sure didn’t get much sleep. I’m tired this afternoon but am not going to take a nap again. I do not want to get that cycle started.

Went out and painted another set of deck steps. I kept feeling light drops of water. At first I thought it was from the hose my sister was using to wash her car but then decided it was a small rain cloud that floated over head. I finished the set of steps and then quit. I may go back out when I know for sure it isn’t going to rain. Never got more than a very few light sprinkles.

Feeling a bit off today. Not sure what is going on other than I am very tired. Have a touch of a headache and have no energy or motivation to do anything. I will take some time and sit for a bit and see if I feel better later. I really don’t have anything that I have to do today so I can do nothing the rest of the day if needed.

I remembered to call and get a haircut. I took the first available time and then remembered afterwards a friend had invited me to go to the movie during the same time. I decided I would rather have my hair cut so didn’t call back and reschedule. Going to the movies really isn’t my thing.

I put a pot roast in the crockpot this morning. Added some potatoes and carrots to it a while ago so dinner will be ready whenever this evening. I have not done a good job of fixing food for myself lately and need to change that. I still have some meat from last year’s beef that I need to get used up. I forget to set it out and cook it.

My average heart rate is starting to come back up so I think my thyroid levels must be dropping. I will get them checked in another couple of weeks. I don’t want them to get too low as that can be life threatening. Hard to find balance with them sometimes.

I got the rest of the yard mowed last night. I decided to mow instead of paint. I hope we get some more rain this week as the yard is starting to get cracks in it. If we get rain tomorrow as forecasted, I will need to mow the end of the week. I set the gas cans out in front of the barn so I will remember to take them to town and get them filled so I am ready to go when I want to mow again.

Did some searching for a trip package to Myrtle Beach to take Ellexia to this summer. It is cheaper to book the flight, hotel and car rental all at once. I need to check with her parents and get a date firmed up and then make a final decision about where we will be staying. Still open to other options but need to find a place on the beach, with a pool and kid friendly activities around the area. I am thinking we will only go for five days as that should give us enough time without her getting bored. It is always best to come home before you want to then stay too long.

Sitting in that in-between place today. Just not sure what I am in-between. I get the feeling I have a yellow caution light flashing in front of me and I am not to move forward until it turns green. Not sure why I am getting a yellow light and not sure when it turns green what I will be moving into. Hard to explain where my head is today. I feel a bit like I am in limbo of some sort. Doing my best to honor the feeling and allowing it to be what it is.

Grateful for the smell of pot roast in the house this afternoon, grateful the mowing got done yesterday, and grateful I got a bit of painting done today.

Made the grandkids treats this morning. Ellexia had requested Ritz Cracker Peanut Butter treats with a side order of chocolate dipped pretzels. They don’t take long to make and are easy to do so.

Went to Emporia to go to Cody’s 7th birthday party. Jason and Melissa fixed a delightful lunch for all. Jason fixed Pig Tails which is pork loin duct into strips, marinated in buttermilk and an egg, then dipped into a seasoned flour mixture and then deep fried. They served them gravy. Those things are addictive. Cody calls them meat fries.

Cody enjoyed seeing everyone that came and had a big pile of gifts to open. He enjoyed his special day. It was a beautiful day outside today so we ate outside and enjoyed the mid 70’s and no wind day.

I dropped the treats off at Ellexia’s house and then went to Walmart to pick up my grocery order. They delivered my order within a minute of me arriving to pick it up. I came home and got everything put away. I didn’t have a very big order this week so it didn’t take long.

Came home really tired. Not sure why I was so tired but I was so I took a nap. I felt more rested afterwards. Sometimes the best thing to do when I am tired is give in to it and rest.

I still have a couple hours of daylight left so will go out and check on the chickens and do a bit of painting when I am done blogging. I painted one set of deck steps last night and will get another set done tonight. It does feel good to get that project going again.

Looks like the next two days are going to be good painting days too. Little to no wind and no rain with temperatures in the low 70’s. Can’t beat days like that in KS on the prairie.

