Author: Kay Krause

Sophia had a restless night and so did we. I put her outside at 3:00. Roxy decided to go out too. An hour later Sophia was barking and wanted in. Roxy stayed outside. Sophia wanted back out an hour later. Rinse and repeat all night and it makes for little sleep.

I had to get up and get going to be in town at 9:00 to do taxes. All but one showed up but it felt like a slow day. Most of the returns were simple ones and didn’t take much time. I was able to get Kathy’s taxes done and they got filed today.

I met Jason for lunch after I was done doing taxes. It was nice to get to spend some time with him. I hadn’t seen him for a few so it was nice to see him and get caught up with what is happening with him.

I am working on getting some laundry done this afternoon. Haven’t done much else. I didn’t get a lot of sleep and sure could take a nap.

I have to go to Emporia tomorrow and do an extra tax shift. This is a make-up day from last week when the Senior Center was closed due to the snow and cold. I will go again Thursday. Lots of trips to town today.

Since I have to go to town tomorrow I decided not to buy groceries until then. There wasn’t anything I needed tonight so decided to wait till tomorrow to get groceries.

Doing my best to not fall asleep in my chair. I will hopefully manage to stay awake and go to bed early tonight. I have gotten into a bad habit of staying up late and sleeping in late and need to get back to a better schedule.

My quiet week has gotten full. Three days of doing taxes and a lunch to go to on Friday. At least next weekend is empty and I will have a couple of quiet days at home again.

Grateful for lunch with Jason, grateful for a warm, beautiful spring like day, and grateful for a quiet afternoon at home.

It has been another quiet day at home. I haven’t done much today again. I’m grateful I get to go to Emporia tomorrow to do taxes. I do feel better when I am at least a bit productive.

I trust I remember how to do taxes. I haven’t done them for over 10 days. Last week got cancelled due to the weather. Next week I will do them three times as one day is a make-up day from last week.

I need to stop and pick up a few groceries after I do taxes tomorrow. I haven’t been to the store for about a week and need some basics.

Tagen’s water pipe that was frozen broke as it thawed. He called a plumber but they weren’t able to get there today. I may need to find another one for him tomorrow. Poor kid hasn’t had water since last Thursday. Hoping we can get the pipe fixed tomorrow. Life is hard without water.

Aunt Marylyn called this evening, It always feels like I had a conversation with my mother when she calls. Love hearing from her and getting updated on the extended family.

Still haven’t looked at the news. I am feeling stronger and almost ready but decided to wait another couple of days before I catch up. I figure if anything really major happens I will find out sooner rather than later.

Feeling grounded and full again for the first time in a bit. Three stay at home quiet days has been productive to help me get back to center.

Grateful for phone calls from Aunt Marylyn, grateful for this quiet respite time, and grateful I have taxes to do tomorrow.

Another quiet day at home. I did a few housekeeping things today. Kathy vacuumed the floors and then I hand scrubbed them. The dogs tracked in big time yesterday and it was hard to tell what color the floors were.

I got the laundry I did Friday folded and put away. I am running a bit behind. It felt good to get caught up today. I did a bit of picking up and straightening things up around here.

It almost reached 60 today. Lots of snow melted. All this is left is the big piles where people shoveled. It is to be even warmer this week. It is to get close to 70 later this week. A taste of spring in the winter. Good news is it is the end of February so if winter comes back it won’t last long. I feel a case of spring fever coming on.

Got the news a distant friend had a heart attack and died today. Then his father heard the news and died. My heart has been with that family all day since I heard. Both men will be missed as they were strong pillars in the community.

I get another quiet day at home tomorrow. Don’t have any specific plans. I need to make a few phone calls if I can summon up the energy to do so. Some days I can and some days I can’t.

I’m grateful my schedule has finally slowed down. I only have taxes on my schedule for the next couple of weeks. Hoping I can find a new rhythm to my life which will include some physical movement.

Life feels a bit like it is on pause for a bit. I need a quiet valley for a bit. It feels like I have been on a roller coaster for the last couple of months and I need things to slow way down. Whenever I have a big inner learnings about myself I need time to integrate the learnings and figure out who I am now. This will give me some time to do that.

Grateful for the warmer temperatures, grateful for life’s peaceful valley, and grateful for a cleaner house tonight.

It has been a nice and quiet day at home. I haven’t done much today. I did work on my iPad and figured out how to load the apps. The only problem is I lost all the data from them but most of them don’t matter.

I still need to reorganize the apps on the home screens. I can’t find things the way they are now. I may take that challenge on tomorrow.

It is to warm up this week. The forecast calls for close to 70 one day next week. I’ll be surprised if it reaches that high with the snow on the ground. The dogs came in from being outside in their pen all day and made a huge mess on the floors. I’m not too inclined to clean it up as they will do the same thing tomorrow and the next day until the snow melts and dries up.

No plans for tomorrow either. It is to be a bit warmer tomorrow so maybe I will get outside and walk the dogs a couple times. It feels like it has been a long time since I was able to get out and walk them and enjoy the walk.

Sitting with a quiet mind tonight. It has felt good to take a day of rest and quiet. I haven’t read the news yet and plan on taking a couple days break from it. It is just too much for me right now.

I do plan on honoring the boycott that is being called for on Friday. It feels like the only way to get corporate America to listen to us is voting with our dollars. They have created a schedule of companies that they are asking us to boycott. I plan on following it.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful for the warmer temperatures coming out way, and grateful I get another stay at home day tomorrow.

It has been a long day. I was at my appointment at the KU research program at 9:15 this morning. I started with the program coordinator and answered a bunch of questions she had. She handed me off to the test lady.

I spent almost three hours doing all sorts of cognitive testing. Recalling a list of items several times, telling her back two short stories she read, doing matching games on the computer and many others. I don’t use my brain like that often and I was fried when I was done.

This was my third time doing these tests and I was able to do what I could and not beat myself up when I messed up. There were no consequences for me if I did well or if I did poorly so I didn’t take it too seriously.

Afterwards I made a quick stop at Krispy Kreme and got Michelle a box of donuts. I know she likes them and thought I would get her a treat.

I drove home after that stop. The drive home was smooth sailing. Stopped in Emporia and dropped off the box of donuts at Michelle’s house and then came home.

I started some laundry and unpacked and then took a long nap. I hadn’t slept well last night. I had woken up at 7:00 this morning and looked at my phone to see what time it was. I’m glad I had done that as I had forgotten to charge my phone and it was dead. I would have not had the alarm go off at 8:00 had I not noticed it at 7:00. It was hard to get up when the alarm went off.

After my nap I started working on setting up my new iPad. I ordered one yesterday and it came in today – impressive. It needs to update and I haven’t finished transferring everything to it yet. I will finish it up tomorrow when I am more rested.

I met a dear friend for dinner at 5:00. We had a much needed deep soul to soul conversation while we ate dinner. I so needed that and appreciated it very much.

No plans for the weekend. I feel like I need a couple of days to recover from the testing this morning. My brain is tired and needs some quiet to recharge.

Next week is relatively quiet. I will do taxes a couple times but other than that don’t have anything scheduled yet. It is to be in the lower 60’s next week so maybe I will get a chance to get outside and do some walking. I need to get to the gym and get a membership and get going on a new program for myself.

My friend asked me tonight how do I want to be seen these days. I realized that was the question I have been trying to answer without knowing what the question was. I don’t have an answer for that yet but at least now I know what the question is. Now that I know that I feel the answer can now come in.

Grateful for a safe trip home today, grateful the exercise program is completed, and grateful for friends that see me completely.

I am sitting in a hotel room in KC. Just came from having dinner with Nicole and Geoff. I have to be at my last KU research appointment at 9:00 in the morning. It will only be a ten to fifteen minute drive from where I am at.

The test tomorrow is the mental acuity test. Maybe if I tell them when I get there I no longer have a brain they will let me go! It is a three hour test on memory, reaction, and logic. I will come out of it wiped out. This is the third time I have had to do this process.

The good news is I have nothing to win or lose if I do poorly. I will offer myself grace and do what I can and let it go. I doubt that they share if I do better or worse than I did before. I will give it my best and allow that to be enough.

Dinner with Nicole and Geoff was the best part of this trip. It is always a good day when I get to spend time with one of my kids. We had a good meal and great conversation. The drive up today was easy and smooth. I will get a good night’s sleep and be ready to go in the morning.

I got a call at 7:30 this morning to let me know that the tax session for today was canceled. I had guessed that but it was good to get confirmation. We rescheduled the clients we were to have worked with today to a Wednesday in March.

I may make a few stops after the testing tomorrow is over. I may be too wiped out to do so though. I need a new charging cord for my iPad as the one I have is splitting. I need one that the plug in part to the iPad can twist. I also want to get a light to attach above the kitchen sink. I had ordered one on-line but it didn’t work as I wanted it to. I need to see what I am getting so I can get the correct one this time.

I broke my financial fast today and ordered a new iPad. My old one is over six years old and no longer has enough storage to be upgraded. I don’t have big programs on it but the regular operating system now takes up lots of storage. I ordered one that has almost 10 times more storage. Hope it will last a long time. Not sure if Apple designs changes to force one to replace old equipment or if technology keeps changing that much. I use my iPad much more than I use my desktop.

I am meeting a dear friend for dinner tonight when I get home tomorrow afternoon. It will give me a treat on a day that is tiring with the mental test and then the drive home.

No plans for the weekend. I will need a day or two to recover from this little trip. Next week is fairly quiet with only two tax days on my calendar.

I have been in a bit of a funk this week and gradually feel myself coming out of it. Things didn’t feel easy this week and I had little to no motivation to do anything. I am so looking forward to the warmer weather that we are to have next week and getting back outside. It wasn’t good for me to isolate so much this week but with the weather it wasn’t wise to get out.

It is nice to sit in a quiet, warm hotel room and be able to ground and center tonight. I stayed at this hotel last week so it feels safe and comfortable. Sometimes a change of scenery for even one night can help me reset.

Grateful for a safe trip to KC today, grateful to get to have dinner with Nicole and Geoff, and grateful tomorrow will wrap up my exercise research program.

It has been a very lazy day for me. I sat in my chair all afternoon and dozed off and on all afternoon. I woke up this morning and couldn’t make myself get out of bed. Not sure what was going on but I didn’t have anything that needed done so went with the flow.

I had Wyatt come and shovel a path from the door to the two cars. He had a helper with him and a snow blower and shovels. They got everything cleared out in about 20 minutes. I paid them well for their efforts as it was still single digit temperatures while they were working.

The Senior Center is closed again tomorrow so no taxes in the morning. I will sleep in and then drive to KC in the afternoon. I am meeting Nicole and Geoff for dinner at 5:30 and then will go check into a hotel room for the night. Friday morning I have to be at the research center at 9:15.

My brain is in one of those places where I am having trouble connecting the dots. I can’t hold a thought long enough to act on it. Nothing feels important yet nothing feels invalid. Weird place to be in.

Grateful no taxes tomorrow, grateful for a quiet day at home, and grateful the snow has been shoveled.

Well the storm found us. It is hard to tell how much snow we had gotten due to the wind. I would guess 4 -6 inches. It has finally quit snowing and now it is going to drop below zero overnight. It is not fit for man or beast outside.

No plans to leave the house until Thursday. Tomorrow we aren’t to get more snow but the temperatures are going to stay in the single digits and below. The dogs have been using their pens to do their business as it is too dangerous for us to walk them.

Sometime tomorrow I will go out and clean off my car so it will take less time to hit the road Thursday morning. At least this snow storm we didn’t get ice before the snow came so it should clean up easier.

The kid that shoveled me out last time contacted me and asked if I wanted him to come today and dig me out. I told him maybe tomorrow. I couldn’t see having him clear the snow with the wind blowing so hard. Not sure it would have stayed cleared out. We shall see tomorrow if I need him to come.

I made cheesy potato soup for dinner. It was a good day to have warm soup. I love leftover potato soup so I will enjoy it for the next two or three days.

No plans for tomorrow except to stay inside and stay warm. Not feeling very motivated to do much so I will enjoy staying home and do nothing.

Thursday morning I will go to Emporia and do taxes and then drive to KC to spend the night. I am having dinner with Nicole and Geoff and then Friday I will do the last activity to wrap up the exercise program. If I have the energy I will stop at Costco afterwards but may not be able to. This is the mental acuity test and it will wipe me out.

No plans for the weekend except to recover from the trip to KC. Next week I only have tax duty on Tuesday and Thursday so it will be a relatively quiet week.

I haven’t read the news today. I am giving myself a break from all of it. I need to use this time to make sure I am completely full inside again. I feel like completing the exercise program is freeing me up for something new to come in. I want to be mentally in a good space to accept something else to come in. Practicing good self care sometimes means shutting out the outside world.

Grateful I could stay home today snug and warm, grateful for do nothing days, and grateful for warm homemade potato soup on a cold day.

I went to Emporia a little after noon today to get groceries. I didn’t need much so it didn’t take long. I didn’t have any other errands to do so came right home.

KU called me while I was in Emporia and canceled my appointment for tomorrow. We rescheduled it for Friday. Unfortunately it is a morning appointment so I will drive up Thursday afternoon so I don’t have to drive in rush hour traffic Friday morning.

