Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Home sweet home! It sure seemed to take a long time to get home today. We made it almost to the OK border before we stopped for the night last night. We ran into lots of fog, rain and road construction and neither one of us like to drive after dark. We hit the road a little after 8:00 this morning and pulled in my driveway around 1:30 this afternoon. So very good to be home.

My house sitter did a super job. She even washed the sheets on the bed she used and left everything cleaner than she found it. She seemed to have really enjoyed staying here and loved Kathy’s dog. I can’t thank her enough for coming.

Unloaded my suitcase and started laundry. I really need to go into Emporia and have some blood drawn for the blood test the Endocrinologist in Houston ordered be done. Not sure I will make it in today though. I am exhausted! Thinking the let down from the Peru trip along with the long drive down and back to Houston has caught up with me. Not functioning on all cylinders this afternoon.

Tomorrow I need to get started on getting things put together for Christmas. I am running out of time to get things organized. Still haven’t decided what to get a few people on my list. Need to make a list of things I need to get when I go to town in the morning for the blood draw.

Chris died one year ago today. In some ways it feels like it has been years and others it feels like it happened yesterday. What a roller coaster it has been this year for those that love him. Still hard to wrap my head around it.

Going to try to stay awake and not take a much wanted nap this afternoon. My sleep has improved and I don’t want to set myself up for a back slide into the land of not sleeping. May putter around and set out the ingredients for the cookies and candies I want to make tomorrow to make sure I have what I need to make them. Don’t think I will attempt to bake tonight as I’m not sure I would be very successful as tired as I am.

So very glad to be home knowing I get to stay home for a while. Grateful Kathy traveled to Houston with me and that she drove a bunch today. Grateful to my house sitter for taking such good care of the critters and house.

All is well on the beautiful prairie tonight! Open spaces. Empty space! Quiet music in the background. Ahhh….. peace and quiet at last!

Monday, December 18, 2017

Not sure what to think about my doctor’s appointment at MD Anderson. I didn’t get a definite answer to know if I need the Radio-Active Iodine treatment or not.

First I saw a nurse’s aide who took my vitals (kinda). I then sat in the waiting area for almost an hour. Finally got called back and met with the nurse. He took down some history and entered my allergies and medication.

When he was done and after another long wait the nurse practitioner came in and asked me the same questions the nurse had. She did do a bit of a physical exam on me.

After yet another long wait the doctor came in and asked me the same questions the first two asked. I think they were checking to see if I told the same story three times.

The doctor that read my pathology slides at MD Anderson did not find I have a variant type of papillary cancer. The doctor I saw today disagreed but decided not to challenge the results as the doctor that read the slides is world renowned. Do I or don’t I? Not sure!

I had to get weighed again as my weight from the first time I was weighed didn’t get charted. At first the doctor said I needed my medication levels increased but then decided they were good.

She may or may not have called in a prescription for me. She said something about adding a new script but not sure if she did or decided against it.

She wanted me to have another ultrasound but then changed her mind. She wanted me to have four blood tests but then only ordered one. She wanted me to get the blood work done in Houston but I decided to have it done in Emporia tomorrow afternoon after we get home so my insurance can pay for it.

She needs more information before she can decide if I need the iodine treatment. The only real concern she had was the lack of clear margins around the tumor. She was going to consult with the pathologist to see if he could give her more information about them. There may have been clear margins but no one can say for sure as the surgeon didn’t notice the tumor when he removed the thyroid.

She did say she didn’t know why my doctor in Topeka said I needed to have the iodine treatment done within 90 days of surgery. She said today there is no rush.

The doctor I saw today is leaving for the holidays Friday. She was rushing to try to get what she needed so she could advise me before she left on vacation. If there is no rush why not slow down and get it right?

This feels like it is a judgement call and evidently either way I go is the right way. Leaning more and more to sitting and waiting. With good follow up care if something starts to grow I can take care of it then. That is where I was at before I came.

We headed for home around 1:00. Traffic was heavy coming out of Houston but we finally managed to get out. Going to try to get through Dallas before we stop for the night. It has been raining off and on all afternoon.

Grateful Kathy is doing half the driving. Feeling very tired this afternoon. So looking forward to getting home tomorrow and staying there for a good, long while.

Sunday, December 17, 2017

Made it to our hotel in Houston. We are within walking distance of where my appointment is tomorrow morning. The hotel also has a shuttle service in case it is raining.

We drove into Galveston this morning so we could dip our toes into the ocean. Not many people on the beach today. We drove through thick fog all the way down to Galveston this morning.

Had lunch at a place called Kelly’s. Had the best chicken fried steak I have ever had. We got the smaller senior portion size and it was still too much to be able to eat it all.

Struggling to figure out the hotel WiFi. I find things like that so frustrating. Never know if I am doing something wrong or if the system isn’t working right.

I’m really tired so may take a nap. Have a long afternoon ahead of us and nothing to do. Grateful for little traffic today and safe travels so far.

Saturday, December 16, 2017

Left for Houston at 8:40 this morning.  Made it to Buffalo, TX which is about 130 miles north of Houston.  We hit rain and road construction in Dallas and after it got dark it was rough driving so we stopped for the night.  Dallas traffic wasn’t too bad.  We took turns driving so it made the trip fairly easy.  Both of us are a bit stiff and sore from sitting all day though.

We stopped somewhere and had lunch at a Chili’s.  I think we were still in OK when we stopped.  I have filled my car up two times so far.

Tomorrow we are driving down to Galveston to spend the day and then back into Houston for the night.  My doctor’s appointment is at 9:30 Monday morning but I have to be at MD Anderson by 8:30 for paperwork.

Long drive for a one hour appointment!  It went fairly fast though.

Trusting my house sitter showed up.

I am ready for bed!  Both of us are sleepy and will probably be asleep before 8:00.  Hoping traffic is fairly light going through Houston on a Sunday morning.

Rain!  Good sleeping weather.  All is well!

Friday, December 15, 2017

Got home last night a little before 6:00. Got unpacked and laundry started before I crashed. I slept really well last night and woke up rested. I got up this morning just before the sun rose. I had to stop and watch it rise. I missed the sun rises and sun sets while I was away.

Went into town first thing this morning to take in a stool sample and get my blood drawn to check my thyroid levels. They wouldn’t accept the stool sample the way I took it in. It needed to be in a special solution and container. Wish someone would have told me before. I came home after having my blood drawn and about an hour later I was able to collect another sample so had to go back to town to take it in.

I took in a copy of the results of the stool culture that had been done in Peru so the doctor knew exactly what I had. I dropped it off at his office and was able to talk to the doctor for a moment. When I told him how they treated me he surprised me when he said they did good. He said local remedy’s work better than pharmacy drugs on things like that. Wish he believed that about other things too. I haven’t heard any results yet.

I went to Wal-Mart to get dog food and lettuce for the chickens. Also stopped at Bluestem and got a sack of chicken feed. Think I have everything my house sitter will need so I can leave again tomorrow.

This afternoon I made a batch of Chex Mix and some Rollo Pecan bites. At last my Christmas baking has been started. Kathy opened all the Rollos for me which was a huge help. Still have sugar cookies, peanut butter balls and fudge to make. Good thing Christmas is still ten days away. No need to panic yet – right?

We plan on leaving for Houston around 9:00 in the morning. Hope to get close to Houston tomorrow before we stop for the night. Will drive into Galveston Sunday and spend the day on the beach and then go back into Houston Sunday evening. The hotel we are staying at in Houston is right by MD Anderson. It has a shuttle bus to take us to MD Anderson so I won’t have to worry about parking Monday morning. I have heard that parking can be an issue. Hopefully we will be able to head for home Monday after my appointment and will be home Tuesday afternoon. Seems a long ways to go for a one hour appointment but am trusting it will put my mind at ease about what if anything I need to do next.

This afternoon we went over to Craig’s house. He had picked up the grandkids and the five of us scattered Maddie and Max’s ashes and buried their collars and tags. The grandkids seemed to understand what was going on and were very respectful. Hard day for Craig as those dogs were really special to him.

I am getting tired this evening. I haven’t sat still for very long today. I still need to do a couple of things so the house sitter will know how to do chores. I haven’t even started packing again yet. I did get all my laundry washed and put away so packing will be easy. Only going to be gone for three or four nights so won’t need much.

Busy reentry day. It wasn’t good timing to have to leave so soon again after just getting home yesterday. It felt important I get this done though so went ahead and took this appointment time. Grateful Kathy is going with me to help me drive. Not sure it would have been smart for me to drive that far alone as I am still tired from the Peru trip.

When I get home from Houston I seriously need to figure out Christmas. I am so not ready this year. Just hasn’t hit my radar screen yet. If I can get home Tuesday I still have five days to get it sorted out. I think I can! I think I can!

Busy day! Hitting the road again in the morning. So looking forward to January and lots of empty space! Feels good to be back on the prairie and have wide open space to look at. All is well!

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Almost home! We checked out of our hotel in Cusco at 10:00 yesterday morning and have been playing the waiting game since.
So far the two flights we have taken were on time.

Customs and immigrations went smoothly in Houston. A four hour lay over after traveling for 24 hours feels like a forty hour lay over.

I should be home by 6:00 or so tonight. I am so ready to be home. I seriously need to get me a pair of ruby red slippers so I can skip the marathon of traveling home.

Grateful Kathy is going to ride along with me to Houston Saturday. It sure was tempting to just stay here and fly home next Tuesday. I need clean clothes though.

Almost home! This adventure is physically coming to an end but guessing the emotional and spiritual part of it may just be starting.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Check-out time at the hotel this morning was 10:00. We put our bags in the hotel’s courtesy storage area and headed outside. We sat in the square for a bit and enjoyed the warm sunshine and watched people.

Went to a cafe and had breakfast. Came back to the hotel to wait for a bit before we head out to the airport. Our first flight isn’t until 4:10 this afternoon.  We will have another long wait at the Lima airport as our next flight isn’t until 1:50 am.  Makes for a long day when all you do is wait.

I did put a sleeping pill in my purse so once we take off from Lima I will take it so hopefully I will sleep on the plane. We won’t land in KC until after 2:00 tomorrow afternoon.  We have over a four hour lay over in Houston after our Lima flight.

I packed an extra set of clothes in my backpack. Wonder how long it will be before I trust myself not to have a potty accident?  I’m actually feeling much better and doubt that I will need them but I would rather be safe than sorry. I decided since I am checking one bag I might as well check both and not have to wrestle them during our two long lay overs.

What an adventure this has been. I love new experiences that help me learn something new about myself. This one certainly fulfilled that!

Peru is a beautiful country.  Its’ people certainly have to work hard to make a living. Many live in very primitive conditions. Certainly makes me appreciate even more the luxuries I have at home such as clean water, a furnace, screens on windows, clean hot water to take a shower with, and safe food.

Ready to be home!

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

A rest day today. We got to eat, sleep and play on our own schedule.

We went to the hotel breakfast but it didn’t look very good. The slices of bread were dry and the eggs looked like they had been sitting out for a bit too long. We found a cafe right next to the hotel that had a much fresher breakfast although neither one of us ate much.

After we ate we went shopping. I think the markets here are some of the best in the world. Much better quality than the normal tourist market and really good prices.

I got most of the people on my list something.  We finally found some place to eat lunch.  We were both getting hungry but nothing sounded good. There are people with menus outside most restaurants trying to get you to eat there. We looked at a few menus but ended up at McDonald’s.  We both are craving something familiar to eat.  We almost got it today but not quite the same.

After lunch I was going to stop and get another suitcase.  The worker was waiting on someone else and I crashed and decided not to wait any longer. Came back to the room and took a long nap. Need to go out again and get a suitcase. Maybe I can people again now that I am not so tired.

Not looking forward to tomorrow .  We will head to the airport early afternoon for our 4:15 flight to Lima and then don’t leave for Houston until 1:50 am.  If we can  recheck our bags early we may leave the airport for a bit to see Lima.   Not sure what we will be in the mood to do yet.  It may be a long travel day.

Feels like it has been months since I was home. Hard to believe Christmas is 13 days away. They don’t decorate for it here much and since it is Spring time here it doesn’t feel like Christmas is coming soon.  So not ready for it this year.  And when I get home I will only be home for two sleeps before I leave for Houston. Guess it is what it is and it will be what it is.

Still processing all that has happened since this trip began.  Thinking it will be a bit before I can sort it all out.  Craving my prairie and some quiet days to help me do so.

 

 

Monday, December 11, 2017

Happy birthday to my beautiful granddaughter Ellexia. I hope you had a beautiful day. Sorry I had to miss your special day.

Machu Picchu day! After little sleep last night we met up with the rest of our group downstairs in the breakfast area of our hotel around 5:30. The guide came in around 6:00 and we headed for the bus station.  Lots of hair pin turns and steep drop offs as we climbed up the mountain in a bus.

Machu Picchu has changed a lot from three years ago. I liked the old entrance better. I stayed with the group for the first thirty minutes or so but when they took off to climb lots of steps I stayed behind.

I found a big rock to sit on and I enjoyed  the beauty of the grounds. We didn’t have a very nice day weather wise today as it was lightly raining most of the morning. We were above the clouds at times and in the clouds other times.

I didn’t have as powerful experience as I did last time. I enjoyed the site today and saw a different part than I had three years ago. There was a baby llama and several adult llamas roaming around the grounds too. It wasn’t very crowded as this is low season.

Our guide told us in 2018 visitors will only be allowed to stay on the grounds for two hours and must have a guide with them  at all times.  They have had too many tourist misbehaving and during high season it is getting too crowded.   He told us the wait for the bus up or down is over four to five hours during high season

I headed back down to the lower village by myself via bus while the rest of the group finished the two hour tour. When I got down to the village I sat out in the square and enjoyed people watching. After about an hour Nicole came and joined me.

We found a cute cafe and had an early lunch. I had chicken and noodle soup that was called chicken diet on the menu. Nicole had nachos.  Both were really good.

