Author: Kay Krause

I got kissed by the sun mowing today. I got part of my neighbor’s yard mowed last night. I had to stop when I ran out of gas. Today I mowed all of my yard. I did it in two parts. It was sure hot by the time I finished. Good to have it done.

I did chores at the neighbor’s house this morning then went up to my house and mowed and did chores there. Thunderstorms are brewing so I came back down to the neighbor’s house to be here in case it storms.

When I opened the barn door to get the mower out at my house I saw Belle. She has been hiding in the barn for over two months! She hid from me and wouldn’t come out. I left the barn door open when I left hoping she will come out. I am surprised she is still alive. I haven’t seen her since I got home from Vegas early April. She must have been eating mice in the barn. Water blows in under the door and the toilet was open so she could have been drinking from there. I have had the barn door open many times since the first of April and she has had lots of chances to come out. She must like living in solitary confinement in the barn.

Other than mowing tomorrow I don’t have anything I have to do other than some laundry and chores at both houses. It will be good to have a quiet day.

Have had a couple of things in my family come up this week. It has been good to have Tonglen to help me deal. There isn’t much I can do about either situation. I can be a listening ear and support if others choose to use me as that but otherwise all I can do is send healing light and love. Taking others pain and holding it as mine is no help to anyone. Tonglen reminds me to do my part and transmit the pain and worry into love.

So looking forward to family day on Sunday. It is always a good day when the kids come home and we gather for a meal together. If it is nice, I may talk them into helping me paint for an hour or two. We could get a lot done if all of us painted for two hours.

I hear thunder rolling in the distance. Chances for rain aren’t looking good at this point but one never knows which direction the storms may go or where they might pop up from. We could use another couple inches of rain this weekend but am doubtful that will happen.

Despite the family issues I am proud of myself for holding myself above neutral on the ladder of consciousness. I didn’t get triggered mowing today for the first time all season. I am remembering my boundaries with the two family situations and have been able to not take things that aren’t mine to take. Progress!

Tomorrow I will go get some gas and then finish mowing the neighbor’s yard unless it rains too much tonight or tomorrow. I have some laundry to do at home tomorrow so will get that done sometime too. I’ll have to go home to do chores at home sometime tomorrow.

I sent a note to the Endocrinologist and asked her to reconsider the dosage recommendation of my thyroid medication. When my TSH level came back at 2.1 she recommended I stay on the 125 dosage. Last time I took 112 dosage seven days a week my levels dropped to 0.5 which is too low. I think I should be taking the 100 dosage seven days a week. We shall see what she says. I have already switched to the 100 dosage but will switch back if she insists. Sure hope my body is ready to level out and stabilize at the proper TSH level.

Grateful the mowing at my house is done, grateful all the critters I am caring for are well and fed this afternoon, and grateful for Tonglen and how it is helping me deal.

I spent the night at the neighbor’s house where I am housesitting for the next 12 days. The dogs woke me up at 2:30 as they needed to go out. One wouldn’t come back in but they were at the back door when I got up later.

I did the chores and let the dogs out again and then came home. I did the chores at my house and then went to Emporia to pick Ellexia up and brought her out to my house for the day.

We went up to the neighbor’s house and let the dogs out after I fixed Ellexia breakfast. I took Ellexia up to the barn so she could see the peacock and help me feed it.

We came back to my house and Ellexia has hung out on the couch all afternoon. She went to a sleepover last night and didn’t get a lot of sleep. She said she was too tired to sleep. She has seemed to enjoy a quiet afternoon laying on the couch and resting though. Sometimes it is good to take a day and do nothing.

I have some spaghetti sauce and meatballs in the crock pot for dinner. I think Ellexia wants to go home after dinner but we shall see if she changes her mind.

I will go back up to the neighbor’s house after I take Ellexia to town after dinner and will spend the night again. The dogs there do better when someone sleeps over.

I have a bunch of mowing to do at both houses over the next couple of days. I will get it started either this evening or in the morning. I shall see what the weather does. More rain is in the forecast starting tomorrow through the weekend. Maybe I can get the mowing done between showers.

Felt a bit overwhelmed earlier. It has been a busy week around here and I felt behind. I got some things done at this house today and feel a bit less overwhelmed. I need to do some deck painting but that didn’t hit my priority list for the day. It is starting to get hot during the day and with the humidity it feels even hotter than it is. I will get it done – just not today.

I don’t have anything on my calendar for the rest of the week so will have several days to get things done. Family day is Sunday but nothing until then. I have what I need to fix the meal so Sunday will be easy and fun.

I spent some time practicing Tonglen today. It helped calm me down and gave me a different perspective on a few things that were on my mind and heart. It is easy for me to get overwhelmed and breathing through it really helps.

I’m tired this afternoon. I slept fairly well last night except for the brief time I had to get up to let the dogs in and out. I will try to get to bed a bit early tonight and see if I can get caught up on my sleep. I haven’t been able to sleep in lately and I need a long night’s sleep to catch up.

Kathy got on her way a little after 9:00 this morning. I trust she has a safe trip back to CT. It is a long drive but she likes road trips. It will be good for her to see her kids and grandkids.

Grateful Ellexia came to spend the day with me, grateful all the chores got done today and grateful I got caught up on some things around my house today.

Kathy and I drove to Marion this morning for the funeral services of our Uncle Jack. A lot of the extended family was there. The immediate family of Uncle Jack did a beautiful job with the service. Stories were told and people laughed and cried as we remembered his life. The church was nearly full of family and friends of the family.

Afterwards we went to the cemetery in Florence. The Sheriff of Marion County and his deputies did a nice job of controlling traffic for our long procession. Most people coming in the opposite direction, pulled over to the side of the road as a sign of honor and respect. Uncle Jack was buried right next to my parents and mom’s sister’s husbands. All four of them have plots next to each other. My grandparents are also buried in the same cemetery just in a different part of it.

A lunch was held at the Marion County Lake House afterwards. There must have been about 100 people that came to the lunch. More stories about Uncle Jack were shared, family members reconnected, and many hugs were given. It was a beautiful gathering full of love, family and friends.

After we got home, I took a nap. I was really tired and decided a nap would serve me well. It felt good to stretch out on my bed and rest. Not sure why I was so tired today, but welcomed the opportunity to rest.

I got rid of most of the desserts and treats that I had taken to the lunch. I will have to find someone to give some chocolate sheet cake and banana cake to but the cookies, peanut butter balls and chocolate dipped cashews are all gone.

It is a hot day on the prairie today. The temperature reached the high 80’s and with the high humidity level from all the rain we got yesterday it felt like it was almost 100. There is a humidity haze on the horizon this evening.

We got close to 2 inches of rain last night. It rained hard for about 30 minutes. We called those types of rains Pond Fillers. It was so nice to finally get a decent amount of rain. My two brothers who live in Lebo said they only got light sprinkles. The rains this year seem to be very scattered and some areas seem to get skipped over more than others.

I haven’t done much else today. I am going over to the house I am housesitting at to spend the night. Kathy leaves tomorrow for CT and she needs to be home this evening to pack and get her car loaded. She also needs a good night’s sleep in her own bed as she will be doing all the driving to get to CT. I wish her a safe trip. It will be good when she gets back home in two weeks.

I remembered to put the frozen turkey in the refrigerator downstairs to thaw. I will be cooking it Sunday for our family day. I am not fixing all the traditional turkey fixings with it but I needed to get it cooked up and out of the freezer. I am making space for the beef that will be coming in August.

Nothing on my calendar for the rest of the week. I will be going between the two houses taking care of critters and trying to keep them all hydrated and cool. It will be a relaxing rest of the week for me. I will need to mow at both places later this week and I would like to get some more deck painting done. We have a 60% chance for more rain Thursday, Saturday and Sunday so will see what the KS weather brings. I don’t always trust the forecast, especially when it is more than 24 hours out.

I am sitting in a good head space this evening. It was a wonderful thing to see family today and gather to honor my Uncle Jack. It was a sad day too but there was a lot of joy to be found during the day. Days like this remind me how important family is and how important it is to gather.

Grateful for all the love and care that was shown to the family today, grateful for a beautiful KS day, and grateful for afternoon naps that restore my rest and soul.

What a beautiful evening I had last night. Eight of us joined around the swing set in my backyard and learned how to do Tonglen. Three of the eight were people I had never met before. We spent some time getting to know each other, practiced Tonglen and enjoying the beautiful weather. The three new to me people left as my new friends.

One of the guests stayed overnight. The one that was going to stay decided to drive home but another one decided to stay over. She and I sat outside on the swing on the deck and watched the sunset and then watched the stars pop out. We moved around to the east side after 10:00 to watch the strawberry moon. We had great conversation and fellowship.

I got up early this morning and by 7:30 had a cake ready to bake. While that cake was baking I mixed up another one and got it baking. Then I made a double batch of Snickerdoodles and got them baked up. My friend helped me with all my baking by doing the dishes. I tend to dirty lots of dishes when I bake so I kept her busy. We were done baking and had the kitchen cleaned up by 9:00.

I went to Emporia around noon and delivered a pan of peanut butter balls to the grandkids. Then I went and had a blood draw, deposited a check and picked up my grocery order. It was good to get home after all the errands were done.

I had a big grocery order this time as I had ordered some pop to take tomorrow as well as all the groceries I need for our family day dinner Sunday. It took me a bit to get everything unloaded from the car and put away.

There is a storm brewing this afternoon. I can hear thunder rolling across the prairie but don’t know if we will get any rain from it. I keep checking radar but so far the storm has outsmarted the future cast radar and not come over my little corner of the prairie.

I got the results of the TSH test back and my levels are right where they are supposed to be. My target range is 1.5 – 2.5 and today my level was 2.158. I will reduce the dosage of the Tirosint medication so my levels won’t go any lower. I am so grateful the levels are back where they should be. It has taken me two months to get them back down.

The house is quiet this afternoon after all the activity around here the last couple of days. Kathy is at the neighbors house keeping their dogs calm with the storm rolling in. She will be back up here in the morning so she can get ready to go with me to our Uncle Jack’s funeral in Marion in the morning. Jason, Michelle and Ellexia are going to ride with us too.

I drove to Strong City and picked up a couple bags of ice so I can cool the pop down for tomorrow. I have it in a big cooler all ready to load in the car. I moved the cooler to a spot where I can’t forget it in the morning. I will have a full car with the cooler, five people, and the desserts I am taking.

I was talking to the friend that stayed overnight and sharing some of my story. I realized how far I have come emotionally since last fall. Hosting the Tonglen last night also helped me realize how much I have missed doing things like this. I love bringing a group of people together and having deep conversations and teaching new techniques to them. I am ever so grateful to each of the guests that came and shared their heart with us all. I truly believe the world would be a better place if everyone had a safe place to gather and share.

Grateful for the Tonglen practice last night, grateful to the friend that stayed over, grateful my TSH levels are down, and grateful the desserts are ready for tomorrow.

It was a late night last night. I stayed up until midnight waiting for my guests to return from their big race. I gave up and went to bed. I heard them come in around 12:45. I didn’t get up to see them.

I heard them talking and moving around at 6:30 this morning so I got up and got dressed. The one that raced in the 200 mile race, came in 3rd place for her age group. Yay! She said it was the hardest thing she has ever done. The other one finished her 100 mile race. The majority of racers had dropped out due to the muddy conditions. They were both pleased with themselves that they had finished the race.

They were headed into Emporia for the award ceremony since the one will get called on stage for recognition. They were leaving for the airport afterwards. I’m not sure what time their flight was. They were great guests and they told me if they come back to race again they would like to stay here again.

Got a call this morning from a friend of a friend who is coming to the Tonglen practice tonight. He asked if he could stay overnight as he is coming from Wichita. His friend has house sat for me before and he has been to my house while she was here housesitting. Our mutual friend is also coming and is going to spend the night. It will be good to see my friend again and meet a new friend.

Someone left a message on my blog from yesterday asking if he could rent a room for one night next week. I have never heard his name before and am not sure how he found my blog. We have messaged back and forth but haven’t confirmed anything yet. Funny how things work sometimes.

Went out and painted some black trim this afternoon. It is hot sitting in the direct sunlight on the west deck. I almost burned by ass sitting on the hot deck. I lasted for about an hour and then had to come in. I took a shower and cleaned up a bit for tonight. I was a bit stinky and sweaty.

It has been a beautiful day today on the prairie. We had clear blue skies this morning. The clouds are rolling in a bit this afternoon but it doesn’t feel like it will rain. No wind today which is a nice treat. The rain yesterday was a blessing for the prairie although not so good for the bike racers.

The Tonglen practice is at 7:00 tonight. I think we should have about 8 – 10 people if all come that have told me they are coming. Some may show up that I don’t know are coming too. I’m excited about the possibilities of tonight. The full moon rises at 10:30 tonight and I plan on staying up and watching that. The moon was beautiful last night but it was a bit cloudy so didn’t get to see the full effect of it. Hopefully the clouds will stay away tonight and we can watch the moon rise.

Tomorrow I need to bake two cakes and two batches of cookies. It will be a busy day in the kitchen. I am going to Walmart to pick up my grocery order at 1:00 so will take a break mid-day to do that. Not sure when my guests will be leaving but am guessing sometime in the morning. While I am in town I need to drop of the peanut butter balls to my grandchildren.

Tuesday we are going to Marion for my Uncle Jack’s memorial service. We will go to Florence for the burial and then back to Marion for a lunch. It will be good to see family but will be a hard day. Uncle Jack was 90 years young but we were not ready to let him go.

The rest of the week is free and clear. I will have to go to Emporia on Thursday for a blood draw but other than that have a quiet week after Tuesday. Kathy leaves Wednesday so I will be splitting my time between this house and my neighbor’s house for the next 12 days.

My kids are all coming home next Sunday for a family day. That will be fun. I know what I am going to fix so the hard part of the day is over. I always enjoy when the kids come home and spend some time with me.

It felt good to get back into hosting guests. I feel guilty at times living in this big house and sharing it with others helps eliminate my guilt. Am considering opening it back up to being an Airbnb but probably won’t.

I’m in a good head space. I am so happy to being back to doing the things I love to do – hosting the meditation and hosting guests. I love when people come to my house. This house was meant to be shared and have others enjoy it too.

Grateful my racers had a safe race, grateful for the beautiful day on the prairie, and grateful for the rain we received yesterday.

It is raining again on the prairie. There have been lots of showers all around us all afternoon and it finally came over my little corner of the prairie. I had gone out to paint iron trim on the deck railing. I only painted for about 15 minutes when it started sprinkling. If I had known that was all it took to make it rain, I would have gone out earlier.

My guests left the house a little after 5:00 this morning. They will have a long day but one that I trust will be full of fun and adventure for them. One is riding the 100 mile race and the other the 200 mile race. I don’t expect them back until late evening. I’m not sure what time they are leaving in the morning. I have enjoyed them and will wish them safe travels home tomorrow.

Kathy came by for a bit this morning. She did some laundry and played with her cat and then went back to the housesitting job. She wanted to be there in case it stormed as those dogs are weather sensitive.

I have had a quiet afternoon at home. I fixed Tagen some peanut butter balls but haven’t done much else today.

I talked to my cousin and his wife and they decided the most help to their family would be for me to bring two sheet cakes and some pop to the family lunch they are having after the burial Tuesday. They told me they were getting lots of food and they didn’t need dinner brought in tonight. I will bake a couple cakes Monday to take Tuesday – that is easy enough. I may also bake a couple batches of cookies to take too.

