Happy birthday to Jim. He turns 74 today. He got a card from my Aunt Glenda and a letter from my brother Max. It is always a good day when you get personal mail. Rarely seems to happen these days.
I realized this afternoon I haven’t been blogging lately. I am going through some tough stuff right now and when that happens words can be hard for me to find. I have a very hard decision to make in the next couple of weeks and am taking lots of time to sit with it and make sure I make the right one for me. Lots of people will be impacted with my decision and I need to make sure I handle this as well as I know how to do.
Looking backwards things become clear to me sometimes. Sure wish I could see the same clarity looking forwards. I feel like I have been buried under a pile of rocks and have come out from being buried and am seeing things in a new and different way. Hard to accept what I am seeing and hard to believe I didn’t see it before.
I’ve been spending lot of time reading and educating myself on what I am facing. I will see my mental health counselor again this week and will seek her help in sorting everything out for me. I met with her once last week and have three more appointments booked with her over the next three weeks. It is always helpful to get an outsider to look at things and help me fill in the blanks and course correct me if I am seeing things wrong. Part of me is still holding out hope that things might change but part of me knows it won’t. When I can get my gut, heart and brain to agree then I will know what to do.
I baked Jim a two-layer German chocolate cake for his birthday dinner. That used to be my favorite cake too! I won’t join him in having a piece though as I no longer eat flour or sugar. It was fun making it though. He is getting liver and onions for his birthday dinner if I can handle touching the liver to put it in the skillet. One of his favorite meals. I used to make it years ago but haven’t made it in a long time. I trust it will turn out OK. The recipe I found said to soak the liver in milk before you cook it. I had never done that before but decided to try it. We have some left over Shepherd’s Pie in case the liver doesn’t turn out OK. I have some chicken tenders to fix for me.
Gotta love KS weather. We had a hard freeze earlier this week and today it is in the 80’s. This is the time of year that you need to change clothes three or four times a day to be comfortable depending on what the temperature is.
Grateful for professional mental health counselors, grateful for books that teach me, and grateful for the support I have from friends and family.