Fortunately Nicole and Geoff are available to have dinner with me again Thursday night so that will make the trip worth it. I don’t look forward to taking a three hour mental acuity test but I have done it twice so what is once more.

Many schools and other things are already closing in anticipation of the storm coming through this evening and tomorrow. I have provisions tucked in and am ready to stay home until Thursday. Hopefully by Thursday the roads will be clear and I can make it to Emporia to do taxes in the morning and to KC for the night.

I made a pot roast for dinner tonight. Feels good to eat a good home cooked meal. I’m on a roll at this is two days back to back. Soup sounds good for tomorrow.

No plans for tomorrow and Wednesday except to stay inside warm and dry. I have the heater going in the bathroom and I will leave the water dripping overnight. It is to get to -3 tonight and the high for tomorrow is only going to be 6. It is to get to -12 Wednesday night. I really dislike bitterly cold weather.

Feeling a bit isolated. For some reason it feels like a long time since I have been out with friends. Maybe this weekend I can cook something up.

Grateful my cabinet and refrigerator are stocked for the incoming storm, grateful for space heaters and furnaces that keep the house warm, and grateful I can stay in during the storm tomorrow.

I decided to make this a pajama day. I had no plans to go anywhere and no real reason to get dressed. It has been delightful to have two stay at home days back to back. One of these days soon I will have a productive day but not sure when.

I might go to Emporia in the morning as it sounds like we are getting up to and maybe over 5 inches of snow Monday evening and Tuesday. I will need some groceries if I am going to get snowed in for several days.

It is also going to get bitter cold for the next couple days. The forecast shows -13 for Wednesday night. Dang it anyways. Grateful it is the middle of February and that means winter won’t last too much longer. I always appreciate that February is a short month. March gives me hope for warmer temperatures, spring flowers and green grass.

I am calling KU tomorrow to talk about options for Tuesday. I am rather sure I won’t be able to go and not sure they can reschedule as they have some sort of cut off to get the testing done. It won’t hurt my feelings if I don’t have to take the test.

If I don’t go to KU Tuesday and don’t do taxes on Tuesday I will have three more stay at home days. I am betting they will cancel taxes on Tuesday due to the storm. Thinking by Thursday they will have the roads clear enough that I can go to Emporia and do taxes.

I probably should come up with a project to work on during this extended time at home. I feel better about myself when I am somewhat productive. Just not sure what I can come up with to do.

The outside world feels miles and miles away today. I haven’t read the news the last two days as I blocked everything out. The duality of living in two worlds feels very real right now. I kinda like my little isolated world. It does feel very small though.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful for a warm house, and grateful I like staying home.

It has been a quiet day at home. We didn’t get the winter storm that was going to come through. It came close but has missed us so far.

The dogs were sleepy this morning. It was almost noon before Roxy would agree to go out to pee. They spent most of the day inside. Not sure what was up with them as they are usually anxious to get out in the morning.

I made a meat loaf and baked potatoes for dinner. I needed a good homemade meal and it hit the spot.

Nothing in on my calendar for tomorrow so I should have another quiet day at home. I may run to Emporia for some groceries but I shall see. Staying home is very tempting and it is hard to get out.

It is looking more and more unlikely that I will be going to KC Tuesday. The odds of the storm hitting here keep increasing, I could go up the night before but I would have to drive home in it and I refuse to get out when the roads are bad.

I got a text from KS Drives saying I still owed something from December, I am on auto pay so went to the web site to see what was up. They had a big warning at the top of their website that they do not send text messages and if I receive one it is a scam and not to click on the link and give them my information. Gosh you have to be careful these days.

Sitting in a valley and practicing good self care. January felt like I was climbing a mountain and February feels like I hit a flat valley. I am adjusting to the different energy feeling around me. Still struggling a bit to figure out my role in all that is happening in the greater world while maintaining my vibration. Balance can be hard to find at times.

Considering going to Topeka Monday for the demonstration at the capital at noon. I will see what the weather is like and make a last minute decision. I strongly feel the need to take some sort of action. Not sure demonstrating helps but I don’t think it can hurt.

Grateful the storm has missed us so far, grateful for a stay at home day, and grateful I discovered the text was a scam.

Made it to my appointment at 9:00. I did a series of physical exercises including sit to stands, lifting weights, leg pushes, walking down a hallway and a treadmill test among others. I was grateful when it was over.

I also had blood drawn twice and a finger stick. They had to poke me twice the second time as the tube the blood goes in wasn’t working. My finger stick bleed for about ten minutes and there was blood all over the floor. That’s what you get when you stick me after 15 minutes on the treadmill. My finger tip where they stuck me is all black and blue.

They were having trouble getting my blood pressure down after the treadmill and finally decided to take it manually instead of using the auto machine. It was fine with the manual reading.

The exercises felt a bit easier to me than they did a year ago. They shared some of the results with me and I see a bit of improvement from where I was a year ago but not much. I know I was doing better when I had a trainer three days a week than only once. I need the accountability of being on a schedule with someone else to get me to the gym. I’m going to have to figure out how to do it alone and make it work.

I stopped for lunch as I hadn’t gotten to eat breakfast as I had to go in fasting. I ate and then drove home. It was sprinkling a bit as I came out of KC but that never developed into real rain.

When I got home I went to bed. I was completely wiped out. I slept hard for a couple of hours. Not sure why I was so tired as I had slept well last night, although I wasn’t ready to have to get up this morning at 8:00. I still don’t feel rested but better than I was when I got home.

My final appointment is scheduled for next Tuesday but that is the day another major winter storm is coming through. Not sure if it will be cancelled if I can’t make it or if they will try to reschedule. Someone said my window of opportunity closes the 20th but not sure what that means. It wouldn’t hurt my feelings if they cancel it and don’t reschedule.

Last night at dinner Nicole and I were talking about the retreat we went to in Sedona. I mentioned that the group leader had kicked me out of the group chat on WhatsApp after she received my review of the retreat. Nicole checked and found out she had been kicked out too. Nicole sent the leader a text and asked her why. After a bit of back and forth the leader wrote “You were both so rude the whole time. I have no obligation to stay in contact with people who wish to abuse others. Have a good night.”

I am speechless at that response. I don’t think I have ever experienced a more unprofessional person in my life. Not sure what to do about it other than to let it go and laugh. Guess I now know why my review was never published. I did go back and read other reviews and anyone that left any sort of criticism she countered with it was your fault you didn’t do something or misread the rules, etc. Passive/aggressive much? Narcissistic? Grateful our paths won’t cross again.

No plans for the next three days. Hoping to be able to stay home and rest. I will probably have to go get groceries at some point but don’t have anything else on the agenda. Tuesday I am scheduled to go back to KC and Thursday I will be doing taxes. I’m grateful I don’t have too busy of a week coming up. It is time for me to slow things down again.

Grateful for a safe trip to and from KC, grateful the physical exercise part of testing is over, and grateful for life lessons about not taking personally what others say and do.

It was another one of those nights last night where sleep was playing with me. I doubt if I got more than two hours of sleep all night. Dang it anyways!

I was in Emporia before 9:00 this morning. I left early in case the roads were bad. No problems at all. I did several returns and reviewed a couple others. The clients are so appreciative of our work. It is fun to work with them and my fellow preparers.

We were done by 11:30 today. I was going to stop and get some groceries but couldn’t do it so I went straight home. I had skipped breakfast so I fixed myself some lunch. Sat in my chair for a bit and then decided to drive to KC this afternoon.

My appointment tomorrow is at 9:00 which meant I would have to leave home by 6:30 and then drive through rush hour traffic. I went on-line and found a hotel close to where I need to be tomorrow morning. I quickly packed a few things and headed to KC.

Luckily Nicole and Geoff were available and we met at the Hereford House for dinner. It was fun to have dinner with them and catch up on life. After dinner I came to my hotel and got checked in.

I turned TV on but went through 98 channels and couldn’t find anything to watch so I turned it off. It feels good to sit in the silence tonight. Hoping I will be able to go to bed early and get a good night’s sleep tonight. Feeling very tired tonight.

Tomorrow morning I will have several blood draws. I have to go fasting. Then I will go through a bunch of physical exercises such as sit to stands, lots of walking, some sort of treadmill test where they wire me up, and lots of others. Still feeling a bit drained from my tummy issues Tuesday so not sure how well I will do. Oh well, it really doesn’t matter to me how well I do. I will do what I can and say that is enough.

Since I saw Nicole tonight I won’t go have lunch with her tomorrow. I may stop at Costco before I come home just because I am near one but I may not be in the mood to stop. We shall see what I do. I have a thing or two on my list but nothing that is essential.

No plans for the weekend. There is a chance we are going to get more winter weather Saturday so it will be a good day to stay home..

I have to come back to KC next Tuesday but not sure I will be able to as we have a very good chance of yet another winter storm coming through that day. I may come up Monday night so I will be here but not sure I want to drive home in snow so may have to reschedule that appointment again. I think I am to have that session completed by February 20 so not sure what the options are. I will have to ask tomorrow what other options are available. I am not going to risk my life to do that test.

It is nice to get out of town tonight. I forget to go sometimes. The room is warm and quiet and I hope I get a good night’s sleep. It is a relief to know I am only 8 minutes away from where I need to be at 9:00 in the morning. I can sleep in and still make it on time.

Feeling a bit isolated today. This dual reality seems to be getting wider and wider apart. The path I am on feels like one that I am to walk alone for a bit. Life is like that with ebbs and flows. I do some of my best inner work when I am spending more time alone. It can be hard though and lonely. I’ll climb out of this space sooner or later.

Grateful for the safe trip to KC today, grateful to have gotten to spend time with Nicole and Geoff tonight, and grateful for a quiet night alone.

We got about three inches of snow last night and this morning. It is light, fluffy snow. It is nice that it doesn’t have ice underneath. Kathy shoveled the sidewalks and she said it was easy going.

I decided to make this a pajama day. I had no plans to go anywhere and decided to stay comfy today. It has been a quiet day tucked inside. I have been binge watching Private Practice lately. I am almost done with season three. I watched the show when it was on years ago and decided to watch it all. Back in the day if you missed a show there was no way to watch it.

Tomorrow I have to be in Emporia at 9:00 to do taxes. I am assuming the highways will be fairly clear. At least it will be daylight when I go. I may stop and pick up a few groceries afterwards if it isn’t too cold and windy.

Friday I have to be at KU at 8:45 so will have to leave by 6:45 and drive in rush hour traffic. Trusting the roads will be much better by then. I may have lunch with Nicole afterwards if she can get free. She has a visitation to go to that evening and may not be able to get free. I doubt if I stop at Costco although I have a few things on my list. I’m sure I will want to get home as soon as possible.

I have the weekend free which is good as we have a good chance for another winter storm coming throughSaturday. I am supposed to go to KU Tuesday but there is yet another system coming through that day. Winter weather seems hard to predict so I will wait till Monday to figure out what to do that day.

The tummy issues from yesterday seem to be gone. I feel more grounded and centered than I have been lately. I got a long night’s sleep last night and that always helps. Things feel lighter for me today than they have for a while. Not sure why that happened but am grateful. Sometimes I have to strap on the seat belt and ride the waves.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful for an easy to remove snow, and grateful I have gotten above neutral again.

I woke up at 6:00 this morning having to go to the bathroom. For the next two hours I went every 10 minutes or so. It finally slowed down a bit but I decided not to attempt to go to KC today. Wasn’t sure I could find enough bathrooms along the way if needed. Turns out I could have gone but have felt drained this afternoon. I’m sure I am a bit dehydrated. I have been attempting to drink as much water as I can tolerate.

This kinda sucks! Not the way I had planned my day to go. I wanted to get this mental test over with today. They rescheduled it for next Tuesday.

I hope I can go on Friday for the physical test. We are to get lots of snow tonight and into tomorrow. There is a second system coming behind the first one that may have more snow. I will see how the roads are Thursday night and decide if it will be safe to go. I have to be there at 9:00 so will have to drive in rush hour traffic. Not my favorite thing to do when the roads are nice.

The good news of the day is I got a stay at home day and I get another one tomorrow. Hoping between the two of them I will get over whatever this is and feel better by Thursday.

Feeling a bit weak and rung out this evening. Two days of tummy issues can drain a person. I’m grateful I was able to call and cancel going to KC. There was a time in my life that I would have attempted to push through and go. Since things slowed down I might have been able to go but I don’t think I would have done very well on the testing.

Funny how life gives me little lessons daily. I never know when or how they might present themselves. Grateful I was able to practice good self-care and do what I needed to do for myself today. I am 71 years old and am finally learning to put myself first.

Grateful things have slowed down, grateful I was able to stay home today, and grateful I get another stay at home day tomorrow.

It was another one of those nights last night. If I got two hours of sleep I would be surprised. Sure makes for a long night when I can’t sleep.

I was in Emporia at 9:00 to do taxes. I did a couple returns and then at 10:00 left to go to my doctor’s appointment. Someone else came in to fill in for me while I was gone.

Got called back quickly after I got checked in for my appointment. The nurse did her thing and then I waited about 30 minutes for the doctor to come in. Not sure much was accomplished other than permission to refill my regular prescriptions.

I asked him about the abnormal results from the blood work I did for the Endocrinologist and he had me repeat them. They called me this afternoon to let me know the two levels that had been out of range the end of January were back in range so all is well.