I put in a grocery order to pick up on Monday, I needed to get the pop to take Tuesday so went ahead and got what I needed for the week too. We are having a family day next Sunday so got the stuff I will need to fix dinner for that day. I have a turkey in my freezer that needs used up so will fix that but instead of the traditional turkey trimmings I am going to make macaroni and cheese, little smokies in BBQ sauce, green bean casserole and a salad. I will make a couple of desserts too. That will be easy and I will be glad to get the turkey out of my freezer. I am trying to make room for the beef that will be coming in August.

Kathy is leaving for CT on Wednesday. I will be going back and forth to the housesitting job at night and coming up here for day time. I don’t have much on my calendar except for the funeral on Tuesday. I will go to Emporia on Monday to pick up my grocery order and again later in the week to get a blood draw to check my TSH levels. The house will be quiet with Kathy gone. I will have two houses, three horses, two donkeys, four dogs, one peacock, three cats and 28 chickens to care for. That should keep me out of trouble for two weeks or so.

With this rain we are getting I will have mowing to do at both places sometime later this week. The good news with the rain is I won’t have as much watering to do at the housesitting house. I hope we get lots more rain over the next two weeks. It might even be enough to keep the horse trough filled too but I doubt it.

I got the instructions for the Tonglen practice we are doing at my house starting this Sunday evening at 7:00 typed up. All are welcome to come – no reservations are needed. We will start promptly at 7:00 and will be done by 8:00. Come early and enjoy the beauty of the prairie and stay late and watch the moonrise. There will be a full moon Sunday night and it will be a sight to see.

One more month before I start to get eggs. The girls are still growing and getting close to being full grown. They haven’t started swatting when I get close to them so they aren’t ready to lay yet. Should be just a couple more weeks before I get the pay back for all the feed they have been eating. It will be fun to have eggs again. I’m anxious to see what color the Easter Eggers will lay. They will be a shade of blue or green. The others will lay brown eggs.

Tagen has football camp this week so he can’t come help me paint this week. Maybe I will find some motivation and get some done without him being here. I sure would like to finish up that project. Tagen got most of the ladder work done so most of the rest of it I can do by myself if needed.

I was going to go to the lake to drop in at Nicole’s birthday party camp out but decided not to due to the weather. No fun camping when it is raining. I am a bit of wimp when it comes to bad weather. I didn’t want to drive in it or sit in it at a camp ground. I will enjoy the rain sitting in my chair in the dry living room.

A death in the family always makes me reflect on the cycle of life. Uncle Jack lived to be 90 years young but we still weren’t ready to let him go. Death is the one thing every human has in common – someday we will all go through that portal. I try to remember to let death remind me to live my life fully, each and every day. The great mystery of life is most of us have no idea when the portal door will open for us. If could be today, tomorrow, or a long time from now. I try to live as if I know it will be tomorrow. I don’t like unfinished business and unfinished projects.

Grateful for the long life of Uncle Jack, grateful for the rain falling on the prairie, and grateful for the comfort of my home.

Rain! Rain! Rain has arrived on the prairie at last. I hope it pulls up a chair and rains all night. It is rodeo weekend in Strong City and it seems to be a pattern of receiving rain during the rodeo weekend. Feel bad for the cowboys but am ever so grateful for the rain.

The 350 mile bike racers left Emporia at 3:30 this afternoon – just in time to ride into a storm. Trust they will all be safe. The rain may create some conditions for the bikers in the 200 mile race tomorrow. I will hold them all in my heart and trust that they all have a safe race.

Went out and painted the back side of the upper railing on the west deck mid-day. It was hard painting as I was hanging over the railing. Glad that part of the painting job is done. I saw the forecast and decided not to paint the deck floor today – grateful I didn’t as it wouldn’t have dried enough before the rain hit.

We probably won’t be able to paint tomorrow as things will have to dry out a bit. Tagen was going to come out today to paint but had trouble getting his car started. Maybe Sunday? It will get done when it gets done.

My guests came in yesterday late afternoon. They had been traveling all day and were in bed by 7:00 last night. I visited with them a bit this morning before they headed into town to get their bikes and registration packets. They are due back to the house soon and I bet will be in bed early again tonight. One of them has to be in town by 5:30 in the morning as her race starts at 6:00. Not sure when the other one’s race starts. I won’t see much of them tomorrow and then they leave Sunday morning. Easy guests.

My Uncle Jack passed away yesterday. He was the husband of one of my mom’s sister. He turned 90 last month. His services will be next Tuesday in Marion. I sent a note to the family and offered to bring dinner tomorrow night. I told them I needed a head count so I knew how much food to bring. They are to figure out what they are doing and let me know later tonight or in the morning. I figured out what I am taking, now I just need to know how many I am fixing it for.

Kathy is spending the night at the neighbor’s house since it is storming and the dogs we are caring for are anxious during storms. I’m grateful my dogs aren’t weather sensitive. Kathy is leaving next Wednesday to go to CT for two weeks. I will be going back and forth from my house to the neighbor’s house for that time period. I’ll probably sleep at the neighbor’s house so her dogs are more comfortable and will come here for a bit each day to do my chores. She only lives 1 1/2 mile from my house so no big deal to go back and forth.

Tagen requested peanut butter balls so will get those made up either tonight or tomorrow sometime. I went to the Dollar General store in Cottonwood Falls this afternoon to get some things for the dinner and things I needed to make the peanut butter balls. I didn’t want to drive into Emporia with all the extra people in town due to the bike race. Luckily the Dollar General had everything I needed. Much easier and faster!

I think I will wait and do my weekly grocery order later this week and avoid the extra people in Emporia on Sunday. I will have to go to town one day next week to have a blood draw to check my TSH levels and will plan to pick my grocery order up then. I am not out of anything that I need right now so might as well save a trip. Tagen may be out Sunday to paint and he can take the treats home with him when he is done painting.

Still in a good head space. It feels good to have guests again and to have the Tonglen group practice scheduled for Sunday evening. I feel like I am returning to who I AM and doing the things I love to do.

Grateful for the love and life of my Uncle Jack, grateful for easy guests, and grateful the railing painting is done.

Last evening it looked good for a chance of rain. Kathy and I are housesitting for a neighbor for the next couple of weeks. Kathy had to work today so I went down to spend the night as the dogs are nervous during storms. We got one big clap of thunder but no rain or storm.

When I took a bath, one of the dogs came in the bathroom with me and laid by the tub to make sure I was safe. The dogs did well. I figured out to turn the fan on in the bedroom and once I did that, the dogs settled down and slept all night.

I came home early this morning after letting the dogs out to go potty. I have a drain in the furnace room that backed up and released reddish, stinky water. I called the drain people and they were to come today. I didn’t want to take a chance of missing them.

I got a message from the drain company people mid-morning that they had run into a mess and asked if they could wait to come early next week. They have come on a minute’s notice when I had an emergency before. The drain only overflowed once and has behaved itself so I told them no problem. I will call them if it acts up and I can’t control the overflow of water.

I finished cleaning the basement and the final things I needed to do upstairs. I am ready for my guests. They were to have been here around 3:00 but they sent me a message and let me know they won’t be here to closer to 5:00 or after. I appreciate them keeping me informed of their plans.

I cancelled my buddy from painting today as the forecast looked very promising for some rain today. We finally got some sprinkles around 3:00 this afternoon. All that wonderful rain passed by my little corner of the prairie. I just came up from taking care of the chickens and the grass is barely wet. Dang! We need rain badly.

The forecast is about the same for tomorrow so not sure we will be able to paint tomorrow either. I will make a decision in the morning when I look at the forecast then. We are so close to having the back deck done I sure would like to get it done tomorrow but no use painting if it is going to rain. Next week Tagen has football camp and can’t paint. Guess it will get done when it gets done.

Didn’t hear from the plumber today. I will text him early next week if he hasn’t shown up by then. Sometimes he forgets things. He might be in the middle of a big project. He didn’t tell me when he might be able to get out.

No plans for tomorrow unless I get to paint. Not sure what my guests will be doing and I like to hang around if they are hanging around. Their big race is Saturday and they will be gone all day Saturday.

I need to type a sheet up with the Tonglen instructions for the meditation Sunday evening. Tomorrow will be a good day to get that done.

Nothing on my calendar for next week. Trusting I can get out and do lots of painting on the two front decks and get those done. Right now there is a slight chance of rain every day next week but the rain seems to be going around us. It is rodeo weekend and it usually rains during the rodeo weekend sometime. Fingers crossed the rodeo magic works this year.

Woke up feeling off this morning. My get up and go got up and left and I have never found it today. Kathy came home from work and said she is having one of those days too. The full moon is Sunday evening and we both feel the effect of the full moon. I laid down for about an hour this afternoon and felt a bit better when I got up. Just one of those days, I guess. Tomorrow will be better.

Still staying in a good head space. I love having a clean house. Painting this week and cleaning has been good for me as it has forced me to move my body. Trusting I will continue to do so as it is good for both my physical and mental health.

Grateful for guests that communicate well, grateful for the drain people, and grateful my house is clean.

I got the living room, dining room and kitchen floors done. The two beds are made downstairs. Still have the laundry room, guest bathrooms and hallways to clean but have made a big dent in the cleaning. Yay!

I broke down and turned the A/C on today. It wasn’t that hot but the humidity got to me. The house is much more comfortable this afternoon. I knew my guests would appreciate the A/C and wanted the house to cool down before they get here tomorrow afternoon. Maybe the dust will stay outside a bit better with the windows closed.

Still need to get outside and finish up the mowing. I also wanted to do a bit of painting but the weather today doesn’t feel like painting weather. Maybe my buddy will be able to come tomorrow and we will get a bunch more done. I need to get my cleaning and mowing done today in case he comes tomorrow. I will paint whenever my buddy is here to get me motivated to do so. So far the weather tomorrow is looking a bit rainy. I will take rain over painting any day.

Kathy got the office sliding door open for me today. Jim had locked it the last day he was here and I hadn’t been able to get it open. I knew it would trigger me if I tried to get it open and failed so I asked Kathy if she would try. She used a screwdriver and got it – easy peasy. I’m so grateful she was able to do that and I am proud of myself for being able to ask her to do that little job. I avoided falling down the rabbit hole! Go me! I will take that as a sign of healing.

Earlier this year I ordered some new Lee Capri pants. The four pair I had are five years old. I discovered a hole in the pair I was wearing yesterday. They make good paint pants and then I think I need to throw them away. I had purchased them the year I lost weight. I’m grateful they still fit and I have been able to keep most of the weight off.

I’ve been spending some time reading the book “Awakening Loving Kindness” by Pema Chodron in preparation for the Tonglen practice that I am hosting Sunday evening. Pema has a way of making complicated things simple. I love the way she writes and explains things. I trust some people show up to practice with me. All are welcome. We start at 7:00 and will be done by 8:00. The only requirement is to have experienced suffering and happiness. If you can relate to those two conditions, you can do Tonglen.

It will be good when my guests get here tomorrow afternoon. I am always a bit anxious before they get here. I’m sure they will be fun guests and will enjoy a bit of the Flint Hills on their first trip ever to KS.

I’ll be staying close to home this weekend since I have guests. Nicole is having her 40th birthday party this weekend. I may try to go Saturday and pop in for a couple of hours. My guests will be bike riding and I don’t expect them to be around at all that day. They are both riding the 200 mile race and won’t be done until evening after starting early Saturday morning. They are flying home on Sunday.

It feels good to sit in a clean house. I love when my house is clean but unfortunately don’t clean it often these days. It will be good tomorrow when the whole house is completely clean. I always find things to de- clutter after I clean house. It motivates me to clean out drawers and closets and get rid of things I no longer want/need.

It has been five months since my divorce was final. I have to say I am in a totally different head space then I was five months ago. I am remembering who I AM and what things bring me joy. It feels good to be back on the path leading to myself and wholeness.

Grateful to Kathy for unlocking the office door, grateful the house is clean, and grateful for air conditioning.

Happy birthday to my youngest daughter Nicole. Her strength, courage and compassion amaze me constantly. Life hasn’t been fair to her but she picked herself up and never stopped. Love her to the moon and back and am so grateful she choose me to be her mom.

Tagen and his girlfriend came out at 9:15 to paint. He had texted me at 8:00 to let me know he would be here at 1:00. He changed his mind and came early so he could paint on the west side of the house in the shade. His girlfriend jumped right in and did a bunch of painting too. The three of us made huge progress on the west deck today. One more day like today and the west deck will be finished! OMG! This project has gone much faster than I had thought it would, thanks to Tagen and his girlfriend.

I painted on the floor of the deck again while the other two did railing painting. I emptied two gallon cans of paint today. The floor of the huge deck is almost done. I have the landing of the back stairs, a small part of the main deck floor and the three steps leading off the deck to do yet. Then I will move to the east side of the house and do those two deck floors.

We painted for well over two hours and got tired. I came in and fixed scrambled eggs, pancakes and bacon for their breakfast/lunch. Lily wanted blueberry pancakes and Tagen puts peanut butter on his.

After they left I drove to Topeka to get more paint. I only have one gallon of floor paint and 1/4 gallon of trim paint left. Tomorrow I have to clean house so decided to get it today in case Tagen wants to paint Thursday. He is busy tomorrow.

I had lunch at Chipotle in Topeka and then went to Home Depot to get paint. I got three more gallons of floor paint and 1 more gallon of trim paint. I also got a quart of black paint so we can paint the metal rods in the railing. Got some knee pads and a kneeing pad to see if I can protect my knees a bit.

Stopped and filled the car up with gas and then came home. I had to stop at Walmart in Emporia to pick up a prescription and since I was there I picked up some more eggs and pancake mix. I have gone through a lot of that this last week!

I watched a storm roll in while I was on the road. It was sprinkling when I came out of Walmart and I had to use my wipers off and on for light sprinkles between Emporia and home. I missed the heavy stuff that went through. The ground was wet here at home. Kathy said we had two little groups of showers come through. Doubt that we got much rain but it is nice to get things wet.

Got the car unloaded and the trash taken down to the curb. It feels good to sit for a bit. I haven’t gotten to do much of that today.

One of my guests that was coming in Thursday let me know she isn’t coming. I will only have two guests now, unless I happen so see a request for a room and someone decides to stay here. That is OK. This way both guests will be downstairs and I won’t have anyone on the main level. I’m disappointed that the guest waited until the last minute to cancel. I had asked them to let me know at least two weeks before if they decided to do that. Maybe she had something come up last minute. I’m not sure as she didn’t explain why she canceled to me.

Tomorrow I will spend the day cleaning. Kathy has taken care of cleaning the basement so will just need to double check the two guest bedrooms and their bathroom to make sure everything is dusted, stocked up and ready to go. I need to do the floors upstairs. If I get done cleaning and it doesn’t rain again, I have some mowing that I need to do. I had planned to do that this evening but the grass is wet enough from the little showers that I won’t get to do it today. I can do it Thursday if it rains tomorrow.

Feels good to have had a busy day. I am so tickled that the back deck is almost done. We still have the hardest parts to paint yet but I can see the finish line for it. The front two decks are much smaller and easier to paint. We don’t have any ladder work to do in the front of the house. I am ever so grateful to Tagen for all his help on this big project. It would have taken me weeks to do it all myself.

Sitting in a good head space today. Jim sent a package to me in the mail. It was a photo book of my trip to Ecuador and Peru back in 2014. I didn’t get triggered when I saw a package from Jim so I will take that as a sign of progress. Not sure how the book got mixed up in his things but I am grateful he returned it.

Tomorrow we start housesitting duties for our neighbor. Between Kathy and I we will make sure things are taken care of for them. I have traveled enough to know a trip is much easier when you know things are taken care of at home.

I didn’t call the eye specialist today. The black dot floater disappeared and I haven’t noticed it at all today. I think if it was a sign of a retina tear or detachment it would have been getting worse and not going away. Hoping I dodged a bullet this time.

