Man! It is cold outside. I wasn’t ready for that today. I had to turn the fireplace on to warm up after walking down to take care of the chickens. I am NOT ready for winter. What happened to fall? Oh, it is Kansas so it will be back tomorrow!
I didn’t make it to town today. Had yet another mix up with my Endocrinologist office. This is becoming a frustrating occurrence with them. My levels were too high again and I knew she would want me to go to 5 days on the liquid Tirosint and two days on Synthroid. I let her office know I was out of the 112 dose and asked if they would call in a new prescription unless the Doctor wanted to try a lower dose of the Tirosint that I would take seven days a week.
The office called in a prescription for the 100 dose instead. I already have those. I sent a third message to them to let them know and so far nothing was done. Dang it anyways. I will wait to go to Emporia until this gets straightened out and I can pick up all my prescriptions at the same time instead of making three trips. The pharmacy was out of the Tirosint so they can’t fill that until Monday so guess I will go to town Monday so I can pick them up.
It has been cold, cloudy and dreary on the prairie today. Kinda fits my mood. It has been a bit of a rough day emotionally for me. I realized I am in the in-between stage right now. I don’t feel comfortable when I am in this stage. I am usually a quick decision maker and go for it and then make course corrections along the way. Not being able to make a decision and getting on with it makes me feel stuck and uncomfortable. I asked for a lesson on patience – careful what I ask for – right?
Jim will be home tomorrow late afternoon. I need to think of something to fix for dinner in the crock pot so we can eat when he gets here. The drive time can vary depending on traffic, etc.
I have done lots of thinking and note writing since Jim has been gone. Sometimes I need silence to gather my thoughts and sort through them. I had a lot of clutter in my mind that I needed to clear and some deeper thoughts that needed room to come to the surface so I could put into words what I was feeling. I gained some good insights into myself and why some feelings were present. I had not recognized how emotionally empty I had allowed myself to become. I take full responsibility for not tending to my own needs. I have a life time habit of putting others first. I have done lots of work to change that but this lesson seems to keep spiraling around and giving me more chances to work on it.
I am working on a list of things that I can do to take better care of myself. It still feels selfish to make a list like that. Yet I understand I can’t give to anyone else unless I am coming from a full state of being. Knowing and doing seem to be two different things at times with me. When I am full – emotionally, spiritually and mentally, I handle what ever life throws at me. When I run on empty I am an emotional mess.
We got some light sprinkles on the prairie this afternoon. Wish we had gotten a good thunderstorm with lots of rain. The cracks in the yard are deep and wide enough you could break your ankle if you don’t watch where you are walking.
Grateful for the insights I had about myself today, grateful for another quiet day at home, and grateful for my warm fireplace that warms my body on a cold day on the prairie.