I didn’t get back to doing taxes until about 11:25. By then I only had to review two returns and I was done for the day. The best part of doing taxes is the people I meet and the friends I see while doing them. Today I got to see a friend I hadn’t seen for a long time. One of the people whose taxes I did was a friend from days long gone by. Always good to see old friends.

Dropped my tax package off at my accountant’s office. Dropped a notice off at Tagen’s house and saw him for a hot minute. He is home sick and I didn’t want to stay very long.

Had to stop by Walmart and pick up a new prescription and then I came home. Kathy had made some chili so I had a bowl of that and then I took a chair nap.

Took Sophia for a walk around 5:00. Roxy politely declined my offer of a walk. She is a stubborn one and sometimes the path of least resistance is to do what she wants us to do.

Tomorrow I have to be at KU at 12:15 for a two to three hour mental acuity test. Sure hope I sleep tonight or I might not do well. Trusting I will get home before the snow starts flying.

Wednesday I get to stay home all day. Thursday I do taxes again and then Friday I have to be back at KU at 9:15. I am going to lunch with Nicole after that session.

Haven’t had much energy today due to being very sleep deprived. Had some tummy issues this morning but I think my tummy has settled down a bit. Chili probably was not the best thing I could have eaten today but it sure tasted good going down.

It will be good to finish up the exercise program this week. I don’t like making two trips to KC in the same week but will be glad to get it done. I will need to get hold of the owner of the gym in Cottonwood Falls and get a membership so I can work out there a couple times a week.

Feeling a bit off tonight. Probably from lack of sleep but it is hard to find much joy right now. I will be grateful when this week is over and I will have some more free time. I do so much better when I have at least four stay at home days a week and that hasn’t happened the last couple weeks.

Grateful the blood work was good today, grateful for the people I meet while doing taxes, and grateful for the sleep I will get tonight.

This has been a delightful quiet day at home. I haven’t gotten anything done. It is so nice to stay home and listen to the quiet.

I have watched part of the game but turned it off. I was feeling old watching it. I rarely watch live TV and had no idea what most of the commercials were trying to sell. I didn’t recognize the names of the singers and have no idea who the person is that is doing the halftime show. Man I am old and out of touch!

I am doing taxes in the morning for an hour or so before my doctor’s appointment and then I will go back after the appointment to help finish up the day. Someone is coming in at 10:00 to take my place for an hour or so. When I get done with taxes I will drop my taxes off at my accountant’s office.

Tuesday I go to KU. It sounds like I will be able to go as the snow is not to come until evening. Hoping I can get home before it starts. Wednesday is a stay at home day so I can stay inside and watch the snow fly.

Feeling a bit empty tonight. It has been good to have two days of quiet shelter. I didn’t read much news this weekend. I needed to tune it all out for a bit. Something tells me it is going to bubble up this week and be hard to avoid and ignore. I work hard at not letting my mind run away from me and go down the rabbit hole.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful I will be in service tomorrow doing taxes, and grateful the snow is waiting to come until Tuesday evening.

A stay at home day at last. It has been a quiet one and I am grateful for that. I haven’t done much today but rest and listen to the quiet. My soul needed that today.

I did have a nice long conversation with my friends from CA that I met on the Camino. It is always a good day when they call and we chat. They have 12 children and lots of grandchildren and even have some great grandchildren now. Tom was out mowing the yard while Carolyn and I chatted. He is 88 and still going strong. Impressive!

Tomorrow I plan on staying home again. I will watch the Super Bowl in the evening but other than that have no plans. Monday I have a doctor’s appointment in Emporia and Tuesday I have to go to KC for a test to wrap up the KU research program. Wednesday is a free day. Thursday I will do taxes and Friday I have to go back to KC for the final event in the program. Next weekend looks free and clear so far.

While I am in town Monday I will drop off my taxes at my accountant’s office. It will be good to pass those off. I won’t hear back until mid March but at least she will have them to work on as she finds time to do so. I also need to stop and drop off a note for Tagen.

Not looking forward to the snow that is to come in sometime Tuesday through Thursday. I shall see if I can make it to KC Tuesday or if I will need to reschedule. I think last year I had to reschedule as we had a winter storm then too.

Nicole had a close friend transition today due to a heart attack. My heart is heavy for her. Life doesn’t feel fair sometimes.

Still feeling a bit of restlessness or anxiety in my background. Slowly but surely what is happening in DC is moving into my reality as I read that more and more local and state programs and people are being challenged by all the changes. I suppose when it starts hitting each of us personally people may start taking notice and speaking up more.

It is so hard to get real truth and facts these days. I spent some time today trying to find out if some posts were truth or lies. Never did figure out one of them. Two realities occurring for sure.

I keep reminding myself the only thing I have control over is my own reaction to what is happening. My job right now is to stay grounded and regulated and to radiate love to all I encounter. The rest is just noise and distractions. I can worry all I want and it won’t change anything other than to pull me down into the muck pond.

Grateful for the phone call I had today with my dear friends, grateful for a day of rest and quiet, and grateful to let go and let it be.

/‘

I went to Council Grove today for lunch with a friend. I stopped at the Grand and picked up food and drove north. It was a delightful couple of hours to spend with a dear friend.

I got up to go to the restroom and a dog was blocking my way. I tried to step over the dog and reached down to keep the dog calm. My bad as I startled the dog and he snapped at me. He caught my hand. It barely broke the skin. Not sure what is up with me and dogs. Both times it was my fault as I disturbed sleeping dogs. Maybe I have learned my lesson.

I came home and took a nap in my chair. I was wiped out. It had been a busy week and I think things caught up with me. I finally got out of my chair and went to the bed to get some good rest. Not sure I will sleep tonight as I slept most of the afternoon and into the evening.

I don’t have anything I have to do this weekend so hoping two stay at home days will help me refill and recharge. I do need to do a bit of housecleaning but that helps ground and center me.

Found out the doctor’s appointment I thought was on Wednesday is on Monday. I had a free day Monday so all is good. Not sure how I got the days mixed up but grateful I figured it out and didn’t miss the appointment. Tuesday and Friday I have to go to KC for the final KU research program testing. It is to snow Tuesday so I will see if I can make it.

Not sure why this week I had a couple of rough feeling days. Both times I felt like something suddenly pulled my plug and drained me. It was an internal thing and not something someone did to me. I am betting it is a response to all the external stimulus that is happening in the world. I fool myself into thinking I am blocking it out and in reality I am taking it all in. I am an empath and I take on energy that doesn’t belong. I guess my body is trying to help me let go of it.

It is such a weird time right now in this world. I have trouble reconciling my head, heart and brain with the dual reality that appears to be happening. As what is happening in DC gradually spreads out and becomes real to me in a personal way maybe things will merge and I can make better sense of things. I need to remember to stay in love and stay out of the muck regardless of how close it comes.

Grateful for lunch with a friend, grateful for extra sleep this afternoon, and grateful I figured out the right day to go to my doctor’s appointment next week.

It has been a productive day. Grateful I am feeling better today and had energy to get some things done today.

I was in Emporia by 9:00 this morning to do taxes. Due to a computer glitch there were only two of us instead of three entering taxes today. Grateful two of the clients that signed up didn’t make it in.

I got to see a couple clients from last year. It is fun to reconnect although briefly with them. It feels like greeting old friends.

After I was done with taxes I went to the bank to take care of a banking issue, I filled the car with gas and then I dropped off Tagen and Michelle’s copies of their taxes. Neither one were there when I stopped by. I stopped for lunch and then came home.

When I got home I worked on my own tax prep folder. I was able to find the paper I needed last night. I got my taxes ready to drop off at the accountant’s office next time I am in Emporia. Feels so good to have them done.

After I finished my taxes I got my storage box of files organized and made some new files. It is nice to have my desk organized and cleaned up. I need to find a small box to put the records from 2024 in and put them in the shed. I remember when I did the books for McDonald’s how big of a job it was to clean out files annually. I would have several boxes of records to send to storage. My little pile of records today seems like nothing compared to that.

I had to change the address of my LLC with the Secretary of State. They made me change my password which turned into a ten minute process. They require a minimum password of 12 characters and have to include several requirements. My password manager had trouble finding one that would work. I had to modify it to make it work. Then I had to pay a fee to change the address. It told me the system didn’t accept it. I tried a couple of times and gave up. Ten minutes later I got an email with the fee receipt. Things that make me go WTF!

Had several clients talk about what is happening in DC and wonder where this is all going. I am not allowed to talk politics so I could only listen. I do wonder if what is happening will impact tax refunds. Guess we will all find out sooner or later.

Tomorrow I am going to a friend’s house for lunch. I need a heart to heart conversation and this friend will be perfect for that.

No plans for the weekend. I think I will have two stay at home days but we shall see. Next week I have to go to KC twice for testing to finish up the KU research program. I also have a doctor’s appointment and will do taxes one day. No rest for the weary next week.

I appreciate having a productive day occasionally. I do feel better when I get things done. Now that my big project of getting taxes prepped is done I can turn to some other issues on my to do list that need my attention. I struggle these days to multi-task and have to focus on one thing at a time.

I didn’t read the news today. I needed to take a bit of break again so I can insure I am regulated and be able to hold it. I’m grateful on one level that I didn’t go to Topeka yesterday. I needed to practice good self care and take care of myself. On the other hand I am disappointed I didn’t go as now is the time we need to make our presence and voices heard. I will keep my eye out for the next opportunity to protest.

Grateful my tax prep is done, grateful I found the paper I needed, and grateful for the opportunity to help others do taxes.

This day has not gone like I had planned. I didn’t fall asleep until almost morning today. I didn’t set an alarm and didn’t get up in time to make it to Topeka by 11:30 for the rally. Dang it anyways.

I haven’t felt good today. Very achy and low energy. My tummy hasn’t been very happy with me today either. Maybe I needed a stay at home day to break up this busy day. I hope this is just a one day thing. I don’t have time to go down.

I did work on my taxes. I am almost done. I have to track down a piece of paper so I can finish them up. I hate when I can’t put my hands on something. It is an important piece of paper and I can’t remember seeing it before. I know it would have been sent to me but I sure can’t remember seeing it.

It was icy and cold today. I haven’t been outside yet today and don’t plan on getting out. I have felt cold all day. I got used to the warmer days we had and it is hard to go back to the cold.

Tomorrow I have to be in town at 9:00 to do another tax shift. I will get someone to review Tagen’s and Michelle’s taxes and get those filed. After I get taxes done I have an errand to run. Friday I am going to go to a friend’s house for lunch. I need a good heart to heart conversation and this will fill the bill.

Next week I have to go to KC twice to finish up the KU exercise program. I also am doing taxes one day and have a routine doctor’s appointment one day. It will be another busy week.

Have a bit of unease in the background again. I know a lot of it is from what is going on in the USA. I am doing my best to keep the news I take in to a minimum and shut out the noise. What is happening in DC feels so far away and in a different timeline or reality. The chaos in the energy field feels denser to me than before. I feel like I am caught between two worlds and keep dipping back and forth between them.

Grateful for a stay at home day, grateful my taxes are almost done, and grateful I will find the piece of paper I need.

I don’t think I got over an hour of sleep last night. One of those nights! Sure makes for a long night when that happens. I took a nap in my chair this afternoon but hoping I can sleep tonight.

Went to Emporia at 9:00 this morning to do taxes. It is so fun to do them. It went very smoothly today although I was there until 1:00 so I could help finish up a case. Doing taxes today was like riding a bicycle after a long time not riding one. It felt very easy today. There was a beautiful exchange between the three of us doing taxes and lots of shared experiences helping our clients. Three heads are better than one and today we worked together and figured things out.

I stopped to see Tagen for a minute and cleared up an issue with him. I then stopped for lunch and then came home. I finished up doing Tagen and Michelle’s taxes when I got home. Both are getting refunds.

I wish I could do more taxes independently and help more people. The taxes have to be reviewed and unless the people I am doing taxes are relatives the reviews have to be done with the client present.

There is still room on the schedule at the Senior Center. Call between 9:00 and noon and someone will get you on the schedule. We do them on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday mornings. No charge and you don’t have to be a senior citizen to have them done. We can’t do depreciation but can do investments, most self employment, and of course W2’s and interest income. Don’t wait too long to get on the schedule though as it is filling up quickly and we will run out of spots.

Tomorrow I am planning on going to Topeka to the state capital rally. So far no one has stepped forward to ride with me so I am going alone. I’m not sure how organized this rally is and how many will be there but I feel strongly I need to be there. I will make a sign that says Love One Another and walk in love and peace. Love will win – it always does. Seems like we will have a rocky road until then and I want to be a voice for love and peace.

Thursday I do taxes again in the morning. Friday I am going to have lunch with a friend. I don’t have any plans this weekend so will get a couple stay at home days. Next week I have to go to KC twice to finish up the KU research program.

It was cold today and when I was driving into town this morning it was lightly spitting rain. After being in the 50’s and 60’s over the weekend the high 20’s felt brutal today. It is to warm up tomorrow to the upper 40’s but we may have some freezing drizzle. I will see what the weather is like mid morning and make a decision about going to Topeka. I may chicken out.