This day went by very quickly. I feel like I got a lot done, thanks to Tagen and Lily’s help. It will be such a relief when this deck project is completed.

I sent a text to the plumber to let him know the faucet arrived today. He responded OK. Not sure when he will get out to install it. I need him to fix the water line to the refrigerator when he comes or else I would have my handyman install the new faucet. We shall see how long it takes him to come out. Still haven’t heard from the guttering guy. Hoping it doesn’t take all summer to get those two jobs completed and crossed off my list.

Grateful for Tagen and Lily’s help today, grateful for Nicole and the many blessings she gives me, and grateful the paint is restocked and ready to go.

Went to Cottonwood Falls for a family reunion at noon today. Made a meat loaf, roasted veggies and a dump cake to take. We had a big crowd at the reunion. It is always nice to see everyone. Kathy went with me. We left after about two hours. Enough was enough. Neither one of us do groups well and we both came home tired and drained.

Jason stopped by around 3:30. He had stopped in at the reunion after we left. He got to see two of my aunts and then left and stopped by my house. It was good to see him and his family for a hot minute.

I am going to go out and mow or paint after I get done blogging. Haven’t decided which I want to do yet. My buddy had plans this afternoon and couldn’t come help me paint after the reunion. He is going to out tomorrow unless it rains again.

I sent directions to the guests that are coming in for the bike race. All three are arriving Thursday afternoon and will be here until Sunday morning. I have until Thursday early afternoon to get the whole house cleaned. I think I can, I think I can….. Kathy has done most of the basement so I should have time to get it all done.

I booked the cruise and flights for Ellexia and my adventure in July. I had to change the date as the cruise I originally had been looking at was not available today. We will go July 23 – 28 instead. I sure trust that Ellexia will like cruising and have a great time. One advantage of changing the dates is I found a return flight that is direct and it leaves at 2:00 in the afternoon instead of having to wait until early evening to leave. We will land around 7:15 and will be home by 10:00. I like that better then getting home after midnight. Usually by the end of the trip, all I want to do is get home and go to bed.

I still need to book a hotel for our first night in CA and then figure out how to get from the airport to the hotel, and then how to get from the hotel to the boat docking point. I booked a bus from the boat docking point to LAX for our return flight. I have lots of time to figure all that out.

I started having a black spot floater yesterday and it has been bothering me off and on all day. I read about them and it is recommended I see an optometrist ASAP for a new black spot floater. I have had floaters before but never a black spot one. It could be a sign of a retina detachment or tear. It is in the same eye as the retina tear I had earlier this month. I will call the retina doctor’s office in the morning and see if they need to see me. From what I read, I need urgent care if it is a bunch of black dots but one may or may not mean anything. Fingers crossed it isn’t serious and I won’t need more laser surgery.

I was a bit surprised at how drained I got at the reunion today. I haven’t been in a big group of people for a bit and that might have been why I got drained quickly. I’m grateful Kathy was willing to leave early too. I do so much better with small groups. There were lots of little ones running around and the noise level was high. I am used to the quiet on the prairie.

Grateful for family and family gatherings, grateful Jason and his family stopped by for a visit, and grateful the cruise and flights are booked.

It has been a productive day on the prairie. Tagen was here at 9:45 this morning and did ladder work painting for two hours. While he was doing that painting, I painted the floor of the big deck on the west side. I have it half way done. Tagen got his part done and we stopped painting for the day.

We came in and I fixed him bacon, eggs and pancakes. He ate and then went home for the day as it looked like some rain might move in this afternoon.

Kathy and I did a cemetery run this afternoon. We went to Hillsboro, Florence and Cottonwood Falls and left flowers on 14 graves. I wonder who will do that when we are gone?

Drove through some rain on the way home. As I am typing the rain just arrived here. Radar doesn’t show it lasting very long or producing much rain but am grateful for every drop I can get. We saw a lot of empty farm ponds on our drive today.

My body is starting to protest my painting activity. I am sore this afternoon. I have a blister on one of my knees and one on one of my fingers. I do not like floor painting as you have to be aware at all times where all of your body is so you aren’t painting yourself in a corner or moving across wet paint. It is easiest to paint on my hands and knees but my knees don’t appreciate that so I try to paint sitting down most of the time and that gets complicated.

I think I have decided to take Ellexia on a cruise in July for our outing. I found a Carnival cruise that departs from LA at a price that seems reasonable. Flights to LA are much cheaper than flights to Florida. I am checking with her parents to get their permission and then I will book the cruise and flights. We will fly to LA on a Sunday evening and board the cruise ship on Monday late afternoon. We dock back into LA on Friday morning and then will fly home Friday late afternoon. I think Ellexia will enjoy it. There is lots of things to do on the ship plus we have two full days of port calls and one full day sailing at sea.

Tomorrow I have a family reunion to go to in Cottonwood Falls. Tagen is available to paint if the weather allows it. We shall see how much rain we get and how wet things are in the morning. It is much more comfortable painting in the morning then in the hot afternoon. We need rain so badly I hope we can’t paint due to it raining. We shall see what happens.

I have to go to Emporia at 6:00 this evening to pick up my weekly grocery order from Walmart. I had originally scheduled it for 4:00 but shifted it to later as I wasn’t sure how long we were going to paint and how long the cemetery tour would take. As it worked out, I could have left it at 4:00 but 6:00 will work. I’m grateful I can get it done on Sundays so I don’t have to drive through the road construction on Highway 50 during the week.

Ever so grateful for Tagen’s help painting. I’m very grateful that project has gotten a good start and it now feels possible that I can get it done this spring. I’m also grateful I found an affordable cruise to take Ellexia on and that she seems to like the idea. Two big things that have been on my mind and both are on their way to completion. Now if I can get the plumber and guttering guys to get those two projects completed!

Sitting in a good head space this afternoon. Moving my body is so good for me. It helps me to clear things out of my head and I can tell my body likes to move, even though it is protesting a bit this afternoon.

My temperature did not spike yesterday and hasn’t today. Still not sure what happened Friday. Guess I will write it off unless it happens again.

Grateful for the gentle rain that is falling on the prairie this afternoon, grateful for the painting that got done today, and grateful for the love of my ancestors that I visited today.

Feeling better today. My temperature broke after I took some Tylenol. My headache went away and the fatigue went away. Still have no idea what was going on. Today I haven’t had a temperature (so far) but my blood pressure has been low. It was 96/57 when I got home this morning. The regulator in my body must be broken. Wonder if they are replaceable?

Kathy and I went up to our neighbor’s house to get a tour and instructions for our housesitting project coming up next week. Kathy will cover the first nine days and I will cover the last nine or ten days.

Tagen came out at 12:30 to paint. He got the swing set finished up today and emptied the first bucket of trim paint. I painted on the deck flooring and emptied the first gallon of the flooring paint. Progress! He is coming back tomorrow but will come out in the morning when it isn’t so hot.

He hadn’t had lunch when he came so I fixed him macaroni and cheese. I am out of the boxes of it so had to fix it the old fashioned way. He ate a bunch of it so it must have tasted OK. He has some leftovers for tomorrow.

I decided not to go to the Alumni Banquet tonight. Feeling a little unsure of myself health wise today and don’t want to go and then have to leave early. I think Kathy is going to go unless she has changed her mind.

After we get done painting tomorrow, Kathy and I are going to Hillsboro, Florence and Cottonwood Falls to visit cemeteries. We have 14 graves to visit and place flowers.

I have a grocery order to pick up between 4 and 5 tomorrow. I keep thinking of items and adding to it. I’m really working on only getting groceries once a week and not going into Walmart otherwise. That is helping me save money and miles on my car.

Monday we have a family reunion to go to in Cottonwood Falls. I ordered things on my grocery list so I can make a few things to take. There is usually so much food that I don’t think anyone would notice if I didn’t take something.

My guests arrive next Thursday. I will spend the first of next week cleaning for them. I hope the weather is good for them. So far we have rain in the forecast everyday next week. We need rain badly but hate to see it make the race even more difficult.

Today is one of my son-in-laws birthday. He has been a great addition to our family and I am so happy he is part of our family. Happy birthday Geoff! Enjoy your special day.

Other than cleaning and guests coming in I have a quiet week ahead. Kathy will leave Wednesday to go to the neighbor’s house and will spend most of her time there. It will be weird having the house to myself again after the guests leave next Sunday.

Feels good to see progress on the deck painting project. I am so grateful Tagen is coming out to help. He seems to enjoy painting. It will be so good to get that project finished before the heat of the summer sets in.

Grateful for Tagen and his help painting, grateful I am feeling better today, and grateful for this beautiful day.

Went to Cottonwood late morning to get a bag of ice and flowers for the cemetery run Sunday. Also stopped and filled the two gas containers so I am ready to mow.

I cancelled Tagen from painting today as originally there was a good chance for a shower this afternoon. As the day progressed the chances kept dropping. He is coming out tomorrow early afternoon and hopefully will be able to get the swing set finished up.

I’ve had a bad headache and tummy cramps today. I laid down around 3:30 to take a nap and felt feverish but I didn’t get up to check. I took my temperature when I got up and it was 102. Yikes! Not sure what is going on. I took some Tylenol and we will see what happens. I’m feeling very drained and tired but not really sick. I think I will skip eating dinner tonight and see if my tummy settles down. I ate on plan for breakfast and lunch. I really wasn’t hungry when I ate lunch but don’t like to skip meals. Time will tell what is going on.

Tomorrow Kathy and I are to go to our neighbor’s house to get instructions for our housesitting responsibilities. If I am not feeling better Kathy will have to go by herself and report to me. I have house sat for them before so am pretty familiar with what needs to be done. The house owner always leaves a detailed note to follow which is very helpful.

Tomorrow night is the high school alumni dinner. I went last year and hadn’t decided if I wanted to go this year. Looks like I may have no choice but to stay home. I think Kathy is planning on going.

Monday we have a family reunion to go to in Cottonwood Falls. Guess that may be in question whether I get to go to that too. I won’t go unless my temp breaks and stays down for 24 hours.

Sure wish I knew what was going on. Not sure something like this has happened before. Have no idea what it might be.

Grateful the gas can are full, grateful Tagen is coming tomorrow to paint, and grateful I can rest tonight.

Got a very little bit of rain last night. Just enough to get the deck wood wet. There is a 50% chance for more rain later today so no painting for today.

I had set my two five-gallon gas containers outside the barn so I will remember to take them in to get filled up for mowing. Both of them had blown into the yard overnight. Must have had a touch of wind overnight. I need to go get them filled as I will need to mow sometime this weekend. I need to go to the Dollar General Store in Cottonwood and get some flowers for our cemetery run this weekend. Maybe I can get gas and flowers later today.

A friend picked me up and we went to Cottonwood Falls for lunch today. It was nice to get out and enjoy some conversation. I so enjoy lunches like this.

Have a touch of a headache this afternoon. Thinking it is weather and sinus related. I may go lay down for a bit and take a short nap. For some reason I am tired. I got some good sleep last night, although it came in two separate sleeps. I have been sleeping all the way through the night and that hasn’t happen for a bit. My body must have gotten used to sleeping straight through.

Still looking for a destination for Ellexia and I to go to in July. I keep thinking of places I like to go to but not sure they have enough stuff to keep Ellexia busy. She doesn’t want to go somewhere where we have to do a lot of driving to get to fun places. I like museums and scenic views but not sure that is what she is thinking would be fun.

Feeling very unmotivated this afternoon. I have some cleaning that I have got to get done by next Thursday and can’t get myself up and moving to get it done. The dust is thick right now and know that if I clean too early it won’t look clean in a week. However, if I wait too long I won’t get it all done.

Nothing on my calendar for tomorrow. We have a good chance for rain so won’t mow or paint unless the forecast changes.

Thinking about organizing an eight-week meditation/awareness class for the summer. The national news is so depressing and it is easy to think there is nothing I can do to make a difference in any of it. One of my favorite authors, Pema Chodron teaches a type of meditation that works well in groups. You start within yourself and look for ways that you are behaving in a certain way and offer yourself forgiveness and grace. Then you look within your family circle (family could involve friends) and find the same thing and again offer forgiveness and grace. And the third time you look within your community and then the fourth time you look out into the world. Each week you take a different word and apply it to all four levels. Examples would be peace, acceptance, harmony, fear, change, etc. It can be a powerful meditation and can help one feel less powerless in this rapidly changing world we live in. I truly believe that if everyone would look inside and find ways to allow themselves to more fully accept differences between us, the world would be a better place for all.

It has been a long time since I have hosted drum circles or meditation groups and am thinking I am long overdue to start opening up to them again. Something shifts inside when I remember that others share my hard feelings and struggles. We are not alone on this journey through life, it just feels like it sometimes.

Grateful for lunch with a friend, grateful I can take a day and do nothing, and grateful for teachers like Pema Chodron.

Ellexia and I have had a fun time together. She went to bed around 11:30 last night and slept until 10:00 this morning. I fixed her scrambled eggs with blueberry pancakes for breakfast. She wanted green beans and Kraft Mac and Cheese for lunch. We baked No Bake Chocolate Cookies after lunch. I have run the dishwasher twice today and will have a third load before the day is over.

Tagen came out early afternoon and started painting the swing set in the back yard. He painted for almost two hours until the clouds rolled in and it sprinkled a bit. He quit painting as we could hear thunder but the storm went three miles east of us. He may come back out and paint more tomorrow if we don’t get rain tonight or in the morning. It is good to get that project started.

Tagen took Ellexia home with him after he was done painting. It is nice to have a licensed driver in Tagen so I didn’t have to go to town.

Other than doing two loads of laundry today and spend a bit of time in the kitchen, I haven’t done much. I sat and enjoyed Ellexia’s company.

I looked up trips to the ocean and found a condo, flight and car to Myrtle Beach that was affordable. I showed it to Ellexia and she wasn’t sure that is where she wants to go. She isn’t sure there is enough fun stuff to do while we are there. I asked her what fun stuff she is thinking of and she couldn’t name anything. Ummm…. Back to the drawing board. Not sure where we will go now. Maybe I’ll take her where I want to go and she will have to buck up and enjoy!

Tomorrow I am meeting a friend for lunch. It will be fun to get out and have an adult conversation. Saturday is the high school alumni banquet. Not sure if I am going or not. I think Kathy is planning on going but not sure I have it in me to go this year. I’ll make a last minute decision the day of. Sunday we need to do the cemetery tour and go to Hillsboro, Florence, and Cottonwood Falls. Monday we have a family reunion to go to in Cottonwood Falls. One day this weekend Kathy and I need to go to a friend’s house and get instructions for our housesitting responsibilities that will be coming up next week. Kathy is taking the first half and I will take the last half of the time our friends will be on vacation in England.

My DK bike racers will be here next Thursday and will be staying until Sunday. I need to get the house ready for them next week. Kathy will be at the neighbor’s housesitting while the racers are here. She is taking Louis, her cat, with her so I won’t have to tend to her cat.

The weather is feeling heavy and pregnant. Sure hope we get some rain out of the heavy clouds that are south of me. Right now the wind has stopped and it is very still outside. I’ll have to keep my eye on the sky for a bit and see what is coming in. The wind just picked up and is blowing very heavy. Time to close windows and button down the hatches.

Feeling a bit restless this afternoon. Could be the anticipation of the potential strong weather headed my way. Still feeling I am sitting in the in-between of something. Wish I could figure out what I was in-between. The mystery continues….

Grateful for Tagen’s help with the painting, grateful Ellexia spent the night, and grateful for the possibility of rain tonight.

