Starry night on the prairie

This has been a do nothing day at home. Other than doing my exercise video I don’t think I have accomplished anything. It was definitely a rest and recovery type of day.

Since I have been home from Costa Rica, time has slowed way down for me. The days feel like they are two days long. I got up late this morning and it still feels like this day has been two days long. Our leader of the retreat told us the pulse of the earth is much slower than we normally go. I wonder if I slowed down to the pulse of the earth rhythm.

No plans for tomorrow. I do have some housecleaning that needs done when the mood hits me. This house doesn’t take long to clean – I just have to get myself started and get it done.

I don’t have anything on my to-do list right now. Not sure if that feels freeing or terrifying. I am ready to take on something new again. It is time for me to get back out into the real world and find something to occupy my time.

I would like to find someone replace/repair my sidewalks. Does anyone know of someone that does that type of work? I would appreciate a lead so I can get that project on someone’s list to do.

The refund from United hasn’t hit my bank account yet. Trusting it will come through next week. The travel insurance website says it takes 3 – 5 days to process a claim and I haven’t heard from them yet. Trusting they will come through next week too.

I finally have my brother’s birthday package ready to mail. His birthday was June 25 so I am very late getting it off. I will walk it to the post office Monday and get that taken care of.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful for an empty to-do list, and grateful for the valley I am walking in right now.

Hot summer day in KS today. It is to be close or over 100 for the next five to six days. Too hot for me!

I got notice that United is refunding the flight that was cancelled. It hasn’t hit my bank account yet but trusting it will soon. They only refunded about 1/3 of the price but at least it is something.

The flight I booked on Southwest by mistake got refunded. Now I am just waiting on the travel insurance to see what they are going to pay out.

I put my heart monitor on this morning. They have simplified them from the last time I wore one. I have had to wear a sweater all day though as I need a pocket to put the phone like monitor in. It kept falling out of my pants pocket. I think I only have to wear it for 10 days but can’t remember for sure.

I got a notice from the Chase County Treasurer that my property taxes were over due. Oh my! I had paid the taxes on the country house early so they would be paid well before we closed on May 3. I went to Emporia and paid the taxes on the rental properties and completely forgot to go back to the Chase County courthouse to pay the taxes on my house in town. Luckily I got it paid before the delinquent payers get listed in the public publication.

As I was going to town for exercise I got a phone call from the back-up trainer to tell me my trainer had a death in her family and wouldn’t be there today. He was going to substitute but had a conflict so I need to do the exercise at home today. I needed groceries so I went ahead and went to town. I didn’t go to the Chiropractor as he is closed between 1:00 and 3:00 and I didn’t want to wait in town for him when I was done buying groceries. I will do the exercises later tonight when I cool down from my town adventure. I hadn’t bought groceries for several weeks so had a long list today and a full cart. I had to get dog food, cat food and cat litter in addition to stuff for me.

No plans for the weekend other than stay inside where it is cool. There is an event at Pioneer Bluffs Saturday that sounds interesting but not sure I want to be out in the heat. I’ll see what my mood is like and decide last minute if I go or not.

Still have a bit of a cough. It goes away for a while and then comes back and I cough lots for a bit. I haven’t had any more acid reflux symptoms but evidently I did some damage to my throat earlier this week and it is still healing. I trust it will go away soon.

Had trouble finding sleep last night. Sophia woke me up at 6:30 as she wanted to go potty. I got up and got dressed and then took her on a mile walk. When we got home I offered Roxy a walk but she declined. I took her for a shorter walk around 9:00. They both did their business this morning.

I am attempting to give up iced tea. I got some lemons and have been enjoying ice cold water with a lemon slice. Feeling a bit like my tank is empty this afternoon as I haven’t had any caffeine since Monday. It will take me another week or so to adjust and then I will be good to go. I am working hard to get back to eating on plan to help avoid another acid reflux flare.

I will be getting a whole beef from my local rancher later this month or early August. I only want 1/8 of it for myself so have lots extra to find a home for. Let me know if you might be interested and I can give you a price estimate. I never know how much it will weigh until butchering day. If I know ahead of time, you can specify how you want it cut. This is grass fed beef born and raised in the Flint Hills and does not go to a feed lot for finishing.

Still finding new ways I am reacting as a result of the plant medicine experience. Something happened today and I was able to pause and then react calmly and not get thrown off track. I love when that happens. Have a feeling I will have many more experiences like that coming up soon. I am definitely feeling more capable of speaking up for myself and that my people pleasing ways have changed.

Grateful groceries are replenished for a bit, grateful the pet food is restocked and grateful my taxes are paid.

This has been a day of taking care of lots of little things. I was behind on my paperwork and needed to get caught up and get my desk cleaned off.

I took my car to Dieker’s to get the tires checked. The guy at the desk looked a little lost when I was explaining the problem. Luckily the owner was there and heard my story and knew what to do. He took my car right back to check things out. One tire was a couple pounds light. He took care of that but didn’t pull the tire off. He said to come back if it happens again and he will pull the tire off. Sometimes when a car sits for a week or more this can happen and it doesn’t really mean anything is wrong. I’m so grateful for small town service.

While I was waiting for them to finish my car I walked over to Prairie Rose and looked at fabric. Fabric bolts remind me of my mother and takes me back to the day when I was young and we would go to a store and pick out material for mom to make into my clothes. I found some lovely material that I got to make an apron. We shall see if I get it done!

I got my suitcase and backpack unpacked and cleaned out. I put my tennis shoes in the washer and washed them. They were beyond muddy and dirty. They didn’t get completely clean but look better. I don’t know if they will be wearable or not but it was worth a chance to try washing them.

I walked to the court house early afternoon to get my car tags renewed. I didn’t qualify for one of the new license plates this year but got the sticker. The young man that helped me was very efficient and quick.

I had been sent a letter telling me I qualified for two years of free identity monitoring due to a security breach. This is the second one I have gotten this year. I had another one that just expired so decided to use this one. I tired 20 different ways to register it on-line but kept getting an error code.

I called the monitoring company for assistance. It took them about 15 minutes to get me enrolled. I hung up but when I attempted to reset my password I got an error message again. I had to call back and they had to delete the old account so the new one would work. I finally am enrolled. That process was way harder than it should have been.

I attempted to change my address with three different companies. One I have to do in person. One had already gotten the change. The other I had to call. I got transferred twice and then the person transferred me yet again and I got cut off. I called back and the same thing happened. I finally figured out the website and did it myself. Dang, it was not easy either.

Dealing with user names and passwords is not my favorite thing to do. There simply has to be an easier way.

A dear friend brought over a cantaloupe out of her garden. I cut it up this afternoon and it is so, so good. Nothing like fresh cantaloupe out of a garden. I ate it and then remembered my acid reflux. Crossing my fingers it didn’t stir that back up.

I haven’t had any acid reflux symptoms today again. I do have a cough that I read acid reflux can cause. My throat and esophagus must be burned a bit and it is going to take some time for it to heal. I didn’t have any problems during the night which I am very grateful for.

This day has felt like it is going on forever. Time is moving very slowly for me today. I have gotten lots done and still have lots of daylight left to do things in.

I was able to stay above neutral all day even with dealing with all the complications of changing my address. I must still be on my Ayahuasca high from my trip! Whatever is helping me stay above neutral, I’ll take! Trust it will continue for a long time.

My heart monitor came in today so I will get that unpacked and figure out how to apply it tonight before I go to bed. I think I have to wear it for 10 days and then send it back.

Tomorrow I have to go to Emporia for exercise at 2:00 and then I will go to the Chiropractor and I need to get some groceries. Anyone know if the Colorado peaches are here yet? Sure would love to get a box of those soon.

No plans for the weekend. It is to be close to or over 100 this weekend so will be a good weekend to stay inside. I have some housecleaning that needs done so may get that done.

Grateful for a productive day today, grateful for my A/C, and grateful to stay above neutral all day today.

Feeling much better today. No acid reflux symptoms today. I have been able to eat and felt good afterwards.

I have to take morning thyroid medication and then wait 30 – 60 minutes before I can eat. For the next 14 days I have to take a pill for the acid reflux 30 minutes after I take my thyroid medication and then wait 30 minutes to eat. Geez!

I went to Emporia at noon for exercise. Luckily the exercises this week were mainly stretches and were easy. I almost didn’t go in but am glad I went. I’m still very tired. I am behind reporting my exercise time to KU. That is on my list to do tomorrow.

I slept the clock around last night. I woke up a couple of times but was able to go right back to sleep. I hope I can do that again tonight and then maybe by tomorrow I will feel rested.

I didn’t do anything while I was Emporia except exercise. I need to go to the Chiropractor but I didn’t make it to town soon enough to do that today. I got delayed with the road construction. My Chiropractor closes his office between 1:00 and 3:00 everyday so I couldn’t go after exercise. Friday I have exercise at 2:00 so I can go when I get done.

Nothing on my calendar for tomorrow so I will get a stay at home day. It is badly needed. I still haven’t fully unpacked my suitcase and put it away. I will get that taken care of tomorrow. I have some paperwork on my desk that needs some attention that I hope to get to.

When I was walking Sophia this morning, we walked downtown so I could pay the water bill. I had until tomorrow to get that taken care of.

Southwest Airlines removed the charges for that flight from my account. I haven’t heard from either United or Priceline about the refund for the return trip. I will give them a week or two before I start nagging them for the refund. I’m sure lots of people need refunds and they are beyond busy right now. I filed a claim with my travel insurance company but haven’t heard back from them either.

I went to a friend’s house for happy hour this afternoon. It was good to touch base with some friends and catch up with their comings and goings. I hope to become more intentional about staying in touch with some friends. I have lots of empty space to do that now.

Able to stay above the neutral level today. I feel myself moving slowly yet purposefully throughout the day. I didn’t get triggered today when something that used to trigger me before came up. I will take that as a good sign that something inside has shifted.

I will continue to offer myself grace and allow myself to get fully home. I have a mountaintop experience and it is going to take some time to integrate it into by beingness.

Grateful the acid reflux has quieted down, grateful for exercise class today, and grateful I have the luxury of going at a slow, quiet pace.

Home sweet home! I finally got home at 4:00 this morning. This trip had a couple more adventures in store for me. I need to remember to be careful what I ask for as I wanted an adventure.

My flight out of Miami finally departed into the air at 11:00. They had some complications with fueling that took a bit to sort out. The good news on that flight was that the flight was only about 50% full which meant we had plenty of room for carry ons and most rows did not have anyone in the middle seat.

We landed and I got to the place to meet the shuttle bus to take me to the parking lot. It took a bit for it to show up so I got to my car at 2:00. There is road construction going on just outside the airport and it took me two tries to get through it and on the correct road home. Thank heavens for GPS.

I stopped at the McDonald’s on the Turnpike at Lawrence and got two iced teas. I needed the caffeine in them to keep me awake for the trip home.

Just outside Topeka the low tire pressure light came on. I wasn’t sure what to do as there aren’t a lot of fix it places open at 3:00 am. I kept driving and about 20 miles down the road, the light went back off. When I am up to it, I will take the car to Dieker’s and have them sort it out. It is due for an oil change anyways.

Walked in my door at 4:00 this morning. It sure felt good to be home. I took a hot bath and went to bed. I hadn’t slept well the last night in Costa Rica and was running on low.

I finally fell asleep around 5:15 and at 6:00 I woke up feeling sick. I had the worst case of acid reflux I have ever had. It felt like I was having a heart attack it hurt so bad. I attempted to vomit but all that came up was sticky acid stuff. I looked it up on line and it said to try some baking soda in hot water. I drank that and about 10 minutes later the pain got better so I knew it wasn’t a heart attack.

I couldn’t lay down so I sat in my recliner and attempted to sleep but didn’t have much luck. Kathy got up and we talked for a bit and about 9:00 I told her I needed to go to urgent care. The pain was still there, although not as intense as it had been, and it was not going away. I didn’t trust myself to drive myself to town as I am going on almost 48 hours with little sleep.

We both got dressed and she took me to town. The clinic was empty so I got right back. The nurse practitioner that saw me didn’t touch me or comment about the fact that my blood pressure was 188/98. She said she would send a prescription to Walmart and it might help if I got some antacids. If things aren’t better by Friday, I am to call my doctor.

We went to Walmart and I picked up my prescription. I also picked up some ginger tea and some antacids and Kathy got a few things she needed and we came home.

I don’t understand how Good RX works. The prescription was going to be $65 with my prescription insurance but with Good RX it was only $15. How come it works that way? I don’t pay for Good RX but most times that is what I end up using because it is much cheaper than what my insurance that I pay for covers.

I am working on doing laundry and getting unpacked but it is going slowly. I had a cup of tea that I added some Manuka honey too and am feeling better. I tried to rest in my chair this afternoon and got a bit of sleep but not near enough yet. I’ll try to stay up now until early evening and then go to bed and hopefully pass out and sleep the clock around.

I haven’t eaten anything today. I decided a day of fasting would be good for me. I think what caused all this is the iced tea that I drank yesterday after not having any for a week. I ate lunch/dinner at the Miami airport sometime yesterday early afternoon and I hadn’t eaten since. I was fed all this organic, wonderful goodness while in Costa Rica and the commercialized American food along with the iced tea hit my stomach the wrong way.

I will be very careful about what I eat tomorrow and trust that the worst of this is behind me. My throat is sore from all the acid and is reminding me to be careful of what I eat and drink. I also have a cough from the burning of the acid that is annoying me.

I have had enough adventure to last me a long time after today. I am welcoming my quiet, boring life with open arms and ready to step back into it.

My real estate property manager let me know that one of the properties needs a new garage door installed. The tenants moved out and evidently had backed into the old one and it is damaged beyond repair. I have seriously been thinking about selling that property and this might make me do it. This particular house has required lots of investment put into it and I’ve just about run out of patience with it.

I am to go to town tomorrow for exercise but unless I am feeling much better by morning may cancel. I don’t have enough energy to exercise right now. Trusting I will get a good night’s sleep and will feel more human tomorrow and will be able to go.

No plans for the rest of the week but recovery. It is going to take me another day or two to get all the way home. I am looking forward to some quiet days at home and things slowing down.

Still very grateful I went on this trip and had such an unexpected adventure. It made me appreciate my quiet life I normally live.

Grateful Kathy drove me to town, grateful to be feeling better this afternoon and grateful to have gotten home safely.

I am sitting in the Miami airport. My flight to KC is on a delay. They are hoping to have me out of here by 10:15. We shall see if that happens.

Happy birthday to my son Jason. I’m sorry I have to miss his birthday this year. I’ll have to catch up with him later this week to celebrate.

United ended up cancelling my flight late last night. I couldn’t rebook until they did that. Nicole looked up some options for me and messaged them to me.

I’m not sure how I am going to get reimbursed for the cancelled flight. I booked through Priceline. They are telling me the refund will come from United and United is telling me the refund will come from Priceline. I’ll figure all that out another day. The flight that United moved me to got cancelled this evening too so I am grateful I found a different airline and option.

There was a Southwest flight that I booked but when I double checked it afterwards, realized I had booked it for leaving from Puerto Rica instead of Costa Rica. The airport code is one letter different. Ooops! Luckily I was able to cancel it and got my money back. Grateful I discovered it before I showed up at the airport this morning and I couldn’t get home.

I then booked an American flight that connects through Miami. Doesn’t feel like a very direct way to get home but it will get me there – sooner or later. The flight from Costa Rica to Miami left on time and arrived on time. We hit turbulence again but only once. The flight attendants were doing the beverage service when it hit and had to suspend it for a bit.

Immigration line wasn’t too bad. The Customs line was long but they rerouted us to a line that felt like it was a mile away and that line went fairly quickly once I got there. The lady at the security line was cranky. She was tired of telling people that the bins were only for loose items and not to put your back pack in them. Most all other security lines want you to put your back pack in a bin.

I got patted down when I went through security. I forgot and used baby powder this morning and the detector always picks that up. She patted me down and released me and off I went. They didn’t open my bags.

I had dinner at a TG Friday. It was OK. They at least had iced tea! I wanted to get one to go but the waiter was really busy and I didn’t ask for one. I had stopped at a Peet’s Coffee place to get one but they gave me iced coffee – yuck!

I still have two hours to wait until my flight departs, if it arrives as they think it might. I won’t get into KC until close to 1:00 now. I will see how tired I am. I may end up getting a room and not driving home tonight. I would like to make it home tonight but not sure I will be able to stay awake to drive.

This trip has been unusually full of unexpected adventures. I will certainly remember this trip for a long time for many different reasons.

It will be good to get home – sooner or later. Grateful that I will have a rest and recovery day tomorrow with nothing on my calendar. It is going to take me a day or two to get all the way home – mentally, spiritually and physically.

Grateful one flight is done and only one more to go, grateful I found iced tea for dinner, and grateful I am almost home.

I am sitting in a hotel room in San Jose, Costa Rica. My flight home tomorrow is to leave at 11:05. There is a hurricane that is to hit southern Texas tonight and tomorrow so it might be interesting to see if a plane can get to Costa Rica from Houston in the morning to pick me up.