The waiters helped us get connected to wi-fi. They were cute kids and really provided good service for us.

After we ate we went shopping. I found some table runners I liked as well as a beautiful sweater for myself. I also picked up a few gifts for others. Good thing we had an extra bag as I did my best to fill it up.

We met the others at 1:00 and then headed to the train station. About half way through our trip one of the crew came down the isle wearing a costume and mask. He was wearing the traditional garb they wear to a festival of some sort. He pulled women out of their seats with a cane he was carrying so they could dance in the isle with him.

When he was done the crew put on a fashion show and then tried to sell the garments they modeled to us. It helped make the trip go faster. We were all pretty exhausted and tired on the ride back.

My seat mates were a father and daughter. His father was from Peru and his mother was from Mexico. They live in CA. At some point I ask if he was a cop. He confessed he used to be. I was surprised when he told me he was 42. That is how old Jason is. Man! I am getting old if I am old enough to be that guy’s mother!

Then I realized I could have been the mother of all the other participants from the retreat.

When we got to the end of our train ride I picked up the luggage I had checked at the station. We then said good bye to our host and one of the participants. A taxi was waiting for us to take us and one other participant to Cusco. The driver was told to go quickly as the other participant with us needed to get to the airport. The driver followed his instructions and went fast. Not sure how we avoided getting into a wreck but we made it.

We said our last good byes at the airport and then the driver brought us to our hotel. I love the location as we are close to restaurants and shops. The room is very small though.

After we checked in and got a bit settled
we went out for dinner. Found an Irish Pub to eat at.  I had chicken quesadillas that were really good.

Tomorrow is a rest day. I have a few more gifts I want to get. Thankfully the shops are close so we can walk to them. Trusting both of us will get a really good night’s sleep tonight.   Wednesday afternoon we fly to Lima and then have an overnight flight to Houston. Neither one of us can sleep much on an airplane.

I am exhausted. Glad we have a rest day before our long travel day home. I am ready to go home though.

What an adventure! Close to the finish line now.

Sunday, December 10, 2017

We had wood stove pizza for dinner last night. Nicole was in heaven and finally ate a good dinner. Afterwards the two of us sat on the couch and had a deep conversation. There was another Ayahuasca ceremony going on right next to us for people in the community.

After breakfast this morning we said our goodbyes and then five of us departed in a car for an hours drive to the train station so we could go to Machu Picchu. We had lunch at a restaurant near the station. We sat out in a garden while we ate and watched a humming bird drink from the flowers on a tree. After lunch we boarded the train.

The ride was about one and one half hours. It was an absolutely beautiful ride. Everything is so lush and green. I saw the San Pedro cactus growing along side the train track.

We arrived in the lower village of Machu Picchu late afternoon and trekked to our hotel and then up the stairs to our fourth floor room. I left my carry on bag at a luggage check in the village where we got on the train. Grateful I did as it would have been a struggle to pull it through the village and up the stairs to our room. I had put what I needed for the night in my back pack so I didn’t have to open my carry on bag and have to pack it again.

We are meeting at 6:00 in the morning and heading to the top of the mountain so we can see the sun rise. Trusting I will sleep good tonight so I have the energy to climb around a bit. Although I will be perfectly content to sit and enjoy the view if needed.

Feels good to be out of the energy of the center and to get to relax on the train seeing the snow covered mountains. Lots of flora and rushing water at the train track level.

Not sure what I am doing this evening. May just go to bed soon. I have an incredible view out our bedroom window and feel so content sitting on my bed and looking out.

I am anxious to see if the energy of Machu Picchu will feel the same to me as it did last time. I felt myself getting pulled back in time on the train ride. Everything feels a bit surreal to me right now.

I am still processing the experience of drinking the plant medicine. So grateful I came and drank. Have a feeling my learnings will continue to unfold over the next few weeks and months.

Saturday, December 9, 2017

Today is our last full day at Spirit Plant Journeys. We walked about fifteen minutes to get to a little cafe that has free internet this morning. They have a beautiful garden we sat in. It felt good to get away from the energy of the center for a bit. We stayed for almost two hours then walked back. The scenery on the trail was beautiful. There were small pens of pigs mixed in with river streams, chickens, ducks, kittens, vegetable gardens, flowers and homes. The living conditions for most of the locals are fairly primitive.

I updated my blog while we were at the cafe. I have gone way over my allotted cellular data allowance and had to stop posting the blog using cellular data. I will fix some spelling errors when I have more time on free internet.

We got back just a little before lunch. They fixed Nicole and I chicken while the others had fish. First meat I have had since we were in Cusco over a week ago. I had been craving protein. It really tasted good.

I have been able to eat regular food today for the first time since Sunday. Still not eating normal portions yet but doing so much better. My roommate has been able to continue to eat while she fights off a parasite. I couldn’t eat.

I had the retreat leader forward the stool culture results to me so my doctor will know what type of parasite I had. I ask the leader how much I owed him for the culture and he wouldn’t accept payment for it or for the silver and oregano oil I used.

Tonight we have one last group sharing and then we leave sometime tomorrow for Machu Picchu. We don’t get many details until the last minute so am not sure what time we leave in the morning.

I took a short nap this afternoon. The walk into town wore me out. It sure felt good to get out and move my body though. Trusting I will be able to explore Machu Picchu tomorrow. If not I will be content to sit and enjoy its beauty. I told the leader not to pay for a guide for me as I would slow the youngsters up too much.

I read a bit of the news while I was on free internet at the cafe. It sure has been good for me to disconnect from it for a bit. Some of it didn’t make sense as I haven’t read any news for over a week. Sounds like there have been reports of more men behaving badly. Hard to keep up with all of them these days. I thought I read the Senate passed the tax reform bill from a post on Facebook but I didn’t get that feeling when I read some of the news. Nothing I can do about it one way or the other I guess.

We ran into the Shaman that led the San Pedro ceremony and the lady that did our massages at the cafe. It feels like a small connected community here. The Shaman gave Nicole and I a big hug.

Nicole and I are trying to figure out how much weight we have lost. Our clothes are much looser than they were when we left home. We were served primarily veggies and fruit, especially on ceremony days. We didn’t have dinner on those days either. No salt, no sugar, very little bread. My sister would have been in heaven. The food was nicely prepared but we both missed protein.

So excited to return to Machu Picchu tomorrow. Need to start getting my bags organized and packed.

What an adventure this has been! And the fun isn’t over yet!

Friday, December 8, 2017

What a beautiful ending to our Ayahuasca ceremony. We walked outside when it was over to see millions of bright stars. They felt so close. There was lightening on the lower horizon but above were all these sparkling stars. Glad Nicole was with me to hold me up as I was still a bit under the influence of the plant medicine and looking up was a challenge.

I fell asleep during the ceremony tonight. When the retreat leader came to get me for the blessing I jumped. We had a group blessing tonight. We all sat in a circle and held hands. Lots of love and power in the circle.

I feel different in a good way tonight but not sure yet what is different about me. I had so much love and gratitude in my heart as I looked at the stars. Maybe my heart is wide open now.

I actually ate a bit of real food for lunch today. Didn’t have much but it was a start. Had some loose stools this morning but none this afternoon or evening. I didn’t have to get escorted to the bathroom during ceremony tonight. Our roommate has what I had. I shared some coping tips with her. Hopefully she is in better heath than I am and will recover faster.

I had another wonderful massage today. The lady that gives them is so well grounded and full of love. My body appreciated her loving hands.

Tomorrow is a rest day. As far as I know other than meals and a early evening sharing circle there is nothing on the schedule. Sleep is on my schedule as I didn’t get a nap today. Trusting I will sleep good tonight.

Nicole has been walking most days to a little coffee shop close to here. I am finally feeling better and want to walk with her to it tomorrow. I haven’t been off grounds of the center since last Monday.

Hard to believe our time at the center is almost over. Some days it felt like it would never end but now that it is it feels like it went by quickly.

We still have six more days before we get home. Looking forward to being able to do our own thing.

So grateful I was able to come and that Nicole came with me. What an adventure we have had!

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Had an amazing ceremony tonight. I almost missed it. Around 5:30 I got weak again. I went to bed and slept really hard. Nicole said she came in twice to check in on me but I didn’t hear her. The retreat leader shook me awake a little after 8:00. I had trouble figuring out where I was for a bit.

During the ceremony I saw a slide show in my head of times when my ego was in charge. Then I saw a slide show that showed me times when my perfectionist tendencies prevented me from experiencing joy, love and happiness.

I then spent some time practicing self-forgiveness. I can’t change what I did in the past so the best I can do about that is forgive myself and do better in the future.

At the end I felt a beautiful rose colored light flood through me.

It felt very powerful and freeing.

I only went to the bathroom once during ceremony. Turned out only to be a fart but at this point I don’t trust myself to fart.

I only had about 8 stools today so did much better than yesterday as I had close to 50 then.   I was able to drink a half cup of broth twice today and eat two bananas as well as a piece of bread today. Progress!

Trusting tomorrow will be even better. I am still low on energy but I can feel it returning.

I only took a sip of plant medicine again tonight. It was enough to give me a great experience without the side effects.

I signed up to have another massage on Friday. This one I have to pay for. It is only $50 in US dollars or $150 in soles. She is really good and I think she can help me refill my low energy levels. Not sure when I am going to have it. My first massage lasted almost two hours.

Three down! One to go! Feeling much better.

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Finally feeling better today. It is noon and I have only gone three times today. I managed to drink half a cup of tea for breakfast and a quarter cup of broth so far today.

Had a deep conversation with the retreat leader last night. His wife has a major thyroid issue and has gone through several thyroid storms. They have been together in an open relationship for five years. We talked about how hard it is when your partner is chronically ill and the resentment from both partners that can happen. He is only 30 years old. I didn’t get to meet his partner as she is in Belgium visiting friends and family for two months.

We have another Ayahuasca ceremony tonight. I need to get some strength back before I can attempt it. If I go I will only take a sip of the plant medicine again. Purging would knock me back down again.

I called my doctor back home for an appointment for the day after I get home so he can check to make sure the parasite has cleared my system. He is out of the office on December 15. His nurse is going to call me tomorrow after she checks with him to see if I only need to bring a stool sample in or if someone else needs to see me. I leave the 16th for MD Anderson and won’t be home until the 21st. I would prefer not to wait that long to make sure it has cleared.

We have another ceremony Friday night and there is an optional one Saturday night. If I miss tonight I still have a chance to do two more.

We go to Machu Picchu Monday. We will spend the night Sunday in a small village outside Machu Picchu and return to Cusco on Monday. We booked a hotel in Cusco for Monday and Tuesday nights. Wednesday afternoon we fly to Lima and then have a 1:30 in the morning flight to Houston on Thursday. We have over a four hour layover in Houston and will arrive in KC a little after 2:00 pm.

Not sure what we are going to do in Cusco. We are staying really close to the main plaza this time so we won’t have to take a cab when we want to go eat. I do want to pick up a few gifts but already got what I wanted for myself.

Both of us are peopled out. We are both used to having lots of alone time. I got a day yesterday of pretty much being alone by staying in bed all day. I feel bad that I have been a bit anti-social but I haven’t had the energy to talk much to the other participants. All the other participants are in their late 20’s or early 30’s and one is in her early 40’s. I am definitely the old one in the group. Not sure they relate well to me anyways.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

This has been a rough day. I woke up feeling pretty good. Nicole and I had a good talk with our roommate for over an hour. I went upstairs to take a shower and I think all my energy washed away in the shower.

I have hardly had the energy to make it to the toilet since. I have slept on and off all day. The retreat leader has been over three times to give me silver and oregano. I have been working on a bottle of water that has lime and salt in it all day. It is still over half full. No food yet today.

Trusting I have hit bottom and will get a bounce upwards soon. This sucks!

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

At breakfast Tuesday morning the retreat leader ask me for a stool sample after finding out I went five times this morning before breakfast. Found out I have picked up a parasite. He is treating me with oregano oil and silver. He gave me a bottle of water to drink that he had added lime and salt to. It tasted really good. The oregano oil is hot and burns my mouth and lips.

He recommended I be retested once I get home. They have medication I can get if I still need it. He doesn’t recommend I take it here as it interferes with the plant medicine. If I’m not better in two days I will ask him for it and stop the plant medicine. I can’t keep going like this much longer.

As long as I don’t eat or drink anything I slow down going but as soon as I drink anything I go again about every five minutes for at least an hour or so. This is starting to get old.

All I have eaten today is one and one half banana. I am surprising not hungry.

I had the most amazing massage today. She does massage, cranial sacral, and uses sound bowls. She did a light massage and then uses breath work to release tension points. I shook during the massage and she handled it beautifully.

We had group sharing with the Shaman this afternoon so we could process what happened last night. He keeps stressing patience with this process. He explained you have to get the physical stuff out of the way before you can do the heart work. Last night was definitely a physical process for me.

Tonight we get to tell them how much plant medicine we want to take. I am only going to do a taste tonight. My body is wrung out and I can’t handle much more tonight. Last night I had two swallows full. Trusting I won’t have a repeat performance of last night’s shit storm. I am not going to eat or drink anything else before ceremony so my tummy is more settled. I already have permission to stay downstairs if needed so I can be close to the bathroom again.

One problem I had last night is when I puked I would shit my pants. Hard not to when one is as loose as I am right now. Since I haven’t been eating or drinking much I didn’t have much to come up anyways so I was dry heaving from down deep.

Ceremony was much easier this time. I only took a small sip of the plant medicine. I felt it but it was subtle this time. I was able to sit upright all during the ceremony. No puking this time either. I did shake some but not near as much as last night.

I had planned to go downstairs after drinking from the cup but figured out how to use the barf bucket instead. Because I wasn’t so drugged I was able to not spill or miss the bucket.  Grateful we had complete darkness.

When the leader took me to the Shaman for my blessing he told me he was impressed I hadn’t gone downstairs. I told him what I had been doing. He laughed and then told the Shaman. The Shaman laughed really hard as did several of the participants.