It has been a busy afternoon today. I went to Emporia early afternoon to run some errands. I stopped and got four bags of chicken feed at Bluestem. I love how they load it directly in my car from the back dock. Makes it so much easier for me.

I went to Walmart to pick up a star screwdriver and some birthday cards and a gift. Found a couple other things I just had to have since I was in the store.

Got my hair cut and always had a good conversation with my hair dresser.

I stopped and picked up Tagen and Ellexia and took them out to dinner at Bruff’s. They are so grown up it is like having dinner with adults. I took Tagen home after dinner and then brought Ellexia home with me. She is going to spend the night with me. She hasn’t done that for a long time. It will be a fun evening for both of us.

Sophia’s new collar came in today. It took both Kathy and I to get the damn package open. I used scissors and a knife and it must have taken us 5 minutes to get the package open. Thankfully putting the collar on Sophia was easy. I haven’t confirmed that the new collar is working yet.

I sent a text to the plumber checking to see if the new faucet is in. I asked him to order it April 13. He text back and told me the orders had gotten mess up and requested that I order it. I went on-line and found what I needed it and ordered it. I will let the plumber know when it comes in and he is to come out and install it. The guttering guy hasn’t returned my call again. At least I feel I made progress on one of the two projects I have had pending for months.

I talked to Tagen about the deck while we were eating dinner and he offered to help me paint. He is going to come out tomorrow and check out what needs to be done and get started. He said ladders don’t scare him. I will have him start with the ladder work as I hate that part of it. Wow! I might get this deck project finished after all. Tagen has football camp the first week of June but is free the rest of this week and all week next week. We could get it all done in that time if it doesn’t rain. However, we need rain badly so I won’t be sad if it does rain. That is more important then the deck.

I had trouble getting the new screwdriver out of the packaging too. Man! They wrap those things tight! At first I had trouble figuring out how to put the bit into it. I didn’t know the holder part had to be pulled out and flipped. There were no instructions on the package other than it said it was easy to change heads. Right! Once I figured that out I was able to put the right head in so the bit fit properly. Unfortunately the screw that has been falling out won’t screw in anymore. I took it all the way out and will have to ask someone what I do now. I might have to call Phil and see if he can fix it for me.

I swear there is always some little project going on around here that stumps me. Usually it is simple things (if you know what you are doing). Unfortunately, I don’t know what I am doing when it comes to things like screwdrivers and loose screws.

It feels like I got some things done today. That feels good. I didn’t get any painting done but should get lots done tomorrow. I went out last night and painted on the swing. It is almost done now. Slowly but surely things are getting crossed off my list.

Feeling in a better head space then I was yesterday. Being active and getting out helps. Put something on my calendar for Thursday to look forward to. Knowing Tagen is going to help with the deck painting project helps too. It is fun having Ellexia out for the night.

Grateful for grandkids that add so much to my life, grateful Sophia’s collar came in, and grateful the kitchen faucet is ordered (better late than never).

I had trouble falling asleep last night. It was way past 3:30 before I could sleep. Slept in a bit this morning but sure didn’t get much sleep. I’m tired this afternoon but am not going to take a nap again. I do not want to get that cycle started.

Went out and painted another set of deck steps. I kept feeling light drops of water. At first I thought it was from the hose my sister was using to wash her car but then decided it was a small rain cloud that floated over head. I finished the set of steps and then quit. I may go back out when I know for sure it isn’t going to rain. Never got more than a very few light sprinkles.

Feeling a bit off today. Not sure what is going on other than I am very tired. Have a touch of a headache and have no energy or motivation to do anything. I will take some time and sit for a bit and see if I feel better later. I really don’t have anything that I have to do today so I can do nothing the rest of the day if needed.

I remembered to call and get a haircut. I took the first available time and then remembered afterwards a friend had invited me to go to the movie during the same time. I decided I would rather have my hair cut so didn’t call back and reschedule. Going to the movies really isn’t my thing.

I put a pot roast in the crockpot this morning. Added some potatoes and carrots to it a while ago so dinner will be ready whenever this evening. I have not done a good job of fixing food for myself lately and need to change that. I still have some meat from last year’s beef that I need to get used up. I forget to set it out and cook it.

My average heart rate is starting to come back up so I think my thyroid levels must be dropping. I will get them checked in another couple of weeks. I don’t want them to get too low as that can be life threatening. Hard to find balance with them sometimes.

I got the rest of the yard mowed last night. I decided to mow instead of paint. I hope we get some more rain this week as the yard is starting to get cracks in it. If we get rain tomorrow as forecasted, I will need to mow the end of the week. I set the gas cans out in front of the barn so I will remember to take them to town and get them filled so I am ready to go when I want to mow again.

Did some searching for a trip package to Myrtle Beach to take Ellexia to this summer. It is cheaper to book the flight, hotel and car rental all at once. I need to check with her parents and get a date firmed up and then make a final decision about where we will be staying. Still open to other options but need to find a place on the beach, with a pool and kid friendly activities around the area. I am thinking we will only go for five days as that should give us enough time without her getting bored. It is always best to come home before you want to then stay too long.

Sitting in that in-between place today. Just not sure what I am in-between. I get the feeling I have a yellow caution light flashing in front of me and I am not to move forward until it turns green. Not sure why I am getting a yellow light and not sure when it turns green what I will be moving into. Hard to explain where my head is today. I feel a bit like I am in limbo of some sort. Doing my best to honor the feeling and allowing it to be what it is.

Grateful for the smell of pot roast in the house this afternoon, grateful the mowing got done yesterday, and grateful I got a bit of painting done today.

Made the grandkids treats this morning. Ellexia had requested Ritz Cracker Peanut Butter treats with a side order of chocolate dipped pretzels. They don’t take long to make and are easy to do so.

Went to Emporia to go to Cody’s 7th birthday party. Jason and Melissa fixed a delightful lunch for all. Jason fixed Pig Tails which is pork loin duct into strips, marinated in buttermilk and an egg, then dipped into a seasoned flour mixture and then deep fried. They served them gravy. Those things are addictive. Cody calls them meat fries.

Cody enjoyed seeing everyone that came and had a big pile of gifts to open. He enjoyed his special day. It was a beautiful day outside today so we ate outside and enjoyed the mid 70’s and no wind day.

I dropped the treats off at Ellexia’s house and then went to Walmart to pick up my grocery order. They delivered my order within a minute of me arriving to pick it up. I came home and got everything put away. I didn’t have a very big order this week so it didn’t take long.

Came home really tired. Not sure why I was so tired but I was so I took a nap. I felt more rested afterwards. Sometimes the best thing to do when I am tired is give in to it and rest.

I still have a couple hours of daylight left so will go out and check on the chickens and do a bit of painting when I am done blogging. I painted one set of deck steps last night and will get another set done tonight. It does feel good to get that project going again.

Looks like the next two days are going to be good painting days too. Little to no wind and no rain with temperatures in the low 70’s. Can’t beat days like that in KS on the prairie.

My eye continues to do well. It has felt a bit itchy today but nothing out of the ordinary. The other eye feels the same way. I try to remember not to rub it like I would like to do. Don’t think it would hurt it if I did but don’t want to take any chances.

I need to call and get an appointment to get my haircut sometime this week. It is time to get it short for the summer time. When I go to town, I need to remember to stop and get a birthday card and gift to send to my SIL for his birthday which is at the end of the week. Nicole’s birthday is next week but she already received her gift.

Nothing on my calendar this week. Lots of time for painting and mowing. I need to call a friend or two and invite them to lunch sometime this week.. I do better when I have a few things on my calendar each week. Too much empty space is too much.

My bike riding guests will be here mid week next week. I need to start cleaning house and getting it ready for them. It is to rain mid week this week and if it does, I will take advantage of a rainy day or two and clean. I sure hope the gravel bike race gets as nice of day to race on as today was.

The house feels quiet and a bit lonely to me for some reason tonight. Kathy is downstairs watching a movie so I’m not alone, just feeling like I am. Sometimes it hits me I am alone again and I guess tonight is one of those times. Most of the time, I enjoy being alone. Tonight is just one of those times when I remember what it was like to have a partner. And this too shall pass……

Grateful for Jason and Melissa and their wonderful hospitality today, grateful for Cody and the fun of being 7, and grateful for this beautiful KS spring day on the prairie.

I gave the girls some fresh linens this morning. It has needed done for several weeks and decided today was the day. I am tired of sitting and doing nothing. I needed to move my body and get something done for a change. My eye was back to normal this morning so I went down and cleaned out the coop. This is the first time I have cleaned it out for this group. Not sure the chicks knew what to think.

I think we have one rooster. I have one that has already grown out its’ comb and waddles. None of the others have done so. That is usually a sign that it is a rooster as they develop quicker than the hens do. Still not 100% sure but sure am thinking so. I don’t mind having one rooster. That way if I want to, I can incubate eggs and hatch my own chicks. The only problem doing that is the number of roosters you get. It is fun to watch them hatch out though.

I went to Emporia and took Ellexia and Tagen out for lunch. We were going to go to El Lorito but there was no parking to be had. We went to Applebees instead. Had to wait 15 minutes for a table and it was an hour before we got our food. The food and service was good, even with the wait.

Stopped at Walmart so I could get a birthday present for Cody. I got invited to his party tomorrow so needed to get something today. I will wrap it up in a bit and be ready to go to the party. I switched my Walmart grocery order from 1:00 to 3:00 and will pick it up on my way out of town.

Ellexia requested Ritz peanut butter treats again but this time with a side order of chocolate dipped pretzels. I got the supplies I need to make those. I will get those made up either this afternoon or in the morning and take those to town with me tomorrow. I asked Tagen if he would eat those again already and he said he will always eat those.

When I got home from Emporia I went out and mowed the southwest yard. I hadn’t gotten that done earlier this week and the grass is knee high around the chicken coop. I will need to mow the whole yard again early next week. Will have to go get the two gas containers filled before I can do that. The grass has finally filled in throughout the whole yard and I can tell where I am mowing. Mowing is much more fun when that happens.

Ellexia and I talked about our summer trip. She wants to go to the beach and decided to go east instead of west. She doesn’t want to go back to Florida so will have to look for beach places on the east coast. I would love to take her to New York City or Washington DC but the prices there are really high. Will look at the Myrtle Beach area and see what I can find in a price range I can afford. Needs to be kid friendly with things to do besides the ocean and swimming. Thinking about a condo with a kitchen so we can fix some of our own food. Will probably rent a car as she wants to fly for the first time. Thinking four or five days will be plenty unless we go closer to a big city. I’ll have to price flight prices and car rentals and see what I want to spend. We are thinking July but are flexible on the dates at this point.

The neighbor has about 20 guests staying the weekend. They went on a long horse ride through the prairie this morning. They sure picked a beautiful day for a ride as it is in the mid 70’s and there is no wind.

I am going to go out and paint on the deck when I get done blogging. It is time to get that project going strong. I need to move my body and quit sitting so much and that project will get me moving and outside.

Time for me to rejoin the world and quit sitting at home all the time. I have retreated too much and am spending way too much time sitting and not moving. I did nothing yesterday but sit and eat all day long. That is not good for me on so many levels. I feel much better today for getting up and doing something. My problem is I don’t have a lot of things that need done besides cleaning and that seems like a never ending project. I will be glad when the KU research program reaches out to me and gives me a reason to exercise regularly. I need a kick in the ass to get me moving and that might be just what I need.

Grateful the girls have fresh linens, grateful to have had lunch with Tagen and Ellexia, and grateful to have a birthday party to go to tomorrow.

A rainy day on the prairie! Yay! Not sure how much we got but I will take every last drop we can get. I had to turn my fireplace on for a bit as it is in the mid 50’s.

My eye is doing much better today. It gets tired quickly if I read a lot or use it a lot. I took a nap earlier to give it some rest and it felt better after I got up. I can see fairly well although my vision still isn’t as good as it was before the surgery. It will come back fully soon.

Did some more reading about retina tears. The doctor had mentioned I had the beginnings of cataracts and from what I have read having a retina tear almost guarantees you will get cataracts in the near future. I go back to the doctor in November so will find out then if they are progressing.

I also did some more reading on the condition that bothers my left eye but both eyes have. It is Macular Telangiectasia which is a condition that effects the blood vessels in the eye. You can lose your central vision with it. Only 0.1% of the population has it. They don’t have good cures for it yet although if it gets worse there are a few things they can try. Gratefully mine have stabilized and nothing needs to be done to them right now. The right eye, which is the eye that the retina tear was in, has it too but I have no symptoms in that eye. With the left one I see the S and P of a STOP sign. I’ve had it for a long time and have gotten used to it. The doctor just wants to keep an eye on it in case it gets worse and he needs to do something. It can eventually cause blindness but I’m a long ways from that and trusting they can do things to it to prevent that in the future.

I have taken it easy today and haven’t done much. It was a good day for a rainy day as I couldn’t be out painting or mowing. Hoping by Sunday I will be healed well enough to resume my normal activities and my vision will be back to normal.

Still amazed at how I was in the right place at the right time to catch the retina tear before it became a retina detachment. Things do work out well sometimes. Feeling pretty lucky today ad smiling at the Universe!

Grateful for healing in my eye, grateful for doctors that can fix things, and grateful for the rain.

Went to the retina specialist in Topeka this morning. I have a weird thing in my left eye that causes a vision distortion. This visit was supposed to be a follow up to make sure things were stable.

They took pictures of both eyes and then they did the dye injection and took more pictures. I didn’t eat breakfast this morning and the nausea the dye causes wasn’t as bad as the last time I had it done.

The condition in my left eye is very stable and no changes for that eye. However, the doctor discovered I had a retina tear in my right eye and he had to do laser surgery on it to repair it. The surgery was fast and relatively easy. I felt a bit of pain at the end of each of the three zaps but it was tolerable and went away quickly.

I left the office not seeing very well though. It will take up to two weeks for my vision to come all the way back. I had a few waves of nausea on the ride home but thinking that is from the dye injection. I ate something when I got home and the nausea wave seems to have stopped. Have a headache but I always get one after my eyes are dilated.

I am so grateful for the timing of this appointment. I had originally scheduled it for last month and had to cancel when I had Covid. Had I not gone today and the doctor discovered the tear, it would have turned into a retina detachment which becomes urgent and much more serious. Wondering now if that is why I got Covid – so I would reschedule the eye appointment so things could work out better for me. Love how the Universe has my back and takes care of me.

I am also grateful I had Kathy drive me to Topeka. I can drive after my eyes are dilated if I absolutely have to but prefer not to. Kathy saved time for me to take me. I would have struggled to drive home after the laser surgery.

I need to figure out what to do with myself this afternoon. I can type but not sure I can read very well. Please forgive any spelling errors as I can’t read what I am typing very well. Don’t want to watch TV as I won’t see it clearly. I am not to lift things or move around a lot. May have to take a nap! Dang it anyways!

I don’t have anything on my calendar for the weekend so can stay home and heal. It may be a few days before I feel I can drive again. I will wait until my vision is much clearer before I attempt to do so.

I didn’t expect to have laser surgery when I went today. So very grateful that it was quick and easy and the timing of the appointment was perfect. At least this time when the Universe threw me a curve ball it was caught and thrown back without a struggle.

Grateful the Universe has my back, grateful for Kathy, and grateful for being in the right place at the right time today.

What a beautiful spring day on the prairie. Sunshine and temperatures in the mid 70’s. Not even much wind today. Can’t ask for a more perfect day in KS.

I did some mowing today. I hadn’t mowed the outer rim of the front and north yard last week so got that mowed. Also mowed the south part of the yard. The back yard can wait another few days before it will need mowed again.

It felt good to get outside and bounce on the mower for a bit. I will need to fill the gas containers before I mow again.