I can’t change flights to a different airline until United cancels the flight I am on. I have travel insurance that will help me do that if that should happen. I keep checking the weather forecast for Houston and it doesn’t show 100% chance of rain for tonight or tomorrow except for one hour. Hmmmm…. We shall see what happens.

We left our cabins around 8:20 this morning. We got to the tiny little airport at 9:25 for our 9:50 flight. Almost as soon as we got there they took us to our little plane and we boarded. We landed at 10:00 as we took off at 9:40. This is the first airline I have flown that departs and arrives ahead of schedule.

The retreat leader is staying in Costa Rica another couple of days so we said goodbye to her at the tiny airport. The other two and myself said goodbye at the San Jose airport. Both of them had flights today and were hoping to make it home late evening tonight.

I went to the shuttle bus area and was able to find my shuttle after waiting for a bit. I had been told it would be a blue bus but it was green. One of the guys helping people find a taxi let me know that it was the shuttle I was to get in. He helped me load my bag into the shuttle.

Hotel check-in is not to happen until 3:00 but the lady at the desk recognized me as one of the people stuck in the elevator and she found a room for me right away. That was nice as I really didn’t want to sit in the lobby for four hours.

I came up to my room and took a short nap and then went down to the hotel restaurant and had lunch/dinner. The food was good and the service was nice. Got a big bottle of water and came back to my room.

I went down to the third floor and got a bucket of ice. I had iced tea for lunch. They blended the juice of either a lemon or orange into the tea but it was delicious and oh how I needed some iced tea. It has been a blessing to have iced water this afternoon. I missed ice!

I am finishing up reading a really good book by Jodi Picoult. She has become one of my favorite authors. Her books always have an unexpected twist at the end and I am waiting for that to happen in this one.

Looking forward to getting home, hopefully tomorrow. I am preparing myself mentally that I might not make it home tomorrow but we shall see what happens. This airport is even smaller than Kansas City is and there are not lots of options for flights.

This has been an amazing trip and one I will remember for a long time. I like vacations that are adventures and this one has been full of adventure and unexpected happenings. So far, all is well even with the adventures.

Still shifting through in my head all that has happened this week and all that I learned about myself. I have a deeper appreciation of the quiet, simpler life I am creating for myself. I am grateful I am not in my 30’s and having to figure it all out and balance raising children and healing myself. I have a lot of respect and admiration for the young women I met who are doing just that.

Grateful for this opportunity to have this adventure, grateful I have nothing pressing I have to be home for immediately, and grateful I have travel insurance in case I have to change plans tomorrow.

This has been a rest and recovery day. I had a 90 minute massage this morning from the same lady I had one from Wednesday. She did a fabulous job again and helped me work out the soreness in my body.

We had lunch after my massage and then three of us sat at a table and visited for two hours. It was a delightful conversation with two other like-minded women.

I came to my room when we were done visiting and have enjoyed some quiet time in my room. The only other thing on the agenda is dinner at 6:00 and then we will probably have some sort of closing ceremony.

Tomorrow my flight to San Jose is at 9:50. I will then return to the hotel where I got stuck in the elevator and spend one night before returning to the airport for my 11:00 flight to Houston on Monday.

I got a notice from the airlines that the hurricane may disrupt flights starting Sunday and last for a couple of days. They recommended rebooking to a different airport. They will waive rescheduling fees. The only problem is, their phone lines are backed up with hold times of three hours and when I used the website they have no other options available.

I may or may not get out Monday morning. I am going to check at the airport Sunday when I am there to see if they have any options they can offer me in person. This may get interesting. I do have travel insurance that will pay me up to $300 a day for expenses I encounter if I get delayed for over six hours. This adventure I am on may continue for a bit. Good thing I don’t have anything pressing to have to get home to.

I can also attempt to find another airline that goes to a different US city as the travel insurance will pay for that. Maybe I will get to stay in Costa Rica for a bit longer. Good thing their airport is small and easy to navigate and there are hotels close by.

Not sure I would come back to Costa Rica. It is too hot for me. I am here during the rainy season which helps cool things down each day. I can’t imagine what the hot, dry season is like. I love the flowers and greenery and all the creatures and the choir they sing at night. Just can’t handle the heat, the bugs in the room, and the bugs that bite me when I am outside.

Still processing the healing work I did yesterday. At one point, my inner child came out to play. I had walked up the steps to the bathroom and there were water puddles in places. I had to stomp through them and wanted to stay out and play in the rain. It was fun letting my inner child out for a bit.

I am attempting to not put a story in place about what I was releasing. I learned before that I will find out what I released when something happens and I find myself responding differently than I have in the past. That is how I know my behavior pattern got reprogrammed and I will now behave differently. A story about what I think may have happen feels like I am putting limits on what reality is and closes off new possibilities for me.

When I got something out of my suitcase earlier, I noticed a whole lot of little tiny ants in my suitcase. I emptied it out and wiped out the ants but as I am typing some are coming out of my iPad keyboard case. YUCK! I hate bugs inside. Now I feel like I have them crawling all over me.

Wish me luck for a safe and on time return home. Not sure I want to spend a couple more nights in San Jose or Houston but will deal with what ever happens.

Grateful for a quiet day to recover, grateful for another wonderful massage, and grateful I got travel insurance.

Wow! What a day and what a ride! Not sure I can capture the experience in words.

We left our place around 10:45 to go to the Temple where the plant medicine Ceremony was being held. It was to have started at 11:00.

We finally got started around 1:45. Everything runs on relax time here and happens when it happens, not necessarily at what time the clock says.

There were seven participants, three helpers and the leader. We were in an octagon shaped building that had a fire pit in the middle of it. Each of us had our our own mat, blanket and pillow.

They opened the ceremony with song and prayers and blessings. Then we each went to the leader to be served our portion of the plant medicine. I took half of the small cup. Some took a full portion of the big cup and some took a full portion of the small cup.

After everyone was served we all sat or laid on our mats and allowed the medicine to do its magic. It took me about 15 minutes to start to feel it working.

While we were allowing the medicine to do its thing, the leader and the helpers sang prayer songs that were absolutely beautiful. They called in the angels for us to support us during our healing time.

For me, the medicine did two physical things. I must have walked up to the bathroom at least ten times during the next hour or so. I am ready for a colonoscopy!

I also got the shakes. My arms and legs shook like crazy for what felt like hours but it was probably only 45 minutes or so. I would get a short break and have to go to the bathroom but as soon as I laid back down I started shaking again. At times I had to sit up to allow my head to shake.

The leader came over a couple times to check on me and encouraged me to allow the shaking for as long as I needed to. Like I had a choice!

It finally stopped and this time when I went to the bathroom on the way back to my mat, I went outside and stood on the wet earth for a bit and allowed the rain to cleanse me.

The leader offered most a second cup of medicine. I was unable to stand at that point and was still feeling the intensity of the little half cup I had taken an hour ago.

At some point they offered those that wanted a puff on Santa Maria (cannabis). I was in the midst of my shaking and didn’t notice when it came my way. At that point, I didn’t need anything else in my system.

The ceremony didn’t get over with until 7:45. Some of the group had taken a second full cup as well as something they snorted and it took a bit for the effects of all of that to wear off.

After the ceremony they fed us a delicious chicken vegetable soup with rice, salad and watermelon. After we ate we said our goodbyes and came back to our rooms.

I am exhausted and sore from all the shaking. I have a massage tomorrow morning at 10:30 for which I am very grateful.

It was a totally different experience to do plant medicine with all women and in the daytime as compared to my experience in Peru. I wish every woman could experience a room full of acceptance and unconditional love like I felt today.

I still need to process what all happened and to understand what my healing was all about. I have some ideas but nothing very firm in my mind yet.

Time for a shower and bed. Trusting I will sleep very well tonight.

Grateful for the love and support I was given during ceremony today, grateful for the courage to take the plant medicine and grateful for the women that do this work with such grace and love.

Happy 4th to all. It has been weird to not hear fireworks going off all day. I kinda like it though. Fireworks are not my favorite thing and it was good timing to escape them.

This has been a chill day. The retreat leader and I went to the river near by and sat out for a couple of hours. The other two retreat participants had their massages this morning.

I love being close to water but don’t enjoy getting in the water so I sat on the river bank for the longest time. The song Down in the River to Pray kept going through my head as well as It Is Well With my Soul. Such a peaceful, beautiful spot to sit and enjoy the beauty of nature.

I then went up to the Temple where we are doing ceremony tomorrow and laid down on one of the mats and took a short nap. The energy in the Temple is amazing and it was good to sit in it for a bit before ceremony tomorrow.

We came back to our home base around 12:30 and had lunch. The leader took the other two participants to the river but I stayed behind this time. I needed some quiet time by myself. I have slept, read and rested all afternoon

At some point we will have dinner. It is to be here at 6:30 but sometimes it comes at 6:00 and sometimes closer to 8:00. We are on relax time here so exact time doesn’t happen often. Not sure what the plan is for after dinner. We will probably have a group meditation or something like that.

Tomorrow is Ceremony that is to start around 10:00 and my understanding is it will go through most of the day. I’m sure tomorrow evening will be recovery time as will Saturday. I have another massage scheduled for Saturday some time.

Sunday we fly back to San Jose where I will spend the night at the same hotel I got stuck in the elevator. Monday I will fly home.

The time has flown by. It has been a wonderful combination of busy things and quiet time. Lots of personal learnings for me as well as lots of relaxation time where I had no responsibilities for anyone but myself. I needed that!

Grateful for this opportunity to spend time with like minded women and to allow time for deeper learnings and understanding about myself. I’m looking forward to getting home and putting my new learning to the test of my real life.

Being on the other side of 70 sure makes me realize how lucky I am to be there. I wouldn’t want the struggles these young women are facing. My quiet life in rural America feels even more like heaven after hearing about the struggles some of them are facing. Been there, done that! Survived to tell the tale!

Grateful for a quiet, uneventful day, grateful for the beauty of Mother Nature and the jungle, and grateful for the new friends I am making.

Today has been a blessed, uneventful day – the first one of this adventure. The others in the group were up in the cave until around noon so I had the whole place to myself in silence this morning. It did my soul good to have silence and no one around.

When they all got back we had lunch. They had quite an adventure last night and this morning. We had a strong storm come through overnight and they had to have some people come up with ropes to help them get out and on to the trail to come down. The trail was treacherous due to all the rain that happened overnight.

Both leaders told me today they were glad I had stayed behind as it was very hard hiking today. Makes me feel a bit better for having stayed behind.

This afternoon I had a 90 minute massage. She did a wonderful job and used just the right amount of pressure. Not too hard and not too soft.

We had a nice dinner tonight brought to us again. Afterwards we all opened up and shared our adventures and what our prayer is for ceremony Friday.

I realized by staying behind, I had taken care of myself and let that be more important than inconveniencing the two leaders that had to walk down with me and then walk back up again. A year ago I would have forced myself to go on and would have run into problems this morning trying to come down, if I had made it all the way up.

It feels like a confirmation to myself that I am, after 70 years, learning how to take care of myself and worrying less about what other people say and feel. I will always consider other people feelings and needs but there are times that I have to stand up for myself and put myself first.

Tomorrow is another chill day. We don’t have anything formal on the agenda. I think we are going to some river somewhere unless it is too full of water. We may go shopping a bit if the weather is bad and the river is too high. It only rained for about 30 minutes today which is almost like a day without rain here. Usually it rains 4 – 8 hours every afternoon and evening.

Friday we do ceremony again. This time in a space close to where I am staying so I will be able to go. Saturday is another massage and recovery day and then Sunday we return to San Jose and I fly home Monday.

So many lessons for me already this week. I’m so grateful I came and am having this experience.

Grateful for a quiet day alone, grateful for the four ladies I am sharing this journey with and grateful for a beautiful massage today.

Another day with an unexpected twist thrown in just for kicks and giggles. Oh my! I am beginning to wonder what will happen next.

I got up this morning and got packed for our cave adventure. I went down and ate breakfast with the other three in my group. We headed out to the trail that leads up to the mountain top and cave around 10:30. We had planned to leave at 9:45 but we are on relax time here and things happen when they happen.

We met up with seven others at the trail head. Two of them are the ceremony leaders and the other five were other women joining us for our adventure in the cave. It took about 30 minutes to get everything lined out before we headed up the mountain. We were told there were three rest areas and that we could take it slow and easy.

One of the other participants and one of the leaders were kind enough to slow way down and go at my turtle pace. It was very hot today and very humid. I was sweating lots before we got to the steps. The first part was on open ground that lead up,up,up. It was slick and you really had to watch where you walked so you didn’t fall. Luckily they gave me a hiking stick that really helped keep me upright at times. Then we reached the first part of the steps, Some of the steps were knee high for me and it took a bit to figure out how to handle them. My heart rate was going fairly high at times as the trail was slick and steep.

We finally made it to the first resting area after about an hour of hiking. One hour down, two more hours to go. The rest of the group had waited for us to catch up to them and everyone extended their rest so we could get our heart rates down and get a good rest. The view was amazing as we overlooked a valley. There were cattle grazing in a field way below us and lots of birds, insects, etc. to watch. It is rainy season and all the flowers are in full bloom.

I finally felt ready to tackle the second part and got up to go. Next thing I knew I was laying on the muddy ground and one of the leaders was telling me I was going to be OK. It took me a minute to figure out I had passed out. Yikes!

They let me lay down for a bit and then I was able to sit up. They did some energy work on me and my head cleared a bit. The leader that is from Costa Rica had me take a big bite of something she had brought with her. She said it would get my blood pressure back up and help with my blood sugar. It tasted like chocolate covered dirt. Not sure what it was.

After a bit we decided I better go back down and not attempt to go any further. I think I hit my head when I fell and things were a bit fuzzy for me. Two of the leaders stayed behind with me and sent the rest of the group up with the other leader. One of the participants had a rental car she had left at the trail head and they borrowed the keys from her.

They walked me back down the mountain and drove me back home. They made sure I got safely in my cabin room and then went back to join the others.

I took a hot shower when I got to my room. I was covered in mud from when I went down. I was almost done with my shower when I got the shakes. Luckily I was able to get out of the shower safely and get into the bed. I laid in bed and shook for the longest time. It finally stopped and I got a little bit of rest.

I feel much better this evening although I am a bit sore. Not sure if it is from the steps, the fall or the shakes. Took some Tylenol and plan on resting the rest of the evening.

They arranged for the lady that is our chef for the week to bring me some dinner at 6:30. I’m not really hungry yet but maybe by then I will be. Hoping I can get a little bit down at least and then I will go to bed early and hopefully get a good night’s sleep. I’m sure by morning I will be ready to go again.

The group is spending the night in the cave and is coming down in time for lunch tomorrow. I’m so disappointed that I had to miss ceremony and getting to see the cave and the waterfalls. Just didn’t feel safe for me to continue up the mountain.

It has rained all afternoon. Sometimes it lightens up a bit but then it comes down fast and hard again. I am grateful to have been able to spend the afternoon quietly in my room. They told me that once you get in the jungle there are enough trees that you are somewhat protected from the rain. I didn’t make it that far up to know.

The lights have blinked off and on a couple of times this afternoon. Wonder if their electricity goes off occasionally. Guess I will find out. I have a headlamp I can use and I plan on going to bed soon anyways so no worries if it does.

My room is not air conditioned. The rain here falls straight down so you are able to keep the windows open even when it is raining hard. There is a nice breeze that blows through and the room stays pretty comfortable. There is mosquito netting on the bed as there are lots of bugs here.

This trip is proving to be a real adventure. What will happen tomorrow? Guess I will fasten my seat belt and hang on for the ride.

Grateful I came on this adventure, grateful I made it safely down the mountain, and grateful for the care the leaders showed me.

What a day! Yesterday turned into a very long day. The flight out of Houston was delayed two hours. We hit turbulence a couple different times. It was rough enough that the flight attendants had to go to their jump seats. Finally landed in San Jose, Costa Rica around midnight.

The line through Immigration wasn’t too bad. They needed to know my return flight information. Guess they want to make sure I leave.

Then I went to go through Customs. Yikes! The line double winded all through the baggage claim area. I finally found the end of the line and started my hour wait to get through it. One of the other retreat participants was there and we managed to hook up and wait together.

The hotel’s last shuttle service was at 1:00 and we missed that by an hour. Together we took a taxi to the hotel and had a smooth check in. I almost fell asleep before I could get out of my travel clothes.

Got up this morning and went down for breakfast. It was a nice buffet and I ate plenty. Went back up to my room to get my bags and came back down to catch the shuttle to the airport.

I was on the second floor so only had to go to the first floor. About one minute after the elevator started going down we heard a loud bang and the elevator jerked and then came to a stop. After checking to make sure everyone was OK, we hit the alarm button.

Thankfully there was a gentleman on the elevator that was a paramedic and worked for the Red Cross. He took charge in a very good way and kept myself and the three other women calm. He spoke Spanish so was able to talk to our rescue crew.