My eye continues to do well. It has felt a bit itchy today but nothing out of the ordinary. The other eye feels the same way. I try to remember not to rub it like I would like to do. Don’t think it would hurt it if I did but don’t want to take any chances.

I need to call and get an appointment to get my haircut sometime this week. It is time to get it short for the summer time. When I go to town, I need to remember to stop and get a birthday card and gift to send to my SIL for his birthday which is at the end of the week. Nicole’s birthday is next week but she already received her gift.

Nothing on my calendar this week. Lots of time for painting and mowing. I need to call a friend or two and invite them to lunch sometime this week.. I do better when I have a few things on my calendar each week. Too much empty space is too much.

My bike riding guests will be here mid week next week. I need to start cleaning house and getting it ready for them. It is to rain mid week this week and if it does, I will take advantage of a rainy day or two and clean. I sure hope the gravel bike race gets as nice of day to race on as today was.

The house feels quiet and a bit lonely to me for some reason tonight. Kathy is downstairs watching a movie so I’m not alone, just feeling like I am. Sometimes it hits me I am alone again and I guess tonight is one of those times. Most of the time, I enjoy being alone. Tonight is just one of those times when I remember what it was like to have a partner. And this too shall pass……

Grateful for Jason and Melissa and their wonderful hospitality today, grateful for Cody and the fun of being 7, and grateful for this beautiful KS spring day on the prairie.

I gave the girls some fresh linens this morning. It has needed done for several weeks and decided today was the day. I am tired of sitting and doing nothing. I needed to move my body and get something done for a change. My eye was back to normal this morning so I went down and cleaned out the coop. This is the first time I have cleaned it out for this group. Not sure the chicks knew what to think.

I think we have one rooster. I have one that has already grown out its’ comb and waddles. None of the others have done so. That is usually a sign that it is a rooster as they develop quicker than the hens do. Still not 100% sure but sure am thinking so. I don’t mind having one rooster. That way if I want to, I can incubate eggs and hatch my own chicks. The only problem doing that is the number of roosters you get. It is fun to watch them hatch out though.

I went to Emporia and took Ellexia and Tagen out for lunch. We were going to go to El Lorito but there was no parking to be had. We went to Applebees instead. Had to wait 15 minutes for a table and it was an hour before we got our food. The food and service was good, even with the wait.

Stopped at Walmart so I could get a birthday present for Cody. I got invited to his party tomorrow so needed to get something today. I will wrap it up in a bit and be ready to go to the party. I switched my Walmart grocery order from 1:00 to 3:00 and will pick it up on my way out of town.

Ellexia requested Ritz peanut butter treats again but this time with a side order of chocolate dipped pretzels. I got the supplies I need to make those. I will get those made up either this afternoon or in the morning and take those to town with me tomorrow. I asked Tagen if he would eat those again already and he said he will always eat those.

When I got home from Emporia I went out and mowed the southwest yard. I hadn’t gotten that done earlier this week and the grass is knee high around the chicken coop. I will need to mow the whole yard again early next week. Will have to go get the two gas containers filled before I can do that. The grass has finally filled in throughout the whole yard and I can tell where I am mowing. Mowing is much more fun when that happens.

Ellexia and I talked about our summer trip. She wants to go to the beach and decided to go east instead of west. She doesn’t want to go back to Florida so will have to look for beach places on the east coast. I would love to take her to New York City or Washington DC but the prices there are really high. Will look at the Myrtle Beach area and see what I can find in a price range I can afford. Needs to be kid friendly with things to do besides the ocean and swimming. Thinking about a condo with a kitchen so we can fix some of our own food. Will probably rent a car as she wants to fly for the first time. Thinking four or five days will be plenty unless we go closer to a big city. I’ll have to price flight prices and car rentals and see what I want to spend. We are thinking July but are flexible on the dates at this point.

The neighbor has about 20 guests staying the weekend. They went on a long horse ride through the prairie this morning. They sure picked a beautiful day for a ride as it is in the mid 70’s and there is no wind.

I am going to go out and paint on the deck when I get done blogging. It is time to get that project going strong. I need to move my body and quit sitting so much and that project will get me moving and outside.