Feeling a bit disconnected tonight. I haven’t spent much time reading the news today. I looked at it for a while and couldn’t take in much today. Looking at my schedule for the next couple of weeks I realized I am not going to get much down time during the week. I function best with lots of down time so will have to shift my mindset and deal with it. Grateful I have had lots of down time before this all hit and am full. I will have to stay vigilant and practice good self care.

Finding balance in this crazy busy world right now is a challenge. Staying regulated with all that is going on is a challenge. It will be good for me to face this challenge and learn new ways to find that balance.

Grateful tax season has begun, grateful for a warm house and room heater this evening, and grateful I know how to practice self care.

It has been a busy day. It started with a trip to Topeka for my annual visit with my Endocrinologist. She was running almost on time and I was in and out of there in 30 minutes. It was a routine checkup and nothing has changed.

She had ordered some blood work done last week and two of the results were too high. In her report from the blood work she said to repeat the test in a week. She didn’t mention it today. Ummm… wonder if I really need to repeat it.

Stopped for lunch at Chipotle and then came home. I stopped to see Tagen for a minute when I got back into Emporia and then came home.

I was only home for 30 minutes and then I had to go back to Emporia for my last exercise session with my trainer. Got that taken care of and then went to CVS to pick up some prescriptions for Kathy. Got those and came home.

Tagen and Michelle gave me their W2’s so I will do their taxes tomorrow when I go do taxes for others in the morning. We are allowed to do family members taxes without them being present.

I have an errand to do tomorrow after I finish my tax shift and then should be able to come home for the afternoon. I have something on my calendar everyday this week so won’t get a stay at home day until the weekend.

I’m still looking for a couple people to go with me to Topeka Wednesday to walk the grounds of the Capitol around the noon hour. This is part of the 50 state protest that is happening. Anyone want to ride along?

I’m excited to start doing taxes tomorrow. We usually aren’t too busy the first couple weeks in February. If you have your tax records ready call the Emporia Senior Center and book an appointment. You don’t have to be a senior to qualify. No charge to get your taxes done and we will eFile for you. We are open Monday, Tuesday and Thursday mornings from 9:00 – noon. Appointments are needed. As the tax season progresses we usually fill up and run out of appointments.

It felt good to do my last exercise session today. This year went by quickly. I enjoyed my trainer as she was like-minded and we had some good discussions. I am disappointed in the lack of progression of the exercises I did though. Not sure I would do the program again but it did get me up and moving which is what I wanted when I started. Just wished I had gotten more fit for my effort.

Feeling strongly the duality of reality that is happening. It almost feels like there are multiple realities happening. There is my day to day life that is going on as normal and it feels like nothing has changed. There is the reality I hear and see when I read and watch the news and that can be a double reality depending on who my news source is. One station presents things as dire and another reports things as positive change. My oh my. No wonder people are confused and overwhelmed. It could be a full-time job to figure out truth these days. And as each person gets to determine their own truth it is no wonder we have such division in our country.

I keep coming back to the only thing I know I can control and that is my reaction to what I hear and read and see. I will continue to do my own work and focus on staying regulated and grounded. When the aftermath of what is happening on the national level comes closer I will then react. I have been emailing my Senators and Representative daily but get back a very programmed response that is non-committal and doesn’t say much. I do plan on going to Topeka Wednesday and joining the 50 state protest. Not sure what else I can be doing. Sure have to keep reminding myself to put my own oxygen mask on first before I help others.

Grateful for a safe trip to and from Topeka today, grateful my exercise sessions are completed, and grateful I get to start doing taxes tomorrow.

It was almost 70 degrees in KS today. It makes me a bit nervous when we have weather outside the norms by lots. I did enjoy the day though.

Worked on taxes today. I am about 70% done. I want to get them to the accountant yet this week. I’ll have some free time tomorrow and Tuesday afternoons and hope to get them done then.

I listened to a world wide meditation for peace today. It originated in Germany and had participants from over 30 countries. Deva Premal and Miten sang during it. It gives me hope to know things like this are happening. I believe with all my heart the energy that was generated from this event today can help change the world.

I have been binge watching The Resident this afternoon. Still have most of season five to go. It makes me cry and I needed that today. I had some emotion that needed to be released and those shows help me do it today.

Learned about a rally at the state capitol on Wednesday. I plan on going and have room in my car for four more if anyone wants to ride along. It is time for our voices and presence to be seen and heard.

Tomorrow I have to be at my doctor’s appointment in Topeka at 10:30. I will leave home at 9:00. I will stop and have lunch afterwards and run an errand and then I will stop in Emporia for exercise on the way home. I’m grateful my exercise program will be done next week when I complete the final two days of testing.

The exercise program helped me get better balance but it did not give me what I had hoped it would. Now I need to figure out how to get what I want. The exercise program discouraged us from exercising outside of what the program called for.

I found myself unregulated today. I finally managed to get regulated but it took some time. I spent too much time reading the news this morning and didn’t shut it down when I got overwhelmed. It is so easy right now to get pulled into the muck. When I get pulled in to the muck pond my brain functions differently and I lose the ability to think rationally. It can be hard to climb back out unless one knows what is happening. No wonder so many people are angry and overwhelmed.

Grateful for this beautiful taste of spring, grateful for the meditation today, and grateful for the upcoming rally at the Capital on Wednesday.

I didn’t sleep much last night. Must have slept too much the night before. I have felt like I have had a hangover all day. Wish I had the fun of getting drunk if I am going to feel this way. May need to take a short nap to get me through the rest of the day.

I went to town early afternoon and met Jason at Radius for lunch. It is a treat to get to have lunch with one of my kids. He even treated me to lunch!

Went to Walmart and picked up some groceries. There was a man there that I ran into three times. I finally stopped him and apologized for being in his way all the time. He just smiled and went on. I had to pay $6.88 for 18 eggs today. I sure miss my chickens! I might have gotten rich from them about now. Ha!

Got everything carried in and most of it put away. I am wiped out for the day. Need to fold two loads of laundry but other than that I don’t think I will get anything else done today. Guess I will declare this a rest day and give myself permission to do nothing as nothing is going to get done regardless.

Tomorrow I plan on finishing up my taxes so I can take them to the accountant next week. I have to go to Topeka Monday for a doctor’s appointment and then I have exercise in Emporia at 2:00. I can drop them off while I am in town.

Tuesday and Thursday I am doing taxes at the Emporia Senior Center in the mornings. It will be fun to actually get started doing taxes. I need to remember to take some reams of paper with me. I have way too much extra paper and volunteered to donate it to the cause. It will be good to free up some shelf space.

I keep reading about all the federal workers that are being fired and records that are being accessed by unauthorized people. It all feels very remote to me but a bit insane. I wonder if they realize the knowledge base that is lost when very experienced people leave their jobs. So many jobs require a depth of knowledge that can take years to accumulate. Most jobs are not as black and white as the job description says. Where oh where is this all headed? When benefits start getting delayed and funds come up short I suppose there will be an outrage. But will it be too late?

I saw article written by a human resource officer that described all that DEI provides for. It is not just affirmative action hiring. It is also provisions for the blind and disabled, sidewalk ramps, parental leave, large print materials, accessible transit options, etc. I bet part of it has impacted each of us without us knowing that is why a particular service was provided.

I hear and feel the comments about how our government is too big and bloated. I agree cuts need to be made. I disagree with how they are being made. I fear the ones that are least able to recover from a gap in payments will suffer the most.

Enough with my political rant. I will not promise that I won’t do that again. I will give you a trigger warning of more to come. If what I am saying goes against what you believe in, I wish you well and wish you goodbye. No hard feelings.

Grateful we all can express our opinions and we don’t all have to agree, grateful we get to choose who to read, and grateful there are other options for those that don’t agree with me.

Wow January flew by so quickly. I can’t grasp that tomorrow is the first of February. Yet Christmas 2024 seems like it was a year ago. I have a weird relationship with time these days.

I stayed in bed until noon today. I would wake up and read for a bit and then doze back off. Rinse and repeat all morning long. I didn’t have any real reason I needed to get up so decided to stay in bed and relax.

I got started on my own tax prep today. I am about 35% done. It feels good to have gotten that project started. I have a free weekend so hoping I can get them done by Sunday evening. I think I have all the tax forms in so maybe I can drop them off at the accountant’s office next week.

I’ve struggled a bit to stay above neutral today. I had some hard feelings I needed to process and allow to surface to be felt. I listened to some videos that addressed exactly what I am feeling and that helped. I love when what I need shows up for me at the exact moment. That seems to happen more and more lately.

I walked both dogs late afternoon. It felt good to get out and walk a mile. It was pleasant out today although the wind was a bit brisk. I only needed a sweatshirt though. It is to be in the low 60’s over the weekend. Spring-like weather to kick off February. I am very ready for spring. I’m sure we will have a few more blasts of winter before it is truly spring but I will take the days that hint at spring between now and then.

February is filling up for me with seven days of doing taxes already scheduled. I am the backup for Monday and Tuesdays so maybe get even more days added before the month is over. I have to go to KC twice the second week of February for testing that will complete my exercise program.

It will be nice to have two free stay at home days ahead. I am feeling the need to isolate and insure I can keep myself regulated and above neutral before I see people again.

Next week I have to go to Topeka Monday morning for a doctor’s appointment and then I have my last exercise session in the afternoon. Tuesday and Thursday mornings I am doing taxes at the Emporia Senior Center. That will make the week go by quickly.

Feeling a bit unsettled this afternoon. I had a big exeprience yesterday and I am working my way into acceptance and trust but am not there yet. The videos I watched today helped. I saved them so I can rewatch them to remind me of why this had to happen. Deep down I know it is the right thing but my heart, gut and brain are not completely aligned yet. I will get there – it is going to take me some time though. My old brain is challenging me today with the what now questions. I am doing some work to reprogram it into acceptance to quiet that down.

Grateful for a spring like day in KS today, grateful for a mile walk with the dogs today, and grateful that acceptance and trust is within my reach.

I didn’t sleep much last night. I got about three or four hours of sleep and woke up around 4:00 and was never able to go back to sleep. It has been a long day.

I did a bit of house work this morning. The dogs have been tracking in and the floors needed attention. Not sure why I did them as when we brought the dogs in this afternoon they really tracked in. I had to redo the floors.

I canceled the group that was to have met this afternoon as one by one the people that were coming had to drop out for various reasons and I only knew of one person that was coming. I sent her a text to let her know I was cancelling the group session. To my surprise someone I didn’t know was coming showed up.

Kathy and I had a delightful conversation with him. We reminded each other that our jobs right now is to focus on ourselves and keep regulated. Then from that state spread all the random acts of kindness we can. We each find different ways to get ourselves regulated and to keep that way. We do ourselves no favor or anyone else for that matter if we drop into fear and worry. Sometimes that means shutting out much of the world for blocks of time.

The conversation this afternoon was divinely perfect. The Universe has a bigger plan for me than I know. I need to loosen my grip and allow and trust in all ways.

I realized today that I need to back off from organizing and leading small groups. They can happen organically as they are needed. My ego was getting in my way and I struggled to let go of a vision I was holding. I now see that my vision needs an update.

I have been feeling this way for quite some time and knew that the end was coming but I had struggled to let go. The last two things I attempted did not turned out the way I had hoped they might. That is another one of my ego issues – expectations. Whenever I have expectations I get disappointed.

Today turned out to be a wonderful blessing in disguise. I am grateful I learned my lesson and am now able to put this thing I have been carrying down. Sometimes it has been hard for me to see the obvious and I am grateful it only took two times this time for me to get my lesson. I feel lighter this evening in a new way.

What happened today really reinforces what I have been reading and learning. The new matrix is calling us to each go inward and do the work that needs done there. My only job is to do my own work. When I can keep myself regulated when I interact with others magic happens on its own and I don’t have to do anything else.

For a co-dependent person this has been a hard lesson for me to accept. I love teaching and leading and it is hard for me to give up. I saw today the benefits of doing so. The new way of being is calling me to do things differently on many levels. Today ended up being a gentle lesson for me and I am grateful for that.

Life these days is beginning to feel much simpler on one level yet more complex on another. It is challenging to find all my old habits and patterns and preferences that I need to let go of. I wonder why it is so hard to allow myself to only focus on myself? Old habits can be so hard to break. I will continue to do my work and remind myself that is all I need to do right now. The Universe will best use me in the ways I can serve best.

I will continue to practice random acts of kindness as often as I possibly can. That is an action that I can take that will help satisfy that nagging itch of mine to do something. Someday I hope that itch will go away but it feels like an addiction to me and it will take lots of work and courage to beat it.

Grateful for the lesson I received from the Universe today, grateful for the person that showed up unexpectedly today, and grateful for the work I am doing on myself.

It feels like it has been a long day after a long night. The dogs were restless last night and neither Kathy nor I got a good night’s sleep. The dogs wanted out and then back in and then back out again. Not sure what they were seeing or reacting to but they had trouble settling and therefore so did we.

I went to Emporia around 1:30. I had to have a blood draw and then I went to a bank to close out an account. I then had a tax class. It was a long day in town.

The results of most of the blood work is back. My TSH was 2.6 which is within the range although on the high side. My doctor commented and asked if I was dehydrated or if I had been sick as two ranges on the comprehensive panel were out of range. She wants me to repeat that test in one week. The ones that were out of range are usually out of range for me and no one has ever taken action with them before.