The Shaman worked on my thyroid area tonight. He had me lay on my back. He held my neck area with his hand while he sang my blessing. Instead of blowing on my crown he blew on my neck. It felt amazing.

It was an easy and beautiful ceremony. I had worked on my relationship to my thyroid before my blessing. That area feels much calmer now.

I had a conversation with my thyroid during ceeemony.  It showed me all the symptoms it had been sending me trying to get my attention  I ask for forgiveness and really felt forgiven.  It feels like the cancer was sent as a reminder I need to listen to my body more  I also need to continue to express myself, when I am happy and sad.

I then did some work around self-forgiveness as well as self-love.

Wednesday is a rest day. Nothing on the schedule. Not sure what we are going to do. We are both craving some privacy so may walk to town and walk around. It is a very small town so not sure there will be much to see other than there is a coffee shop. The walk is only ten minutes or so. It might feel good to get out and walk. I’ll see how often I am going to the bathroom and then decide if I can go.

Two down! Two to go! It seems possible to do it now!

Monday, December 4, 2017

I slept a lot Monday morning. I was well taken care of by the retreat leader and Nicole. He brought me some broth, bread and banana for lunch. I finally managed to get most of it down.

Around 2:00 we met with the Shaman and each got a chance to share. He told me my thyroid cancer is gone. Both Shamans mentioned my perfectionist tendencies. They are going to give me a littler dose of plant medicine tonight since I have been sick today. I am grateful for that.

My tummy was very active and loud Monday afternoon. Trusting it will be quiet soon.

Oh my! What a fucking experience. The English translation for Ayahuasca is colon cleanse – at least for me.

We sat in total darkness for ceremony. They ask us to sit up as long as we could. I didn’t last very long as my head got too heavy for me to hold up. They had mats and pillows for us to rest on during the ceremony.

I threw up at first but then my diarrhea came back with a vengeance. The first time I ask for help to go downstairs to the toilet I didn’t make it in time. It felt complicated to get downstairs as everything was pitch black. The leaders had red light flashlights. I staggered like a drunk down the stairs. Thank heavens my host was supporting me.   I had to ask the retreat leader to go get me clean underwear and pants as I had shit all over my ass and down my pants.   I made a huge mess in the bathroom. I got the hand towel wet and attempted to clean it up. I was in full-on Ayahuasca mood and I had six arms. It took me a couple tries to pick up the towel with my real hand. I put my dirty clothes in the shower. I need to apologize to the rest of the group tomorrow for leaving such a mess and for hogging the toilet. Thank heavens they had two toilets.

When he handed me my new clothes through the door I set them on the counter. When I went to put them on I burned my finger. I had set my pants on the candle which sat on the counter top and burned a hole in my pants.

After my next trip downstairs I ask if I could stay downstairs on the couch so I could be closer to the toilet. They let me do that. There were a few times I was glad I had a barf bucket as both ends were going at the same time.

I am grateful to the two retreat leaders. They took very good care of me. They each sat with me at different times and rubbed my back or head. I felt very safe throughout the evening. I am pretty rung out tonight though.

I got the shakes again – this time mainly my head. My legs shook a couple of times too.

At some point I was escorted back upstairs for a blessing from the Shaman. After he anointed my face with oil he sang a song and shook rattles over my head. When he was done he blew air on the top of my head. I felt it go all the way down my spine and out my bottom.

I must have gone to the toilet 30 times. I am ready for a colonoscopy!

They explained to me afterwards that most people purge but some do what I did. It is all old energy that the medicine is expelling.

Not sure I got any insights yet. I knew I was releasing old shit (literally) and none of it has an interpretation for me yet.

One down! Three to go! I think I can! I think I can! I will be better prepared tomorrow and take extra clothes and wet wipes. My ass is raw tonight.

Oh what a night! Thank heavens it only lasted a bit over three hours and I got a small dose!

Monday, December 4, 2017

Sunday was a rest day from the plant medicine. After breakfast we loaded into the bus and went to the ruins outside Pisac. My tummy was a little unsettled so I stayed in the bus while the others hiked the ruins for over an hour. I was glad I stayed behind as several of the fit young girls struggled with the hike and climb. I still haven’t adjusted to the high altitude.

When they returned we went into town and had lunch. I had a really good chicken sandwich. We haven’t been served any meat yet and it felt good to eat some.

After lunch we had one hour to spend at the market. I found the tablecloths I wanted to get. Haven’t figured out how they will fit in my suitcase yet but I have time to figure that out.

We came back to the center and I took a long nap. I hadn’t slept much the night before. We had dinner but I couldn’t eat all of it as I still felt a bit unsettled.

Nicole and I lit some candles and sat in front of the fire in our living room and talked after dinner. I was able to sleep really good last night.

Woke up with really bad diarrhea Monday morning. The retreat leader just came and brought me some collided silver. He is having the chef fix a juice of some sort and is going to pick up some electrolyte drink for me. Nicole got me a cup of tea.

It is slowing down and I am feeling better although a bit weak yet.

Trusting I will be able to do ceremony tonight. I will need to get rehydrated as I understand purging is possibly involved tonight. Hard to purge if you have nothing on your stomach.

Weird that I am having diarrhea as since my thyroid was taken out I have had to take magnesium to be able to go. I haven’t taken any since I got here.

Trusting I have just eaten too many veggies and it is my body saying WTF?

It may be an interesting day.

Sunday, December 3, 2017

My first experience with San Pedro was mostly amazing. I was only given a half dose and I am grateful. It tastes terrible. It is a slimy, thick liquid.

We had an opening ceremony which was beautiful. After we all drank from the cup we spread out over the beautiful grounds at the Center. I laid on a blanket near the stream that winds through the property.

I was a lot nauseated for most of the day. I never purged though. I could feel my senses start to heighten after about an hour.

The nausea became my touch stone for my body as when I could feel the nausea the shaking stopped for a bit.

After about two hours I started shaking. My head started first and then one or both legs would shake. I knew it was old energy unwinding and releasing. No story with it except every once in a while I would know what it was from. A lot of it was energy I was holding that wasn’t mine.

The Shaman cane by to check on me about every hour. He reassured me I was safe and gave me advice if needed. At some point he told me to start drinking sips of water. The only problem was my water bottle was five feet away and it took me a bit to figure out how to stand up and get it.

Mid-day they set out a plate of fresh fruit. The Shaman let me know it was there. I had to cross the stream to get to it and that was a challenge for me in my altered state. I finally staggered over to the fruit but was only able to eat one bite of banana.

There were times when the energy that I was releasing was painful – especially in my head area. I would make these primal sounds to help it release. I chanted tonal sounds at times too.

I couldn’t figure out the rain. I think it rained part of the day but I am not sure. At one point I was the rain!

Somehow I was able to verbalize where I was at when the Shaman came to check on me. I was very aware of observing my physical body with my higher self. I kept telling myself to breathe, allow and surrender.

It didn’t fully wear off until late afternoon. The last couple of hours were hard as I was exhausted and my body felt like it had been through a wringer washing machine. I just wanted it to stop.

Around 5:00 we had a closing ceremony which was beautiful. We had stayed in silence until then.

They fed us dinner around 6:30. I couldn’t eat much.

This morning I feel a bit weak and have a touch of diarrhea. We are going to the market at Pisac today so trusting some food at breakfast will help settle my system.

We don’t have any hot water so haven’t been able to shower yet. I told them about it yesterday but it didn’t get fixed yet. I tried to warm up a kettle of water so I could wash my hair but the gas didn’t work. Trusting that will get fixed today. I need a hot shower!

Today is a fun day. Tomorrow night we have out first experience with the next plant medicine. Trusting that will be amazing too.

Friday, December 1, 2107

We made it to our retreat space. It is beautiful! Not many participants so Nicole and I are sharing a whole house. We each have our own bedroom and bathroom.  My room is upstairs and Nicole’s is on the main level so we each have some personal space.

The bus ride to get here from Cusco was over two hours. We rode on narrow winding roads. Beautiful countryside but lots of speed bumps. I had to close my eyes sometimes when we passed other cars as it was a bit scary. Lots of speed bumps we had to slow down and bounce over. I was very glad when we got here though. I have a touch of altitude adjustment going on.

We had a lovely lunch. Even I managed to eat the food! After lunch the retreat facilitator gave us an overview of the retreat. We have our first ceremony tomorrow. We will drink San Pedro and then have a day of silence.

Sunday and Monday we will be out and about and the plant medicine ceremonies start Monday evening.

Very relaxing so far. Nice people from all over the world in the group. I’m by far the oldest one here. The others are all closer to Nicole’s age.

So far so good!

Thursday, November 30, 2017

We just checked into our hotel room in Cusco. The flight was a bit bumpy coming over the mountains from Lima. We hired a transport service to meet us at the airport and he safely got us to our hotel. The hotel room is very clean and nice but very small.

I can tell we are at a much higher elevation. I need to find some Coco tea to start drinking. I remember from my last trip how much it helped. I don’t normally like hot tea but I like this kind.

We had a good night’s sleep last night once we were able to unwind and sleep. We missed breakfast as we both slept in. We had sandwiches for lunch/breakfast at the airport. Mine was fairly good but Nicole’s wasn’t as good.

After we rest for a bit we will take a taxi to the main square which is where most of the restaurants are. We would like to find a really good meal tonight. Starting tomorrow we will have to eat what ever we are given at the retreat. I brought some nut bars just in case!

We meet up with our hosts at the main square tomorrow at 10:30.   When we go to the square tonight we will find the Starbuck’s so we know where we are going in the morning. We will have almost a two-hour drive once we leave Cusco to get to their place. I bet it will be a beautiful drive.

So far everything has gone according to plan. No surprises yet.

I’m really tired this afternoon. Trying to decide if I want a nap now or food first. I’m glad we came in a day early so we didn’t have to rush. It will take me several days to adjust to the high altitude. We are at 10,925 feet.

I was able to find an ATM machine that looked safe to use at the airport in Lima this morning so I could get some local money. No problems using my card. Nicole brought cash and exchanged it at a money exchange place when we got in last night.

So far we haven’t done anything but sit in an airport, hotel, airplane or taxi. We weren’t in our room last night very long as we got into Lima after midnight and we were back at the airport by noon. Looking forward to seeing some of this beautiful country tomorrow.

So far, so good! Our real adventure starts tomorrow. Getting a bit nervous and excited. What ever have I gotten myself in for this time?

November 29, 2017

Nicole and I are in Houston where we have two more hours to wait until our flight to Peru. We have already had lunch. We found a fresh market that had real food. I had baked chicken and veggies and Nicole had a salad. Nice to find food like that in an airport.

I was surprised when we got off the plane to find out how close we were to our next gate. Of course I had lots of extra time today. Nice not to have to do the airport jog to make it to a gate miles away.

When I was getting my passport out of the file cabinet I found a 10,000 yen from Japan. I exchanged it at a currency place here at the airport and only got $70 US for it. Not a good rate but better than leaving it in my file cabinet. I wanted Peru money for it but that would have been an even worse exchange. When we get to the airport I will find an ATM machine and get some then.

Our next flight is over six hours long. We will arrive around midnight. Trusting the service we hired to transport us to our hotel is waiting for us when we arrive. Last time I flew into Cusco they didn’t show up.

Sure wish I could get to Houston this fast for my trip to MD Anderson. Driving it takes at least ten hours.

I got pulled for a random hand drug test when I went through security out of KC. Luckily my bags didn’t get pulled for a hand inspection. Nicole flew right through security. I must look guilty or something.

Leg one of this trip finished. Leg two coming up. Peru here we come!

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

I am in KC at Nicole’s House. We just got back from dinner and stopping by her favorite bar so she could say goodbye to her friends. We are packed and ready to go. One of Nicole’s friends is picking us up at 9:00 in the morning to take us to the airport.

I stuffed envelopes at the Symphony office again this morning. We ran out of one of the pieces we were stuffing in the envelopes just about the time I needed to leave. We got all but 500 done so trusting they will have enough volunteers tomorrow afternoon to get the job finished up.

After being so nice out yesterday today made up for it. It was warmer than it felt out today. It was cloudy and windy on the prairie. Not a fun day to be outside.

I almost forgot my passport. I went into the closet where the file cabinet I keep it in is at to get a book to take and something hit me and I remembered to grab it. Grateful I didn’t forget it or it would have been a short trip.

I sent a note to several friends this morning to see if any of them could house sit for us while we go to MD Anderson the middle of December. Three of them offered to do it for me. I’m so grateful I have such generous friends. I am relieved to have someone be able to stay in the house while we are gone and take care of the animals.

Tomorrow will be a long travel day as we don’t get into Peru until midnight. Trusting both flights will be on time and the flights will be smooth. Someone is to meet us at the airport and take us to our hotel. We have a 2:00 flight Thursday afternoon from Lima to Cusco. We meet the retreat people in Cusco around noon on Friday.

Excited to get this adventure started. The travel day is the hard part. Let the fun time begin! All is well in the city tonight!

Monday, November 27, 2017

What a day! It has been unusually busy for me. I spent over an hour on the phone this morning. Both MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston and Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN called me back. To my surprise both can see me the week after I return from Peru. I was not expecting an appointment this fast. In fact, both could have seen me next week. I have decided to go to MD Anderson. The last time I went with Craig to Mayo I was disappointed in them.

My appointment is only for a consultation and I will not be having any tests done unless they aren’t impressed with the ultrasound that was done in Topeka. My insurance will not cover this visit and my new insurance plan for next year won’t either. I decided it was worth it to get an opinion from an expert. I will see the Chair of the Department as she is doing a study on the particular rare type of cancer I have and was interested in my case.

Kathy and I will drive down and leave on the Saturday after I get back from Peru on Thursday, December 14. We plan on driving a good six to eight hours on Saturday, stop for the night and then drive into Galveston for Sunday. We will go back up to Houston Sunday evening as my appointment is early Monday morning. If I don’t need another ultrasound we will head home when my appointment is done on Monday and be home by Tuesday. I may have to delay our departure by one day if I need the ultrasound.