Time for me to rejoin the world and quit sitting at home all the time. I have retreated too much and am spending way too much time sitting and not moving. I did nothing yesterday but sit and eat all day long. That is not good for me on so many levels. I feel much better today for getting up and doing something. My problem is I don’t have a lot of things that need done besides cleaning and that seems like a never ending project. I will be glad when the KU research program reaches out to me and gives me a reason to exercise regularly. I need a kick in the ass to get me moving and that might be just what I need.

Grateful the girls have fresh linens, grateful to have had lunch with Tagen and Ellexia, and grateful to have a birthday party to go to tomorrow.

A rainy day on the prairie! Yay! Not sure how much we got but I will take every last drop we can get. I had to turn my fireplace on for a bit as it is in the mid 50’s.

My eye is doing much better today. It gets tired quickly if I read a lot or use it a lot. I took a nap earlier to give it some rest and it felt better after I got up. I can see fairly well although my vision still isn’t as good as it was before the surgery. It will come back fully soon.

Did some more reading about retina tears. The doctor had mentioned I had the beginnings of cataracts and from what I have read having a retina tear almost guarantees you will get cataracts in the near future. I go back to the doctor in November so will find out then if they are progressing.

I also did some more reading on the condition that bothers my left eye but both eyes have. It is Macular Telangiectasia which is a condition that effects the blood vessels in the eye. You can lose your central vision with it. Only 0.1% of the population has it. They don’t have good cures for it yet although if it gets worse there are a few things they can try. Gratefully mine have stabilized and nothing needs to be done to them right now. The right eye, which is the eye that the retina tear was in, has it too but I have no symptoms in that eye. With the left one I see the S and P of a STOP sign. I’ve had it for a long time and have gotten used to it. The doctor just wants to keep an eye on it in case it gets worse and he needs to do something. It can eventually cause blindness but I’m a long ways from that and trusting they can do things to it to prevent that in the future.

I have taken it easy today and haven’t done much. It was a good day for a rainy day as I couldn’t be out painting or mowing. Hoping by Sunday I will be healed well enough to resume my normal activities and my vision will be back to normal.

Still amazed at how I was in the right place at the right time to catch the retina tear before it became a retina detachment. Things do work out well sometimes. Feeling pretty lucky today ad smiling at the Universe!

Grateful for healing in my eye, grateful for doctors that can fix things, and grateful for the rain.

Went to the retina specialist in Topeka this morning. I have a weird thing in my left eye that causes a vision distortion. This visit was supposed to be a follow up to make sure things were stable.

They took pictures of both eyes and then they did the dye injection and took more pictures. I didn’t eat breakfast this morning and the nausea the dye causes wasn’t as bad as the last time I had it done.

The condition in my left eye is very stable and no changes for that eye. However, the doctor discovered I had a retina tear in my right eye and he had to do laser surgery on it to repair it. The surgery was fast and relatively easy. I felt a bit of pain at the end of each of the three zaps but it was tolerable and went away quickly.

I left the office not seeing very well though. It will take up to two weeks for my vision to come all the way back. I had a few waves of nausea on the ride home but thinking that is from the dye injection. I ate something when I got home and the nausea wave seems to have stopped. Have a headache but I always get one after my eyes are dilated.

I am so grateful for the timing of this appointment. I had originally scheduled it for last month and had to cancel when I had Covid. Had I not gone today and the doctor discovered the tear, it would have turned into a retina detachment which becomes urgent and much more serious. Wondering now if that is why I got Covid – so I would reschedule the eye appointment so things could work out better for me. Love how the Universe has my back and takes care of me.

I am also grateful I had Kathy drive me to Topeka. I can drive after my eyes are dilated if I absolutely have to but prefer not to. Kathy saved time for me to take me. I would have struggled to drive home after the laser surgery.

I need to figure out what to do with myself this afternoon. I can type but not sure I can read very well. Please forgive any spelling errors as I can’t read what I am typing very well. Don’t want to watch TV as I won’t see it clearly. I am not to lift things or move around a lot. May have to take a nap! Dang it anyways!