I learned a couple of new things in class today. Found a button on the state return that will save me lots of time. I also understand the Homestead tax in a new way. At least the classes this year have been helpful as I learned a couple of things that will make doing taxes easier for me. I still wished we spent more time on going over the normal things we see rather than the exceptional once a year things.

We start doing taxes next week. We are only doing nine returns a day and are open three mornings a week. I only have one regular shift a week but am the backup for the other two days. I already have three extra shifts for February. It will be good to get started actually doing taxes and get to the fun part of doing them.

Call the Emporia Senior Center between 9:00 and 1:00 during the week to get on the schedule. We do them for free and there is no age limitations or income restrictions. We don’t do farm income or rental income that requires depreciation but other than that we can do them. We even do out of Lyon County people so Chase County people can come to the Emporia Senior Center to have their taxes done too.

Tomorrow I am hosting a gathering so we can regulate ourselves and support each other. We all need to figure out the best way to handle the stress that is happening around us on a global stage and find ways to resist. The most important thing we can do is take care of ourselves and then reach out to those within our direct reach. There will come a time when larger action is needed but until then we have to take care of ourselves and make sure we are staying out of the muck pond and are able to regulate ourselves. When you become unregulated you become susceptible to the distortion of facts and drop into fear and become easy to manipulate.

I have found taking small steps of action helps me reduce the amount of anxiety I fear. I am dedicated to doing one random act of kindness a day. It can be as simple as sincerely complimenting someone on something they did. It can be writing a note of appreciation to someone. When I find myself looking for ways to support and lift others up I find them easily. Having the courage to tell people good things I see about them used to be a challenge for me but the more I do it the easier it is becoming.

I think the weekend is free and clear and I will get a few stay at home days. This has turned into a busy week and I look forward to some down time this weekend.

Next week I have to go to Topeka on Monday and then have exercise in the afternoon. Tuesday and Thursday mornings I am doing taxes.

Grateful my tax lesson classes are completed for this year, grateful my TSH was in range, and grateful for the new things I learned in class that will make doing taxes easier.

I am working to do a random act of kindness each day to counteract all the chaos that is happening in the bigger world. Today two different people did a random act of kindness for me.

I went to Costco to do a major restocking of stable items. I had a full cart and wanted to get four cases of bottled water. I decided I would check out and then go back and get the water as I didn’t think I could pull two carts full of stuff through the store.

When I checked out the guy checking me out was most pleasant. He said he hoped he would see me again at the end of our transaction and I said you will. I need to take this stuff to the car and then come back and get four cases of water. He said we can go get that for you. He sent the bagger guy to get the water for me and the checker added the water to my bill.

When the guy came up with the cart full of water I reached out to take the cart from him. He said after you. He followed me to the car and put the water in the back of my car for me.

I had dreaded loading the water into the cart and then unloading it and putting it in the car. Those cases are heavy and I struggle to get them out of the cart. Wow! That was easy! I told the guy that he made my day and I appreciated his act of kindness.

After I got home I had to unload the water and carry it in the house. I so appreciated that I only had to lift and carry the water once today instead of three times. I wonder if the guy realizes how much he helped me today and how much I appreciated his extra effort.

Sitting with a grateful heart this afternoon. Mr. Rodgers always said to look for the helpers in times of crisis. I found two of them today. They are all around us if we notice.

I am still in the process of putting everything away. This small house is a challenge to find storage space for things. Space is here, I just have to put on my thinking cap and find creative places for things. It feels good to be stocked back up.

The thermometer on my car said it was 59 when I got in my car after the Costco adventure. Wow! What a wonderfully warm day for the end of January in Kansas. It is to stay warm through the weekend and then another mild cold front comes in next week.

Tomorrow I have to go to Emporia for another tax training class. Before class I need to stop and have a blood draw in preparation of my annual visit to my Endocrinologist next Monday. I like having the blood draw prior to the visit so we can discuss results at the visit.

I keep reminding myself that fear and confusion is the objective to the national agenda right now. Once people fall into fear and confusion they stop thinking rationally and become unregulated. People that are unregulated are easier to manipulate and control. We all have to find ways to stay regulated and find ways to resist, each in our own way. Small acts of kindness is one way. It keeps you regulated and helps others rise up too. Wonder what the world would be like if we all could do that?

Grateful to be on the receiving side of some random acts of kindness today, grateful for this unusually warm winter day, and grateful we can change the world through acts of kindness.

I didn’t fall asleep until after 6:00 this morning. I was awake at 8:00 but stayed in bed hoping I could get some more sleep. I dozed off and on for the next couple of hours. I didn’t feel well rested when I woke up.

I went to Emporia for exercise. Thankfully it wasn’t very strenuous this time. I only have one more session and then I will be done with this part of the program. In two weeks I have to go to KC twice for the final testing.

I stopped by to see Tagen for a hot minute and then came home. It was one of those trips to town that I only had exercise and no other errands to do.

Tomorrow I want to go to Wichita and go to Costco. My list is getting long and the weather is to be nice tomorrow. It will be a good day to get out of town. Wednesday I have another tax training class. Thursday some friends are coming over so we can support each other and ground. Friday and the weekend look clear at this point so I may get three stay at home days in a row.

I haven’t felt the best today. Not sure if it is from a bad night’s sleep or what is going on. Haven’t had much energy and feel very fatigued. I don’t think I am getting sick – it feels different than that. It is probably a release of energy. The collective energy in the world right now is full of chaos and fear and it is easy to let some of that in. I’m grateful my body is casting it off and not holding on to it.

Grateful I only have one more exercise session, grateful I got to see Tagen for a hot minute today, and grateful this too shall pass.

I didn’t get out of bed until well after noon today. I didn’t fall asleep until around 3:30 or after. I woke up at 8:00 and my eyes still felt tired so I laid in bed a bit longer. Fell back asleep and had a wonderful dream although I don’t remember it now. Rinse and repeat a couple more times until I finally felt rested.

I walked the dogs for the first time in a long time today. Felt good to get out and walk a mile. I have been sitting way too much lately. Sophia came in very dirty. I took a different route with Roxy so she wouldn’t get so muddy. It was a bit chilly out today. My face was cold when I came back in but the rest of my body was good. Much easier walking in 30’s than in 10’s.

I am watching the Chiefs game. They are off to a good start but we shall see what happens. I am a casual fan so not too vested in the outcome but if the game is close I get anxious.

Tomorrow I have to go to Emporia at 2:00 for exercise. Only one more session after this one. I will miss the time visiting with my trainer. We are like-minded and have had some very deep conversations. I won’t miss the trips to Emporia. Although tax season starts the week after exercise stops so I will still be going to Emporia two or three times a week.

Since I broke my media fast I read some news today. I am allowing myself to read until I can feel I am becoming unregulated and then I shut it down. I was able to read longer today than yesterday. My heart hurts for those being hurt by the new regime rules. I trust when I am called into active resistance I will know when and what to do. Until then I will keep myself full of love and light and share with all I come into contact with.

The latest show I am binge watching is The Resident. It sure portrays the corruption in the current medical system. I am beginning to wonder what system we currently have that may be operating without corruption. Anyone know of one?

I’m still on my spending fast. It has been a month now and still going strong. A couple times I have caught myself starting the process to buy something on-line and have been able to back away. I even put something down at Walmart the other day when I remembered it wasn’t on my list. Going to go for another month and see how long I can keep this going.

Really starting to feel the two different realities that are occurring in this country right now. I struggle to emotionally connect with some of the stuff that is happening right now. My circle feels smaller somehow and yet more powerful and stronger than ever. Not sure I am saying this correctly. It is hard to put into words. I read comments from some and I just don’t get it.

Time continues to befuddle me. I can’t believe it is the last week in January already. Not sure where January went. If the rest of this year goes this fast it will be Christmas time again soon.

Grateful for a long night’s sleep, grateful for a quiet day at home, and grateful to be out again walking the dogs.

It has been a quiet day at home today. I haven’t even gotten dressed yet and have no plans to do so. It was my first stay at home day since last weekend and I decided to declare a PJ day.

I did get some tax homework done. I had to take two more tests and I managed to pass those. I checked the answers on two of the problems I did for last week. One of them I found one little mistake and was able to fix it myself and get the right answers. The other one I have one situation where I can’t figure out how to fix it. I’ll have to get help on that one. The rest of the return is correct though. I feel more proficient this year than I have before.

I have some green chicken and potatoes cooking in the crock pot. It sure makes the house smell good.

The dogs have been outside most of the day. It is warming up a bit and the snow and ice is finally starting to melt. The dogs came in covered with mud. Yuck! I think I will delay my housecleaning until it dries up a bit. It may be a while – I don’t think I mind!

I plan another stay at home tomorrow. The only thing on my agenda is watching the Chiefs game at 5:30. I get anxiety watching them even though I have absolutely nothing invested in the game. I get caught up in the game and struggle to disconnect.

Monday I have to go to Emporia for my next to last exercise session. Wednesday afternoon I have another tax class. I’m thinking it will be the last one as the following week we start doing taxes. I may go to Wichita to Costco on Tuesday. I have a growing list of things I need and the weather is to be nice. I want to go visit my aunt while I am in Wichita. I haven’t seen her for a bit and am overdue for a visit.

Thursday afternoon at 4:00 I am hosting a gathering of like-minded people. We all need to lean on each other during this time of chaos so we can stay grounded and in love. Sometimes gathering with others gives us more courage to do what we need to do. All are invited. We will do a meditation and talk about ways we can be in service to our community and to each other.

I took some time this morning to allow myself to feel some hard feelings. I think the chaos of the country caught up with me and I needed to allow the feelings to surface. They came up easily and seem to have passed on by. I have been surprised it didn’t hit before now. I read the news now until I can feel it is starting to trigger me and then I close it down. I can only take very small bites of it.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful for the great smells of food cooking in the house this afternoon, and grateful I am almost done with tax homework.

I went to Emporia at 2:00 for exercise. Only two more sessions to go. Had an interesting conversation with my trainer. We are like-minded and I think I helped calm her down a bit today.

Went to Walmart to buy groceries afterwards. The store wasn’t so crowded today so I was able to get it and out quickly. They had a 40 pound bag of ice melt so picked that up. I need to keep it on hand. The ice melt I ordered over a week ago finally came in yesterday.

I don’t need to go to my friend’s house tomorrow so gained an unexpected free day. I have AARP tax homework to do so will attempt it tomorrow. I also still have to get my own taxes prepped and ready to take to my accountant when the last two tax forms come in.

It warmed up to 47 today. Nice! The temperatures are going to jump up and down over the next week with the possibility of moisture late next week.

My hand is doing well from the dog bite yesterday. It is black and blue but not swollen today. I can move my thumb without pain. Grateful that is going to heal without issue.

I am still following my spending fast. It has almost been almost a month and I’m still going. I would like to keep my streak going for several months. We shall see what happens.

I got an email from a guy that I follow today. He talked about all that is happening in the US right now and how many of us aren’t sure what to do. He said what I have been feeling that there isn’t a lot we can do to stop things on the national level. However we can do things locally. He challenged all the recipients to do one act of kindness a day. We can all reach out to one person and do something to ease their day. It can be as simple as a chat with a friend that is struggling, taking a meal to a shut in, giving a donation no matter how small to an organization that is helping others, write your congressman, volunteer your time with a non-profit, the list of possibilities is endless. Take some time and meditate and find ways to be in service internationally.

The most important part of all of this is to stay out of fear and helplessness and step into action even if it feels too small and not enough. That is just your ego speaking and keeping you small. Just one act a day can help change the world! Imagine what we can all do if we all do this.

Looking forward to a quiet weekend at home. This week turned into a bit busier than I had expected and I need a couple days at home. Next week is filling in rather quickly and I won’t have many empty days.

I’m surprised I have been able to stay above neutral most of the week. Limiting my intake of news media has helped. I am reading headlines but not lots of details. I also have been limiting my time reading media to just a few minutes each day and again each evening. There is just too much happening right now that could pulled me into the muck pond. I do no one good when I let that happen.

Grateful for the warm day today, grateful my hand is healing well, and grateful for the conversation with my trainer today.

I didn’t fall asleep until almost 6:00 this morning. I was able to sleep a couple hours after that. Sure makes for a long night when that happens.

I went to Emporia for a 2:00 meeting with my tax lesson instructor. I learned a couple more new things. I sure hope this year is easier for me. I have finally learned how to ask for help and that does help eliminate frustration.

Went over to see Tagen afterwards. We ended up going to Bobby D’s for a late lunch. It is always a good day when I get to spend time with one of my kids or grandkids.

While I was at my friend’s house doing taxes her dog bit me. I was getting ready to leave and the dog was sitting on top of my coat. I reached for my coat and it triggered the dog. It is a little dog but managed to get my whole thumb in its mouth. I have a very small break in the skin on the top of my hand. The inside of my hand is sore and red. My hand is starting to swell a bit and may have really pretty colors tomorrow. I’ll keep a close eye on it and seek medical treatment if warranted. I doubt it will be.

I have some tax homework to get done before next Wednesday. Hopefully it will go smoothly and I will get the right answers this time. Taxes are really complicated to do with all the schedules and the many choices of entry pages. The problem is they teach us things that we rarely see. Thank heavens most of the ones we actually do are simple and quick. Found out there was some corrections to the material in the book that we didn’t get until after we did the taxes. That makes it hard to do them correctly when you don’t have all the information.