It took them about 20 minutes to figure out how to get the doors open. We pushed our luggage through and then one by one we dropped out. There was a ladder that helped us get down. The opening of the door at the top had about three feet for us to get through. What an adventure!

I took the airport shuttle to the airport and checked in for my early afternoon flight. It is a good thing I went early as the 12:20 flight left at 11:00. I met the other three retreat participants at the airport and we all got on the little airplane. It only seats 12 passengers. When I checked in I had to get on the scale with my bags.

The plane flew low most of the 20 minute flight but we flew through the clouds. The view of the ocean was amazing and the landscape looks like a jungle. It is rainy season and everything is very green and lush.

The airport was very tiny – like the size of a double carport. We waited on a taxi for a bit and then drove to the place where we are staying. The leader was going to rent a car but for some reason it wasn’t available so we had to do a taxi. The first taxi they sent was too small so we had to wait for a slightly bigger one to come.

We stopped at a health food store and some of the ladies got snacks, etc. It took about 30 minutes to get to the health food store and then another 45 minutes to get to our retreat center.

The house I am staying in is the meeting place for the group and the place where we will be having our meals. It is a beautiful, jungle like setting with beautiful blooming plants all around. Tonight there has been a chorus of insects and creatures singing their songs.

One of them makes a chirping sound like a smoke detector that needs its batteries replaced. Took me a hot minute to figure out what was going on.

After a nap this afternoon, three of us walked down about 1.5 miles to a chocolate place. They make chocolate that has magic mushrooms in it. Anyone want me to bring some home for them? They are $30 a bar. It was a lovely walk to the place. It rained off and on while we were walking to and from. I got back and took a hot shower and put on dry clothes.

We had dinner at 6:30. We had some sort of fish tacos. I could swear that the fish was chicken – it didn’t have that fishy taste at all. The homemade guacamole was especially good.

We did a meditation after dinner and now it is bedtime. It has been a long day. It is raining pretty heavy this evening and I hope it rains all night. I love sleeping to the sound of the rain and the insect and creature choir.

Tomorrow we are hiking about 2 miles up hill to a cave and waterfall and will do plant medicine. We will be sleeping in the cave and hiking back down on Wednesday. Thursday someone is coming to give me a long massage. Friday we are doing ceremony of some sort followed by another massage on Saturday. Sunday we head back to San Jose.

What an adventure this has been already and we are just beginning. Tomorrow will be a test of my physical fitness for the hike. The walk today gave me confidence that I can do it.

Grateful for this opportunity to experience new things – even getting stuck in an elevator, grateful for the group I am with, and grateful I faced my fear and anxiety and came.

I am writing from the airport in Houston. The flight out of KC left 45 minutes late and now the flight out of Houston is delayed at least two hours. One of those travel days!

I left home around 10:30. I almost forgot my iPad put remembered when I got to my car and went back inside to get it and my toothbrush. Trust I didn’t forget anything important.

After I had packed yesterday, I got a note from the retreat leader telling me what I am to bring and how I am to prepare for the plant medicine. Most of the things I was to start a week ago – oops! The retreat leader moved last week from CA to Texas and her belongings got delayed when the moving truck broke down. I’m sure she had lots of more important things on her mind.

I am to wear all white for the ceremonies. Luckily I had a shirt I could take and Kathy had a pair of white pants that fit me. That was easy. We are to take headlamps and one of the other ladies didn’t have one. I had three so can take care of her. Most everything else on her list I had packed. I needed a journal for writing so I picked one of those up at the KC airport.

The drive to the airport was smooth with little traffic. I even remembered to write down where I parked and the stop I need to get off the shuttle bus. Sometimes I forget to do that.

My bag got pulled when I went through the security line. I had taken a container of baby powder. They looked at it and put it back in the bag. The security line wasn’t very long and moved pretty quickly.

The flight from KC to Houston was smooth but crowded. It was only a 48 seater and every seat was full. They gate checked my bag but were able to deliver it quickly after the flight. They didn’t deliver the plane any ice so drinks were served warm ish. I only wanted ice for the bottle of water I had with me but I was out of luck.

I am sitting at a pizza place in the airport. They serve real iced tea! Have a feeling it may be the last one I get for a week or so. For some reason, good iced tea seems hard to find when I travel internationally. I will only eat one slice of the expensive pizza I ordered but that is what one has to do sometimes.

The hotel airport shuttle stops running at 1:00 and I am to arrive at 12:15. Trusting I can make it through immigration and to the last shuttle. I guess I will take a taxi if not. My flight tomorrow is at 12:30 so will have lots of time to get a good night’s sleep even getting in so late.

Well this adventure has started. I will meet up with the rest of the group at the airport tomorrow for the 12:30 flight. My understanding is the leader will rent a car and drive us a couple hours to where we will be staying for our week in Costa Rica. There is a hurricane brewing that might affect us mid week. I’m sure where we are staying they are well prepared and will keep us safe. Traveling is always an adventure and this trip may well be a grand one.

Guess I will go find a place to have a long sit as I wait a couple more hours for my flight. They have lots of places to sit where you can charge your electronic devices and be comfortable. My challenge will be to stay awake so I don’t miss my flight!

Grateful for one safe trip down, grateful for good iced tea, and grateful this adventure has begun.

I can’t believe June is almost over. It sure went by quickly. May seemed to last for a long time. I have been in this house for two months now. It feels like I have been here much longer.

Having trouble making myself pack for my trip tomorrow. I am feeling very anxious about going. I think it is due to my tummy – it is still being loud and cranky today. Not fun traveling with a cranky tummy. Trusting it will settle down tomorrow and all will be well.

I went to Emporia early afternoon. I remembered a couple more things I wanted to get for the trip. This trip to town I remembered to stop at the ATM and get some cash. I will use credit cards for most things but the massage lady wants American dollars and doesn’t do credit card. It is handy to have cash for tipping too.

It is hot and muggy out today. Not sure I am looking forward to the weather in Costa Rica as it is forecast to rain most of the time and the temperature will be in the mid to high 80’s and higher. Maybe the rain will feel like it is cooler than it is.

I leave home around 10:30 tomorrow. I have a 3:00 fight to Houston and then will have a couple hour layover in Houston before I leave for Costa Rica. I will get it around 10:30 Sunday evening. There is only a one hour time change so that makes it easy. Trusting I can figure out the shuttle bus to the hotel I have a reservation at.

A mentor once told me to do the things that you fear. With that in mind, I will get on that airplane tomorrow and make this trip. Usually when I fear something, it turns out to be one of the best things I ever did. All will be well!

Grateful I leave for my trip tomorrow, grateful I have everything I need to take, and grateful I am not letting fear stop me.

I spent a quiet morning at home. I walked the dogs one by one and each did their business. It was nice and cool this morning after the storms that came through last night.

I had gotten a rain gauge a week or so ago but I must have it in the wrong place as so far it has not measured any rain and it has rained twice since I got it. I’ll have to find another place to put it. I don’t think we got much rain either time but I think we got enough to have measured at least some of it.

I sent an email to my builder and told him to put my build on hold. His estimate for pricing was 40% higher than I expected and was too much for me. There were lots of things that the estimate didn’t cover so the real cost would be even higher.

I kept seeing and feeling red flags from this builder and gave him a couple of chances to show me a different side of him. But that never happened. I had been very clear what my budget was from the very beginning and he had assured me he could meet that. I had given him some changes to the floor plan in his time table before he finalized them. He ignored my email and then had to change the plans which pissed him off.

I had made several requests such as Class 4 shingles and in the estimate he put Class 3. I am already tired of him not hearing me and decided to back out before we got into the real work of building a house.

His secretary sent me back an email that told me he can adjust the finishings to meet my set price. I think I will pass. Why didn’t he listen to me the first time and do it then? I think he underestimated me. Not a smart thing for him to have done. I’m proud of myself for recognizing the red flags and stopping this process before I got in over my head and it got so far down the path that I couldn’t course correct.

I went to Emporia early afternoon for my 2:00 exercise. Traffic was one lane for about three miles and so it took a bit to get to town and back home again. I did exercise and then came home. I needed to go to the Chiropractor but couldn’t make myself drive downtown to take care of that.

My tummy is still a bit angry today. Sure trusting it will calm down before my trip. It will be a bit challenging traveling with an angry tummy. It usually doesn’t last more than a day or two so things should be OK.

No plans for tomorrow except for packing. Still not sure what to take. Guess I will decide as I pack and see what I have room for. I only take a carry on bag so won’t have room to take extra stuff. Wish I could take hiking sticks but they won’t fit in my carry on and most times they don’t let you take them on board. Maybe I can get some there. We have a three hour climb to get to the waterfalls and lots of steps to climb. I have found hiking sticks help me a lot. I didn’t know about the hike when I booked my flights and I don’t think I can change them to allow me to take a big bag without paying lots. I’ll make do with what ever.

I leave Sunday around 10:30 for the airport. I have a 3:00 flight to Houston and then a couple hour layover before my flight to Costa Rica. I’ll spend the night in a hotel by the airport and then I have a flight Monday early afternoon to the town close to the retreat center I will be staying at. One of the other retreat participants will be staying at the same hotel and we will meet up Monday morning to go to the airport together.

I’m tired today. I took a short nap this morning before I went into exercise and feel like I could find more sleep quickly if I laid down again. I haven’t eaten very well this last 24 hours as my tummy is yelling at me. Hoping this is just a quick upset and that my tomorrow it will have settled down and I will feel better. Not a fun way to start a vacation.

Feeling a bit down and off today. I’m sure part of it is the disappointment in my builder. I will sit with this change and then decide what I want to do. I can always talk to a different builder if I still want to build. I am very happy in this house and might just decide to stay here. I could add a garage somehow and fix that problem. I have lots of choices and options. Just have to do a mental change of plans. No rush on any of it. The next step, if there is one, will present itself soon enough.

Grateful I saw the red flags and took the proper action, grateful tomorrow is a rest day, and grateful I love the house I am in.

Sophia did a bit better last night although she did bark. Kathy took her and Roxy into her bedroom and they were quiet the rest of the night.

I went to Emporia a little before noon today. It took 35 minutes to get to town today. I didn’t go past a flag man but traffic was very heavy with lots of semi trucks and I only hit 55 all the way to town. Coming home it was all clear and I made it home in 20 minutes for the first time all week.

I met my boys for lunch at Bruff’s. Tagen and Jason were both free to come to lunch. It is always a good day when I get to spend time with them. Tagen is almost done with his summer classes and so far has an A in every class he is taking. I am so proud of him. Jason had a client cancel so he was able to join me too.

After lunch I stopped at Walmart to get some big zip lock bags. It is to rain most days and I have to do a hike to get to a cave and waterfall. The backpack I am taking is not waterproof so needed some big zip lock bags to put my clothes in so they will stay dry.

Met with my builder at 2:00. I got the final bid for the house. It is way higher than I expected so am taking 24 hours to decide if I want to proceed, find a different builder or drop the idea all together. I am getting bad vibes from his guy. I swear he had quoted me a different number last I met with him and he swears not. Hmmm…. What to do?

Came home after I met with the builder and took a shower. I had skipped one this morning and for some reason felt like I needed one. It helped perk me up for a bit but am tired again now. I had a bit of trouble finding sleep again last night. May still go take a nap if I can find sleep.

Need to do my exercises sometime today. I forgot to do them Tuesday. I have to go back to Emporia tomorrow for exercise at 2:00. It will be good to have a week off from the gym next week. If I have good internet, I will do my exercises while on vacation. We shall see. I forgot to ask when I had my Zoom meeting with the trip leader if internet access was available.

Saturday I will stay home and pack. I finally make a packing list so all I will need to do is pull things out and throw them in a suitcase. I am only taking a carry on bag so will probably have to delete some things I would like to take. Still debating about my hiking boots. I have some hiking sandals that would work and would do better if they get wet. My hiking boots take up a lot of space. I do have to take a back pack so could put my hiking boots in the back pack along with my iPad. I will make a last minute decision about what to do.

Sunday I have a 3:00 flight so will need to leave here around 10:30. I don’t like to stress about time and would rather sit at the airport and extra hour. I am going to park at the airport so will need to catch a shuttle bus. I also have to check in at the front gate as I have an international flight and they have to do a passport check. One never knows how long the lines will be at the airport.

My least favorite part about traveling is the getting there and coming home part. I don’t like crowds and lines and airports seem to be full of people and long lines these days. I will suck it up and deal!

My tummy has been a bit loud today. Trusting it is excitement from the pending trip and nothing more. My gut tends to talk to me the loudest and lets me know when things are pending. Trusting it will settle down soon and give me issues while I am on vacation.

Three days to go and I will be on my way to Costa Rica. It will be good to have a change of scenery and to get away for a bit. Whatever happens will be an adventure for sure.

Sitting in a good place today even with the challenges of the day. I have been isolating too much and it felt good to spend time with the guys. It will do be good to be around people while on vacation. I’m so grateful our group is only four people, counting me. That number I can handle easily.

Grateful to get to have lunch with Tagen and Jason, grateful I have the bid for the new house, and grateful the trip will be here very soon.

Sophia had a rough night last night which means Kathy and I had a rough night last night. Not sure what is causing Sophia to bark during the night but I sure trust it will stop soon. I had just gotten to sleep around 2:00 when she started barking. It took me a bit to wake up enough to take her out.

She didn’t do anything outside except smell the ground and resist going where I wanted her to go on the leash. I brought her back in, she settled down just long enough for me to get to sleep again and the process repeated.

This time I took her out to her pen outside and left her there. She continued to bark outside which then caused Roxy to bark inside.

Kathy brought her back in after she got up this morning. Both dogs woke me up around 7:00 as they wanted to go out. Needless to say, I didn’t get much sleep last night. We left the dogs outside all day today hoping by the time we bring them in later this evening, they will be worn out and will sleep good tonight.

I was cranky when I went to town for exercise this morning. Sophia was hard to walk this morning when I took her on her morning walk. She finally did her business and I brought her back home and put her outside. Roxy behaved herself on her walk but didn’t do her business.

Exercise helped get rid of the crankiness. I got to town 30 minutes early so I left my car on and pushed the seat back and took a 25 minute nap. I’m grateful I set the alarm on my phone as I actually fell asleep. Exercise was fairly easy and the time went by quickly. I didn’t go to the Chiropractor before exercise, I decided a 25 minute nap would do more good for myself than the Chiropractor would. I will try to remember to stop at the Chiropractor Friday after exercise.

I went to McDonald’s and had lunch and then sat in the parking lot of McDonald’s so I had good internet for my Zoom call. It was led by the woman that is leading the retreat I am going to in Costa Rica. It was only for 30 minutes and went by quickly. Not sure I learned too much other than we are doing two medicine sessions, one in the cave on top of a mountain and the other on the retreat grounds. They have people that will come to us for a massage and I signed up for two of those.

There are only going to be four women on this retreat, including the leader. Two look to be in their 30’s – 40’s and the other two of us look to be in their 70’s. Sounds like most of the time will be chill time. We have a private chef who will be preparing our meals. The leader did warn us it will be very hot and we will be encountering lots of rain. It will be a good time to slow things way down and relax into the beauty of the rain forest and Mother Earth. Our leader did remind us that time will have a different feeling and rhythm to it in Costa Rica and it will help us slow down and allow things to unfold in perfect time.

I went to Walmart after the Zoom call and picked up the last few things I need for the trip. Traffic was heavy coming home. I pulled off on V Rd and went south and missed the mile long traffic backup. I took a nap when I got home and got a bit more sleep.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with my house builder at 2:00. I need to stop at the Vet office afterwards and pick up some flea and tic medication for the two dogs and cat. I’ll have to fight the traffic again tomorrow. Friday I have to go back to Emporia for one more exercise session before I leave on vacation Sunday.

The tree guy did not show up today. His equipment is still here so not sure what the deal is for him. If he wants to get paid before I leave on vacation, he better show up tomorrow or Friday. If he would call and let me know what he is doing, I could tell him that.

I do need to remember to stop at an ATM machine and get some cash for the trip. I learned today that they will take American dollars and most places take credit card but I will need cash for the massages and the farmer’s market that we will be stopping at.

I don’t think I have fully stepped into believing the trip to Costa Rica is only days away. I’m excited about going but for some reason the excitement is not full yet. I’m sure by Sunday I will be excited about leaving.

I am to journal between now and Monday my intentions for the trip. The leader said it will help the plant medicine be more powerful if we are clear on our intentions. I just know that this trip called to me and that it is what I feel deeply in my bones I am to do. I’ll do some writing around it and see if something a bit more substantial will raise to my consciousness.

When I travel, I do better knowing few details about what to expect. As long as I know I have a bed to sleep in and tickets to get there, the rest is better for me to discover as it presents itself. It helps me stay in the moment as things unfold. Going to Costa Rica was on my 70 things to do before I turn 70 list. I’m a year late going, but am getting there!