I don’t have anything on my calendar for the weekend so can stay home and heal. It may be a few days before I feel I can drive again. I will wait until my vision is much clearer before I attempt to do so.

I didn’t expect to have laser surgery when I went today. So very grateful that it was quick and easy and the timing of the appointment was perfect. At least this time when the Universe threw me a curve ball it was caught and thrown back without a struggle.

Grateful the Universe has my back, grateful for Kathy, and grateful for being in the right place at the right time today.

What a beautiful spring day on the prairie. Sunshine and temperatures in the mid 70’s. Not even much wind today. Can’t ask for a more perfect day in KS.

I did some mowing today. I hadn’t mowed the outer rim of the front and north yard last week so got that mowed. Also mowed the south part of the yard. The back yard can wait another few days before it will need mowed again.

It felt good to get outside and bounce on the mower for a bit. I will need to fill the gas containers before I mow again.

I am almost done watching A Million Little Things. I have a feeling the last two episodes are going to be hard to watch emotionally. I have really enjoyed this series and am sad to be close to the end of it. I will take a break for a bit and then find another series to watch. What is your favorite series?

My mood is a bit better today than it was yesterday. I haven’t felt angry today which is an improvement. Still not back to whatever my normal is but climbed up a rung or two on my emotional ladder. I have spent the last three days at home and it will probably be good for me to get out tomorrow.

The eye specialist I am seeing tomorrow had been planning to walk the Camino before Covid closed things down. I’m anxious to hear if he got his trip rescheduled and if he was able to go. I am not sure how we got to talking about the Camino on my first visit to him. I wonder if he will remember our conversation from last time.

I’m thinking about organizing a drum circle for the full moon in June. It has been a long time since I hosted one and it feels like it may be time to get them going again.

Still feel like I am in slow motion and moving at turtle speed. I have little energy and motivation to do anything. I have been sitting way too much lately but just can’t make myself get up and move. One of these days soon my TSH levels will start dropping and ever so slowly my energy will return. I need to push myself more but can’t seem to do that – at least not today. Maybe tomorrow I will be able to.

Grateful the yard is mowed, grateful my mood has risen a bit, and grateful for the beautiful, spring day on the prairie.

This has been another quiet day at home. I have felt some hard emotions for some reason or other today. Kathy invited me to go to a movie in Emporia but I decided I need to stay at home in time-out.

I have felt anger today and not sure what it is from. I decided to allow it to be what it is and see what it has to tell me.

Nothing on the calendar for tomorrow. I may mow if it clears off enough to do so. The little rain we have gotten has helped the grass grow. The yard is filled in for the first time this year.

Thursday I have to be at a retina specialist appointment in Topeka at 10:00. Kathy is going with me as they have to dilate my eye and that gives me a migraine. They will also inject dye into me that upsets my stomach. I hope I don’t toss my breakfast. I might skip breakfast and go in fasting and see if that helps.

No plans for the weekend. The grandkids only have a half day of school on Friday and that is their last day. Maybe they will want to do something with me.

I’m sure tomorrow will be a better day for me. It usually is after a hard one. I have learned if I allow my feelings to be what they are they go away quicker. I don’t always get a story about they were about and have learned to accept that.

Grateful for feelings even when they aren’t fun, grateful for knowing this too will pass, and grateful for the promise of a better day tomorrow.

It has been a beautiful rainy day on the prairie. Not sure how much we have gotten as it has been a soaker type of rain. Not much accumulated on the ground. You can almost hear the earth taking a deep drink.

I have taken another do nothing day. I have enjoyed watching the rain. I have binged watch A Million Little Things today. What a great show. I love how they take current issues and weave them into the story line. I just watched the one on Black Lives Matter and it was so well done.

It felt good to have a quiet day at home. My soul needs them often. It feels like my central nervous system has quieted down and things are running smoother inside.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful for the rain the prairie received today, and grateful for great entertainment on the TV.

Happy Mother’s Day to all those that are mothers or mother others.

