August has come and is almost gone in a big blur to me. I’m having trouble processing all that has happened this month. I feel like I flushed the month away!
Not feeling as perky today. I got a huge lift yesterday from the fluids. I needed to be reminded what feeling better felt like. I don’t have that same feeling today but can remember what it is at least. Something to look forward to soon.
Stomach cramps are much better. Still having diarrhea x ten so far today but it is a big relief to have the stomach cramps gone. I am on clear fluids yet today as the diarrhea hasn’t gotten down to a manageable number yet.
I did manage to make it down to check on the baby chickens. All are well and they seem to be enjoying this cloudy, cooler day. I realized while I was down there that I need to have Jim do a feed run before he heads for Stillwater Wednesday. The chicks are eating more everyday and will need another 50 pound bag of feed soon. I’ll have him get two just in case they really start eating big time which I have a feeling they will. They are growing fast and like to try out their flying skills. I am finding them in the nesting boxes now and up on the top rung of the roosting bars.
Am working on making masks off and on today. Not very motivated or energized to do much so mainly resting. I can only sit for so long though. Thinking a nap will be in order this afternoon. I laid down for a bit a while ago but didn’t go to sleep.
Got a note back from my doctor’s office. I had asked some specific questions and don’t feel like they answered any of them completely if at all. His nurse is going to pray for me though. Maybe that will help me know when to start eating agin or what type of probiotic to take. Yes, I know that was full of sarcasm but really I was not in the mood for that response this morning. Just answer my questions – is that too much to ask?
My Endocrinologist on the other hand sent me back a very appropriate note and directly answered the question I asked her.
I was beating myself up last night for not going into the ED sooner. Then I realized Friday I spoke with my doctor’s office and my temperature had broken and both of us thought I was getting better. Saturday things were a bit better but still going on and I went in on Sunday. I really could have only gone in one day sooner. Time is doing a funny dance with me right now and not making sense.
I’m still trying to make sense of the world these days. The division seems to be growing and things keep coming so fast I don’t think many of us can process all that is happening and make sense of it. There are so many lies, propaganda and half truths out there to sort through. The outright corporate and collective greed is overwhelming. Protecting the stock market seems to be the goal of some. The continual evidence of racism grows and yet the resistant to facing that fact also seems to be growing. It gets harder and harder to find common ground with those that are on the opposite side of the fence.
What does one do with all of this?
For today I sit with it and allow it to be in my heart. I remind myself I don’t have to know any answers. It is OK to sit with the questions. I will continue to keep my heart as open as I know how to do so and do my best not to become part of the problem. Somedays that is hard, though.
Grateful for the reminder of what feeling good feels like, grateful the stomach cramps are gone and grateful it is OK not to have to know answers to hard questions.