I definitely dropped below neutral this morning when I had to get up very sleep deprived. Exercise helped me get back above neutral. The nap when I got home helped too. Sure trusting tonight will be a better night for the dogs – and me!

Grateful for naps, grateful I have the last few things I needed for the trip, and grateful exercise helps me move from below neutral to above.

Happy birthday to my oldest brother Gene. He turns 75 today. Oh my, we are all getting old!

I was trying to sleep until 7:45 but the dogs decided they wanted to go out. I got up and showered and then took them out to their pen and then took them one by one on walks. Sophia did her business but Roxy never did.

I heard some noise in the yard this morning and looked out the windows and saw the tree guy out there working. I needed to get on the road so didn’t go talk to him hoping I would see him when I got home. He had left by the time I got home but left equipment so am assuming he will be back soon. Not sure why he can’t let me know about his comings and goings but guess I really don’t need to know.

I went to Wichita to the foot surgeon today. My second toe is lapping over the big toe and causing the big toe to feel like it has an ingrown toenail. They took three x-rays but he didn’t mention the results of them. He showed me two different toe spacers to order from Amazon. One I had tried before with limited and mixed results. I ordered the other one when I got home. The only real fix is surgery and not sure I am ready for that. If it gets to that point, he said to call him and he will put me on his surgery schedule.

The best part of the day is after I left the surgeon’s office, I went to see my Aunt Marylyn. I got there a little before noon and told her I needed to leave around 1:00 so I could get home to talk to the tree guy. Three hours later I finally headed home. We had a wonderful visit and caught each other up on our families. She only had two children but has six grandchildren and lots of great grandchildren. For being 88 she is amazing and still lives alone and takes care of herself. Spending time with her is almost like having my mother come for a visit.

I stopped after I left her place and had lunch and then headed home. Traffic on Highway 50 is hard to pass. I hit a couple road construction zones that slowed me down. I went to Wichita via the Turnpike and probably should have come home that way. It felt faster to me going than coming home.

Wednesday I have to be in Emporia at noon for exercise. Depending on how long it takes to get to town I will attempt to go to the Chiropractor before exercise. He closes between 1:00 and 3:00 for lunch so if I don’t get there before I can’t go afterwards. I have a zoom call at 1:30 so will find someplace in town to sit and take that call as I can’t be sure I will be home by 1:30 and I drop calls between home and Emporia. I have a few things I need to pick up at Walmart so will try to make myself get those things tomorrow too.

Thursday I am meeting with my house builder at 2:00 to get the final estimates and floor plan. Not sure what happens after that as he hasn’t met any of his projected time tables yet. Last I heard he was going to plan on starting the foundation in August but I will believe that when I see it.

Friday I have to go back to town for exercise at 2:00 and to stop at the Vet’s office and get the dogs and cat their quarterly drug fix. If I miss the Chiropractor Wednesday I can stop in Friday afternoon.

Saturday I will pack and I leave Sunday for my trip to Costa Rica. The call I have tomorrow is with the leader of the retreat telling us what to bring, etc. She sent pictures of the waterfall and cave we will be hiking to and spending one night at. It looks absolutely amazing. It is a three hour hike up a mountain to get to it. I think I can, I think I can!

It has been a fun day since I got to spend time with Aunt Marylyn. It made the trip to Wichita worth it. I had kinda expected that the foot doctor wouldn’t have much to offer but I wanted to give it a chance. I’m excited that maybe the tree guy will finish up this week and the house builder will start pushing things forward. Things do eventually get taken care of – just not always on my timeline.

Sitting in a good head space today. I didn’t get drained today going to Wichita and I will take that as progress. I am watching my energy levels and attempting to get as full as possible before I leave on vacation Sunday. Hoping I will get lots of down time in Costa Rica so I can keep myself full while I am there.

Grateful for Aung Marylyn and all the love she shares with me, grateful Amazon had what the doctor recommended and grateful for a safe trip to and from Wichita.

Had trouble falling asleep last night but once I got to sleep, I got some good sleep. I was not ready to get up this morning but the dogs needed to go out. They did their business and then I walked them one by one until they did their other business. It was hot out even earlier this morning.

I went to town at noon for my 1:00 exercises. My trainer needed to move it to 1:00 today instead of 2:00. Took me 40 minutes to get to Emporia today. I got stopped by a train in Strong City and then the road construction.

I had 15 minutes extra so went to the sporting goods store at the mall and got a rain jacket and small backpack for my trip. The leader of the retreat recommended we bring those two items. I guess it is rainy season in Costa Rica and she said we will be getting wet a lot.

Went to exercise and did my 49 minutes of exercise. Felt like I got a bit of a workout today but they are never very strenuous. Decided not to stop at Walmart today – it was too hot to get in and out of the car. Came back home. I stopped at the Mexican restaurant on the highway at Strong City and got lunch and then came home.

I was still tired so took a nap. I’m still tired but the nap helped a bit.

Have had low blood pressure for some reason today. I am trying to drink extra this afternoon to see if that will help. This happens occasionally to me. My ears are plugged up and I don’t feel stable on my feet today.

My house builder sent me an email today and wants to meet with me later this week. I guess he has the estimates and contract ready to present. I let him know when I could meet with him but haven’t heard back from him yet. Maybe I will have a signed contract before I leave on vacation.

It showed 102 on my car temperature when I came out of exercise. That is too hot for me! There is a wind today but it feels hot and not very cooling. Kathy had the dogs inside when I got home this afternoon around 3:00. Their tongues were busy today trying to help them stay cool.

Tomorrow I have to be at the foot doctor in Wichita at 10:45 for my 11:00 appointment. Not sure he will be able to do anything about my toes but it doesn’t hurt to ask. The second toe crosses over my big toe and makes the big toe feel like I have an ingrown toe nail. I use a rubber toe spreader thingy and that helps but I have to be careful with it as it can shift and causes blisters.

After my doctor appointment I want to call my aunt and see if she is going to be home. If so, I will stop and visit with her for a bit. It is hard to not spend at least an hour with her as she does like to visit. I don’t have anything else to do tomorrow so I can stay for a bit.

Wednesday the leader of the retreat I am going to in Costa Rica is hosting a Zoom call to answer any questions we have about the trip. She never did send us a letter of what to take. The Zoom call is at 1:30. I get out of exercise at 1:00 so will go find a cool place to sit and take the call while I am still in Emporia. With the road construction I don’t think I will have time to get home before the call starts and I usually drop calls between Cottonwood Falls and Emporia.

Unless the house builder wants to meet on Thursday, I will get to stay home all day Thursday. Friday I go back to Emporia for exercise. Saturday I will pack and do all my last minute stuff and Sunday I leave for Costa Rica.

Haven’t decided if I am going to leave my car at Nicole’s and take an Uber to the airport or if I will just drive to the airport and park there. It is cheaper to take an Uber than to pay the outrageous airport parking fees. But my flight gets in late when I return and it would be easier to go to my car at the airport than to catch an Uber and then go to Nicole’s house.

I need to get my brother’s birthday package mailed tomorrow. It will be late arriving as tomorrow is his birthday. Better late than never? Can’t seem to get my act together to do things on time these days.

Still able to hold myself above neutral all day but barely. I can tell I dropped today being around people and going through the heavy traffic at the construction zone. Hoping the trip tomorrow won’t have so much construction and will go a bit easier.

Grateful the house builder reached out today, grateful the sporting goods store had what I needed today, and grateful for an afternoon nap.

I got more sleep last night than I did all week. Felt good to sleep lots. Wish it would happen more often.

I have taken another day at home of doing nothing. I feel fuller than I have for a long time. My soul needed two days of rest and quiet.

I fixed a meal loaf and broccoli for dinner. I hadn’t had a home cooked meal for a long time and had thawed some hamburger yesterday. I need to remember to cook more often.

I have binged watched ER all afternoon. I can’t remember how many seasons there are. I am on Season 4. It is surprising how many of the episodes I remember.

Tomorrow I have to go to Emporia for exercise at 2:00. I may stop and picked up a few groceries. I didn’t get any last week and need some basics.

A week from today I go to Costa Rica. Still haven’t make my packing list. Guess I better get that done before I go to town tomorrow so I can pick up anything I need. I am so looking forward to this trip.

Sitting in a good place tonight. I have been able to hold myself above the neutral level all day. Now to keep it there when I go to town tomorrow.

Grateful for lots of sleep last night, grateful for a home cooked meal today, and grateful for another rest day.

A lazy day today. I didn’t leave the house except to walk the dogs a couple of times. It is hot outside and we didn’t walk too far either time. I can’t imagine how hot it is going to be in July and August.

I am watching the old TV show ER. I started a couple weeks ago and am only on season three. They did lots more shows per year back then. The show is as good as I remember it being from days long gone by. I don’t think they make TV like they used to. Man, I must be getting old!

No plans for tomorrow either. I am hoping to take another rest day and work on refilling myself. I have needed a quiet weekend for a bit.

Next week is going to be fairly quiet. I do have to go to Wichita for a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday to have my foot looked at. I hope to go visit my aunt while I am in Wichita as I forgot to do that last time I was in town. Other than that appointment I only have to go to Emporia three times next week for exercise.

A week from tomorrow I leave for Costa Rica. Wow. That is sneaking up on me fast. It will be good to have a change of scenery for a little over a week. I am looking forward to this retreat. The timing of it is perfect for me. I have been doing lots of inner work lately and am ready for a new perspective.

Sitting in a better head space tonight than I have been lately. Staying home for a quiet day helps restore my soul. I have managed to embrace the empty space time today and enjoy it. I will take that as a sign of progress at last.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful for Netflix and old ER shows, and grateful for my A/C.

This day started with a quiet day at home. Kathy had to go to town so I had the dogs, cats and house to myself this morning. I took the dogs on a short walk together but it didn’t go well. I put them in their pen outside and took Sophia by herself. She was a bit stubborn this morning but did her business and we came home. Roxy declined my offer of a walk.

I went to town for exercise. There is road construction on Highway 50 and it is hard to know how long it will take to get to town right now. I left at 1:00. I got stopped by a train in Strong City and then stopped again for the road construction. It took me 45 minutes to make a drive that normally takes 20.

I did 45 minutes of exercise. It wasn’t very challenging this week and didn’t feel like I got a very good workout. Went to the Chiropractor afterwards. There was no wait today and he apologized for the delay Wednesday. Stopped and got lunch and then came home. It took about 30 minutes to get home today.

I have an on-line workshop that I am going to watch at 6:00 tonight. It is to last about 90 minutes and is on boundaries. I am hoping it isn’t the same content as the last class this instructor did. Guess if it is I can drop out.

Last night for my exercise I rode my stationary bike for 14 minutes instead of doing my stretches. I needed a bit more movement for my body and riding the bike scratched that itch for me. I was surprised I was able to go for 14 minutes as I hadn’t been on it for a long time. I read a book and the time went quickly. Maybe I can start riding again daily. It is getting too hot for me to walk much outside right now unless I happen to get up early and go.

No plans for the weekend. I may get two stay at home days back to back. That will be good for my soul. Still struggling with refilling and being able to hold my light. I came home from town feeling very drained this afternoon. When I left I was fairly full.

Things feel like I am on a pause for the moment. I don’t want to start anything new until I come back from vacation. There isn’t much on my calendar or on my to-do list right now. I will continue to sit in this empty space and allow my body, mind and spirit to settle and become one again. Trusting when I get back from vacation on July 8 I will then be ready to pick up something new and attempt to rejoin the world.

Grateful I left home early to get to exercise and I made it on time, grateful for two stay at home days ahead for me, and grateful I got back on my bike last night.

Got to have a stay at home day today. I didn’t do much and took a day of rest. It was good for my soul. Today was much easier than yesterday for me and I was able to get regulated and hold it for most of the day.

It was another hot day with temperatures in the low 90’s. Sure wonder how hot it is going to be in July and August with it this hot already.

We had our Solstice Ceremony this evening. We worked with the chart of consciousness and learning the types of things that pull us below neutral. We did an exercise that helped us find where we hold the energy of the feeling in our bodies when we fall below and learned some ways of helping it release.

I love this group of people that gather. I believe that if everyone had a safe group like this to gather with on a regular basis the world would be a much better place for all of us.

Tomorrow I have to go to town for exercise at 2:00. They are doing road construction on Highway 50 leading into Emporia. Not sure how early I need to leave in order to get to exercise on time. I hear the wait times can be up to 30 minutes if you catch it at the wrong time. If I remember after I get done with exercise I will go to the Chiropractor and get adjusted. I had to miss my time Wednesday as his office was too busy and I ran out of time to wait. He goes to lunch between 1:00 and 3:00 so I can’t go before exercise tomorrow.

No plans for the weekend. It will be good to stay home again for two days in a row. I am running on low and need more time home alone to get filled up again.

Yesterday I went about as low as I have gone for a long time. When I was finally able to name and claim what I was feeling I was able to release it and start to climb out of the rabbit hole I had fallen into. I had to give myself permission to grieve and release it.

Next week I have to go to Wichita Tuesday for a foot doctor appointment. My left foot has been bothering me. The second toe crosses over the big toe and makes the big toe feel like it has an ingrown toenail which it does not. Not sure the doctor can do anything about it but thought I would see what he has to say. I am seeing the doctor that did the four foot surgeries I had a couple years ago.

I leave for Costa Rica a week from Sunday. Oh my, that is coming up quick. Before I go to Wichita I will check and make sure I have everything I need and if not will take advantage of being in the big city and stop and get what I need.

When I get back from my vacation, I need to figure out what I am going to pick up to keep myself busy. I do better when I have a few things on my calendar each week. I love empty space but too much empty space is not good for me. Finding a good balance can be a challenge for me but I need to dip my toes in the water and start pulling some things in.

I am in a much better space than I was yesterday. I wasn’t sure I would be able to facilitate the group tonight yesterday but I think it went well tonight and am grateful I was able to host the group. Trusting the roller coaster ride I have been on lately will start to slow down and I will be able to stay regulated for a bit. Life sure is easier and more fun when I am regulated.

Grateful for my group of friends and their wisdom, grateful to be on the other side of the chart of consciousness tonight, and grateful for my teachers.

This has been another hard day at times. Not sure what is behind all these hard feelings that are coming up. Assuming it is grief with many heads. I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster and never know when a drop is ahead of me. I feel like I come up for air and then the bottom drops out again.

Went to Emporia at noon for exercise. I went in early and stopped by my Chiropractor’s office but he was backed up and there were three more people waiting before me. I waited for about 15 minutes but ran out of time. I had to be at exercise at noon and couldn’t wait any longer.

I like not having to have an appointment to see him, but there are times when the timing doesn’t work. If this happens again, I will stop going. I’m not sure that the adjustments are doing any good anyways so not sure it is worth the $59 a month I am paying. We will see where this goes. I know better than to make quick decisions when I am unregulated so will wait until I can hold myself above neutral before I make a final decision.

Exercise was OK. We are repeating sessions that I did when I first started. I don’t remember doing them. This week was another fairly easy week and one where I’m not sure I am getting much of a workout. The time went fairly quickly. I wasn’t in a mood to visit today so most of the time was spent in silence.

Took Ellexia out to lunch at Bruff’s afterwards. It is always a good time to spend time with one of my grandchildren. She was fairly quiet today too. I took her home after we had our lunch together.

Stopped at Walmart and got the things that were on my list. I didn’t need any groceries this week so only got the prescription that was ready and a couple of other things. Quick stop in the store and then I came home.

I took a bit of a nap when I got home. I didn’t sleep very deeply but needed to lay down and rest. Had very little to no energy this afternoon. Felt a bit better when I got up but haven’t felt like doing much.

Took Sophia for a mile walk. Both dogs were restless all afternoon. We took them out to their pen and they barked. Finally took Sophia on her walk and they have both settled down since. Not sure what their problem was today. They usually don’t behave like that.

Ran into the lady that had a problem with my neighbor’s dogs yesterday. Her dog had a bite mark on her back from the encounter yesterday. It is a bit scary having those dogs across the street knowing they attack other dogs. So far they haven’t come after my dogs. Trust that will continue.

Tomorrow is our Summer Solstice celebration. I am considering cancelling it. Not sure I have enough in my tank to lead the ceremony. I will make a decision tomorrow afternoon and go from there. I am running on very low energy right now and leading the ceremony takes a bit of energy. Just can’t seem to get refilled and then hold my energy for very long.

I’m sure part of this is the let down from all I had to do earlier this year. I pushed myself beyond my limits earlier and I feel like I am paying the price for that now. Part of it is the grief of losing Craig and my two dear aunts. Grief has a way of waiting for me to acknowledge it. It feels lonely and hard and raw right now. Giving myself grace and allowing the hard feelings to be heard and released. Not an easy thing to do but it is the only way I know through this path. It will release and lighten when it is ready.

Today was a rainy, cloudy day. I enjoyed the break from the heat although it was humid out. Areas around us got up to five inches of rain again. We didn’t get near that much but when Sophia and I walked down to the river I could tell the river was rising again.