Mother’s Day is kinda like Christmas for me – not one of my favorite days. I’m not sure why I don’t like it but it always feels heavy for me somehow and I am always glad when it is over.

Jason and Melissa invited me to meet them at Bruff’s for dinner tonight. It was nice to meet with them. They didn’t have Cody so we were able to have an adult conversation. We don’t get to do that often enough.

I went to Emporia mid-day and picked up a grocery order. They were out of yogurt so had to stop at another grocery store to get some. I would have had to do the same even if I had tried to buy the groceries in person. This way I only had to go inside one store for one item.

Nothing on my calendar for the next three days. I need to do a little bit more mowing if it doesn’t rain. I would be grateful if it does rain and I don’t get to mow. I still need to clean out the chicken coop if it isn’t too hot.

We got a bit of rain this afternoon but not near enough. The wind picked up and I thought for a brief moment we were going to get a nice thunderstorm. Most of it went around us again. Kathy was on rainbow watch as I left for town but never spotted one.

We have a good chance for rain tomorrow. I am crossing my fingers and toes that it appears. We need a couple more inches badly.

Feeling a bit out of sorts tonight. I’m sure by tomorrow I will be back up the emotional ladder. I’m not a fan of commercial holidays and the expectations and emotions they surface for me. I have felt my mom with me all day today. I must have needed a day to spend grieving for her. At times I really miss her and realize how much she gave me.

Grateful for my mother, grateful for dinner with my son and his wife, and grateful for the rain we got today.

My friend came this morning around 10:45. The other one joined us shortly after that. We spent a delightful morning visiting and then went to lunch. Visited through lunch and then came back to my house for a final visit before they left to go home. I think the best days are spending time with people you loved and enjoy.

It is a beautiful day on the prairie and I need to go outside and do some painting. We finally have a nice day without wind or rain. I should take advantage of it and get outside paint on the deck. This type of windless/clear day seem to happen few and far between these days.

Have gotten three loads of laundry done today. Waiting on the last load to dry and then I can make up my bed. Have the other two loads folded and put away.

I need to get out and finish mowing. Not sure if I will paint or mow when I get done blogging. Tomorrow I have to go to Emporia to pick up my weekly grocery order. Decided to do it on a Sunday this week to avoid the road construction mess. If I am lucky I won’t have to go through it until Thursday when I go to Topeka to the retina specialist.

I am tired this afternoon. I haven’t slept well much of the week. Not sure what caused that as I had been sleeping pretty good lately until this week. It is probably because the house has warmed up and my bedroom is too hot. May need to break down and turn the A/C on so I can get a good night’s sleep. Seems early to turn the A/C on though.

Have a touch of a headache this afternoon. I noticed it earlier and thought that is unusual. I used to have headaches all the time and they seemed to have gone away. I can’t remember the last one I had other than the one I had when I had Round Two of Covid. Grateful that a headache now feels unusual and not my normal.

Feeling a bit of anxiety today and am not sure where it is from or what it is trying to tell me. Doing my best not to ignore it. It is interesting to me to see it appear and not know what it means. I don’t have anything on my calendar to be anxious about. Maybe because I don’t have anything on my calendar I am anxious? Anxiety isn’t always logical and sometimes I don’t know where it comes from. Sometimes it just goes away as fast as it shows up. Sometimes it hangs around for a bit. Doing my best to make friends with it and allowing it to be what it is.

Grateful for visits from friends, grateful for this windless/clear beautiful day on the prairie, and grateful I can sit with whatever my feelings are and allow them to be what they are.

It has been a muggy day on the prairie. It reached the mid 80’s today with lots of wind and humidity. The clouds rolled out this morning and the sun has been out this afternoon. We have a slight chance for rain this evening.

I went out and mowed for a bit today. I got the part of the back yard I didn’t get done earlier this week and then did the high part of the front yard. I will do the rest of it in another day or two.

Tomorrow a friend is coming mid-morning for a visit. Another joint friend will be joining us. It will be good to get together and have a nice, long visit with both of them.