While I was in town I mailed a note of support and appreciation to Rev Mariann Budde. If you want to send one her address is: Episcopal Church House, 3001 Wisconsin Ave, NW, Washington DC 20016. She showed more courage than most of the US Senators and Representatives.

Last night I emailed Moran and Marshall and asked them when the bar being set crosses a line and they will speak out. It seems to be dropping daily and so far they appear to be silent. I doubt that it will do any good but I felt an obligation to speak out.

To put a stop to this national circus we will need people with courage to speak out like Rev Budde and Liz Cheney did. I just read where both Susan Collins and Lisa Murdowski are going to vote against Pete Hegseth. Anyone else notice it is the women of the world that are speaking up? We got this!

I have been surprised that I have been able to hold myself above neutral most of the week. The meditation Monday helped. The media fast I am on helped too. There is so much heaviness and fear in the world right now. I am intensifying my efforts to reach out to those around me and offer a hand up. I still struggle with thinking that is enough but that is all I have to offer. The other thing I am doing is doubling down on my self care so that I can hold myself above neutral and keep my container full of light.

Grateful to spend time with Tagen today, grateful for the hero’s that are present in the world, and grateful tax prep is coming along.

Slept in this morning. Felt good to get a full night’s sleep.

I went to Emporia for my 3:00 tax training session. It was one of the more productive sessions I have even attended. I had to leave before it was over as I had made a date with Jason and Michelle to have dinner.

I met Jason, Michelle and Ellexia at Bruff’s for dinner. It is always a good day when I get to have dinner with one or more of my kids and get to see grandkids. We talked for 1 1/2 hours. I gave them each a pan of the peanut butter balls. I dropped off a pan for Tagen before I went to do taxes.

Tomorrow I am meeting the tax instructor for a one-on-one session so I can figure out what I am doing wrong to not get the correct answer on the test. I promised myself this year I would figure this stuff out and understand what I do wrong. In years past we didn’t cover the problems and work them out if you didn’t come up with the right answer. I appreciate that we are doing that differently this year. I learned several new things tonight and one thing especially will make it so much easier to navigate the Chrome book. I am so used to Apple devices that the Chrome is giving me issues.

Friday I have to go back to Emporia for exercise. One of those days I will stop and get some groceries. Saturday I may be going back up to Council Grove to walk dogs for my friend so her husband can get some work done outside the house.

This has turned into a busier week than I expected but I am grateful to find ways to be in service. I am intentionally looking for ways to be in service right now and opportunities are presenting themselves. Funny how that works! I would like to broaden my reach and do even more of that in the days and months coming.

Kathy was able to walk the dogs today. They seemed very happy to get out of the pen and back in the street. It warmed up to the upper 30’s today – felt like a heat wave after the single digit day or two. I read where we might be in the 70’s the first week of February. Not sure I like when the weather does extreme swings as that is not a normal weather pattern.

Still doing my best to stay media free for the rest of the week. I had to turn off breaking news notifications from some sources so I wouldn’t get informed. I will go back to reading headlines and stories in another week or so but for right now I can’t handle reading what is happening. It pulls me below neutral and when that happens I am not useful to anyone – including myself. I can’t totally ignore the world stage but I can only read about it when I can totally control my own reaction. I have to stay out of fear as that pulls me down.

I need a new series to watch on either Hulu or Netflix. Anyone have any recommendations? I checked a few out last night but didn’t find one that captured my attention yet.

Grateful to have dinner with two of my kids, grateful for the learnings during tax class today, and grateful for a warmer day today.

It was -6 degrees when I woke up this morning. That is too cold for beast or man. Burrrr.. Can it be spring yet?

I used the remote start on my car to warm it up before I left for Manhattan. It still had some ice on the windows 20 minutes later. I had to scrap them. Yuck! I need to get a better scraper as the one I used today didn’t work well.

Drove to Manhattan and spent the day with a friend that fell last week and hurt her hip. Luckily nothing was broken but she is still moving slowly and is sore. I drove her to her Physical Therapy appointment at 10:30. While she was doing PT I went to the Dillons in Manhattan and got the groceries she had on her list.

I was so impressed with the grocery store. I had to ask for help a couple times so I could find what my friend wanted. Every person I interacted with was helpful and friends. The check out lady was one of the best checkers I have ever encountered.

Took the groceries to my friend’s house and put them away and then went and picked up my friend from PT. We stopped and got a pizza for lunch from Papa Murphy’s and went home and baked the pizza. I put a load of laundry in for my friend and then later put it in the dryer and carried it upstairs for her.

After lunch we visited for a bit and then we both took a nap. I didn’t sleep well last night and the nap was good for me so I could drive home safely.

I stopped at Hays House for dinner. They have the best chicken tenders. Came home and got home right before dark. I saw the most unusual thing in the sky on the way home. It would get long and then shorter and seemed to be floating. Whatever it was shining in the sunset light. I stopped and snapped a picture of it. The picture I took isn’t impressive but it will remind me of what I saw. It felt magical for some reason.

When I got up this morning I took a hot shower. I flushed the toilet after using it after my shower and noticed it sounded funny but didn’t think too much about it. Kathy let me know that she discovered the cold water line in the house was frozen up. I put a space heater in the bathroom and then sent a text to my savior Phil.

He was out on a job but said he would come work on it if it didn’t open up by later afternoon. He told me to keep the cold water tap in the bathroom open. By the time Phil got here the water had thawed and was running. Phil was going to put a space heater under the house but the door to the crawl space was too frozen to open. I’m grateful the water line opened on its own. I will keep the space heater running overnight in the bathroom. It is to warm up tomorrow and only be 17 overnight tonight and be in the lower 30’s on Wednesday. I’m grateful this cold wave didn’t last as long as last years did.

I may have to have Phil look at the pipes this summer and see what needs to be done to prevent them from freezing up again next winter. Now I know that I need to keep a space heater in the bathroom on cold winter nights.

Nicole sent me the link to the recorded meditation from yesterday. If anyone would like to view it let me know and I will email it to you. The meditation was wonderful and the Q&A afterwards was excellent.

Tomorrow I have a tax class at 3:00 and then I am meeting Jason, Michelle and Ellexia for dinner at 5:00. It will be good to see two of the kids and spend some time with them. I have Chocolate Covered Peanut Butter balls for them. I had made them for Tagen’s birthday and made plenty to share with the others.

Thursday I have a free day and then Friday I have to go to Emporia for an exercise session. After Friday I only have two more sessions!

No plans for the weekend. I’m sure I will have some more tax homework to do and I would like to get my own tax package put together. I will find time to watch the Chiefs game on Sunday. The net week so far all I have on my calendar is exercise on Monday. I’ll probably be adding a tax class but we shall see.

It was fun to spend the day with my friend. We had a good heart to heart talk which is always good for my soul.

Still riding the high from the meditation yesterday. I’m grateful we were able to do that on Inauguration Day. The meditation reminded me to stay focused on things that I can do something about and to remember the national stuff is going to do its thing and there isn’t much I can do about it. I have really been limiting my media consumption this week and have blocked several sites on Facebook and have unsubscribed to several news emails that I used to get.

Grateful for time with a friend, grateful for a safe trip to and from today, and grateful the water line thawed out.

Woke up to light snow this morning. The high today was around 10 degrees and it is to be below zero overnight. Burrr…..

Seven of us gathered via Zoom to participate in a meditation by Gentle Thunder. She reminded us to use our breath to calm us before responding. It was a peaceful meditation and much needed on this day.

At the beginning of the meditation she called in our ancestors, guides, family members that have crossed to the other side. I felt a hand on each of my shoulders and felt the presence of many join us. Powerful!

Gentle Thunder reminded us that we have free will and we have to invite our guides and others to help us. I needed that reminder.

The dogs are still very upset with us that we are not walking them. They go out to their pen for an hour or two and then come in and then want right back out. Roxy didn’t want to leave the back porch again. She sat where we keep her leash. I got her message loud and clear she wants to go on a long walk. Too cold and too slick for me to take her. It is to warm up in the back half of the week.

Tomorrow I am going to Manhattan to help a friend that fell last week. I am driving her to her PT and then going to get some groceries for her. It will be a fun visit for me and I am grateful I can help out in a small way.

I didn’t get the Chocolate covered Peanut Butter balls delivered yesterday so will need to do that either when I get home tomorrow afternoon or take them to Emporia with me when I go for my tax prep class Wednesday afternoon.

Started the process so Michelle can buy her house. We hope to close in March. I am so proud of how she has been able to save the down payment and take on this responsibility. It will be good to be down to two rentals.

I have started a media fast today and will go for five days without reading the news. It is my silent way of protesting. It is also a reminder to myself that there is not a damn thing I can do to change the outcome of what is to come with the new administration. I will use the time I used to read the news by doing something helpful for those within my reach. Gentle Thunder reminded us today that the most powerful thing we can do to change the world is to be compassionate and act with mercy to all those we encounter.

I have only about six more shows to watch before I finish the This Is Us series. I have really enjoyed watching it. I will be sorry when I come to the end. I’ll have to find another series to binge watch.

Grateful for those that joined with me in the meditation today, grateful for another stay at home day, and grateful it is to warm up later this week.

Had trouble falling asleep again last night. I slept in this morning with a few wake up periods.

Today is Tagen’s 19th birthday. I texted him and asked him what treat he would like for his birthday. He asked for Chocolate dipped Peanut Butter balls. I got those made up early afternoon. I will take them to him either tomorrow morning or Tuesday.

I worked on tax homework a bit more today. I cannot get the right answers on the test questions so I will need to schedule a private session with the facilitator and find out what I am doing wrong. I was getting frustrated and had to stop today.

The dogs are not very happy with us as we are not walking them today. It is 10 degrees right now and way too cold to walk them. They have spent most of the day outside in their pen. They love this cold weather.

Tomorrow afternoon is the meditation. Only have a couple people coming over for it and have several others that are going to watch it on Zoom during the live call. We are recording it for some others to watch it at a more convenient time for them.

Now sure what to think about the inauguration tomorrow. I will not be watching it or tuning into the news for five days starting tomorrow. For some reason I feel like I need to go on record for saying I didn’t vote for him. I understand why he was elected as I think our systems need to be taken down and a new way needs to come forth. He will be the best one to let them break down and to help that happen. I am concerned about the people that will be hurt through this process and the lives that will be turned upside down. I am doing my best to stay above neutral and not spend time worrying about things I cannot change.

I do have a belief that we are going through a world wide transition and that love will prevail in the end. This darkness had to surface to come to the light. I will spend my time sharing light and love with all I know and come into contact with. I will also be attempting to build a bigger Mutual Aid Network so that more people feel they have a bit of a safety net around them. We will all need to reach out to those in our reach and provide whatever support we can to each other.

Grateful for Tagen and all the joy he brings to me, grateful we have an outdoor pen for the dogs so we don’t have to walk them on bitterly cold days, and grateful for the work I have done on myself and my ability to hold space for others.

I stayed up way too late watching This Is Us on Hulu last night. They were in the middle of a story line that I kept watching one more show for it to finish up. Three shows later they made it.

I went to Emporia early afternoon to get some groceries. I thought it would be a bit warmer today than it is going to be tomorrow. Not sure it was the best time to go though as Walmart was packed. People were in the mood to visit with friends they ran into and were oblivious to others around them. Had to do U Turns in the isle to get where I wanted to go. I thought it was the day before Thanksgiving for a bit.

I got my tax homework done this morning. Kathy walked by and said I haven’t heard you cussing yet. For some reason, it went easy today. I figure out something I have never been able to do before. Yay for me! I was also able to get through the three different log in pages to get where I needed without issue today. First time this year I could do that.

I can do a couple more problems if the mood hits. I got what I needed done and the other problems would be for my own peace of mind. It feels good to be ready for Wednesday already.

I have been watching the Chiefs game off and on this afternoon. So far they are ahead but you never know if they can hold on to a lead. The game makes me anxious so I take breaks off and on.

The dogs hung out in their pen this afternoon for a couple of hours. They love this cold weather. It is bitterly cold today with the wind blowing hard and the cold temperatures. Tomorrow and Monday are to be even colder. Yuck! Can it be spring yet?

No plans for tomorrow. Kathy is going to Emporia in the afternoon to go to the movies but I am going to stay home. Movies aren’t my thing. I need to do a bit of housecleaning to get ready for the guests that are coming over Monday afternoon for the meditation. Other than that I will take another rest day.

My left ear is itching and driving me crazy. Not sure what to put in it to calm it down. I’ll have to google it when I get done blogging and see if I can get some relief.

The city cleared Plum Street yesterday. I so appreciate that. The only remaining ice that is a problem for me is right around my car. I park on grass so it is hard to shovel. Kathy got the front walk and back pad cleared. Nothing is going to melt for another couple of days. We are to get to the lower 40’s by next weekend.

Doing my best to stay out of guessing what may happen after Monday to this country. I do best when I block that all out and stay focused on keeping myself grounded and above neutral. There isn’t anything I can do about the national level but I can continue to look or ways to be in service locally and to build a mutual aide community.

Grateful the tax homework went easy today, grateful groceries are in the house, and grateful tomorrow is a stay at home day.

I didn’t go to bed until 3:00 this morning. I took way too long of a nap yesterday. I was surprised I was able to sleep at all last night.