I will need to find a house sitter or someone to do chores while we are gone. Anyone want to spend December 16 – 20 in Chase County at my house?

It feels good to get this scheduled and know that I will be getting good advice on how to proceed. If they advise doing the radioactive iodine treatment I will have it done in Topeka as my insurance will cover it there.

I went into the Symphony office this morning to help stuff a newsletter. We only got 500 of 2,200 done but at least it is a start. I’m going back tomorrow morning to help get another 500 done. While at the office I met a relative of Granddad Jack Spain – actually she was related to his first wife. One of the other workers used to be married to the son of a favorite family pastor we had when I was a kid. It is a small world full of connections.

Craig had his dog Max put down today. It is a very hard day for Craig. The two of them were best buddies. So hard when you have to do the responsible thing. Tough to lose your best buddy. Max was over 13 years old which is a long life for a King Charles Cavalier.

Some friends came over this afternoon for a visit and healings. By far this is my favorite day of the month. If everyone in the world had that type of support the world would be a far different place.

Ran into Emporia after my guests left to get chicken feed and cash for my trip. I need to go to one more bank tomorrow and my errand list of things to do before I leave will be done. Now I need to do laundry so I can pack tomorrow.

I have a guy coming out Wednesday to clean out my drains. They are gurgling and the basement overflow drain is running very slowly. This house was not plumbed very well when it was built.

The dogs are both MIA. They haven’t been gone like this since Legend was killed. Trusting they will return soon.

Can’t believe I will be in Peru Wednesday night. I really need to finish packing! I did gather all the extra stuff other than clothes I am taking. It won’t take me long to throw my clothes in the suitcase. My hardest decision has been what to wear on my travel day. Not that it really matters -sometimes I get stuck on the easy things.

The countdown has begun. I’ll be in Peru in a little over 48 hours!

It has been another beautiful day on the prairie. Over 70 again today! All is well on the prairie.

Sunday, November 26, 2017

I am having a much better day today. Kathy talked me into going to the Chase County Christmas Parade last night. It felt good to get outside and walk for a bit and enjoy the lights and sounds of the season. I was surprised how many people we ran into that I knew this year. The parade didn’t last long but it was quaint and fun. We helped a little family standing beside us fill their candy bucket. The courthouse is beautiful when the lights are turned on. The weather was parade perfect and the moon lit the path down Main Street.

Kathy and I went into Emporia this morning to get some groceries. Wal-Mart was out of beets and ice, two things I had on my list. It wasn’t busy though and there wasn’t much traffic on the way to town. The traffic was heavier coming home already. I put some chicken and veggies in the crock pot for us to eat later today.

I had an interesting night last night. I woke up as usual in the middle of the night. I checked Facebook and ended up having two messenger conversations with dear friends, both of whom are in the midst of tending to a sick loved one. Being awake in the middle of the night was good for something last night.

Nothing else on my calendar for today. I do want to start packing and gathering up the things I want to take. I have my clothes pretty much laid out but need to gather up my toiletries and medications. Need to figure out how to pack the liquids so I can get to them easily for airport security nonsense. Nicole told me I have to pull out my iPad now too. Think I will put them in my back pack as my carry on bag doesn’t have a place to put things other than opening the whole suitcase.

I tried to add an international travel plan to my phone but had forgotten I switched to Kathy’s plan and I must have her do it for me as she is the account owner. We will get that taken care of sometime later today. I thought about not adding it but it is a pain with the way pass codes work. They want to text you a code that allows you to access your accounts. If you don’t have your phone turned on that locks you out. The place we are staying doesn’t have wi-if although they told us there is a little village close by that does. It would be good for me to go two weeks without being on-line but not sure I can do that right now. There are a couple of situations here at home I want to be able to stay in touch and keep updated as to what is going on.

I remembered to buy Ellexia a birthday card while I was in town today. I will have Kathy mail it for me a couple of days before Ellexia’s birthday December 11. Sorry I will miss her special day.

Not sure how often I will be able to post to my blog while we are gone. I will use Notes and write everyday but without wi-fi it may be tricky to post.

It is really starting to hit me I am leaving on Tuesday and won’t be home for over two weeks. I’m getting excited about this trip. Stepping out of my comfort box and into something unknown. It will be an adventure I am sure!

Not quite as warm today as it has been although it is still nice. The wind is picking up a bit already today so it feels a bit colder than it is. At least the sun is shining and the skies are only partly cloudy.

The count down is on. Only 48 hours before I leave for KC and 72 hours before we leave for Peru. Best get packing. All is well on the prairie today!

Saturday, November 25, 2017

SAD has hit me hard this year. It took me a couple of days to figure out what is wrong. I forget every year that the last couple weeks before Solstice are miserable for me. Even with the higher than normal temperatures I fell down the rabbit hole into the dark depths of the land of depression. Thankful I recognized what was going on so I can practice good self-care. It really doesn’t last long by the calendar days – just feels like forever to my soul at times. The timing of the trip to Peru is divine as they are in the midst of spring and that will pull me up and out of my rabbit hole hell.

I got on-line this morning and requested an appointment with both MD Anderson and Mayo Clinic so I can get a third opinion on how best to treat my thyroid cancer. I will go to whichever one has the earliest appointment. Not expecting an appointment till sometime next year. Both are to contact me the first of next week. That feels good and will relieve my mind that my next step after that is the right one. I will find out when they call if my insurance will allow a visit.

I went into Emporia last night to pick up some prescriptions. I didn’t go until after 5:00 and the store was not busy nor was there much traffic. Kathy took my car to work today as her tire isn’t fixed yet. I will have to go back to Emporia Tuesday to get chicken feed. I also need to get cash to take to pay for the remaining balance of my retreat.

Notified three of my four bank card companies about my upcoming trip. The other one I will do Tuesday at the bank. It is a local bank so doesn’t have the fancy call-in feature the bigger companies use.

Nothing on my to-do list for the day. Hard to find the motivation to do anything right now. All I want to do is sit, cry and eat. None of those are good for me but I can’t seem to get my ass up and moving. I recognize it for what it is now though which is progress. Once I can figure out the why I am doing something then figuring out what to do about it is easier.

Ellexia didn’t come out yesterday. She text me mid-day and ask if I would come get her as she was bored. I was sorry to not be able to go get her. Not sure what she is doing today. It is hard when your mom has to work nights – hard on both daughter and mom.

Another beautiful fall day on the prairie. Bright blue skies and the temperatures are to be in the 60’s today. It is to gradually drop into the 50’s next week but that isn’t bad for the first week in December.

I haven’t managed to take my shower yet today. Maybe today will be a pajama day. Other than the trip to town yesterday I took a pajama day yesterday too. Just how many pajama days can a girl handle? Glad I have two different things on my calendar for Monday. It will force me out of the house Monday morning. Some dear friends are coming over for the afternoon Monday. That will lift my spirits. I leave Tuesday late afternoon to go to Nicole’s house and we fly out Wednesday. I can make it until Monday!

Hard for me to balance staying busy with giving myself lots of down time. The last month or so it tipped into the being busy side and now that it has tipped the other way it doesn’t feel good. Once this cancer stuff is taken care of I really need to give that balance thing some attention.

And this too shall pass. Blogging has been helpful to me to help me find words for what I am feeling. Once I can name it I can allow it. When it sits like a rock in my gut and weighs me down I struggle to release it.

It is a beautiful day on the prairie. All is well!

Friday, November 24,2017

Quiet day at home. Kathy’s tire that was supposed to have been fixed Wednesday was flat again this morning. She took my car for her horseback adventure. It feels good to be able to be at home all day in the quiet house.

I sent a text to Michelle to see if she is going to bring Ellexia out but I haven’t heard back from her. I may have the day at home alone.

Got the kitchen cleaned and put back together again from yesterday. This house seems to clean up easy. I still need to mop the dining room and kitchen floors and then regrouping will be done.

I went to bed at 7:00 last night and was able to sleep off and on all night. I’m still tired today so may take a nap today. I don’t have anything I have to do today at home so why not nap if I can.

I started setting out the clothes I am going to take to Peru. I am doing laundry today so I will have everything clean so I can start packing. Need to remember to figure out what I am going to wear the day of travel so I remember to pack that too as I will be at Nicole’s house the night before we leave. I can leave what I wear on Tuesday at Nicole’s house and pick it up when I pick up my car after the trip.

Some friends stopped by to see me late afternoon yesterday on their way home from their Thanksgiving dinner. I love when dear friends stop by. We had a short visit as it was getting late and they wanted to get home before it was dark.

My basement overflow drain backed up again. I put some baking soda followed by vinegar and then lots of hot water down the drains to see if that will help. I’ll check it again later to see if I need to get someone out to clear the drain. I need to remember to leave a name and number for Kathy in case it needs done after I leave.

I usually set up my Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving but haven’t felt the call to do so yet. Kathy said she loves Christmas trees and ask if she could put one up. That works for me! I do not like Christmas and all that comes with it. I’m go grateful I will be gone for two weeks during the Christmas season. Thinking I should have planned to not come home until after the first of the year.

It is to be in the mid 70’s today. Not bad for the end of November. It will be dropping into the mid 50’s for next week. We had to open windows yesterday as it got so warm.

I got the information from my health insurance company about my new plan for next year. I am reading it and trying to figure out where I am allowed to go to get a third opinion on the ablation for my thyroid cancer. Most of the information for the plan is on-line and not in the printed format. So if I find someone I will then have to go on-line to see if they are in network. I can’t tell if I am prohibited from going out-of-state like I was this year. What do people do that can’t get on-line?

Need to call my bank and credit card companies to let them know I am traveling to Peru so I can use my cards while I am gone. I always notify two different debit card companies and two different credit cards in case one has issues. I also need to get cash to take to pay for the remaining balance for the retreat. They were to send me the balance due but so far have not. My other two prescriptions are ready for me to pickup too. I think I will wait until Tuesday to go to town and do all my errands. May be fewer people out and about by then.

My ColonGuard kit came in. It has to be returned the day I collect the sample and can’t be mailed on a Friday or over the weekend. If possible I will try to get that taken care of either Monday or Tuesday before I leave. It looks easy enough to use and there is no prep involved. I do need to remember not to drink the bottle of preservative you pour over the sample when you are done. There must be ten warnings about that in the instructions. People must think it is the bottle of stuff you usually need to drink as part of the prep for the colonoscopy.

Feeling a bit of post-holiday let down today. Yesterday was so fun with all of us here. The quiet is a bit loud today. So grateful I am leaving on a trip next week and have something fun to look forward to. I need to figure out something fun to do in January too. As of right now I am putting the ablation on hold until I can have a face to face meeting with the Endocrinologist or can get a third opinion. My next appointment isn’t until February 2 so thinking that opens January for me to escape to someplace warm and fun. I read that the ablation is not time sensitive and it may be safe to put it off until the blood works shows you need to act.

A bit depressed today. Tired. Sluggish. It is a beautiful day on the prairie so may go out and take a walk when it warms up some more or else take a nap. All is well on the prairie today!

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Another Thanksgiving feast cooked and served and cleaned up. We had a total of 21 people here today for dinner. Still had food left over even after I twisted arms to get people to take food home. Tomorrow starts the no sugar, no dairy, no processed food diet in preparation for the Spirit Plant Retreat in Peru. Most everything I served today violated that rule so I didn’t save anything except some leftover turkey.

The weather has been absolutely beautiful today. Mid 60’s with no wind. The little kiddos played outside most of the time. We had to open the windows as it was too warm inside with both ovens running and all those warm bodies. Love days like this.

Everything turned out really good. I did burn the extra rolls but they weren’t needed as the ones I hadn’t burned didn’t get all eaten. Other than that I didn’t have any disasters. I never know anymore if I can pull off a dinner or not.

Still have at least one more load of dishes to get washed up. I may hand wash them after I finish writing. I use disposable pans to cook and serve the food in so clean up is fairly easy. 21 people can dirty a lot of glasses, plates and silverware though. My dishwasher doesn’t fit that many in one run. I had already run three loads this morning plus hand washed another load. I attempt to use every dish I have in the kitchen when I cook.

So very grateful for those that came today. Nothing I love better than a full house of friends and family. No drama, no conflicts, just lots of good conversation, good food and lots of hugs.

Tomorrow the grandkids are coming out to spend the day. I need to start thinking about my packing list for Peru. Maybe now that dinner is over it will hit the top of my to-do list. I leave Tuesday so am running out of time to procrastinate on it.

It may be nap time. I didn’t sleep well again last night. Not sure why I have started not sleeping much again. Tonight is the night I may sleep! One can always hope at least.

The nurse from the Endocrinologist office called me yesterday afternoon. I ask her to explain the ablation procedure to me and how many trips to Topeka it would take. She couldn’t do so. Not sure if they don’t have a lot of these done or if I just got someone who hasn’t work there long and didn’t have a clue. I ask if I could schedule a face to face with the nurse practitioner or the doctor to find out more details and to discuss it more and she told me they didn’t have any open appointments until February. I already have an appointment February 2 so guess everything will get put on hold until then. I can’t agree to a procedure without knowing what is involved and the risks.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I have much to be thankful this year. All my dear friends and family are at the top of my list. All is well on the beautiful prairie today!

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Six pies are made and cooling. Bread for the dressing is broken and ready. The first load of dirty dishes is in the dishwasher and running. Ingredients are set out for everything else. I will put the turkey in the oven late tonight and get up early to mix casseroles up and peel potatoes. A feast is almost ready! I still have room at the table if anyone wants to come join us. We are eating at 1:00. No reservations needed!

Still haven’t heard back from the Endocrinologist. I don’t expect to at this point until next week if then. I will call when I get back from Peru if I haven’t heard from her by then. Still not sure what to do about the ablation. Their lack of communication makes me not to want to do it though.