No plans for the weekend. I only have 11 days left before I leave for Costa Rica. I picked up a few things I needed today. Maybe this weekend I will make a packing list and make sure I have all that I need. It will be so good to get away and change my environment for a bit. The retreat I am going on is a healing retreat and feels like it is just what I need right now. So grateful I listened to my soul a couple months ago and signed up for the retreat. A change of scenery can do wonders for me.

Tomorrow may be a better day. I never quite know what to expect and do my best to allow whatever shows up for me. I know this hard, dark path won’t last forever even when it feels like it might. This last couple of weeks has been unusually hard for me. This hasn’t happened for some time so maybe I was overdue. Stashing emotion doesn’t work well for me and I am paying the price for having done that. I am grateful the emotion is welling up and coming out. Better this way then to cause a problem in my body later on.

Grateful for exercise and the temporary relief it brings to me, grateful for the walk with Sophia tonight, and grateful that this too shall pass.

Went to Florence with a dear friend and had fried tacos at the Branding Iron. We should have shared a plate as they give you two BIG tacos. We each brought one home.

I had a deep conversation with my friend – soul food for me! I so love lunches like this with someone that I can go deep with. I came home feeling better than I have for a bit.

I have done two loads of laundry today but other than that it has been a lazy day. I tried to take the dogs for a walk when I got home from lunch but they just wanted to come in where it is cool and take a long afternoon nap. I will attempt to take them out later.

The old shop that was on my property went away this morning. I heard some machinery going and went outside to see what was going on. Two guys and a kid were out there loading it on a trailer. The kid, who told me he was ten years old, was running the machine that was lifting the shop up. I was so impressed with his skills.

While they guys were working the Sheriff stopped to talked to them. The Sheriff was a bit concerned about them hauling the shop down the highway today with the winds being 45 MPH. The Sheriff asked the kid for his driver’s license! He then said he liked seeing kids helping their parents and doing a man’s job.

The guys that took the shop are not the guy that I told that they could have the shop. Sure hope it went to the right people. They never did call me to tell me they were taking it nor did the guys that took it thank me for the shop. Maybe they were hauling it to the guy that I said could have it. Curious minds want to know! Oh well, it is gone and that is all I care about.

This morning I heard a commotion outside and went out to see what was going on. A lady that walks her two dogs with one on a leash and the other walking free, had walked by my neighbor’s house and one of my neighbor’s dogs jumped the fence and the dogs got into it. The lady used the leash to chase the dog away.

She reported it to the Sheriff and the Sheriff asked me about it while he was here. The neighbor’s dogs get out often as the fence is a normal sized chain link fence and they can jump over it. While I was talking to the Sheriff, I told him about the other neighbor’s dogs that have attacked me twice as I was walking the dogs. He told me to call him next time and he would issue a warning. The second time he gets a complaint about the same dogs, he issues tickets. He said he is trying to crack down on dogs running free and needs people to report them so he can help solve the issue.

A windy day sure feels different in town than it did on the hill. I can see the trees moving and can feel a breeze when I go outside but it sure doesn’t feel like it is very windy. We did notice it when we got on the highway and out in the open. Sure are a lot of tree limbs down all around and even in Florence.

Tomorrow I need to go to Emporia at noon for exercise. I have a short list of things I need from Walmart so hoping I can stop and get those things. Sometimes I can and sometimes I can’t make myself go in that store. I don’t think I need many groceries and what is on my list can wait if needed.

Sitting in a better head space today. I am gradually climbing out of the rabbit hole that I fell into late last week. Sometimes you have to go low to be able to go high again. Sure like being high better than the low but how would I know high if I didn’t know low? My mentor once told me the lower I can go, the higher I get to climb.

Grateful for lunch with a dear friend, grateful for climbing out of the rabbit hole, and grateful the shop is gone.

Another hot late spring day. It is cooling down a bit this evening. I just took Sophia on a walk and was surprised that the breeze felt cool. I wonder how hot summer is going to be this year with it this hot in June.

Had trouble finding sleep again last night. Not sure I got more than four hours of sleep and most of that came after 5:00 this morning. The dogs woke me up this morning and I had to take them out to pee. I tried to go back to sleep after that but had no success.

The rug I have in the living room wasn’t laid out properly and it was driving me crazy. I decided to fit that this morning. It is a very heavy rug and not easy to maneuver. I got it done though. I moved the TV so I could see it better from my chair but I don’t like how it makes the room look now. Need to decide if I need to rearrange the living room or just live with it like it is. I’m not very good at arranging furniture.

I heard some noises outside this morning and looked out the window to see what was going on. The guys that are taking the old shop were out there preparing to take it away. Evidently they are attempting to take the thing whole and will repurpose it. They got it lifted some today but haven’t come back to finish up. They didn’t let me know they were coming today. Oh well, as long as it goes away all is good.

Went to exercise at 2:00. Felt like I got a better workout than I got last week but it wasn’t a hard one by any means. The 45 minutes went fairly quickly and it was over before I knew it. I like when that happens.

Stopped and got some lunch and then came home. I need to make a Walmart run but today wasn’t the day for me to do that.

Came home and took a two hour nap. I will take sleep whenever I can find it these days. I may not sleep tonight but I may not sleep even if I didn’t take a nap. Don’t feel rested by any means but it did knock the rough edge off.

I’m in a bit better place today than I was yesterday. Still not as regulated as I would like to be but have been able to get there today, even if I couldn’t hold it for very long. Grief takes you on an unpredictable journey and sometimes all I can do is fasten my seat belt and hang on for the ride. I am finding it isn’t something I have any control over at all.

Tomorrow I am meeting a friend for lunch. That will do my soul good. When my journey gets rough, I tend to isolate and sometimes that isn’t in my best and highest interest. However, when I am struggling I don’t like to let others to have to deal with me.

The rest of the week is quiet. My trainer was going to go on vacation and I was going to do exercises at home on Wednesday but she had to change her plans as one of her children needs surgery on Thursday. I was looking forward to having both Wednesday and Thursday as stay at home days but guess I will be going to town on Wednesday as normal.

I have less than two weeks before I go to Costa Rica. I need to get serious about making a list and making sure I have what I need to take with me. I ordered a swim suit on-line and it came in today. I haven’t opened the package yet and tried it on so need to do that to make sure it will work. I still have time to get another one if it doesn’t fit.

The timing of this trip is excellent. I need to change my scenery for a bit and get out of my normal routine. This trip will fit that bill nicely and provide me with some guidance too. I enjoy spending time with the leader of the retreat and am sure she will help me open internally and find some things that I am carrying that need to be put down.

Grateful for a cooler evening today, grateful I got the living room rug repositioned, and grateful for a better day today.

Happy Father’s Day to my daddy. Even though he has been gone for 24 yers, I miss him and his physical presence in my life. He continues to guide me and help me when I need it the most.

This is my kids first Father’s Day without Craig. It has been a hard day for all of us. The grief is still fresh and hard and his presence is very much missed. I missed texting Craig today and thanking him for being such an awesome father to my kids.

I haven’t done much today. It has been a hard, emotional day and things felt hard today. I knew better than to attempt to do anything as I knew it wouldn’t go easy, My TV disconnected from the internet and it was all I could do to reconnect it. I got it done but…….

The empty space today has felt heavy. I heard the inner voice pushing me to do, do do today. I had nothing on my to-do list to do and couldn’t think of anything to do. I had an inner struggle going all day long. Haven’t experienced that for a bit.

When I zoom out and observe myself, I know grief is finally breaking through and coming out. When that happens, my logical brain stops functioning and it is hard to turn down the inner critic. It helps to write this out and see it for what it was.

One of those days, they happen! The good news is tomorrow will be here soon enough and holds new possibilities and potential.

Grateful for the life and love of my daddy, grateful for the life and love of Craig and grateful tomorrow is a new day.

Had trouble finding sleep again last night. Didn’t fall asleep and stay asleep until about 6:00 this morning. Sure makes for a long night when I do that.

I did three loads of laundry today and managed to get it all folded and put away. Even washed the sheets on my bed and have the bed made. Other than that, I have done absolutely nothing. I decided the best way to get myself above the neutral level was to take a day and rest, read, and relax. So far, it is working.

I need to go get some gas for the lawn mower. Kathy was ambitious today and push mowed the yard. We are out of gas so I need to refill the tank. She had enough to get done so no rush to get it refilled.

I also need ice so will go get ice and gas either tonight or tomorrow. Luckily the gas station at Strong City sells both so I won’t have to go to Emporia. I refuse to buy gas at Casey’s as they put a big hold on my debit card for five days.

We are in a severe thunderstorm watch but I don’t think the storm is going to come this way. I keep checking radar and making sure it hasn’t changed directions. It sure is hot and humid out.

I went out mid-afternoon to take the dogs on a short walk so they could potty. Neither one was interested in that – all they wanted was to come inside. They came in and sacked out and slept hard for a couple of hours. They must stay on alert the whole time they are in the fenced area as they come in acting very worn out. When it cools down this evening, I will take them each for a long walk. It is too hot to do so now.

Feels good to take a lazy day and not attempt to do anything. It is good for my soul to be for a day and allow that to be enough for the day.

Grateful for a day of rest, grateful for A/C this hot afternoon, and grateful Kathy mowed the yard today.

Took the dogs on their walk one by one this morning. Roxy was not in a good mood this morning and fought me the whole walk. I ended up dragging her home. Not sure what her problem was but it was not a fun walk for either of us. Sophia did much better and tried to drag me a couple of times.

There are a lot of tree limbs down in my neighborhood. We must have had some high winds last night. A couple houses north of me there is a tree on top of a car. The car didn’t fare too well as both the front and back windows are broken as well as the sun roof. There is a limb sticking out the back window.

The city of Cottonwood Falls sent a big truck around this morning and a crew were picking up the big stuff. I could hear chain saws most all morning as people attempted to clean up.

I picked up a few branches out of my yard and put them on my big burn pile. I am grateful the tree guy has been working in my yard and got things cut down already. He hasn’t been back for a week or so but he can’t get his heavy equipment on my yard when it is wet. We got lots of rain again last night so I doubt that he will be back until mid-week next week.

I went to exercise at 2:00; This week has been a hard video to do. The lady that leads this week talked way more than we actually exercised. We did stretches using a towel. The second and third time through the video I started doing the stretches while she talked so I could get a bit of a work out in. Some weeks are easier than others but this one was hardly a workout at all. It felt like a waste of time as we didn’t do much exercise. That felt harder to me than the ones where they really work me.

I have struggled to stay above the neutral level today. Not sure why I am cranky today but I am. I got sleep last night but have felt tired all day. I should have gone back to bed this morning after I walked the dogs. Just one of those days I guess. I was hoping exercise would help me get regulated today but it didn’t do much for me today.

I took the band-aide off my skin tag removal site this morning and forgot to put another one on. I kinda forgot about them all day until Kathy asked how they were dong. There are two little black spots where the skin tags used to be. They didn’t bother me during exercise today. They must be doing OK since I don’t notice them.

No plans for the weekend as far as I know. I trust I will get two stay at home days and get myself filled up again. I feel really drained and empty today. I took a trip to Wichita Tuesday and then Topeka yesterday. It must have done me in.

My builder’s secretary emailed me today to see where we are in the process. Funny she didn’t know and had to ask me. I told her the ball is in their court and I am waiting for a final estimate and contract. Wonder how long it will take them to get back to me. Beginning to wonder if I chose the right builder.

I have been paying more attention to the things that trigger me and attempting to identify the emotion behind them. Sometimes it is easy for me to do that and sometimes it eludes me completely. I find it fascinating to observe how my brain works and the patterns it runs. Reprogramming my brain is hard work sometimes! The brain loves repeating patterns and it takes lots of conscious awareness to interrupt those patterns and allow for different possibilities.

At some level I understand the issues I have been working on are issues that I will continue to work on this lifetime. Sometimes I spiral out and sometimes I slide back down and have to repeat the lesson. I feel like the last couple weeks I have slide back down and am struggling to get back to the level I was a bit ago. Such is life. Up, down, round, up, down, and on it goes. Experiencing the whole range of emotions is good for the soul although not always pleasant to go through.

Grateful I didn’t have much tree damage during the storm last night, grateful the skin tag removed process is healing quickly, and grateful for new learnings about how my brain works.

After a night of very little to no sleep, I got up at 6:30 so I could walk the dogs before I had to leave at 7:30 to go to Emporia. It was muggy and icky out that early this morning.

I got to Emporia at 8:00 for my 8:15 doctor’s appointment. I got called back around 8:15. The doctor cut off two skin tags in my right armpit that had gotten angry and were bothering me. He injected me with numbing medication and attempted to cut one off but it wasn’t numb enough so he put some more medication in. He then got both of them cut off with no pain. He had to use the zapper to stop the bleeding on both of them. The nurse put a big band-aide on the site and I was done.

I have to keep it dry and covered for 24 hours and then apply Neosporin three or four times a day and keep them covered until they heal. I can take a bath tonight as long as I don’t get the area wet. I can shower in the morning but I need to keep the water from hitting the wound directly.

They haven’t bothered me today so am hoping they will heal easily and in a couple of days I can forget they were ever there.

After I was done I texted both Jason and Tagen to see if they wanted to meet me at Commercial Street Diner for breakfast. Tagen is going to the Royal’s game today and was busy getting ready but Jason met me and we enjoyed breakfast together. It is always a good day when I get to spend some one-on-one time with one of my kids.

Came home after breakfast and laid down for an hour to try to get a nap. Not sure I slept very much but felt a bit more rested when I got up.

I had to leave at 11:30 to drive to Topeka for a Cardiologist appointment. I saw a Nurse Practitioner today for the first time with this doctor. I liked her and we had a fun discussion about parenting. My Cardiologist is the proud parent of twins that are turning one this week. Last time I saw him they had just been born and he was terrified. The NP said he is still terrified and a very nervous parent.

They did an EKG and ordered a heart monitor for me to wear for two weeks. She agreed I could wait to put it on after I return from Costa Rica. I don’t want to mess with it while I am on vacation. They have to get insurance permission and that can take a week or more.

I don’t think we talked about my heart very much during the appointment. We got to talking about travel and parenting and skipped right over my heart.

Came home afterwards. I need to get a swim suit for my trip but today wasn’t the day for me to do that. I stopped at the Dollar General and got some big band-aides and some Neosporin to treat my wound and then came home. It is 96 out today and too hot to be out and about.

Sometime this evening I need to do my 15 minutes of exercise. I don’t think it will bother my armpit to do them. If it does, I will substitute a different stretch. I will do the same tomorrow when I go for exercise. By next week I should be good to go without worry.

Tomorrow I have to be in Emporia at 2:00 for exercise and may stop and see if I can find a swim suit then. I have to be in the right mood for that little shopping experience so we shall see what happens.

So far I don’t have anything on my calendar for the weekend. Hoping I get two stay at home days back to back but we shall see if that can happen.

We are in the path for some severe storms this evening. The storm certainly has some heat to work with. Trusting they won’t do any damage.

Next week is so far looking quiet for me. I am meeting a friend for lunch on Tuesday but other than that the only other things I have on my calendar is exercise three days in Emporia. Not sure what I will do with my empty space. My to-do list is empty right now which feels good. I can always find something to clean if the mood strikes.

My trip to Costa Rica will be here before I know it. I leave June 30 so only have a little over two weeks. It will be good for me to get out of my normal routine and have a new experience for a week. I do need to put together a packing list and make sure I have everything I want to take.

The new A/C at this house is working well. I’m so grateful I got that put in before this heat hit. It is keeping every room in the house nice and cool. I will be curious to know what my electric bill will be with using the A/C 24/7. The other house had solar and the electric bill in the summer time was rarely over the minimum charge of $38.

I was able to stay regulated today while I was in town both times. That kinda surprised me as I didn’t get much, if any sleep last night. I think I would have gotten into trouble though if I had decided to go shopping today in Topeka. I am just above the neutral level and I need to be several steps above neutral to handle a shopping experience.

Grateful the skin tags in my armpit are gone, grateful for a safe trip to and back from Topeka, and grateful I got to have breakfast with Jason.

Busy day in Emporia today. I went in at 11:00 to go to my Chiropractor for my weekly adjustment. I didn’t have to wait for him at all today. After the adjustment I had 25 minutes to spare so stopped by the Clinic to get my TSH levels checked. Unfortunately the lab was backed up and it took all 25 minutes plus five to get out of there.

I got to exercise five minutes late. My trainer was ready for me when I got there so got in and did my 50 minutes of exercise and got out of there.

Met with a couple at 1:15 to help them with a tax issue. They forgot some of the papers we needed so they went home to get those and came back. A session that I thought would take 15 minutes ended up taking over two hours. Found a program IRS offers that might help them out of a pickle they are in. Took a bit to gather all the information needed to get that form filled out and ready for them to mail.

Stopped by Walmart and picked up a couple of things and then headed for the hills. A friend had a happy hour today and I stopped and went to that. Ended up staying two hours. We sat outside in the shade and enjoyed the country, company, wine and food. I needed some relaxation after my busy time in town.