Other than that I have no plans for the weekend. I don’t have anything on my calendar until Thursday when I go to Topeka to see the retina specialist. It will be a week full of empty space again. I will try to find something to fill in part of the time.

Fell down into the muck pond for a bit this morning but rolled around in the mud for a bit, took a mud bath and got up and walked right out. Mowing triggers me as the yard is so bumpy in places and it reminds me of Jim’s last day here. As the mower goes over the ruts Jim made while moving out I get bounced around and it feels a bit like my time with Jim. I got bounced around emotionally a lot during our time together. One of these days I will be able to mow and bounce and not have a reaction. Just not today.

I talked to the lady from the KU research center today. She said she is turning my name over to the researchers that work with the Emporia Fitness Center and they will be in touch with me in a few weeks. Maybe this will give me the motivation I need to get my ass moving more. A couple more weeks will give my TSH levels a chance to drop and hopefully that will help me feel better and I will have more energy.

Just got an alert that we are in a severe thunderstorm watch for the next couple of hours. The weather app on my phone isn’t predicting rain but Kathy and I are both feeling a storm headed our way. Trusting we will get more rain if we do get a storm and no damage.

Did a bit of cleaning this afternoon but have lots more to do. It does feel good that I got it started though. I do need to get the living room dusted before my company comes tomorrow. It is so thick you could write your name in it on the coffee table. Doesn’t do much good to dust though as it will be back quickly as I still have the windows open and don’t have the A/C on yet.

Grateful I was able to climb out of the muck pond quickly today, grateful I qualified for the fitness program, and grateful for a good chance of rain tonight.

Woke up to light rain this morning. You can almost hear the prairie drinking it all in. It was so needed and appreciated. We could use another round or two or three of it. We have another chance for more rain later this evening.

Kathy and I went to Wichita today to have lunch at Chipotle and then do some shopping at Costco. We hit Chipotle at the right time as there was a very short line. Five minutes after we got our food the line backed up and stayed that way while we were there.

Costco was easy. I got the things on my list plus a few other things. I like knowing the chicken I eat most days is stocked in the freezer again. My cleaning supplies are well stocked again too.

The drive to and from Costco was easy. The hills are beautiful right now and we enjoyed watching the blue skies peak out between the clouds. The clouds and sun played peek-a-boo and cast shadows in places across the hills.

I took a nap when we got home. I kept falling asleep in my chair and finally decided if I was going to sleep I would be more comfortable laying down. It felt good to take a nap. I have not been sleeping well lately and needed a bit more rest this afternoon.

No plans for tomorrow. I think I get to stay home all day. Saturday a friend is coming for a visit and another friend will be coming over to visit with them. No plans for Sunday. By the looks of the grass growing quickly, I will probably be out on the mower Sunday. It is nice the see the grass finally growing and getting thick.

Hoping the urge to clean the house hits me and I can get some cleaning done tomorrow. I had to move my chair today as I was looking for something and noticed how much dirt there is under the chair. It has been a bit since I have cleaned again and the dust and dirt is getting thick. I just haven’t felt good enough to clean lately. There is always tomorrow though!

I finally started me higher dose of thyroid medication today. Sure hope it helps bring my TSH levels down. I will have them tested five weeks from today to see if the new levels are working. I have gained weight even though I am not eating too far off plan. I haven’t been moving my body much as I don’t have much energy. I’m getting tired of being tired. The medication should help some but it is going to continue to take time for the levels to drop back into a more normal level.

Life feels a bit like a slow motion video these days. Time seems to be going slower and I feel a bit like I am walking through knee high sand. My emotions seem flat and slow too. It is hard to describe to others how this feels. I’m sure this is due to the elevated TSH levels. This is the first time this has happened to me. When I had the thyroid storm when this whole thing was medically diagnosed for the first time, my TSH level was 0.003. Two weeks ago it was 22.385. My desired range is 1.5 – 2.5. Yikes! At the lowest range everything in my body happens at an extremely fast pace – heart rate, blood pressure, metabolism, etc. At this end everything is in slow motion and takes extra effort to do anything.

Grateful the Costco run got done today, grateful for Kathy’s company today, and grateful for the beautiful, green hills that are the Flint Hills.