A bit nippy on the prairie today but the sun is shining brightly. It is to warm up for tomorrow and it will be a beautiful fall Kansas day. Glad the weather will be nice for those people who have to travel. So grateful I don’t have stores to be in or be responsible for this weekend.

The grandkids are coming Friday so Michelle can sleep. Not sure what we will do. They may be in the mood for a quiet day on the prairie. The next couple of weeks will get very busy and sometimes they appreciate a quiet day.

Feels so good to be able to stay home all day today. Kathy went in the Cottonwood Falls for coffee this morning but I wanted to stay home all day. She has a flat tire so she took my car. The guys from the garage in Cottonwood Falls are going to come out later today and fix her tire for her. Love local service guys!

Still need to clean two bathrooms and my bedroom and then the house will be ready for my guests tomorrow. I also need to dust but am waiting till the last-minute to do that as it doesn’t stay dust-free very long.

I didn’t sleep hardly at all last night for the first time in a bit. My body hurt last night. Not sure why as it is OK this morning. Maybe there was a weather change and I felt that. May need to take a nap this afternoon if I can fall asleep. So looking forward to being able to get my thyroid levels higher and resolving some of my sleep issues. They won’t let me raise them until I decide what to do about the ablation and that won’t happen until mid December. If I have the ablation my levels have to zero out for it to work right. I’ll be so grateful when all of this is totally behind me.

So looking forward to tomorrow. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. No pressure. Just lots of good food, family comes home and friends come over. Time to stop and reflect on all the things I have to be grateful for. It has been a tough year but things are looking up. Trusting next year will be a great one.

Beautiful day on the prairie. The house smells divine already. All is well on the prairie. I am blessed!

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Today is a quiet day on the prairie. I do need to go into Emporia to pick up a prescription but they haven’t let me know it is ready yet. Nothing else I have to do today.

Have all but one dining table set for Thursday. Arranged the flowers and wiped the silverware clean. The tables look so pretty. I love setting pretty yet simple tables.

Kathy is baking a cheesecake for Thursday. She always made one for her family as part of their tradition and decided to make one for us. Yummy! I ask her to join me in eating a piece of pie Thanksgiving morning. Mom and I used to do that. The pie always tastes better before dinner. Love continuing family traditions in new and old ways.

I dug out my trail pants and tried them on to make sure they would still fit. I have gained weight since my Japan trip last August. They fit so am getting them washed up so I can get them packed for Peru. We won’t be doing much hiking but they make great travel pants as they wash easily and dry quickly. They also take up less room in the suitcase than jeans do. Three pairs of trail pants and three shirts and I am good to go for months at a time.

A week from today I will drive to KC and spend the night at Nicole’s house so we can get to the airport Wednesday morning to fly to Peru. I’m starting to get excited. I made a list of things I need to get done before I can leave.

The nurse for my Endocrinologist called yesterday and read me the ultrasound results. She didn’t know I had already read them. She said we needed to talk about the radioactive iodine treatment. I ask what the doctor had decided since I had an allergic reaction to iodine before. They had forgotten that little detail. She was going to check and get back to me along with several other questions I had for her. I haven’t heard back yet. For some reason they thought I was going to be gone the whole month of December. Not sure how they thought I was going to do the blood draw they scheduled for me to have done December 15. I sometimes think they need to zoom out and see the whole patient once in a while instead of just one detail of it. Still haven’t decided if I am going to have it done. Their communication errors make me lean towards not having it done.

Got most of the house cleaned yesterday. Still need to do my bedroom and the two bathrooms and then I will be done. I will do those rooms this afternoon.

Tomorrow I will bake five pies and break the bread into pieces for the dressing. I always roast the turkey Wednesday night so it is done and out of the oven so I have oven space to bake everything else Thursday morning. Makes the house smell so good during the night.

Since I have to go to town I want to set everything I need for Thursday out and make sure I haven’t forgotten anything. I am hoping not to leave the house again until Monday. Heaven on earth to me to be able to spend five days at home without having to go to a store.

Another beautiful fall day on the prairie. It is a tad windy but there are bright blue skies and the sun is shining. Forecast is for sunny skies for the next week or so. It is to be in the mid 60’s Thursday after only being 48 on Wednesday. Gotta love Kansas and its unpredictable weather.

Rest day today. Love Thanksgiving and family gathering together. All is well on the prairie!

Monday, November 20, 2017

Went into Emporia this morning with Kathy to get the last of the things I need for Thanksgiving Dinner. Also got a bunch of stuff off of my Christmas cookie list. Still have a bunch of stuff on the list but my cart got full and I was tired of shopping. It doesn’t take much to get me tired of shopping.

My pharmacy called and I was one day too early to get my prescription for my thyroid pills refilled so will have to go back into town tomorrow. Funny how the ninety day mail-in prescriptions can be refilled thirty days early but the 30 day ones from the store only have a three-day window. I have a haircut this afternoon and was hoping that would be my last trip to town for several days.

I need to get my sleeping pills refilled too but the pharmacy messed up and didn’t record I had refills. I just called the pharmacy and after a bit of a delay they figured out they could refill it for me. I can pick those up this afternoon.

This has not been an easy day. I was typing something this morning and the computer kept trying to help me but it wasn’t really helping. Kathy heard me cussing and came up to see what was wrong. I filled a salt shaker and spilled salt all over the place. Nothing seems too easy today so am thinking I won’t try to do much today. No use going against the grain of life.

I noticed this morning my neck gets sore when I lift anything very heavy. It has been six weeks since surgery so am surprised it is still getting sore. I still have the headache I had from day one after surgery. It quiets down sometimes but always seems to be in the background. Today it is pounding loudly. I googled it and some people get headaches like this after their thyroid is removed. It is my indicator that my thyroid level is low.

Haven’t gotten a call from the Endocrinologist yet about the ultrasound results. She may be on vacation this week. I’m glad I have MyChart so I could see the results. What a relief to read that the results were normal and there was no lymph node involvement.

I must need to get through Thanksgiving before I can focus on getting ready for Peru. I started a packing list but it was a struggle. I’m going to set it aside and look at it again Friday. I will still have a few days to get anything I might want to take with me.

The wind is sure in a hurry today. I wore my heavy coat to Wal-Mart and got hot. If the wind would slow down it would be a beautiful day out. Not sure the lettuce will stay in the chicken pen long enough for them to eat it before it blows away today.

This afternoon I am going to start cleaning my house. It needs to be done by tomorrow night as I will start cooking Wednesday. May wait to dust until Thursday morning though as the wind is blowing in dust today.

For some reasons some of my mail in my Yahoo email account has gotten marked as Junk and shows up in my junk mail. I have hit the mark as not junk tab but it continues to go to the junk mail file. How do I fix this?

Not an easy day so far but am trusting it will get easier. Maybe as I move my body cleaning I can move into an easy day. Getting my haircut always makes me feel better so I have that to look forward to this afternoon.

Windy, sunny day on the prairie. All is well!

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Much better day today! Woke up feeling like I had energy for a change. The sun is shining and it is a beautiful day on the prairie.

Made a list of things I need to get done before I leave the 29th for Peru. I have already finished a couple of things I had put on my list. I attempted to refill three different prescriptions but was only able to do one. One didn’t have any refills left so I sent a note to my doctor requesting one. The other one was lost when my insurance changed my mail-in pharmacy. I’ll have to call and ask someone how I fix that. The insurance company was to have sent me details about the new pharmacy but to my knowledge I haven’t seen that information yet. I still have three weeks of pills left so am just trying to get things taken care of before I leave and I will have the pills when I get home.

When I went to the web site to send my doctor a note requesting a refill for my sleeping pills I noticed the result of the ultrasound was posted. I couldn’t tell when the results were posted. Usually I get a notification when something is added but for some reason didn’t this time. GOOD NEWS! The ultrasound was normal with no dedectable lymph node involvement. The weird thing is when I did the quick evaluation at the Health fair the lady had told me I had quite a bit of my left thyroid left. The latest ultrasound didn’t confirm that. The left side is the side that had the cancer in it.

I haven’t received a call from the Endocrinologist yet telling me what is next for me. The results make me feel better about leaving to go to Peru. This makes the decision about having the ablation a bit tougher as the ENT doctor had said if the ultrasound was normal the ablation was optional. Guess I will wait to see if the Endocrinologist still thinks it is needed. Maybe she will recommend I don’t have to have it done and all that will need to be done from here on out is regular blood work and a repeat ultrasound occasionally. If she does recommend having it done I will have to sit with that and decide what to do when I get home from Peru. One step at a time!

Made a list of ingredients I need to do my Christmas baking. I plan on picking them up before I leave so when I get home I will have what I need to get things made. I usually send a box to my brother back east and I used to send a box to my sister but since she is here this year I won’t need to do that. Gene loves my fudge and New Year’s Cookies especially.

Tomorrow I need to go to town to pick up a prescription. I think I will get the rest of the things I need for Thanksgiving dinner while I am in town so maybe I won’t have to go back into town this week. Wishful thinking I know but I am getting tired of making daily or even twice daily trips to town.
If I wait to go till afternoon I trust the doctor’s office will have my script ready so I can get that one filled while I am in town too. Need to get a haircut before I go to Peru too. If everything works I can do all that in one trip. Fingers crossed!

So relieved about the results of the ultrasound. Sure wish they could have figured out a way to do that weeks ago so I wouldn’t have had to sit for so long with not knowing. I can deal with what ever I know about but it is the not knowing limbo that drives me cray.

What an absolutely beautiful day today. The forecast for Thanksgiving has improved and it now says the high is to be in the mid 60’s with bright blue skies. The wind isn’t even in a hurry today. Love fall days like today!

Realized yesterday we are in to the last 30 days before Winter Solstice. This is the time when I typically do my best shadow work of the year. It can feel thick and heavy and like nothing good is happening. Add to that a powerful new moon that is calling me to release all thing that no longer serve me and it is no wonder I fell in the muck pond again yesterday. Thirty more days and the light will start to return. The timing of the Peru trip could not be better. It is as if the Universe is calling me to become a person with even more love and light to share with others and is giving me all the support and love I need to help that happen.

Beautiful day on the prairie. All is well on many levels today!

Saturday, November 18, 2017

The friend that was going to come over today got the flu and is home in bed. Trusting she will recover quickly. Empty space opened for me in an unexpected way for today. For some reason it feels very uncomfortable for me today again. Sure wish I could figure out why that happens.

I didn’t sleep very well last night. Probably because I took a nap yesterday afternoon. I was asleep early but my phone rang and then I had trouble going back to sleep. What a difference between getting three hours straight and not getting that much sleep. Sleep come back to me. I miss you!

For some reason I feel a rage or anger below the surface today. Nothing going on that I am aware of that would make me feel that way. Will try to figure out a way to release it today. Moving my body would help but the wind is in a huge hurry today, it is raining off and on and is not a good day to be outside. Maybe I can ride my stationary bike to move my body and release this feeling.

I thought about cleaning house for Thanksgiving but it is a couple days too early. I would have to do it again next week. I did get my light fixtures in the kitchen and dining room cleaned. I like the fixtures but they are a pain to keep clean.

Kathy was feeling unsettled today too so maybe it is universal junk and not mine. There sure seems to be a lot of heavy energy in the universe lately. Hard not to let it grab me and pull me down into the muck pond. Need to remind myself to let go and take a mud bath while I am down and not resist the heavy energy. The quicker I can do that the quicker I can walk out of it.

I called Craig to see if he needed to go somewhere today. He decided to drive himself today so I didn’t need to take him. Trusting he is ready for that.

Maybe I can start putting together my packing list for Peru. I am struggling to get excited for this trip. Somehow it doesn’t seem real to me yet. I was so wishy washy about going I think I convinced myself it wasn’t going to happen. Maybe a packing list will help make it real.

I also need to get out my Christmas cookie recipes and make a grocery list for those. Since I am going to be gone the first two weeks of December I won’t have a lot of time to get them made. Going to try hard this year to not make so many. Nicole used to take all my leftovers to work with her after our family Christmas but since she is not working she won’t do that this year. Hard to think about Christmas this year. Chris died the day after we had our family Christmas last year. Hard to believe it has been almost a year since he died. In some ways it feels like it has been much longer yet in other ways it feels like it happened yesterday. Kathy has been living with me almost a year now too. That too seems impossible. What is time anyways? Sure feels like a illusion to me today.

Still don’t know about the ablation and if I have it done when I might do that. We may have to schedule Christmas in January this year if I get the ablation done the week before Christmas. I will have to be in isolation for several days while I am having that treatment and there is a possibility of up to over a week of isolation.

Maybe my restlessness is due to all the not knowing what is going to happen. Need to remind myself to stay present and surrender what might happen. All I have is right now! I will waste the present if I start thinking too much about the future. It all seems to work out one way or another.

Another hard day for me. Feels like I have had too many of those lately. It is what it is and the faster I can accept that the quicker they will go away – they always do I just forget that sometimes.

Time to move my ass and move this heavy shit out. This is temporary. All is well on the windy prairie today!

Friday, November 17, 2017

It is only 11:00 and I have all my errands for the day done. I had my car at the garage at 8:00 for an oil change. I love that they vacuum, dust and wash my car as part of the service. It really needed a bath.

When it was done I went into Emporia to get the tires rotated. My timing was perfect as it only took five or ten minutes. Love local service!

Stopped at the bank and then bought some groceries. Stopped at the Locksmith to get Craig an outdoor rock to hide a house key in. The shop was out of them and will order him one. Stopped on my way home to drop some things off at Craig’s house. He wasn’t home from his PT appointment yet.

Feels good to have all those errands done and I now have the rest of the day free. Think I will try to finish the apron I had started so I can get that mess cleaned up and out of the dining room. Tired of looking at it sitting out on my tables.