I am almost done watching A Million Little Things. I have a feeling the last two episodes are going to be hard to watch emotionally. I have really enjoyed this series and am sad to be close to the end of it. I will take a break for a bit and then find another series to watch. What is your favorite series?

My mood is a bit better today than it was yesterday. I haven’t felt angry today which is an improvement. Still not back to whatever my normal is but climbed up a rung or two on my emotional ladder. I have spent the last three days at home and it will probably be good for me to get out tomorrow.

The eye specialist I am seeing tomorrow had been planning to walk the Camino before Covid closed things down. I’m anxious to hear if he got his trip rescheduled and if he was able to go. I am not sure how we got to talking about the Camino on my first visit to him. I wonder if he will remember our conversation from last time.

I’m thinking about organizing a drum circle for the full moon in June. It has been a long time since I hosted one and it feels like it may be time to get them going again.

Still feel like I am in slow motion and moving at turtle speed. I have little energy and motivation to do anything. I have been sitting way too much lately but just can’t make myself get up and move. One of these days soon my TSH levels will start dropping and ever so slowly my energy will return. I need to push myself more but can’t seem to do that – at least not today. Maybe tomorrow I will be able to.

Grateful the yard is mowed, grateful my mood has risen a bit, and grateful for the beautiful, spring day on the prairie.

This has been another quiet day at home. I have felt some hard emotions for some reason or other today. Kathy invited me to go to a movie in Emporia but I decided I need to stay at home in time-out.

I have felt anger today and not sure what it is from. I decided to allow it to be what it is and see what it has to tell me.

Nothing on the calendar for tomorrow. I may mow if it clears off enough to do so. The little rain we have gotten has helped the grass grow. The yard is filled in for the first time this year.

Thursday I have to be at a retina specialist appointment in Topeka at 10:00. Kathy is going with me as they have to dilate my eye and that gives me a migraine. They will also inject dye into me that upsets my stomach. I hope I don’t toss my breakfast. I might skip breakfast and go in fasting and see if that helps.

No plans for the weekend. The grandkids only have a half day of school on Friday and that is their last day. Maybe they will want to do something with me.

I’m sure tomorrow will be a better day for me. It usually is after a hard one. I have learned if I allow my feelings to be what they are they go away quicker. I don’t always get a story about they were about and have learned to accept that.

Grateful for feelings even when they aren’t fun, grateful for knowing this too will pass, and grateful for the promise of a better day tomorrow.

It has been a beautiful rainy day on the prairie. Not sure how much we have gotten as it has been a soaker type of rain. Not much accumulated on the ground. You can almost hear the earth taking a deep drink.

I have taken another do nothing day. I have enjoyed watching the rain. I have binged watch A Million Little Things today. What a great show. I love how they take current issues and weave them into the story line. I just watched the one on Black Lives Matter and it was so well done.

It felt good to have a quiet day at home. My soul needs them often. It feels like my central nervous system has quieted down and things are running smoother inside.

Grateful for a quiet day at home, grateful for the rain the prairie received today, and grateful for great entertainment on the TV.

Happy Mother’s Day to all those that are mothers or mother others.

Mother’s Day is kinda like Christmas for me – not one of my favorite days. I’m not sure why I don’t like it but it always feels heavy for me somehow and I am always glad when it is over.

Jason and Melissa invited me to meet them at Bruff’s for dinner tonight. It was nice to meet with them. They didn’t have Cody so we were able to have an adult conversation. We don’t get to do that often enough.

I went to Emporia mid-day and picked up a grocery order. They were out of yogurt so had to stop at another grocery store to get some. I would have had to do the same even if I had tried to buy the groceries in person. This way I only had to go inside one store for one item.

Nothing on my calendar for the next three days. I need to do a little bit more mowing if it doesn’t rain. I would be grateful if it does rain and I don’t get to mow. I still need to clean out the chicken coop if it isn’t too hot.

We got a bit of rain this afternoon but not near enough. The wind picked up and I thought for a brief moment we were going to get a nice thunderstorm. Most of it went around us again. Kathy was on rainbow watch as I left for town but never spotted one.

We have a good chance for rain tomorrow. I am crossing my fingers and toes that it appears. We need a couple more inches badly.

Feeling a bit out of sorts tonight. I’m sure by tomorrow I will be back up the emotional ladder. I’m not a fan of commercial holidays and the expectations and emotions they surface for me. I have felt my mom with me all day today. I must have needed a day to spend grieving for her. At times I really miss her and realize how much she gave me.

Grateful for my mother, grateful for dinner with my son and his wife, and grateful for the rain we got today.

My friend came this morning around 10:45. The other one joined us shortly after that. We spent a delightful morning visiting and then went to lunch. Visited through lunch and then came back to my house for a final visit before they left to go home. I think the best days are spending time with people you loved and enjoy.

It is a beautiful day on the prairie and I need to go outside and do some painting. We finally have a nice day without wind or rain. I should take advantage of it and get outside paint on the deck. This type of windless/clear day seem to happen few and far between these days.

Have gotten three loads of laundry done today. Waiting on the last load to dry and then I can make up my bed. Have the other two loads folded and put away.

I need to get out and finish mowing. Not sure if I will paint or mow when I get done blogging. Tomorrow I have to go to Emporia to pick up my weekly grocery order. Decided to do it on a Sunday this week to avoid the road construction mess. If I am lucky I won’t have to go through it until Thursday when I go to Topeka to the retina specialist.

I am tired this afternoon. I haven’t slept well much of the week. Not sure what caused that as I had been sleeping pretty good lately until this week. It is probably because the house has warmed up and my bedroom is too hot. May need to break down and turn the A/C on so I can get a good night’s sleep. Seems early to turn the A/C on though.

Have a touch of a headache this afternoon. I noticed it earlier and thought that is unusual. I used to have headaches all the time and they seemed to have gone away. I can’t remember the last one I had other than the one I had when I had Round Two of Covid. Grateful that a headache now feels unusual and not my normal.

Feeling a bit of anxiety today and am not sure where it is from or what it is trying to tell me. Doing my best not to ignore it. It is interesting to me to see it appear and not know what it means. I don’t have anything on my calendar to be anxious about. Maybe because I don’t have anything on my calendar I am anxious? Anxiety isn’t always logical and sometimes I don’t know where it comes from. Sometimes it just goes away as fast as it shows up. Sometimes it hangs around for a bit. Doing my best to make friends with it and allowing it to be what it is.

Grateful for visits from friends, grateful for this windless/clear beautiful day on the prairie, and grateful I can sit with whatever my feelings are and allow them to be what they are.

It has been a muggy day on the prairie. It reached the mid 80’s today with lots of wind and humidity. The clouds rolled out this morning and the sun has been out this afternoon. We have a slight chance for rain this evening.

I went out and mowed for a bit today. I got the part of the back yard I didn’t get done earlier this week and then did the high part of the front yard. I will do the rest of it in another day or two.

Tomorrow a friend is coming mid-morning for a visit. Another joint friend will be joining us. It will be good to get together and have a nice, long visit with both of them.

Other than that I have no plans for the weekend. I don’t have anything on my calendar until Thursday when I go to Topeka to see the retina specialist. It will be a week full of empty space again. I will try to find something to fill in part of the time.

Fell down into the muck pond for a bit this morning but rolled around in the mud for a bit, took a mud bath and got up and walked right out. Mowing triggers me as the yard is so bumpy in places and it reminds me of Jim’s last day here. As the mower goes over the ruts Jim made while moving out I get bounced around and it feels a bit like my time with Jim. I got bounced around emotionally a lot during our time together. One of these days I will be able to mow and bounce and not have a reaction. Just not today.

I talked to the lady from the KU research center today. She said she is turning my name over to the researchers that work with the Emporia Fitness Center and they will be in touch with me in a few weeks. Maybe this will give me the motivation I need to get my ass moving more. A couple more weeks will give my TSH levels a chance to drop and hopefully that will help me feel better and I will have more energy.

Just got an alert that we are in a severe thunderstorm watch for the next couple of hours. The weather app on my phone isn’t predicting rain but Kathy and I are both feeling a storm headed our way. Trusting we will get more rain if we do get a storm and no damage.

Did a bit of cleaning this afternoon but have lots more to do. It does feel good that I got it started though. I do need to get the living room dusted before my company comes tomorrow. It is so thick you could write your name in it on the coffee table. Doesn’t do much good to dust though as it will be back quickly as I still have the windows open and don’t have the A/C on yet.

Grateful I was able to climb out of the muck pond quickly today, grateful I qualified for the fitness program, and grateful for a good chance of rain tonight.

Woke up to light rain this morning. You can almost hear the prairie drinking it all in. It was so needed and appreciated. We could use another round or two or three of it. We have another chance for more rain later this evening.

Kathy and I went to Wichita today to have lunch at Chipotle and then do some shopping at Costco. We hit Chipotle at the right time as there was a very short line. Five minutes after we got our food the line backed up and stayed that way while we were there.

Costco was easy. I got the things on my list plus a few other things. I like knowing the chicken I eat most days is stocked in the freezer again. My cleaning supplies are well stocked again too.

The drive to and from Costco was easy. The hills are beautiful right now and we enjoyed watching the blue skies peak out between the clouds. The clouds and sun played peek-a-boo and cast shadows in places across the hills.

I took a nap when we got home. I kept falling asleep in my chair and finally decided if I was going to sleep I would be more comfortable laying down. It felt good to take a nap. I have not been sleeping well lately and needed a bit more rest this afternoon.

No plans for tomorrow. I think I get to stay home all day. Saturday a friend is coming for a visit and another friend will be coming over to visit with them. No plans for Sunday. By the looks of the grass growing quickly, I will probably be out on the mower Sunday. It is nice the see the grass finally growing and getting thick.

Hoping the urge to clean the house hits me and I can get some cleaning done tomorrow. I had to move my chair today as I was looking for something and noticed how much dirt there is under the chair. It has been a bit since I have cleaned again and the dust and dirt is getting thick. I just haven’t felt good enough to clean lately. There is always tomorrow though!

I finally started me higher dose of thyroid medication today. Sure hope it helps bring my TSH levels down. I will have them tested five weeks from today to see if the new levels are working. I have gained weight even though I am not eating too far off plan. I haven’t been moving my body much as I don’t have much energy. I’m getting tired of being tired. The medication should help some but it is going to continue to take time for the levels to drop back into a more normal level.

Life feels a bit like a slow motion video these days. Time seems to be going slower and I feel a bit like I am walking through knee high sand. My emotions seem flat and slow too. It is hard to describe to others how this feels. I’m sure this is due to the elevated TSH levels. This is the first time this has happened to me. When I had the thyroid storm when this whole thing was medically diagnosed for the first time, my TSH level was 0.003. Two weeks ago it was 22.385. My desired range is 1.5 – 2.5. Yikes! At the lowest range everything in my body happens at an extremely fast pace – heart rate, blood pressure, metabolism, etc. At this end everything is in slow motion and takes extra effort to do anything.

Grateful the Costco run got done today, grateful for Kathy’s company today, and grateful for the beautiful, green hills that are the Flint Hills.

It was so nice to get some heavy rain on the prairie last night. Several storms rolled through bringing wind, rain and lightning and thunder. We didn’t get any heavy stuff other than some 50 MPH wind. My power blinked off and on several times but managed to come back on each time. My rain gauge is down so not sure how much we got but guessing over an inch. The grass looks greener already.

I didn’t fall asleep until after 5:00 this morning. I just could not fall asleep last night. I slept till 9:00 and gave up. This is the third or fourth night in a row where sleep was hard to find. I may need to turn the A/C on to cool my bedroom down and see if that would help. I’m getting desperate for sleep.

Went to Emporia and picked up two prescriptions that were ready. I took the back roads home as the road construction was backed up from the roundabout to way past Fanestil’s going west and I didn’t want to deal with it. It was a pretty day to take the gravel roads.

I’m anxious to see if the higher dose of my thyroid medication will help bring my TSH levels down. I forget that part of my lack of energy and motivation is because of the high TSH levels I have right now. I’m tired of moving like a turtle and not feeling like doing anything.

I hadn’t closed the chicken door last night but they seem to have survived the storm just fine. They are finally spending more time outside during the day then they do inside. I have started filling their watering container that is outside so they have lots of water to drink. They sure like to drink the dirty water when I dump out their watering containers.

I realized today that I am about two months out from getting eggs. The countdown is on! It will be a good day on the prairie when the first ones lay their eggs. I’m anxious to see what color of egg the Easter Eggers will lay.

Tomorrow Kathy and I are going to Wichita to eat at Chipotle and then go to Costco. I invited some other friends to go with us but don’t know if they are riding along or not. There is a chance for some rain tomorrow mid morning so we will see what happens. If the storms look threatening we will cancel the trip. I don’t need anything that urgently to risk driving through heavy rain.

I have started binge watching A Million Little Things on Hulu. If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it. They deal with some sensitive issues such as cancer, suicide and depression in a way that is good for us to help bring them to light.

The lady from the KU research center called me when I was down doing chicken chores. I called her back and had to leave her a message but she didn’t return the call. I’m sure she will call tomorrow. She said in her phone message that I may qualify for at least one of the studies. We shall see what happens.

Sitting with some restlessness today. My week has had lots of empty space and I am feeling the lack of purpose in my life today. it sure I am ready to jump into anything yet so will continue to sit with the empty space and allow it to be what it is. Filling my time with things that make me feel busy but have no real purpose other than that doesn’t satisfy me. I’m sure when the timing is right, something is headed my way that will bring a sense of being and doing the right thing at the right time.

Grateful for the rain the prairie received last night, grateful for what sleep I was finally able to get, and grateful it won’t be long before I start getting eggs from my chickens.

Rain has arrived on the prairie – at last! Hip hip, hooray! By the looks of radar it may pull up a chair and stay awhile. I invite it to stay all night.

The power has flickered on and off several times already. Hoping the lights will stay on during this wind and storm but it is not uncommon for them to go out during a storm. Small price to pay for rain!

I was going to go to Emporia to go to a movie this afternoon but changed my mind when I looked at radar and saw the storm moving in. I love to watch storms but prefer to do so from the safety of my house. I didn’t want my car to get hailed on while I was at a movie.

I read an article that informed me that KU Med Center is looking for volunteers that are 65 and over to participate in a research program. They will pay your fees to go to the Emporia Fitness Center and will give you an exercise program to follow. I filled out the information and sent it in. This afternoon a person called and took down some information and then sent me a questionnaire to fill out. I filled it out and will wait and see if I qualify for their study.

I think I would stick with an exercise program if I knew someone was counting on me to do so. I need a big push to get my ass up and moving and this may be it. I will see if I qualify. Not sure what they are looking for.

I am going to keep this short today as I expect the power to go off anytime now. The hail is just now starting along with the heavy rain. Stay safe everyone!

So very grateful for the rain that is falling on the prairie right now, grateful for the potential of an exercise program, and grateful for radar that helps me make informed decisions.

Another beautiful day on the prairie. Not quite so hot today as it was over the weekend but plenty warm for me. We missed the rain last night. It went north of us. Saw lots of lightning and heard lots of thunder but nothing to show for it.

We have a 60% chance for rain overnight and into tomorrow. Not sure I would place any money and make a bet that we will get measurable rain though.

I went to Emporia a little after noon today to pick up a grocery order from Walmart. The prescription that I had hoped would be there today didn’t come in. They were out of milk and I didn’t check the allow substitutes box. So I had to stop at Good Savers for milk and a bag of ice. Came home and put everything away.

Tomorrow I am going to go to the movies with some friends. The new Judy Blume movie is showing and it is $5 movie day. It will be fun to get out and spend some time with some friends. I’m hoping my prescription will be in and I can pick it up tomorrow so I don’t have to make a trip to town later this week to get it.