It was so nice to get some heavy rain on the prairie last night. Several storms rolled through bringing wind, rain and lightning and thunder. We didn’t get any heavy stuff other than some 50 MPH wind. My power blinked off and on several times but managed to come back on each time. My rain gauge is down so not sure how much we got but guessing over an inch. The grass looks greener already.

I didn’t fall asleep until after 5:00 this morning. I just could not fall asleep last night. I slept till 9:00 and gave up. This is the third or fourth night in a row where sleep was hard to find. I may need to turn the A/C on to cool my bedroom down and see if that would help. I’m getting desperate for sleep.

Went to Emporia and picked up two prescriptions that were ready. I took the back roads home as the road construction was backed up from the roundabout to way past Fanestil’s going west and I didn’t want to deal with it. It was a pretty day to take the gravel roads.

I’m anxious to see if the higher dose of my thyroid medication will help bring my TSH levels down. I forget that part of my lack of energy and motivation is because of the high TSH levels I have right now. I’m tired of moving like a turtle and not feeling like doing anything.

I hadn’t closed the chicken door last night but they seem to have survived the storm just fine. They are finally spending more time outside during the day then they do inside. I have started filling their watering container that is outside so they have lots of water to drink. They sure like to drink the dirty water when I dump out their watering containers.

I realized today that I am about two months out from getting eggs. The countdown is on! It will be a good day on the prairie when the first ones lay their eggs. I’m anxious to see what color of egg the Easter Eggers will lay.

Tomorrow Kathy and I are going to Wichita to eat at Chipotle and then go to Costco. I invited some other friends to go with us but don’t know if they are riding along or not. There is a chance for some rain tomorrow mid morning so we will see what happens. If the storms look threatening we will cancel the trip. I don’t need anything that urgently to risk driving through heavy rain.

I have started binge watching A Million Little Things on Hulu. If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it. They deal with some sensitive issues such as cancer, suicide and depression in a way that is good for us to help bring them to light.

The lady from the KU research center called me when I was down doing chicken chores. I called her back and had to leave her a message but she didn’t return the call. I’m sure she will call tomorrow. She said in her phone message that I may qualify for at least one of the studies. We shall see what happens.

Sitting with some restlessness today. My week has had lots of empty space and I am feeling the lack of purpose in my life today. it sure I am ready to jump into anything yet so will continue to sit with the empty space and allow it to be what it is. Filling my time with things that make me feel busy but have no real purpose other than that doesn’t satisfy me. I’m sure when the timing is right, something is headed my way that will bring a sense of being and doing the right thing at the right time.

Grateful for the rain the prairie received last night, grateful for what sleep I was finally able to get, and grateful it won’t be long before I start getting eggs from my chickens.

Rain has arrived on the prairie – at last! Hip hip, hooray! By the looks of radar it may pull up a chair and stay awhile. I invite it to stay all night.

The power has flickered on and off several times already. Hoping the lights will stay on during this wind and storm but it is not uncommon for them to go out during a storm. Small price to pay for rain!

I was going to go to Emporia to go to a movie this afternoon but changed my mind when I looked at radar and saw the storm moving in. I love to watch storms but prefer to do so from the safety of my house. I didn’t want my car to get hailed on while I was at a movie.

I read an article that informed me that KU Med Center is looking for volunteers that are 65 and over to participate in a research program. They will pay your fees to go to the Emporia Fitness Center and will give you an exercise program to follow. I filled out the information and sent it in. This afternoon a person called and took down some information and then sent me a questionnaire to fill out. I filled it out and will wait and see if I qualify for their study.

I think I would stick with an exercise program if I knew someone was counting on me to do so. I need a big push to get my ass up and moving and this may be it. I will see if I qualify. Not sure what they are looking for.

I am going to keep this short today as I expect the power to go off anytime now. The hail is just now starting along with the heavy rain. Stay safe everyone!

So very grateful for the rain that is falling on the prairie right now, grateful for the potential of an exercise program, and grateful for radar that helps me make informed decisions.