Two weeks from today Nicole and I will be in Peru and starting our Spirit Plant Retreat. The first week of restrictions start today. The only one that really effects me this week is no pork – can I go without bacon for over a month? Next week I start the restricted diet of eating only fruits, veggies and limited amounts of white meat. I bought a bunch of veggies today with the intention of starting to eat mainly fruits and veggies this week. It is past time I start going no sugar again anyways. My pants are starting to yell at me for having gained weight again. Part of it is from my low thyroid levels but most of it is from eating too much of the wrong types of food.

It is to get to over 70 degrees today. Unfortunately the wind is in a big hurry today. Is this spring or fall? Kansas weather – gotta love it. So far the forecast for Thanksgiving is for temperatures to be in the mid 50’s. I’ll take that!

May need to take a nap today. I didn’t sleep much last night for some reason. Both feet were yelling at me all night long. They do that occasionally but thankfully they don’t hurt as bad as they did before I had surgery. Finally took something that helped a bit but still couldn’t get comfortable enough to sleep.

When I was buying groceries I picked up most of the stuff on my Thanksgiving grocery list. I will have to make one more trip for some last minute things early next week but I have most of what I need. The stores will get crowded next week so it is nice I won’t have to be there long. Way too many people for my liking.

Craig called and told me Jason has pneumonia again. Jason had pneumonia last year too. Time for him to stop smoking. Trusting he will take good care of himself.

Feeling much more grounded and centered today. I can take some deep breaths today without feeling restricted. Not sure what or how I shifted from yesterday but I am grateful it has shifted. Even without much sleep last night I have more energy than I have been having. Grateful!

Empty space at last! Warm, windy day on the prairie. Grounded and centered. All is well on the prairie today.

Thursday, November 16, 2017

It is one of those days where nothing seems easy. Glad they don’t happen very often for me. I have had a headache all day. Kathy has something weird happening with her body too. Maybe it is the new moon? I was restless most of the day yesterday too. Doesn’t feel like my stuff. Working on grounding myself but it hasn’t seemed to help yet. Better days will come.

Kathy and I went into Cottonwood Falls and had a nice long lunch with two dear friends. They lightened my soul. Always fun to spend time with other like-minded people.

After lunch Kathy went with me to pick up Craig and take him to town so he could do some errands. We didn’t get finished with his list as he got tired. He walked quite a bit while he was in Wal-Mart and Staples and it wore him out. He sure is doing better than he did yesterday though. Progress!

It took me three trips to the chicken pen to do chores tonight. Their feed container was empty so had to come back up to the house to get feed. They had dumped over their water container so had to fill it up. All that for only three eggs – the slackers! I don’t think they deserve fresh greens as most are not laying. You need to earn your keep around here.

Kathy and I were talking about surrender this morning. I remembered when I was in Core Star and learned about surrender. I was under the mistaken perception that once you surrender a situation you were done. I have since learned surrender is an action that one must take daily or even hourly. It is a choice you get to make over and over. I still can forget that sometimes when I get too close to a situation. Time for me to zoom back out and surrender a couple of situations I find myself in.

I have to have my car to the garage at 8:00 tomorrow morning so I can get the oil changed. After that is done I will go to Emporia to get the tires rotated. Always feels good to get those tasks done. Have two things I need to drop by Craig’s house on the way home and then I should be able to stay home the rest of the day. I am craving a day or two where I don’t have to leave the house. I have a dear friend coming to spend the day with me Saturday so I will get to stay home for that.

Got my Chase County Property Tax bill today. It went up $300 from last year’s bill. I was expecting it to be higher. My rental properties in Emporia had each gone up more than that. If it wasn’t for house, car and medical insurance and property taxes I sure would have lots more disposal income.

Hard to get through my head I will be in Peru two weeks from today. I haven’t even started making a list of things to take yet. Guess I need to get done with Thanksgiving before I can focus on the trip. Running out of time to run to KC if I think of something I need. No way will I get close to KC the weekend of Thanksgiving. Way too many people out then. I refuse to go close to a store on Black Friday – not even in Emporia. No bargain is worth that to me. Grateful I don’t have stores to watch over that weekend and I no longer have to work at anymore.

Not one of my better days. Finding it hard to find any motivation to do anything. I am tired of sitting but can’t seem to do anything else. I am hungry all the time and can tell I am gaining weight as my pants are starting to get tight. I’ll be so glad when I can get my thyroid levels evened out and all of this is behind me. I’m getting very tired of it all. Hopefully I only have another six weeks or so and I will be done with treatment and they can increase my medication level and get me back to loving life again.

Better days are ahead. At least the sun was out today. There was a beautiful sun set tonight. All is well on the prairie!

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

My task for the day is done. Empty space at last!

I took Craig out for breakfast this morning. He goes crazy if he has to stay home all day. His blood pressure was low this morning so he didn’t feel very good. We managed to get him in and out of the restaurant and even did a short stop at the grocery store for him. I was going to call his on-line pharmacy for him and readjust some of his meds but he was too tired to deal with that this morning. I’ll go by tomorrow or Friday and we can do that then. We had switched one of his blood pressure pills to morning but it is obvious he can’t take it in the morning as it drops his blood pressure too low. I switched it back to evenings in his pill-box for him.

After I took him back to his house I went back into town so I could get chicken feed, iced tea, and greens for my girls. I am hoping not to have to go back to town for a day or two. I have used more gas the last two weeks then I normally do in a month. Time to stay home for a bit.

Craig did agree to allow me to take him to PT Friday morning and to his other appointment Friday afternoon. I’m afraid he would be too tired afterwards to be able to drive himself home safely. Trusting by next week he will have regained more strength and endurance and he can take himself.

I welcome the sun back to the prairie. It has been on vacation the last week or so. I miss it when it doesn’t come out to shine. Sure lifts my spirits when it comes out. I had a jacket on when I was running my errands and almost got too hot. Love days like today!

I appreciated the beauty of the trees when I was in town today. I don’t have any trees on the prairie so I miss the fall colors. They are still beautiful although the leaves seem to be dropping quickly now.

Need to double-check my Thanksgiving grocery list and make sure everything I need is on it. I have most of it bought already. Just need the produce and dairy items. I picked up a turkey when I was in Topeka yesterday. I only got a 24 pound one as that was the biggest one they had. One disadvantage to living on the prairie is that a last-minute grocery run takes an hour. Need to remember to clean house the first of next week too. I tend to forget to do that!

I still have some empty chairs for Thanksgiving Day Dinner. We are eating at 1:00 so if you don’t have somewhere to go please come. No need to bring anything. Love having a house full on that day especially. I always have plenty of food.

A friend had read that I was taking a laxative every other day. She suggested I take magnesium instead. I switched to taking a 250 mg chelated magnesium every morning and evening. With my hypothyroidism everything has slowed down. The magnesium feels less harsh than the laxative and works better.

Trusting that when my thyroid levels get normal I can go off some of these pills. I use a pill-box these days as I am taking so many pills each day. Only four are prescriptions and the rest are supplements – most to help me sleep. With them I usually am able to sleep at least three hours straight every night and can usually go back to sleep for a bit more sleep in thirty minutes segments. Better than I had been doing.

Struggling to remember what day of the week it is. My routine is so screwed up lately. Nothing feels normal right now. Feel a bit like I am in a time warp of some sort. Am going to do some grounding work this afternoon and see if I can anchor into the present moment.

A friend that is an excellent seamstress invited me to bring my apron to her house tomorrow and she volunteered to help me finish it. She even said I could curse if I needed to and she wouldn’t be offended. What a dear friend and a very brave woman to allow me around her when I am sewing.

It is a beautiful sunny day on the prairie today. All is well!

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Went to Topeka this morning for my ultrasound. It took all of ten minutes for them to complete it. The technician told me I won’t hear any results for at least a week and it can take up to ten days. With the holiday next week I am not expecting to hear anything until after Thanksgiving. Nicole and I are leaving for Peru on November 29. I can’t see any reason to postpone the trip as I won’t hear anything until right before we leave. As long as it takes them to get things scheduled nothing would happen anyways until after we are scheduled to get home December 14. I already have a blood draw scheduled for December 15.

Yeah! That feels good to know our trip is on. Time to start making my packing list and checking it twice. Hard to know what to pack. It is their summer time but in the high altitude it can get rather cool in the evenings. They sent us a list of a few things they recommend we bring. Nicole was going to pick us up each a sleeping bag as that was on their list. She found some that are the size of a roll of paper towels. A headlamp that has a red light on it was on the list. Thanks to Laura I have one of those that I use to do chicken chores with in the winter time. They did say to dress in layers and to bring a rain coat as we will be doing ceremony outside and will be exposed to the elements. I need to check my prescriptions and make sure I have what I need to be gone for two weeks.

Stopped by Craig’s house and put a beef stew in his oven before I left for Topeka. I’m going to go over later this afternoon and eat dinner with him. That should make his house smell good and help to welcome him home. Kathy picked him up at the hospital this morning, took him to get some prescriptions filled and then took him home. She said he was looking forward to having some privacy and napping in his own bed.

Empty space has returned again. I’m almost afraid to say that as the last couple of weeks I thought I was going to have empty space and it got filled up quick. Feels so good to know my calendar is free for the next three days. I might meet a friend for lunch one of those days but that feels fun. Nothing I have to do on my calendar. Trusting I can keep it that way.

Sorted the chicken feed when I got home today so I knew what I have and what I need. I pour their feed into empty kitten litter containers and they help keep it dry and safe from the mice that share the chicken pen with the chickens. Next time I go to Emporia I will need to get a sack of chicken feed. I have plenty of corn, oats and sunflower seeds. I filled the cat food container up today so in another two or three weeks I will need more cat food. The dogs go through a sack a week so that is a constant on my shopping list.

Have four loads of laundry to do this afternoon. I haven’t been home home long enough lately to get it done. Good day to change the sheets on my bed and wash them. Need to get caught up on house chores. I dumped the recycling bins and washed them out this morning. When I go into Cottonwood Falls for lunch later this week I will take it to the collection cart. It is trash day tomorrow so emptied all the trash to get it ready to go down to the curb in the morning. Feels so good to have time to do regular chores.

Still haven’t finished the apron I started. I am getting tired of having it sitting on my dining room tables so need to get it finished. It hadn’t been going well. I will give it one more try and decide if I am going to give up. I can’t believe how many mistakes I have made. It has been too long since I have sewed something other than curtains.

It misted on me most of the way to and from Topeka this morning. There was a bit of water in the puddles on V Road when I got home. We sure need the moisture. I sure am missing the sunshine though.

Ahhhh….. empty space. I have missed you. Welcome back to the prairie. All is well on the wet prairie today.

Monday, November 13, 2017

Nicole and I went up to the hospital for Craig’s family care plan meeting this morning. He is getting out tomorrow morning. They answered Nicole’s questions and put together an after the hospital stay plan.

We spent to Commercial Street Diner for breakfast but I had forgotten they are closed on Monday. We then went to IHOP but they are closed for remodel. We ended up eating at Braums. It was OK but not what we wanted.

Stopped at Wal-Mart to get some groceries for Craig. I’m going to stop by on my way to Topeka and put a beef stew in his crock pot so he will have something to eat for dinner tomorrow night. Kathy is going to pick him up and take him home in the morning while I go to Topeka for my ultrasound. It takes a village to care for him sometimes.

Nicole left late morning. She was going to stop by and see Craig one more time and then head for home. She still needs to unpack her bag from her Tahiti trip. It was good to have her home for the night. We stayed up until midnight last night visiting.

Got a note in MyChart from my doctor saying my mammogram is normal. One more thing checked off my list. Yeah!

Went into Emporia to volunteer at the Pioneer Bluffs booth for Match Day. A group of school kids from Chase County came through. We put bandannas on them and a cowboy hat then took their pictures standing in front of a picture of the barn. They had fun as they came through. I also filled out the form that needed to be turned in with each check we had received.

Glad to be home. I’m ready for a people free day. That won’t happen tomorrow as I am going to Topeka for my ultrasound but have nothing on my calendar for the rest of the week. I’m ready for some empty space again.

Nicole and I got the pre-instructions for the spirit plant retreat in Peru. I’m a bit overwhelmed with the instructions. One week before the retreat starts I need to go on a diet that consists primarily of fruits and vegetables with a bit of lean meat. I am not to eat any fat, salt, pepper, spicy foods, or red meat. For the two weeks before the retreat starts I am to abstain from alcohol, pork, marijuana, sex and drugs of any sort. The better I prepare my body the less I may purge while doing sacred ceremony. Good thing Thanksgiving is the day before I start the restricted diet.

Trusting the ultrasound results will be negative so we can go to Peru in December. I really need to get away for a bit. These last two and one half months have been intense for me. I’m sure it will all settle down soon and we will go to Peru when the timing is perfect for both of us.

Grateful Craig is coming home. Grateful for Nicole’s help today. It is a cloudy day on the prairie today. All is well!

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Went to the Pioneer Bluffs Board meeting this morning. We had a guest facilitator to help us better define our purpose and direction. It was a good meeting.

I left just before it was done so I could meet Nicole and Jason for lunch. Nicole came down to attend a care plan meeting with Craig tomorrow. Nice to see both of them and have lunch together. Michelle worked last night and works tonight so she was home sleeping.

Came home and stuffed 240 cookies into baggies. They will be handed out to the school kids that come by the Pioneer Bluffs booth tomorrow for Match Day. One of our board members bakes the cookies. It was hard not to stuff them in my face instead of in the bags as they are so good. They look like they are professionally made as they are all so uniform in size. Mine never turn out like that.

Nicole is still in town. She was going to go up and see Craig. He has a TV in his room and my bet is they are watching some football. Not sure when she is coming out. She may stop and see the kiddos before she heads this way.

Tomorrow I am going to go to town in the morning. I want to get some groceries for Craig so he won’t have to go to the grocery store when he gets out Tuesday. May get something to put in the crock pot for him Tuesday morning so he will have something to eat Tuesday night. I bet home-cooked food sounds good after eating hospital food for ten days.