When I went down to give the chickens some fresh water all of them were outside. Good to see them out. I dumped their watering containers into the water hole in their yard and then filled them with fresh, cool water. The chickens enjoyed getting in the watering hole and drinking the dirty water. Silly chickens!

My neighbor let me know how much I owe him for the gravel he ordered for our shared driveway. I need to get a check in the mail to him tomorrow.

The company that manages one of my rental properties let me know the flooring in the kitchen and dining room needs replace. The easiest option is to replace the tile floor with vinyl flooring at a cost of $2,900. Yikes! This is the same property that I had to spend over $14,000 on last year. I sure hope this is the only major expense I have with the rentals this year. I was just digging out of the hole the expense last year caused.

One drawback of rentals is you can’t always count on the properties to make money. Stuff happens and things need replaced or repaired. Usually after a bad year I have a good year with them but we shall see what happens the rest of the year.

Since it is to be a bit cooler tomorrow morning I think I will clean out the chicken coop. Maybe planning to do that will make it rain tomorrow. I’ll do whatever it takes at this point for us to get rain. The chicks have been in the big house for a month now and I like to clean the coop out monthly. It is a much easier job when I stay on top of it and don’t let it go too long between cleanings. They enjoy having fresh linens (straw) to rearrange and play with.

Still haven’t heard from the plumber or guttering guys. What is it with these guys? Is returning a call too much to ask? I get so frustrated dealing with them. Doesn’t seem to be a very professional way to run a business.

I need to put something on my calendar for this summer to look forward to. I haven’t been on a vacation since last August. I have my big trip to Europe in September but need somewhere to go before then. The heat of the summer gets to me and I need to go someplace cool to escape it for a bit. I won’t have my annual trip to Estes Park to look forward to this year so need to come up with something else to do. I am itching to go on a road trip somewhere.

It has been good to have some empty space days at home. I haven’t gotten much done but I can tell I have been able to refill myself.

Grateful groceries and bought and put away for the week, grateful to have a date with friends tomorrow, and grateful for the potential of traveling this summer.

Another hot spring day in KS. Summer is making an early appearance. Not a fan of hot weather. Way too early to turn the air on but I was tempted today. It is to rain this week and things will cool down a bit.

I mowed some last night and then finished most of it up today. I came in dripping sweat and had to take a shower to cool down. I go from freezing to over heating very easily these days. Hard to find my comfort range. It was hard mowing again today as it is so dry that the grass still hasn’t come in all over and it is hard to tell where I have mowed and where I need to go. Rain, rain please come and pull up a chair and stay awhile. We could use three to four inches.

Felt good to get outside today and mow. The yard is so bumpy though. There was a couple of times I thought I was going to fly off the mower I bounced so high off the seat. My shoulder is a bit sore tonight from holding on so tight so that didn’t happen.

I told Kathy today that if we don’t get rain this time around we are going to have to have a drum circle and drum for rain. I hosted one a couple years ago that worked. We are getting to a dangerous situation if we don’t get rain soon.

I am working on a grocery order on-line. I am trusting that my new thyroid medication will be in tomorrow and I will have to go to town to pick it up. Since I am going to town I figured I would place a grocery order. I don’t need much this time but I like to make the trips to town count if possible.

Nothing on my calendar for this week. I do want to get to Wichita or KC to go to Costco one day this week but we shall see if that happens. It has been nice staying home today. I needed some empty space and quiet time to refill myself again.

I watched the movie on Netflix today called A Man Called Otto today that starred Tom Hanks. Highly recommend if you haven’t seen it. It reminded me how important it is to reach out to your neighbors and not to give up on people. Kindness to others goes a long way.

Just got my Grandfather clock running again. I had forgotten to wind it and it stopped. I happen to notice the time and it was close to the time the clock had stopped. It is time consuming to reset it if you don’t catch it close to the time it is when it stops. I’m going to have to put a reminder on my calendar to wind it weekly.

In four months I leave for England and my three-week adventure to England, Scotland and Ireland. It still feels a long ways away but I bet the time between now and then will go by quickly and it will be here before I know it. I need to do some research on the cities where I will be staying and make a list of the things I want to do in each city. I will have lots of free time to do whatever and it would help if I know what I want to see. Sometimes you can book day tours ahead of time and they can get you where you want to go.

I need to talk to Ellexia and see if she wants to go on an adventure with me this summer. I took Tagen when he turned 10 on a trip to New York and CT and promised Ellexia one too when she turned 10. We still haven’t done it due to Covid. She got to see the ocean earlier this year with her parents. She does want to fly wherever we go as she has never flown before. Disney has gotten so crowded and expensive I’m not sure I want to take her there. I’ll have to put my thinking cap on and think of a kid friendly place to take her to.

I watched a documentary today about death and dying and it reminded me how important the work I could be doing with end of life care planning is. As a society I don’t think we talk enough about death and don’t do a good job of handling it when it happens. It is the one thing we all have in common – we are all going to die one day. Denying that reality doesn’t change things and makes it harder for our loved ones when it does happen if we haven’t shared our desires for how we want that time to look like for ourselves.

Grateful the yard is mowed, grateful we have chances for rain over the next couple of days and grateful for a stay at home day.

I went to Emporia and took my grandson out to lunch. He has grown up and it was a pleasure spending time with him. He even put his phone away while we were at lunch so we could talk undisturbed. How sweet is that?

I stopped and got a bag of ice and then came home. I didn’t have any other errands to do while I was in town.

It is in the mid 90’s today. It is windy and hot outside. I even took my sweater off when I went to town. The restaurant was cold for me though. This heat might help pull in a thunderstorm later. It it accomplishes that it will be worth the heat.

Still haven’t decided if I am going to Pioneer Bluffs for the barn dance this evening. Kathy went with some friends to a sing-a-long and then they were going to the barn dance. It my be too peoply for me to go tonight. We shall see.

I need to go out and mow but it is so windy and hot I hate the thought of it. I might wait and do it tomorrow. Unfortunately it is to be hot and windy again tomorrow. Maybe I will just go out and get part of it done today and then finish it up tomorrow.

Feeling a bit unsettled today and not sure what it is about. I have a empty week ahead of me that feels overwhelming in a funny way. Not sure how I want to fill my days these days. I am struggling to find balance between too much on my calendar and nothing.

I know there is a purpose in all of this but haven’t figured out what it is yet. I guess I am back in that in-between time. It always feels a bit awkward to me when I find myself there. I will eventually settle in to in and open myself to the lessons it has for me.

Grateful for my grandson and being able to spend some one-on-one time with him, grateful for life lessons, and grateful I trust what is ahead for me.

We got a few sprinkles this morning but not enough to amount to much. Dang it anyways. Mid week next week we have another chance for more rain. May have to call a circle gathering and drum the rain to us.

I made the grandkids Chex Mix this afternoon. Ellexia loves that stuff. I anticipated they might ask for it again and had the stuff on hand to make it. I froze half of what I made so I can fulfill the next request they make for it. It is easy to make but has gotten expensive lately.

I took the Chex Mix to them this afternoon. I got to see both kiddos. Tagen had just gotten his haircut. It had gotten really long. I like it better short and was glad to see he cut most of it off.

I met a new friend (male) in town. We did a little over half of the Art Walk downtown and then went to dinner together. It was a very pleasant evening. The weather was perfect – not too hot or too cold. We had dinner at Union Social and as expected was outstanding. I swear I don’t know how Amanda pulls it off so perfectly each and every time. The food was great, the service was great and the place was clean. You can’t ask for anything more.

It was nice having company for dinner. We may go out again but it won’t ever be more than just two friends having dinner. We didn’t run out of things to talk about although we don’t have a lot in common.

Tagen wants me to take him out for lunch tomorrow so he is going to call me when he is ready and I will go to town and meet him for lunch. That will be fun. I enjoy eating out with the grandkids.

It was a pleasant evening out. Not sure I am ready for the whole dating scene yet and certainly not ready for a serious relationship. It was fun to have company for dinner and get to know another human. I have been rather isolated for the last six months and it is nice to get back out not the world. I came home tired though and am grateful I have a quiet week ahead.

Tomorrow night is a barn dance at Pioneer Bluffs. Kathy and I have talked about going but not sure what we will do. Going out always sounds fun until it is time to go and then I talk myself out of it. I will see how I am feeling tomorrow night and then decide if I want to go. I know I would have a good time if I went but I also know I don’t want to get so drained it takes me days to refill.

I had a discussion with the guy I was with tonight about end of life care planning. It made me realize again how important that work is and how much I could help others if I get back into doing it. I really need to review my class information and find the motivation to pick that up again. So many people need to get their plans made and don’t know where to start in doing so. I can help them and would enjoy doing so.

Maybe that was the purpose of this “date” tonight. Sometimes the universe works in weird ways to get my attention and that could well have been the reason this “date” came to being. Thanks universe, I needed that reminder.

Grateful to get to see both grandkids today, grateful for the nice evening out, and grateful to have been reminded about my end of life care planning knowledge.

This day had an unexpected turn of events. My alarm went off at 6:30 so I could get up and get to town by 8:00. As I was turning the alarm off on my phone I noticed I had a text. It was from the girl that was to have cleaned my teeth. She was sick today and had to cancel the appointment.

I stayed in bed for a bit but was unable to go back to sleep. I had one of those nights that I was up for a few minutes or longer every hour. Just couldn’t find good sleep again last night.

It felt like the Universe gave me a day off today so I took full advantage and did nothing all day. I even fell asleep in my corner recliner this afternoon. Got better sleep in the hour I napped than I did all night last night.

It sprinkled for about five minutes today but that was all the rain we got. We have a slight chance for some more rain overnight but it doesn’t look too promising. Dang, we need rain badly. The ground crunches when I walk over it to go to my mail box.

Tomorrow Cody has a field day at his school. I am not sure I will go in. Part of it will depend on the weather. It is to be in the low to mid 60’s which isn’t horrible but if it is windy it will be too cold for me.

My Endocrinologist office called today and they decided to increase my thyroid medication after all. They got the report from the Cardiologist and decided to make a change. The pharmacy had to order the new higher dose of Tirosint and will let me know when they get it in. They usually get it the next day so may have to go to town tomorrow and pick that up. I am to have my TSH levels checked in 4 – 6 weeks after I start the new dosage. I hope the higher level of Tirosint helps bring down my TSH. I am tired of being cold most of the time. I have very little energy or motivation to do anything and feel like a lump on a log. And this too shall pass…..

My Uncle Jack turns 90 this month. Kathy got him a silly card and asked me if I wanted to sign it too. I told Uncle Jack now that he is 90 he can consider himself an old man! He is a jokester and will laugh at that. He is the last of my Uncles. Mom still has two sister that are alive and doing well.

My brain feels like it is in slow motion today. Having trouble holding on to a thought. Not a good day to make any decisions or do anything that needs concentration of any sort. Guess I will continue letting it be a do nothing day and trust that tomorrow will be an easier day for me.

Grateful for my Uncle Jack, grateful for an unexpected day at home, and grateful I have the luxury of doing nothing today.

Happy birthday dad. He would have been 97 today. I think of him daily and feel him beside me many times, especially when I have gotten myself into a mess. He had more common sense than anyone I have ever known. When I ask for his help to get me out of a mess, he always seems to find a way to get a message to me about how to fix something.

I went to the Cardiologist in Topeka this morning. I had to drive through six construction zones in the 61 miles to his office. Made the trip seem longer than it was.

The Cardiologist didn’t do anything other than tell me I only need to get concerned if my heart rate doesn’t raise after movement. If it stays below 50 when I am up and moving then I am to go see him again. He didn’t seem to think dropping below 40 at night was a problem, nor was the skipping of a beat occasionally.

He was so cute. His wife delivered twin boys last week. They were early so they are in NICU for a couple of weeks. He told me he was terrified at the thought of bringing them home. He is going to take paternity leave for six to eight weeks to help care for them once they get home. They named them Henri and Ethan. I think he was floating on air the whole time I talked to him.

I stopped at Chipotle and had lunch and then came home. It was a short trip up and back and I was only gone a little over three and one half hours. The doctor’s office was running on time and I got called back a bit early and it only took 10 minutes with the doctor.

I didn’t sleep well again last night. I may take a nap again today although I would rather stay up and go to bed early. I have to be in Emporia at 8:00 in the morning so will have to get up at 6:30. I may be in bed by 8:00 tonight if I don’t take a nap. I live an exciting life these days.

What a beautiful day on the prairie. It is in the mid 70’s and no wind on the prairie today. I might go out and paint for a bit when I finish blogging. Rain is in the forecast for the next few days so this might be my only chance for this week. I want to get some of the floor of the deck painted to see how that paint is going to hold up and to give me an idea of how much paint I am going to need.

I am looking forward to Friday and having a stay at home day. I don’t have plans for the weekend unless I decide to go to the barn dance at Pioneer Bluffs Saturday night. The grandkids mentioned something about coming out this weekend but we will see if they do. Next week I don’t have anything on my calendar yet either. I need some empty space days.

Got yet another bill from my divorce attorney. I am hoping this is the last one. I texted my plumber to ask if the kitchen faucet has come in but I haven’t heard back. I called the guttering guy and they are to call me back. Sure wish I could wrap up all three of these things and cross them off my pending list.

Not feeling very motivated to do anything again today. Not sure if it because of my high TSH levels or if something else is going on. I will push myself to get some painting done and see if that helps get me out of this rut I seem to be in. Sometimes I need to sit and let things be and sometimes I need to push through. Sometimes I can’t tell which I should do.

I do need to clean out the chicken coop sometime next week. They have been out there for a month almost. They are about 3/4 the size of a grown chicken now. Two more months and I will start getting eggs. It is hard to wait for the reward of the work of raising chicks.

Feeling a bit lost and rocky this afternoon. Thinking I am just tired and need a good night’s sleep. I feel a bit like a boat floating on the sea without a map to guide me. And this too shall pass.

Grateful for a clean bill of health from the Cardiologist, grateful for a safe trip to and from Topeka, and grateful for some empty space days ahead.

This has been a lazy day for me. Felt tired and non motivated all day. I even took a short nap this afternoon. Not sure why I was so tired today but just couldn’t muster much energy today.

I did go to town early evening. I needed to fill the car with gas so I am ready to go to Topeka tomorrow. I stopped and got a few things from the grocery store, ate dinner at Bruff’s and then went to Cody’s first grade music program at William White School.

The program was very short and only lasted about 20 minutes. Cody was trilled to see me there so I’m glad I went. He had quite a cheering section as about 10 of us were there to watch him perform. He had the wiggles tonight and had trouble standing still.

It was good to see some of Melissa’s family at the program. I am finally sorting out who is who and they feel like family to me now.

The road construction to Emporia is a pain. I had to wait about five minutes before I could turn on to Highway 50 from V Rd as there was a long long of cars that had gotten backed up due to the construction. Luckily I only had to wait about five minutes before I could proceed through the one-line part of the highway. It adds about 20 minutes to the time it takes me to get to town and get home.

Tomorrow I have to be at the Cardiologist office at 10:15 for my 10:30 appointment. I think I am wasting my time going but will go and see what he has to say. He had told me to come back if anything changed and it did but he rarely takes anything too seriously. I will have a nice lunch afterwards at Chipotle so it will be worth the trip to Topeka.

It was another beautiful spring day on the prairie. It only warmed up to the low 60’s though so a touch cool for me. The wind was still present but not quite as strong as yesterday. The clouds were bright blue and no clouds to be seen. There is a bit of a haze on the horizon so the sunset will be orange tonight.