Got the TSH results back and they are back under 4. Still a bit higher but about two points lower than they were four weeks ago. I doubt that the doctor will change my dosage of medication. I will have them rechecked again in 6 – 8 weeks and see where they are.

I am ready for bed but it is only 7:30. I doubt that I stay up very late tonight. I have to be in Emporia by 8:00 in the morning so will have to get up and get moving early tomorrow. My family doctor is going to remove a skin tag that is under my arm. It swelled up and is tender to touch. Don’t think it should take too long to get that little procedure done.

I have to be in Topeka at the Cardiologist at 1:00 tomorrow afternoon. I have two stops I want to make in Topeka since I will be there so will either go a bit early or take care of them afterwards.

Friday I have to go back to Emporia for exercises in the afternoon. Hoping this weekend I get to stay home all weekend but we shall see what happens.

Still haven’t received the tax coupons my accountant mailed almost two weeks ago. Grateful I had them make duplicates and got them taken care of earlier this week. Not sure what is up with the mail these days but it sure can be slow at times.

Felt good to be in service today. However the situation this couple that I worked with is in is depressing and heartbreaking. Not sure how they survive and keep on going. They are going to attempt to move within the next month and they are hoping that will lead to an easier life for them. I wish them all the best and trust things will break in their favor soon.

Seeing poverty face to face sure makes me grateful for all life has given me. There but for the grace of God goes I. At one point in my life I was in deep poverty and managed to work my way out of it. I had the support of a family though and to tell the truth, I never felt as poor as I was. I always managed to have food to eat and a house to live in with running water and electricity. That is more than this couple has.

I am really tired tonight. I had trouble finding sleep last night and didn’t go to sleep until well after 3:00 this morning. I might call it an early night and go to bed before the sun does tonight.

Sitting in a good head space tonight. I was able to stay regulated while I was in Emporia today. My tank feels a bit low this evening but I am not empty. I will take that as a sign of progress.

Grateful for a comfortable house with A/C and electricity and water tonight, grateful for a cabinet and refrigerator stocked with food, and grateful for friends to meet with.

Happy anniversary to my parents who were married in 1948. Trusting they are celebrating together on the other side of the veil. I felt their presence today as I was driving through the hills.

When I got up this morning I noticed some pain under my arm in my arm pit. I first thought I had a bite of some sort. But when I looked in the mirror I realized it was an inflamed skin tag. Not sure what set it off. It is one that I have needed to have removed for a long time as it is very hard to shave my pits with it there. I called my doctor and have an appointment Thursday morning at 8:15 to get it removed. It has been hard to lower my arm today as it is sore. It will be good to get it taken off.

I drove to Wichita late morning. I wanted to go back to Costco and get some more pants for my trip to Costa Rica the end of this month. I had gotten one pair last week when Kathy and I had gone and I really liked them so went back and got two more pairs. Found some other stuff I didn’t know I needed. I had also gotten two bras last time I was at Costco and liked them so got some more of them too.

Went to Chipotle for lunch and was then going to go visit my aunt but got very tired and decided to come straight home. When I got home and got the car unloaded I laid down and took a two hour nap. I had slept last night so not sure why I got so tired. Guessing my body is catching up on some sleep that I didn’t get for a couple of weeks. I will be surprised if I can sleep tonight but I might.

Last night I did my video of exercises. My trainer had needed to back out of my session Monday and was going to try to reschedule for Thursday but Thursday got filled up for me and I was going to have trouble finding an hour to go to the gym. I went ahead and got them out of the way. They were easy and most of them I had done before.

I was still in a bit of a foul mood when I started them and doing them helped moved some energy for me and helped me release the mood I was in and lift me back up over the neutral level. It really showed me how important movement is to my body and how it can help keep my central nervous system regulated.

I took Sophia on a mile plus walk this evening. We walked down to see the river and came back home. She was dragging a bit by the time we got home. I offered to take Roxy for a walk but she politely refused and wanted to go in the house. The dogs have been good for me to get me out walking.

Tomorrow I will go to Emporia for my weekly session with my Chiropractor and then go to exercise. After exercise I am meeting a couple and helping them with a tax issues. I need to stop and get a few groceries when we get done with their tax issue. At 4:00 I am going to a friend’s house for happy hour. If I remember I will stop and have a blood draw before I come home so my TSH levels can be checked. I will do it Friday if I forget tomorrow.

Thursday I have the doctor’s appointment in Emporia at 8:15 to get the skin tag cut off. I also have a doctor’s appointment in Topeka at 1:00 for a routine Cardiologist check. Friday I go back to Emporia one more time this week for another exercise session. So far the weekend looks wide open so I will get two stay at home days.

Jason has some trees in his back yard that need to come down. Not sure I want to know how much that is going to cost. They should have been taken down a long time ago but I didn’t know about them. This bill will be on me as it is something that should have been taken care of before he moved in. Seems like there is always something that needs taken care of with one of the rental properties.

Sitting in a better place and space tonight than I was last night. I am working on learning my triggers that deregulate my central nervous system and the universe is providing plenty of examples for me. Once I learn my triggers, I can learn how to catch myself responding to them and not fall so far down the rabbit hole before I stop myself.

I find it fascinating to learn things about myself and how my brain works. When I fall below the neutral level, my brain does not function logically and rationally like it does when I am above. I know moving my body helps me raise my energy level but being able to make myself do that when I am below neutral is hard.

Grateful for a safe trip to and back from Wichita today, grateful my doctor could see me this week to cut off the skin tag, and grateful to learn something new about myself today.

I slept last night even after all the sleep I got yesterday. I didn’t fall asleep until after 3:00 but I was able to sleep in until almost 9:00. Man! I had forgotten what sleep can do to a body. Feels good!

My trainer had to cancel our session today as she had to take her child to a doctor in Topeka and the appointment ran late. I had to run into Emporia as I needed to pick up the estimated tax coupons from my accountant. She told me they were mailed over a week ago but they haven’t shown up in my mailbox yet. I called her today and asked to duplicate the package she mailed me. They are due Friday so needed to get a check written and mailed so it will arrive on time.

The tax estimate was way more than I expected it to be. Yikes! Hoping she way overestimated and I will get a big refund come next April. I have to pay taxes on some depreciation I claimed when I had the retreat center and the AirBnb. It sure seems like a lot of tax considering no more money than I made when I had the business. Better safe than sorry though and this should avoid the tax penalty for owing more than $1,000. Feels good to get that taken care of.

I am in the process of deep cleaning my bathroom. It was disgustingly dirty and needed a really good cleaning. I am hand moping the floors and they are drying now and I will finish the rest of it when I am done writing. Good thing the bathroom and laundry rooms are small and they don’t take too long to clean.

I got my 2024 blog copied through the end of May, three-hole punched and put in a binder. Feels good to get that project completed too. I sure would hate to lose my work like I did before. I know there is supposed to be a way to back it up on-line but haven’t been able to make it work yet. Sometime I need to call the website that manages my blog and have someone help me figure it out. Making paper copies seems old-fashioned and takes up a lot of space. It is kinda fun though to occasionally pick one of the binders up and read through my life during a specific time frame.

Nothing on my calendar for tomorrow but I may run to Wichita and get some things for my trip to Costa Rica. I would rather get that taken care of sooner rather than later. I may stop and visit with my Aunt while I am in Wichita. I may make a full day of it. I’ll see how I feel in the morning.

Sitting in a weird place today. Have a situation on my mind and the solution hasn’t presented itself to me yet. I have struggled to stay above the neutral level today. When I drop below neutral my normal practices don’t work as well so am having to do some new things to first help me get back above neutral so my logical, rational part of my brain will kick back in and help me find a solution. I am slowing rising back up this afternoon. Moving my body by cleaning has helped a bit move this stuck energy up and out.

Grateful the bathroom is clean, grateful the tax situation got taken care of, and grateful the blog has been copied and printed.

This has been a day of sleep for me. I was way overdue for a crash and burn day. I slept between 10 and 12 hours last night, was up for 2 hours then slept 2 to 3 more. Geez, I haven’t had that much sleep for the last two weeks combined. I’m still tired and could go take another nap right now. Wonder if I will sleep tonight?

Took Sophia on a long walk late afternoon. We walked down to check out the river. We got almost 4 inches of rain very quickly last night. The river is raging and high. There is a chance it will close the road between Cottonwood Falls and Strong City sometime tomorrow afternoon. It may get to the ditches but not close it. We shall see what happens.

If the road closes the only way to get to Emporia is to go all the way to Cassody and then up the turnpike to Emporia. That will take an hour or so. I will cancel my exercise class tomorrow if the road closes. Kathy has to go to Emporia at 1:00 and is hoping she can make it the easy way to town.

I got my 2024 blog printed out yesterday. Now I need to three hole punch the paper and put it in a big binder. It is an easy job but one I have to be in the right mood to do and so far that mood hasn’t come. I’ll get to it sooner or later.

If I can get to town tomorrow I will go in for exercise at 2:00. I don’t have any errands to do so it will be a trip to town for that and then I will come back home. It is good to have lots of empty space right now. I still haven’t taken the time to process all the grief I am holding from the three deaths in my family last month.

I have very little on my to-do list right now. It feels weird to have an empty list after all the chaos of the first half of the year. It will take me a bit to get used to not having a long list of things to do and to settle into this new energy around me.

Grateful for sleep at last, grateful for the rain we received, and grateful for this empty space.

This has definitely been a rest and recovery day. I had trouble finding sleep last night and got maybe two hours. I may give in and take a nap yet today. I hate to start that cycle but a girl has to do what a girl has to do.

I did manage to get everything from the party last night put away and the dishes done. I even got out the rug shampoo and cleaned the back car seat where some salsa had spilled. I’m not sure why they sent the salsa in a pan full to the top with only a lid of sorts on it. It needed to be in a gallon jar with a tight lid.

I got the dining room touched up with paint. I still need to take the ladder to the shed and put it away but made progress. I did put all the paint supplies away except for the ladder. I need to get the cooler emptied of water bottles and then I can get everything returned to the shed. I am still drinking the left over iced tea so will probably wait until I decide I need to dump and clean the cooler and then take everything at once.

We got a good storm during the night. Someone reported Chase County had a 62 MPH wind gust. Kathy said she noticed lots of limbs down all over when she walked the dogs this morning. I have a few little ones down but not many. We got some real hard rain for a bit. I need to order a rain gauge so I know how much rain we get.

I am working on making copies of my blog. I try to remember to do that every three months but realized I hadn’t made any copies yet this year. It takes a while to get through them all. I have finished through March so far and will continue to work to get April and May copied. I lost several years of blogs once as they upgraded the program I used and somehow had a glitch and lost my stuff. Since then, I try to remember to make a paper copy of the blog quarterly.

It is warm and muggy out today. I’m grateful I didn’t get tickets to go to the Symphony. I don’t do well in the heat and today would have done me in.

I still haven’t received the tax coupons I need from my accountant. I was told they mailed them over a week ago. I may need to call them Monday if I don’t get them on Monday and have them make another copy of them as they need to be paid by the 15th. This time I will stop and pick them up I am guessing they mailed them to my old address and it takes a while to get things forwarded.

This coming week will be a quiet one for me. I will make my normal three trips to Emporia for exercise and I have to go to Topeka on Thursday for a doctor’s appointment. The rest of the week is empty space. That feels good for my soul to me. This week turned out to be busy and I need some quiet time to completely refill and recharge.

One day next week while I am in Emporia I need to stop and get a blood draw. My Endocrinologist wanted me to have my TSH recheck four weeks after the last one since it was so high. Sure wish I knew what to do differently to help stabilize my TSH levels. They are a roller coaster going up and down like crazy.

I read the report of the MRI I had done yesterday. Everything is rather normal with some noted arthritis in places. He did not change the order as I had requested so they did my back and not my hips. Thinking I need to get a second opinion about my hips. I will wait and see what he has to say Monday when they call me with the results.

I do need to start thinking about what I need to take with me to Costa Rica. I know I need a new swimming suit but not sure what else. I have three weeks to gather what I need as I leave June 30. I’m so looking forward to getting away for a week. It will be an adventure for sure.

Sitting in a better space than I did yesterday. I am tired but able to relax more today. My mind is not going 100 MPH and I am not as cranky.

I’m grateful the kids had the event last night and am grateful it is over. It felt liked it closed one door and is now allowing other doors to open for me. We will all continue to grieve Craig’s passing and will do so the rest of our lives. Learning to live and carry grief is a challenge. Our world forever changed when he died. For a bit one hopes things will go back to the way they were but that is not possible and it takes time to accept that.

Grateful for a rest and recovery day, grateful the paint job is complete, and grateful for the love and life of Craig.

What a day. It feels like I packed four days worth of stuff into one day. I took the dogs one by one on 3/4 mile walks each this morning. Roxy did OK but Sophia was more interested in chasing squirrels than walking or doing her business. It was warm and muggy out by the time I finished walking them.

I went to Dollar General and got some ice for tonight’s event. Had to wait for someone to check me out for a bit but got what I needed and came home. I put a case of water bottles in the cooler and got them on ice and fixed a big jug of iced tea. A tea bag broke open somehow while it was steeping so I put a tea towel over my big strainer and set the strainer on top of the ice in the big jug. That worked to catch all the little bits. I ruined a tea towel doing that as it got stained tea brown but I have plenty of tea towels so no worries.

Went to a friend’s house who was hosting an open house to show case her sewing talents and another’s friend’s pottery. I came home with a cup one of them made and the other one turned it into a pin cushion. Creative and practical – my type of thing. Was nice visiting with some people at that event.

Went to Emporia for exercise at 2:00. I was not in a good mood when I went but as always I felt much better at the end of exercise after moving my body for 45 minutes. Sure wish it would keep me motivated to do exercises knowing how much better I feel when I am done but it is hard to remind myself of that sometimes.

Went to the hospital for an MRI after exercise. I didn’t have to wait very long to get taken back and the MRI only took 15 minutes. I took a short nap while the machine was doing its thing on me.

Came home and got the car loaded up with things for the event tonight. Kathy took one dog for a walk and I took the other. We came back to Emporia and went to Casa Romas to pick up dinner.

They had the things ready for us and helped get it loaded in my car. I had pulled my car illegally into a spot to get it loaded. Just as we were finishing loading the car I got a phone call from 911. I thought they were calling me to tell me someone complained about how I had parked. But the fall alert had gone off on my Apple Watch and I hadn’t turned it off. When I had finished paying I had thrown my purse into my car. I had attached my Apple Watch to my purse when I had my MRI. It must have gone off when I threw my purse into the car.

As I was talking to 911 Jason called. As I was talking to Jason Nicole called. Michelle sent a text. Evidently when the fall alert goes off the people I have designated as emergency contacts get notified. Geez, I kinda scared all three kids to start the evening off.

After things calmed down from the false alarm, we got to the reception site and got the car unloaded. Luckily Jason was there and helped us get everything unloaded. Michelle and Nicole showed up as we unloading and helped get the last of everything inside. It didn’t take long to get things set up for the dinner.

We had time to sit down and eat and enjoy our dinner before people started showing up. We didn’t have a very big crowd but those that came were special people in our lives and we appreciated everyone that came. I got to see Michelle and Nicole’s best friends from their high school days who I hadn’t seen in years. They were like my daughters back in the day. Our supervisor from our McDonald’s days came and he was like another son. One of my special kids from back in the days came with her mother. We sat and recalled things that had happened in the past. It was a great evening.

Some of Craig’s best beer Friday friends came and they had a nice time too. We had way too much food but the VFW said they would set it out tomorrow and treat their customers to lunch. We invited the customers at the hall tonight to come over and help themselves – several did.

The kids helped me get the car loaded when it was all over and Kathy helped me get the stuff all in the house when we got home. I still need to put some things away but it may wait till tomorrow. I am wiped out!

Kathy and I each walked a dog when we got home so that job is done for the day. The tree guy had come again today and did more chopping and clearing of the back tree line. Not sure what his plans are for next week. There are some more trees in the side yard that need trimmed up too so am thinking he will be back either tomorrow or early next week to finish up. Not sure I want to know how much that all is going to cost but it sure looks neater.

Need to figure out something to put on the dirt that is free and clear now with all the shrubs and trees gone. Kathy mentioned getting some flower seeds and throwing them out there to see what happens. I have never had much luck with grass seed so may try the flower seed thing.

Tomorrow is a rest and recovery day with nothing on the calendar. I have a feeling I will need it. I am about spent tonight and my tank is mighty low. It was a fun night visiting with old friends and I am glad the kids did this event. We were all a bit disappointed not too many came but it was delightful seeing the ones that came.

Grateful to see old friends tonight, grateful to have an evening with all my kids, and grateful this day is over.

Another night of little sleep. I must have taken too long of a nap yesterday. Oh well, I am used to functioning on little to no sleep.

I had gotten some dipping almond bark the other day and some Ritz crackers to make the grandkids some treats and had never gotten them made. I took the time to get those made this morning since I was going to meet Tagen at 1:00 this afternoon.