I’m volunteering at Match Day in the afternoon for a bit tomorrow. It’s fun to watch the school kids come through and see all the neat things that happen in our community.

Tuesday I have my ultrasound in Topeka late morning. Anxious to hear the results from that but bet I won’t for several days. The results will help me decide about going to Peru in December or if I want to put it off until January.

Haven’t heard the results of the mammogram I had October 31. They had to send off for the results from the one I had at Mayo years ago so they may still be waiting for those results before they can read it. No news is good news I guess!

My Doctor had order a home test to check my colon when I had my physical October 31. It is to arrive in the mail. I haven’t received it yet either. Good thing nothing is urgent.

Wednesday open space returns. I am a bit uncomfortable with it when I have it but crave it when I don’t. Guess that makes me a hard-to-please woman!

Hard to believe Thanksgiving is a week from Thursday. I need to find a huge turkey next week and let it start thawing. The last couple of months have slipped by me. Can’t believe it is November 12 already.

Looking forward to spending some time with Nicole. Grateful Craig is coming home this week. It is a cloudy, cool day on the prairie today. All is well!

Saturday, November 11, 2017

Kathy and I went to Craig’s house this morning to prepare it for him to come home to next week. Kathy sorted his pills, checked for expired bottles, set aside those he no longer takes and fixed his pill box for seven days for him. She found some discrepancies beteeen what he was taking and what the bottle said to take. We made note of them and took a list of concerns to the hospital so they can be addressed and resolved. Grateful for her expertise and help with this project.

While she was doing that I cleaned and got his bed made up. Cleaned out his refrigerator since he has been away from home for ten days. Picked up a bunch of loose rugs that are safety hazards. Did two loads of laundry. I didn’t get it all cleaned but it looks better than it did when we got there this morning.

Ran up to the hospital to see Craig when we were done cleaning and took the med list up to the nurse so it can get sorted out. We lucked out as the nurse was in his room when we got there giving him pills. Found out he was only taking one of his pills twice a day instead of four because the pill is so big he was having trouble swallowing it. The nurse is going to check to see if his insurance will cover the liquid form of it to help solve that problem. He also needs a new script for one of his prescriptions. Thinking the pharmacy may have sent some outdated pills. I’ll check next time I go over to his house and see if I can figure out what happened.

We stopped at Wal-Mart and then headed home. Craig needed a trash can for the kitchen and a shower caddy so he doesn’t have to bend over in the shower for his shampoo. I forgot to stop and drop them off on our way home so will take them by next time I go to town.

The rest of the afternoon is free for me. Tomorrow morning I have a 9:00 meeting at Pioneer Bluffs that is scheduled to go to 12:30. Nicole is coming home tomorrow afternoon so she can see Craig and attend a meeting with him at the hospital Monday morning with his care team. I’m helping with Match Day at the mall Monday afternoon for a bit. I am going to Topeka Tuesday for my ultrasound. My week should slow down after that though.

Misty, cloudy day on the prairie today. Not getting much moisture as it is just a light drizzle. I turned my fireplace on when I got home to try to take the chill out of the air. I sure feel the cold now that I am hypothyroid. Almost miss sweating on days like this!

Need to get my house cleaned and do my chicken chores. Hate to walk out in the damp, cold air to go down to the chicken coop. Only getting a couple eggs a day so barely worth going down for. They are officially slackers now.

Grateful Craig gets to come home next week. Grateful the kids have stepped up and will be there to support him. Grateful for what moisture we are receiving on the prairie today. All is well!

Friday, November 10, 2017

Nicole got home last night. She had a bit of a delay for her last flight but made it home. Glad to have her back in Kansas.

I went up to the hospital early this morning as Craig needed more shorts. After I got to the hospital (after texting him to ask if he needed anything else from his house) he thought of something else he had to have today so I had to go back to his house to get it and take it up to him. He thought of a third thing when I got up the second time but I told him it would have to wait. Two trips is enough in one morning. I brought his laundry home to do so will need to return it later today. I can stop and get what he needed then.

Craig looked very good this morning. He was complaining about cold food so I know all is well in his world now. Good to see him eating and bitching and being more of his normal self.

Stopped and had breakfast downtown and then came home. Nothing on my calendar for today that has to be done other than Craig’s laundry. Kathy is working so it will be a quiet day at home.

I started sewing the apron I had cut out last night. It didn’t go very well. Kathy heard me cussing and bravely came upstairs to see what was wrong. We had to google how to thread the sewing machine. Had one hell of time getting the bobbin case removed so we could get to the bobbin. The bobbin tension was wrong and I finally remembered to remove the bobbin and turn the bobbin over which fixed that issue. I made the two ties for the neck and had one hell of time turning them. Kathy finally figured out a way and did them for me. Maybe today will go better. It has been too long since I have used a sewing machine. They have dumbed them down since the last one I used. Maybe not enough though for this dummy!

I was surprised how cold it was when I was out and about this morning. It is only going to be in the upper 40’s today. Not ready for cold weather. Much prefer the 70’s and 80’s. Even 60 sounds good today.

Kathy got the chicken coop cleaned out before I got home yesterday. Bless her heart. The chickens love having fresh linen, aka straw, to play in and rearrange. They only gave me four eggs yesterday. Most have molted and there are feathers everywhere down by the coop. They look like ugly ducklings. Not sure why they molt this close to winter. Seems like they would do it in the spring time. I have seven dozen eggs if anyone needs some. $3 a dozen. May not have many for a while after these are gone. They won’t start laying better for another six to eight weeks.

While I was eating breakfast there was a table of four men in the booth behind me. They were having a God discussion and were talking about God and poverty. I can’t say I agreed with their perspective. I ate fast so I could get out of there. I could tell they meant well but their perspective felt very misguided and limiting to me. I could also tell from their discussion they had never been poor but they sure acted like they knew what the poor should be doing to get out of their situation. Wish it was as easy as they implied it was. My friend Mindy Johnson-Hicks co-authored a book entitled “The Wealth of Poverty”. I wish I had a copy with me so I could have given it to them.

I can’t keep up with all the men in power being accused of sexual misconduct. That veil sure seems to be lifting. Hope it helps to create a culture shift that makes men behave better. For way too long women have been treated as a lower class. Glad to see this issue is being brought to the light and no longer will be tolerated. Still have a long ways to go but the tide is shifting.

Many things seem to be coming out of the woodwork and are being brought to the light. As a society we can only deal with and help change things we are willing to talk about. Long ways to go but once those doors get busted open they are very difficult to close back up.

Cloudy cold day on the prairie. Grateful Craig is doing better. Grateful Nicole made it home safely. Grateful for empty space. All is well on the beautiful, quiet prairie today.

Thursday, November 9, 2017

Craig is settled into Newman Hospital Rehab Unit. I’m grateful there was a bed available as I now think it would have been a mistake to try to take him directly home. He will get the support and help he needs for a bit. Nothing was mentioned as to how long he will be staying. They did three different evaluations on him yesterday. He was one tired puppy by the time they were done.

Empty space has opened for me! Yeah! I have missed it yet it has been hard to relax into it today.
Not sure why it feels a bit uncomfortable to have empty space for the next three days but it does. Guess it is hard to slow down from the craziness of the last week. I keep feeling like there is something important I need to be doing but am not sure what that is.

I am going into Emporia soon to get critter food and to get Craig’s phone back to him. He had left it in Jason’s truck and Jason wasn’t able to get it back to Craig yesterday. Craig feels naked without his phone with him. I also have a medical record I need to take up to the hospital for him.

I’m grateful the skies are bright blue today with not much wind. Kathy mentioned the chicken coop needs cleaned out so when I return from town I will help her get it cleaned out. The chickens need a deep bedding of straw put in to help keep them warm for the cold days and nights ahead.

I need to do some house cleaning today. The dust is thick enough to write your name on the tops of the coffee tables and floors. It will help me move my body to do some cleaning. I’m thinking the restlessness I am feeling has come from sitting way too much over this last week.

I didn’t sleep good last night for the first time in a week. I have a situation I can’t figure out a solution to and I kept waking up thinking about it. I’m trying to see what I need to do different to help repair a relationship I have with someone (not Craig). All I can see is their part in it which I have no control over. Somehow I need to zoom out and see my part which is the only part I can control and fix. There may be nothing I can do to fix it other than to let go and allow the person lots of space. Letting go can be hard sometimes! Especially when you really care about the other person.

It will all work out one way or the other when it is time for it to. I have learned pushing doesn’t help fix anything. I’m not sure they are interested in resolving anything yet. One of the four agreements I refer back to is don’t take anything someone else does personally. What they do reflects who they are so I can’t make it about me. When I can remember that it doesn’t hurt so much.

I have had a headache again for several days. When I get home from town I may need to take a pain pill again. That is about all that will knock it out for a bit. Not sure what is causing my headaches lately but I don’t like them. Probably has to do with the thyroid issues and the additional stress I have been under this last week although they started before Craig got sick.

I have been amazed once again by the outpouring of love and support my friends have been showing me. My wish for the world is that everyone would have a support system like I do. The world would be a better place if everyone could experience that type of love. Thank you to those that have have reached out to me via phone calls, texts, emails, etc. Each contact has felt like a hug and they seemed to come when I needed them the most.

It is a beautiful day on the prairie! All is well!

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Whirl wind day already and it is only 10:15. Craig gets to be transferred to Newman Hospital’s Rehab unit later this morning. Jason is going to bring him if they can get Craig in Jason’s truck. Good news! Trusting he will only spend five or six days in rehab.

I don’t have to go to Topeka today now! Even better news! I will go to Craig’s house in a bit and pack a bag for him so he will have what he needs for rehab. They will have him up and dressed in regular clothes so he will need clothes, shoes, shaving stuff, etc. No more laying in bed all day for him.

I had a meeting to go to on Sunday so now I should be able to go. It is hard to commit to anything not knowing what the plan is. Next week I have my ultrasound in Topeka on Tuesday but not much on my calendar after that. Maybe I can step back into my normal empty space time for a bit again.

Got a note from some friends and she said my blog reads like a soap opera. It has been a bit unpredictable around here lately. Trusting things will calm down again soon.

Still sitting with the information I was given yesterday from the surgeon. Will be even more anxious now to see what the ultrasound shows. If everything is good it will be a hard decision to decide if I should have the radioactive iodine treatment or not. The surgeon has convinced me I don’t need radiation treatment. I have had an intuitive feeling since this started that I need the radioactive iodine treatment. Will have to sit with it some more and see what I decide to do.

Still haven’t decided about the Peru trip for sure in December. That too will depend on what the ultrasound shows. I think by the end of the month Craig will be OK to leave alone with others checking on him often. I can’t put my life on hold to care for him either. Whether I go to Peru in December will more depend on how urgent I feel the radioactive iodine treatment is if I decide to have that done. I’ll be glad to get the ultrasound results so I can know what to do.

I realized this morning I have been sleeping better the last week even with all that is going on. I started taking the supplements the Endocrinologist recommended as well as the sleeping pill. The combination seems to be working. I even managed to sleep a couple hours at a time at the hospital without taking the pills. Almost afraid to say so as I’m afraid I will stop sleeping so well. My thyroid levels continue to drop and that can help you sleep too. Whatever it is I will take it.

Feel like my life was given back to me today since I don’t have to go to Topeka today. While Craig is in Rehab he is limited to when he can have visitors and no one is allowed to stay overnight with him. After I make sure he has what he needs while there I won’t have to be with him much. I’ll check in on him once a day but other than that he will be in their care. Still thinking we may have to have someone with him 24/7 for the first week he returns home but will have a break before that happens. One day at a time!

I was surprised when Jason said they will allow him to transport Craig to Rehab. Trusting he can get in and out of Jason’s truck OK. It is a big step up to get in.

Felt good to do some laundry today and sweep the floor. Tending to house chores feels comforting when everything seems to be spinning so fast. May start sewing the apron I cut out over the weekend. It is a beautiful day on the prairie today with bright blue skies. A bit nippy out but it always feels warmer when the sun is shining. So grateful I get to stay home and enjoy it.

Another good news day. A weight has been lifted from me. Nicole is headed home tonight. All is well on the prairie!

Tuesday, November 7, 2017 Part Two

I have so much happening each day right now it takes two blog entries to capture it all.

Still am not sure what is Craig’s next move. The doctor has approved his dismissal from the hospital to a Rehab place. However that paperwork is slow to happen and hard to know if and when beds will be available. As fast as Craig is improving by the time we find a bed he might not need it. Plan A is still for him to go to an intensive Rehab place for five or more days. He would receive rehab for three hours a day spread out during each day. Plan B is for the hospital to keep him through Thursday so he can receive the last needed dose of IV antibiotics and then send him home with the understanding someone will be with him 24/7 until he is stronger and able to totally care for himself. The doctor told Kathy this afternoon he would agree to either plan. May have some answers tomorrow. Part of it will depend on how much Craig improves tomorrow. He is on the edge of being able to come straight home on Thursday and skip Rehab. Can’t believed how much he has improved from Friday.

It was so nice to have great nurses again last night and today. They really care about their patients and go above and beyond to help them feel comfortable. He had a really good PT person today too. A big shift from the nurses we had the first two days and nights. Grateful! Restores my faith in Nurses!

Kathy came up around noon to take my place so I could get back to Emporia for my appointment. Craig’s doctor was outside Craig’s room so I waited about an hour after Kathy got there before I left so I could talk to him. Unfortunately the doctor got called away to a different floor for an emergency so I had to leave before he or the social worker showed up. Kathy got to talk to them. The social worker called me and we discussed different options.

I stopped for a sandwich on my way out of town. My timing was good as I was eating when the social worker called me. We talked about what places were options for him and she was going to contact them and hoped to have some answers by tomorrow. Nicole text me while I was still at the restaurant so I was able to safely return her text.