I realized when I sat down to blog that I haven’t even gathered up the trash and taken it down to the curb yet today. I usually do that early afternoon. I am off my game today for some reason. I still need to go down and lock up the chickens for the night too. Hope I remember to do both of those things when I get done writing.

I untangled a hose today and watered some of the plants that I planted last week. They were looking a little sad. I need to carry some water down to the tomato and zucchini plants and give them a big drink too. We are not getting our spring rains so far this year. We have a 70% chance for rain Thursday and Friday this week so hoping we will get some then. I wouldn’t bet on it though. At least the low for the next ten days isn’t to be below 57 so more spring like weather is headed our way. It is almost warm enough at night that I won’t have to close the chicken coop door at night.

Next week I don’t have anything on my calendar so far. It will be good to have a quiet week at home. Last week and this week seemed to have filled in and I haven’t had many quiet days at home. It has been to get out but I think I have overbooked myself after staying home for so long. I will finally get to Costco next week and get that taken care of. Maybe I can find a friend to ride along with me and make it a fun day out.

Sitting in a good head space tonight even though I am feeling a bit drained. I can tell I need several days at home to get fully refilled again. Overall though I am pleased with how well I did with my busy schedule last week and this week. I have managed to stay level emotionally and not fall into the muck pond.

Grateful for Cody and the joy he brings his family, grateful for a short nap today, and grateful for this beautiful spring day.

I went to Emporia High at 1:00 to watch Ellexia play in another tennis tournament. Today she won one out of three sets. She had quite the support system there today as her parents, brother and his girlfriend, Papa and Nancy and myself were there. It was fun watching her compete. It was a good day to sit out and watch her play. I had to keep my heavy coat on most of the time though as the wind made it feel cooler than it was.

Craig and Nancy took the kids and myself out to dinner when the tennis tournament was over. We went to Panda Express. It was nice to get to spend some time with all of them.

Ellexia told me one of the three players she played against today cheated. She wasn’t sure how to handle it and finally decided to not let him get to her and that it really didn’t matter who won. That situation sure puts the kids in a hard place. Do you make a deal out of it or not and if you do make a deal out of it who do you take it to? Tennis can help these kids learn lots of life lessons.

I saw a dear friend of mine at the tournament. He told me his wife has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and is struggling with her short term memory. My heart breaks for him and for her and the journey they have in front of them. What a cruel disease Alzheimer’s is. It is so painful to watch them go through this and know it is going to get worse for them.

I came home really tired. Sitting out in the sunshine and wind wore me out. I had trouble falling asleep last night and didn’t get as much sleep as I would have liked. It may be a very early bedtime for me tonight.

I’m hoping the wind will calm down tomorrow so I can get out and paint for a bit. It has been too windy the last couple of days to paint. We shall see what happens. I don’t have anything on my calendar tomorrow except a music program at a grade school that my grandson is singing in. Not sure I will make it in for that. I hated those things when my kids were in them and made myself go to them back then. Not sure I can make myself go to more of them.

I will need to run to town tomorrow to deposit a rent check. Not sure I have anything else to do in town and hate to go to town just for one thing. Maybe I can think of something else to do while I am in town.

Wednesday I have to go to Topeka to my cardiologist appointment in the morning. I will probably go to Chipotle for lunch afterwards as that is my favorite place to eat. I can’t think of anything I need from a big city so don’t have any other errands to do while I am in Topeka.

Thursday I am getting my teeth cleaned at the Vo-Tech at 8:00 in the morning. That is way too early for me these days. Not sure why I agreed to that early time. I don’t get up and moving that early most days.

I still need to get to Costco in either KC or Wichita one of these days soon. Not sure when I will work that in to my schedule. I need some stay at home days and don’t like to over book myself. I will get there sooner or later.

I let the chicks out this morning before I went to town to watch the tennis tournament. I’ll go down closer to dusk and lock them up. Not sure if they went out in the wind today or not.

My neighbor let me know I have gravel coming for the driveway later this week. I appreciate him arranging the delivery of it. I have a spot on the driveway that has really washed out since last time we got gravel a year or two ago. It will be good to get that little project taken care of.

I need to call the guttering guy and the plumber tomorrow and follow up with each of them on those two pending jobs. I hate being a nag but I can’t get them out here unless I nag. I want both of those things crossed off my pending list.

Still sitting in a good head’s space. I didn’t get drained today at the tennis tournament. I am tired but that feels physical and not emotionally tired. My high thyroid levels have been making me feel more fatigue than usual. I will be grateful when they settle back down and I feel more like myself again. It feels it has been awhile since that has happened.

The pace of my life seems to have picked up and I am not staying home so much. Not sure if that is a good thing or not. It does feel good to be getting out more but I miss staying home more. Balance is my key word for the year and finding the balance between staying home and getting out can be a challenge. I guess as long as I am staying “full” when I am out and about I am doing OK. If I start coming home feeling drained often I will know that I am out and away too much.

Grateful to have spent time with family today, grateful the blue skies and beautiful weather today, and grateful I can stay home most of tomorrow.

What a wonderful evening. Four friends joined Kathy and I for a steak dinner at our house. I fixed grilled zucchini, baked white and sweet potatoes, an apple salad, rolls and grilled steak. We had the best time visiting and relaxing together. I need to remember to invite friends over more often. It is so fun!

Both guests were gone by the time I got up this morning. I stripped the two beds and washed the sheets and towels. I haven’t gotten downstairs yet to put the beds back together but will take care of that tomorrow. No rush as I don’t have more guests coming until June 1.

Didn’t do much today other than the guest laundry and fix dinner. Steak dinner is about as easy as it gets. I should have cleaned house a bit but didn’t. Hope the guests didn’t notice the dust too much. They all lived in the country too so have made peace living with dust like I have.

Tomorrow I have to be in town at 1:00 to watch my granddaughter play in a tennis tournament. At least this one is in Emporia and I won’t have to drive far to see her. I hope it isn’t as windy tomorrow as it was today. We had a 47.2 MPH wind gust today. Yikes! It was colder than I expected it to be today. I’m not sure the temperature reached much over 60 today. Come back spring!

I didn’t let the chicks out today. It was cold and too windy for them. They have been a bit shy about going outside and don’t seem to like the wind. Hopefully tomorrow it will be calmer and they can get outside to play.

I almost fell asleep in my chair today. Not sure why I am so tired today. I had trouble falling asleep last night but finally got several hours of good sleep. I probably should have given in and taken a nap but I really don’t want to start that habit again. I’ll give up and go to bed early tonight and maybe tonight I will be able to fall asleep quickly.

I’m in a good head space tonight. This is the first time in a long time I have had guests for dinner. I so enjoyed having a house full of guests for a meal. Cooking for six is easy for me and doesn’t feel like work. The conversation was light and fun during and after dinner. I was surprised how fast three hours went by. Cleanup was even easy afterwards. Maybe I will remember to invite them back again soon.

Grateful for friends in the neighborhood, grateful for dishwashers that make cleanup easy, and grateful dinner was a success.

Jason came out this morning to pick up some hamburger. We had a nice long visit. I love when my kids come out and I get a chance for some one-on-one time with them. He took home some Ritz cracker treats too.

After he left I went to Emporia and dropped off the other pan of Ritz Cracker treats at Michelle’s house. I invited them out to lunch but no one took me up on my offer. Both Tagen and Ellexia were busy. Tagen let me know he would for sure eat the treats though. I had to laugh!

I stopped and had lunch and then went to the grocery store. I decided to invite some friends over for dinner tomorrow night and needed to pick up a few things. I came home after that.

Went out and mowed this afternoon. At first it was nice mowing but as the afternoon progressed the wind got in a bigger hurry. I almost got done but had to quit. I was worn out from the wind. We had a 30.9 MPH wind gust this late afternoon. I couldn’t keep my hat on my head.

I stopped when I was almost half way done mowing and planted the flowers I had gotten Thursday. I got one zucchini plant and two tomato plants I planted too. We shall see if they grow and produce. I do not have a green thumb. I had to go to the hardware store in Strong City to get a trowel to plant with. Mine disappeared. I think Jim must have taken it when he left. Oh well, I have a new one now. It was good to get the flowers in the ground. I will need to put on my calendar a reminder to water them a couple days a week.

I had let the chickens outside late morning. I stopped mowing when I was down by the coop to lock them in for the night and one girl came out. I chased her around the coop a couple of times and gave up. I went back down later and was able to get them all locked inside. They are starting to like coming out but the sound of the mower scared them and they went back in.

I am dusty and dirty this evening. I blew my nose and it was black snot from all the dust. My eyes are burning and are itchy. I may need to take a shower tonight before I take my bath or the bath water will be too dirty to enjoy soaking in.

Tomorrow I will need to clean house a bit and make a few things for dinner. I am grilling steaks and zucchini and will bake some potatoes and call it good. I may make a dessert if I can think of one to make. It will be fun to have some friends over for dinner. I love when that happens but forget to invite people over.

One guest has shown up for the night and the other one was going to enjoy the block party downtown tonight and then come out. They will both leave tomorrow so I will have two bedrooms and a bathroom to clean sometime. No guests coming for a bit so no rush to get the rooms cleaned.

I am tired tonight from being outside all afternoon. It felt good to get outside for a bit. The yard is very bumpy this year and I feel a bit bruised and sore from bouncing on the mower. We are so dry and need a good hard, long rain. Parts of the yard still don’t have much grass and it was hard to tell where I mowed.

It felt good to have a productive day. I had sat in my corner chair way too much lately. I have struggled to find the motivation to move but am reminded today how much better I feel when I do.

Grateful the yard is mowed, grateful the flowers are planted, and grateful Tagen will eat all the treats for sure!

We are getting a bit of rain on the prairie this afternoon. Not much yet and not much in the forecast but at this point we will take every drop that will come our way.

I stayed home today. I have been out and about every day this week and I needed a stay home day. I don’t like driving in the rain so it was a good day to stay home and sit in front of the fire.

I made Tagen his Ritz Cracker Peanut Butter treats this morning. I’ll take then in to him tomorrow. Other than making the treats I did three loads of laundry. Other than that, I haven’t done anything today. It has been a rest and recovery type of day.

I sent a note to the Endocrinologist last night about the high TSH level. She told me the Paxlovid caused my levels to jump. Nothing they can do for it medication wise. The levels will eventually go down but it is hard to tell how long it will take. She told me to take good care and not climb ladders, etc. I am a high fall risk right now due to my blood pressure dropping low and my heart rate being low. Last night my blood pressure was 96/53 and my heart rate was 37. I am to drink lots of fluids to help flush out my system but other than that there isn’t much that can be done. My system is moving at turtle speed and is very slow. I need to slow down to match it.

I took a pity party day today and am allowing this information to soak in and let me get to a point where I can accept my new reality. Tomorrow I will pull on my big girl panties and deal with it. Trusting this is a temporary situation and my levels will drop sooner rather than later. I will have my levels checked again in six weeks and see where we are at.

I only had one guest last night and will only have one guest tonight. The other one got a new puppy and he played his round this morning and then went back home so he could have puppy time. What fun a new puppy is. I remember those days but not sure I want to go back to them. New puppies are a lot of work to train properly.

Kathy got a gate to put across the stairs so Louis has to stay downstairs. The gate wasn’t up two minutes before Louis figured out a way around it. Dang that cat anyways. Not sure what Plan B will be.

No plans for the weekend. I will have one guest until Sunday and maybe a second guest tomorrow night. We shall see what happens. After they both are gone Sunday I will have two bedrooms and a bathroom to clean. That won’t take long.

Next week I have a Cardiologist appointment in Topeka on Wednesday and get my teeth cleaned at the Vo-Tech on Thursday morning. I will go watch Ellexia play tennis Monday afternoon and on Tuesday evening Cody has a school program. I will probably go to either Wichita or KC to go to Costco one day next week. It will be another busy week for me.

Still feeling a bit discouraged with my high TSH levels. At least I know why it happened now and that it wasn’t something I could have prevented. I don’t like when my body doesn’t function well. Guess I must have needed yet another lesson on patience and accepting what is. I will get there! Sometimes it takes me a day or two to get there.

I had no idea when they removed my thyroid I would have this much trouble. I’m grateful they did as that is how they discovered the cancer and they got it out before the cancer spread. Your thyroid is a vital organ and without it life can get complicated. Grateful I am alive to deal with the complications. I’m sure they will all get sorted out sooner or later.

Grateful to know what caused the high TSH levels, grateful for the rain, and grateful for a stay at home day.

I went to town a little after noon today. My first stop was at the Register of Deeds office. I needed to file four Quit Claim Deeds. The lady that helped me was efficient and made it easy.

Next stop was to Bobby-D’s for lunch. It was fast, good and great service.

I then went to the Medical Clinic to have a blood draw. I didn’t feel the needle going in and I didn’t have to wait. Good job ladies!

I picked up four bags of chick feed from Bluestem. They loaded it on the cart and then put it in my car for me. That was easy!

I stopped at Walmart and picked up my grocery order. I had 300 pounds of feed in the back of my car as I purchased two big bags of dog food along with the four bags of chick feed. My car was full! It took a bit to carry it all in after I got home.

I got the results of my TSH test. My level was over 21! That is by far the highest it has ever been. Not sure what is going on as I haven’t skipped a dose and have taken it at least one hour before I eat breakfast. This explains why I am struggling to lose weight, slow heart rate, am cold all the time, and don’t have much energy. I wonder what the doctor will do about it. The T4 Free level was in the normal range but barely above the lowest end. It has never been this low before. Something has changed but not sure what is causing the change. I’m sure we will get it all sorted out sooner or later.

I’m wondering if my level is extremely high because I had Covid and took Paxlovid. When I had my level checked six weeks ago prior to me having Round Two with Covid my level was a bit over 3. I will call the doctor’s office in the morning if they don’t call me. Feeling a bit overwhelmed and frustrated with the results. I can’t think of anything I have done wrong in taking my medication that would have caused these results.

I am tired this afternoon. For some reason town wore me out today. I didn’t even have to manhandle the sacks of feed or go shopping for groceries. I came home a bit cranky and then found out my TSH level is completely out of range. Dang! Give this girl a break.

Traffic to Emporia is a pain right now. It took an extra 20 minutes to get to town but I hit it right coming home and it only took five extra minutes. There is also construction at 6th and Prairie and it took me a couple of lights to get through that intersection.

We only got light rain last night. Not sure we even got 0.10 total. The ground was barely wet this morning and the dust is still blowing. We have another chance for rain tomorrow afternoon. Fingers and toes crossed that we get several inches (sorry disc golf players).

I need to send a note to my kids. I am craving a family day. It has been a while since we have had one. With everyone besides me working and some work weekends, it is hard to find a time when we can all get together.

Tagen has requested some chocolate covered ritz crackers with peanut butter. I got his request in time to add the needed ingredients to my grocery list today. I will get those made up this evening or tomorrow and take them in to him.

Still haven’t decided about going to Costco tomorrow. I am tired and grumpy this afternoon and not wanting to leave the house. I have put myself in time-out for a bit. Maybe things will feel different tomorrow and I will go. We shall see. I don’t have anything that I am completely out of so I can put the trip off for a couple more days or even a week.

I have a guest coming in tonight. The other guy that has been here part of the week won’t be here tonight. They both should be staying Friday night and I’m not sure about Saturday night. It will depend on when their last round is on Saturday and how well they did.

Feeling a bit discouraged with the TSH levels. I had hoped the new medication regime would have leveled things out. Things will settle back down sooner or later. Maybe I needed another lesson on patience.

Grateful the chicks and dog’s food supply is stocked, grateful for on-line grocery ordering, and grateful the Quit Claim Deed process was quick and easy.