This day has felt weird to me all day. Not sure why. The time thing has gotten me a couple of times today. I thought it was 5:30 so I had dinner and then when I looked at the clock again I realized it was only 4:30. This has not felt like a Friday to me today. Not sure what day I think it should be but was surprised when I went to type Friday on my blog. The weekend is here again already.

I worked two more problems for my tax homework. There is something that I don’t know how to do on one of them again. Trusting we will cover it in class next week. If not, I will need to get a private session. Still have four more problems to work. I can only do so much at a time. I sure wish we did the regular things we see during tax season and not the one a year type situations.

Listened to some good podcasts last night and today. It does my soul good to be reminded of what is happening on the global stage and what my job is in all of it. I manage much better when I can be an observer and not get pulled into the muck. I have a feeling the muck is going to increase and attempt to get my attention. Am working on finding ways to remind myself to stay in the light and on my own path and not allow the darkness to pull me under.

Sophia had a mild episode last night. I need to figure out a way to get the video I took of her to the Vet. I forgot to call today and ask them how to do that. I will take care of that Monday. Not sure the video is the best but I think the Vet will be able to see how she struggles to stand and was very restless during the episode.

I am working on washing two loads of laundry. I finally got the laundry I washed a couple days ago folded and put away this morning. I am running a bit behind.

I did manage to get to my desk today and checked to see if I had forgotten to pay any bills. Didn’t find any. I haven’t managed to start my own tax prep yet either. I am still waiting on bank statements and other tax forms so there is no real rush to get that done.

No plans for the weekend. It is to be bitterly cold again through Monday. Think I will stay tucked inside all weekend and enjoy my little space heaters warmth. Sunday is Tagen’s birthday so may make him a treat. I have already given him his present.

Next week is the meditation at 3:00 on Monday. Not too many have responded to say they are coming. I’m a bit disappointed but it is what it is. Several of us will join together and several more are joining us via Zoom. I am looking forward to it. Gentle Thunder is a wise sage and is in touch with Mother Earth and her ancestors.

Wednesday next week I have another tax training session. Friday I go to Emporia again for exercise. It will be another relatively quiet week for me.

Sitting in a good head space today. I do much better since I have turned off the extra news stations that I used to read. I do skim the headlines and keep up with breaking news but don’t spend lots of time on it. There isn’t anything I can do about national things and if I spend too much time on reading about it I find myself being pulled into the muck. I am no good to myself or anyone else when I am unregulated and below neutral.

Grateful I can ignore time for the most part these days, grateful I am making progress on the tax prep work, and grateful for podcasts.

This has been a quiet, stay at home day. I have managed to not get anything done today but some work on my tax class. It didn’t go well.

I did take another long winter afternoon nap. Sure wish I could sleep at night as well as I can in the afternoon. Somedays I take sleep whenever it finds me and am grateful to find it.

The tax class thing is so hard. Thank heavens I know that doing the taxes is actually easy compared to the prep work. I do need to get the instructor or one of the class members to teach me a few things. I promised myself this year that I would learn a couple of things that have stumped me in the past. We aren’t taught in class how to do them, we just compare answers to the quiz and together pick the best answer.

Just getting into the computer is enough of a challenge. We use five different programs that each have their own password and user name. One of the passwords has to be at least 15 characters long and has special requirements. That alone is enough to make me want to get drunk.

I worked on the tax prep stuff in spurts. I would reach a point of wanting to throw the laptop computer and decide I better step away for a bit. I would do so and then return later to try, try again. Nothing about this feels easy to me.

No plans for the rest of the week or weekend. I will continue to work on the tax prep stuff and figure out what I don’t know. I need to make an appointment with the instructor so I can get some private lessons. Other than that I don’t have too much on my pending list to tend to. If I have a good day tomorrow I may make a few phone calls and get some other appointments set up. They have been pending for a bit and I haven’t been able to make the calls.

It felt warmer out today than it actually was. Tomorrow it is to be even warmer. I welcome this break in the temperatures. Kathy shoveled us a better path out both the front and back doors today. Saturday the temperatures are dropping back down and Sunday and Monday we will be in the single digits again. Yuck! Hopefully it won’t last long. I am done with winter and still have weeks to go.

I was scrolling last night and came across an article that shared how communities are developing small Mutual Aid Networks. It is a group of 10 – 25 people that live in the same community and start out as strangers yet are neighbors. They make a list of resources that they are willing to share with others. For some it may be giving rides to doctor appointments, sharing garden produce, having ownership of special useful tools, special talents, etc. Others may offer housesitting or pet sitting help, extra beds for guests, etc. You get the idea.

The group shares contact information and then they meet together informally a couple times a year – think pot luck, bowling, etc. When one in the group has a need they ask the mutual aid group for support. What a wonderful idea to help build a community resource and help to break down the invisible barriers that we sometimes place between ourselves and our neighbors. We have lost the art of being neighbors and this would help bring it back.

I am going to continue to sit with this and then see how I might be able to get a group started. It would be important to me that the group includes people from all social and economical levels. We all have so much more in common than we have differences if we stop and get to know each other on a deeper level. Somehow we are loosing the human connection to each other and I need to find ways to help build those bridges.

Grateful for long afternoon naps, grateful for warmer temperatures, and grateful for the courage to tackle tax prep work.

Happy birthday to my brother Chad. One of these days he may decide to retire but he is the last of the five of us to do so.

I went to Emporia at 3:00 for another tax meeting. I do not do well during these meetings. There were only six of us there but at times there were three different conversations going on at the same time. We were told to do problems 1 -6 but then some had done the other three so we went cover those too. I hadn’t done them as I didn’t think we were supposed to. Oh well, I wrote down the answers and I will do the problems tomorrow and see if I can come up with the same answers.

I’m grateful the actual taxes are easier than the training part. We have another meeting next Wednesday afternoon. Hoping it will be the last one but am thinking we will need one more meeting after this one to do the state part.

I put in a pick up order at Walmart for groceries so when my tax meeting was over I stopped and picked those up. I knew I would be fried from the meeting and would not want to go in the store and have to deal with people. This way I got what I needed and was able to come home. I stopped and filled the car up with gas on my way to Walmart and then stopped and grabbed some take out after I picked up my groceries.

I had ordered ice melt but they were out of it but are to ship me some. I hope it comes before the meditation event Monday so I can put some down on our front walk. I slipped on it a couple of times today. It is to warm up a bit tomorrow and I need to go out and attempt to shovel some more of it away.

My calendar is free until next Monday so will get several stay at home days. I have had three busy days so welcome the chance to slow things down and stay home. I took care of paying two bills this morning and looked at my desk. I didn’t see anything urgent pending but I need to give it a better look tomorrow. I still need to get my tax prep completed too.

Tomorrow is trash day. I may attempt to get the big poly cart to the curb. I skipped last week as it wasn’t worth the struggle. We don’t usually come close to filling the cart and can easily skip a week or two.

Monday is the meditation event with Gentle Thunder. Still have lots of room for people to join us. It is also going to be a Zoom event and I will be happy to share the Zoom link if you want to watch from your home. It starts at 3:00 and we expect it to last around 90 minutes.

If you are interested in getting your income taxes done for free, we are going to start doing them February 3 at the Emporia Senior Center. We will be doing them on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday mornings only this year. Call the Senior Center for an appointment or let me know and I can get you on the schedule. We don’t do complicated ones that deal with depreciation but most returns we can handle.

Sitting in a good head space today in spite of the meeting angst. It will be good to have some quiet time at home the next couple of days. Something has shifted in me again and I never know how or why but find myself reacting differently when my trigger points are activated. My self talk is changing again. When I say or think something negatively about myself I now usually follow it up with a positive or reassuring comment. Not sure where that is coming from but I think I like it.

Grateful meeting two for tax prep is completed, grateful the groceries are restocked without having to go in a store, and grateful the car is full of gas.

A new friend came over and we talked for an hour about her end of life care plan. I gave her a lot of information and she is going to digest it all and get started making her plans. We will meet again once she has time to make some personal decisions. It was a good conversation and reminded me I want to do more of this work.

Kathy went with me and we took Sophia to the Vet. I had requested a particular Vet as the last one blew me off and said Sophia was fine. This one, Dr. Eric Hess listened well and asked lots of questions. He did a physical exam on Sophia and then we talked some more. He didn’t repeat the blood work that was done in October as he didn’t think it would show much. He offered to have me take her to Manhattan for an MRI but said it would cost over $2,000 and he wasn’t sure it would be helpful. He does think Sophia is having seizures of some sort. Her pattern of behavior fits with that. He wants me to try to record them on my phone. I’ve tried to do that before but it takes me a bit to find my phone and by the time I find it and get the video going she is usually over the episode. I’ll keep trying.

He offered a couple of drug options and we talked through them. One was a short acting drug and one takes three weeks to reach optimal effectiveness. We decided on the short acting one but not giving it until she starts showing symptoms again. I am to report back to him if the medication worked and shortened the duration of her symptoms. If so, then he wants to put her on the other daily drug as a preventive. If not, then we need to discuss what to do next.

We also discussed how far we want to take this. Sophia is eight years old and is considered a mature, older dog. Her seizures are increasing but at this point she still has lots more good days than bad days, even without medication.

I really like Dr. Hess and how he listened and asked questions and took me seriously. He gave me lots of options and didn’t push for lots of expensive testing that would probably not be helpful. Hoping we can come up with a plan that will lessen her symptoms and give her a better quality of life for as long as we can.

I came home and took a long, long nap. Both dogs were restless from the full moon last night and neither Kathy nor I got good sleep last night. I may not sleep tonight as a result of a too long nap but it does feel good to be rested right now.

I haven’t gotten my tax homework done yet but I still have tomorrow to do it. I need to have it done by 3:00 tomorrow so have lots of time to get it done. I may still get it done tonight – we shall see. It will only take me about 10 minutes to do it.

After the meeting tomorrow I don’t have anything else on my calendar until next Monday. It will be good to slow things down again and have some free days. Still feeling like I am running behind due to the busyness of the last two days.

I probably need to stop and get some groceries tomorrow after my tax meeting. I need to start fixing some real food and eating better. I am starting to have some acid reflux again and that is a sign my body gives me to tell me to eat better. I need to make a list and stop and pick some things up so I don’t have to make another trip to town this week.

I am still on my no spending kick. I’ve done a good job of not spending much money since I started the end of December. I thought of something the other day that I wanted and I went to the Amazon site and looked at it and then remembered I don’t want to spend unnecessary money for a bit and was able to back off. I hope to go until at least the end of March with little spending and I may be able to go longer than that. 2024 was a huge spending year for me and I need to change my ways for 2025.

It is slick as snot outside. The dogs have learned how to poop in their pen outside so we have been letting them go in their pen instead of walking them so much. It is too dangerous yet to walk them far. Hoping it will melt some more the next two days so we have some safe space to take them out. There is a cold front coming in this weekend that is to bring below zero temperatures for a few days. Hoping we don’t get more snow or ice with it. Looking forward to being able to safely walk the dogs again.

Feeling a bit anxious this evening for some reason. I got so used to having days with nothing on the calendar and it has been a bit of a struggle to step back into several things a day I needed to attend to. So far I have been able to stay above neutral doing the things and have been able to recharge after each day. Not sure what the anxiety is from but it seems to be hanging around. Lots of changes coming for all of us over the next couple of months. Doing my best to stay above it all and staying out of fear. Limiting my media exposure has sure helped.

Grateful for a kind and compassionate Vet today, grateful for the work I do with helping others make their end of life plans, and grateful for long winter naps.

This has been a busy day. It started with a trip to Council Grove this morning. Kathy took care of a friend’s dogs today while our friend was having surgery. Kathy had never been to her house before so I drove up too to show her how to find the house.

Came home and had an hour before I had to go to Emporia for exercise. I only have three more exercise sessions with my trainer and my one year program will come to a close.

After exercise I went back to Cottonwood Falls and went to a friend’s birthday happy hour party. I always love spending time with my like-minded friends.

Came home and walked the dogs on very slick streets and sidewalks. I almost went down twice. Decided I best stay in the yard where there is snow to walk on. The streets are packed down and are like a sheet of ice.

Went back to Emporia for the first tax prep training class of the year. That started at 6:30 and didn’t get over until after 8:15. Came home and walked the dogs again.

I finally get to sit in my corner chair and relax a bit. I have two things tomorrow so won’t get a rest day then either. Have another tax prep meeting Wednesday afternoon so won’t get a rest day until Thursday. I don’t have anything planned this weekend so should get a couple stay at home days.

It has been awhile since I have had such a busy day. I’m glad everyday is not like this one. I did manage to keep myself full and above neutral all day so I will call this busy day a win. Things felt rather effortless today which was nice. The hardest part of the day was walking the dogs and staying upright on the slick spots.

I have some tax homework to do before Wednesday afternoon. I should have time between appointments tomorrow to get it done. If not I have Tuesday evening and Wednesday morning free. This part of the tax season is the hardest which is taking the required tests and remembering how to work the system. The meeting tonight was mainly helping make sure we all could get logged in and reset all the required passwords. I have five different log in places and user names and passwords to keep straight. Dang, that is hard.