Drove home and got to my surgeon’s appointment about thirty minutes early. I didn’t have enough time to drive home and back into town so went early. It was nice to sit in the quiet in his office for a bit and relax. I was surprised with what he had to say. Evidently new thyroid cancer treatment guidelines are coming out for 2018. The new guidelines call for agggressively monitoring the type of cancer I have but not treating it unless it starts to spread. My doctor said getting an ultrasound next week is a good idea to have a base line but doing the radioactive iodine treatment is optional unless the ultrasound shows something. The Endocrinologist implied the radioactive treatment was not optional and in fact she may add radiation to the mix if the ultrasound shows something.

I will have to sit with this new information and decide after the ultrasound what to do. The ENT doctor did say the Endocrinologist are the experts but he said something about them protecting themselves too. The doctor today said only 2 – 5% of people that have the type of cancer I have will have a reoccurrence. As long as I am followed closely he doesn’t think any further treatment is needed unless something new comes up.

After I was done at the doctor’s office I headed home and got part way home before I remembered I had promised Craig I would go to the veteran’s art show. Craig had entered some of my dad’s art pieces. Craig was convinced daddy was going to win a prize but he didn’t. I stayed over an hour until they announced the winners then left. I was tired and wanted to be home.

On the way home I remembered I hadn’t voted yet and made myself drive to Cottonwood Falls so I could vote. There were only two races on the ballet – both for school board positions and one of them didn’t have an opponent. With the way things are politically I had to vote today. Can’t complain unless I vote!

I’m about ready to take a bath and go to bed. I need to go back up to Topeka to spend the night tomorrow unless Craig gets moved tomorrow. Jason is up with Craig tonight and Jason has to work Thursday so Jason will need to come home tomorrow afternoon. I’ll probably head up a little after noon tomorrow so Jason can have part of a day off. There is a possibility Craig will move to a Rehab place tomorrow though. Will have to play it minute-by-minute and see how the day goes.

If Craig is able to come home Thursday the kids and I will have to put together a schedule so someone can be with him all the time for the next week at least if not longer. Nicole gets home Thursday sometime so she can help out too. Between Michelle, Tim, Jason, Nicole, Kathy and myself I think we can have someone there all the time without wearing anyone out. Craig has a second bed so it will be easy to stay over at his house.

I thought about having him come here to stay but decided against it as I don’t have a TV and I think it will be easier for the kids to help watch Craig if Craig is at his own house. Craig will be more comfortable at his own house too. In some ways it would be easier for me if he stayed here but as long as the kids help me out we can do it at Craig’s house. If everyone takes one day and one night a week it will be easy for all of us. This will be an adventure I am sure!

What a day! Good news day! Craig is much better again! My cancer may not be as serious as I was lead to believe. Lots to think about for sure. All is well on the prairie!

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Craig had a good night. He woke up around 2:00 this morning and thought it was afternoon. He was worried I was going to miss my doctors appointment I have for this afternoon. It took him a while to get his bearings and then he was able to go back to sleep. He had a very good night nurse last night. They gave him a bath. He was able to stand for five minutes while they washed him.

The good day nurse from yesterday is back again today. Both his night nurse and day nurse actually came in his room almost every hour to check on him. Both have lots of common sense and really have tried hard to keep him pain free.

He actually ate a piece of French toast and a banana for breakfast. Every time he is awake for a bit I give him a container of pudding or ice cream. It goes down easy for him and at least he is getting some calories in. His room has a little refrigerator in it so I order two with each meal and keep it in the refrigerator. Found out the nurses have them on hand too.

He was actually able to stay awake for over an hour this morning when he ate breakfast. That is the longest he has been awake at a time since he has been here. Progress!

I forgot to take my thyroid pill when I got up this morning. Guess I am out of my routine. Only the second time I have forgotten about it since surgery a month ago.

This afternoon I go to my surgeon so he can tell me what he saw during surgery. My neck has been sore the last few days so glad he will check it out for me today. It may be from sleeping in the recliner in Craig’s room for two different nights although it had started feeling different a day or two before all of Craig’s problems started.

Kathy is on her way up so I can go home. If Craig doesn’t get transferred today Jason is coming up to spend the night. The nurse told me the transfer paperwork can take from one to three days. Still haven’t heard if Newman’s has an opening yet. Not sure what his second choice will be if needed. I’m thinking he won’t need very long in Rehab as much progress as he is making daily. He was just able to walk to the door of his room. Not sure yet what care he will need when he goes home. One day at a time. We will figure all that out when needed.

So glad Craig is doing as well as he is. I was concerned he would have to be here for a couple of weeks as sick as he was. He is responding well to the antibiotics. He just left the room after a toilet stop and is going to walk in the hall. The PT girl is really good with him today. She stretched his legs before he got out of bed to see if she could loosen up his hips and knees a bit.

Glad both Kathy and Michelle are nurses and understand how this process works. Craig will need their knowledge and help during the rest of his recovery.

Grateful for healing! All is well on the prairie today!

Monday, November 6, 2017

Good news! The strain of E.Coli Craig has responds to antibiotics. He needs four more days of IV antibiotics followed by a week or two of pills. He looks so much better today although he is still sleeping most of the time. He is still very weak but his color is much better. His left side is particularly weak. That is the side that was damaged when he had his stroke years ago.

Craig will be transferred to a Rehab place sometime soon. His first choice is Newman Hospital Rehab. He went there one other time for out-patient Rehab and was pleased with it. Not sure he has a second choice yet. The nursing homes in Emporia do Rehab but he doesn’t want to get close to a nursing home. We will see how this plays out over the next day or two.

No mention was made of how long he will have to stay in Rehab. I’m sure that will depend on how fast he can rebuild his strength. One day at a time! Grateful he will get out of the hospital sometime soon.

His back is really bothering him today. He has been laying in bed since last Thursday. He gets up briefly but is too weak to stay up long.

I’m staying the night unless he gets transferred out today. Not expecting that to happen. Hoping he will get transferred tomorrow but it may be Wednesday. Kathy will come up around noon tomorrow if he is still here as I have to be back in Emporia for a Doctor’s appointment at 3:00 tomorrow afternoon.

Craig had entered some of my dad’s art work in the veterans art show at the Emporia Arts Council. The winners are being announced at a reception tomorrow afternoon. Craig is convinced dad is going to win a prize and wants me to attend the reception.

Nicole called and we FaceTime with her this morning. Craig was pretty out of it when she called so he didn’t talk much. Nicole is going on a four by four adventure today. Sounds like fun. She is sunburned and looks good! Nice to see her face. She will be home Thursday.

I went over to take the grandkids to school this morning. Tagen woke up puking. Luckily his brother is home sick today so I was able to take him to his dad’s house. Michelle made a doctor’s appointment for him this afternoon as this is the third day he will miss with this stomach stuff. The school requires a note from the doctor if they miss more than three days. The kiddos came over yesterday and I took them out to lunch. Tagen didn’t eat all of his lunch and refused no-bake chocolate cookies which are his favorites. I should have known something was up then.

Physical therapy has come to get Craig out of bed. Glad to see them in here working with him. Hard for him to move but he won’t get better unless he does. His nurse brought in a heating pad to see if he can get some relief from his back with it. Much better nurse today than he had earlier.

I asked Craig what he wanted for lunch and he said he isn’t hungry. That tells me he is still feeling pretty crummy as Craig can eat even when he has the stomach flu. It is going to take some time before he is back to feeling good. His system is pretty wiped out.

Good news day! So glad to see him looking better. I’m sure he will be feeling better soon. The miracle of modern medicine and its drugs. There would have been a time when he wouldn’t have survived this.

This whole episode has been a reminder for myself to enjoy each and every day as we aren’t promised another day. My family comes together when the going gets rough! Sometimes it takes a village to care for one person.

All is well on the prairie today! Things are looking up!

Sunday, November 5, 2017

I got home yesterday afternoon around 3:00. I had stopped at Bobo’s to get a hamburger and ate it on my way home. I did two loads of laundry, took a long warm bath and was in bed by 5:25. I fell asleep quickly and slept until 9:30 when I got a text. I was able to go back to sleep and slept off and on the rest of the night.

I’m so grateful to Mary, Craig’s sister-in-law, for spending the night with Craig so I could come home yesterday. Jason was up with him by 7:00 this morning so Mary could go home. Michelle is going up this afternoon and will spend the night tonight so Jason can get to work early tomorrow morning. I will take the kiddos to school Monday morning and then head up so Michelle can come home and get a nap before she has to work Monday and Tuesday night.

I have a Doctor’s appointment in Emporia Tuesday afternoon so will need to be back for that. Kathy has volunteered to go up Tuesday so I can come home. Jason is off Wednesday so he can cover Wednesday during the day and maybe Tuesday night. That is as far as we have gotten so far. Nicole comes home Thursday so we will add one more person in the mix after that.

Craig had a good night last night and slept most of the night. He had sweated through his gown and soaked the sheets with sweat so they had given him a midnight sponge bath and put him in a fresh gown and put fresh sheets on the bed. I bet that felt good. He had a few bites of breakfast this morning. He is still very weak and sleeps most of the time.

We found out he has ecoli in his blood stream. Since they found it in his urine I wasn’t surprised that is what he has. Haven’t heard what strain it is yet. It can be a nasty infection to fight off and can do some serious damage to his organs and muscles. Crossing my fingers he has the strain that responds to antibiotics and not the antibiotic resistant strain. I’m expecting him to be in the hospital for quite a while. He is one sick puppy.

I am proud of myself that I was able to leave yesterday and not go back up until tomorrow. I remember a time when I wouldn’t have been able to do that. I would wear myself completely out before and that did neither one of us any good. So grateful other family members are stepping up and helping out. It is pretty intense being with him right now as he is so sick and the nursing care is so poor. 24 hours is about the most anyone can take at a time. It is easier if there are two people with him at a time but makes more sense to stagger us out one at a time so we can make sure someone is with him at all times.

Not sure what I am going to do with myself today. I was up early since I went to bed so early. Didn’t take my shower until 10:00 though. Not feeling very motivated to do much. May declare today a rest day and do nothing. Have a bit of a headache again and need to practice some good self-care so it will go away.

I meet with my surgeon Tuesday to find out what he saw during surgery. Next week I have the ultrasound. Not sure what comes after that. I suppose it depends on what they find. When Nicole comes home we will have to discuss our Peru trip and decide if we need to postpone it. Maybe by Friday we will have a better picture of how Craig is doing and how long it might be before he gets back on his feet. I know it has been very hard for Nicole being so far away while Craig is so sick. Not sure she wants to put herself in that position again in December. I also need to know my ultrasound results and what is recommended before I know for sure I want to go in December. They run the same retreat in January and February if we decide we want to postpone. We have flight insurance so can change our flights if needed. Lots going on right now for sure!

My neck has gotten more tender the last four to six days. It feels a bit swollen again. Glad I am seeing the surgeon on Tuesday so he can check it. Probably due to stress and not anything serious.

Got another refund check from my doctor’s Clinic. Not sure why they bill me and then when I pay they send me part of it back. We keep passing checks back and forth. Good to get some back I guess.

Another cloudy day on the prairie. If it is going to be cloudy I would prefer it rain. I don’t like clouds with no rain in them. I am craving sunshine and blue skies.

Thanks for all the prayers and good vibes being sent for Craig. I’m sure they are helping. He isn’t out of the woods by any means yet. If he makes it through he has a very long recovery in front of him and then he has another serious medical issue he will have to deal with when he recovers from this one.

Grateful for family support. Grateful for friends that help lighten the load. All is well on the prairie!

Saturday, November 4, 2017

I am going to use my blog today to vent. If you have a trigger about the quality of health care these days don’t read on.

I’m so disappointed yet again in the quality of nursing care these days. We were in here for over four hours before anything was done yesterday. No fluids, no meds, no vitals, no care of any visible sort. The amount of paperwork required before anything happens is overwhelming. It took over an hour to get all his meds entered. The nurse doing it is around my age and acts like she has just rejoined the workforce and the computer and her are not yet friends. We are finding several mistakes she made today when she offered him pills he no longer takes.

Craig’s vitals were checked when the shift changed at 7pm and were not checked again until the shift change in the morning. One thing the doctor had told me that would get him moved to ICU is if his blood pressure doesn’t stay stable. How do they know if that is happening if they don’t check his vitals? He had blood pressures ranging from 80/40 to 210/95 yesterday.

We didn’t see a nurse or aide in the room from midnight until 6:00 this morning. I guess it is a good thing he has a heart monitor on. Wonder if anyone is watching that though?

When they came in after 7:00 he ask about breakfast. They told him they don’t serve until 8:00. I ask again at 8:15 and the same nurse’s response was what time did you order it? Didn’t know we needed to. There is no menu in the room or a phone number to call. She returned with a menu. I was on hold for 15 minutes to order it and then was told it would be delivered in 45 – 60 minutes. Good thing I had some snacks with me.

The nurse came in four different times to give him his meds this morning and kept forgetting something and would leave the room and then return 15 minutes later, leaving his pills on the nightstand. He finally got his 7 am pills around 9:30. Some he takes regularly didn’t come and they tried to give him three of his PRN drugs.

His IV was put in the crook of his right arm. While he was eating breakfast it kinked the line and started beeping. It beeped for over 15 minutes before someone came in to fix it. We had put his call light on after it had beeped for five. Craig was ready to throw the thing out the window by the time they came in.

He got the chills again this morning. I went and found a nurse and ask for a warm blanket and to see if they could take his temperature. An aide brought one in. She took his temp with the mouth thermometer though instead of the scanner type. He was shaking so bad he couldn’t keep him mouth closed. I was afraid he was going to hurt himself with it.

He is feeling pretty crummy this morning. We haven’t seen or heard from the doctor yet so not sure what is going on for sure other than he is septic. He is really weak today. Makes me a bit nervous as no one has really looked at him today. His nurse took his blood pressure but never did listen to him or check his belly.

Vent over. So glad I am here. I can’t imagine leaving anyone alone in a hospital these days.