I had a beautiful drive over to Council Grove with a friend mid-day. We had a wonderful lunch at Hays House and then went to Grove Gardens. We loaded up the back of my car with flowering plants. I’m not sure what I bought but it will be fun to get them in the grown over the next couple of days.

It was a beautiful day for a drive through the Flint Hills. The pastures that were black from being burned a few weeks ago are covered with a blanket of green right now. The ponds are low though as we need rain badly.

We have a good chance of rain late afternoon. I wish it would rain all night long but not sure that is in the forecast. We missed the showers the other night – they were ever so close but went around us.

Tomorrow I have lots of errands to run in Emporia. I am picking up a grocery order from Walmart at 2:00. Before that I need to get four bags of chick feed from Bluestem, have a blood draw done, and go to the Courthouse to have four Quit Claim Deeds recorded. It will be good to get all those errands taken care of.

As I was doing my on-line grocery order last night, I realized I could order dog food. It is cheaper at Walmart than it is at Bluestem but I usually buy it at Bluestem as they load it in the car for me. Now with on-line shopping at Walmart they can load it in the car for me and I won’t have to fight with it to get it in and out of the shopping cart. I am becoming a big fan of on-line grocery shopping. I like knowing how much I am spending before I check out. It also reduces the amount of impulse shopping I do.

No plans for the weekend unless I decide to do a Costco run Friday or Saturday. I’m not sure what mood I will be in and if I will feel like big city energy. I have had a busy week and may need to stay home for a bit. I have to go to Topeka next Wednesday for a Cardiologist appointment and need to save energy for that. I have guests until Sunday so will need to make up a couple of bedrooms after they leave Sunday.

It looks like Sunday, Monday and Tuesday will be dry and sunny. As long as it isn’t too windy they may be good days to get at the deck painting project. I would love to get that project done before the heat of the summer sets in but weather has not been cooperating with me so far this spring. It has either been too cold or too windy most days.

If we get some rain over the next couple of days I will need to mow the yard. I still haven’t done a complete first mow of the yard. I did part of it and then gave up as I couldn’t tell where I had mowed. I have a huge crop of dandelions this year and there are hundreds of dandelion puffs in the yard. My mower doesn’t do a good job of cutting them off so the yard won’t look good even if I mow.

I realized today that I feel like I am back to sitting in the in between stage. I have cocooned the last six months at home and haven’t gotten out much or done much. I feel like this quiet time at home is going to come to an end and something new is coming in. Still not sure what is coming in but feel it coming. I’m sure that doesn’t make sense but that is the best I can do with words to describe what I am feeling. We shall see what develops and if my intuition is correct.

Came home not feeling drained today which is a good thing. I am making progress on being able to stay full when I get out and about. I was drained Monday when I came home but was able to refill and then stay full today. I will take that as a sign of healing progress.

Grateful for a friend that went to lunch with me today, grateful for the promise new plants bring, and grateful for the rain that is coming soon to the prairie.

I had a hard time falling asleep last night. Not sure why as usually my sleep aide works but it didn’t seem to last night. Hoping it was just an off night and I will sleep well tonight.

I went to the courthouse in Chase County today to get the Quit Claim Deeds recorded. The lady in the Register of Deeds department made it easy for me. I had to pay a $21 fee for each of them. No extra charge if you write a check. They pass on to the customer the credit/debit card convenience fee. I will go to the Lyon County Courthouse later this week. Decided not to make a special trip to town just for that this morning.

Drove to Junction City to watch Ellexia play in a tennis tournament. There weren’t too many parents/grandparents there watching which surprised me a bit. I stayed for an hour and a half and watched Ellexia play two games. She won one and lost one. She later won two more so she had a good day. This is her first year playing tennis.

I was surprised the kids refereed their own matches. There were no coaches or field judges to be seen. The kids all seemed to work it out and played fair on calling balls out. The courts looked new and I liked the way they were laid out. They had 20 courts in play at all times all afternoon. I never did figure out how the kids knew when to play and where but they seemed to find out when they needed to know.

I came home tired. I was pleased it wasn’t too cold sitting out watching the tennis players. I wore several layers of clothes and was comfortable. The temperature was in the mid 50’s and it was cloudy. It sprinkled three or four drops on my car on the way home but the rain stayed away.

Tomorrow I am picking up a friend and we are going to have lunch at the Hays House in Council Grove and then we are going plant shopping at Grove Gardens. That will be a fun outing for me.

Thursday I need to go to town to have a blood draw, go to the Courthouse and register four more Quit Claim Deeds, get chicken and dog food and pick up some groceries. Friday I think I am going to Wichita to go to Costco.

It has been nice to get out this week but I came home drained. I didn’t talk to anyone but Ellexia at the tennis tournament. I hadn’t sat outside for two hours for a while so thinking all the fresh air and lack of sleep last night wore me out. When I got home I had to sort some chicken feed and carry that down to the chicks. I opened my last bag so will need to get more this week.

Still feeling good with no Covid symptoms. I didn’t test today but see no reason to do so now. I am past the eight day window for a rebound case. My immunity should be good for the next two months or so. Here is to hoping I don’t go for three!

Feeling a bit restless tonight. Something feels different but not sure what it is. I sometimes get this way when a big change is headed my way. Not sure what type of change might be coming though. I have had enough change for a bit. Maybe I am changing from so much empty time to a more social time ahead. We shall see what develops – or not. It could be a bit of anxiety from getting out several days in a row this week.

Grateful to have gotten to watch Ellexia play tennis today, grateful the Quit Claim Deed process was easy, and grateful for a safe trip today.

I took Ellexia out to lunch today. It was good to get out! We went to Bruff’s. She likes their Chicken Fried Steak with mashed potatoes and extra gravy. She ate most of her dinner and took the rest home to eat this afternoon. I hadn’t seen her for a bit so it was nice to have some time with her.

I finished cleaning the house today and have it ready for my guests that are coming in this evening. One of them is on his way and I’m sure the other won’t be too far behind. It is nice to have guests again.

I got the quit claim deeds from my attorney today that Jim had to sign as part of the divorce. I have to take them to the Lyon County Courthouse and to the Chase County Courthouse to get them registered. Not sure how that works but guess I will find out tomorrow. While I am there I want to order a certified copy of the divorce papers. They don’t send them to you anymore as everything is done electronically but experience tells me that one day I will need a certified copy of them. I might as well get them ordered while I am at the Courthouse. Not sure how to do that either but I’m sure someone will point me to the correct department.

I am going to Junction City tomorrow to watch Ellexia play in a tennis tournament. It is to be cold and cloudy but I will wear lots of clothes and hopefully stay somewhat warm. She told me to take a chair in case the stands are full. She is playing singles tomorrow. She also has a tournament next Monday in Emporia but she didn’t know if she was playing in that one. It will be fun to watch her play.

Wednesday I am going with a friend to Council Grove for lunch and a visit to Grove Gardens. I want to get some flowers for the flower beds around the house. Hopefully the threat of frost is over for the year now and it will be safe to plant.

Thursday I have to go to Emporia to have my blood drawn for a thyroid level test. I think they are also going to do a Vitamin D level check. It has been a bit since they have checked that.

Friday I want to go to Costco and pick up some things. I invited a friend to go with me but she has other plans. Anyone want to ride along? I will stop for lunch and then spend an hour at Costco and then come home. It will be a short trip.

It is nice to have a busy week on my calendar after being home for the last two weeks. It felt good to eat out today and get out of the house. It feels even better to be feeling good again and to be able to get out. I tested negative again this morning so am free and clear of round two of Covid.

Just heard from the other guy that is coming and he won’t be here until Thursday evening. No worries. Glad he can get the time off work and play in the tournament.

When I got the papers from the attorney in the mail today I felt a bit drawn back into the chaos of last year. I am so grateful my wise therapist advised me to go no contact with Jim and stay that way for this year. Every time something comes up I feel myself dropping back into the chaos and pain of what happened. Luckily that doesn’t happen often and once I get this paperwork taken care tomorrow I should be back present in my body and spirit. Each time it happens it takes less time for me to recover and let go of the icky feelings.

The divorce has been final for almost four months now and I haven’t talked to or seen Jim for over six months. Time does help heal me and the work I have done to heal myself has worked. I’m ever so grateful for the progress I have made and that I didn’t get stuck for a long time.

Grateful to have gotten to have lunch with Ellexia, grateful to be well and able to get out and about this week, and grateful for my healing path and journey.

What a beautiful spring day on the prairie. The temperatures were in the high 50’s and there was little wind. One of the rare spring days in KS without wind.

My handyman came out and fixed up the chicken coop porch roof. He had to replace a couple rows of shingles. It didn’t take him long to do so. He had the material needed so I didn’t have to buy new shingles. I didn’t care if the shingles matched as no one can see the top of the roof. It is good to have that project crossed off my pending list. Now if I can get the guttering guys out…….

I let the chicks out today. I checked on them a couple of times and each time four or five would be outside but the majority of them were inside. Not sure if they took turns being outside or if the same ones stayed out the whole time. I went down and locked them up for the day. I had to chase a couple back in. I wanted to lock up their coop and close the windows so the heat of the day would remain inside and keep them warm tonight. It is not to get below freezing tonight so I won’t turn the heat lamp on.

We have 40 – 60 percent chance of rain the rest of the week. Hoping out of all of it we get a good couple of inches but not sure I am going to bank on it. I hate that it is going to rain during the disc golf tournament but we will take rain however and whenever we can get it right now.

My two guys will be here tomorrow sometime – thinking late afternoon. It will be good to see them. Sometime during the week we will probably catch a meal together depending on their tournament times. I will enjoy their company and visiting with them when they are here. I won’t see much of them though as they will be out playing and watching others play.

I typed up the new lease agreement for my tenant in the Cottonwood Falls rental house. I will mail it to her for her signature this week. I’m grateful she has agreed to sign a new lease for the coming year. She has been a good tenant.

Nothing on my calendar this coming week, other than the guys coming in. I do have to get a blood draw late week sometime to check my TSH levels. I want to drive to Council Grove to get some plants sometime this week. It is time to start getting my flower beds in shape and some plants put in them for the season. My garden will consist of a few tomato plants if I get the tomato bed cleaned up from last year. Maybe when the ground is nice and soft from the rain I can get out and pull out what doesn’t belong.

My last day of quarantine is tomorrow. I will be very sad if I wake up and test positive tomorrow. I’m not showing any symptoms today but one never knows. It is possible to test positive and not have symptoms. I will test in the morning and then if it is negative declare Round Two of Covid over and done.

Feeling less restless today. I haven’t really done much but I did go outside for a bit today. That helps ground me. I will find something to put on my calendar for this week and that will help too. I’ve been home pretty much all the time for the last two weeks. I have made a few trips to town but just picked up stuff or dropped stuff off and came home. It is time for me to rejoin society and get back out there. I finally feel ready to do so.

Grateful for this beautiful, wind-free spring day, grateful the chicken coop porch roof is repaired, and grateful my quarantine ends tomorrow.

Another windy, cool and sunny day on the prairie. The wind is in a big hurry again today making it feel even colder than it is outside. We only reach 50 for the high today and have had a 51.7 MPH wind gust.

Phil came out to check out the chicken coop porch roof. He told me the lower edge of the shingles had blown off and need replaced. He was going to do it today but it was too windy to fight with shingles. He will come back when he has an hour to do the job when it isn’t so windy. Not sure when that will be as wind in KS seems to be a constant these days.

I had to turn the furnace back on last night and it has ran off and on all day. I have the fireplace on to warm up the great room upstairs. Enough with this cold weather. It is to get down to 26 tonight which will cause a hard freeze. I turned the heat lamp on for the girls again for tonight and disconnected the hose from the faucet. Hopefully this will be the last cold night until next winter. It is to reach the low 60’s most of the coming week and go down to the low 40’s at night. This is April – right? More like March temperatures.

Kathy cleaned downstairs for me today so I won’t have to do much down there to get ready for the guests that are coming in Monday. I will do some last minute cleaning Monday morning but think the house is ready. It will be fun to see the two guys that are coming. They are more like friends, than guests.

I invited the grandkids to go out to lunch with me today but they had other plans. I may go in to town for dinner tonight. I am wanting to get out and eating a meal I don’t have to cook sounds good. I’ll see if the mood is still there come dinner time. It usually sounds fun to go to town until I actually have to do it and then it doesn’t sound so fun.

Feeling a bit lost today. I have been stringing way too many nonproductive days together. I feel like I have lost my way a bit. Time to start looking for a new project and something to do. Cleaning only goes so far these days. I need something that will put a little pep in my step and give me a reason to get up in the mornings.

This round of Covid appears to be behind me now as I am on day six out from taking Paxlovid. After Monday it will be safe for me to be around people again and I can get back out and rejoin society. Not sure what that will look like though as I don’t have any where to go.

Grateful for my furnace today, grateful for Phil, and grateful this empty space time is coming to an end.

I slept long and hard last night. I hadn’t slept well the night before so the sleep was welcomed. I am getting used to sleeping 8 plus hours a night now with the help of the sleeping aide. The more I sleep, the more sleep I want. Guess I am making up for all those years when I existed on 2 – 4 hours of sleep a night.

It has been a sunny day on the prairie although it has been windy and only in the 50’s. The wind made it feel even colder. We have a freeze alert for the next three nights with temperatures on Sunday to get in the upper 20’s. This is a very late frost for KS. Hope the fruit trees don’t get frozen.

My son-in-law Tim’s dad died today. He had been on Hospice care for a few days. It is so hard to watch your kids suffer as they deal with the death of a parent. Not sure what the plans are yet. I’m sure they will get things sorted out in the days to come. Tagen and Ellexia are feeling the pain of it too. Hard to lose a Grandpa.

I am finally starting to feel restless and wanting to go do something. I am on day five post Paxlovid so have three more days to go until I will feel reasonably certain that I won’t have a rebound case. So far, I have tested negative. Not having any symptoms today so am thinking I will be good to go Monday. Maybe next week I can schedule a lunch or two with some friends and get back out and rejoin society.

I am running low on chicken tenders so may make a trip to either Wichita or KC to go to Costco next week or the following week. We shall see how the week progresses and if the mood strikes me to go.

Someone from a company called VIRALHOG contacted me about listing my tornado videos on their site. I have a total of three videos I shot of the tornado earlier this week. Supposedly companies pay them to use video stock. I signed up but doubt that it will produce any results. Anyone have any experience with them or have heard of them before? I am rather ignorant about technology and the way things are done these days. When I watched the Super Bowl this year, there were all sorts of advertisements for tech companies I had never heard of before and I have no idea what they do.

Next week is not going to be the best week for the Disc Golf tournament weather wise. It is only going to be in the mid 50’s with a chance of rain most days. They usually play on regardless but it sure doesn’t look like fun to stand out in the cold and rain. We need the rain and will take it if it comes during the tournament but it will be hard on the players.

One of these days I need to get back to painting on the deck. Last week I didn’t feel like it and this week has been too windy. Next week will be too cold. I am still a bit confused as to what to do with the railing paint as it is not taking well but I will try a second coat and see what happens. My handyman is coming tomorrow to look at the chicken shade roof so I will ask his opinion while he is here. I really would like to get that project done before the heat of the summer sits in. Betting we will go from cold to hot in a New York minute in May.

It has been hard for me to settle today and get comfortable. I want to eat all day long, feel restless and want to both move and sit at the same time. Not sure what is causing these feelings but I will do my best to allow them to “be” and see if they pass quickly. I feel like I am on the edge of a cliff today and it wouldn’t take much to push me over the ledge. Hard to get comfortable when I feel like that.

Grateful for a long night’s sleep, grateful for the sunny skies today, and grateful this too shall pass.