The tree guys showed up this morning and has worked all day. I’m not sure if he will get done today or not. Wow. What a difference he is making to my fence line in the back of the property. We didn’t used to be able to see our neighbors behind us as the tree line was so overgrown. Now they can see us and we can see them. I think I will like it when he is done. It certainly looks cleaner and neater. I can always add a privacy fence at a later date if I decide we need to do that.

I went to Emporia around noon today. I picked up Tagen and we went to the Vo Tech to pay his summer and fall fees. I had paid his summer fees earlier and knew I hadn’t paid enough but the kid that was at the desk said what I paid was all he could collect. Good to get that taken care of for my buddy.

I took Tagen and Ellexia to Bruff’s for lunch afterwards. Service was a bit slow today but the food was good. I always enjoy time with my two grandkids. They are like having lunch with adults these days.

After lunch I took them home and then went downtown to get my hair cut. I stopped to confirm the cookie order for tomorrow and was surprised when they told me the order was ready to go. I went and got my hair cut and then went back and picked up the cookies. That will save me some time tomorrow. Since I was at Price Chopper I went ahead and got the few groceries I needed instead of going to Walmart afterwards.

I don’t have any plans for the rest of the day. Tomorrow is Craig’s event so will need to get some bottles of water on ice and make a big jug of iced tea in the morning. I never unloaded the things for the event from when I bought them at Costco so they are already in the car and ready to go. I did bring the cookies in as I didn’t want them to melt in this heat. I will get everything loaded up and stop at Casa Romas at 5:30 and pick up the taco bar stuff and then go to the event. Easy as can be!

The hospital called and scheduled my MRI for tomorrow. I have exercise at 2:00 and the MRI is at 3:15. I will have enough time after that to come home, load up and then I will go back to Emporia.

When I did the webinar yesterday on how to regulate my central nervous system, what she was saying felt familiar but I had trouble figuring out why. I realized today that I use the Chart of Consciousness as my guide to knowing if my central nervous system is regulated or not. When I fall below neutral that is my sign that I am not regulated. No wonder what she was teaching felt familiar. We just use different words to say the same thing.

She recommended I keep a trigger journal for two weeks and everyday note the things that cause me to become dis regulated. Once you can name something and claim it, you then can recognize the pattern it causes and then you can make different choices when it happens.

It is impossible to set a goal of never becoming dis regulated. That is part of being a human. But one can learn when they become dis regulated how to more quickly regulate yourself again. My goal for each and everyday is to spend the majority of the time above the neutral level on the chart of consciousness or another way of saying that is to spend the majority of of my time with a regulated central nervous system.

I will practice using the meditation technique she taught to see if that helps me next time I catch myself in the dis regulated state. The struggle is once I become dis regulated, my brain operates differently and is not as logical and rational as I would like it to be. Maybe the technique she taught will help restore my brain function faster.

I love learning new things about myself and ways to help me stay above the neutral level. I have a strong desire to not contribute to the negativity in this world and the best way I can do this is to stay as conscious about my behavior and actions as I know how and work to stay above the neutral level. Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?

Grateful for mentors that cross my path, grateful for a haircut, and grateful to spend time with my grandkids today.

Got some good sleep last night but when that happens I tend to want even more sleep afterwards. Not sure why it works that way.

Got up and took the dogs for walks one by one. It was nice and cool this morning. We didn’t get much rain from the storm that hit south of us. 20 miles from here got several inches of rain- I doubt that we got 1/2 inch.

Had to be in Emporia by noon for exercise. I left around 10:45 as I needed to go to the Chiropractor before exercise. He did his weekly adjustment on me and then I took my car through the car wash. Got to exercise a bit early but my trainer was available so we got started early.

After exercise I picked Ellexia up and brought her out here. She had a friend in a camp at the Chase County High School and they were going to go swimming when her friend got out of camp at 2:15.

Ellexia helped me take the dogs on another long walk. She walked Roxy and I took Sophia. Neither dog was well behaved on this walk. They were more interested in chasing squirrels than listening to us.

We picked up Ellexia’s friend and I dropped them off at the pool. I came home and took a nap. I was tired and had little to no energy to start putting the living room back together again. I had finished painting it last night.

After my nap Kathy helped me moved the bookcase back into place. The floor is very uneven where it sits and it kept trying to tip over so decided I better have help moving it back. No worries as we got it back into place without issues. I still need to hang the pictures back up and vacuum the rug and the living room will be back together again.

I like the color I chose but it will take some getting used to. The other color was much lighter and the color I have on the walls now makes the rooms feel just a bit smaller.

Tomorrow I have to go back to Emporia for a haircut at 2:30. This appointment was way over due but I was trying to time it for my trip to Costa Rica so my hair will be OK when I go on vacation. It will feel good to get my hair shaped up again.

I need to stop and pick up a few groceries while I am in town tomorrow. I don’t have much on my list this week so I won’t bother placing an on-line order.

Friday I have exercise at 2:00 and then I will go back to town by 5:00 to pick up the things for Craig’s event at 6:00. It will be good to see all my kids again and anyone that comes. I have enough food to feed at least 50 people and probably it would stretch to feed up to 75. Hope to see lots of people that Craig knew.

Nothing on the calendar for Saturday. I may meet the kids in town for breakfast Saturday morning but not sure who might be available to do that. Nothing else planned so I may get two quiet days at home. I’m sure after Friday night I will need to refill and recharge myself.

Next week looks fairly quiet. I do have to go to Topeka on Thursday for my annual checkup with my Cardiologist. This time I am seeing his nurse practitioner. I haven’t seen her before but usually find they are easier to talk to than the doctor is.

One of these days I need to see what I need to take for my trip to Costa Rica. I know I need a new swimsuit this year and probably need a couple more pairs of pants that wash and dry quickly. I may make a shopping trip to KC next week and pick some things up.

Lots of empty space ahead for me. I am aware of how it is feeling in my body and continue to sit with that feeling and allow. These last five months have felt like I stepped back into going at life at top speed and I need to remind myself and my body that it is OK to slow things down. It sounds so simple to do but after a hectic couple of months it is proving to be a challenge for me. I am not allowing myself to fill the time with stuff to do right now as I need to break this pattern I am in. Once I get comfortable again with empty space and slow speed, I will find somethings to pick up and do.

Grateful for an afternoon nap today, grateful to get to see Ellexia for a hot minute today and grateful I know why I feel uncomfortable right now.

I moved things around in the living room this morning to see if I could get to the walls to paint. I almost tipped the bookcase over but got it moved safely. Everything else moved easily.

I met a friend at the Grand for lunch. I needed to pay my water bill and needed the exercise so I walked to lunch and back. Had a delightful visit with a dear friend. It was good for my soul!

Came home and started painting the living room. I had a webinar to attend this afternoon so I listened to that while I painted. I had to stop and do a meditation practice but I needed a break from painting by that point anyways.

After the webinar Kathy and I went to a friend’s house for Happy Hour. It is good for my soul to sit and visit with some like-minded women. Came home and started painting again.

I am almost done. I needed to take a short break and find some energy to get the job done. I won’t get the room put back together again tonight but will finish up the painting.

The webinar was interesting. It was put on by the lady that is leading the retreat I am going to in Costa Rica. She taught us how to regulate our central nervous system and talked about how that can help one heal. I’m not sure any of it was new information for me but she connected some dots for me that helped me understand the process better. I’m grateful I listened to the webinar today and know it will help me in the future. It makes me excited for the time I will get to spend with her in Costa Rica.

I like the color I choose for the living room and dining room. The living room is one shade lighter than the dining room. The color name is Quietude. I think I choose the color for the name. It is a soft sage green. Somehow it warms up the rooms and gives them a more comfortable feeling. I will be grateful when I get the room put back together again in the morning.

Tomorrow I have exercise at noon and then I am picking up Ellexia and bringing her home with me. She is meeting a friend at the Cottonwood Falls pool mid afternoon. Not sure how they are getting home but guess they have that covered.

I sent a bunch of emails and messages to people today to follow up on some pending things. My accountant responded that they mailed my estimated tax coupons last week. I am thinking they must have mailed it to my old address as I haven’t gotten them yet. They are due June 15 so still have some time. My property manager retired and one of my rentals got transferred to another property manager. I hadn’t received any paperwork so I checked to make sure we were good to go. The new property manager said we are good to go. Not sure that makes sense but whatever. I scheduled a haircut for Thursday. Good to get those things all taken care of this morning.

I’m getting tired tonight. I woke up around 5:00 this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. I didn’t take a nap today so am running on low speed tonight. I really want to push through and get this painting done tonight. I only have one full wall and part of another one and I will be done. I think I can. I think I can.

It does feel good to get this painting project completed. I may do another couple of rooms another week but these two rooms were at the top of my to-do list. Good to get them crossed off the list.

Best get back to painting so I can get it done. If I sit much longer I won’t be able to get back up again.

Grateful for a wonderful lunch with a dear friend, grateful the painting project is all but done, and grateful for mentors that teach good stuff.

I painted the dining room today. It is an easier room to paint than the living room will be as the stuff in the dining room is easier to move. Got the dining room floors hand washed and everything back in place. I like the color – it is kinda a sage greenish color. The living room will be one shade lighter than the dining room. I may get the living room painted tomorrow – we shall see what happens.

I went to Emporia for exercise at 2:00. Afterwards I picked up Ellexia and took her out to lunch. I hadn’t seen her for a bit so it was good to catch up with her. Took her home after lunch and then I went to Walmart to get a new cat box and tray. Hope this combination will prevent cat pee from getting on the floor.

I painted the dining room before I went to exercise and put the room back together again when I got home. As I sit in my chair and look at the dining room I see some touch up spots I need to take care of. I will do that before I take the ladder back to the shed after I finish the living room.

I turned the A/C on this morning. It was so humid the paint wasn’t drying very fast and I was sweating too much. The house is much more comfortable with the A/C on. I love having the fresh air blow in but the humidity is making that hard to allow. It will be hard for Kathy to keep her windows closed as she much prefers no A/C. I told her I would compromise and if she needs her windows open she can close her door. Not sure how the animals will tolerate that but it is the best compromise I can come up. I hate cooling the house when a window is open and the humidity comes in.

Walmart was out of my favorite yogurt so will have to go back Wednesday when I go to town for exercise. Not sure I will need any other groceries but maybe something will pop up on my list by then. I picked up the tablecloths and napkins today for the event Friday. I think I have all I need for that event now. Catering sure makes things easy.

I am meeting a friend for lunch in Cottonwood Falls tomorrow but other than that it will be a stay at home day. Hoping to get the living room painted and put back together tomorrow.

It felt good to see the fruits of my labor today. Too many days go by and I can’t see anything that I did. It alway amazes me how a coat of paint can reset the energy of a room and house. Slowly but surely we are claiming this house as ours.

Sitting in a good head space today. Completing a task helps. My to-do list is the shortest it has been for a long time. Lots of empty space on my calendar right now. I am still thinking about how I want to start filling some of that empty space. I made this move to create more empty space and don’t want to fill it with meaningless things. I’m trusting that the right things will drop into my lap sooner or later.

Grateful the dining room is painted and clean, grateful I got to have lunch with Ellexia today, and grateful the evening is full of empty space.

This has been a very non productive day. Woke up feeling achy all over and absolutely no energy. Decided to make it a rest day and go with the flow. I dozed off and on in my chair most of the day.

For some reason my shoulder hurt during the night and most of the day. It does that for no reason every once in a while. All my joints seemed to hurt today. They are finally calming down this late afternoon. Wish I knew what made them do that.

Tomorrow I have to go to Emporia for exercise in the afternoon. I need to stop at Walmart and picked up a few things. I have got to find a solution to Ellie, my cat. When she uses the litter box, she sticks her ass over the side and her pee goes on the rug or the floor. It makes a smelly mess. I need a high sided litter box and maybe one with a lid. I’m tired of cleaning up her messes.

I am feeling better now. I may even attempt to do some painting yet today. I sure would like to get that project taken care of.

The dogs spent most of the day outside in their new pen. They seem to be adjusting to it better. They rarely bark while they are outside. When we bring them in the house after they have been outside, they sack out and sleep lots. Kathy took Ellie outside and put her in the pen today too. She hid behind the dog house most of the day. Not sure she liked being in a big pen.

I sure enjoy having the dogs outside for a bit each day. The house feels much bigger when they are both outside.

Chalking this day up to a day of rest. Trusting tomorrow I will have more energy and will be able to do something. Some days are like this and I have learned to listen to what my body wants and allow.

Grateful I had nothing urgent that had to be done today, grateful for a day of rest, and grateful my energy is starting to return.

Grateful it is June. May was a tough month for me on many levels. June feels like a fresh start. Here is to good things to come!

Had another night of little to no sleep. It was a long night trying to find sleep. For some reason my left shoulder hurt and it would wake me up if I managed to fall asleep. Not sure what its problem was.

Decided to not try to paint today since my shoulder was whining. Kathy and I drove to Wichita and went to Costco instead. I needed some things for Craig’s celebration of life event Friday and it seemed like a good time to go and get that taken care of. We went, filled a cart, and came home. Didn’t make any other stops while we were there.

I took a short nap in my chair when we got home. Hopefully it was enough so I can stay up until bedtime and then get a good night’s sleep tonight.

While we were gone, Phil fixed the dog pen. He attached two sides of it to the house and enlarged the circle. We took the dogs out and put them in it and they don’t know what to think. So far, they have not barked or tried to jump up against the fence. It is six feet tall so should be tall enough they can’t jump over it. They have lots of shade and their dog house to hang out in. I trust they will adapt to it and grow to like it. It sure is nice having them outside for the daytime. I will have to bring them in at night or they will bark all night long.

Phil is building a privacy fence between my yard and his. There used to be some overgrown bushes there but he took those out a week ago and is putting up the fence this weekend. I may get my side of yard by the fence covered with gravel so I have more parking. I use the end of his driveway to get to my property as that is where the curb cut out is. It would be nice to have designated space for more than one car.

Kathy and I walked downtown and watched the parade. It lasted about 45 minutes. Lots of horses, tractors, etc. Fun to watch the people and all the children with their bags gathering the candy that is thrown. It was a beautiful day for a parade and there were lots of people on the sidelines watching. The rodeo is going on this weekend and this is cowboy country. The rodeo doesn’t interest me in the least. I went several years ago and got my fill for a long time.

My shoulder is feeling better this afternoon so may attempt to do some painting yet today. I have about 30 minutes of moving things out of the way before I can paint either of the rooms so may get that part of it started at least. Hate to create chaos but that is part of the process.

I should get to stay home all day tomorrow. So far, I don’t have anything on my calendar to do. It is nice to have a quiet weekend at home. Next week is fairly quiet too which is the way I like things.

I bought a few clothes today. I need to start thinking about my trip to Costa Rica and what I might need for that. I only travel with a carry-on bag and will be gone for eight days so will need a few things I can wash out and wear a second time while I am gone. I’m guessing it will be warm here so need some light weight clothes to take. Still need to get a couple more things but got a good start on it shopping at Costco.

Sitting in a better head space today. The empty space this afternoon feels healing and restorative for my soul. I can feel myself relaxing into it and allowing myself to be. It is nice not to have a very big to-do list and allow myself to rest and be.

Grateful for a safe trip to and from Wichita today, grateful my shoulder is feeling better this afternoon and grateful the dogs are outside for the day.

Low energy type of day. Yesterday must have drained me. I actually slept last night but never have found my on button today.

I went to Emporia around 1:00. I stopped and got two bags of dog food at Bluestem. I ordered some food for next Friday night’s celebration of life party for Craig, and then I went to exercise.

I managed to get through exercise. I usually feel better when I am done than when I started. It sure was hard to drag my ass in to exercise today. Grateful I went and made it through.

Stopped and got a bite to eat and then came home. It is going to be hard to stay awake until bedtime tonight.

I was going to stop at Walmart and pick up some things but town was too busy today with all the gravel bike racers and support teams in town. Everything I needed can wait until Monday. I wasn’t in the mood to fight a crowd today.

No plans for the weekend except for getting the living room and dining room painted. Trust I will find some energy tomorrow and get that job done. The only hard part of the job will be moving everything out of the way to paint and then hanging the pictures back up. The rooms aren’t very big or tall so painting itself will be easy and will go fast.

Next week is a quiet week. So far both Tuesday and Thursday are empty space days. It feels like it has been a long time since that has happened. We shall see if they remain empty when they get here.

I read there is a chance we could see the Northern Lights again tonight and tomorrow night. Tonight there are too many clouds but I will check tomorrow night and see if I can see them again. What a sight they were a couple weeks ago.

Feeling a bit depressed for some reason today. Thinking all the emotions of the month have caught up to me and I am starting to release some of them. I have had three members of my family die this past month and it has been hard to process it all. I’m grateful I have a quiet weekend at home so I can allow this emotion to come up and flow out.