It was a beautiful drive into Emporia this evening and on the way home. The full moon was casting moon shadows on the snow. There was little traffic so I could enjoy looking at the snow covered pastures. I asked the moon for some help releasing something I am working on. She is always willing to help me out if I remember to ask.

After a busy day like today I feel like I am running behind at home. I only have one or two little things that need to be taken care of and they can wait till Thursday but I still feel a bit of anxiety that I am missing doing something important. I have gotten so used to a very slow, quiet pace of living that busy days can throw me off. It is an old behavior pattern and I keep reminding my brain all is well and nothing has to be done right now.

Grateful for my circle of friends and the love they bring to my life, grateful one tax prep training class is completed, and grateful I only have three more exercise sessions.

Oops, no KC Chiefs game today. I guess since the main starters didn’t play last week I thought that was their bye week – silly me.

It was treacherous walking the dogs today. I think today was the slickest day yet. We got just a bit of freezing rain last night and had a bit of wind today. Things melted yesterday and then the freezing rain came down. With the wind things were like an ice skating rink out there today. I slide once but didn’t go down. We ended up walking through the snow by the road – it felt safer than the slick roads.

I made a big batch of chicken and noodle soup today. I will have trouble eating it all up this week as I made too much. It sure tasted good but am betting I will get tired of it before it is gone.

Haven’t done much else today. I have to be out and about tomorrow and used today to make sure I was full of light. I won’t have another rest day until Wednesday.

Kathy is feeling better today so she is going to Council Grove tomorrow if my friend gets delayed at her appointment in Emporia. That way I can go to exercise at 2:00. I have a birthday party to go to at 3:30 and a tax meeting at 6:30. I will be peopled out by the end of the day.

Tuesday morning a friend is coming over so we can finalize her end of life care plans. Then Tuesday afternoon I am taking Sophia to Dr. Eric to see what he has to say about her episodes. She is doing well right now so not sure he will be able to diagnose her without seeing what she does.

I have a couple of phone calls I need to make to take care of some things. I have the hardest time sometimes making phone calls. Maybe this will be the week that I can get those done.

I need to think of some ways to advertise the meditation that Gentle Thunder is doing on January 20. I haven’t gotten very many responses from people saying they want to come. I will be disappointed if I only have a handful of people participating. I’ll put on my thinking cap and come up with some ideas and do some things to get the word out.

It is to warm up a bit by the end of the week and then another bitter cold front is coming in early next week. Yuck! Don’t see much more moisture in store for us so that is a good thing. Thinking we will have snow on the ground from these last two rounds until February.

I only have four more weeks of going to Emporia Fitness for exercises with a trainer. That year seemed to fly by. I’m grateful I did the program but not sure I would do it again. They didn’t want us to do exercises outside the program and I hit a plateau while doing their exercises and quit progressing. I had anticipated I would be challenged to do more intense exercises throughout the program but that didn’t happen. I will miss meeting with my trainer when the program is over.

Watched some YouTube videos yesterday and today. All of the spiritual teachers I listen to are saying the same thing. My job right now is to stay full of love and light and I am not to get pulled off center by all the distractions that are happening in the global universe. I can’t do anything to change what is happening with them but I can control how I respond and I can extend myself to those within reach. Somedays that doesn’t feel like enough but at another level I understand how it is. Our systems are collapsing around us and we have to rebuild this world in a new way – person to person.

Grateful for safe trips walking the dogs today on very slick roads and sidewalks, grateful for homemade chicken noodle soup, and grateful for the spiritual teachers I listen to.

Had trouble sleeping last night. Kept having weird dreams and I would make myself wake up so I could change the dream channel. Can’t remember any of them today though.

I went to Council Grove late morning to help out a friend. Did a bit of laundry for her, walked the dogs and made up two beds. It was nice sitting and visiting with her. When her husband came back home he fixed a lunch for us and we enjoyed having a meal together.

When I left her house I went to the grocery store in Council Grove. I love walking around new to me grocery stores. I picked up a few things I didn’t know I needed and then drove home. The roads were nice and clear today and I could go the speed limit.

Am doing some laundry at home today. I’m waiting for the last load to dry and then I will need to get both loads folded and put away. That will probably be all that I get done today.

Kathy isn’t feeling well today. Sure hope she isn’t coming down with the crud that seems to be going around. Hoping by tomorrow she will be feeling much better. One or the other of us is going back to Council Grove Monday to spend the day so the dogs can be taken care of. If Kathy is sick I will go.

It warmed up a bit today. We have a chance to get some more moisture tonight but it looks like it may go north of us. I want what we have on the ground to melt and go away before we get more on top of it but Mother Nature doesn’t ask me permission for her to do what she does.

No plans for tomorrow except to watch the Chiefs game. I got stuff to make chicken and noodles and may do that tomorrow. We shall see if the mood hits. I haven’t been doing a good job of fixing myself good food to eat and need to change that.

I have a pile of papers on the dining room table that need some attention. It is records that I need to organize and record for my tax prep work. It will drive me crazy to have them out on the table for much longer so will need to give them some of my time and attention and get them off the table.

I wish I spoke house insurance language. I keep getting adjustments and changes to the policies and they have lost me on what they are doing. They sure like to overwhelm one with lots of paper. Not sure how to make sense out of all of it and not sure I trust them to not take the time to understand it all. I have to be in the right mood to sort all that stuff out.

Sure is a lot of chaos and distractions happening in the world right now. I keep reminding myself to stay grounded and in love and out of fear. I keep feeling like the distractions and chaos are going to keep increasing and it will be easy to be pulled into fear. I can’t change anything happening in the bigger picture of the world. But I can step up and care for those within my reach. I keep feeling the urge to increase the size of my reach somehow but not sure what that is going to look like yet. The more grounded I stay the better I will be to help others in my path.

Grateful for a day spent with a friend, grateful for washing machines and dryers, and grateful for a quiet day at home tomorrow.

We got several more inches of snow last evening. The good news is the wind was not blowing and it softly fell on top of the other snow. Everything looked clean and bright this morning as the fresh snow covered up the muck from the previous snow.

It didn’t feel too cold today although it was in the lower 20’s. Without the wind the cold isn’t so bad. The fresh snow made it easier to walk the dogs without slipping and sliding on the ice that is below the snow. My little room heater has even been able to turn off for brief periods of time today. Most of the week it has run all day long. I didn’t even turn the oven on today to keep the kitchen warmer.

I texted my trainer and told her I wasn’t going to come to Emporia today for exercise. I decided it wasn’t worth driving to town on the fresh snow. I didn’t know how fast they could get the roads clear. The road grader people have got to be exhausted after the ice and two snow storms we have gotten.

I have gotten nothing done today. I took a nap in my chair this afternoon. It has been one of those days where I had no energy or motivation to do anything. I gave myself permission to allow myself to do nothing today. One of these days I will get things done – just not today.

Tomorrow I am going to Council Grove to help my friend out. Her husband has some things out of the house to take care of and I will walk her dogs and help her with some housekeeping chores. It will be a fun day out for me.

Sunday I plan on watching the Chiefs play in the afternoon. Monday I have exercise at 2:00, a birthday party at 3:30 and a tax meeting at 6:30. Tuesday someone is coming over in the morning to work on their end of life care plans and I am taking Sophia to the Vet at 1:30. I think the rest of the week is free.

Sometimes I wonder how time goes by so fast when I have days like this that I do nothing but sit in my chair. This week has been one big blur of nothingness except for my little excursion yesterday. It is hard to keep the days straight.

I’ve been reading about the fires in CA. They are making a big deal of the rich people that have lost their homes but I wonder about the hidden people that their jobs are to take care of the rich people – the gardeners, the cooks, the house cleaners, the personal assistants, etc. They don’t make the headlines and probably don’t have the funds to replace what they are losing so quickly.

Kathy noticed the refrigerator and freezer on the back porch weren’t running. The breaker had tripped. Freezers and refrigerators don’t work well in the freezing cold. May have to put my little space heater on the back porch tonight as that room isn’t heated.

I keep having a deep sense of anxiety bubble up. Not sure what it is trying to tell me. I am aware of it and spend some time welcoming it and allowing it to be what it is. It has been building for the last couple of weeks. I am doing my best to not drown it with my normal habits of distraction. Sooner or later I will figure out what it is alerting me to and if I need to do something about it.

Grateful for the beautiful snow that fell last evening, grateful for little to no wind last night and today, and grateful all is well even when it feels like it may not be.

I was going to watch Jimmy Carter’s funeral today but didn’t calculate the time difference right. I did watch the speech given by his grandson. It is worth finding and watching if you missed it.

I didn’t do much again today. It still feels like a time that I am to conserve my energy and hibernate.

I did get out late afternoon to deliver my knee scooter to a friend in Council Grove that broke her leg and dislocated her ankle. I fixed a pot roast and made no bake chocolate cookies and took some of the left over white chicken chili to them.

The roads are fairly clear. I could go the speed limit or close to it most of the way. I managed to make it there and back before the snow hit. When I got home I walked the dogs one by one and by the time I was done the snow had lightly started. It is coming down pretty good now.

No plans for tomorrow unless I go to Emporia for exercise at 2:00. It will depend on how much snow we get if I go or not. Not worth risking my life to go.

One day this weekend if the roads are clear I am going back to Council Grove to spend the day with my friend. Her husband has some things he needs to take care of and he doesn’t like to leave his wife alone. It will be a fun day out for me.

I called the vet clinic and asked for an appointment with the only vet I trust at that clinic. He is the one that delivered Sophia eight years ago via C Section. She threw up again when Kathy was walking her and she keeps having spells where it looks like she has ice skates on and her legs wobble all over the place. The other night all four legs twitched for about three minutes and she was out of it afterwards. Something doesn’t feel right with her and I need her checked out. I had taken her in October when she was doing this and was told nothing was wrong with her. I don’t think I believe that.

I’ve had several people let me know they want to do the meditation on January 20 via Zoom at their house. If you are interested in doing so, let me know and I can send you the Zoom link. Gentle Thunder will be guiding us to find our own inner wisdom during this time of great change that is happening. It is time for us to step up and find ways to serve within our communities and help connect people.

Next week looks fairly quiet too. Monday I have exercise and a happy hour to go to. Tuesday I take Sophia to the Vet. Wednesday a friend is coming over so she can finish her end of life care plans. Other than that I will have lots of quiet time.

It has been a good week with lots of down time. It was good to get out today but even better to get back home. I like the energy of winter time as it feels like things slow down and invite me to slow down too. Although I am not being productive by my old standards, it feels like I am dong lots of internal work releasing old habits and beliefs. The coming months are going to be full of distractions and false truths and the clearer I am inside the better I will be able to see things for what they are.

Grateful for a safe trip to and from Council Grove today, grateful to get to see my dear friend and her husband today, and grateful for this quiet respite time.

I think I am loosing track of what day of the week it is. When you do the same thing for five days in a row without anything to differentiate the days, they tend to get lost.

I did leave the house today. I finally got Gene’s Christmas present mailed. I went to Dollar General to get some milk for me and coffee for Kathy. They were out of all milk but they did have coffee. I went to Casey’s and they had milk.

The roads were slick but drivable if you went slow. I’m grateful I got my car cleaned off yesterday. I used the auto start and it was nice and warm for me when I went out to get in it. I did feel good to get out of the house for 15 minutes.

My tax prep folder came in so I have started my tax prep. I went through all my files and threw away stuff that was from 2023. I sorted the rental information into piles. I went through my medical stuff and sorted that all out. I will continue to work on the taxes and get the packet ready to go. I will have to wait for the forms to come in before I can deliver the packet to my accountant. Most won’t come in until the end of January so I have lots of time to get the packet ready.

Other than doing two loads of laundry which I haven’t folded and put away yet I haven’t gotten much done today. I did make a crock pot of white chicken chili this morning. Kathy and I have been eating on it all day. It hit the spot today. Not sure I will want the leftovers but will save them and see if they get eaten.

No plans for tomorrow. It is to snow again tomorrow night but it doesn’t sound like we will get lots of snow. Not sure if I will go to exercise Friday – it will depend on how much snow we get Thursday night. I won’t drive on snowy roads unless it is urgent and exercise is not urgent.

Gentle Thunder and I had a great conversation last night. She is set to do a meditation on January 20 at 3:00. We are doing it at my house over Zoom so if anyone wants to participate and can’t get to my house let me know and I can send the link. The cost is $50. I wanted to organize a positive experience for that day. Gentle Thunder did a meditation for the Global Water Healing on-line group. If you google globalwaterhealing.org and go to their archives and then scroll down to August 4, 2023 you will find her meditation. Kathy said she listened to it and was most impressed.

My house looks like a big disorganized coat closet. We have to put on so many layers when we go out and with walking the dogs we go out often enough we don’t bother putting them up. It takes us about five minutes to get suited up to go out and another five minutes to get everything off. I miss my mop sink I had at the country house – it was the best boot jack.

Still feeling like I am gathering up my reserves. It feels like I will be called into some sort of service soon and will need to be full going into it. As the world continues to change I believe all of us are going to have to step forward in ways we haven’t before. We need to all be working towards building a new type of community. So many people have dropped out and no longer feel connected. Somehow, some way we need to reach them and let them know they are worthy of love and connect with them.

Grateful I made it to the store today, grateful I got Gene’s package in the mail even though it is a month late, and grateful the tax prep project has begun.