Hard to believe I have been in this different house for a month now. In some ways it feels like it was yesterday and other ways it feels like I have lived here for a year. Everything is settled and in its place. I will find little tweets to make for some time to come but otherwise it is the way it is going to be. So far, I have really enjoyed the change in my lifestyle. Life feels simpler and easier with less responsibilities.

The guy that is removing the old shop let me know he is still going to take it. He said he was working on the timing of getting it removed. I applied for a permit for the tear down but haven’t heard whether it was approved or not. Not sure how that process works. Guess it will get removed sooner or later, permit or not. It will be good to have the old shop gone and space cleared for the new house to be built.

Still haven’t heard from my builder. Last time I spoke with him was mid April and he said he would be in touch in a couple of weeks with the price estimates. Ummm…. Guess his calendar is different than mine.

I still haven’t heard from my accountant either. I have to pay estimated taxes and I think they are due June 1 but maybe they aren’t due until June 15. Hard to pay them when you don’t know how much to pay. She had said it would take her about a week to figure everything. That was three weeks ago. Ummmm….Guess her calendar is different than mine.

Same story with the guy that is clearing the tree line. He said he would be out within a week but that was two weeks ago. Guess his calendar is different than mine too. Sure wish people would do what they say they were going to do when they said they would do it.

Struggling to keep myself above the neutral level today. I need a couple of stay at home days to reground and regroup and refill. It is amazing how quickly I drain these days. Trusting I can refill this weekend and be able to hold my light for longer periods going forth.

Grateful the dog food is restocked, grateful I went to exercise today, and grateful for a quiet weekend ahead.

Happy birthday to my daughter Nicole. I am so very proud of the woman she has become and so grateful she chose me to be her mother.

Another night of very little, if any sleep. I must have taken too long of a nap yesterday. It sure makes for a long night when I can’t sleep.

I took the dogs on walks, one by one this morning. We walked down to see Kathy at the coffee shop this morning. They are always excited to see her. Sophia did her business but Roxy was too busy smelling things to do hers.

I had a doctor’s appointment at 10:30. They were running late today so didn’t see the doctor until 11:00. I have had pain in my hips since my physical last August that hasn’t gone away. He thinks it is a muscle that is too tight but I wanted to make sure it wasn’t something else.

The doctor offered me a couple of options. I can do physical therapy, get X-rays and the MRI, he offered me oral steroids or an injection in the muscle. I elected for the X-rays and MRI to make sure we are treating the right thing. If it is what he thinks it is, I will probably ask for the injection in the muscle to see if that will give me some relief.

He ordered some X-rays and a MRI if insurance will pay for it. I might have to do physical therapy before insurance will pay for the MRI. He ordered the MRI for my lower back and not my hips – not sure I understand his logic for that.

I read his report when I got home this afternoon. He said he counseled me to go to ER or return to him if my symptoms get worse. Ummm…. I don’t remember him saying anything like that during my visit.

I wanted to be in Council Grove to meet a friend for lunch so didn’t get the X-ray after my appointment. I drove to Council Grove and had a long lunch with a dear friend. It did my soul good to have a deep conversation with a dear friend.

Drove back to Emporia after my long lunch and got the X-ray taken care of. The results are back and I have mild arthritis but nothing else showed up. Good to know!

I stopped at the venue where the kids are hosting Craig’s Celebration of Life Beer Friday event next Friday, June 7. I wanted to see what it looked like and I had some questions for them. Got answers to my questions and got some things rearranged. I have some homework I need to do tomorrow to help the kids host this event.

Finally got home around 4:30. Took the dogs out to potty and have been resting in my chair since. It has felt like a busy day. Good to have some quiet time this late afternoon and evening. I do need to do my home exercises yet but other than that have nothing that I have to take care of.

I sent Phil a text and asked him to come finish up setting up the dog fencing. The kid and a friend of his came over last night and kinda set it up. It isn’t very stable and not completely connected so needs some adjusting. They used a power wrench to put the bolts on and they are too tight for me to loosen and rearrange it. I’m grateful for Phil and his fix-it abilities.

Tomorrow I have to go back to Emporia for exercise at 2:00. I need to stop and get a few groceries and then can come home and tuck in for the weekend. I am craving a couple of stay at home days.

I might get to the painting job I want to get done sometime this weekend. My shoulder is much better today and I think it will be good to go. It has sprinkled on and off today and is not a good painting day. Hoping I will get some sunny days this weekend and I can get the paint job completed.

I have a quiet week next week. I will have to go to Emporia for exercise three times and Friday evening is Craig’s Celebration of Life party. Other than those things, I have nothing on my calendar. Yay! Hoping I get two stay at home days during the week next week. It seems like something comes up most weeks and I don’t get to do that very often.

Doing my best to keep myself above the neutral level. There is a lot of chaos in the world right now and it is easy to get sucked down a rabbit hole. I truly believe the best thing I can do for myself and humanity is to stay focused on keeping myself above the neutral level and not get caught up in the chaos. If the majority of people could do that, the world would be a much better place for all.

Grateful for a dear friend that allowed me to have a deep conversation, grateful the fencing project has begun, and grateful the doctor is working with me to find a solution to my hip pain.

Woke up feeling achy this morning. The dogs were anxious to go out so got dressed and took them for their walks, one by one. Sophia tried to make me run this morning – like that was going to happen! At some point she tried to take off and pulled on my arm. It hurt my shoulder. I didn’t feel anything pop so she didn’t do serous damage but it is sore today. Roxy was more interested in chasing squirrels than doing her business.

Went to Emporia a little before 11:00. I had to stop by my insurance agent’s office to add another rental to their insurance policy. Went to my Chiropractor. He worked on my sore shoulder and a spot that has been bothering me on my lower back. Went through the car wash and took the time to vacuum my car afterwards.

Got to exercise a bit before noon. I had to modify two exercises today as I couldn’t twist my arm in the right position to do the exercises today due to the sore shoulder.

I got a text from the high school kid that is going to set up my dog kennel. He could meet me at 1:00 today to pick up the material. Perfect timing as I got out of exercise at 12:50. I went over to Tractor Supply. They didn’t have their act together today and it took about 20 minutes for someone to meet me in the yard to pick up the order I had placed on-line this morning.

Someone else drove through the open gate when the girl opened it for me so had to wait for her to load them before we could get loaded up. Finally got what I had ordered and headed home.

My kid unloaded the material and then had to go do something else. He is to come back sometime soon and set up the kennel for me. Not sure when to expect him back. He is busy working in the fields and doesn’t have a lot of free time. Guess it will get done when it gets done. At least I now have options if he doesn’t get here to get it set up. I might be able to find someone to help me do that part easier than finding someone with a pickup to meet me and bring the kennel to me.

I came in and sat in my chair and had a sandwich after the kid got the kennel unloaded in the back yard. I have dozed off and on all afternoon long. My on switch didn’t seem to work today and I have been tired and cranky all day. My afternoon nap felt good and I am finally feeling almost ready to wake up and start my day.

Yesterday was emotionally draining again and I needed a rest and recovery day today. Feeling a bit empty again and will need to allow some more time to refill and reground. I decided not to even attempt to get something done today as it probably wouldn’t go easy and I am not in the mood for anything hard today.

Tomorrow I have a doctor’s appointment at 10:30 and then I am going to Council Grove to meet a friend for lunch. That is just what I need! Having a deep conversation with a dear friend is restorative for my soul.

Friday I have to go back to Emporia for exercise in the afternoon and then I need to check out something afterwards. Hoping I can stay home this weekend.

I almost need to turn the A/C on today. It has reached the mid 80’s today and that is about my upper limit before I turn on the A/C. It is to cool down a bit this week so will try to wait it out. I don’t do well when it is hot and above 84 is my limit of heat tolerance.

Haven’t painted today and doubt that I will. I need to let my shoulder quiet down a bit before I put it to work painting. I am hoping by the weekend I will be good to go painting.

This has been one of those days where it is best that I stay home in time-out for the sake of humanity. I had absolutely no patience earlier today and could have picked a fight with anyone that looked at me. I’m grateful I am in a better place this afternoon but still feeling a bit vulnerable and like I could erupt easily. Quiet time at home should fix that.

Grateful the dog kennel material is at the house, grateful I was able to adapt a couple exercises today, and grateful that I can stay in time-out away from people for the rest of the day.

Kathy and I went to Marion for the funeral of our dear Aunt Glenda this morning. We stopped on the way to drop off the desserts at the Lake Hall where the lunch was served after the burial. I’m grateful I thought to do that as the Lake Hall had a refrigerator and I didn’t have to worry about things melting in the heat of the day.

The funeral was well attended. The procession to the cemetery in Florence must have been a mile long. I was impressed with the number of people that pulled over out of respect and waited for all of us to pass.

There must have been close to 100 people at the lunch afterwards. I took a cheesecake, chocolate sheet cake, no bake cookies, peanut butter balls and a pudding dessert. The cheesecake and pudding dessert were all eaten and there were only a few pieces of cake and cookies left. I brought a few leftovers home but left most of them for the immediate family.

It was good to see extended family members that I hadn’t seen for some time. Not sure I got a chance to visit with all of them but did my best to talk to each of them. We need to figure out a way to get together when it isn’t a funeral.

Aunt Glenda had a huge impact on many people and will be greatly missed. She had a servant heart and quietly took care of people in many different ways. She was a dear friend to many and had a knack for treating everyone she knew with grace and love. What a legacy she leaves.

I had trouble sleeping last night. I don’t think I fell asleep until after 5:00 this morning and had to get up around 8:00 so we could leave by 9:30. I may take a short nap this afternoon or else I will attempt to push through and go to bed early.

I got some paint yesterday so I can paint the living room and dining room but I am too tired to attempt that project today. Maybe tomorrow morning I can get it started before I go to town for exercise at 11:00. There is no rush to have that project done so it will wait until I have lots of energy on another day.

I don’t have anything I have to do today so will probably call the rest of the day a rest day. I guess I have to do my 16 minutes of exercise but that almost doesn’t count. The dogs will need a long walk later today too. Kathy took them for their walks this morning. It feels good to sit in the quiet of my house this afternoon and allow myself to refill and recharge.

Tomorrow I have to go to town for exercise and my weekly chiropractic adjustment. I don’t think I need groceries so it will be a short trip to town. I do need to stop one of these days soon and get a bag of dog food but I’m not out yet so it can wait if needed.

Funerals have a way of keeping a person humble. One never knows when it is their time to go. I am working on not leaving things unsaid or undone in my relationships with others. One never knows if I will see others again or not. Today was the third funeral I have attended in less than a month. Trusting it will be the last one for a bit. It does remind me to be wise in how I spend my time and make time spent with loved ones a priority.

This has been another beautiful day. It was a touch warm at the cemetery but not too bad. The drive to Marion was lovely. It is nice to see the ponds full for the grazing season this spring. Everything looks very lush and green.

Grateful for the gathering of friends and family today to honor Aunt Glenda, grateful for the legacy of service and love she leaves all of us, and grateful for quiet time this evening at home.

Happy birthday to my son-in-love Geoff. I have his birthday card sitting on my desk – guess it will be late. Can’t seem to get my act together and make things happen on time lately.

Made a four layer pudding dessert, a cheesecake and a chocolate sheet cake to take to the funeral lunch for tomorrow. I did OK cooking in my small kitchen. I did learn I can only fix one thing at a time. I had to do dishes after each dish was fixed and put things away and then start fresh with the next thing to make. I don’t have much counter top space so couldn’t leave things out. I got it all done – just took a bit longer than I am used to.

I may bake a batch of cookies tonight yet but not sure yet. I’ll see if my energy comes back a bit. We will do OK without them if I decide against it.

Kathy and I got the yard mowed around noon. She did the push mowing and I did the rider. When I got home from exercise I went out to put the mower in the shed and it won’t start. Not sure if I didn’t get it turned off correctly and it ran the battery down or what. I tried ten different ways to get it to start but it is dead. I’ll have to figure out what to do about it. Not sure who to call for help.

Went to the family reunion for about 15 minutes before I went to Emporia for exercise. Most of the people there I will see tomorrow. Good to get to visit for a hot minute with those I saw today.

Went to the paint store before exercise and picked up enough paint to do the living room and dining room. I couldn’t decide between two different colors so got one gallon of each. I will do one room in one color and the other in the other color. They are the same color family, one is one shade darker than the other. I don’t think I will get started on it tonight. It will probably wait until Wednesday.

After exercise I took Tagen out for lunch. We were going to go to Bobby D’s but they were closed so we went to Radius instead. Food was good but service a bit slow. Tagen had ordered some macaroni and Cheese and it tasted burnt. I sent it back and it took them over 30 minutes to replace it. He took it home with him to eat for dinner tonight. He ordered a 12 inch pizza too and took part of that home with him. He will be set for leftovers for a day or two.

It was nice to spend some time with Tagen. We had a good conversation over lunch. His college classes start later this week. Hope he can mange to work full-time and take 12 college hours this summer. It may be more than he bargained for.

Dropped him off after lunch and came home. Time to sit in my chair for a bit and rest. It has felt like a busy day. Exercise time went by fairly quickly. We used the resistance band today which is not my favorite thing to do but only used it three times. They took 50 minutes today so will be sure to get my 150 minutes a week in this week even without the home exercises.

Tomorrow Aunt Glenda’s funeral is at 11:00 so will need to leave here around 9:45. It will take me a bit to load the car up with all the desserts I made and the pop I am taking. Have to figure out a way to keep the cold stuff cold. I’m afraid the chocolate things might melt in this heat.

Wednesday I go back to Emporia at noon for exercise. Not sure I have anything else I have to do in town so it will be a quick trip to town. Thursday I have a doctor’s appointment at 10:30 and then I am meeting a dear friend for lunch in Council Grove. Friday I go back to Emporia for exercise at 2:00. I am hoping next weekend I will get two back to back stay at home days. We shall see if I can make that happen.

Sitting in a good head space today. It felt good to get in the kitchen and make some things. Once I figured out to do one thing at a time and clean up after each one it went fairly easy. Just need to allow a bit extra time when I cook in this small kitchen. Things feel possible again for me. I had dropped into a dark space for a bit but it feels like I climbed out of it today. Trusting I will stay up and out for a bit.

Grateful the desserts are ready for tomorrow, grateful to have seen some extended family members for a hot minute today, and grateful to have been able to spend time with Tagen today.

I took the dogs for their walks this morning. Sophia and I walked downtown and back. She did her business and did well on the walk. Met some people on the street that loved on her for a bit. She soaks that right up.

Took Roxy next. We went downtown too. She was more interested in chasing squirrels than walking though. We were about a block from home and two dogs came charging after her. I was walking her in the street. I yelled HELP a couple of times and a lady comes and gets her dogs. I thank her and she says yeah.

This is the second time those dogs have come after us. They growl and my dog growls back. It scares me as I’m not sure what to do if the dogs start fighting. I could easily get hurt in the dog fight. I need to decide if I want to report her or not. Cottonwood Falls has a leash law and she could get a ticket. But if I don’t report her and it happens again for the third time and someone gets hurt that would be on me.

Took a quiet morning and didn’t do much. It has been a low energy type of day for me. I did get the chocolate covered peanut butter balls made for Tuesday. Have several more desserts to make tomorrow. Trusting I will have more energy then. They will get made even if I don’t’ but it would be more fun if I have energy.

Need to do some house cleaning but that hasn’t capture my interest yet. It seems to patiently wait for me to get to it. It will get done when it gets done. No one is coming over so there is no rush to get to it.

We missed most of the storms last night. The wind blew hard for a short bit and we got some rain but not much. Areas around got lots of rain and some wind damage. We seem to miss most of the storms. Have a chance for more rain tonight.

Not sure if what rain we did get will prevent the tree guy from coming this week or not. I bet he gets busy when storms come through. Limbs on a vehicle or house are much more urgent than cleaning out my tree line. He will get to it when he can.

Tomorrow I have to go to Emporia at 2:00 for exercise. I may try to get some paint for the living room while I am in town if the paint store is open. Can’t remember what will be closed for Memorial Day. I will also get several more desserts made for Tuesday.

Tuesday is Aunt Glenda’s service and lunch. It is always good to see family – just wish we would gather when it wasn’t a funeral.

Wednesday and Friday I have exercise in Emporia. Thursday I have to go to Emporia in the morning for a doctor’s appointment. I won’t get a day at home again until next Saturday and Sunday.

Friday June 7 the kids are hosting a Beer Friday for Craig at the American Legion in Emporia from 6:00 – 8:00. Come have a beer on Craig and help us celebrate the many wonderful things he did in his lifetime.

Other than exercise and Tuesday I have lots of empty space again on my calendar this week. It is doing me good to sit in this empty space and allow it to refill my soul. I had forgotten how to slow down and be. I will someday soon pick up something new to fill my time but am allowing myself not to rush into anything right now. I still have lots of grief to process and allow to rise to the surface of my awareness. Three deaths in one month has drained me completely. It will take time to refill and adjust to life without some precious loved ones.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful the peanut butter balls are made, and grateful for a beautiful spring day after the storms last night.